Guess who wrote dumb shit on the internet again? [#]
No Fun Allowed: Stross Edition
02:16pm UTC - 5/30/2014
That's right, it's me. This time, we're talking about why you should feel bad if you actually read Charles Stross' terrible fucking The Laundry novels after experiencing the second one.
It's been a long while since the "reviews and ramblings" have been updated and I suspect it might go completely unnoticed without this post, so, here you guys go!It's a review of Eclipse Phase!
Featuring me being a cranky old man.
Comment system update, impending purge
10:59pm UTC - 11/28/2013
Hi all, it's been a while. I never did complete the purge I began in my last update, but with Black Friday and nothing much to do, I'm going to likely spend the majority of my time tomorrow removing the remaining crap from 2013 and putting up downloads for the archives. It's been a while coming, and it'll be nice to make sure at least someone
else has a copy. I'm still likely going to do it via torrents, but we'll see what's easier.
Also there was a ton of spam showing up in the comments, so I went through and cleaned it all out with the help of new moderation tools that I'll likely never need again. You're going to have to solve a very difficult riddle to post from now on!
Howdy folks, it's that time again~
I've taken this week off to get some shit done that I just haven't had the energy to do. This means getting my car cleaned, license and registration renewed, and a variety of other crap. But you don't give a shit, do you? You just want to know what horrible quest threads I've removed this time. Here it is!:
Completed: January 2012, February 2012, March 2012, April 2012, May 2012, June 2012, July 2012, August 2012, September 2012, October 2012, November 2012; January 2013
Total: 964 culled threads, ~7.3G
- honey-bee-badger-dolphin hangrape (what)
- Civ Game: Welcome to Waterworld (FUCKING WATERWORLD QUEST)
- Rule 63 Potterverse: /tg/ continues getting shit done, in between drooling over various r63 Potter characters (kill me now)
- XCOM Waifu Simulator (squad broken)
- Blues Brothers in 40k. Need we say more? (Just one more word: nope)
- The Joker and a player in a game, both in a nude footrace. Epicness ensues. (I seriously need to auto-ban 'ensues')
- Skyrim Quest: We give no fucks to a dragon and escape from execution. Only to make our way to the nearest tavern to get our bard on. (this is literally what you do in the actual game, why did you make a quest)
- /tg/ begins building a Magic block based on WW2. Hitler is a planeswalker! (I hate you)
- Elf, what do: The wut do quest. (it's like an ouroboros of bad ideas)
- /tg/ is asked if anything on the good axis is compatible with slavery. Scenarios, modifications, and arguments ensue. (what.)
- Elf Ear Length - Discussion: How long is too long? It is this question that leads to discussion about the evolutionary necessity of long ears as well as a few "WTF, Japan?" moments. (all of my hate)
- 1000 fa/tg/uys fell from the sky... (and were deleted)
- Profound Social Commentary Regarding the Objectification of Women (prime example of ironic shit-archival, stop)
- Post It Quest 1: Lonely OP waits for participants, one shows up and takes his leave. Also, male genitalia. (this is only funny because of how sad it is)
- Black People Quest (no comment)
- Wheel of Time and My Little Pony (oh u)
- Katawa Shoujo as a D&D group (literally gimped characters)
- Orkmosis Jones Quest (I hate everything forever, especially because I laughed anyway)
- /tg/ reminisces. Tags: DADDY DON'T FUCK ME ON THE FRIDGE (that explains a lot actually)
- Transmetropolitan Quest Part 2 (Well part 1 got a pretty high rating, guess I'll just leave this alo--) In which the protagonist gets a new suit, goes on a date, gets laid, and makes a priest shit out of his mouth (welp)
- Dark Heresy Story Time. Tags: mediocrity ensues (then why did you archive it, assbutt)
- /tg/ is asked about Admech science, is answered with discussion of Techpriest schoolgirls and milk (why do you still draw breath)
Actually Good Threads:
- Embarrassing Spacecraft Names: Local Space Taliban leader "I suck cocks for a living and you can quote me on that", was caught trying to arm the ship "With As Many Guns As My Wife Has STDs" (solid gold, my lungs are on fire)
- Anal Prolapse Quest (okay this one is honestly fantastic, I can't stop cringing and laughing simultaneously and its rating is nearly 40, and it even has a conclusion, goddamn why is a parody so much better than the real thing)
Special Mention: Live With Your Shame
I was debating on whether or not to call out this particular archivist, because he's made a habit of adding the worst of the worst /tg/ threads to the archive. Whether deliberate or ironic, shitposting is shitposting, and I'd prefer this not happen. However, I do have to say at least he's 1) made it much easier for me to remove this garbage and 2) he's actually fairly funny with his descriptions.
Special Mention: Troll archival
I realize there are a number of people that really despise quest threads, and after cleaning literally hundreds of non-starters out of the archives, I can certainly see where you're coming from. However, by mis-archiving quests with shitty labels, you're only serving to accomplish two things: one, you're taking all of thirty seconds out of my day to fix the tags, and two, you're training quest creators to immediately archive their threads to avoid mis-labeling, which just exacerbates the issue. Post-It Quest is a prime example, it had all of twenty replies, but was archived as soon as the author could refresh 4chan after posting it.
The only way you're going to stop quest threads on /tg/ is to stem the tide at the source. Shitting up the archive isn't helping anyone's cause. For the record, I am not, have never been, and, saints preserve me, will never be a janitor or moderator on 4chan. I have no power, authority or influence to stop quest threads from existing on /tg/; I'm just an archivist. By definition, by the time it reaches me, it's already too late. You're going to need to change the community's mind, and that can't be done with goofy labeling.
Literal Viral Advertising
11:08pm UTC - 4/12/2013
I'm not really sure how many people actually visit the front page, but Viral asked me to link his Engine Heart Kickstarter, so here it is!
From the site:
Engine Heart is a game about little robots. When the humans were around nobody paid any attention to them, but now the humans are all gone, and they're on their own in a world that's falling apart.
You can download the game completely free here if you're interested, but the Kickstarter will get a physical copy in stores. Go check it out!
Server Move part deux
03:36pm UTC - 3/05/2013
Hey guys, sorry about the downtime earlier, they moved the server to another location in Luxembourg and I totally missed the announcement. Everything's back to normal~
WELCOME TO LUXEMBOURG
So I was going to make a post about how we're migrating to Luxembourg at the end of the month, but my VPS provider decided I'd forgotten and just moved the whole thing for me. So, as of last week, we're in Europe now. Amerifags may see some latency while Euronurds will undoubtedly have a better connection; however, overall it should be far more stable and bandwidth-friendly than it's been in recent months.
If you notice any severe fuckups or shit getting crazy, please let me know, but otherwise enjoy the newer, faster, farther server!
I'm finally getting around to culling the archive of low-rated and useless threads (e.g. image dumps). I'm going to do one or two months' worth tonight and press on until the content is cleaned down in preparation for a server move in December. Someone's also working on getting the older archives' files up as torrents for me so it doesn't get messed up if I switch servers while seeding.
As usual, I'll be keeping the killed threads in a separate graveyard archive for a while so I can recover anything I may need or provide threads to any interested parties. On a related note, I've still got the graveyard files from last time, so if anyone needs them, now's the time to ask. (I was going to make a full torrent out of them as well, but I think the interest is low enough that I can simply FTP it at whoever really wants it. Yes, anon from like a month ago who was looking for a particular story thread and had no idea what it was called, hit me up on the IRC again and I'll give you the files.)
I've put this off for long enough, so with the deadline of jumping ship to the hosting provider's new datacenter, it's given me the incentive to finally get off my ass and do this thing. I'll keep this post updated with a running record of culled threads in a separate page so you can see what was removed.
Thread deletion progress
List of deleted threads
Total threads removed: 705
Total data: 5.3G
Completed: June 2011 (152), July 2011 (121), August 2011 (90), September 2011 (96), October 2011 (119), November 2011 (127), December (105)
- "Wherein /tg/ discusses baculae, dracoliches, and beats people up with their dicks. This thing is composed of sweat, calluses, homoerotic manlyness, body hair, bones and cocks!"
- "If a werewolf has sex with a dog, is it beastiality? - /tg/ thinks far too hard about questions that really do not need thinking." +5 after 31 votes. This was HOTLY CONTESTED and still came out positive.
- On a quest thread: "Part 1 doesn't exist. Don't look for it. We pimp out our mammoths like real niggas."
- "One anon firgures out how to make 17,773,437,500 gallons of blood per year in the name of Khorne." I love these kinds of broken math threa-oh. Period blood. Hilarious. Bonus points for "firgures."
- "Rape in games, can it be done?" Thankfully, -14 after 14 votes. Squad morale marginally restored.
- "dark heresy archives": +15 after 17 votes. Its OP is two MegaUpload links. That's it. Dear lone dissenting vote: ilu. <3
- Minecraft Quest. Fuck yourself.
- "/tg/ has a reasonable, intelligent, mature, and interesting discussion about sex in games. Includes some storytime." THIS IS A FLAGRANT LIE. IT IS ALWAYS A LIE. I've said I'll never add a filter to the archive for keywords, but 'sex', 'hilarity', and 'ensues' are really asking for it.
- "A troll thread turns good." AAAA LIAR LIAR FACE ON FUCKING FIRE
And now, some actual cool threads!
Dear autistic fuckhead at UMass,
Resetting your dynamic IP address over and over and downvoting quest thread series you don't like is pretty fucking obvious. Stop it. I realize you probably have a whole lot of time on your hands given your shitty school, but you can probably find better things to do with it than bother me. Switching over to some IP ranges with Hurricane Electric doesn't help, either.
PS. You do realize there's a checkbox for hiding quests, right? Or is your education that poor? By the way, I arbitrarily raised each affected thread by 10 to offset your shenanigans. Congratulations, you've made them better-rated!
PPS. And to the egregious shitclown in San Francisco that thought it would be a good idea to deliberately add the latest Sorceress Quest with obviously bad info to the archive while I was actively watching it
, I'll answer your question: "Who peed?" You peed. All over yourself, because you're a helmet-wearing, windowlicking ball of broken chromosomes, definitive proof of an uncaring and absentee deity.
Whoops! So I thought I'd made the necessary changes to prepare for the new CSS on 4chan, but apparently I made a mistake that ended up breaking it. There are several threads without pages now, unfortunately, but on the bright side, links to the OP in a thread now work! Small favors and all that. Sorry everyone :(
If anyone has copies of Mahou Shounen Quest 112, NearFuture Cyborg Quest 18, Mahou Shounen Quest 113, and anything else that got killed (about a dozen threads or so) just shoot me a link or a .zip or something and I'll replace it manually.
It broke again; apparently moot wasn't done fucking around with the CSS. I've made the sanity checking much more lax, so hopefully this won't be an issue in the future. Thanks to everyone that emailed me. I'm on vacation this week, so I haven't been exactly glued to my inbox. I'll see about downloading copies from other archive sources to replace the missing threads.
I've replaced a couple threads and am working on removing all of the entries that have no accompanying content. Here is a list of what I've removed:
(Cut for length)
If anyone has replacements for these broken threads, or can just link me to another archive, I'd be much obliged.
I've also added a more helpful 403/404 page, so if you click a badly-archived thread, it should give you a proper message instead of just an empty directory with some barren folders. If anyone notices valid threads doing anything weird, let me know and I'll fix 'em.
April Fool's and shit! I hope you enjoy the stupid pages I've put together this year! There's only two so far, I may do more but it's 5am.
Links to past years:
*how was I supposed to know this would become a real board, goddamnit
I'm not dead I swear, I just don't update unless I have something useful to say. AND I NEVER DO
oh well I guess I'm going to be purging the archive at some point, hopefully by the end of January. I'll post more info as I finalize plans. I'm so bad at housekeeping.
(oh god has it really been that long since my last update, jesus)
We had a few hours' outage today as the VPS provider had to reboot the cluster containing sup/tg/ and perform some work and monitoring on it. It's a little shaky right now, but otherwise things seem to be back to (ab)normal. I'll keep an eye on it, and don't expect at this point to see any other issues in the near future.
The old sup/tg/ server has been officially powered down. I'll definitely miss it, but users likely won't even notice the difference. One plus is the plethora of space, which has allowed me to copy over the graveyard and drawthreads as well; I thought they'd be deleted forever, but with so much extra room, I figured it'd be safer to keep on-hand. I apologize to anyone that panicked about favorite threads being lost, but I have them in massive 7zip files if I need to recover something.
Suddenly, Muju Little Ponythulhu: Ftaghn is Magic:
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