Well, if I'd known anyone else woulda liked Katydid, I woulda spoke out sooner. Sorry.

>>9285850
Take a good, hard look at the motherfuckin' boat

FLIP BURGERS

Sleep.

>>9285850

This. >>9285875

Turn on some music, tell everyone to relax and have fun. That's an order!

Speak to Reginald about why he just walled up boat instead of killing the monster squid?

>>9285850
>Mysterious Alien Sphere (0% analysed)
Wait, I thought Koyomi did a bunch of analysis on that?

>>9285875

You're on a boat, motherfucker, take a look at you,
Sailing on the sea is what you fucking do.
Bustin' five knots, wind whippin' at your coat,
Can't stop you, you're on a MOTHERFUCKIN' BOAT.

> WAT DO

fap, obviously.

Masturbate.

>>9285911
She must be slacking. Best punish her with anal.

>>9285924
I'd suggest we inquire about the progress made. But anal is also good.

Go under the deck and attempt to masturbate to feel better

>>9285946
>>9285924
I can get behind this.

... no pun intended.

>>9285911

Oh yes. That reminds me: Koyomi is still on shore. She should have a report on the analysis of the sphere when you get back, and we'll update the status when she reports.

>>9285921
>>9285915
You do the traditional thing: whipping your cock out of your blue anchor-print pajamas, you start fapping furiously while looking out the portal of your master cabin at the beautiful deep blue sea.

"Nyuuu?" You hear a familiar voice. Felicia is poking her head out from under the covers and rolls over onto her back cutely, looking up at you with a :3 smile.

This may be a small thing, but we do need to ask Jehanne about her new deity still. We never quite got around to that since the whole nude whipping/rulebook incident.

>>9285974

THIS CABIN IS NOT SOUNDPROOFED SAMANTHA IS ON BOARD DO NOT WANT

By the way: for those of you who see "yacht" and think "small boat."

. . .

http://seawayblog.blogspot.com/2008/12/part-of-my-job-is-as-nautical.html

. . . think something more like this.

>>9285551
This is what fear is.
Fear isn't knowing what can kill you or being aware of impending arse whooping.
Fear is knowing that the things you have regarded as Good, Right, and Holy - the pillars of your existence - will be flipped upside-down right under your nose, turning that which you love into abberations and transforming the Comfortable Home in your mind into a foreign wasteland. There's nothing you can do to cope with it, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

In this case, it's not that threatening as it means Love between two people jumps to a different set of two people. But an emotional relationship with the people you care for is no longer something forged over years and nigh-unbreakable. It's something that can switch to your worst enemy at a moment's notice - AND your enemy can then use that love that you burned your soul to build as a weapon against you - knowing that to fight back means to piss upon that which you hold sacred, but giving you no other option.

This seems interesting. Game on. I'm interested to see what the Lolibus is plotting.

>>9285997
Yeah, probably not a good idea

>>9285987

What the FUCK did I miss. o_o

>>9285974

Every time Felica goes "Nyuu?" I remember her in BEASTMODE, when she ROARED "NYU!"

Then I laugh.

>>9285974
Sit back and let her go to town. If anyone barges in, just say "Come on, look at that face! I can't say no to that!"

>>9286002
Oh, so it's a motor yacht. Okay then.

>>9285974
don't let her go to town, ask her to politely leave. maybe another time.

>>9285974
Damn, really?

Lift up her legs, press against her tailhole, see how she reacts.

>>9286016

Something AWESOME.

I say we scratch Felica's ears, but hold off on SEXAN.

>>9285974

at first i was like :S

but then >>9286002

i was like :D

lock that door and GAME ON

Hey wait.
If Alicia can transfer love from one person to another ...
Does that mean we can take two girls that love us, and induce lesbianism between them? :D

>>9286069

stop that.

>>9286002
Please tell us the cabin is soundproofed.

Guys, we have not yet ordered Alicia to refrain from using magic except at our express permission. We MUST do so, or we are leaving ourselves extremely vulnerable to an already-identified weakness.

>>9286077
For those of you who are asking: yes, the cabin is soundproofed, and the windows can be opaqued electronically.

We're gonna fuck that catgirl raw, aren't we?

Probably isn't a bad thing. GM did mention that we need to "lower inhibitions" and get some more experience...

>>9286093
Hmm...

>>9286098
Commence having sex with our housepet!

>>9286093

Ah, I see.

HIT THAT CATGIRL LIKE A MARK 14 STEAM TORPEDO WITH TIN CONTACT DETONATORS

>>9286098
Yoou'd better use some dam lube if you're going for the tailhole. Dry anal hurts on both sides, and she has claws.

>>9286098

wouldn't be the first time, i say let her have it.

>>9285850
You forgot to list "Yacht" under either the loot or the status, Goshujin-sama.

I took one look at that yacht and I orgasmed. Holy shit.

>>9286093
Well then, shall we join the sea level club?
HYUK HYUK

>>9286113

yeah i'm thinking anal with felicia is a bad plan.

>>9286125

It's under "property," you filthy XP grubbing bastard. :)

>>9286125

It's under "Facilities." Technically, it's an adjunct to the mansion.

-----
You try pushing Felicia up against the wall and put your cock up to her tailhole. She looks over her shoulder at you sadly. :<

>>9286113
>>9286137
Quickly look around for some lube. If we can find some, go for it. If not, play it safe.

>>9286069
>>9286075
Nein!
I see opportunities for lesbianism and I'll be damned if I let them go to waste.

>>9286161
Rub her first, maybe that'll get her in the mood.

>>9286161

>She looks over her shoulder at you sadly. :<

LOL

Okay, let's give the girl... whatever she wants. She seems more experienced then us anyhow.

>>9286161
Lets NOT fuck up again... leave the ass alone

I'd rather avoid the whole anal sex thing if possible, but if you guys are into it that's cool, I'll just go do something else for a bit while you pursue it.

>>9286161

Pet her gently and let her go. We are NOT raping the catgirl.

>>9286161
Well if we're going to do this we're going to need some lube. Pissing off the catgirl by sticking it in her backdoor is only going to end in a large number of conspicuous fleshwounds.

Alternatively, we could... NOT have anal sex with the housecat. Just a thought.

>>9286161

no biggie, there sure doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the usual.

think she's kinky enough to like having her tail pulled during sex?

>whatever she wants

Which could include anything from oral sex to milk to backrubs.

>>9286161
Let her take the lead and just move both of you to the floor / bed.

Who is it who suggested anal in the first place...?

>>9286203
>>9286198
>>9286222

You smile, and with a sigh, give her a pet on the head and let her go. She smiles happily and gives you a cheerful. "NYU!"

You're about to open the door and let her out when she pounces on you like a mouse and pushes you down onto the bed. With a happy little purr, she pushes your hands away from your erect cock and lowers herself down to your groin, purring happily. Her pink tongue licks at the tip of your manhood, before she traces a slow, gentle lick up your entire length, her yellow, feline eyes looking up at you, gleaming with mischief.

>>9286267
...proceed.

>>9286222

you must have missed the threads where we woke up to her sucking us off, or the other couple wherein we otherwise shagged the catgirl. we definitely don't have to rape that one.

>>9286267

LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR.

>>9286267
>>9286295

>>9286300

i'm hoping we already did that. the LAST thing we need is alicia walking in as we're defiling her familiar.

>>9286300
YES. LOCK IT.

>>9286300
FUCKING THIS

>>9286267
"I take it you forgive us."

Let her go at it. If someone walks in on us, we can say she initiated it.

>>9286325
Somehow, I don't get the feeling that she'd be all that broken up over it.

You lay back on your bed with a sigh as Felicia goes to work. Her soft, wet lips nibble gently at the base of your shaft as she gently massages your balls with her other hand. Though you can feel her sharp claws pressing gently against your sensitive skin, it is never painful, more thrilling: she's clearly had practice at this, and is eager to show off her skills.

With practiced, careful movements, she runs her lips up your length now, then takes the tip of your cock between her smiling lips and then deep into her warm, wet mouth. Her tail swishes back and forth as her rough, feline tongue gently rasps against your skin: again, with great delicacy, not so hard to be painful, just enough to feel deliciously exciting, as she suckles away happily at your throbbing cock, almost like a babe at its mother's breast.

Well, I guess we get violated by the catgirl now. ^.^;

Blatant levels of fapfiction reaching BLATANT LEVELS OF BLATANTNESS!
That said, proceed.

I wonder what'd happen if Felicia were in love with (say) Alicia instead? :D

>>9286387

>>9286416

>I wonder what'd happen if Felicia were in love with (say) Alicia instead? :D

>catgirl raping loli

>>9286389
Surely you mean m =^..^= m .

You groan with pleasure as Felicia continues her expert blowjob, her head bobbing up and down vigorously, the only other sound in the room her happy purring, and the wet, suckling sounds of her lips wrapped merrily around your cock. She pulls you to the brink, then suddenly stops. . . and just as suddenly pulls away, holding you down until the sensation subsides.

then everything went according to plan...

>>9286439
God damn it Gaston you ruin everything. Fine, no lesbianism.

>>9286439
Now now, it would be a catgirl and an incredibly horny young man raping a loli. That's totally different.

>>9286387
You know, we ought try to get into Felicia's head more often...

Her mouth is an excellent place to start.

>>9286448
"What're you playing at, eh?"

Lock the door quickly, then wait to see what she has in mind.

>>9286458
I believe we're getting felicia's head right now. >.>

>>9286448
Oh goddamnit.

Pretty sure it's time for US to give HER a :< this time.

FUCK YEAH

ORGASM DENIAL

>>9286457
Well, someone apparently DO NOT WANTed the whole thing, and I suppose I'd hate if I had stuff I didn't like forced into my fapfictions. So screw that idea.

Now why isn't Felicia raping us currently? *pout*

>>9286458

HURRRRRRRR I lol'ed.

>>9286468

THIS

THERE IS NOWHERE TO RUN FROM REGINALD ON A BOAT

>>9286448

.. i'm most definitely ok with this.

>>9286448

In before panther form...

>>9286497

In Soviet Russia, CAT gets licked by YOU!

And we just crossed into international waters...

Is there some game this is based off of that I'm ignorant of?

>>9286539

check /rs/ for "Maid RPG."

YOU USE CUNNILINGUS ON FELICIA

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!! (i hope)

>>9286448
You ok?

>>9286539
Maid RPG.
Note: Maid RPG does not normally involve penises.

>>9286539
Loosely. There is a Maid RPG system. Then a lot of it's been Goshujin's writing ability and alcohol consumption.

Blueballs FUCK OW

>>9286571
I'm just hoping nothing icky, gross and uncomfortable happens.

(innocuous pic time)

She waits for you to subside a bit, then lays on her back. Spreading her legs apart and parting her pussy lips apart with her fingertips, she looks up at you with a sexy, sultry smile, her yellow eyes gleaming as she says, in as sexy a manner as possible. . ."nyu."

. . . okay, so it's not the most sexy of statements, but it gets her meaning across.

"Don't have to ask me twice," you mutter to yourself, as you crawl over and lower yourself on top of your catgirl, guiding your cock to the entrance of her wet, pink sexy, before rubbing the warm head against her parted nether lips.

Felicia purrs happily and wraps her arms around your neck as you lower yourself into her. The wet warmth of her pussy is tight around you as you thrust deeply, and smoothly, into her small, but well-practiced body. She gasps with pleasure, her triangular ears twitching, as your smooth, but gentle thrusts start to send little twinges of pleasure running up her spine and body.

It's over a bit too soon, and it's a bit disappointing, maybe, but it's better than last time. You still haven't quite succeeded in making her cum, but you think you got close: at the very least, just before you blew your hot, sticky load into her eager pussy, you felt her body start to tense up a bit. . . only to relax at the end.

Though you try to continue, she puts her finger to your lips and shakes her head. "Nyuuuu," she purrs, and licks your face. You're not sure, but you think that she's telling you you did okay for now.

>>9286646
pet kitty

>>9286646

i take it we're not worried about knocking up the catgirl... wait, can that even happen?

Ask her to go hang with the others once she's cleaned up. INVITE JEHANNE in moments before you 'get in the shower'

>>9286646

I just got out a cigarette.

>>9286646

Hope we didn't get infected with catgirl DNA or anything.

Pet and cuddle Felicia for a little while until she falls asleep (pet the back of her head a lot, that always makes cats sleepy). Then get dressed and check on the rest of the crew.

>>9286646
We can do better next time. The more practice we have, etc.

Kiss catgirl, get dressed, go out in the sun for some fun and games.

>>9286682

We now have training in unarmed combat, so there's always the...

FAAAAALCOOOON PUUUNCH

>>9286692

this is a great plan.

do we know for sure her vocabulary doesn't just consist of "Nyuu"?

>>9286646
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ecRxuyvPAY

Quest needs more Krieger maid.

>>9286646

FYI: I've set up a hidden "Sexual Experience" skill that levels up every time you have sex. In this case, your experience is improved from the last two times (where you were basically just pounding away like a jackhammer without any kind of tenderness or skill whatsoever), but still didn't succeed well enough to make Felicia cum.

-----
In any case, after that "breakfast in bed," Felicia scampers off to your shower to wash off. You yawn and stretch out and wonder if it's time to get some breakfast when you hear a knock on the door.

>>9286715

>>9286729
Put on some damn pants and answer it. Don't bother with a shirt though.

>>9286729
>Felicia scampers off to your shower to wash off.
>cat
>shower
?

>>9286729

Don pants, rip undershirt in a few locations, and open door with Fairbain-Skyes knife at the high ready position. Peer out of the crack of the door with WHUUUUN CUH-RAZY EEEEYE

put on only Boxers THEN answer it

>>9286729
MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmyes?

>>9286729

Damnit, and we just came, so we can't fap for whoever is coming in.

Quickly get dressed and answer it.

>>9286764

cat-GIRL.

She's 98% girl and 2% cat. Otherwise, it'd just be... wierd.

>(where you were basically just pounding away like a jackhammer without any kind of tenderness or skill whatsoever)
It's like we're really from an H-game!

>>9286729

put on our super-plush yacht bathrobe and ask who is there, just in case it's somebody we don't want knowing felicia is in there...

This shit better be getting archived; I need to be at work in four hours.

Goddamnit.

>>9286781
She's 10% cat, tops. It's not furry if it's 10%.

>>9286781
1% dna difference gives you chimps.

Just saying.

>>9286781

as long as it's less than the 10% furry boundary...

>>9286750
You open the door and find Jehanne standing there. She is, by the way, wearing a very short skirt and a sailor's middy blouse with a cute little hat. It looks adorable. She looks uncomfortable.

"I've brought you your breakfast today, my liege," she says, bringing in a covered tray. "I thought, given the situation, that it would be better to bring a double portion."

Before you can ask what she means by that, Felicia bounds back into the room wearing only a towel. "Nyuu!" she shouts, as she sees that Jehanne has brought her sardines on toast and a large glass of milk. She runs over to sit on your lap and eat her breakfast, as you give her a pat on the head and a scritch between the ears.

This just makes her purr even more happily.

Jehanne nods and bows to you deeply. "Please do be careful, my liege," she says, seemingly unconcerned by the presence of a nearly-naked catgirl in your room. "Although it is good that your appetites are strong, overindulging may be bad for your health." And with that statement, she turns to leave.

>>9286822

I think we're going by "uncanny valley quotient" here.

And here I thought Maid-rpg wouldn't degenerate into porn.

>>9286827

TT______TT

>>9286827
WELL GOLLY THAT'S SO CRYPTIC

WONDER WHAT SHE MEANT

>>9286840
Are you just an idiot or what?

>>9286827

Ask her what we can do for her.

>>9286840

Clearly you're new here.

Welcome to /tg/.

>>9286827
Are you all purposefully letting her into my room when i sleep?

>>9286840
You were hanging around during our trip to hell, right?

>>9286827
Stop her for a moment and ask her if she's got her patron deity situation sorted out.

>>9286827
"Jehanne..."

We need to speak with her...

Finish breakfast, then go outside.

>>9286827

"Ah, the dull thud of Paladin subtlety."

And then close the door and let her hear the lock go *click.*

>>9286764
She's partly cat, not all cat. :P And dude, you'd be surprised at how well some cats deal with water. One of mine used to actually climb into the bathtub when I ran my bath and swim around.

>>9286840
As much as the original RPG protests that it's not about porn, I made no real secret about my real intentions to do poorly written fap fiction with the very first post. >>

>>9286872
>>9286861
>>9286860

"What can I do for you, Jehanne?" you ask.

Jehanne hesitates. . . then she closes the door and comes back to sit across from you. "I wanted to talk more about what you said to me. . . that night," she says softly. "About. . . how maybe I would be better suited with a new god.

"Tell me, do you really feel that I have failed Bahamut that badly?" she goes on.

>>9286827

well... damn. lets make it a point to hang out on the boat with jehanne a bit today.

>>9286840

>>9286904
oh man... I'm staying out of this Convo, i can't do Theological Convo's well. (NOT SAID)

>>9286827
Oh no. We'll have to fight through hell again maybe. It'll be like playing Halo.

<--- a felicia.
Unknown how she gets her hair so nice without thumbs with which to grasp combs or shampoo bottles.

>>9286905

Im on a boat
Im on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat

>>9286930
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF--

You know, it didn't occur to me until now.

+5 "AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH SO THAT'S WHERE I GOT THE NAME" experience. Total is now 105.

Don't worry, you'll get to spend it soon.

>>9286904

"Alignment follows actions. Alignment does not dictate actions. One of the core rules of DMing."

>>9286930
DEFINITIVE FURRY TEST:
Does it have a snout?
No, Felicia does not have a snout.
Then it's not furry!

>>9286904

with sincerity:
"it's not at all that i think you have failed, it's that i hate to think you feel driven to hurt yourself when you haven't don't anything wrong."

>>9286904
I suspect that if you had failed him as badly as you feel you have by the way you were treating yourself, you likely wouldn't have made it out of hell in one piece.

What use is the will of a paladin if, behind it all, is just layers and layers of self-doubt? I don't want to have another person close to me slip away for one reason or another while all I can do is watch.

You needn't forsake your god entirely, but devotion can lead to... disastrous consequences if not tempered properly. Just a change of pace, is all.

>>9286904
"I think you served him too well. I think Bahumet failed you. He's not the god you deserve, and we need to find one worthy of you as a paladin."

>>9286930
>Unknown how she gets her hair so nice without thumbs with which to grasp combs or shampoo bottles.

Probably has other people do it?

>>9286904
Choosing a new god isn't about failing the old one, it's about changing as a person. Not every god's tenets are suited for everyone at all points in their lives. I would suggest that while most of Bahamut's core principles are still very important to you, there might be others that you would find a better fit right now.

All right, I need a vote.

1. Get into an alignment discussion with Jehanne.

2. Point out her self-destructive pattern of guilt-based behavior.

3. Point out that perhaps she has served Bahamut too well, and that perhaps it is her god who has failed her.

>>9286988
3.

>>9286947

"You are a servant of Good, just not Bahamat's brand. You needn't suppress your true self to prove yourself worthy. You saved me from Hell, remember? I need no proof."

>>9286988
Thinking either 1 or 2; 3 seems waaaaay presumptuous. Kind of cockslapping Bahamut there.

>>9286988

1. This speaks to the heart of 2 and 3. Bahamat should have never accepted the oath of a paladin he knew was not truly his. Should have pointed her in the right direction, in fact.

>>9286988
2.

Gotta nip this at the bud.

Unless we want her to stay as a vulnerable emotional trainwreck for easier sexing?

>>9286988
1 or 2. Not a fan of 3; it's too much of a direct attack on her beliefs, instead of offering advice.

>>9286988
1.
We want to be on Jehanne's side, but bashing Bahamut will cause her to lose her love for us, and will probably net us a throatful of sword in the bargain...

2. Be sure to point out that she has nothing to feel guilty about instead of changing the behaviors causing the guilt.

>>9287049

Good luck with that. We're moralfags at heart, and we all know it.

1.

Convince her she's Neutral Good rather than Lawful.

See if Avandra's in her setting.

>>9286988

I vote 2. She didn't fail Bahamut, she just wasn't happy worshipping him.

>>9287049
Fuck that, love works as well as anything else to get sexing, and is more satisfying besides.

>>9286988

2, and let her know we don't like to see her suffering for her devotion. she helped save us from hell, for fuck's sake.

>>9287071

>She didn't fail Bahamut, she just wasn't happy worshipping him.

An extremely succinct summation; I applaud you sir.

>>9286988
WHAT WOULD KRATOS DO
3

2, though some of 1 isn't bad. Definitely not 3.
We don't think she's failed Bahamut, just that she seems to think she has. And more than a few other gods would be considered allies to Bahamut I would imagine. Or if we can get her to see that her actions don't really violate her faith so much as the orders of that particular convent.

>>9286988
2. Focus on what she needs, not what Bahamut needs.

>>9287071
... Yeah, that's more like it. 2.

>>9287102

Kratos would man up and ride Derris Kharlan away from the planet to own up for the mistakes he and Mithos's group plagued upon the world.

Seems like the vote is one and 2 so. . .

----
"Well, it just seems to me as if maybe you've chosen your path badly," you point out delicately. "Alignment dictates behavior, not the other way around."

"I'm not sure what you mean. . ."

"Damn, how to explain this. . . look, you've chosen a very strict path, right? With certain vows that you have to follow?"

"Yes, I suppose that is true," Jehanne agrees.

"But those vows don't seem to have helped you at all. Instead, they just make you feel guilty and. . . well, make you do things like that night. I don't think your gods would want that for you."

"Bahamut asks for little except that I serve unceasingly. If I cannot even keep that vow, how can I call myself a paladin?" Jehanne asks.

>>9287113

because what she needs is a HOT DICK.

... and sweet, tender love. T__T

>>9287122

Why the hell does she even want to be a paladin?

>>9286988
http://forgottenrealms.wikia.com/wiki/Yondalla

Good as Bahamut is, we're not exactly helping the downtrodden or fighting for justice here. While you're cooking food and enjoying romantic company perhaps the Nurturing Matriach would better serve you for now.

'course, check that it's cool with Bahamut first if you work for other gods.

>>9287122
Reiterating 3.

>>9287141
This sounds like an interesting prospect.

>>9287113
>>9287100
>>9287071

"I think you've kept your vow better than you think," you point out. "But I think that keeping your vow makes you unhappy. Maybe. . . you should find a new path. One that makes you happier."

"You are right," Jehanne agrees. "But therein lies the dilemma. I can only be released from my vows by a Priest of Bahamut. Otherwise, I will have failed my calling, and the gods will turn their backs on me."

Quietly, you curse the whole "falling" mechanic and start to wish that she would have come from one of those Points of Lights settings instead.

>>9287122

Ask her if she's a third edition paladin, or fourth. If she's 3aboo, the fact that she still had her powers means that Bahamut approves of her. If she's 4rry, its less clearcut.

>>9287141

excellent point, anon.

>>9287167
summon the DM to discuss if she can technically be released because Bahamut is a G aligned god and its Evil to keep someone against their will.

>>9287171

Seems like third, bro.

>>9287167
Ask her what her vows are, then try to find loopholes.

>>9287167
"Do you honestly believe he wants you to feel guilty all of the time? As long as you protect the weak and fight evil wherever it rears its head, you'll be fulfilling your vows."

Put a hand around her shoulder.

>>9287195

No, no, more like 3.5, because her mount isn't constantly with her, it's some lame-ass LOL AH SUMMON IT OUT OF THIN AIR thing.

>>9287167

err, how hard are those to come by?

>>9287167
I don't know, can she ask for forgiveness or an honorable discharge from Bahamut directly?

Then we can give her our own discharge.

Promise to do all in your power to get a Priest of Bahamut's ass over here STAT and move on with the quest!

Suggest then that she pray to Bahamut for guidance on what to do if she is unhappy in his service.

>>9286944

Huh. I didn't feel like it needed pointing out. I always assumed it was either that or Felicia Day/Black Cat from spider-man

>>9287122
Well, uh, Bahamut wouldn't have you in a kitchen cooking meals, cuddling well-off homeowners and showing more emotional support than Justice.

I won't doubt that Bahamut is powerful and that your worship means much to him - but you're not fighting your way through hell any more, and Bahamut demands the defense of the downtrodden, not the cooking of meals.

For the time being you -can't- serve him.
Fortunately, I don't think he'll be angry at you for what you've done here. Perhaps you can talk to him. See if he's okay with you taking some time to nurture Good in those around you.

>>9287215
Like WoW, so it must be 4e.

>>9287247

WELL PLAYED, SIR, WELL PLAYED

>>9287167
The protagonist should pray to Bahamut for the happiness and safety of Jehanne.

>>9287167

Scour the internet to see if there's an online certification you can get to become a priest of Bahamut.

A muslim friend of mine is officially a minister thanks to the internet, so it can't be that hard.

>>9287293

haaaa haaaa DOOOO IIIIIT

>>9287303
This can only end amazingly.

>>9287218
>>9287221
>>9287228

"How hard is it to find one?" you ask.

"I don't think there's one in this world at all," Jehanne sighs. "Certainly, I have not seen a temple to He of the Platinum Scales recently, although I do seem to see many worshipping the God of the Starry Night Sky, he who appears in the form of a large stag. Apparently, the rituals of this odd cult also involve imbibing bitter, hot beverages as a form of self-mortification."

"I see. . . well, I'll do my best to find a priest somehow to help release you from your vows. Perhaps, in the meantime, you should think of a new god to follow? Perhaps Sune, or Yondalla. . ."

"Elistraee?" Jehanne says softly.

You give her a quirked eyebrow.

"Once," Jehanne admits, "when I was an initiate, I was on guard duty watching for invaders. I heard. . . strange noises. When I came to investigate, I found several young elf maidens with dark skin dancing naked under the moonlight. They seemed so wild, so free.. ." She ahems, and blushes, embarassed. "It was. . . a vivid memory," she admits.

"I suppose it would have been," you agree.

"I should go now," Jehanne says. "Enjoy your breakfast, my liege. I will come by later to collect the plates."

"Thank you."

Jehanne leaves you and you finish your breakfast.

WHAT DO NOW?

Also, I will be going to bed after this thread, as it grows late. Someone get ready to archive this shit.

>>9287270
Be VERY careful. attractign the attention of any deity, for any reason, can get you drawn into shit you would rather not have gotten involved in - especially deeply aligned ones like the deity of Paladins and Law and Good like Bahamaut.

>>9287293
She could ask Bahamut if Yondalla could borrow her for a bit while she does more Housekeeping and less Smiting.

>>9287331

Let us check in on SAMANTHA!

And yes, it's 3:00AM and I have exams tomorrow, YOU MOTHERFUCKER

>>9287331
> "I do seem to see many worshipping the God of the Starry Night Sky, he who appears in the form of a large stag. Apparently, the rituals of this odd cult also involve imbibing bitter, hot beverages as a form of self-mortification."

Okay, I don't think I get the reference here.

>>9287331
I fucking knew Starbucks was part of some damned cult.

We should make sure all maids/valets in attendance are keeping well away from anything resembling work, this is a vacation dammit.

>>9287309
>>9287303
>>9287293

You decide to scour the internet for a way to become a priest of Bahamut.

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=how+to+become+a+priest+of+bahamut&aq=f&aqi=
&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&fp=a2bb30ecf4f91972

. . .

If one of you fags actually find one, +15 experience and an Internet.

>>9287343
Oh please, Bahamut is bro enough to not drop fireballs everywhere. It's not like we're praying to Lolth or Orcus. :P

>>9287373

Yeah, Starbucks. And I LOL'ed heartily.

"Self-mortification" describes Starbucks coffee to a mother-fucking tee.

>>9287331
Call up gaming friend who DMs, have him act as a priest. He has the proper authority, after all.

>>9287388
http://www.castergine.com/stuart/bby/bahamut1.html
?

>>9287358
First let's see how all of our other employees are doing. We want to make sure they're having fun, right?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bahamut

A talk with arabian scholar, or even an Imam, is in order.

>>9287358
After breakfast, Felicia scampers off to do. . . something. You're not sure what. You decide to go and find Samantha.

You find your head maid in the kitchen. She has a very large tuna on her cutting board, and she is cheerfully using a large cleaver to cut it into steaks.

"Oh!" she says. "Good morning, young master! I do hope I did not disturb you?"

"Ummm. . . not at all," you say. Although the entire kitchen sink is filled with fish blood, and she has quite a bit on her hands as well, her maid uniform and apron are spotless. The mark of a true maid. "How are you?"

"I am well. Father is catching our dinner," she says, pointing to the back of the boat.

Peeking your head out the window, you see Reginald standing at the back of the boat with a massive fishing pole, wearing no shirt, and a pair of aviator glasses, smoking a pipe. "I see. Did he catch anything?"

"Just a couple of tuna," Samantha says, "I was cleaning and filleting them."

>>9287388
http://www.castergine.com/stuart/bby/bahamut1.html
>I. Bahamut is first-born of the Creator and through no other can you gain favor.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Requirements
To qualify to become a sacred warder of Bahamut, a dragon
must fulfill all the following criteria.
Race: Any dragon.
Alignment: Lawful good or neutral good.
Base Attack Bonus: +15.
Feats: Endure Blows, Power Attack.
Spells: Able to cast divine spells.
Domain: Protection.
Special: Damage reduction 5/magic.

Page 96 of the Draconomicon

>>9287419
>>9287457

Oh dear gods. +15 XP and an internets.

>>9287457
Well then, I say we call him up. Whip out a cellphone, dial the operator, bullshit like a motherfucker, and get ourselves a direct line to Bahamut.

...yes it's stupid. But considering all of the other nutty things that have gone on thus-far, it really would fit right in.

>>9287456

Ask if we can help with the cooking! Bout time we did something mundane around here besides fapping.

A man can't kill giant squids ERRYDAY after all.

>>9287456
Attempt to Fish with Reginald.

>>9287477

This would be awesome tier.

"Hello, operator, get me bahamut."
"Is that a name?"
"It's an ancient semitic deity turned dragon god. Put him on the line, please?"

>>9287489
"Mind if I help?" you ask.

"If you like," Samantha says. "Do you know how to clean a fish? I could use some help cleaning the other tuna.

You look over at the fish she indicates. It's about three feet long, silver-sided, and still twitching a bit. It's baleful eye looks up at you disapprovingly.

>>9287515
OH GOD ITS STILL ALIVE
YOU MONSTER

>>9287515

"I've done calamari already, so I think I can handle this, with a few pointers."

>>9287515
Fall back on our fish-cleaning training from childhood. Our father used to take us fishing all the time when we were a kid, before he realized that we were doomed to become a useless shut-in nerd and abandoned his attempts to force us into "manly" pursuits. We should still remember at least some of it.

>>9287515

> Skill Check Result: 2

You take the very large and very sharp knife that Samantha gave you, and you study the fish hesitantly. Although you've got some experience carving up seafood with a knife, that was more of a stabbing motion. You're not exactly sure how to cut open a fish and pull out its guts on purpose.

You're about to start when Samantha shakes her head. "No, don't put your knife point in the anus, you'll tear open the intestine and get fish poop all over the meat. Start here, under the chin." She indicates the correctly point. "Here. . ."

Samantha puts her arms around you and guides the point of your knife to the proper place. "Now, after that, just bring the knife down along the belly, like this, not too deep, you don't want to cut up the insides. . ." She presses herself against your back, whispering instructions into your ear as if she were a lover whispering sweet nothings.

I wonder if Reginald knows about our deepest secret...

the KA-BAR under our pillow. He may have weaned us away from the DEAGLE DEAGLE DEAGLE thing, but nothing can extinguish that flame in our hearts for the KA-BAR.

>>9287515

punch the still twitching tuna in its fishy face, and admit that, while we've never done it before, we can probably figure out how to clean it.

then we get bloody!

>>9287515
We deal with it like how we dealt with the oversized mollusk.

Bite its fucking fins off and shoot it.

>>9287575
Wellp, thanks goshujin-sama. Now I'm going to get an erection next time I order from a seafood restaurant and I probably won't remember why.

>>9287575

>establishing consistent pattern of flirting with you while working with dangerous weapons

"TREAT HER WITH-"

"Respect? Don't think you have to worry about that, ol' chum. Samantha seems to have the 'command my respect' angle down quite well all by herself."

>>9287575
When Samantha speaks, you fucking listen.

Also, never before has cleaning a fish been a romantic experience.

>>9287575

make a vaguely suggestive comment about her obvious skill, try to fight the urge to boner.

>>9287575
>>9287601
Well, now we know why her hands always smell like fish.

>>9287601

Seconded.

>She presses herself against your back, whispering instructions into your ear as if she were a lover whispering sweet nothings.

She is somehow pure, and sexy at the same time.

>>9287477
*dial tone*
"Platinum dragon here. Got some downtrodden that need a little faith?"
"Hey bro, it's $protagonist here. About one of your paladins, Jehanne."
"Fought through hell and came back alive. Prays often. What of her?"
"We're wondering if Yondalla could borrow her for a bit."
"..."
"Bahamut?"
"THEM FUCKING HALFLINGS ALWAYS BORROWING MY SHIT AND FORGETTING TO RETURN IT! GO FUCK YOURSELVES YA HALF-SIZED BACKWOODS ARSEHOLES! *click*"

Bahamut, God of Paladins (Unfriendly)

"... shit."

>>9287600
>>9287584

I really wish I had seen these posts first. This would have been made of win.

-----
>>9287627
"You've ummm. . . obviously had some practice at this," you point out.

"Mom died when I was little, so I always had to do the cooking," Samantha says. "I got pretty good at it."

"Oh? What did you learn to make?"

"Just the usual things. . . iron rations. Pemmican. How to dress a deer, clean a fish. . . creamed chipped beef on toast."

"I see." You remember your early days at the house (barely a week before) and how everything was sandwiches back then. Things start to fall into place a bit.

>>9287607

Huh. I only just realized this.
Next thing you know, she'll be sitting in our lap teaching us how to use an MLRS

>>9287575
Continue, but be overly paranoid that Reginald is going to come at any moment.

We really need a rule against writefaggotry smut.

>>9287710
Rule: It must always involve cats.

>>9287710

no, we don't.

>>9287692

once we've got it cleaned, ask for some filleting instructions, obviously fishing (sorry) for some more close quarters instruction.

>>9287663
>>9287703

"You know," you say. "You really should show me sometime how to. . ."

. . .

Suddenly, there is a CRASH, and the entire boat rocks to one side! "What the fuck. . . !?"

"YOUNG MASTER!" Reginald roars from the back of the boat. "WE HAVE A SPOT OF BOTHER HERE!"

As you poke your head back out the window, you see Reginald being lifted into the air. He is punching a massive, suckered tentacle that is wrapped around his waist. Wrapped up in two other tentacles are Felicia and Jehanne, who are screaming in terror at the monster that is groping them. . .

. . . at least, they scream until the massive monster's huge, dinner-plate sized eye sees your face in the ship's window. With a roar, it hurls the girls and Reginald into the ocean, and points a massive tentacle at you.

"YOU!!!!!!!!!" it roars, in passably good English. "YOU KILLED THE ONLY MAN I EVER LOVED!!!!"

>>9287703

Fuck him very much. We've already got a date set for a mighty asskicking (his) in the future.

>>9287769
Glare back and growl back "And so did your man, so we are at an impasse. Leave us."

>>9287769
And with this, I'm going to bed. I'll continue either tomorrow or Tuesday, depending on if I have time.

Before I leave, though, one last order of business: you are now able to LEVEL UP!

You have 125 XP

Athletics: 2 -> 3 30 XP
Affection: 2 -> 3 30 XP
Skill: 2 -> 3 30 XP
Cunning: 2 -> 3 30 XP
Luck: 1 -> 2 20 XP
Will: 2 -> 3 30 XP

RANDOM EVENT: 20 XP
RANDOM LOOT: 20 XP

>>9287769
Oh dear. We didn't kill the monster. We killed the monster's bitchy little boyfriend.

Find cannons on Yacht. Fire cannons.

>>9287769

Whatever we do in the next five minutes, we must preface it by ripping our goddamned shirts off and roaring like a Lion Clan bull roid raging.

>>9287796
Oh great.

I'm tempted to get a random event because things aren't fucked up enough right now already.

>>9287796

I vote for cunning and luck.

>>9287787

>Glare back and growl back "And so did your man, so we are at an impasse. Leave us."

HAHAHAHA, yes. This. This, right here. I'm remembering this for next thread.

>>9287796
Level our athletics, skill, cunning, and luck.

>>9287787

SKILL
CUNNING
AFFECTION

So we're going to be fighting a gay squid? Wonderful.

>>9287858
Might be a lady-squid, who knows.

So far, consensus is Cunning, at least. That will be 30 XP. Anything else?

>>9287823

or even better!

CUNNING, LUCK, ATHLETICS raised by 1. RANDOM LOOT or EVENT. 20 XP in the bank for contingencies.

>>9287877

refresh my memory, what good are luck rolls for?

>>9287880
this, random event over random loot

luck, athletics, cunning, event.

knowing reginald, there are no doubt some fat weapons laying around. but now he's in the drink, so...

what about a harpoon?

>>9287877
Affection, Luck, Random loot.

Luck basically affects my occasional random "x+ Saving throw" rolls that I make to determine random world events. It also helps in combat in certain situations.

Now rolling for random event

> 51: A TV show comes to shoot some footage.

Do you want to keep this random event, or go for a reroll?

I missed BOTH these threads? FUCK. I've been here for EVERY maid quest.

Also, I was the guy pushing for fucking Kat. SEE WHY I DID? Now we lost a maid!

>>9287928

Reroll.

Come onnnn HELICOPTER GUNSHIP

Odd notion here. I'd try to take on the squid mainly solo, all the while having a chat about the concept of self defense.

Although I'd probably ask Alicia if she can give me the ability to walk on water temporarily. That would help us out in this fight a great deal.

...and that would all likely get us killed to death. So listening to me probably isn't the best idea.

>>9287928

>luck

Then we totally want that, yeah.

>TV crew filming us schooling the shit out of a giant squid.

Tempting... but the others seemed to indicate they want something more along the lines of "save our sorry asses."

>>9287944
There is a way to get Kat back. :P It's only Day 9.

>>9287947
> 5+ Saving throw to reroll: 5
Reroll. Event or Loot?

>>9287965

Event.

also, REALLLY? It involves some form of mindfuckery, doesn't it?

>>9287965

I'm going to go with PHAT LEWTS. We're going to need some help with this one.

I'm going for the loot.

>>9287965
I guess try loot this time. Maybe a megaweapon?

>>9287928
DO EET

Okay, for loots, you have two choices.

1. You can go for a Maid Costume, which will give one of your maids special powers.

2. You can go for a General Item, which can be used by anyone.

Thoughts?

Get Sister Carmine.

"HEY THIS FUCKING INVERTEBRATE IS SHITTING UP OUR BATTLE/PLEASURE BARGE WITH ITS CUNTING MUTANT COCKGRABBERS!"

Then we both rip and tear, for it is huge and has huge guts.

>>9287982

Or a bag of magic pixiedust that lets us see through walls. Might not be helpful against the squid in the least. but at they very least, if we survive, we'll come out of the encounter +1 phat lewts.

>>9287992

FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT SISTER CARMINE

>>9287990

General item.

>>9287990

Female maid costume. For kris.

If thats even possible.

>>9288038

I believe any maid may use the costume.

>>9288008
General Item it is

Someone roll 3d6 and tell me the three numbers.

>>9287990
Costume. It'll be awesome.

>>9288047
4, 5, 1

>>9287992

maid costume, and GET FUCKING CARMINE TO FUCKING GUT THE BASTARD, SHES CUNTING ALL OVER OUR DAY OFF

Okay, hang on, now I'm getting votes for costume. Either way, someone roll 3d6 and tell me the three numbers.

General item!

rolled 5, 4, 2 = 11

>>9288047

physical dice roll- 10

/tg/ diceroll, above.

>>9288070

Oh, individual rolls. Disregard, cocks, and somebody beat me to it anyways. Use his.

rolled 3, 5, 3 = 11

here you go

>>9288082

Two for item, three for costume. The Ayes have it~

Maid costume is more on-theme, but I'd vote for a general item. Maid costume is absolutely going to do nothing for us in our final confrontation against Reginald, and we keep running into all sorts of crazy things that we have to try and deal with on our own in the meantime, so having something useful that WE can use without having to call in tactical maid strikes seems preferable.

451 Demonic Ritual Book

45 Magician Costume
51 Bunny Suit
45 Karate Gi
51 Jungle Girl Loincloth

Pick one.

>>9288095

Bunny suit?

Explain.

>>9288070
dicemind = 11

>>9288095
Magician costume.

>>9288095

>Demonic ritual book

HA! HA! HAHAHAHAHAH!

But seriously, the magic costume. That cuts right to the chase.

Unless we could get Samantha into that Gi.... hot girls in Gi's are sexy, I've seen 'em.

>>9288095

Robe and wizard hat, please.

>>9288095
...although when the item is a demonic ritual book, I feel like taking a maid outfit is probably the better idea.

Don't want Alicia stumbling across our new necronomicon or anything, now do we?

I'd vote Magician costume, if only for potential jokes involving donning ones robe and wizard hat.

>>9288103

51 Bunny

Requirements: None

Restrictions: Once a character changes into this costume, she cannot change out of it unless you spend 1 XP

Benefits:

Gains the Sexy Trait in addition to their normal traits (+1 Cunning, -1 Will)

Consideration: The character can cause members of the opposite sex (or womanizer characters of the same sex) to remove 2 points of Stress per round.

Notes: A “companion” in business entertainment, whose job is to keep things lively.

>>9288091

I agree, and the ritual book is BOSS. Wipe any lingering smirks off Alica's face right fucking quick, I'll wager. But general item WAS out-voted, and to be honest, saving the maids singlehandedly is getting a bit old. Carmine was worth pulling out of hell if only for how much ass she kicks, but it's time to up the ante around here, you know?

>>9288141

>I'd vote Magician costume, if only for potential jokes involving donning ones robe and wizard hat.

You, sir, have the right idea.

dude, magician costume. robe and wizard hat plox.

WE ARE A GOD-DAMNED NERD. WE BEAT A DEMON BY PLAYING FATAL. THERE IS NO COMPETITION--WE PUT ON OUR MOTHERFUCKING ROBE AND WIZARD HAT, THIS INSTANT!

>>9288141
>>9288130
>>9288124

45 Magician

Requirements: Skill 3 or higher. (Kristopher, Felicia, Alicia, Samantha)

Benefits:
Magic Missile: Inflicts 3d6 Stress directly. Recharges on a 5+

Shield: Reduces damage by 2d6. Recharges on a 6+

Ritual Magic: The Maid becomes a student of magic and begins researching into the dark arts.

>>9288149
YES
Who would we give it to?

>>9288194

>begins studying the dark arts

yeeeeessssssssss

>>9288194

yes this is perfect for koyomi, she can add sexy mage powers to her sexy nerd power retinue.

>>9288194
Ok, then how do the Gi and Loincloth come out?

In any case, it's overwhelmingly for Robe and Wizard Hat, so I'll choose that. You guys can assign it later.

And for now, bedtime. Someone archive this, please. See you either tomorrow or Tuesday. Maybe.

>>9288194

I'm very tempted to have Felicia become a magician, just because she's so devoted to us in her own way.

>>9288209

Not samantha, it'd corrupt her. :<

But Kristopher... and getting her into a maid outfit will involve a forced recognition of her true sexuality. YEE HAW.

>>9288194

Samantha gets this.

No tanuki suit?

I'm sad.

>>9288220

as well as I.

4AM on exam week. Oh Goshujin how you FUCK with me D:

but.... but I like it >_>

>>9288194
WE INCREASE OUR SKILL AND TAKE THIS OUTFIT FOR OURSELVES

>>9288220
WAIT, LET'S BUY ANOTHER BUMP INTO SKILL SO WE CAN USE IT

>>9288218

Gi: +1 to Hand to Hand attack rolls, and switch out their current Stress Explosion for Unconcsiousness.

Loincloth: get the Escape special power, and they start to trigger events from the Wild Kingdom Events table.

You know, if we give the wizard stuff to Kristopher, s/he can figure out a way to turn his/herself into a girl without any deals with Alicia. Just a thought.

>>9288237
>>9288238

Goddamn it I want to go to sleep. Do you want to do this or not? Decide quickly. You'll need to swap out either Athletics or Cunning for Skill to get Skill 3. You don't have the XP do do it all.

Swap cunning for Skill, I think.

>>9288267
Cunning for Skill.

>>9288267
yeah, do it