Axe-murderer, of course.

Yes! It's time!

>[X] Give your axe-murderer a jingle.

Part of me is doing this out of love, but the majority of me is doing this out of fear if I don't do this.

>[x] Help the Tau girl find her brother.

TIME FOR SOME MORE OF THOSE GREATER GOODS

>Also sorry for not getting the last story on 1d4chan, papa, had a lot of shit to do including starting my second job, I'll probably sort it out tomorrow night

Eldar twins.
We never got to hang with them much.

>>17434210
don't worry about it, my schedule has been hell. Still not finished with Esh's dialogue and I've got 20 credit hours worth of classes starting Monday.

...and a 33% Monmusu quest part 2 translation coming out tomorrow I believe.

And I haven't even gotten through act 1 of KS yet...

I need some way to slow down time!!!

[X] Dinner date on a skiff with the Dark Eldar twins.

We have to visit the Axe-murderer, else she will visit us...with an axe. To the face. Way she says hello.

mind bullet training

>>17434223

>...and a 33% Monmusu quest part 2 translation coming out tomorrow I believe.

I DON'T THINK THE 1D4CHAN PAGE IS GOING TO BE UPDATED IN A WHILE, THEN

>>17434228

Would that really be so bad? I mean she killed us the first time and that just led to partying and sex.

Where are all the usual fa/tg/uys? HL threads usually tend to fill up in seconds

>>17434316
My guess is playing KS.

...and none of you fuckers better ruin Emi's route I swear to fucking Khorne...

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother.

Because it's been quite a long time ago

>>17434343
*spoil it for me, I mean

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother.

>[X] Give your axe-murderer a jingle.

need to thank her properly.
might also be a good to get some mind training

did Mika work on rex or did she... you know. 'work' on Rex.

>>17434371
This is heresy you know

>mfw this thread

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother

Been 11 threads since we last saw her

Tau

>>17434378

You must be new here.

>>17434421
it doesn't stop from being heresy

Well, if Esh's dialogue isn't finished yet, then I suppose we should go to that Blood Bowl game.
[X] Give your axe-murderer a jingle.

But we're going to see the Tsunseer after that. Don't want her to worry too much, after all.

A dinner right now sounds wonderful. On the other hand, no gentleman should let a girl wait as long as the Tau girl. My vote goes for the tau.

>>17434182
[X] Give your axe-murderer a jingle.
and im on time for once!
also pick related

>>17434433

The bike roars as you ramp it out of the exit, gunning the engine hard and catching some air.

Rex barks and chases you, his antenna wagging. What a carefree baneblade…

You activate your plasma gun as you speed toward a tree, and with one quick burst you fell it in a shower of splinters.

It’s a good thing Mika could fix it up, as much as you miss your old fleshy arm, this one is admittedly more fun.

Reaching into your pocket you grab out your communicator and select the frequency. You barely manage to avoid hitting a pile of rocks as you dial.

“M-Max?”

“Sup blue tits.”

“…Max uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu….” It sounds like she’s about to have a mental breakdown.

“Is something wrong?” You bring the bike to a stop.

“It’s my brother, I can’t find him anywhere and he’s not answering his communicator! I’m really worried about him!”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we will find him.” You try to calm Ailia down.

“…Are you sure?”

“I’m not just sure, I’m space aids positive, now where can I meet you at?”

“Here, I’ll send you my location.”

Your communicator buzzes as it receives the new information.

“You aren’t really….”

“Nah, I’m clean.”

You gun the engine again, following the coordinates the Tau girl gave you.

It’s about half an hour away, so you settle in for the ride, getting comfortable on the bike. You really hope you can find Ailia’s bro, it’s a bit worrisome that she hasn’t found him even after all this time.

>“I’m not just sure, I’m space aids positive,

Second post in and Papa does it again. GG

>>17434502
inb4 Ailia's brother is faptau

>>17434560

I think I mentioned this in one of the other threads, this totally has to happen.

>Mfw this whole thread

>>17434582

>this whole thread

I meant all these threads. I lose.

>>17434560
Do we really know that?

With the Crisis suit now visible in the distance, you stow your communicator and speed through the last few minutes. As much fun as it will be to see Ailia again, you know it will be ruined if you don’t find her brother.

A knot forms in your stomach.

He has been missing a long time…

You slow to a stop in front of the suit, Ailia is sitting on the hatch.

Her usually cheerful face is downtrodden, and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days.

“Hey, you alright?” You slide off the bike and give her hanging leg a friendly squeeze.

“I don’t know…” She finally laments, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
“Well, have you picked up any kind of trail?”

“Not much. It’s like he’s disappeared from the face of the planet.” Ailia sighs and slips off of the hatch, falling rather clumsily to the ground.

While she protests at you demanding she sit down and eat, you don’t give in. After you insist, she finally digs into some chow you stored in the saddlebag of the bike, though you can tell her mind is elsewhere.

Yours is too.

With no leads to go on, doubt begins to form, weighing heavily on you.

“What kind of leads do you have?” You finally ask after she sets the food aside.

“Well, several of them, none of which seem too solid.”
She pulls out a map with hastily scribbled Tau writing all over it, and though you don’t read Tau, you give it a look.

“His last communication was in the Tyranid area to the north. Some kroot thought they saw him way off in the distance headed toward Chaos lines. His tracking signal shows he’s along the beach, but the signal hasn’t moved in days. These are the last three places I haven’t checked.” She gestures around on the map.

“So we should try these out then, I’m sure he’s bound to be at one of them!” You try to fire the Tau girl up, but it doesn’t look like she’s having any of it.

[ ] Head to the Tyranid zone

[ ] Try out the Chaos lines

[ ] Go to the beach

>>17434635
nids

>[x] Go to the beach

If her brother IS Faptau, he's probably gotten 'distracted' by a Sororitas beach party or something.

>this thread

Holy shit I'm on time for a Heretical Love thread! Unfortunately, I have to go to dinner soon...

Anyway, check out the 'nids. Maybe we'll find our Bronifex from way back when?

>>17434628
[X] Head to the Tyranid zone

Maybe the "Genestelers" will be friendly

>>17434635
[x] Go to the Beach

We might find a clue as to his current whereabouts by examining his locator beacon.

>Beach
In order to bring back ass-fi´shulu

>>17434635


Need to find Carnifex-bro.

Nids

>>17434635
Beach,Beach! Nothing bad ever happens at a beach.

>>17434628
[ ] Head to the Tyranid zone
>bile cannons toxin sacs, nearly died

nope

[ ] Try out the Chaos lines
>died, skull fucked, scored with demonettes and murderer

still bad

[X] Go to the beach
>man eating fish, but lived to get laid another day

WE ARE THE BEST FISHERMEN

Hm, so let me get this straight, if we go to the tyranid lines, we face tyranids, if we go to the chaos lines, we fight chaos (and possibly Abaddon), aaaand if we go to the beach, theres the possibility we might encounter that giant ass sea monster that almost eaten us...
[ ] Go to the beach, we may not have won Round 2 with the crons, but mayhaps we will with that sea monster, now that we got a triple weapon arm... thing

so much heresy

>>17434727

[x] Go to the beach

>>17434724
Speaking of necrons, we've got to find a way to Screw the crazy out yandere-cron

[x]nids

to the beach, let's find Shas'O Nii'chan!

>>17434759

No we damned well do not

Have you not fucking learned by now that going anywhere near 'crons is a BAD FUCKING IDEA

>>17434739

>>17434759
Oh hell no, avoid the crazy hole plz /tg/?

/tg/ has a hardon for Necrons. I don't know why.

“Alright, as much as I know you are going to hate this…”

“Don’t say it.”

“We’re heading toward the Tyranids.”

“I told you not to say it…” Ailia looks northward, you can tell she’s none too thrilled at the prospect.

“I’m joking, let’s try the beach first.”

You hug her around the middle from behind and give her a squeeze. Her bouncy goods feel nice on your arm, though that wasn’t your reason for doing it.

“What happens if we don’t find him?” She asks as she sinks back into you.

“We will.”

You lift her back up until she’s standing on her own.

“Trust me, if I can somehow survive this fucking place, your bro won’t have any problem.”

Ailia sighs, but then stands up and slaps herself on the face a few times with both hands.

“Alright! He’s got to be at the beach. He IS at the beach!” She pumps her fist and looks fired up.

“That’s more like it, this is the blueberry I remember!”

She turns around and gives you a big smile, looking entirely more energized now.

“You’ve got luck on your side, with you along, we are sure to find him.” She puts her hands on her curvy hips and looks up at her Crisis suit.

Huh?

Your spidey sense is tingling on its own?

Roll to do the Matrix

>>17434790
because robot fetish, and because Xeno is the cutest thing on /tg/, and because liking Mat Ward's creation is now hip.

rolled 2 = 2

>Roll to do the Matrix

LET THE 1'S COMMENCE

dice+1d20

rolled 4 = 4

what matrix?

rolled 19 = 19

>>17434791

Let's do this.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17434791
oh... okay

Also, is it normal that I imagine Max as Charlie Sheen?

rolled 5 = 5

>>17434817

>>17434773

>>17434739
>>17434773

rolled 15 = 15

>>17434791

rolled 18 = 18

>>17434817
Shit, sorry total newfag

>>17434828
Must be all the tiger blood.

Also if you are new to the thread, 1d20 is the standard here, forgot to mention it.

rolled 19 = 19

Let's do this shit.

rolled 15 = 15

>>17434770
MY point is that if we could some how de-crazy her............
>>17434791

>>17434834

>>17434824
>>17434836
Noko rolls are invalid.

>>17434852

rolled 9 = 9

>>17434861
Why's that?

stop rollan

STOP. ROLLING.

OUR HIGHEST IS A 19.

WE GOOD BROS.

>>17434834
>>17434852

>>17434852

. . .

rolled 13 = 13

>>17434791
spider man reporting for duty

“Get down!”

You tackle Ailia to the ground, your face bouncing off of her xenobags as both of you hit the dirt.

*Crack!*

The shot misses, but still only by a hair.

Whoever is shooting at you, they are good.

You were just lucky enough to have your untrained mind powers detect the threat, though you don't know how you did it.

“What the hell was that?!” Ailia asks as you move her over to behind your bike, using it for whatever little cover its worth.

“I can’t be sure, I’ve only heard it once…”

Another shot makes a loud *PING* as it slams into the bike, which thankfully is stout enough to stop it.

“No, now there’s no mistaking it.”

You bite your lip, this isn’t good.

“That’s an Exitus rifle...”

>>17434790
>>17434852

o.o Has.. no one else noticed that Tau forehead marks are cleavage?

They have subliminal boobs on their faces.

rolled 9 = 9

Exitus, stage left!

>>17434896

>Implying anyone trained on an Exitus rifle would ever miss

>>17434896
welp. we've attracted the officio assassinorum. gg max

>>17434896
THE EXITUS RIFLE

WITH TURBOPENETRATOR ROUNDS

>>17434877

You can make disguised troll rolls using noko, I.E dice+1d1+19 = 20 or
dice+1d1

Either is undetectable, so noko rolls are ignored.

>>17434896
FFFFFF-
How do you outsmart boolit now?

>>17434915

>Implying anything matters to MAX FUCKING DECANUS.

No seriously.
We fucking partied with the Emperor, fucked Khorne's daughter, and have BEATEN Doom Rider on a bike not once but TWICE.

>>17434915
tell that to my friends vindicare, never killed a single man, always dies around 2nd turn

>>17434896
Oh shit

Posting the ever expanding head-canon cast daily, for all to see

Max: Steven Bulm
Sister Lycheria: Tabitha St. Germain
Tau girl: Tara Strong
Tsunseer: Grey DeLisle
Deldar Twins: Venus Terezo
Khornette: Melissa Fahn
Yandre-Cron: Dionne Quan
Techpriestess: Andrea Libman
Karen: Olivia D'Abo
Doomrider: Dr. Rockso
Abbadon: Christopher Sabat
Nurgle: John DiMaggio
Slaanesh: Tim Curray
Khorn: Keith David
Tzeentch: Nicole Oliver
Warboss: John DiMaggio
Emperor: Crush (Finding Nemo)
Malice: Frank Welker

>>17434922
no dude its totally an ork sniper, just ask the celestial lions

>>17434886

>>17434904
They're Vaginas.
also
>>17434896
>Exitus.
Oh Fuck we are so dead now
>>17434922
Well we beat down an eversor in a earlier thread.
>>17434937
Man, dude could've been miles away from here.

>>17434953
>Tara Strong

no thanks

>>17434896
Maybe the Assasin's armor is covering some curves.

>exitus rifle

rolled 18 = 18

>>17434896

>>17434974
>TURBOPENETRATOR ROUNDS

>>17434896
The only reasonable thing to do now would be to eat the bear plant again. In our Bear confused state, we managed to best an eversor assasin. No way a pansy Vindicare could fend of an enraged Bear commisar with his puny gun.

>>17434963

Why is everyone panicking? Who's Exitus?

>>17434896
Maybe its /tg/'s favorite eldar farseer lovin Vindicare Assassin???

rolled 3 = 3

>>17434984

do we have any smoke grenades by chance?

>>17434985
it's a rifle used by Vindicare assassins.

Such as the famous traitor LIIVI, who fell in love with a dirty eldar witch, and is obviously jealous of our manliness.

You know it’s only a matter of time now. All the assassin has to do is move around until he can get the angle right and then its bye bye Yagis V and hello Warp.

As much as you like Kaleshi, you want your next meeting with her to be on your terms.

Another shot cracks into the bike, puncturing the engine and severing it as a means of escape.

*Meanwhile…*

Eight curses, his first assignment and he’s already missed his target.

He tracks the rogue guardsman and his xeno associate through the scope as they lay behind the bike, hidden from his fire.

Fuck it, he’s going to have to move.

Eight rises up from his perch, his crosshairs remaining fixed on the bike as he shifts to his right to get a better angle for a kill shot…

You can sense something is up, this might be your one shot to get out of here alive.

“Ailia, we are going to have to do something right now or we are going to get dusted by this assassin.”

The Tau girl nods, she’s no newbie when it comes to combat.

[ ] Distract the Vindicare while she gets into her suit

[ ] Try out your mind powers, though they might not work at such distance

[ ] See if you can counter-snipe him with your lasfinger

>>17434997
Let's hope so

>>17434997
PUT THAT MASK BACK ON, YOU LOOK LIKE A METROSEXUAL PANSIE, NOT LIKE SOLID SNAKE.

>[x] Try out your mind powers, though they might not work at such distance

That's the last thing he'll be expecting

>>17435005
MIND POWAHS ACTIVATE

rolled 14 = 14

Give him the finger.

[x] Try out your mind powers, though they might not work at such distance

Time to practice our FUS RO DAH

>>17435005

[x] Countersnipe.

Why the FUCK NOT?

>>17435005
PSYKER TIME

rolled 11 = 11

Distract the Vindicare while she gets into her suit
not going to have tech sitting there uselessly

SUPPRESSION FIRE

[ ] Try out your mind powers, though they might not work at such distance
isnt there like a dstraction dragon/psyker shout we can use on the vindicare?
if not, then we shall counter snipe!

>>17435005
Mind bullets!

>>17435005

[x] Give that fucker the middle finger.

Use it to make sure he never has children ever again.

So... what, are we going to have to roll to outsmart boolit or something?

>>17435005
[X] See if you can counter-snipe him with your lasfinger

>>17435005
[X] See if you can counter-snipe him with your lasfinger

>>17435005

Bang.

rolled 16 = 16

>>17435005
[x] Point finger in the general direction of incoming fire, "Bang." and blink.

[X] See if you can counter-snipe him with your lasfinger

rolled 11 = 11

>>17435050
throw voice?

>>17435069

This.

Our canon voice is the guy who voiced Spike.

It would be wrong to NOT do this.

rolled 13 = 13

FINGER HIM.

>>17435005
SHINING FINGER!!!

>>17435100

Well shit, when you put it like that...

>>17434984

>>17435116

This....this is the best gun...in the world!

[ ] See if you can counter-snipe him with your lasfinger
>>17435029
but how?

>>17435123

>>17435029
but how?

“Alright, take this.”

You hand Ailia hat-chan, she takes it but looks confused.

“Put that on the end of your gun, when I tell you, pop it up over the bike.”

Shit you hope this is going to work, the anti-sniper training you received mentioned fuck all about Vindicares. Would he even fall for something like this?

You ready your lasfinger, hoping the distance wouldn’t be too great for you to make the shot. You were only ever a middle-of-the-pack marksman after all.

Well, here goes nothing.

“Now!”

Eight watches through the scope as the brim of the hat comes up over the bike.

Amateurish.

He doesn’t fire a shot.


Several seconds pass, and Ailia looks over at you confused.

“Shit, guess he isn’t going for it…”

Well, you have to try something.

“As soon as shit goes down, get into your suit as fast as you can…”

You don’t give her time to question you.

“FUS ROH DA!”

You send the bike spinning toward the assassin, at the same time you ready your lasfinger.

Is that him in the distance? You can’t be sure, but you have to take the shot.

1d6 to hit, Max hits on a 4+

>>17435123

rolled 6 = 6

>>17435151

MIND BOOLEETS

rolled 4 = 4

>>17435151
Using other kinds of roll?
what madness is this

>>17435143
>>17435134
>>17435127
>>17435124
>>17435123
>>17435116
>>17435109
>>17435001
>>17434984
>>17434978
>>17434963
>>17434888
>>17434887
>>17434886
>>17434875
>>17434852
>>17434834
>>17434833
>>17434773
>>17434739
>>17434727

>>17435160

WE WIN

MOTHERFUCKER

>>17435151
FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE

>>17435160

STOP ROLLING

>>17435160

>6

VINDICARE DOWN!

rolled 6 = 6

>>17435166

>>17435160

Boom. Headshot.

>dem rolls

Stop being so lucky and competent, you are hurting Xeno's feelings.

>>17435188
>>17435191
>>17435160

NO FUCKER COCKBLOCKS MAX DECARUS AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE

>>17435151
lets do this,

>>17435166

>>17435208
NO, let's not.

>>17435208
Crap
>>17435191
Nevermind

>Roll to wound
>rollan
>1

You know what the dicegods (also papa) will do.

>called rvicsito

That I did captcha

>>17435160
>>17435191
>>17435199

TAU TITTIES FOR MAX

>>17435191

You pull up and fire!


Eight drops the rifle and dives for cover as the lasbolt hits his gun.

He curses and draws his sidearm.

Things are not going according to his plan…


“I hit him!?” You yell, as much in excitement as disbelief.

“Nice shot!” Ailia says, before the hatch to her suit closes and the walking gun platform powers up.

You notice the Vindicare running toward you now, his sidearm out.

Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance.

Ailia gets the Crisis suit online, and quickly fires a missile from her pod.

You watch the trail as it arcs toward the assassin, who goes to dive to the ground but doesn’t make it.

The missile impacts behind him, throwing him forward. He tumbles end over end until smacking hard into the ground, where he lays still.

You stick close to the Crisis suit as you and Ailia move forward to check it out.

Standing over the Vindicare now, you notice he’s skinny and short. Not exactly what you had expected to find.

You flip the body over with your foot and, keeping the barrel of your plasma gun pressed to his chest, pull of the mask.

“He’s just a kid…” You look down at the limp body lying in the grass, and can’t help but feel a bit sorry for him.

The assassin stirs slightly, and you toss his weapons aside, Ailia making sure her burst cannon is too close to miss.

You prod the Vindicare with your foot.

“Wake up kid, I’ve got some questions.”

>>17435255

Indeed!

>>17435259
Hey, wanna /ss/?

>>17435255

>>17435259
>Vindicare running toward you
>MFW

>>17435255
>>17435268
I hate humanity

rolled 2 = 2

>>17435259
Man, 8 Should just be called 13.

>>17435259
>he' just a kid

rolled 20 = 20

>>17435259
>burst cannon is too close to miss.
please dont fire please dont fire please dont fire

rolling for misshap

>>17435292

>dem hooves
>dat blue skin

Om fucking nom.

>>17435318
I'm preeetty sure that dark eldars have a dozen way of cooking blueberry muffins.

rolled 11 = 11

>>17435310
Right, let's make some Snake stuff and ask him if love can bloom on the battlefield!

So, how long until our girls start meeting eachother?

The assassin opens his eyes, looking ready to fight. He notices the Crisis suit baring down on him, and your plasma arm shoved into his chest, and decides against it.

“Like I said, I’ve got some questions and you are going to answer me.”

The kid, no older than fourteen or so, looks around with his hawkish eyes, searching for some way out.

Finally he glares back at you.

“I’ve got nothing to say to a heretic.”

You smile.

“Yeah, I figured as much. Ailia, mind stepping on out here?”

“…Huh?” The booming voice comes from the Crisis suit.

“Don’t worry, he so much as farts and I introduce his heart to plasma.”

After several moments, the hatch opens up and Ailia drops down onto the ground beside you.

“Alright kid, I didn’t want to have to do this but I know torturing it out of you probably wont work.”

You grab Ailia around the middle and pull her closer to you.

“Which is why if you don’t tell me everything I want to know, I’m snapping a picture of you kissing this here Tau and sending it out on the net. Every ship from here to Cadia will see it.” You lie, hopefully convincingly.

The Vindicare swallows hard, looking between you and Ailia. He knows what would happen if you did that, and he doesn’t seem to realize you are bluffing.

“You wouldn’t…” He finally hisses.

“I’ve already gotten freaky with this here space commie, don’t tell me what I wouldn’t do.” You grab one of Ailia’s boobs for effect, giving it a little squeeze.

The Tau girl is blushing hard beside you, but she doesn’t budge.

“What do you want to know…?” The assassin finally relents, looking away.

“Well for starters, why are you trying to put a bullet through my head?”

The kid’s steel gaze locks with your own.

“…You mean you don’t even know?”

“Know what, exactly?” You press.

“The Inquisition has it out for you, you’re the most wanted man in the sector.”

>>17435356
/ss/!

>>17435359
for what?

>>17435359
The whole sector? I'm flattered

>>17435359
Well, looks like we'll be pounding Inquisitor Valeria's butt soon!

>>17435359

>“The Inquisition has it out for you, you’re the most wanted man in the sector.”

SHIT GOT REAL

>>17435388

Oh, don't play coy.

>>17435356
Why am I not surprised? Still, even we get hunted by the Inquisition, they're gonna have a big Titan of a handful when they gotta deal with Malal and his new, now not so incompetent lackey

>>17435359
The Sisters of Battle don't seem to be in on this.

Ahem? Ordo Xenos much?

>>17435388
having your way with xenos and warp-surfing are capital offences.
Good thing they don't have you for jaywalking.

>>17435359

...sounds like Alpha Legion shit to me.

>>17435420

Yes but he surfed with the GODDAMNED EMPRAH HIMSELF

In fact the big E himself even said to Max that 'heretical' shit was way cool.

>>17435318
Dem Tau, mang. Who is this artist?

>>17435420
Shame we'll never be able to convince them that this is was all done with the Emperors blessing.

>>17435359

Only the sector?
We can do better than this, guys.

>>17435359
Most dangerous man in the sector?
Well, congrats on that one, Kamerad.

>>17435422
Oh god, Papa N if your reading this, PLEASE make this happen! PLEASE let the Inquisition send these three after us, this would be the third(?) greatest thing in HL if you did

>>17435359
>the most wanted man in the sector.
sounds about right

>skims papa's post
>sees spelling error
>tries to troll
>nat 20 HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE
>reads again
>fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

This…

Your body can’t handle this.

You almost lower the plasma gun as your mind reels. The Inquisition is after you? How do they even know about you?
The assassin laughs.

“You don’t know how it happened, do you? The city is rigged up with cameras, they saw you consorting with xenos.” He laughs even harder as your face goes white.

“So what do they know?” You ask, though you can already guess its any of the hundreds of heresies you've committed.

“Hmph, enough to want you dead, which is all I was told.”

You grab the kid by his vest and pick him up until he’s facing you.

“Are they here yet? Are you the only one?”

The assassin laughs and shakes his head, as though in disbelief.

“They don’t need to be here. This planet has already been deemed beyond saving. If I failed my mission here, well…”

He trails off, still shaking his head.

Furious, you grab him by the jaw and force him to look at you.

“Well WHAT?!”

He stops laughing, his eyes now serious and perhaps even gloomy.

“Simple.” He looks up at the sky.

“Exterminatus…”

>>17435442
Oh you perfectly know it, and you've just made a Xeno thread so that we could argue about it.

>>17435004
Vindicare? I'm guessing this is somehow related to the Inquisition?

>>17435442
Technomancer. Some sick French with a torture-fetish.
Pretty bro, though.

>>17435459
Mother fucker doesn't know about the combined arms WAAAAUGH that's going to be rocket-surfing up his bosses ass soon enough!

>>17435459
OH SHIT!

>>17435471
THE Technomancer. Not bro, but not sick either.

>>17435459

>“Exterminatus…”

1) Do cocaine
2) Summon Doomrider
3) warp onto Inquisition ship
4) Introduce them to Max's pimp hand

>>17435459
This shit is not kosher.

>>17435459
Exterminatus just for us?
Picrelated.

>>17435459
FUCK

>>17435459
>exterminatus

man, why do they have to kill our groove?
shit, I like Yagis V a lot. why can't we just have the place to ourselves?
Bloody killjoys.

EXTERMINATUS

THE ULTIMATE COCKBLOCK

rolled 18 = 18

Exterminatus? NOW?
>captcha: Mode: usinguy
I think captcha wants ss. Rolling.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17435459
ROLL TO INTIMIDATE THE EXTERMINATUS

>>17435459
Look up the skies and see....
I'm just a guardsman
Committing heresy
Because I'm easy come, easy go...

>>17435459
Extermaxatus?! Exterminatus! Simples!

THIS IS WHEN WE GET ARE PIMPIN HAREM BARGE

>>17435459

rolled 2 = 2

>>17435515
Is this 40k?
Or is it Fantasy?

>>17435509
NO SS.! Not until we're playing as a Daemonette Comissar.

>>17435515

Finish it.

For the love of holy Terra, finish it.

>>17435442
http://technorakel.deviantart.com/

>>17435533
Any kind of xenos;
Doesn't really matter to me
To me

Why don't we wait for the Exterminatus and then retroactively surf on the incoming blast, while Bluetits gives us a blowjob?

Or am I thinking of Doomrider?

You can feel the blood draining from your head.

“When?” You ask in barely a whisper.

The assassin shrugs, turning back to look at you.

“Whenever they are ready, I guess.”

“Do you have any idea when that might be?” You grab the assassin on the shoulder.

“Why should I tell you? We’re already both dead.”

“If we are already dead, why so scared of one little picture with a Tau?”

The Vindicare looks to Ailia, then back at you.

“It’s not important.”

Well whatever, you don’t really care about that tidbit of this kid’s life at the moment. The fact that the Inquisition is after you is one thing, that they are going to glass this planet to get you is something entirely different.

“What’s your name, kid?” You ask, letting go of him.

“…Eight.” He finally responds.

“Alright, Eight. Here’s how it’s going to be. I don’t particularly want to die and I’m sure you don’t either. You may not believe me right now and it isn’t really important if you do, but the Emperor himself has sanctioned what I’ve done and getting exterminated right now would kind of dick him over as well.”

The Vindicare looks at you like you are crazy.

“You’re nuts.”

“Yeah, I know. But I’m not lying to you.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

That stops you mid-thought.

“I… I can’t.” You admit.

“Well no shit? So I’m just supposed to go on your word then, am I?”

“Um… Max?” Ailia says, tapping you on the shoulder.

“Just a second…” You brush away her hand.

Eight looks up at you, awestruck.

“Maybe I can convince you dude.” Comes the booming voice from behind you.

DADDY!

>>17435578

>>17435578
Big E in da house!

>>17435578

>>17435578

>“Maybe I can convince you dude.” Comes the booming voice from behind you.

You'd think the Inquisitorial astropaths would have picked up on the big E himself manifesting on the planet.

"I don't suppose you can convince the INquisition as well?"

>>17435578
Deus-Imperator. Ex. Immaterium.

Nanana...... <do I have to say it?>

You all know who it is!

DOOMRIDER!

>>17435617
>Doomrider as the Voice of the Emperor
Fuck yes. Next, we'll find out the Emperor is secretly Slaanesh who was Tzeentch all along.

>>17435578

YES

>>17435638

No, we've been over this, Tzeentch is the mother of his child after he knocked her up at that party

>>17435638

>>17435650
That child being?

>>17435638
You fool, the Emperor was always Khorne. Did you not notice that the Golden Throne of Terra was made of SKULLS!?!?!

i so happy i could just dance

>>17435650
That's how Tzeentch does it. He tricked manking into using Occam's Razor because he makes everything needlessly complicated.

>>17435664

Who the fuck knows, s'not been born yet. Have you read the other threads at all?

>>17435664
US!

>>17435674
but isn't Occam's razor a weapon against complicated and convoluted shit?

>>17435688

Actually nope, Papa retconned that, said it 'didn't feel right'.

You recognize that voice, and whirl around.

“Emprah!”

He smiles and raises a hand to signal silence. You notice it isn’t really him in the flesh, more like some kind of hazy projection of him.

Eight’s mouth is still moving, but he isn’t saying anything, eyes fixated on his god.

“So Eight… I know you’ve had a pretty tough break in life kid, but I’m going to need your help on this one man.” The Emperor says, folding his arms and looking down at the awestruck Vindicare.

“My… My help, Emperor?” He gulps.

“Yeah dude, your help. You see its like this… Max here is my bro, and he’s helping me out with some serious shit that I needed done. It’s a big responsibility dude, lots of stuff he has to deal with. Really tough stuff. Now I’m not quite ready to come back to the forefront yet, so Max here is going to set things up so I can without everyone losing their collective shit. If he dies here, that kind of fucks with my chi, you dig? So bada bing bada boom, you either help him or get out of his way.” The Emperor sums it up with a shrug.

“Uh… Emprah…” You finally ask, pulling his projection aside.

“Couldn’t you uh… Just tell the Inquisition off yourself?”

The Emperor bites his lip and looks away.

“Yeah man… I’m not really ready to deal with those guys yet. They are a serious buzzkill and probably wouldn’t believe me, which is why I need to come back in the flesh before I can talk to them.”

“So… I’m on my own here?” You finally ask, not liking the thought of it.

The Emperor laughs.

“Naw man, I’m not a douche. This guy is going to help you out.”

With a pop, a figure warps into view next to Ailia.

“Shas’O. Ready to kick some ass.”

>>17435693

No... it's a term for applied logic, that the easiest and most straightforward answer is usually the correct one.

wat just happened

>>17435693
The Razor simply says that you needn't look for overly complications causes.

Tzeentch is an overly complicated cause.

>>17435704
>“Shas’O. Ready to kick some ass.”
As a guy who has played Tau on the tabletop and on DoW... I came.

>>17435704

>“Shas’O. Ready to kick some ass.”

Please, please, please let it be Shas'O Fap'Tau, and his right hand of DOOM.

rolled 2 = 2

>>17435735
If he came from the Warp i guess he is talking about Shas'O from Fire Warrior.
you know
The Champion of Khorne

>>17435735
He has a right pimp-hand, we have a left pimp-hand, its perfect

>>17435751

>talking about Shas'O from Fire Warrior.

Shas'O is a rank, numbnuts, his name was Kais.

>>17435751
If that's true, I came twice. But it's probably just her bro.

>>17435704
SHAS'O NII'CHAN!

>>17435704
wait...
...out wingman is a 13 year olf boy...

>>17435704
I wonder if he's Allia's bro?

>>17435751
THE PROTAGONIST OF FIREWARRIOR WAS A SHAS'LA

SHAS'LA KAIS

>>17435765
Oh no nevermind.
he isn't Shas'O but Shas'La T'Au Kais

>>17435760
>Shas'O Kais

Thats DoW:DH the FW Kais has the rank of Shas'ui

Therefore it cannot be the FW protag, but it is probably Ailia's brother who she mentioned was the Tau commander (Shas'O)

>>17435777

I always kind of hoped that Kais became Shas'O Kais in Dark Crusade, but apparently the novelisation says Shas'La Kais was locked up forever in an institution afterward, since he was Mon'Tau (I think that's the term) - a loose cannon, so to speak.

Shas'bot.

>>17435790
HE HAD A KHORNE DAEMON IN HIS HEAD

AND THE FUCKERS DIAGNOSED IT AS MENTAL ILLNESS

BAHAHAHAHAH!

>>17435790
I still wait for the moment where Kais break down the Asylum and destroy shit down

What if her brother is a bishounen?

>>17435790
they share a name guys,
Fire warrior Shas la and commander Shas'o from Dow 1 are bot hnamed kais.
however it is unknown if they are the same person, as kais is a popluar name, as it means Skilled.

>>17435817
They're not.
Kais from Fire Warrior is in a asylum

>>17435810

Well what's the difference?

Also it's suggested that Khorne merely 'guided' Kais as opposed to outright filling his head with demons.

That said, I'm happy to ignore the whole novelisation since it's obvious it was written in to accommodate the whole FPS one-man-army thing.

In my head, Kais was bumped up to Shas'O after SOLOING A GREATER DEMON OF TZEENTCH.

It would explain why he kicks ass all over Kronos in DC.

>>17435829
he got better

“Aniki!!!!” Ailia shouts, throwing her arms around the newcomer.

“Hey little sis, what’s going on?” He tussles her hair.

“Oi! This is getting too long! You’d better let me give you a haircut once this is over.” He picks up strands of her hair disapprovingly.

The Tau commander is large, and has to be even outside his armor. He has his helmet off, and his face though kind looking, is battle hardened and bears several scars.

His gaze falls to you, and he pats Ailia on the head before approaching you.

“Your Emperor filled me in on the current situation. In return for taking care of my sister, I’ve agreed to help you out here.”

He holds out his hand, which you clap with your own, grabbing it in a broshake. His right arm is huge, at least twice the size of his left. With the armor on it looks a bit weird, but his right arm is fucking ripped. Dude’s been eating his oats.

“Good to have you. If you’re half as tough as Ailia makes you out to be, you might not even need me.”

The Taubro laughs before slipping on his helmet.

“If you’re half as nuts as I’ve been told, I might not even get a chance to help.”

Ailia slaps her brother on the back.

“Are you sure you’re all right onii-chan? I mean, this is your first time back in the field since the… Incident…”

“I’m fine, I’m SKULLS FOR THE!... fine. See? Nothing wrong.”

“Err… Right…” Ailia says, having pulled her upper body away.

You turn back to the Emperor, who’s still talking to Eight.
“So dude, will you help us out here? I could use an extra hand to help Max out on his mission.”

Eight nods furiously.

>>17435857
>His right arm is huge, at least twice the size of his left.
YES

>>17435857

>MFW he's Shas'O Kais Fap'Tau

>>17435857
>Her brother is both the Titicular Fire Warrior AND FapTau
>MFW

>>17435857

There are no words to describe how much I love you right now Papa

>>17435857
>this is getting too long

SOON, ADORABLE SHORT HAIRCUT!

>and he pats Ailia on the head
POMFPOMF=3

>His right arm is huge, at least twice the size of his left.

>>17435857
mynextcampaign.jpg

>>17435857
>faptau is fire warrior is shas'o kais is bluetits' brother
I cannot express my Tzeentchian joy

>>17435857
Bro-Tau needs a voice, perhaps Scott McNeal?

I'm gonna have to edit the faptau page on 1d4chan

>>17435857
So many cameos... Wh-wh-why can't it be cannon?
I'm sure papa could bring WH40k back to the laxed game it was, not the grimdark it is.
>Papa-n's 40k of awesome, why can't we have this?
>Why can't we have nice things?

>>17435914

wait until the HL page is updated so you've got something to link it to

>>17435921
To be fair with GW, papa rendition of Necrons is far more grimdark than the actual Necrons

That feel when you realize that Max in the most Wanted Man in the Sector, the glory that could be had killing him.
and the Partridges are still around.

>>17435935
thats cause there wine sipping, art gallery visiting pansies

>>17435935
no offence intended, but that's at least partly because papa hasn't read the new-cron dex

>>17435941

Don't give him Idea-

oh, you went and did it anyway.

So much heresy. So delicious.

>>17435951
>Implying this is a bad thing.
But let's not enter into this debate

>>17435857
I just had a vision of him Smacking himself with his big hand to snap himself out of the khorn moment.

“It is my honor, Emperor. On my life, I’ll see him through to the end of it.”

“Alright dude, your in.” The Emperor gives him a handshake, though the assassin can’t feel it he can see it.

“Hey Emprah, how’s Tzeentch?” You ask, glad to be talking to him again.

“Ahh, yeah she’s good man!” He grins.

“Really starting to show, guess I’ve got to be ready to be a dad and all but it’s cool. Chaos gods said they wanted to invite you over for dinner at their place one of these nights man, maybe once this Exterminatus business is over and whatnot.”

“Really? That sounds like… Fun…?” You aren’t sure how you feel about it.

“Yeah man, it will be a blast. Oh hey, Nurgle says he’s got something to give you next time you see him!” The Emperor remembers suddenly, and looks like he’s sizing you up.

“Yeah… Should work…” He mutters.

“So Emprah, how are we going to get up there?” You ask, feeling a bit of dread at the prospect of a surprise gift.

“I mean, I assume they have a ship up there, maybe a fleet even…”

“Hmm…” The Emperor rubs his jaw.

“Well… The Tau have quite a few ships but that would be a big fight… Maybe borrow one from the wolves… hmmm…” He looks deep in thought.

“Oh wait, man I almost forgot.” He laughs as he shakes his head in his hand.

“I can just do this.”

“Boo-woop!”

You, Eight, Ailia, and Kais are suddenly standing on the bridge of the Inquisition flagship.

“By the Emperor… What is this?” An Inquisitor asks, raising an eyebrow.

Several Grey Knights jostle to stand beside him.

>>17435959
but i wanna!

>>17435979
>>17435979
is it Inquisitor EMIL DARKHAMMER?

>>17435979
>everyone's faces when

>>17435979
>Gray knights
Oh boy.
All my nat20s. EVER.
You can thank me for jinxing you later.

“Uhh… Err… Evening gents?” You mutter.

“Showing up for your own execution, how noble.” The Inquisitor laughs.

“Finish him quickly, I have an Exterminatus to attend to.” He starts heading toward an exit.

The Grey Knight terminators raise their weapons, including the Brother-captain in the center.

[ ] Attempt to talk them down and enlist their help

[ ] Fight them off quickly and then deal with the Inquisitor

[ ] Let the others deal with the Knights, go after the Inquisitor

rolled 4 = 4

"It is the manifest will of the Emperor. Stand down, Inquisitor, and call off the Exterminatus, as I, Commissar Max Decarus, am clearly no longer down there."

>>17436029
>>17436033
SUAVE
MAKE HERETICAL LOVE NOT HERETICAL WAR

>>17436029
[X] Attempt to talk them down and enlist their help

"We're on a mission from God...-Emperor."

>>17436029
talk them down

>this dumpass who rolled, and rolled shitty

[x ] Attempt to talk them down and enlist their help
There's no way we could survive fucking Grey Knights

>>17436029
talk to them
WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S WILL
WE R HIS FUREH

Try to talk them down.

>>17435994
If he isn't i will be VERY disappointed if it isn't

We can't have any casualties, and if Khalid only wins, all we do is one so the best way out is to talk.
[x] Attempt to talk them down and enlist their help

>>17436029
[X] Attempt to talk them down and enlist their help

The inquisitor is now voiced by Tony Jay

>>17436029
Lets talk. We can work this out.

>>17436029
Fight them off quickly and then deal with the Inquisitor

rolled 6 = 6

Roll for talking

>>17436029
[ ] Let the others deal with the Knights, go after the Inquisitor

Show that fool of an Inquisitor the power of our pimp hand!

>People rolling for max trolling
>clearly papa in disquise
>I'm onto you I see through your guise
>Rape trains a commin we in for a suprise.

Talk it out with them.

>>17436128
choochoo!

rolled 1 = 1

Hopping for high speech Nat.

>>17436146
>1d1 in the email field

>>17436146

>>17436146
papa didn't ask for roll
but you rolled
now wesa gonna get trolled

>>17436128
why does that even ryhme in my head... and how?

>>17436146

>dice+1d1

Out.

[ ] talk them down

>>17436146
dice+1d1
THIS MAN!
IS A FRAUD

rolled 16 = 16

"Y'all Grey Knights know how the Big E is keeping things in the warp in check like a baws, well he told me in some freaky warp vision there's a new problem besides Chaos and he told me how the whole galaxy's going to be needed to stop it. All he was able to tell me was it doesn't have breaks, amirite Mr Vindicare?"

[X] Attempt to talk them down and enlist their help

Rolling for bullshit skills

[X] Talk to the brainless marysues, good idea sandwich!

rolled 4 = 4

>>17436146
spidey is not pleased

>People rolling when Papa doesn't ask for rolls.

That isn't how this works you fucknuggets.

Be gentile papa, please.

wait guys, if Ailia's brother is Fap'Tau... that means... she must be... Schlick'Tau!

>this is relevant to my interests

>>17436192
BEAR LEAVES SAY OTHERWISE

>>17436146

>>17436205
>Bearleaves
OH GOD OH GOD
[x] DO WE HAVE ANY BEARLEAVES LEFT!?!??!?!?!?!

“Hey guys, I need you to listen up for a minute here.” You start.

The Knights point their weapons at you, they don’t look like they want to talk…

“I’m on a divine mission from the Emperor himself!” You shout, hoping they will listen to you.

They don’t.

You dive out of the way as they open up with their bolters.
Well, so much for that plan.

“Hold fast, brothers.” Eight steps out from cover, raising his hands. Surprisingly, the Knights stop firing, though they don’t take their weapons off of him.

“You know me, we’ve been on this ship together the whole time.”

“What of it? Now you consort with foul xenos and their ilk!” The Brother-captain shouts, gesturing at you and the others.

“And he is here, look!” Eight points to you.

“He isn’t on the planet any longer. Will you simply stand by as Darkhammer wrongly silences another planet?”

The Grey Knights fidget at this, looking between one another.

“I’m not here to fight, I just want to put a stop to all of this.” You add, raising your hands palm out to show that you are unarmed.

“Your orders, Darkhammer?” The Captain asks.

“Inquisitor?” He turns around.

Darkhammer is gone.

“Shit, he’s going to do it!” You shout, breaking into a sprint.
The Knights let you pass through them, but stand firm and block the others from joining you.

“Darkhammer wouldn’t have trouble dispatching one lowly heretic. We will let him decide his fate, but you may not join him.”

The Tau commander nods.

“We aren’t here to fight, we shall let them figure this out.”

[ ] talk then out of it

we still have hat-chan, and a vindicare. plus we can call on the SoB AND a techpriestess to vouch for out "nonhereticalness".

oshi- darkhammer!

Isn't Darkhammer a declared traitor?
Why does he have Grey Knights

>>17436239
DARKHAMMER

>>17436239
Man, if there is someone who can equal Max on Manliness it's DARKHAMMER.
Just run before he goes all trigger happy on our homeland
also
>Darkhammer wrongly silences another planet?
Bullshit, we all know DARKHAMMER was in the right

You run into the dark lit room, noticing the Inquisitor standing over a control console.

“Stop right there criminal scum!” You shout at him.

With a cackling laugh, Darkhammer turns to face you.

“The little heretic comes to try to stop me, how quaint.”

“I’m not going to let you do this.” You clench your fist menacingly.

“Hmph, as though you could stop me.” He draws out his hammer, which has an inscription on the side that reads “Property of Dark “The sledge” hammer.”

“I can and I will. I have friends down there that don’t even know this is happening, and by the Emprah himself I won’t let them die.”

Darkhammer grins malevolently.

“Well then, let us see who it is that the Emperor truly blesses.”

“Indeed.”

You hold up your hand, revealing your secret weapon.

“Those aren’t…”

“Oh, but they are.”

You crunch down on the leaves, grinning.

You can feel the bear overtaking you, it is a good RAAAARRGHGGHGH!!!

Darkhammer glares at you, reaching into one of his own pockets.

“Then we shall let the leaves decide our fate.”

1d20 for bearfight

Who is Darkhammer?

>Captcha: rnalidi citizen.

Is he a citizen of rnalidi? Is that heresy?

rolled 8 = 8

>>17436342
>Darkhammer glares at you, reaching into one of his own pockets.

>“Then we shall let the leaves decide our fate.”

MY BODY IS NOT READY.
BEAR FIGHT

>>17436353
Puritan Inquisitor that /tg/ went all gaga on him.
Because his name is DARKHAMMER

rolled 11 = 11

Cmooon Ron Burgundy

rolled 18 = 18

>>17436342
Fuck yeah! Neck Bear!

rolled 8 = 8

>>17436342

>>17436342

Why do I even read these threads?
Oh, wait, that's why. Silly me, I almost forgot.

rolled 5 = 5

oh fuck! its on

>we pull out crazy drugs
>aww yeah its go time
>inquisitor pulls out his own
>AWW YEAH ITS GO TIME!

rolled 16 = 16

>>17436342
Bear Fight!

rolled 9 = 9

>>17436342

WE ARE THE BEAR CALVARY

rolled 13 = 13

>>17436342
Dice gods this is what the Emprah wants, we need the harem, a harem cannot be with only one girl and three guys so please if I my try to plead one nat 20 is all that I need.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17436375

rolled 14 = 14

>>17436342
BEAR FIGHT!

STOP ROLLING

rolled 7 = 7

>bearfight!

THIS IS MY SALMON RIVER BITCH!

rolled 10 = 10

>>17436342
GO!!!

rolled 15 = 15

rolling for nat1

rolled 10 = 10

Emprah guide my RRAAAARGHGHGHHH

rolled 1 = 1

>>17436395
i am improving...

rolled 14 = 14

>>17436393
Dice gods I'm pleadin for us to continue the story
If you keep me low this shit will get gory
All that I ask is that you please give us glory
leaves in mouth honey on my mind
that's right bitches it's muthafuckin' bear time!

rolled 19 = 19

>>17436423
I can see that

rolled 3 = 3

>>17436403
We bears now!

>>17436423

Never roll again.

Ever.

IN COMING HUEHUEHUEHUE

rolled 19 = 19

>>17436423
ok ill stop

rolled 1 = 1

>>17436447
>>17436432
two 19 shall balance a 1
right?
right?

rolled 20 = 20

Bear leaves don't fail me now

rolled 14 = 14

>>17436423

>>17436465
Could we please stop this?

>>17436468

THERE COMES A TIME WHEN ALL MEN MUST FAIL, WHEN DARKNESS THREATENS TO CONSUME ALL AND NONE ARE THERE TO STOP IT.

BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY.

rolled 13 = 13

>>17436375
>>17436395
>>17436423
>8+10+1=19

>>17436447
>rolled 19 = 19

here there will be...RETREBUTION

rolled 1 = 1

>>17436425
Dice Gods just one more time
please let us know that we are divine
let him be beat on the floor payin for his crime
casue we gonna stop him with all our might
If you'll let us we'll give him a fight.

You roar at the Inquisitor bear, who roars back at you.

You know this isn’t your territory, but you are a fierce and hungry mountain bear and you take what you want.

Rearing up on your hind legs, you bellow a strong and loud roar, you will be the victor among bears this day.

Wasting no time, the Inquisitor bear charges at you, gnashing his yellow teeth and raising a paw ending in nasty black claws.

He gets the first strike in, but you were ready for it and shrug off the blow.

With a grunt you throw him back and strike out with your own claws, knocking him in the head.


“…What exactly am I watching here?” Ailia comments as she stands at the railing.

“I’ll admit, I don’t know.” The Brother-captain shrugs.

They watch as you and Darkhammer circle each other, both of you drooling madly and taking turns slapping the other.

“Is this even a fight? Who’s winning?” Eight scratches the back of his head.


You see an opening and pounce, knocking the other bear to the ground.

He lashes out again with his paws, but you shove them aside as you bear down on him. He is defenseless to stop you as you repeatedly strike him in the head.

Suddenly, both of you stop completely, raising your noses to the air.

Sniffing around, you confirm the scent.

Both of you go bounding off into the forest, heading toward the river.

After all, the river is full of delicious salmon.

>>17436432
>>17436423
>>17436465
>>17436447
>>17436468

>>17436500
I'm so sorry I wont roll again.
Just know that the dice gods either don't give a shit, or I can't bring glory, also I'm done with the rapin game.

>>17436502

>bear down on him
>bear

>>17436512
>>17436502

>bear down on him
*badum-tsshhh*

>>17436502

>>17436502
I can't stop laughing. This is gold. Solid gold.

I haven't laughed so hard in ages. I love you papa N

>>17436502
Great success!

rolled 18 = 18

this obviously calls for
ROLL FOR FISHING