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DORF FORT ELLPEE by CAPSLOCKGUY - 10/19/08
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Jachin Akhenaton: Epic Death in Two Sessions
05:09am EST - 11/10/2008
So, what's more epic than a character who steps in, kicks a ton of ass, delivers some awesome one-liners and rides away with the girl at the end?
A character who goes out with a bang while saving the party, the world, the girl or all of them. Especially if he gets a fucking set of RESPEC' KNUCKZ from his deity afterwards.
Jachin had a troublesome birth, character creation-wise. I knew what I wanted to make(staunch old LG mummy, fighter-style guy), but after looking at everyone else's characters I was convinced that he would be weak and a bit useless. In fact I almost gave up on him, until I decided that goddammit, I wanted to play this guy, and I was going to have fun with it even if I was going to be a bit weaker than everyone else.
So I made Jachin Akhenaton, Mummy Fighter/Ranger, servant to the Pharaoh Tepek(The second, or was it the third?), generally not trusting some of the bastards he ended up saddled with to save the kingdom of Bharadur but, in the end, realizing that he was going to have to put up with them to save the world and get the bandage-wrapped girl.
First session was mostly introductions and a fight where Jachin ended up finishing off some sort of sand-demon by flinging vials of holy water into the sand vortex it created. That was pretty awesome. I was feeling good about Jachin, I was having fun, he was a decent character, I was looking forward to playing him for a long, long time.
At the start of the second session, we approach an eerie and foreboding temple where the guardian sphinxes howl at us. We step into a weird foyer full of strange implements and three directions onwards, but no horrors for us to stab in the face. Taking a right turn we are faced with only a puzzling orb(which we promptly stuck one of the other characters' Portable Hole, figuring that watching us crush the Final Boss with it some twenty sessions hence when our DM had completely forgotten we were bringing a 150-lb crystal cannonball along would be worth the resulting DM Rage TPK).
So, time for the next door and... Holy shit. WE HAVE ENTERED DARK UNHOLY TEMPLE CENTRAL. There's a church hall with carrion birds in the rafters, dark stone pews populated by evil worshippers, two evil sphinxes at the far end and a DARK PRIEST who has an innocent girl suspended above a VAT OF OIL. She can't relax for even a moment or she'll release a rope which drops A BURNING CHANDELIER into the vat of oil and incinerates her.
This is awesome, a time to be heroes!
It being our second session, after a brief debate of tactics we decide that hey, these fuckers can't be so tough, we're level 12! Let's just charge in and stab their shit apart. Our positive energy priest dude, Gori(also the carrier of our ORB OF CRUSHING) hastes me and Ruwaid(our suspicious rogue-y fucker with a spear) and we kick in the doors, charge.
Jachin starts out by paralyzing half the dark congregation with his paralyzing visage while Ruwaid charges past him to take a stab at the Sphinxes. Gori lashes out with whips of energy and our Walker in the Waste, Merari, steps up to hand someone their ass with his bare hands and spells.
Second round of combat, I close with the high priest and crit him, 42 fucking damage, BOOYAH, BI- wait, what? He's still casting? He passed that Concentrate check?
KABLOOM. Word of Chaos spell! Ruwaid and Merari are fuck-paralyzed, Gori's out of range, shit looks grim until I remember that Jachin is immune to paralysis. Still, it cost him his Haste and deafened him, but hey, what else can this asshole have up his sleeve? He's some sort of caster, I'm going to carve him in half.
Gori uses a whip to drag Merari partially out of trouble while Ruwaid gets beaten unconscious, and Merari mentally summons Qarl, his bad-ass Qamel sidekick(like a camel except it magically produces water, rather than just storing it).
Third round, SHAZAM, fucking him up for just a bit more damage... Why is that asshole still walking? Huh, the DM is rolling a lot of HOLY BALLS, THAT'S A FLAMESTRIKE. I BURN EASY. D: Jachin just barely passses his reflex save, but he's on fire. He's pissed off. He's deaf. Two of his friends have been beaten to unconsciousness by cultists(Merari got caught as well) and there's a huge-ass Qamel stomping a dwarven cultist to death.
(the flamestrike also set the vat of oil on fire and the girl is now, like, burning to death horribly, but Jachin is deaf and can't hear that)
Time to get HARDCORE.
Jachin, still on fire, more than half dead, flings away his falchion and rushes the high priest, grabs him with his BURNING ARMS and DRAGS HIM INTO THE FUCKING VAT OF OIL, incinerating them both just as the girl loses her grip on the rope and the chandelier falls down, crushing them both.
In the background, the fucking Qamel stomps another cultist to death. Up in the sky? Jachin gets Respec' Knuckz from Osiris.