Oh man

>Kaleshi

“Pardon?”

Kaleshi sighs again, heavily, before looking away from you so her silvery white hair obscures her face.

“Would… Would it be that much of a problem? If we were…?” She starts playing with a strand of her hair nervously.

You pause. This is something you hadn’t really thought about. Would it be too terrible, life with three daemonette waifus?

“I hadn’t really thought it over. I don’t really think I would mind.”

Kaleshi giggles, and turns back to you with a wide smile.
“Well that bit of daemon law is ancient and no longer actually binding. Besides, if you even want a SHOT at me, you’re going to have to court the fuck out of me first.”

The awkward silence between you two is broken as the Emprah walks around the corner and waves.

“Yo, Max! Time to get you back into your mortal, fleshy self again before time runs out.”

You turn back to Kaleshi, who plants a kiss on your cheek.
“Have fun, and here’s the personal communicator for the three of us.”

“Daemons have personal communicators?” You ask, pretty surprised.

“>40k”

“>not having a personal communicator”

Kaleshi responds with a very strange face…

“Alright Emprah, I’m ready for the teleport now.”

The Emperor laughs, slapping you on the back.

“Too much chaos interference to do that right now, don’t want you waking up with tentacle arms or something. No no, we’re going to have to ride on out far enough to do it.”

“We’re going to do what?” You ask, not liking the sound of it.

“Surf, Max. We’re going to surf the warp.”

Well this is going to awkward the next time we see Esh.

Links to previous threads if you would please?

>>17191581
Surfing with the Big E?

Papa-N, you never cease to amaze me.

I was only here for the third thread.

I think that was the one with the tau battlesuit and you jizzing in her ass?

Can someone fill me in on whats happened in the last three threads?

>>17191581
Should we be rolling to surf? Or is that just an invitation for disaster?

Thread 1 - Sorita: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17067317/

Thread 2 - Farseer: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17073735/

Thread 3 - Tau: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17095883/

Thread 4 - Death and Party: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17116254/

Thread 5 - Party Time: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17168467/

STILL keep forgetting to link these in the OP and the next time I do I'm jumping into traffic

1st thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17067317/
2nd thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17073735/
3rd thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17095883/#17096847


4th thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17116254/
5th Thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17168467/

>>17191638
>>17191629
Thank you good sirs or madams or traps.

>>17191605
That was the third thread. Since then we went looking for daemons, found some, got killed and went on an afterlife party in the warp with the Empra. Proved that we're a master of card tricks, smoked some Eldar Souls with Doomrider, maybe became a psyker and totally screwed 3 daemonettes.

>Here for the start of this session
>mfw

MFW

>“Surf, Max. We’re going to surf the warp.”
Oh man if you fit in a Bill and Ted reference I'll have your babies OP.

>mfw every time Papa-N posts in every one of these thread.

My body is ready Papa-N.

With a final goodbye to your favorite little Khornette, you follow the Emperor as he leads you around.

Your mind is blown as he takes you out onto the stern of what is actually a massive ship. This party has been on one massive boat this whole time.

The scene outside the ship only furthers your downright terror at what the Emperor told you moments ago.

“Oh man, you have no idea how STOAKED I am to do this!” He sings as he pulls two surf boards from a closet.

You manage to peer a bit more over the edge and swallow hard. Purplish warp-ness flowing all around you, swirling and moving in maddening ways. Your body is not ready for this. What was that large glass box that just sailed past with two guys in it? Fuck, you don't know.

“Uhm, Emprah. I don’t mean to sound doubtful in your own
awesomeness, but this may well stretch beyond my realm of abilities…”

The Emperor looks up from gazing into the warp giddily. He doesn’t appear to have heard you.

“Grab that board dude, time to get ready. This party made Slaanesh generate some kind of huge pleasure swell and that’s what we’re going to surf on out of here.”

With shaking hands you pick up the board he left for you, a red and black one with the emblem of the Admech on it.

Your mind is spinning. There is no way you can do this, what happens if you fall? What happens if the Emprah leaves you behind? Too many questions, no answers, no time.

“LETS DO THIS RADICAL THING!” The Emperor shouts as he jumps off the back of the ship, shoving his own board underneath his feet.

Well, if you don’t go now, he WILL leave you behind.

1d20 for surfing

>>17191456
mfw i see this thread

rolled 5 = 5

FOR THE EMPRAH!

rolled 17 = 17

>>17191700
rolling

rolled 14 = 14

Dice Gods have mercy on my soul

rolled 18 = 18

ROLLING!

>>17191700
What do you call a male Khornette?
Pic related.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17191700
Surf City here we come!

rolled 10 = 10

WE ARE THE BEST FISHERMEN

>>17191736
Khornate?

rolled 11 = 11

>>17191700

FOR THE EMPRAH AND GLORIOUS HERESY!

>>17191736

OH JESUS H CHRIST HE IS

OK. Stop the rolling.

We good.

>>17191743
Close but no cigar.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17191700
>What was that large glass box that just sailed past with two guys in it? Fuck, you don't know.
BILL AND TED! SAVE US!

rolled 18= 18
surf's up bruh

>>17191763
Then what would it be?

>>17191790
We need to see a blue box as well.

Fandom wills it.

rolled 12 = 12

Let's do this.

>>17191797
Khornetto, stupid.
Just like in the pic. It's not a coincidence they call it the Cornetto Trilogy.

>What was that large glass box that just sailed past with two guys in it? Fuck, you don't know.
OP IS MOST EXCELLENT

>>17191827
HORRIBLE!

Nothing could have ever prepared you for this, you are probably going to die.

Those are the only two thoughts you manage to have before you leap out into the void, clumsily trying to fit your own board underneath you.

You can see the Emperor beneath you, who appears to be falling slowly and gazing back for the massive wave that is HOLY FUCKING GOLDEN THRONE IT’S RIGHT GOD DAMN BATMAN BEHIND YOU!

“OH FUUUUUUU EMPRAH!!!!” The glowing vorpal wave of pleasure rockets you forward and sends you spinning end over end, holding onto your board for dear life.

“Yeah man! Show that wave who’s Emperor! Make that wave your BITCH!” The Emperor cheers you on, completely oblivious it seems to your plight.

It takes everything you have, but you manage to right yourself until you are again standing on the board. This doesn’t make the ride any less terrifying.

Still, you relax just slightly when the Emprah himself glides up to ten feet or so to your right. The look on his face one of absolute joy. Well at least he’s having fun…

“Hey Emprah! How long until you can do that teleport thingy or whatever to put me back in my real body?” You shout over to him.

The Emperor turns his head and looks back at the ship which is growing ever smaller behind you.

“Bout tree fiddy!” He yells back.

What by the C’tan does that even MEAN!?

You don’t have much time to dwell on it, as the Emperor banks hard on the wave. Not wanting to be separated, you do your best to mimic him and follow along.

That is, until you slip and fall into the massive wave right beneath you.

rolled 17 = 17

Rollan for bodaciousness

rolled 20 = 20

Papa-N can have my entire Megadeth collection.

>>17191855
Bitch, please.
I've got a PHD in Horribleness.

>>17191877
>DAT ROLL
>DAT IMAGE
MY BODY IS READY

>>17191877

Unfathomable pleasure washes over you, pure pleasure. The feeling beyond words. Almost enough to make you release your death grip you have on your board above you.

Almost.

You struggle to pull yourself back onto your board, gasping for air. Not that any of this makes any sense, air in the warp, seriously?

It takes everything you’ve got to stand back up again, knees shaking.

Thankfully the Emperor is right beside you again, though he doesn’t seem concerned.

“Knew you would make it bro!” He laughs happily, clearly enjoying every second of his time on a board.

“This has been the most bizarre and terrifying ride of my life. Are we far enough for the colors and the warping?” You ask, ready to be back on dry land again.

“Few things I’ve got to tell you before that.” The Emperor says, his face becoming serious.

“We had a talk about what I wanted you to accomplish, but I’ll have to get back to you on when and how to get that ball rolling… I ran into some… Uhh… Complications with Tzeentch…” He fumbles his words, looking distant for a moment.

“You got strange with that chaos goddess, didn’t you?”
The Emperor sighs, than shrugs.

“According to Nurgle she’s been infatuated with me for a few millennia now and just didn’t know how to approach me, couldn’t work up the courage.”

You let him leave it at that.

“It’s been a… Radical ride, dude.” You tell him.

“Yeah man, you’re a pretty awesome dude. Oh, by the way, I can’t save you from death again.”

“…Wat?”

“Yeah you know dude, can’t let it change your character and all that. Plus the next time I do you would probably fail a perils of the warp roll and self destruct or something. We will talk again though. SHAZAM!”

You wake up suddenly, jolting upright, and slamming your head into the rear hatch of the Chimera.

[ ] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

[ ] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
exactly sure you want to know more.

[ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

[ ] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

[ ] Call from the tsunseer.

[ ] Burn some heretic traitors with the bolter bitch babe.

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother.

Tau girl

>>17191989
Quick, check to make sure everything i ok.
Is your Hat ok?
Oh, and is your chest all chain axed up.
is our eye sockets ok?

rolled 20 = 20

>>17192039
Taugirl

rolled 14 = 14

>[x] Call from the tsunseer

>>17192039
Tempted to call esh, but it would be more fun if we wait until she rings us. Let her stew a bit, tease out the dere from the tsun.

[X] Find the Mechanicus

[x] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
exactly sure you want to know more.

>>17192039
Mechanicus.
It's the only Loyalist group we havent visited yet.

>>17192039
>>17192046
[x] Tsunseer

Check out the necron

TOIME TA MEET DA ORKSES

Although the mechanicus mite be cool too.

>>17192039
[X ] Show the Tau girl who's her Daddy.

pretty tied with
>>[x] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…
or
>>[x] Call from the tsunseer.
Who knows, mayhaps we'll score with the Eldar chick.... or score some lolicron poontang, since we laid with a daemonette loli...

Mechanicus, we need more ladies on our side

Dark Eldar, for the love of all that is heretical

Necron, so we can get our CLANG CLANG on.

[x] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
exactly sure you want to know more.

Just to see the tsunseer's reaction.

Just poking my head in to say hello. And to mention "secure" tripcodes (with the double ## to make !!) change every so often to a different tripcode as they seem to be shunned.

Chow.

It's gotta be the mechanicus or dark elves...

rolled 16 = 16

Seems I derped, esh is ringing us

[X] Call from the Tsunseer

rolled 18 = 18

Really?

rolled 12 = 12

Dark elves.

Tsunseer is the best choice
Dark eldar as a secondary.

rolled 19 = 19

Help the tau.

[X] Call from the tsunseer

ugh, this is tied up as shit between tau and both colors of eldar

highest roll + choice i guess, this one is too close to call really

>>17192039
[X] Call from the tsunseer.
She might not call us again.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17192155
Tsunseer

rolled 18 = 18

>>17192155
[X] Tsunseer

Call from tsunseer <- sort of implies the call is pending and therefore we already rowed rowed this boat into harbour and time to unload our goods!

rolled 2 = 2

>>17192155
Tau

rolled 4 = 4

tsunseer

rolled 3 = 3

>>17192155
Tau

rolled 19 = 19

tsundeer.

>>17192164
>>17192193
Seems esh is getting impatient :p

rolled 5 = 5

Dark Eldar!

Your head is still ringing from the impact, you hit that door fucking hard.

With a groan you rub your poor forehead, but the ringing doesn’t subside.

Wait, that’s your personal communicator.

It’s a bit of a struggle to find which pocket it’s in, your head does still hurt after all.

“Hello?”

“MAXWHERETHEFUCKHAVEYOUBEENANDWHATHAVEYOUDONE!!!!!!!!”

The volume causes your device’s speaker to screech in protest and you hold it at arm’s length from your head. You can still hear a flurry of words, many of which you believe to be a foreign language.

The screaming subsides briefly and you venture a bit closer to your own mic.

“…Esh?”

“YOU VANISHED FOR A BRIEF SECOND BUT NOW I CAN FEEL. YOUR. MIND! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO!?”

“Uhh… Well…”

[ ] Took a nap.

[ ] Died, saved by the Emprah, went to a party, smoked some souls with Doomrider. You know, the usual.

COME OOON

>>17192258
[X] Took a nap

She wouldn't understand/believe

>>17192258
(x)died

[ ] Took a nap.
If we were to ever tell her we snorted up elfdar souls and got psyker powers, she will fucking annihilate us, and the Big E did say he wont be able to save us a second time...

>>17192258

[x] Spill the guts on the story

rolled 17 = 17

>[x] Died, saved by the Emprah, went to a party, smoked some souls with Doomrider. You know, the usual.

[x ] Died, saved by the Emprah, went to a party, smoked some souls with Doomrider. You know, the usual.

Bwuhahaha

[x] Died, saved by the Emprah, went to a party, smoked some souls with Doomrider. You know, the usual.

Isn't the truth always the right way? Well, maybe we shouldn't talk about smoking a bazillion tortured Eldar souls.

[X] Died, saved by the Emprah, went to a party, smoked some souls with Doomrider. You know, the usual.

>>17192258
[X] I guess, I took a nap because I cannot have done what I just did.

Spill the guts on the story

she's a psyker, which means she could probably get the truth from us anyways

>>17192258
Crazy as it was, I say tell he we died and met the Big E. Leave out smoking Eldar and banging daemonettes though if we can.

>>17192302
this, what she doesn't know won't hurt us

"Died and when to a bangin' party with the Emprah, took a hit off a soul joint, woke up just now. No biggie, y'know?"

[X] Died, saved by the Emprah, went to a party, smoked some souls with Doomrider. You know, the usual.

rolled 17 = 17

>>17192277
>>17192288
>>17192302

You all need to man up and admit that Kaleshi was the best lay of your (un)life. ONLY THROUGH IMPRESSION SHALL THE COMMISSAR SEE YOU WORTHY

>>17192361
Can't we just Omnomnom herand be done with it?
> implying Slaaneshi Whorelord didn't just post all related pics

“Um, Its quite a bit to explain… You see…” You give her a brief summary of the events that transpired, carefully leaving out the bits about banging three daughters of chaos gods.

A minute goes by of silence, you aren’t really sure what drove you to tell her the whole story. Even you have to admit, you will be lucky if there isn’t an Eldar hit team out after you now.

“…Still there?” You ask quietly.

“So let me get this straight. Not only did you consort with that vile Slaanesh… THING. But you accepted and actually smoked the souls of THOUSANDS of my people?”

Yeah, she’s probably going to have you killed. You don’t know how to answer that. She doesn’t say anything more either.

“…Max… That’s so…”

Aww shit, here it comes.

“That’s so… Selfless.”

Wait, did you just hear that right? You press your device as close as you can to your ear. Is Esh… Crying?

“I mean, to take it on your own shoulders to save all those poor Eldar from being consumed by that hell… Knowing full well the consequences… That was so brave.”

This is Eldar trickery, has to be.

“Yeah well, couldn’t let Slaanesh have those souls if there was something I could do about it… I guess?”

Esh bursts into sobs and you can hear her frantically moving stuff around in the background.

“You alright?” You inquire.

“D-Do you want to come over… For dinner?” She asks finally.

[ ] Ayup

[ ] Nope

>>17192404
[X] Ayup

rolled 9 = 9

>>17192404
[X] Ayup

rolled 15 = 15

>>17192404
ayup

>>17192404
AYUP!

>>17192404
GREAT. MOTHERFUCKING SUCCESS.

[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup
[X] Ayup

>>17192404

It's obviously an Eldar trick.

Still voting Ayup though.

Eyup.

[X] Nope
She will come to us lads...

rolled 12 = 12

>>17192404
Ayup

>>17192404
[X] Ayup

>>17192404
[X] Ayup

Naw. We're good.

[X] Ayup

What could possibly go wrong?

FOR HOLY TERRA AND THE IMPERIUM OF MAN-FUCKIN'-KIND.

>>17192404

[ ] Ayup
hell ya! Never really thought of smoking eldar souls instead of doomrider as being selfless, way to think outside the box, Papa

>>17191456
*insted of doomrider smoking them

[X] Ayup

GJ nailing the essense of Tsundere, Papa N.
True to form, she's unpredictable. o.O

“Umm… Yes?”

“GREAT!” Esh yells, no longer in tears.

“Uhh… Hah… Give me like half an hour to get ready. I’ll send a warp spider to pick you up.”

And with that, she hangs up.

You waste your time flipping through that discarded Admechgirl magazine. Some of those enhancements, wow. Can she really? With those? Oh Emprah.

Suddenly, a warp spider pops into your view.

“Sup.”

“Sup?”

He grabs you, and suddenly you are standing on the inside of an Eldar ship.

Esh’s grin of pure malevolent evil staring you right in the face as she eagerly sharpens the tip of her spear.

“Aww shit.”

rolled 8 = 8

[x] Ayup

Fuck year

>>17192416
>>17192426
>>17192429
>>17192431
>>17192432
>>17192441
>>17192458
Perhaps you have forgotten you primer, guardsmen.

"the eldar are despicable aliens, untrustworthy and decadent" Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer, Damocles Gulf Edition, Chapter 5, Section 3.

That being said, the primer is a little lacking when it comes to sexy farseer ass, so, [x] AYUP.

>>17192518
Aw shit

>>17192518

We so gonna get soul-sucked.
I mean, we basically absorbed some dozen Eldar heroes. And she WILL want those in the infinity circuit.

You fools!

>>17192518

>trusting eldar

>>17192518
Yes, she can.

>>17192544
Don't worry, our radical inquisitor will happily relinquish those souls if Esh does the sucking.

It's okay, we fought abaddon himself and got away. What's some silly eldar bitches got on our newly aquired godlike powers?

Dammit Max...
I can't help you this time.

>>17192544
There is evidence that what you take into your body alters and infuses your bodily fluids.

This includes semen.

Of course you know what this means:

She will suck them out through our penis. For her race, of course.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17192518

You faced down Abbadon like he was a bar-room thug. You one-shotted Doomrider. This bitch should be small fry. YOU ARE MAX. YOU GIVE ZERO FUCKS.

Oh, Anonymous. Your lack of forethought is about to get Max killed.

Inb4 huehuehue. I hope.

Well this is awkward, she might not be trying to kill us I suppose?

Dammit.

>>17192518
>Varying Degrees of Meh

I figured this might happen.
The alternative would have been running around in an attempt to escape a party of Eldary trying to catch us. That would have gone well.

"Is that incase my head explodes from the new warp powers? Because I'm not really confident I'd avoid the whole Perils thing."

Harken back to that one book Max found in his youth, saying that spear-sharpening is an ancient eldar courtship ritual.

Complement her on her sharpening skills.

>>17192585
But Anon, she's a tsundere.

>>17192518
GOD DAMN IT!!!

It can't end like this! IT JUST CAN'T END LIKE THIS!

THIS PICTURE DESCRIBES HOW THAT WOULD FEEL!

“Ha ha.” She beins to laugh slowly, quietly.

“Ha ha ha ha…” Raising her spear and pointing it right at your chest.

“Listen Esh, I can explain…”

You barely manage to leap out of the way as the spear thrusts through the space occupied by your heart barely a second ago.

“EXPLAIN!?! YOU CAN… EXPPLLLAAIIINNN?!?!?!”

You are ducking, dipping, dodging and ducking to avoid the repeated thrusts, unable to get a word in lest you catch one through the gut.

“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL, IDIOT MON-KEIGH, WHAT YOU WERE DOING!”

A fateful jap catches you finally, you should have known you weren't agile enough to dodge an Eldar's attacks forever.

You groan as Esh slowly works the blade around, grinning at your suffering.

"Hope it was worth it." She says, before a nearby Eldar separates your head from your shoulders.


So what should the next character be? O.G. Ork boy in a looted lowridah?

>>17192626
This right now has more likeness with yandere.
She gunna cuttem out, I tellya.

rolled 11 = 11

Best be trollin' PapaN

>>17192672
Best be trollin'
D:

rolled 19 = 19

>>17192672

HUEHUAHUEHUAHUEHUA

No.

Even though that would look awesome...

>>17192672
ohboyherewego.jpeg

rolled 7 = 7

>>17192672
We will use our Warp Psykery that's what we going to use

>>17192672
MYYYYYYYY BAAAAAAAAAALLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

>>17192672
No.

God damn it Papa-N, you'd best be trolling!
You'd best be god-damn trolling!

rolled 4 = 4

>>17192672
>Forces us to smoke the souls.
>Tells us that the Eldar will not know.
>Gives option to spill the beans.
>Kills us.
God damn.

rolled 6 = 6

Roll for deception.

Hahaha. Nice Joke.. Right..Riiiiiggghhhtt..

>>17192672
Can we be Max's lesbian sister, a Leman Russ gunner, out for revenge?

>>17192672

But... but...

You idiots, why did you tell her?

>>17192672
If this u be trollin Papa, why bother dodging since max is a full fledge psyker now.... fucking blast her with our powers! FUS ROH DAH her to pieces if she really wants us dead!

>>17192728
This if you are not trolling Papa.

WHICH YOU BETTER BE

rolled 19 = 19

PapaN is doing his customary trolling, we will soon return to our adventure

rolled 11 = 11

>>17192672
Lean ork Rises?

Sure. Always wanted to play an Ork.

dude... what.

and i still want to know what maxes soul feels like.

>>17192728

Yeah, I can dig it.

"My name is Helena Decarus, you killed my brother, prepare to die."

rolled 9 = 9

>>17192743
ALL OF MY THRONE GELT.

>>17192759
She had an unhealthy level of love for her brother.

>>17192404
[x] Sure I'd love t-Wait Consequences?

Please to be not.

>>17192759
Rip and tair! Hail and kill!
This bitch dared to kill Onii-san!
Nuke her from orbit!

>>17192769
Which he was oblivious to, like the Bard and the Elf in those Bard comics.

>>17192780
We got too cocky. We thought we were untouchable.

Hell, we fucking boned three daemonettes for Emps' sake! We were flying on wings of glory!

But we couldn't even try to defend ourself! We fought Abaddon, some Sea Leviathan and whatever, and now we die like a bitch to another one?

>>17192759
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Helena sighs from her perch on her lemon russ "noboyzallowed".

It's a hot day, and even in her very minimalist bikini she's sweating.

"Hey Helena, Admech says they can get our main gun back up and running but it's going to take a day."

Helena smiles at her best friend Sarah.

"No problem, we don't have anything much to do today anyways."

Sarah nods.

"Hey, how's that stupid brother of yours doing?"

Helena's smile fades.

"I... I don't know. He was sending letters pretty regularly but we haven't heard from him at all in a while..."

Actually, this is the greatest quest thread ever.
So many just descend into complete mary sue wankery and barely disguised fapfiction.
Papa-N allowed us to live those fantasies, then crushed them ignominiously and without mercy.
Max died with a whimper, not a bang.

Lean ork~!

>>17192830

rolled 7 = 7

I..I..I don't know what to think...
i think i need some time

What the fuck did you idiots think would happen when you confessed?

>>17192830
*sigh*
Alright Papa, I'll bite. We'll be more careful next time.

That Eldar bitch is on our hit list.
And by hit I mean "Eat her out till mind-break"

>>17192830
Meanwhile At the party...

"H-Hey my lord?" You say as you tap on the shoulder of your God Emperor, "About that whole, no second chances thing?" 'ME! YOU'VE ONLY BEEN GONE LIKE TWO MINUTES!' "Can I get a mulligan?"

>>17192831
. _.
I. WISH. TO. KNOW. WHAT. HIS. SOUL. FELT. LIKE!

I... I can't believe he's really gone.

>>17192831
And then our head exploded from the barely contained warp energy when she cut off our head.

>>17192866

I feel more like cutting her by the inch while bashing her waystone with a hammer for her to see.

At first I was all like NOOOOOOOOOO

Then I thought 'Lesbian action'

And all was well in the world again

>>17192887
dice+1d20
FUCKING QUOTES HOW DO THEY WORK.

Aw, bugger. I was hoping we were gonna be an Ork. I'm sure we'll reach our previous levels of awesome, though.

>>17192890
waystone encrusted wraithbone dildo?

>>17192890
How about we bring her, and all her friends. to a party.

Maybe Little bit of Ork-chan?

>>17192535
"the eldar are despicable aliens, untrustworthy and decadent" Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer, Damocles Gulf Edition, Chapter 5, Section 3.

I WARNED YOU ABOUT THOSE ELDAR.

>>17192900
Only if they house her parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters...

rolled 17 = 17

Your killin me bro. Can that Eldar bitch at least die from a perils of the warp or some shit next time we see her

>>17192890
You are retarded, what the hell did you think was going to happen when you told her that fucking story?

LOL!
Well struck.
Head, right off shoulders.
Alrighty, game on again.

Well that was a bad ending.

Sarah sighs as she flips through the schematic booklet "your lemon russ and you: 574 ways you can still serve the Emperor but make it a bit easier on yourself."

"You know him, he probably got drunk and fucked the nearest officer or something retarded like that."

Helena laughs, but it isn't sincere.

"RAAAAA!!! You infernal machine spirit, accept this part damn you!" The Tech-priest working on the tank suddenly shouts, slamming his wrench into the tank repeatedly.

"Yo! Gearhead! Easy on the goods!" Sarah shouts down at him.

"BY THE OMNISSIAH YOU WILL TAKE THIS SENSOR AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!" He shoves the part in and the tank finally relents, a red light changing to a green.

Helena laughs, Frederick's antics having grown on her a bit since meeting him.

>>17192914
We have a word for that over here.
"Vendetta".

>>17192920
I didn't vote on that one.

>>17192896

>>17192936
And then we break those one by one so their souls get doomed and the dildo get's sharp and edgy.

This archived yet?

I'm holding out that this is one massive trolling session right now. Please? ;_:

If not trolling, we must defeat that eldar bitch.

As in, after beating the shit out of her turning her over to chaos tainted tyranids who will rape her until her mind breaks and beyond.

>>17192963
If Yes: Oh you Papa
If No: Sexy Lesbian Vendetta.

I'm ok with this.

>>17192971
Or Orkus T Ork

>>17192963
>>17192971
It's not trolling, we're not invincible. You idiots told her what you should not have told her, it's like telling a black guy that you went to a Klan meeting and lynched a black guy.

>>17192971
then proceed to slowly smoke her soul...

>>17192963
>trolling session

Oh how I wish

>>17192971
We must break her with our own hands, anon.

This is the fucking Old Testament now. PILLARS OF MOTHERFUCKING SALT!

I don't visit /tg/ for one day and you fuckers start smoking eldar souls and get decapitated and shit. God fucking damit, I wanted some filthy heretical ear sex.

>>17192988
>steers down path toward that
I'm thinking papa wanted to end Max's quest.

Self delusions are the greatest of delusions!

Her blade nicks your shoulder just enough to draw a faint line of blood. You know you can’t keep this up forever.
But the stabs are becoming slower, less passionate, until they finally cease.

Esh looks at you solemnly.

“You may have not known what you were doing, and your intentions were surely misguided at best, but you did save those souls from a fate… Indescribable. And for that I’ll spare you, at least for today.”

She sets her spear aside and sighs.

“Honestly, I leave you alone for a while and you end up dead and in the warp. You really are just a helpless stupid mon-keigh after all.”

You crouch there, on the floor of what you think is an Eldar ship or something, unsure of what to do next.

“So you aren’t going to kill me?”

Esh grabs you by the collar and throttles you back and forth.
“Not today but the next time you do something like that I won’t be nice enough to stop myself!”

She lets you go and before you know it, she’s got you in a tight hug.

“I was really worried about you… Idiot mon-keigh…”

A nearby Eldar, an older one from the looks of it, coughs quietly into her fist.

“Mistress, your dinner?”

Esh jumps to her feet and grabs her head.

“Ahh! I forgot it was still in the wraithoven!”

She grabs your hand and before you know it you are being pulled in a full on sprint through winding hallways, past more Eldar who look a bit shocked at the human in their midst.

>>17192988
But What if you were Bl....too....
Never mind...

>>17193004
>chose to answer the Tsunseer's call
>chose to tell her what we did
>chose to go willingly to her lair

We made a series of poor choices.

>>17193005
Hey, who has the right to make us responsible for our own foolish choices!?
NONE!

>>17193007
YOU CRUEL HEARTLESS SON OF A BITCH! TAKE MY LOVE! AND MY LINGS, CAPTCHA DEMANDS IT!

>>17192995
>defeat doomrider
>fight abbadon
>get killed by eldar with spear

rolled 20 = 20

>>17193007
Relief, it is tangible

>>17193007
but now i miss helena :{

>>17192995

I said that we shouldn't tell her about smoking those souls, I told you! But no, it's a-okay, we should man up! Look what has happened! Everything is ruined forever!

Also vendetta and sweet lesbian love. Yay!

>>17193007
Darn it... He was trolling us....

Papa...I love you...So much..

I cannot decided whether to love you or hate you Papa, but whichever it is, you sir are a wonderful.

>>17193007

YES! FOR THE EMPRAH WE MUST CLAIM THE XENO CLAM!

>>17193007
>>17193007
>>17193007
>>17193007
ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF MY RAGEEEEEEEEEEE
FUCCCCCCK YOU YOU HEARTLESS TROLLLING SON OF THE BITCH.

HUEHUEHUE

DANGIT PAPA. YA HAD ME GOING THERE.

So, I guess that Someone Else. and Papa-N are the new Harbingers of /tg/?

Shouldn't an unprotected human get torn to shreds if they transverse the warp naked while holding onto a warp spider?

I fear >>17193007 is just a sweet dream we see before being devoured by the great enemy :(

>>17192914
>>17192911
>>17192919
>>17192920
>>17192925
>>17192926
>>17192937
>>17192954
>>17192963
>>17192971
>>17192980
>>17192983
>>17192988
>>17192989
>>17192996
>>17193000
>>17193004
Trolled into the warp

>>17193033
I knew he was trolling us, but now I do too!

>>17193007
Papa you...

Fuck.

Also, Helena needs to become canon character. Side-quest/sequel quest?

Well to be fair since Max's now back in the Warp he can "court the fuck out of" some daemonettes.

>>17193066
Independent Characters are immune. Immune to headshots, too, which is why they don't wear helmets.

>>17193007

>>17193070
Set her up with Doomrider! Its the least we could do for the guy who saved our asses.

>>17193100
But she would never fall for any man other than her brother.

>>17193007
But she just... and he... and his sis.... you know what, never mind.... ima play street fight alpha 3 while i rap my head around this successful trolling...

>>17193116
Implying Doomrider isn't an alternate universe max who traveled not only through dimensions but time to savor life.

What... What is this feeling?
Is it oc?
Is it... Old /tg/?

>>17193074

I think I like her, she and the Partridges will both be making appearances.

A young hot-shot looking Eldar stops Esh in her tracks.

“Whoa babe, where you and that… uh… animal headed off to?” He asks, slyly trying to put his hand around her.

Is this fag trying to move in on your bitch? He best be not moving in on your bitch.

Before you can unleash the fury of the pimp hand, Esh kicks him.

Right in his nuts.

The blonde haired playboy’s face contorts in pain and he falls to the ground, clutching his gonads.

“I already told you I have no interest, quit trying!” Esh kicks him in the stomach before stepping on him and leading you past.

Once inside what you can only assume is an Eldar kitchen she hurridly rips open what must be the wraithoven and checks on what looks like a pie.

“Oh thank the gods, it’s fine.” She sighs in relief and closes the oven back up.

“Did you… Hug me earlier?” You finally get a chance to ask.

Esh jumps in surprise as color drains from her face. She turns back to you, cheeks quickly becoming pink than red.

“I-I-I did n-no such thing! Stupid mon-keigh!”

You grin, this is so worth it.

“Really? That felt like a hug. What do you use on your hair? It smells lovely.”

You don’t have time to dodge the pan to the face, which startles you more than it hurts as it knocks you to the ground.

“STUIPD MON-KEIGH IT WASN’T A HUG! GAHHH!” She punches a cabinet so hard it dents inward.

>>17193151
Leading to the possibility that, because of Emprah and Tees, Doomrider could be Emprahs son. Mind = blown.

>>17193151
Implying that Doomrider is not the son of The Emperor and Tzeentch doing the same. (They named him Max too)

>>17193007
>past more Eldar who look a bit shocked at the human in their midst.
A human that could at any moment become a GATEWAY INTO THE WARP.

>>17193170
Damn straight We're an animal. Ask every girl in Imperial Collage. We had so many bitches, we had to open a dog shelter.

Because they all had dogs, strangely enough. It was actually quite the coincidence.

>>17193209
In this 40'verse, that only happens when it'd be funny or sexy.
Any Nob knows dat!

>>17193170
So, idea: I wonder if Tsundere behavior and being a Farseer don't blend together rather well. I was contemplating as too whether the root of Tsun wasn't her feeling imperiled by being out of control in a personal attraction. A kind of defensiveness fed by fear of too much intimacy. Not to try to make this gloriously lighthearted stuff serious at all, just a musing in case we do get a little more inside Eshe's head.

Also, I'll delete some of my older posts to make room.

Naw but you guys really did die, it was a pretty epic trollgasm I'll admit.

2nd Helena thread is probably wednesday or something.

>>17193284
Thanks for being a douchebag. I guess.

>>17193284

Wait so are dead or not..

So confused...

>>17193246
>Saw that going one way...

>Then it went the other.

>>I HAVE NO FACE! but here is a gift wrap Cultist-chan for you.

>>17193284

I don't think I can take this toying with my emotions.

Max can't really be dead... not really really...

can he?

rolled 3 = 3

>>17193284
I don't know what to believe anymore

>>17193284
double-troll, but "wraithoven" kinda had me suspecting it

we can still play with Max in the warp though, right?

>>17193284
OH no papa! You 'aint playing with my emotions this time! I'll only believe when I see it!

>>17193284
Boo.

>>17193284
Yeah, Double-Dribble-Trolling.
3 mins on the bench.
Change of possession, /tg/ gets to 2 Free Throws.

>>17193284
Hey, too much trolling can pass from funny to making people think you are a douche.

“Pretty sure it was a hug.” You continue, unwilling to relent.
“AHHHHHHHHHH!” Esh grabs a pot of boiling something and stands above you, face blazing in embarrassed fury.

You put your hands up, as though they would do anything. This might do more than sting a little.

But when you peel one eye open to look back at her, Esh sighs and sets down the dish.

“So it was a hug. You should be grateful I blessed your life with such an event, surely the high point of its dullness.”

Well you can be satisfied you got her to admit to it, at least for now.

“Anyways, what have you got cooking?” You ask, leaning over her shoulder to look at what’s in the pot.

Esh’s mind is stuttering, she’s so close to you now. “Do those lips taste as good his mind?” she wonders to herself.

You look down, noticing Esh staring intently straight at your mouth.

“Uhh… Esh?”

She catches herself and spins around, pretending to be occupied by a sizzling wok-like thing.

As much fun as you are having with Esh at the moment, trolling her hard and all that, the food smells so good you can barely stop yourself from ripping into it.

>>17193284
>>17193383
Dis nigga. Continue my good man

>>17193383
trollception?

I can't handle this anymore

Meal Benediction: "For the living, may they ever know peace and splendor, and for the lost, may they ever know a home in our hearts. Emperor Bless."

Guys. I have it.

Papa is Tzneetch.

Just as planned.

You know, this has made me think of a good question. Why would she even care if we smoked Eldar souls? I mean, really, unless she personally knew some of the elfdars in that particular soul-joint I don't see why she would be so up in arms.

I mean, we never got on her case for killing thousands of humans in long ranged plots that won't come to fruition for a thousand years. But you know she's done it.

>>17193383
Now never do it again.

>that feel when huehuehuehue is just getting confusing now

>>17193383
So did Max just see what she was thinking? Or was that knowledge we are privy to, while Max is unaware?

Esh looks back at you.

“Hey, mon-keigh, you are DROOLING.”

You put your jaw back into place, senses still fixed on the delicious food before you.

Esh uses what you assume has to be some kind of Eldar cooking fork to gather up a little ball of what appears to be some kind of noodle-onion-meat dish.

“You… You can try it if you want…” She says, still not looking at you as she holds out the food.

Slowly you lean in to take a bite, watching her intently for any sign of Eldar trickery. The closer you get, the harder she blushes.

You bite down and slowly back away, her eyes turn to follow you.

This taste… Dear Emprah this taste.

“So… Good…” Is all you can manage, your taste buds are busy in a full blown fiesta. “Hola mister Max, thank you very much for da food senior!”

Esh is now locked right on you, watching your expression with wide eyes.

“It’s probably the best thing I’ve ever tasted.”

You see her smile giddily before catching herself and regaining her cool composure.

“Yeah well, you haven’t even tried the pie yet.”

>>17193453
Must have been Max's new warp powers. Eldar emotions are so strong they broadcast and Max picks them up now. So any strong elfdar feelings are transmitted directly into Max's brain.

Oh god, imagine the sex. It would be mindblowing.

>>17193467

>Pie

>>17193467
“Yeah well, you haven’t even tried the pie yet.”

>>17193479
>mindblowing
Literally possibly.

Also, any other questline you do should at some point corrupted tyranids with an obsession with tentacles and probing orfices.

>>17193479
I feel my starship docking... but i also feel the droppod enter the atmosphere... whoa dude.

>>17193479
Makes a surprising amount of sense...

>mfw MY MIND

>>17193479

Someone should slap you for that joke, but anyways...

I vote our next line to be "Normally I would say something cute about 'pie' there, but if it is anywhere near as tasty as what you just gave me I'll... Holy fuck just give me some more food."

>>17193467

Awwwww Yeaaaaahhhh

Come for the tsun, stay for the dere.

“Really? Does it taste as good as MY MIND?”

Esh’s face becomes ashen at your words, and her mouth is agape as though she’s struggling to find something to say, having been caught completely off guard.

“Yeah, I can pick up on some things now. At least a bit.” You admit, your new power is fun but very confusing and completely unreliable. It seems like proximity might have something to do with it, because you could only sense her thoughts when you were very close to her.

Esh picks up a knife and her head cracks as it tilts to the side, her eyes now alight with glowing white energy.

“I’m going to kill you now.” She says flatly.

Roll for reflex save

>>17193504
>>17193497
That's right, I know your argument before you even say it.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17193539
D:

rolled 19 = 19

>>17193539

rolled 13 = 13

>>17193539
Fuck! Fuck!

>>17193539

>>17193553
Yay i rolled good.

Roll 13 = 13
shiiiiiiiiiiit!

rolled 4 = 4

NO TIME TO CHECK MY PRIMER, THERE'S PROBABLY NOT A LITANY OF REFLEXES ANYWAY.

>>17193539
Oh. Fuck.
We took that last corner a little too fast.
Note to Us, if we survive: The Emperor has left the building.

>>17193556
>>17193553
>>17193549
Oh thank god!

>>17193562
I'm too tired.

rolled 12 = 12

>>17193539

Oh my, the pie is a lie, too?

rolled 19 = 19

>>17193539
C'MON MAX, YOU'RE A PSYKER NOW! FUS RO DAH!

>>17193574
Go to sleep cutie :3

>>17193581
>>17193553
Oh Yes

>>17193581
THE DRAGON BJORN HAS SPOKEN!

>>17193567
Huh. Should've used one of Protection ones. Whoops.

rolled 13 = 13

>>17193574
Far too tired.

>>17193539
We are now chaos tainted right?

Does that mean we can spring out tentacles and rape in every orfice?

>>17193566
really dude?

rolled 1 = 1

Nat 1 incoming.

>>17193539
Fuck this bitch.

Seriously, we need to either rape the shit out of her, turn her over to horny tyranids or bash her skull in and get back to our base to resume the adventure next time.

Crazy eldar is crazy.

>>17193616
Fuck you!

>>17193616
mother fucker

>>17193616
/facepalm
Call shot.

rolled 9 = 9

>>17193616
...Why would you do this!

>>17193616
Oh god my sides!

>>17193616
>roll 1d1
clever, almost

>>17193616

>mfw he's right.

>>17193616

>>17193616
Did you put it in so it was 1+1?

Your 1 is outweighed by the 19s however

rolled 1 + 20 = 21

pay me no mind.

>>17193650
>>17193645
dice+1d20 in e-mail field
It's legit.

What is with this bitch?

I guess we are going to play Helena now.
I'm not even angry at Esh.
People don't know when to stop

rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 = 20

>>17193645
lesse if I can get a nat 20 on 20d1

>>17193677
> one roll of 1
>like 3 19s.

But as she swings the knife down you catch her hand and with your other arm pull her in close to you.

The blade falls from her grasp and clatters noisily to the floor.
She looks up, staring into your eyes as you hold her there, neither of you moving.

“…Max…” She says quietly as you slowly bring your face closer to hers. Your lips are mere millimeters apart, and you feel Esh jump slightly as your minds collide.

“HAHAHA MON-KEIGH KISSER! MON-KEIGH KISSSSERRRRR!!!!” A little Eldar in farseer garb, no taller than your waist is running in circles around the table as she joyfully repeats herself.

“YOU LITTLE TWERP, GRAAAHHHH!!!”

Esh’s eyes flash and the little Eldar is sent flying out of the room with one last “MON-KEIGH
KISSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!”

Esh furiously slams the door and begins stirring her personal recipe stew in a fit of rage.

Wait, did she really want you to kiss her?

Eyeing the wall of hanging knives mere inches from her, you aren’t sure if it’s a good idea to press the subject.

“Take a seat, it’s almost ready.” Esh says without looking back at you.

[ ] Sit down

[ ] We must go deeper

[ ] Steal another taste of food

rolled 1 = 1

>>17193685
>>17193677
huh, nat 1

rolled 11 = 11

:|

>>17193683
>people don't know when to stop
What, you mean rolling?

>>17193616
>busy writing
>post
>miss the nat1

You guys got lucky THIS TIME

>>17193703
>hiding 1d1 with noko
oh you

rolled 2 = 2

>>17193690
[X] Take a seat
Lets not push this any further, she seems a tad...unstable

>>17193690
deeper.

SEAT

>>17193690
Look, Papa-N, you and I both know that we've learned nothing from today's events.

[x] We have to go deeper.

>>17193690
>[x] Sit down
Ok, time to calm the fuck down, we have been pressing our luck like mad cunts lately.

>>17193690
Take a fucking Sit, We just escaped death the second time now

It's a cook book... IT'S A COOK BOOK.

rolled 9 = 9

[X ] Steal another taste of food

[ ] Sit down
[ ] Steal another taste of food
Either or... man im hungry.

>>17193690
Take a motherfucking seat, we avoided death 3 times with her, it's better not to get killed and have emps get pissed.

>>17193703
>>17193719
What, are we going to critical fail at sitting now? jesus fuck.

>>17193690
[X] Check that all doors are closed and locked.

[X] Initiate hug-from-behind maneuver and commence "Operation Mon-keigh Kissah"

rolled 4 = 4

>>17193690
[ ] we need more vespene gas, dig deeper "the food is delicious, but... there's someone else that I like better"

>>17193690
SRS GUYS just take it easy now dont give him the excuse to troll
[X] Sit down

>>17193690

[x] Sit down

This might help not getting us killed again for the next minute.

[X] Sit down

rolled 1 = 1

>>17193751
I give my 4 to this guy

>>17193755
>implying I mind the trolling

Trying to prevent Papa-N from trolling would be like...like playing Silent Hill with the lights on.

>>17193754
>>17193703
The dice gods just don't favor you tonight, huh?

rolled 1 = 1

>>17193784
Remove the 1d1 + noko YOU FOOL!

>>17193784
Stop right there,

>>17193716
I thought you weighed all the rolls.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17193787
I'm best with d6s and only during a wargame, the dice never like me otherwise

rolled 14 = 14

>>17193690
Dice gods got this
[X] Sit down

>>17193786
Too much in this thread though.

rolled 15 = 15

[ ] We must go deeper

>>17193751
THIS!

rolled 8 = 8

>>17193792
nup, after -703 I've been rolling d20's and they're aimless as well, I'm too lazy to turn the roller off

>we went from battling with abbadon and jousting with doomrider to being some loony eldars bitch.

Steal another bite, then sit down.

rolled 6 = 6

>mfw this is our most dangerous adventure.

You know what
fuck this shit
We will go deeper

>>17193847
hush, you. she'll be OUR bitch after we get her pregnant.

rolled 18 = 18

[X] Sit don

>>17193875
With the way this thread has been going we will fail a dice roll and rip our own intestines out with our dick. That or get trolled again.

You pull out a chair and sit down.

Only you miss and, arms wind milling madly, fall face first onto the cold tile.

Esh looks back at you in disgusted awe, as if she really can’t believe what she’s seeing.

“Uhh, missed it I guess…” Your face is burning, how the fuck did you fail that hard at sitting down? How have you managed to go from cool and suave to looking like a complete retard within minutes of each other.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself…” Esh turns back to her cooking, shaking her head in disbelief.

Still, you aren’t going to let the fact that you are still rolling when completely unprompted, which only ever results in terrible, terrible things, get to you.

The food smells absolutely decadent, you’ve got a cute farseer cooking it for you, and you actually think you might have had some fun surfing with the Emprah earlier, despite the close call. Yeah, today is a pretty good day.

Esh looks like she’s found some kind of groove, humming to herself quietly as she adds a dash of one thing and a sprinkle of another.

“Dude I can’t take this anymore” Your stomach groans.

“Shut up man, at least you know you have a guaranteed thing here!” Your Inquisitor responds.

Esh finally decides it’s all ready and starts moving everything over to the table.

You can’t contain yourself any longer, and you reach out to snatch up one of those Eldar biscuits, the kind she gave to you the first time.

A ladle raps you hard on the knuckles.

“A proper gentleman always waits until the lady sits down first.” She says, though her anger seems faked. Her eyes unable to conceal the pride in her work and her excitement in sharing it with you.

>>17193847
acually we are either recruiting a mole in the eldar craftworld or we are expanding harem +1 and either one is ayok! especially since 1 also includes 2.

rolled 4 + 8 = 12

[X] Sit down
No pushing our luck this time

>>17193690
[X] Sit your ass down
We're still wounded from being cut up by her earlier, no need to be dodging knives again.

>>17193918

>>17193847
Well to be fair neither Abaddon or ourselves were expecting that and with Doomrider there is no telling what he was on at the time that could have messed him up. Are we a sexy beast? Yes. But more importantly we are still little more than an average Guardsman who may have some Psyker abilities.

>>17193906

>Still, you aren’t going to let the fact that you are still rolling when completely unprompted, which only ever results in terrible, terrible things, get to you.

>>17193906
>you are still rolling when completely unprompted, which only ever results in terrible, terrible things.

>>17193906
>Still, you aren’t going to let the fact that you are still rolling when completely unprompted, which only ever results in terrible, terrible things, get to you.

STOP FUCKING ROLLING PEOPLE!

>>17193938
>applying any sort of rational logic to this scenario
I know this is /tg/ but seriously man? Just roll with it.

>>17193906
Is this Max?

>>17193938
The reality of our current status is still awesome, except the nat1's... STOP DOING THAT, WHOEVER!

>>17193944
Well shit.

>>17193943
>>17193944
>>17193945
I guess this applys to that guy with the trip who kept rolling even when not choosing anything?

rolled 4 = 4

rolling for perils of the warp

rolled 7 = 7

>>17193945
rolling to remember to breathe

rolled 18 = 18

Rolling for the sake of ruining stuff.

>>17194011
>>17194012

papa-n, please ignore them.

rolled 13 = 13

skill check: sitting in a chair
modifiers: +1 not in combat, +1 blessed by the Emprah, -1 cute girl cooking, -1 hungry, -2 incredibly horny

>>17193906
Why do I keep getting the feeling that she has a penis?

rolled 13 = 13

ROLLING FOR FUS RO DAH

The wait is killing you, but you don’t try any funny business as you watch her finish the setup.

She moves around the table to you and takes your plate, dishing out a generous heap of everything onto it.

You can’t help but smile as you watch her, completely in her element it seems.

Esh catches you staring out of the corner of her eye and turns away from you, her flowing red hair slightly obstructing her face but not hiding her faint smile.

“D-Don’t stare at me like that, it’s embarrassing.”

She serves herself before taking the seat opposite you, not very far away on such a small table.

Both of you chow down, Esh eating properly and daintily, you kinda just fork-lifting heaping forkfuls of the food into your joyous mouth.

“Oh man, this is simply THE BEST.” Your stomach sighs happily.

“Ah well, at least I can see up her skirt from down here.” The curious Inquisitor responds. “Black lace with a pink bow, things might be looking up after all.”

Suddenly, you can’t breathe.

Your face goes white as you frantically struggle, choking on something.

Esh takes several seconds to realize what is going on, but with surprising speed she has you in a Heimlich.

It takes a few pumps, but you finally shoot out a whole meatball. It soars brilliantly straight down into a bowl of soup, which splashes all over Esh’s face.

“Gods damn it, mon-keigh…”

>>17194050
hee hee hee
Roll for dangerous terrain!
Actually not, but s'cool. =D

>>17194065

Well, seems like it is time to get that soup off her face. Activate tongue.

>>17194065
>putting a whole meatball in mouth
What the fuck

>>17194065
I think our psy powers gave our dick eyes.

>>17194080
Yeah, what's with this. Have our primary sensory organs started developing a consciousness? Maybe that whole fling with the demons managed to imbue our Inquisitor with some inquisitory powers of his own.

>>17194080
TELL IT TO THE COCK-EYE OF TRUTH, WENCH!

>>17194080

>>17194065
Wait, have we just failed a roll on EATING?

>>17194077
i usually pick up 3-4 per load :[
but then again im swedish... and hungry.

>>17194065
>i can see up her skirt form here

Esh sighs as she surveys herself, one of her favorite outfits and much of her hair now covered in chunky soup.

“Err… Really sorry about that…” Fuck, you would wreck this for yourself.

She tries to clean herself up with a napkin, but it just isn’t cutting it.

“I kinda figured you would ruin this…” She unhappily drops the napkin.

“I’m going to go wash off and change. Enjoy your meal alone, I guess.”

She leaves before you can say anything. Man, do you feel like a douche now.

[ ] Chase after her

[ ] Eat alone

>>17194124
[ ] Chase after her

>>17194120
That's not disgusting.

Thats pig disgusting.

>>17194124
>Chase after her

>>17194124
[X] Chase

Might as well die again, on the other hand we might introduce her to our one eyed commisar

>>17194124
[x] CHASE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY

>>17194124
Chase after her eating.

>>17194139
you are not blessed with my mouth.
nor do you eat the same size of meatballs. derp.

>>17194124
[X] Chase her down
DAMN IT MAX, YOU'RE LOSING HER! MAKE HER SMILE OR WHATEVER GIRLS LIKE

>>17194065
Dem Trolls man