>>23732910
>a willowy, green-skinned dryad is resting my head on her lap
>explains that I had spilled the entire story to her last night
>she starts stroking my hair, she's cute so I don't resist
>we quietly watch the sunrise together
>she decides to follow me home to make sure I'm okay
>make her some pancakes
>she then falls over and tells me that she stayed up all night to make sure I didn't hurt myself or choke on vomit or anything
>I carry her to my room, and open the window so she can rest and get some sunlight at the same time
>I call in sick and play some videogames
>around 10AM my former crush shows up, says she was worried I didn't turn up at school
>explain that I got drunk and needed to sleep off the hangover but she gets concerned about that
>suddenly she looks through my open window and says that I shouldn't lie to her
>tell her that I met the dryad last night and that I wanted to return the favour
>she asks me if I was upset she turned
>I say yes and tell her I liked her for a long time
>she apologizes and says that she knew, but she was always interested in girls, especially vampires
>I just shrug and say that maybe I'll make her jealous of my new girlfriend
>We both laugh and she goes home with a UV umbrella
>check on the dryad
>her eyes are open, she heard the whole thing
>she says she's happy she's suddenly got a boyfriend all of a sudden
>want to die
>she says she likes me too and thinks we should start dating
>manage a "I-i like you too" and flee to the kitchen

So yeah. She's still on my bed, apparently asleep, and I spent half an hour making a sandwich.

Any of you guys had experience with dating non-humans?

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Dude...

>>23732914
so why didn't you try to get into a 3 way relationship with the vamp girls

Your course of action is obvious. You kill the abominations.

>>23732914
Get the Dryad to make you some nice stakes.

You know what to do next.

>being a wizard
Hahaha! I laugh at you.

>>23732947
His friend was a lesbian.

>>23732964
Stakes of living wood ARE the best for vampire slaying.

>>23732914
Dude
Dude
I once dated a golem. Does that count?

>>23732979
so he should have turned her bi

>>23732910
ITT: shitty wish fulfillment fantasies of sweaty nerds.

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>>23733025
Why do they have to be sweaty?

>>23733025
ITT: people role playing? Let people have there fun.
It's not hurting anyone.

>>23733010
I don't recall OP saying he was a wizard.

I hope you're into plant girls son, because dryads fuck like tigers. You will like her, just give her a chance.

Yeah, dated a fae once...well at least I think I did
never learned how to pronounce her name right
the best I could do sounded a bit like a bird song
funny thing bout her was that she never chose a height to stay at, one day she towered over me, the next she was barely half my height
She lived in the forest, she changed with the seasons
in the spring, she was happy and caring, and sang songs about butterfly knights and toad kings
in the heat of the summer she was fiery and a bit aggressive, she sang ballads of passion and bravery
in the fall, she grew morose and sad,and sang of the end of things
It was a bit strange at first, but I still visited her everyday
I tried to get her to come to the city, she actually did once, but it made her ill
very ill
and then
the winter came
and I came looking for my love in the cold snow filled woods
she was there, in the clearing where she always was when I came a looking
but she didn't sing, just sat there glaring at me with eyes colder than Ice
I can't quite remember what happened after that
but all I know is she hasn't let me go back to the city since
I no longer need to eat, the sun gives me nourishment and life
My skin is bark, my teeth stone, my hair roots
my name is lost to me now. I don't know what to call myself anymore, but there are creatures like me all around her garden
she still sings, but only to me, she commands the others
the rabbit and the gnome are planning to escape. should I tell her, keep quite, or follow them?

>>23733071

>best answer in the entire thread.

Y-you t-t-to-too.

>>23732914
Stop being spaghetti and go for girl that's clearly interested in you. Also, don't go hard on your friend. You just weren't meant to be, but you still had lots of good time together. If her girlfriend's a dick then just ignore the bitch.

It'll be fine. Just watch out for splinters.

>>23733075
Chance of splinters?
Dated a mushroom lass once, took me ages to get rid of the thrush afterwards.

>>23733103
Run like a Sam Fischer.

>Vampire shows up at your school.
>Your crush willingly turns.
>You DON'T immediately purge the unholy filth from the mortal plane like a true warrior of light.
It's like you're not even tryin to be a paladin dawg.

>>23733071
>wizard
He would need to be a cleric or a paladin for that feat.
>turn undead

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>>23732914
Cap her ass like a boss OP

captcha:hebrew

>>23733150
or a necromancer
>turn on undead

Rolled 38

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsVyBHJrNQw

Give her the Light.

>>23732964

Hey man, there's Anti-defamatory laws you know.

>>23732980

How did it go?

>>23733075

She's very nice, I'll see how it goes.

>>23733120
Yeah it's cool, I think the pancakes helped me relax a bit.

>>23733128
>>23733129

She seems to be mostly of the leafy texture, and it's clear she polishes her wood-bits. But hey, I want to take this one step at a time.

>>23733136

I heard a group of self-proclaimed "paladins" got arrested last week for trying to firebomb an artificial blood seller. Vampires (and leech people) need that shit to live, it's not cool.

>>23733150
Zing!

>>2373313
shit man
I just overheard her talking to a hag who's right side was a crow
apparently from what I heard
she plans to "gift" me to some kinda of baron
along with her favorite song bird and the flower she makes me prune everyday. I am getting the hell out of here, she's been using me just so she can get in good with some other man....or whatever the hell he is. maybe if I leave those two to their fates, she won't notice me showing the rabbit and doll the hole in the wall that leads to endless brambles and thorns.
maybe I'm just overreacting
she wouldn't do that to me
except she would
she has no heart
she told me this when she dragged me through the brambles and thorns
she taunted me
fuck this bitch
I am taking as many of my fellow prisoners as I can
The rabbit has the keys to the chains that keep me from running, I just need to tell him I'll help
and I can be free from her
how long have I been here
have I always had this beard
I can't remember
she stole my life from me
it hurts

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I'll have what OP's smoking.

>>23733260
If he is a smart man, its dryad pubes. Nothing gets you higher than Dryad Bush. Best perk of dating one if you ask me. She shaves regularly and I don't have to bother with a dealer anymore, its a win all around.

>>23733237
ooc:True Blood too much ?

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>>23733290

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>>23733290
Should I even bother telling you what's in a dryad's pubes?

I'll give you a hint: If it's crystally it's probably your own dried cum.

It's simple, kill the vamp girls.

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>>23733321
Kill them all, Johnny.

>>23733321
yeah but then you have half the bloody town just wanting to tear your neck off and wear it like jockstrap

>>23732914

I dated a werewolf once. We broke up when her dad tried to rip my leg off and beat me to death with it.

Also, last full moon I tried to eat a bunch of raw meat. Should I be worried?

>>23733331
>letting a vampire turn half the town before you kill it
Well thats just sloppy

I once dated a harpy.

Pretty nice, she was very energetic.

>>23733386
no
just stay away from churches, silver, wolvesbane, pallitards,those vampiric cults,the fae, virgins during the Autumn months, and goats

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>>23733308
>fuck bitches
>smoke trees
>get money
Not much more to it than that.
>>23733311
>Dating a dryad who doesn't bathe
How you managed that is beyond me since those twiggas love water.

>>23733386
Do it like Kurt Cobain.

>>23733392
well the ogre mafia in my town protects any undead from pallitards
saw them rip one's head out his ass
not even joking
shit was brutal

>>23733407
Hey, twigga is OUR word meat sack.

man, my cousin swears by non solids
won't fuck anything else
ghosts
saw him getting a spectral blowjob, at said ghost funeral
slimes
you know how hard it is to eat when you see your cousins latest conquest filled with his seed
I am honestly thinking about selling the bastard to the redneck ogre that owns our appartment

>>23733173

>Actual best answer in this entire thread.

>>23733445
agreed

>>23733422
>>23733422
THAT IS OUR WORD YOU TWIGGA

>>23733237
> How did it go?
It was nice. She was a golem, so we couldn't go to restaurants, but she did like to do things like going to museums.
I didn't had much problem with the dust, but never, never ask a girl that is made from stone about her Weight.
So it wasn't bad. Until she left me for a dwarf.

>>23733414
I had a similar experience.
Expect it was a she, and the ass my dick, and the head was my cum... and virginity for that matter.

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It almost feels like, fantasy elements aside, this situation has actually happened to you. In which case you have my sympathies, but the important thing to do is accept it and move past it. And if you can't bear it, then just cut contact with her. It's only hard for the first couple of months.

Now, shifting to the RP tone of the thread, you should give that undead abomination the holy fire.

>>23733483
I'm guessing you couldn't walk for awhile?

>>23733516
I just realized the holy fire could be a way to say the dick

>>23733483
Wait... so... you saw an ogre rip cum out of HER dick virginity?

>>23733519
Peeing wasn't much of a joyride either.

I'm still sad I never got her number.

>>23733544
just walk nude through the ogre part of town
she'll come

>>23733536
>Expect it was a she, and the ass my dick
>and the ass my dick
>my dick

fucking pallitards man
ever play those shitty parody games they make?

I dated a shardmind once.

There were no orifices I had to drill a hole into "her" literally and cover the entrance with insulation foam to prevent chafing. Can't believe "she" agreed to it at all. And contrary to popular belief not all shardminds are covered in jagged spikes, the one I dated was made of smoothed marble.

Yeah we eventually broke up, we were just too different in personality and species to take our relationship one step further. "She" really didn't mind, and eventually plastered up the hole.

I usually hat these modern fantasywaifu threads but that at least approached something resembling a storyline. good job, i guess.

>>23733422
Dont be hatin, grasshole.

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>>23733575

>>23733422
My food eats you, so shut it.

>>23733661
and damn near everything eats you

>>23733136
>paladin
>not being a tolerant pillar of the community
It's like you don't even know what paladin means.

>>23733716
I know
fucking pallitards

>>23733481
I guess that dwarf was better at exploring her crevices than you. Tough break man, you'll find someone better.
I hear lamia are really nice and that the sex is wild.

>>23733762
just be careful
they can be venomous

>>23733559
Yeah, but will she APPROACH him?

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>>23733559
Unfortunately I'm not the one who decides when and when not we're monogamous in this relationship.

>>23733571
Well Pallies are often assholes, but the Law and Order thing makes it so that they rarely are the ones behind any hate-crimes, it's mostly just some random gang of speciesists.

>>23733777
maybe

>>23733762
Also make sure your safety word is clear and is a hand or touching gesture, people die from suffocation during lamia sex.

>>23733782
that blows
and
that is usually what happens
except when their god hates undead

>>23733807
>not wearing a oxygen tank designed just for that purpose

>>23733828
Oxygen masks makes oral a finicky and awkward affair.

>>23733807
>>23733828
>not having sufficient muscle mass to not be crushed like a twig
do you even elemental plane of lift

>>23733847

>>23733847
>not using the newest Imask with life like tongue attachment

>>23733809
Well, it's more of the not kind, but trust me, there is nothing better than having her coming home angry after some meeting with an asshole client and literally dragging you off into the bedroom.

So yes, there is a lot of blowing.

>>23733881
Yeah because I enjoy buying overpriced plastic.

>>23733858
A lamia can apply so much constrictive pressure from every direction, it can collapse your wind pipe. No amount muscle mass and strength potions are going to save you.

>>23733751
Yeah, I know.
Father Justin is the local paladin in my city. Man, you do some pallitard shit and he finds out about it... he doesn't even yell. He just looks at you like you are such a disappointment. It's so damn effective.

>>23733902
yeah
but then you can't walk for like a week

>>23733933
yeah
but then their are those anti paladins
they can be fun
you know
when they aren't being massive dicks

>>23733064
>there
>their

>>23733934
Mutharfucking cleric man!

A few cures and you can pull it down to just an evening.

>>23733952
The ironic thing is that you never know which one is going to be a bro or not. Know one who worships Kaibri and he was awesome (expect that he always managed to steer a conversation to which state of decay was the tastiest), while a Kuthonite I met in uni was a massive drama-queen.

>>23734057
aye
and he sounds awesome

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I dated a Velociraptor once.

It didn't work out. She was super into biting and scratching, but it just didn't do it for me. I'm more of the cuddly, tender type.

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>>23734076
>I'm more of the cuddly, tender type.
try a dolphin, they love cuddling after

>>23734105
THE HORROR

>>23734129
The problem is that it's hard to say which part was the most horrifying.

>>23734184
aye

>>23734105
>>23734076
Oh my, how human.
This could sum up humanity, yeah.

>>23733933
Tough deal man. You caught one of those Arthas types. Now he may look like a paladin and cast all those light show spells, next day he's showing up with a host of acolytes and ghouls ready to tear your face off in the name of the scourge. And the lich king. And the burning legion.

>>23734641
AND THE DEVIL

>>23733933
..cont'd>>23734641
Best thing to do is to pack your stuff, get the fuck away with the dryad, and tell some real paladins about this.

(OOC: hey, how about you tell us the numbers (maffia, vampires, paladins who'd rip the shit out of undead, clerics who haven't lost their faith, etc) and we organize a culling part to kill EVERY FUCKING VAMPIRE)

>>23734685
but that racist

>>23734696
they were already dead. We're doing them a great service by easing their passing into afterlife. We're also saving those who are still alive.

And it's not racism. Undead are not a race. They are an infestation to be cured, lest they spread and infect us all.

>>23734724
fucking pallitards
worse than those high elf facists

>>23733762
I'm not really into the whole "half and half" thing. Besides, I think that I will try a human now. Or a elf, to get revenge.

>>23734746
do you even dwarf

Oh man, this reminds me of a story

>Be 14 year old goody two shoes
>Walking home from school
>This pale ass chick hiding under a bus stop thing
>She's got tits like whoa
>"Hey kid, come over here, I need to ask you something."
"I probably shouldn't talk to strangers"
>"Get over here, kid, I got something to show you"
"But I thought you said you had to ask me something"
>She's getting pissed
>"Kid, get your ass over here!"
>She sticks her hand out to point at me
>She burns her hand
>I run over
"Oh no, are you ok?"
>She grabs my head
>Slams it between her breasts
>Like whoa
>Pass out
>Wake up
>I'm a vampire now
>In some crappy basement
>The pale chick and her vampire buddies are drinking a big tub full of blood
>Ask them what they want with me
>"We only wanted the blood, kid. Just go away now."
>Well I'm a little bit pissed now. It's nighttime outside, I haven't finished my homework, my mom is going to flip because not only am I late, but am also a vampire
>Decide it's time for some payback
>The vamps are lapping up the blood in the tub like dogs
>Go over to the tub and drop my pants
>They don't notice, don't care
>Take a huge shit in the tub
>They keep drinking until one of them sees my stool
>They just look up at me, dumb struck
>I go home

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>>23734807

>>23734807
>vampire chick lets you moterboat her breasts
>she gives you the gift of the vampire
>you reward her by crapping in her drink

Who's the real dick here?

>>23734738
THE FUCK?! Some asshole just comes into my city, puts on a glamor spell, and wrecks a relationship that's been brewing for years, and I'm SUPPOSED to overlook the option that the bitch just mind controlled OP's girlfriend? Gf was interested in OP, she didn't show noticeable attraction to other females, it was only after the vampire's arrival that she started to go bonkers.

Oh wait, hate crimes. THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? These assholes leech on us, feed on us, and turn us into more of them. How can I think of them in any other way that they are: an infestation to be cured?

I used to date a vampire for a while. She was always hungry. Said something about how tasty I was; probably because of the whole Fae Heritage thing. Said my blood was effervescent and fizzy, and some times, she had to share me with her friends.

Not that I remember much. I think I spent like a full year just sort of in this daze due to being kept on the edge of death, with the occasional lull. I remember them being pretty nice to me, always making sure I had fine food to eat, good stuff to drink.

Eventually, this old friend of mine from back in the day, who went on to become a Cleric of Ilmater, found out what was going on, stepped in. Worked out some deals (and I remember telling him Diplomacy was a useless skill; I'm eating those words now).

So now, there are three vampire girls, and each one of them gets me in alternating months, so I'm not constantly about to die. Which is pretty damn awesome.

Plus, been chilling with my bro, he's cool. Always makes the gals nervous, though. But hey, it's all working out.

>>23734903
Dude, just kill the ones that are sociopaths, and leave the normal ones alone. They're like humans, pretty much. Some are good, some are bad, and some just need to die.

>>23733103
RUN, BITCH, RUN

If you escape
>Find a place to hide or live
>If you start feeling sick, head to the nearest garden or park
>Try to find a disguise. Human mask, human suit, ect.
>Research how to turn yourself back into a human.

If she catches you
>tell her it wasn't right for her to change who you were, just as it was wrong for you to take her to the city and make her sick
>Tell her that despite whatever love you have for each other, remaining who you are is best for both of you
>Say you should probably see other people

>>23734903
>someone has cancer
>kill them to cure them
it's people like you that make the rest of the paladins look bad

>>23734807
I have a story for you
>Be 145 year old dwarf taking classes in human college
>walking back to my dorm at night, bitches be getting bit left and right
>Damn vampires have turned most of the school
>don't give a shit, at least they leave me alone
>get to windowless room, as my dumbass roommate got himself bit and raped a few weeks ago
>he's currently watching his baby videos sobbing while drinking diabetic blood
>what a faggot
>get on my laptop to visit the human website 4chan,
>/tg/ to be specific, its funny when the pallitards argue with the corpsefuckers
>hours later
>screaming
>alarms
>Oh shit building on fire
>faggot roomate on fire weeping in corner
>SHEEEEEEEET
>dumbass doorforged won't let me out of the building
>fucking burning blood suckers everywhere
>manage to get to the roof, kicking a burning sparkle faggot off my leg
>holy shit
>the handful of non turned students are up here
>turns out some pallitards firebombed the entire school
>a small war is going on under us
>Wizard bro teacher set up a magical barrier to stop us from burning
>he summons several large kegs of booze
>spend night up there with living bros getting drunk as fuck yelling at the burning fuckers trying to get us to help us
>Pallitards trying to get us to let them in so they can go in the burning building to kill the vampires
>tell both parties to fuck a mule
>eventually police come in riding dragons
>Pallitards run off
>water elementals summoned to put out the fires
>dorm repaired
>crispy faggot of a roomate still fucking sobbing in the corner
>use him as a table for a few days before the undead help group comes into force some blood down his throat
>still won't stop angsting about how he's a monster
>Pallitards keep trying to get me to join their cult
fucking Pallitards and blooodsuckers

>Dad is a vampire hunter
>Mom is a human elitist
>My girlfriend is a weeabo autistic chick who think's she's a wolf vampire

wat do guys

>>23734966
You are into some kinky shit

>>23735032
>Kill girlfriend.

Problem solved.

>>23735008
wow
you know those are all good options
also that fucking rabbit hasn't got back with the keys let
and it turns out she was talking about another creature when she was talking to the hag
seeing as said creature just found out and tried to run with the bird and the flower
I don't even fucking know anymore
maybe its some kinda test or something

>>23735032
give your GF to a pallitard

>>23734738
You know what? You win! I'll go over and talk to her (full enchanted plate, selective antimagic field up). If I was right however. No amount of sorryness will save her from a holy avenger's gentle touch!

>>23735024
>building on fire
>goes to the roof

10/10 for accurate portrayal of college logic

>>23735060
Your mind is being altered by your new state. Escape is key here, not just to turn you human again, but to keep your mind sain. If the bitch catches you, use this, tell her how awful it is not thinking like a human anymore, how you want to be who you are, not what she wants you to be.

>>23735101
I try

>>23735036
Yeah, I am. I'm a Warlock, though, what do you expect?

>>23735060
How the fuck are you accessing the internet?

>>23735121
my mind is both full of fuck and bumble bees
where the fuck is that rabbit
I swear to god if she doesn't catch us
I'm going to kick his white ass once we get out

>>23735024
I don't really know where I side on the palitard versus bloodsuckers.

On one hand, I'm pissed as fuck about being trapped in a 14 year old's body for 7 years now, now knowing all of the staff in the blood bank on a first name basis.

On the other hand, I don't want to die either.

>>23735146
through the back of a fat mechanical bastard who fell asleep by where she keeps me
he has excellent wifi

>>23735146
apple's iphone internet is pretty good now a days, I here

>>23735166
they can both be dicks
I mean I wouldn't feel bad if my roommate got staked

>>23735005
Hope you don't mind if I go into EXTENSIVE questioning to make sure nobody suffers from magma-related unfortunate accidents.

are we gonna archive this at anypoint?
also I've been thinking about how fun it would be to play a game set in this little world we have spun

>>23732964

Finally a sensible person.

OP, your girlfriend doesn't have an "interest in vampires". She got seduced, brainwashed, ENSLAVED, AND ULTIMATELY DAMNED by that beast, and you did NOTHING to stop it.

Your only course of action now is to seek bloody redemption.

>>23732914

I have really bad news for you, man. It's a guy wearing a Guise of the Thespian.

I was dating this amazing chick for a month, and she revealed herself to be FUTURE ME. When I asked him WHY, he said:

> "Oh, I thought it was time for us to get laid."

So I said:

> "But...But you're a Wizard!"

And he says:

> "I know, you'd think that would help."

He did leave me the Guise, though. I'm afraid to touch it.

>>23735237
don it
learn magic
go back in time
date self
give guise to younger self
bounce to fuck older self

>>23735166
Your story reminds me of something I experienced once

>Be a tweenage girl
DON'T HIT ON MY, YOU SILLY BOYS
>Meet a vamp kid my age
>Start dating
>One night, he pops the question
>If he can turn me
>Think about it for a bit
>Tell him no, because I don't want to be trapped as a little kid forever (sorry about your situation, Anon)
>Vamp says ok, we brake up
>Be 21 now
>Want to be a vampire so I can be 21 forever
>In the mall
>See the vampire kid from before
>We make eye contact
>He can tell what I want
>He flips me off and walks away

>>23733052
They don't have to be, they just get that way around girls.

>>23735229
>Finally a sensible person.OP, your girlfriend doesn't have an "interest in vampires". She got seduced, brainwashed, ENSLAVED, AND ULTIMATELY DAMNED by that beast, and you did NOTHING to stop it.Your only course of action now is to seek bloody redemption.

Wait, wait, don't be hasty. I may be a Pallitard, but even I have a code of conduct to uphold. OP! Did your girlfriend play as vampire character? Did you help her live out such a fantasy in D&D?

If his GF didn't have such interests, and instead had a normal development, then yes, she's been seduced and preyed on by the pale motherfucker.

(OP, would you help me go through the talks with the one who took your GF?)

>>23735258
I guess it's not THAT weird to be a pedo if you're stuck looking like a 13 year old forever.

>>23735256

I know. My choices are kind of limited:

Go back in time to fuck myself, or risk causing a time paradox. I'm scared, /tg/. I need someone to hold me, no homo.

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>>23733290
>>23733311

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>>23732910

Clearly, you must become a vampire hunter.

I know a guy.

>>23735166
Lich necromancer arcanotechnician here, palitards and the bloodsuckers can all die and burn in the infinity inferno planes for all I care.

I can't tell you how many times palitards have vandalized my house and burned effigies of their gods in front of my lawn because their dickass fraternity leaders suddenly popped a crusade boner, nor the numerous instances these fucking bloodsucking hipsters having the audacity to say into my skull, they understand necromancy better then me, because they just turned their highschool or community college fuckbuddies into a vampire.

Fucking kids these days.

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>>23735347

Don't listen to him! Keldorn's your man.

I have another story for ya
>a few months after Pallitard incident
>Faggot roommate managed to stop being a bitch and turn a whore
>he's happy now
>leaving only me and about five non vampire students in school
>halloween night
>me and the living go to wizard bro's class to avoid mass amounts of leeches
>holy fuck
>the old bastard has some high grade dryad pubes
>get so high the walls literally start talking
>aah shit
>one of my fellow warmys is freaking out
>Starts ranting bout the plague of undeath that has infected our school
>yeah whatever
>keeps ranting while the rest of us pay no attention besides nodding to try and make him shut up
>pulls a fucking stake out of his jacket
>Oh shit
>to lazy and stoned to stop him
>pass out
>next day
>wake up in dorm with a harpy clinging to me
>face and beard covered in mud
>what the fuck happened
>see roommate
>sobbing again
>kick him
>ask him why he is a bitch again
>turns out the ranter went full Pallitard
>started staking bitches left and right
>including roommates whore
>laugh at him and use him as a footstool once more

>>23734854
Don't vampires have like, no sex drive?
I don't think it's fair to not get full closure after motorboating.

>>23735258
>/tg/
>Doesn't want to be a little girl forever

You bitches don't know nothing about suffering.

I dated a child of madness.

And you want to know what happened?

I'm currently speaking to you all through the asshole of an neo nazi elephant while this fucking song emits from my calves for all eternity, while I float around in some sort of etheral plane made 98% trumpets

here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16Vsz26yLx4

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MFW i'm a half elf living in a woodland village far from necros, leeches and paladon'ts

>>23735485
Oh, and you want to know what the other 2% is?

Me and the cow!

>>23734854
>makes you 14 forever
Sounds like a real fucking gift.

>>23735485
suddenly I am fine being trapped with my fae maiden forever

>>23735504
No wait...it's an elephant...it changes some times

>>23735485
>98% trumpets

>That feel when vampires don't want to drink you.
Feels sad, man.

>>23735518
have you tired eating it with your ear

>>23732910

You know, the last time that happened, I woke up covered in blood. Like, literally, I'm talking wall-to-wall abbatoir here.

And that's how I found out I was a Frenzied Berserker. Turns out I'm not too good at parties.

>>23735514
>>23735448
Still not right to take a crap in their blood bowl.

They probably still were in a blood drinking frenzy. They probably still drank that shit!

>>23732914
>she apologizes and says that she knew, but she was always interested in girls, especially vampires
Ah, dude, that's awful.
I feel for you, man, I really do.
Still, at least something good came out it, right?
Best of luck for you and your new gf. Be good to her!

>>23735517
When you say trapped does she actually give a crap about you or are you just as enslaved as the rest of them. also id look to see if your tranformation has awakened any raw magical talent? similar thing happened to a friend and now hes on the way to becoming a high sorcerer. This was the kid in my class who couldn't turn milk sour.

Chances are you'll find an affinity for emotion based elementalism based on the criteria for your changing.

>>23735580
>>she apologizes and says that she knew, but she was always interested in girls, especially vampires

Fools! She is not "interested"! She is charmed, brainwashed, possibly beyond redemption already.

How could you be so naive?

>the same day, this transfer student comes in, she's a pureblood vampire
stopped reading there.

>>23735499
Fucking hippies. Learn to face your problems head on, don't just run away like a little bitch.

>>23735594
she just kinda keeps me chained here
sings to me
she chained me when she caught me talking to a woman in a tree
who she had crafted into a chair
haven't really tried
if that damn rabbit doesn't get here soon I swear to god I'm going to try and set him on fire with my mind

should we archive this at any point?

>>23733516

I'm pretty sure that in this setting, paladins=terrorists. Plus, techically there can be undead that aren't evil. Sounds like the camp in the story is CN. Hell, she even apologized for turning the girl.

>>23735646

Nah.

>>23735655
Naah, paladins are LG in a world where supernatural evil =/= actual evil. It's like, this is a den of scum and villainy. But in practice it'snot actually that bad. wat do?

>>23735633
If it helps i'm currently studying magical theory.

Just try looking within and see if you feel ummm connected magicaly or ethereally

>>23735669
aaawwwwww
now I'm sad

>>23735566
Well no, I didn't, but now that you say that, I'm tempted to.

>>23735655

>camp

God I'm retarded, vamp*

>>23735655
pallitards=terrorists

>>23735655
Na, paladins aren't bad, per se. However, a vocal minority is rather violent. They have been dubbed "pallitards".

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>>23735415
Maan. That was some serious shit. Bad for your roommate though lmao. Pallitards these days. (notices himself in full plate and sheated longsword)

Okay don't start judging me. I was a pallitard once, true,... NO! Don't run away! I don't stake people. The gall... D'you think I cary this longsword for fun? NO! It's because it's a holy weapon. Clean, doesn't cause too much suffering, unless you're a traitor to my order, because then it is my duty to bring you to a painful end. Nonetheless, I don't seek to kill all of you, unless you force my hand.

But... there's a story behind why I'm not the pallitard I was in my burning teens. Would you fancy hearing it's tale?

>>23735678
I hear all the songs she has sung to me

>>23735360
Larry? Larry, is that you?
Oh man, I haven't seen you in a while. Sorry about the 'paladins' around here, I've been out of the country trying to put out fires all over Europe for a while.
How hard is it to understand that 'Peace, Love, and Compassion' MEANS peace, love, and compassion? I don't even know how they keep mixing it up. By the way, if you have any friends in Spain you should tell them to get out. Some fucks thought it'd be hilarious to start up the Inquisition again.
Shit, it's going to take me weeks to deal with these fuckers.

>>23735707
sure
just watch out for my roommaye
may try to off himself

>>23735699
Which makes me wonder. Does that mean, that at some point, the real paladins will need to go on crusade against the palitards, as they're the single greatest evil now?
I can see it now, actual devoted paladins cutting down phi-alpha-fuckheads with molotovs and cardboard beerhat armor. it'll be great.

>>23735708
How do they feel? and those feelings are they yours? or do other feelings lie behind them that feel lets say "truer"

>>23735485
>Be in collage
>Dating a solid 8.5/10
>She's smart, funny
>Think nothing can go wrong
>Then she tells me she's going to become a child of madness
>Don't really know what that means
>She says she's going to experience a bliss beyond comprehension
>Think she means drugs
>I smoke DP, so I'm fine with it
>Go to bed
>Wake up to the sound of screaming
>Find my gf in the bathroom
>She has two daggers and she's hovering them dangerously close to her nipples
>Pull her arms away from herself
>Ask her what she's doing
>Suddenly, hair starts growing from her nipples
>In a matter of seconds, it has already reached the floor
>She breaks my grip and starts cutting at the hair
>"I NEED TO SHAVE THE NIPPLES"

She's still in the bathroom trying to shave her infinitely hair growing nipples

She's buff as fuck now

what the fuck is a child of madness?Am I going to be trapped in the trumpet dimension?

>>23735730
I feel
Anger
content
happy
sad
warm
cold
relief
burning
I can't tell

>>23735748
I don't know, I'm guessing some lovecraftian cult

>>23734267

Oh really? What "high and might" race are you then? You are probably worset than us, at least we don't engage in The Ultimate Perversion lik some races do.

>>23735727
It would be glorious
imagine
cries of
"SMITE EVIL"
and
"BEGONE LEECH FUCKERS, WE ARE TRUE PALADINS"

>>23735646
I wouldn't. OP clearly was just telling a fantasized version of the truth about how his crush was a lesbian and he's passive aggressively butthurt about that and wanted comfort, but /tg/, being the awesome people they are, instead ignored the fuck out of him and made its own setting.

Whiny bitches don't get archive.

>Be from Denmark
>Move to USA because my parents are lawyers and apparently lawyers make a ton of money in the sates.
>Start in American high school.
>Not used to non-humans because the last Danish non-human was burned to death under Christian IV and the last ice giant died a thousand years ago.
>Used to be really open and outgoing, but is now shy and uncomfortable because I am unused to non-humans.
>One day this harpy girl comes up to me.
>Says she was sitting behind me in class and saw me draw (hurray for not being able to concentrate in math class)
>She says she likes my drawings but they are too abstract for her tastes.
>We start to discuss art.
>Move on to other topics.
>We are now best friends.
>I think I'm starting to fall in love with her.

>>23735821
yeah
but the setting we made deserves it

>>23735821
Aren't all thread archived now, though?

>>23735727
>>23735819
Why does everything have to involve killing?
The 'paladins' who kill the most are the ones that everyone hates! True paladins go for the word before the sword. Clearly we need to get into the world more to prove that the crazies are the exception and not the example.

>>23735788
Find the strongest of those, chances are your under a charm. The songs are likley the source. A bards spells usually wear off shortly after the music finishes. some bardic magic can last long periods of time however if the music is heard regularly. its how the filate rebelion won despite their small numbers. anyway your regular exposure to the songs is keeping that charm active.

Try your anger, focus on it understand it, embody it, try to manifest it outside of yourself.

corellion be with you

Paladin?
I'm waiting for your tale

>>23735824
>dating harpies

NO

NO SON, NO

It's a trap, it's always a trap.

In both ways...she's a trap in both ways.

I'm saying not only is she going to kill you, she's also a man

>>23735845
they are all mixed up
my head feels like a beehive when I try to focus

>>23735864
They can't ALL be men or else they couldn't breed.
Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean EVERYONE will.

>>23735866
Tell the bees that they need to leave and pollinate.

Bees are weak willed when it comes to hearing a voice of nature.

>>23735866
What he said.

>>23735878
I'm an undercover paladin, I go to highschools and trick harpies into dates. I've done it three different times now.

They all tried to kill me, and they all had a penis.

>>23735883
MY STONE TEETH HURT
OH GOD WITHOUT THE BEES ITS A MILLION TIMES WORSE
IT FEELS LIKE I'M ABOUT TO SHOOT FIRE FROM MY EYES

>>23735903
>>23735903
cause they can sense pallitards

>>23735903
Only three? Really?
Were they three DIFFERENT places or were you in the same general area?

>>23735398
Keldorn's a cool guy, but I wouldn't go to him with relationship problems.

>>23735909
Quickly, use the pain, channel it, contact the nearest emotion and role with it

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>>23735909
Good. let the hate flow through you.

>>23735924
Different places

Cops and schoolboards don't take kindly to people killing their students

>>23735941
>>23735936
welp
I don't know what happened
but there are now flowers and fire everywhere

>>23735597
>Fools! She is not "interested"! She is charmed, brainwashed, possibly beyond redemption already.
>How could you be so naive?
take that shit back to /pol/, asshole

>>23735949
ARE YOU THE FUCKER WHO KILLED MY HARPY POETRY TEACHER YOU FUCKER
NOW I HAVE a PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PALLITARD FOR A TEACHER

>>23735963
Quickly, now focus on the flowers, and direct them towards you, under the chains.

Then create a fuck tone more flowers until the force of the flowers propels you upwards, out of the chains.

>>23735963
~do you believe in magic~
Also welcome to the dark side

>>23735903
"Undercover Paladins?" Dude, what is this the 90's? Are there still morons trying to play hero, while looking at least 10 years too old.

>>23735979
SO MANY FUCKING FLOWERS
OH GOD

>Have this friend guys my blood in all but name
>Gunsmith extremely skilled one but refuses to sell his products illegally.
>Starts dating a drow.
>The relationship collapses some months later due to her family trying to impose a traditional drow relationship and her crazy ass grandma who keeps sending thugs to harass him
>Grandma responds by sending some assholes to bust up his store.
>He fucks them all up because he's a goddamn gunsmith
>Grandma uses that to destroy his life, making it look like he killed them (they left that store unconscious not dead) taking away his shop and blacklisting him
>Guy's fled to the dwarven city underneath and is now apparently working under a runemaster who answers personally to the head of the dwarven mafia
>Bitch who started the it all still calls me to ask if I've seen him.
>MFW Drow.

>>23735976
S/HE STARTED IT, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY

>was a pedo for trying to get with a student (I'm undercover, but still)
>had a penis
>those claws hurt like fuck

what we have created here
is bootiful

>>23735981
Paladins in the states love 21 Jump Street

>>23735949
>killing their students
>killing students
>killing
>students
....
You....
You cannot possibly be a paladin. You are either insane or some worshiper of an evil god.

>>23735903
I WAS RIGHT.

>>23735988
Propel yourself out of the chains!

>>23736005
I HOPE YOU GET ASS RAPED BY AN OGRE YOU FUCK

>>23736005
>She started it
You EXPLICITLY told us that YOU trick them into dates.
Which makes it YOUR fault.

>>23736012
They were harpies!

And traps!

I'm justice!

>>23736012
no
he is worse
he is
a pallitard

>>23736026
>>23736028
Monster who kills people not your Waifu.

>>23736023
I am now in the brambles
everything hurst

>>23735903
>I'm an undercover paladin
stopped reading right here

>>23736028
S/he shouldn't have agreed to my advances! Are you saying when a cop tries to buy drugs only to arrest the drug dealer later, they're the bad guys!?

>>23735972

>/pol/
>not /pal/ for paladins/palitards

Get out.

>>23736038
everything in this setting is a monster
just nicer and and shit

>>23736046
Now, image that pain transferring into the brambles. Make the brambles and extension of yourself.

Now ride those brambles out of there

>>23736035
No, you're just you. You're also why I wish that the police paladins would crack down on the NPA and those other fucks.

>>23736053
>She shouldn't have agreed to my advances!
So you fucking KILLED her over it?!

How is it that a bunch of humans can hate Paladins more then Tieflings who are continually getting shot at by them?

despite it starting as a fantasized version of OPs crush being a lesbian
I say we archive this so this setting can live on

>>23736046
If you can, run! get out of the woods and back to civalisation. most of the clerical orders around will have seen this condition before and help you.

>>23736000
A Drow dated a dwarf?

>>23736074
OH GOD THEY ARE TEARING AT MY SOUL

>>23736088
Thats what you ask? No he's human over50% mechanical but still human.

>>23736053
>Are you saying when a cop tries to buy drugs only to arrest the drug dealer later, they're the bad guys!?
actually...

>>23736090
Keep riding them, the brambles are not your enemy, they're your friend. Understand this, and the brambles will understand you are not their enemy.

And do it quickly, because by know the fae might be catching on.

>>23736079
I agree. From this moment on we shall call it 4chan faerun edition rpg unless you guys can think of anything better

>>23736111
You bet your ASS she's catching on. You told him to start manipulating the world around him.
Fae can sense that shit.

>>23736111
SHIT GOBLINS ON MY RIDE
WELCOME TO THE PAIN TRAIN BOYS
DESTINATION HUMAN WORLD
YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA MOTHER FUCKERS

>>23736119
>4chan faerun
>not FaeChan
Seriously anon, are you even trying?

>>23736077
Tieflings don't declare fatwa on your high school and kill everyone they 'detect evil' upon.
They mostly just sell drugs and shit. I've heard of this new thing on the streets they're calling Dryad Pubes, dunno what it is but it knocked a friend of mine flat for a week.

>>23736145
I like the name faechan
first
we should start with a basic lore
and what races are in it

>>23736076
I just think you people don't understand all the good work we paladins do!

Remember that hole in North Dakota that was shooting out blood for three weeks?

That was are doing! We had stopped a inter dimensional horror from turning the entire population of the state into children of madness. Without us, you would probably be in the trumpet dimension!

>>23736119
.....I think i just heard her
she is pissed
SHE IS VERY PISSED
I AM FUCKED

>>23736147
I meant how is that you humans hate Paladins more then Tieflings who the Paladins continually try to kill on sight.

>>>/b/

freeform RP goes there

>>23736145
No i wasnt. hence the open invite for a better name.
FaeChan it is. now someone archive this im in the middle of delecate airomancy

>>23736157
All of them.
Except Kender, because the other races did a true genocide against them.

>>23736119
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Cross_Species_Dating_Advice

>>23736160
is burning down the human school good work?

>>23736157
All the races.

They're flooding into America like the immigrants did.

>>23732910
>>23732914
tl;dr

Learn how to say more with less because you're basically just rambling for more than 75% of your text.

>>23736160
>Stopping an inter-dimensional horror
>Leaving the gaping wound open
What do they teach you idiots these days?
Back when Larry wasn't a lich, we'd go around smashing anything coming through a portal and then we'd spend the time to bloody well brick it back up!

>>23736165
>>23736132
>>23736125
Alright, now what I'm going to ask you may seem difficult, but you need to do it.

Make your mind go through the brambles, to the very end of them. Then, fire your conscious out of the brambles like a canon, and have your body return to you.

You should fly right over the trees and shit, and get to the city in no time.

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Off a bad start and I'm not even gonna bother with the rest because its only dowhill from there.

>>23736077
>How is it that a bunch of humans can hate Paladins more then Tieflings who are continually getting shot at by them?
Back in 2nd edition, Paladin was a human only class.
Now, that's not the case anymore, but there's still a lot of resentment for Paladins in the human community.
It's like they feel that palatards reflect badly on the human race. Like it reinforces negative stereotypes or some shit.

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>>23736191

>>23736211
Now you're picking at details. Remember, everything is better than trumpet dimension.

>>23736184
...no...but that's the work of a few radicals in our radical sector. Even us radicals don't like them.

>>23736222

I don't think line graphs work that way anon.

>>23736213
I am now in a park
naked
with a pale motherfucker staring at me

>>23735485
So you're in Hoenn?

>>23736259
Could you describe your current state? Are you still a plant based being? And is the pale thing human?

>>23736259
>pale motherfucker
That's a vampire, you should probably get away from it.
I'm not even sure if it can turn you but you shouldn't take that risk.
Look for your nearest Temple.

>>23736259
Enjoy your freedom friend.

Paladins. Why is it that every single goddamn time they get involved in something they ruin everything.

>>23736275
still plant

>>23736297
North Dakota

>>23736297
When your only decent class ability is smite evil, sooner or later everything starts to look like evil.

>>23736239
So you just LEAVE the huge hole spurting blood? Hardly paladin behavior.

>>23736297
Oh for fucks sake what happened now?

>>23736299
Alright, still plant... good, the vampires can't eat you.
Though I'd get behind a good threshold soon, your fae friend is going to be right behind you.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
archive bitches

>>23736331
I am carrying the vampire, using him to cover my bits
he is not happy

>>23736321
We tried covering it, but by the time the battle was over, we didn't really have anything to cover it with.

We tried dirt, but that just blew away

We tried our own armor, but all the real armor we had was broken beyond use.

We tried using tape and cardboard, but that didn't work at all.

What were we to do?

>>23736335
Liking those tags

>>23736340
Id head to a local clerical centre. some of them should have seen your condition before and be able to help you

>>23736340
Have you explained the situation? Also, you should probably get some people to go back in for your fellow prisoners.

>>23735864
Look, I'm sure she's not a he. No, I haven't seen her naked, but gender is stated in passports and things like that.

>>23736362
Sand to soak up the blood, stone to keep the sand down.

>>23736327
>Fucking Paladin claims that our group needs a holy influence
>Ruins years of group tactics by continually charging in with his sword
>Annoys our Designated Marksmen by calling him a coward and pointing out that 1/4 infernal still pings as evil finally annoying him enough to leave and seek work elsewhere ending in him getting hired by the local Warlord.
>Contiually hits on anything female
>Attempts to get rid of him have ended with more Paladins arriving to watch over us

>>23736370
Pallitards are trying to stake the vampire

>>23736368
thanks

I don't really know whats going on in this thread, but I like it.

>>23736392
I hate to say this as a member of a sanctioned order, but I think you'll have to use your magic on them.
Unprovoked attempted murder is against the code, thus they are not paladins. Have.... well, I can't wish you fun because that would be wrong. Be safe.

>>23735903
>Three harpies tricked a probably badly disguised pallitard
>That means all Harpies are bad

I'm currently living together with a Harpy, we've been together for 5 years. She's outgoing and open. Stop being a stupid racist.

The only bad thing is when it's my time to clean the toilet. How they succeed with that is beyond me.

>>23736392
they wont do shit. not since vamps won the vote and got equal rites and shit

>>23736423
I thew the burning vampire at them
I don't know what happened
but now there are rabbits
fucking
everywhere

hey
how do I update the archive?
I've seen it been done before

>>23736446
I'd try to keep your distance from them. You have influence over meat life, but your power is greater when using plant life. The rabbits will only give your location away to the fae.

Guys why are succubuses seen as evil in our society? I mean, they need male semen and there's a lot of bad ones, but not everyone is bad. I'm currently dating one and she is real nice. The sex is amazing.

>>23736428
I'm so happy you got along well with your inter-species relationship.
I really hope my 'friend' feels the same way about me.