Howard, I know you like playing academics, but Delta Green is a little more action focused, so you might have more fun playing a character who doesn't faint every time he sees a ghoul. And no, you can't name your character's cat that, it's racist.

John, I appreciate the effort, but seriously, a 20 page backstory? And... Did you invent a new language for this?

Look, Wolfgang, I know that you are playing a barbarian with rage and everything but could you keep down the swearing please? Like just only every second word maybe?

Really Ayn? You're going to let the orphanage burn to the ground because they can't pay you? They're not parasites, they're children. Orphaned children.

Man, E, I can't even tell what your characters really want. It's like you just omitted their motivations altogether...

It's a lich, Stephenie. It's not sexy, it doesn't feel lust, quit trying to seduce it.

Ted listen, could you.... Ted, just stop smoking that shit, okay?

Damn it, Chekhov, not every character needs a fucking gun!

Franz, I think your shapeshifting into a bug idea could be cool, and it's not too hard to do in GURPS. But it's going to be hard to adventure when you've taken the maximum amount of the chronic depression flaw.

No, goddammit, your dreams don't 'feel real', stop trying to make up for having no legs!

fuck the samefagging, this is hilarious. do some big tg authors next

Dude. Vladmir. Quit hitting on the mayor's 10 year old daughter. I don't care how good you are at description, it's freaking the other players out.

No Nate, you cannot give the ogre a whip so it can punish you for your sins

Man, leave the fucking whorehouse already. We've been there for three sessions straight.

Stephen, if you have a moment please. I know you worked hard on this plan, and I admit maybe my hombrew is not perfect but could you stop the rules-lawyering and suspend your disbelief for the duration of the game?

This 'Artemis' is... how intelligent, exactly?
And also /male/?

Dante, I swear to god this is the most blatant self insert I've ever seen. And he goes to hell and heaven without being harmed and watches of all the people you hate in real life get tortured?

>>18766376
I don't get it.

>>18766365
I swear to god, these two and the fucking whores.

>>18766385
Have you read Artemis Fowl?

God damn it Carl, what are you doing in our Dark Heresy campaign anyway?

DAMMIT VIRGINIA STAY IN CHARACTER

>>18766392
Yes, but I don't get the "male" comment.

I like the attachment for your character Marcel, but you can't take the spotlight for the entire session just because a female NPC rejected you!

>>18766413
Artemis is a female name. At least I thought it was...

Good job Phillip, you've shamed and destroyed every god this setting has. You don't like religion, we get it already!

>>18766420
Yes, but it's used on males nowadays as well. I've personally met a guy named Artemis.

Terry, you're a great guy, but you keep cracking everyone up with jokes when we're trying to have big serious moments.

...Get out of my house, John.

You know I like it when people give me backstories, I really do and it's not like you don't roleplay them properly according to what you've wrote there.

It's just, I can't imagine it doesn't bother you how your characters always end up not doing anything of significance even though they are not boring, and I even keep giving you all these blatant hooks.
I mean, it's a real shame how all the other players never get to truly know your characters.

Hunter I wish you'd stop coming to games on... Whatever you're on. Hunter no the dire bats aren't real, quit kicking my miniatures. Oh gosh HUNTER CALM DOWN BRO

God damn it William. Stop inserting your fetishes into the game. We get that the organisation your character works for is evil, you don't have to go on about hypnosis scat rape and erotic asphyxiation of ten year old boys.

Laurell, we know that you are a furry, and we can live with that but for God's sake stop yiffing in every game

>>18766464
Lost it.

Focus Stephenson, Focus. I know bitcoins are interesting and all but you don't need to talk about them for ten minutes.

Oh wow lemme guess Anne, another faggy Toreador? And NO, we're not doing that incest game you mentioned, do those shitty ERPGs of yours on your own time.

Okay, fine, you're the expert on guns, Tom! Did you really have to derail the game because you like military details so much?

No, Friederich, i won't change the ruleset again just because you don't find the Will to Power attribute on your character sheet.

you are never DMing again George

I wish you would work on your roleplay abilities more and tried to keep the characters intact and without selfinsert, because you keep doing so many potentially awesome things.

Remember what you did with that guy's FATAL campaign? That was awesome. I wish you did more things like that.

Grant, half of this backstory is great, but I have no idea what the other half means. Your character sheet has been filled in with nothing but multicolored sigils, and I'm pretty sure you're on some type of hallucinogen right now.

>>18766409
Fixing the Imperium? Waking up Emps so he can meet himself? Defecting to the Tau?

Damnit, Steve, make up your mind! You tell me you want a horror game, I run a horror game. Why are you playing a parallel universe cowboy?

>>18766212

>Your character Rosalind is a woman *played by a boy*, disguised as a boy, who disguises as a woman. What is it with you and cross dressing?

fixed it for ya

I wish more DMs were like you

Look, Art, I do not care if you keep rolling 20s on your spot checks, but some of the other guys are thinking you're using loaded dice, and no, you can't just make the barbarian marauders give in by telling them what they had for lunch.

>>18766376

>Artemis
>A woman's name

OP confirmed for Xenos scum.

Dammit, Bob, you don't need to articulate EVERY single piece of clothi- what is it with your obsession about tugging braids and smoothing your clothing down? And stop fluffing leadership as leading a damn harem, ok?

Suzanne, this is supposed to be a post apocalypse game, figure out if your character is in love with the baker's son and quit angsting already.

Brian, we're halfway through this session of Mouse Guard and you've only just finished describing the feast. Come on!

Jesus christ Clive, I know you're trying to make it unsettling, but can we fade to black for the weird sexual stuff?

Dude, if your next game is set in a fucking cave again, I am finding another group.

What about Tolkein?

Rob, you play a barbarian like nobody else. But we have to ask you to stop pk'ing the mage. We get it, your character has had bad experiences. But it's really making Mike pissed off.

No Neil, I agreed to drive you to the gaming store. I'm not going into Hot Topic with you.

Bram, buddy, the BBEG just got away from us and we need to go after him. I don't get why you keep saying we need to have tea and discuss what to do next in between action scenes.

>>18766606
The real problem is that DMPC he keeps adding in. At least he dies halfway through.

>>18766561
FOR THE EMPRAH

>>18766609
Did him, actually. Kinda easy to miss though.
>>18766260

>>18766628

lol nice

No Karl, party loot is not going to be distributed equally

You have HOW MUCH in bluff?

OP
>Do Ezra Pound

>>18766436
Oh christ, how did you and Douglas manage to turn my grimdark campaign into a buddy comedy?

>>18766620
Bram you're going to have to roll to intimidate all these guys, and there's a lot of them, so you're going to get a penal-

Oh. Nice roll. Carry on then, I guess.

Bram, you know your kukri is only 1d6, right?

No Bram, you can't, it doesn't have Vorpal.

Bram you can't just decide what h-

Fine, everyone, Bram killed the bad guy, game's over now.

Bram, shut up.

>>18766649
I'm not really familiar enough with him to do that, it'd be neat if someone else could though.

Still waiting on Terry Pratchett.

Listen Ronnie... the setting isn't real, okay? I just made it up. I'm worried about you, man.

>>18766668
see
>>18766436

Terry, we don't care how much "moral clarity" he has, your paladin mowed down noncombatants. He fell. Deal with it.

>>18766668
>>18766436
He's busy ruining the dramatic moments.

Elie, this campaign is kind of depressing, I- Oh god, oh god, are they really doing that? But they're all innocent, and that's so horrible. A-and we can't do anything about it until the allied soldiers show up? Why can't I stop crying?

>>18766675
Look Ron, I appreciate how you say my scifi setting offers a good opportunity to roleplay, I really do. But I am not going to let your character have nuclear weapons, no matter his motivations.

>>18766675
Lost it at this one.

>>18766699
"Fine! I'm gonna go start my own game then! With brainwashing, and hookers!"

Five in INT. You put five in INT and 18 in CHA... you made him a commoner. And you broke the whole damn party when he went down. Dammit Johnny. Well Played.

Sylvia, I know we're playing WoD, but a game can only handle so much angst.

Keep Going, Op!

Listen, I don't think it's appropriate if your character touches children all the time and cries at every opportunity.

>>18766740
OP here, I gotta leave in a few minutes, hopefully this'll still be here when I get back. Can someone do Steven Brust and Jane Austen? I can't figure a good angle for them.

Alan, seriously, quit killing the other PCs. You could stand to make a few less chaotic characters anyway, and those lawful stupid ones you made don't count and you know it.

>>18766677
Fuck Terry Goodkind. He ruined a a promising series with his philosophical communist-religion hating bullshit. Not to mention the fact that Richard is a self insert Mary Sue. I'll never read another fucking book by him.

Really, Wells, is the last time you are GM, those tripods where tpk encounters! And damn it, Verne, stop trying to derail the whole campaign with your character's "exploration" of the setting!

Hey Mark, I know you like GMing, but WHY OH WHY have you written sex scenes in the margin of our character sheets? I don't care how many whores you've fucked

Jim, this backstory is 15 pages long, and I still need footnotes. Little help?

No, Isaac, even if you have a super large brain that doesn't auto qualifies Sheldon to have a super robot waifu as first follower. I'm going to kill her. Quit whinning.

And godamnit, all the scientists on the galaxy can't be boxing champions of the same sector at the same time. I think is cool that you want to play the badass nerd, but fisticuffs? You maxed Int for fisticuffs? We're not playing modern Isaac...

Steve, I don't know how to tell you but... We are all aware that those "exotic" stuff you mentions all the time are not exactly "original". We are also aware of your "heritage", so stop pushing it please.

No marquis, I don't want to play FATAL.

>>18766436
Terry Pratchett could never be That Guy.

He forged a sword of meteoric iron. His reading library dwarves most county libraries.

>>18766992
He also thinks history and literature are for retards, when he cannot even math.

>>18766992
I swear, if I manage to end up at all like Terry Pratchett I will be happy with life.

>>18767042
I must inform you that he wants to die

>>18767323
Yeah, I know. Alzheimer's is a bitch, I can hardly blame him/

>>18767323
He doesn't want to die.

He just doesn't want to end up a drooling vegetable even more.

>Terry- Terry! You're level 6 already, cast a fireball! What do you mean you didn't prep your spell list?

No, we leveled three weeks ago, Terry. Just.. just look at your character sheet again, man. It'll be ok. No, we're not mad at you, Terry, you're still great. It's all right. Everything'll be ok, man.

>>18767323
Make that Terry Pratchett minus the Alzheimer's.

>>18767375

>>18767375
dammit anon you are making me sad

Yo Rob, we get that you hate big government, but you need to calm down with that. You're starting to sound like a tea party crazy.

And goddamnit stop rolling polygamists.

Get the fuck out.

Joe, explain me again, how do you get away every time with your fetish inserts?

>>18766502
Ok Tom, none of us knows anything about your character except for the fact that he's a white male. Maybe you could focus on describing your character a bit more and the weapons he carries a bit less?

I need to talk to you about your character Jack. The backstory and the alignment indicate that he's some kind of modern zen monk, yet all you ever do in-character is hitting on every female NPC and getting shitfaced right before going on mission. NO, goddammit, making up a koan about beer doesn't count!

Steve, I-

It's-

Nobody can pronounce this, Steve.

Can we archive this?

>>18767495
No. Only the High Council of Mods has the power to present an application for archival to Moot.

>>18767516
Or, you know, we could use suptg

I don't CARE how it works, Jules, the airship just WORKS, okay?

>>18767358
Correction - Terry made Alzheimer's his bitch.

Remember that weird cryo-helmet that Detritus wore to make himself smarter? He helped design something like that, and it slows down the progress of Alzheimer's. A lot.

>>18766768
> knowing about Brust
you and I are friends now.

But you're right, nothing I can come up with does him justice. Perhaps something in regards to the sudden shift in his campaign after his bro's death?

Ray, you... you said this was going to be a sci-fi campaign, Ray. Not a paean to the lost innocence of childhood.

I would be mad at you, Ray, but I have to go visit my parents and hug them first.

>>18767524
or, you know, foolz is archiving every thread by default

>>18767550
I... uh. For real?

>>18767039
what? Link me?

I'm not a fan of the man, but I didn't expect this of him.

Andy, your wizard character seems fine but the picture you drew, I... Fuck, which of these in your character portrait are the actual color robes he's wearing?

...

That was the best game of CoC I have ever played.

George, shut up!
I asked for a backstory for the charcter, not for his breakfast!

Harlan, we lost to the BBEG eight sessions ago. Every session since then has been, basically, us in hell. Us becoming worse people, turning on each other, all our worst characteristics coming to the fore. Can we stop now? Please? Just let our characters die, I'm begging you.

>>18767540
Jules, buddy. I don't understand why you want to build a giant cannon. War isn't really in the themes of this campaign.

Damn Rob, sproutmancer? again? Oh sorry, it's a sprout gun this time.

Someone do Edgar Allen Poe.

>>18767619
No you can't play an eternally-young Elvis. Not again.

Let's see here what you rolled here, Andie. Another amazon. I can't say anyone is surprised.

Archie, dude, you want to do WHAT with that lever?

>>18767626
I swear, if I see that fucking crow one more time...

Look, "E. E.", I don't care if you're a poet. If you're gonna play in my play by post, you need to learn to use capitalization and punctuation.

Charlie, I'm not going to argue with the dice. You've successfully leveled your computer programmer into an international superspy. But Call of Cthulhu is supposed to be about creeping horror and doom, ok? Not wisecrack... oh. Black Humor bonus to insanity checks, huh? Ok, that makes a lot more sense, now.

Kicking neckbeard, by the way.

You said we were gonna play Mouse Guard with rabbits! You didn't warn us that you were gonna make it so depressing and violent!

>>18766716

lost it here

I like how your backstory gives me plenty of plot hooks and BBEG candidates... But look Michael, this soul-eating sword stuff, it's really overdone. Maybe you should have something more original?

Jan, I know you like to have realistic responses from the world, but your character is neither a sociopath nor a cleptomaniac after clearing two dungeons.

Stephen, how come you can never properly end a campaign?

>>18767750
>Stephen, how come you can never properly end a campaign?

"What? You've got another idea for a campaign? Well, I don't know, I'm ki...

All right, all right. I'm in. I'll probably regret this, won't I?"

Oh come on, you can do a more original backstory for your wizard than "parents were killed by bbeg", can't you?

I like your characters, and how they tend to have some snappy stuff to say in a given situation. But why do they all have so horrid family issues? Patricide? Really? And just... how big is that family tree?

Fred..no, you can't...yes I understand that Orcs are just 'people too' and....well yes I'm sure they're mother's are proud of..fine fine, they hug you and thank you for your kind words.

>>18767777
Oh god my sides hurt so much

About your character...
...we need to talk.

>>18767777

Upton, I appreciate you making dinner for us before the game, but... Next time you run an "Ultra gritty realistic game" set in a slaughterhouse, please don't serve sausage.

>>18767777
>well yes I'm sure they're mother's are proud of
>they're mother's
>they're
>mother's
Fred Rogers would not have made such terrible English mistakes.

No Henry, you can't play a druid that just settles down in the wilderness and chills.

>>18767822
Now now, we're good neighbours who point out grammatical and other mistakes politely and kindly.

>>18767822
He didn't, the GM made the grammar mistake.

Fred was just kind enough to let it slide.

'Dolf, how come you have your character is described as hating all non-humans, with an additions of "especially Jews?"

Hermy, Hermy, listen. Your character is awesome, and we're all very glad that you did piles of period research.

But this is the third session since you started your diatribe on whale biology. Enough already.

>>18767777
Interestingly, given Roger's views, I'm not sure he would play anything but a self insert.

You say WHAT to the king of the elves, George?

Okay, cut this crap right now. I KNOW YOU LOVE DESCRIBING ROCKS.
I have enough listening to you doing it for three hours straight.

And your characters are blatant Mary-Sue

Hey Pat, you role play well, but I think you might be rule laywerin. I mean your character is awesome at everything unless it makes for a good story and he some how finds his way into the bed of faey goddesses and survives. Your making the other PC feel kind of usless. Maybe you should retire the big K, huh?

Phil, I thought this was a sci-fi campaign, what are we doing in ancient Rome? Oh god dammit, is that the JAGS Wonderland core book? What did we say about DMing when you're off your meds, Phil.

>>18767857

No Fred, you can't play an SAS agent. Nope, no MI5 or MI6 either.
'...'
Because we're playing DnD, Fred.

You attempt to put out the fire HOW?

>>18767879
Now, that's not fair, we KNOW the DM is going to screw K over. Big time.

No, no Brian, I can't continue with the game. I'm fucking starving now, thank you very much. What was that? Deeper 'n' Ever 'n' Turnip 'n' Tater...

Fuck you. I'm calling a pizza break.

Geoff, enough! how are we supposed to make choices when you use every NPC to fuck with our perception of morality and ethos?!?

Yes Raymond, that was a very exciting session again. We were all really surprised at discovering a new species of elves, and that demon invasion totally caught us off guard. I think that brings the total to..9 new elven species and 9 demon invasions in...9 sessions, I believe?

>>18767911
I would have loved to have met him.

George, you realize there's no way you're going to be able to survive this, right?
Oh, you want to roll up a new character anyways?
Ok, but he better not be an invincible Gary-Stu like your last character; other people like to be important to the game too.

Dammit Renez, please drop the philosophical bullshit. Just because you think your character is still alive doesn't mean he didn't get eaten by that troll.

Raymond, quit narrating everything that happens to your hardboiled detective in third person.

FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME, SIGMUND, IT'S A SWORD. JUST. A. SWORD. NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Your staggering incompetence has left millions dead from starvation, caused a major hive planet to break down in riots and lead to you and your crew being declared Excommunicate Traitoris by the Inquisition.

Your legacy as a Rogue Trader is one of such utter humiliation and failure that generations refuse to even speak your name, least they curse themselves and their endeavors.

>>18767946
My sides.

No, Gene, just because your character has flaw 'unreliable narrator' it doesn't mean you can just straight out lie to your GM. We're supposed to play a fantasy game and I asked for regular characters, like a rogue or something. Instead you made a SPACE JESUS and tried to slip him in without anyone noticing.

And those aren't even real words on you sheet!

Jesus Christ, Howard, no, your barbarian can't fuck Stacy's character. And no "Negroes" are ever going to show up to try and rape her. Fucking hell, man.

...dude, why did you kill my character?
Yhea of course he was threatening to kill you; he's a berzerker, that's like saying hello for them! Goddammit.
(It's Varg Virkenes, nerds.)

>>18767938
"And stop telling us to give her the dick, she's the princess for god's sake."

All right, this is the last time I'm gonna tell you this Isaac. This is D&D, some crazy sci-fi. We play as things like Elves and Dwarves and fight with swords, not fly around in space ships and discover aliens that make us read our own thoughts.

Wait one fucking minute, Lyman. You're telling me after all that, my character wakes back up in Kansas with everything being a dream?

>>18767981
*not* some crazy sci-fi

How the fuck did you make a warlord with a charisma of 30?

Someone do Roald Dahl.

>>18767976
god damn it, I was going to say that

>>18767946
"Is zat so? Tell me about your mother."

>>18768009
All right, seriously man. This is Riddle of Steel. There are no giants and elves and fairies, and you can't try to convince the bandits to be friendly. They just want money.

Also, stop being creepy.

Dude, I know barbarians use intelligence as a dump stat, but if you're staying with an int of 1, your character can only express himself through guttural roars and basic facial expressions. Also, he pretty much can't make any complicated decisions.

Rudyard, your elf doesn't need to "civilize" the humans in the party. There's no such thing as "The Pointy Eared Man's Burden".

>>18768047
>pointy-eared man's burden
PFFFFCHT~

T-this isn't a light hearted game about talking farm animals at all, George.

Hey, has someone seen Buddy? He was playing an awesome bard last session.
He said something about coming to today's game with his airplane.

>>18768057

B-b-but we're supposed to be heroes! What do you mean, we're arrested, we lose?

25 internets to the first guy that does Joe Abercrombie

This is a really fucking weird campaign, Madeleine.

>>18768071
He was the guy who did the Blade Itself, right? I could try to take a crack at it.

Umberto, why is your character sheet just a bunch of indecipherable squiggles? No, I don't 'get it', you can stop winking at me.

Clive, it's great that you're enthusiastic about your religion and all, but quit trying to sneak it into the game. You're not subtle at all.

Wait, aren't we playing a detective mystery kind of thing? I can't even pronounce that! Ahh, you're driving me crazy, Howard!
...what, what you mean by that?

>>18768088
...I don't get it

>>18768081
All right, seriously Joe. You're pretty good at narration and moving the plot, but seriously, what's with all the Barbarians? No, really. We have had exactly 1 social encounter, and we still ended up fighting. What the fuck man.

While we're at it, can you please stop with the all the rape and grimdark? This is high fantasy dude.

How was it?

>>18766260
I fucking lost it at 'Did you invent a new language for this?'

...Is this supposed to be a character sheet, Mark? Why are there so many footnotes? Why is house in blue?

>>18768075
oh man I would kill to be in a campaign GMed by Madeline l'Engle.

I'm getting really sick of your characters all having psychotic breakdowns when they hallucinate that they're just figments of imagination in a roleplaying game, Phil.

>>18768102
oh sorry, I thought you were doing another author. disregard my ignorance

>>18768106
Pretty good... Pretty, pretty, pretty good...

All right, that's it. That's the third character of mine you've killed off in some ridiculous way. Slipping in a sauna and cracking his head open? Really?

>>18768106
Is that Abecrombie?

That smug bastard is completely full of himself.

Total asshole. But an amusing one. He'd be a laugh at the table in person.

Why would they build a school 30 stories high? Why is everything so weird?

No Orson, the room is clear, there are no secret rooms for people to spy on us from. You do not need to search the room a 4th time. And quit with this whole government overmind crap.

>>18768148
Yeah, it's Abercrombie.

>That feel when I accidentally read the Heroes first

>>18768149
>hfw

Quick, someone cleverer than me do Bakker.

W-wait, you mean that nice dryad we keep asking for help died because we took too much? What have we done?

>>18768173
;_;

...

...this Butler is the most min-maxed character I have ever seen.

Jeez, Simon, this was just supposed to be an afternoon dungeon crawl, not a nuanced exploration of the cyclical nature of the socio-political ills of Waterdeep.

Has anyone else noticed that Michael's basically taken over the game? He's killed off everyone at least once and dragged everything into this fucking alternate dimension law vs chaos bullshit.

Jeez Mary, I knew Promethean was a depressing game, but you really played the sadness up.

Yes, Richard, we get that your character is gay. It's fine. You don't have to keep repeating it to us. And for the love of god, stop having him try to suck every male character's cock. Yes, Richard. He's gay. We know. -- What! Are you seriously trying to bugger the bugbear?

Your character is a human computer, the heir to a noble house, a trained superswordsman, can use his voice to manipulate people and is a religious messiah? You need to let others take the spotlight sometimes Frank.

So your character is one of the world's best super spies, a great fighter, and he's a master of seduction. Really?

Yes Michael, it's very nice that you brought graphs. No, we're not going to look at them. We're playing Star Wars, we don't need to know the exact science behind everything.

>>18766320
>Damn it, Chekhov, not every character needs a fucking gun!
I lost it.

Your sentient-AI space ship can do /what/?!

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK HARRY.

Listen, this has GOT to stop! I mean, I have nothing against you playing a wizard who specializes in social and knowledge skill checks, but come on - ELEVEN reincarnations?! This template is WAY too overpowered.

And just for the record, I still regret letting you steal the time-travel device of the BBEG and install it in your Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion...

>>18768203

>> bugger the bugbear
my sides...!

>>18766436
More like:
For the last time Terry, we're in the dungeon trying to find the magic sword. Pay attention to the plot. Do you even have any short term memory?

No, we are not taking the beholder corpse with us, you sick fuck.

>>18768241
>Pratchett
>memory

:(

Wh

Where are all the young men from the village Erich

Where have they gone

>>18768241
You bastard.
Just go.

>>18766677
Terry my pal, I don't think you're really clear on what being in an adventuring party means. Your interactions with the other PCs, you sound like an accountant you know.

>>18766212

so let me get this straight, you're character is "the dude playing the dude, disguised as another dude" have I got that right?

i think your dangerously close to going full retard man.

I think we're gonna need a new thread.

Nasu, man, you seem to be constantly playing characters who are either dangerously psychotic or emotionally damaged, and they're all girls. Anything you wanna share with the group?

>>18768290
I think we should expand the next thread to historical figures in general, I'm running out of authors.

>>18768320
>>18768320
NEW THREAD

>>18768233
Lost it and I survived the Douglas Adams and Terry Practhet ones. DAMN YOU.

>>18768318
>dm: so let me get this straight you want to play a character who is a master painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, and writer who constantly mocks the church AND yet they still commission him for work?! I'm calling a fucking Mary sue you (insert 4chan-esc rant here about Mary sues and the people who play them)
>player: does it help my case that he's in his 60's?
>dm: no! change your character so he isn't such a Mary sue!

Someone do Garth Nix, I'm not feeling very clever today.

>>18766531
...Does his shirt say "cock"?

>>18766677
I lost it on this one. Perfect.

I sure hope this one is being archived, it deserves it.

Still waiting on Robert Lynn Asprin and Dan Abnett...

>>18771414
Check the new thread.

Congragulations Milton, you just commited 1st degree regicide. Now this is the part where we roll for your style of execution.