Loot
Alien Repair Bots
Mysterious Alien Sphere (0% analysed)
Demonic Ace of Spades - Alicia's Phylactery

Mansion Status:
Facilities: Beachfront property
Kitchen: Average (3 of 5)
Decor: Poor (1 of 5)
Gardens: Fair (2 of 5)
Repair: PERFECT (6 of 5)
Beach: Average (3 of 5)

Staff
Reginald, Your Butler (Devoted)
Samantha, Your Head Maid (Devoted) - LOVE
Katherine, the redheaded trap-kun (Warm 8/10)
Felicia, the cute catgirl (Warm) - SEXED
Jehanne, the paladin (Trust) - LOVE
Alicia, the former Demon Queen of Lust (Hostile)
SISTER FUCKING CARMINE, THE FUCKING FEMALE FUCKING ANGRY MARINE! (Angry)
Koyomi, your Japanese gamer science nerd. (Neutral)

65 XP

It is Morning of Day 7 of 30

WHAT DO?

This is the first thread since last week, correct? In that case, masturbate. Or have sex, if Felicia is under our covers.

Fix up the decor
masturbate

>>9198867
Keep up the tradition! Masturbate furiously.

>>9198903
This is indeed the first fucking thread since last week.

So yes. It is morning. You do the traditional thing: whip out your schlong and start beating off. That's right. Surrounded by beautiful women and a catgirl who sucks you off on a regular basis, and your best friend is still Rosie Palms and her Five Daughters.

What the shit.

Anyway, you're in the midst of making like Faptau and rubbing one out for the Greater Good when you hear a loud CRASH. Sounds like a fucking bomb went off or something. What the shit.

>>9198941
Finish up, then check it out.

>>9198941
You've forgotten your name so far, bossman. Suggest fixing.

Also, Felicia is not in your bed. Just FYI.

>>9198962

Wait, what?

Wonder where she went.

>>9198971
You soon discover that when you hear a loud yowling sound from the front yard. Poking your head out the window, you discover the source of all the noise.

There is a construction crane in your front yard. They're lowering a lot of heavy machinery into a pit dug in the ground. You see Koyomi directing them. She's wearing a pair of overalls and a yellow hard hat along with her traditional lab coat.

You know what, let's skip the masturbation today, and just walk right out to investigate with out morning wood.

>>9198962
I hope that the explosion wasn't her. Anyway, finish up and go investigate the noise.

>>9199026

UNDEGROUND BASE?

FUCK YEAH!

WHEN DO WE GET OUR POWER ARMOR?

>>9199026
Finish up and then see how Koyomi's new lab is coming.

>>9199026
I stand by my "skip masturbation, go investigation" thing. Find out what science girl is up to.

Specifically, ask her "Are you putting a Large Hadron Corridor in my backyard?"

If the answer is yes, say "Okay" and walk off.

>>9199026
please tell me she's not makign a large hedron collider

One minute. Let me get a glass of cheap brandy.

Better.

All right, so having decided that you're going to finish off, you beat off while standing at the window, watching the workers work. They're pretty damn fast: within a few minutes, they've already finished loading some kind of huge machine with fucktons of magnets into the hole in the ground. There are also guys moving in desks with lots of computers and sciency shit that moves a lot and beeps a lot and makes blinkenlights.

You also see Felicia curled up on the roof. She's looking down at all the noise, terrified, and her tail is puffed up like a bottle brush.

>>9199026
Investigate that shit, and see how much it's going to cost us.

>>9199026

Cum out of the window and onto Koyomi's face.

Noooooo I have to sleeeeeep D:

Finish up, then put something on and run out asking what's going on.

>>9199110

After we're done, call Felicia.

>>9199082
>>9199107

I do pray that if she is makign something it's the HADRON collider and not the HEDRON collider.

the LAST thing we need is eldrazi up in our shit.

Just to be safe, when she fires this thing up, keep a crowbar on us. Just in case. Never know when one of those fucking resonance cascades might happen.

>>9199142
>>9199113
>>9199107
>>9199082

You wind up cumming in the palm of your hand and wipe up with a pair of old boxers you tossed under the bed instead of in the laundry, then pull on your silk bathrobe and walk out into the front lawn.

You walk past a couple of guys slowly moving the Alien Sphere into the science equipment with a forklift and a pallet. One of them seems to have a short goatee and big, black-framed glasses.

"What's going on here?" you ask Koyomi. She turns to you and smiles. "I brought the equipment from the lab."

"Please tell me you didn't bring a large hadron collider," you groan.

"Of course not, that's far too big. All I could bring with me is a simple linear accelerator. Just about half a kilometer long, is all."

"Just that, huh."

>>9199191
Tell her you don't mind her experiments, but so help us, if those construction workers lay one hand on those Morning Glories....

>>9199191

OH FUCK. GET A CROWBAR.

Also, insist all scientists have hazard suits, crowbars, and combat training. Also, get Felicia, she's probably scared.

>>9199191
All nines and ones with you...

Ask her the next obvious question. "Why?"

>>9199191
"cool... how long do you figure it will take to finish?"

then go calm Felicia down

>>9199218
>>9199216

"Don't worry, no one's going to lay a hand on those morning glories," Koyomi sighs. "It was in the briefing."

"All right. What about resonance cascades? Hazard suits? Crowbars? Combat training?"

"I don't know, I'm not in charge of that," Koyomi says seriously. "You need a doctorate to get checked out on crowbars."

"A doctorate."

"Yeah. Opening crates is very delicate. Doctor Freeman did his thesis on the physics of type 1 levers." She gestures to the guy with the goatee, who smiles back and nods silently.

>>9199268
OH GOD, FREEMAN IS HERE? WE, AND OUR POOR MORNING GLORIES, ARE FUUUUUUUCKED.

Ask her how fucking magnets work.

>>9199268

Insist she drills with Reginald and gets a melee weapon.

Wat?

>>9199268
On behalf of everyone here, allow me to state HOLY HELL!!!

Ehem.

"I have to admit you've got me curious. What kind of science are you planning on doing on this thing? It's not mad science is it?"

>>9199301
>It IS mad science, right?"
ftfy

>>9199268
FOLLOW FREEMAN
We walk right behind him and generally get in his way until someone asks us to leave.

So gordon freeman exists in this reality. Cool.
Go calm Felicia down

>>9199301
>>9199293
>>9199259

"Well," Felicia says. "The surface material of the alien sphere is made up of a very unusual type of matter, closer to the kind seen beyond the event horizon of black holes. Possibly, based on eleven dimensional super-string theory. . ."

"In language that the GM doesn't have to bullshit badly," you say.

"Oh. Ummmm. . . we're going to zap the alien sphere with ray guns and see if we can find out what it's made out of."

"Okay. How do magnets work?"

"Aligned electromagnetic fields?"

"Yeah, let's go with that."

go calm Felicia down

>>9199301
QFT.

also talk with Sam or Kat, see what kind if dirt we can dig up on reggie.

frankly sam is falling so hard for us that she's a gimme if we need it (say, day 29 or something), jehanne is also an ass we can tap should we need it.

>>9199349
FELICIA GET OUT OF HERE
YOU ARE A CAT NOT A SCIENTIST

>>9199349

Give her a 'keep up the good work' and go get your cat off the roof.

>>9199349
when in doubt, go meta.

I approve.

>>9199367
>>9199342
>>9199259

"All right, I'm gonna go get my pussy now."

And with that, you head over to the roof and try to get Felicia off the roof.

She's still staring down at what's going on, hissing furiously, her hackles up.

> Affection roll: 12

Thankfully, you manage to get her down off the roof without too much trouble. With a little bit of coaxing and some leftover bacon, you manage to convince her to come down the roof and into your room.

You close the window behind you just as there is a knock on the door.

>>9199349
Ask her if we are prepared for unintended consequences.

>>9199407
Answer it for once.

Answer door

>>9199418
Those consequences being the end of the fucking rule of man on this planet in case of Combine. God damn, we've already had to fight our way out of hell, we don't want to deal with the overthrow of man too.

>>9199407
Go answer the door and consider asking the good doctor Freeman to give us a little lesson on the finer arts of beating shit to death with a crowbar.

>>9199407
Pick Felicia up, take her to my desk, have her curl up in my lap, begin softly stroking her, and then tell them they can come in.

>>9199452
>>9199430
>>9199429

You answer the door.

"YOU FUCKHEAD!" sister Carmine screams. "WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG! YOUR BREAKFAST IS GETTING FUCKING COLD! EAT YOUR GODDAMN OATMEAL, YOU COCKSUCKER!"

She slams the breakfast tray down onto your desk. Plain oatmeal and a glass of water. Huh.

Time to go study magic. We need to turn the trap into a girl, and magicing felicia full sentience might not be a bad idea either.

thank her and eat

>>9199468
"Glad you could join me, Mr Bond..."

>>9199468
...

...

...okay. I think carmine is off kitchen duty. For, like...ever.

have her work on decor. If we're gonna have flying butresses and all that shit, we're gonna need some demo work!

>>9199481
Don't forget to say a short prayer to the Omnisia before chowing down.

>>9199477
we might be able to get Alicia to do it...

>>9199468
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT, DO I LOOK LIKE A GODDAMN QUAKER? AM I WEARING A FUCKING WIG?

>>9199499
For the price of our soul? No thanks.

>>9199468
Consume nutrition. Go get Reg and alert him to possibility of xen/Combine invasion later today, in case he wished to prepare.

>>9199468

"Good god you fucking suck at cooking. You know what, fuck this. No more cooking for you. Instead, we're going to put you on decor. You get to wreck shit. Sounds like it's more you're speed."

>>9199523
Lets have her guard the sphere instead.

Be uncharacteristically polite thank Carmine and eat

>>9199507

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT, DO I LOOK LIKE A GODDAMN QUAKER? AM I WEARING A FUCKING WIG?"

"NO!" Carmine screams. "YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING FAGGOT!"

"THANKS FOR BREAKFAST, CUNTBISCUIT!"

"I LIVE TO SERVE, SHIT BREATH!" Carmine screams. She slams the door shut behind her. A picture rattles off its hook and falls to the ground.

You wolf down the bland yet filling meal and drink down the water. Felicia pokes around your tray, hoping for some meat. Getting none, she sighs and goes off into the corner to curl up and stare out the window at the work. Seems that now she's looking at it through the window, she's more interested, less terrified. "Nyuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :3"

Hug cute
go about daily buisiness

>>9199558
Yeah, we do need to work on getting her sentient. Anyway, I repeat my suggestion of finding Reginald and alerting him to the possibility of the world ending on our watch.

>>9199558
Now... lets find a way to fix our Valued traps problem.

among other things see if we can pull koyomi aside and bang her again.

might as well avoid all confusion as to that requirement. plus she doesn't seem to be against it...

>>9199558
Go inform Reginald of the certain impending doom, and that Gordan Freeman is a valuable ally. Also, look for Jehanne. I'm wondering how the night went for her.

>>9199499
Fuck that shit, we need to learn magic if for no other reason than to make her useless and know it. After she loses all hope and is trying to redeem her soul and create a meaningful good life, MAYBE then we will give her some pity.

If we're going to be doing any magic with Alicia we should have Jehanne stand watch just in case. The act might cost us a bit of trust building but it's better to be safe than sorry.

>>9199558
Scratch Felicia behind the ears.

Get the other maids to work: Samantha in the kitchen, Kat in the gardens, Jehanne on the decor, Carmine on the Beach, Koyomi on her experiment, and Felicia and Alicia to help the others out if they need help.

I'm for asking Alicia about FUCKING MAGIC.

>>9199558

Seriously contemplate getting some snacks hidden in our room.

She's here often, and she deserves it.

I mean, penis isn't enough ALL the time.

>>9199619
>>9199624
>>9199578
>>9199586

You give Felicia a hug. She myuus at you and rolls over, batting at the hem of your bathrobe, but doesn't seem interested in sex this morning. Maybe the loud noises ruined her mood.

After finishing your shit-tacular breakfast, you head out of your bedroom, still dressed like Hugh Hefner on a lazy Saturday morning.

You see Reginald sitting on the porch, sipping a nice cuppa tea and watching the Science People doing their thing. "Reg. . ." you begin.

"So, it is time?" Reginald asks. He stands up and cracks his knuckles.

"NO! Not yet! I just wanted to tell you that they're building a science lab in our front yard, and to watch out for in case zombies and aliens rise!" you shout.

"Oh yes, I noticed. Very nice chaps, these Black Mesa people. One of them offered to buy me a beer when he gets off duty. Nice young man." Reginald sits back down and goes back to his tea and biscuits.

>>9199637
We are NOT doing magic WITH Alicia. We are going to do it on our own like real men.

>>9199689
Actually, we might as well get some hand-to-hand training in.

Walk up to Gordon Freeman, and in a stern voice say "Freeman, you're not doing anything. Report to Reginald to be briefed on the use of the Crowbar Mark II."
Follow Freeman to Reginald, getting in his way often and saying "Sorry doc".
Have Reginald train Freeman and yourself in the use of Axes. Axes are always good.

>>9199714
Don't be a dumbass, no we aren't.

>>9199689
Seriously, check in on the other maids. Particularly Alicia. We haven't really been watching her at all since she got back.

All right, guys, I now need a vote.

I'm getting two major threads of thought here.

1. Ask Alicia about learning magic.
2. Ask Reginald about preparing in case of a Resonance Cascade.

Any other suggestions?

Perhaps we should ask them if they have a free HEV suit lying around sometime.

>>9199755
2

>>9199755
1 is more productive.

>>9199755
2

>>9199699
Why the hell would we do it alone. We know nothing about the craft and unless we have any old magical tomes lying about we don't know where to begin.

2

>>9199784
We might be able to check the liberary, after all our ancestor was a wizard who originally bound Alicia.

>>9199662
Sam -> Kitchen
Kat -> Garden
CARMINE -> Decor.
Felicia -> Beach. (Cats are good at collecting random shiny shit)
Jehanne -> help train Gordon in the art of melee combat.
Koyomi -> keep building that shit.
Alicia -> Might as well help CARMINE.
Self -> get some more training in with Reginald.
Reginald -> aid Jehanne with the training of Gordon and yourself in the use of axes or swords.

talking to Alicia is bound to end with her fucking with us (and not fucking us) and causing us to somehow break the contract. no fucking way.

res cascade seems unlikely but we never know.

Also, don't paladins at least get some magic? jehanne might be able to help, plus she won't try to kill us.

>>9199755
1

>>9199809
CARMINE>Stand watch over sphere.

>>9199755

2 is far more pressing than learning magic. At this point any of our goals can be completed without magic.

>>9199755
2. Get the paladin in on it, too.

Fuck preparing, it won't help. We need levels in wizard now, we all know how broken wizards are.

>>9199838
Truth. Get out Paladin, and then visit the den of the loli.

>>9199755
1.

>>9199838
Get Gordon some levels in wizard.
Imagine Gordon with a +2 Vorpal Crowbar.

>>9199799
>>9199782
>>9199769
>>9199721
>>9199619

"All right," you tell Reginald. "Just be careful. If anything does go wrong, find Doctor Freeman. He's a powerful ally."

"Doctor Freeman?"

"The man with the goatee and the glasses. Trust me. Give him a crowbar, and he'll take care of any aliens lickety-split."

"Although I wonder how you know this, young master, I'll take your word for it," Reginald says, a bit nonplussed.

DECISION POINT.

1. Improve a facility

Kitchen: Average (3 of 5)
Decor: Poor (1 of 5)
Gardens: Fair (2 of 5)
Repair: PERFECT (6 of 5)
Beach: Average (3 of 5)

2. Explore the Mansion (haven't had a chance to really get into the bizarre, under-areas).

3. Check in on one of your maids. All maids are currently on duty doing something or another.

>>9199830
>At this point any of our goals can be completed without magic.
You forgot to point out the high chance of fatality in attempting so.

>>9199877
IMPROVE THAT FUCKING DECOR.
MAKE IT MORE GOTHIC
AND MORE FUCKING ANGRY.

>>9199877
Explore the mansion.
...
EXPLORE

1 is more rewarding.

1
decor

>>9199877
Study magic.

>>9199877
I say we round up Gordon + Paladin. See if we can get Gordon some ranks in paladin.

Decor

2

Explore. Ask when the new decor will be coming in.

>>9199877
Get to the decor already. It's about time we actually do that.

>>9199914
Explore, maybe we'll find some of our ancestor's stuff at least.

>>9199900
>>9199899
>>9199887

Heading out into the main lobby, you see that the interior decorator is already there. He appears to be chatting with Sister Carmine.

"It needs MORE EAGLES," Carmine growls. "MORE OF THEM. LIKE FUCKING EAGLES UP IN THIS FUCKER."

"Oooh, very nice!" says the interior decorator. "The majesty will go very nice with the gothic architecture."

"ALSO FUCKING SKULLS! AND PAINT THE WHOLE FUCKING THING YELLOW AND RED!"

"Yellow and red! How bold! See, this is the kind of original thinking we need nowadays!" coos the interior decorator.

Seems like they're well on their way towards turning this mansion into a home to be proud of.

-----
Any other choices?

>>9199936
THAT NEW MOTHERFUCKING DECOR BETTER BE MOTHERFUCKING DARK GRANITE OR DARK MOTHERFUCKING MARBLE. AND IT BETTER HAVE GOTHIC MOTHERFUCKING IMAGES WITH SHITLOADS OF MOTHERFUCKING ALCOVES.

>>9199877
bring Jehanne and Kat exploring

>>9199878
The only goal that can't be is the final boss fight with Reginald. That can wait, we have plenty of time. Also, personally I'm just tired of the same person who's been harping about hurp derp we must learn magic every thread.

>>9199954
LOTS OF DARK MARBLE AND WROUGHT IRON.
ALCOVES EVERYWHERE.

STAINED.
GLASS.
MOTHERFUCKING.
WINDOWS.

>>9199965
This sounds good.

>>9199954
Explore the mansion

>>9199755
3. Check in on everyone. 'specially Jehanne. Maybe Sam, too. Does she know about our deal whith her dad yet?

>>9199965
I second this motion. We can always spend more time with our lovely trap.

... And paladin.

>>9199933
>>9199950
>>9199895
>>9199965

"Excuse me, Jehane? Katherine?" you say, as you come across the two maids doing laundry.

"Yes, what is it?" Jehanne asks.

"I'm about to try and explore this mansion some. . . there are parts that haven't been explored in a while. I was hoping you two would help me."

"Why do you need us?" Kat asks suspiciously.

"Because this was my uncle's house."

"I'll get my sword," Jehanne says.

-----
A few minutes later, you find yourself inside a dark basement. Obvious exits are (n)orth, (e)ast, and (w)est. There is a set of stairs here, leading upwards into the kitchen.

> Command?

>>9199954
Wrought iron, Dark masonry, Support columns that make alcoves. Stained glass windows. Gargoyles and eagles. Every possible ceiling should be a pointed dome.
Hire a dwarf and get engravings everywhere.

send carmine to work on decor, talk to jehanne about ranks in wizard or sorc

>>9199954

Chill out. Figure out where everyone is.

N

>>9199971
Uh... There is a high chance that attempting to genderswap Kat without magic will kill her.

Enough with the decor shit, time to explore.

>>9200010
north

>>9200010
>Obvious exits are (n)orth, (e)ast, and (w)est.

Dennis.

... All right, fine. Let's go east.

>>9200010
WAIT WAIT
BACK UP
Ask Black Mesa if they have a spare HEV suit.

>>9200010
North
East
West
North
East
South
South

Obtain the room of Newness.

>>9200019

You go north.

You find yourself in a dark hallway. It is very dark here. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

> Command?

>>9200010

See if we can hear anything behind each of the exits.

>>9200039
GET OUT

>>9200039
Frotz grue

>>9200039
Go back and get a lamp or a flashlight.

North, make a map as we go.

>>9200039
Sally forth my good man.

>>9200039
cast Light.

>>9200039
Find light switch, and flip it on and off repeatedly.
OONST OONST OONST

>>9200039
go back, get torch

Eat Grue first.

>>9200020
You forget that we're essentially rich and can or will be able to afford the best doctors and care money can buy. We have a scientist and yet to be fully researched alien technology out of our disposal which could provide improved methods of surgery. The risk is pretty minimal when you take all of our resources into account.

>>9200039

Were we dumb enough to not bring a torch? We were. Go get a fucking torch.

HOLY LIGHT

>>9200052
>>9200050
>>9200047

"Frotz Grue," you say.

Nothing happens.

"What was that?" Jehanne asks.

"It's very dark here," you explain. "I was hoping for some light. Maybe we should go back and get some. . ."

A moment later, there is a click. Katherine appears in your field of vision, holding a flashlight. She looks at the two of you curiously. "You mean neither of you thought to bring one?"

-----
You now see yourself in a darkened hallway. Obvious exists are (n)orth and (s)outh. What do?

>>9200086
we aren't going to get her gender reassignment surgery, we want to make her a real woman

ovaries et al

>>9200104
Again, sally forth!

>>9200113
This.

>>9200104
I now see myself?
Admire self.

>>9200104

North again I suppose.

>>9200104
north
"keep on the lookout for grues... I've always wanted a grue skin carpet"

>>9200104
What are the non-obvious exits?
OONST OONST OONST

>>9200113
And for that, we'll need magic.

pic related, its magic

>>9200068
>>9200141
>>9200136
>>9200126

You look at yourself in the mirror. Damn, you're sexy. It's the bathrobe. It makes you look like a sexy playboy hunk.

You continue north through the hallway. It's a straight shot. Aside from the dark, slightly dank halls, and the bare concrete floor, ceiling, and walls, there's not much to this place.

After a few dozen meters or so, however, you come across a brick wall. You are now in a cul-de-sac. Obvious entrances are South.

>>9200145
Fuck, that reminds me. Next time we see the decorated we need to get a giant fireplace with a bear rug and a giant portrait of ourselves with our staff to put over it. Then we can sit in a chair by the fire and look fucking classy, we could also get one of the maids in there and do some classy fucking.

>>9200168
Search room.

>>9200185

> Cunning check: 10

"This can't be it," you mutter. Tapping on the walls, you notice that the brick wall seems to sound slightly odd. Now that you notice, there seems to be a bit of a draft coming from that direction, and the bricks sound hollow, as if there's some empty space behind it.

Go through the wall. It can't stop you.

>>9200168
Say "Xyzzy".

Also, be on the lookout for a maze of twisty passages, all alike.

>>9200198
Jehanne, knock down this wall.

>>9200198
Yell OH YEAH before doing >>9200205 to get plus 10 on our roll.

>>9200205

"I attempt to disbelieve," you say to yourself, and you take a deep breath as you walk right at the wall.

A few seconds later, you're sitting on the ground as Jehanne lays on hands the scrape on your face and your bruised nose.

>>9200198
Begin to dismantle the wall, do so delicately so as not to trigger and possible hidden traps around it.

>>9200198
Run back and get Gordon Freeman to hit the wall with his crowbar until it breaks.

>>9200198
Knock it down yourself!

>>9200177
Screw your bear rug, we'll get an actual bear.

We will give it fish, berries, honey, and our enemies to do with as it sees fit; it will give us a warm, fuzzy, very well protected seat by the fire, along with comforting hugs when we need them.

Have one of the maids (Kath?) casually lean against the wall, hoping they'll accidentally trigger the secret opening.
If it fails, dejectedly look around for candles and such, perhaps some tapestries. Oh, an look up, make sure we're not just under a ceiling vent.

>>9200230
>>9200225

You poke at the wall fruitlessly with your bare hands before realizing that yes, it's solid brick, and getting through it with your bare hands isn't gonna work.

>>9200212

"Jehanne, could you try knocking this wall down?"

"With what, my liege?" Jehanne asks.

"Your sword, I guess?"

Jehanne gives you a dirty dirty look. "This sword is meant to cleave evil, not worthless objects," she points out. "But if you insist on me trying. . ."

>>9200259
Yes, but will we be able to have sex on the bear?

>>9200277
I'm sure the bear won't mind.

>>9200270

"Kat, try leaning up against the wall casually," you say.

"Why?" Katherine asks.

"To check for secret passages. It always works in the movies."

Katherine shrugs and leans against the wall. It does not suddenly shift, and she does not fall through.

"Any candlesticks, bookshelves, mirrors?" you ask.

"No, just. . . bare concrete. . . except for that wall, which is solid brick," Katherine explains.

>>9200273

The wall is obviously held together with pure evil.

>>9200273
"Fine, CAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE GET YOUR WEAK ASS DOWN HERE AND KNOCK DOWN THIS WALL."

>>9200273
If we're not going to Cunning our way past the wall, just let Carmine run through it later on.
Also, since we're who we are, pull out graph paper, record map.

>>9200297
We start humping the wall.
UNF UNF UNF UNF UNF

>>9200297
Move on down the line. There's alot of stuff to explore.

>>9200297
Say "Xyzzy", see if it teleports us to the other side of the wall.

Remember, this is your uncle's house. Try something perverted. Get naked.

>>9200300
And I just realized that she's already dressed in red.

For her, screaming OH YEAH would be a +20 bonus to bust through the wall. Minimum.

>>9200301
>>9200300

It's actually a fairly lame map. It's like. . . a straight shot north, and then a brick wall.

After you yell for your Angry Marine, you wait a moment, expecting at any time to hear a sudden rumble as she races towards you.

Your expectations are granted. A moment later, Carmine comes screaming down the corridor with a chain fist and punches the wall down. She then turns around and runs back the way she came, screaming, "FUCK YOU COCKBITE!" over her shoulder as she leaves.

-----
ASSIST TRIGGER: CARMINE HAS BEEN USED.

You now find yourself standing in an empty corridor. There is a broken brick wall to the north. A sickly green glow emits from the darkness in that direction.

What do?

>>9200344
Venture forward, have the paladin ready to smite evil shit that could be emitting the light.

>>9200344
Move toward green glow of doom.

>>9200344

explore!...hopefully with jehanne flanking, sword ready. kat is on flashlight and map making duty.

do we have a pipe to compliment our robe? even a bubble pipe would be acceptible. if not preferable.

>>9200277
>>9200288
Better keep Jehanne or Samantha away from it, though.

You never know what its reaction would be to that sort of grade-A bare ass.

>>9200367
>>9200365

You continue towards the sickly green glow.

It turns out to be an electric sign reading EXIT. It points to a fairly ordinary looking double-door with a steel push-bar handle.

Katherine scratches her head with her flashlight. "I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this," she says.

>>9200344

Onward! Start jerkin' it while you explore though.

>>9200344
CAST MAGIC MISSILE AT THE DARKNESS

>>9200344
"THANKS BITCH, I GUESS YOU'RE GOOD FOR SOMETHING."

Walk into the light, paladin up front.

>>9200344
"Well, my loyal servants, today we venture forth into the dark recesses of my ancient manor, possibly to face unspeakable horror.

Jehanne, you take point."

>>9200390
Open the door by pushing the handle.
With YOUR PELVIS.

I ATTEMPT TO GET YE FLASK

>>9200390
... Well, that was anticlimactic.

Open the door.

>>9200390
Open the doors and look outside. Curse the green sign for it's deceptive appearance and glow.

>>9200390
Push the door open and poke your head out. See where it leads.

>>9200344
This is strange. Search for traps.

>>9200390
Go through the door.

>>9200390
Go through.

Be ready to grab Jehanne and Kat and then say "Xyzzy" at the first hint of mortal danger.

>>9200415
YOU CAN'T GET YE FLASK

>>9200344
I'm sure that wall wasn't built to keep things in, we should be fine around the mutagenic ooze/magical radiation.
Same bare walls and such in there, or is it themed some way?

>>9200390
Raise arms, pelvic thrust door open.
Upon triumphant open, look proud, click your fingers, and give a thumbs up to the women (well, man and woman) with you.

>>9200427
There is one trap about 3 feet to your left.
His name is Katherine.

EXIT is kind of boring. take a quick peek outside and turn back to explore other rooms.

>>9200461
Attempt to disarm.

>>9200438
>>9200429
>>9200428
>>9200427
>>9200423
>>9200422
>>9200420
>>9200412

You check for traps.

You don't find any traps. . . you could be wrong, though.

You're about to find out anyway. . . as you push open the door with your pelvis. . .

. . .

. . . and you find yourself standing in a darkened cave. The smell of sea salt is all around you, and you can hear waves crashing in the distance.

>>9200479
>You don't find any traps. . . you could be wrong, though.
did we check Kat?

>>9200479
I've found a trap!
*points to Katherine*

>>9200479
Sally forth to victory! This must be some kind of secret escape route to a shore cavern.

>>9200479
Onward to the ocean!

>>9200479
>you find yourself
ENLIGHTENMENT GET!
That has to be worth at least 5 xp.

>>9200479
Look for pirate ship.

>>9200499
>>9200498
perfect trapmind

>>9200499
>>9200498
>>9200461

I need to be drunker for this.

>>9200505

As you continue through the cave. . .

> ROLL FOR INITIATIVE
> You 6
> Jehanne 4
> Katherine 1
> EVIL 6

SOMETHING LEAPS AT YOU FROM ABOVE OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT DO YOU DO!?

>>9200524

(in all fairness, on many boards here there'd have been like 12 of those in a row. but carry on.)

>>9200479
Move forward, you dogs! Not one step back!

... yet, anyway.

>>9200535
Uppercut it in the taint!

Make mental note to ask Reginald about SCUBA gear later on. Possibly explore beach some as well. In mean time, explore cave some, make sure we don't have a sub/boat or something in here.
Must also remember the rest of mansion, of course.

>>9200535
Draw Pfeifer-Zeliska, cap evil.

>>9200535
Distract it by opening our bathrobe and flashing it.
If it is a girl, we seduce it.
If it is a man, we disgust it.
Either way, beneficial. Flashing go go

>>9200535

>INIT 6

grab jehanne's sword via her hand and THRUST PARRY THRUST

>>9200535
Step off to one side and let it hit the ground comically.

>>9200574
sexually molest it while it is prone.

>>9200535

Give it a hug.

>>9200535
SHORYUKEN!

>>9200535
Dodge, pull out our pistol from it's holster.

>>9200573 also approves of >>9200574

Bruce Lee Dragon KICK!

If it's female, scratch it behind ears if one of our maids. If female, and good looking, proceed to grope and otherwise distract.
Else, put our demon fighting skills to use, likely by giving Jehanne a clear shot at it and making Kat keep an eye out on us and the ceiling.

>>9200535
Swipe sword, thrust into air.

>>9200591
>>9200589
>>9200574
>>9200573
>>9200561
>>9200559
>>9200551

In your panic, you flail blindly at whatever it is. . .

> You: 2
> It: 8

. . . and blindly clip it in the head.

It, whatever it is, manages to grab you by the face. You smell something wet and salty, and feel powerful tentacles with suckered arms wrap around your head, stifling you.

>>9200613
Nothing to worry about, it will realize, we're a guy and move on.

>>9200613
....

Its a tiny octopus, isn't it.

>>9200613

if its generally on our head, headbutt the wall via whatever it is.

if elsewhere, turn it's mass to jehanne and hold the fuck still

Jehanne screams, "My liege!" she draws her sword, but hesitates, unsure what to do next.

Katherine screams ineffectually like a little girl and cowers in the corner.

Party:

You
Jehanne
Katherine

Evil (Hit Points ????/????)

WHAT DO?

>>9200640
Ram it inot a wall!

>>9200613
Deep One Meido!?

>>9200613

Try to get it to fight Jehanne and kat. I'd like to see a tentacle monster have some fun.

>>9200640
"Uh, Kat, would you mind pointing the flashlight this way?"

>>9200640
Squeal like a Japanese schoolgirl, start hitting evil with whatever weapon or object we can find.

>>9200640
"MMPHH MMPHH!"

Does it taste like octopus? Lick it.

>>9200661
THIS!

flail wildly and hope jehanne gets the picture.

also a "counter target black spell" would be nice for this smother...

>>9200640
"MMPH THMP UMPH MNNGH"
(well this was annoying"

?

>>9200663
"Oh, tentacles. I love octopus. Looks like I'm going to get an early lunch."

>>9200645
>>9200634

You turn towards the nearest wall and headbutt it at full speed~!

> Athletics: 8 vs 12

. . . and manage to SLAM your head into the wall hard! You have taken 4 Stress, but the thing has let go of you!

Jehanne runs at it and swings with her sword!

> 8 vs 15

She fails to hit anything, as the horrible tentacled thing evades her strike!

Katherine continues to hide in the corner. "TENTACLE MONSTER, OH GOD, AND I'M WEARING A SKIRT HELP HELP HELP!" she screams.

"It" lashes out at all three of you!

> 18 vs 10
> 12 vs 24
> 6 vs 24

Jehanne manages to slice at the tentacle, forcing it back, and Katherine manages to evade its horrible slimy awfulness from grabbing her by the ankle and dragging her away.

You, on the other hand, get a tentacle around your neck and are lifted off the ground!

You: 8 Stress!
Katherine
Jehanne

Evil: Undamaged

WHAT DO!?

rolled 18 = 18

>>9200724
can i fuck it?

>>9200724

kick! squeal! attempt to bite tentacle around our neck!

or just coolly say "...little help here"

>>9200724
"I'm not a female high school student, you stupid calamari"
draw gun and shoot it in the tentacle

>>9200724
Have Jehanne throw Kat at the tentacle monster.
The tentacle monster will be no doubt confused when it realises it has grabbed 2 men, and will most likely apologise then pretend this never happened.

>>9200724

Bite it. See if it tastes like sushi.

>>9200724
We're going to get molested SO hard. Well, might as well get a half-point out of it

"I don't suppose you're looking for a job?"

>>9200757
I'm okay with this.

>>9200724
Time to whip out the old ass-gun.

Or, y'know, the .22. That might work too.

>>9200724
WHAT WOULD FREEMAN DO?
LOOK FOR EXPLOSIVE BARRELS

>>9200724
the only correct answer is RUN THE FUCK AWAY

>You: 8 Stress!
What happens when we hit 10 or whatever or limit is?

>>9200781
Gordon freeman would be hitting that shit with his crowb...

No. Fuck that. Gordon freeman would have hit that shit with its crowbar. It would now be dead.

>>9200770

Tentacle meido is awesome option.
tentacle threesome with trap-kun is god tier.

>>9200792

Our limit is like 20 or something, right?

>>9200792
>or whatever or limit is?
[...] or whatever OUR limit is?

>>9200724

Get free, then fall back into the corridor. Slam door shut. Pant loudly.

>>9200811
Your limit is 20, at which point you suffer a Stress Explosion.

Basically, you go nuts and possibly pass out. Also, in this case, you'll probably lose your anal virginity to a giant squid. This is to be avoided.

Well, have you decided on a course of action yet?

Pull out the .38 and unload a magazine into it.

>>9200803
You know what is going to happen if we start that discussion again.

>>9200803
Sexuality of tentacle monsters summarised :

Tentacle monsters: Gay if their tentacles resemble penises.
Tentacle monsters: Gay if they are male tentacle monsters.
Tentacle monsters: Not gay if they are girl tentacle monsters (birthing / egg-laying tentacle monsters) whose tentacles look like tentacles.
Traps: Always gay.

>>9200834

Praise Cthulhu.

>>9200840
Oh god if we critical fail our firing roll we'll end up shooting ourselves in the neck.

>>9200834
Jehanne throws Kat into tentacle monster.

>>9200865
+1

>>9200853
>Traps: Always gay.

>>9200865
Oh, why not. Let's be a dick to save our own ass.

Literally.

>>9200865
>>9200874
Do this, but apologize profusely afterwards.

Please tell me this is what we are going against!

>>9200901

lets save this for like 18 stress, shall we?

JUST A REMINDER: IF YOU LIKE THIS GODDAMN HEAP OF ENTERTAINMENT DON'T FORGET TO ARCHIVE IT PROPERLY & VOTE FOR IT SO IT DOESN'T SPONTANEOUSLY DISAPPEAR INTO THE VOID OF FAGGOTRY.

GOOD DAY, SIRS.

>>9200840
>>9200778
>>9200756

You open fire at the tentacle!

> 9 vs 15
> 15 vs 3
> 9 vs 15
> 12 vs 18
> 3 vs 15
> 18 vs 3

What the fuck, I keep rolling 6s on the monster. You do, however, manage to deal 27 damage to it with the two shots that hit!

"Jehanne!" you gasp out. "Throw Kat at it!"

"WHAT!?" KAtherine shouts.

Jehanne turns and drags Kat out from behind cover, obeying your orders. . .

> 12 vs 8

. . . and pushes her out in front of you guys!

IT LASHES OUT WITH ITS TENTACLES!

> 3 vs 4
> 3 vs 16
> 18 vs 9

. . .

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Katherine screams. It wraps a tentacle around her leg and lifts her into the air as you break free!

WHAT DO NOW!?

>>9200910
This is the least gay thing ever. I approve of this.

>>9200919
Laugh.

>>9200834
We should have a knife on us after CQC training. Stab the tentacle to get it to let us go.

>>9200919
Order Jehanne to attack first then BITE THE FUCKING CREATURE.

>>9200919
Well obviously we retreat to a safe distance and shoot at it until it dies.

rolled 16 = 16

>>9200919
now we save kat

pic related

>>9200919
Grab the flashlight and shine it on the body of the beast. Get an idea what it is, exactly, that you're fighting.

>>9200910
This appears to be Consensual.
This appears to be dangerously close to the Missionary position.
This shit does not fly on 4chan.

Rip and Tear you fucking faggots.

>>9200919

grab kat's now dropped flashlight and start beating the monster with it. or try and fuck it's breathing holes. whatever.

>>9200964
You grab the flashlight and shine it at the body of the beast as Kat swings by overhead, screaming.

This is what you see.

>>9200975
We already broke the 4chan barrier when we had actual sex.

>>9200919

Now that its tentacles and attentions are occpied with us, have Jehanne dash forwards and strike at tits body, for massive damage!

>>9201006

That sounds eerily reminiscent of when we faced Gluttony. I approve.

>>9200991
Jehanne get choppy.
Protagonist get shooty.
Kat flop about like a scared little boy.

>>9200975
So far, monstergirl waifus seem to be accepting of such.

Now that Kat has distracted it, both us and the Paladin proceed to procure sushi.

>>9200991
Good Lord!
How do we fight DM of the Rings?

>>9200991
We're fighting a panel of DM of the Rings?!

Here's hoping Kat dies.

rolled 3 = 3

>>9201048
>>9201044
WE'RE FUCKED

GAME OVER MAN

>>9200991
CHOP/SHOOT IT UP LIKE THE GIANT, SLIMY FAG IT IS!

COOK & FEED THE REMAINS TO FELICIA. SHE'LL LOVE THAT SHIT!

>>9200985
>>9200983
>>9200959
>>9200955
>>9200949

"NOW, JEHANE!" you scream. "KILL IT!"

YOU CHARGE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER WITH A KNIFE IN ONE HAND AND A FLASHLIGHT IN THE OTHER

> KNIFE 9 vs 15
> BLUDGEON 18 vs 15
> BITE 9 vs 15

Your knife sinks into rubbery flesh. You also manage to follow up with a solid flashlight hit that makes it flinch.

Your bite doesn't do that much, although you do confirm it tastes like calamari.

Jehanne shouts as she swings away with her sword!

> 24 vs 4

And scores a solid hit, severing a tentacle!

Katherine screams as the thing reaches up under her skirt. . .

> 4 vs 6

. . .

. . . you hear ripping cloth, and her panties are now hanging off one ankle. Her skirt is flapping free in the breeze. Although Jehanne can't see it, you're pretty sure there are other things flapping in the breeze too.

Wounded, it tries to drag Kat underwater!

> 12 vs 16

But Kat manages to grab onto a stalactite and hold on tight

"HELP HELP HELP!" she screams. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! I DON'T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!"

>>9201055
Well not so much "dies" as "becomes less trappy".

>>9201081
Kaaat!

Sever the tentacle! We must save our maid!

>>9201081
Unload on the tentacle holding Kat. Make that thing break it's hold.

>>9201081
Keep choppin'.
Keep shootin'.

Focus on the tentacles that AREN'T holding Kat. The tentacles holding Kat are already occupied and are not a threat.
Reassure Kat that he will not die a virgin, as he will surely be violated before he drowns.

>>9201081

we need to team up on that tentacle with jehanne! fucking stat!

(we're also going to want to have that brick wall relaid. or bring reginald or something)

>>9201081

Yell out "We can help you with that!"

Then rush over and interpose ourselves between her and the tentacles. use this opprtunity to fall back.

>>9201122
Sounds reasonable.

>>9201081
>"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP! I DON'T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!"
"I don't think you'll have to worry about that."

>>9201081
Sorry i'm late! its been a while!

CHARGE! get +2 on attack rolls, sever tentacle carrying Kat!

>>9201081
>I DON'T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!
I'M PRETTY SURE IT WON'T LET YOU.

Anyway...HELP HER. JEHANE ATTACKS THAT TENTACLE & WE PUT ON THE MAN PANTS & HELP OUR TRAP OUT GODDOMMOT!

>>9201081
I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THAT MISERABLE FATE!

>>9201113
>>9201101

You and Jehane rush forward and try to save Kat!

> 8 vs 6
> 4 vs 6

. . . Jehanne doesn't manage to get a solid hit in, although you get a nice, hard shank with your big knife. . .

Kat tries to break free. . . one last attempt. . .

> 8 vs 12

. . . failure.

With a despairing screen, she is dragged away into the darkness. There is a wet, splashing sound, and then she disappears under the surface of the water.

WHAT DO!?

Why risk counter-attacks by rescuing the trap?
Let the trap tank some damage for us. 'sides, everyone knows you can't violate traps.

>>9201157
I CALL FOR REGINALD's AID

>>9201157
Dive in like the heroic manly bastard that you are!!!

>>9201157
JUMP
IN
FLASHLIGHT IN MOUTH, GUN AND KNIFE IN THE HANDS

Actually. Call for Reginald while you dive in yourself and attempt to save Kat.

>>9201157
DIVE IN AFTER THEM!!! BLOODLUST!!!

KILL THE FUCKING THING THIS IS OUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE

>>9201157
ACQUIRE NEW MAID.

>>9201157

DIVE AFTER HER.

WE MUST SAVE OUR TRAP!

Also, to whoever suggested putting our non-combat maid in harm's way. Go die. You retard.

Sever tentacle holding Kat. Any remaining time spent on potshots at beast to further encourage it running away.

>>9201178
Gun in water... I think not.

>>9201157
Dive in after her.

We're saving her, dammit, even if we have to go through Hell again! We put her in this situation, we're going to get her out of it!

>>9201157
DIVE THE FUCK IN! AND SCREAM FOR GORDON FREEMAN'S HELP - JUST IN CASE.

FUCK IT! SCREAM FOR CARMINE TOO!

DO WE HAVE A RAMIREZ, YET? WE NEED A GODDAMN RAMIREZ TO DO EVERYTHING FOR US & ADVANCE UNDER COVER OF SMOKE.

>>9201171
>>9201180
Screw Reginald, we have to drag her out ourselves in a MANLY FASHION before she gets violated! Otherwise, we'll never get away with claiming that having Jehanne give it Kat was all part of a justifiable cunning plan!

>>9201081
"Well it might fix that for you before killing you... so that's a positive thing"

attack the tentacle attacking Kat

rolled 14 = 14

>>9201157
we're going in

no maid left behind

>>9201201
You do know quite a few guns work underwater right?

They work about once.

>>9201157
Get some support, do the right thing and save him.

>>9201157

DIVE IN!!! KNIFE IN TEETH AND ALL!!

>>9201217
ONE SHOT IS ALL I NEED
ONE SHOT IS ALL I NEED
ONE SHOT IS ALL I NEED
ONE SHOT IS ALL I NEED
ONE SHOT IS ALL I NEED

... or we can call for ya know. Mr. Freeman, claiming an advanced tentacle headcrab has stolen KAt

>>9201157

Dive, Dive, Dive!

>>9201175
>>9201178
>>9201180
>>9201185
>>9201190

You dive under the surface of the water like a manly motherfucker. . .

. . . as you dive down lower, you see Kat being dragged under. . . she attempts to hold her breath, but suddenly, a blow from a powerful tentacle knocks the wind out of her. . . air bubbles up from her mouth as she gasps involuntarily.

She inhales water and jerks around as the water hits her lungs.

. . .

With one last, powerful effort, you go after that last damn tentacle.

>>9201247

RIP AND TEAR YOUR TENTACLE
YOU ARE HUGE
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE TENTACLES
RIP AND TEAR

>>9201247
Sever tentacle.

Then share our air with Kat.

>>9201247
give her our air, resurface

>>9201247
SEVER TENTACLE
SAVE TRAPMAID
SPEND XP FOR IT IF WE MUST

>>9201247
Sever Tentacle. Give Kat your air even if you're running out.

Ahem.

>>9201247

KISS OF LIFE

Hell, it'll go some way towards making up for throwing her at the thing. We're going to need a good excuse for that.

>>9201272
>>9201284
What? No! Fuck that.
That's gay.

Give Kat kiss of air, continue swiping at Beast to get it to let go of her.
So, what can we get if we spend some experience to help out here?

>>9201280
I FUCKING APPROVE AND SECOND THIS MOTION.

>>9201289

New thread, someone archive this one

Too much homosexuality detected here captain. Think of a NON-homo way of rescuing the drowning man, please.

>>9201293

Balls aren't touching. It's fine.

Also, she's a sexy redheaded tsundere trap. So it's quadruple fine.

>>9201293

homophobicfag is homophobic.

archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9198867/

>>9201309
Seconded.