Wait.

Aren't we the granddaddy derp?

Or is this our old character scolding us?

Derpspeed noble derps.
Derpspeed

>>9157328
We really need to get our hands on some of the flying derps.

ITS DERPIN TIME
NO DERPAHPUS NO

We have to come up with some way that prevents both our extinction should the expederption fail, and some fag derping up all our bitches while we're gone.

>>9157354
We're the alpha male; he's probably one of our uncles.

>>9157354
An unrelated old fart.

I think just a moderate sized warband, with several derpahpotami should do. We can double back if we need to amass the legion.

>>9157393
Leave behind a watch of 3 or so Inviso-crabs to keep tabs on Old Man Derpmudgeon.

>>9157369
The floatuhpi are idiots, but they would make sweet rides...

If they're under our control they probably won't be distracted by pyrocrabs.

>>9157328
We gather some forces, Brutes included if we can get them away from the coconuts and prepare to set out keep a few females with us incase the old dude turns tus out on our return and we need to breed an army.

>>9157382
Somebody make this.

>>9157393
We form a hivemind.

>>9157418
So, we don't trust one of our own, we have our friend spy on him? Oh, the intrigue!

>>9157393

In chess the pawns go first.

Travel to Warped Canyon
Acquire mind powers
If the stars are right - mindrape everyone

>>9157420
Exactly what I was meaning by "get our hands on". It would make exploring the mystery gorge easier I think, though the raining stars may turn out to be a problem if its from a volcano or something.

Here's the cove's current population:

Derpuhpus (10 Male, 40 Female):
26 HP
12' Long
Cubical Body
Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4)
Six Arms
Serrated Beak (2d4)
Watertight Skin
Colour Vision
Pheromones (Appeasement, Turning, Domination)
Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock 1d4 and Intraspecies Communication)
Shelled Eggs

Crab (40 Male, 40 Female):
14 HP
3' Width
Invisibility
Four Pincers
Six Legs
Harpoon (1d4)
Rough Claws (2d4)
Watertight Skin
Turreted Eyes

Don't worry about the old fart. He's too old to bother with any kind of rebellion. Do you want to check the electric currents for any other kind of dissent?

>>9157498
BECOME THE DERPKRAKEN

>>9157498
Okay, how does everyone feel about this:
4 male derps
10 crabs
4 derpapotami
Warband

Every one else focus on floatuhpi

>>9157559
derpapotamus calvery? derp it!

Yo. We leave 3/4th the crabs with him and take 1/4th, we take 15 battle-ready derpahpi and half the bitches for EXTREME ON THE ROAD HARDCORE ACTION DERPAN if we get bored, we evolve, or we should spawn some new derps on the road to replenish the ranks. We also take 3/4ths of the scorps and leave 1/4th of them behind to be shock troopers or mounts for the crabs who we met first.

The Alpha Derpahpus mounts up on a derpapotamus, and all but one spare male derpapotami and the breeding bitches get a derpapotamus mount as well.

RIDE OUT!

>>9157588
Oh some of the scorpions survived, awesome!

>>9157588
Scorpions are all dead :(

>>9157498
twenty five derpahpi (Five men, twenty bitches)
20 crabs (10 male, 10 female)
3/4ths of the scorps
DERPAPOTAMUS MOUNTS (excluding one spare male derpapotamus and the bitches- gotta keep a breeding stock)

>>9157588
The scorpions died man. They blew up, remember?

The five derpuhpotami females were carrying eggs. They hatched while you were chasing the floatuhpus!

Roll 5d4 to see how many new derpuhpotami you have.

I remember that but OP just mentioned them again.

rolled 1, 3, 1, 3, 1 = 9

>>9157680

rolled 2, 3, 4, 3, 1 = 13

>>9157680

>>9157542
We should make sure that we're all in agreement here.

Other derpuhpi might have good ideas.

Then move out FOR ADVENDERP!

Aw sweet, spare derpuhpotomi.

Gotta keep that herd going strong.

OH OH

Check to see if the Derpuhpotomi produce anything useful, like some kind of squid-milk or something.

Good, we can take ALL the derpapotami adults, and force the derpcows (I hate typing derpapotami) to become utterly dependent on us, further domesticating them. Perfect for more training.

Four males and five females! You now have five males and ten females, which equates to fifteen derpuhpotami altogether.

>>9157720
I'm sure it's delicious with all those coconuts they've been eating.

WTF RU DERPING ON PAGE 3 FOR?
BUMP

You inspect the big guys carefully.

Derpuhpotamus:
50 HP
20' Tall
Eyestalks
Coloured Vision
Watertight Skin
Cartilage Cage Skeleton
Cellulase Vat Gut
Ovoviviparity
Crushing Beak (3d4)
Tentacle Hooks (2d4)
Pillar Arms

They produce physical labour, meat and eggs.

>>9157831
>Ovoviviparity
What the derp?

>>9157831
EXCELLENT.

Take some of the older females on our journey. They are still battle-worthy but nearing the end of their useful production age.

>>9157831
Six Pillar Arms, I should say. These limbs allow for a slow but tireless mode of travel. They are strictly herbivorous and can bear the weight of one derpuhpus and one crab atop their frames, along with the basic necessities of travel.

>>9157850
They carry their eggs inside their bodies until they hatch. It's one step above shelled eggs.

>>9157831
hrmmm... we need to breed for bigger derpapi

>>9157876
Coconuts and spears?

>>9157906
Just kill of the small ones, I suppose.

>>9157831
Damn. Biguns. And I unfortunately do not recall the scorps dying. . . Ah well.

So! Howsabout my last suggested plan, minus the scorps and with 8 derpapotami (four male, four female)?

>>9157919
Pretty much, yeah. If you want to spend time studying your tools and trying to improve them, it might make the trip easier.

>>9157938
We are the smartest species in the known world.

We should try to rig up some slings so we can carry more.

And some of those hammers that ZOP mentioned last night. We have the intelligence and the means to make them. We should see about making some spears for ourselves as well.

>>9157978
Second. Our biology is sufficiently deadly, we need to evolve tool use.

>>9157728
Excellent. I agree with >>9157588 for the most part, though I think that half of the females is a bit extreme. Sticking with the total number of 15 derpahpi and having them be a mix of female and male seems better, unless the females don't make with the warring. If that's the case then we won't even be able to have a squad of fifteen. Perhaps scaling back the numbers would work better? I still like the idea of taking a sizable amount of crabs with us though.

>>9157978
I just got a brilliant idea! We could make mobile artillery by using the derpapotami to stand apart, and stretching some moss or something between them, and slingshotting shit!

We've already invented agriculture; let us now invent the two fields of tool use and animal husbandry.

Build tools and breed more derpuhpotami!

>>9158008
We leave the biggest to stay at home for fooding purposes. We take the more slithe and gimble ones for warring. We can breed out two different derpapotami.

>>9158021
Slingshots and mounted spears/lances on top of the derpapotomuses?

>>9158100
Yes!

>>9158061
>>9158053
Both good ideas. We've got the roots of a real civilization here. Let's make sure it's secure before we run off to eat the corpse.

>>9158061
this
>>9158100
and this

>>9158100
lets evolve fire breath and make flammenderpers, they derp flammen

I like the breeding ideas. I was hoping you would go for a biological part of the tech. Remember, the derpuhpotami aren't very fast, so lances may not be feasible. Think war elephants.

Roll 1d4 for a technological discovery:
1- Basketry/Pottery
2- Flint Spear
3- Flint Axe
4- Sling

rolled 2 = 2

>>9158132
heres for sling

rolled 3 = 3

rollan

>>9158150
shit! curse my luck!

>>9158061
I was referring to whether the females of our species go out on dangerous expeditions or not. It seemed like they didn't because of the harem business. As far as the derpapotami goes, at most I think we should take 2, seeing as there were only 1 male and five female to begin with and now they have young to tend to.

we need to discover metals so we can make weapons that channel electricity

A flint spear is the equivalent of a canon in this world, most of the creatures are boneless and only barely amphibious, and some of them are BALLOONS.

I'm glad for it and say we're awesome.

>>9158181
No, we need to further domesticate them.

DERP. i would've really liked 3. But then again, spears can be thrown. . . and can be used as harpoons as well, or deliver fire.

>>9158207
a sling would have had superior range though

rolled 13 = 13

>>9158209
Spear has better range than an axe, also, flint axes are for war, they are too brittle to chop trees.

>>9158220
And we could have fired crabs out of it.

>>9158220
for a spear upgrade how about this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlatl

>>9158220
Meh. A spear can still be thrown fairly accurately, and has greater power.

Slings can wait.

>>9158202
OH SHIT NYUKKA IRON SHAFT IRON TIPPED SPEARS- SUDDENLY, NYUKKAS BE JIMMIED INTO LIGHTNAN RODS!

Goodnight, derps!

Besides, we already have harpoons for the crabs, spears make a logical continuation of that line.

>>9158208
So we take none then. Better for the health of them and their young.

>>9158132
Oi GM, do the females go out on expeditions or is it a male only job?

>>9158240
I'd be perfectly fine with a derpahpus wielding eight flint war-axes, thank you very much. Also- throwing axes. Shit yeah NYUKKA.

>>9158150
2- Flint Spear
-
Your mind wanders as you look at the cove. The entire cove's derpture was considerably advanced. Sure the hagfish had discovered fermenting kelp inside dead molluscs on the beach and the herpfish nearby were wearing coconut shells for derpfense, but who else was sharping branches to create spears?

But you knew how easily those spears broke against the lips of a herpfish and the shell of a snail. For every ten thousand things you could stab, there was one you just couldn't. Then you looked at your tentacle and noticed the hooks inside the suckers. Soft and hard worked together to grapple and subdue prey. And stone was harder than wood.

It clicked.

You grabbed a piece of flint off the cove wall and broke it against said wall, your keen mind shaping the stone to form a sharp point. Finding a straight branch, you struggled to find a way to put the point on. A few of your peers decided to assist you. Eventually you found that sap from one of the enarby trees did the trick just fine, as did using a thin vine to tighten the split branch end around the bade of the point. One of the flakes that fell off the flint was sharpened and stuck out behind the point at an angle to form a barb.

You had created the first stone-tipped spear. Your kin swiftly replicated your efforts.

>>9158313
Seems the females do too since they outnumber male four to one and we need the grunts.

>>9158325
YES. HAHAHAHAHA.

SOON THE WORLD SHALL BE OURS!


Lead your derpbrethren on the great crusade for the giant floatuhpus-broiled fish thingy!

We need to sex up all the females staying behind in case we get wiped out on our adventure

>>9158386
YES! PREGAME FUCKTIME!

>>9158344
I was thinking this, but I wanted to be certain.

>>9158313
Both sexes engage in expedition-work. We currently have a harem-type social system, and the females simply follow the orders of the males.
>>9158254
The tentacles are hydrostatic and highly muscular, so they can stretch amazing lengths to achieve the same effect.

derp bump

We're really slowing down on the decision making process.

>>9158406
Thanks for the info GM, my concerns are now put to rest.

LETS DO THIS.

A squad of 10-15 derpahpi with about twice as many crabs heading to the gorge of falling stars, aye?

>>9158498
Aye bring some coconuts but only eat them if we can't forrage we do this march sherman style!

>>9158412
how many spears per derpuhpus?

>>9158207
we need to evolve bones

Since your population has been spending time out of water, let's go for some lamarckian traits.

Choose 2:
Pillar Arms (Easier Land Travel, +4 HP)
Bioelectricity (Knitting, Heals 1d4 HP)
Wicked Tentacle Hooks (2d4)
Ovoviviparity
Cellulase Vat Gut (digest cellulose, herbivory only)
Hypnotize (Tentacle motions, can only effect an individual once, herpfish being an exception)
Lung (Able to Traverse Mountains)

>>9158588

Bioelectricity and lungs.

>>9158588
Wicked Tentacle Hooks
Bioelectricity

bioelectricity

>>9158588
Bioelectricity

and

Lung

>>9158588
Pillar arms
Hypnotize

Ovoviviparity and Wicked Tentacle Hooks

>>9158588

Bioelectricity and size.

I DON'T GIVE A DERP IF SIZE ISN'T ON THERE, WE'RE GROWING IN DERPING SIZE.

>>9158588
Bio and lungs

>>9158676

>>9158588
lungs and bioelectricity

>>9158588
hooks and lungs babe

Lungs and biolectricity? You're getting stupid on me, /tg/.

looks like lungs and Bioelectricity win

>>9158616
>>9158694
>>9158681
>>9158647
CONSENSUS

Derpuhpus:
26 HP
12' Long
Cubical Body
Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4)
Six Arms
Serrated Beak (2d4)
Watertight Skin
Colour Vision
Pheromones (Appeasement, Turning, Domination)
Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock 1d4, Intraspecies Communication, Knitting Heals 1d4 HP)
Shelled Eggs
Lung (Able to Traverse Mountains)

Due to the strain of stumbling over rocks and hills, your species has developed a peculiar method of knitting cartilage and other tissues back together with a carefully applied electrical current. Your gills have adapted over time as well, becoming a singular sac that busily exchanges air and water equally well.

>>9158714
Size wasn't an option!

>>9158742
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

>>9158714
Those lungs are gonna be necessary where we're going. AND IT AIN'T BAT COUNTRY.

>>9158785
Are we going to bat country?

>>9158785
it's giant floppy fish country

>>9158819
DERP COUNTRY

>>9158742
All we need to do now is to make an derptomic bomb and we'll be MASTERS OF THE WOOOORLD!

FInd some fire crabs. Tie them to a DERPTON of the derpy hydrogen filled floaters. Hit that thing with a baseball bat as HARD as you can at the enemy! Either it blows up in your face or it hits them! THE PERFECT DERPY WEAPON!

>>9158895
One might even say, the DERPFECT WEAPON.

>>9158948
Goddamn, I love you and everyone in this thread right now son.

>>9158895
Or, we just breed the derpapotami to fly, and have them drop on top of shit.

Guys?

Are we going adventuring yet?

>>9158970
I fucking hope so.
I'm getting tired of waiting for shit. Call me impatient, I don't give a fuck.

>>9158970

Indeed, let us derpart.

>>9158993
This seems like more than enough. Let's derp out.

You gather fifteen of your compatriots and thirty crabs, all armed with spears. The derpuhpotami have gathered before you, and you mount a young male, two females each bearing a derpuhpus upon their head.

With this, you head southeast, over the river and towards the place where stars fall forever.

I'm exhausted. I'm going to archive this now.

>>9159077
Are you going to bed, OP?

>>9159081
Yeah. Sorry, but my eyes are wandering and shit. Sorry it dragged out.

>>9159095
There's always tomorrow man. Sleep well, awake rejuvenated, derp like no other before you.

>>9159137
Thank you, I will. G'night all.

>>9159143
Sweet dreams, hotstuff.

May your dreams be full of derp, ZOP

>>9159077
Sleep well Allmighty Derplord.