rolled 563 = 563

I'm a Primarch. D8s are for people who aren't the offspring of the fucking Emprah of Mankind.

rolled 8 = 8

I kill everyone who doesn't like me. I'm a fucking Primarch goddamnit.

What, no rolling for gender?

DADDY'S SEXIST

>>8825173

BALD FOR THE BALD GOD

Roll 1d5 for skin color.

rolled 4 = 4

ROLLAN

Desert Primarch, eh? Guess we'll have to pick a Desert-y theme.

How about Sikh?

rolled 2 = 2

no hairesy? :(

rolled 12 = 12

>>8825207
Don't Primarchs have glands that make them any race that's suitable for their environment? Shouldn't we be brown no matter what?

rolled 4 = 4

>>8825207
Skin

rolled 1 = 1

>>8825207

>>8825209

YOU HAVE NO SKIN ARGHBARGL

No, just kidding. You've got dark brown skin.

DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL TRAITS?!

>>8825270
Our tongue is prehensile and one meter long

rolled 5 = 5

>>8825270
HOW WOULD I KNOW?

Tattoos cover our skin

>>8825270
When we shit, we shit the shit faster than the speed of sound. In fact, we don't fart. We do sonic booms.

CAN WE HAVE A MONOCLE PLEASE!?

>>8825270
Instead of hands

CRAB CLAWS.

>>8825286

YOU ARE A NULL

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE A BROWN, BALD, SOULLESS INFANT.

It's starting to grow dark, and you can already feel the heat from the day dissipating as the cold night sets in. At your disposal, you have the remnants of the pod you crashed down in.

WHAT DO?

>>8825309

Oh god lol. Sonic boom farts.

>>8825270
Unusual traits, our legs bend back at the knee.


Awwwwwwwwwwwwwright

>>8825340
We make a crude rocket sledge and travel through the desert.

>>8825340
Make baby power armor

>>8825340
Look for things to consume to satisfy your genetically superior stomach.

>>8825340
Build a suit of terminator armor from the remains.

>>8825340
how old are we?
aren't we like babies ?

>>8825363
>>8825365
>>8825368

PICK ONE AND ROLL 1d100 TO SEE IF YOU SUCCEED.

>>8825340
>Null
Aw man, nobody's going to like us.

Oh well, have to rule through respect and terror.

>>8825340

We night to keep warm.

PUNCH THE GROUND UNTIL IT STARTS TO BURN.
THIS WILL KEEP US WARM.

>>8825380
ROCKET SLEDGE!

GO GO GO GO GO GO

rolled 3 = 3

>>8825270

We are an anthropomorphic eagle.

>>8825340
We need food, water, shelter for the hot desert days, and warmth for the cold desert night.

What's around us?

rolled 8 = 8

>>8825368
Yeee

rolled 63 = 63

Rocket sled!

rolled 92 = 92

>>8825380
Armor

>>8825391
Damn flood detection.

rolled 7 = 7

>>8825380

ROCKET SLEDGE

rolled 18 = 18

>>8825380
ROCKET SLED

WE DONT NEED ARMOR YOU HORRIBLE CUNTS.

WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

rolled 70 = 70

BABY ARMOR

rolled 95 = 95

>>8825404
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

GOD DAMN IT FLOOD DETECTION. YOU COULD AT LEAST LEAVE WHATEVER I HAVE IN MY E-MAIL FIELD ON.

rolled 34 = 34

>>8825422
If we build it, they will come.

>>8825396

UTILIZING KNOWLEDGE BURIED DEEP IN YOUR MIND THAT YOU WEREN'T EVEN AWARE EXISTED, YOU CONSTRUCT A CRUDE SUIT OF ARMOR FOR YOURSELF. IT IS NOT MOTORIZED, BUT IT'LL DO THE JOB OF PROTECTING YOU IF THE SHIT HITS THE FAN.

IT'S DARK OUTSIDE NOW, AND COLD. YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF CREATURES MOVING ABOUT THE DESERT.

rolled 8 = 8

>>8825446
WHAT IS AROUND US

>>8825446
KILL THEM FOR THE EMPRAH

rolled 12 = 12

>>8825446
MAN, AWESOME. IT'S GETTING LATE, I THINK IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR ONE OF OUR MANY BABY NAPS.

rolled 80 = 80

>>8825446
Find something
Kill it
Make a bitchin' cape from its skin

We need a drawfag ASAP

BABY PRIMARCH IN ARMOR GO

rolled 13 = 13

>>8825457
WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM YET. BUT KILL THEM ANYWAY.

WHY ARE WE USING CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL?

>>8825456

You are midway up a 50-foot-tall dune, and the moons are shining.

rolled 24 = 24

>>8825467
I GUESS THIS MEANS WE FAIL TO TAKE A NAP.

>>8825480
Look at the moon and transform in to BABY WEREWOLF PRIMARCH. STALK THE NIGHT.

rolled 36 = 36

Can we score a pair of iron hands? I think that would be pretty cool.

>>8825495

YOU LOOK UP AT THE MOON AND HOWL LIKE THAT FAGGOT LEMAN RUSS

LUCKILY, NOTHING HAPPENS. PLEASED THAT YOU'RE NOT SOME FURRY FAGGOT, YOU REALIZE THAT THE SOUNDS OF THE CREATURES OF THE NIGHT HAVE CEASED.

Cry acid tears because I want some primarch baby food. Realize after an hour of crying that burns a three foot hole into the pod, there's no one coming to give me food. Hunt a few scorpions and eat them, or whatever else crawls here.

rolled 50 = 50

>>8825523
HOW THE FUCK DO WE KNOW ABOUT LEMAN RUSS.

OH WELL. BEST GO CHARIN' AT WHERE THE SOUNDS CAME FROM.

rolled 6 = 6

>>8825523
They're obviously up to something. QUICKLY, SET UP THE TRAP!

rolled 69 = 69

>>8825523

THOSE FUCKING PUSSIES. HOWL SOME GENERIC INSULTS TOWARDS THEM.
IN CASE WE CAN'T SPEAK YET, JUST HOWL.

rolled 1 = 1

WE ARE LOST AND ALONE. SCREAM OUT INTO THE NIGHT TO WHATEVER GODS MAY ANSWER THAT WE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR THE POWER TO SURVIVE.

rolled 61 = 61

HOLY SHIT GUYS. WE'RE TYPING IN ALL CAPS AND WE'RE A PRIMARCH.

WE'RE THE PRIMARCH OF THE ANGRY MARINES.

>>8825540
>>8825541
>>8825546

DO YOU WANT TO HOWL SOME MORE, GO HUNTING FOR FOOD/TROPHIES, OR SET UP A TRAP LIKE A PUSSY AND HOPE SOMETHING COMES TO YOU?

rolled 36 = 36

>>8825556
PRIMARCH TIGIUS IS ANGRIER THAN ANGRON

LOUDER THAN LEMON RUSH

PROBABLY FAGGIER THAN FULGRIM, THIS IS /tg/ AFTER ALL

rolled 18 = 18

>>8825559
WHAT KIND OF PUSSY QUESTION IS THAT?

WE HUNT.

>>8825578

DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE TOP OF THE DUNE TO HUNT, OR TO THE BOTTOM?

BTW OP how old are we? I just have the picture of a three year old with a crude armour in my head.

rolled 12 = 12

>>8825596
TOP. WE SEE ANY SHIT, WE JUMP DOWN ON IT. MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP TYPING IN CAPSLOCK SOON. OR NOT, WHATEVER.

>>8825599

THAT'S PROBABLY AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION.

FUCK, BY THE TIME YOU'RE FIVE, YOU'LL ALREADY BE ALMOST FINISHED WITH PUBERTY. PRIMARCHS ARE WEIRD LIKE THAT.

>>8825606

CLIMBING UP TO THE TOP OF THE DUNE IN YOUR SELF-MADE ARMOR, YOU LOOK DOWN THE OTHER SIDE AND SEE A GROUP OF SPIDER-LIKE THINGS TWICE YOUR SIZE CHITTERING OVER THE CARCASS OF SOMETHING.

>>8825612
Yeah but three year olds are anatomically unfit for hunting because they have trouble standing upright, y'know?

Is there a cactus, or is it a cactusless desert?

rolled 75 = 75

>>8825642
LOCATE THE BIGGEST ONE.

BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IT AND BECOME LORD OF THE SPIDERS. WILL NOW BE THE THEME OF OUR MARINES.

>>8825643

It's sand as far as the eye can see. You're a superior breed of human, you have no locomotion problems.

Oh yes, and don't attack the spider things head first. We're a Primarch after all, not fucking Superbaby escaped from Krypton.

Freman Marines await thee command Primarch!

>>8825651

YOU HOP OFF THE EDGE OF THE DUNE, HOWLING YOUR WARCRY, AND LAND ON THE LARGEST SPIDER IN THE PACK, WHICH IS APPROXIMATELY THE SIZE OF A FUCKING SAINT BERNARD. IT HISSES AND STARTS FLAILING AROUND, TRYING TO DISLODGE YOU.

rolled 14 = 14

>>8825689
STAMP ON IT'S HEAD. CRUSH IT LIKE THE BUG IT IS. ARACHNID. WHATEVER.

rolled 82 = 82

>>8825721
This is going to end badly, isn't it?

>>8825721

YOU DIG YOUR FOOT THROUGH ITS FUCKING HEAD, AND CAN FEEL ITS CHITIN CRUNCH AS YOUR FOOT POPS OUT THE OTHER SIDE, YOUR ENTIRE LEG INSIDE THE DAMN THING'S HEAD. IT CRUMPLES TO THE GROUND, GOING LIMP.

ROLL 1d100 TO TRY AND ESTABLISH DOMINANCE OVER THE REST OF THE SPIDERS BEFORE THEY DECIDE TO EAT YOU.

I think I'm beginning to get a grip on why no one ever heard from that Primarch ever again.

rolled 58 = 58

>>8825755
MAKE SPIDER NOISES

rolled 60 = 60

>>8825755
Dear Emperor.

Even though we don't know about you yet, please guide this dice roll so we don't get horribly eaten and thus never get our Marines.

rolled 81 = 81

>>8825755

IF WE WIN, COMMAND THE SPIDERS TO HAVE A CELEBRATORY ORGY.

nothing because survival is guaranteed, and in like a month ill be an adult, and ill just beat my authority into people.

rolled 3 = 3

>>8825755
ROLLAN BUT READY TO FUCK THEIR SHIT ANYWAY

>>8825766

YOU MAKE SPIDER NOISES. THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY EFFECT. THE SPIDERS ARE DRAWING CLOSER, THEIR MANDIBLES DRIPPING.

Are we going for high or low rolls?

rolled 40 = 40

>>8825792
WEAR THE CORPSE OF THE SPIDER YOU JUST KILLED AND PRETEND TO BE IT.

rolled 48 = 48

>>8825792

GRAB THE MANDIBLES OF THE DEAD SPIDER AND CLICK THEM TOGETHER

>>8825794

DARK HERESY RULES, FUCKNUGGET

LOW IS BEST

>>8825786
>>8825804
>>8825804
WE GOT A THREE
CAPSLOCK, FUCK YEAR

>>8825801

YOU RIP OFF THE LARGE SPIDER'S THORAX.

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH IT?

rolled 86 = 86

SPIT ACID IN THEIR EYES!

>>8825821
GRIP IT WITH YOUR MOUTH AND FLIP OFF THE OTHER SPIDERS

FFFUUUUUUUUCK

rolled 74 = 74

>>8825821
WE WEAR IT. LIKE A CLOAK.

AND IT'S HEAD AS OUR HELMET.

rolled 78 = 78

>>8825821

RAPE IT

rolled 86 = 86

>>8825836
WELL SHIT. THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL.

USE THE XP FROM BOSS SPIDER KILL TO LEARN SPIDER LANGUAGE

TELL THEM I'M HUNGRY AND WANT MASHED CARROTS

>>8825836

YOU PULL ALL OF THE VISCERA OUT OF THE DEAD SPIDER'S THORAX, AND PUT IT ON, LOOKING FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A WALKING THORAX. THE OTHER SPIDER PAUSE, CHITTERING IN CONFUSION.

rolled 18 = 18

SCREAM AT THEM TO BRING YOU NUM NUMS UNTIL THEY OBEY.

rolled 92 = 92

>>8825857

COMMAND THEM TO FERRY ME AROUND AS A SPIDER THRONE

rolled 44 = 44

>>8825857
DANCE AROUND AND MAKE CHITTERING NOISES IN AN AUTHORITATIVE MANNER

Suddenly I understand why no one ever talked about primarchs II and XI.

>>8825860

THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BUT THEY DRAG OVER THE CORPSE THEY WERE EATING ANYWAY. IT LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOFED REPTILE.

>>8825895
DEVOUR IT

rolled 73 = 73

>>8825895
FUCK YEAH DINNER. EAT THE FUCK OUT OF THAT BITCH.

rolled 94 = 94

>>8825857
BE RAISED BY SPIDERS
WE WILL BECOME STEALTHY MOTHERFUCKERS SPECIALIZING IN AMBUSHES AND TRAPS
FUCK YEAH

>>8825907

YOU DIG IN, DEVOURING THE BEST PIECES OF THE CORPSE, AS THE SPIDERS, HISSING IN CONFUSION, SCURRY OFF INTO THE DESERT, VANISHING OVER A DUNE.

>>8825929
FOLLOW THEM

rolled 41 = 41

FOLLOW THEM AND KILL THEM FOR EXPERIENCE

rolled 20 = 20

>>8825929
MAKE A BADASS SANDCASTLE FORTRESS OUT OF SURROUNDING SAND AND THE REPTILE THING'S FLUIDS

rolled 35 = 35

(Oh, shit, they understood me...)
DEVOUR THE CORPSE, SHARING WITH THOSE THAT WERE THE FIRST TO MOVE!
TEACH THEM THE HOLY LANGUAGE OF HUMANITY. A PRIMARCH, WILL OF THE EMPRAH INCARNATE, WOULD NEVER LEARN A WORTHLESS XENO'S TONGUE.

>>8825935
>>8825952

YOU RUN AFTER THE ARACHNIDS, FOLLOWING THEIR TRACKS IN THE SAND FOR HOURS, UNTIL YOU COME OVER THE TOP OF A DUNE AND SEE A HUT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OTHER SIDE. THE TRACKS SEEM TO GO INTO THE HUT.

rolled 52 = 52

>>8825999
ENTER THE HUT AND MAKE YOUR PLACE AS BOSS SPIDER

>>8825999
Take off that spider shit, you look silly.

NOW BURST IN THERE AND GREET THEM.

rolled 32 = 32

carefully check the hut it may be a trap

rolled 7 = 7

GO IN

EVERYONE THAT LOOKS FUNNY AT YOU GETS PUNCHED IN THE BALLS OR CUNT

FUCKING THREE-YEAR-OLD PRIMARCH POWER

>>8826014

YOU SLIDE DOWN THE DUNE, USING THE SPIDER'S CARAPACE AS A SLED. ONCE YOU REACH THE BOTTOM, YOU WALK AROUND TO THE FRONT OF THE HUT. YOU CAN SEE A GLOW COMING FROM INSIDE, AND CAN HEAR THE CHITTERING OF THE SPIDERS, AS WELL AS WHAT SOUNDS LIKE... A HUMAN VOICE?

rolled 13 = 13

ENTER THE HUT, BEING ON GUARD FOR WEBS AND AMBUSHES.

A GLOW? HERETICAL MAGICS NO DOUBT

rolled 43 = 43

>>8826062
GO IN AND ANNOUNCE YOURSELF.

WAIT SHIT WE DON'T HAVE A NAME.

GET WHOEVER THE HUMANS ARE TO GIVE YOU A NAME. WE NEED A NAME TO YELL AT TO PEOPLE.

>>8826096

COME UP WITH A NAME FOR YOURSELF, CUNTMAGGOTS

ANGRON IS ALREADY TAKEN, SORRY

rolled 71 = 71

BE DIPLOMATIC WITH THE (POSSIBLE) HUMAN.
IF SHE GETS ANGRY ABOUT THE DEAD SPIDER, APOLOGISE AND STATE THAT I HAVEN'T EATEN IN 3 YEARS.

rolled 60 = 60

>>8826112
THIS PRIMARCH'S NAME IS... TIM

>>8826112
OWNIMUS MAXIMUS

rolled 41 = 41

FAUSTICUS

rolled 50 = 50

BIGGUS DICKUS

rolled 84 = 84

>>8826112

URINUS THE GOLDEN

COME TO A CONSENSUS YOU GODDAMN TODDLER

JESUS FUCK

I thought the people here would give us a name. We don't even have a concept of language yet, after all.

rolled 18 = 18

OUR NAME SHALL BE RAGEOUS.
A COMBINATION WORD MADE FROM RAGE AND RIGHTEOUS.

rolled 99 = 99

>>8826112
Rutherford.

So I gather our legion will be the space spiders huh?

rolled 57 = 57

>>8826131
>>8826132
>>8826150
NO, NO. OUR NAME, LIKE ALL PRIMARCHS MUST BE SOMETHING TO DO WITH OUR CHAPTER. AND SINCE ANGRY SHIT'S TAKEN LET'S TAKE SOMETHING SPIDER RELATED.

ARACHNID? ANANSI?

rolled 33 = 33

RACHNUS

rolled 75 = 75

>>8826175
I second this.

rolled 63 = 63

>>8826189
LOOKS THAT WAY.

REALLY FUCKING ANGRY SPIDERS.

Itsy Bitsy?

rolled 40 = 40

ARACHNOCUS

>>8826172

VERY WELL. YOU'LL JUST WALK IN, AND LET SOME FUCK LIVING IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WITH A BUNCH OF FUCKING PET SPIDERS NAME YOU. AM I UNDERSTANDING THIS CORRECTLY?

rolled 50 = 50

>>8826170
YOU DON'T TALK TO A PRIMARCH LIKE THAT!
EVEN IF YOU ARE THE NARRATOR.

>>8826223
Wait, I thought we couldn't speak, how are we going to name ourselves?

rolled 64 = 64

>>8826223
DAMN RIGHT

rolled 71 = 71

>>8826196
ARACHIND

ANAGRAM.

>>8826231

I'LL NARRATE YOU INTO A GODDAMN HOLE, YOU FUCKING SUPERBABY.

RACHNUS IS A GOOD NAME. YEA OR NAY?

rolled 3 = 3

>>8826223
EMPEROR-DAMNED RIGHT THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO

>>8826257
JUST DO IT ALREADY

We have to find an okay home and then stay there for a bit. The people will probably give us a fitting name and teach us their ways. We will show how superiorr we are and have many adventures that probably end in us becoming their ruler. Later the Emperor lands and gives us a hug. At least that's what I planned.

rolled 45 = 45

>>8826257
THIS IS ACCEPTABLE

rolled 63 = 63

>>8826257
RACHNUS RAGEOUS.
THERE.
LET'S GO TALK TO SOME SPIDERS.

rolled 72 = 72

>>8826281

WELL, YOUR PLAN SUCKS AND DOESN'T NEARLY INVOLVE ENOUGH PUNCHING PEOPLE WITH KNUCKLE DUSTERS MADE FROM LIVE SPIDERS

rolled 34 = 34

RIGHT IF WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS WHOLE SPIDER SCHTICK AND SINCE WE SEEM TO BE UTTERLY INSANE, LET'S HAVE A PRIDE COMPLEX. 'CAUSE OF ARACHNE AND ALL THAT SHIT.

>>8826297
>>8826288
>>8826280

RACHNUS RAGEOUS IT IS.

YOU WALK INTO THE HUT, AND ARE CONFRONTED WITH THE SIGHT OF A TALL, THIN MAN, CLAD IN WHITE ROBES, SITTING ON A COT AND FEEDING THE SPIDERS LITTLE TIDBITS OF DRIED MEAT. UPON HEARING YOU ENTER, HE LOOKS AT YOU IN SURPRISE.

"What is a child doing here?" He asks, mostly to himself, as he walks over to you.

>>8826323
Dohoho! Of course I supposed punching people with chitineous knuckle dusters was one of the ways of the people here.

rolled 41 = 41

>>8826350
CAN WE SPEAK? WE PROBABLY FUCKING CAN'T.

POINT TO OUR CRASHED POD.

Pic very related.

rolled 54 = 54

>>8826350
Chew on one of the poisonous mandibles to show how badass you are...

rolled 39 = 39

>>8826373
THE POD THAT'S HOURS AWAY ACROSS THE DESERT?

SMILE AND WAVE. TRY NOT TO PUNCH TOO MUCH.

>>8826373

HE EXAMINES YOUR HOMEMADE ARMOR CAREFULLY, THEN LOOKS AT YOU WITH AN EXPRESSION DIFFICULT TO CATEGORIZE.

"Where did you come from, child?"

rolled 32 = 32

>>8826350
I SHALL IMMEDIATELY LEARN THIS LANGUAGE AND HOW TO SPEAK IT BASED ON THAT ONE SENTENCE.
GREET THIS MAN.

SUDDENLY, FOLLOWING A LARGE EXPLOSION, THE ANGRY MARINES FUCKING FELL FROM THE SKY, YOU GOT YOUR GODDAMN LEGION NOW PRIMARCH! FUCK YEAH FOR THE EMPEROR!

I COME WITH DRAWFAGGOTRY!

rolled 73 = 73

>>8826396
POINT AT THE SKY AND BABBLE

rolled 73 = 73

>>8826396
POINT UP. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. IT'S MYSTERIOUS.

>>8826411
>>8826413
That´s just too cute... even through you can probably break that guy´s spine...

>>8826413

HE LOOKS AT YOU INCREDULOUSLY, APPARENTLY NOT GETTING THAT YOU'RE THE SON OF THE FUCKING EMPEROR OF MANKIND OR SOMETHING. THE DICK.

"From the stars? But who are your parents?"

rolled 30 = 30

MAN THIS GUY IS BEING PRETTY NICE DESPITE US BEING A NULL.

AND WEARING WEIRD ARMOUR.

AND PRESUMABLY COVERED IN DEAD SPIDER JUICE.

rolled 95 = 95

>>8826443
BABBLE SOME MORE, MAYBE HE'LL GET THAT YOUR A FUCKING TODDLER WHO DOESN'T KNOW HIS LANGUAGE

rolled 49 = 49

>>8826443
WELL YEAH, BUT WE DON'T GET WE'RE THE SON OF THE EMPEROR.

SHRUG. WE DON'T FUCKING KNOW. WE'RE PROBABLY THIRSTY, BEING IN A DESERT AND ALL. POINT TO TONGUE.

>>8826451
WE MUST BE SOME KIND OF MUTANT NULL WITH GODDAMN MUTANT PRIMARCH CHARISMA!

rolled 68 = 68

>>8826451
PERHAPS WE ARE ON THE PLANET OF THE NULLS

OUR LEGION WILL BE COMPOSED OF SOULLESS ABOMINATIONS WHO NOBODY LIKES. AND ANGRY SPIDERS.

>>8826443
I START TO PLAY WITH HIS ROBES AS I DON'T KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE AND WHERE I COME FROM, I'M A FUCKING BABBY AFTER ALL

rolled 33 = 33

SURELY THIS MAN WORSHIPS THE EMPRAH.
POINT TO THE PROMINENTLY DISPLAYED SHRINE TO HIS GLORY.

>>8826459

He sighs, and sits down, apparently pondering something. "Well, I can't leave you out here all alone. I suppose it's time I returned to the village anyway - Come along." He says, gesturing to the spiders, as he walks out of the hut after picking up a sack and a stick.

Oh yeah, and being a Null, we trigger feelings of Emptiness and slight Dread in people around us. HOW'S THAT FOR A CHARISMATIC LEADER?

>>8826516
FOLLOW THE SPIDERMAN!

>>8826516
Examine his hut before following

WHO IS THIS STRANGE MAN

rolled 23 = 23

>>8826516
FOLLOW.
LEAD HIM TO THE POD.

>>8826499

I DON'T THINK ANY OF THAT WORSHIPPING BUSINESS IS HAPPENING YET
THIS IS WARHAMMER 30K

OUR NAME SHOULD BE THE RACHNAI YOU FAGS
THATS RIGHT -THE- RACHNAI

rolled 47 = 47

>>8826576
YEAH. WE'RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN IN IMPERIAL TERRITORY.

>>8826544
>>8826558
>>8826562

LOOKING AROUND HIS HUT, YOU SEE SOME DRIED PLANT AND ANIMAL REMAINS, BUT NOTHING INTERESTING. FOLLOWING HIM OUT OF THE HUT, YOU SEE THAT HE AND HIS PET SPIDERS ARE ALREADY MARCHING OFF ACROSS THE DUNES, AND YOU HURRY TO CATCH UP.

>>8826529

WE CAN MAKE UP FOR IT BY BEING THE AWESOMEST SPIDER-PUNCHING BADASS ANYBODY HAS EVER SEEN.

ALSO, I VOTE THAT IF WE EVER COME ACROSS ROBOUTE GULLIMAN, WE PUNCH HIM IN THE BALLS NO MATTER WHAT

rolled 18 = 18

>>8826605
MAKE A GIANT FUCKING LEAP TO SHOW THE FUCK OFF

rolled 79 = 79

>>8826576
OH, RIGHT.
I FORGOT.
GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

rolled 8 = 8

SHIT, WE FORGOT OUR BLANKIE.
BACK TO THE POD!

>>8826633

YOU HOP RIGHT THE FUCK OVER HIS HEAD, AND HE LOOKS AT YOU KIND OF WEIRDLY BEFORE RETURNING TO HIS SPIDER HERDING.

TIMESKIP TO ARRIVAL AT THE VILLAGE?

rolled 35 = 35

>>8826605
POINT TO THE FUCKING SPIDERS.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT SHIT, HUH?

>>8826605
POP A SONIC BOOM FART TO SHOW THE OLD GUY WHAT HE'S DEALIN WITH!

DESERT PRIMARCH?

MUA'DIB

rolled 31 = 31

>>8826665
I AGREE WITH THIS.

rolled 72 = 72

>>8826665
I THIRD THIS

THEN TIMESKIP

>>8826605

>>8826665
>>8826688
>>8826721

HE SEES YOU POINTING AT THE SPIDERS, AND CHUCKLES.

"These are the Sandlegs. We use them to help us hunt in the desert. They're difficult to train, but once you break them in, there's no better animal to have at your side."

>>8826757

Why isn't the guy pissed that we leg-fucked one through the skull? Better yet, why isn't he FUCKING IMPRESSED AS HELL?

>>8826743
THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME

This shit is just too fucking cute.

>>8826776
WE'RE SO DAMNED AWESOME HE CAN'T MENTALLY WRAP HIS MIND AROUND IT.

rolled 7 = 7

>>8826757
THAT'S COOL. SO SPACE SPIDERS SEEMS LIKE A GOOD MARINE CHAPTER TO BE. ACTUALLY MAYBE STAR SPIDERS OR SOMETHING INSTEAD.

ANYWAY LET'S VISIT THE VILLAGE NOW. WE NEED TO KNOW SHIT ABOUT THEIR CULTURE SO WE CAN TAKE OVER AND THEN BASE OUR CHAPTER ON IT.

>>8826776
I'm sure he's convinced himself it couldn't have happened.

>>8826757

FUCKING TIMESKIP, A COUPLE DAYS LATER, AT THE VILLAGE.

---

ON YOUR THIRD DAY OF TRAVEL, YOU CAN SEE A SHAPE IN THE DISTANCE. BY NOON, YOU'RE CLOSE ENOUGH TO SEE THAT IT'S A MODERATELY-SIZED MOUNTAIN, AND IT SEEMS TO BE MISSING THE TOP.

>>8826786
ASTRORACHNIDS!

rolled 98 = 98

>>8826807
FOLLOW THE OLD MAN AND INVESTIGATE THAT SHIT OUT OF CURIOSITY

>>8826807
CLEARLY A DEFUNCT VOLCANO. THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE IF WE FUCKING HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

>>8826807

ATTEMPT TO MOUNT ONE OF THE SANDLEGS. YOU MUST BREED AN ARMY UNTIL THE LEGION ARRIVES.

>>8826813
I understand we'll be using the "webway"?

rolled 29 = 29

>>8826807

WE CLEARLY DECAPITATED THAT MOUNTAIN WITH OUR RADIANT AWESOMENESS
WITHOUT EVEN TRYING TO
OR KNOWING ABOUT IT

FOLLOW THE SANDLEGS!

>>8826837
THIS MIGHT WORK

WE MUST TRY AT SOME POINT

>>8826820
>>8826821
>>8826829

YOU HOP ONTO ONE OF THE SPIDERS, RIDING IT ALONG UP THE MOUNTAIN PATHS, AS THE OLD MAN LEADS THE WAY. AFTER SEVERAL MORE HOURS OF TREKKING, YOU FINALLY REACH THE TOP, AND ARE GREETED BY THE SIGHT OF A VILLAGE IN THE CRATER OF AN EXTINCT VOLCANO, THE BUILDINGS COMPOSED PRIMARILY OF ANIMAL PARTS.

When we finally get mahrines, we need to hunt the warp spiders to extinction so we can take their name.

>>8826873

WE MUST CONSTRUCT A NEW POWER ARMOR OUT OF SPIDER PARTS AND PEOPLE PASTE.

rolled 100 = 100

>>8826873

Mysterious desert planet, I am disappoint.

>>8826892
Hey, let's stick to killing assholes only for the moment, we don't know chaos exists yet.

>>8826892
>power armor
>animal parts and glue

rolled 42 = 42

>>8826873
LEARN LOCAL LANGUAGE AND CULTURE

rolled 13 = 13

>>8826873
ANIMAL PARTS FOR BUILDING, EH?

... HOW WE GOING TO INCORPORATE THAT INTO MARINES. SPIDER... SKELETON DECORATION? MAKE SHIT OUT OF BONES? WHAT!

>>8826906
>Primarch Null
>Made from Powerful warp dude's DNA, Altered by warp, Immune to warp.
Reasonable science can fuck off.

rolled 7 = 7

START LEARNING HOW TO SPEAK.
CAN'T BE ANY HARDER THAN MAKING ARMOR FROM SCRAP METAL WITH OUR BARE HANDS.

rolled 88 = 88

WE CLIMB ONTO A BUILDING TO DISPLAY OUR GREATNESS!

>>8826931
We're a null. Since that means our chapter might all be semi warp resistant, that means we get shitty Librarians. I say we all become tech marines and get mechandrites in emulation of a spider.

>>8826924

THE OLD MAN IN THE WHITE ROBE LEADS YOU TO A HUT IN THE CENTER OF THE VILLAGE, WHICH SEEMS TO BE MADE OUT OF A GIANT SKULL DRAPED WITH FURS AND SCALY HIDES. TWO GUARDS ARMED WITH STRANGE-LOOKING SPEARS STAND OUTSIDE THE HUT. THE OLD GUY SAYS SOMETHING TO THEM, AND THEY LET YOU PASS.

rolled 13 = 13

>>8826980
WHAT'S INSIDE THE HUT? TELL US DAMN IT

>>8826873

rolled 95 = 95

>>8826965
NO, NO.

I GOT IT.

BIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENTATION! WE'LL BE THE FREAK CHAPTER. AND UNLIKE THE RAVEN GUARD, WE WON'T PUSSY OUT OF IT.

rolled 88 = 88

>>8826980
DAMN, A 7 ISN'T ENOUGH TO SPEAK?
MAYBE OUR VOCAL CORDS AREN'T DEVELOPED YET?

>>8827003

SITTING INSIDE THE HUT, ON A THRONE COMPOSED OF THE BONES OF SOME FUCKING HUGE CREATURE AND COVERED WITH ANIMAL PELTS IS A TALL, BEARDED MAN, HIS SKIN DARK AND HIS HAIR WHITE. HE LOOKS TO BE EVEN TALLER THAN YOUR CHAPERONE, AND DESPITE THE AGE INDICATED BY HIS HAIR COLOR, LOOKS TO BE IN PEAK SHAPE.

"What is it that you have brought me from the desert wastes this time, Maloris? A child?" He looks down at you skeptically.

>>8827045

WE'RE A BADASS MUTE.

>>8827056

BREAK DANCE TO IMPRESS HIM. THEN FUCKING STAB HIM WITH A SPIDER LEG.

>>8827058
WE'RE WH30K BABY VERSION OF GORDON FREEMAN

I bet the twist is the guy's an Eldar. After all he's the first person we ever see and we can't see our own ears to compare. Would explain all the fucking spiders.

That would be another sweet twist why no one ever knew 2 and 9. One is a honorary Eldar, the other is an Ork Waaghboss.

>>8827083

Hey guys I found the spider themed stuff I was looking for, but..
I forgot it was heretical.

>>8827069

AS YOU BEGIN TO DANCE A TRIBAL DANCE OF YOUR OWN INVENTION, MALORIS WALKS ACROSS THE ROOM TO SPEAK WITH HIM.

"Sire, the child killed the packleader of my Sandlegs, and claims to have fallen from the sky. Even his armor is like nothing I've ever seen before. Surely it must be a sign?"

rolled 49 = 49

>>8827125
YEAH, I DOUBT WE'RE GOING TO FALL TO HERESY.

AT LEAST NOT CHAOS HERESY.

>>8827153
no it's loyalist, but..
http://www.librarium-online.com/forums/painting/133063-black-widows-dreadnought.html

>>8827069
BREAK DANCE TIME!

rolled 39 = 39

>>8827145
NOD IN AGREEMENT. THEN DEMONSTRATE BY POINTING TO A ROCK AND SPITTING ACID AT IT.

WE'RE A FUCKIN' PRIMARCH, BITCHES.

They fail to mention our magnificent display of funk!

Perhaps we're not as black as I thought.

rolled 71 = 71

>>8827169
OHHHH.

THAT TYPE OF HERESY.

>>8827177

The taller man looks down at you appraisingly. "Very well Maloris, he can stay. But you are to be in charge of his development until he is old enough for the Pit, understood?"

>>8827215

FUCK THAT SHIT. JUMP IN THE PIT NOW.

I AM READY.

>>8827215
SOUNDS OMINOUS.

LEARN TO SPEAK AND DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH THIS PIT.

rolled 95 = 95

>>8827215
NOTE TO SELF: KILL THIS DUDE BEFORE HE CAN SEND US TO WHATEVER THIS PIT IS.

>>8827241

ROLL 1d100 TO SEE IF YOU HAVE MASTERED SPEECH YET.

rolled 56 = 56

>>8827255
TALKING IS HARD

YELLING IS EASY

rolled 67 = 67

>>8827215
SAY MALORIS.
THEN GIVE THUMBS UP.

>>8827272

GOOD ENOUGH, YOU CAN YELL AND SOME OF WHAT YOU SAY MAY BE COHERENT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ASK?

rolled 50 = 50

>>8827291
I'M FUCKING THIRSTY!

>>8827306
YOU HEARD THE MAN!

>>8827306
>>8827317

"WATER YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS" You yell, and the two look at you, stunned. Maloris is the first to recover. "Very well, come with me, child." He says, leading you out of the tent, the spiders following behind.

rolled 51 = 51

>>8827340

ASK ABOUT THE PIT

>>8827340
RACHNUS RAGEOUS IS PLEASED.

>"WATER YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS"

Primarch of the Angry Marines after all!

I love you /tg/.

I think we need a dad.

We are a naughty kid.

(note to self return to the pod for that damn copy of Battle Toads)

>>8826965
I second this.

rolled 21 = 21

>>8827340
SUCCESS!
INTRODUCE MYSELF TO MALORIS

I am really starting to understand why the imperium kept this guy out of their records.

>>8827145

>>8827356

"WHAT PIT?" You ask him. He looks down at you, his face once again inscrutable. "The pit is where young men of the tribe battle the strongest of the Sandlegs, as a coming of age ritual. Those who survive are fit to become men of the tribe."

>>8827368
>>8827379
Angry Marine mind

>>8827414

WE'RE LIKE THREE DAYS OLD AND WE KILLED A PACK-LEADING SANDFAG YOU ASSMUNCH WE'RE ALREADY MEN

>>8827410
Epic tale in the making!

WAIT WHY AREN'T WE BLACK?

YOU SAID WE WERE BLACK!

>>8827414
THAT SOUNDS REALLY FUCKING EASY.

LET'S DO THAT.

>>8827434
armor

As he leads you through the village, presumably back to his hut, you can see a huge pit near the north edge of the crater. You can hear horrifying sounds coming from it, and ocassionally you see a limb tossed in the air.

rolled 98 = 98

>>8827414

WELL, LET'S GO TO THE PIT AND FUCK UP SOME SPIDERS

>>8827434
Helmet and full armor

rolled 72 = 72

>>8827414
ASK HIM WHERE THE PITT IS! WE WILL GO THERE AND KILL EVERYTHING INSIDE!

Yeah we're black, but we're wearing a full plate armour we spontaneously constructed out of our fucking drop pod. Primarchs, like Orks, have a genetic memory of technology. We are a walking STC. Reminds me,

I CONSTRUCT A COKE MACHINE BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO DRINK A COKE!

Herp Durp I forgot hands are the same color as your face.

>>8827455

Jump in the bloody pit and rip those spiders some new ones!

>>8827465
No they are not, Most of them were medieval when Emprah found them.

rolled 56 = 56

LOOK INTO THE PIT.
WE'RE NOT SCARED; WE'D JUST LIKE TO ACCURATELY COUNT OUR KILLS.
WHICH IS HARD TO DO WHEN YOUR ADVERSARIES ARE IN A HUNDRED PIECES EACH.

>>8827493

You make to head towards the pit, but Maloris stops you.

"I know you are strong, young one, but you are not yet a match for what lives in the Pit. You have much to learn before you can survive that trial. Come, we must prepare you to be initiated into the clan."

>>8827499
Clearly our awesome mastery of technology was implanted into us to make up for our null status.

>>8827499
I, um, realize that, but shit is hilarious as well as fucked up. I'm sure we will find time to retrofit when the second thread opens (and I'm pretty sure there will be a second thread judging by how this one grows). The armor has not been relevant to the whole story anyway.

Pic related folks, we are going to become motherfuckin Primarch Spiderman.

>>8827499
Wasn't Guilliman the only one in an advanced society. Didn't he have like a little space empire?

>>8827521
Maybe we should finally listen to someone for once. He seems a decent dude, we shouldn't be a dick and go "FUCK YOUUUUU IMMA BADASS" all the time.

>>8827535
I agree, we'll be ruling these people someday soon, may as well learn from them first.

>>8827521
Nod and follow. The guy knows the desert a hundred times better than we do, and we would really like some clothes instead of this retarded armor we're wearing on our naked skin under the burning desert sun. We must essentially feel like a boiled egg right now.

>>8827521

FOLLOW HIM. FUCKIN UP DEM BUGS WILL COME SOON.

rolled 26 = 26

WE GET THE FUCK INITIATED OUT OF US!

Is it time for us to tame the worms of the desert yet?

>>8827558

Eventually, he leads you to a hut at the outskirts of the village, near the edge of the volcano rim. This hut is significantly larger than the one you first met him in, and seems to be constructed from spider leg segments taller than he is, covered with a scaly pelt.

>>8827521

SWITCH TO REASONABLE MODE

After all, we need to know what qualifies as "impossible" on this world to pull of some classy incredibly badass stunts.

>>8827588
THAT'S FOR LATER, SO WE CAN CONVINCE THEM TO MAKE US THEIR GOD-KING.

>>8827593
>>8827593
RACHNUS RAGEOUS HERE. I'M STILL THIRSTY!

FUCK YEAH!

So is this planet called Arrakis yet?

>>8827605

He waves you inside the hut. It takes your eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness - WHen they do, you can see all sorts of dried animals and plants, as well as a variety of weapons and tools, along with a mat to sleep on. Maloris walks across the hut's interior and pulls a gourd off of the wall, then hands it to you. YOu can hear a liquid sloshing around inside of it.

>>8825141
>>8827628

Last time I checked, Arrakis didn't have giant space spiders.

>>8827593

Take in as much as you can while listening to what the old man wishes you to do.

DRINK THAT CHUCKLEFUCK'S WATER

rolled 76 = 76

>>8827657
DRINK, BUT ONLY ENOUGH TO HYDRATE YOURSELF TO A HEALTHY LEVEL

NO NEED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS KIND MAN'S HOSPITALITY

>>8827681
>>8827685

You drink your fill, as Maloris opens a chest, and pulls out a box made from the carapace of a Sandleg. Opening it, he beckons you over.

>>8827685
INDEED THE MAN IS BEING EXCEPTIONALLY KIND IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, AND WE WOULD DO WELL TO MINIMIZE THE STRESS OUR PRESENCE BRINGS TO THIS ISOLATED COMMUNITY

rolled 100 = 100

>>8827706
Look into the chest.

>>8827717
oh emprah, are we blind?

WHAT TREASURES LIE WITHIN?

>>8827743
>>8827757
>>8827717

As you walk over, Maloris pulls out a large thorn, and several pots of dye. "Come. To be one of the clan, you must bear the clan's mark."

rolled 61 = 61

>>8827771
Here comes the chapter's symbol!

>>8827771
Fuck.
Well why not, BEAR IT LIKE A CHAMPION AND WE WILL REPLACE OUR EYES LATER!

>>8827771
What sort of marks? Can we see any on Maloris?

LETS GET INKED

>>8827771

Tattoos? FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAH! Tell him you want a big ass scorpion on your back or something. Just kidding, get the local peoples shit scrawled on you.

rolled 18 = 18

>>8827771
REMOVE ARMOR AND WELCOME THE MARK

Hmmm...
We're about to go blind.
We're on a spider planet.
We're going to become daredevil.

rolled 93 = 93

>>8827771
This better look pretty awesome if it's going to be painted on the side of our battle-barge someday.

>>8827657
>>8827706

ITS A WHOLE BODY INK JOB

>>8827799

As if in reply, he opens the front of his robes, revealing the shape of an arachnoid head tattooed on his chest in white. "So... Rachnus, what color shall your Shan be?"

rolled 18 = 18

>>8827847
RED

ITT: We find the First Founding chapter the Angry Marines are descended from.

rolled 85 = 85

SILVER

>>8827847
BLACK

Red works

YELLOW. AND RED.

PICK A COLOR (OR TWO) AND STICK TO IT, YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS

THESE ARE GOING TO BE YOUR LEGION'S COLORS, FOR CHRISSAKE

Silver

Silver and red

>>8827883
SILVER AND RED.

CRIMSON AND YELLOW

rolled 70 = 70

SILVER AND RED WORKS SURE WHY NOT

>>8827900
The only propa choice

yeah, silver and red

REDCRIMSON SILVERYELLOW

rolled 47 = 47

WAIT, YES CRIMSON AND YELLOW I LIKE THAT

>>8827855

How about more of a rust red. Given that we're on a desert planet and all.

RAINBOW COLORED

SILVER AND RED

GOLD, RED

>>8827916
CRIMSON INSTEAD OF RED WORKS.

rolled 84 = 84

>>8827922
I SECOND THE RUSTY RED

GOES WITH THE SPIDER TECH-MARINE SUGGESTION FROM BEFORE

CRIMSON... AND GOLD. IT IS DECIDED.

>>8827900

How about we go Orange and Red since they blend more?

>>8827896
>>8827897

SILVER AND RED IT IS

Over the course of several hours, Maloris tattoos the sign of the spider on your chest. Finally, it is done, and you bear the mark of your new clan.

NOW LISTEN UP FAGGOTS. THREAD IS ON AUTOSAGE, BUT IT'S ARCHIVED HERE -> http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/8825141/

I'M GOING TO POST THE NEXT PART IN A FEW MINUTES, SO KEEP YOUR EYES OUT.

ALSO, DRAWFAGGOT IS A SCHOLAR AND A GENTLEMAN. THAT IS ALL.

>>8827954
Rusty red & silver

>>8827968

FUCK THAT NOISE, CRIMSON AND GOLD. BETTER RETCON THAT SHIT

rolled 22 = 22

>>8827984
IT'S OKAY, RED AND YELLOW CAN BE OUR POST-HERESY COLORS, WHEN OUR MARINES ARE EVEN ANGRIER.

ONE MIGHT EVEN SAY ALWAYS ANGRY... ALL THE TIME.

ONLY FAGGOTS USE SILVER GO WITH GOLD

>>8827847

New thread guise

>>8828033