I say we whip it out early and get cracking so as not to be aroused as much later on in problem situations.

>>9093599
Call up Katherine or Alicia. Whip it out and start getting rid of the morning wood. We must adhere to tradition.

>>9093664

And we begin our morning with our traditional activity: masturbation. You start to whip out your p0n0s and start fapping, but are interrupted by a muffled "myu?" sound.

Looking under the covers, you find that Felicia, your catgirl, has already snuck into bed with you. She has your cock in her mouth and is already sucking away happily.

IS THIS AWESOME? Y/N

>>9093749

It's good, but we've got shit to do today. Let her finish up and then get ready for the day.

>>9093827
And aim for her eyes when we cum, she needs to feel our wrath!

How come Alicia is listed as hostile when she should totally be devoted right now?

>>9093749
In b4 some other maid bursting into the room.

>>9093749
Clearly so.

>>9093827
Felicia sucks merrily away at you for a while, after a few moments, sucking down your cum and licking her lips clean of every drop. You tense up, staring at the door, waiting for some other maid to burst in.

Huh. It never does.

Afterwards, you get dressed in what is clearly becoming your traditional set of clothes: riding pants, riding boots, and a red jacket. Funny that, since this is beach front property, and you don't have any fox hunting grounds.

Reginald brings you your breakfast and your morning tea after a few minutes. If he pays any attention to Felicia curled up on your bed, licking her lips, he pays you no mind. "Good morning, sir," he says, as he throws open the windows.

All in all, it's a peaceful morning. Wake up, blowjob from a catgirl, get breakfast and the morning paper. Another day, another job.

*ASSIGN STAFF NOW*

Available:
Reginald
Samantha
Katherine
Felicia
Jehanne

Unavailable
Alicia - Currently arguing with an army of lawyers.

CARMINE! (3+ Anger Save: roll of 1) - Sister Carmine apparently got pissed off this morning when the milkman forgot to bring skim milk (she needs to keep up her svelte figure) and is currently chasing the incompetent fucker down the street with a fucking baseball bat.

WHAT DO!?

Wait, we still haven't given Jehanne our ritual new maid greeting!

...she might feel left out if she never walks in on us during our morning fap.

>>9093853

Because she only agreed to her current ludicrously unfair contract at sword-point?

>>9093855
Maybe we're going to be butler'd?

>>9093936

Sister Carmine: Find her, fuck her, then pet her hair and whisper sweet, angry nothings in her ear.

Thread is full of repressed anger at never having a girlfriend in high school or college...

>>9093936
HELP HER CHASE HIM DOWN WITH RIGHTEOUS FURY!

>>9094047
>>9093966

As you come down the stairs, you see Sister Carmine chasing the milkman down the street with a fucking baseball bat. "WHOLE MILK! I'LL GIVE YOU WHOLE MILK YOU COCKSUCKING FUCK FUCKER!" she screams.

For some reason you decide it would be a great idea to help her. Picking up a golf club, you follow the screaming harridan down the street, yelling "DEATH TO THE INFIDELS" at the milkman.

You catch up to Sister Carmine just as she catches up with the milkman, gives him a wedgie from hell, and starts noogieing him. With a power fist. His screams are loud and long and agonized.

>>9094085
Take all the milk as spoils of battle, secretly give him a bit of bribe money so this doesn't get litigious.

>>9094085
I begin going to town with the golf club, a nice seven iron, titanium shaft, steel core, handcrafted in italy, bought through Skymall at a ravishing 899 (Duty Free!).

I beat the shit out of the milk man, while uttering a prayer of redemption to Primarch Woods.

>>9094119
THIS

>>9094119
This sounds like a sane course of action. I follow it.

>>9094112

This. Distract sister Carmine with boob gropage in order to avoid a murder rap.

Bribe the milkman.

>>9094085
Awesome! High five her , but be careful that she uses the hand without a powerfist. Afterwards, let us distribute the chores this way:

Beach: Carmine
Shopping: Reg
Food: Sam
Garden: Kat
Laundry: Jehanne, who should also tech Felicia

Self: Improve decor

>>9094145
>tech
Sorry, meant to write teach.

>>9094130
>>9094119

"IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE EIGHTEENTH HOLE THERE IS ONLY BOGIES!" you scream, as you start beating the crap out of the milkman. "IN THE NAME OF THE IRON TIGERS, FOR PRIMARCH WOODS, AND THE EMPRAH!"

The milkman curls up in the fetal position and whimpers, trying to hide. Across the street, you can see your neighbor with a cup of coffee, wearing a bathrobe and his slippers, standing in his front yard gawking at the odd sight. For a moment. Then he shakes his head, muttering, and goes back into the house. After that recent firefight with the aliens, your neighbors are kinda hard to faze.

>>9094172
Great. Call an ambulance and proceed with:
>>9094145

I've been trying to catch up, but I just wanted to leap in and say; thank you for including my "oonts oonts oonts" idea, even if you did mispell it and a little late. You are a beautiful man, and the only worthy Questmaker.

Now back to more important, less bullshit anon things...

>>9094172
Call ambulence, gtfo before you get arrested. Then go do boring house work or whatever.

>>9094172
I suggest to Carmine that we hide the body, or better yet, throw it in the basement furnace to destroy the foul taint of chaos once and for all.

Then I go to the milkman's van, and drive it into the garage, and begin unloading the ice cream for tonight's ice cream sundae and Tequila party.

>>9094145
After extracting a promise from the milk man that he won't forget the fucking skim milk next time, you let him go. You also slip him an extra hundred so that he won't sue.

Not sure how well that'll work after the beating, but we'll see.

You spend the morning consulting with a interior decoration about improving the decor of your mansion. He's suggesting something in a hearthy, homey vibe. You know, some cornucopias, some corncobs, stuff like that.

Down at the beach, you can hear Sister Carmine screaming at seagulls as she blasts trash to pieces with a boltgun.

>>9094234
I love you anon.

ICE CREAM AND TEQUILA IS GURANTEED WIN AND SEXY TIEMS!

>>9094244
Fuck homey. We want classical gothic architecture. Flying butresses, tall columns, marble floors, alcoves fucking everywhere. And torches. And is it too much to ask that it all be a dark sort of marble, so that way a few bits of pure white sculpture stick out a lot?

>>9094249
>>9094234

Fine. You also steal his damn ice cream truck for an ice cream and tequila party. Will there be consequences? Probably. This wouldn't be a /tg/ quest if there weren't horribly violent, misogynistic, and antisocial behavior, right? right.

Speaking of tequila, booze tiem.

>>9094274
The interior decorator gives you an odd look. "Marble? Buttresses? Honey, are you trying to make a home, or a cathedral?"

>>9094296
I was thinking more like a late medieval or early renaissance castle, really. Think Castlevania, but with less Dracula overall.

>>9094244
What the fuck? I demand this will become a grim&dark mansion, not some shit from a valentine's catalogue! Double-headed eagle banners, giant statues and skulls.

>>9094308
Actually, wait! Is there any way we can pay an extra fee and include Dracula as well? It might attract one of the more attractive female hunters, who we can then get to be our anti-occult maid. In case Alicia ever tries shit again.

>>9094296
Cathedral? No. Think roman orgy temple, but with more hot tubs. I want a hot tub in every room. And in some closets, for private time with the mistres~ I mean the wife.

Awww, dang, we didn't try to seduce Alicia back into the fold? Ah well, that's okay.

>>9094330
I like the way you think.

FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE
WE NEED NEW MORNING GLORIES THIS INSTANT

>are you trying to make a home, or a cathedral?
...Yes?

>>9094274

I agree with everything, however one point of clarification NO SKULLS!!

We can have allusions of feudal majesty or His Lord's hunting Lodge but please no Sedlec Ossuary.

We'll hold out on that in order to give that half xeno rage-babe Carmine something to work towards.

>>9094338
>>9094338
Roman Orgy Temple!

and oh god the acronym is so appropriate as to what that will do to our genitals...

>>9094338
I support the Roman Temple Orgy thing, with lots of imperial banners, golden bowls of fruit, and chaise longues to laze about in.

>>9094396
I rectify what I said in my post here >>9094312 , your idea is brilliant, the only skulls in our home shall be those of our enemies. We could build a throne with them in our study.

>>9094360
>>9094349
>>9094338
>>9094330
>>9094312
>>9094308

What with one thing and another, you manage to convince your interior decorator you are serious, and not smoking crack. He draws up some plans to have your castle decorated in a gothic style, with flying buttresses, a stone floor, heavy velvet curtains, and a giant Inquisitorial =I= inlaid in the front hall.

He draws the line at an actual chandelier of skulls. They'll have to be porcelain or paper mache instead.

As for the Dracula thing, you've got a fucking demoness of lust in your employ. What the fuck else do you want?

By the time you're finished speaking with the gay interior decorator (that's not a stereotype, no!) it's approaching noon. Damn, that shit takes a long time.

DECOR will be raised once the decorations are finished.

>>9094418
>>9094396
Skull Chandelier is vetoed.

Anyway, still approaching noon.

>>9094398
How about this:

Ground floor: Roman orgy temple
Cellar: Cathedral
First floor: English country house

>>9094442

Let's get some goddamn morning glories before the florist closes.

>>9094442
Let's use xeno skulls for our chandelier.

This needs to be our living room. Except its made of solid marble, screw that, emerald and not water.

>>9094425
Dracula is meant to be our bait to attract a female Belmont or one of the many other vampire hunters to our home, where we shall then offer her a job as a maid so that we might utilize her specialized anti-occult skills to prepare in case Alicia betrays us again.

WAIT! We were supposed to have a firing lesson with Samantha in the morning.

>>9094468
MORNING GLORIES

GARDENS FOR THE GARDEN GOD
FLOWERS FOR THE FLORAL THRONE

>>9094468
>>9094359

Morning Glories are planted in the front yard. They're still growing, though, it'll take some time before they return to their full and former beauty. Damn aliens.

>>9094478
Oh shit, he's right.

>>9094478

Its at noon, which is fast approaching.

>>9094478
>>9094493

Don't worry, it's only approaching noon. We should get to her nevertheless.

>>9094478
o shit we forgot. quick go make it up to her

>>9094472
I want a full roman bath house.
tepidarium
calidarium
frigidarium
the who fucking works

>>9094500
>>9094478
>>9094493

4+ SAVING THROW VS. FORGETTING A DATE:
> 5

LUCKY SONOFABITCH

You are suddenly reminded that it's time for your date with Samantha at the shooting range! You excuse yourself from speaking with the damn gay interior decorator and head out to the firing range.

Samantha is already there, as is her father. Sam's traded in her usual long-skirted maid outfit for a simple pair of shorts and a tank top. Her long silvery white hair is done up in a high ponytail. It's an interesting change of pace.

And yes, she's got legs. Oh yeah legs.

She also has a walther PPK in a thigh holster, and she seems to be waiting for you.

>>9094539
Don't stare or make comments about the hot legs. REGINALD IS RIGHT THERE.

>>9094477

While you jest please remember our final slot is for RAM!

-ahem-

SCIENCE! maid.

And God save us if she's a rookie.

>>9094539
Apologize profusely, we don't want to anger a woman with a gun.

>>9094539

Ensure we are wearing a similar outfit. :P

>>9094586
Nobody could ever want to see that.

>>9094571
I wasn't joking. We have a freaking demoness working for us. Paying Dracula off to serve as bait is not out of our league.

>>9094539
Bow and beg her pardon for our tardiness.

>>9094607
Isn't Sister Carmine half vampire?

>>9094539
I remove the elephant gun from over my shoulder and crack the twin barrels open, depositing the heavy .50 rounds into the over and under slots, and with a wuick jerk slap it shut.

I see we're all here, let's begin.

I take aim at that damn neighbor cat in the apple tree AGAIN and fire, twin gouts of flame and smoke blasting out of the barrel, shaking dust from the overhead veranda and sending every bird in the vicinity into the air. In the distance I hear the remains of a window's glass falling to the flour and muffled cursing.

>>9094618
And half-eldar!

>>9094618
Is that enough to draw Belmont/Ecclesia attention? More specifically, attention of the female hunter variety as opposed to painfully effeminate male?

>>9094539
Sorry, I had to stop Carmine from killing the milk man and then I couldn't get the interior designer to shut up for one second...

>>9094618
Here's hoping our Science! maid is a Belmont/Johny Depp in Sleepy Hollow/Gothic mad scientist chick.

That or Frankenfurter...

>>9094636
>Sorry, I had to stop Carmine from killing the milk man
I suppose that was a certain definition of "stop"...

>>9094635
Painfully androgynous female vampire counselor?

>>9094633
Anon, you are on a fucking hot streak tonight!

SO MUCH THIS!

>>9094641
>That or Frankenfurter...

Or Franken Fran.

>>9094615
>>9094597
>>9094577
>>9094570

"I'm sorry I'm late!" you say, as you run up to the firing range. "I had a gay interior decorator taking up all my time!"

"It's all right," Samantha says. "I just got here." She gives you a shy, rather pleasant smile. Meanwhile, her father, Reginald, is polishing up a Sig, giving you a curious look.

>>9094660
Hello sir!
Then do this:
>>9094633

>>9094660
"You look nice."

>>9094660
Do you think I can handle a .38 now, Reginald?

>>9094676
Yeah, compliment her appearance. If Reginald stares say, "I'm just not used to seeing you dressed like that."

>>9094633
Attack roll. . .
> 12 vs 6

There is a sudden scream. By the time the smoke clears, no more cat. The glass tinkles on the concrete floor, as the leaves flutter to the ground.

Samantha puts a hand to her mouth. "Oh, that poor cat. . ."

"And that," you say, "is how you do it."

>>9094683
This is a much better idea than the elephant gun.

>>9094633
You had me at "elephant gun"

>>9094701
"The tree is pruned nicely as well" I say as I examine the destroyed western half of it.

>>9094720
Reginald ahems and takes the elephant gun from you. "Perhaps, young master," he says, "we should go back to basics." He takes away your .22 and gives you a .38 snubnose. "Also, I believe you were going to ask me to run you through some close quarters battle?"

DECISION POINT: CQB FIRST, OR TEACH SAMANTHA TO SHOOT?

>>9094701
Uhhh...

>>9094701
"Don't worry, that was a Puma, escaped from the zoo this morning don't you know?" I say as I take out a cigar and light it, offering another to her father. "Saved your life I did, now, let's head to the skeet range"

>>9094701
"That cat? Its got six lives left, minimum. Just... trust me on this one." You say while suavely tossing Reginald the still smoldering rifle.

"But now, we're here for some target practice, aren't we?" You say with a dapper smile.

>>9094701

"That cat was trespassing"

Hope animal cruelty doesn't lessen relationship meter.

"I see you're dressed for the occasion"

>>9094747
SHOOT FIRST.
ASK CLOSE COMBAT QUESTIONS LATER.

>>9094747
Shooting with Sam

So she can become Shootin' Sam

>>9094753
This! Offer to teach Sam to shoot, and how to defend against Pumacats!

>>9094747
CQC

>>9094747
I'll take Teaching Sam to Shoot for 100, Jerry.

>>9094747
Sam.

>>9094747
"I always work up a good sweat before shooting." Whilst winking at Samantha. "How about we go through some sparring to clear my head from all that queer interior design nonesense."

>>9094776
>>9094785
Okay, correct me if I'm wrong here, but hasn't Samantha been raised by her incredibly badass father to shoot things since before she could walk? I'm sure she's much better with a gun than us.

>>9094751
>>9094751
>>9094785
>>9094776
>>9094772
>>9094761
>>9094760

"Anyway, let's get to shooting. . . you look good," you tell Samantha.

"I thought it wouldn't be appropriate to go shooting while wearing my maid dress," she says.

"Well, let me run you through some basic stances," you say. "Well, stand with your feet a little ways apart, like this."

"Like this?" she asks.

"Feet a little further, and hold the gun a little higher. . ."

You put your arms around her as you adjust her aim. Reginald loads his shotgun and gives you a glare as he turns back to the target range.

>>9094778
"Snake, try to remember the basics of CQC."

>>9094816
Yeah, I'm with this person. Should be more like SHE teaches US. Maybe it could be a bonding experience.

>>9094820
"Good... take several deep breaths, then breath out as you aim... relax... look down the barrel... easy now... now, when you're sighted in, OH GOD WHAT IS THAT"

>>9094820
"Your father taught me all of this, of course..."

>>9094859
>implying she isn't just playing along to flirt with you

>>9094820
Uh...I think we should perform examples ourselves lest we want to end up Reginald's next victim, Cheney-style.

>>9094820
keep teaching her, do cqc next

try not to upset Reginald. We want him as a friend.

>>9094874
>>9094869
>>9094867
>>9094859

"A bit like. . . this?" Samantha asks.

Suddenly, she snaps to a perfect firing stance and fires off an entire mag.

> 24
> 20
> 16
> 16
> 12
> 8
> 4

Five solid hits. Two flyers.

She smiles at you innocently as she ejects the spent mag and slaps in a new one.

>>9094874
Well, obviously, but mixing in a little bit of actual practical learning would probably go over better with her father than making the whole endeavor a thinly veiled excuse to grope.

>>9094884
Why yes, these grotesque facial scars? My very butler, to be fair, it was for ravaging his daughter. In the kitchen. While he was eating dinner. Tis only fair, she was well worth it.

>>9094916
laugh, say "I should have known"
ask her to teach us

>>9094924
Fuck, I don't know if we should try this later on in that exact manner just to show that Reginald was just THAT cool with us by then.

>>9094916

"You know I can't resist women who can handle a piece so adeptly"

Add in a wink for added cheese.

Then get shot by Reginald

>>9094916
As expected of the daughter of Reginald. I'm impressed!

Brofist her. Girls love the brofist.

>>9094933
+1

>>9094916
have her teach us
don't piss off the scary man with guns

>>9094916
Strike a bemused smirk. 'Your forms almost as elegant as you are. Perhaps its you who should be making me set my stance...'

>>9094978
>>9094977
>>9094976
>>9094968
>>9094952
>>9094933

She laughs at the compliment. "By the way, you're jerking the trigger too hard when you fire," she says. "Here, let me show you."

She puts her arms around you and helps you adjust your grip on your new .38.

Reginald gives his daughter a glare, then sighs and shakes his head.

>>9095021
1st Rule for everything concerning Sam: Simply let her initiate whatever we want, Reg will be powerless.

>>9095021
BE A PERFECT GENTLEMAN. We don't want to upset Reginald.

>>9095021
Go with it.

Feels good man (try not to pop a shit eating grin.)

>>9095021
Next we will learn to cook together. Between the pair of us, sandwiches shall be left far behind in pursuit of the mastery of the culinary arts.

Also there might be the licking of various sauces off body parts, which is always a good direction to move in.

>>9095021
Thank you. I didn't realize what I was doing wrong. I'm sorry if I seemed patronizing earlier.

>>9095021
Stand so that she can see your raging hard-on but Reginald can't. but pretend you don't notice it

>>9095065
>>9095058
>>9095054

"Like this?" you ask.

"A little more like this," Sam says. She presses up behind you. You feel her soft breasts pressing up against your back, and her warm breath in your ear. . .

> 1 vs 1

Reginald's eye twitches, but he continues shooting. His aim shakes a bit.

>>9095090
sounds risky...

I suggest we back off ever so slightly.

>>9095021
Go with it, and flirt with her as subtly as possible, in a way where Reginald can't see.

>>9095109
Focus on her body as it melds with your body.

Focus on your body as it melds with your gun.

Focus on your gun as it melds with the bulls eye.

Release the bullet as it finds its passion in Sam and flows to the target, striking true with the passion of forbidden desire.

>>9095109
Subtly press up against her back. Fire shots so Reginald won't tell.

>>9095109
What we should absolutely not do would be this:
We lean our head back a bit and stammer to her :"Sam *gasp* you... you shouldn't be doing this...ahhh~"

Tell her her breasts feel especially perky, since I'm tired of shooting and I need some Close quarters training. No training better than real life or death situation!

>>9095119
>>9095127
>>9095170
THIS

>>9095196
This, sadly, seems about par for the course.

>>9095155
>>9095150
>>9095132

You grin as you turn over your shoulder and talk to Sam. "Thanks a lot," you say, "I'm doing way better now."

"Sure, just remember if. . ."

"Samantha, darling," Reginald says, cooly. "I think it's time for the young master's CQC lesson now. Why don't you go back to your rotation?"

You see, out of the corner of your eye, Reginald picking up a pair of very large knives. He is stroking his large, luxurious mustache and giving you a hard look.

>>9095204
Protect our penis&balls at all cost, everything else is secondary.
I cannot stress the protecting part enough.

>>9095204
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.

>>9095221
Fortunately we're wearing our IronBalls [TM, ORIGINAL ITEM DO NO STEAL] cock and balls protector; 'for the wealthy man who's just pissed off his butler by flirting shamelessly with his daughter.'

>>9095204
"What kind of a stance is that?"

>>9095204
take our beating in a manly fashion

>>9095204
Ignite the scorching fire of manliness inside us. Accept his challenge...

"Very well then, Reginald. Perhaps you can teach me how to be a real man?"

We have to impress him and earn his approval before we can touch Sam. We may not be able to beat him, but we can't show a droplet of fear in front of him.

Reginald, I'm glad for this lesson. But in confidence, I mut tell you that your daughter, well, the milkman had eyes for her. He would leer non-stop at her. It was downright distrubing. I took the liberty of telling him his attentions were unwanted, I drove home the point, it took a while, but we ironed out an accord.

>>9095261
No fear. Honor and respect. And to be fair, our flirting was fairly minimal.

>>9095204
'It seems you'll have to help me perfect my form another time, my lady.' You say as you bow, take her hand and leave it with a gentlemanly kiss. (Cheesy yes, but provoking Reginald through our respectful flirtations is key.)

Then look up to Reginald, removing our Jacket and revealing our musclular (har) body underneath [athletics 3 bitches]. 'How do you want to do this?'

>>9095272
THIS

1000 times this!

Get in good graces!

>>9095272
Two birds, one stone, and a cat, I like it.

>>9095204

We should always remember that Khorne does not care whose blood is spilt, as long as it is spilt.

>>9095261
Can we pull a Cool Hand Luke here?

Cause then we'd be awesome. And Cool. And like Luke.

inb4 failure to communicate.

>>9095272
i don.'t think we need to add blatant lying to the righteous beating we will recieve

>>9095272

Magnificent bastard.

>>9095261
>>9095260
>>9095250
>>9095243
>>9095221

KNIFE FIGHT! YOU'RE GONNA FIGHT WITH A KNIFE!

> 2 VS 21

. . . yeah, you pretty much get your ass kicked.

Reginald "teaches" you the basics of how to fight close in. Mostly, he seems to be showing you how to get your ass kicked by a large, mustachioed, British man.

In the middle of putting you in a rather nasty headlock, he leans down and whispers in your ear. "So. . . sir. How do you feel about my daughter?"

>>9095307
Meeting her is the greatest thing that has or will ever happen to me sir.

>>9095307
"She is an outstanding young lady whom I have nothing but the utmost respect for."

>>9095204
stare directly in his eyes, show no fear
earn his respect

shouldn't be too hard, he sort of likes us

also, protect our penis and balls at all costs.
if we lose them, we lose the mansion.
also, it would suck for numerous other reasons

>>9095325
>>9095326
These two men sum it up fairly well.

Proceed to break out of his headlock.

>>9095307

"She's very nice, my good butler. I enjoy her company a great deal."

>>9095307
Your daughter is a fine young lady and I am privileged for her to be in my employ.

>>9095307
"I would do anything to make her happy."

Her on job performance is excellent, she sets a mean table. However, she has let her laundry duties slip slightly.

Also, the milkman had eyes for her, she didn't know, then as >>9095272

>>9095325
>>9095326
>>9095336
>>9095346
>>9095347
>>9095348

Reginald smiles. . . a warm, friendly smile. . .

And then he punches you in the head and knocks you out.

When you come to, he is slapping your face and splashing water over your head. He helps you to your feet.

"Treat her with respect," he says softly, "or I'll take your damn bollocks."

>>9095307
'She is as elegant a lady as can be expected, giving the dignity of her parentage. And at least as deserving of my respect.' You say, while taking this rather brutish lesson as a man should.

>>9095325
this

Also, from a meta-gaming perspective, we should sleep with the second girl BEFORE entering into a relationship with her.

>>9095307
>"So. . . sir. How do you feel about my daughter?"

"I doubt that there is any answer that would not get me my neck broken. But to be honest, I don't know her nearly enough of her to be sure. She is surely very attractive and seems to have a very pleasant personality, but such things can't be known after only 5 days. I would however never do anything to hurt her.

>>9095325
>>9095348

These two are going a little too far.

>>9095326
>>9095346
>>9095347
>>9095350

These are all good.

Remember, our main goal is to fuck with everyone's head.

Okay, guys, clarify. Milkman lie or not?

>>9095361
Did we at least get a new skill out of that ordeal?

>>9095361
Add to mental note- Do not touch Sam unless she initiates it

>>9095361
"Yes. Respect. Respect is good. Understood. Respectfully."

>>9095361
Now that we've had quite a thrashing perhaps we can retreat to our study before dinner to entertain a cigar and scholarly perusal of assorted forbidden and eldritch tomes?

tomorrow veh'll cut off your johnson
ja, your johnson

>>9095400
No, this is a fucking bad idea

>>9095400

No. Wait for a more opportune moment to tell that lie.

For now, just innocently pretend that we like Samantha as a friend and nothing more.

>>9095400
Not

>>9095400
Please no lie, its really not needed and he would know.

>>9095400
No, he's our closest ally, and a true bro. He deserves honesty.

>>9095400
I think trying to lie to reginald is just asking to have our bollucks removed without anesthesia

>>9095426
I still vote no on the milkman lie,
but DUDE, THAT WOULD BE THE LEAST OF OUR SECRETS

>>9095417
I would actually recommend, as a long term strategy, letting Samantha more or less take the lead in that relationship. Not only is it adorable, but it'll be much much harder for Reginald to object to.

Very well.

You hold out your hand, and Reginald helps you to your feet. "Well, lad." he says. "You're going to be fine. I'll see you here tomorrow for another session." He walks away, whistling.

"And the knife?"

"Keep it," Reginald says. "It's a Fairbairn-Sykes. If you know what that is."

And he walks over to put the guns back in the gun locker.

KNIFE GET!

YOU LEARNED SKILL: KNIFE FIGHT!

Don't tell the lie. Towel off and head to the bathroom to shower. Check in to see if our opening for a scientist maid has opened up.

>>9095465
Huh. A Ka-Bar might be better, but this is still cool.

Check to see if the Tech Maid has come yet. Ask Reginald if he also instructs in the method of CRAB BATTLE

>>9095465

Go home and get ice pack.

Check up on all our maids.

>>9095465
Are we still in fat nerd mode now or have we upgraded to average body type.

>>9095460
plus, we could pursue girl 2 first.
I can't imagine something pissing off Reginald much more than cheating on his daughter.
Unless we let aliens rape her in the bum or something.

OH WAIT

>>9095465
Check for SCIENCE! Maid

>>9095488
>get Ice pack

And alcohol.

Screw that, just get some manly Bourbon.

>>9095486
Tech Maid you say? Adeptus Maidecus might have a few people looking for a bit of work.

>>9095505
GOOD THING THAT NEVER HAPPENED RIGHT GUYS

But yeah, focus on #2 for now

>>9095505

If we let Reginald find out we had a hand in that, we're fucking sunk.

Anyway, I say we pursue Jehanne and/or Carmine before moving on to Kat.

The hell with Samantha. Kat is our one true love.

>>9095465
get that shit enchanted pronto.
I'd say go for frost damage
or holy demon slaying

>>9095467
>>9095486
>>9095488

You head back into the house.

The first person you meet is Alicia. She's waiting for you just inside the house, holding a huge stack of papers. "Did you have fun?" she asks, snidely. "I hope you enjoyed your little makeout session."

She tosses the stack of papers onto the table in front of you. "Your damn lawyers came up with this. They told me I had to have you sign it."

>>9095539
First, examine them to make sure they are indeed the right papers. Then sign.

>>9095539
Read it all first. I don't care if it takes all night, comb over it with a fine tooth comb to make sure it's sufficiently binding and she didn't cut any deals with them.

>>9095539

Oh fuck no.

No.

We're reading every single fucking page of that before signing it. And reading the damned fine print.

>>9095539
Read it.
Yes, that means all of it. Never trust a lawyer, even your own.

>>9095539
Hand the papers over the the lawyers, have them read it, and have them decide if we should sign it.

>>9095539
>>9095553
if we kill her, she can't tell the secret...
but, whatever. Just make sure the contract forbids it.

>>9095539
Consult with your lawyers first.

Read that shit.

>>9095539
better read it, or at least get the gist of it and make sure she's not trying to slip something by on us

>>9095539

I'm starting to think Alicia is more trouble than she's worth. I say kill and burn phylactery.

>>9095572
>>9095566
>>9095561
>>9095557
>>9095553

"Thanks," you say. "I'll read these first then get them back to you."

Alicia looks a bit disappointed at first, then she smirks. "Good. I hope you do. Read every single page. It would be a shame if you signed something. . . exploitative. Almost be like signing away your soul." Before you can react, she turns to walk away. "Also, there's someone in the front hall waiting to see you. Something about a job opening. I'm getting washed up for dinner."

>>9095572
ALL LAWYERS ARE IN THE EMPLOY OF HELL
they are just lawful evil rather than straight chaotic

>>9095539
Don't take her word for it. Confirm with our lawyers that these are the actual papers that we need to sign, and have them explain exactly what the terms are.

We pay them so that we don't have to read all this shit ourselves, but we can damn well have it concisely outlined for us.

>>9095608
Get door, see new employee. Lock up papers first, read them a little later.

>>9095608
Probably the science maid, let's go see her.

>>9095608
oh hell yeah, scientist maid

>>9095505
We didn't let them, they were just much more efficient and fast about their objective before we could (get Reginald to) destroy them while they were distracted. Which is still not good, but we honestly didn't intend for her to be anally violated.
We are a gentelman letch after all.

>>9095636
>>9095637
I'm imagining Carl Sagan in a maid outfit.

>>9095608
Have the Jehanne read over it too. We need to make sure she didn't hide any evil incantations in it.

>>9095639
if you think saying that would slow down him or his bullets, you are a fool

>>9095639

Not that we're at all sorry we got to see her naked with a probe up her ass.

>>9095662

Good point! Just reading this shit may be bad for us. Take this to the nearest church and have some priests help us read it.

>>9095656
>>9095637
>>9095636
>>9095635

You make a note to yourself to have your paladin and the lawyers read over the contract again before you sign it, then go next door to see the new potential hire. . .

She's sitting on your couch looking up at the ceiling curiously, murmuring to herself as she crosses her arms and writes down figures on a notepad. Sounds like measurements. She's wearing a white lab coat and jeans. Her hair is carelessly tied up into two pigtails, and a pair of large, coke-bottle thick glasses frame her eyes.

She doesn't seem to notice you enter, so absorbed is she in her calculations.

>>9095705

Masturbate.

>>9095714
I concur.

ANONYMOUS USED RULES LAWYER

According to the maid RPG rules, a butler cannot resist seduction from a maid...

We should have Kat influence one of the maids into hooking up with Reginald. Then he will be too distracted to watch Sam...

Mwhahahaahha!

>>9095705
Greet her cordially and without masturbating.

>>9095705
Tap her gently on the shoulder, smile, and welcome her. Then talk business.

>>9095714
We should hire her first.

>>9095705
at last another nerd.
ask her what she's calculating, we're supposed to be pretty smart, right?

>>9095705
Well, we could proceed to properly greet her with masturbation, but maybe we should look over her shoulder at the pad. And start idly debating outloud what types of maid outfit would best work within a computing environment.
By preference, grab one of the repair bots so that when she sees us, she is instantly smitten with staying here.

>>9095726

Ooh, good idea! It was >>implied
in the last thread that Jehanne has a thing for Reginald, or at least has a thing for getting beat up by Reginald. Let's encourage that.

In the meantime, Carmine or sciencegirl will have to be our second lover. Or Kat, if we can get that sex change done.

So. . . masturbate or no? Repair bot or no?

>>9095769
No masturbate.

>>9095769

Come in carrying a repairbot. Hold it in front of us so that she can't tell we are masturbating.

>>9095791
Brilliance!

>>9095769
repair bot now, masturbate tomorrow morning

>>9095759
We just need to drop a hint to Jehanne that Reginald has a giant dick and wants to plow her field then.

>>9095769
Masturbate: After we hired her.
Repair bot: Yes.

>>9095769
no masturbate
yes repairbot

>>9095802
I doubt she is that much of a whore.

>>9095769
Masturbate! We have our needs!

>>9095840

I know, it'll take some work. But in the end, getting Reginald some ass will make everything else much easier for us.

>>9095769
OUR PENIS CRAVES IT

>>9095840
it was implied that she likes big dicks.
it was implied than she likes Reginald.
reread the threads
be cupid

>>9095828
>>9095826
>>9095801
>>9095795
>>9095791
>>9095785

You grab one of the basketball-sized repair bots from the wall where it was fixing a frayed curtain and carry it over to the new hire. "Hello there," you say.

"WOW!" she shouts. She runs over and grabs the robot from your arms, staring at it. "An actual nanolathe system! I wonder if it's a picotech or a nanotech scale. . " She puts it down on the coffee table and clips a loupe to her eyeglasses, staring closely at the details of the device. . .

>>9095759
Yes, encourage Jehanne and Reginald. Or at least be willing to if not overt about it. Also, might want to encourage Sam to like Jehanne some. Could end up something odd, like Jehanne helping Sam get to know about us, but still.
Or another maid that we've yet to hire, though I imagine we can only handle one or two more really. Also, Carmen may well allow some form of ragesex. Even if she's the man for that session, she'd still be a maid that we had sex with.

>>9095769
don't listen to masturbate spam samefag troll.
hire her

>>9095802
SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

JEHANNE IS OUR PALADIN WAIFU

I guess we can give Reginald Felicia? I doubt it'll impress him. But it's the only one of our meidos I can spare.

>>9095840

You DO know that she went to SCIENCE Camp during her later formative years?

>>9095870
So you want the job then?

>>9095840
It was mentioned by Kath that she's a size queen. Personally I'm for using the alien tech on our junk and getting a piece of that for ourselves.

>>9095870
You're hired!

>>9095864
Really, when was it mentioned that she had a thing for Reg?

>>9095870
"Yeah, we have a whole bunch of captured alien tech just waiting for a highly intelligent domestic servant to study it.

"You wouldn't happen to know any, would you?"

>>9095902
She was impressed by how easily he kicked her ass when she went through basic maid training.

>>9095870
hire her
tell her to reverse engineer devices
tomorrow, we take on the sphere

>>9095885
>>9095894

"What? Oh yeah, the job." She looks up from her examination of the repair bot and holds out a hand. "Koyomi Nakagawa," she says. "I'm answering your ad from the paper. I guess you're looking for some household help and a graduate level science major? Hope I'll qualify. . . wait, hang on, I have a resume here somewhere."

She reaches into her coat pocket trying to look for her resume. Something falls to the ground. She shrieks in dismay and scoops it up. . .

But not before you realize it's a d20.

>>9095932

Invite her to play some FATAL.

>>9095932
Jap
Glasses
RPGer

Take the d20 from her, lean in close, and whisper, "I have to roll a will save."

>>9095922

Oh, I still think we've done a lot more for her and if she forsakes us for Reg she's going straight back to hell. She's our sabe...erm....paladin waifu after all.

>>9095932
TOO META
OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
so much blood...

>>9095932
Ohohohoho

>>9095932
That was a d20. I definitely saw it. You know, when I was in hell, a sloth demon sent me to an illusionary game of FATAL.

>>9095932

"What's that? Looks kinda geeky."

>>9095932
HIRE ON THE SPOT. WE NEED TO MAKE A NEW GAMING GROUP SINCE WE MOVED OUT HERE, ANYWAY. ASK: "Do you like being a player of GM?"

>>9095950
DO IT

>>9095932
say, I know of this website /tg/,
they're running a maid quest right now
want to read the threads with me?
they're kind of perverted, but very funny

>>9095950
Perfect.

>>9095932
WHAT DID SHE ROLL? THIS IS IMPORTANT

>>9095932
hire her
form a D&D group later
reverse engineer alien tech now

>>9095950
>>9095955
>>9095946
>>9095955
>>9095956
>>9095963
>>9095967
>>9095969
>>9095977
"I. . . I. . . I. . ." Suddenly her eyes light up and she tears open her shirt, revealing a lacy bra and some. . . well, not altogether unimpressive cleavage. "TAKE ME NOW!" she shouts, jumping on you and knocking you to the ground. "YOU'RE RICH, YOU'VE GOT ALIEN TECHNOLOGY, AND YOU'RE A GAMER! MARRY ME!"

>>9095932
Just when I thought we couldn't have any better girls. YOU HIRE HER RIGHT THIS INSTANT. Even if she doesn't want the job! She's getting hired!

That's it. Our domestic servants and us are going to form a gaming group. Koyomi is DM. Felicia is That Guy.

>>9096016
. . . natural 1. :)

>>9096036
Frisk her off to the bedroom and fuck her now. No point on waiting.

>>9096036

Act distressed and outraged by her outburst. Stand back and pretend that we're freaked out.

>>9096036
"You should know in advance that I'm trying to pull a harem thing. But if you're cool with that, sure!"

>>9096036
So how do you feel about polygamy?

>>9096036
"Okay. But first, roll for anal circumference."

HAHA JUST KIDDING DON'T REALLY GO WITH THIS PLEASE GOD DON'T

>>9096036
WAIT
we need to fuck two more things,
she wants to marry us...
we should fuck someone else first, then marry either her or Sam

also, OP, you are a god. Just fyi.

>>9096036
Go to bedroom. Have hot sex. Hire, have wacky hijinks and form a group.

>>9096083
Seconded.

Become sovereign state. Make polygamy law of the land.

>>9096036
she's they type who will kill the competition for our love I'm guessing?
fuck the demon, let SCIENCE girl kill her, marry science girl.

good end

>>9096092
>So how do you feel about abortions?
ftfy

HAHA JUST KIDDING WE AREN'T /B/ HERE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS PLEASE DON'T

>>9096112
>>9096092
>>9096083
>>9096067

"So, how do you feel about sharing me with. . ."

"I don't care! WE HAVE SEX NOW!" Koyomi grabs you by the hand and drags you upstairs to some random place. . . possibly your bedroom.

She throws open the door. . . and immediately freezes as she sees the mysterious Alien Sphere.

"Oh. . . my god. . ." she whispers. "It's beautiful."

All thoughts of sex apparently forgotten, she runs forward to the alien sphere, putting her hands to it, she looks intently at the inscribing on the three-foot tall device, muttering something to herself. She's also completely unaware of the fact that her shirt is still wide open.

>>9096083
Yeah, we should probably be up front about this

>>9096155
Well, she made the offer and we agreed; no stopping now. Sex her from behind while she examines the sphere.

>>9096155

In a week's time, our mansion is going to be a gigeresque mechanical nightmare, that we will have had sex in every room of.

>>9096155
hey, I also have this alien ass dildo probe you might be interested in...

>>9096155
She's probably really turned on right now. Stand behind her and start talking dirty as she examines it.

Also, we auto-saging.

>>9096187
Remember to lock the door.

>>9096155
>inscribing
That's a verb.

"Inscription."

>>9096187

Yes, this! Take her from behind while she studies the sphere. We must put her concentration to the test.

But first, close and lock door. We wouldn't want Sam peeking in.

>>9096187
>>9096202
These.

>>9096202
Yes. But make sure she doesn't just replace us with it and the repair bots.

>>9096198
I can hardly wait.

>>9096187
Sounds rather sensible. Let's do it.

>>9096225
in before "stop I'm trying to concentrate"

>>9096268 New Thread is here.