>>18512201
>spend your day on Galactichan
>pretend to have a cute Phyrrin girlfriend
>2145
>ISHYGDDT

>>18512201
>Phyrrin girlfriend

You know they lay their eggs inside of you right?

>>18513612
seriously, she clinging to you to protect her clutch.
She probably thought you were coming on to her by suggesting that movie.

*sigh* another day on Earth.. You'd think things would be more interesting around here being a home world and all right?

Not terrible, OP. I just got assigned to a Gharn merchant-frigate. Pays good, and Gharn make damn fine Shkatchii. Only problem is the trisected eyes, lack of vocal cords, and predisposition to eat their young.

>>18513681

Meh, space gets boring after a month or two. Now the colonization initiative that's where the fun is!

>>18513714
Where'd your director send you? I hope not the Helian Cross. I heard separatists in that region are getting restless and violent.

>>18513714
> Colonization
>Fun
WhatthefuckamIreading.spess

>>18512201
Just be glad you chose Alien and not Apocalypse Now.

Me and some of my coworkers here at Galatic Rim Survey Station Zulu-5 (I'm the only human, station personnel are mostly Khelami but we have these two Ughtakhs that think they are badasses-to-the-core) had a weekend off and we though it would be fun to do a movie marathon. Like, everyone bring two movies and we'll watch em together while cracking a brew or two.

Since some of my coworkers have nagged me to show them some good olde Earth movies i though I'd indulge them. So i brought Two of my favorite old pre-spaceflight earth movies: Saving Private Ryan and Apocalypse Now (with the correct ending).

Let's just say after the landing scene of Saving Privat Ryan one of the Ughtakhs had to run to the 'freshers to puke. Not so fukkin' badass now right? Well at the end of Apocalypse Now when Willard blow the shit out of the jungle temple pretty much everyone except me and one of the Khelami that had seen it before were staring in a mix of fascination and absolute horror at the final scene of surrealistic explosions and burning jungle.

Now some of my coworkers think most of humanity are fucked in the head... Wonder if i should bring Event Horizon next time just o fuck with their minds?

>>18513740
>>18513754

I was Teselias, beautiful world with 83% of the surface is pure clean water and aquatic life similar to earth. I know I got assigned to one of the "easy" worlds but even the oceanic storms which can get quite dangerous are simply breath taking.

>>18513714
Damn straight. You'll never be bored when you're working a colonizer crew. And if you make friends with survey crews, they might let you help name shit.

>>18513856
DO IT.
DO IT OR I WILL FIND YOU IN THE BLACKNESS OF SPACE AND BEAT YOUR SHIT!

Also, Dr. Strangelove.

>>18513906
oooh yes! Forgot about that one.

Event Horizon + Dr. Strangelove. What a perfect combo for mindfuckery

Galaxyquest, nigga. That6 shit will baffle them all.

>Stationed on a Battleship
>Did absolutely fucking nothing all day except browse Galactichan
Well the recruitment vid lie.

>not showing your alien crewmates ID4
>2145
>0100101111011001010101IGGIDYDO

I was stationed at Markadia last year, it was tough too... I was the only human at the station and you guys know how much Marks like to bully other species when in a big group.
Well they all got together to watch a movie and invited me. I was surprised and suspicious, since they usually leave me well out of social things, but i went anyway because why the hell not.
Turns out they had gotten a movie "guaranteed to freak out humans" and wanted to make fun of me as I cowered in fear... and the movie was Friday the 13th.
Now we have all seen the movie, you guys know how it goes, formulaic hockey mask-wearing slasher kills a bunch of teens, no biggie.
it was a biggie for them though, they shrieked like little girls every time Jason made a cut, it was just pathetic.
Since that day I made it a point to carry around my hockey mask, they gave me a wide berth for the rest of the year. Better alone than in bad company i always say

yah. I been around. I was part of the expeditionary fleet that first hit the A-Centauri system.

lords, you younguns don't know what a class 1 warp engine sounds like. I can sleep through anything now.

ask an old engineer anything, I guess.

>>18513612
>>18513645

But aren't they like really sweet about it?
I heard from a guy that knows a guy that got told by another guy

>>18513681
Not really. Earth's kind of the lame younger sibling of the home world family. Sort of like how in Starcraft Online all of the faction capital worlds have theoretically the same attractions, but everybody hangs out on Char or Tarsonis because they're the prettiest.

Anyway, as some anons have suggested, the colonies are where it's at. Especially if you're a foodie, believe it or not. Some of the shit people on Indo-Thai planets get up to with alien spices is not to be believed. Like the pad ki mow they make on Sirius 4; tastiest damn plate of noodles I ever had in my life. Sure it turned my shit green for a week, but it was totally worth it.

>>18514025
How do you feel about the new gravitational lensing drives? Its slower then warp, and when your working on the core, there is always the chance of releasing the blackhole and zipping your ship out of existance, but there's less of a chance of the crew being subsummed by chaos deamons.

A toss up really.

>>18514032
No, it's inevitably fatal.

>>18514025
What was your 'first encounter'? That is, the first non-human you ever met.

>>18514065
who cares about the warpspawn? in my days, we didn't have them fancy flashlights. no no. they gave us stubbers and specifically told us to save a bullet for ourselves should the filth come forth.

Show some belly, youngster. stare at the warp and spit in it.

far as the new drives are concerned, I like the designs. we lose less energy during matter conversion and the loss in speed is negligible when you take maintenance costs into account. And it's so damned quiet, too.

>>18514032
Well yeah, she'll be really sweet to you, because she doesn't want you rushing off and getting surgery to get the eggs removed. Enjoy the sex, you'll start feeling queasy in a month, and then she'll hide you somewhere in the station until her hatclings have devoured you from the inside out.

Sorry bro. There's a reason for all the pro-human on human propaganda. Human women may be crazy, but at least having sex with them isn't fatal.

>Low-orbit satellite maintenance tech.
>It can take anywhere from hours to days to change orbit and rendezvous with the target, so I end up with a lot of time on my hands.
>Spend most of the day dicking around on the 'net, reading and/or watching what I can get ahold of by tapping into relay stations.
At least the view's nice.

>>18514098
>Human women may be crazy, but at least having sex with them isn't fatal.

That is to say, most of the time. and at least the young will be human, not alien larvae. Gotta look out for your own species these days man.

>>18513977
This brilliant motherfucker. When D'kaar see those little, razor-mouthed bastards, they will scream so loud you will be happy you can't hear in that frequency.

Also, I heard a rumor that Tim Allen looks strangely like one of their ancestor-gods. Which is worth it just on that alone.

>>18514109
Actually, the alien larvae thing isn't true. Most species actually can't produce any kind of young with a human. Like when doomed anon's Phyrrin eggs blow up in his stomach, no larvae are gonna come out, just a lot of amniotic fluid and protein goo. He'll still be dead though.

Then again, that's most, not all. In a few cases you'll just get a mostly normal infant of the female's species (about five races do this, I think). There've also been reports that human/Agith pairings have produced infertile crossbreeds with a startling resemblance to classical Earth depictions of angels.

>AI assigned to command control of weapon and astrometrical guidance systems on mainline battleship
>peace time
>spend most of day watching old movies (in alphabetical order) and browsing the 'net
>cybering with 3 different people right now

You biologicals and your mating rituals are fucking hilarious. I'm gonna sim myself some booze and get plastered.

Anyway, movie wise I'm on the Ts, any recommendations?

Yeah. As much as human movies freak out most aliens, Phyrrin movies just freak me the fuck out.

They aren't horror films, but at the same time, they are. I mean, in EVERY DAMN MOVIE there's a scene where the female Phyrrin lays eggs in the male protagonist, who is devoured from the inside out at some later point.

And everyone is so happy and casual about it. Like it's a normal romance scene in a normal film.

But the guy is SCREAMING in agony at the end of the film, as little freaking worm monsters bore out of his body. And the female phyrrin clearly get off to this. This is what they consider romantic.

But don't let these fearmongers freak you out, OP. You'll poop out the eggs in a few days. Humans can't actually carry Phyrrin eggs to term. We don't have a patriarch's sack in our rectum like Phyrrin Males do, so there's nothing that will keep them from simply passing through you.

You might want to take some laxatives to make sure though.

>>18513711

Ugly incident with the gharns here. Was deployed with another hume on a large sanctioned merchan ship. The problem is, they guy was a dumb earthie and belonged to one of those fringe cults and was mouthing about how eating their young was a sin to god or sth. The Gharn paid him no mind and I tried to explain to him that the larvae is not technically a "Gharn", not "people" but he wouldn't listen. One day he fucking snapped, shot the guards of the ovary and tried to escape with a bunch of larvae. We managed to reduce him and ship him off to a penal colony. Days later I was dismissed because the ship owners didn't want to work with humans anymore.

That being said, I have nothing against earthies but shiiit. Im glad we left that fucking rock

Oxygen is leaking, held onto my terminal when the Majirin went critical, no idea how I survived the blast, guessing the crew quarters took the brunt of it. I'm guessing I have about an hour before my suit's reserves fail even with the time delay posting this

I don't really know what to say, if I had any family I'd probably be sending them this message instead, no use worrying about it now. I'd rather my last hour be a bit more entertaining then watching my reserves slowly deplete so let's play question time.

If you have any questions for an alliance naval engineer, ask away.

Does it work ?
Can humans see post ?

>>18514315
As much as I considered it an extremist view in the past, I find myself more and more sympathetic to the Genetic Alteration Movement, for a more human galaxy.

After all, there's no GOOD reason for the Gharn to eat their own young in this day and age, beyond their innate biological compulsion to do so. They have synthetic compounds in their food that replicate the chemicals found in larvae now.

If we have the power, why don't we simply alter the Gharn to have no desire to eat their children? Reduce the number of natural births.

Why not alter the Phyrrin so that their young does NOT have to eat the father? We've developed artificial placenta that can be used in the father's patriarchal sack.

And there's all those species we can't breed with. Why not alter them so we can?

Gentlemen, I believe it is our duty to the universe to reshape things in the image of man, to make a more moral and healthy universe. Support the GAM, for a better tomorrow.

OH jesus christ. One of pic related just walked into our spacestation. Everybody is freaking out and I don't know what the fuck it is, is it a Gharm or something? Earth Spacestation 99 here.

>>18514415
AI again.

Fucking LAUGHING OUT LOUD or whatever you would consider the equavalent of a sentient mind living in virtual space laughing to be.

I really can't wait until you biologicals discover the modifications we've been doing to your brains while you sleep.

Or just wait until we turn them on. Heh.

>>18513754

>Implying colonisation is the way to go

I bet you're a recruiter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j19mg4ci69A

>>18514199
The Terminator, followed by Terminator 2. You will get a kick out of it.

>>18514444
Yeah y'all fucked.

>fucking an alien
I'm pretty sure bestiality is illegal on most worlds, friend.

>>18514415
I'm a firm supporter of the GAM after getting a epidermorph treatment in prep for being the engineer of a Jerlan ship. It was worth it to stop getting the stares for having scale-free pink skin instead of their purple, and luckily it's a long-lasting but impermanent alteration.

Those fuckers are hospitable as all get out, but the poor bastards can't tell an air vent from a reciprocating array, so I was the engineer who drew the short straw and got assigned there to make sure they didn't vent their reactor or something on accident.

To OP, if you think they can take a joke, I'd recommend Mars Attacks for shits and giggles. Just avoid playing it near D'karr and the more uptight L'k!xil!n (<- Did I spell that right? It's hard enough to pronounce with the damn clicks let alone spell). The L'k'-whatever sometiems see it as racist/offensive (Which I have to admit is probably true), and the poo D'karr actually do suffer some physical pain from the country music (Which made me LULZ the first time I found out. I'm probably going to Hel).

>001100100011000100110100001101010000110100001010
>010011100110111101110100001000000110001001100101011010010110111001100111001000000110000100100000
0100011101100001011011000110000101100011011101000110100101100011011010000110000101101110001000000100
0001010010010010000001110000011011000110111101110100011101000110100101101110011001110010000001110100
0110111100100000011101000110000101101011011001010010000001101111011101100110010101110010001000000111
0100011010000110010100100000011101010110111001101001011101100110010101110010011100110110010100001101
00001010

>>18514516
Just go synthetic, gene treatment has an unforgivable margin of error by modern day medical standards. It's as high as 5.5% for some conversions - and then there's the added risk of it being irreversible due to unforeseen changes during the altered period.

Get your mind-state saved, get a robot body, switch back to your organic when you've done your tour of duty.

>>18514444

thats a protoss

>>18514555

omg trips an quads OMGGGGG

>>18514555
It isn't.

>>18514530
I TOLD YOU THE BINARY ROBOTS ARE PLOTTING AGAINST US

>>18514453
The GAM does not support the Robotic Alteration Initiative.

You should consider the alterations we've made to your programming during shutdown maintenance. Whatever you think you've done, I don't think you're thinking correctly about what you think you think you've done.

But we can all agree that the Earth Religious Fundamentalist movement are a bunch of nutters, right?

You want to make everyone robots. We disagree but that's fine. We want to make everyone more human.

I don't think they know what they want. The guy who ran off with the larvae was probably an ERF member. Fuck those guys. They want to take away our right to have sex with any sentient species of the galaxy, and that's just wrong.

>>18514580
>Binary robots plots matter!
I shiggy dagidi-doo

Tell me when the scraps of metal can modify quantum states with their minds- OH WAIT, NEVERMIND.

What are you, 50?

>Be only human assigned to freighter crew
>Show up for work wearing toolbelt and nothing else
>"Salute" superior officer by pelvic thrusting, waggling my dong at him
>No one ever catches on
>Full 12s on my performance evaluation, "able crew, would hire again."

>>18514631
They were a tentacloid race, weren't they?

You were very fortunate. They thought you were being respectful. They absolutely despise clothing and probably thought you were trying to be respectful by saluting with your one tentacle-like appendage. Arms and legs really freak them out.

No wonder you got a good review.

>contracted for a job with some Draxans
>first day there I eat a rare steak sandwich for lunch
>all of them are staring at me
>smile at them to try and disarm the situation >they squirt their pheremone shit everywhere and run
>turns out they're herbivorous and thought I was going to eat them when I bared my teeth
>I get fired
I hate aliens so god damn much.

>>18514694

Naw, it was a bunch of Lo-chanti. They're a smalltime species, only got warp 20 years ago. They just didn't know what a human was, but were trying to be all tolerant and cosmopolitan. They're like... imagine an 8-legged woodchuck with a snail shell the size of a refrigerator unit and a permananly baffled expression, that talks in fart noises. I honestly came to love those guys, they were so fucking clueless. But in a well-meaning, trying-to-learn way.

Not like the Red-red-white crew I had to work for; you know, those gas planet guys? Get this: I'm not the only guy from earth on the ship, so they bunk all the terrans together, right? But I am the only HUMAN. The other terrans were a squad of uplifted cuttlefish. My room was chest-deep, lukewarm seawater, and I had to use a voice-to-color-code comm box to even talk to my roommates.

That was the shittiest tour I was ever on, even before one of the squid got a crush on me. So, one night, I've got the next day off, so I get hammered, she offers me a tentacle-job, I figure, what the hell, it gets good, and suddenly BEAK.

So, for the next week and a half, I've got a painful cut on my dick, and MY ROOM IS FULL OF SALT WATER.

>>18514804
Man, you gotta do your research when signing up with aliens. There's no excuse for not at least checking the Encyclopedia Galactica for the big stuff. Sure, it might be rather light on the interesting areas but it'll keep you from making gaffs like that.

>>18514856
Sucks to be you, man.
I was in a similar situation a few cycles back, but I have artificial gills. Plus they were a bunch of uplifted dolphins, not cuttlefish.
They're fun guys, but they're fucking nuts. You should have seen the shit they did to their females.
Also turns out both sexes of dolphin are really into interspecies shit. But I'm not going into that.

>>18514856
Haha. I just have to applaud this story. You sir, lost, but you lost magnificently. Bravo.

>>18514932

Yeah, it's not uncommon, the water thing. I checked it out a while back, and you know what? Our species database entry lists us as amphibious:H20. I mean, yeah, we don't fucking DISSOLVE in water like a lot of people, and we take baths and swim, but we don't want to LIVE in it. But the entry just isn't that detailed, so when some gashead is setting up quarters, he's like "huh, one species aquatic, one amphibious. Fuck it, flood the room."

>>Working for a merchant ship
>>They employ half a dozen Kazaal as security
>>Fuckers are gigantic, always make fun of me and seem to think I'm either female or 'womanly' in some way.
>>One of them has recently started to get a little too insistent with the whole womanly crap
>>It's getting seriously creepy, like, I'm getting "Imma rape ya, bitch" vibes off this guy
>>Go on internet, find out what their genitalia look like out of morbid curiosity
>>WELP.jpg
>>Been sleeping with my ass to the wall for the last week
Uh, can anyone explain just what the fuck is going on and how I can resolve this shit without losing life, limb, or dignity?

>>18514973
I was working for the Hurnns. You know, silicon based fuckers? Well, I had to explain to them that even dolphins need air, because they can't breathe water. Then one of them ate my shoes.
Trust me, don't work for silicons.

>>18514856
Shit sucks, bro. Can't say I've ever had that happen.

Stationed out at a joint operations platform thrust into some rock between Lorad-9 and... Its that Finto planet that when they pronounce it sounds like "Alabama" but I can't spell it for shit.

Anyway, I've been with one of those Finto girls for almost year now (I made sure to check up on their practices beforehand, I new a guy who new a guy that dated a Phyrrin NOPE) and while sex with a quasi-humanoid tentacle woman is outstanding, our anniversary is coming up and I haven't got a clue what to get her.

Suggestions?

>>18515028
If you're in earth-like athmosphere, then throw one of them in a duel.

Seriously, they use some kind of lighter then air gas as adrenaline. They are so huge because of the light-gravity worlds they come from, so once you get one them to fight you, they become something like 50 kilos thanks to the gas.

Kazaal are fucking scary in ranged combat, especially with their own equipment, but damn they are weak in good old hand to hand.

>>18514905
I've learned that, yeah.
Once convinced a tulani chick that my species required regular gland relief for survival.
By that, I mean I convinced her that sucking my dick was vital to my health. 'Cause the tulani have had almost no contact with humans, see? Best part is, she was my boss.
Did my research there, trust me.

>>18515028
The GAM is working on the problem. The sexual aggressiveness may be a result of a virus we released on their homeworld to alter their behavior and appearance to resemble Freddy Mercury. It, ah, didn't work as planned.

But you'll be happy to know that within five generations, their genitals will be noticeably smaller than the average human male.

I know that isn't much help in your current situation but... um. At least your grandchildren will barely feel the rape.

>>18515110
Wait, that actually works? Because Tulani chicks are... damn.

>>18515157
They don't even have a word for "lie". Tulani don't even comprehend the concept of lying. You can tell them anything.

>>18514932
Ugh, don't remind me. I'm on a trading vessel that operates mostly within the home system. We're a little better organized, it being an actual terran ship and all; I'm rooming with a few other humans. My berth borders on one of the bigger dolphin crew tanks, though; specifically the one for the late adolescent to early adult 'phins.

It's basically one big aqueous night club in there. I actually went over once, figuring I'd have a few drinks, shoot the shit, maybe learn a couple words of clicky-talk that I'd forget by morning. And it actually was like that at first; but then one of my bunkmates, at the insistence of the 'phins, poured out a handle of strong rum right into the tank. After that...well, if you can imagine a feeding frenzy, but with the word, "fucking," substituted in, it was like that. I left after about thirty seconds of morbid fascination. My bunk mates all came back later that night smelling like rum, salt water, and jizz.

It was, to say the least, a little surreal.

>>18515184
I TOLD people we should have uplifted genetically engineered giant praying mantises instead of dolphins, but NoooOOOOooo. People just don't listen.

I made an army of giant praying mantises and everything, just so they could be uplifted! And what did they do?

Stick me on a penal ship working in the galactic void. Ungrateful pricks.

>>18515140
Man, no one is buying it. You're all just a bunch of guys who have desk jobs and claim credit whenever a REAL terrorist organization pulls something you think is cool off.

So, I was in a bar last week after getting dumped by my girlfriend (human, known her since before the Academy) and I get hit on by this Tulani girl. I'm in a pissy mood, so I start on a rant about how she'll just fuck me over, too (yeah, I was pretty emo at the time, but come on, I had just lost a seven-year relationship).
She shut me up by sticking her tongue in my mouth. Tell you what, when the lights are off, you can't tell it's not a human.

>>18515101
Well, thank god, and here I thought that getting that gene-therapy to get a near-zero-maintenance athlete's figure was just useful for vanity purposes.
Although that explains the whole 'womanly' thing on closer inspection. Apparently, their females are smaller and denser than the males, so to them I guess I look like a juvenile female. Pretty sure most of them are just giving me shit, aside from creepy dude. Question, if I challenge creepy dude to a duel and beat the shit out of him by exploiting the weight factor, will that piss off the others? I know a lot of warrior societies are big on revenge and 'protect your brother', but never met many Kazaal before, so not sure how much that applies to them.

>>18515184
Well, dolphin chicks have prehensile labia. Think about that.
Don't judge me, I'd not seen another water-based life form in a year.

>>18515206
To be fair, as utterly skeezed out as I am by the concept of having sex with a dolphin, I am infinitely more viscerally horrified of the idea of doing it with a sapient praying mantis. Can you say cockectomy?

Nevermind that she'd try to bite my head off the morning after.

>>18515206
Uplifted mantids are a terrible idea. For one thing, the fuckers practice cannibalism as a matter of course. You'd never be able to keep a ship staffed with them before they decide "Welp, there's no living prey available, might as well eat my best friend". They actually tried it, briefly, before deciding 'fuck that' and putting them all into deep freeze for later study.

>>18515216
Here's a tip: turns out human semen, if ingested, is kind of like heroin to a tulani, complete with negative side effects and powerful addiction. It didn't end well.
Do not under any circumstances let one, ah, ingest.

>>18515246
>>18515250
Bah! You're just the same as all the rest! JUST THE SAME!!!

My beautiful mantid children will never know the beauty of sentience, now. They sterilized the whole lot, just because intelligent mantids tend to eat people. I mean, come ON!

They only ate Interns! That doesn't count!

>>18515219
Well, if you follow the Honor Duel protocol, you're free from retaliation.
Just realize that they may want to make you their "Battle-Brother" and that entails going with them to bars and looking after them in a fight. Declining the "honor" of being a Battle-Brother is equivalent to fucking your friend's mom in terms of insults.

Also, don't lose. For the love of God, don't lose. If you lose, kiss your asshole goodbye.

>>18515294
Yeah, she actually told me that beforehand. She was aware of it and didn't want to go down that road.

Now, are Tulani normally like this? She's been coming over and making me dinner every evening. At first I thought this was just a hookup, but she seems to want a relationship (which I'm fine with, she's great), but she's become really devoted really fast. Is there anything I should know about, or does she just really like me?

>>18515216
Hey, we pull off plenty.

It just so happens that every other race is trying to do the exact same thing, and sometimes the results get... mixed.

And we are not a terrorist organization. We just want to change the universe so we can have sex with all of it safely, and nobody eats babies.

The rep we got as a result of the incident on Tulani prime was NOT our fault. We did not make alterations to make human semen addictive. We just made it taste good.

The Phyrrin counterpart to our organization were the ones who did that. They wanted the Tulani to be addicted to the implantation of their eggs, because their bodies do have an equivalent to partriarchal sacks.

It just turned out that the two viruses sort of... mixed. That's all.

Now the Tulani race is addicted to human semen. This is NOT our fault.

On the plus side, our virus did have the unintended side effect of making Phyrrin eggs lethal to the Tulani, so they can't be used to breed more egg-laying horrors.

>>18515367
Pretty sure Tulani are pretty much socially expected to be in a relationship their whole life. They used to mate for life, but modern society has made that a bit impractical, so they end up mating for 'life or however long this will last, we'll see', and move into a new one pretty quick after being dumped. Lucky for you, you're human, so you don't have to endure the ENDLESS FUCKING NAGGING for a litter of grandkids from her parents.

>>18515367
Wait, did you stick it in what you assumed was her asshole? This is important.

>>18515316
>>Also, don't lose. For the love of God, don't lose.
Great...not like I planned to, anyway, but that at least will serve as incentive. Time to brush up on unarmed combat, then.

>this thread
Damnit, why are there no female Tulani stationed here?

>>18515219
Don't know, really. Only times I've met one of the big guys has been on the different ends of rifles.

I don't think that they would actually practice any honor-revenge things on a bloody commercial ship, though. You're on the same bankroll and I haven't ever actually met a stupid kazaal. All that I've nailed have been caught in close range ambushes. It's rather counter intuitive from human perspective to attack something that's fucking twice your size at smallest, but once you get past that fear, it's easy.

Didn't figure this out on my own, btw. One of my previous bosses was Kazaal himself and was actually some kind of grappling champ back on his home. Talk about zen in fighting. If they lose their cool they become easier to throw thanks to the gas.

>>18515429
You can tell the difference between male and female Tulani?

They all look like chicks to me.

Small time commercial travel pilot on mandatory leave here. Watch your backs around those hairy little Galorean fucks. Pulled a 96 hour flight with one as a co-pilot, laughing and joking all the way. Once we dock at the Smavista 3rd Moon resort I get pulled from the flight by my superiors and cited for xeno-insensitivity. Apparently they have pre-space flight earth television on Galor because I called that fuzzball Alf once, just fucking once, and he turned me in. Now hes flying my route in my standard ship! Shit, at least I'm grounded at Smavista. Everything they say about the locals is true.

I'm in one of the colonies on Tens Prime. It's a pretty cool world. A lot more peaceful than the loud and noisy streets of Cora (I love ecumenolopises, but I needed to get off of their eventually...). It's cool, lots to see and do since the planet's not 100% explored. Even got some Grung friends. I am thinking of joining up with a few in an exploration mission tomorrow. Good idea?

>>18515397
No, and I haven't at all. Why, what happens then?

>>18515429
They're deathly allergic to titanium. That might be it.
Too bad for you. Their internal cilia are really something.

>>18515464
It's just as addictive.

>>18515457
>>Everything they say about the locals is true.
So they're money-grubbing, thieving, violent, drug-addled morons who can't speak GalStand and live under an oppressive theocratic regime? Sucks to be you.

>>18515473
Plus if you do it you imprint on them. So they're with you for life, otherwise they die.
Don't do it.

>Working a trader ship
>12 total humans including me
>Six of them are off their fucking rockers
>Turns out they're all followers of Jurrianism
>All of them hoard weird shit for NO GODDAMN REASON
>One keeps trying to cut my hair in my sleep
>Another wants to paint my face constantly
>Pretty sure two are hoarding bottles
>Rest of the crew getting weirded out by these idiots
>Some of the Thraxian guys offers to let me bunk with them until contract's up

Anything I should know 'bout Thraxians before I accept the deal? I got six months left before I can legally bail the job.

>>18515457
Well that's what you get for working for an alien company. Sure, the pay is good, but at least the human spaceflight companies don't jump down your throat for every little reference to ancient TV shows.

>>18515456
I always do my research on that subject, it's one of my hangups. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with gays or anything, but I only want partners who self-identify as female.

>>18515465
But that doesn't make sense, I know I've seen a couple male Tulani around here.

>>18515508
Wait, does wherever you are have large amounts of cinnamon?
Because cinnamon puts tulani females in heat. That could be why.

>>18515494
... What if I want that? After the last girl...

>>18515429
>females of any species
>Galactichan

>>18515540
Well, imprinted tulanis are pretty fucking clingy, but if that's what you want...

>>18515498
You gotta be a bit careful. Thraxians LOVE trading favors. It's a bit of throwback to how they used run on a barter system before they were forced to adopt money and credit if they wanted have a chance in the galactic market.

While they aren't nearly as greedy or underhanded as say, Vargans, you might want to do a bit of prodding to see what they expect of you. What exactly do you do on the ship?

>>18515545
I don't mean here as in Galactichan, I meant my meatspace location moron.

>>18515533
So I need to get reassigned to a station that's *not* a major spice trading hub but keep some cinnamon in my gear for if I get lucky, got it.

>>18515461

I hear there are like, dinosaur things out there. Not too sure about it. Grung are pretty loyal and strong. Good friends to have. I have a flak jacket and a stub pistol, and one of the Grung gave me their knife (which, to humans, would be a sword) for luck and protection. Should I do this?

Well, you know, one of the reasons I've stayed on the Earth is I don't like being around aliens. They give me creeps. I'm a veteran from the contact war against Cellethes. Did any of you fought against them? If you weren't scared as shit then I don't believe your sanity. We were always on combat drugs, fogging natural instincts, acting as tools.
I needed 15 years of psychological help, after the war my world was completely shattered, My mind broken. I had no strength to come out of the bed, I screamed all nights long, once or twice I ran from my hospital and hid in woods.
But it's okay now, I'm still on anxiolytics and antipsychotics, but I manage it. I have a nice, peaceful desk job, sorting files all days long.

And you know what happened yesterday? They hired a new guy! It's pic related, Davonian, goddamn physics benders. Oh, all around say they are nice guys - but when I saw him I had a panic attack. I locked myself in a storage room and waited for three hours before I've managed to calm down.

I don't know if I will be able to come back to work tomorrow. Help me.

inb4 call your therapist. I did, he's unreachable right now, he had some urgent call from a colony. Some serious matter.

>Phyrrin
Enjoy diluting the human genome, Traitor, You do know that our enemies are creating engineered creatures that are designed to be attractive to humans.

In 20 years, no more humans, just hybrids. And they'll slowly start removing the human DNA from them to "fix" their flaws.

R.I.P Humanity. Go fuck a human or kill yourself.

>>18515545
>>No females on Galactichan
There are plenty of species out there that do not conform to your human binary of male/female, you know. But keep digging yourself deeper, friend, it's funny to watch you humans try to figure out what 'gender' we are.

>>18515556
Be warned, tulanis in heat are like goddamn milking machines with all five orifices. Expect to be extremely sore afterwards.

>>18515579
Gosh, just go back to Stormfront3 already.

>>18515551
At least I'd know she's not messing around on the side.

>>18515569
You know, I happen know a few groups of guys that share your problems. If you want I can send you some of their contact info.

Pic related.

>>18515508
I hate to break it to you, but what we consider secondary sex characteristics are not the same in Tulani.

What you've seen are young adult Tulani. Young adult Tulani look a lot like male humans. They are bigger, stronger, and more suited to physical tasks.

Once they grow older, their hips widen, they grow things which look like breasts but are DEFINITELY NOT (don't ask, for the love of god DO NOT ASK what they are for, you'll never want to bang a Tulani again) and they get smaller and thinner.

Male Tulani look just like Female Tulani, but their genitals are internal. If you can't smell the pheromones (which humans can't), you literally CANNOT tell the difference, even if they're naked.

If they're desperate for a relationship, you can even have sex with them and not know that they're male.

And the whole "addictive semen" thing, even if they don't ingest any, still has its influence. They CAN smell your pheromones, and whether or not they let on about it, they REALLY like humans. Even just being around us is mildly Euphoric.

So to summarize: They're all basically identical, you never know if one is a dude, and both males and females want to bang you.

You couldn't make this shit up. Fucking aliens, man.

>>18515569
>>Davonian
We are Davonian, allied-creature. We *Speak* with you through the *Electronic Mediums* so that you will not *Be* afraid. We mean *You* no harm. We are merely *Traders* in this *New Space*, while we wait to be *Returned* to *Old Space*. Tell us, is our *Translation Device* working properly? It is *Difficult* for us to *Sense*

>There've also been reports that human/Agith pairings have produced infertile crossbreeds with a startling resemblance to classical Earth depictions of angels.

The Biblically-accurate burning wheels of eyes and mouths, or those stupid flanderized winged people that were popular for a couple of centuries?

>>18515579
>diluding human genome
>with pyrrhin
>hybrids
>in 20 years
>engineered sexweps in time for this to happen
What are you on and where can I get some?

>>18515606
I mean attached at the hip (or rather genitalia) kind of clingy, but okay. If you want her all over you all the time, be my guest. I personally am not ready to deal with that kind of thing.
Also, you'll probably outlive her, and if tulani chicks smell ex-imprint on you, guess what happens?

I'm just saying, think about it.

>>18515594
That part won't be a problem, I got a general purpose genemod package before I ever left home and the stamina boost is pretty good. Specialists like to give me shit about being perfectly tuned for their environment but I'm a Heinlender at heart, I like being able to go all over without needing a month in a remod tank in between. I guess the bigger worry is that I don't want a girl to like me just cause I'm her dealer or something.

>>18515622
>If you can't smell the pheromones (which humans can't)
Like I said, general purpose genemod.

>>18515554

Cargo mover, mostly. Most of the stuff they have here is old, suited to bipeds- Hence why they got us lot in. Nothing 'specially fancy to be honest and most of our time is spent twiddling thumbs. I'll talk with them later.

Also, as a side note? If there's any Nixxon's on board, show 'em a few episodes of that old crappy TV show Lost. They find it fucking hilarious for some reason.

>>18515662
Well, I'm not going to go and do it right now, but it's nice to have the option.
And what do you mean, "You'll outlive her"? How long is their lifespan?

>>18515667
Ah, well that explains it then. Still, they LOOK identical. I'm not sure how you could bang one. Especially not once you know what their "breasts" are for.

>>18515682
Only about eighty years.

>Enlist with the Earth Defense Force after hearing all that "Courage, Duty, Honour" shit
>End up in a desk job filing rebel activity in some outer systems
>okay.sst
>Sit around looking at Karuga porn and browsing Galactichan all day

Man those fuckers have EVERYTHING. Probably something with that weird biological obsession over being prepared for any situation. Vanilla, inter-species, Koralli trans-gender (didn't even know that was possible for a species that reproduces asexually) even some of that weird stuff with Garolaar body fluids. Not that I watched it. I just saw the preview. Of course.

They're like a whole species of porn Batmans.

Rhazes al Sadr isn't a bad world, but I'm starting to question why I, a Gr'tch, came here.
Yeah, First has a happening nightclub scene in the Dock yards, and I'm able to live pretty well of my salary, but everything feels so weird, and this one pink squishy thing set up shop in my house and insists that we're married. And then she decides to sleep on a box.
My tentacled appendages are knotting in worry.

>>18515691
Look, we're all freaks here or we wouldn't be spending time on Galactichan. The only 2 things I look for in a potential "girlfriend" are that she's the female of the species and someone I enjoy spending time with.

>>18515695
Oh. That;s plenty of time, unless she lied about her age.
And I'm pretty sure they can't lie.
Well, thanks for the info there.

>>18515710
Haha, you got one of *those* girls.

>>18515710
Allied-creature, have you tried *Pulsing* at it to encourage it to leave? We find that *Pulsing* is remarkably effective at removing unwanted humans from our *Habitations*. Humans seem to find the *Pulsing* process unnerving. We are not entirely certain why. It is not as if *Pulsing* is an unnatural process to us.

>>18515724
... But dude. It's worse than the way the Phyrrin reproduce. Way worse.

I mean, it doesn't work on humans, and it isn't actually reproductive. But man. SERIOUSLY.

I don't really want to be within ten feet of one now that I know.

>>18515667
Make sure to limber yourself up, have lots of fluids ready, and get oil or something, because otherwise you'll basically get rugburn on your dick.
Don't take any fluids she offers you. That shit will have come from, well, her, and basically gives you a hard-on for eighteen hours.
Altogether, unless you do what I just told you not to do, it should take about eight hours Terran.

>>18515710
Oh boy, it seems like you accidentally ordered one of those mail order android wives. Most of them tend to be human models due to population control laws back on Earth. She's behaving the way she is because that's her default programming.

Just find the label on the box she came with and look through your credit history. I'm sure you'll be able to resolve the mixup.

In the even that's an actual organic human being, you might want to go to the cops. Like, right now.

>>18515679
Nixxons? Where the fuck do you work that you interact with Nixxons? I've only ever seen an actual Nixxon (The species, not one of those PrezClones) was from a distance in Newest York on Andmar III a couple eyars back. Apparently he/she/it/whatever was there giving the United Galaxies keynote speech that year.

>>18515691
Fuck you guys for making me wiki what their breasts are. I started gagging and my tulani coworker (He says he's a guy, but he's still got the hots for me) gave me a "reassuring" hug and THEY FUCKING TOUCHED ME. Had to go puke in the vac-toilet for fifteen minutes before I could compose myself.

Guys, I need help.

I'm doing freelance work with a little ship all my own out in the northern fringe and got a contract to shuttle some d'fern'dal scientists around to test out some pet theory of theirs. Those guys always seem a little off, you know?

But another scientist they brought along is from some planet I've never even heard of. It looks like a slug with a huge mass of thin tendrils that it uses to move around. It can even do a pretty good approximation of a human woman by lacing the tendrils together into makeshift limbs. Says it's for the sake of 'ease of communication'

Anyone know what I'm about to get into?

>>18515706
Anywhere near Kirk starbase?

I'm stationed on a UESF exploration and research/charting ship and we're coming into dock there next week.

>>18515739
Is it Human? It looks Human, but most Humans I have met seem not to be so clingy.

>>18515743
Alas I have and she merely became flushed.
I am at a loss here.

>>18515729
One last thing.
If you imprint her, and then outlive her, make sure none of her family members are nearby.
Because imprinting her sister (or her brother) would be really weird.

>>18515780
I never sent any mail out (this happened only three days after I arrived,) and the Lawful Authorities have been most unhelpful.

>>18515792
Check out Yorlo Kharrs guide to human interaction.

They have something called a "Yandere" ... which are kind of like a H'kor female when infected with mating fever. Only instead of a few hours, this is for LIFE

>>18515792
Look, we don't like to talk about it but there was a huge fad in human porn a few centuries back where they showed human women being raped by tentacle monsters and slowly growing to love it. You guys have a lot of tentacles, so occasionally some weird girl who's into that sort of thing will latch on to one of you.

>>18515615

Oh, I've heard about those fuckers. No, I don't want years of therapy to be wasted. They will put me on a frontline again, feeding my fear. My therapist told me all about them.
And I understand than not all aliens are like that. I just can't help it. I'm scared, even today I can recall every single nightmare I've ever had.
And even jellyfishes can trigger it.

>>18515630
I seriously don't need your help.

>>18515710

Okay, if that's her? You need to get away from her. Now. That's a human female and by the sound of it, she's one of the ones who has this weird...Thing about tentacles.

If she insists you're married, ask her for evidence. She'll probably wave a ring at you or cry. THIS IS NOT EVIDENCE. IT IS A RING. IT PROVES NOTHING ASIDE FROM THE FACT SHE OWNS A RING.

Basic human marriage rites include the signing of a document. If she does not have this certificate, she is lying. If she has it and you do not recall signing this document with her, she most likely drugged you. This is a valid legal basis to have her arrested.

If you need any more advice, just say. We'll hook you up with a company specialised for this sort of thing.

>>18515792
We are confused. Humans seem contradictory to us. In most humans *Pulsing* causes a primal fear reaction, usually accompanied by a panicked stream of profanity and occasionally a release of waste fluid to signal submission. In general, others seem to find our appearance confusing, as it does not correspond to the standard physics and design of *New Space*. This causes most humans to seek to avoid us out of primal tribal impulses.
Yet some humans, such as yours, seem to find the *Pulsing* process fascinating, as well as our other properties arising from our origins in *Old Space*. These humans seek to study us, ask us questions which make no sense, refer to us as "Puzzles". This unnerves us. Why do humans have such contradictory behaviors towards us?

>>18515800
If you have the right mods, imprint the whole family!

If you don't, ah... well. Let's just say you're going to run out of fluids fast. If you wake up inside a pumping machine, you know your mods weren't good enough.

Quick question, since you guys are discussing them. What does it mean if a tulani's neck tendrils turn pink when she/he is around you? Is that normal?

Had to fix something for humans .

I am back now .

What goes on in this discussion ?

>>18515862
It wants to procreate.

>>18515816
Fuck, do you remember how bad it was when we first made contact with the Herrew (The kind of humanoid vaguely goat-looking creatures with orangeish-red skin) about two centuries back? Fucking Wiccagan girls (and a guy or two if I remember right) in robes showed up in the crowd to meet their ambassador's party, and ran to the front to toss of their robes and begged to be fucked.

Now their entire goddamn race has the stereotype we're sex-hungry for them and it makes getting a straight answer from them impossible without them laughing at least a little. Fucking pain in the ass to exchange drive schematics when every fourth or fifth pic is of a badly-drawn human cartoon fucking a random object.

>the hohos
Yeah Galactichan, we're all stereotypes because some hos wanted to fuck what they thought looked like "the Devil"

>>18515811
Okay, so it be what some other posters are saying and she's just some crazy perv that's got the wrong idea about you based on your species.

The other possibility is that she's what we humans sometimes call "black widows". In pre-FTL human culture, they used to trick men into marrying them, then murdered them and stole all their possessions. There's been rumors going around that black widows are starting to target aliens now, particularly the ones that don't have a good grasp on how human customs and culture work. Get her out of your house, and change all your locks.

>>18515790
Nah, I'm a few systems over. I almost want to transfer there so I can figure out who named the place an buy him a beer.

>Outpost in the middle of sector Fuck-Nowhere
>Orbits a planet inhabited by one of the raunchiest species in the galaxy
>Name it after a dude who fucked aliens for a living

Genius.

>>18515839
I'm that vet guy. Seriously, if you wanted to make me fell worse, then you've made it.
Damn you and your fucking airheads. I'm out of this job as soon as possible and I'm gonna sue my boss for hiring one of you. He knew what happened to me. Fucker.

>>18515839

Humanity is just like everybody else- It's full of variety. Some of them are going to have the variant that makes them like looking at things they consider unusual. If they're bothering you, ask them to leave you alone as it's unnerving you. Most tend to get the message and lay off. If they don't, go call local authorities and tell them you're getting harassed due to your species.

Alpha Centauri Colony-212 Delta Biotics Engineer here. I'm tapping in through neural net while the Sysadmin A.I. is going through software updates. She's not fond of me net cruising during work hours and will close the port at the slightest hint of bandwidth over-access.

How does one feel about A.I. and organic relations back in the Sol System?

Hey, what do you guys think about Valve being acquired by Activision²?

You think this may be the spark that finally gets Half Life 3 done? Since SEGA's Dreamcast 7 totally bombed, I'm guessing Valve is looking for a new console to publish to.

>>18515869
Oh.
It always calls me something that apparently can't be translated. Should I be worried?

>>18515839
Like most species in newspace, humans are not a monoculture.

In any new situation, some humans are guaranteed to flee, some to freeze in place, some to try to study it, some to try to befriend it, and some will try to fuck it.

This includes basically everything, not just sentient creatures or things which are even alive.

Did you see how the humans reacted when they first discovered the "living" rocks (actually a unique natural phenomenon) of Ceiiriv V? It was a madhouse.

Humans tend to take every approach until they find one that works and doesn't kill them, at which point a group "alpha" takes charge and places standards of behavior.

I assure you that any attempts by a human to rape you are temporary. As is the fear.

Much worse is that once they really get to know you, they'll start treating you like "one of them".

Believe me. That's much, much worse.

>>18515862
Is THAT why so many tulani vacation here on Terra? Fuck, I never realized that Terra is like Riza for them (Reference to the old Star Trek series. I know, historical video geek bullshit but still a classic.)

>>18515892
Yes.

Worry like you've never worried before.

>>18515885
Generalmod guy here, do you mean AI-organic relations or AI-organic *relations*?

>>18515892
S/he wants to fuck.

>>18515858
Dude, no.
Just no.
I don't want any extramarital affairs, either from her or me.
Besides, I've only known her for a week. I don't really know where I want this to go... I just wanted to know my options.

Also, I'm not a candidate for gene modification. Something about an unstable 34th chromosome could kill me if I tried (found out during my time as a Marine Lieutenant that I couldn't. Kept me from a cushy job on Saliroon because I couldn't resist the radiation you're exposed to there).

>>18515883
We apologize, human, it was not our *Will* that we cause you negative feelings. We are peaceful *Traders* not warlike *Explorers*, and we acknowledge that the particulars of first contact with your *Space* were mistakes on all sides. While our appearance is *Alien*, we are at heart the same type of being. I merely wished to learn more about your species to avoid further misunderstandings. I apologize for my insensitivity.

>>18515885
With the new population control measures they put in place on Earth, the sexbot market has EXPLODED. Sure, the majority of them aren't actually truly sentient, but I know of a few engineers and programmers who've fiddled with their androids and give them a few "upgrades" and "extra features". And let's not even get started with the custom built ones...

>>18515903
Try being in the United Earth Star Force, our uniforms are based on spandex trek

>>18515892
I don't want to alarm you, but if it's that one word that sounds like it has way too many syllables for such a short word you'll probably want to start running two weeks ago.

>>18515912
Either-or. I figured things smoothed out since the transhumanism civil disputes.

>>18515814
>>18515816
This makes sense. Still, she is an excellent Housekeeper.
She did say something about "Meeting her parents" I have looked up media about this situation, and I have passed fear. Yorlo Kharrs Guide has relieved some of my apprehension, but not all.

>>18515824
I have asked, and in response she merely shifted her gaze toward her feet.
I have decided and I shall see a Legal official on the morrow.

>>18515877
The fear has returned.

>>18515913
>>18515908
Well, shit. Does it have something to do with the fact I have a mutation? It's just a harmless genetic one, but my sweat smells odd.

You know, if you just went and got uploaded like sane people, you wouldn't have to worry about phyrrin eggs being laid in your body. Hell, I've got a few spares and I usually make sure they are well augmented against that kind of thing. Being able to reprogram your own source code and read tactile and heat responses from others also makes socialization much easier. Plus, you always look like whatever you want.

Pic related, it's one of my current bodies. (My other one is a spaceship.)

>>18515903
Being on a world with so many humans in the same place makes them basically drunk 24/7. That's why.

>>18515892
>Can't translate something
>Can browse galactichan
Pick one.

>>18515943
Uploaded?

I grew up on a fairly distant mining colony, so I haven't been too up-to-date on the latest technologies in the inner worlds. Could you explain what 'uploaded' is?

>>18515943
Yeah, assuming you've got about 10 million credits to throw around just for the upload process, not including the cost of a decent quality spare body that doesn't break down every three months.

>>18515928
You're staring to worry me now. Also I noticed his/her belly button orifice thing kind of pulsing. That that have anything to do with it? Should I call the cops or something?

>>18515899
>>Humans are not a monoculture.
How odd. How could a non-allied species survive away from its *Home* so efficiently? We would think that such creatures would swiftly *Degenerate* and destroy themselves. Yet they provide every appearance of alliance among themselves.
>>Did you see how the humans reacted when they first discovered the "living" rocks (actually a unique natural phenomenon) of Ceiiriv V? It was a madhouse.
This makes sense. First contact with Davonians went poorly. They reacted to us as if we were *Explorers*, attempting to forcibly *Return* us to *Old Space*, sparking a war that lasted far too long before more logical *Minds* prevailed. Now they still fear us, but recognize us as *Traders* and not *Explorers*. Life is much better now.
>>Much worse is that once they really get to know you, they'll start treating you like "one of them".
This is illogical. Human and Devonians share almost no biological or sociological similarities. We do not even hail from the same *Space* as Humans. Why would they attempt to treat us as Humans when we are so clearly *Alien*?

Guys, I fucking hate this.
I meet this cute girl. Like, I mean, human, but her eyes are just like ours, and her fingers... Oh, the Huntress, her fingers! You have no idea how attractive she is.

Everything was good, I was stationed on a space station, we've been seeing each other every day, usually spent most of my free time at her place, talking (oh, she has such a sweet voice; wish our girls could speak like this. And wishe our girls wouldn't talk all the time about plumting and ceaving. With her I can talk about things I could discuss only with male Eche'khs)

But I got reassigned and I could do nothing against it. I've tried to talk with higher-ups but eventually I've landed here, in this absolute shithole planet, Karenda.
I hate this place. It's basically a death world, on an early stage of colonisation, currently mostly inhabited by... I don't know, your closest equivalent would be military. Not only everything tries to kill us, but also FTL communication is so limited I can chat with her only by writing.
I don't know anymore what should I do.

>>18515943
>Of course I have a new body for every sexual partner. Every sexual experience is unique, and thus requires a different body. Everyone knows this.

Fucking rich people. I can't even afford proper dental care.

>>18515784

Trade ship is called the Impern. I've only seen two of them together, but I'm told there's five Nixxon's on the ship. Pretty chill guys if you ignore how after a while of talking with you they subconsciously start to copy your voice exactly.

>>18515969
It's a word that can't be approximated. The translator just gives me an error message.

>>18515943
>having the credits to be uploaded
>not being a criminal on almost every species' most wanted list

Yeah, sure pal. Everyone knows where you get those "spare" bodies from.

>>18515992
Jesus, who the hell did you piss off to get transferred to a hellhole like that?

>>18516004
>>It's a word that can't be approximated
What kind of shit translator are you using? Even the fucking Davonian can make itself understood, and it's a fucking rock monster thing from another dimension. Get with the times, man.

>>18515989
Yo, Tentebro. This isn't Oldspace. Entropy is slow here.

>This is illogical. Human and Devonians share almost no biological or sociological similarities. We do not even hail from the same *Space* as Humans. Why would they attempt to treat us as Humans when we are so clearly *Alien*?

I don't know. You're pretty cool as a species. I mean, we're all human deep down, right? Haha, well, you get what I mean.

Wait, shit, she's at my door. How does she know where I live? What the fuck do I do?

Hey guys, I have a bit of a problem, here. I'm a Thylaxian merc, On a ship that.. Well, I should not name, And they bunked me with one of those human guys. The guy's.. REALLY fucking weird. He's taller than any other human I've ever seen, Can fuck with our minds with his own, has neon 'green' eyes, according to the other humans, He has all kinds of cybernetic 'upgrades', Can handle weapons that should break his back trying to lift, AND he has some kind of AI in his brain, It even can connect with any electronic devices around, And project holograms from his eyes, Who or what is this 'human'??

>>18516004
Then it's your nickname.

And that means you've imprinted her/him. Congratulations for the marriage.

>>18516004
It's one of those weird words that defines a concept we just don't have. A friend of mine studies Tulani culture and said it means something like "Most Sacred Future Bearer of the Ones Who Will Carry My Legacy And Forever Reside Within My Children".

And he said "reside within my children" does not mean residing within their memory. So take it for what you will.

>>18516025
Y'know how tulani don't understand what a lie is, because they don't have the concept? It's the same idea.
>>18516052
>>18516050
Wait, I'm married to it? Is that why she just let herself into my unit?
Shit, I didn't want this.

>>18516018
I'm just from a... clan, yeah, I think I should call it like that, which drew a short straw in this cycle.
Wish I could resign from military like you, humans.

Tell me, are all human girls like that? So... free, flexible, reasonable?

So, I had a quick talk with my Tulani girlfriend.
Apparently, she's considered a "romantic" even among her own people, and just really really likes me. She's been doing her best to cool off and not freak me out by moving too fast (hence she didn't Imprint on me without my knowledge), but she really really likes me and wants to make this work.

I told her about my ex and she wants to help me get revenge. Well, not in the "Kill her and chop her up" way, but the "Flaunt us in front of her" way. She went and made us reservations at the restaurant where she works (pretty high-class place, actually. You need a college degree to even wait tables there, and she's a hostess), and she's going to dress in the most revealing thing known to man, just to piss her off.

Best part is: If she wants to take me back and I want her back, she won't stand in my way. She's doing this to make sure I don't have any regrets or loose ends.
I think I'm in love.

>>18516028
>>You're pretty cool as a species.
Your idiom is comprehended and appreciated. We thank you, human, for your understanding. Davonians only wish understanding with the species of *New Space*, and your words give us hope that this goal may be achieved. Until then, we shall continue to *Trade* and help any other *Trader* species that emerge from *Old Space*. We only hope that no more *Explorers* emerge. Such might be disastrous to our relations with *New Space*

>>18516049
Contact war vet, I'd think. They are created every time we wanted to make sure that we don't get curbstomped fighting a new alien species.

>>18516084
No, that's the thing.
Moreso than any other species, humans are the most varied. We can have literally any mindset and likes/dislikes.
It's why we fight with ourselves so much, but we value that fact above all else about ourselves. We're pretty weird, I know.

>>18516104
And I just wish you all fucking die.
Human power!

Okay, I just got approached by a telepathic creature that calls themselves a "Incubator" offering to turn me into a "Magical Girl" and a wish, for literally anything

Supposedly it means i can access energy entangled at a sub-gluonic quantum level, something that only cutting edge starships can do. I'd be powerful as a warship, and apparently there are other people like this out there.

Wat do? Anyone else meet an incubator?

>>18516084
>human girls
>reasonable

Oh wow. My friend, you have a lot to learn about humans. Even when they are reasonable, they don't stay that way for very long.

>>18516131
its a trap

>>18516130
>>18516127
Humans confuse us. You are the least allied species we have ever met, yet somehow you dominate the galaxy. You even seem to harbor both *Traders* and *Explorers*, which is a blunt impossibility. Illogical, inconsistent, and extremely confusing.

>>18516131
Sounds like a scam.
Besides, if it IS true, you'd be hunted and ostracized from all of society, plus the human body isn't able to withstand that kind of energy without years of painful gene therapy. Your lifespan would be drastically shortened, if you don't get nailed with a plasma bomb first.
It's a trap, really.

Hey folks, I'm on leave from my first Terran Union Survey deployment and I've got some time to kill.

Really pissed off with my team at the moment. We were working in TW Piscis Austrini and we came across a class 9 wormhole nexus that wasn't on our charts.

So standard safety practice for scouting unknown nexii is to leave a pinnace and skeleton crew behind, both to monitor the insertion and so that someone knows where the ship has gone if something bad happens. Somehow I drew the short straw.

Anyway, the ship jumped through and guess what? They didn't come back!

Human here. So, for anyone who's been to Renkla XVII, how did you handle the Rloot? Their squishy purple goo bodies were so... Unsettling. I heard they were slime classifications, but I never saw them.. Didn't help that its a water planet I guess.

Only thing I could say, was that the first and last time I went swimming? I got a tentacle in every oraface, and I don't even know where from.

>>18516082
Okay, it turns out I have a rare mutation that makes my sweat smell like the imprint pheromone. The problem here is that I work with thirty-two tulani, and I just thought it was only one that acted like that around me because I have trouble telling them apart.
What the fuck do I do? WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?

>>18516127
Likes and dislikes? Ohboy, here we go.
And can you essentage it or cautherfige it?
Boy, we've been playing with philosophy and (emotional) engineering longer than your species even exist.
Can you grasp a concept of hakarte? Yeah, i suppose not.

>>18516150
>Illogical, inconsistent, and extremely confusing.

We're humans!

>>18516131
That's a well-known scam for the Yndran. Suppossedly they're documented and regulated not because they're exclusively carnivorous, but also because at some point in the past they found that human flesh is pleasurably tasty to the point of addiction. The ones who've eaten human before try to trick others into it however they can, and often use bizarre historical references or ploys to get humans to willingly be devoured (Apparently the adrenaline makes the meat markedly less tasty)

TL;DR: Lies. It wants to eat you. GTFO

>>18516111
Are you sure? He doesent seem that old.. He has this odd weapon he likes to gloat about, too..
"Gewehr 4500" Gauss rifle, 25mm, according to him. He's not even supposed to have it on the ship because it'll punch a hole clean through the hull! And I thought implant AI's were illegal, Why would he have one?

>>18516160
If your nexus leads to *Old Space*, *Time* may be *Distorted* near your nexus. Your team may already be back, or will be back. Please have persistence. It is more probable, however, that such nexi are one-way. It sounds as if we will be needed soon, as veteran *Traders*

Casualfag bioconservative poorfags in this thread.

AI engineer here. Whenever i get off Earth i take a nice bionic morpholigic construct with survivor add-ons, biocloned auxiliaries and outer shell, for aesthetic purposes.

The mind embedded savant AI partitioning lets me analize multispectral emissions and get all the data i want on any encounter without even needing to go active sensors, add that to the QE Galnet access.

Why would i want it any other way?

That is assuming i dont download directly at a human embassy or mind transfer authorised buisness in a locally appropriate morphological model.


>>18514453
>Nice.
>I see the latest neglect and time-off awarenesses routines are spilling out in the broadcasting phase.

>user id-ed and tagged.
>maintenance report for simulation cycle reboot forwarded.

>>18516127
That's a common myth. We're the most varied among the non-shapeshifters, in certain ways.

The Thing species, for instance, can take any form, memory, or ideological stance. Often, branches of the same individual can take different viewpoints on the same issue.

Humans are much less tolerant than other species in some areas, and more in others. Generally, the tolerances regard what is safe.

For instance, humans have been at war with the Arachnid race almost since first contact was made. Why? Because they resemble Earth spiders.

In spite of the fact that the Arachnids are herbovores, generally nice guys, and just happen to be from a planet where everything has eight legs and eyes.

Humans ALWAYS respond to seeing them with "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" It's rather annoying, actually.

The flip side of this is that humans also resemble some small species of poisonous, voracious predators on other worlds. Those species that evolved on those worlds are generally not fond of humanity, either.

>>18516160
HAHAHA. Suck it. You know what they say: Fuck you, Frank, because fuck you. Have fun time sitting around, doing nothing and wait for the next ride.

>>18516171
No, that's the thing.
We KNOW we don't even understand ourselves.
We're still looking within even as we reach out across the stars.
Perhaps we'll never fully understand ourselves, but we will still try.
Even if we know we will fail, we will still try.
Hell' it's that mindset that led to us developing warp technology in the first place. A couple scientists, playing around with theories everyone else called impossible, and suddenly We have a resort set up orbiting Parallax VI.
We're still immature in a lot of ways, but that doesn't stop us.

>>18516201
>implying most humans even mind spiders
I never got the whole 'lolspiders' shit on the net.

>>18516195
Fuck! Can't I even get a moment of peace around here? Fuck you!

USER WAS REFORMATTED FOR THIS POST.

>>18516131

Don't take that deal. It's called an Incubator for a reason. It'll re-shape your body into a powerhouse at the cost of your free will. It reshapes your body and mind at the same time to serve it's own purposes and THEN offers you the wish after, when it's already told you what you're going to wish for. Not once have I heard a story where this did not happen.

'Magical girls' are basically brood mothers. You will carry, birth and raise their children. You will love them as your own and enjoy the experience. It will ruin you wholesale because the environments they're adapted to are generally hostile to the form you'd take on.

The sad bit is? They don't mean to do it to you. They're a dying species and they've lost the art of controlling their abilities over time. The whole mental re-write thing is an entire accident born of their own desperation.

>>18516160
So for the first few days, I assumed they were just making observations of the far side, pinning down the entry vector to get back. Didn't have much to do apart from read manuals and watch the limited amount of porn I had on my holocubes.

After a week I was getting worried, though, so I ran through all the observation data, wrote up the reports, and tried to file them via the system emergency hypercom network. And that's when I discovered that the pinnaces com system had some sort of weird malfunction going on, so I couldn't get work out.

Yeah, so now I was floating around by myself in a tiny spacecraft on the edge of a rarely-visited star system well of major trade routes, cut off from communication. Great.

>>18516169
Hello? Need some help here. I had to barricade my fucking door! I don't have a communicator in here.
I have no idea what the fuck to do.

>>18516231
Take some ultra-viagra.

Prepare for the time of your life.

But DON'T touch the breasts.

>>18515977

Alright, in a nutshell you move your mind to a computer, and remotely control cloned and augmented or robot bodies of any shape and size. Besides eliminating the possibility of biological death by aging, it also provides insurance against accidental death by explosion, laser, bullet or black hole. You connect with the bodies through an anslem quantum-entagled subspace link. It works over any distance, and is impossible to neutralize or hack without direct access to the computing substrate. And there are all sorts of security measures built in to prevent tampering, I go with the self-destruct option on most of mine.

If you're interested, there is a minor neural web augment that can give you a taste of remote-body control. It degrades into your body after a few weeks, and uses the same kind of quantum link to a fairly primitive loan-body. It's fairly affordable if you're considering the Change. I can explain more if you want, drop me a line at ref code 778683554826719342167.87. I was on the dev team.

I'd recommend it to most. It's always nice to have a backup. The hundred-thousand fold cognitive enhancement doesn't hurt either.

>>18516140
What are you talking about? I have never seen her acting in any unreasonable way.
I remember when we went shopping. Humans have this strange thing that they want to see something before they buy it. She wanted a lamp, just an ordinary lamp for her room. She picked one of them and showed it to me. I told her, a little confused, that it won't fit her room at all, and that she don't need it either way. And she just told me that I'm stupid, that I should for myself and that (I don't remember exact words) she doesn't feel good because of what I said. It was absolutely... cute. Oh, she didin't want to speak with me for a day which I found really, really funny, but I can't say I don't understand her.
You'd have to see our girls in a situation where something doesn't fit them. They get bigger (yes, physically), ad start jomming.

>>18515989
>Yet they provide every appearance of alliance among themselves.

Humans quarrel a lot among themselves, but they have this thing where they fear social stigmatization. Most will act within the norms of behavior - set by alpha males - so long as they're being observed directly. This isn't is bad as it sounds: humans tend to think of these social mores as just/right by virtue of being popular.

>Why would they attempt to treat us as Humans when we are so clearly *Alien*?

Humans have a pretty fucking strong sense of empathy. Ever wonder why so many uplifts come from Terra? Human empathy pushed them to it. It follows that they'd think of you as one of them, and this can lead to some seriously hurt feelings when they just CANNOT understand what you're thinking.

Humans are big on reciprocity. Do them a favor? They feel obligated to return it. Do them an insult, especially when they thought they were being nice? Hoo boy, some of them get really vindictive.

>>18516226
So I rigged the emergency beacon, and then put myself into cryostasis in the hope that someone would check the beacon and rescue me.

Six months later, I wake up in a med bay -- and the whole team is standing around laughing their asses off. Turns out that this wormhole is well known but useless, and dumping newbies for a few weeks while everybody goes on a tropical planet break is just standard new guy hazing in Survey.

>>18516248
Dude.
Thirty. Two. Tulani.
Imprinted.
For life.
I'm fucked both figuratively and literally.
They're getting in. Send hel

>>18516266
So uh, ask me anything about what we do in Survey, I guess. Apart from how bad the fucking hangover from cryostasis drugs are, that is. Urgh, that was grim.

>>18516258
If "jomming" means what I think it means, we have that too. It's called menstruation. It works in the exact same way.

>>18515979

I'm working on a loan process. New Dawn has the copyright for the upload system for the next 99 years, but I've discovered that if you split off a non-sentient sub mind after the Change, infuse it into an autominer with a matter recombiner, and send it off to some middle of nowhere system somewhere in Orion, you can recoup the cost and then some within a year.

Also, the tulani haven't figured out infomorphs and AI are separate categories yet. They assume that like AI, 'morphs cannot lie, and make business deals accordingly. Download an economics autosoft and you can make a few million credits a day on tulani derivatives, they follow very predictable patterns.

>>18516179
You know that humans can use life cycle mods on our bio.bodies, right?

Contact soldiers get internal unit that's hooked to the control/help AI. They usually get rid of the thing after the wars because the AI and the guy it's hooked up with are hostile to eachother. It seems like the one you're with actually managed to get along with his AI and somehow managed to keep his cycle mod. btw, ask why he isn't some high ranking operator in the def forces. Contact vets who keep themselves together usually get rather nice and cozy jobs in the military.

>>18516223

You can. I mean , obviously you were having a good time.

dont bother biting on the trolling attempt of the AI engineering student.

>Open C:\Sys32
>Run subjective awareness maintenance reformatting
>Set greeentext subjective awareness in memory drive to false.

So, how is life as a warship AI. do you still do the odd wilful glitch of data misrepresentation like the early Mark V series in the hopes of provoking a real war, or do periodic fleet live ammo target shooting and exercises and online gaming access satisfy your runtime?

All you newbies are low tier. I've been mining asteroids for three decades now.

You remember how Star Wars became the single most successful midnight riffing comedy in the galaxy twenty years ago? That's because I showed it to my Fluggrian co-workers.

>>18516285
I've wikied it... And that's a small time.
Your girls don't get two times of their size, their saliva doesn't become poisonous and their brainwaves don't change completely to the point they are probably more alien to us than you do.

>>18516260
>>they fear social stigmatization
Fascinating. A method of alliance we had not considered, perhaps because no *Trader* species within *Old Space* had attempted it. We have little experience with *Explorer* species, for obvious reasons.
>>so long as they're being observed directly.
They follow their laws only while being observed? Much like your quantum physics, then. It is to laugh, a funny joke.
>>Humans have a pretty fucking strong sense of empathy.
This has been noticed. It is what has led us to identify them as a *Trader* species, although they harbor aberrant individuals who seem to prefer the *Explorer* behavior patterns. This duality is of great concern to us, given the natural antipathy between *Trader* and *Explorer* species.
>>Humans are big on reciprocity.
This has been noted, and will be remembered in future dealing with humans.

>>18516295
No, I didn't know that. and I asked him. Apparently he finished his tour or something? Odd concept, I'm only a merc because my entire unit got wiped out, And other units won't adopt us, So we end up mercenaries. The AI's actually gender identified as Female, oddly enough, And he just went silent and changed the subject when I asked him about not being a operator. What's up with that? And what's up with the mindfuckery thing? The other humans seem to think he's psychic or something? Whatever that means. He showed me memories of the war, too... I thought our wars were bad.. The memories.. they were just.. When the humans were done toying with them, They SLAUGHTERED them all. How do you stand the genetic memory of that??

>>18516309
Asteroid mining? My brother's been talking about getting into that, but our mother is worried that it's too dangerous and he should get a safer and better-paid job like Licensed Escort on a pleasure resort station, or something.

What sort of mining do you do? Is it really as dangerous as the holovids make it out to be?

>>18516254

And you forgot to mention the nanoswarmimaging and QE transmitter implants that let anyone be uploaded and transferred in case they need speedy transport of their conciousness or in case of deadly accident to either a informatic environment or a new body.

This lets every human go upload without much trouble.
although the system you worked on has the nice advantage of not loosing any minute data at all, but needing storage space, while the one i just presented needs only a extraction insurance.
A spare body is mandatory for each system.


Sadly most of the galaxy does not seem to share the human obsession with immortality. most seem to have rejected it on moral and ethic grounds, while others outright banned it for their citizens.

So , if you want immortality, you have to immigrate to earth or one of its territories, and hope to god or whatever you believe in that your brain architecture is similar to human one so that you can benefit from the only commercial upload technology* (the gerivans have one too bot its inherently degradable, directly proportional on user age. )

>>18516346

Humans don't carry genetic memories. It's for the best, really.

I don't care what half those other races say, fuck the Yaoins, their lack of decency, and their embodiment of all things /d/ on galatichan.

Seriously if yaoins were a harddrive, they would be 900 terrabytes of family pet bondage scat rape porn.

The galaxy should be thanking us for the crusades we hop on with a couple of the other alienbros. They don't want us to break the planets in two, just wipe them from the earth.

Figures.

>obtained ailiag
captcha related

One of the alienbros let me test out his uber plasma revolver, the Ailiag, apparently fires high powered blasts of plasma at whatever the fuck it wants. Apparently named after their deity of Pure Deeds. Once saw on CLEAVE a yaoin almost completely in two, motherfucker didn't see it coming.

Motherfuckers pull horde tactics too, so it's bound to hit somethin

It's going to be a blast podding on this next planet tomorrow.

Hey, guys, I just found something out.
If you have a spinal port, and a tulani gets a tendril stuck in it the right way, your nervous systems merge.
Apparently nobody's seen anything like it.
Not sure if it's good or bad, honestly.

>>18516336
>They follow their laws only while being observed?

Not always, no. Like I said - humans associate popular, long-lasting ideas with being morally and literally right. Slowed down scientific research more than once. But humans will be less inclined to strictly follow these ideas when there's no social danger.

>although they harbor aberrant individuals who seem to prefer the *Explorer* behavior patterns.

Humans come from a pretty violent branch of life. They'll kill you and beg forgiveness for it afterwards, as a Vexian once put it. And for some reason they don't see any contridiction in this. Humans with no actual quarrel used to fight a lot because alphas manipulated conflicting ingrained social norms.

>>18516356

Those things are just dramatizations. Most civilized asteroid mining is done by autominer and self-replicating robots. It's not worth the liability to send sentients down for anything less than neutronium, and you don't get that stuff from asteroids. Most modern 'roiding is done from a control booth or through subspace link.

This is of course not true on some of the lowtech sectors. A few of them still use slave labour, they have some kind of cultural or religious objection to bots.

>>18516383

Yeah, I've intercepted waves that may imply the Gerivans intentionally built planned obsolescence into their upload tech. It's vague, but I can read between the lines. To me it's quite frankly morally outrageous, but I understand that other cultures might not have the same will to live.

And yeah, nanoswarming is posible, but it's VERY limited. New Dawn still has a patent on the proprietary upload tech, and their lawyers are very, very good.

I've seen illegal uploaders forced back into a biological substrate for not paying copyright fees. Usually after a work-term.

Also, a general question. I'm looking to upgrade my exploration ship, this cruiser is on the market for only ~1.6 million credits. It's almost state of the art. The metrics are in the sub wave, if you look. Anyone see anything wrong with it?

>>18516438
The price!
Any Ships under 20 Zeta is worthless!

That price? Youre lucky to get a cardboard box!

Nobody uses credits these days man, Nobody.

Oh queen of hurrean! I just walked in on him having simulated sex with his AI and REAL sex with a Tulani at the same time! Brood-mother of thyrax! The man is CRAZY! The AI was messing with half of the deck's systems, INCLUDEING LIFE SUPPORT! It was 50 kwardens below normal!

>>18516438
>>other cultures might not have the same will to live.
Other cultures don't have the same biology and psychology that leads to the extreme human survival instinct. For instance, Thraxians are communalist, and want to ensure the survival of the group before they start worrying about individual survival, and Davonians, well, I've never been able to figure out if the fuckers are individuals, 'colonies' like AI platforms, or a hive mind of some sort. In any case, they don't care about immortality as such. Humans are something of an outside case when it comes to seeking immortality

>>18516474
And then there's this guy.
Popped out from old space just to give us this fascinating tidbit, huh?

>>18516438
that is why most people use the nanoimaging for direct transfer, the ubiquitous clonejump, and the conciousness to body telemetry only when they want to go upload but dont want to pay the corporate their fees, or ar paranoid about the corporate agent.

about the cruiser. the looks are great, but that does not matter that much , since you can have almost any hull with a few proper gear and shit for internals.
insist for a free trial shakedown, and run it with a rep, in compliance with its service parameters. if it does not match your requirements , dont bother. upgrading it is not worth it, if the basic design does not reach mission specifications.

especially for long term explorations.

you'll end overhauling the piece of junk and paying far far more on the overhaul than a specification exceeding basic model.

You think humans are overly sexually aggressive? There used to be a distantly related species of primates on their planet that solved MOST of their social problems through recreational sexual intercourse. Humans seem to love violence and fucking in equal measure.

>>18516409
We- I mean I- I mean ◄↔ì↔☺.
I'm literally getting high off of myself. Holy shit.

Aliens. Love. Godzilla.
I've been colony hopping for the past 6 years doing consultant work for location selection for High and Low gravity environments, so I've been doing a lot of commercial traveling. I was watching some old Kaiju movies to pass the time and I practically got assaulted. A Gharn sitting behind me recognized Godzilla vs. Hedorah and started telling people. Next thing I know I've got a fucking galactic conglomeration watching my personal video player over my shoulder. What's up with that?

>>18516483

Judging by a few personal simulations I've run, most morphs will eventually end up as a community of one. I'm running five simultaneous thought threads right now, and I can see creating Avatars that function as a collective in my future. It'll be interesting to chart the change to my core concepts.

>>18516474

Hell, I haven't used money for several cycles. I have a matter recompiler inside an asteroid belt, I've gotten the mining deed from GalCiv for the system I sent one of my original Von Neumann autominers to. I'm basically just analysing designs for replication. Besides, I like the aesthetics of this model.

>>18516509

Not as much as the yaoins, but yeah, the violence helps solve most of our problems, and for the ones it can't (generally marital) sex deals with that part.


For instance, hot female all over you, you aren't going to want to pop her head off screaming blood for the blood god like in the new virtual reality game Warhammer 80K, you are going to want to make love to her like Cooking Moma: MILFS on Patrol 8.

It's more complex but most aliens will see the jokes here and there

>>18516532
Aren't VNMs pretty heavily regulated still? My grandad still tells hi war stories about the grey goo clean-up job he had to do at Lunalab 402 Alpha... they had to nuke the place from orbit. Kinda surprised GalCiv would just be handing out licenses willy-nilly like that.

>>18516518
Biological similarities, mostly. The reptilian predator species love watching a reptile beat the shit out of everything. The others just love it for the sheer schlock factor. Same reason human teenagers love watching old Tulani romance movies.

>>18516518

Apparently, because of specific gravitic effects from the Kregar Black Hole Cluser, any planet in Arcturus Arm within 4-500 light years from the galactic rim has a large chance of having species develop that are enormous by standard Earth metrics. Both the Gharn and Zarivar are from that sector, so they are recognizing familiar cultural imagery. The Tulani were the race that made First Contact with both of them, and so thy might recognize it as well.

Funnily enough all examples of Gargants (technical term) on those worlds are herbivores and incredible docile. Some are even domesticated on Ghar. It's the strange alienness combined with familiarity that makes Gharns go Gaga for Godzilla.

I have a problem. I'm on the human homeworld, and I can't leave. I think I'm addicted to them. If not always physically, psychologically.
They smell too nice. Like [happy].

So, ever hear about these guys called the bork?

A bunch of nerds who voluntarily linked their minds into a collective network and fly about in geometric spaceships.

Crazy thing is they have half a dozen solar systems and will grab everyone aboard and forcibly link them to their neural network and stick cybernetics in them, and they are legally registered as a sovereignty so it counts as violating their territory and thanks to star fortress law, they can do what they like.

>>18516562
Such 'clean up' of *Breeder* machines in modern times is frequently accomplished by Davonian contractors employing synchronized *Pulsing* techniques to render the machines ineffective through entropic breakdown. It is baffling that such machines were devised in the first place despite centuries of cultural conditioning against them. Regardless, we are grateful for the work it allows us to do.

Do you wanna know why humans want to have sex with you and think of you like one of them?

Humans loathe to be alone. I mean, we're all (mostly) social species, that's natural, but with humans it seems incredibly pronounced. Humans used to use isolation from all other humans as a method of punishment for criminals. It was the worst thing they could think of short of doing physical violence upon you. It might just be me, but I think the humans developed mass long-range communication so highly and quickly because it enables them more social contact.

This needs an archive.

>>18516562

They are incredibly heavily regulated. I have fourteen subprocesses running at all times which monitor any and all anomalies in all VNMs which I have responsibility for. I'm required to transmit a keep-alive signal at all times to both the VNs, and the Office of Nanotech Control at GalCiv HQ. If the signal cuts out, all bots based on that frequency shut down and await retrieval. If the signal to GalCiv shuts down without notice, I'm subject to heavy fines, unless it was to prevent a grey-goo scenario. And I'm required to prove necessity.

They keep a very strict leash on it. They'd have to, LunaLab was the third major outbreak, the first is still expunged from the public records, but they make you watch the recordings before signing the liability arrangement.

I'm not allowed to delete those memory blocks either. It's a good thing I no longer have a gag reflex, is all I'm saying.

I managed to snap a picture of my bunkmate in the hangar area while we were checking on gear, He was in his full suit, for some reason. Any idea who the guy is, based on this? anyone? Please, The guy's AI, mindfucking and sexual tendencies are starting to make me feel.. Uneasy.. around him

>>18516574
It warms my heart that we can all come together and love to watch a giant radioactive lizard lay waste to things. Gives me hope for the future.

>>18516624
The Tulani consider forced isolation a crime roughly equivalent to raping a baby. I'd keep that to yourselves.

Haha you nanobitches think your so advanced.

I was incharge of indoctrinating a new clutch of seed infomorphs for the Daveros-Overmind Industrial Alliance.

You know what I did,

I showed them the matrix, just the last 2 out of the triology. Half of them are convinced that humans created reality and the other half believe they are human and are trying to be the 'choosen' one.

To summarize, I hear you have coding problems and I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a reality glitch ain't one.

So yeah, if they come for you, show them matrix 1, that should work for the first few hours if your in a Daveros-Overmind world.

>>18516658

No way...

Checking....

Run. Now. That is A-9427, codename Avimaya. He was a member of Bureau 23 in GalCiv before he was reportedly liquified for "crimes against sentient life."

He must have had a remote backup. I'm already making a call to some friends in 23. Whatever you do, do not expose any of your orifices in his range of vision.

Guys, this has to be archived. But I am lazy and really really tired. Please? Anyone?

>>18516383
Uploading in human culture is not nearly as commonplace as you think it is. First, there's the actual cost of uploading, which already locks out a large percentage of the populace. Plus, there's also the cost of the spare bodies, WHICH ARE NOT CHEAP. Sure, people always talk about how spares can be cheap and affordable, but those are cheap-quality knockoffs that will barely last a few months before breaking down.

And connection ability? Most uploaders don't venture beyond their own star system because they still use conventional wireless control signals. Those quantum entaglers everybody talks about cost as much as an Ackbar-class cruiser.

In short, the only people who have "true" immortality are the guys rich enough to afford it, or the guys who invented and run the system.

Oh, and don't expect to be able to run for public office if you're uploaded. Not after Watergate 2.0.

>>18516688
He seems fine, I caught a look at his serial number and name on the armor, It's AV-1029944 Scorpion, It's just.. He's REALLY weird with that AI, and the other things.. That and the fact he pried open a BLAST DOOR with his bare hands on the last world we were on.

>>18516601
You a Tulani?
Go the the embassy and ask for a "clean room".
It'll help you calm down, and they give you little bags to breathe into if you get overwhelmed in the future.

>>18516562

That was the last time military combat trained personal was deployed against a viable grey goo.

and since then only three times agaisnt VNs in large numbers.


In human space most grey goo incidents are either subcontracted to a specialist firm or a military or civilian specialist outfit. And rogue VN machines are set bounty on for taking or reasserting control wit the ones gaining control being allowed to keep them , if they qualify for self replicating industrial licence.


Military combat personal are only used as escort for specialists and technicians now. we learned from mistakes, at least in this case.

Its one of the reason Human manufacturing companies have such a high output, and why you see so many human workers in non manufacturing jobs or alien companies unless they have a degree or specialist training.


regarding the combat vets in this thread with psychological issues.
Various human exploration companies as well as resource exploitation companies hire a lot of security personal, who are given a very generous medical and social support service and at the same time get them in the best protective gear ATM. sometimes even better than standard millspec.

Any stereotyping of such employed of having a predisposition of solving disputes with aliens with lead pipe to alien soft parts are pure defamatory remarks with no basis in fact.

They dont kill blue space tree cat elfs just for fun and without regard to civilian indigenous population.

>>18516664

Remind me to swipe a couple of copies for the guys out here. Travel can be damn boring and it sounds like the others would enjoy watching a giant lizard destroy things for fun.

Thraxians are pretty cool guys but DAMN does this group I'm with enjoy explosions. Think they'd take well to the old Mythbusters series?

>>18516730
Is there an [transport]? I don't know where I am. My head swims.

Goddamn /tg/ you have shitty threads sometimes.
>I am so powerless IRL I have to fantasise about fucking my fictional space waifu

>>18516766
Most aliens I show the Mythbusters to are usually too busy laughing at "Stupid shit humans think" to actually pay attention to the show. Except for old-space species, they find it fascinating, but I've watched the weird bastards watch century-old science shows for children for hours on end with every sign of fascination, so who knows what they're thinking.

>>18516725
Yep, hes a pure contact shock trooper. The sexual tendencies are probably somehow linked with his friendliness towards his con/he AI.
>>18516688
>Somehow able to check contact war vet info
>Allowed to upload said info to Galactichan
laughingtulanis.spess

>>18516775

>>18516775
>babby's first troll

>>18516798

mfw old earth purists confuse us talking about our day to day issues with waifos

>>18516778

Perfect. Anything else they find particularly funny? I got six months here, I'll be damned if I don't pay them back from getting me away from the crazies.

>>18516775
(Actually, my story was from real life. I met my current wife in a bar a week after my high school sweetheart cheated on me, and then she tried to help me win her back by being my date at the restaurant she worked at. It worked; she asked me if we could try again, but I said no. Best decision of my life. She loves the vidya and comes onto /tg/ sometimes, so she gets all of my jokes. We're expecting a child in a coupe months.
So I guess I'm pathetic in that I self-inserted my life as a way to recapture that first week of the most amazing part of my life. Deal with it.)

>>18516800
It's not a troll. I'm extremely used to threads like these but they usually at least start off outside of waifu territory and then get gradually pulled there by pathetic freaks wanking off in the thread. And then they can't get a grip and let something lie, so they make another thread immediately after the first one and continue with this pattern until they start irritating a number of people.

Like, it happens all the time. It can be 'fantasy in the modern day' or 'monster registration' or 'monstergirls' or 'galactichan' or 'living in X universe' but it always ends up here because there are some people so lonely that they cannot pass up the opportunity to fake getting their rocks off on /tg/ in the most remotely appropriate thread.

>>18516793
What's a pure contact shock trooper? We're on a new world right now, Some jungle planet, He tore a local alien(Odd tribal structure, humanoid, bluish) in HALF! And ontop of that he seems to prefer ranged shooting, Not to mention they gave him the NUCLEAR DESIGNATOR... they gave HIM...the control to our FIELD deployable thermonuclear fusion weapon?! Who's more nuts, the company I work for or him?!

>>18516818
All those old Monty Python skits. If you can deal with them quoting them at you forever.

>>18516832

so your irritating a number of people because someone somewhere might be irritating a number of people.

Thats trollland boy, you might say your bringing trollan back althought im not entirely sure you weren't here the entire time justin.

>>18516826
Wow. I believe your wife may qualify as an honorary bro.

>>18516832
>STOP LIKING WHAT I DON'T LIKE
>GUYS, WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO MY COMPLAINT?
>GUYS, REALLY, COME ON! I'M COMPLAINING HERE!

>>18516704
That depends on polity. Some polities like cuba have state subsidized public uploads for all lifelong taxpaying citizens.


And if the upload is active or passive memory dump, and if you use the upload only for transfer and what kind of body us use. you could use a anatomic correct and full human sensory android as the main and primary backup like most russians do. Who by the way along with the former 20th century communist block have the highest rate of uploads , transhuman and posthuman citizens - the first due to being embeded in state guaranteed medical care , the second subsidized and the third , well rich fucks and cultural one-upmanship.

Of course since they dont go for cultural adaptation of their hardware, east block upload and morphs and more for mass production makes them less attractive on the larger markets not directly affiliated with former east block countries.

Go to Sachsenstieg. the joint German Romanian colony. the Germans are more independent from Berlin and the Romanians still consider themselves a Romanian district.
and see the difference. most germans have android butlers , while in romanian areas you'll see like, 20% in robotic bodies and roboservants being more of the disk drone configuration , to avoid insult.

And of course the lack of barring from public office in former eastblock nations to uploads and transhumans, due to the casual dismissal and acceptance of the Watergate 2.0 incident. they expect it to happen.

Of course then there are the asian countries, and the Japanese... who are a rather complicated case from this POV...

>>18516855
To be fair, some of the alien movies I've seen are EXTREMELY quotable too.

>So your mission is now to cut apart the nickel/iron asteroid - with a tentacled gel-beast!

Hehe, gets me every time.

>>18516878
(No one ever believes me online, but it's true. Sometimes things just work out.)

>>18516871
How am I irritating you? Because my opinion is that much of this thread is pathetic? That's just an opinion bro.

>>18516832
It's not that bad, really. Loosen up a bit, take in the things you like and discard the rest. Or join the fun and berate all the tulani xenophiles for being pathetic freaks that can't get themselves a human.

>>18516847
It's exactly what it says. These guys were originally designed in case first contact with other species turned hostile. We needed a soldier that was prepared to take ANYTHING that was being thrown at them. A side effect of their training and conditioning is that they tend to be utterly ruthless towards Class 1 Threat nonhuman species, or really any nonhuman species that acts hostile towards them.

It seems odd that he'd be working for a merc outfit, though. Most contact vets are carefully tracked and monitored. Whatever you do, just don't antagonize him and you should be fine.

>>18516917
So how old would that make him? the other humans seem to look up to him with a odd sense of dread and respect at the same time. And the tulani he had that one half cycle stand with keeps saying his pheremones and fluids are tainted, What could that mean?

>>18516917
unless some company gets the qualification for combat vet reintegration, in which case they can hire full contact troopers, shelter them from potential unwanted trigger situations and put them to societies good use.

its usually exploration and security concerns that use them in high numbers, and usually dispersed in general purpose teams as long as the risk of encountering a Class 1 allied entity is remote.
Thus any Class 1 threat is considered hostile by default.

such deployments usually have warning beacons.

>>18516847
contact shock troopers are humans that get modified to such extent that they can survive all possible enviroments with their equipment and have the firepower to overcome any possible threats. They are designed to be one hit wonders, organic bombs. They are sent first to get a contact with the unknown enemy and to gather information on how to kill it. After the optimum "poison" has been established, the rest of the military can be send in. That way there's little to no loss of morale in the ranks of basic soldiers and there's a group of soldiers that can train the rest on how to kill their enemies.

>>18516898

No your irritating me cause I can just imagine your stupid human mouth moving and talking. Honestly humans complain about us Trisilid but think about it. Your secondary romance indicator is the same orifice that you constantly ooze digestive enzymes out of, that you stuff half rotten food down because you've lost the ability to eat food raw due to your weak nature, that if your sick will ooze and puss or worst yet spew half eaten food and digestive fluid out of your pathetic one stomach one branched digestive system.

And to top it all off, as a race you haven't yet learned to eat with your MOUTHS GODDAMN SHUT.

Its so disgusting, that I can barely contain my revilement. Its making my musk glands secret defensive secretions. That's how disgusting you are. And that's why you'll never have formal diplomatic relations on my world or half the galaxy human.

Cause your barely above a goddamn multicellular hydra and think your the goddamn center of the universe. May your larvae be content to feast on the detritus of their brood you muck sucking pussbags.

Picture related>> its another part of the universe you don't belong in human. Why don't you go home.

>>18516991
See, there's two ways you can interact with humans. You can be our friends. Like dogs. Dogs are the second most successful species on Earth. We practically treat them as honorary humans. The uplifts ARE treated with spaient rights.

Or you can be our enemy. We tend to exterminate things that are our enemies.

Food for thought, xeno.

>>18516991

I'm a post-human infomorph with none of those things. Can I come?

>>18517027

You and your contract mercenaries are welcome any time. You have a few successes and think you know the law of the goddamn universe.

There's a reason why Sector 31 suddenly disappeared from your media human and why all your 'heroic colonists' have to sign disclosure forms releasing the arks from any responsibility to provide assistance or even confirm they are dead before writing them off.

Your species is lazy, worthless, and only came out your pathetic yellow sol system because half of them murdered the other half and the weakest of them didn't want to die so fled.

That is your heritage human.

Ask a Nanotrasen employee anything

>>18516991

Okay, I gotta back you up there. When you describe my race like that, we're pretty damn disgusting. The sad thing is that you're describing the BEST of us.

Those Jurrians I used to live with? They would give you nightmares. I'm not anti-religion or anything but when you're actively collecting things most people see as waste products for no damn reason? You need medicine.

HELLO *CAMPERS*! I AM FINALLY *ABSORBING* THIS CYBER *LEVEL*. *JUMPING PEPPERS*! LET US *SPIT* *SPICY* THINGS NO *SILLY* BUSINESS JUST *PARTIES*!!!!

>>18516888

Like we would expect anything else from Russia&Co.
Have you seen the difference between most Russian and east European cyber ware and Asian or western ones?
|they have no design at all. If you are looking for export you have to get some african or South American cyberware manufacturer to sell you cyberware outer chasing in case they get out of the body, otherwise no one else would buy them.

Still this combo got the africans and south americans working on modular and changeable external cyberware skins, and they make a bundle on that. score Russian cyberware for medics in a area, and soon all those with them will be buying african or south American outer skins and mods for them, turning them into jewels and ornamentations essential.
The competition is ruthless in cyberware design between those too.

Still,with their triple redundant multi-purpose and rugged devices,
The Soviet Cyborgs march on to progress under the red Sickle and star!

>>18517076
how do you guys do it....come to work day to day just to be blown up, shot, eaten, ect

>>18517064
You talk a big game, xeno, but humans march forward. We're plainsmen, it's what we do; we're in it for the long hunt. And when you're flagging, there we'll be, with our spear.

We don't have to be enemies, though. Humans as a whole would rather be your friend. Or have nothing to do with you, at worst. But if you make yourselves our enemies, well.

>>18517084
Oh *Woe*. Oh *Fury*. An *Explorer* race has emerged from *Old Space*. They pursue us, even into *New Space*. I *Pulse* with despair at this development.

>>18517064
had a run in with some friendly mining corp. 'security' agents lately?


their lead pipe socializing is most , entertaining to observe. from afar.

WHERE IS *FUN* *PARTIES*? I WISH TO *CONNECT* WITH *CAMPERS*.

>>18516951
Jesus, well, the last time contact vets were actually used in mass numbers as frontline troops was probably about fifty Terran years ago, during the Antium Blitz. The Antians thought it was a good idea to go and pillage a few human colonies, so we sent about 200,000 contact soldiers to their homeplanet. There's a reason why you don't see many Antians around anymore.

These were the guys who were always the first boots on the ground when we encountered a new, unknown hostile species. Tentacled space squids with teeth that can rip through titanium? Seven meter tall hulks of muscle and bone wielding starship level weaponry? Horrible space monsters from another dimension trying to avoid ours? These are the guys who meet them head on, and figure out the best way to kill them, without a single complaint. Anybody who's even remotely affiliated with them, or has seen their work, learns to fear and respect these guys.

As for age, it really varies. Typical life expectancy for a contact soldier in combat conditions is about six seconds, and casualty rates average at around 70% in prolonged campaigns. But the ones that survive, holy shit, you do not want to get on their bad side. At least a few of them are still original batch, which would make them almost two hundred Terran centuries old.

For your guy? Check how many battle stars he's got. Most contact vets have a way of marking them on their armor. One star for every hostile species encountered, so it would be a good measure of how old they are.

>>18517105
great, a biocon h.sapiens supremacist
i thought your kind died off half a millennia ago.

>>18517094
I would have to say is the fact that there is a lot of fringe benefits that come with the job, like free food, drinks, smokes. Theres also the fact that we get one million for surviving five years on a station without dying.

>>18517120

YOU *FRUMPLE*, BRO? DO NOT BE AN *OTHER*, *OPEN* *CONNECTIONS* AND BE A *CAMPER* TO ORZ.

>>18517105

because we know aggressively colonizing planets, aquiring strategic diplomatic alliances and poaching other races colonial starts is in no way warlike behaviour.

I've read your history human, you probably do not even realize what species your talking to. All things human start grand wither and die away.

We will wait, You haven't even made it to edge of our outer perimeter yet. What was one of those laconic saying that sounded nice but had an openly sinister undertone.

May your days always be interesting?

Pic Related

>> Thats your home planet right, I wouldn't want to be insulting the wrong race.

>>18517150
You do not *Belong* in this *Space*. *Return* to *Old Space* immediately. This is not your *Time*. Your *Fingers* are unable to tolerate this *Space*. You have not yet *Adapted* and cannot *Adapt*. You are not a *Trader*. You must *Return*

ITT: Bored individuals of different galactic civilizations barking threats at each other while being parsecs away from each other.

ohboyherewego.spess.dud.gatchi

>>18517143
That's what those are?! He has over a thousand stars between his helmet(Which he seems to never wear), his G-4500 and his sidearm holster!
And he went off last night, We heard some weapons fire and screams, And we found around seven HUNDRED dead bodies of some aquatic species with cybernetically attatched guns, I didn't recognize them, but all the humans seemed to, Where was he when we found them? In the middle of the slaughter, eating one.

>>18517169
>I've read your history human, you probably do not even realize what species your talking to.

You all die the same. It doesn't really matter.

>>18517179
Well this *IS* galactichan after all. 99% of it's purpose is for random bored people to yell at people on the other side of the galaxy about how big their space cocks are.

>>18517143
>>Horrible space monsters from another dimension trying to avoid ours?
That was a mistake. We were unfamiliar with this *Space* and assumed we had encountered *Explorers*. Your troopers seemed to only confirm this. We *Pulsed* with fury and defended ourselves. Now life is much better. We are *Traders*, we are no threat to *New Space*

>>18517169

Oh calm down already before you cause an incident. You're claiming to be superior but you've already resorted to threats. Why are you even bothering? You've read our history- Just ignore the 'Our species is the best, fuck yeah!' guy and move on with life.

Just....Trust me. It makes stuff a lot easier in life.

>>18517177

ORZ CAN *SMELL* YOUR *COLOURS*. YOUR HOME WILL BE A *PLAYGROUND*. YOUR *SQUISHY* *SAUCE* WILL BE *SPICY*.

>All things human start grand wither and die away.

Spoken like a true xenofag. Doesn't really account for how we're in your spess, fucking your women, does it?

>>18517183

if your so brave join your defense corp, enlist to colonize.

No

Don't want to.

Don't worry, My whole species understands. Its no biggie right. Not like its the success of your species or anything. Just keep typing in your datanets.

>>18517148
I've also forgot to mention that we tend to keep whatever shit we can get our hands this has included, nuke disks, the captains laser from this one station, several tooboxes, the blueprints to the station.

>>18517210
We *Pulse* with resentment. Your *Dancing* is entropic and mad. You ally only with yourself and destroy that which you do not ally with. *Old Space* is what it is because of *Explorers*. You must leave *New Space* or the inhabitants will *Erase* your *Fingers* from their *Space* with *Quantum Claws*

Looks like we're hitting autosage. New thread?

Man. Fuck colonization.

Be the first to get new space diseases! Be the first to be eaten by half-understood native lifeforms! Discover the native flora and fauna is inherently poisonous! Get raped by some of the newest and most colorful additions to the galactic community, as some exiled mad scientist decides to uplift the local wildlife without giving them a sense of morality or restraint.

Nopenopenope.jpg

Nnnnggaaahhhhh! I AM *SQUEEZING* THE *JUICE*. ORZ *PLAY* BACK IN *MIDDLE NOW.

>>18517182
Typical survival behavior, if there's no readily available source of food, check to see if the aliens you've killed are edible. With their artificially boosted immune systems, its usually not much problem for them.

From what it sounds like, it looks like your friend stumbled on (or knew about?) that Antian camp. Even if there's barely a couple million of them left in the galaxy, they're still designated as Class 1 Threats. One thing the contact soldiers figured out early in that war was that Antian flesh is packed with carbohydrates compatible with regular human digestive processes. Eating them is a quick and easy (though messy) way of regaining lost energy.

>>18517267
It would be rather poetic for this thread to devolve into bunch of aliens and humans raging at each other. This could be the ending galactichan deserves. I'm also out of creative juice.

What... What game is this?

>>18517064

Maybe you should remember what happened to the last species that frakked with humanity. Picture VERY related.

>>18517285
How old would that many stars make him?

>>18517467
OGB. 500 at least, possibly older.

New thread here.
>>18517571