Soil myself

Cover the six, Alicia leads.

>>9868374
masturbate

>>9868374
That implies there are also stairs going up. I go up the stairs.

Have hot lesbian sex with pictured devil.

...should I care what the rest of the quest has been like?

Alicia goes first, we will watch her behind.

I mean, we will watch her from behind.

Crap, I mean, we will watch behind us.

>>9868390
This.

Don't say anything at the moment, just cover her.

>>9868361
Yes, I would do it again, because there was no alternative. However, that doesn't mean it was nice.
>>9868372
So do a lot of things, but if you destroy them utterly, there is an emotion called remorse that often fits.

And besides, we're trying to get on goods terms here, and those are some high-emotion words, heartfelt or not.

>>9868396

>That implies there are also stairs going up.

it sure as fuck doesn't.

>>9868399
>Have hot lesbian sex with pictured devil.
>lesbian
We will need to add a step somewhere in there first. It's the one where we swap our cock for a vagina.

>>9868421
You know, she has gotten mega pissed every time we have tried apologizing before. Maybe, just maybe, she likes a man of action and not words?

>>9868433
Actually, it does. If you don't like it, suck my dick.

I keep shitting myself until hell is full of my shit.

>>9868442
If it weren't for the fact that she's gotten less pissed at every attempt since the blowup, I'd agree.

>>9868413
>>9868403
>>9868390

You watch Alicia's back as the loli-demon descends into the darkness. After a short distance downwards, you start to notice a slight blue glow in the distance.

At the bottom of the stairs, you emerge into a small chamber, set deep into the stone. In the center of the chamber is a small plinth. Atop that plinth is a cedar wood jewelry box.

The box has a faded painting of a unicorn laying its head down in a girl's lap on it. As you walk into the room, Alicia points to the box and sits down on the bottom step. "There it is," she says. "You need to hold my phylactery, and pick it up from the plinth, and you'll have what you need."

>>9868449
no, it really doesn't

that only happens in the middle of multiflight stairways

which are not the way you usually see stairs

>>9868449
Please go to the roof of a building and use your logic there.

>>9868462

Do as she says.

>>9868449
No, it doesn't.
>There is a stairway leading downwards
That STATES it leads down. It will lead up once we reach the bottom where the origin & the terminus switch because our perspective has also switched.

>>9868462
we're both going to be safe doing this right?

i don't want any nasty magic accidents

>>9868421
>there is an emotion called remorse that often fits.
Ok, we'll apologize as soon as she shows the least bit of remorse for murdering us.

>>9868483
"You'll be safe, as long as you have the Ace of Spades with you," Alicia says. "I. . . I wouldn't be."

>>9868491
technically we killed ourselves

>>9868462
Do as she says. And tell her she shouldn't expose her back like that. It leaves her open to a surprise attack & we wouldn't want that.

>>9868462
"Why a unicorn box?"

>>9868495
you mention this now?

and what do we need to do so we're both safe?

>>9868507

"All right," you say. "I'll do that, as long as you do me a favor. Come over here. Don't sit with your back to a doorway."

"All right," Alicia says. She walks over next to you, and then goes to the other side of the chamber, staying as close to the wall as possible, until she is facing the bottom of the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, you steel yourself, take a couple of steps forward and pick up the box without incident.

"Open it," Alicia says.

>>9868500
that was retconed

>>9868495
Why is it dangerous to you? I am trying to learn magic, so any details about protection spells or traps or whatever could come in handy here.

>>9868495
Guys... I think that box is the last thing she has left of some former part of her life, hence why she put it in here, and why she is afraid to touch it. Most importantly, DOES THIS BOX LOOK LIKE ALICAS TO YOU?

>>9868471
>>9868467
Seriously, up and down are the same dimension. Stairs up, stairs down, same difference.

>>9868536
no it wasn't

we continued with it, it was the whole escape from hell bit

he just promised to not follow any obvious troll posts in the future

>>9868533
Comment on the cute box & crack that fucker open.

>>9868533
We promised that we'd do as she says.

Open it.

>>9868533
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJcxMe1zWY
WHAT'S IN THE BOX

Ask about the box.

>>9868533
Well, we swore to do as she said while in hell, so... keep our promise.

>>9868557
>"Okay, so here is the retcon. Shooting yourself like a punk is pretty stupid. . . so instead you managed to fight off Felicia, but you got killed by Alicia instead, after a badass, manly fight.
durr

>>9868600
that wasn't a promise to do stupid, ask her why it's dangerous for her before you do it

you aren't bound to follow orders like she is, you can break the promise if neccessary

Open Box.

inb4 Pandora.

>>9868624

Yes, but that would fuck up any and all chances of GOOD END with her.

>>9868624
>you can break the promise if neccessary
We could, yes. We should simply choose not to.

>>9868638
in b4 Max's soul

>>9868643
so would her dying because opening the damn box is dangerous to her

>>9868573
>>9868557
>>9868553
>>9868511
>>9868525
>>9868589

"A unicorn? It doesn't seem like yo--."

"Open the fucking box already," Alicia snaps. "I don't have time for this."

You open the box.

Inside, the box is lined in velvet, and there is a locket inside. It is gold, and shaped like a heart. Reaching inside, you pull out the locket and open it.

There are two photographs inside. On one side there is a young girl, smiling. On the other, a young man. He is also smiling.

They are the couple you saw in your dream this morning.

"What is this?" you ask.

"This," Alicia says, softly, "Are the first two souls that I took in my bid to become the Queen of Lust."

"Whose are they?" you ask, already guessing the answer.

"One," Alicia explains, "belonged to someone who was very close to me. The other. . . is mine."

She's either trying to fuck us over or testing us. Whatever, DO EEEEEEEET!

>>9868657

Well.. This is disturbing. Back to the mansion?

rolled 40 = 40

>>9868657

BRACE FOR MONOLOGUE

>>9868657
give them to her

>>9868657

Should we tell her about the dream? LOL REVEAL later on is all well and good, but i'm not one for fucking things up beacuse of secret cliches.

>>9868657
>"One," Alicia explains, "belonged to someone who was very close to me. The other. . . is mine."
>One belonged to someone who was very close to me.
So...Maximillian.

A question that needs asking now: Why?

So, can we give hers back to her?

>>9868685
>>9868682
>>9868673

"Well," you say, "This is disturbing, and I'm sure you've got a very long monologue explaining this that you want to give, but maybe we should give it back at the mansio--."

"Too late," Alicia says, softly. "Listen."

From up above, you can hear the sound of a myriad leathery wings flapping. . . like a murder of crows, only so much louder, and so much worse.

>>9868657
So, it seems they were pretty important to you. Do you really want to go through with this? We can always try and find another way to get Kat to female status. SCIENCE! or something.

And if you do want to go through with it, what do you want me to do with them? You don't seem to be able to touch them, and I don't know magic.

Also, is it a good idea to eat your own soul?

>>9868709
Addendum: tell her about the dream from this morning.

>>9868726
"Gladly."

>>9868726

Stuff it all in our pack.

Saddle Up, Lock 'n Load.

>>9868726

ask her where she thinks would be the best place to defend ourselves

>>9868726
Not a problem. There is only one doorway and I have plenty of ammo. They can't fly in here, either.

>>9868726
Please tell me that was just your legion of carrier bats and not a demonic hoard sent by one of your enemies.

>>9868726
Put the locket away. Ready AA-12 for kick-ass.

"Alicia, I think we've got company..."

>>9868726
LOCK AN' LOAD MOTHAFUCKA! TIME TO BLAST OUR WAY BACK TO THAT HANDBASKET & GET THE FUCK OUT!

Also make sure we watch out for Alicia. Activate that protective magic, yo.

>>9868726
Thank god we got a shot gun and they have to single file down a stair way

>>9868769

"Alicia, I very much enjoy stating the obvious and leaving myself open to snarky counterattacks from you..."

Ask her how much power she has, and how deadly said power is.

>>9868726
start naming and blessing our shotgun shells

it can't hurt, and it's not like charging out of the room would be a particularly good idea

also, an "i told you so" on sammiches, we may be wishing we had some later on

>>9868555

>>9868726
so... can you eat demon souls as well as human ones? if so, i may have found you a power boost

>>9868728
>>9868719
>>9868709

"I don't have much time to explain," Alicia says, as you hear the sounds of a million footsteps descending towards you. "Once you opened the box. . . well, I'll put it this way. . . the soul of a demon queen. . . if you own it, you can do so much with it. And my old enemies. . . they'll be wanting it for their own."

She presses a hand to her heart, and a small, glowing sphere appears from her chest, before floating over to the locket. It enters the locket, and both photographs fade away, to be replaced by only one photograph, this one of Kat. Two small spheres appear from the locket now, and return to Alicia, who catches them out of mid-air and swallows them whole. Her wings begin to glow, and black, infernal fire ignites all along the edges of her jet-black hair.

"You made me a promise, back in the real world," Alicia says. "Keep it now." She raises her hand, and behind her, a door opens up, leading back into your bedroom. "Go back. Now. And don't come back for me, ever."

>>9868555
no, up and down are matters of perspective, that happen to be on the same access

>>9868820
refuse, drag her with you

>>9868820
break the promise.

there is no other choice.

"I won't need to; I'm not leaving without you."

>>9868820
We promised to take you to Disneyland, and we'll be damned if we break that promise. Load up the shot gun.

>>9868820
Go back.
Spend life and fortune raising a holy army.
Storm the Infernal Gates.
Save her soul.
Win the game of love.

>>9868820
Oh, hell no.

"I know I made that promise to you... but I am NOT leaving you here! COME ON!"

Blast our way out. Drag her along if we have to.

>>9868820

...Is there any a prticular reason you can't step through that doorway with us right now?

>>9868843
THIS.

>>9868843
You bet I made a promise. I'm taking you to goddamm Disneyland.

>>9868820
Promises are made to be broken. Shove her through the doorway and tell her to bring the other maids down, and quick.

>>9868820
She is going the fuck back with us. No arguments & she can get the fuck over it & be pissy all she wants at the mansion.

>>9868820
"Screw that, I'm not about to live my life knowing I own it to you."
Get readí to blast the fisr thing that shows up to smoking oblivion.

>>9868843

"I also promised to take you to disneyland. So i'm fucked either way. Also, things are more fun when you're around."

>>9868861
also, just in case somebody can hear through the portal

yell "reginald, jehanne, carmine get in here, we got a small demon situation to take care of"

>>9868843
>>9868861
>>9868873

FOR DISNEYLAAAAAAAND!!!

Just throw the neckless through. That'd be super badass

So Goshujin, you totally expected us to stay and fight right?

SHE IS GOING TO DISNEYLAND GOD DAMMIT

Really, we had to know this was coming.

>>9868824
>>9868835
>>9868837
>>9868843
>>9868846

"Fuck that!" you shout. "I'm not leaving you here, now let's GO!"

"DAMN YOU!" Alicia screams. "Don't you GET it!? If I go with you, they'll follow me back to the mansion!" She puts her hand over her heart, where her soul now resides. "They WANT this. They want it BAD, and now that they know where it is, they'll go anywhere to get it. . ."

She pauses, then she smiles at you, and suddenly she's in your arms, and she's kissing you. It feels cold.

"Don't worry," she says. "I kept my promise. Give that locket to Kat. . . it'll give her what she always wanted. . . and tell her I'm sorry."

-----
Decision point time.

rolled 95 = 95

>>9868820

Technically she's still in our employ. Leaving an employee in the depths of hell would look bad. Remind her of this.

>>9868843
>>9868861
>>9868873
>>9868883
>>9868902
THEY CAN TAKE MY LIFE, BUT THEY CAN'T TAKE...DISNEYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!

>>9868924
Actually from this point forward I have no plans whatsoever aside from see what you fuckers decide to do.

>>9868933
they won't follow you to the mansion if we kill every last one of them

>>9868902

F'ING SECONDED

>>9868933
so what if all of hell will invade and attack our mansion

we fight.

>>9868902

ROLL RIGHTEOUS FURY

TO HELL WITH THE ENEMIES OF OUR MAIDS

>>9868933
Decision: Save her.

>>9868933
Again, throw locket through door, so worse case Kat has a chance to be cool, second they didn't find it THIS far, who's to say they'd have a clue to where it is on earth?

Disneyland time, bitches.

Leave her behind.

But kill a shit-ton of motherfuckers on the way.

And remember to drop down a copy of Freespace later.

>>9868933
"If I have to fight through all of hell for you, I'll do it."

Dramatic gun cock.

"And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm not leaving you here."

Let's do this. Doom style.

>>9868957
DOOMGUY APPROVES

FOR CUTE DEMON MEIDOOOOOOOOOO

>>9868933

We won't leave anyone. We won't abandon anyone. We will fight through the legions of hell itself to save a maid. Now lets go, goddamnit!

LOAD FRAG, FULL AUTO!

>>9868933
So, can you recap what the necklace has right now that makes it important? Because she put her soul back inside herself, right?

>>9868933
THROW.

HER.

INTO.

THE.

DAMN.

PORTAL.

Also: "You shouldn't kiss someone if there's no feeling behind it."

>>9868933
>If I go with you, they'll follow me back to the mansion!
"Then we'll just have to kill them all."
Come on! GET SOME! GET SOME!

Idea.

Pull Alicia through, then get Koiyomi on some funky technobabble shit that will prevent demons/devils/whathaveyou from getting back through.

Sons of bitches don't take one of our cool maids and live.

>>9868990
Seriously, this. I said it above too, but I think it was before decision point.

Send her through the portal and have her bring the others down.

>>9868981
>>9868980
DOOM Mind!

I think /tg/ is too bloodthirsty to run.

Also, we're basically a MAN AND A HALF.

But don't abandon cunningness for brutality.

>>9868933
"I made that agreement with the soul in the locket, and promises bind on the soul. I made that agreement with a deposed demoness of lust. I also have a duty to protect my maids, all my maids. You are one of my maids. Honor and my own will demand that I get you out of this."

>like a murder of crows,
Oh crap... Morrigi!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

MAIM! KILL! BURN!

>>9868933
>>9868933

"You can tell her yourself. After i've finished kicking the ass of anyone who wants to eat the souls of my maids."

So we're in hell to kick ass with shotguns and shit?

Is this some doommaid?

Also, ensure this music is playing while we KILL HELL. AGAIN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgnVr9xUNAE

>>9869021
should have brought some holy promethium, sounds like just the thing for killing demons

GUYS GUYS GUYS

these are DEMONS
They are not totaly UNREASONABLE

PERHAPS THERE IS A DEAL TO BE MADE, ONE FULL OF LULZ!

INFORM THEM WE OWN HER SOUL, IT'D BE A BREACH OF CONTRACT FOR THEM TO TAKE IT, DEMON'S NUT FO CONTRACTS SO THEY WOULDN'T DO SHIT. HOWEVER THEY CAN TOTALY KEEP US HERE AND FUCK US FOREVER SO WE'LL MAKE A DEAL TO GET OUT

ONE DAY FREE PASS VIA OUR BOAT

TO

DISNYLAND

And this would be a great time for us to EXALT.

>>9869051
Actually, they're demons.
They ARE unreasonable.

Devils are reasonable.

>These threads
>thinly veiled meido fapfic
>Plot of DOOM happens, like, Twice

Never Change, /tg/

>>9868969
>>9868963
>>9868962
>>9868957
>>9868961
>>9868982
>>9868981
>>9868980

"Fuck you," you snarl.

"W-what!?"

"I said FUCK YOU!" you scream. "FUCK YOU, YOU SELFISH DEMON BITCH, AND FUCK YOUR ATTEMPT TO BE SOME SORT OF SELF-SACRIFICING MARTYR, AND FUCK YOU FOR NOT TELLING ME ANY OF THIS, AND. . . JUST FUCK YOU!!!!!!" You grab her by the arm and shove her through the portal, then up against your bedroom wall. "You think this is that easy? You think you can make decisions all on your own? YOU THINK IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!?"

She flinches as you throw her words back into her face. "Well, FUCK YOU!" you scream. "Because I DO NOT PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT! I FOUGHT THROUGH HELL ONCE BEFORE I'LL DO IT AGAIN!"

Drawing your guns from your holsters, you raise them to firing position as the legions of hell pour down the hell in a torrent of brimstone, flesh, and blood. . . "I'M NOT RUNNING FROM THIS! I'M STANDING! I'M GONNA STAND AND FIGHT FOR MY HOME, FOR MY FRIENDS, FOR YOU. . ."

As the first fell beast bursts through the portal and into your bedroom, you open fire, screaming. . . ". . . AND FOR DISNEYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!"

-----
TO BE CONTINUED IN PART XXIX: THE SIEGE OF THE MANSION

>>9869051
that would be hilarious "disneyworld is closed for today due to demons, closed tomorrow for resanctification, reopened for the public the next day"

>>9869064

Motherfuck.

Here we go again. :P

So... Archive nao please?

Forgot to add: Get Koiyomi in here for some portal closing shit ASAP.

Yeah, I'm calling it a night. . . :P Among other things I now need to figure out how to run the siege of the mansion from the forces of hell.

You're probably gonna die, just so you know.

>>9869084

That's science, not magic.

>>9869077
AGAIN!

>>9869096
screw that, we're channeling doomguy

rolled 70 = 70

>>9869084

"Borrow" a Portal Gun from Aperture Science Center. If Black Mesa exists in this world, so should that place.

>>9869096
Eh, it has already happened once you know.

>>9869064
>As the first fell beast bursts through the portal and into your bedroom, you open fire, screaming. . . ". . . AND FOR DISNEYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!!"

I want to have your babies.

>>9869096
>You're probably gonna die, just so you know.

Again? Heh.

>>9869096

No, we're proably going to be glorious bastards, fuck up as much shit as possible, save all our maids, and then maybe possibly die *after* we've fucked them all. Hard.

>>9869096

>You're probably gonna die, just so you know.

Meh,been there and done that. It's going to take more than that to deter us.

>>9869096
Every man dies.

But not every man truly lives.

Not if we get Koiyomi to close the portal! FOR SCIENCE!

We need to see if she has a spell that converts SHEER HOT BLOOD into an offensive weapon.

You know, we are like some kind of Doomguy/Kratos hybrid at this point.

>>9869096
>You're probably gonna die, just so you know.
We can die after we go to Disneyland.

>>9869096
no, now's when we call up reginald, jehanne and carmine before we counter assault through the portal

Is Alicia unloli at this point?

WAIT! REMEMBER WHAT WE'RE WEARING?!
>Magician (Magic Missile, Shield, Ritual Magic)
>Ritual Magic

TIME TO PULL A RITUAL OUT OF THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF OUR ASS - BEYOND EVEN OUR ASS-GUN - AND SHUT THAT MOTHER FUCKER DOWN.

Do we get to choose our hidden side ability or is it random?

>>9869196

Oh yeah. Let's do that. Get Jehannie, CARMINE, Reginald and Alicia to cover our asses (which reminds me, we still need to see a proctologist) while we close the portal.

REMINDER: ARCHIVE THIS THREAD & VOTE IT AND THE PREVIOUS ONE UP FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF FUTURE GENERATIONS & THE SOBER CONTEMPLATION OF OTHERS.

Sonic Clang, we get a new costume.

Doom guy.

. . . are you guys still talking about this? Wow. :P

I'll try to be back on Tuesday. I don't want this cliff hanger to last too long.

Let me remind you gentlemen that at the end of the last session, we obtained "HIDDEN SIDE" which will add some trait to us. Might be a good time to use it, though the outcome is unpredictable.

>>9869209
Fuck, I completely frogot about that!
There still might be hope.

>>9869228

Yeah. MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER THE RITUAL MAGIC PLAN! :P

>You're probably gonna die, just so you know.

What else is new?

>>9869209
Oh god, THE SECRET thing.

We should choose something highly advantageous to this situation, but also for the future.

Something like...being the avatar of a deity, maybe?
Someone that would rape the ever-living shit out of demons. St. Cuthbert?

Or maybe someone more magical? Mystra? Nah...she gives power to everyone & their mother.

>>9869209

Ooooooh.
Hidden side ability: SPIRAL POWER

DO THE IMPOSSIBLE FUCK THE UNFUCKABLE
ROW ROW FIGHT THE DEMONS

>>9869253
Would be better to be some sort of Arch-Demon child or something.

>>9869256
unfuckable... you mean something like headcrabs?

cause been there, done that

HIDDEN SIDE: We can headbutt a portal closed.

>>9869256

Somebody get Gainax on the phone.

>THE SIEGE OF THE MANSION

Oh boy, the alien reapir bots will have their hands full once this is over.

>>9869281
Hidden Side: Can fuck reality so hard portals will open or close on orgasm.

>>9869269
Could go the opposite way for hilarity's sake.

Imagine the reactions!

PROTAGONIST, the progeny of a RIDICULOUSLY HOLY BEING. HA!

>>9869288

Hidden Side: We are the legitimate succesor to Hokuto Shinken.

>>9869330
DICK OF THE NORTH STAR
"You are already climaxing."

>>9869313
Seeing how we're a colossal dick at least half the time, demonic heritage seems more likely.

>>9869343

>Seeing how we have a colossal dick at least half the time, Alicia heritage seems more likely.

>>9869343
Hidden Side: The Anti Christ
"Actually, seeing as how I am technically higher ranking, you all owe me A NEW MANSION!"

Hidden Side: Skeleton Key
"ohh a glowing infinity symbol on my forehead, cool... wait, I can open, close, lock and unlock any portal I come across?"
*trollface*
"Hay Demons, How you going to get home now?"
*close their portal and seal it shut*
"You know, I could use some groundskeepers, and seeing how you are all here illegally..."

>>9869433

Sooo... wincest with a several-hundred-years-older-than-us loli demon ancestor?

I am okay with this.

Channeling doomguy would still be the coolest.
WHO'S A MAN AND A HALF?!

>>9869514

YOU ARE NUMEROUS
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE NUMEROUS GUTS
RIP AND TEAR YOUR GUTS

anybody else thinking of nazi zombie hordemode?

Oh goddamn it! I totally missed the thread!

Shit, we best set up a barricade and firing line. I wonder how big the portal is, functionally. A bottleneck and a minigun is a recipe for win.

>>9869663

They can probably open more portals. Demon Lords, and all that shit.

You are reporting post 9868374 on /tg/

Step 1: Row
Step 2: ROW
Step 3: Fight
Step 4: ?
Step 5: THE POWAH!

rolled 17 = 17

>>9869771
So we just keep closing them. While they are halfway through.

Hidden Side: Exalted. Demons go "Oh shit"

>>9868374
Fuck. Yes.
I finally caught up.