>>18532456

Q. Who is this Two-Times person?
A. He's the hacker who stole Ares' dog. He hides behind three satellite locator codes in a bunker somewhere. He's not happy that the runners are after him. And he's really good at Counter-Strike!
Q. Sweet! Did I miss anything in #7?
A. Boy, did you ever! The team went to Japan and blew up their dick-ass fixer's bar! They also got two special pieces of loot from a Shiawase vault, and Bend almost died! 2D also did something with a maid cafe, I tried to block that part out.
Q. Give me a good recommendation for a hybrid-genre tabletop game.
A. I'd go with Deadlands. It's got cowboys and zombies!
Q. Oooh. But we were talking about Shadowrun, right?
A. Indeed we were. Now it's STORYTIME!

In other news, I wasted the time I could have spent on writing on dicking around with the significant other and doing that drawfaggotry. So I'm going to be typing this out as I can.

I'll show you disproportionate.

>new shadowrun storytime thread
my face when

... I was planning on sleeping, you know. Dammit TwoDee why must you be awesome while I'm tired?

Anyone got the 1d4chan link on hand?

Twodee wishes me to inform you all that he is having trouble posting due to technical difficulties. In the mean time, here is this completely unrelated cute thing.

>>18532733
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dammit, I had drawfaggotry for the next one of these threads, but I forgot to scan it!

Ah well, hopefully it'll still be here tomorrow.

Twodee asks that I further clarify that the site appears to be down for him only when he tries to post. He can see all your posts as normal and can still monitor the thread. Something to do with the DDoS attack mentioned on the 4chan twitter feed? Beats me. Here's another unrelated cute thing.

He's going to get to typing it up during the downtime. Hopefully that means we won't have to wait as long between posts once he's actually able to post again.

>>18532833

I assume he's tried switching browsers and restarting his internet connection?

Blasted scriptkiddies. What are they jamming him with? a HERF gun?

Status update from TwoDee: "I've tried resetting my router and I'm getting nothing, 4chan is still down for me but other sites work fine, and I think it has something to do with CloudFlare's fancy new Los Angeles server."

>>18533199
Has he tried a proxy?

Must keep thread alive..

>>18533244
He just tried three different proxies, and each time got "This site is in offline mode."

>>18533434

should I stop bumpan?

>>18533434
Maybe he could forward his intended text and images to someone else for them to post? A personal proxy, if you will.

>>18533450
Not yet, anon. If it comes down to it, TwoDee says he'll pick up the thread tomorrow morning.

>>18533434
Oh for fuck's sake.

...fffuck. I've got nothing.

Oh well. At least Toonami's on tonight.

>>18533462
This. Also, holy fuck. Shadowrun Storytime AND Toonami is fucking back? I've died and gone to heaven.

>>18533534
Yeah. Starts at midnight.

I went and got a Hot Pocket so I could enjoy properly.

>>18533434
stupid tech support time,
did he try boards.4chan.org/tg
usually 4chan.org/tg fucks up for me

I need more cyberpunk pictures of men. Got all these nice ladies aug'd up or in skin tight armor proof body suits, but very little men.

mans

>>18532456
Hey offical message guy

Tell TwoDee to click the

>retry a live version

Link in the

>If you continue to receive this error after you believe the site is back online, you can retry a live version of the site.

Message displayed when he tries to connect

>>18533652
Also tell him to link straight to /tg/ rather then to the front page

>>18533581
How's this? :3

Yeah, going to boards.4chan.org/tg/
rather than 4chan.org/tg
worked for me.

>>18533665
Actually, not bad.

I can totally see the Azzies making a cyberzombie or cyborg out of an uplifted tiger or some shit.

>>18533695
confirmed for a working work-a-round

He would like me to tell you that while he is constantly hitting the 'retry a live version' link, and is intentionally staying off 4chan.org and focusing on the boards, it still inexplicably reroutes him to the banned page.
I have received word that if he is unable to properly connect by midnight pacific coast time, he will send me the document and I'll pick up the storytime in his stead.

shit it's the star.
BUST HOOP

>>18533707
>>18533707
has he gone to status.4chan.org and followed moots instructions?

>>18533707

please notify friend twodee that a team of commandos has been alerted, and are now planning an operation specifically to restore /tg/ to him.

though we drummed them mostly up on /k/ so we're not sure how this is going to turn out.

>>18533808
They went in realised that they don't actually know how to fire these things they only look at the specs and maths and quickly returned to /k/ to talk about it

Status update: TwoDee has tried Chrome and Safari in addition to Firefox to no avail. He has not only cleared his cache, he has uninstalled and reinstalled Firefox and still nothing.

>>18533958
Are you taking over sir?

>>18533665

s'not bad. Have some more ladies :D

I'm making a physad with 6 points in mystic armor just so she can wear her work clothes (Nothing) and still take a bullet or a knife to the stomach and live.

YESSSS I FUCKIN LOVE YOU OP.

Been waiting for this eagerly all week :D

What worked for me is going to regular 4chan.org, then clicking the link for /tg/. My attempts to go directly to any board results in failure, so... worth a shot?

Hey all - this is TwoDee's GM - normally he'd be posting right now, and I would not be, but he and his lady have hit a bit of a snag by accidentally posting a banned URL in the first paragraph of the story post, despite the fact that there isn't actually a URL there. They don't know when or if they'll be unbanned, or if it's an error, and they'll try again tomorrow (and should be able to continue then), but for all he knows, they've been bermanently banned. They can still read the thread, but not post, and they don't know when/if they'll be able to post again, since currently they just get "this site is offline" messages. Again, very sorry for the delay, and hopefully such mistakes will be corrected soon, allowing the continuation of Shadowrun Storytime.

>>18534194
What da fuck? Well, his appeal should go through just fine, but who knows how long that'll take. Tell him to change his trip if he uses a different IP to come on here.

Twodee here, posting off my phone like a fucking tool. Not using my trip, afraid I'll get detected for ban evasion or, I don't know, fucking something. I vaguely remember this bullshit starting hours ago with "you have posted a banned URL" but thought nothing of it. Apparently that was the problem, since the girlfriend posted the first paragraph of the story and was promptly banned. Unfortunately the banned page is under the main 4chan page, which means I have literally no idea how long she and I have been banned for. Here's hoping an appeal works, but the site would need to actually work for that to happen. The joys of internet bureaucracy.

My advice would be to let the thread die, since I have no idea when or if I'm getting unbanned to make another shot at telling the story. I'll let you guys know either way, but let it be known now that these have been among the most frustrating few hours I have ever experienced in my life. It's like a perfect storm of retardation. A fucking cavalcade.

Alternatively, if you guys have advice for us or something that'd be cool too OH MY GOD I HaTE TYPING ON THESE TINY FUCKING PHONE KEYS

In all likely hood its only a short ban.
I got one for Sageing a troll thread a few months ago.

MY STORY MUST BE HEARD ON THE INTERNET FUCKING DAMMIT AAAAAAAAAARGH

Still, feels good to post anything after being DENIED. It is BEYOND frustrating to see you guys asking for updates and I'. RIGHT THERE FUCKING SCREAMING and can't say diddly shit.

This is gonna be really inane compared to my prior whining, but what was that thing earlier about a 1d4chan page or something? I have been wanting to ask that for FOUR HOURS.

>>18534409
Put up a 1d4chan page.

Alternately, get in touch with the dude who does SWQ. He seems to be pretty good at bandodging whenever he trips the banned URL filter.

Well the comment was "anyone got the 1d4chan link on hand?" Which I don't think has much to do with me making a 1d4chan account, although that is a fucking fantastic idea for the future (that said I'd never do that as my mainstay: I LIVE off the realtime commentary I get from you guys.

Also I think it'd be easier to bandodge if 4chan weren't a steaming pile of crap right now. Again, I'll try reposting tomorrow if the thread isn't still up, and in the meantime I'll work on the word doc and hope that I miss all the innocuous words that will randomly ban me.

>Yesimad.png

>See this thread.

>Get excited cause I'm finally going to get to see a Shadowrun Storytime in the telling instead of just reading it on sup tg.

>Suddenly AUGH GOD WHAT IS THIS AUGH ITS ON MY FACE NOOOOOOOOOO!

>Oh hey 2D got banned that sucks too, lames.

>>18534499
I'm mad too, man. Not only are you dealing with all that shit, but your readers are sitting here like a bunch of heroin addicts being told their shipment got busted.

I WANT MORE AMIRIKA-SAN, THE GREAT AMERICAN HERO! ;_;

Just started reading your stories when you posted chapter six, and I gotta say I love your game. your GM is an excellent dude. That said, I gotta be awake in 3 hours, so I'm off.

PS: since you trip as 2D, the idea of him not being able to get online made me laugh pretty hard.

And Amerika-san was coming back this storytime, too.

He was coming back god dammit

I all up and prepared for this one with drawfaggotry and everything, and then the stupid ass filter decides NOPE

Aaaah I think I am every bit as addicted to telling this story as you are to hearing it but I'm not resorting to typing it out on my stupid phone just yet

>>18534621
Maybe type it out on PC, import to phone, copy, paste and post?

It's still a whole thing but easier than typing it all out a tiny keyboard.

>>18534621
At least the good news is you have time to throw all this into a txt file. If you have a flash drive, you can just post it from anyone else's computer.

could we report this as an incorrect ban?, if enough of us do then maybe the mods or mootykins will bring him back

I use a goddamn blackberry, it can't even do that properly. I'll try again tomorrow and if I remain banned I'll use either GM or Geppetto's computer (would use girlfriend's, but she got banned too WHAT THE FUCK 4CHAN)

In the meantime I should prolly try to catch some Zs

>>18534671
>>18534621

Also I just want to say that I really appreciate the Shadowrun Storytimes. The quality of writing that you've been able keep up over 7 installments is astounding.

Some of the best /tg/ tales haven't lasted half the length you've put up.

Thanks dude, that actually means a lot to me.

I'll start the next thread off just like this one, same image same everything. That way if this thread's still kicking I can just reboot it, since it'll let me know the image is in use.

Till then I'ma go to bed, night all.

>>18534701
If you guys are on the same router, its because you got IP banned, you have the same IP so your both banned.

Use a different browser and a proxy (just google proxy) and you should be fine

Figured anything out yet, 2D?

Proxies having problems with 4chan because of Cloudflare fuckery. Still banned for hypothetically forever until the servers get fixed.

Will be in different location later this evening (my apartment), will try then. If doesn't work, will use GM's comp since he doesn't give a fuck about getting banned from 4chan

>>18538404
Put the update in a Pastebin or image, and post it.

Then try the next post.

Testing, testing.

YESSSSSSS

Okay, be aware that I may get banned again for whatever weird url is in the next post, despite the fact that as far as I can tell it's normal goddamn text.

well, I have curled up in bed and I'm all snuggly and ready

>>18540288

I will second that with another YESSSSSS.

Just don't post that 'link' again.

>>18540301

When last we left off the tale, the team had abused the bar of their corrupt-as-hell Japanese fixer, and was jumping on the first supersonic plane back to Seattle for a little R&R. They figured Ares could put some resources into finding Doctor Hermann Julienne, the owner of the third and final satellite locator code that would allow the team to lock on to Two-Times.

There were two things that the team figured they had to cover before they returned to their home city. The first of these things was to look over the mystery tech that they had acquired from Shiawase. The second was to break to a little girl in Seattle that her beloved big brother was never, ever coming home.

But why get concerned about the negative thing first? The team giggled and opened the boxes like a gaggle of schoolboys poking a dead dog with a stick.

>>18540301

Can't you... sanitize it? Make sure periods aren't ever directly before a word? Remove colons?

>>18540322

Box number one contained a little capsule with an interface on it. It was like one of those little Faberge eggs, but with less intricate designs and more featureless steel. Since only 2D could pop that one, he was given the capsule to work on while the rest of the team opened the other box.

The second box contained a glove woven in some kind of micro-light, stretchy fabric. Upon closer inspection, Geppetto determined that the glove was magical in some way, although how he couldn’t quite determine. It was a bit like a spellcasting focus, but not of any tradition that Geppetto could recognize. Experimentally, he put it on, wagged it around a little, and found no immediate difference.

“Try casting a spell,” suggested Bend, tentatively.

A force 3 suggestion later, and Bend was gleefully picking his own nose.

“You’re an ass.”

Geppetto looked carefully at Bend’s display of shameless nostril-diving.

“Anything particularly different?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been hit by a suggestion telling me to pick my nose before.”

>>18540334

Geppetto took the glove off, concentrated, and soon both pointer fingers were up Bend’s nose. 2D stifled an immature chuckle while Bend gave Geppetto the stink-eye between snorts of discomfort.

“No, that wasn’t any different.”

Dervish, driving the truck, sighed and adjusted his rearview mirror.

“Maybe it’s only a certain kind of spell?” suggested 2D, his AR shades ablaze as he interfaced with the little metal capsule.

“Hmm.”

Geppetto pulled the glove back on, focused on a low-force stunbolt, and promptly blew out the back windows of the truck.

Dervish swerved for a moment as bits of glass rained all over the interior and exterior of the truck.

“WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, GEPPETTO!?”

Geppetto grinned, picking himself up from the floor of the truck.

“Universal combat spell empowerment. Very nice. I don’t think I’m going to keep it, though.”

2D snorted.

“I’ll keep it for you, then.”

“No, numbnuts. I mean that we can probably curry a lot of favor with Ares if we toss this to Nice. To say nothing of the pocket change we could get out of this.”

2D nodded soberly.

“True, true. They’re the weapons guys, they’d pay good money for a prototype like this. Oh hey, I got it open!”

2D poured metallic sand out of the capsule onto the floor of the truck. He frowned and looked into the now-empty canister.

“Woo. Aluminum dust. What I’ve always wanted.”

>>18540301
Just avoid posting the block of text that got you banned in the first place

>>18540343

There was a hissing, chittering noise as the sand began to form into a swirling composite shape, and then began eating one of the walls of the truck.

“Oh SHIT! NANOBOTS! WHAT I /REALLY/ ALWAYS WANTED!”

Dervish turned around and slammed the brakes instinctively.

“GOD DAMMIT 2D WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY TRUCK.”

“Hold up hold up, I’m trying to get them back in,” chattered 2D, as he hammered at the button on the side of the capsule.

Eventually the nanobots whirred back into the capsule, but not until after there was a perfect, AK-97-shaped hole in the side of the truck.

And an AK-97 and two clips of ammo, unmarked and unregistered, sitting on the inside of the truck.

2D was overcome with glee.

“MOTHERFUCKING GUN-MAKING NANOBOTS.”

Bend groaned.

“I get the feeling that we’re not going to be doing anything GOOD with this, are we?”

>>18540356
>>18540324

Yep yep, I am past that block of text. Ban evasion HOOO!

>>18540390

These interesting things discovered, the team then got to the next problem.

“Oh, crap,” realized Dervish, “We have to tell Arianna that her brother died.”

The team all bowed their heads for a moment, before Geppetto looked in the hacker’s direction and suggested,

“I volunteer 2D.”

2D boggled.

“WHAT!?”

“She’s living with your girlfriend,” continued Geppetto, “and that makes this your problem.”

“Dude, you’re the one who’s like a suave French guy—“

“Italian, 2D.”

“Dude, you’re the one who’s like a suave gigantic faggot, and I have all the social tact of a troll at a high-class dinner. You should handle this!”

Geppetto shook his head.

“Calling this as team leader. You gotta break the news.”

2D looked pleadingly at the rest of the team.

Bend: “Don’t know her, joined the team later.”

Dervish: “I am driving the truck and don’t want to be distracted by a child’s screams of grief.”

2D grumbled.

“I’m putting this on speaker phone, you orc bastard, just for you.”

>>18540407

The phone rang a few times, and Jozie, 2D’s orc juggalo girlfriend, picked up the phone.

“2D, my ninja! Why you haven’t come home yet!?”

“Look, baby, I-“

“Not that I don’t appreciate the chedda you sending back or nothin’ but I gots to spread the mad clown love, you know? All physical-like. Gotta getcher scrawny ass back here, knawmsayin?”

Bend gagged a little bit.

“Honey, can you put Arianna on?”

“Sho, sho. What’s this about?”

“Er. Ah.”

Arianna’s adorable girly voice rang over the speaker phone.

“Hi, Uncle Stuart! How’s Tank doing? Can you put him on?”

2D gulped.

“Um, no. Tank can’t come on. Ever. He died. He died a little bit.”

Arianna responded, stunned,

“What? What do you mean he died a little bit?”

“Well, I mean, he died, like, IN little bits. In parts, I mean. Constituent parts. But he died. Your brother is dead.”

There was a screeching noise as Arianna broke into tears.

The entire team gave 2D the stinkeye as his girlfriend said, over the comm connection,

“What the fuck, Malcolm?”

and hung up.

2D: “I AM NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING TO CHILDREN.”

The flight back to Seattle was thoroughly awkward, with Jozie informing the team that Arianna had, in fact, ran away from home. In Snohomish, so she didn’t have much of anywhere to run, but it still drove home the fact that 2D was a massive heel.

>>18540424

Hell, I could have told you that's about how it'd go, and I haven't even gamed with you. Geppetto or Dervish would have been by far a better choice.

>>18540390
I don't know which would make more money, selling it to Ares, or turning junk cars into an armory and selling it to gangers. I hope you did a little of both. I wonder if it makes other kinds of guns.

>>18540424
You weren't kidding about her being a jugalette. Also, 2D is a bad, bad human being. Even the average /b/tard could break the news better than that.

more?
also, I think I missed last episode

Okay, typing from this point onward. A lot of last night was spent trying and failing to ban evade rather than compiling this.

>>18540424

When the team touched down in Seattle, they each went their separate ways, with a promise to reconvene at a later date. 2D wanted to check in at home and make sure that Arianna was okay, Geppetto had a meeting with Bradford Nice of Ares Seattle, Dervish wanted to stop in with Sensei in the barrens and thank him for his help on the Vegas job, and Bend checked in with Danny, the team's fixer, to get briefed on the team's history, since he'd at first just been an interim replacement.

Since Bend's section was mostly just an infodump of everything that you guys have read in the last few storytimes, I'll start with Dervish's section.

Dervish arrived at Sensei's crappy dilapidated building, surrounded by razor wire and concrete dividers, and strolled right in, because the front door had fallen off for approximately the third time that month. He ducked under the hanging shotgun trap and instinctively sidestepped the landmine, before he caught sight of the dead feral ghoul with no legs across the hallway and realized that the landmine had already been tripped.

"Sensei? Sensei, you home?"

As he walked through the hallway of what was once an unidentifiable consumer building, Dervish caught sight of more dead ghouls, along with a few gangers. The gangers seemed to be covered in a mish-mash of ghoul bites and stab wounds.

"Sensei? You in here? Something happen?"

>>18540549
Make sure you read ALL of the last thread. There's 2 stories in it.

>>18540557
where can I do that?

>>18540549

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18421888/

Aww hell yeah! Shadowrun storytime! TwoDee, you are a blessing to this site. Thanks for the stories!

>>18540554

There was a crashing noise as a troll fell through the ceiling, his neck bent awkwardly, hanging from a length of chain. He was covered in horrible radiation burns. Carved into his chest were the words "GO BACK."

Dervish took a step back.

"Ooooh....Kaaaay."

His synaptics went off. Danger from his left! He instinctively dropped as a cyberfoot flew past his face, taking out a chunk of rebar in the wall. Dervish looked up to see the blind, elderly orc, covered in blood, gunshots, and burn marks, cyberblades bristling from every joint.

"KUYAAAAAA! HA! DIE, INGRATE!"

Dervish activated his thrusters and flew to the opposite side of the room.

"DUDE, SENSEI, IT'S ME!"

"I KNOW THAT, IDIOT. THIS IS A TEST. NOW FIGHT ME YOU PANSY BITCH."

>>18540595

Following "when in Rome" sensibilities, Dervish promptly tore off his shirt, extended his own knuckle and elbow blades, and engaged in a no-holes-barred shank-fight with his master. That wasn't a typo. It wasn't no-holds-barred, it was no-holes-barred. As in they put holes in each other, and were both bleeding pretty badly by the end of it, but luckily they were both crazy cyber-and-bio-monsters so to them it was basically the equivalent of an MMA match. Hell, at certain points Dervish even really got into the stunting aspect, running up a wall to elbow-drop sensei with his armblades.

Panting and coughing up blood, the crazy old blind orc patted Dervish on the back and congratulated him.

"Son, I have met many murderers in my life, and truly you are one of the most efficient. You are my prized--" he spat up a piece of meat--"You are my prized student. My best and brightest. Anything you want, and it's yours."

Feeling sentimental with blood loss, Dervish burbled,

"Well, I think you're pretty badass and you're kind of like a dad to me and I want to shank gangers to death with my fists when I'm bored so I think I'd like to live her instead of a shitty suburb if you don't mind."

Sensei clapped, accidentally stabbing himself in the hand but not giving a fuck.

"I'll set up your bedroom."

And that was how Dervish moved in with his crazy murderous Mexican surrogate dad.

>>18540763
snf
byootyful

Sorry about the wait last post, got distracted by the girlfriend. WOMAN I'M TELLING STORIES ABOUT ROLE-PLAYING GAMES

>>18540763

2D showed up at home to find a very somber-looking Jozie, devoid of clown makeup or even her iconic orange-and-black Halloweener threads. All things considered she could probably be mistaken for a respectable orc security guard or something.

This was how 2D knew he fucked up.

"I caught Arianna, and she's in her room," said Jozie, "But 2D, we need to talk."

2D winced.

"Serious relationship talk?"

"The seriousest."

Jozie sat 2D down at their tasteful farmhouse coffee table.

"2D, you need to get out of the running biz. Tank was a lot bigger and a lot stronger than you, and the way you put it he up and died out of nowhere."

"Yeah, but I'm smarter and. Um."

Jozie glared at 2D until he closed his mouth.

"The lil child and I don't want to see that happen to you. You done fucked up bad telling Arianna about her brother, but I still love ya, so help me, and now you're the closest thing she's got to a dad. And you can't let her lose that."

2D gulped,

"But baby, I--"

Jozie blurted out,

"I'm pregnant."

>>18540763
The master/apprentice bond is always a thing made of FUCK YEAH and d'awwwww.

>>18540814
half orc joker / half human 4chaner

>>18540844
I know, right? Such a being would be immune to psychological warfare.
>"You call that a mindfuck? My first fap was to my dad's furry bestiality snuff guro collection."

>>18540814

2D came to again with his eyes tightly closed. A message popped up in his brain.

JOZIE: cum on 2d i kno ur awake

2D: Hi, I'm 2D! I can't come to the phone right now, so leave a message!

JOZIE: stop pretending to be unconshus 2d and open ur eyes

2D: Hi, I'm 2D! I can't come to the phone right now, so leave a message!

JOZIE: stop being stupid doodd

2D: ...How did you know?

JOZIE: ur eyes r closd but my phone says ur comm is online stupid

2D: Curse my sexy internet brain. Curse it.

2D opened his eyes to find Jozie and Arianna standing over him, having propped him up on the couch.

"I have reached a decision," said 2D, carefully, "and that is that I'm going legit. Lemme make a call. Well, hack a call."

Geppetto looked disinterestedly out at the Seattle sprawl. The Ares tower was tall, over a hundred stories, but in 2072 that wasn't a particularly fantastic feat, and the former Renraku arcology and current Aztechnology pyramid both loomed threateningly on the skyline. Still, Geppetto had to smile as he saw the network of stockyards and concrete blockhouses expanding from the tower's base, a veritable network of military design, research, and testing sites that was home to the largest PMC on Earth. It was a good place to make a deal.

>>18540895

d'aww

>>18540895

"Damien!"

Bradford Nice, a youthful human handsome in that generic, otherwise boring way that aging Republican senators seem to get, swirled his red wine over the shoulder of his imported couch. He was dressed in a fancy Italian suit, with a tiny little American flag pin marring it over his breast, like a little patriotic zit.

"I'd offer you some of the red, but my sources tell me you're drinking a different kind of red these days. And what brings you to my--" he gestured to his lavish penthouse apartment--"humble abode?"

Geppetto hefted a small briefcase.

"Business. Shiawase weapons technology."

Nice's eyes lit up.

"My birthday was in two months, you know."

So there I am, thinking "well, it's time to go to sleep, let's just check /tg/ one more time."

Shadowrun Storytime.

Well, looks like I won't be going to bed after all...

>>18540980

Geppetto cracked the briefcase, revealing the glove. Nice looked at it quizzically.

"We're not in the market for 20Cen pop stars, Geppetto."

Geppetto rolled his red eyes.

"Ha, ha. Notice how appreciative I am being of your pop culture references and jokes."

"So what is it, Geppetto?"

"Universal combat spell focus. Uses some kind of mana weave, I don't know the tech behind it."

Nice smiled.

"Oooh. Problem with that sort of thing is that it's hard to reverse engineer. We'd have to either spend a lot of time differentiating it from the Shiawase product, or cut our losses and basically admit we stole it. I can offer you 40,000."

Geppetto sighed and began to close the box again.

"Please. This is an experimental prototype. My boys will need at least 80."

Bradford put his hand on the briefcase.

"60. 15 for each of you. That's my final offer."

Geppetto was reaching his hand forward to shake, when a little bomb-headed icon popped up in AR space between the two.

"2D," Nice grimaced, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Drop it to 45. But I want a favor."

>>18541061

Nice leaned forward and pent his fingers together, looking intently toward the little icon.

"Go on."

"I'm dropping my share of this money, and my share of the Ares job. 35k in total. But I want in."

Nice drawled,

"Define 'in.' "

"Into Ares. Into the family. I want to be an obnoxious conservative pundit flag-wearing high-paid motherfucker."

Nice popped a small smile.

"Oh? And aside from the money, what exactly is incentivizing me to do this? You're not exactly the shining model of a true blue American hero. From what I gather we could hire your street samurai for that."

"I'm the dirtiest fucking black-hat hacker this side of Seattle. I don't mean shit in the real world, but online I'm a Chaos Engine member, a technomancer, a master of programming and mechanics. And I have rep. You put a white hat on me, not only am I going to be better than any shitty tenure career spiders you have in this entire compound, but people are going to KNOW not to mess with your systems. I broke into your traffic registry last month without breaking a sweat."

Nice chortled before taking a swig of his wine, abandoning the pretense of culture.

"So you want to be a spider, do you?"

"Motherfucker, I want to be HEAD spider."

>>18541123
>"Motherfucker, I want to be HEAD spider."

Fucking glorious.

>>18541123

Geppetto winced as Nice broke into a full belly laugh, spilling the remainder of his wine.

"Oh, the BALLS on you! The brass balls on this little nerd you've got, Geppetto!"

2D's icon stood fast.

"Tell you what, 2D, if you're as good as you say, you'll make good on the mission you're on right now. I'm not going to help you. Two-Times is entirely on your team. But you make it, and you have the position of Head Spider at the Ares compound. Ares Seattle will be your personal playground. BUT, this comes with caveats. One, is that Chaos Engine doesn't touch us. They do, and you will be held responsible. The second, is that you'll become a contracted lifer. You'll live, eat, sleep, all in-building. Your family will go to Ares schools, buy Ares clothes, and watch Ares TV. Your talents belong to us forever after the Two-Times job. Understood?"

2D's little icon held forward its tiny hand.

"Understood."

There was an awkward moment as Nice's hand passed repeatedly through 2D's icon, and then he just pantomimed shaking a hand.

"I'll inform Human Resources that none of the prospectives are getting the Security Head position. And you, Geppetto, I'll have the money sent to you. Tell your hacker he has a lot of nerve for me."

"Dude, I'm right here."

"It was for emphasis. Get out of my commlink, 2D."

>>18541177

2D, becoming a boring corporate employee? It's more likely than you think!

>>18541030
So that was bad...

Storytime!
No Storytime due to technical issues!
Maybe Storytime!
Finally, Storytime begins!

My heart is still racing...Keep up the good work TwoDee!

>>18541206
"Hello Ares Seattle, this is your head of security speaking; I understand that the new enforced commlink ringtone is proving unpopular. Therefore the ring tone will be changed from 'Row Row Fight da Powah' to a brief sound clip of a troll dragging his horns across a chalk board.

Have a nice day."

>>18541177

In Snohomish, 2D told Jozie the news, resulting in a bout of incredibly rough impromptu clown sex.

The team reconvened two days later at the orders of Mr. Johnson, standing in front of a prop aircraft at the Ares airstrip.

"Gentlemen. Good to see you all up bright and early in the morning. You've been given access to Ares mechanical and armory facilities until 1800 hours, and then we're sending you off."

Geppetto pulled his Fedora down over his eyes, groaning at the sunlight.

"Where exactly are we going?"

Johnson smiled, a humorless, icy expression.

"Dr. Hermann Julienne was is a talented medical mage, boys. That means that he was sent to a place where he could allay great human suffering. Get ready for a foray into Lagos."

2D groaned.

"Aw, shit. That's worse than Japan."

Bend scoffed.

"Yes. That is a LOT worse than Japan."

For the uninitiated, Lagos is basically the Shadowrun equivalent of a very real contemporary nation.

By which I mean the Democratic Republic of the Congo. But with magic, monsters, and evil spirits. So, yes. A lot worse than Japan.

>>18541267
don't forget about the part that no one* will take your NuYen down there.

>>18541123
>Head spider of Ares - Seattle
>half the runners will be warned off by name recognition alone
>the other half are going to have 1 less hacker in their party after 2D's done turning their brain into yogurt
Nice sounded like he was playing hardball, but inside his head he was going YES YES YEEEEEEEEES.

>>18541247

Terrifyingly accurate.

>>18541267

2D called home.

"Honey, tell Arianna and Trigger that I'm not coming back alive. If you can't find Trigger, he's probably in the fridge node at this time of morning. He's a little hazy on ephemeral concepts like death, so--"

Dervish slapped 2D upside the head.

"Stop being such a pansy. I'm not scared of Lagos."

"You're six foot five and made of steel."

"Still."

The team split and binged on Armory purchases. 2D modded his stepvan for jungle travel with gigantic off-road tires and wobbly suspension, and bought two Steel Lynx bots that quickly became known as "the war crime bots:" tac-cloaked, environmentally modified to operate in jungle locales, equipped with fuzzy logic decision-making adaptability programs and gigantic honking machine guns. These would be his escorts, and he would not settle for anything less.

Geppetto picked up an illusion focus. Black Magic foci are hard to come by what with the whole being illegal thing, but Ares was able to pillage a Knight Errant evidence bin on a triple homicide.

Bend got more wonderful spy toys and a sexy monofilament knife.

And Dervish...Dervish bought heavy milspec power armor.

Dervish had saved up a lot of money, you see.

Pic and link very relevant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5riyajbsq0&feature=related

Done up in Ares colors, Dervish couldn't resist quipping,

"I AM AN AMERICAN HERO."

>>18541267

>was is a talented mage

Should read

>was a talented mage

>>18541397
>And Dervish...Dervish bought heavy milspec power armor.
Did he get it with the mod that increases your Strength past the augmented maximum?

>>18541397

Dervish's legs made a GASHUNK, GASHUNK, GASHUNK noise and sent light spiderweb cracks up the pavement as he jogged around in the yard, testing out the suit. For shits and giggles, he sprinted through the live fire range, watching the bullets ping off of him.

"Dude," 2D said, in disbelief, over the comms system in his red, white, and blue helmet, "subtlety."

"We have Bend for that," responded Dervish, before vaulting the training yard climbing wall in a single bound, leaving craters in the pavement on either side.

"Oh, I like this. I like this a lot."

Geppetto adjusted his tie, looked at his watch, and glanced from his gigantic America-themed street samurai to his distraught hacker to his distraught hacker's half-invisible murderbots, to wherever it was that he'd last seen Bend before Bend disappeared entirely.

"Gentlemen, we do have a schedule to keep."

He found an empty seat in the osprey and turned around to sit, but heard a cough from behind him.

"Sorry. Sitting here."

"God dammit, Bend."

"This tacsuit upgrade ROCKS."

>>18541512

Of course.

>>18541518
>GASHUNK

Clearly the sound an orc makes when it kicks down a door.

>>18541536
Delicious. What tacsuit upgrade is Bend referring to here? The stealthy/non-murder stuff I don't remember off-hand as well.

>>18541518
This is like the A-Team. Times one hundred. On steroids.

And it is glourious!

>>18541557

It actually wasn't a tacsuit upgrade so much as him getting a lot of his existing gear replaced with ceramics and plastics so he doesn't pop even in scanners. I just generalized for the sake of the dialogue.

>>18541518

Now would be the time to look up the Far Cry 2 OST on youtube. It's basically all I played for the ambient session music in this arc.

The time was early the next morning when the Osprey touched down at the Peace Corps camp in the jungles of Lagos.

Dervish stomped off first, his power armor whirring into motion as he surveyed the area around the camp, scanning for hostiles.

"Showoff," grumbled 2D, as he slouched into the compound, flanked by the two jungle-camo Tachikomas of Doom. He tapped the side of his head absently, clearing pop-ups and Nigerian email scams from his head. His van sat in the middle of the compound, having been airlifted in an hour prior.

Geppetto followed with all the dignity he could muster, brushing condensation off his suit jacket. Bend, goggles and face-mask on, followed him from behind, keeping up the rear.

Mr. Johnson approached, flanked by a nervous-looking Peace Corps doctor, a young asian woman in a jumpsuit.

"Gentlemen, this is Doctor Myra Chu. She'll give you the brief on Doctor Julienne."

Chu hastily shook hands with Geppetto.

"Doctor Julienne has been kidnapped by Fanti Pirates. We need you to rescue him."

2D groaned.

"Of COURSE it wouldn't have been this easy."

>>18541658
>He tapped the side of his head absently, clearing pop-ups and Nigerian email scams from his head.

That is legitimately one of the better ways I've heard of to fluff a techno dealing with spam.

>>18541658

"The Fanti are experts at evading authorities and surveillance. You'd have to get in contact with them through the local warlords--they do business with most all of them. Please--we know you have business with Dr. Julienne, but we need him back. The camp's falling apart without his magic and we can't meet any of our quotas."

Geppetto took the woman's hand in his own.

"I swear to you, we will rescue this poor, innocent man. You have my word."

Bend nodded approvingly. Geppetto continued,

"Dervish, you're basically impervious. Scout out the road down to the Lagos safe zone. I don't want any nasty surprises on the way down there."

Clapping his helmet faceplate shut, Dervish saluted, and made his way towards one of the waiting taxis outside the camp.

An extremely sketchy-looking cab driver waved to Dervish.

"American! That is a nice suit of armor you have there! And a nice gun, as well! For this I will take you into town for half-price!"

It was a blatantly obvious trap.

"Deal," said Dervish, grinning behind his helmet.

Y'know, this whole thread (mostly Dervish the Americorc) has me wondering how the rest of the world perceive people from the general vicinity of America.

Like are the UCAS and CAS essentially interchangeable in the eyes of, say, Brits? What about Quebecois or NAN citizens?

>>18541762

Dervish just remained sitting in the car as the driver veered off the road about halfway to the town of Lagos (the namesake of the region, itself a lawless frontier of Nigeria), bailed out, and yelled, "NOW!"

A couple of bullets hit Dervish's head. They didn't do anything. Dervish waited until the small-arms fire quieted down to step out of the taxi, whereupon his sensors detected 8 gunmen, having seemingly emptied their weapons, almost entirely pistols, into the cab. Admittedly, in this case "emptied" does not imply a full clip, since each of them had maybe three bullets apiece.

Dervish made a careful note of marking each of them on his tacsoft, and then slammed his fists together, creating sparks.

"I'm not even gonna waste my blades on you idiots."

Using just his thrusters (souped up with additional thrusters from the armor), his gauntleted fists, and his very, very heavy legs, Dervish launched himself directly at the first assailant.

Many screams, snapping noises, and bodies flying dozens of feet into the air with things twisted in directions they weren't supposed to go later, and Dervish was advancing on the last fleeing gunman, chuckling loudly through his facemask speakers.

>>18541900
>his thrusters (souped up with additional thrusters from the armor)
I didn't even think that would stack like that, awesome. Should have gotten Hydraulic Jacks as well clearly.

Go AmeriOrc!

>>18542007

He did.

The "additional thrusters from the armor" was just our way of justifying the fact that skimmers still work by crunch even in a suit of heavy milspec, though.

>>18541900

Dervish kept advancing casually forward, even as a small convoy of Hotspurs (read: jeeps/hummers) approached from further down the road. He had just managed to grab the last, scrambling man by the neck and was contemplating seeing if he could snap it one-handed when a warning rocket flew by his head, detonating somewhere in the tree line.

Dervish announced over the speakers in his armor,

"You have my attention."

A beret-wearing African man with a series of wicked scars (some of which looked to be self-inflicted) stood up in the first hotspur. He announced, over a loudspeaker,

"I am General Sadami of the Lord's Army of Restoration. That man is one of my recruits. They failed their initiation. You will put him down."

"I dunno, what can you give me?"

"Your life."

A gunner loaded another RPG.

"I dunno. I was in the mood to make a deal."

There was a pause.

"Go on."

"We need to meet with the head of the Fanti Pirates."

"And what is it you can offer us, American dog?"

Dervish grinned.

"Guns. Hundreds of them."

>>18542087
>Lord's Army of Restoration
AK-47 Republic much?

>>18542087

2D spotted Dervish while he was driving down to Lagos. Dervish was sitting on an overturned pickup truck, playing Matrix games in his AR.

2D unlocked his rigger cocoon and looked out the window.

"Dervish, what's the deal?"

"Funny you should use that phrase. We gotta find a fixer in town. Someone who can tell us where there's a whole shitton of scrap metal. Maybe a fragged tank or something."

2D glanced at his nanobot capsule.

"You didn't...?"

"Damn right I did. General Sadami of the whatever fucking Revolutionary Militia or something says he'll give us the Fanti pirates in exchange for 100 AKs."

Geppetto smiled.

"That's good news, assuming he doesn't try to screw us. Stand up, we'll start with the pickup truck you're sitting on. Or what's left of it."

20 minutes later and 12 AKs richer, the team continued the journey into town.

>>18542175
BUBBLES IS PLEASED

CONTINUE YOUR STORYTELLING

>>18542175

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlUKeziqNiA

Lagos rose over the treeline, a metropolis of squalor. Once a small African town, it boomed over time to meet the needs of the rising mercenary population and the economy of blood they perpetuated. Shipping containers stacked haphazardly into makeshift towers, adorned with ladders and wooden framing. The team passed by not one, but three assaults in progress in the streets, usually by the mercenaries nominally in charge of keeping the peace on the hapless civilians and refugees. As the van rolled under a crashed airplane remade into a squatter refuge, a cheering teenager jumped onto the roof and rode for a few meters, before taking an awful spill off. No one moved to help him, but a gang of urchins did emerge from the nearest shantytown, looking eager to rob him blind.

"Okay, Bend was right," 2D acknowledged. "This is, like, WAAAAAY worse than Japan."

"I'm glad we agree," sighed Bend.

Putting out a few feelers onto the ghetto, spotty-as-fuck local Matrix, 2D located an old colonial plantation house turned fixer bar a few miles in.

"Alright, gents. I think we have a hit."

With a rev of the engine and a splatter of mud and loose rocks, they made for the center of town.

>>18542216

AUUUUGH

>>18542309

Kwame M'Bora did not expect the runners to enter his bar. Well, he expected runners to enter his bar in general. But the runners he was used to were hard-nosed South African ex-soldiers, or Congolese psychopaths, or the occasional professional type from a colonial power, on the run from someone or something. What he didn't expect were a gigantic America-themed mecha, a thin albino in a black suit, and another elf in tactical gear. Okay, the last one he could have guessed.

2D milled around in the van.

"Make it quick, guys. I don't want to have to sick the killer drones on these idiots outside who look like they're thinking of jacking me."

Kwame stood. He had learned that all business was good business in Lagos, even weird business. Especially weird business.

"What is it that you need, my good sir?" he asked, experimentally, in English.

Geppetto responded, slotting a 2D-brand Igbo linguasoft,

"Scrap metal. Tons of it. All in one place if you can manage."

Oh, and this WAS weird business.

>>18542388

"I can get you that," said Kwame, grinning and showing off gold fillings, "I can get you that indeed. I just want one thing in return."

The African pointed at Dervish.

"The big one. I want him for my bar. Security, see. Only as long as it takes you to get that scrap metal. No big deal."

Geppetto eyed the Nigerian fixer.

"So you know where we can find this metal?"

"Yes. Do you agree to my price?"

Geppetto patted Dervish on the shoulder.

"I think we can handle being apart for a little while."

Out in the car, 2D glared at the half-dozen sketchy-looking African men now pressed up against his windows, trying to get a peek inside through the polarized glass. He announced over speakers, in Igbo,

"IF YOU DO NOT GET AWAY FROM MY VAN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FILL YOU WITH SO MANY HOLES YOU WILL RESEMBLE THIS SHITTY BROWN MOON-LANDSCAPE YOU CALL A COUNTRY."

Kwave looked at Geppetto.

"Your driver is a bit of a loose cannon. Tell him that I am putting on your commlink the coordinates to a broken tank. Aztechnology make, an import of a warlord-long dead. It should provide you all the metal you need."

Geppetto nodded.

"Thank you, Kwame. We will be back for our samurai soon."

As Geppetto and Bend returned to the van, Kwame turned to Dervish and asked, with a grin,

"How good are you at drinking?"

Hahaha yes! After the rocky start, this thread has lived up to my expectation of how awesome your shadowrun storytimes are.

>>18542471

"Drinking?"

"Drinking."

"I'm pretty goddamn good at drinking."

"Prove it."

Kwame handed Dervish a cup full of liquid.

"It's black."

"But it's good shit."

"It's...BLACK."

"Are you racist, American?"

"Booze isn't supposed to be black."

"Drink it, American pussy."

"I don't want to."

"Are you a chicken?"

Kwame made absurd clucking noises.

"Fine, I'll drink your shitty Nigeria war booze or whatever. But this better not do anything stupid."

Dervish downed the drink.

He woke up in an underground cell, naked but for his pants.

"GOD DAMMIT."

>>18542541
Note to self : If you find yourself in a seedy bar in a West African slum wearing body armor that costs more than all the surrounding neighborhoods make in a year and don't have toxin filters, you may end up as General Butt Naked.

>>18542471

>>18542541

"Wakey-wakey, American."

Kwame jingled keys from the other side of the cell door.

"That was a really stupid trick."

"And yet, you fell for it."

"What am I doing here? You don't work for anyone who wants me dead, otherwise I would be."

"Dead?" Kwame laughed. "No, I don't want you dead."

He opened the cell, revealing two trolls behind him with very large guns.

"I want you to compete in my secret underground pit fighting ring."

Dervish gawked.

"You're shitting me."

"I...what?"

"American expression. You're yanking my chain."

"Well, yes, figuratively, but we have not chained you--"

"Pulling my leg?"

Kwame looked at Dervish, confused, and slowly shook his head.

"You're kidding."

Kwame coughed and picked up his villain monologue again.

"No, I most certainly am not. You will be the star of the show, a street fighter from AMERICA, land of the free! And you will lose in the second match, to a homegrown African champion, before engaging in a series of storyline grudge matches that the crowd will LOVE."

"You could have just asked me."

"Yes, but this way I do not have to pay you."

Dervish nodded, rubbing his sore muscles.

"True, true. So when's the first fight?"

Kwame was again at a loss for words.

"You're not mad?"

"A little pissed, maybe. That booze was really shitty. Who am I fighting?"

"You'll need a name first."

"Got a name," said Dervish, reaching into his pocket and unfurling a certain Japanese-made American flag, before wrapping it around his face. "It's America-San."

>>18542665
>"Got a name," said Dervish, reaching into his pocket and unfurling a certain Japanese-made American flag, before wrapping it around his face. "It's America-San."
Goddamn I love how he took that and ran with it.

>>18542665

As Kwame walked Dervish down an underground hall towards the roar of an arena, Dervish asked,

"So there's no way I could negotiate for money?"

"Negotiating?" Kwame laughed and nodded to the trolls. "Gentlemen, would you please have this white devil taken out back, beaten and sodomized?"

"Woah. Point taken. No need to go all prison shower on me just yet."

"Your first fight will be against General N'Gola. He's not actually a general. It's his first fight, too. We need you to lose."

Dervish peeked out into the arena, at a cybered-up black man half his size and about a third his body muscle. Imposing, but not anything close to Dervish.

"You're kidding."

"Nope, you have to lose. If it helps, we're not paying him anything, either."

"You owe me for this, Kwame."

"Beaten and sodomized."

"You owe me nothing for this, Kwame."

Dervish advanced into the ring, to the jeers of the crowd.

"Alright, let's get this over with."

>>18542774

Dervish leapt into the ring and let the "General" go on the attack, blocking his punches effortlessly. He used the opportunity to make conversation with the other pit fighter.

"So they roped you into this, too?"

"A crooked street doc sold me out."

"That sucks. Hey, wanna get a little revenge?"

"Not if it gets me killed."

"Move your head right for a moment."

Dervish jabbed at the N'Gola's face, doing a lot less damage than it looked and sounded like he was.

"Sorry about that. No, it won't get you killed. I need you to hit me with an uppercut, then pick me up and throw me at Kwame up in the stands. Think you can handle that?"

"Just got muscle toner in last month."

Dervish bit his own tongue, and when N'Gola punched him under the jaw, he spat the resultant blood with a gory "PHWAH." The crowd roared.

As N'Gola picked Dervish up and pitched him into the crowd, Dervish's skimmers briefly activated to right his course into a flying "accidental" headbutt that blasted Kwame clean through the back of his chair. Wheezing and holding his gut, Kwame growled,

"God dammit, American--"

"Sorry boss," said Dervish, kipping back up, "this guy's a real fighter."

Before Kwame could protest again, Dervish dove back into the ring, "flooring" N'Gola with an extremely-broadcasted clothesline maneuver.

>>18542903

Miles away, 2D pulled up to the side of the fragged tank, exactly where Kwame said it would be. It was surrounded on all sides by hills and underbrush.

"I'll deploy the drones to scout. One of you two guys, the nanobots are active. Just pour them on the tank and keep exposed metal away."

Bend grabbed the canister.

"Alright. I've got this one. Geppetto, you wanna pop a few spirits? I'm not liking these hills."

"Roger."

Geppetto's eyes gleamed as he began a summoning ritual.

"Okay. Let's make this quick. Get in, get--"

Bend slid open the side door of the van, and there was a loud "POONK" from a nearby hilltop.

"--OUUUUUUUUT."

Bend threw himself to the ground as a flying antipersonnel grenade airbursted just next to the van, filling Geppetto with shrapnel and blowing out the windows. The van rocked wildly, nearly tipping over. Geppetto slumped to the floor, his healing factor slowly kicking in, as Bend rolled over in the mud, fumbling for his sidearm.

On that note, I need to go to dinner with the girlfriend. Don't worry, I'll pick up this cliffhanger later tonight!

>>18542991
YOUR PROCRASTINATION HAS DISPLEASED BUBBLES.

>>18543008
To quote TwoDee, "AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH"

>>18542991

The explosion was immediately followed up by a deafening roar of automatic gunfire, the distinctive whir and clatter of high velocity assault rifles. Two of the van's large off-road tires popped outright, dropping the front of the vehicle with a CLANK. Bend buried himself deeper into the mud as bullets skimmed by him, grazing him by fractions of inches. As it turned out, this saved him when a flamethrower spell went off above him, nearly missing setting poor Geppetto on fire and washing over the van.

As 2D's drones circled around the hill to return fire, the enemy runners hopped into their own off-road vehicle, a Hotspur, and floored it. The attack had been brief and devastating. Under cover of his drones' gunfire, 2D made for the back of the van to apply first aid to Geppetto. Luckily for him, Geppetto's own healing had pushed most of the shrapnel out, and so the resultant procedure was mostly a patch-up and stimpak job.

Geppetto glanced up in the sky above the van and spotted a watcher spirit. Realizing he had to act quickly, he summoned up his fire spirit and sent it after the van, with instructions of "geek the mage or, failing that, cause as much damage as possible."

The fire spirit flew off. A few moments later, its empathic link with Geppetto registered extreme, murderous satisfaction, and then silence as it popped.

"Okay," rasped Geppetto. "I did some damage. What the fuck was that?"

>>18544194

"I'd recognize that sort of hit anywhere," coughed Bend, picking himself up from the mud. "Those guys were like us. Shadowrunners. It's in the timing."

2D coughed.

"Brilliant. Someone hired runners to come after us. Who would know OH BALLS."

Geppetto groaned, picking bits of broken glass out of his suit.

"Two-Times. He knows we're here. How did they hit us this early, though?"

2D thought back to when the sketchy thug-types were poking around the van.

"Oh, FUCK. Bend, Geppetto, search the outside of the van for trackers, maybe a satellite uplink. I'm going to check the van for viruses."

2D dove the van's node to find a torn-up, viral morass, obstructing the van's start-up command and picking apart necessary functions.

"FUCK ME."

Bend produced a miniaturized, tac-cloaked satlink.

"Right here. One of them bored a hole in the side of the van."

"He's been hacking us the whole time! He's been relaying our position to a running team! But now we can't move! We're sitting ducks!"

Geppetto reached into the gear in the back of the van, looking for body armor.

"How long is it gonna take to get us moving again, 2D?"

"I'm gonna have to do a hard reset. Then I'm going to have to purge the virus manually."

"English."

"It's like digital fucking trench warfare. It's gonna take hours."

Geppetto spat angrily.

"Fuck. Okay, Bend? We're going on shifts. The drones are keeping a perimeter. Get ultrasound up, keep connected. 2D, send your flyspy up to keep long-range watch.

>>18544347
>"It's like digital fucking trench warfare. It's gonna take hours."
I love this line and I do not know why.

>>18544347

As 2D activated his sprites and agents in cleanup mode, sweeping the van's systems for viral code and taking bites out of it (which of course promptly regenerated, making the whole thing an arduous process), he leaned back to ask Geppetto,

"Do we actually know where Dervish is right now?"

Geppetto paused for a moment.

"FUCK! Backdoor on his eyes!"

2D put a hand to his head and saw...a brutal but fake cage fight against Dervish and a lanky, black elf. Dervish was really wailing on the elf, but 2D could see that it wasn't nearly as much damage as the elf was pretending to take.

"AMERICA-SAN DEFEATS THE LEADING CONTENDER!" shouted Kwame.

"He's...cage fighting..." said 2D, blankly.

"Is his comm on?"

"No."

Geppetto sat down to think. 2D paused, motioned for Bend to come inside, and said, "Gather round, kids. I think I have an idea."

>>18544541


2D explained his plan:

"Since Dervish is offline, it'll take them a little while to find him. And, assuming I'm not backdooring on his eyes at the time, they won't see a wireless signal. He'll appear to have gone completely underground."

Geppetto made a circular motion with his hand.

"And this means...?"

"It's going to look like we don't know where he is. Especially since he obviously DIDN'T sign up for this. So they're going to try to hit him, since he's an easy target."

Bend smiled.

"Aaaah. So we use Dervish as bait, surround the arena, and then geek the runners when they try to geek Dervish."

Geppetto looked at Bend.

"I thought you were a pacifist."

"Technically, this is self-defense. Or, I guess, Dervish-defense."

2D nodded.

"That's the idea. Lemme go over the footage from my drones, see if we can't get a face on one of our mystery runners."

Bend frowned.

"Is Dervish gonna like being used as bait like this, without knowing it?"

2D shrugged.

"Well, he'll live. Probably. Dude's made of steel."

>>18544570

Geppetto nodded.

"Still, we're going to have to move our asses quick, given that the car is still supposedly hours away from movement. I'll stick some watcher spirits out there, but anything more might ruin the ambush. Your job, 2D, is to get us mobile as soon as possible. Ben and I can replace the front tires with spares if you need."

2D bowed his head to drop into VR.

"Sounds good. If you think you can do that safely, do. Don't bother with the nanobots; all priority is on these mercs right now."

With 2D personally helping his sprites and agents, the virus was cleared up fairly quickly; it only took about 30 minutes.

Of course, knowing Two-Times, 2D promptly delved the system and found another virus, wedged deeper in. This one took another 30 minutes to purge, and then he spent another 30 reconstructing the van's systems. Still, he technically remained short of the "hours" mark.

"Okay, we're mobi--"

2D winced as the feed from his flyspy was cut off and its burnt little husk spiraled off into the jungle.

"Fuck it, we need to MOVE."

The team piled into the van and made for Lagos escorted by the killer drones, doing everything they could to lose any tails.

It was on the way back that 2D's search program got back to him.

"Hey, we got a facial match on one of these guys."

>>18544772

One of the gunmen was a runner active on the German and Russian fixer networks, an orcish former French Foreign Legionnaire who went by...

"Jean Ducard," groaned Geppetto. "John Doe. If we ID this guy, it's gonna have to be by facial recognition. And he's not especially distinctive, he's just a generic white orc street sammy."

"Dervish is a generic white orc street sammy," offered Bend.

2D countered,

"I'd lay off on 'generic.' He wears an American flag on his head."

"True."

>>18544877

Rather than pulling up to the fixer bar (or its arena basement), the team parked in one of the ubiquitous shipping containers a few blocks away. Geppetto cast an invisibility spell, Bend activated his cloak, the murderbots also cloaked, and the two elves and two drones made for the building, weaving through the streets and trying to minimize sight range.

"Op is live," 2D said, over the team's comms, "Op is live. I'll be running overwatch, robots and gentlemen."

Upon entering the underground arena, Bend spider-crawled up the wall and onto the ceiling, pivoting torso-down to get a clear view of the entirety of the stands. Geppetto merged into the crowd, trying to stay hidden (and not dropping his invisibility), while the murderdrones moved to flank the exit.

Geppetto and Bend swiftly identified two obvious targets. On the West side of the room was the orc they'd ID'ed earlier, Jean Ducard. On the North side was a Russian-looking man that Geppetto quickly identified as an Eastern Orthodox Christian Theurge, a magician. Bend crawled towards the magician as Dervish--sorry--America-San was released into the arena below, to allow the limber elf his "revenge grudge match extreme."

>>18545012

Dervish's synaptics (and a little bit of luck) kicked in just in time and he dropped to the floor as a shot barely missed his head, flying into the opposite wall. 2D quickly scanned the room through Bend's ultrasound sensors and recognized the gunman, a tac-cloaked infiltrator wielding a compact, high-caliber assault rifle.

The mage was also confirmed for an enemy when he gestured towards Dervish, and Dervish melted into some kind of immobile flesh-jelly, his cybereyes floating awkwardly alongside his cyberfeet, pants, and American flag in a greenish dude-pool.

"Bend! Get the infiltrator. Geppetto, geek the mage and see if you can undo whatever he just did to Dervish. Take out Ducard next."

"Roger."

"Roger."

As Geppetto summoned up a Guardian spirit, a black knight that galloped into the center of the arena on a flaming steed, the crowd began to scream with the realization that this was probably not part of the show.

Bend (crawling steadily along the ceiling) and Geppetto (in the stands) watched in horror as the rival infiltrator reached for his belt, produced a grenade, and tossed it into the ring, causing it to land directly in the aforementioned dudepool. Luckily for Dervish, the rival fighter wasn't particularly interested in dying horribly, so he picked up the grenade and hucked it into the stands. There was a brief gaseous "pffft" before it exploded, coating about a quarter of the screaming crowd in white phosphorus and setting an entire corner of the room ablaze. Ducard tucked and rolled out of the blaze, cursing in French, while his Christian compatriot hurled stunbolts at the spirit in the ring to no avail.

With a cry of "BLOOD AND THUNDER" the black knight charged at the Christian Theurge with its wicked-looking bastard sword drawn. As the Theurge stumbled for an exit, it lopped his head off in one fell blow, laughing madly.

The crowd by this point was in utter chaos and also partially on fire. Geppetto was knocked flat by screaming patrons piling out the exits (including Kwame, who was booking it for his life), while Kwame's trolls pulled iron only to be put down at extreme close range by Ducard's HVAR. Bend dropped from the ceiling and carved a deep gash down the infiltrator's back, and the infiltrator stumbled forward with a yelp of pain and surprise.

GLORY!

>>18545192
Must...resist...Holy Grail jokes...

I MUST DEMAND MORE OF THIS.

>>18545192

Dervish resolidified with the death of the theurge, and sat up to find the arena on fire. Spotting a gunman killing the house guards (Dervish had not been briefed on Ducard), he rocketed up to the stands, deployed his elbow blades, and took the fight to the gun-sammy.

As 2D's murderdrones piled into the arena, bowling over fleeing civilians, Bend pulled his sidearm and engaged in a close-range firefight with the wounded infiltrator, with both parties scoring a few glancing shots on each other. Ignoring silly things like "crowds of people in the way," 2D ordered the drones to put down the enemy infiltrator, which they did, with gusto. 3 seconds and well over 30 bullets later, the infiltrator was a pair of disembodied legs and a chunky stain on the wall.

All the chaos, death, fire, and destruction, meanwhile, played perfect host to the free Nuclear Spirit that emerged from the ring in a burst of white light, horribly flash-burning those still stupid enough to be in the first few rows. Appearing as a humanoid figure composed of brilliant, sickly light, it began running its long fingers along the sides of the ring, slicing out swaths of carpentry and masonry in nuclear fire.

"Um, that wasn't part of the plan," observed 2D.

>>18545324

>2D thought back to when the sketchy thug-types were poking around the van.
Also nobody ever suspects the urchins. Ever. Least until it's too late.

Evidently true to life trope!

>>18545324

The crowd simply redoubled their attempts to flee, crawling up, over, and around 2D's drones.

"I think this is about time that we bailed on this op. Bend, latch on to one of the drones. I...wait, I have a sneaking suspicion."

Back in his shipping container, 2D carefully deployed his two Manhack-from-Half-Life-2-style Dragonfly minidrones around the front of the shipping container, and then had them circle around to the back of the van. Sure enough, there was another street samurai, a less-experienced-looking thug with a reinforced armor jacket and a heavy pistol, advancing on the van.

2D took the opportunity to direct the drones at his ankles.

6 seconds of horrible, horrible screaming later, the back of the van was coated in blood, and the sammy was clutching the stumps where his feet used to be, wailing in pain. The van's bumper collided with his head as 2D pulled out of the shipping container.

"NICE TRY MOTHERFUCKERS. HA HA HA HA HA"

>>18540324 Remove colons

OH GOD MY SIDES (AND MY COLON)

>>18545392

>"NICE TRY MOTHERFUCKERS"

I love some of the lines in this. What I wouldn't give to see this done as a mini-series on TV or something.

>>18545392
Just goes to show; you don't mess with a man's ride.

Especially not if the man in question has robot minions he can order around with his sexy internet brain.

>>18545449
I don't know why, but the phrase "sexy internet brain" puts me in mind of this fellow.

Also of NextWave.

>>18545392

Back inside the arena, Dervish was suffering from a critical dosage of bullets, and Ducard was staggering from a few well-placed shanks. Ducard had been schooled in a variant of Marine Corps Martial Arts, using his rifle as a melee and projectile weapon, and had been really going to town on Dervish, whereas Dervish had utilized his own Sangre y Acero training, found an opportunity to get under Ducard's gun and delivered a few good punches right into his side.

However, enough was enough, and a nuke spirit certainly counted as 'enough.' Dervish activated his thrusters, announced,

"You're fucked, dude,"

...and promptly boosted towards the exit, fleeing upwards to the surface.

This left just Geppetto, Ducard, the nuclear spirit, and a few writhing, burning bodies.

Acting on a flight of whimsy, Geppetto elected to remind his teammates and whoever was running overwatch for the enemy running team just why black magicians have such a nasty reputation.

>>18545584

Jean Ducard knew when a mission was hosed, and this mission was long hosed. The theurge and the ninja were all kinds of dead, and they'd lost the rigger earlier when the fire spirit torched him--now was the time to run. Picking up his assault rifle, he beat feet.

Or, rather, he would have, if he wasn't hovering with no traction a few feet above the ground.

Ducard scanned the crowd until he found the black mage, standing there in his suit and pointing at him, maintaining the spell. He tried to aim, to pull the trigger, but he was too disoriented, and it was like there was something in his mind keeping him from shooting...

He noticed he was floating, slowly, at a rate of inches, towards the center of the ring. And the mage was smiling. Glancing briefly towards the nuke spirit, he felt his eyeballs begin to tingle.

And then something in his head made him look.

And he screamed, and he screamed, and he screamed, as he died by inches as he was slowly moved closer and closer to the spirit, until there was nothing left but his constituent atoms, and the shadow of a man in inconceivable, incredible pain, etched forever into the opposite wall.

Geppetto made eye contact with the spirit (with his shades on, of course), and, despite himself, he smiled. He could almost feel the spirit smiling back. It had been a truly exquisite death, and it wasn't often he met anyone or anything else capable of appreciating that.

>...And that was basically the darkest scene in the campaign, yes.

>>18545599
>cthulhuvaporizesaschoolgirl.gif

Oop, give me like 20 minutes, GM and Dervish want me and the girlfriend to help them out with purchasing a metric fuckload of soda. But this is an appropriately nightmarish mini-break-point, yes.

>>18545624
Blast! Oh well, it's two-something here, I should be in bed anyway.

I shall rejoin the story of these blackest of hats on the morrow!

I will be waiting for the next part, 2D. This is probably the best part so far.

IT'S ARCHIVED!
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18532456/
Go vote it up.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>18545624
TIME ELAPSED
RETURN, CHANNER

>>18545803

Wham!

>>18545599

Geppetto felt a burning sensation in his head, as a single, thin mark appeared over it. A sign of the nuclear spirit's pleasure? He didn't particularly know, but didn't care to find out. Tipping his hat, he exited the room and ran up the exit to see the van flanked by the murderbots, with the side door open and Bend and Dervish, fully geared-up and armored, inside.

"Let's go make some guns," said Geppetto, with a sadistic grin.

They pulled out to the site of the fragged tank, and 2D put the nanobots to work. The team did a much better job of setting up a proper perimeter and firing lines, although it was for naught: nothing was coming their way.

2D tapped on the interface of the van, waiting as the tank slowly melted into guns. He noticed something in VR space, and locked on to it.

"This is weird. Something's interfacing with the van, but it's not an icon. Some kind of signal."

>>18545946

2D followed the signal back, to something moving. Something moving fast in the skies over Lagos. Doing a scan, he identified...

"Predator missile."

2D choked a little.

"PREDATOR MISSILE! RUN FOR THE TANK!"

Bend, Dervish, and Geppetto boggled, before sprinting for the partially-destroyed tank. 2D grabbed onto one of his Lynxes before the murderbots split, driving off into the jungle at full speed. But would it be enough?

The entire team looked upwards in terror as the missile finally came into view, a gleam in the sky getting closer, faster, the sound of its roaring jet finally hitting their ears, and as it descended, Geppetto reached into his pockets...

>>18546006

"WHAT IS IT?" yelled Bend.

Geppetto screamed something, but Bend couldn't hear it.

"WHAT!?"

"The SPAGHETTI!" screamed Geppetto, "IT FELL OUT OF MY POCKETS!"

"HAVE YOU TRIED WALKING THE DINOSAUR?"

And then the missile hit and everyone died.

>>18546034

>>18546034
IT'S APRIL 2 NOW

>>18546049
Not where I live.

>>18546034
This...

I should hate you, but you pulled this off too beautifully.

Goddamn it.

>>18546034
citizenkaneclapping.gif

>>18546049

It was for approximately 8 more minutes, and I realized that I hadn't sprung this on you guys yet.

>>18546006

...and produced his summoning foci, calling up his guardian spirit as quickly as he could, to add just one more shield to the mix, in case that would make a difference.

The entire team hunkered down as the missile hit, rocking the tank and turning the stepvan into scrap.

Rolling off his steel lynx, 2D wept openly at the loss of such a reliable machine.

"God damn you, Two-Times. Why'd you have to go and do that?"

Over his comm, Dervish announced,

"Uh, we're all still alive, 2D."

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU. HAVE SOME HEART MAN."

>>18546221

"Wait a minute. This isn't as bad as I thought it was."

The team emerged from the tank as it fell apart into over a hundred AKs. Dervish took off his helmet and responded,

"I thought that you were just crying in tragic grief over the loss of your beloved van."

"I was. But then I remembered that there's another car."

Geppetto blinked.

"Another car?"

Bend asked, incredulously,

"Where!?"

"I'll be right back."

Mounting his Lynx again like a horse, 2D took off over one of the hills.

Dervish turned to Geppetto and Bend.

"Do either of you dandelion-eaters have any idea what he's talking about?"

Both elves shrugged.

About 20 minutes later, 2D drove back over the hill in a scorched Tata Hotspur, with the driver's seat fried to a crisp and a torched skeleton tossed haphazardly into the shotgun seat.

"Idiots lost their rigger so they couldn't fix it. It was a routine replacement anyway."

Geppetto took off his hat.

"I fucking love you right now, 2D."

>>18546401

Loading the AKs into literal stacks in the back of the hotspur, the team took what they could from the wreckage of the van: not much, considering most of the team's gear was on their persons, but the rigger cocoon, being effectively a black box for a dude, was not only salvageable but in fairly good shape. Being driven by their familiar black bubble thing again, the team piled into the utility vehicle for the trip back to general Sadami.

At Sadami's camp, the team kept their guard as teams of children unloaded the AKs. The "General" sat in a lawn chair, smoking a cigar and polishing a gold-plated assault rifle. Geppetto stepped out of the Hotspur to approach him.

"One hundred AKs and clips, as ordered. You have to tell us where the Fanti in the region are based, now."

Sadami nodded amicably, although he didn't resist a chance to blow a smoke ring in Geppetto's face. Geppetto didn't blink.

"The fanti are based on an old defunct oil rig off the coast of Asamando, the nation of walking death. North from the capitol, I'll give you the coordinates. I hope you have bite-proof clothes, my friends."

Geppetto smiled.

"We have our insurance. Thank you for your help, General."

As the team drove out of the compound, they heard Sadami beginning a speech over his megaphone about "exterminating the impure of Lagos and bringing punishment upon their women."

Bend: "Shouldn't we be worried about this? Or at the very least guilty?"

Geppetto and 2D: "Naaaaah."

Dervish remained silent, preferring not to comment.

>>18546531

Despite the very threatening nature of the title "Nation of Walking Death," Asamando was actually probably the most civilized nation in Africa. It had paved streets, multi-story buildings with decent engineering, and even working vehicles and a business-based economy that took nuyen.

It just so happens that the entire nation was populated by flesh-eating zombies, and the entire food industry of the nation was based around importing corpses from conflict zones like Lagos.

"Uh huh," said 2D.

"And you take a left on Ngumbe drive," directed John, 2D's ghoul doctor buddy.

"Ayep."

"And then another left on second--you're sure that they don't have the gridlink up yet?"

"I'm sure, John. It's like a third-world nation out here."

"That's not funny, 2D."

"It was kind of funny."

"Maybe a little. Keep straight for three or four blocks and you should hit the docks. You mentioned pirates: if you're dealing with the Fanti look out for Lubnana Kwesi. He's their leader, fancies himself "The Jackal King."

>>18546695

"That's a retarded name," 2D complained.

"Don't tell him that, 2D. Alright, you at the docks?"

"Yeah."

"Ask for Goro. He's the best boatman I know out in that neck of the woods. He should see you through."

"Cool, thanks, John."

"Anything for a friend out in my home country."

The team stepped out of the jeep adorned in protective gear. Dervish wore his armor, 2D and Bend wore thick clothes and respirators, and Geppetto was already infected and didn't give a fuck.

They found Goro the boatman in his speedboat, reading a print girly magazine. Although mostly bald, Goro wasn't particularly rotten, with only a little decomposition around his cheeks.

"Goro?"

"You're looking at him, American."

"How much to get out to the Fanti oil rig?"

"That's a dangerous route."

"Mmm."

"I'm going to need at least 150 nuyen. Maybe 200."

Geppetto stifled a chuckle mostly successfully.

"That's...that's pretty steep. I suppose we'll have to go by that price."

2D scrolled text across everyone's feeds that read "I LOVE THIRD WORLD ECONOMIES"

Goro the boatman pulled on a pair of goggles and stepped to the front of his speedboat.

"By all means, gentlemen. Get in, get in."

Piling into the back of the speedboat, the team set out to find the Fanti pirates and "save" Doctor Hermann Julienne.

And that's where I'm going to call it for tonight, since I need to wake up in 6 hours.

NEXT TIME: GUNFIRE, EXPLOSIONS, PIMP SUITS, WEDDING BELLS, AND THE END OF THE TWO-TIMES ARC.

>>18546790
Just don't leave us for so long again, man. The withdrawls were horrible.

TwoDee, you are seriously amazing. The quality of your writing is impeccable.

>>18546846

I'll try not to, but no promises. Uni is in again.

>>18546862

Thanks, dude! This is basically the most praise I've ever gotten for my writing.

FFFFFF your stuff makes me want to storytime out my games. I know i shouldnt however, i have a shit time with the written word.

>>18547137
Do it up in notepad? It'll give you a chance to go over it and try to make it suck less. From watching you debate, I wouldn't say you write badly. You just need to try harder to be more concise.

>>18547013
Wow. You've been writing since I went to bed....Awesome!

>>18547175
(not in a bad way) you sound like every teacher who has ever read an essay of mine. I was considering asking my current group to keep a journal, as they are all better writers than me. Not to mention that their characters (while not quite TwoDee tier) are prety fucking hilarious

Bumping to let more people read an awesome talke of hackers and missiles

>>18547273

Aww, thanks Mate. I'll see what I can do there for Viktor.

Mmmorning bump?