hell yeah I do

bump!

Sure, why not.

ooooo I wanna be here for a Storyteim thread! Is this happening tonight?


(pic not related)

What is a storyteim and why are you posting about it?

What is a storyteim? really?


Disapproving man disapproves

YES YES

Do it. Fifthing.

YES YES YES

3 yeses beats two every time

>>18757535
I'll play your game, despite my doubt.

>>18757535

Give us details OP.

Is it a story about That Guy, That DM, awesome accomplishments?

Tell us about the system used, the dramatis personæ and the groups reaction at the end.

Don't just say "Storytiem" and leave us hanging.

Is this real life?!?!

>>18757833
Is this just fantasy?

>>18757813
"Storytiem".

Proper Noun. Go look at the archive.

>>18757850
>>18757833

>>18757850
Caught in a landslide

Bump!

OP here... It's the storytime that wrote "Tyrone the Monk" and "Alphonse and the Chairbearers" if you have SupTG'd either of those. If not, do. Right now we are in a seafaring campaign and he hasn't been doing his write ups. This is my trying to get him do give us all what we want....what we need......

BUMP

>>18757935
MOAR Storytiem! GIVE US!

>>18757882
No escape from reality!

So is this happening then?

When? The tension is aggravating my hernia

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR WRITTEN LOVE FOR SO LONG

OP here! Good news! our petition was enough to convince him to post tonight. So unless something goes wrong he should start posting in a few hours. Thanks your help, I'll give you a time when I get one.

K so it sounds like its going to start at 9 tonight. Bump to get the word out.

Daniel Bryan approves the YESes in this thread.

(bumpity bump) I'm so there. Fuck finals. This is more important.

I'm obviously willing to listen to whatever the S-man wants to narrate about.

BUMPS FOR THE BUMP GOD

>>18758250
mah niYES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

Unnecessary Bampu!

Good job OP.

bump :-)

>>18757968

>>18758623

OYE POY EUE NRS

... I don't follow you.

Signs on for the first time in months,
Finds there is an impending Storytiem thread

>>18758623
Look up to the skies, and see

>>18758782
I'm just a poor boy

>>18758828
I need no sympathy

Okay okay.

I'm on it.

>>18758948
It's been 2 god damned hours.
Is it storytime or not?

ITS HIM! ITS HIM! STORYTIEM!!!!!

Thread said he was gonna start at 9, i assume EST. It's still a little early. Patience!

Eta: 10 minutes. Was at a birthday celebration for my grandmother and cousin. Returning shortly, hold your water and get some snacks, its gonna be story time soon

wow, that's going to be like 9 pm exactly...storyteim is one punctual motherfucker, motherfucker

>>18759159
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>18759159

Okay.

So before we begin, I have absolutely nothing written out beforehand, like the last couple of writeups. This will basically be stream of consciousness and we're in it for the long haul, so bear with me.

After coming out of Jay's fuckawesome campaign with Chairs, Popes, and Alphonse, I decided to run a campaign that was supposed to be a bit more serious in tone. I wanted to use the Swashbuckling Adventures setting (aka: 7th Sea), except retooled for Pathfinder.

Then I realized the Swashbuckling Adventures was for the most part, horribly broken or incredibly incomplete, so I just began rewriting things... just about everything other than the names of countries and important npcs will not be found in the book, and maybe that's for the better. At any rate, here's what we're looking at.

7th Sea is a swashbuckling-era fantasy setting largely based on 14th, 15th, and 16th century Europe. Lots of pirates, seafaring, dramatic battles, and muskets.

There are the main European Countries:

Castille = Spain
Avalon, Innismore, Highlands = England, Ireland, Scotland
Montaigne = France
Vendel = Scandinavia
Usurra = Western Russia
Eisen = Germany
Cathay = Asia

But I also added the following regions:

Vinda = India
Zubarra = Africa
New World = Latin/Central America

And some other unexplored areas visible in that map.

>>18759538
Party Roll Call:

Jason Hummingbird: Played by Tim (Dr. John, Uncle Larry, Zombie-dad from the last campaign). Jason is a half-elf gunslinger from Montaigne who is searching for his lost father, the pirate Robert the Dread, who mysteriously disappeared fifteen years prior.

Newton "Newt" Fonkin Kutar: Played by Ryan (The Rouge Bandit, Arthur, The Rouge Bandit II). Newt is a Lawful Good noble gnome paladin hailing from Avalon, where he is the legitimate son of Nigel Fonkin Kutar, the president of the Legitimint Trading Corporation.

Noj Fonkin Kutar: Played by Zatch (Alphonse). Noj is the bastard half-brother of Newt, and an assassin for the Church of Avalon (carries out the dirty deeds that the Paladins don't get charged with). Noj's main weapon is a flail that he has disguised to look like a mop. He also likes guns.

Reef Blastbody: Played by Jay (last game's DM). Reef is a Gillman oracle native of the Five Peak Islands. He knows everyone and has hedonistic tendencies.

CJ: CJ keeps dying, so I'll just refer to him as CJ. He starts out playing a rogue named Guy Ledouche.

HOW MUCH LONGER MUST THE WORLD WAIT YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!!

bump for storyeim

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18278643/

The conclusion of the chairbearers campaign...epic in every possible sense of the word

>>18759545
We begin with a little bit of exposition.

It is Armistice Day, a treasured and time honored time of introspection, reflection, and crazy-ass partying. Fifty years ago, on this day, the persecution of magic-users by the Castillian Church reached a fever pitch, and as a result, several other countries banded together to fight against this perceived injustice. This caused a long and bloody war which tore apart most of Theah (Europe), but in the end, the Castillian Church was defeated.

The Separatists, deemed as heretics by the Castillians, formed their own church based in Avalon, and worship Pelor. The Castillian Church, as a result of this war, lost a lot of influence, and had to cede much territory to Montaigne and Vodacce (Italy), as war reparations. Castille became isolationist and stopped participating in things on an international scale, aside from the massive push for world exploration.

Because in the wake of the war, as the Armistice was declared, explorers from Vodacce brought news of a discovery in the far west: an entirely new world. Suddenly, the age of exploration was upon Theah, and now, everything else seemed stupid and unimportant. Armistice Day was declared a huge holiday in most countries, and nowhere celebrates the Armistice harder than Freeport, in the Five Peak Islands.

Which is where we find our intrepid heroes, as we begin their journey.

Damn, this sounds like a great fucking backstory...did you write this shit?

>>18759665
Now the Five Peak Islands (which are named for the translation from the Gillman tongue) are a small island chain in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The Gillman which inhabit these islands claim that they are not islands, but the tops of mountains which extend down to the bottom of the world (according to their myths). Because of the convenient location, The Five Peaks are home to seafarers from all over the world, and have a reputation for being particularly anarchic and dangerous. This is because the Gillman do not tolerate foreign conflict on their borders; and as they are an aquatic species, they have no problem drilling holes in the ships of any that dare to break their golden rule. Anyone trying to start a fight on their turf must deal with Gillman justice, so people tend to mind their manners.

We begin with the group of five intrepid heroes trudging amidst the streets of Freeport, as crazed revelers celebrate Armistice Day around them. Chaos reigns in the streets as people drunkenly stumble about and flash each other. It's nuts. However, the party members show hesitation; Newt, as a lawful good gnome paladin, finds this whole display to be indecent, and wants to spread the good word of Pelor. This doesn't bode well with Reef, their Gillman guide, who is trying to show them a good time in the streets of Freeport.

Reef, as it happens, took the Hedonist hubris, which makes him incredibly susceptible to doing anything that makes him feel good. So naturally, Reef leads the group to a Gillman bar; because he knows the bartender, and they have a live steel drum band. Gillmen fucking love steel drums.

bump :-D

>>18759711
Thank you, and yes.

>>18759818
So the party enters the rastafarian gillman bar, and they are eyed suspiciously by all the patrons. Reef is too inebriated to notice or care, and does the secret gilly handshake with the bartender. He orders up drinks for everybody as the band plays a rendition of Take Five on steel drum.

Just then, a scream is heard from outside.

Guy Ledouche, Jason Hummingbird, and Noj exit the bar to investigate. Newt didn't hear the shriek, and is busy politely telling the barkeep about Pelor.

Guy, Jason, and Noj exit the bar, just in time to see a girl being dragged into an alleyway by two large men; they are ignored completely by the large crowd of revelers. The three push their way through the crowd to get to the alley, and it's considerably easier for Noj to do so (being a gnome). As they approach the alley, they see one more man head into the alley, turn around, and act as a lookout for his two friends.

>>18759993
Noj sneaks the fuck past the lookout and begins creeping down the alleyway, where one thug is attempting to rape the girl. Guy walks up to the lookout and silently stabs him, while covering his mouth to muffle his scream.

One of the two men in the alley sees this, and begins to run; so Noj extends his mop to trip the man; then knocks him out with the mop. The remaining thug attempts to shield himself with the kidnapped girl, but Jason makes a crack shot with his pistol and blows out his brains. The gunshot scares and scatters the crowd.

In the midst of the confusion, Newt and Reef exit the bar to group up with the rest of the party, and find two mortally wounded thugs, and one missing most of his head. Reef heals the two wounded thugs, who are scared shitless about the whole ordeal. The group notices that they have shark tattoos on their arms.

The bartender from the Gillman bar runs out to see what's going on, and notices all the commotion. As him and his cohorts prepare to unleash some Gillman justice on the group, Reef calms them down and explains the situation.

Instead, Reef and Noj resolve to take the two sailors "back to their boat" with a group of Gillmen as escorts. While they do this, Guy, Jason, and Newt will return the girl to her father.

>>18760003
Reef, Noj, and the Gillmen drag the two thugs down towards the docks, interrogating them as they walk. They learn that these thugs are sailors who were "just trying to have a little fun, honest! We'll never do anything like that again!"

Reef asks one of the sailors, "Which boat be yours, mon?" The sailor points to a ship across the harbor, which is clearly a military vessel, and these two don't look anything like soldiers. Then one of the Gillmen notices their tattoos and identifies them as "two of Sharkbait's pirate crew!"

Noj, Reef, and the other Gillmen all share a knowing glance and they hogtie the two pirates. Noj and Reef chuck them over the edge of the dock, and the Gillmen pull them underwater. Noj marks the event with his special assassin's prayer: "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch," and signs a cross over the last bubbling gasps of the two pirates.

Do go on sir...

Oh my god Storyteim

this is the best night ever

GET ON IT

>>18760095
Meanwhile, Newt, Guy, and Jason are escorting a young madam Estelle DuVey back to her home. Guy LeDouche is hitting on her hardcore; she's like 16, he's coming off as a total creeper. Estelle lives in the nicer part of town, and explains that her dad has a good position in the Explorer's Guild.

The group meets Mr. Horatio DuVey Esq. and he is thrilled to have his daughter safely back home. He says that she snuck out in order to participate in the festivities. Guy LeDouche tries to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage, and gets shot down by her father, who claims that she will not wed some "rapscallion, no matter how heroic!"

At any rate, he says it is late, and he will meet with them tomorrow to discuss business and job opportunities.

So then everybody regroups. And now, one thing is obvious: they need to track down these Sharkbait pirates.

>>18760233
So they spread out and begin exploring the streets of Freeport. Reef, Noj, and Guy head back to the Gillman Tavern to gather some information, while Newt and Jason explore some of the seedier areas of town. They manage to spot a man with a shark tattoo heading into a bar; they pursue.

When Newt and Jason enter the bar, it's like one of those Old West scenes, as all the grizzled patrons crane their heads over to inspect the fresh meat that has just walked into their den. They see the tattooed man walking past some swinging saloon doors that lead to a backroom, and Newt proceeds to walk right under the doors.

The bartender protests, shouting out to Jason: "OI, WE DON'T SERVE CHILDREN, TAKE HIM AND GET THE HELL OUT!"

Jason instead calmly sits down at the bar and orders some wine. The bartender recognizes his Montaigne accent; he produces a bottle of wine from behind the counter and begins spilling its contents out onto the floor.

"OOOOH, SOME WINE FOR THE MONTY, HOW CUTE!"

Meanwhile, they seem to have forgotten about Newt, who has now walked into what appears to be a storeroom. However, there's a trapdoor in the middle of the room, and through it, he spies a large number of thugs who appear to be pirates. Newt shuts the Trapdoor and tries to heft a keg of beer on top of it; but is unable to lift the keg. Responding to the shutting door, the pirates clamber up the stepladder to escape the room, and Newt is forced to hide in an empty barrel.

bumpity bump

>>18760173
O____________________________________________________O

>>18760345
Jason is one more insult away from shooting the bartender where he stands, but is distracted by the large amount of pirates pouring out from the backroom. A large, scarred, grizzle-bearded man leads them. All of them have shark tattoos. As they exit the bar, Jason moves to a table full of gamblers in order to glean some more information about those men. Newt emerges from the backroom, and then follows the pirates outside.

Jason stays and meets "Ol' Smitty" at the gambling table. Smitty, who is borderline senile, claims that Jason is the "Spittin image of Robert the Dread!"

This cements Jason's cred at the pirate bar, and the bartender apologizes for being so awful and rude.

However, trouble is brewing outside! As Newt trails the gang of pirates, who must be the Sharkbait and his crew, he realizes that they're heading towards the Gillman bar with the rest of his companions.

Sharkbait fires pistol shots into the Gillman bar's window, and demands to know the locations of his three missing crewmen. Reef emerges from the blown-out window and shouts "THEY BE AT DA' BOTTOM OF DE BAY, MON!" and laughs in Sharkbait's face.

Sharkbait is about to retaliate further when a cadre of armed gillmen pop out from behind cover and a Mexican standoff begins between the pirate crew, the party, and the Gillman.

Sharkbait loses his nerve and retreats back to his boat.

Guilliman, the owner and barkeep of the Gillman tavern offers a free night's stay to the group for standing up for the Gillmen.

DUh...I gahd dissfuryou Strytum.... BUMP

>>18760543
Jason, however, stays at the pirate bar and learns about Robert the Dread from Ol' Smitty. Robert apparently vanished without a trace about fifteen years ago; but before that he was one of the most feared pirates in the entire ocean.

Jason also learns about Sharkbait. It turns out Sharkbait and his father used to be be on the same pirate crew. When their captain retired from the pirate game, Robert the Dread succeeded him. Shortly afterwards, Sharkbait and Robert amicably parted ways, as Sharkbait wanted to be the captain of his own boat.

This didn't happen until years later, when Sharkbait worked his way up to first mate on another pirate ship. However, the captain grew distrustful of Sharkbait, and forced him to walk the plank. Sharkbait plunged into the water and was attacked by a shark... however, he survived the encounter. Sharkbait then grabbed a hold of the ship's stern and waited until nightfall. He then climbed up the ship and killed the captain and assumed his command. This is how Sharkbait gained his eponymous moniker.

At any rate, they all meet up again and decide to go meet Horatio DuVey, as per the agreement yesterday. Horatio once again expresses his gratitude for his daughter's rescue, and cuts right to the chase:

The explorers guild needs help to thwart the rampant piracy of their ships in open water.

AWW HELL YEAH BUMP FOR STORYTEIM! I have never thought I would be gifted with witnessing an actual storyteim thread.

Living the dream...

>>18760705
As it happens, they know a pirate captain that needs to be dealt with, and the group resolves to hunt down Sharkbait. Guy resolves to kill Sharkbait to win the favor of Horatio's daughter... and that doesn't go over well.

However, Newt is not cool with this outright violence, so they instead resolve to "bring Sharkbait to justice".

And it just so happens that Sharkbait has three openings on his crew, owing to the efforts of Noj, Reef, and Jason. Noj and Newt hatch a plan where they will attempt to stow away aboard the ship by hiding in some powder kegs. Jason and Guy will attempt to join the crew and bring their gnome-filled barrels aboard in the process. Meanwhile, Reef and a squad of Gillmen will swim underneath the boat, and board when the time is right.

They set about this glorious plan, and Jason approaches the Sharkbait crew recruiter person guy at the docks. Jason boasts that he is the son of Robert the Dread, to which Sharkbait's steward replies, "You and everyone else on this island, haw haw!"

However, this catches the attention of Sharkbait, who is nearby. Sharkbait himself walks over and inspects Jason, and his eyes go wide upon viewing the resemblance. Sharkbait exclaims "He's the spittin' image of Robert." Jason vouches for Guy and they both join Sharkbait's crew.

However, Sharkbait's boat: "The Double Dutchman" is currently in drydock. He's getting an expensive copper plating on the bottom of his boat due to "all those god-damned Gillies pokin' holes in my boat!"

Nevertheless, they will be setting sail for Avalon the next day, when the repairs are complete.

>>18760848
(Newt came up with the name: "The Double Dutchman." I think it's amazing in every way)

So anyway, the gnomes get brought aboard in powder barrels, and are stored in the hold. This is because I was stupid and forgot that ships had powder rooms on their upper decks so that moisture wouldn't adversely affect the powder. But lets just say the pirates were stupid and decided to store it in the hold, doesn't matter.

The Double Dutchman sets sail the next day. Jason is toured around the ship by Sharkbait himself. Guy is resigned to the powder room, and Reef and his gillman squad follow the boat from beneath.

Now, the Gillman do not often head out into open waters for fear of the nefarious deepwater Crab People. The Gillman hate the Crab People with a burning passion, and most of their oaths are sworn in the manner of "I swear to the deaths of a million crab people!"

But in this case, they're going to trail the Double Dutchman until they get a signal from above.

All day they sail, until the following night, when Jason is forced to pull an all-night watch due to his newbie status aboard the ship. Two pirates are posted outside of Sharkbait's cabin as guards, and Guy LeDouche decides that now is the time to pull some shit. He emerges from below deck and walks right up to the guards; claiming that Sharkbait needs to come to the powder room right away, because there's a problem.

YESSSSSS.

I have missed having a Storytiem thread around ever since I drawfagged that silly chair picture.

>>18760986
The guards respond, "That's YOUR job. Get back down there, and fix it! Powder monkey!"

Guy retorts, "But I need to make sure that the captain is okay with this!"

So one of the guards enters the cabin, and shouting is heard from within. The guard emerges with a black eye, and spits, "Cap'n can't be bothered. You'll show me what the problem is, ya' worthless rat!"

So Guy takes the guard below deck and just before they get to the powder room, Guy pulls out a knife and viciously shanks the guard. Thankfully, the guard is dead before he can make a noise, but it's a total mess; there's blood everywhere.

And that's when Jason throws Guy under the bus. Jason walks over to the other guard, and says, "You know... I heard Guy saying that he wanted to duel the captain."

The guard displays a distressed look, and then heads into Sharkbait's cabin. A moment later, both he and Sharkbait emerge; and Sharkbait is armed with a pistol and cutlass. They walk by Jason and head below deck.

As Guy attempts to hide the body and clean the mess, Newt and Noj are roused from their barrels. Newt sees that Guy has murdered someone, and is livid.

Just then, the door to the hold opens. Sharkbait and half his crew are seen standing at the top of the stairs; most of them armed. They have all been caught red-handed.

haha That picture is still my desktop background....

>>18761004
I could have swore I recognized your name! You were in that last rap thread and you drew our picture. That is still my background, I'll have you know!

>>18761060

TwoDee, If you never got to read the rest of that campaign you should.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18278643/

MOAR

>>18761060
Newt and Noj retreat further into the powder room, while Guy holds his ground. Sharkbait descends the steps.

"You know what we do to stowaways on this ship?" Sharkbait says ominously, "...we keel haul 'em."

Sharkbait's crew cheers menacingly. Guy whips out a knife and throws it at Sharkbait, but he misses. Sharkbait makes eye contact with Guy, and Sharkbait's eyes glow yellow. Guy is suddenly stunned by glamer magic; he sees Sharkbait instantaneously close the distance between them and stab him in the stomach with his cutlass.

Noj and Newt, however are unaffected by this , see Sharkbait calmly walk over to their petrified comrade and casually stab him in the stomach.

Guy collapses, unconscious. Sharkbait looks over to Noj and Newt and says "Their clothing... they're nobility. Should fetch a high ransom."

Meanwhile, above deck, Jason has taken this time to infiltrate Sharkbait's cabin. Jason makes note of a skull with a jeweled eye socket atop Sharkbait's desk. Jason hides under Sharkbait's cot and waits for the captain to return.

Sharkbait's crew apprehends Noj and Newt and dress the gnomes in little girl's clothes. Guy's unconscious body is taken above deck and strapped to the main mast. When Guy wakes up, Sharkbait interrogates him, then says that he's about to be keelhauled.

Guy thinks for a minute... there's gillmen underneath the ship... if he gets keelhauled, they'll save him!

Guy defiantly exclaims: "Do your worst, Sharkbait!"

MOAR

>>18761196
So Guy gets roped up and pushed overboard. Now, it just so happens that Guy had previously stabilized at 0 Hit Points. The collision with the front of the boat renders him unconscious.

The rules for drowning in Pathfinder when you are unconscious read like this: "GET FUCKED." He has like two rounds to make some ridiculous saves or drown.

He doesn't make them; Guy drowns. The gillmen grab him as he's being pulled underneath the boat, and attempt to resuscitate him at the side of the ship. Tyrone the Gillman Shaman ends up crushing Guy's sternum while trying to give him CPR, propped up against the side of the boat.

In the end, they just leave him and Guy's corpse trails the boat, leaking blood from his stomach wound. Reef exclaims to the rest of the Gillmen: "Dat blood gonna draw da Crab People!"

This is met with mutters of "Fuck them damn dirty crab people!" from the other Gillmen.

And then they hear the ominous sound of clicking and clacking coming from the depths of the ocean. Reef makes out the unmistakable sound which heralds the coming of crab people:

"Craaaaaaaaaaaaab Peeeeeeeeople CRAAAAAAAAAAAB PEEEEEEEEEEOPLE; TASTE LIKE CRAAAAAB, LOOK LIKE PEOPLE"

>>18761196

I've got a bad feeling about this...

This campaign is crabcore!

>>18761308
Sharkbait turns his attentions to Noj and Newt. Noj resolves to tell him nothing, but Newt says that Sharkbait is an evil man, and that he will bring him to justice in single combat. Sharkbait scoffs at the boasts of this arrogant gnome and resolves to ransom him off to the highest bidder.

After all this excitement, Sharkbait and the crew seem to have forgotten about Jason; who is currently hiding underneath Sharkbait's bed.

Sharkbait re-enters his cabin and begins poring over some documents at his desk. He mutters to himself, angrily. Jason resolves to wait to strike until Sharkbait is asleep.

But the Gillmen cannot wait. They must attack NOW. There's fucking CRAB PEOPLE COMING. Reef and his companions climb the sides of the boat, just as one of the night watchmen comes over to the railing to take a piss. The stream of piss narrowly misses Reef, but spatters all over the Gillman next to him. The piss-covered gillman angrily climbs up the deck and grabs the pants dropped around the pirate's ankles, and pulls him overboard through the spokes of the deck railing.

When a fellow watchman hears the splash of a dude spilling overboard, he runs over to the side; where Reef and the other Gillmen grab him too and hoist him over. The remaining watchmen sound the alarm as the rest of the Gillmen, clamber aboard the ship with weapons drawn.

Pirates run up from below deck, half dressed, and a battle breaks out in the moonlight on the deck of the ship.

In the Captain's Cabin, Jason sees Sharkbait suddenly turn to the skull on his desk, and Sharkbait jumps up, and shrieks. "No... NO... IT CAN'T BE!"

Sharkbait grabs his weapons and heads out onto the deck.

>>18761453
In the midst of the commotion, Noj and Newt have escaped from below deck. The crew had locked them in a kitchen cupboard after dressing them like little girls. Newt uses an oar to bash open the weapons locker where their gear was stashed, and grabs his sword and Noj's mop.

They run up to the main deck in their dresses and prepare for battle. As Newt emerges from below deck, he sees the Gillmen fighting the pirates, and then Sharkbait steps into view.

Sharkbait looks as though he's seen a ghost; he's visibly sweaty and paranoid-looking. Sharkbait seemingly ignores the attacking Gillmen as he scans the battlefield, muttering to himself, "It can't be. He won't kill me; HE CAN'T!"

He then spots Newt. "YOU. YOU WON'T KILL ME, HE'S WRONG, YOU CAN'T BE THE ONE!"

Newt is confused as shit, but Sharkbait presses an attack. He attempts to do the glowing-eye glamer lunge on Newt, but Newt has an awesome will save, and resists that shit. Newt is actually able to go toe-to-toe with Sharkbait for a few rounds, as Sharkbait maddeningly spouts frightened comments about how Newt "can't be the one to kill him."

>>18761625
Noj, meanwhile, commences to knocking out pirates engaged in battles with Gillmen.

Finally, Jason emerges from the Captain's cabin in time to see Newt fighting Sharkbait.

Sharkbait calls to Jason, "Save me, son of Robert, yer' dad wouldn't have wanted it to be this way!"

Newt disarms Sharkbait and calls for Sharkbait to surrender. Newt tosses Sharkbait's cutlass at his feet. Sharkbait looks hysterical and begins ranting and raving. Jason walks over to Sharkbait and points his pistol at Sharkbait's head.

"It would be wise to do as he says."

Sharkbait looks absolutely terrified. Newt calls to the combatants on the deck of the ship: "I AM NOW IN CHARGE HERE. YOU SHALL CEASE FIGHTING AND SURRENDER AND NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU! I PROMISE. I AM NEWT FONKIN KUTAR, NOBLE PALADIN, AND YOU SHALL BE SPARED IF YOU SURRENDER."

However, this outburst snaps Sharkbait out of his terror; "DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ORDERS ON... MY... SHIP!"

Sharkbait grabs his cutlass and lunges at Newt...

...and Jason unloads his pistol into Sharkbait's face.

>>18761635
As the fatal gunshot silences the fury of the battle aboard the ship, everyone is suddenly aware that the waters around them are frothing with a frenzy of crab people.

The pirates surrender everybody works together to escape the frenzy of crab people. Once the danger has subsided, Newt judges each of the pirates by detecting evil. Those pirates that are sufficiently evil are sent to the brig. The ones which pass his judgment are allowed to stay aboard the ship as crew. The party now owns the Double Dutchman.

Jason assumes command as Captain, and Newt and Noj become two halves of the first mate. Reef wants "to be that guy up in the box with the periscope and stuff."

Jason retires to his captain's cabin in order to rummage through Sharkbait's possessions. As he walks into the room, he sees that the jeweled-eye skull on the desk looks quite different.

To his horror, the skull now looks to him like the head of Sharkbait.

>>18760233
If this is 14-16th century Europe, then 16 is not only okay it is common.

>>18761755
Sharkbait's eyes follow Jason, staring at him accusingly. Jason attempts to talk to the skull, but it doesn't respond. It feels warm to the touch, and appears to be a living, breathing head.

Jason ignores the skull and begins rummaging through the desk. He finds a secret compartments with some maps, and an old parchment bearing a broken wax seal. Jason reads:

"I will not cross swords with you, old friend, but it does not seem our fates have the same destination. Should you change your mind, there will always be a place for you aboard my ship. May you find the winds of fortune on stranger tides.

-Robert"

Jason folds the letter and stashes it. He resolves to get the skull and a bunch of other gear identified when they return to port.

So two days later, the Double Dutchman returns to Freeport. The evil pirates, judged by Newt, are sent to a local jail run by Montaigne, while the new pirates are given a chance to atone by serving Newt. The group meets with Horatio DuVey again, who is impressed that they were able to take down Sharkbait, one of the most notorious pirates in this area.

DuVey gives them another assignment; there are reports that smugglers are operating in another port of the Five Peak Islands, known as Diego Port. The Gillmen have been driven out of Diego Port due to the pollution of the nearby watershed, so there it is a lawless town of criminals and villains. The party is advised to take caution.

>>18761907
The group recruits a few more crew members to flesh out their ship; they also hire some carpenters to rearrange things and create storage rooms and secret compartments aboard the ship.

Jason does some information gathering about town to determine what smugglers operate in this area. And by gathering information, I mean he goes to a whorehouse and bangs a bunch of prostitutes. One of the prostitutes, however, mentions that a certain pirate captain often brings her very nice things that he says were stolen and smuggled from various merchant ships.

Jason is impressed, and buys the prostitute for the rest of the day. Her name is Rosalita, she's from Castille, and she's a perfect 10 (I rolled it). Jason takes her back to the boat, where he claims that she's "A fine young woman" and sets her up with Newt. Newt is smitten with Rosalita and she puts out on their first date.

ANYWAY, Jason also takes the skull to local antiques dealer Ed Vanders in attempt to get it identified. Upon being shown the skull, Ed Vanders shrieks and tells Jason that the skull is evil as shit.

Legends speak of the terrible Cutjack Skull, which belonged to the pirate Cutjack; but it had many owners before then. The skull's power is such that when someone kills the skull's previous owner, the killer sees the skull as the head of the person they killed. The skull warns the user of danger, but makes him reckless and bloodthirsty. Eventually, the skull will cause its owner to make so many enemies that someone will claim their vengeance, and therefore claim the skull... and the cycle continues.

Jason attempts to shoot the skull right then and there; but the shattered pieces of the skull reform as soon as he looks away. He can't get rid of it.

When does CJ's next character show up?

Somebody archiving this shit?

>>18762041
Finally, before leaving for Diego Port, Jason recruits Ol' Smitty as their ship's cook. Rosalita joins the crew and leaves her pimp. She is now going steady with Newt; who doesn't realize she's a prostitute.

When some of the crew members (including Noj) try to clarify to Newt that she is a "woman of the night and a slut for money," Newt shrugs them off as just being jealous and sentences Blake (the crewmember who said such slanderous things about Rosalita) to 1000 Skip-Its. Such is punishment on the Double Dutchman.

The Double Dutchman (which is a Caravel) now has a crew consisting of the following people:

Long Dong Johnson
O'Don Piano
Strong John #1 (Because I can't have a campaign without the Strong Johns)
Strong John #2
Blake (thus named because he's a fine bloke named blake)
Ol' Smitty
Hans Olaffsson
Rosalita
Dolce DeLeche
Giovanni
Heidrich Hitzelschprigget
Jameson (the ship's medic)

They now set off for Diego Port.

At this point I have covered two sessions. Yeah.

Still to Come:

Chapter 2: Walken the Plank
Chapter 3: Newt and the Statue
Chapter 4: The Best Boat Party Ever
Chapter 5: Taken: Starring Bard Pitt
Chapter 6: The Search for Niles
Chapter 7: Fun With Alphonse
Chapter 8: Nobody is Safe

If you're wondering about "Fun With Alphonse", it's because Alphonse is now the god of Chaotic Evil in this campaign.

>>18762098
AH Right. So CJ comes back as Felix Feldspar, a member of the Explorer's Guild and a prospective member of the Die Kreutzritter (a robin-hood-esque religions organization).

He gets introduced as the fiance to Horatio DuVey's daughter.

Good call, completely forgot.

>Alphonse is now the god of Chaotic Evil in this campaign.
EVERYONE IS FUCKED

>>18762196
>Long Dong Johnson
oh god my sides

>>18762196
Set a course for Diego Port.

They arrive to a town that smells like Pittsburgh. There's smith shops and heavy industry here, and it all dumps into the bay. Reef sheds a tear because all the Gillmen that lived here got cancer and died.

But that doesn't stop him from diving into the bay to look for treasure. Reef scans the harbor floor and comes across a bunch of scattered boxes of junk... and then he finds a giant clam. However, this clam is sentient and communicates through telepathy. The clam introduces itself to Reef as "Cleveland the Quahog", and its very lonely. All his friends died from pollution and it fears that it will be next. Cleveland wants to escape and see the world, because he only hears about it from his clam buddies on the telepathic Clam News Network. This is difficult however, because Cleveland is a 400 pound clam cemented to the ocean floor.

Reef sympathizes and vows to free Cleveland, but in the meantime, he asks if Cleveland knows about any smugglers or dumping spots for stolen loot. Cleveland responds that he doesn't know, but some stuff was recently dropped into the ocean that gives him a massive headache. Reef investigates that location and finds some boxes full of magic items (which create an annoying buzzing sound for the clam).

Reef finds a magic cutlass, as well as an item identifiable as a Tessera Heater. It's a ring-like object with two large metal balls; when the balls are brought together, it causes all metal within 60 yards to heat up. Cleveland thanks Reef for removing the magic items, and Reef returns to the ship.

>>18762487
So anyway, the group embarks to town, and begins gathering information all over the place. They run into a fine fellow named Prof at a cafe. Prof talks like Jim Backus and "looks like he's got a 10 in just about every knowledge skill."

Prof instructs the group that he knows of a smuggler in port right now: the pirate captain Rodrigo Sanchez; whose boat is moored just off the harbor. Sanchez is very reclusive and only sends his cohorts ashore, never disembarking himself. Prof points out the tattoo of Sanchez's crewmembers, and the group heads off to look for people with the marking. This leads them to a shady bar on the outskirts of town, where they find a huge crowd of people watching one of Sanchez's crewmen armwrestle another pirate. When the other pirate wins, someone in the crowd pulls a gun and straight up murders him. This escalates things into a big bar brawl which ends when the barkeep pulls an organ gun and blows three people away.

Needless to say, the party got the fuck out of dodge. They return to Prof, who tells them to go down and see Viktor and Michael Grigoriv, who own a pawn-shop-boat at the end of the dock. The party meets with them and Viktor says that they can arrange a meeting with Captain Sanchez... if they find an item that he'd be willing to buy.

This concludes the day's activities, and the group levels to 2 at the end of the night. Jason now gets a monkey as an animal companion, and he buys a monkey-sized pistol for it. Believe it or not, there are rules for this, and his monkey can attack his target with a fucking pistol. Shit's real.

>>18762577
So these honkeys think they can hock the magic cutlass or the Tessera Heater for some of the Explorer's Guild's stolen goods. Viktor and Michael don their Rilasciare Overcoats (identifying them as members of a secret organization of roguish tinkers with crazy gadgets) and row the party out to Sanchez's boat. They are greeted by the first mate, and told that Captain Sanchez will meet the group below deck in order to reach some kind of trade agreement with their clients (the party). Viktor and Michael are instructed to stay on deck, and Noj, Newt, Reef, Felix, and Jason (monkey and all), are escorted below deck by a group of pirates.

Now I am unable to produce a Spanish accent, and Rodrigo Sanchez is quite Spanish. My attempts to imitate a Spanish voice resulted in something like Christopher Walken. So we stuck with that. Rodrigo Sanchez became an alias for Captain Walken.

At any rate, the party barters with Captain Walken, as he tries to get them to buy ridiculous and stupid items instead of the stuff that was stolen from the Explorer's Guild.

Noj decides that he's had enough. Noj leans on his mop, casually, then brings it in an upswing to try and attack Captain Walken... but misses.

Walken responds: "Whoa there, little guy. That's not how you use a mop. Should be swabbing the deck with that piece of equipment, you know."

Jason is also not having any of this. He turns around and rolls a grenade at three of the pirates behind him in a surprise round. Initiative is rolled, and he's at the top of the order. He takes a shot at another pirate with his gun, but the pirate barely survives.

And then the fucking monkey jumps up, takes a shot with his monkey sized pistol, and finishes off the pirate.

>>18762678
I guess it's safe to say that you do not want to rustle the jimmies of a monkey with a gun.

>>18762678
The pirates IMMEDIATELY surrender. They are not prepared for this sort of anarchy. Noj smacks Captain Walken upside the head for massive subdual damage, and Walken surrenders his ship to the group. They crack open the crates containing the Explorer's Guild goods, and find that they are filled with bones. But these bones are not human or any kind of recognizable animal, and they look like they belonged to a giant.

However, before they can figure out what to do with this information, they realize that someone has shut the grating on the deck entrance; they are now trapped below deck. They shout for help, and nobody answers. Noj climbs out of a porthole and gets up on the deck, only to see that a bunch of people on deck have been murdered, including Viktor and Michael. He looks overboard and sees a rowboat rowing away from their ship... and towards another ship which is closing in on their location from across the harbor.

Noj bashes open the grating's padlock, and frees the group members. Captain Walken explains that the ship approaching them belongs to Hassan the Chopper, and a bunch of his boys got roughed up by Hassan's crew last night. They must be coming to finish the job!

Hassan is closing distance for a full broadside, so the group scrambles to get the ship ready to sail, and they manage to drop the sails with 7 people. However, the wind is blowing inland, so the boat begins to veer towards the harbor. Hassan gives chase. Through a telescope, Jason makes out Hassan himself: a fat, shirtless, bald man with a metal axe in place of a hand.

>>18762797
Reef is on the fucking scene though. Shit is about to hit the fan, and he's got an idea. Reef dives into the water, and climbs up the bow of their ship. Reef then activates the heater; and a minute later, hears shrieks of pain as cannons, muskets, and pistols all go off without warning. Jason watches through the telescope as Hassan the Chopper unbinds his axe-hand, which is currently burning the stump of his arm.

Jason takes careful aim with his pistol and begins taking potshots at the crew of Hassan's ship. He crits Hassan himself, and drops the big fat man.

Just then, Walken's ship slams into a sandbar and tilts as it runs aground. The party is thrown about as they struggle to maintain balance. Without a captain to give clear orders, Hassan's ship is on a collision course with their stern, and Reef is still hanging onto the bow of Hassan's ship.

Everybody braces for impact, and Reef barely avoids getting squished between the two ships as they collide. He gets banged up as he rolls off the deck of Walken's ship.

Hassan's cruiser continues with some forward momentum and scrapes along the side of Walken's ship. Noj dashes below deck, and notices that though askew, Walken's cannons are still lined up to take upward-angled shots at Hassan's ship. Noj proceeds to go cannon by cannon and ignite the fuses.

>>18762874
Cannonballs rip through Hassan's ship, sowing destruction and confusion among the crew. They begin to abandon ship. Jason, Noj, and Felix jump aboard Hassan's ship and begin slaughtering their way through the remaining crew. Newt, however, notices Captain Walken attempting to escape by swimming back to shore. Newt catches up and does some crazy Paladin command shit that makes Captain Walken obey him.

The last of Hassan's crewmembers scatter, while Noj and Jason search his ship. In the captain's chambers, he finds a magical Sheik Hat and a magical Hookah, as well as some glowing colored stones which appear to be magical as well.

They return to the deck of Hassan's ship, and Jason fires a signal flare into the sky to signal the Double Dutchman. The Double Dutchman cruises close, and they unload the explorer's guild stuff, as well as some other pieces of loot from both ships. With the bones and Captain Walken now in custody, the Double Dutchman returns to Freeport.

hurray storytiem!!

First time seeing a storytiem thread.

Jolly good.

>>18762957
Reef begins smoking the hookah on the way back. It causes him to have acid trips and hallucinate like crazy. The crew attempts to have an intervention for him and he tells them to fuck off. He puts on the Sheik Hat and it plays middle eastern music, audible only to him (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGg6wta1qWA&feature=related). Reef spends the voyage baked out of his mind, listening to Arabic jams.

Captain Walken announces that he's reformed his piratical ways and would like to serve aboard their ship as a talented sailor. Apparently my Christopher Walken impression is good enough to keep this character as a permanent crew member.

So they get back to Freeport, and Horatio dookies a shooter when he finds out that they recovered the "Syranith Bones." (PLOT: The Syranith were a race of magically advanced humanoid creatures whose ruins dot the landscape of Theah. They appeared to have died out thousands of years ago due to some unknown disaster. Their ruins are the subject of much archaeological study). Horatio explains that these Bones were bound for a University in Vodacce when they were hijacked by Captain Walken.

Horatio then mentions that another Explorer's Guild ship just came into port: The E.G. Exemplar, and they are bound for Avalon, then to Vodacce. Horatio explains that the Exemplar can take the bones, if the Double Dutchman can provide an escort. The group accepts, especially since their stop in Avalon is Hampsouthton, the hometown of Newt and Noj.

>>18762995
>>18762981
Thanks! Stay with me, there's still a long way to go!

>>18763059
Before they leave though, Reef takes a bunch of Gillmen to Diego port, where they chip Cleveland free from the ocean floor. They strap Cleveland to a couple of barrels and tow him behind the boat. Cleveland is thrilled that he will finally get to see the world.

However, seeing as Cleveland can telepathically communicate and share knowledge with his race of clamfolk, Jason asks him if he knows anything about Robert the Dread, or his ship: Revenge?

Cleveland tells a tale of a ship matching that description, which sank off the coast of Cathay, in the Marianas trench... but it didn't sink like a normal ship... it appeared to drop beneath the waves slowly and continue downward. That's all he knows about it. It passed the depths at which clam-folk are able to survive. With all questions left half-answered, the group sets fail for Avalon.

After a month of sailing, they are getting close to Avalon. However, the group notices that the Exemplar has stopped in the water ahead of them. They appear to have come up on an island which is uncharted on any of their maps.

>>18763325

>Ship 'sinking'
>Ship actually sailing under the water.
>Can't help but think of One Piece.
>Now can't help but think Jason's Dad is actually Luffy.

YESSSSS.

>>18763325
Reef dives into the water and swims towards the island. He's stoked about finally being able to get onto dry land, instead of a boat. However, as soon as he touches the sand of the beach, he must make a will save.

He fails.

Immediately Reef is overcome with a powerful urge to laugh. He can barely breath, the laughter is so hard and grating that he almost cracks ribs. The crews of the Exemplar and the Double Dutchman watch him and think that he's gone completely mad. The Exemplar dispatches a rowboat with some sailors to retrieve him, but half of their number end up succumbing to the laughter as well. Noj and Newt then take to a boat and head for the shore. Newt takes off his armor and dives into the water and wades up onto the beach. Newt makes his will save, and attempts to bring Reef back onto the ship. Noj doesn't want to go anywhere near the island and stays in the rowboat. Some of the other sailors go hysterical and run towards the treeline from the shore.

One of the laughing sailors attempts to climb into Noj's boat, and almost capsizes it. Noj responds by knocking the guy unconscious with his mop; then he pulls him into the boat. A few seconds later, the guy begins laughing and giggling in his sleep, and Noj cracks him again for subdual damage. This enrages Newt, who begins arguing with Noj about how they need to help this people, and that Noj needs to get off the boat right now. This argument escalates to the point where Newt calls Noj a bastard.

Oh dammit, I need to go to bed. I hope this is still here in the morning or archived.

Love your stuff Storytiem, it always brightens up my shitty days!

>>18763394
Noj looks at Newt and says, "...Right."

He picks up Newt's armor from the rowboat and tosses it over the side, and proceeds to row back to shore, without Newt.

Meanwhile, a large group of people have emerged from the treeline, and they are all laughing hysterically. They are wearing tattered clothing and some look emaciated. However, they cannot resist the urge to laugh, to the point where they appear to be unable to eat. Reef joins the laughing crowd, as do the other sailors, and Newt begins to trudge through the jungle, to see if he can get to the source of the problem.

Noj, then reaches the Double Dutchman, and has had to bash the afflicted sailor more times to keep him from giggling and attempting to swim back to shore. The guy is nearly dead. Jason, Felix, and Noj contemplate leaving Newt and Reef on the island, as they are unable to help them without great personal risk.

>>18763440
Newt cuts his way through the jungle and is assaulted with an incredibly foul odor. He notices that all the people are following him, and they are still laughing crazily. Finally, Newt arrives at a circular clearing at the center of the island, filled with a field of rotting corpses. In the center of this devastation is a large statue of a Sidhe Elf, with arms outstretched to the sky.

Newt draws his sword and wades through the field of bodies, towards the statue. As he gets closer, he gets hit with another will save... and makes it.

Newt stands before the statue, and studies it. Behind him, the throng of people, including Reef continue to laugh ominously. Then, Newt hears within his mind:

"Why aren't you laughing?"

"Because it isn't funny," Newt replies.

"But it is... it's hilarious..."

"What is?"

The statue responds: "This joke of existence..."

Newt retorts: "I would say your existence is a joke, all stuck on an island like this."

Newt hears laughter in his mind, and then spots cracks starting to form in the base of the statue.

Newt continues: "What's that? Coming out of your shell, are you?"

The cracks broaden and spread as the laughter in his mind gets stronger. Suddenly Newt understands what's going on. So does Reef.

Reef picks up a couple of skulls on the ground and begins playing on them like bongos. Newt continues to tell jokes to the statue.

"Cracking up, eh?"

"Oh no... I've been crumbled!"

The statue falls to pieces and the laughing crowd is quieted. After a short silent reprieve, the people in the crowd begin to wail and cry, as someone has saved them from their torment.

>>18761072

I believe that I was operating under the name "Time Viking" then. I just chose two words at random.

Incidentally, this campaign is great and you should feel as such.

>>18761072
>>18763613

Also, I am honored that my drawfaggotry remains your background.

>>18763535 here

>>18762995
cursed statue on laughter island?
>my adventures suck.

>>18763535
Newt and Reef return to the shoreline with the survivors and signal the boats to pick them up. The survivors are split between the Exemplar and Double Dutchman, and they resume their journey to Hampsouthton.

Several of the survivors reveal that they were sailors, merchants, some were pirates, but they all got shipwrecked on that awful island. They thought they were doomed to die laughing, until a glorious paladin saved them.

But this isn't beside the point for Noj, who is still very upset with Newt. They had always been brothers, not just half brothers, and this was a low blow. Newt apologizes to Noj, but this will take some time to heal. Rosalita, however, thinks Newt is a big damn hero and regrets sneaking down to the hold with Blake every so often.

At any rate, the group arrives at Hampsouthton two weeks later, and begin collecting on some debts. First off, the Explorer's Guild owes them for their services, and Newt and Noj need to hit up Papa Niles for some spending money. The group meets with Captain Van Pelt of the Exemplar, and they all head to the local Explorer's Guild outpost. They are introduced to Antonio Paillo, the Explorer's Guild Financier. Jason explains that they have recovered some Syranith bones, and needs to be compensated for their safe return. Antonio tells them that the Explorer's Guild will be unable to pay them, but he can arrange for their payment via a Vodaccian Trade Prince who happens to be visiting Hampsouthton. Antonio explains that he will speak to this trade prince and get back to them with regards to their money and the bone transfer.

They leave the office, and Jason decides to just go to the Trade Prince and broker the deal himself without the middleman. So Jason and Reef go to track down The Trade Prince Formerly Known as Prince, while Felix, Newt, and Noj head to the Fonkin Kutar Estate.

>>18762995
i meant this one...
>>18763644
was me.
ITS ALL GOING TO HELL

>>18763665
(Things start getting a little neckbeardy from here.)

Reef and Jason track Prince to a highbrow gentleman's club (known as "Debauchery") on the fancy side of town. However, two bouncers dressed as beefeaters deny them admittance, claiming that they are not fancy enough to enter. Just then, a horse-drawn limousine pulls up to the door, and out steps an incredibly fat man with three beautiful girls on each arm. He appears to be very drunk, and notices Reef:

"I say, aren't you one of those wonderful Gilly Fellows!"

"Ya, I be a Gillman, brudda. What's it to ya."

The fat man giggles and continues: "Please join me and we shall cavort like the Crescents of old... you know the ones I mean..."

Reef and Jason share incredulous looks as they enter Debauchery with the fat man, who introduces himself as Lord Bartholomew. Inside the club, it's like Cirque de Soliel collided with a swinger's club and nobody ever stopped fucking.

Jason hits on all of Lord Bart's women; and Bart doesn't even notice that half of them are now hanging all over Jason. Reef tells Lord Bart some crazy fish stories, which thrill him immensely.

Jason asks around the club, and learns that Prince is in the VIP Balcony section. To get in, Jason prompts Lord Bartholomew to throw his weight around and get them some VIP seats for some really freaky shit. This entices Lord Bartholomew, and he obliges them. Once in the VIP area, they ditch Lord Bartholomew and gain an audience with Prince through some clutch diplomacy rolls on his entourage.

>>18763753
Prince exclaims "This bores me..." as he looks out from the balcony on all the acrobatic sex going on below him. Reef pulls out his magic hookah and offers prince a hit.

"You like to get wet, bruddah?"

Well of course Prince likes to get wet. Inside of five minutes, everyone except Jason (who is a bit indignant at all this nonsense) is stoned off their gourd and telling stories like they've known each other all their lives. Prince says that he must adjourn to purify himself in the waters of a nearby lake, and Reef and Jason realize that they haven't even accomplished what they came here to do.

So to get Prince back on the hook, Reef tells Pince and The Revolution that he's throwing the greatest boat party of all time, "so be dere or be square, mon."

Prince agrees and says that everyone will be there.

Jason complies because they'll have Prince on their boat, and can talk with him freely.


MEANWHILE Back at the Fonkin Kutar estate, Noj, Newt, and Felix are greeted at the door by Eujeeves, their loyal butler. Their father, Lord Nigel Fonkin Kutar, greets them shortly afterwards with a hearty "BLARRGHGHARHGHRHG"

>>18763787
However, the mood quickly sours when Newt and Noj explain recent events to their father. He thinks that running around with pirates is silly, and that Newt should be acting like a respectable paladin. He also insinuates that Noj is at fault for "getting them into all this nonsense."

Nigel won't even listen to reason when Newt says that he saved an island full of people. However, the final straw is when Newt says that he's thinking about marrying some girl named Rosalita.

Nigel says that "Rosalita sounds like a filthy whore's name!" And then Newt gets angry. He and his father have words, and it ends with Nigel saying "I thought I had one good son, now all I have is the bastard!"

Noj grows furious, says "Fuck you, Dad" and leaves.

Nigel storms off elsewhere in the house, and Newt is left with Eujeeves. Eujeeves tries to remedy the situation by saying that Newt has received a package from his cousin Niles, who is currently researching Syranith ruins in Old Castille (Portugal). The package contains an item called "The Whiffenpoofer", which autotunes your voice and provides backup singers when spoken into.

Newt tries to patch things up with his father, while Noj makes his way back to the boat. He finds Rosalita in his bed, and she is sobbing.

>>18763872
Just letting you know I'm still pounding f5.

>>18763872
Noj says, "Right... first of all, how th' fuck did you get in 'ere?"

Rosalita blubbers "N-n-newt gave me the k-key"

Noj replies, "Well... get the fuck out then."

She runs out of the room crying. Noj locks the door after her and stays in his room.

Meanwhile, the crew is preparing for the rager that will soon be thrown for Prince and the Revolution. Reef has bought a bunch of incense and candles, lanterns, food, chips and dip, good stuff all around. While in town, Reef hired a bunch of Bards to play the party. Prior to that, Reef came into contact with a curiously handsome Bard, whose song forced Reef to make a will save. Reef made the save, and the song was stuck in his head merely for a couple of hours. However, that bard proved to be too expensive to hire, so he went with the cheaper option.

Then guests start to arrive. Soon Prince and the Revolution are there, and they're wearing the exact same outfits as from Debauchery. They cruise out into the Hampsouthton Harbor to drop anchor and party down. And the party is fucking nuts. They're doing all sorts of drugs, Prince attempts to challenge Jason, Reef, and Felix to water polo, but only Reef wants to play. Reef beats the shit out of Prince at Water Polo, and they all retire below deck to smoke magical hookah.

They find Rosalita weeping in their smoking room, and boot her out of there too. She goes down to the ship's hold with Captain Walken, and continues to cry. Nobody cares.

As the night goes on, Newt returns to the boat... only to find out that it's in the harbor, and the biggest rager of the century is happening on his ship. Newt angrily boards a rowboat and paddles to the Double Dutchman.

Let's bring this Storytiem thread back to the front page.

>>18763950
Newt climbs up the netting on the side of the ship, and finds a completely depraved throng of drugged out weirdos partying on his ship.

At the helm, Jason is wearing nothing but his captain's hat. He has tied a girl to the steering wheel, and he is now pretending to steer the ship by putting his dick in her mouth and wheeling her around.

Newt has had enough. He goes angry Jesus on all these lunatics, and begins throwing people overboard. He runs up to Jason and tells him to bring the ship back to the fucking dock and kick all these people off.

While this is going on above deck, Prince has overdosed in the smoking room, and is now frothing at the mouth. Reef and everyone else down there have not taken notice of this, and don't understand that Prince is dying.

Newt's tirade carries him below deck, where he finds a drunken Blake. He kicks Blake in the ribs, and they go into the smoking room to find Reef. Newt begins smacking Reef around, but then takes notice of Prince... and how's he's overdosing and on death's door. Blake passes out from the smoke fumes in the room, and some of the girls scream and run out of the room because Prince is fucking dying.

They carry Prince above deck and Jameson (the ship's medic) resuscitates him. One of the dudes from Prince's entourage (the androgynous looking dude from Shalamar), pulls out a pistol and aims it at Reef, for trying to kill Prince. Jason, who is still butt-naked, reaches for his own weapon and threatens Prince's crew. The standoff ends with Newt convincing them to leave.

As the last revelers leave the ship, Jason smells smoke coming from below deck.

So good. This is being played on pathfinder?

>>18764205
Yes.

This is a good place to stop for now. I will continue tomorrow at some point if you guys would be so kind as to keep the thread alive.

>>18764241
But i won't leave you guys on a cliffhanger like this.

The party rushes below deck to discover that the smoking room is on fire. One of Reef's candles was knocked over and set the place ablaze. The group forms a bucket brigade and they extinguish the fire... however, the damage is much greater than they had anticipated.

Blake was passed out in the smoking room when it caught fire. He died shortly after of smoke inhalation. Jason is furious and kicks Reef off the ship. Reef takes his magic hookah, cutlass, and the Tessera Heater with him.

Newt then finally sees Rosalita, who has literally spent the entire day crying and being ignored. She finally speaks her peace: she's pregnant.

I have everyonre who slept with her roll a percentile (newt, jason, walken and blake). Blake ends up being the father. However, newt doesn't know.

And thats where we'll pick up tomorrow.

(Blake was kind of a voice of reason on the crew and a way for me to issue commentary on the group. I can't relay his affect on the game without being completely longwinded, but he was missed. RIP.)

.......wow after hearing this I just realized how much my adventures suck........lame

>>18764241
You heard the man, keep the thread alive so he can continue tomorrow.

This is your mission night/morning /tg/, don't let us down.

Wellp; there goes any hope at a full night's sleep this fine evenin'.

On the upside, fucking storytiem.

I'm leaving this tab up so I can refresh the piss out of it come tomorrow morn.

sahabump.

bump with my interpretation of Reef.

so did u ever finish telling us about ragin reggie? also was the campaign based off of the audio drama We're Alive?

Bump

Morning bump

Glorious, as always.

Can't wait for more.

And I thought this shit was gonna be a troll thread.

bumping a storytiem thread

always sad when good characters die.

R.I.P. Noble Blake, I Hardly Knew Ye.

> also, mfw: who needs sleep? MUST KEEP IT >ALIVE

Giving a bump so Storytiem can return to enthrall us!

For further entertainment, I present you with a bear monk PC

>>18763931
>pounding f5
>doesn't have 4chan tools
>laughingwhores.gif

>>18766993
>4chan tools
>not 4chanX
>1053
ishygddts

keepin it alive

Bumpity bump bump

Ha ha ha ha stayin' alive

>>18760848
>The Double Dutchman

>>18767412
>slow

Back, but having internet connection problems, and i don't want to type the rest of this from my phone.

>>18768079
Aw.
Well, hope your internet gets better soon. I know how you feel with the phone thing.

>>18768079
Enthralled.

>>18768079
I am praying to the Machine Spirits.

Good news is im typing the rest of it out so when thid dhit gets fixed, posting will be expedient

>>18768397
Rejoice!

>>18768414
Back off before I claw your whore eyes out bitch

I will be the one to have STORYTIEMS children not you

>>18768518
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I'm sure you'll accept it eventually.

>>18768548

>>18768570

>>18759538
YESSSSSSS!
I guess no sleep for me tonight. Again.

I regret nothing.

>>18768588

>>18768624

>>18768635
Note the Youtube conde on her computer.

>>18768654
What is that?
I've seen it but never knew what it was.

>>18768681
Doggy sexing up a cat.

>>18768654
I had no idea.

>>18768681
punched it into google. It is a dog humping a cat to porn music

>>18768701

>>18768635

>>18764365
COMCAST IS A BITCH NIGGA, ALL I GOTTA SAY.

WE BACK NOW.

The next morning, Blake is given a Viking Funeral in the Hampsouthton Harbor, and Jay prepares a new character to take the place of reef. After yesterday's frantic events, Newt in particular is looking to restore some order to his life, and smooths things out with Noj. He then goes back to his father's house and tells Nigel that he will be marrying Rosalita later that day. So Nigel will just have to deal with it.

While that's going on, Jason, Noj, and Felix try to recruit another crew member, and they think a Bard will be a useful addition to the crew. They stop at a street cafe to scope out the bardic scene, and they meet Jay's new character: the legendary actor Bard Pitt. Pitt is performing a scene from a famous Avalonian play: Much Ado About Stuff in General, and the crowd is absolutely adoring him.

>>18768934
Now I haven't had the chance to mention this before, but when everybody makes characters in this campaign, I have them take a hubris/flaw and a virtue/wile. These are bonus feats and effects that trigger based on various actions, and they add a lot of fun to the game. Jason is lecherous, but intuitive. Newt is overzealous, but exemplary. Felix is stubborn, and took an extra feat instead of a virtue. Noj is a special case, in that he took misfortunate as a hubris, which allows me to make him reroll any one dice roll per day. However, his virtue is arguably the most powerful: Propitious. Once per year, he can activate this feat to automatically escape from any situation, no matter how dire.

This brings us to Bard Pitt, who has a completely unique hubris/virtue. Bard Pitt gets so wrapped up in character that he loses touch with reality. As a result, he knows things that he should know, and resists effects that would normally affect him. This usually translates into a 1d4 bonus on a role-specific check or save. The downside is that Bard Pitt can't break character unless he makes a hefty will save to snap himself out of it.

>>18768934
AW YISS, STORYTEIM!

>>18768944
So Jason and Noj approach Bard Pitt, after his performance. They say that their boat could use a Bard, so that they may have entertainment on the high seas. Bard Pitt accepts, as he always wanted to play the role of a swashbuckler, and this would be a great character study. He spends the rest of the day performing in the town square while people throw money at him in adoration.

Felix returns to the explorer's guild, and finds that he has recieved a package in his mailbox. It appears to be a small black cross made of some kind of wax. He recognizes it as a Die Kreutzritter cross, and and chains it around his neck. Later in the day, he feels the cross heat up, and puts it to a piece of parchment. As he slides the cross around the paper, words form, detailing a secret mission for him. The cross instructs Felix to intercept a wagon train that is leaving town in the afternoon, and steal some barrels of food from it. Felix goes off alone to accomplish this task.

Newt returns to the boat to find an Avalonian Military ship in the process of checking them out. He runs up onto the deck, where he sees a particular Commander Pennington running a search of the Double Dutchman. Jason and company arrive shortly thereafter, and a huge argument ensues. Pennington believed that he had captured the notorious pirate: Sharkbait, because he recognized the Double Dutchman, which had foolishly returned to a large popular port. However, Newt and Noj throw their noble weight around, and tell Pennington that this is THEIR ship and Sharkbait is dead. Pennington and his soldiers leave the ship, and apologize for the inconvenience. Jason remarks that he was very close to shooting the invading soldiers.

>>18768934

WE'RE BACK LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.

SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND GET OUT YER SNACKS.

>>18768959
Just then, a monk appears on the docks, and he's looking for Noj. His name is Brother Benedict, and Noj is needed at the cathedral right away. Noj follows Benedict to the Cathedral, where Noj enters the rectory and proceeds through a secret entrance to a subterranean chantry. This is where the Church has their really obscure crazy shit. A hooded figure emerges from the shadows, and introduces himself to Noj as Brother Bilshan... and he has a job in need of Noj's attention.

A Sidhe elft has been gathering followers and has formed a cult of personality on the outskirts of town. People keep disappearing and it is becoming a problem. Bilshan charges Noj with the holy task of investigating this cult. If need be, to also take out the leader and rescue the people. Noj accepts, and prays over a holy symbol in the Chantry.

>>18768986
>LADIES
>GENTLEMAN
You may be surprised to know it's most likely the other way around.

>>18768995
So let's get back to Felix. Felix first attempts to steal some food crates by walking up to one of the wagon drivers and claiming that the driver's boss wants to see him. This bluff fails miserably, and the wagon train leaves. Felix manages to climb into the back of one wagon and hide. He waits until the wagons are about a mile out of town before releasing the tailgate, causing barrels to spill out the back of the wagon. The wagon stops, as the driver curses and gets out to replace the barrels. Felix moves through the wagon's cargo platform, up to the driver's seat. There's a guard sitting in the passenger seat, calmly reading a book. Felix decides that the best course of action is to mercilessly stab this guy. So he sneak attacks the unaware guard, and shoves his body off the seat. When the driver returns to the wagon, he finds Felix sitting in the passenger seat, whereupon Felix murders the driver too. Felix begins driving the wagon at breakneck speed, past the other wagons, towards the meeting place in the middle of the forest. When he pulls up to his Die Kreutzritter contacts, they notice the body of the driver still in the wagon, and are shocked that Felix resorted to such barbaric means in order to achieve his task.

One of the Kreutzritter (named Donovan) grabs Felix by the neck and says: "We do not hurt those that we are sworn to protect. This food was meant to help people like that driver, possibly even his own family." Donovan throws Felix to the ground and demands that he give the body a proper burial.

"But I don't have a shovel!"

"Not my problem."

>>18769055
I was just scrolling past your thread and saw my name and I was like "whaat"

>>18769082
Donovan... McNabb?

>>18769055
Donovan and his Kreutzritter buddies take the food-stocked wagon and drive away. Felix spends a couple of hours digging a small hole with his hands and then covers the driver's body with rocks.

Back at Hampsouthton, Newt is now preparing for his wedding. To make things completely square with the military, he's invited Pennington and all of his soldiers to attend the wedding as guests. Jason, as captain of the Double Dutchman, will officiate the ceremony. And that's when Felix decides to return to the boat, covered in blood and dirt. Everyone is super freaked out about what the fuck happened to him, and Felix confesses his murders to Newt, in private. Newt says that this is out of his hands and he has to take him to the church.

So Noj and Newt take Felix into the Church's rectory, where Felix confesses his sins before Brother Benedict. During the confession, Felix says that he was a member of Die Kreutzritter. As soon as he says this, the black cross around his neck melts into wax, and scalds his chest (FIRST RULE OF DIE KREUTZRITTER IS YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT DIE KREUTZRITTER). The Die Kreutzritter is viewed as a threat by the Avalonian Church, and Benedict Benedict says that he will turn Felix over to the authorities... after a bit of personal interrogation. Noj knows that this means Felix is going to be taken to the chantry and tortured.

Newt, however, has no idea that the underground chantry exists, and takes Benedict at his word. SO NICE KNOWIN YA' FELIX.

>>18769109
So CJ starts rolling up a new character, and events progress to Newt's wedding.

All the guests are soldiers. Nigel is there, reluctantly; because I'm trying to play him as less of a callous douche. Newt and Rosalita read each other pirate wedding vows (I don't do a special voice for Rosalita. She is my normal speaking voice, and its more funny that way). And Jason pronounces them man and wife.

The reception moves to the Fonkin Kutar Manor, where Nigel gets incredibly drunk and proclaims his love for his sons. All is well.

But Noj is restless... he still has a mission. CJ's new character shows up as well, an ex-soldier named Flint. Because Jason and Newt are currently preoccupied with the festivities, Noj recruits Bard Pitt and Flint to help him with his mission... they will infiltrate the countryside cult and take out the Sidhe elf leader.

So Bard Pitt gets into character. Bard Pitt is now a loving father with specialist training... and his daughter... has... been... TAKEN...

>>18769196
Bard Pitt needs no prompting. Countryside. Cult. Got it. He takes off like a bolt of lightning and leaves Noj and Flint in the dust. Pitt NEEDS TO FIND HIS DAUGHTER. HE WILL NOT BE STOPPED.

Pitt runs to the outskirts of town and comes to a farmhouse. He busts down the door, and grabs a shocked farmer by the shirtcollar.

"WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER!?"

"What the bloody hell are you on about!?"

"I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL SET OF SKILLS. SKILLS THAT MAKE ME A NIGHTMARE FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. MY DAUGHTER WAS TAKEN, WHERE IS SHE?"

The farmer begins to cry and blubber in Pitt's clutches; his daughter was taken as well. He tells Pitt that she wandered out into the field in the middle of the night, and when he followed her, he saw a brightly glowing lady floating in the air, with arms outstretched.

His daughter ran towards the lady, who shone ever more brightly, and he was blinded. When he could finally see again, she was gone without a trace.

Bard Pitt slaps the farmer across the face, and says "WE MUST FIND OUR DAUGHTERS!"

He slaps him again. "ARE YOU WITH ME?"

"Y-Yes!"

Bard Pitt slaps the farmer a final time, and they run out into the field. Noj and Flint finally arrive at the farmhouse, and see Pitt and the farmer take off into the forest, so they continue to pursue.

>>18769196
yes Yes YES!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lztwjgD10Yw

>>18769251
Pitt and the farmer run through the forest, making survival checks and such, trying to track down where the cultists could be hiding. Noj and Flint follow, unnoticed by Pitt or the farmer.

They eventually arrive at a large lake in the woods, and on the opposite shore, there appear to be a congregation of people and a camp of tents. The farmer says they should sneak up quietly. Pitt slaps him again and says "NO I NEED TO FIND MY DAUGHTER!"

The farmer is fed up with the slapping, and full-on grapples Pitt. Pitt wins, and pins the farmer to the ground. "WE DO THINGS MY WAY. ALL THIS TIME BEHIND A DESK HAS MADE YOU SOFT."

The farmer doesn't have any fucking idea what's going on. Pitt releases him and runs down the shore towards the camp. Noj and Flint watch all this unfold from across the lake. Pitt runs into the camp of people, and comes face to face with a beautiful glowing elf-woman that exudes an aura of bright light.

Before she can open her mouth to speak, Pitt shouts "I TOLD YOU I'D FIND HER. I TOLD YOU NOT TO CROSS ME!"

too long between short posts I'm out.

>>18769391
>leaving a STORYTEIM thread
Smalltimer

>>18769344
She responds softly, "Please sir, your daughter is one of us. Join us, this is a place of love and kinship."

She stares deeply at Pitt, and her eyes glow yellow (the same kind of glamer magic that Sharkbait used).

Pitt makes a will save, but is just shy of beating the DC... until he adds his bonus d4... so strong is his devotion to his imaginary daughter that Pitt resists the charms of the glowing Lady.

Pitt ignores the Lady and turns to the cultists. They all have joyful expressions on their faces; there are men, women, children here in equal proportion. Pitt does not see his nonexistant daughter among them.

While this is happening, Flint knocks an arrow in his longbow and takes aim at the Lady from across the lake. He fires.

And misses.

The arrow veers to the side and strikes a little girl. She is dead instantly.

The Lady is horrorstruck, and her white aura glows a violent red, as she turns her gaze across to the far side of the lake. She flies into the air and tears it over to Noj and Flint.

>>18769406
Oh fuck

I used to be a happy father...then I took an arrow to the daughter

>>18769504
That's not OK.

>>18769406
The cultists begin to sing, and from each of them extends a beam of light to the furiously glowing Lady. Their belief in her power adds to her strength. The Lady is hovering over the lake, close to Noj and Flint... and she spots them.

And now Noj and Flint are getting fireballed. Noj makes his save for half, but Flint eats the whole thing. Noj whips out his gun and unloads on the Lady, while flint takes another shot with the arrow.

The Lady's eyes glow bright yellow, and she stares at Flint. Flint fails his save, and suddenly finds himself position-swapped with The Lady. Flint falls into the lake, and the Lady appears next to Noj; she then casts Hold Person on Flint.

Meanwhile, Pitt is on the opposite shore, and tries to get the attention of the cultists so he can identify his daughter. He uses his Bardic Performance to try and distract the cultists and get their attention, so that they can help him find his daughter.

He manages to convert about half the crowd, and the Lady's glow begins to fade. Noj drops the gun and attempts to quickdraw his mop for an attack. He hits, but she returns the blow with a grapple, and succeeds. She touches Noj on the shoulder, and their surroundings fade to black, as time seems to stop.

Noj is stupefied as she says that she senses great power within him... and that He shall be her champion. Her eyes glow yellow once more and she attempts to mind control him.

Noj rolls his save... and fails.

"I shall be your champion, blessed Lady."

>>18769504

>>18769541
The Lady points to the bubbles in the water where Flint is currently drowning, and tells Noj to finish him off. Noj picks up the gun from off the ground and reloads it.

Meanwhile, on the opposite shore, Pitt does another round of bardic performance. He manages to snap another half of the cultists out of their reverie (25% of the cultists remain in the influence of The Lady). Pitt finally sees the dead little girl and runs over to her. He grasps her in his arms and wails:

"NOOOOOOO, MY DAUGHTER... MY DAAAAAAAAAUGHTER....... wait... this isn't my daughter!"

Pitt gets snapped out of his character, and suddenly realizes where he is.

However, with even fewer supporters than before, the Lady's power has waned, and this breaks the mind control spell on Noj. He sees the lady before him... and he has the gun in his hands.

"Right, about that..."

Noj quickly does an about face and delivers the Lady a point blank shot of hot lead.

>>18769604
The Lady issues a terrible shriek of pain; Noj notices that with even fewer cultists under her influence, her form has turned from that of a beautiful woman to an old crone.

Yet she still lives. She does a magical fuck-you attack at Noj, which takes him to exactly 0 health, and launches him fifteen feet backwards. Noj makes his fortitude save to stabilize, but feigns death. The Lady is bloodied and incapacitated; she falls for his deception.

The Lady takes to the air, and weakly flies towards the camp. Noj stealthily gets up and draws his crossbow. He fires a shot at The Lady, but misses. She fails her perception check to notice the bolt, and continues floating towards the camp.

Noj knocks a second arrow, and this one finds its mark. The Lady falls face-first into the lake with an arrow protruding from her back.

>>18769643
OOOWWWNNNEED BIITCH!

>>18769643
(Noj silently drank a health potion after he feigned death, forgot to mention).

Afterwards, Noj rescues Flint from the shallow depth at which he was drowning. They loot the body of the Lady and find an iron crown about her head. Afterwards, they regroup with Pitt. The cultists are no longer under the influence of the Lady; as she is dead. The Farmer runs up and grabs Pitt: "Pitt, did you see my daughter?!"

Pitt responds, with stately authority, "Sir I do not know what you are talking about."

"We were looking for our daughters, what's wrong with you!"

"Sir I do not have a daughter. I think you need your head examined."

The Farmer becomes enraged and begins pummeling Pitt. His rage subsides when his daughter appears and hugs him. All is well, except for that other girl that got hit by a stray arrow.

Noj, Flint, and Pitt take the little girl's body and lead the cultists back to town. Noj takes Flint and the body of the girl to the church, so that he may confess and atone for this accident. Brother Benedict greets them, and Brother Bilshan makes a rare appearance from the Chantry to congratulate Noj personally.

>>18769727
Flint confesses to Bilshan that this girl was killed accidentally, and that he is sorry. Bilshan smiles and says that sometimes there sacrifices must be made for the good of all. Bilshan then dismisses Flint, and the girl's body is left at the altar of the church.

Blishan takes Noj down to the chantry and rewards him for a job well done. While in the chantry, Noj notices that Felix is strapped to rack, and is being tortured. Felix calls out "NOJ... HELP ME... THEY'RE ANIMALS... SAVE ME NOJ!"

Noj looks at him, and says "Right, bit of a mouth on that one, might want to do something about it."

Bilshan gags Felix and invites Noj to sit as he explains some things. Bilshan reveals that before the Avalonian Church, there was a druidic religion common in Avalon, which focused on worshipping the forces of nature. The purpose of Bilshan's order is to stamp out the vestiges of this old religion wherever it appears, because it has an uncanny property:

The more people who believe in it, the stronger their influence becomes.

This rogue Sidhe elf was trying to create a cult of personality in order to give herself more power, and therefore had to be put down before her influence grew beyond the point of stopping.

Noj says "That's all well and good. Happy to be of service. By the way, we found this on her as well." He produces the iron crown. Bilshan's eyes light up and he takes the crown from Noj.

"Ah yes... a crown of command. Thank you for returning this."

Noj elicits a distraught "...Right..." and takes his leave of the Chantry.

>>18769817
So everyone returns back to the boat and spends the night.

The next day, they realize there's still a loose end to be tied up: The Explorers Guild never fucking paid them for their services.

So to alleviate this issue, Noj goes down to the Vodacce Embassy, gains entrance, and tracks down Prince. Prince is still suffering a hangover from the boat party, but at the very least, he doesn't recognize Noj, because Noj was in his room brooding the entire time.

Noj explains that they brought some crazy bones to the Explorers Guild, and the Explorer's Guild said to come see you about payment. Prince is incredulous, saying he knows nothing about any sort of deal like this, and that the bones were top secret in the first place; in fact the bones were STOLEN FROM HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE BY CAPTAIN WALKEN.

They put two-and-two together, and find out that Antonio Paillo is trying to fuck them over. He's instead sold the bones to Prince's social and economic rival, The Fresh Prince, and he played the group for a bunch of patsies.

So Noj, Prince, and The Revolution all head down to the Explorer's Guild and confront Antonio. Antonio is totally fucked now, everything's been exposed, and he realizes that he's not long for this world. In a last ditch effort to save his skin, he says that they can intercept the bones, which are currently en-route to Vodacce on the E.G. Exemplar.

Prince tells Noj that if they can retrieve those bones, he will reward them handsomely. As Noj exits Antonio's office, he quips to Antonio, "Right, you're proper fucked now."

>>18769892
Trying to stiff mercenary's on their fees always ends well.

>He's instead sold the bones to Prince's social and economic rival, The Fresh Prince
How do you balance the ridiculous and the serious so god damn well?

>>18769892
While that's going on, Bard Pitt is raising some money for Newt's wedding gift by acting in the town square...

However, this performance is interrupted by the showstopping arrival of Bard Pitt's archnemesis: Bardley Cooper.

Bardley Cooper whips out a lute and begins jamming so hard, he draws all of Bard Pitt's crowd. A Bard Duel begins, as Pitt acts and Cooper shreds on the lute. After a tense roll-off, Bard Pitt barely edges ahead, and steals the show.

"HA, in your FACE Cooper!"

"Whatever man. I remember the first time I had a crowd."

Bardley Cooper than vanishes into a gaseous form and drifts away. Shortly afterwards, the group sets sail in pursuit of the E.G. Exemplar.

It takes them about two weeks to do so but they manage to catch up. However, when they pull up alongside the Exemplar, they notice that it is being attacked by those damnable abominations of the sea... the DREADED VAMPERMAIDS!

Sir, the names you give things are nothing short of genius.

>>18769975
Vampermaids are like mermaids, except they have eel-like tails and lamprey mouths.

So the Exemplar is currently getting assfucked by a swarm of Vampermaids. Jason brings the Double Dutchman alongside the Exemplar and gives the helm to Walken. Jason orders the crew to take up arms. A boarding ramp is dropped and the Double Dutchman prepare for battle.

Noj takes this opportunity to acrobatically dive into an open porthole of the Exemplar, and finds himself in the presence of two full-sized Crab People on the gun deck. The Crab People are tearing their way through the crew.

Above deck, Newt and Felix board the Exemplar and begin cutting down the shrieking Vampermaid horde. Jason fires shots from the deck of the Dutchman, and Bard Pitt suddenly notices that Vampermaids are beginning to climb up the hull of the Dutchman itself. Pitt brandishes a whip and begins smacking the climbing Vampermaids in the face.

Noj bursts forth with his gun drawn, and attacks one of the Crab People as it finishes gutting a sailor. He deals some decent damage and blows away part of the carapace. As the Crab person turns to focus on Noj, a shout is heard from behind them; Captain Van Pelt appears with a GIGANTIC GUN.

He shouts "THIS... KILLS THE CRAB!" and unloads into the second Crab person.

DIE CRAB SCUM!

>>18770072
But it didn't kill the crab because Van Pelt rolled shitty on damage. The first crabperson attacks Noj, and is miraculously unable to hit. Noj drops his gun and cracks the crabperson with his mop. The second crabperson charges Van Pelt, and hits with an attack, grappling Van Pelt in the process.

Above deck, a Vampermaid has succeeded in jumping onto Newt, and begins sucking his blood. Jason blows it away with a well placed shot, and now the Dutchman itself is being overwhelmed with Vampermaids, while the crews of both ships desperately try to fight them off.

Back below, Noj succeeds in killing the crabperson attacking him, but Van Pelt gets sliced in half by the remaining Crabman.

With a gurgling voice, the crabman says, "Thisssss kilssss the humannnn," and turns to face Noj. Noj gets an attack off, but doesn't slay the beast. The Crabman launches two claw attacks at Noj... and Noj is some kind of fucking ninja because I can't roll higher than a 8 or 9 to hit him. Next round, Noj cracks open the second crab, and runs above deck to join the battle.

Suddenly, Vampermaids begin diving off both ships back into the water. The crews of both ships notice that they are beginning to spin in the water; the Vampermaids are swimming in a circle underneath the ships, trying to cause a whirlpool. As the two ships knock together, some clutch sailing checks from both crews allow them to navigate free of the whirlpool, and retreat to safer waters. The Exemplar and Double Dutchman then head back to Hampsouthton.

Noj retrieves Van Pelt's hand cannon, and Jason tinkers with it to make it a smaller size so that Noj can use it.

>>18770072
>giving the helm to a guy who could easily desire revenge

>>18770072
>THIS... KILLS THE CRAB
I think I love you.

>>18770158
Captain Walken is a bro, through and through.

>>18770148
According to the hardened sailors on the Exemplar, the group is advised to leave all sailors killed by Vampermaids out in the sun to dry out, instead of allowing them to return to the sea and turn into vampermaids themselves. Newt makes his fortitude save to resist the effects of Vampermaid venom.

At any rate, they head back to Hampsouthton, and by this time, Rosalita is showing a noticeable baby bump. Seeing as the group are now fresh level 3's, Newt is beginning to manifest some weird powers. Apparently he is undergoing some sort of magical awakening because he took a level of Sorcerer. Newt wants to seek out his wizard cousin, Niles Fonkin Kutar, in order to help master these magical tendencies.

After taking care of some business and getting paid by Prince, the group strips the rest of the cargo from the Exemplar and takes their guns, because they wanted to fuck over the Explorer's guild. Jason wants to have the Cutjack Skull examined by the church, because it made him freak out during the battle with the Vampermaids and lust for blood. I forgot to mention this, but it gave him a headache and he suffered a -2 to all rolls until he killed something. When he let loose on the Vampermaids, he gained a +2 competency bonus on everything, as long as he kept killing stuff.

So Jason, Newt, and Noj go to the church, and take the Skull. As they meet Brother Benedict in the main hall, Brother Bilshan makes another rare appearance on the main floor.

He croaks out, "What evil have you brought into this sacred place?"

>>18770256
Jason takes out the Skull and places it on a pedestal for Bilshan to examine. Bilshan begins working some crazy holy magic prayer stuff, and suddenly Jason sees the skull beginning to change. Remember that while everyone else sees the object as a skull with a jeweled left eye, Jason sees the item as the head of Sharkbait.

However, the face begins to change. It transforms into the head of someone he doesn't recognize. It continues to transform into more and more people, and their expressions become visibly more distressed. The skull begins to laugh, as Bilshan looks more and more focused, trying to work his way through through the evil layers of the skull. Hundreds of faces fly by, and suddenly, Jason catches a glimpse of one final face, with a furious expression and burning red eyes.

"NO." shouts the skull, to all present. And Bilshan's prayer dissolves. The skull reverts back to Sharkbait's head.

Bilshan explains "This is an incredibly malevolent object, I sense the presence of thousands of souls within it, all burning with hate, and a desire for revenge. You need to get rid of this immediately."

Jason responds, "I can't. Watch." He spikes the skull on the floor and it shatters. When he looks away, the skull is back in one piece on the pedestal.

"Curious..." says Bilshan. "Well, I would surmise that you must find a way to set these spirits to rest."

"And how would you recommend I do that?"

"This is old magic. Very old. Find someone who can understand the forces at work."

So Jason now wants to seek out Niles, in hopes that Niles can decipher the secrets of this skull.

Niles is currently in Old Castille (Portugal), investigating Syranith Ruins. The group stocks up on supplies and sets sail for Lesbon, in Old Castille.

>>18770350
I'm running out of Deans. I might actually have to post Hogarths. Fuck.

The journey to Old Castille will take about a month. A week into the voyage, the group comes across what appears to be a group of four Avalonian military ships (including a Ship of The Line), in combat with three pirate ships. The Pirates look like they're getting slaughtered.

Naturally, the group wants to pull up to the battle and help out the military. I mean, when I see policemen in a shootout with criminals, I always pull a gun and try to help out the cops, right?

So despite warning shots being fired across their bow, the Double Dutchman pulls up to a pirate ship which is trying to escape from the battle. Noj fires a Quall's Feather Token of Anchor at the pirate ship, which renders the ship immobile. The sudden stop causes people to fall off the ship's rigging, and the group spots a man who is clinging to a boom for dear life. The military ship closes distance to the pirate ship, and marines begin assaulting the pirates.

The Double Dutchman pulls alongside as well, and Felix lowers the boarding ramp and jumps across into the melee. He gets beaten to within an inch of his life. Jason takes shots from the deck, and Newt runs over to heal Felix.

Bard Pitt, however, adopts the role of a heroic swashbuckler, and swings from the Double Dutchman's rigging over to the sails of the pirate ship. He walks over to the man hanging from the boom, and offers him assistance. While the battle between the Double Dutchman, Pirates, and Marines rages below, Bard Pitt has a casual conversation with Tolouse Toblerone, the pirate ship's navigator, whom he has just rescued from the rigging.

>>18770177

>>18770442
Hold on a second. Didn't Felix get tortured and gagged?

>>18770472
Whoops, haha I meant Flint.

He's not long for this world either, as you'll shortly see.

>>18770502
Oh, cool. Why does that guy die so much?

>>18770442
>. I might actually have to post Hogarths.

Jump ship you bastard! Go to some other series with a cool character. We need not the Hogarth filth here.

>>18769109
Felix
changing it to Mc crab now

>>18770442
Toblerone tells Pitt that he knows the location of some sweet treasure... if his ship can rescue him. Pitt agrees, and they swing back over to the Double Dutchman.

Meanwhile, Noj dives into the pirate ship's portholes, as per usual. He rolls in to find a group of pirates overloading cannons with gunpowder and setting up powder barrels. Instantly realizing that the pirates are trying to blow up their own ship, Noj immediately dives right back out the porthole, into the water.

A few seconds later, a huge blast rips apart the pirate ship and cripples the Avalonian Military Ship next to it. The explosion jettisons Newt off the deck into the water, and kills Flint outright. The Double Dutchman, being on the opposite side of the explosion, is unaffected. As the military ship begins to sink, the Double Dutchman pulls around and rescues sailors and pirates alike from the water. However, as the pirate ship is anchored magically, it does not sink, despite the gaping hole in its side. Newt and Noj are also fished out of the water.

The Ship of the Line pulls alongside the Double Dutchman and demands their surrender. Their Commodore comes aboard and addresses Jason. He is about to place everybody under arrest, when some curious circumstances play out in the group's favor.

The Double Dutchman happens to contain Newt and Noj Fonkin Kutar, two respectable noble gnomes from a well-known family; and they also have Bard Pitt, a famous actor. The Commodore doesn't know what to make of this situation, but determines that they are not pirates, and they are currently in open waters. He allows them to keep Tolouse Toblerone as a hostage, recovers his crew, and takes the rest of the captured pirates prisoner.

The group then resumes course, relatively unscathed.

>>18770512
Because he charges in and dies. Most of his characters are some kind of rogue, fighter, or barbarians and they are all extremely death prone.

>>18770539
So this brings us to our sixth session (we get shit done). This time, we had our good friend Joel joining us, and Joel is pretty hilarious. We like Joel so much, that the currency of the game world is not gold, but Joeld.

Before that though, the party stops at a nearby island, as per instruction from Tolouse Toblerone, and find the pirate's secret treasure staff. Among the items they find are a Rod of Wonder, a Rod of Serpent, and some new armor for Noj. They find a secret area in the treasure cave, and Pitt drinks some gaseous form potion to gain access to the area. He recovers an old book in an undecipherable language, and returns to the party. Afterwards, they resume course.

>>18770707

En route to Castille, the group runs into a ship of the Wandering Brotherhood, an order of benevolent monks who exemplify the complete antithesis to piracy. Instead of attacking your ship and stealing your stuff, they perform repairs, rescue, and aid people on the high seas. They're pretty cool. Joel is playing "Typical Monk," a character in the style of Steve Brule, who "Thinks he knows everything about fighting." CJ's new character is also on this ship. The monks have mistaken CJ for a Cleric, because they think he can heal people. It's mainly just coincidence though.

After meeting the Wandering Brotherhood, they leave Tolouse Toblerone with the monks, so that he can repent for his life of piracy, and Typical Monk, CJ both join the party. Now Typical Monk has a rather odd belief system, as he worships a being called "Denny." This doesn't sit well with Newt, especially since Denny talks to Typical Monk, and Newt hasn't even heard one word from Pelor.

At any rate, Rosalita is now going on three months pregnant, and is beginning to show it. She demands that Newt bring her ice cream, pickles, oreos, etc. So the group heads out into town in order to search for Niles and find these exotic goods for Rosalita.

BOW BEFORE YOUR GOD! BOW!

>>18770719
Wow, you really are running out of dean pictures.

>>18770719
So the group begins roaming around the port town and old capital of Old Castille, Lesbon.

Lesbon is like Lisbon, except populated mostly by lesbians. They don't shave, most look like K.D. Lang, and they go around calling people "breeders". Newt directs the group to Niles' townhouse, only to find that it has been RANSACKED. NILES HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!

And Eujeeves, their butler, is there. The party took so long on their voyage, that he managed to get there before them, and is investigating Niles' disappearance. Judging from the scorch marks on the wall, it looks like there was a short scuffle here which involved fire magic... and that can only mean one thing.

(PLOT: In the 7th Sea Setting, each country has its own unique brand of magic. Castille originally had a ruling family of full-blooded fire sorcerers. Ever since the church took over, however, they began persecuting these sorcerers mercilessly. In my version, these survivors of the royal family have formed a revolutionary army against the church, and call themselves the Lambent Flame.)

So the group realizes that Niles was kidnapped by the Lambent Flame, probably for nefarious purposes. Eujeeves explains that archaeologists have been disappeared all over the country, and this is probably related. The group leaves Eujeeves to conduct his own work, while they head off to find the Lambent Flame and rescue Niles.

>>18770797
To reveal further details about the kidnapping, Bard Pitt lapses into another character. He becomes Willem Dafoe from Boondock Saints. He meticulously retraces the steps of the scene, going back and forth, extravagantly determining how the fight went down in glorious detail. He dramatically tumbles out the broken window and continues his investigation into the yard. He runs screaming down the street, scaring onlookers. But the trail runs cold, and he is unable to determine where the kidnappers went.

Then Typical Monk gets an idea. He prays to Denny, who responds "Oh hi, Monk."

"Denny, uh, uh please, take us to this grome Niles. He's a fine frellow, we need to get him back on the broat. Some guys took him, they were being dinguses."

Denny responds "Ha ha, what a story, Monk"

But his prayer works, and Denny illuminates the way. Typical Monk leads them north of Lesbon, into the forests and fields. Newt is a little pissed that Denny is more useful than Pelor.

Bard Pitt still hasn't broken character.

>>18770820
FUCKING YES! THAT'S EXACTLY IT!

God damn I love Bard Pitt.

>>18770854
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

>>18770854
After hours of walking, Denny's light has illuminated their way through the forest, and the group arrives at the ruins of an ancient castle. A camp of archaeologists is there, investigating the castle. The party questions them a bit, and they indeed know Niles, and are beginning to pack up their operation after his kidnapping. They don't want to be around if Archaeologists are being kidnapped. The two lead archaeologists are named Lloyd and Jane. When Newt asks if they can help find Niles, Lloyd puffs out his chest and says "Sure, I know how to do that. But in order to cast this spell I'm going to need the blood of someone he's related to."

Jason takes a knife and cuts Newt lightly across the hand, spilling some blood. Lloyd works up some totally-not-questionably blood magic, which causes the blood to float into the air in a small blood-ball, and the blood begins floating way.

Newt asks Lloyd, "Uh... where did you find that spell?"

Lloyd proudly says "Learned it off an artifact all by myself, I did!"

Resolving to question the morality of blood magic later, the group follows the blood ball through the forest, as it leads them to Niles.

>>18770915
Their journey is interrupted by Lloyd's blood ball running low. Upon his declaration of "Need more blood," CJ takes it upon himself to take a short spear and stab Newt in the hip. Newt cries out in pain, and CJ nearly gets murdered right then and there by the party. Newt heals himself, and CJ apologizes for overdoing it. Now that Lloyd had a gigantic blood ball to follow, they resume their quest.

But as they walk through the forest, the group is beset by a surprise zone of darkness. As they scramble to escape the magical darkness, a fireball crashes down and singes Lloyd, Noj, and CJ. Jason is the first to emerge from the sphere of Darkness, and sees three hooded figures, two are holding lanterns which burn brightly with blue flame.

Bard Pitt points his Rod of Wonder in a random direction and activates it. An immense Elephant manifests and trumpets in alarm. It stampedes off in a random direction, but doesn't affect the battle significantly.

As the group members escape from the darkness and fight their assailants, they hear maniacal child-like laughter within their minds. When Jason kills one of the fire sorcerers, he distinctly hears the voice of a child shout "THIS IS HORSE SHIT," in his head.

After the second sorcerer is dropped, the third shouts "Alphonse, grant me strength!" and a zone of darkness radiates from her, centered on her location. Newt, however, enters into the darkness, focused clearly on her evil aura; which he is able to detect. He strikes her down, and they investigate the bodies. The lanterns of blue flame extinguish upon the death of their wielders, and all of these assassin are decked out in some nice gear.

But Lloyd was killed in the battle.

>>18770892
FTFY
>Is this worksafe?

>>18771000
This marks our seventh session. Newt, unfortunately was not able to attend. So he slipped into a coma from blood loss.

Jane is distraught over the death of Lloyd, but she gets over it. She says that Lloyd learned that spell from a "Blood Compass" back at the dig site, and they'll have to backtrack to get it.

So they do so. Bard Pitt adopts the role of a famous and knowledgeable researcher, and gets into an intellectual dick-waving contest with Jane... and he's actually able to bullshit her into believing him. They set off with the blood compass, and Noj provides the blood.

The compass leads Noj, Jason, CJ, Typical Monk, and Pitt through the forest, and they reach a completely ruined castle, thick with overgrowth. This place looks like it hasn't been touched or discovered in hundreds of years. Pitt tells the party to wait outside of the ruins, as he goes in to investigate.

Pitt walks up to a nearly-destroyed wall, and makes some perception checks. He hears voices... and they're approaching. Pitt attempts to hide in plain sight, and it doesn't work. A six-man squad of Lambent Flame approach from behind the wall and instantly see Bard Pitt attempting to impersonate a rock in the rubble. This is not his best role.

>>18771130
I have some business to take care of, and I will be returning to finish the story around 10:00 EST. If the thread is still around, sweet. If not I'll make a new one.

We're not even to the best part yet.

This thread will live on...this thread will survive...TODAY, WE CELEBRATE, A STORYTEIM DAY!!!!!

>>18771144
SHIT NOOOOOOOO
DAMN DAMN DAMN
i will be anxiously awaiting your return. this is amazing. i love everything you do, storytiem.

Live! Live! Live, God damn you, LIVE!

>>18771144
Goddammit. I have to be asleep by then.
Thanks for the fun, Storyteim.

I for one am actually kind of glad that there will be a bit of a break, as I was supposed to get some homework done this afternoon/evening. Which thus far has not happened.

performing thread cpr....

MFW this entire thread.

My gahd this thread....this is why I search 5 pages deep. You never know when you just might happen upon a storyteim thread

>>18773030
SHIT YES i've been looking for that picture for a long time, thanks for posting it, dude!

>>18771026
Yes. Anyone who knows anything can tell that is milk.

>>18773030
Only 5? I read all 15 daily.

>>18771000
Alright dongs, I'm back time for the conclusion.

This thread is better than the time I made it rain candy bars

>>18773704
Oh yes, I didn't go to sleep yet after all.
Great success.

>>18773704
A cloaked man speaks to Pitt: "Rise. Who are you, and why are you here?"

Pitt studies the man for a second; he's tall, strong features, and he's carrying a lantern with a blue flame glowing within. Pitt adopts the role of an eager revolutionary, and replies in perfect Castillian: "I've been searching for the Lambent Flame, and I tracked you here. I wish to join you, oh great hero!"

Pitt begins to fawn over the man, to the amusement of the rest of the squad. The leader calls for silence, and introduces himself as Javier de Rillago, the Prince of Castille. Pitt continues to grovel. Javier exclaims that under normal circumstances, he would have killed Pitt outright, but instead he is curious as to how Pitt managed to track them. That fact alone makes Pitt worth questioning. As to Pitt's true loyalty, Javier says, "We will see where your true loyalties lie. We will judge you by The Flame."

Pitt thinks this is great; it's a dream come true.

At any rate, they head back into the ruined castle courtyard, where excavations have taken place surrounding a derelict well. However, as Javier, Pitt, and the rest of the squad approach the well, a massive CLANG issues from the bottom. Javier orders his men and Pitt to descend down to the bottom. Once there, Pitt sees a hollowed out tunnel, with a tremendously large door blocking the way.

>>18773730

Wow, why would you bring Kazam into this? Why couldn't you just leave this movie quietly in the past where it cant hurt anyone...

>>18773846
I liked the movie.

>>18773815
Two of Javier's goons had already been stationed down here, and look quite confused as to why the door has suddenly closed. The door itself has a pentad of copper balls inscribed upon it, with a central depression in the center. Pitt doesn't understand what's happening, but Javier is furious. He scorches one of the guards with blue fire, and is pissed that the guard allowed the door to shut.

For this is the entrance to a preserved Syranith City, and now Niles, Javier's Grandmother, a bunch of archaelogists, and Lambent Flame members are trapped inside, with no way to open the door. Javier explains to pit that to open the door, each of the copper balls must be heated to a precise temperature in unison, and he lacks the skill as a fire-mage to even come close to accomplishing this feat. One of the archaeologists had created a device capable of doing this, but it broke, and the door subsequently closed.

So Javier must now make haste and return to his father in order to try and save the stranded subterranean explorers. They exit the well and blindfold Pitt so that he doesn't know how to find the way to their secret base; then they begin their long march. But Pitt had told the rest of the party to wait... and now he must signal them. He begins bellowing at the top of his lungs "GEE I CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK TO THE SECRET BASE. I SURE DO LOVE THE LAMBENT FLAME. VIVA LA REVOLUTION, RIGHT, HOMBRE?"

These shenanigans capture the attention of the group, and they silently follow the patrol through the forest.

>>18773947
(Almost to 250 posts... does this shit still autosage at 250, or is it 300 now?)

Well Jason and Noj follow stealthily. Typical Monk and CJ bumble their way through the forest with the grace of a tapdancing hippopotamus. Typical Monk is first to be spotted by Javier, and he sends his men to capture the monk.

Typical Monk surrenders without a fight, and is brought before Javier. Javier turns to Pitt, and shouts "YOU SAID YOU WERE ALONE? WHO IS HE?"

Pitt's blindfold is removed, and he looks at Typical Monk. Pitt responds, "Sir, I have never seen this man in my life. I swear it on my honor."

Javier asks the same question to Typical Monk, who replies, "Oh yeah I was following that guy." and gestures towards Pitt. This snaps Pitt out of character.

Javier is about to issue the order to shackle them both, when out of nowhere, CJ decides to stand up and chuck two shields captain-america style at Javier's squad. Only one connects, and deals negligible damage. For his next trick, CJ throws a spear at the same guy, and hurts him badly.

For his final trick, CJ gets swarmed by four dudes and is subsequently immolated in a pillar of blue flame by Javier. He follows it up by spending the rest of the session rolling a new character.

Pitt, however, takes this opportunity to create a further distraction, and uses Ghost Sound to imitate a snarling Bear. When the soldiers take the bait, he sprints in the opposite direction, and begins running like a madman through the woods. Typical Monk does the same, and being a monk, he's in much better shape than his pursuers. Pitt and Monk manage to ditch Javier's goons, and Javier IS PISSED.

Dammit Storyteim I have essays to write and instead I will be reading of the various and sundry exploits of you dumbasses.

>>18774048
I think its 300 now

>>18774154
Man I don't want that on my conscience!

>>18774048
Javier ignites one of his guards and the surrounding forest area to demonstrate his rage, and continues on the road back to the Lambent Flame secret base. Monk and Pitt regroup with Noj and Jason, and they and follow Javier and his men through the forest as nighttime settles in. This is not difficult, as Javier is ranting and raving the entire way about how incompetent his guards are. After hours of travel, they finally arrive at a stone fortress in the middle of the forest. It looks vaguely similar to the ruined castle they left earlier, but this one is in pristine condition.

Javier approaches the fortress wall, and waves his blue lantern in front of the stone. Almost immediately, the stone wall realigns and forms a small corridor, which he and his group pass through. Jason does a quick spot check, and notices that no lookouts are on the ramparts of the wall. Jason, Pitt, Noj, and Monk run to the wall, and Jason sends his monkey up the wall with some rope. The monkey ties off the rope, and they begin to climb the wall. Jason, Noj, and Monk all make it up, but Pitt fails his climb check and falls flat on his ass from 10 feet. Pitt slinks off into the bushes to "keep a lookout", and by that he means to nurture his shattered tailbone.

>>18774271
And not a moment too soon, because the light of another blue lantern is seen approaching the fortress wall from further down the road. The group sees a platoon, led by a large man with a blue lantern. This squad of people has six men wearing extremely shiny armor, which reflects the blue light of the lantern. They head up to the wall, and their leader waves his lantern, granting them entry. Noj, Jason, and Monk move to the other side of the rampart to see what's happening inside of the fortress. It looks like a walled off town with stonework buildings all over the place. Some are taller than others, and a large castle towers at the other end of the fortress. Illuminating the dark night is a majestic blue bonfire, burning in the middle of the town.

And then the group spots Javier and the platoon that just entered through the wall. Javier immediately stops cursing and raving when he spots the large man leading the platoon, and humbly kneels in his presence. The large man raises his gauntlet towards Javier, who kisses the gauntlet. Javier then stands, and they have a short exchange of words, but this ends in the large man growing irate and he shakes embers from his lantern onto Javier. Javier is engulfed by blue flames, and shrieks in pain; simultaneously, the large man casually walks away. As the platoon follows the large man towards the large bonfire in the center of town, Javier angrily puts out the fire, and storms off into a stone tower near the western fortress wall.

Noj and Jason formulate a plan: they will infiltrate that building and capture Javier. Typical Monk will play lookout from the ramparts. Jason hands Typical Monk his flare gun, and instructs him to fire if anything goes wrong.

>>18774271
Too bad.

>>18774329
Jason and Noj descend the rampart and stealthily make their way through the alleyways of the town. They narrowly dodge guard patrols and civilians going about their business, and find themselves at a stable behind the stone tower. Jason sends his monkey up the tower, and it ventures through an open window to affix a climbing rope. Jason and Noj scale the rope, and find themselves in an empty latrine.

Noj and Jason exit the latrine and explore the connecting hallway as quietly as possible. They find a locked room, and after listening intently at the door, discover that a snoring sound is emanating from within. Noj picks the lock and gives Jason a bunch of meaningless hand signals, which end with him drawing a finger across his throat. Jason signals back to Noj: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Too late. It's happening. Noj picks the lock and discreetly enters the room. A dying candle casts fading light upon a lavishly decorated room. In a nearby bed, an old man snores peacefully. Noj takes note of the surroundings, which include a large portrait of the old man as a young, strapping explorer; he also spots various war trophies adorning the room. Turning his attention to the old man, Noj snuffs out the candle, and studies the man for three rounds. He pantomimes the sign of the cross, and issues his prayer: "Testicles Spectacles Wallet and Watch," and viciously brings down his mop on the old man's head, instantly killing him. The old man was clearly evil; this was necessary. Noj sees a key on a nearby nightstand, swipes it, and returns to Jason. Jason is furious, but cannot express his frustration with Noj, for fear of being discovered.

>>18774409
SHIT JUST GOT REAL

>>18774409
Noj and Jason explore the hallway further, and come to a stairwell. They hear the sound of Javier's ranting emanating from the upper floor. However, they also identify the sound of footsteps coming their way, so they scramble back to the dead old man's room and decide to wait through the night, until everyone is asleep. Hours later, however, the sound of shuffling footsteps draw their attention to the door, followed by a small series of knocks. An old woman's voice mutters something in Castillian, which neither Noj or Jason understand. The sound of keys opening a lock is heard... and Jason realizes that he's too late to stop Noj, who has already positioned himself behind the door. Noj raises his mop. The door creaks open and an old hunchbacked woman limps into the room. She's carrying a bedpan. Noj waits until she completely enters the room, and bears down on her with the mop. She dies instantly, and falls forward into the bedpan she is carrying. Noj quickly closes the door and pulls her body across the room.

Elsewhere, Typical Monk notices that the six knights from the earlier platoon are now being led around the big blue bonfire. They sit before the fire in meditative contemplation. After some time, the fire suddenly glows bright, then billows into a tall pillar and bears down on one of the knights, who screams as he is engulfed in flames. The large man reappears and orders the remaining knights to rise, and each knight comes forward to kiss his hand. Noj and Jason catch this action as well, silently watching from the dead old man's window. Afterwards, Typical Monk is forced to hide as he hears someone coming up the stairs of the rampart. Typical Monk sneaks up on the despondent guard and snaps his neck before tossing him over the side.

>>18774564
Noj and Jason exit the room an hour later, and head back to the stairwell. They sneak up the stairs, but are met with a hallway that dead ends in a stone wall. Unsure of what to do, they return to the dead old man's room and send the monkey to scale the front face of the building. The monkey scrambles into an open window and ties the rope to a stone pedestal in the room. Jason rolls the best stealth checks ever conceived, and climbs up the rope without being seen. Noj follows him and manages to be just as sneaky.

Suddenly, the pair find themselves in Javier's room, and atop the pedestal to which the rope is tied, they see Javier's blue flame lantern. Noj sneaks over to the sleeping Javier, while Jason steals a black shiny breastplate and a jeweled epee. However, as Noj gets ready to clobber Javier into involuntary unconsciousness, the blue flame lantern begins billowing fire, and a vaguely humanoid shape begins to form from the flames. Javier begins to wake, but Noj slams him with the mop. The blue flames begin to rage and almost engulf Jason, but Jason uses his sword to cut open a dimensional pocket and throws the lantern inside, but burns his hand in the process.

(I may have forgot to mention, Jason recovered a rare Montaigne Puzzle Sword as a piece of loot. This sword allows him to slice the air and create a dimensional pocket, inside which he can store various objects)

However, our intrepid "heroes" are oblivious to what is currently happening outside. Typical Monk notices that the big blue bonfire suddenly begins to grow into a huge pillar of flame. He knows something is going horribly wrong, and he fires the flaregun to signal Noj and Jason. The flare whizzes past Javier's open window. Noj and Jason turn around to see a towering jet of flame approaching them from the window.

>>18774654
Jason grabs Javier, and he and Noj immediately bust through Javier's door and shut it behind them. They feel heat on their backs, and question their next move. They are on the opposite side of that dead-end stone wall, and before them are a series of doors. They theorize that they may be able to jump to the ramparts from another room, but first they need to bust through another one of these doors.

Jason crashes it open, and they emerge in the room of an adolescent girl. As with Javier's room, there is a stone pedestal which contains a blue flame lantern. The girl is roused by the nose, and shrieks when she sees the strange men carrying her brother. Her lantern begins to billow blue flame, and Noj points his hand-cannon at her.

"NOT ONE WORD!" he orders sternly, yet quietly

Her scream dies in her throat and she falls silent... but the flame from her lantern lashes out at Noj, burning his arm. Noj fires his weapon out of reflex, and kills the unarmed, unarmored girl. Jason whips out his pistol with his free hand and blasts the blue flame lantern, and then moves over towards the window. He secures a silk rope and begins to slide down, with Javier still slung over his shoulder.

Jason manages to land atop the rampart, and Noj is left, standing in the window.

Noj unties the rope and tosses it down to Jason. Noj smiles and says "Right... Meet you back at the old place, then."

>>18774733
Typical Monk sees a tremendous spectacle from his vantage point; the bonfire is emitting a jet of blue flame, which is currently engulfing the top floor of the stone tower. He runs across the rampart to meet Jason, and they rappel down the side of the fortress wall.

Up in the room, Noj reloads his hand-cannon and prepares his actions. When the door in front of him melts and burns down, he will fire both barrels of his gun, and then down a potion of gaseous form.

The raging blue flame erodes the doorway, and for a split second, Noj sees the form of the large man from earlier standing in the midst of the flame, looking like the incarnation of pure rage. Noj fires his weapon, and hits the man squarely in the chest, but doesn't kill him. He then drinks the potion of Gaseous Form.

The room is filled with magical blue fire, and incinerated thoroughly. On the ground, Jason and Typical monk see a jet of flame burst forth from the window. They fear the worst for Noj, but need to get the fuck out before their asses are dead too.

Now remember how I said Noj had a virtue that allows him to escape from any situation, once per year? He has to use that to avoid dying. Otherwise, the magical flame would have killed him, even through Gaseous form.

Instead, Gaseous Noj gets blasted out the window, reduced to 1 HP, and reconstitutes his corporeal form. The party regroups and Jason/Monk are astounded to see that Noj is alive. Before leaving, the group glances at the fortress to see a towering column of blue flame extending upwards into the sky.

>>18774409
>>18774564
>>18774654
>>18774733
>>18774826
>Noj's face when

>>18774826
As they escape, Noj hears the voice of a certain twelve-year-old whisper in his head: "Everybody gets one..."

They forgo sleeping, eating, and drinking for the next day. Fuck everything, they cannot stop for fear of their lives. The group hauls ass all the way back to the Archaeologist camp where they left Newt, who is still comatose. Jason is burdened by carrying Javier the entire way, and the only thought on anyone's mind is getting the fuck out of Old Castille before a bunch of crazy fire mages come and incinerate them all.

Javier attempts to wake several times during the journey, but is pummeled back into unconsciousness by Jason and Noj.

After another long journey, they evacuate the rest of the archaeologists and return to the Double Dutchman, where Jason hires 30 guards, and they place Javier in the brig. Pitt gets into his next character: a good-and-bad cop, and intimidates Javier with his schizophrenic performance. Javier is initially indignant and wrathful; he calls Pitt a dirty turncoat and traitor... However, by the end of Pitt's performance, Javier is reduced to a sobbing wreck.

Javier spills everything to Pitt. He belongs to the ancient line of de Rillago; the traditional ruling family of Castille. Their inherent magic is based on their ability to control fire, and most members of the family possess lanterns which are lit by their Ancestral Flame (the big blue bonfire). When a Rillago is dying, they are cremated alive so that they can "become one with the flame"; and their ancestral flame has been burning for centuries (ever since the original one was put out by the church). The flame itself is sentient, and contains the souls of the de Rillago line.

>>18774945
Javier explains that they were seeking the lost knowledge of the ancient Syranith, the predecessor race which ruled the world before modern humans. Javier's grandmother, Tilera de Rillago, had received a prophecy from a deity identifying itself as "Alphonse", which claimed that magic would soon be returning to the world in full force, and that they must do something to control this magic, or be destroyed like the Syranith before them.

Javier claims that the Castillian Church has persecuted mages for centuries based on an interpretation of this knowledge; as they believe that the overuse of magic will bring about the doom of the world. The Church's solution was declare arcane magic a heresy, and subsequently eradicate all practitioners of magic. Javier's family was brought to the brink of eradication by the inquisition, and they have only barely survived this holocaust. Javier believes that with the help of Alphonse and the findings of the Syranith civilization, they will be able to control the arcane forces when magic fully returns to the world; thereby preventing humans from suffering the same fate as the Syranith.

This brings us to Niles. The Lambent Flame kidnapped Niles so that he and other archaeologists could explore the remains of an intact Syranith city, which had been hidden under the ruins of an ancient Rillago castle. Niles was initially uncooperative and indignant about the kidnapping, but he agreed to help upon seeing the Syranith city, as it was the archaeological find of a lifetime. However, when the gate to the city closed and Javier was unable to reopen it, he was forced to ask his father, Lord Victor de Rillago, to open the door. His grandmother and several other family members are currently trapped in the Syranith city, as are Niles and the other archaeologists.

>>18774997
And then Javier had the misfortune of running into the party... and all this shit happened.

Upon hearing this, Jason, Monk, and Noj collect themselves and go over this story once more. This sheds new light on their actions and how their unprompted conclusions may have accidentally fucked everything. The party (wisely) neglects to tell Javier that during their kidnapping, they murdered his grandfather and sister.

After the interrogation, Javier repeatedly asks for his lantern, and Jason replies that he "hid it in another world." Javier's eyes go wide and judging by Jason's obvious Montaigne accent and bold kidnapping attempt, he thinks that Jason could be a Montaigne Porté Mage (they teleport places). Javier ecstatically claims that an alliance with the Porté is exactly what the Lambent Flame needs. Jason lies to Javier, and says, "Yes, I am indeed a Porté mage, and I will contact the other mages and let them know about this." Javier tells Jason that he must notify his father immediately, and asks Jason once more for his lantern.

Jason reluctantly arranges various crew members, armed with buckets of water, around Javier. The party members arm themselves in case Javier tries anything funny. Jason cuts the air with his rapier and removes the lantern from the dimensional pocket. Javier takes the lantern and conjures a billowing blue flame; and out of the flame emerges an outline of the same large man from earlier: Victor de Rillago.

Javier begins, "Father, there's a been a misunderstanding. They're Porté mages! I've convinced them to help--"

Lord Victor cuts him off, his voice hoarse, laden with grief, "They are murderers. They killed Sophia and your grandfather..."

>>18775096
"Father... this can't be! They wouldn't..."

Victor's voice struggles, but continues: "They were not even... given a chance to become one with the flame..."

Javier drops to his knees and begins to weep. He then angrily thrusts his hands forward and attempts to conjure up a ball of blue fire. Jason reflexively shoots the lantern, extinguishing the source of the flames. However, Javier captures some of the dissipating fire and clutches it within his hands. He chokes back tears as he furiously glares at everybody. Javier rasps through gritted teeth, "...damn you all!", and clutches the blue fireball to his chest. Blue flames immolate his body and he becomes one with the flame.

After Javier's death, the group contemplates their actions and they set sail for Avalon.

After all... they still have to rescue Niles. To do so, they must retrieve the Tessera Heater, the only item capable of opening the Syranith City door, from Reef Blastbody.

By the time they arrive, Rosalita is six months pregnant.

>>18775096
Well, that ruse didn't last long...

They never do, do they?

>>18775170
>Victor's voice struggles, but continues: "They were not even... given a chance to become one with the flame..."
Oh wow... that is COLD

>>18775170
Now I have to apologize, because I forgot to mention one thing thus far. Before the group set sail for Old Castille, they met the hosts of the incredibly popular sailing magazine Top Sail. Bard Pitt was placed in a reasonably priced dinghy and did a lap on their boat course, where he beat the lap times of Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsay (who is, incidentally, the world's nicest balor). Jeremy Clarkson gave Bard Pitt a weekly featurette in Top Sail, to document his adventures. Pitt was assigned a stenographer (named John Travoltaire) to follow him around and relate these stories back to the Top Sail office for publishing.

Except the Top Sail Magazine is also enchanted to play music as a gimmick to entertain the reader. Bardley Cooper provides the music, and on Bard Pitt's featurette page, the normally pleasant music mysteriously changes into fart noises. So when Bard Pitt realizes that Bardley Cooper has been fucking with him this whole time, he decides this shit means war, and when they return to Avalon, he's gonna take out Bardley Cooper once and for all.

But upon their return to Hampsouthton, the party is treated to news that Reef Blastbody has been arrested for refusing to cooperate in the murder investigation of Antonio Paillo. Incidentally, Felix was almost tortured to death by the church, then transferred to the prison, where he escaped. After a long exchange with the constable, Bard Pitt bribes him into letting them search the evidence room. Newt isn't made aware of this bribery until later, and makes a mental note to have that policeman sacked later.

>>18775363
(Well I have to apologize again because I've left out a lot of hilarious minor details to the campaign, but I'm getting exhausted and we have like three days worth of campaign audio I still have to clean up and edit. So I'm sorry you're not getting the full awesomeness that only being there can provide :( )

Noj swipes the Tessera Heater from Reef's possessions, while Reef, in a prison cell bathtub, screams at them to get him a lawyer so that he can beat the charges against him. They ignore Reef and head on back to the boat...

...but BARD PITT has BARDLEY COOPER on the mind. EVERYWHERE HE LOOKS, there's a fucking BARDLEY COOPER poster. His music is so great; oh my god, Bardley Cooper's latest album was so good; Bardley Cooper is so dreamy!

He's had enough. Bard Pitt heads into the shadiest section of town (which admittedly isn't that shady... this place isn't Bristol, for God's sake), and attempts to hire an assassin to kill Bardley Cooper. However, everyone he asks fucking loves Bardley Cooper, and they can't imagine why someone would want him dead. Pushed to the mental limit, Bard Pitt's childhood stutter manifests, and he struggles to convey even the most basic thoughts and emotions. Bardley Cooper has left him an emotional wreck.

And then he comes up with an idea. Using stage makeup, Bard Pitt disguises himself as Bardley Cooper. He then proceeds into a brothel, and begins ruining Bardley Cooper's reputation. He does this for a while... but then becomes attached to the role. Bard Pitt becomes the thing he hates most: he now believes he is Bardley Cooper.

So he returns to the boat, where everyone is excited to now be traveling with Bardley Cooper instead of Bard Pitt. They set sail once again for Old Castille.

>>18775363
Mother of god Storytiem, I went to bed, woke up and this thread is still here. Also, I've updated the archive, but I have to leave, can someone get a handle on that please?

>>18775458
Another month passes on the journey, and Rosalita is now seven months pregnant. Bard Pitt has stayed in character as Bardley Cooper this entire time, even though his makeup has long since peeled and his formerly perfectly coiffed wig is starting to rot. He looks like a complete psychopath, but still believes he is Bardley Cooper.

Jason attempts to snap Pitt out of his role by having him sign a playbill for Bard Pitt's smash-hit play: "Death of a Snake Oil Salesman"

"Make it out 'To Bard Pitt, my biggest fan'." Jason instructs.

Pitt, as Cooper, is able to do this, albeit by making a heavy will save to avoid breaking character.

At any rate, they arrive back at Lesbon, and find that the city is now a blown-out smoking ruin. Castillian naval ships block the Double Dutchman from entering port, and request a thorough inspection of the ship. The Double Dutchman complies, and is boarded by Castillian marines... as well as a Castillian Inquisitor, pic related.

The group learns that the Lambent Flame mounted an all-out assault on Lesbon and burned most of it to the ground. The inquisitor asks them some probing questions about their business in Castille, to which Jason answers that he is here to rescue people and offer aid to the people of the city. Because this is technically true, the Inquisitor does not suspect them, and they are allowed to dock. More than anyone, Newt wants to make things right, as people had made decisions which completely ignored his moral code. He's also very disappointed in Noj, who slipped from "Chaotic Good" to "Chaotic Neutral" after that last episode.

The group traverses through the devastated ruins of Lesbon, and makes their way back to the ruins which hold the entrance to the Syranith city.

>>18775580
storytiem, words cannot express the joy you bring.

but there's no pic there.

>>18775580
Using the blood compass, they find their way back to the ruins, and climb down the derelict well. This takes some time to figure out, as Pitt still thinks he's Bardley Cooper and repeatedly asserts that he's "never been here before in [his] life!"

However, they stand before the big door, and pop in the Tessera Heater. The copper balls glow, and the door creaks open, revealing a large hallway. As a side effect, the heater causes the lead in Bard Pitt's makeup to heat up, and this burns his face. This finally causes Bard Pitt to revert to his normal self.

So the group files down a very long hallway, which takes them down into an enormous cavern. They emerge in what appears to be an underground city, with buildings constructed entirely of shining metal. The scant few light sources in the room reflect off the buildings, and the party sees evidence of tracks and footprints left by many people all over the floor. The group begins exploring the city, and they discover that the Tessera Heater can interact with several of the structures, including these flower-petal beacons which unfold under the heater's influence, and emit bright light when completely open. The light from these beacons shines up to the ceiling of the cavern... and the group realizes that the ceiling is also made of metal, and appears to be enclosing this entire city.

As they continue down the ruins of the city, lighting their way, beacon by beacon... the heater causes a nearby door to open, and when the dust clears, the party sees a mummified three-fingered hand outstretched from the doorway.

>>18775580
Shit, you're right. Pic related. it's an inquisitor.

>>18775766
They cautiously move forward to investigate, and discover that this hand is attached to the body of what they believe to be a mummified Syranith. The corpse is long-dead, but appears to have several metal strips running along its decayed arms and other parts of its body. These metal strips emit a faint humming noise when exposed to the Tessera Heater. The group explores the room, and discovers that there are several magical objects which appear to have had the magic "sucked" out of them.

The group continues through the city, and they come to a tall building, from which they can see a faint glow at the top, where it connects to the ceiling, and they can hear a grinding noise emanating from there. As the group enters the building, they see three emaciated dead bodies, stripped of clothes, and in the late stages of decay. They proceed onward and head up to the top of the building. When they reach the roof, they find a barely conscious old woman who looks half starved; near her is a blue flame lantern which is frighteningly dim. There are also several other people there, huddling for warmth under thick clothes and blankets.

The party attempts to converse with these people and feed them trail rations, but they are so weak they cannot respond. Out of precaution, Jason extinguishes the old woman's lantern, and she begins to weep. Behind them, they notice that an immense pile of metallic furniture and other odd items has been piled in a ramshackle platform which extends upwards towards the ceiling. Sparks fall from a small hole, and then stop, as a small man of gnomish stature climbs down and descends the shitpile to greet the party.

"Newt! I knew you'd come for us!", shouts Niles.

>>18775829
FUCK JUST KIDDING HERE'S THE INQUISITOR

>>18775829
Niles explains everything. They got trapped in here when the Tessera Heater he created broke. The Syranith had some kind of magical-metallic relationship which allowed them to manipulate their technology, even going so far as to implant themselves with augments and magic metal. He claims that he initially was upset at the Lambent Flame for kidnapping him, but once he saw this city, it was like being in a candy shop for him.

He also explains that this "city" has multiple levels which extend further downward, as well as a thick metal roof. He was trying to cut through the roof to reach the surface, using a jackhammer (Niles' Reticulating Buggerpipe) of his own design. This place is unlike anything he's ever seen, and he's confident that if they learn to use the Syranith technology, the could change the world!

Also... Niles had been hiding it, but he has a Ring of Sustenance, which spared him from starvation. As for the rest of the people trapped there, the old woman, he explains, is Tilera de Rillago, the matriarch of the Lambent Flame. The rest of the half-starved nearly-dead people are archaeologists, with some surviving Lambent Flame members. Niles goes on to say that Tilera ordered three of her soldiers to stop eating so that they would have enough food for the archaeologists, and forbade them from attacking Niles for the Ring of Sustenance.

The group rescues Tilera, Niles, and the rest from the city, but is unsure of what to do. Newt does a detect evil on Tilera, and sees that she is a little evil. They decide to leave the lambent flame members in the woods with enough food to sustain themselves, and take the archaeologists back to Lesbon, with Niles as well.

>>18775896
On the road back to town, however, the group is stopped in their tracks by an Inquisitor. He had been trailing them, and knows that they had contact with the Lambent Flame (Tilera, etc). The Inquisitor introduces himself as "The Maximo," and announces, "Repent or prepare to face judgment."

And then Jason blows his mind. Except not with a gun.

"We have faced the Lambent Flame, and killed Prince Javier, Princess Sophia, and their Patriarch. Their Matriarch is in the forest, at the ruined castle. She is at the mercy of nature. Go there if you wish to see her."

Newt is shocked, he begins to say "You WHAT--?" But Noj cups his hand over Newt's mouth and silences him. The Inquisitor appears to contemplate Jason's words for several minutes, then finally reacts.

The Inquisitor bends to a knee, and says "I have misjudged. You are all heroes of the faith. You have brought the cowards out of hiding, and they shall receive justice in the open and be destroyed once and for all. You must come with me to the church and be exalted for your deeds."

So the group follows The Maximo to Lesbon's destroyed cathedral, which is filled with the distraught inhabitants of the city.

>>18775948
The Maximo introduces them to the cathedral's priest, who proclaims them again as heroes. But something is wrong...

A voice of dissent rises up from among the congregation: "They're not heroes, they brought Lambent Flame down on us all! You can't stop them! You're powerless, you can't even save this city!"

The priest ignores the citizen, and continues praising the deeds of the party.

The man continues: "Where was the church while the city burned? You've damned us all to burn in the Old Flame!"

The Maximo will not stand for this. He silently moves down the aisle, and the crowd parts a path, leading to the disgruntled Castillian man. The Maximo grabs the man, who is now screaming for help, and drags him outside. Newt immediately runs after them, followed by Jason, CJ (who came back as crewmember O'Don Piano), and Bard Pitt. Noj stands back a bit in the doorway, in case he needs to block the route.

Newt accosts The Maximo: "What are you doing, you can't hurt this man for speaking his mind. He's right, you know."

"He has sinned against the church. His lies damn him. He must repent or suffer the punishment."

The man begins to kneel and pray frantically. Newt positions himself between The Maximo and the penitent man. "I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO HARM THIS MAN."

The Maximo responds: "Are you not on the side of Justice?"

And then Bard Pitt steps up: "Damn right he's on the side of Justice. And my boy here is gonna take you down. Tell him Newt. He's gonna take you down in single combat. You don't want none of this paladin!"

The Inquisitor raises his arm towards Bard Pitt. A spring-loaded stiletto pops from his sleeve, into the grip of his gauntlet, and he points it at Bard Pitt.

"I have judged you to be unworthy. You must repent or be purified."

>>18776014
Bard Pitt attempts to call The Maximo's bluff, and attempts to walk around the weapon. Wrong answer.

The Maximo takes an attack of opportunity, and crits. He stabs Bard Pitt through the ribs. Initiative is called, and the Maximo comes out at the top of the order. The Maximo rolls two attacks, both hit, and one crits.

The Maximo removes his stiletto from Pitt's ribs. He lunges forward and slices Pitt's throat. In a spinning flourish move, he brings the dagger down vertically through Pitt's sternum.

Pitt falls to the ground, completely dead.

>>18776030
WHY WOULD YOU KILL BARD PITT... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>18776042
It was the single hardest thing i've ever had to do.

Internet shit out so i will upload the rest by phone. Thread is approaching autosage, so i'll try to wrap up quickly. If not, then catch the rest on our website http://sites.google.com/site/goblinhaters/home if people go to it we might update it regularly.

So anyway, Bard Pitt was just brutally murdered by The Maximo. The party responds by beating the ever-loving shit out of the maximo. He takes fullrounds from jason, noj, and newt; he is dead before he even gets another turn. Their attacks have torn off chunks of his armor, and beneath, the party members see a ghastly, pallid body which has metallic growths and clockwork components jutting out of it.

And then the group notices that he congregation of people are shuffling out of the church like zombies, alchanting a castillian prayer. Jason grabs Pitt's body, and they back away from the advancing mob.

The mob swarms the dead inquisitor's body, and they begin wailing and weeping for the fallen inquisitor. The priest appears in the cathedral doorway and calmly eyes the party.

"Curious..." says the priest as he turns and walks back into the church.

>>18776172
So the party tears ass back to the double dutchman. They don't know who to trust or who to hate anymore. The lambent flame, while justified in motive, are in league with alphonse. And the castillian church is clearly evil as shit. Newt contemplates it long and hard, and decides that the best course of action is to redeem the lambent flame and help them overthrow the castillian church.

So they board the double dutchman and sail up the coast to a secluded area, where the ship will be safe. They leave the helm to captain walken, and jason, cj, noj, newt, and niles embark westward in search of the lambent flame. All they have to do is follow the trail of destruction.

They figure a good place to start would be where they left Tilera de Rillago and her cohorts in the forest. But when the group returns to the spot, they find that wild animals have killed them.

>>18776284
Did.....did storytiem die?

>>18775458
Storyteim, would it ever be possible to hear those campaign sessions.
It's amazing reading the campaign. I wonder what it feel like to listen to it

>>18776524
No, but my internet is. I've been having maasive problems with my isp lately. It should be fixed by morning, but i've already lost two posts attempting to upload shit from the phone. In this past week my computer bricked itself, then unbricked itself, my internet has gone to shit, and i had to replace the radiator in my jeep.

I will be back bright and early in hopes that this clears up. I apologize for the inconvenience, and i appreciate all the readers who have stuck with me thus far. We don't have a long way to go, midway through the last session, and trust me, it will all be worth it. The campaign is nowhere near over, by the way. The PCs just hit 4th level.

Stay gold, see you guys in the morning... hope the thread doesn't autosage before then.

>>18776534
I will do my best to clean up the audio and have it hosted up on the website soon!

>>18776632
Well, I'm sure night/morning /tg/ can keep it off of the last page, but we might need to start a new thread right as you get rolling again this close to the bump limit.

There are still posts left
Until autosage

Storytiem and TwoDee in one thread, hard to believe such awesome is containable. I love you both for the wonderful stories you tell, your tales are the envy as well as the inspiration for this humble DM.

Why isn't this bumped yet?
And a good way to bump without getting limits is to erase your bumps periodically and reposting them.

>When Jason kills one of the fire sorcerers, he distinctly hears the voice of a child shout "THIS IS HORSE SHIT," in his head.

Also, STORYTIEM, I really value what you do for us.

You shall not escape, Thread of Time of Story.

bump

>>18776947
Seriously?

>>18776632
Okay lets beat the autosage. Just got off the phone with comcast and this shit seems to be working now.

So Jason, CJ, Noj, and Newt stand over the corpses of the Lambent Flame people they left for dead in the woods. They feel awful. However, that doesn't stop them from putting Tilera's blood into the blood compass, and following it westward to find the rest of the Lambent Flame.

While journeying across the Castillian countryside, they come across burned forests and destroyed towns, and eventually run across Jay's new character: a warrior of Clan McDuch (Pronounced: McDuck) from the Avalonian Highlands. His thick Scottish brogue is endearing to the party, and he shouts things like "I'LL CABER TOSS 'YA."

After a while, the group comes to a formation of impaled soldiers who bear the livery of the Castillian Military; then some from the Church; and finally, a bunch from the Lambent Flame. These impaled bodies line the road leading to a fortified town. Naturally, the party decides that this grim warning should be ignored, and they should hit up that town for shelter. In true ultimate good-guy paladin fashion, Newt alone approaches the town's palisade walls from the road, and is met with a hail of arrows and derogatory shouts. After being turned into somewhat of a pincushion, Newt arrives at the town's gate, he shouts up to the men attacking him:

"Please let us in, we're travelers and we're very tired."

They respond: "We thought the bodies were a pretty clear stance on our feelings towards travelers. Get out."

Newt continues to plead and ply them with diplomacy checks. He convinces the townsfolk that his group is not with the Church, Military, or Lambent Flame. The townsfolk, admit Newt and friends into the town for the night, on the condition that they defend the town.

>>18779834
Turns out that a squad of Church soldiers, fifteen strong, have been spotted approaching the town. They're also being led by an Inquisitor. The townsfolk are taking up arms, and the party is bound by their word to assist them in the battle.

When the squad of soldiers comes marching down the road, Jason gets the idea to jump off the palisade wall and run to talk to them, before the battle. He meets them about a hundred feet away from the town.

The Inquisitor studies him for a little bit, and then says, "I recognize you. You stand with the heretics. I am The Maximo, repent or be purged."

Jason curses, he thinks The Maximo is back from the dead. No big deal, they're just gonna have to kill him again. Jason mockingly says "Okay... I repent. Have mercy on my soul." The Maximo raises his wrist-mounted crossbow, and responds, "You have been judged to be insincere."

He gets a shot off before Jason can react, and deals moderate damage. Jason activates his magic boots (which he bought some time ago), and uses five successive short teleports to reach the top of the palisade wall. The advancing soldiers form a phalanx and begin moving towards the town's gate.

Suddenly, Jason's vision turns red, and he hears the skull in his mind. One of the soldiers in the advancing phalanx begins to glow blood-red; the skull orders: "HE... MUST... DIE..."

>>18779884
Fuck, apparently we're autosaging already. Gotta go fast.

So Jason begrudgingly obeys the skull, and begins shooting at the soldier indicated by his blood-o-vision. The rest of the party and the villagers unleash hell on the Inquisitor and his squad. McDuch is itchy for a battle, but knows that he shouldn't just jump down and engage fifteen soldiers and an inquisitor by himself, so he bides his time from the battlements.

Jason manages to finish off his target, and once he does so, time stops. The body of his target turns into a fine red mist, then gets sucked up into Jason's backpack, and enters into the skull. Jason is pissed off because this is also very messy. However, the skull laughs manically, and grants Jason a +2 competence bonus.

Meanwhile, the Inquisitor and his squad reach the town gate. The group notices him halt in some sort of meditative prayer, after which the Inquisitor's arms hulk out and bulge with muscle. He begins lifting the gate by himself. Noj isn't having any of this; and runs to the rampart overlooking the gate. He drops a Quall's Feather Token of Spruce Tree, and a huge tree expands in the space of the gate; pushing aside the Inquisitor and the squad of soldiers. Having broken their phalanx, the soldiers are now highly susceptible to the ranged weaponry of the party, and more soldiers drop. The inquisitor begins to scale the wall, right next to Jason and Noj; he reaches back and pops out his spring-loaded stilleto, and shanks Noj for moderate damage. Jason unloads a point-blank shot at the inquisitor, who fails his climb check to maintain his perch. The inquisitor falls back down to the ground, on top of his soldiers.

And then Jason drops a grenade into their formation.

>>18779937
You could make a new thread, I'm sure nobody would mind.

>>18779937
McDuch acrobatically leaps to the edge of the palisade, ready to descend upon the battlefield and perform some cleanup, but as he prepares to do so, the grenade explodes. Several soldiers are killed in the blast, but the Inquisitor still lives. As he struggles to return to his feet, the party finishes him off with a volley of gunfire and arrows.

The soldiers, upon seeing the inquisitor dead, IMMEDIATELY surrender, and appear almost thankful to the group for killing off the inquisitor. The townsfolk, however, are out for blood, and demand that all the soldiers be executed. Newt, of course, will not have this, and tells the townspeople to shut the fuck up and stop behaving like animals.

The party then interrogates the soldiers, and examines the body of the Inquisitor. They realize that though this Inquisitor called itself "The Maximo", it looks nothing like the one they faced earlier. Despite sharing the same clockwork implants and metal augmentations on the body, the body itself is different. Niles continues to examine the body and identifies that this Inquisitor has been implanted with reverse-engineered Syranith techno-magic. He's never seen anything this advanced before, and had no idea that the Church, of all institutions, was capable of pulling this off.

The soldiers shed more light on the situation. They claim that they do not want to fight anymore, but were forced to under threat of death. The Inquisitor knows their faces... and what one Inquisitor knows, ALL Inquisitors know.

>>18779944
But there's not much more, like seven more posts total, should be.

>>18779972
The soldier explains further:

This Inquisitor called itself The Maximo... but he wasn't the only one that did so. And the scary part is, they all seem to be the same. They share the knowledge, identities, and if one sees something, they all see it. That's why the soldiers can't go back; that's why they were forced to fight. Any indications of cowardice on their behalf, and the Inquisitors would know, and they'd kill them.

So the party realizes exactly what they're up against, and its only going to get worse. It also dawns upon them that this town is no longer safe. They split up the soldiers and townsfolk, and send both groups of people packing in opposite directions, lest they stay here and suffer the wrath of the Inquisition. The party continues their search for the Lambent Flame, except this time, they take some horses from the village, and venture forth in style.

Days later, they finally come across a still-smoldering building, which appears to be the ruins of a university library. While Noj and Newt lament the loss of knowledge (given our past track record with libraries), Jason spots two scouts on horseback, wearing Lambent Flame livery. The group gives chase in attempt to catch the scouts.

However, it is not easy. Newt and Noj (on the same horse) pull alongside one of the scouts, and Noj tries to jump over to the scout's horse. Noj miscalculates his jump, and instead jumps clean over the horse and falls flat on his ass in the road.

Newt and CJ continue to give chase, while the rest of the party try to catch the other scout. Finally, Newt and CJ run their scout down, but the other gets away.

>>18780014
Newt introduces himself to the scout, and wishes to be taken back to the scout's camp, to speak with the commander. After making several good diplomacy rolls, he changes the scout's attitude towards them to friendly.

The scout agrees to this, but only if he can lead Newt and CJ into the camp in manacles, to make it look like he captured them. He wants a promotion. Newt is overly trusting, but CJ is not; CJ uses some clutch sleight of hand to replace the scout's manacles with a pair of his own fake-breakaway cuffs. Noj, Jason, and McDuch watch from a hidden location, and follow covertly as the scout leads CJ and Newt back to the camp.

After some time, they arrive. CJ and Newt are roped to a pole by their manacles, and a portly man with a blue flame lantern approaches them.

Newt introduces himself: "Sir, I'm Newton Fonkin Kutar, Paladin and heir to the house Fonkin Kutar. We mean you no harm and only wish to talk."

The man spits. "A gnome... and a Paladin of the Church! Where were you on the night of the full moon two months ago?"

The man holds up his lantern to Newt's eyes, the blue flames dance in front of his face, and Newt gets the sensation that the flames are peering into his soul.

"Sir, I was in a coma."

And Newt is telling the truth.

>>18780057
The man becomes increasingly frustrated with Newt, as it seems that this is PURE COINCIDENCE that he has standing orders to capture a gnome with a human companion, and these two before him are a completely different pair. From a hidden vantage point nearby, Jason and Noj breath sighs of relief that it isn't them being interrogated right now.

The questions continue, regarding the deaths of Sophia, Javier, and Hector de Rillago. Newt is completely oblivious to all of their deaths; so is CJ, because neither of their characters were there for ANY of it. Their ignorance saves their lives, and the Flame gives them a passing judgement.

Newt manages to subvert his interrogator's frustration with some clutch diplomacy rolls, and changes his attitude. The man introduces himself as Manuel de Rillago, Duke of Castille, and brother to Victor (the rightful king). Newt goes on about the good graces of Pelor and how the Lambent Flame should stop serving Alphonse and start trying to save their souls.

Manuel is incredulous, and states that Alphonse has promised them power, which is better than any arrangement with any other deity they've ever had before. Newt presses his line of reasoning, however, and says that everyone has a chance at redemption, they just need to have the strength to do what's right.

Manuel chokes back some tears, and says "Bless you, little paladin."

Newt then asks Manuel if he can have an audience with Victor, in order to convince him of Pelor's goodness, and perhaps win him back to the side of light.

>>18780111
Manuel orders that their shackles be removed, and that Newt and CJ be separated. While Newt managed to change Manuel's attitude towards himself through diplomacy, CJ did not. He orders that CJ be taken to the frontlines, as they need more meat in the seats up there.

He tells CJ: "We're gonna put a spear in your hands, and tell you to march forward, because at you're back we're gonna put the flame!"

Newt does not contest this, he resolves to get CJ transferred later, after he talks to Victor.

Manuel and Newt ride to the forward camp, while Noj, Jason, and McDuch secretly track them through the forest. Finally, Newt is brought to the commander's tent of Victor de Rillago. Upon seeing Newt, Victor becomes excited at the prospect of revenge against the gnome who killed his family. He flourishes his exquisite blue flame lantern and gathers flame in his hands for an incendiary attack.

But Manuel calms him down... he indicates that Newt is... the wrong gnome. Victor is palpably disappointed, and assaults Newt with a barrage of questions about the deaths of his family, just to be sure for himself. The Flame once again gives a passing judgement, and Newt takes notice that Victor looks devastated.

>>18780179
Newt inquires: "Sir, have you heard the good word about Pelor?"

Victor looks down at Newt, and coldly states, "I've had enough of gods. They do nothing but bring us pain. The church, your god, Alphonse; they're all the same. I spit on them all."

"Right, that's good, spittin' on Alphonse. Good step in the right direction, was gonna talk to you about that. Now Pelor can help you with that; and I feel like he'd reward you for it."

A savage diplomacy roll from Newt piques Victor's interest. Newt continues with his Pelor pitch, and struggles to redeem Victor's soul from despair and the clutches of Alphonse. Victor issues a weak smile, which barely hides his despondency, and says to Newt.

"Admirable... but it just shows how little you know. The Castillian Church, I have come to realize, are not incorrect in their understanding that magic will one day doom the world. This is something that sorcerers as powerful as myself must understand at some level. When you tap into forces as powerful, ancient, and arcane as I do, you realize that something else is there... something beyond comprehension. I cannot fault the church for trying to destroy the de Rillago line... the most powerful sorcerers the world has ever known... but I will visit the same ruin upon them that they wish to inflict on us..."

Victor continues:

"We are destined to destroy each other... this false church and I. I now know that I must be the last of my line.

>>18780239
Newt feels that Victor is a bit misinformed about being "the most powerful sorcerers in the world," but doesn't want to argue with him right now.

Newt interjects: "Right, about that. You don't have to be the last of your line. You can settle down, have some more kids, and before you know it there's more little pyromaniacs swinging lanterns; it'll be brilliant!"

Victor responds: "But my family cannot exist. We are being written out of history. Forgotten, hunted down and murdered. Even my own children. This is something that no father should ever have to endure. We will leave our mark upon the world by leaving it in a blaze of glory, and all will know the name de Rillago."

Newt begins to get concerned: "But there's always hope, did Alphonse tell you this is the only option?"

Victor coldly stares at Newt: "Alphonse is a means to an end. My mother believed that Alphonse offered a path to control magic by using the magic of the Syranith. The Syranith couldn't even save themselves... and in the end my mother entombed herself in those Syranith ruins. I wasn't able to reopen the gate. I wasn't able to save her."

Victor glares at Newt, "...and this is what we get for following strange gods."

Newt attempts to interject: "Right... about that Syranith City..."

Victor interrupts: "It's not a city."

>>18780309
Victor explains: "The Syranith were beyond our abilities in every way. What we thought was a city, just because it had buildings and dwellings, was merely a misunderstanding of what we were seeing. It was a vessel. Our most ancient texts speak of floating cities and the immensely magical Syranith, and those that came after them. How could we ever hope to understand such feats from the time of legends, when magic was strongest in the world? This weak sorcery of modern times is nothing but a trickle compared to the coming deluge of magic. But how could we control magic, when the Syranith were unable to do the same? Alphonse misled us. What does your god offer instead?"

Newt brightly explains: "Hope. You mustn't march towards your death in this way. A great man like you is destined to lead. Together, we can save the world, we harness magic when it returns to the world, we just have to have faith."

Victor sits beside Newt, and sighs, "That may be. It just may be."

>>18780382
>>18780309
>>18780239
>>18780179
>>18780111
MIND = BLOWN
This shit defies genre, I have no idea how you're pulling this off.

Newt is everything that is paladin!

>yay storytiem

>>18780382
Newt thinks that he has finally reached Victor, and asks that his friend CJ be transferred away from the frontlines.

Newt also asks what Victor would do if he found the people that killed his family.

"By the flame, I would have my revenge. I have nothing left to live for, my children were everything. My pain will manifest as a harbinger of vengeance upon the church and everything that it represents."

So Newt figures it might take some time before Victor warms up to Noj and Jason. Regardless, the two continue discussing battle plans, and Victor reveals that he is currently laying siege to Milabrega, a large nearby city (the next major city since Lesbon).

Inquisitors have waylaid his progress thus far, and Victor suspects that these abominations "share a soul" (to use his logic), and they are being controlled from within the city. If a small strike team could infiltrate the city and disable the Inquisitors, somehow, then they could finally overrun the defenses and take the city. Newt remarks that he knows just the people capable of doing something like that.

If they make it back to Avalon, Newt tells Victor that he will attempt to rally the Avalonian military to aid the Lambent Flame. Victor is incredulous that a foreign military would get involved in a Civil War, but appreciates the sentiment.

And THIS, my friends, is where we will be resuming the campaign... tomorrow.

Holy shit I need to lie down again. Let me check the word count on this bitch. As always, thanks for reading; /tg/ fans make everything worthwhile, and I'm happy to have the opportunity to share our stories with you.

Email is in the field if you want to drop me a line; and follow our progress at our website if you feel so inclined:
https://sites.google.com/site/goblinhaters/home

>>18780513
Woo! Another Storyteim thread reaches its conclusion.

Always welcome on /tg/, ya'll come back now ya hear?

please sticky this thread, for the sake of everyone that was here before, and all that will come after.

Also fuck the image limit. That one picture with the bear weeping due to all the awesome. You know the one. Imagine I posted it.

RIP Bard Pitt.

I was going to vote you for president.

Wow. Is all I have to say. Just wow. After reading your last campaign. NEVER LET THIS GROUP GO. You will never have a better group. Do they talk with accents or do you just type with them? Also CJ needs to step it up, and stop being a diehard.

>>18780817
We all try to do accents. At first it was weird, but we got good at it.

And yes, haha, he does. I'm saving Felix as an NPC that will return at some point, compelled for revenge against the party by Jason's Skull artifact.

The Skull has a mission to exact vengeance upon all who wronged its original owner... including their descendents (hence why the skull made Jason flip out and kill that soldier during the battle). The person who possesses the skull will make enemies that will seek revenge upon the skull's holder. Felix is one such person, Victor is another. The skull will empower them both if it comes to conflict. It is an artifact that embodies the concept of vengeance.

Dear Mr. Storytiem

I was reading your storytiems and found them fucking awesome, and started wondering if it was possible for me to loan your brains for some months

With love, a jealous and admiring fan

>>18780883
Sure, send me an email or something.

> ~26000 words
I counted. That is some light novel shit right there.

Where the drawfags at?

Any archives of equally epic stories?

Farewell, epic thread.

Until next we meet, Storytiem. I look forward to more of your awesome stories.