One day, you're sitting on the toilet. The seat has long since warmed from its initial chill. You've been here for ten minutes now, and you've been working much harder than you normally have to. You find yourself pressing, straining, clenching down, but to no avail. You feel as though there's a rock sitting in your guts, and it becomes more and more uncomfortable.Finally, you manage to make a little headway. The stone in your stomach starts sliding out. It begins moving faster and faster. It feels like you're dropping a deuce bigger than your arm.Suddenly, all the resistance vanishes, and the blockage that had been keeping you on the toilet erupts from your overstressed rectum.You slump down in relief, finally done.But wait, something is wrong.Somehow, it feels like you've got water in your guts. You look down, and find your guts have everted themselves, and you now have a pink tube sock attached to your anus dangling in the fouled toilet water.>WUT DO?
Stroke it. Fondle it. Make it feel good.
Well, this is utterly horrible and unexpected. So naturally, you do the only thing you can do. Panic:"AAAAAAAAAAUGH!" you scream, the ragged release of breath tearing at your throat.Your insides are supposed to be INSIDE, NOT OUTSIDE! Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit.You flail wildly, reaching for something, anything to help you. One hand smashes into something hard and cold. You hear a loud *crack*, and heat slashed across the back of your hand.You look at the pieces of shattered mirror embedded in the back of your hand, and start gasping for breath. You can't seem to get enough air. It's so cold, and there's static creeping in at the edge of your vision.You try to back away from the mess that is your hand, still breathing rapidly. You slip off the toilet and fall to the tile floor.>OH GOD, I'M NOT GOOD WITH BLOOD. WHAT DO I DO?
>>19414971PUT YOUR ANUS BACK INSIDE DAMNIT
>>19414985While stroking your dong
Okay, okay, you can fix this. You're bleeding, and your insides are your outsides, but you can fix this.One thing at a time, it'll be okay. The first thing you have to deal with is the length of intestine stretching out from your clenched ass. That can't be a good thing, and besides, your hand isn't bleeding that much.You reach out and gather up a handful of intestine, cringing at the odd sensations of what your brain tells you is someone sliding their blood slick hands over a spot a good six inches inside you.Shuddering, you try to push whatever handfuls of flesh you can gather back inside yourself. The stress and shock just make you tighten down though. The sudden pain of your sphincter clenching on your intestines makes you cringe in pain.Breathing harshly, you manage to get half of... yourself back inside yourself.Oh wow. That's a lot of blood. A lot of blood.Your hand is worse than you thought.>Keep stuffing away?>Deal with hand while dangling your innards?>Other?
>>19415078Call 9-11, for fucks sake. We don't want to die from shitting intestines out. Think of the obituary, man!
>>19414689Was right. This is better than MSQ.
Oh god. You need help. You need help now. You start reaching for your phone, in the pocket of your shit stained blood covered pants. Dammit, the phone is in the side with the mangled hand.Okay, you can do this. Slowly reach across yourself with your other hand, wiggle it into the pocket."AUGHCHSHITFUCKCUNT," you scream, having accidentally sat on yourself while extricating the phone. But no matter, you have it. It'll be okay, the nice men can help you. They'll make it all better. It'll be okay.With disturbingly slick fingers you manage to hit a 9, then a 1... finally a 1 and send. Okay, it's ringing.Cringing, you raise the tainted phone up to your ear, and listen."911 What is your emergency?">WUT SAY?
>>19415186ANAL PROLAPSE, WAT DO?
>>19415186I SHAT MY ASS OUT MY ASSFUCK HELP MEAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHRRRRJDKLA;JFKLS;
"I SHAT MY ASS OUT MY ASS. HELP ME."You hear the woman on the other end snort and start coughing. Probably drinking on the job instead of helping you goddammit.After coughing once or twice to clear her airway, you hear her respond: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"You reply, "MY ASS IS NOW OUTSIDE MY ASS AND I'M BLEEDING FUCKING EVERYTHING. FUCKING HELP ME""Very well sir, emergency services are on their way, can you tell me exactly where you are?">?
>>19415279AT MY HOME SEND EVERYONE
>>19415279ON MY BATHROOM FLOOR, OH GOD, HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?
"AT MY GODDAMN HOME, IN MY FUCKING BATHROOM. OH GOD, HOW DOES THIS EVEN HAPPEN?"She responds with a calm you would find comforting at any other time, but honestly the amount of trauma you're suffering has somewhat undermined your ability to feel comforted: "Very well sir, now I'm going to need you to stay on the line please. You said you were bleeding?""THERE'S GLASS IN THE BACK OF MY GODDAMN HAND, WHAT DO YOU THINK.""Okay sir," she again responds with an admirable calm. "I'm going to need you to put some pressure on that, preferably with something clean.">HOW ACHIEVE?
Touch it and then lick the finger to see what it tastes like. This way you can determine how much damage is done by how much blood and mucus you can taste
>>19415395Begin licking your hand like a wounded animal to clean the wound.
>>19415395I say grab a handtowel by the sink and wrap it around the hand.It IS a handtowel, after all.
>>19415395CLEAN? CLEEAAAN?WOMAN MY ANUS IS IN WORSE SHAPE THAN THAN ALL THE CUMULATIVE DAMAGE TO BUTTS EVERYWHERE AFTER THIS GAY PRIDE FESTIVALI'M GOING TO PUNCH THE TOILET ROLL AND RESUME SCREAMING IN AGONY, CHEERS
>>19415395Toilet paper. Wrap it in toilet paper.
Oh god this is the best thread on /tg/ right now
>>19415395Damn op, this has got to be the most epic quest I've read so far.*Use toilet paper.
at least this isn't MSQ.
You reach up with your remaining good hand, trying not to make the mistake of sitting on yourself again. You grab the towel hanging from the bar, and gingerly pull it down to the floor."Hello mister towel. Will you be my frieeeeeend~?" You ask. It's really important the towel says yes. If it doesn't, then it might say mean things. That would make you sad.Huh. It doesn't hurt as much right now. You're breathing kind of fast though.That's wierd, there's a little lady somewhere telling you do do.... things. Why does she want you to do things? At least she's talking to you, not like the towel. Bastard won't even answer."Sir, are you alright? Sir?"You giggle, and lick the back of your hand. That's what cats do, right? It'll make everything aaaaall bette-- FUCK.OW. FUCK. FUCK. GLASS IN YOUR FUCKING TONGUE.Okay, the sudden pain clears up the fog in your head. The towel has got some indistinguishable filth on it, so you reach over, grabbing some toilet paper to cover the wound.You try to hold it down tight, and that is definitely NOT a pleasant feel.>WHAT DO NOW?
>>19415502Assess situation with intestines, are any still outside of you?
Oh Jesus fuck someone actually did it.
>>19415502I AM NOT ALRIGHT. I WASN'T ALRIGHT FROM THE START, AND NOW I LICKED MY GODDAMN HAND. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING
>>19415535Gritting your teeth with the pain from your hand, you realize that the pain is making you tense up. And that is not good. Looking down, you can see what could easily be a foot of intestine sticking out from underneath you.And everytime you tense up you clench. And that is a distinctly ODD and unpleasant situation. The phone is lying where you dropped it, and you can hear a tinny voice coming from it.>?
>>19415572Relax a little by fapping.
>>19415572I'M LOSING A FUCKTON OF BLOOD!THERE IS STILL GLASS IN MY HANDJESUS CHRIST I COULD PLAY GOLF WITH MY INTESTINES
>>19415572Pick up phone, use it to insert the intestines back into our anus
>>19415604Whoa, easy there, Tiger. This is a quality quest thread. If you want lowbrow fare like that try something like MSQ.
>>19415572Stay as calm as can be expected of someone whose ass is outside their ass and tell the 911 operator chick you just went crazy for a second and then licked some broken glass, and now you've got toilet paper on your hand.Also, check on the whole 'Ass outside of ass' situation.
>>19415572There's clearly some kind of evil spirit in the funny looking rock.Perhaps it will be appeased by a blood offering?
>>19415622What's wrong with a nice relaxing fap?
I just watched that dream musical section of rapunzel after listening to the impossible dream as sung by sinatra. Now I come to participate in this. You never fail, /tg/, so lets just shout for her to "SEND A FUCKING AMBULANCE, I CANT FIX THIS BY MYSELF YOU CUNT"Forget picking up the phone, just shout it so she can hear
We need to take our mind off this while we wait for help to arrive. We should try to clam down, pick up the phone and engage the talky woman in conversation while we wait. Perhaps we could do something productive while we wait like draft up a character for an RPG.
The pain is like a sharp shard, digging into your mind. You're pinned, like one of those little butterflies they put in boxes. On boxes?Everytime you feel the hysteria rising up, trying to flap away to glorious insanity, the tiniest motion drives the needle of pain deeper into your thoughts, holding them in place. They're circling, trying desperately to escape, but they're trapped.And the result of this is, that despite losing a prodigious amount of blood and being in a terrible amount of pain, you're focused. You're clear. Your mind is sharp, like the glass digging into your fucking hand. Ow.Okay, you're sharp. You're clever. Ow. You do the natural thing, and shout at the fucking woman with her irritating calm fucking voice that is so small and far away. Ow."SEND A FUCKING AMBULANCE, I CANT FIX THIS BY MYSELF"Ow.She says something in that damn voice of hers.Ow.Lebron the hay maybe?Ow.You reach for the phone with your bad hand, as the other one is currently occupied stopping the blood from coming out of you.You manage to maneuver the phone up near to your ear, and hear her say "We're on our way">?
>>19415721Push, like youre trying to shitDoesnt matter why, you just have a hunch it will make it better
rolled 16 = 16>>19415736oohoohroll for effectiveness, considering were in excrutiating pain and trying to do this
>>19414868>>19414868>Anal Prolapse QuestWHY
rolled 5 = 5>>19415745>Inb4 1
>>19415752This is what we do.Just be grateful no one's started working on a ruleset yet for the p&p version.
>>19415752See:>>19414689This isn't just a quest. It's SCIENCE and it looks like the hypothesis is being supported.
This quest just gets better and better!
>>194157541 would be nothing happens20 would be critical shitting and we evert every part of ourselves, but thats just because critSo. uh. sixteen, huh.
We need to wallow our way over to the door so we can open it.Preferably without getting, you know, glass shards in our new all-natural colostomy bag.
>>19415752A sagefag said that Anal Prolapse quest would be better than MSQ. And then some crazy fucker actually made it.It simultaneously fascinates and horrifies me. Like a train-wreck.
Okay, the pain makes you clench. Clenching is bad. The bits of you that REALLY should be inside of you right now probably need some blood that they definitely aren't getting, because while a moment ago you could feel the cold floor against something that should never see the light of day, now they've started to go numb.Ow.Okay. You've got to stop clenching down. Maybe if you push like you were taking a shit?The woman's calm voice in your ear, telling you to relax, is actually helpful for once, as you bear down and try to open up.Holy crap, it's actually working!Ow.Okay, you managed to not clench down that time.Ow.This is okay! Yes! WAITNONONONOOHGOD YOU'RE PUSHING MORE OUT.OHGOD. THE BLOOD IS RUSHING BACK INTO IT.YOU NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING PINS AND NEEDLES FEELING WOULD BE LIKE IF IT HAPPENED TO YOUR INSIDES. OH GOD.WHY.OW.>?
>>19415795IT KEEPS HAPPENING
>>19415795Bash head against floor/wall in hopes of passing out
rolled 9 = 9>>19415795OH SHITTRY TO STUFF AS MUCH OF THE INTESTINES BACK INTO OUR ANUS
>>19415795Hey guys, we were never clarified on the setting, right?Why don't we just heal ourselves with a potion?
find a bucket, fill it with ice and then sit in it, keep your intestines cool until the ambulance arrives.
rolled 15 = 15>>19415808WE ALREADY TRIED THAT. IT DIDN'T WORK.
>>19415795Fuck it! the pain is too much to live with! Use the glass in our hand to slit our throat. Then let's run downstairs and bleed out on our niece's birthday party.
Our intestines need blood, our hand is bleeding; Square hole meet square peg.
>>19415810I have a feeling its the place hes positing images of.So anyway, look in our medical closet/under the sink, or something, see if we have ANYTHING that could help.
>>19415763Actually it's not.There are about three people actually here aside from the QM and funnily enough they all came from another quest where this was suggested
carefully wrap our innards with the towel, and place them on stomach away from the glass.
I can't be the only person here whose read Guts by chuck palahniuk, right?try chomping down on your intestines.
>>19415873Peanuts and Corn.
>>19415840Uh, I actually came here from the front page.
You try to relax your ass without pushing more out.Ow.You try to hold the toilet paper down on the bleeding wound on the back of your hand.Ow.You try desperately not to clench down every time you get a fresh burst of pain from your hand.Ow.You try to ignore the tingling in your intestines, as blood rushes back into tissue that was definitely not made to be where it is now. You've lifted them with the towel away from the broken glass on the floor. They're laying on your stomach now, and goddamn is that a wierd sight.Ow.You try to ignore the woman talking to you, as OH THANK CHRIST SIRENS OUTSIDE.Ow.You hear a SLAM, SLAM, SLAM on your front door, and a final CRASH, as they force it open. Feet pound across the floor and finally the fucking paramedics force open the bathroom door.Ow.And stop, stepping back for a moment.They deal with a lot of shit in their line of work, but in this case it's very literal, and this can't be the most pleasant thing they've ever seen. However, they soon move to, with a brisk efficiency.Ow.You'll be okay, they tell you. You'll be okay.
>>19415840I came from the /tg/ catalogue thinking this would be a thread about space stations.Just... damn.
>>19415905The man shaped demons lie, they're out to steal our intestines!Quickly, pretend to pass out, then when they come close, slit their throats and steal THEIR intestines!
>>19415905Desperately try to explain or justify your erection.
>>19415905we're saved! Now, all we have to do is not slip into insanity and accidentally knock them unconscious or something equally unhelpful.
>>19415905Beg for the sweet release from the pain that opiates bring.
>>19415909Yeah, sorry about that. I needed some pictures to go with the quest, and I was sure as fuck not going to ACTUALLY go find anal prolapse pictures. Buuuut I'm out of space stations now. Sorry.At least you got some nice pictures?
>>19415944>Need pictures for anal prolapse quest>Didn't post pictures of pink tube socksShiggy-diggy-do, where are you?
>>19415957Oh, as if an o'neill cylinder isn't ODDLY APPROPRIATE FOR ANAL PROLAPSE QUEST.
My anus is bleeding! MY ANUS IS BLEEDING!
>>19416002I'm just happy to see you?
Bestthreadon/tg/rightnow.jpgAlso, try to see if one of the personnel helping us is female.
As they gather you up with practiced hands, one of them loads a syringe with something.You can't tell what it is, but you hope it'll help.The needle sinks into your arm, and OHSWEETJESUS. A blessed coolness rushes though your veins. Wherever it touches, the pain just... vanishes. Oh that's nice. That's... very nice.The soothing touch of your new favorite friend, drugs, smooths away your pain and care.It wipes your fevered brow, and you find yourself slipping off into blackness.You let slip a giggle, and carefully enunciate your explanation."Iiiish okay. I'm jusht happy to shee you"You feel a slight jostle as the stretcher they have you on moves toward the door, then nothing.THE END.
>>19416038WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS THE END?! WE WANT MORE!
>>19416038Seeing as I haven't been namefagging this thing, feel free to keep it going if you like. We'll never no the difference. But personally, I think I'll let this one rest.
oh wow. stay great, /tg/.
>>1941603810/10Would read again
>>19416038HOLY SHIT.THEY KILLED US AND HARVESTED HIS ORGANS.OUR SON MUST AVENGE US.
>>19416038I'd like to believe that they just injected us with a lethal drug to euthanize us; as it is not possible for any man to actually recover from that serious of a prolapse.
>>19416055I dunno, it feels like it's been concluded satisfactorily.I'd rather this end now than have this drag on, as other quests are wont to do.
>>19416068But we don't have a son!IT'S UP TO OUR RESURRECTED SENTIENT INTESTINES FROM AN EXPERIMENT GONE WRONG TO AVENGE US NOW!
>>19416077Indeed. This quest told a good communal story. The last thing anybody needs is a quest that's posted every day with no end in sight.
>>19416077And thus it really was the best quest ever, because it got wrapped up (in toilet paper).
>>19416080Don't forget the powered armor our intestines stole from a top secret military facility!
Now my ass hurt
mfw this quest came to a happy ending.
>>19416114And now you know the true story behind Earthworm Jim
This was by far better than any MSQ thread. The only thing I've seen that tops it is FATALQuest.
For the love of god someone screencap this shit for future generations.
>>19416303Already sent to the Archive
This thread is diamonds, beautiful, sparkling, diamonds.The only problem now is my boner and wincing anus.
>>19416264What's MSQ about anyway? If it's really as shit as everyone says I'd rather not slog through the archives for it.
10/10, glorious read
>>19416886Hayate from Hayate the Combat Butler fucks bitches (literally) and gets money, the quest.
I understand this greatness has already been archived, but this'll be good for screencap threads.
>>19417115With magical butler powers.
Christ, someone archive this. This is glorious.