Do any of you remember when those spelunkers discovered that drow kingdom that had been sealed for hundreds of years?

sooo

>>23737750
I think I read about
weren't they are tribal and shit

Any paladins not currently engaged in damage control from all the stupid kids; I need some help in Spain.
They've gotten up to witch trials and I am currently using my last phone call for this dictation.
Hurry up and get here, I'm not sure how long the dryads can last. The elves have already left, and the vampires are running silent and deep.
Oh yes, and random innocents are going to be slaughtered.
Basically: HELP ME

>>23737750
I still feel bad for them. I mean, they made such a huge discovery, and the next thing they know, the Drow hate them for "ruining their culture" or some shit

>>23737664
Why not just let her in and talk to her like a normal person?

>>23737769
are there any bums
if so
offer them a gift of grain and land

So you guys all heard about that group of Bloodsuckers on Kickstarter who are trying to fund a space expedition to "destroy the sun", right?

Seriously, what the fuck is up with bloodsuckers?

>>23737800
some are stupider than your average pallitard

we should really try to make an article of 1d4chan

>>23737790
I managed to get someone to sneak a smartphone in here. I'm currently in a holding cell and there are no bums to be seen.
Any mages are put into magic damping chains.
They even took the holy symbol I carved out of wood. They said that Torm isn't a real god.
Who the hell is this 'Christ' guy?

File: 1363552538260.jpg-(9 KB, 219x200, Pussy+_b68b897b68c9588f36(...).jpg)

9 KB JPG

>>23737800
>Bloodsuckers
>On Kickstarter

>>23737776
drow are assholes

>>23737800
I don't understand those guys. Don't they realize that would destroy our world completely?

>>23737849
like those inquisitor fucks could ever catch a bum

>>23737860
Yes they are.

>inb4 the next Harem Knights

>>23737788
Tried to shank me through the door. i hate this neighborhood the cops suck.

>>23737800
Stupidity.

anyone have any bum stories?

>>23737875
Of course they couldn't catch a bum! They don't even go into the sewers to TRY!
No, they're up here dragging innocent people out of their homes.
There's even a little elf girl all of nine years old in the cell next to mine.
These Inquisitors... they're inhuman.

>>23737852
The best part is the palitards started their own Kickstarter to fund a satellite to protect the sun from vampires.

...then again...this is stupid as fuck, but maybe we should fund that project. I mean, those vamps are getting some dosh.

>>23737895
Modern day harem knights

I guess I'll tell a story from my first date with my harpy girlfriend.

>I'm studying magic and she's studying law
>We've been hanging out for quite some time
>Finally gather the courage to ask her out
>She says yes and asks what I'd want to do
>I ask her what she likes doing
>She says that hunting is pretty fun
>I think to myself that it'll probably be fun
>We go out into the wilderness and hunt rabbits
>Thanks to some weak magic I can actually compete with her, although she still catches more than me
>We're having a great time
>Stumble upon a dungeon of some kind
>We decide to check it out
>Turns out it's just a fairly small room with a treasure chest
>We're both very exited
>Suddenly three somewhat drunk palitards from the same Uni as us comes down and screams "WE SHALL SMITE YOU, EVIL GUARDIANS OF THE TREASURE" and they all draw weapons
>Think that we're fucked, but before I can progress everything that is happening she lifts me up and flies out

Too bad we never got to know what was in that chest.

>>23737899
You said that apparently this samurai girl wants to marry a man with no sex drive and extreme paranoia, right?
Well, she's definitely going to want to continue the line of her family so tell her that he can't even do that.
She'll lose interest real quick.

>>23737917
I'm currently living with a lot of them in the sewers. Spliced my phone in some idiots internet service since I'm a technomancer. Crazy ass shit. I remember when we all went to Japan hunting one of those big ass lizard monsters. Crazy shit.

>>23737920
just keep praying
bums always seem to show up when the shit truly hits the fan

>>23737922
Do you actually think the palitards could even handle a project like that? Palitards are not organized, the only people who could are the Paladins, and they are smart enough to know the vampires can't build a spaceship

>>23737958
you're the one who did that
did you know they made a movie based of that shit

>>23737952
He has a sex drive it's just locked because of all the succubus that his brother fucks with. Takes a ten minute ritual to get rid of. Still maybe she'll buy it. Give me a second.

>>23737987
Really? Was it good?

>>23737950

>letting a woman fly you around

You gay son?

>>23737993
>His brother sold his ass out for a plane ticket back home
Cocksucker. If he wasn't in a coma right now we'd sneak out together to kill his shit

>>23737962
I can hear a commotion near the entrance to the dungeon. I think it's....
Oh my god, they did it! They really did it!
I don't know how Larry talked a bunch of dwarves, twenty paladins, and five bums to get here but he did it!
Damn you Larry, you always know how to make an entrance.

>>23738015
well besides the sex scene with a magical girl
an tentacle beast,and a large black bum
yeah
it was good

>>23738047
>Violent chick with a goddamn sword
>He's in a coma.
Why are you on the internet and not calling the cops?

>>23738038
Whatever man, it's a fucking nice feeling.

As long as you have something protecting wherever she's holding that is. Although if you can't accept scars you really shouldn't be dating a harpy.

I bailed the last thread too early, apparently. Why are bums heros?

Murderhobos?

>>23738050
The inquistion is fucked

>>23738089
Because of all the crazy shit in the sewers. You can literally find any kinds of horrors down there.

And they live there.

>>23738070
>Magical girl
>Tentacle beast
What? We got into a running gunfight with a MG but there wasn't any sex. And what this about a tentacle beast?

>>23738047
>>23738076
Did SHE put him into a coma?!

>>23737993
Did it work yet?

>Be a member of the faith studies class at Uni
>Learn about the basics, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, the like
>Start learning monster faiths, Daeism, Teltism, Skisimism
>Now the teach is suggesting we learn about children of madness

Should I drop out of class now before shit hits the fan?

>>23738089
never thought bout that
it started when plant man hid in the sewer with some bums
we decided they were the heroes the world of faechan needed

>>23738076
I did. They're still not here so here i am.
>>23738116
No he had to go through the sewers and apparently got into a knife fight with a deep one. He's a bit out of it. And no his brother snitched on him.

>>23738089
To be a Bum is what all men aspire to, but few have to will to danger the sewers and underpasses, where all nature of unspeakable horror live. And of those that do, fewer still have the wits to survive.

>>23738095
I think that I can safely say "What Inquisition?".
Alright, now to deal with these college kids who don't know how justice works.

>>23738109
It got fucked in its ass
it was n bottom of the sex pile

>>23738170
But all we did there was steal a tank, chase the beast across the country blow up a magical girl cult, and get some food. Goddamn Japan.

anyone working on making an article for this on 1d4chan?

>>23738138
Depends, how crazy is the teacher?

Some basic knowledge about them is harmful. But once you start staring into the truth about them shit will soon get very weird.

>>23738148
So telling her that he can't get it up didn't work? Great... uh, look I don't know what to do.
The best I can tell you is call the best fighter you know and explain.

>>23738190
shit man you guys are heroes there
made a food chain based of you guys

>>23738148
>Got into a knife fight with a deep one
HOW ARE YOU CALM RIGHT NOW

>>23738138
You might as well buy your trumpets now, because you are fucked.

>>23738212
But i don't know any fighters I'm a mage. I've never been out of the district.

>>23738199
He seemed like a pretty level headed throughout the whole year. He's talking about the children of madness like they were nothing. It's creepy as shit.

So Zarus followers. Are they capable of firebombing a police station. Just a hypothetical question

>>23738223
Well panicking won't help. He's survived worse.

>>23738241
Make an illusion?
Yes, that might work. Make an illusion of your friend, make it sneak out the window and start yelling at it about how the samurai girl will notice the escape. Keep up the illusion as long as possible, make the samurai girl think that the guy went to an airport or something.

>>23738261
Get out. Get out now.

>>23738261
I'd go to the first lesson, but bring ear protection.

There's a reason why a lot of the literature about them is banned.

>>23738261
>Taught Skisism
>Level headed

Dude, isn't that the faith about a giant meat god who lives in a sea of blood and has sex with its faithful?

You should have left by then.

>>23738281
The illusions running down the street and she's following. That got rid of her for now but what about when she comes back?

>Be happy trumpet
>toot
>toot
>toot
>toot
>there

>>23738342
That's offensive towards all survivors of the trumpet dimension

>>23738334
Do you know the Sanctus Teleport spell?
If so, do that.
If not, get out of your house and take your friend with you. Don't go back until you find a fighter to defeat her in honorable combat.

>>23738329
Dude, do you know nothing about Skisism?

because I don't either

>>23738342
http://www.youtubeloop.com/v/kxopViU98Xo#s=0&e=35999

>>23738396
Where would I find such a fighter. She apparently fought her way into this country through the Southern Border. Maybe if I clone him?

>>23738263
Yeah why?

guys
this is the dwarf, you know the one who's roomate is a faggot vampire?
yeah well shit has hit the fucking fan
>a week passed since the staking incident
>bloodsuckers going mental
>only 4 living in the college left
>me, wizard bro teacher, a harpy, and a ogre who goes by tiny tim
>pallitards fucking everywhere
>shit is on fire
>we decided to bounce and get the fuck out
>turns out the town was also getting fucked
>how did we not notice this before
>leeches and pallitards fighting a war in town
>leeches trying to turn us
>pallitards trying to cleanses us
>we decided to accept our fate, and smoke what's left of the wizards dryad pubes
>at least we'll die high
>Someone kicks down the door of minimart we were hiding in
>its a fucking angel
>not some kinda of pissy bitch with wings, but a being of righteous fire
>shit
>passes by us without showing us any attention
>hear screaming for the next few hours
>go out side
>entire town is filled with pallitard and leech
shaped scorch marks
>there is nothing left of the town besides the minimart
>we steal a car, and loot the mart
>currently on root to next town
and that, is why you should never let pallitards and bloodsuckers fight
shit like this will happen

>>23738438
Right, you've only been in the Mage quarter of your city....
Alright, look for big burly guys with armor and/or swords. Tell them that a hot chick with a katana will marry them and have their babies if they can beat her in honorable combat.
Don't clone your friend, cloning only causes problems.

>>23738476
She'll have his clone and i get to keep mine. Whats the worse that can happen
Also is hail common in Northern California. I heard some thumps on my Beetle. Can they crack windshields?

>>23738456
An angel came down and smote them all? Shit, they must have pissed off the gods something fierce.
Well, at least I don't have to deal with your town now, thank Torm.

>>23738456
That reminds me, does anyone know how to get some Ichor without killing a god being?

I hear drinking that stuff makes you see the world for what it really is, or some really trippy stuff like that.

>>23738508
>worst that could happen
Oh god you went and SAID IT
>thumps on my Beetle
She's found you. Look just...
Maybe....
Fine, just make a clone of him and give her one of them. I don't know how to help you anymore. Unless you can somehow car-fu her off of the roof.

>>23738456
Archangel here. I heard The Kingdom of Heaven sent down a Principality to cleanse some iniquity, sounds like you're a survivor of that. But yeah, get as far away from that as you can.

>>23738511
I do feel bad for my roommate
he shall unlive on in my heary

>>23738548
How should I clone him. Complete, evil or empty shell? And how would she land on my roof I'm going at least 60 miles an hour.

If palitards hate creatures so much, why don't they move to Denmark. They already cleansed out like, years ago.

>>23738549
yeah getting as far as I can from Florida

>>23738580
>>23738580
cause they are iditots

we should eventually make an article on 1d4chan

>>23738577
Why is evil even there?

>>23738608
We're just to lazy to do it.

Someone, anyone, please?

>>23738612
It's the easiest one. And I've met his evil self. They're basically the same person except he kills people more often.

>>23738624
I could make it
I think
will not fill it though

>Going to a party
>Get seated with 2 palitards, 2 bloodsuckers and a gelatinous cube

Man, that was the most awkward hours of my life. At least the gelatinous cube was a bro, he really knew how to drink. I got fairly drunk, so it might've been the alcohol, but I'm fairly sure that the bloodsuckers and palitards all got sucked up by cubebro.

>>23738628
Fucking mages. How can you type that so calmly.

>>23738584
>Florida
Well THERE'S your problem!

>>23738644
did he get diarrhea

>>23738665
I dunno, I haven't met him since. Although we're going to drink again in a week. Maybe I'll ask him.

>>23738663
nothing but pallitards and bloodsuckers
pretty sure the town we were in was the last bastion of life

>>23738577
>how could she land on my roof
She's Japanese, physics works different over there.
>>23738577
Just make a complete clone I guess.
Either that or make her lose her balance.
Don't worry, she'll be fine and probably land on her feet, preventing road rash.

>>23738577
I have to ask this have you ever been outside your neighborhood?

Guys, some crazy fae bitch is flying around town screaming that "the concrete forrest stole her lover" or some other hippy shit, and one one can go outside without being raped by a tree.

What do I do?

>>23738707
No this is my first time. Pretty exciting.
>>23738696
Know any good places to find a cloner? Also how do you steal a car?

>>23738715
shit
she found me
what do I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>23738715
Stay inside. This is were the real paladins will soon act.

>>23738738
or I could simply get out of the sewers
she how she reacts
will probably root me in the ground so I can't run away again

>>23738733
Why?

>>23738715
Aw shit, not again.
I told you to stay at HOME! Abducting people was not part of the agreement!

>>23738771
The car or the cloner?

>>23738778
The car. Why do you need to steal a car?

>>23738715
>go to the top of your house's roof
>Hold a boombox and a bunch of molotov cocktails
>Start playing this song to draw attention towards you
>The Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHrvaHh-OfA
>Start throwing the molotovs every time "cherry bomb" is mentioned
>You'll die, but die a hero

>>23738733
Why do you need to steal a car, you're already in one. Look, you're in California, right? Hit up Mad Quinn Rockford. He'll do it for a fee.

how the fuck do I make a page on 1d4chan

>>23738773
I think she's after the plant man

>>23738790
She stole mine and he's still in the backseat. Turns out she was on top of my car. I'm going after her and i need a car.
>>23738797
Does he do evil ones or complete ones?

>>23738794
Why is it that palitards are so obsessed with having a soundtrack playing when they slaughter things

>>23737917

Let's see if I remember that far back:

>Living in England, studying to be an Omniscientist.
> Become engrossed in the study of Omnibiology, even though I was disturbed by the practical experiments at the time.
Ah, how... weak of me.
> My studies progressed, although I got too focused on Theoretical Omnibiology and dropped out of the Omniscience program.
"Theoretical" meaning "No-one can replicate it, so we can't develop anything based on it.", just to clarify.
> Didn't switch to a more appropriate course because I was too busy studying.
I sometimes regret that.
> Find the more esoteric aspects of Theoretical Omnibiology incomprehensible.
> Hear the rumours of Hydra being dumped in the sewers and such.
> Decide to get a gas mask and investigate.
I naively hoped to repeat the unrepeatable.
> Run into some feeble monsters, take them apart with some surgical magic I somehow remember from some journals.
> Go further into the sewers.
Another thing I sometimes regret.
> SO MANY MONSTERS.
> TOO MANY MONSTERS FOR ME TO HANDLE.
> RUN AS FAST AND AS STEALTHILY AS I CAN.
> IT'S NOWHERE NEAR FAST OR STEALTHY ENOUGH.
> STUFF GOES FLYING PAST MY FACE.
> THINK I'M GOING TO DIE.
> PANIC LIKE A HEADLESS COCKATRICE UNTIL I REALISE THE NOISES HAVE STOPPED.
> Turn around and see all the corpses.
> Notice the "Sewer Bum" stripping the meat and putting it in what I can only call a gigantic bindle.
They have a word for that carrier and themselves, but I haven't proven my right to use it, yet alone do the unthinkable and share it with non-"Sewer Bums".
> Follow him for protection, talk about why I'm down there.
> Find out what they eat (mainly Hydra, with more extreme stuff as they kill it).
> Run a rudimentary analysis spell on him.
> Decide to live amongst them, earning my way by using Omnibiology to do what I can.

It's a shame I can't publish my findings, but the research is reward enough.

>>23737450 (from prev thread
>It was the years that shaped me into what I am, and my senior knights. First, the old Theodore, then Janus, more the scholar than the fighter, who taught me the way to reach communion with Torm.
>He wasn't in a good mood.
>Then Izual, the inquisitor. He went great lengths to find the true culprits behind each ruckus.
>Under him I saw many people wither away at his look, and truth be told he frightened me.
>Then at last Grom, the defender.
>He showed me that sometimes, serving justice was as much in saving people, as in killing them.
>That saving an innocent can be more important than dealing with an evildoer.
>That only Torm knows true justice, and I must serve him in maintaining it.
>Then I was knighted. One year in the quarry, another in the novicium, two more as a squire, and a final one as a young knight.
>You see now, that there is no easy path to paladinhood, but you can skip the quarry if you go seek a cleric out and pledge yourself to Torm, instead of going on a bloody rampage with stakes an molotovs.

As you see, there is more to a paladin than killing those we don't fancy.

>>23738814
Mad Quinn does anything you need that involves mad science as long as you have the money.
He takes some money under the table from several paladin orders to keep them stocked in limp regeneration supplies.
>Turns out she was on top of my car
I fucking TOLD YOU that.

>>23738735
Stay put, the bums should protect you.

If she finds you, just remember what we told you to say. It wasn't right for her to turn you into what you are now, and it wasn't right for you to take her to the city. Say it's better if you see other people, and she turns you back into a human.

>>23738856
Cool. Maybe i should ask him to go for an Evil clone. God knows I won't be able to let her take him. Also I just carjacked someone. Should I leave him my number so he can get the car back or just drive off?

>>23738876
but she can be nice
just she can be a bit
volatile
espically in the winter
how was I supposed to know visiting a fae for most of a year meant you were giving her your freedom

bum here living in the shitpits that is chicago.
the whole upper area is still burned too the ground and my fellow buddies down here in the sewers are in the middle of a full out war against some cosmic being an assload of children of madness opened up a portal for in the middle of hyde park.

right now we are trying to see if we can get to the police station and loot the weapons over there because at this point its literally a shitload of crazy versus the rest of us living there.

also i hate the fact chicago has always been a madness shitpit but jesus fuck, i hate my life.

if any of you guys want to head over here and come help it will be appreciated.

>>23738845
itz
bootiful

>>23738890
He's probably got insurance cards in the glove compartment. Call the number on them and give them the license plate number on the car when you're done.
Also, why can't you let her have him? Are you in love with him?

>>23738909
Exactly, explain all of this to her. You didn't know that this was going to be your fate. Say if you're going to stay together, you need to be human. If she can't accept that, it's her loss.

>>23738909
They should have taught you that in school. If you didn't already know, that means that someone is deliberately removing information from schools.
My work is never done...

>>23738936
I've known him since we were little kids. We're going to buy a house together and experiment with magic. Can't do that if samurai bitch has him. Also should I ram her? I want to ram her.

>>23738109
Darn! Speaking of magical girls. I was in japan once, and turns out their paladin order is made out of girls only(well, the view is worth it), with what barely passes for clothing. I believe they call them... Sailors?

And they seem to revere the moon for some reason.

Damn, I hate that place.

>>23738960
It's your car, do what you want.

>>23738945
I don't know
I can deal with being a plant
I just want to get the bees out of my mind

>>23738919
Isn't there a large amount of palitards there. I mean no one wants to team up with Palitards, but until the real paladins show up, there isn't much alternative.

Also, since you're dealing with children of madness, I gotta ask this.

Are they really that good at playing the trumpet? I heard that they can do entire guitar solos that sound like guitar...on the trumpet...why do they even like trumpets so much?

File: 1363555829548.jpg-(18 KB, 400x235, Aboleth.jpg)

18 KB JPG

Guys. Guys, I need help. I think I fucked up.

>Be an Aboleth
>Decide to study something fairly simple for me because magical studies bore me.
>Take Marine Biology.
>With elves.
>So many fucking elves.
>Elves are already shit-talking the 'lesser races' about how young and foolish they are by the time my skum pets drag my portable tub into class.
>Roll all three eyes and decide to just squirm and bear it.
>Elf bitches start to get into how superior their culture is.
>Off-handedly comment about how I literally remember when they were shit-skinned primitives who couldn't figure out which end they ate with.
>Get stares.
>Suddenly humanbros cheering me, invite me to party after class.
>Everything's kind of a blur from here, I think someone dumped a keg into my portable tank.

And now I'm surrounded by enslaved, skinless classmates. Wat do?

>>23738962
i've been to japan once of twice.
i believe its because its some sort of reverence to the founder of their order.

>>23738919
Alright, I know a guy.
I'm gonna owe Maggar big for this, but he'll come help.
Big man, huge beard.
He's got an axe made out of.... shit I don't know, but it glows in the presence of bacon so whatever.

>>23738962
I remember them. Fucking hell my sprites started going insane when one of them pulled out a computer. I have it around here somewhere. Fucking weird.
>>23738919
Do you guys have your own Nos clans? We're allied with ours and they supply us with gear.

>>23738977
You...want to be a plant?

Wow...um...ok...then tell her it wasn't right for her to take away your choice, chaining you up and all, and demand if the relationship keeps going, you not only need bees out of your head (and have it so that doesn't hurt), but to be able to move freely.

>>23737575
here.
I'm going on a date with her this Wednesday evening. I can barely contain my happiness!

>>23738971
I'm going to ram her. A Humvee should do much damage to a beetle bug right?

>>23738997
Put their skins back on and try to unenslave them.

>>23738995
yes they are good with trumpets.
but nearly all of their music sounds like hindemith crap.

however they are universally insane as shit and looking at them for too long burns their brain.

also most of the palitards here are either dead or they have basically joined our league of harassed hobos. shit sux.

>>23738960
>I've known him since we were little kids. We're going to buy a house together and experiment with magic. Can't do that if samurai bitch has him. Also should I ram her? I want to ram her.

Don't bother. Seek a binding spell. ethereal shackles, that sort of stuff. Freeze, Flesh to Stone (just make sure she won't break) if chains don't work. If the chains work, you have all time to talk. If you don't, you still have all time to think

>>23739035
Oh lord, you'll kill them BOTH if you ran it!
I understand if you want to kill one, but you want to have magic babies with the other.
Be careful.

>>23739034
Congratulations bro. What happened?

>>23739026
Ok, I'm climbing up to a grate
I can hear screaming
this is gonna be bad
WISH ME LUCK

>>23739041
The stupid fuckers think I'm feeding them! Their own skin!

And have you ever tried to unenslave someone? It's a bitch and a half. I can see those smug pointy ears already, talking shit about my pre-mature enslaving.

>>23739078
GOOD LUCK, BRO

>>23739059
I'm a healer and illusionist. Mics the combat mage.
>>23739061
So no ramming?

>>23739020
we have some clans of people and we have gear, but its burning through and degrading quickly, hence the run on the police station

>>23739014
the more the merrier.

>>23739078
Don't open it.
But since you already did.....
Don't stick your dick in the crazy Fae TOO often.

>>23739098
Make her see a police blockade or something. Maybe make her think a tire has gone flat.

>>23739107
I AM CURRENTLY ON A WALL
OH GOD NOT THERE AAAAAAAAAH
THIS WAS A BAD IDEA
stay calm
just tell her what you've been meaning to say

Guys, I need some help. I am being courted by a minor goddess.

Was out, this past winter, walking in a damned blizzard, because I had to get to the store for some medicine. Not the first time I've braved a blizzard on foot, but not something I'm entirely fond of.

I got turned around on my way back, wandered for what felt like hours, when it shouldn't have taken me more than one; and I don't know how I got lost when I was walking right along the damned street.

Met this woman, though. Snow white skin, black as a starless night hair. Beautiful, but a bit sad. Said everything would be alright, and that I just needed to relax.

Woke up in my bed, with hickeys on my neck, and a phone number on my mirror in lipstick.

Turns out her name is Marzanna, she's Slavic. Goddess of winter and death. Surprisingly nice, though. Because when she says "death", she means also "rebirth".

Got tired of watching people drowning her effigies every winter in Poland, Ukraine, and other places, so came to America. Thinks I'm pretty awesome, just because I made it through the blizzard like I did.

I'm a little freaked out, though. I mean, I'm just a human with some Fae Heritage, and she's a minor deity. It's like... woah.

>>23739146
Tell her that you'll love her forever as long as you don't get chained up.

ok making the article on 1d4chan

>>23739119
I could do the blockade. The tire things beyond me though. Also no ramming right?

>>23739162
She seemed to take it well
Still have a vine up my ass

>>23739065
Okay.
>Go to the girls house after working up the courage to ask her out.
>After a ten minute walk I arrive and know on the door.
>Dad opens.
"Hello sir, is X home?" (Not gonna say her name here. We've got some serious nut jobs in this thread.)
>"I'll get her."
>She gets to the front door to talk to me.
>Her father is watching from behind a slightly opened door.
>Tell her how I feel and ask her on a date.
>She feels the same way.
>Arrange a date and get a peck on the cheek. (Get it? Cause she's a harpy!)

I'm still fucking beaming!

>>23739155
Could you get me some Ichor from her?

>>23739167
Only if you want your boyfriend to live through it all.
If she doesn't stop for the police blockade, try blacking out the windshield.
Maybe some pirate maneuvers:
>pull up alongside
>jump to other car
>prepare for boarding!

>>23739176
Do you LIKE having a vine up your ass?

>>23739167
Why do you want to ram her so much?

>>23739176
Tell her about the freedom thing again, and get her to remove the vine from your ass

>>23739191
What the hell is Ichor, and what are you planning to use it for?

>>23739201
It's the blood of a god and he wants to get high off it.

What caused the sudden influx of Palitards? I can't go outside without hearing a cry of 'JUSTIIICE!!!!' followed by a chopping sound.

>>23739199
I also told her how the rabbit was planning on running away

>>23739167
>ould do the blockade. The tire things beyond me though. Also no ramming r

If you can revive the friend, well, a single life is irrelevant.
>>23739020
Do they refer to your sprites as Youma? If so, hide them. If that's not possible, convince them that they're just as good as humans.

Other news: I'm the ambassador the order sent me to meet with the sailor girls. Wish me luck, Paladin signing off for the night

>>23739195
Alright then. She went right through the blockade and is now swerving. Also what is the purpose of Shell? They're head right towards it
>>23739198
Thats what they do in movies

>>23739216
If that's the case, then hell no, the stoner can fuck off.

>>23739223
Oh come on man, don't be a snitch

>>23739235
Yeah they did. So i knocked her out took her computer got back in the tank and fled back to America.

>>23739241

But a snitch in time saves vine.

>>23739263
Hahaha. That's a good one.

>>23739238
But come on, I heard Pink Floyd got some of that stuff, and then they wrote "The Wall"

>>23739237
The Shell station sells gas, what you need to make the car run. Something tells me that's not why she's going.
Have you seen a lot of anime? Especially harem anime? That's where her internal script is coming from. You're going to have to convince her that she's not the girl who gets the guy in the end.
If it comes down to it, tell her that you'll give her the 'real one' and you'll get the 'clone'.

>>23739241
FUCK THE RABBIT
HE CAN BURN IN PALLITARD HELL FOR ALL I CARE

so i have some news.
we just got some old guy who i'm not sure how in the shit he even got here, he may be a bum from another city and he is the luckiest fuck i've ever seen.

seriously, were off trying to take the police station back and this old fuck is just sitting there, in the waiting area on an old brown plush couch, looking like he doesn't have a single care in the world as fire and bullets are being shot everywhere and swords are being used by the palitards trying to smite as much shit as possible.

just what the fuck.

>>23739251
I don't have to ask... But didn't by chance she had blue hair?

Whatever you do, keep her computer intact and safe, and shielded in a faraday cage. Don't let them home on it, not while it's in your possession. I'm taking the waygate tomorrow evening, maybe we can arrange a meeting in the afternoon.

I'll take it and give it back to them pronto.

>>23739312
Never. I prefer watching crime movies. Also know any good spells to stop shrapnel? He just landed on top of my car but I think the beetles not going to be so kind?

>>23739304
No. I am not asking a goddess of DEATH and WINTER for her blood so some anonymous person online can get high.

>>23739362
I already took it apart for spare parts. Fed the rest to Techie.

>>23739409
YOU JUST WANT HER ICHOR FOR YOURSELF!

>>23739394
He. What do you mean he just landed on top of your car?

>>23739394
Do you know the rubber hand spell?
It can also be applied to any surface, including your car.
And WHY did he land on top of your car? Did she kamikaze the gas station?

>>23739304
Are you sure the guys who made The Wall weren't a part of the Children of Madness

That seems more up their ally.

>>23739410
OH by the...

TWO questions, I need answers right now!
1: Did she have blue hair?
2: Did the computer include a headset with a visor? (protective eyewear, with a blue tint)

>>23739437
He's a bit paranoid. If he ever falls asleep wards sprout out around him. They're good wards too stopped the shrapnel from hitting me.
>>23739440
That would have come in hand so time ago. i don't think she did it on purpose she jumped out the car sometime before. The barricade illusion was a bit too strong.

>>23739465
Hell if i know she was trying to choke at the time.

>>23739431
Nah. Dude, I have Fae Heritage. I get high just from, like, frolicking in flowers. It's odd.

>>23739343
Demand his assistance in defeating the children of madness.

He'll try to be edgy ass fuck, but he'll help.

>>23739485
Okay, so you've got him, and the samurai chick probably thinks he's dead.
Now, glamor him so that he isn't visible and yell at her that you hope she's happy that he's dead now. Make yourself cry in anger and frustration and drive off.

>>23739519
Oh. I should have done shouldn't have I.

A bloodsucker, a palitard, and a child of madness corner you, and you are forced to side with one of them.

Who do you pick?

>>23739410
Look! If any of the answers (or both) are yes, we are in serious trouble!

It's my first day and this happens.

Look, I'll be fair and just. But I need those answers to prevent the international relationships going violent. I think you saw what they can do, and I'd rather not have them stalking in my alley, no matter how close our calling may be.

Last thing I need is them declaring conquest in the name of their princess (or the moon... or both)

Welp
turns out she thought I liked being chained to a futon in a garden
my mind is bee free now
Thanks guys
really inproved this plants life
I think I may be fae now
not sure
but It feels like I can taste emotions now
plant man
out

>>23739538
Play kazoo to charm the madness child into helping me, run.

>>23739537
Great, so she knows he's not dead.
Haven't you convinced her that he can't give her children yet?
Or just go to Mad Quinn and get him cloned.

>>23739538
Bloodsucker.

Hey guys, that fae who was attacking the city is gone now, and so are all the rape trees. I don't know what happened, but thank goodness it's over.

But now there's plant life everywhere. Not dangerous plant life, but still plant life everywhere.

>>23739538
>bloodsucker, a palitard, and a child of madness corner you, and you are forced to side with one of them.Who do you pick?

Palitard. He's the least evil of the three

>>23739568
Do you get nookie from her?

>>23739550
We blew up a church my sprites went crazy I jumped out to look for the lizard got jumped and I knocked her out. Like I said hell if I know.

>>23739538
Wait, I just had a terrible thought.

What if the Bloodsuckers, Palitards, and madness people teamed up?

A trinity of awfulness.

>>23739605
signing off.

>>23739537
What did you do?

>>23739582
We've been driving around i haven't really gotten a chance to talk to her. Where is he?
>>23739632
Magicked him to wave good bye as I blew her a raspberry and flipped her off.

>>23739538
>Bloodsucker
Being a vampire would be awful, especially if I get lumped together with common bloodsucking idiots
>Child of madness
I don't like trumpets and I don't like being insane
>Palitrad
They're stupid, but at least they are trying to do good.

>>23739663
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

>Be an inspiring musician
>Only know how to play trumpet
>Ever since that cult started up, everyone is terrified of trumpets

Do I really need to sell out and play madness songs to get my CDs to sell?

>>23739607
crazy as fuck nookie
often involving vines and taking place in trees

>>23739693
It seemed like a really good idea at the time.

>>23739663
He's in Sacremento. Ask around, you'll find him.
Also, refrain from taunting the samurai, okay? It's not a good idea.

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>>23738715
>>23738735

Fire, or pic. Your choice.

>>23739718
So un-magic the sign saying HAH HAH?

>>23739723
That's what he did.
>>23739712
Well, at least there's that. Also; tell her that you want to be her only one. Chicks love that stuff.

>>23739740
Obviously doing that leaves her a trail to follow you.
YES. YES, UN-MAGIC THE SIGN.
Stop thinking like a mage for TWO MINUTES IN A ROW!

>>23738798

If you have an account, just go to 1d4chan.org/wiki/PAGENAME_HERE and click edit.

>>23739743
I'll remember to do that

>>23739765
Ooh how about an illusion that only she can see of me and him doing it?

>>23739814
PRIORITIES

>>23739814
What part of....
Look, you're supposed to make her think that HE CAN'T PERFORM so that she'll give up!

>>23739831
It take less then a minute. I'm good at multi-tasking.

>>23739777
making it right now

>>23739846
She already knows he can. His brother snitched him out. Also I found the guy in the Mage pages. Evil clone yay or nay?

>>23739880
What the hell is wrong with you?

>>23739880
WHAT?!
Fine, taunt her if you wish.
Which one costs more? Though evil clones tend to dissolve after a while.

Why don't we just kill all the humans? They seem to be the biggest problem on this planet.

Elves forever, baby

>>23739911
What do you mean?

>>23739929
Uh a permanent evil close costs about six grand, a disposable one eight and a complete clone half a mil. You'd think the disposable one would cost less?

>>23739986
A permanent close has to be killed while the disposable one has a trigger phase. It's supply and demand.

>>23739986
Disposable clones dissolve completely and leave no trace of where they're from. That shit's expensive and mainly for espionage.

>>23739343

Is... does he have any kind of musical instrument?

>>23739955
You're on the internet while being involved in a goddamn car chase.

>>23740067
Mic got me this headset that allows me to do everything with my voice. Want a link to were he got them?

should we archive soon

>>23740084
No. Are all mages like this?

should we archive soon
also
feel free to add races on a whim

>>23739947

Of course you realize that humans are far superior to you, technologically.

>be 21
>finally can drink
>go to a nearby pub
>it's full of dwarves
>order a shot of their strongest stuff
>drink
>spit it out
>I didn't know alcohol tasted so bad
>the dwarves laugh
>one of them decides to challenge me to a drinking contest for shits and giggles
>decide I'm gonna prove how much of a badass I am
>you see, I have some magic training
>I start downing shot after shot, holding the liquid with a magic aura inside my body, so it's just floating their, not being absorbed
>After hours, the dwarf finally passes out
>one of them slaps my back in congratulations
>I spit out a powerful stream of booze for an hour
>now the dwarves want to kick my ass for cheating

What do I do?

>>23740180
run

>>23739507
well hes helping now, but god damn he is weird.

>>23740037
child of madness plz go, actually wait, how in the fuck do you still even have enough peace of mind to even post?

after you anwser that plz go.

>>23740180

Run, drawfs are slowrr than humans. Also, if you spit booze for an hour, why didn't they kick your ass then? Did they just stand there for an hour, watching you?

>>23737769
>Spain
Inquisibro here.
I've already tracked your IP, get ready for the PURIFYING FIRE.

Can we all agree that in this world, bards are looked down upon because people think that they are somehow connected to the CoM?

>>23740180
HAH. Why kind of magic user are you not to prep against that.

>>23740231
To be fair, it was a pretty fucking cool thing to see. They just watched. Then after all was said and done, they tried kicking my ass, but slipped in the huge ass booze puddle. And I ran out of there.

I just hope they didn't follow me.

>>23740207
Not a child of madness, I speak of Boxcar joe, the magical hobo. If Boxcar joe is with you, you will either fail epically or win epically. Everything he does is epic.

>>23740247
no bards are revered or revolted depending on the shit they pull.

for example rock bros are revered because they combat the trumpet dimension actively.

>>23740207
What do children of madness even worship?

>>23740237
Maybe Spain will become the new Denmark, only humans. 'Tis Beautiful!

>>23739986
>Evil Clone
He's not going to take over the world right?

>>23740283
i'm not aware of this guy named boxcar joe but i'll go ask.
>>23740299
who the hell knows? whatever they worship, i don't want any part of but i'm stuck dealing with anyways.

>>23740237
Oh shit, we missed one.
Larry! We gotta go back!

>>23740310
Working on it son.
Remember, pray to jesus christ and don't be a filthy animal fucking heretic and nothing bad will happen to you.

>>23740319
I don't think so. Last time he got out he robbed some banks.

>>23740084
Did you get that clone yet?

>>23740340
Everyone knows a true spain inquisitor worships the hot new religion that's been coming on the market.

You hear about this guy calling himself The Emperor? He's the bee's knees.

>>23740358
He's being made right now.I settled on the evil clone. Hopefully he'll be made before he wakes up. Last time they met each other they blew up the apartment.

>>23739155
Well first, the sex is going to be a couple steps above amazing, she's a goddess and has sex and seduction as part of her portfolio.

On the Equinox, which is actually only in a few days, she is probably going to change a fair bit. She's a cyclical goddess, with the coming of spring she's reborn, she might be virginal after the change, will lose some of her wiles and be filled with more youthful beauty and so on, fill the world with happiness, she'll be bubbly as all fuck. Her hair will probably change color as well. If she's looking for a lover she usually gets them then, but she seems to be going after you early.

Note, do not cheat on her. If you cheat on her she'll get mad and try to freeze everything. She's had bad experience with cheaters before.

>>23740369
Aaaaand time.
27 hours for 40k to show up.

>>23740335
i'm back, the guy owns a bass guitar, not sure how relevant that is.

>>23740391
Remember: give the CLONE to the samurai, keep the ORIGINAL for yourself.
But DON'T TELL HER THAT

>>23740369
>the emperor
>not a heretic and jesus wannabe
Go back to playing miniatures son.
We're tracking your IP.

>>23740411
I know that. I even marked him so I know which one it is. She can have the evil version.

>>23740404
Yup, you've got Boxcar Joe on your side.
Heaven help you, you may just win.
How's Maggar doing? The orphans are asking after him.

>>23740423
You can't attract the idea of A DEAD MAN

I mean, I suppose you can, but it wouldn't do you much good.

>>23740432
hes doing alright, he got along with our leader fairly quickly. personally people thought he was awesome as soon as he showed up and just up and killed a horde of these weird tenticle monsters that were driving our people batshit mad.

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>>23740404

Read up buddy. Also prepare your anus for awesome.

>>23740474
are you insulting our holy lord jesus christ?
Sentence is fire.

>>23740429
Fine, once the clone is done pretend that the clone is the real one or something.
Just get her out of here.

>>23740514
I'm dead

>>23740541
Nah, we're going to torture you first.
Then burn you.
Then sanctify the ashes and burn them again.

>>23740491
well shit man.

>>23740525
She took the bait. I'm home free. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

>>23740552
I think he means he ALREADY dead.

>>23740552
no i'm dead

>>23740634
NGGH-
DON'T
SAY
THAT

>>23740648
They're gone he's coming out of it due to the wardings finally making some head way to fix his sanity and now the bitch is gone with a clone. I won.

>>23740691
and then he has amnesia and decides he hates your guts
good job retard.

should we archive soon?
I'm almost done with the 1d4chan article

>By dating a human girl
>Be human
>At a Figgleton's university
>For those who don't know, Figgleton is a school created for "monsters" (dont know the proper name) back when they were all considered evil incarnate
>my gf is jelly as fuck ever time I talk to non human girls
>thinks I might be a monster fucker since I secretly am a furry...I'm sorry
>She's trying to make me a palitard so I don't ever think about sleeping with monsters

wat do

>>23740728

Yeah probably. Which tags should I use? And which description?

>>23740727
What are you talking about he remembers me perfectly. Eye's are white and his warding gone black but other then that he's fine. Just some side effects from his encounter. He'll be fine in a bit.

>>23740782
Drop her like a hot rock, man.
Friends don't let friends palitard.

>>23740790
>he'll be fine in a bit
Didn't he knife fight an old one?
Are you EVER fine after that?

>>23740783
I'd say the same tags as the other one.
Here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Faechan

>>23740782

Why, kill all the palitards, for the glory of satan!

Unless you actually want to date outside your species. There are some pretty beautiful and hot inhumans in the world, and some if t most have fur.

PS ur a faget u frury.

>>23740783
Setting
Palliitard
Faechan
bums
also
did I do good? http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Faechan

>>23740826
He's done worse. I remember this one time he bit a toaddemon. Spent a week running around screaming but after I strapped him to his bed he got better.

>>23740836

i personally think you could add the part of chicago burning to the ground by CoM and a shitload of bums and palitards are fighting against it.

>>23740836

Bretty good :DDD

Could use a touch up on the grammar and capitalisation

>>23740836
It's a pretty bitchin' page. Good work, man.

>>23740902
you can fix it if you want

>>23740902

>:DDD

don't do this

Ever since the cure for zombification was found, things have been getting pretty weird.

Have you ever noticed when something in pop culture gets really popular, something like a music video, or a meme, or whatever, everyone and their dog seems to be into it, and then suddenly no one talks about it anymore?

And then do you notice that there are zombies walking around again?

I think that, somehow, pop culture creates zombies

>>23740936
thanks

>>23740866
Sounds to me like he's not very bright.

>>23741013
It was choking him. What was he supposed to do let it?

>>23740992

Yeah, probably shouldn't include /pol/ jokes on /tg/.

The thread is archived now btw. Go vote.

I added a description for the trumpet dimension in places on the Faechan page. What do you think?

Hey guys
I'm the one who wrote the tale of plant guy and the college dwarf
I also archived the first thread, and made the page for it
I must say
I am surprised how this turned out
if you are so inclined
add to the lore and world of Faechan

>>23741038
He keeps GETTING into these situations.
You both may be mad mages, but survival should be paramount.

>>23741074
grand

>>23741082
His brother keeps getting him into these situations. Promised his mom he would protect him. I'm going to wean him off that idea as soon as he's a bit better.
And this is the first time I've left the district. Did i do good for my first time? I think i did well.

>>23741079
>Lore
I'm not sure we have any real lore except for our stories.
>>23741119
I think you did well too. Also, find a way to get his brother doing something, ANYTHING, else.
You want your sweet baboo alive, after all.

>>23740998
Dude, that's just silly. Everyone got the vaccine, there's no fear for zombification anymore.

Those guys shambling outside that you see on the news are just what you said they were, fans of something. Eating people does not make them zombies.

>>23741155
I was thinking about burying his ass underground in the drow cities and tell him he left for Japan again.

>>23741155
we can screen cap them and put them in the image section
or we can just create a sub section on the page for them

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>>23741079

I'm the OP from the first thread, I'm not surprised at all at what /tg/ can do.

The archive is up. I better see voting.

>>23741187
>in the drow cities
I hear they have a shortage of menfolk down there. He'll be fine.
>>23741178
This is very important: do the eaten people get up and join the shamblers?

>>23741210
and I am OP in this thread
We kinda accidently started this all
you and me
and me saying pallitards a few times....

>>23741216
>browse through archive
>quest threads all the way down
*sigh* It's not that I hate quest threads, it's just that they're not ALL archive worthy.

we should really add some categorys to 1d4chan page

>>23741220
...maybe...I just assumed that when they ate people, they were really convincing them to enjoy the thing they liked. That's why the got up and started to act like them.