Here are your currents stats:

Derpuhpus (40):
22 HP
10' Long
Cubical Body
Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4)
Six Arms
Serrated Beak (2d4)
Watertight Skin
Colour Vision
Pheromones (Appeasement, Turning, Domination)
Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock 1d4 and Intraspecies Communication)

Crab (80):
10 HP
2' Width
Invisibility
Four Pincers
Six Legs
Harpoon (1d4)
Watertight Skin

Scorpion (30):
3' Long
Four Rough Pincers (2d4)
Six Legs
Venomous Sting (2d4, Stuns)
Watertight Skin

D'oh, links:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9131274/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/9135028/

FUCK
YES

Go explore cove with strange fish. We need to evolve again before embarking for coconuts.

Last thread, we were debating whether we should check out the huge, dark shapes or go into the cove. Who should we send? How many individuals?

20 Derps with crab helmets, and any scorpions that decide to come along derphunting.

Here's a map of the mangrove abode, in case anyone wants to see it again.

Remember, we need a majority vote of at least four to get rolling!

Before we do anything else...

We HAVE to go "derp". Just to let the world know.

DERP, derp/derp?

>>9152653
Derp!

MS Paint anon here, standing by.

Also derp.

>>9152653

Derp.

Then fish hunting/diplomacy.

>>9152653
Derpity derp derp, McDerpderp derpus derp derp.

Well, in the last last thread, majority wanted to check out the weird fish, so...

You take twenty derpuhpi with crab-helms around the northern coast to the cove. The opening is quite narrow and the water quite shallow at only twenty feet deep. Strangest thing is, the cove has walls. Flat slabs of rock, jutting upward above the water's surface.

Growing in the middle of the cove are five mangroves. Pretty surreal stuff. There's movement at the opposite end of the cove. Tiny movements, darting about.

What derp?

>>9152749

Send invisible crabs to explore.

>>9152749
Approach the movement!

I support the calm cove course of action, those shadows may be coconut monsters and we need all the strength we can get

>>9152776
Second.

Utilize our invisible scouts to their maximum.

>>9152749
Approach the movements, this cove shall become our new derp fortress

>>9152828
>derp fortress
>derp fortress
>DERP FORTRESS
This won't end well. We'll all be begging for derpcheese and derpbeer before the season's out.

>Aquatic Derpdorfs

...Not sure if want.

I say just rush em. We have what, 20 derps with us at the cove? Ur-Hagfish didn't stand a chance, neither do these mystery fish.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

>>9152954
how could you not? Cube headed dorfs with tentacle beards and beaks for mouths

Oh crap, whatever those shapes are at the cove wall, they picked up the movement of the crabs and are now swimming around our invisible buddies.

You watch was the weird fish gather around the crabs. There's a dozen of them, and they're simply watching the crabs.

"Herpa derp, herp herp herp..."

Will you approach in person now?

>>9152970
He took away our Derpzerker attack bro.

>>9152970
The derpserker attack was way too powerful. Funny as hell, but still.

>>9153001
Some kind of derpy catfish? Surely they are our natural allies. We approach them with an offer of peace.

>>9153026
second

>>9153001
Those herpfish have been spending time on OUR BEACH!

>>9153026
Arthropod they are not, nor a mollusk.
I say slay them and devour those delicious arms.

Maybe glowing DNA too

Hmm... It does have legs.

Inquire about coconuts. If they know of them, see if a deal can be reached as to their distribution.

Definitely try and talk to them.

THESE FISH ARE NEITHER MOLLUSK NOR ARTHROPOD, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

As you approach, they look at your derpitude in unison, wides widening at the sight. They immediately head for their previous location at full speed, far faster than you can move.

Their claws catch onto the stone and they vanish onto the surface. However, one is having trouble climbing up, especially as two black tentacles bearing wicked hooks reach down and grab the poor fellow. He struggles, but to no avail as he is lifted out of the water.

>>9153161
Wait what..... tentacles other than ours grabbed him?!

SLAY THEM ALL

>>9153195
Yes, try to attack the flying adversary, brilliant.

Peering out of the water, you see a very strange sight. It's a cephalopod slightly larger than you, only it... flies! It appears swollen with some gas, jet black in colour and covered with glowing blue rings. Its immense eyes are turreted like a chameleon's and it watches you impassively, its unseen beak working at the now-dead herpfish. It floats upward before you can do anything.

What derp?

>>9153161
KNOCK THE FISH OUT OF ITS HOOKS!

>>9153161
Save the herpfish!
QUICKLY!
AQUATIC COMBINATION!
DERRPAN-HERPANN!

>>9153254
Or not.

Shit, floatuhpus!

Let's try to follow the herpfish... or can we not climb the sheer stone walls?

>>9153276
You can. They're rough enough to get a grip, and they sit just above the water's surface.

>>9153276
Climb the walls and await at the top for the herps and flyderps come back. Eat them both

>>9153248
(Bravo on the animal design. A floatuhpus is a cool idea.)

We've discovered much, I think it's time we went back to our cove and begun preparations to storm the land. The Floatuhpus is probably no threat to us, and if it is, we can handle it easily by puncturing it's gas sacks, or if they're hydrogen, igniting it with an electrical attack.

>>9153311
Crabs throw harpoons at them! Pop their gas balloons to bring them down!

We should climb up and see what we can see.

Then maybe go back in the water.

>>9153311
This, we must gain the floataderp's glowing powers.
And I suppose flight too

>>9153349
>>9153349
>>9153349
>>9153349

Explore the mangroves, there might be more derpuhpi.

I am overruled. I change my vote to murder.

*Sigh.*

Again.

>>9153468
I want to explore, not murder!

Besides, any enemy of the floatuhpus is probably an ally!

...just when I'm going to sleep.

Fuck.
Well, at least it'll get archived.
Hopefully.

Let us move with all the speed we can muster with our derpacles after those damned Herpfish.

The mangroves behind you are devoid of any animal life. You decide this quiet cove could make a nice home, away from the hagfish and their property value-lowering habits.

Your group clambers up onto dry land, your arms taking on a cylindrical shapr to bear your boxy weight. The floatuhpus drifts out of range of your harpoons and watches you blankly, one eye on its two peers, their blue rings glowing with a flickering luminosity. The herpfish left some tracks behind them on their rush into the mosses and tree ferns. Peering inland, you see nothing but more tree ferns and mosses. A stream feeds into the cove, following the herpfish's noisome trail perfectly.

>>9153504
Herpfish are an inferior fish-based species and must be devoured.
Floatapus are brethren that must be regretfully eaten for the sake of progress. Perhaps we can kill a stray for their powers and ally the main population of floatapii

I'm going to try to avoid combat ITT to the best of my ability. Unless you're hunting for meat. Even then, you can always use the cove for a "pastoral" lifestyle.

>>9153559
NO FUCKING COCONUTS.

This place is for the birds. Still, I guess it's better than living near those hagfish.

>>9153559
Sneaky-sneaky after the herpfish and take them by surprise, feasting upon their arms and incredible speed

try and call to the floatapus and try and work out its intentions, possibly ally?

>>9153632
You attempt electrical communications, but the trio of floatuhpi seems oblivious. Even waving your tentacles at them does nothing.

We should destroy the Floatuhpus. If we leave it alone it will evolve alongside us and eventually there will be a great war.

Better to eat their men and use their women as slaves.

>>9153754
But where is our cube head?

You work your way along the stream, a molluscan elephant-analogue, knocking aside tree ferns and tossing slow-moving land-molluscs aside in your pursuit of the herpfish. Their trail leads southward, past the skeletonized remains of a beach carcass. Eventually you find the trail winding southeast, ending at the edge of a lake. Another stream heads straight towards the coast, emptying itself onto the western coast. The herpfish must have fled into the green murk of the lake. The lake's sandy shore is coated with palm trees. Those palm trees run along the westbound stream's length a considerable distance.

>>9153754
Changed my mind. Floatuhpus is cute.

BEFRIEND IT. USE IT AS A VEHICLE.

>>9153685
The floatuhpus are brethren, we must unite mollusk and arthropod alike to slay the lesser species of fish, birds and mammals

>>9153799
>Palm trees

HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER IT'S COCONUT TIME.

I keep forgetting we're cubes now.

>>9153799
Gain herpfish powers, acquire coconuts.

DISREGARD HERPFISH.

ACQUIRE COCONUTS.

>>9153845
Also we're ten feet wide, which makes the scale seem a little weird.

>>9153892
SLAY HERPFISH

ACQUIRE COCONUTS

With hands, we may fashion coconut-based weaponry!

The floatuhpus obviously considers us an inferior species.

Make friends with the herpfish, I tell you!

You lift one of the cocnuts on the ground to your beak to feel it out. Your kin do the same, considering the brown things to be some kind of seed. With loud crunches you crack open the coconuts and drink the oil inside, your radulas rasping away the meat inside.

SHEER HEAVENLY DERP!

You begin cracking open one coconut after another, filling your gut with as much as possible. Your crab friends busy themselves with picking at a few dead herpfish on the shore.

There are a lot of coconuts here. Whatever will you do with them? They're like eggs, so they'll need a place to "hatch"...

>>9153946
We're not ten feet wide; we're ten feet long from the top of our head to the tips of our tentacle-hooks.

>>9153963
Dead herpfish?
Attempt to salvage evolution powers from them!

>>9153963
Whatever laid them will surely lay more. That is the way of things.

Clearly coconuts are better fare than any herpfish. However, the crabs need food too.

Perhaps we should attempt to find some more floatuhpi and learn their secrets.

By eating them.

>>9154019
second.

>>9153963
Have the crabs transport coconuts to our new cove palace

>>9153963
OH FUCK YES SON.

WE'RE ABOUT TO INVENT AGRICULTURE.

Bring the coconuts back to our new cove home. Send the crabs to bring the rest of the family to establish our new homestead.

We create an agricultural society and our population explodes. We enslave the Floatuhpus to use as mounts.

>>9154033
We should eat a stray, gain their powers and form an alliance with the rest of the floatuhpii

The herpfish should feel the wrath of the mollusk/arthropod alliance

>>9154134
I'm sure the Floatuhpi aren't going to take well to us eating one of their old people.

>>9154154
So don't let them find out

Or find a way to breed with them.

>>9153963
HEAVENLY DERP SO BRIGHT
JUST BELIEVE WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART
NO BORDER BETWEEN US
TAKE MY HAND FLY AWAY NOW

>>9154193
IF YOU CAN'T BEAT IT.
Advicederpuhpus.jpg
SEDUCE IT.

According to the crabs, the only thing the herpfish have are thick lips meant for frushing coconuts and a healthy dose of the stupid. You taste one and blanch; worthless!

You carry as many coconuts as you can in your tentacles, and your kin do the same. Your crab allies have run off to bring the news to your mangrove abode. You ram a line of coconuts into the soil right behind the stones surrounding the cove and toss the excess into the cove for later consumption. The floatuhpi have vanished into the wild blue yonder.

Your derpuhpi and crabs have returned, but with horrible news. The scorpions have all died from some kind of marine fungus that made them spontaneously combust.

The crabs begin shuddering, and their shells begin to slide off...

MOLTING TIME! They grow in size to three feet across, granting them 4 extra HP. This brings them up to 14 HP. Translucent as ever, their stalked black eyes glisten as their claws harden into Rough Claws, giving them an attack that does 2d4 damage.

Roll 1d6 for a random trait:
1- Spontaneous Combustion
2- Filterfeeding
3- Cubical Body Shape
4- Bioluminescence (Lure)
5- Size Increase (4', +4 HP)
6- Turreted Eyes (Attack Two Enemies at Once)

rolled 6 = 6

>>9154395

please 3

I derp the herp.

>>9154425

Argh, we could have had our personal living Lego

>>9154425
>History repeats itself

>>9154452
There's always next time.

>>9154324

Someone put AD up on memegenerator yesterday.

rolled 5 = 5

>>9154395
cmon, something good!

Nooo!

Our lobster legions!

Well at least our crabs didn't explode for no reason.

CONTINUE FORTIFYING NEW HOME.

>>9154395

>The scorpions have all died
fffffffffff

>from some kind of marine fungus that made them spontaneously combust

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuck

>>9154516
I admit it. I lol'd.

>>9154516
choking on food here

>>9154577
Finally, a spambot I can get behind.

This is how we should fight back against all porn spamming.

Explore more, I don't think we're big enough to go out to deep water yet.

>>9154395

STAY HOME.

BUILD CIVILIZATION.

INVENT BRONZE.

>>9154602
I agree. Who knows what kind of giant monsters are lurking out there.

Let us return to the water, and be wary of fungi.

Also to make sure those fucking hagfish aren't moving in on our turf.

Their eyes suddenly retract into their bodies and swell up, forming heavily-shielded domes that swivel about independently. This oughta liven up their scribbles a bit!

Three generations pass as the palm trees grow. The water level in the cove has dropped to about ten feet, and two sections of the cove wall have collapsed, forming two very convenient ramps. Your species has taken to hopping off of the trees, flapping their limbs spastically in hopes of attaining flight.

Progress is steadily being made in the field of aeroderpamics, despite the incessant crashing. There are now ten males and fourty females of your species, unrelated, of course. You are father Derpuhpus IX. Here are your current stats:

Derpuhpus:
22 HP
10' Long
Cubical Body
Two Hooked Tentacles (1d4)
Six Arms
Serrated Beak (2d4)
Watertight Skin
Colour Vision
Pheromones (Appeasement, Turning, Domination)
Bioelectricity (Blindsense, Shock 1d4 and Intraspecies Communication)

Choose two traits from the following:
Size (12', +4 HP)
Crushing Beak (3d4 Damage)
Nasty Tentacle Hooks (2d4 Damage)
Bioluminescence (Lure)
Cartilage Cage Skeleton (+4 HP)
Bioelectricity (Boil, 3d4 Damage)
Vision (UV Light)
Reproduction (Shelled Egg)
Flight (Hydrogen Gas)

Size & Flight

>>9154652
Biolights and size

WE MUST OUTGLOW THE FLOATUHPII

>>9154652
From here on out, flight will always be available when prompted. You don't have to take it now. And remember the huge dark shapes at the edge of the continental shelf...

>>9154652
size and beak

>>9154652
NASTY HOOKS AND FLIGHT!!!

Flight
Bioluminescence

>>9154652
A bioluminescent skeleton

fuxk yeah, flight!

>>9154652
Size and reproduction.

Hydrogen would make us FAR too vulnerable.

>>9154652
size size and SIZE! This is the most important first. As for second I d say Crushing beak or Eggs

Size and eggs. Given the lack of other land animals, our eggs will be safer on land.

>>9154699
It's the only option for flight right now, and the floatuhpi use the same stuff. Also, your bioelectricity wouldn't be able to effect the hydrogen, due to insulated bladders.

>>9154712
I was startled at her human face.

>>Flight (Hydrogen Gas)

I find this very dangeorus, it could get extremely troublesome when there is harsh weather and a single bad atatk could pop us liek some balloon effectively crippling us.

>>9154696
this sounds amazingly horrifying

>>9154717
Still thinking shelled eggs. That frees us from the water, largely.

Size and eggs.

Shelled eggs would be pretty sweet.

Will being full of hydrogen negatively impact our ability to swim?

I can change it to Flight (Hot Air), if ye like.

Your species is now twelve feet! You now have 26 HP!

wait...
Bioelectricity (Boil, 3d4 Damage)
Flight (Hydrogen Gas)
think about it.

Biolights, diceroll for light coloring

Take the hydrogen, and the bioelectricity, then we can grow flamethrowers and jet engines later.

>>9154760
Boil only effects the target.
>>9154756
You could always deflate.

>>9154777
Point taken but I still think we would be too fragile

>>9154652
Cartilage Cage Skeleton
Bioelectricity

UV light vision. Shit'll come in handy.

>>9154757
How do we heat the air?

Bioelectricity?

Sounds energy-greedy.

SHELLED EGGS FTW.

>>9154793
Alrighty then. I'll go with the shelled eggs.
-
The derpuhpus cove has grown quite able-bodied, as the cove's only oceanic entrance is patrolled by crabs all day and night, and your kin find themselves able to lay their eggs on land, away from water. To safeguard them, you keep them in the tree branches, deep in the shade.

Do you wish to check on your old home? Or delve into the interior in search of new varieties of...

COCONUT?

>>9154828
Now to breed with the floatuhpii!

>>9154845
Check out the old pad. See what's shakin.

>>9154828
Excellent. With our position established, we may begin sending out scouts.

Check out old haunts including our monument.

>>9154875
Oh shit, we need that monument in our new pad. That is our legacy!

>>9154845
We can selectively breed new Coconut varieties.

Send scouts out to our old home and see if our crabs newly magnified vision can make sense of the dark shapes in the deep.

>>9154875
>>9154894
The monument is sitting well above sea level, in the largest cove mangrove.

Crushing Beak

And hey, bossman? Can you add options for longer tentacles and making more tentacles as well as damage upgrades? It'd be bitchin' to extend our reach and truly fuck some motha's up as they get mauled by the tentacles, only to get dragged to THE MAW.

>>9154907
Well then forget the old place, we need to head inland and mate with the floatuhpii

>>9154907
The shellbeast shell moved from under the tree to on top? DAMN YOU FLOATUPHI!!

>>9154922
Aw damn, way too late.

>>9154945
I think the sea level is dropping.

ZOP mentioned something like that last night.

>>9154957
But wait why would that put it on the tree? sea level would need to go up then down for that...

>>9154945
see
>in the largest cove mangrove.
>cove mangrove.
>cove

It's at our new place already, brah

>>9154945
No no, it's at the cove, in the largest of the five mangroves. Your kin moved it there so it would catch the sun more easily. The water level in the cove dropped for some peculiar reason. tectonic activity, I dunno.

>>9154922
I'll think about it. I have an idea for new traits gained through the derpuhpi's imagination anyway.

>>9154957
GOOD THING WE CAN LAND.

If the sea level is dropping, does that mean it's being locked up in ice caps?
Maybe we should evolve some insulation.

The sea level's dropping?

The world. . . it's getting older. This is a really, really, REALLY young world. Really young. Most sea life is probably BIGASS deepwater ARMORED DINOSAUR FISHES. And squids that'll make you shit yourselves in utter terror. And weirdass things that aren't around anymore. And MEGADERPALODON, FUCK YEAH DERPING THIRTY FOOT SHARK!

So when will we become Derpuhpus Rex?

>>9154986
We head inland after the herpfish lake, in hopes of finding floatuhpii hanging around, doin their thing.

And bring a massive amount of spears to throw at them

>>9155000
Dude, we're a twelve foot wide, electrically powered, smelly, hook-tentacled LAND DERPUHPUS.

We ARE the weirdass shit that ain't around no more.

...

FUCK THAT WE GONNA LIVE.

The vision of the crabs is astounding. So you send a few off to the continental shelf to check out the huge, dark shapes looming there. You send another pack inland to find something of interest.

The group sent to the shelf return a few days later. They scribbled a weird-ass picture of some kind of huge fish.

>>9155089
HO-LEE
SHIT

>>9155089
Why did you draw a dick in the corner?

>>9154908
I vote we investigate the dark shape, AND GET MORE COCONUT

>>9155089
Ah, A Derp Jaweless Fish.

Quite threatening, but evolutionarily limited. Keep to the land and the shallows and we'll do just fine.

SEEK THE FLOATUHPUS AND NEW COCONUT BREEDS.

>>9155089
what is that dick scribble in the bottom corner?

>>9155089

FUCK THAT SHIT, GO INLAND AND TRY TO CAPTURE SOME FLOATY MOTHERFUCKERS.

The inland team returns and brings with them interesting news. Not far to the east there's a river that heads southeast. Massive molluscs lumbers about there, eating the plants and essentially carving a path fueled by hunger through the forest. They were afraid to keep going, due to the constant earthshaking the molluscs were causing.

>>9155118
>>9155127
dickmind

>>9155136
I SMELL A POTENTIAL DOMESTIC ANIMAL.

WE GO TO THE GIANT MOLLUSK SHEEP.

>>9155089
IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT SEA COCONUT LET US EAT IT DERP

>>9155136
Send diplomats, we have ninjas, we had derpzerkers, we need armored units for this army!

>>9155118
>>9155127

>Crabs
>Dicks

>>9155136
Could we also get a new map showing this river, and the river that led to the Herpfish Lake? Or just update the current one please?

>>9155176
I'll see what I can do.

>>9155176
It'll take a while for our uh... "Crab-tographers" (yes we've always had them, shut up.) to draw up a new map.

In the meantime, ONWARD! TO SNAIL SHEEP!

>>9155166
O_O

>>9155089
MOTHER FUCKING DUNKLEOSTEUS

We eat that, odds are we can either get some sort of IRON JAW (thing could bite a BUS in half) or ARMOR PLATING FUCK YEAR!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15940709/
The more you know!

>>9155136
For wranglin' purposes I suggest Coconut bolas! if we attach a string to it we can maybe rope down some Floaters.

Make sure this is getting archived, anon!

>>9155089

Upon learning this information spontaneously grow larger

>>9155233
It would also kill the fuck out of us.

We domesticate the snails, then when we have evolved more, we fight the Derpfish.

>>9155226
I support making them obedient. We haven't even used our domination pheromones yet either!

>>9155233
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leedsichthys

Agreed. Dominate them like cattle.

God-DAYUMN SON

>>The extinct creature, which grew 33ft long and weighed up to four tons, was armed with a formidable array of bladed teeth which exerted a pressure of 80,000 pounds per square inch at the tip of its fangs.

>>A study of the fossilised skull of the fish also revealed that it could open its jaws in one-fiftieth of a second, creating such a strong suction that it would have quickly pulled prey to its mouth.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/prehistoric-fish-had-bite-stronger-than-a-trex-426263.html

>>9155379
Stop giving OP ideas, unless they're for US.

>>9155303
Oh. Well, at least I judged the size damned well. And anything that can survive a pleiosaur om nom nomming it is pretty badass, and I would like our derpahpus to subscribe to its newsletter (EAT IT OR DOMINATE IT, OR DOMINATE IT TO EAT IT WHILE ITS PACIFIED AND IMMOBILIZED)

Gathering nine of your kind, you each grab a crab-helm and head for this river the crabs spoke of. It's a big river, roaring along towards a waterfall that nothing could hope to survive a fall from. You follow its length and notice how much taller the plants are, how humid the air is and how many uh... things are flying overhead. Little floatuhpis, it seems, different species of hydrogen-filled little turds. They spend their day pollinating flowers and one another in mid-flight.

They taste sweet, but the popping is rather disconcerting. Eventually you find a trail formed of smashed trees and bushes. The shaking of the ground nearby is rhythmic and increasing in strength.

One of the giant herbivores stamps into view. Mottled greens and browns, the twenty-foot-tall cephalopod stands tall atop six pillar-like legs, its stalked eyes sweeping about over two very thick tentacles. It has a tree trunk grasped in its right tentacle and it appears to be chewing upon a cycad, its beak hidden under its bulk.

>>9155475
Use DOMINATING PHEROMONES.

>>9155475
oh jesus it's a megasquid

>>9155475
DERPUHPUS! USE DOMINATING PHEROMONES ATTACK, NOW!

RELEASE DOMINATING DERPOMONES

>>9155475
Activate dominate
mounts upon mounts upon mounts

ALL THE DERPAHPI USE DOMINATING PHEROMONES. NOW!

My it's rather large.

I christen this species "Derpuhpotomas."

The brute blinks stupidly as you group shudder, shaking off an invisible fog of pheromones. The brute's simple book lungs take the fog in and purrs at you affectionately. Soon its kin begin to appear, and they too take in the pheromones. They're willing to follow you to anti-derp and back, if need be!

YOU HAVE ACQUIRED: 1 MALE BRUTE, 5 FEMALE BRUTES

Do you want to explore the area some more?

>>9155598

See if we can't do the same to the floating derpuphi just to get flight.

>>9155598
Nope! Let the crabs do that, we ride our new herd back home and start breeding them.

>>9155598
Climb atop the brutes as our steeds and head upstream along the riverbank. Perhaps we can find some more species to improve ourselves with

>>9155652
Scratch that. Send crabs upstream and bring brutes home for breeding

>>9155626
Their form of flight is the same as what you could possibly get: hydrogen gas. And you can't breed with them or the derpuhpotami. They're just too different.

At least for now...

>>9155688
Sorry, thought you meant mating.

Let's explore. If we can find some more critters to dominate and some combat to make so we can evolve and any more ways we can HERP our DERP as hard as can possibly be herped, then we are a successful bunch of derpahpi!

>>9155710

Agreed! We need to evolve either by eating others or kicking ass and then eating others!

Hey, uh, OP? After this thread, I wouldn't mind if you took a snack break. Then, I could drive home. Just don't want to miss a bit.

Send crabs to recon
Take derpuhpotami home to breed

>>9155797
Okay. I'll archive this on sup-tg eventually, just in case.

>>9155809
Awesome, thanks.

I fucking love this!

The crabs, elated that the local derpuhpotami have been befriended, have decided to continue their surveying, allowing you to head home with your new pack animals.

Once you return home, the huge derps are allowed to roam around the cove, eating whatever coconuts they want. They won't leave, not with the NECTAR OF THE GODS laying all about.

You notice a floatuhpus drifting towards the kelp forest. What derp?

>>9155880
Greet the Floatuhpus and inquire as to it's status.

>>9155880
Derp it.
Whatever that entails.

>>9155880
kill it and take its stuff!

>>9155924
Agreed.

>>9155880
Kill that fucker. Eat his hydrogen bladder.

SPREAD OUR PHEROMONES FAR AND WIDE

LIKE DERPING CROPDUSTERS

CROPDERPTERS

>>9155880
Attempt pheromones, appeasement
if that doesnt work, domination
if that doesnt work, throw spears at it

Waidaminnit... we have a bioelectrical intraspecies communication.

I know ZOP said we can't breed with the floatuhpi, but can we speak with them as like kin?

>>9155954
>CROPDERPTERS

>>9155880
acquire hydrogen bladder evolve a flamethrower.

>>9156027
We will terrorize the peasantry as the Derpgon

>>9156036
DERPDOOORRR


DERPDOOORRR!

DERPDOR WAS A MAN.

I MEAN. HE WAS A DERPGON.

OR MAYBE HE WAS JUST A DERPUHPUS.

BUT HE WAS STILL DERPDOOOOORRR!

>>9155924

NO NO NO

derping it will make matter worse.

I say we should herp it

If ZOP is still waiting for a fourth vote, I say pheromones first and devouring second.

You give chase, two of your friends close behind. Jetting through the water, you pass by a gang of hagfish high on kelp trying to mate with a rock. The floatpuhpus has noticed you, but hasn't stopped yet. The winds blow him suddenly towards the stromatolite maze, which you easily turn towards.

The maze is a hagfish ghetto now, even at high tide. With the scorpion gangs gone, they go about eating whatever dead thing floats in, squabbling over fermented kelp bits and hitting on anything with a hole.

You clamber up onto a stromatolite and watch as the floatuhpus stops on the still air. His rings flash blue, green, yellow and back as he studies you. This one is positively *massive*, easily the size of a derpuhpotamus.

And apparently just as stupid. Any attempt at communication fails, no matter how basic. A yellow crab clambers up under the airborne mollusc. For whatever reason, this catches the floatuhpus' attention and he flips it over idly with a tentacle. It flips back over with a loud click, waving its pincers at him. He flips it on its back a second time. It flips back onto its feet, the click slightly louder and higher-pitched. The ebony titan flips it a third time. Third time again, the click is even louder and higher in pitch.

He flips it a fourth time. This time, the crab fucking explodes in the floatuhpus' direction, shattering the stromatolite underneath and tearing a hole in the floatuhpus' flesh with a flaming shard of chitin.

The blaze launches the glowing brute through the air like a fiery balloon. Flipping to and fro, it loops through the air and eventually makes its way towards one of the dark shapes in the darker waters.

KA-BOOSH!

A mushroom cloud wafts ever upward, launching a huge filterfeeding fish over the maze and towards the land.

>>9156129
Can we use these things as TACTICAL DERP NUKES?

>>9156129
. . . What the HERPING DERP?!

PURSUE! EVERYONE PURSUE! CHARGE THE DEPTHS FOR ALL THAT IS DERP AND HERP! CHAAARGE!

>>9156129
ok we definitely don't want hydrogen bladders

>>9156129
FFFFUUUUCK YESSSS


EAT IT'S FLESH FOR AWESOME POWERS.

>>9156129

Aw shit pyrocrabs

also floatuhpus' gaze of uncaring is actually a cow-like stare of stupidity. Good to know.

>>9156190
God yes we want hydrogen bladders! Just evolve armor of some kind around them, then you have:
Kamikaze derps
Firebreathing derps
Jet-propelled fire-farting derps
Party favor derps

The list goes on and on!

>>9156203
HDODA WHY ARE THERE NO HERPFISH IN THAT PICTURE

Roll 1d4 to see where the giant fish lands:
1- Herpfish Lake
2- Derpuhpotamus Range
3- Mysterious Fields
4- Warped Canyon

rolled 4 = 4

rollan

rolled 4 = 4

Gotcha bossman.

WARPED CANYON IT IS!

>>9156269
>Warped Canyon

OH GOD DAEMON DERPS

>>9156290

OH GOD, THE FACE.

DERPUHPUS CONFIRMED FOR BUKKAKE.

The colossal fish flips through the air and bounces off the ground as it goes, launching flora and fauna skyward as it leaves an obvious trail of destruction in its wake. You notice it disappears in the direction of a peculiar place. There, stars seem to fall all the time, even during the day! You've never noticed it until now, but you think you might be able to reach that place.

Until then you head back to the cove and hope the crab team finishes their survey.

>>9156358
We make sure our home is undamaged, and dispatch foragers to pick up anything useful left by the fish's path of destruction.

Derpy bump

>>9156373
Agreed.

Live damn you.

>>9156373
this

Sorry, I was working on the map. Crude as it is. Is the thread autosaging? I've got noko in the e-mail field, so I can't tell.

I am sorry, I can only work as fast as the spambot and the allied drawderp. A bump is all I have for you.

I don't think so, it's probably just being shoved off by shitty threads.

Might be though.

>>9156563

she's 250+

>>9156594
Autosage is 300 now.

So we've got a little bit left in us.

Not autosaging, autosage is now at 300 I believe.

>>9156358

Examine falling star territory.

Consume stars.

Can our underlings derp?

>>9156640
EAT THE STARS
Advicederp.jpg
BECOME C'TAN.

>>9156649

They herp while we derp

Here's a new world map. Mostly here-be-dragons, but whatev.
-
The cove is safe and sound. The cove is also abuzz with gossip regarding the flying fish. Their electrical chatter is music to you, as they want to find the source as much as you do!

However, one of the older males is a conservative little turd and doesn't want to risk traveling so far to a place where stars seem to fall nonstop. The crabs look to you, as do the various lesser harems.

>>9156649
Yes. Tiny, pincer-clacking derps.

I'll archive this now, just to be safe. Want me to start a new thread?

>>9156709
We didn't get to be king of Derpuhpus Cove by being a race of cowards.

>>9156709
If we disregard the conservative's opinions he may foment a rebellion.

Ask his advice and reach a compromise.

>>9156813
Yes please.

...but I have to go to bed in a half-hour, so I guess my opinion isn't valid.

>>9156709
Slay the rebellious bastard to ensure our rule.

>>9156821

Or we could kill him and consume what weak womanly courage he has into a superior specimen.

>>9156709
Ask advice see if he makes valid points if he does not then we slay

We should reach a stopping point, then new thread.

>>9156884
We must slay him and then ask him questions

>>9156709
Then put him in charge of fortifying our home.
As a long term project, I'd like to transform areas 1 through 6 into a sort of city/freeway system. The river is perfect for transporting food and such, and we're faster swimming anyway. This way, we can have a bigger base of operations to fall back on in the case of our expansions going awry.

>>9156973
This.

>>9156973
What this anon said.

>>9156973
Good lord, this makes sense.

>>9156973

I still say we should eat him.

>>9156973
And come home to a place run and most likely decended from some usurper? It would be like the illiad but without the wife who says noe.

Illian-odyssey sorry meant to say both.

>>9157110
>>9157093
Derp Illiad-Odessey

>>9157135
>Illithid Oddysey.

Heh.

Did any of our scorpion bros survive the spores?
I'm thinking we keep making them eat the spores until they can control spontaneous combustion trait. Then we feed them the flying derpuhpi, and have them evolve the hydrogen bladders. Then, we will do this:

I hate political intrigues. Settle it with a duel. We don't have time for this shit.

have we thought about selectively breeding the crabs yet?

>>9157170
They weren't eating the spores; the mold was consuming *them*.

>>9156927
Works for me.
-
You confront the old codger in front of everyone. He snaps his beak at you and motions in the direction of the falling stars. He thinks the Warped Canyon is too strange and will lead to death. You decide to leave him in charge of derping up the cove derpfenses, as he has the best woodderping skills of anyone there. You tell him your expederption won't be a costly affair. Pleased with this situation, he still warns you to be careful.

>>9157170

We need more vespene gas.

>>9157160

>>9157202

Why did woodderping make me chuckle?

Archiving now.

I only came to /tg/ recently, because I noticed /v/ was faggots. I love it here. You guys are fantastic.

>>9157229
It is a funny word.

>>9157229
I dunno, but expederption is what got me.

>>9157202
I SEE YOUR BLADE, BRUTUS. YOUR DAGGER SHALL NOT KNOW MY FLESH.

>>9157328
>>9157328
>>9157328
>>9157328
>>9157328

NEW THREAD HERE, HURRY, DERP LIKE HELL