>>17892000

Even though it's incredibly easy to make your own character in d02, this was a con, so I made 6 pre-gens.

1) Ann Ominous. Skillz: get yer gun, shoot things dead, stab things. Wepoans: knifeguns (infinite #). They're hidden all over her body, so if anyone tries to grab her, they all stab and shoot the guy first.

2) Token Black Guy. Skillz: be where action is, kill every mutha in tha room, too badass to die. Wepoans: karate, nunchucks, swordchucks, gunchucks.

3) Hiro Protagonist. Skillz: be the guy, locate plot, use plot device. Wepoans: plot armor.

>>17892053

4) Spess Mehreen. Skillz: astronot, Vietnam flashback, kill every mutha in tha room. Wepoans: chainsordgun.

5) Teh Sidekick. Skillz: pack mule, take one for team, just an NPC. Wepoans: bottomless backpack.

6) Gaseous Snake. Skillz: have an eye, escape from NY/LA, beat the clock. Wepoans: box of hiding, sleep gun.

>>17892084

Now for those of you too old to remember or too lazy to open the image, d02 handles character advancement by letting players write stuff on their character sheets while the DM isn't looking. To the players' credit, none of the character sheets survived either session intact.

Both games began the same way. PCs were brought into a briefing room in the Pentagon where Uncle Sam gave them the assignment. He was dressed in a flag-colored suit and top hat, with the idea that if the PCs get captured and tortured into revealing their employer's name, all they can say is they work for Uncle Sam.

Uncle Sam told the PCs that today, on the bicentennial of the US, KISS was playing a concert in the Central Park of New York City. There was, however, intel of some shenanigans behind the scenes, which is why the PCs were sent in.

>>17892169

The party, which consisted of Ann Ominous, Token Black Guy, Hiro Protagonist, and Gaseous Snake, then took a helicopter to NYC and parachuted out over thick clouds. Hiro, trying to be a badass, attempted to Use Plot Device on the parachute and messed up, strapping himself in upside down.

Fortunately, the entire park was packed and the crowd cushioned his fall. Hiro's Locate Plot skill then pointed him to the stage. KISS were actually playing on top of the castle in Central Park, projecting lasers into the clouds and blasting music from loudspeakers all over.

>>17892238

The rest of the party landed without a hitch and they all proceeded to the castle. Gaseous Snake, noticing that the castle was right next to a turtle pond, became concerned about how they'd handle all the loud noise. He then attempted to use Save Turtles and failed. Repeatedly.

The PCs had an issue getting into the castle until Ann Ominous succeeded in flashing her Buoyant Boobies. Once the party was in the castle, they faced their first real challenge: an ancient knight clad in black armor, who told them that none shall pass.

What followed was a comedy of errors. Ann failed to shoot the knight dead. Black Guy failed to Death Glare the knight, even when his (meta) Flip Coins skill allowed him an extra shot at it. Snake held his action as Hiro attempted to talk to the knight, to which the knight responded by stabbing Hiro in the face.

>>17892326

As Snake took his action by attempting to Save Turtles again, Teh Sidekick showed up, asking "Why did you guys leave without me again?" He then attempted to pull the sword out of Hiro's face and critically succeeded, so I told him the sword was Excalibur.

In a bout of ingenuity, Hiro then attempted to Bleed Acid and succeeded, melting the Black Knight and most of his own face off. A few failed First Aid Kit, Save Turtles, and Locate Plot rolls later, the party was on its way up the stairs.

On the second floor, they encountered three skeletons. Two of them seemed normal, while the third, who was in the middle, had its arm bones whittled down to sharp blades. When the party entered, the other two skeletons grabbed the blades and spun them, allowing Skelethopter to lift off.

>>17892418

This time, Black Guy took point, failing to notice that Kill Every Mutha in tha Room was useless against things that were already dead. Fortunately, with judicious application of Flip Coins, he was Too Badass To Die when the skeletons hit him.

At this point, Sidekick whipped out his Gigantic Wind Fan and blew the Skelethopter away. Skelethopter overcompensated for the wind and flew straight into the fan, getting chopped to bits in the process. Snake, having successfully used his Popcorn skill while watching Hiro get stabbed in the head, now threw it at one of the skeletons, which made it slip and fall.

This was when the Black Guy whipped out his new skill and attempted to summon NAACP Lawyers. His reasoning was that the skeletons were white, there were three of them, and they all tried to gang up on the ONE black guy who was there. He slammed the coins down and realized the problem: it was a critical failure. Instead of the NAACP, he managed to summon three KKK members, hoods and all.

>>17892537

Fortunately, the Black Guy was also quick on his feet. He attempted to be a Sneaky Mofo and critically succeeded, disappearing into the blackness. Without a target, the Klan had nothing to do but unsummon themselves back to wherever they came from. South, probably.

At this point, Snake managed to Scale Walls Like a Spider around the remaining skeletons. Hiro succeeded on his Grow Claws skill, Ann retrieved her Croquet Mallet and the two of them finished off the remaining zombies. Now, nothing stood between the party and the rooftop.

But once the PCs arrived there, they were treated to an unexpected sight. KISS were playing, sure, but in the back of the stage, right across from the party, stood a huge, glowing portal to a realm of flames and metal. Out strode a demon hefting an axe, by which I mean guitar, by which I mean he could also use it as an axe if he wanted to. And he began to play.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxJwP0izGgc

....continue

>>17892647

Hiro (his player being a music nerd) immediately called for Copyright Infringement. The roll failed. He had forgotten that the game was happening in 1976 and the song hadn't been released yet. The demon brought it with him from the dimension of ROCK AND ROLL, making it an original work until a mortal actually tried to claim the copyright.

Black Guy attempted to use Blinding Glare off Gold Chains on the demon and failed. Sidekick attempted to strike the demon with the Excalibur and critically failed, impaling himself through the heart. This is what NPCs get for thinking they're PCs. Ann managed to apply the First Aid Kit to him, though, so he survived.

Snake, remembering his real mission, snuck away from the confrontation in order to Save Turtles and finally succeeded.

>>17892739

In a fit of temporal shenanigans, the Black Guy used a Bad 80's Punchline to blow out the demon's eardrums. Hiro finally realized the Public Domain potential of an untapped realm of metal songs and tried to Use Plot Device to out-metal the demon. As has been the theme of his plot-related skills, he failed miserably.

And then Ann was struck by inspiration. Calling upon the powers of the Internet, she pulled the dreadful RULE 34 card...and succeeded. She flashed her buoyant boobies and the demon liked what he saw. He grabbed her and dragged her off into his realm to be his demon bride.

"But wait!" the PCs cried. "Didn't you say that Ann's infinite knifeguns would stab and then shoot anyone who tried to grab her?" And so I was forced to let Ann roll one last time to avoid her fate as a queen of ROCK. She grabbed the coins, shook them, and slammed them down.

Critical.
Failure.

>>17892835

All of this took only one hour.

Of the 4 friends who were there at the start of the impromptu session, 3 liked the game enough to sign up for my table of d02 the next morning. Which was a good thing, considering I listed the event late and had no players signed up at all.

Of course, it also gave me the headache of coming up with new plot twists to keep things fresh, but such are the things DMs do for the love of the game.

I hope this recap has been to your satisfaction, /tg/. Do you want to hear the how second session went as well?

>same probalc

Goddammit, captcha. Stop stealing my thunder.

>>17892868
Sure, except: what happened when she rolled critical failure?

>>17892912

She became the Demon Queen of Metal, of course. With lots of Rule 34 applied liberally all over. The portal tastefully closed to spare the world from a metal orgy.

Also, it was Fate, telling her to stop prolonging the session and go play whatever she signed up for in the next convention slot.

>>17892940
Well, cool story bro.

The following took place at 9AM on Saturday morning. You're gamers, you know what it takes to get out of bed that early, on a Saturday no less. But hey, d02 know no limit, and it was more fun than my friends could handle. They had the shakes and I had the fix.

Because all 3 people at the table had played in the "preview" session, I added new rules: 1) you can't pick the same pre-gens as before, and 2) you can't duplicate abilities/gear. No copying from your earlier stuff or from the other players. I wanted originality, dammit.

We started with Ann's player picking up Hiro and Snake trying out Ann. The Black Guy from last session turned into the only unused character, Spess Mehreen. The briefing was identical. They all agreed to the mission and were dumped out of the helicopter over Central Park as before.

>>17893057

The Mehreen landed first and got freaked out by the crowd, triggering a Vietnam Flashback. Fortunately, he failed his Kill Every Mutha in tha Room skill, because an entire Central Park of dead people is not a good way to start the session. Unfortunately, he was still freaking out, so the fans around him fed him some pot to mellow him out. That was how he obtained the Pot (Inside) skill, and I specifically told him he would not be able to weaponize it.

Once the other PCs landed and found the Mehreen (he was hard to miss), they proceeded to the castle. As before, there were two bouncers barring the way. At this point the Mehreen pointed out to me that he had managed to weaponize the pot with a Pot (Outside) skill and attempted to use it on the bouncers to mellow them out. He succeeded, but the nature of how said Pot got from the Inside to the Outside left the bouncers with shit-stained faces.

At this point, Ann just tried to Ask Nicely if the bouncers would let them pass. Surprisingly, it worked - the bouncers had had enough shit to deal with even before someone started flinging pot-stained poo at their faces and wanted the party to get out of their sight. Inside the castle was fine by them.

>>17893173

This time, the first floor was guarded by a cerberus. It charged at the party and tried to bite all 3 of them at once. Hiro and Mehreen were both hit, but I didn't want to kill them off this fast so I gave them both the Injured skill. Hiro decided his name was actually AMERICAN Hiro Protagonist, busted out his "Stars and Stripes Forever"-brand throwing stars, knocking one head off the cerberus. Ann shot another head dead. That left only one head staring at the Mehreen.

Weaponized pot had clearly gone to the Mehreen's head because he attempted to calm the dog down with it. He failed this roll, ending up with a mess on his hands. The lone dog head was quite confused and missed its attack.

Hiro, being injured, attempted to summon Hot Nurse, but failed miserably. At this point, just as in the previous session, Teh Sidekick showed up because someone walked by and wanted in on the game. The Mehreen then attempted to hide from the cerberus by using camo paint...and critically failed. He took the full tube of neon-bright orange paint and applied it liberally all over himself, thinking that he's always wanted to try this color and never had the chance to.

Ann then put the poor, confused dog out of its misery.

>>17893313

The party then proceeded to the second floor of the castle. Where before they met two regular skeletons and a Skelethopter, this time five figures waited for them. All looked somehow off, shambling forward with unnatural stiffness. New, non-KISS music started playing in the room, and the central figure intoned: "It's close to midnight. Something evil's lurking in the dark."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=sOnqjkJTMaA#t=285s

Now remember, the concert was taking place in 1976, so the only Michael Jackson the PCs had seen was the little one from Jackson 5. Instead, what they saw was post-2000 Michael, and the dissonance was enough to force a Be Horrified roll from each of them. Ann had failed hers and was. Hiro attempted to reflect Michael Jackson's horrific appearance back through shining metallic spandex and succeeded. The Thriller zombies then shambled forward and attacked the party.

Hiro, who had previously been injured, got hit again. I had him make an Injured roll, which he failed. Through use of some confusing wording and double negatives, it was argued that Hiro was no longer Injured because he failed to be Injured, so Hiro lost his Injured skill. The Mehreen, however, fared far worse.

>>17893461

After being bitten by a zombie, the Mehreen somehow thought it would be a good idea to set a trap for the zombies, because he had learned how to set traps in Nam. He critically failed, which resulted in him making and then setting off the trap right where he stood. Normally, this would have Injured him, but he was already Injured and was just bitten by a zombie, so instead he became Zombified. The party now had a neon-bright orange zombie Vietnam vet stuck in a trap on its hands - which was how he got to be known as Agent Orange instead.

The zombies weren't surprised by this development at all. They pulled out a copy of Michael Jackson's Thriller on cassette tape and attempted to shove it down the zombie Mehreen's throat, chanting One Of Us in tune with the music. Mehreen's Convenient Clumsiness prevented this reprogramming attempt.

At this point, another person came by the table, and the Token Black Guy appeared out of nowhere after making his Be Where Action Is roll. He looked around, put on his Sunglasses of Cool, and proceeded to do nothing.

>>17893546

This was where Teh Sidekick busted out his Pop Culture skill and challenged plastic surgery zombie Michael Jackson to a Thriller dance-off. Yes, he had the balls to try to out-Michael Jackson Michael Jackson himself, just by watching Michael Jackson's moves - because, remember, Thriller wasn't released in 1976. This went on for several rounds, during which Sidekick kept Michael Jackson busy and prevented unknown horrors from being unleashed on the rest of the party.

But Ann had other plans. She had used her Climb Like a Monkey skill to bypass the whole room and was standing on the stairs to the roof. Looking for something to do, she realized that Michael Jackson was the only Thing she could Shoot Dead, so she did. Predictably, what with Thriller playing and zombies around and the amount of plastic in his body, this did not stop Michael Jackson. It did, however, infuriate Sidekick that someone would try to interfere with the sacred dance-off, so he flew into a Nerd Rage. His rage was so great (critical success) that he spontaneously zombified himself in order to conform to what he saw as the changed rules of the contest - if Michael Jackson was now a zombie, he would out-zombie Michael Jackson himself!

During all this, Hiro continued throwing Stars and Stripes Forever and decapitating zombies. Since "forever" was part of the name, they had to be infinite, right?

Black Guy looked around, saw that everything was covered, and Hid in Blackness.

>andonpvi fought

Seriously, captcha. Stop it.

i lolled so hard

>>17893649

(Ran out of pictures. All the before/after character sheets have been posted.)

The zombified Mehreen's next move was to call his Sarge, who immediately proceeded to slap the zombie out of him and tell him to not do all the stupid crap again. The Mehreen then avoided zombie attacks with Rule # 1 - Cardio. At this point, while still in the Blackness, Token Black Guy attempted to Bring the Funk and strike Thriller Michael Jackson down with a judicious application of MAXIMUM VOLUME.

And critically succeeded.

A maelstrom of funk, centered on apparently nowhere in particular, filled the room. It swept up everything in it - the party, the zombies, the plastic Michael Jackson - as the Black Guy walked up the stairs, towards the Location of the Plot that Hiro pointed out earlier. Everyone got dumped onto the roof together.

The scene was the same as before - KISS playing the concert, portal to a demon realm, demon lord with axe/guitar. This time, the Mehreen's first action was to declare "I Don't Believe in Zombies" and succeed, which meant he was now immune to all zombie shenanigans. He also could no longer see KISS.

>>17893760

The bigger problem was what to do with the demon lord. Hiro jumped into the lasers and attempted to redirect them with his shining spandex codpiece into the demon's eyes. The maneuver was a success...except that Hiro forgot to stick the landing (Plot Armor didn't help) and fell off the roof, landing in the turtle pond. The reflective spandex was ruined.

While the demon was blind, Ann had succeeded on her Be Horrified skill and was horrified, so the other members of the party needed to bring up the slack. Mehreen tried to disconnect the wiring to the amps in order to stop the concert and critically failed. Instead, he got caught in the wiring with the current passing through him and zombified again. His electrified form was projected onto the clouds and worshiped by the audience below as the Zombie Jesus. Hiro then succeeded on the Chronicle skill, creating the New New Testament of Zombie Jesus.

The Sidekick was jealous and attempted to usurp the Mehreen as True Zombie Jesus, but instead only managed to get the Mehreen unstuck. And thus was written the tale of Zombie Jesus's yo-yo relationship with death, so that all may speak of how baked they were when they saw Him.

(The Mehreen blamed my loaned coins for all the crits. We took a coffee break and I told him to go break a dollar. Spoiler: it didn't help.)

>>17893861

But the demon was now no longer blind and about to attack the party. The Sidekick decided to call upon the eldritch might of RULE 63 without fully understanding the power he was trying to wield. Fortunately, he succeeded.

You know how every time you defeat a tough boss, it turns out he was just the baby version of the real bad guy? Well, Rule 63 managed to summon the demon lord's MOM, who then proceeded to UNDERGROUND him for invading the mortal realm without permission. She was also kind enough to tell the PCs they should head back to Washington, DC because Uncle Sam was trying to end the world or something. See, she had scheduled an invasion at a future date and really didn't want to cancel on account of the world being gone. As she dragged her son back, she scolded him for always leaving portals open, like he was raised on the Eternal Plains of Battle or something.

Thinking the best thing to do was make an impressive exit, the Black Guy then busted out a Dramatic Amount of Explosives. In the middle of the most pyrotechnics-heavy concert ever. Fortunately, everyone either had shenanigans powers or was already a zombie, so no real harm was done, and the audience thought it was just part of the show. The Mehreen then used his Next Scene skill and got everyone to DC quickly.

(This is where Snake's Escape from NY/LA skill would have been perfect, but no one picked him this time.)

>>17893908

Arriving in DC, the party noticed something was off. Specifically, the Washington Monument had taken off and was now headed for orbit. Ann used Climb Like a Monkey to get into a cockpit of a plane, and the Mehreen then used Piloting to catch up with the Washington Monument. He then had the bright idea of using his Kamikaze skill to crash into the monument, so I let him roll it.

Fortunately, he critically failed - which meant that he had actually missed the monument and the whole party was still OK. To help out, the Sidekick produced a Grappling Hook, tied it to the plane, and shot it at the monument, with the idea of having the party zipline over to it. The Mehreen trumped this by using Impossible Physics: his critical success allowed him to safely land the plane on the surface of the Washington Monument as it was flying out into space.

The Sidekick then produced a Portable Hole and slapped it on the floor of the plane. The hole went through the monument's outer surface and let the party board without exiting the plane itself. The bored Black Guy then tried to Be Where the Action Is and ran ahead of the party, up the Washington Monument's internal stairwell.

Thank you for this thread Lost Soviet... I've been meaning to laugh so hard that I spit food on my screen and almost choke for a while now...

>>17893983

The rest of the party caught up to the Black Guy just as the action was starting. See, they had walked into a Secret Service ambush, with five agents (one for each PC) shooting at them. The only one who didn't manage to avoid their fire was the Sidekick. He was still Zombified at this point, so I told him he has gained the "-1 Arm" skill. I then asked him how many arms he started with. Unfortunately, he didn't take the bait and answered "2".

The Black Guy, finally ready for some action, decided to Kill Every Mutha in tha Room. He succeeded, and suddenly there was no action to be had...until someone wanted to know if "Mutha" referred to the individual being a mother. Sure enough, a DM roll confirmed that 4 of the Secret Service agents had been expecting mothers, and now their Secret Service babies were crawling out armed with Secret Service Sig Sauers. The Mehreen called bullshit with Impossible Physics and succeeded, so instead the Secret Service babies were delivered by storks and floated down on their diaper parachutes.

Unfortunately, babies make very poor combatants, and they missed every Sig Sauer shot they took. They landed with their diaper parachutes covering their heads, so Sidekick attempted to have an Epiphany regarding babies and object permanence. Had he succeeded, the entire party would have become invisible - but the Epiphany didn't work. Neither did his Backup call for Ninja Muppet Babies in Pokeballs.

Instead, a combination of Hiro's Sing Lullaby and Mehreen's Parenting and Walk Quietly skill allowed the party to put the Secret Service babies to sleep. The Mehreen then looted 6 Secret Service Sig Sauers, which I let him keep because he managed to say it fast 6 times in a row.

>>17894105

The then party proceeded further up the stairwell. Suddenly, something crashed through the side of the monument - something metal, with a hammer and sickle on the side. The Mehreen's Astronot skill told him it was a Soviet Soyuz spacecraft. Sure enough, it opened up to disgorge five (one for each party member, again) Soviet astronauts with AKs.

This one was a slaughter. The Mehreen used his Ambush skill to let the party go first, and the Black Guy gunned everyone down with Kill Every Mutha in tha Room again. The PCs had learned their lesson, though, and were smart enough not to ask if the skill referred to actual mothers.

Finally, the PCs reached the tip of the Washington Monument and burst into its cockpit. What they saw was the bridge of the Enterprise with Uncle Sam sitting in the captain's chair. He greeted them in his best Kirk impression and gestured to the viewscreen, where the party saw 3 flying saucers with nazi swastikas scrawled on their sides. The time had come for the final showdown.

I would need a heavy amount of liquor to play this system.... but everyone should have it....

>>17894175

The Hiro, sensing this was the time his country needed him the most, finally managed to summon the Hot Nurse and tossed her to Uncle Sam. This time, coins were rolled for heads and tails, not for success and failure, if you catch my drift. With Uncle Sam otherwise occupied, Hiro took the captain's chair for himself and drove the Washington Monument through one of the nazi flying saucers, spearing it on the tip.

This is when the Sidekick had the bright idea to stop being an NPC. He whipped out his Iron Man Suit and attempted to fly out of the bridge while brandishing Rosie O'Donnell on the stick, which which he intended to strike down a flying saucer. While he managed to get the Iron Man suit on with his -1 Arm, he neglected to account for the structural integrity of the Washington Monument's cockpit, or for that of Rosie O'Donnell herself. He ended up in space, with his exploded "weapon" smeared all over his armor, and with an Iron-Man-sized hole in the bridge's viewscreen.

Knowing who always dies first, the Black Guy made his Slow Motion Reflex Save to run out of the bridge and back down the stairs. Ann made her Run Fast skill check as well, but Hiro refused to abandon his cause (Plot Armor failure). The Mehreen, who by the way was still a zombie, got sucked into the hole by the escaping oxygen and somewhat plugged it, though losing bits of himself to the vacuum in the process. He then succeeded on his Astronot check and used his best Data impression to give Hiro advice on the best course of action.

>>17894264
Keep going dammit.

>>17894264

The Sidekick, already in space in his Iron Man Suit, whipped out his Vorpal Whiffle Bat and successfully cut one of the flying saucers in half. With all panels exploding and all systems screeching warnings, Hiro piloted the Washington Monument through the last of the nazi flying saucers, spearing it through as well.

Down in the stairwell, the Black Guy was trying to get as far from the action as possible. I had expected him to run all the way back to the plane, but instead he grabbed Ann while the two of them were running past the Soyuz. Again, the players screamed at me about the infinite knifeguns, but again the result was negative - not one had gone off. Black Guy successfully tossed Ann into the Soviet craft.

You know how, if you're trying to launch a boat from the shore, you sometimes need to push it a bit before climbing in and actually rowing. Well, with a critical success on his Too Badass To Die skill, the Black Guy did that to a spacecraft. He pushed the Soyuz away from the Washington Monument with enough air in his lungs to climb into the airlock and close it behind him.

Unfortunately, neither he nor Ann could actually pilot the thing. Even when Ann snuck a Piloting skill into her repertoire, she failed the roll, instead activating the autopilot. When last seen, the two of them floating down towards Siberia, with the Black Guy rocking his Bringing the Funk skill and Ann too busy Being Horrified to notice.

>watchere Trev.

I don't know, captcha. Is Trev watching?

>>17894366

While the zombified Mehreen managed to bail out at the last moment by finally succeeding a Fade To Hospital, the last 2 party members didn't fare so well. Hiro took his end in stride by failing another Plot Armor check. He went to his death saluting Uncle Sam who was getting head from a Hot Nurse on the bridge of the original series Enterprise inside the Washington Monument on July 4th, 1976, the bicentennial of the United States of America. I can imagine no better end for the American Hiro Protagonist.

But what of the Sidekick, you ask? The one-armed man (he managed to use Zombie Cure on himself) inside an Iron Man suit? Well, he was feeling a bit left out, so he attempted to finish off the session in a dramatic fashion. Specifically, he tried to pull of a Dramatic Exit, and failed. Instead, he exited out of his Iron Man suit. While still in space.

Let this be a lesson to all NPCs out there. Don't try to get away with PC crap. The dice gods are watching.

>>17894419
slowclap.gif

>>17894419

The whole thing took 3 hours from start to finish. The Black Guy's player needed to leave at noon, and frankly by the end I was running out of both steam and vocal cords. Ate a couple of Halls just to keep going.

I hope you've enjoyed this, /tg/, and I hope I've inspired you to have a batshit crazy d02 game system colon cleansing next time your group just needs to unwind.

Remember, it's d02. It Know No Limit.

Archived...

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17892000

Fucking beautiful.