17-year old Salamander here, in a almost all-human high school in South Dakota. I'm having a bit of trouble fitting in with my classmates, especially since if I don't pay attention, I start leaving scorch marks on the desks. Not to mention I have a hard time fitting into said desk in the first place, given my tail. The science rooms are better with the lab tables and tools, but there's no accommodations for non-humans here because our school is strapped for cash. Any advice on how I can fit in better? I've got a couple of friends but I'm kind of an outcast.

>>16886160
Well, they have such a low budget and almost no non-humans, how's their Charm spell detection?
Barring that, just be a friendly person, help people out, and don't spend too much time locked away in your basement/room (inb4 "on /tg/, too late").

>>16886052
Brazilian Half-Lizardmen Half-Elf here, I swear our miscegenation it's kinda absurd sometimes. But this is besides the point. You should try to look into Patented Mindflayers. A Half-Vampire Half-Werewolf buddy of mine worked with this one called Mr. Hasthurs it worked really well for him

So I heard the firm I work for is going to hire a few Warforged this month. Is there anything I should be aware of?

>>16886277
Magnets and wood stain are good pranking items.

>>16886214
I took some basic magic classes because my best friend is an aspiring sorceress, but I like weapons too much to devote myself wholly to magic. I'd rather not try to magically charm others, as my best friend will probably catch on and call me on it.

I try to help people out and be friendly, but it's kind of hard when I keep bumping into things with my tail or setting papers on fire by accident. I'd like to think I'm pretty cute, but I've never gotten more than looks from the guys in my class. (inb4 "no girls on the internet")

>>16886244
I'll look into it, I know an Illithid or two through the internet, but I've never met one in person. Any idea what their rates are like?

>>16886317
Yeah, charm spells tend to backfire after a while. It's possible you're not getting any dates because you're living in a pretty rural area, and attitudes towards non-humans tend to be "leave them alone as much as possible" in those kind of areas.

Honest question, when did this start being "okay" again on /tg/? Last year the mods were kinda twitchy about it.

>>16886317
Listen kid. I've got some bad news for you. Things are going to suck for quite some time. You're the outsider and the freak. It's going to hurt no matter what you do. But you're going to make friends and eventually you're not going to be in this situation any more. You can try to appease everybody but you'll either become bitter about it or so fucking codependent you'll need decades of therapy just to realize it. And you still won't appease more than a fraction of them. Or you can just brush them off and be yourself while not giving them more ammunition than necessary. Then when you get somewhere that you aren't the minority you'll be able to look back and see what kinds of idiots they were.

Ten years after graduation people who treated you like dirt will come up to you and act like the two of you were best friends. You either won't remember that they treated you like shit and you'll all be good friends, or you'll be disgusted and walk away from them. Then you'll get those who walk up give you the most heart-wrenching apology imaginable and you won't even remember the incident that's been weighing them down for years.

But that's just how people are. Learn it and accept it but move on because it isn't worth dwelling on. Just like I know that the chances of you getting all of this are approximately jack and shit.

>>16886366
Well, if they're legal, you can pay them normally, but they're kinda expensive psycologist, my buddie is son of a Rich family, so it went well for him.
If he's a Illegal one though, i head you can pay with a part of your mind, or someone's mind. Though you may look into that, it's really dangerous, you never know if you're going to leave the room Sane

>>16886428
Dunno, but with the OP's 5 thread history, I guess it's okay now.

>>16886366
>>16886439
That's... kind of depressing. My parents own a machine shop here in town, and I don't know if I'll go to the local college or not. It looks like humans all around for the foreseeable future. My only real good friend is a half-elf sorceress, and while she sympathizes with me, she gets all the local guys who want something "exotic" but don't want to date something as exotic as I am.

>>16886452
Well my dad is pretty rich, so money's not the issue, but are you sure they're safe? I don't want my little sister getting hurt.

>>16886545
You didn't ask for easy advice to make yourself feel better. Life sucks, find the stuff you enjoy and have at.

And for fuck's sake quit comparing yourself to others! That's just an extra level of miserable.

>>16886568
Well, Mr Hasthurs was a nice fellow when i talked to him, and my buddy Half - Vampire Half - Werewolf never had any complaints, but Legal Illithids have to pass through a extent trial, with the risk of being banned from the Country, though i heard some rich ones could pass his way using bribery.
Oh, and from what my friend told me, it's kinda gross. You know that Hypnoses stuff? Were they make you look on your past and stuff like that? It's like that but more "Real"
it's some freaky stuff.
But you might look into the Syndicate of Ilithids. Here they're honest fellows, a little lazy yeah, but there's no risk of your mind being sucked or destroyed

>>16886604
A-A-Alright! I'll stop. I just wanted something more out of life than dying an old spinster still repairing tractors in my parent's machine shop.

I know my sorceress friend is a great friend, and I know she wants me to be happy, it just kind of sucks watching her get boyfriend after boyfriend and no one asks me.

Things I like, huh? Well I enjoy weapons, both forging them and wielding them, and I'm pretty good at both of those. I enjoy shopping for clothes, although I have to be pretty selective in what I buy so that it doesn't catch on fire. And I do like learning, I routinely do pretty well in my classes, and all the teachers like me. I'm probably going to go to college, but I'm not sure where.

Ask someone that was formerly a normal white human male anything.

Actually, I want to ask you guys stuff. Do any of you know anything about divine lineage? Apparently Kali are divine in nature, being based off their god, but not having been one my whole life I don't really know what that means. More and more I feel like I'm somehow missing something.

>>16886678
Thanks for the help, I'll look into that.

What's it like living in Brazil? Do you get a lot of aquatic elves visiting there from Atlantis? I live in California, and our beaches are covered in merfolk sunning themselves, but I hear east coast beaches have a lot more aquatic elves than merfolk.

So, I've been looking at deifying myself.

I've got a really decent fanbase over at the local coffee shop that are going to be my worshippers, now before I buy a pure black lamb and paint the Lambda symbol onto its back with the blood of a pure white lamb, I've gotten everything ready and I just want to know, if there are any gods on here right now who can answer my questions.

How does deification feel?
How many followers do I need to stay alive?
How many do I need to expand my powerbase?
How soon do I have to register my godhood with the celestial bureaucracy?

>>16886760
Aha! Now you're talking! Now you're giving me something that I can work with! With your heritage you should be able to get a scholarship but you'll have to work to maintain it. That said I would suggest applying yourself now and trying to get into a proper college. Consider metallurgy. At least for starters. There's no shame in going into a college undeclared either. Nobody said you can't change majors.

If you enjoy forging so much you may even be able to transfer into one of the more esoteric colleges. A lot of wizards need hand-crafted items for their enchantments. Forgers may not be as popular as they used to be but they make up for it in their ability to make a lot of money with it. And from what I've overheard some of the students saying, there's nothing finer than a hot woman working a forge. (Pardon the pun.) I get more out of the fire myself.

>>16886829
Shit we have almost everything. really. centuries of slavery of Lizardmen and Jugle Elves by "Every Other Race" Made us into, possibly, the most multicultural country in the world. Recently i saw a Half Minotaur making a move into a Half-Elf Half-Gnoll.
Here in the Northeast of Brazil, the poorest zone, we have recently a lot of Aquatic Elves, trying to make a living here. We luckily weren't hit hard by the economical crisis, but i heard Atlantis suffered a big blow

>>16886880
Deification is a mess, really. I only recommend you go for it, if there's chances on becoming a major god, being a minor god don't give you many benefits. Yes you do get a nifty title in you ID, and a pretty control over your subject of power, but still, you have to check out what subjects are taken or whatnot. And almost every subject was taken'd. If you really want i guess you can became The Minor God of the Cafeterias or something

Maybe you guys know about this because I can't get a straight answer out of anyone. A bunch of more 'supernaturally gifted' kids around campus have taken to calling me a 'dead thing' recently. It's really unnerving, and when I actually ask about it, they act like they didn't say anything and change the subject. It's starting to get awkward. I kinda want to go talk to a wizard or someone else who can check things out, but I'm kinda afraid because when I pushed this one half-elemental girl on it, she tried to drown me.

Any of you know what the fuck is going on, or do I have to see someone on it.

Hey guys, I'm an air sprite that's having a bit of a problem with my neighbor. That douchebag magician put a magic draining pole right on the border of my house and his. I wake up feeling like shit, I can't focus over the course of the day, I've been taking essence of Rosemary pills twice as often as I should and it's just a huge headache.

I've talked to the police about this, but apparently he has a permit for it and the new law restricting magic draining poles is still bouncing around in congress. Can /tg/ help me do something about this asshole?

>>16887038
Talk to a professor in the Theology department.

>>16886913
I do love forging, Are there really specialty item creation colleges? I'm not bad at magic, I could probably learn to make enchanted items myself. If I could make decent money doing that, that'd be great. Plus, if what you said about your students is true, maybe just doing what I love is enough to attract guys.

>>16887038
As R. K. said, go talk to a professor of theology about it. In addition, if a water girl tried to drown you, go to the campus police. I had to deal with a "vampire hunter" or two in school, and the local police can be really helpful when it comes to things like this.

>>16887062
That sucks bro, do you have a neighborhood association you can bring complaints to? If you get enough people to support you, he'll probably take it down.

>>16887110
From what I'm told you should let them catch you "just" wearing one of those leather apron things and a skirt of some sort.

If you get any good at it remember my name. You can pay me back by letting me hire you for a couple of things that I'd like around the house. We don't have a good forging program here so I can't catch anybody when they're just entering the workforce and their prices aren't fucking god-awful.

>>16887065
>>16887240
Honestly, I've been a little shaken; seeing a professor never came to mind. I'll do that tomorrow; thanks.

Also, went to the campus police first thing after that. Shit was kinda terrifying.

SoCal Human here. Im in a near border town, theirs a HUGE amount of Mexo-American's here. Hell, their was a fight yesterday and a kid got the blood sucked right out of him. The chupacabra got off with a weeks suspension because 'Their race has different feeding tendencies'! tl;dr How do I survive when theirs a bunch of Mayan Shaman Kids (And creatures) who'd take any chance they could get to drain my blood and eat my heart. (Im 16 and a bit on the scrawny side, but my bros on the football team back me up sometimes)

>>16887038
You should probability see your schools soothsayer about something like this. They may be kind of creepy, but I can personally attest that they make the very best counselors, provided your good at interpreting their answers.

What are the strangest magical clothings that you have encountered? Pic related.

>>16887250
Uh, I don't ever wear more than that while forging. Am I supposed to? I don't even use tongs to hold the weapon I'm working on, as the heat doesn't bother me.

Maybe it's just a salamander thing, but with non-flammable clothes hard to find, I tend to wear very little when given the choice. Most non-school days I just wear a tube top and a tail-hugging skirt. Finding a school uniform that wasn't flammable was a pain in the tail though.

>>16887378
Yeah I got nothin' then. You're on your own.

Anybody else wanna pick up where I left off? I don't feel like hitting up students for information on this shit right now. I already got them looking for specialist porn for me to taunt somebody else with.

>>16887343
Take a little time to research the Mayan gods. Start wearing the sigh of Nohochacyum, their protector and creator God. That might make them leave you alone. Or it could make things worse, one of the 2.

God, have you seen this asshole?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=j50u0zUeCmU

It's sickening how rappers these days blatantly promote racial violence and hatred. Christ.

>>16887407
I'd rather not take any chances.

>>16887343
Wait, their just draining blood and taking hearts in the middle of the street? Kid, these aren't Mayans, their more than likely new age posers. Try and find some real followers of the Mayan gods, this shit tends to piss them off.

>>16887062
I would try hiring a lawyer if I were you, and retry the permit. They did obviously not take his neighbours into account when they gave him the permit. Magic draining poles may still be legal, but this could probably fall under Offensive Behaviour.

>>16887343
Aw sweet, another Californian. Did the chupacabra kill the kid when he drained him? Because I'm very familiar with the vampire feeding laws, and we are NOT allowed to do that.

>>16887482
These are teens, the school has about three thousand students, with a 40% Non-Human Population (According to Mage-Epedia) and a 20% Human Magi Pop. The rest are natural Humans. I'd say there are a hundred Whites, counting Magi. The school can't fucking take care of these kids.

>>16887482
So is drunk driving, pot, and unlicensed golem creation, but that's never stopped teenagers before.

>>16887548
And the added Metabolic acids sent in by (Most) vampiric species neutralizes fucking DNA, whose gonna stop them?

>>16887482
Oh how do it works? You go to the Blood Bank?

>>16887506
>>16887548
Well if we're going for non-legal or semi-legal methods, take some adventuring or magic classes. Nothing makes a gang of punk kids rethink things better than you evoking a fireball and asking who wants some. Get some of your football friends to back you up, or maybe any strong non-human friends you have. Make yourself an unattractive target, and the punks will hunt somewhere else. At least that's how it works with vampires.

>>16887565
In my opinion, all vampires who want to work in the civilized world should have their fangs pulled out. It's not like they're going to be using them anyway.

>>16887568
Some of us do that, others just make sure to not drain a person beyond the point where they can survive. We're allowed to do that, it's in the same law that allows adventurers and clerics to apply for permits to break into our castles and attack us. It's antiquated, but it works pretty well when people follow the laws.

Human Pride world wide!

Guys, minor god of endings here. I just got an offer to a promotion to the God, capital G, of Death because the old one is retiring! I'll have a lot more free time on my hands, and a much better pay and worship raise, but i'm a bit afraid of all the responsibility. Should i take it?

>>16887611
Oh, but this doesn't transform the victim on a Vampire or you have to Die first?

>>16887628
God of death is usually a very well respected, well payed position. Just don't expect anyone to be happy to see you.

>>16887634
It depends on the will of the Vampire (And his species of course). If he wants to, he can make you a vampire past the draining point, and the other way around. Same without draining you,

>>16887628
If you think you can handle it. I'm pretty sure it's work all day erry day, all night erry night

>>16887600
Do you have any idea how much that'd hurt? Vampire teeth are very sensitive, and most of us are considerate enough to ask friends for blood or pay people to bite them. I personally only bite my girlfriend or drink from the stores of blood jars my dad has.

>>16887634
I have first hand experience with this now, as I accidentally turned a girl last week. It requires the vampire to feed his own blood to the victim as they die. It's hard to do on accident unless the vampire has open wounds bleeding.

>>16887666
Nice 666 THERE DEMON!

>>16887666
You accidentally changed someone!? How dose that even happen? You accidentally go to far, and then feed her to save her? How is she? What do you plan to do?

>>16887666
How exactly this happened? Oh Boy
Storytime

>>16887623
>>16887679
Come at me bro, last guys who tried had their throats ripped out and I drank their sweet blood as they died.

>>16887712
I bet you remember the London Purge of 1986? Remember that? When the Water went EVERYWHERE, fucking demon's ashes everywhere.

>>16887418

That's disgusting. There's even a line about how he thinks that the lords will offer him power while he's doing this. I'm sickened by this.

>>16887736
I still have no clue how they managed to consecrate that entire reservoir. You stupid fucks do know that more humans than vamps died in that attack, right?

>>16887759
Demon lovers aren't humans.

Hey guys, problem. I am a mundane white human, and there is a girl i like, she's nice, pretty, and a bit quiet. I want to ask her out, but there is a problem: She's the daughter of a very powerful elder god (not saying which circle, but in the top 10) and i'm a bit intimidated. What do?

and this is why the mods are twitchy.

It started off positive, "how get girls like grok?"
And now it's very close to genuine racism.

>>16887700
>>16887709
I wrote up the whole thing three days ago, when it happened. You can check it out here, I don't feel like reposting it.
http://s11.zetaboards.com/Modern_Fantasy/single/?p=8025178&t=7469693
((Anyone who's enjoying this thread is encouraged to go join that forum.))

As for my new sister and I, we're doing well, and getting used to life as a family.

>>16887746
Some Pantheons do promote power by blood. Notably some Mexicans Gods say that If Blood isn't spilled in combat until the End of the Day, the Sun isn't going to rise.
So Gangs of Mexicans and sympathisers promove Brutal Battles everyday to save to world. Before it was till death, but nowadays they have some Priests healing people, but some deaths aren't a rare thing

>>16887768
The debate over vamp rights was even between supporters and non-supporters before you and your group of stupid twats pulled that stunt! Nowadays, you can't say anything about how you think vampires should be prosecuted for the murders they committed before the new citizenship laws without being compared to you freaks!

Human Seperatist here, (Not one of the radicals FYI) Anyone know where I can get the papers for a Human To purity nation Migration? Quebecfag here

Troll here.

ok, that is probably not the best way to introduce yourself on 4chan - but bear with me.

I'm a troll - a scandinavian troll to be precise.
>pic related - if we hide our tails and wear a hat we can almost pass as humans.

I live in a suburb to Copenhagen. Nice place, good public transportation.

I usually get mistaken for an elf - I mean, depending on what you expect an elf to look like, then I can understand - although elves usually dont have tufts of hair off the tips of their pointed ears. Trolls do.

Also trolls have hairless tails - with a tuft of hair at the end.

Beyond that - 100% human anatomy baby. Well, ok - sweedish trolls tend to be bigger, longer hair - looks a bit more hippy... and norwegian trolls are FUCKING HUGE but also got this slow thing going on, often just sitting down on a rock in the mountains and not moving an inch for centuries. Suffice to say, they don't get much done.

>>16887849
Canada is indeed receiving a great number of Immigrants it isn't? A bunch of my friends went there. Nice place they said, nice people

>>16887882

I mean, sure - some of us have limited magical powers, usually basic utility magic (levitating small objects, making small sparkly lights) - good for pranks, not handy for anything really practical or commercial.

I make my living off... *sigh* working in a FLGS. I deal with rugrats rummaging through bins of MtG cards, neckbeards who go "OMG, a troll - lol!" (ad verbatim, I swear they actually say 'L O L' to me) and other boring costumers.

Usually places like that only hire people who are nerds already - and while I do enjoy looking through the comic books, then I'm fairly certain that I was only hired because I'm a troll - and the store sells a lot of fantasy LARPing gear... and the kids all wanna go get troll slaying gear. Fucking western media. Nordic trolls aren't big nasty things that live under bridges and eat people.

At worst - historically - female trolls might rape pretty young men... although supposedly if the guys put out willingly, then they could get magical powers in return. and again, nordic trolls aren't ugly - so I think thats a pretty sweet deal.

still, the stigma is all over the place. I've pretty much given up traveling outside scandinavia - since any passport control that reads the TROLL in my passport just shits bricks and either denies me entry or thinks I'm a very unsubtle terrorist.

Again, nordic trolls are peaceful. *sigh*

oh well, ask me anything

>>16887896
Do you guys turn to stone in the daylight, and can you smell the blood of a christian man? If so, do Muslims count? What about Mormons?

>>16887882
>>16887896
Now i never understood it right, Trolls never looked the same anywhere i went. Some are Lanky Dudes, Other Are RockStone like, it's all sorts of weird for me

>>16887882

Oh come on - it didn't include the picture.

Ask a werepanther anything. Just got off work, and I'm sure there are a lot of myths you guys would like cleared up.

>>16887939
You look like this troll I used to see around Central Park. Can you magically make plants grow?

>>16887956
Were you born a Were or were you bitten?

That sentence looks weird.

>>16887956
Alright, I heard that you guys could can't have sex without changing unless the person is another were-panther. That True?

>>16887956
Is Silver just able to hurt you like how a knife made of it could actually cut you, or are you actually harmed by it even if it's in an otherwise non-threatening form (i.e., would you be burned by picking up a silver spoon)?

I just wonder how careful you have to be about that sort of thing.

>>16887976

No and I swear if I ever meet that little fucktard I will do things to him involving lube and a firehydrant

idiot ruined so much good troll rep by whoring himself out in that movie

Nah man - nordic trolls, we're awesome

Heck, if you go far enough back then (to viking times) then their notions of trolls and dwarves were roughly the same

>protip: it was trolls who forged Mjölnir - Thor's hammer.

That is fucking badass.

Of course, that was a REALLY long time ago. These days we're just average office workers and whatnot. We don't even live that much longer than humans - maybe a hundred years or so... and we look really wrinkly when we get to that point.

>>16888009
Not him but i'm pretty sure only things that can actually hurt.

>>16888024
What about that Troll Hunter movie? Was that accurate at all? Can you smell the blood of a christian man?

>>16888051
what about agnostics?

Wow lots of questions.
>>16888000
I choose the third option: back when I was a young adventurer, I was the target of a spell from an old artifact. My change is based on magic, so I don't get all crazy and snarling when I do so.
>>16888004
That only applies to those who are the diseased type of shifters (bitten, children of those bitten). My kind of shift is magic based, so I get to retain most of my sanity when I do change. Granted, when it comes to sex, it just isn't as 'good' unless I'm a bit fuzzy. But that isn't a problem for me; the Mrs. is a werewolf, and I don't get much sleep on full moon nights.
>>16888009
From what my co-worker says (a werebear, barely survived his mauling, but he regenerates faster than some trolls) that silver doesn't do much than slightly burn, like holding an ice pack too long. For me, on the other hand, due to the magic nature of my change and silver itself, touching silver is like touching a hot brand; it hurts like fuck.

On that note, biological/diseased Weres can die very easily from wolfsbane poisoning, but magic/cursed Weres like me and the wife think it's just a really smelly plant. An inversion of weaknesses, really.

>>16888072
shit man, you realise you just gave every neo-paladin the how-to guide on killing Weres?

>>16888030

1) my sense of smell is on par with a humans. If you smell really bad, then I can certainly smell you - and I will tell you to take a fucking shower.

2) religion doesn't affect your smell - unless you're into something really freaky...

3) You're refering to a hollywood movie. Since when has hollywood movies EVER been acurate about anything? No seriously? When? - but no, its not accurate.

again, norwegian trolls tend to be freaking huge - yes - but also very dosile. I'm sure if you piss one off it might punt you away, but really - you'd be hard pressed to distinguish it from the mossy rock it sits amongst.

I think some of you might enjoy the works of Sherrilyn Kenyon.
Look into the Dark Hunter/Were Hunter novels in particular.

>>16887782
simple, ask her out. be polite and respectful of her boundaries. when the time comes to meet the folks, make sure she only has good things to say about you.

and to her folks be polite, respectful, etc. and try not to stare--even if you don't offend, you might lose a bit in the head.

>>16888091
It's not anything those false paladins did not know already. Those guys give entire orders a bad name.

>>16888099
Why there's so many different variations of Trolls? like, Jamaican Trolls are very different to your kind for example

>>16887782
You can't say "daughter of an elder god" and not provide details. How "weird" is she?

>>16888144
I'd guess it's just one of those words. Used for a whole bunch of sort-of-the-same things
Like "Bird"

Or it could be that trolls are more susceptible to random mutation than most races, so speciate VERY quickly.

>>16888091
Good luck. Try to take down a biological Were with a silver weapon is like trying to take down a tank with a pistol, so I don't worry about those guys.

And since me and the mrs keep our intelligence when we change, we decided to carry weapons that fit our 7"+ forms. But that's besides the point: paladins?

>mfw a paladin tried to smite me in my library
The fucker ruined the new shipment of books I ordered, I had to tell the little kids on story day that we couldn't read the newest Adventures of the Blue Knight because a 'paladin' destroyed the books. Do you know how heartbreaking that is? They've been waiting months for the book to be released.

>>16888149
I don't want to give to many details, but she looks pretty much human. She has a lot of teeth though, upward of 60 on a guess, and her feet are clawed. She has to where gargoyle shoes. Also, her eyes are colorless and have all the colors all at once. Don't waste to much time thinking about that.

>>16888212
I wouldn't stare into her eyes for to long, just as a precaution.

Tengu here (bird-type).

I've got a few hours before this paper needs finished, so ask me anything.

>>16888212
>Also, her eyes are colorless and have all the colors all at once.

Oh that's fucked up. Normally i would say to you look into the Dad eye, but really, don't. I sure he will understand

>>16888224
I heard that Tengu operate on a caste system. Do you guys still do that?

>>16888224
Oh, Tengu came from Japan right? How it is there?I heard Japaneses are kinda xenophobic.

>>16888224
>(bird-type)
What are your types' types? Because I totally want a bird-friend.

>>16888232
What kind of work is there for a bird person. I assume you live in Japan, right?

>>16888224
Why do you fucks keep shitting on my library? Once every three days I have to hire a salamander to clean the bronze statues of bird shit from them. And I don't mean pigeon sized bird shit, either.

>>16888212
Sounds pretty cute. You should definitely ask her out, us "exotic" types tend not to get a lot of the good type of attention, I'm sure she'll be thrilled.

>>16888193

Hon, there are paladins and then there are -paladins-, let me tell you. Clearly you ran into one of the idiot poser variety.

Not so surprising I suppose. What with all the vampires and goblins and whatnot becoming prominent in communities and schools, you're going to get these teenage cliques that take their megachurch preachers rather too literally.

>>16888244
Kinda. It's sort of evolved into a racial pride thing - being a tengu over being anything else as opposed to being a doctor over being a poet because that's what your parents and their parents were. My grampa's still really big on our 'knowing our place' and my moving back to Japan and becoming a monk myself, but fuck that. I don't even speak any Japanese.
>>16888246
Nah, I'm third-generation American. Ojii and Obaa decided getting out of Japan after the whole war thing was a good idea, and I don't really know what it's like now. I think it's sort of a respect thing now - the ones who are left are the ones who are really really into the old ways, even more than Ojii.
>>16888250
I'm a cro- er, karasu tengu.

>>16888144

well - the notion of a troll is ancient

I mean, break it down: what does troll typically mean?

its usually - in western cultures - been used as a term for a big brutish monster of some sort.

and thats not a jamaican troll. they dont have troll. thats a video game character

>>16888343
Oh shit. Goblins, Caught a pair of the fuckers with little Gangster clothing on trying to steal my stereo.

>>16888259
I'm in school now for history, don't know what I'll do when I graduate. Can't even get a job flipping burgers because people bitch about feathers in their food too much.

>>16888271
Sounds like you really pissed off a flock, buddy. Did you call one of them a birdbrain or something?

>>16888250
>>16888444
I think they were asking what you're into, given the rest of the post.

Whether they meant it sexually or not is up to you.

>>16888444
How did the war affect the magic side of japan, anyway? Was your grandfather into the whole national pride thing, or did they just hide out and let the humans fight it out?

>>16888507
Oh. Derp, sorry. Did I mention I've been working on this paper for a while?

Uh...that's a good question. I mean, humans are pretty cool but they tend to get pissed off when you try to save time by flying places or if you accidentally claw holes in their car's brand new paint job with your claws while you're trying to get the door open.

...Not that I would know anything about that, or anything.

And I don't really want to sound like a racist or anything, but weres kind of creep me out. I mean, with all the different triggers, you never know if they're going to flip out and savage you.

...That didn't sound very nice, did it?

>>16888489

No, I met some of those trolls while on vacation in Jamaica, they're as real as any other type. They can party like motherfuckers to, best guide I ever had.

>>16888444
>I'm a cro- er, karasu tengu.
This tells me nothing on how to molest bird demons. THIS THREAD IS USELESS

>>16888533
From what he's told me, a lot of tengu from his flock - didn't matter what caste - immediately signed up for the war effort. He had a temple to maintain and didn't go (which I think he still regrets, but he'd probably whack me if I brought that up).

Not that the temple helped. From what he said, between the firebombing and the American witches hexing everything, a lot of the gods just up and vanished. You hear about the Ame-no-Uzume Project? It's the Japanese government's attempt to finish luring the spirits of Japan back where they belong.

>>16888616
Yeah, stuff like that is why buildings get shat on, you know.

>>16888725
Come now, a cloaca is a sexual organ like any other, and tengu are sexual beings like anyone else.

Why can love not bloom in an aviary?

>>16888704
That's harsh, man. I heard that a lot of gods fled while WWII was raging. I've heard of similar projects in China and most of Europe.

>>16888739
I've got no problem with interspecies love, but going I WANT TO MOLEST A BIRD HOW DO won't make you many friends in the community.

>>16888761
Theirs a community? How many different type of Bird-person are there? I swear, it's like I learn about a new species every other day nowadays.

Average Normal Human here, and my family's having a bit of a crisis at the moment--see, my cousin recently got, uh, "turned" I guess? I'm not sure about the vernacular but anyway he's a vampire now.

Needless to say, the family's freaking out. They've got him sitting in the living room and are making this out like he's a... well, a monster. I'm not seeing the problem with his situation--apparently he was in a car accident and would have died if the other driver hadn't stepped in to save him.

I mean undead is better than all-dead, right? I mean, we can still see and talk to him without having to hire a cleric, and provided he keeps on top of his condition(?) it's not like he's going to up and maul one of us.

Anyway I gotta get back to the living room, my brother's trying to call a paladin in and I don't think that'd be very good for any of us right now.

any advice? I'll be back shortly.

>>16888747
Yeah. Most of the time you won't notice much difference unless you're trained to talk to the gods, but every so often, weird shit happens without the gods there. Stuff like a tree forgetting it's supposed to be a tree and not, say, a lake. It doesn't happen all that often, but when it does, it's always a big mess, or so I hear.

Anyone know why it doesn't happen that much in America? It'd be nice to work that sort of thing into my paper.

>>16888761
If you're offended by the way people phrase things on 4chan, you should probably go back to facebook or something.

I mean, if this kind of thing offends you, I'd suggest you stay away from downtown nightclubs. Hearing the phrase "lemme see that tail swoosh, girl" as said by some uneducated kobold might cause you to burst into treats or something. And god forbid you run into some black knight fallen paladin on a bender, you might get almost-raped!

>>16888817
Maybe because the only big wars fought here was between people who did not worship them. At least I think they're still around. I have a shaman friend who swears that Coyote is fucking with him, at least.

>>16888817

Well, the aboriginal deities lost the vast majority of their power and territory; and the modern deities that have encroached since haven't had the time to establish strong ties to specific parts of the geographical world.

There's almost no human population in America that's been continuously extant for more than a few hundred years. You simply don't have those sort of old animist foci outside a few of the reservations and--from what I've heard--a few backwoods locations in national parks and the like.

The modern world just doesn't cater to animistic worship, for good or ill.

>>16888801
Maybe you should get hm out of there. Also, find that other driver, because they have responsibilities to him now. It's sort of like child-support.

>>16888799
Community, flock, whatever. Remember that racial pride thing I was talking about? Tengu tend to stick together, so you'll have a flock in, say, Chicago, and all the tengu in Illinois know what's going on in it, at least vaguely. I'm not really good at explaining this sort of thing, sorry. Anyway, most of us are pretty laid-back, but there's always that asshole who gets his feathers ruffled over the dumbest things and then has to round up a few of his friends and prove to whoever that TENGU ARE THE BEST OMG.

Sorry on behalf of my species if you've ever run into any of 'em.

Types? There's mostly crows and sparrows here, but every so often a crane will pass through. Cranes are even more insular than everyone else, though, and I've never really met one personally.

So people remember those mythos bombs that were talked about in an earlier thread? Yeah I sure had a laugh about that. I didn't even believe something that silly existed until whoops, guess what. It happened to me too. It was crazy, people turning into things left and right everywhere. I panicked a bit when I suddenly started to shrink and change myself. I guess I should have taken the bus instead of walking home from work like everyone else does.

It hurt a lot too, nobody ever mentioned how suddenly growing horns out of your head can hurt and headaches are the worst thing I know. And not only did I change gender I also got younger, we all got younger. I can't believe I have to experience puberty again. Ugh, I am not going to enjoy that one fucking bit. Why would people do something like that?

Anyway, I got a real problem. See even though I used to work I got fired. Its ok, I enrolled in some magic school, I seem to have gotten a talent for magic in the process. They're even classifying me as a sorcerer if you can believe it. Never had that before. And its a lot of fun to go around and learn all of these weird magic stuff.

>>16888915
Ugh this damn childish mind. I get distracted. So anyway I got a problem. While I don't have the job I used to have I still went out drinking with the guys like I used to (although I'm not getting anything for obvious reasons). And while we guys like normal have a good time making fun of each other one of them kept calling me a "stupid little goat". This kept on for a while. Now here a few days ago we were out drinking again and the two of us were alone at one point and I fucking snapped. I don't really remember anything of what happened but I know I was kicking him and probably beating on him. Not exactly glamorous to beat on a drunk but he was so totally asking for it the whole time, the asshole.

Problem is that after that night he's become extremely lethargic and always seems to be half asleep. He also seems to do everything I tell him to. I'm not exactly sure what happened that night, he told me I had an axe or something, but I know there were no axes or any weapons nearby and he isn't missing any limbs or anything. He says he doesn't remember much but that he's sure I had some kind of weapon.

Anyone know what happened? I don't feel bad for what happened, but its really weird.

>>16888862
From what I understand, she's pretty much right.

Though a few "backwoods" locations in Germany are still heavy worshipers of animals. Good luck finding them if you're looking for them though. Long story.

>>16888882

>Also, find that other driver, because they have responsibilities to him now. It's sort of like child-support.

Hah! Good luck with that. We wouldn't have these problems in the first place if it weren't for all these deadbeat vamps out there.

I can't just waltz into a high school and throw a collar on a boy, no matter how nubile he may be. But vamps are so in love with their own mystique that they think it's their gods-given right to feed and turn whatever catches their eye, and then move on as soon as they get bored.

>>16888921
Are you sure you didn't Glamor him by accident? I used to go out with this fairy before she realized that I was only with her because she accidentally charmed me. I could have pressed charges, but she looked so brokenhearted when she broke it off that all I could do was feel sorry for her. We're still friends, but I wear an anti-charm doohickey at all times now. Maybe put one on him, see what happens.

>>16888882
I'm back. Actually she's here now as well. That's how he got home in the first place--the tow truck dropped them both off here. She's volunteered to pay for the damages out of pocket, and her and my cousin want to avoid either pressing charges since the ensuing legal clusterfuck would be a nightmare (he was admittedly drunk and she only changed him because the paramedics were an hour away and wouldn't have made it).

I've also taken the phone, so there will be no paladinery present until we have all this sorted out (I swear my brother watches too many movies).

That aside, the other driver seems like a nice person, and I'm assuming 'The Talk' will have to wait until everyone calms down.

(pretty much the state of my living room right now. in other notes: how the hell does a vampire get a sun-tan?)

>>16888981
There really needs to be some sort of paternity test for vamps. But of course you can't SAY that, or the Black Ribboners get their fangs in a knot.

>>16888981
Hey, just because a couple news stories focus on an isolated incident, doesn't mean the rest of us are like that. I accidentally turned a girl a couple days ago, and now she and her dad are living in our house. We take care of new vampires.

Yeah, the driver is pretty much required by tradition to adopt the cousin into his family, unless the cousin specifically turns down the offer.

Average Normal Human, your cousin is still your cousin, and not a monster. You should tell this to the family, and have your cousin look up your local chapter of the Western Brotherhood of Traditional Horrors. They can teach him how to be a proper vampire and control his new urges and powers, and they'll be prepared to argue for him if anyone calls him a monster again.

>>16889094
Dumb question: are you sure that's a vampire you're dealing with?

>>16889094
Tanning Booth?

Anyway it's good to hear that things have calmed down somewhat. Don't worry about Paladins, anyone that could be listed in the phone-book would have to be licensed, and no licensed Paladin is going to kill someone for saving the life of another. They might have told your cousin off for the drunk driving, but that's it.

>>16889127
that's what she identified as. I suppose it'd be an interesting conversation-starter in the future.

>>16889094
Sounds like she's being a decent vampire, and is going to look after him and teach him how to survive. That's good.

Also yeah, tanning booth or spray-on tan.

>>16889098

As far as I'm concerned, if they bite a minor they should get staked. Trial, whatever, but the same in the end. Same goes for wights, illithids, anyone else.

Representatives in "the community" likes to talk about tolerance, but drow and orcs and golems and such don't go around eating sentients. The fact that some "communities" out there like to claim that parasitism and murder is part of their ethnic heritage only makes things harder on the rest of us.

Ridiculous day. Spent all of my time hunting down a particularly irritable siren. Finally we ended up fighting in the water. Snapped her neck but I had to be lifted out. Irritating.

>>16889158
What are you, exactly? Some type of undead, or infernal?

>>16889007
Isn't that for the fae? I mean there are fae here at the magic school I'm forced to live at now, but when I tried to talk to them they said I 'wasn't one of them'. I don't really feel any special connection to nature either.

I also don't really look like a satyr, I got fur coming down from my elbows and my fingers kinda end in complete bone. As if I was, like, so going to have hooves on my hands but it stopped before they melded together.

I kinda feel a little left out since I'm the only type of goat person that looks like this around here. At least my half octopus roommate thing and I get along. I heard she's extremely rare type, at least around here. She tends to burrow herself in pillar forts and read a lot. She's also really smart, but she doesn't think its important to know what is wrong as long as it doesn't bother me and keeps to her books.

>>16889188
Welcome back Sir Roland.

>>16889158
I bit a nineteen-year-old girl three days ago. I even turned her.

Should I be staked for defending myself in my own house against adventurers who broke in illegally without a permit, attempting to kill my entire family?

Sounds like you've got a grudge. Don't take it out on the rest of us.

>>16889188
So, luring ships onto rocks and eating people, I take it? Is it true that under the dress, they're bird-like?

>>16889202

I'm ilythiiri. Drow, if you must. I don't have a bunch of slaves, I don't stab people, and no I don't have a whip in my briefcase. I have an MBA from a very prestigious Underdark institution, and I work in an office.

>>16889219
You're thinking of harpies. Sirens are foul women who like to lure sailors to their doom. Unfortunately for her, it is difficult to use mental suggestion on a spirit.

>>16889138
>>16889149
ANH here. I'll definitely have to ask her about it later. And besides being rather nice, she seems to have a sense of humor, too.

She just left with my cousin--they'll be back tomorrow (night) for more discussions. Her exact reason for leaving now was, and I quote: "to teach him how to not murder you all on accident." Everyone in the room paled as she took him outside when her chauffeur (sp?) pulled up.

Thinking about it though, yeah, he was rather out of breath, but that's ridiculous.

In the meantime, can i get a rundown on *actual* vampire habits and things to watch out for? I mean they'll probably talk about this tomorrow, but I'd hate to inadvertently offend or be too surprised at something.

(pic unrelated, but worth sharing)

>>16889241
You should understand better than anyone else that the stereotypes are often untrue or out of date. Have you ever sat down and talked to a vampire? We're mostly normal people, just like you are.

>>16889217
I don't think Vamps breath, do they?

>>16889218

It's surprising how many vampires find themselves in these situations where they just HAVE to ritually feed off of someone in order to save that person's life, or what have you.

Actually, it's not surprising at all. "Predictable" would be the word. Vamps seem to think first aid begins and ends with mouth-to-neck resuscitation.

>>16889293
I think she's more referring to the protection of children bit than an actual grudge against anyone/thing in particular.

>>16889279
"Out of breath" is an interesting way to think about it, he shouldn't have to breathe, and if he does, it's just habit or him drawing in air to speak with.

Vampire clans differ in powers, actions, habits, and weaknesses, without knowing which clan the woman belongs to, I'd have to just give you generic vampire stuff, which may or may not be helpful.

Half-Orc college student here. I hate class and just want to start my career. Math has nothing to do with my job field, especially not stuff at this level. Completely useless information.

>>16889258
No, now Sirens try to make us spend our paychecks on dumb things like trinkets and booze, I mean thanks to Astropaths and Quatermasters its easy enough to avoid them, though I have a wierd question to all. Is it odd to want to ask a Drow out or no?

>>16889310
*cough* it's uh, unfortunate to hear that, I guess. I'm just happy to still have my cousin around.


>>16889319
and anything would be appreciated.

>>16889328
No, but make sure you get to know her a bit before hand. Drow have some weird customs sometimes.

>>16889328

I wouldn't recommend it.

>>16889328
I don't see why it would be. Then again, I'm not sure if they've got a thing against that or not, so what I'm saying may not mean much.

>>16889321
>just want to start my career
and out of curiosity, what might that be? You don't need a 4-year degree for everything, you know.

>>16889310
Well, what would you suggest that they do? If they do turn them, then the family hates them for it. If they don't, the family hates them for letting them die. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Story of the vampire race....

>>16889360
Voice acting is my dream, but I'm more likely to go into telecommunications or broadcasting. No one hires you these days without a degree, much to my chagrin.

You know, I think that most cultures should be destroyed. Trying to preserve a culture tends to all sorts of conflict, and hell, there are many things that are only legal because of tradition. Man, I know I sound like a Modron here, but still!

>>16889299
Uh I'm definitely not a vampire.

>>16889293

One of my girlfriends is vampiric, as a matter of fact. Works in Account Services, we go out manhunting when I'm in town.

The whole "she tripped and fell on my fangs" thing is a stereotype because it does happen. Shiftless vamps constantly feed on and turn people without consent, then lie about the circumstances under which they did it. And especially where impressionable teenagers are concerned, they often get away with it. Responsible vampires ought to be far more strict about policing their own, rather than providing this politically-correct wall of wounded racial sensitivity for the deadbeats and parasites to hide behind.

But they don't, so the paladins--the real ones--have to do it for them.

>>16889310
I suggest you actually read up on what you're replying to before opening your mouth. It makes you look rather unprofessional when you clearly don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, I know you have some kind of chip on your shoulder here, but your replying to Dan. You should keep the specifics of his situation in mind.

>>16889383
A half-orc in voice acting? You're gonna get typecast to hell and back.

Uh...
I'm an orc and my elf girlfriend just got pregnant.
Should I worry she is cheating or should I really worry....
Not sure how to react here.

>>16889402
Dude, you knocked her up. Be a man.

the girl down the street is a total hottie, that ridiculously long and deadly tail, just cant get enough of her. Its like we're lesbians already, hope my boyfriend doesnt think so~

Its a good thing I made friends with her

>>16889402
sucks to be you, man. I'd say don't worry about infidelity--that right there can break a relationship.

I'd say just accept being a parent. and maybe find a job.

>>16889402
Take a DNA Test, Orcs and Elfs can have sons. The Birth is particularly painful to the woman

>>16889391

And good riddance to trash, I say.

>>16889335
Well there's the big ones.
Direct sunlight will kill a vampire. Not immediately, but within a minute, they'll be dust. This can be avoided by dressing like you're on a ski trip, and using a thick umbrella. It's dangerous though, and most vampires don't bother.
Vampires can not be seen in most normal (silver-backed) mirrors, or photographed with traditional cameras. Digital cameras work just fine, and they make special mirrors for vampires.
Garlic offends a vampire's senses, it's like if you doused your food in bleach, you wouldn't be hungry anymore. It won't stop a vampire from talking with you, but he won't bite you.
Vampires have to ask for permission before entering a personal residence. If they don't, horrible pain wracks their body. Court orders count as permission for vampire policemen.
Vampires are burned by holy water and positive energy.
Vampires cannot enter running water. The ocean is fine, but no rivers. It burns and can kill them if they stay in the water.
Driving a wooden stake through the heart paralyzes a vampire. Removing the stake restores them, unless you take off their head and sprinkle it with holy water.

That's the basics.

>>16889396
I don't exactly have good range, as far as different voice go. I tend to lean toward accents and linguistic stuff. I was encouraged to go into VA by friends and family, I have a surprisingly smooth and deep tone, unlike my father.

>>16889429
Yes but the rates are so low for conception it has me wondering.
>>16889428
Just because I'm an orc doesn't mean I'm unemployed I'm just interning at a law firm at the moment.
Fucking racist.

>>16889328

>though I have a wierd question to all. Is it odd to want to ask a Drow out or no?

Not at all.

There are the enclaves of orthodox traditionalist ilythiiri out there, but you won't generally find them outside their communities in the Underdak. So the whole whipping-and-stabbing thing shouldn't be a concern for surface-walkers.

Most drow you'll interact with are much the same as anyone else. The stereotype of being vain or arrogant has quite a bit of truth behind it--though I think it's not much more pronounced in us than in any other long-lived race. Don't get me started on darthiir--wood elves, "true elves," whatever you want to call them. Insufferable cunts, most of them.

Now, there's quite the subculture of drow that like to play up the whole spiders-and-whips mentality. Especially when they go out. But it's basically just a thing that people get off on; just think of it as another variant of the BDSM culture.

If you're confident enough to approach her, then she'll probably be intrigued enough to chat you up a bit.

>>16889402
The good news is that you are witnessing the upside of the circle of life. The bad news is that one way or another life as you knew it is over. Request a blood test because you're worried about issues developing in your child due to crossed heritage. It's common enough to experience when breeding between races. It will tell you easily enough if the child is half-orc or not from that. If so then keep the relationship on the up and up or else you pay child support for the rest of your life. If not then I suggest you immediately ask the police to restrain you before you do something stupid. Using this you can have her booted out (by the cops no less) without causing yourself to lose face amongst your peers and avoiding a possible trial.

So, I just got a scholarship to an Arcane University, but its mainly for sorcerers. As a wizard with little innate magic, what can I do to keep up in my courses?

>>16889455
Well, it's tradition. Most Elves Families are really conservatives, and have a long standing dislike by the Greenskin race

>>16889433
Okay then. I shall warn the family to stay away from italian food for the time being.

I'll make sure to greet them at the door, and none of us are clerics (or aiming to kill anyone), so that shouldn't be a problem either. thanks for the advice.

>>16889433
>Direct sunlight will kill a vampire
What kind of lameass vampire gets killed by sunlight?

>>16889433

It also pays to remember that these rules aren't universal. Different types of vampires have different weaknesses. Nothing is universal but a need for blood.

>>16889480
You could always find a local wellspring and dose in that before big exams. Don't even talk to me about it being unethical, the sorcerers will be doing it to, mark my words.

>>16889483
Well we just met a few months ago..
I haven't even met her parents...

>>16889455
woah woah dude, I didn't mean it that way. I pictured you a bit younger than you were, is all (dealt with too many underagedB&'s around here).

sorry if I offended.

>>16889510
Yeah, these are the general rules for most of the clans, but there's an exception to pretty much every rule except the blood one. Even that one gets ignored by certain Eastern vampires, who drain "life force" instead.

These rules will probably hold up in your case, but it's a good idea to ask the driver girl about it.

>>16889527
Its fine just on edge lately hate pulling out the race card like that myself.
I work at my dad's law firm have you heard of Krusk & Krusk?

>>16889526
Oh Dude, You Screwed Up.
Dude let me tell you, you possibly entered in the worst nightmare of your life.
You better pray they aren't conservative, because if they are they will make your life a living hell.

>>16889391
Vampires aren't a big deal, rumors about the Great One's alleged vampirc abilities (lasting 4 presidents and 60 years without problems), but thanks. Also, apparently or something, as in polar opposites to my own natural .. origins.

So, I feel like answering questions about Adventuring.

Before we start, I'm not an old style adventurer. That kind of thing is very out of place in the modern world. I actually might end up helping drag adventuring as a profession out of the dark ages, but that's a separate thing.

I'm licensed. I've been doing this for nearly a decade. I'm human. I can't cast magic spells. My latest gig had me facing toe to toe with a combat grade clockwork war golem.

Anyone have any questions?

It's funny how prevalent some ideas about non-humans can be in popular culture.
I'm a lizardfolk (of the Goanna genus) and down here in Australia I constantly get asked if the story about our people's bites never properly healing is true - this is an old folk tale, I've never seen it actually happen, although there's rumours of a shamanistic technique that does it.
Also... those whole, uh, half-dragonborn that for some reason have mammaries? My clutch-sister got fucking implants to be like that. Looks disgusting.

>>16889555
I've seen the commercials. that's pretty cool.

>>16889556
Well I'm Tribal baptist....
This isn't going to go well is it?

>>16889588

Why don't you leave the golems to those who can actually handle them?

>>16889588
how well do you receive? I mean, the Police isn't supposed to do your work?
Also how common are the occurrences?

>>16889556

There is a vast gulf between the sort of behavior elf families will overlook just because someone is young and wild; it's expected that a young darthiiri will spend several decades mucking about, clubbing and taking field trips to the mountains and all of that. A certain amount of dalliance with humans or other races...well, the parents don't like it, but they turn a blind eye. Folly of youth and all that.

It's where life decisions like childbearing or marriage are concerned that the conservative hammer really gets dropped. Not to read too much into your situation, but I expect that your girlfriend was being lax on her own contraceptive responsibilities because she thought fertility with an orc partner was so unlikely that she didn't have to worry about it.

Do what you must, but bear in mind that this may signal the end of the relationship. That's just the way the current flows.

>>16889607
hoo boy, I'd say gird your loins and be nothing but supportive and respectful.

they're probably going to hate your guts forever, by the way, but just be the bigger person.

>>16889588
How does it feel to be unable to handle golems and being forced to run away from them?

>>16889608
She's like immortal or some shit. I wonder if she'll outlast humanity itself. And at the end of time, where everyone are robots or whatever, she'll be there, telling tales of the days of carbon-based life.

>>16889635

Personally I can't fathom what's so interesting about the damn things anyway. They merely resemble fairer humans. Other than that they're barely exciting and mostly annoying with their pretentious chatter.

>>16889474
First while wood-elves are typically insufferable cunts, it's a cultural thing same as drow and the whipping.
The difference is that there isn't the clear divide between surface and underdark. If you meet and elf not raised in the culture they can be pretty cool. They'll be treated as race traitors by 'true elves', which shows you how much of a cunt they are.

A lot of the 'evil' races have moved past their past, not because their is less evil. Things are just more cosmopolitan now. So their are Yuan-ti who don't follow the old cult, and Dwarves who worship the horrors beyond the stars

>>16889635
Yeah I know most Elves aren't too keen on the whole till death do we part route and for a bunch of people who claim to love free thought and independence they seem to have a lot of opinions about what is and isn't right.

Elves make a big snuff about names does anyone know the Moonroot family?
I know she ain't no tree elf but maybe her parents will be more relaxed than that crazy politician Vinebrook.

>>16889608
>implying
Hahahahahaha

>>16889624
That's one thing modern adventurer kidlets don't get. They run out right after getting their license, if they bother to get one at all, and try taking out the nearest 'liar' they know of. End up either dead or in jail for a good while depending on how far they got.

I work very close with police. In big part because I haven't met someone I'm willing to trust my back to that calls themselves an adventurer. A lot of what I do is just helping them do their job. There are ways an adventurer can operate that a cop can't due to procedural and legal constraints. As an adventurer, I also tend to be more heavily armed and willing to risk myself on things they won't send a cop to do.

And there are just plain MANHUNT style situations.

I actually faced down the golem because I was taking down an organized crime wizard. The police couldn't touch him due to some kind of dirt he had, and problems getting people willing bring evidence against him.

Past that, I don't just chase down people breaking the law. I do other stupid and dangerous things as well. One of my regulars is Mrs Dinkleberg. She has pet dire alligator I feed once a month. Clean his enclosure. The whole bit. Odd jobs like that actually take up most of my time. Violent jobs are rarer.

>>16889644
I took it down alone.

And I did it wearing a miniskirt, smart guy.

>>16889782
>>16889758
go away colette

>>16889758
Oh i see...Hum...
Alot of my friends are planning to be Adventurers, but i'm not sure if they will survive, like a week on the job.
But oh well. How well do you receive after all?

>>16889809
>How well do you receive after all?

I'm not sure what you're asking.

>>16889794
What?

>>16889845
Payment, sorry for the bad English

>>16889782

Why the hell would you do that? You'd think a gun-for-hire would be concerned about mobility. Obviously I have difficulties with it but you don't, so you might as well dress more appropriately.

Any Lizardbabes here wanna hook up? SoCal Humie here. (Former Neo-Paladin, Still don't believe in magic usage though)

>>16889782
You didn't mention the miniskirt.

Interesting wardrobe choice for fighting a job like that.

>>16889886
You know, I think trying to get with humans is why my clutch-sister got those implants (described here: >>16889595 )
I really don't understand the appeal, myself, but I'm a pretty traditionalist kind of guy; I just want a nice lizardess to settle down with.

>>16889910
As a Half Wizard, i'll by the first one to say, that it's just weird.A Lizardfolk simply shouldn't have Breasts, it just looks wrong

>>16889961
Yeah, but it's becoming more and more common these days. Almost like a fashion trend - the kids wearing cat ears because they secretly wanted to bang the catgirl in high school were bad enough.

>>16889981
It's still weird. I'm not any more likely to go out with a girl if she's wearing glow-in-the-dark plastic fangs.

>>16889885
>>16889905
I wasn't actually in the area expecting a job. I was visiting someone when I got approached with a job offer. I didn't even bring my runed bullet proof vest with me.

Didn't end up being an issue, at least. I spent the whole day waiting by the entrance sniping the goons as they came in and out. Didn't have to do much moving until the wizard finally realized all his minions disappeared and sent the golem out.

>>16889877
Whatever they're able to pay in as long as it isn't a credit card. Before you ask, I have never been paid in gems or anything. I've never actually gotten a job from someone that would pay like that.

>Spend all of high school and middle school taking the most advanced chemistry and biology classes available.
>Get halfway through college, finished the requirements for getting my minor.
>MFW I can't get my degree in sentient flesh eating plague husbandry because I don't have some piece of paper from the CDC or some shit like that...

I'M A NOSFERATU! I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT VAMPIRES HERE! I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M AM DESCENDED FROM ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIAN PLAGUE BEARERS! WTF...

xpeotic comment indead captcha... How the hell am I supposed to venerate Xipe Totec now?

Well this is lovely. As it turns out, I'm a fae, a bowtruckle to be precise, on my great grandmum's side. My family are fifth generation irish immigrants, and Nana was a traditional pagan. So apparently I'd started becoming one of the fair (hah!) folk around puberty, but power never manifested until lately. It'll probably help with my dream job of being a ranger, but all this wierdness is getting to me. Any ideas to cope?

>>16889961
Half wizard? I always assumed that casting magic was the only requirement...

>>16890016
>French species name
>Arabic origins
>Mexican god
What.

>>16890024
Nah, its more of who you descended from, although on the census anyone who can use magic can mark off Wizard/Witch/Other. Actual Wizards are descended from Families that passed magic on from generation to generation

>>16890030
you've never been to mexican arab france?

>>16890024
>Half Wizard

Did i just wrote that?
Oh God, i did.
Sorry i meant Half Lizard.

>>16889910

Is it spiny? I've heard it's spiny.

There are surprisingly few photographs on the Internet that would prove or disprove this.

>>16890051
It's a lovely place

>>16890043
Quoi?
I know magic talent has a hereditary component, but I've met many talent casters with mundane parents, and more than a few from wizard families who have less talent than I do (and of course never spend the time and effort to become better at the theory).

MY COWORKERS INVITED ME TO A COMEDY CLUB. SO I WENT.

I DON'T GET IT.

>>16890043
Wouldn't that Be a Sorcerer?

>>16890097
Yeah. Allot of the magic is lost, Like a game of Telephone.

>>16890101
Did the club have interior heating? That might be why you didn't. Go to an air conditioned club next time.

So until recently I thought I was just a regular human. Grew with my adoptive father, never knew my biological parents. Then something happened with this vampire that "lives" in a dorm room across the quad from mine. My roommate dragged me over there to party, since she's the type that's into that whole twilight-vamp shit. But then this bat-breathed bastard had the NERVE to touch my ass, and things got kind of tense. I told him off, and he didn't like me standing up for myself, and I'm pretty sure I blinded him in a fit of rage. Shit just happened, I don't even know how.

Long story short, I think I might be half-fae, and I don't know how to ask my dad about it. Any advice?

Sir Roland, and that one other guy.

I'm curious about what you have against adventurers. I truly am, and why you think a golem would be an issue for me. You'd think the fact I have been doing this a decade(man it feels weird saying that) if I wasn't any good.

What sort of image do you have of me? That I just charge blindly into trap filled lairs, deliver a speech, and get to smiting? The last trap filled lair I dealt with I circumvented by forcing the occupant to come out and get me. Like hell I'm going into a death trap.

>>16890143

LOL YOU ARE FUNNY. SEE, THAT IS WHAT FUNNY IS.

NOT GENITAL BITS AND CANNABIS SMOKING.

>>16890030
Okay, first of all, Nosferatu isn't french, it's Romanian, and it's the only modern translation in the English language, unless you would rather me type in ancient Hittite...
Second; we're not Arabic in origin, We're from Anatolia, which is in Turkey. It's this kind of ridiculous stereotyping that keeps stupidity like yours going. Again, Nosferatu come from Anatolia, but there is no translation in English. And third: so what? Just because I'm from Hittite descent, doesn't mean I can't worship whomever I please...

Oh, and by the way, Xipe Totec is Aztec, not 'Mexican.' I hope he gives you genital warts for typing that. Racist...

>>16890143
oh snap, computer joke. i lost it.

>>16890101
but yeah, are you capable of processing human (or otherwise) humor or untruths for the purpose of amusement?

this isnt meant as a question of your intelligence, but of your actual functions (seeing your response to anon above, i'd say you can).

perhaps it was just a bad show?

also, laying off the caps lock may help people respond more seriously.

>>16889886
You know what? Any Non-Human babes? Like, period, hook me up with your sister. No human chicks dig me ever since I got cursed (Minor Poison touch, accidentally casted when I was in High school. Got it cured last year but the shit is still in my name apparently.

>>16890168
depends on the comedian, but yeah, that sounds terrible.

>>16890149
well at least you know you are adopted, and don't have to have the awkward changeling talk. So yeah, you might need to talk to your folks. It will be weird but that can't be helped.

As for being half-fae. Do you have any sort of metal based allergies?


(also we have been auto-saging for a while. New thread?)

>>16890194
Why should I care about the exact locations of human nations?

>>16890162

I don't have anything against adventurers. But humans were not built for the task of navigating traps or handling golems. Recall that I used to inhabit a body of flesh. Why risk your life when there are more qualified individuals able to handle those kinds of tasks? For the "thrill"? Don't be a fool. I know a halfling who thinks it's a thrill to make websites for companies. Sounds silly but at least it won't get him killed.

You claim immortality but there are many other ways to hurt you. Maybe not directly but someday you will succumb to a lich's spell or a marilith will use your insecurities to fool and destroy you. My "problem" is that you are a living creature riddled with weaknesses that can and will be exploited. And what good are you to anyone dead?

Some claim me arrogant for thinking I can solve most of their problems more easily than they can. I'm simply built to do so.

>>16890066
No, wrong subtype of lizardfolk there.
However, are you familiar with the term "hemipenes"?

This lizard-gal wants to jump my dick.

Seriously, I'm normally content to be pretty asexual, and have about the sensitivity of a cinder block, but even I can tell. She's persistent and mildly embarrassing, but the worst part is I'm genuinely terrified she will outright murder me if I just tell her no. Naturally that makes me even more hesitant.

Worst of all, though... Lizardfolk just doesn't do anything for me. I mean, I try not to be racist- I'm probably ethnocentric, but I don't deny it- But I just see no appeal in their... form. So not only am I terrified she's going to kill/eat/rape me, but I also have no idea what to do with her.

>>16890276
oh.

OH.

not the one you were replying to, but felt the need to reply.

>>16889523
What about ioun stones? My roommate says they can really be a booster, but I don't like messing around with gems like that, I've heard they can be dodgy if they're cheap, and that proper ones can be expensive...

>>16890283
Just tell her no, you're not interested. She probably won't kill you.

>>16890283
simple, say no. be quick about it and ready to get the hell outta there, but the longer you dont say anything the more likely she's going to think your passiveness is acceptance.

>>16890318
I did when it all began. She evidently took it as a challenge, or a matter of pride or something. That's why I'm terrified.

>>16890283
Trust me, if you get dodgy stones, you'll know it. You ever had a really bad stomach virus, something your body seemed perfectly willing to KILL YOU to get out of it? With bad stones, it's like that. Except instead of your body, it's your soul.

>>16890345
the only one i use for any length of time is my clear spindle. after that hiking incident i swear by the fuckers. thing saved my life--if you get a dodgy one, inform me who sold it to you.

>>16890303
It's not as impressive as it sounds. Just because there's two doesn't mean it's two of "human" size.
>more than one human girl has taken me home only to pretend to not be disappointed

>>16890222
Now that you mentioned that, some unworked metals give me a rash. Copper wiring can be annoying too at times. Most processed materials are fine, though.

I've heard some tell of cold-steel being able to hurt fae pretty bad, but most modern metals nowadays are heat-treated.

>>16890368
(la-oops, miscounted the post-number.)
>>16890328
so she's a sexual predator. I mean that as an accusation and insult.

>>16890390
understood that, but impressed nonetheless.

>>16890390
So, were you at least able to, *ahem,* use both at once?

>>16890328

I know this sounds like something out of bad rom-com plots, but you might try sending a friend or some other third party to deliver the message for you. Some cultures will see a personal rejection as part of the courting or negotiating process--like refusing a gift three times before you accept it. But someone else delivering the news can be acceptably face-saving. Or whatever.

Think of it like sending your second to arrange a duel. Or maybe that's the wrong analogy.

>>16890409
One of those silly "urban legends" that goes around, I guess.

>>16890414
... I have done, yes. Human girls are freaky, man.

>>16890264
Ah right, you're the guy that's soul bonded to armor, right? That's rough.

I'll tell you that you've been in there too long. I can see how you start to lose sight of how people without super powers cope, but they do because they have to. Because that's life. The only other choice is to just lay down and die, but personally I don't see how that actually qualifies as a choice. I'll rip claw and tear if I have to. I use every dirty trick I can do get a job done. Not having super powers only becomes a problem when you play fairly.

Past that, I can't tell you why I do this. I fell into this line of work by chance, and I don't actually bother myself with traps. I pride myself on stepping around them rather than willingly going through them. That's actually one problem I have with traditional thoughts on adventuring. The assumption you have to go through the traps. There are other options if you actually bother to stop and think like a normal person rather than like a fairy tale character.

For instance, Dhampir Dan had a break in at his place. What did I tell him to do? Call the cops. They were 'adventurers, but they didn't even have a permit. Nor did the castle have any unlawful residents in it to be targeted. They only broke in cause his vampire father lives there. They got arrested and are sitting in jail. The typical mindset says to fortify, trap, and sit and wait for them to come back.

Fuck that shit.

I once mugged a target in the line at McDonalds. That was a good laugh. See what I'm getting at here?

And I never claimed to be immortal. It was someone else that used that word.

>>16890427
Yeah, everyone always talks about how all elves are easy, but us humans are truly the alpha sluts of the world.

>>16890149
Sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with vampires. Some of the younger ones have taken the whole Twilight fad as an excuse to act like an ass, and it reflects poorly on the rest of us.
I hope there's no hard feelings.

I think you should just tell your dad what happened and be straight with it. Don't duck around the issue.

>>16890452
true dat. especially the musician-types.

...anything in a skirt. ANYTHING.

>>16890465
or anything without. either is the same.

>>16890394
>>16890394
it's a more complicated than that. Many full-blood fae have trouble with any sort of iron, some of the more powerful can't even stand alloys with iron in them.
Of course there are other beings with allergies to silver, gold, or copper. Of course some humans of problems with sterling silver and other metals.

you probably do have some sort of meta-heritage, and some sore of fae is likely (they mate with mortals far more than even demons). talk with your folks, though they might not know what your heritage is. If they don't a mage of some sorts should be able to determine it for you.

So, is there anything in the rumour that Carl Sagan's grandad was a gnome?

>>16890484

Only by marriage. His maternal grandmother's second husband.

>>16890455
Twilight is the best and worst thing to happen to vampires in years. You know, I caught one of the bastards squatting outside my sisters window, and when I told her about it, she actually thought is was romantic.

I weep for the future of both our races.

>>16890484
I always just assumed that Carl Sagan was a Time Lord.

Don't look at me like that, it's not like weirder race haven't been discovered.

>>16890500
Man, I remember when I was going through school (Yeah, my parents made me go to public school) and one of those crappy Saturday morning kids shows had a "shaman" lizardfolk on it. I used to get grief all the time from the other kids about using my ancestor's bones as jewelry or cursing them with impotence or whatever.
Never even dabbled in shamanism, although it's in the blood (father's father's father was a tribal shaman).

>>16890499
And here I thought it'd go some ways towards explaining his looks. Guess he was just a weird-lookin' fucker, then.

His work in popularising astroarcanophysics were stellar - no pun intended - though. I still get shivers from some of the quotes from "Multicosmos".

>>16890500
that right there. that is fucking creepy. cops should be called the FIRST time. you should tell her after he's been carted away. for at least trespassing.

>>16890500

The same thing happened in the 1920s. Just as tragic, though.

>>16890500
It works the other way too. I've been stalked by creepy fangirls who beg me bite them and whisper sweet words in their ears. One even referred to me as "Edward", and I had to keep myself from slapping her.

I have a girlfriend already ladies! Stop following me!

>>16890533
Elementary schoolers thought you were causing them impotence? What?

>>16890557
Well, I'm paraphrasing a bit. I do specifically remember one of their recurring taunts being stealing their genitals.

>>16890557
Could be goblins or kobolds. They reach sexual maturity scary fast.

>>16890436

You seem to misunderstand - it's not "rough". It's been an intensely rewarding experience. Shedding a human form has allowed me to really see what this world has to offer. Of course, I realize this isn't a choice available to everyone, but all the same, I possess advantages no one else has.

And if you don't know why you pursue your career, why do you still persist? Have you not truly thought about what you wanted in this world? Or taken any sort of responsibility for the kind of future you crave? Is it because of "security"? Fleeting, worthless pursuit. You have no true security unless you take it for yourself. And there is no point in wasting your energy on a job you may not even truly know if you like doing, especially a job with a very high mortality rate. Do you realize how often I have to clean up after adventurers? Even the smartest ones die eventually. Someone pushes their weaknesses just far enough. And someday, I am sure I'll have to clean up after you.

>>16890576
Oh man. I just had a flashback to primary school. There was this cute goblin girl, Rosie, and I remember she kept being all weird around me. I only now realise what that was.

>>16890572
Hahahahahahah, that's fucking hilarious. What show was it, I've got to see it.

>>16890576
Aren't goblins immortal, like elves. I remember hearing hat somewhere.

>>16890598
I can't remember now, that shit was 20odd years ago.
That sort of stuff was never actually in the show; the "shaman" character was just your generic "wise old person the protagonists go to for advice who's a bit kooky", you know the trope.
I suspect there was issues with racist parents telling their kids stuff. Even though my subtype of Lizardfolk is indigenous to Australia, there's still a lot of wierd racism going around.

>>16890617
were you high? Were they high?
Kobolds are crazy long lived, which surprises a lot of people because they mature early as well

>>16890455
Yeah, well. There are assholes in any bunch. It's just the asshole vamps make it a point to stick out.
>>16890477
Well, yeah. Regardless of any metal vulnerability, I struck a guy blind just by getting angry while he happened to be looking at me. I'm pretty sure regular humans can't do that.

I'm just glad I was near the back of the room so nobody else was looking at me when it happened.

>>16890576
That's extremely creepy. Like, I understand that it's a evolution, survival thing, restock the numbers because they get shit on by every other race, but it still skives me out.

How exactly do age of consent laws work for them?

I've asked this before, but...

Slime in Pizza Hut dumpster, what do? She(or it, fuck if I know) has undergone mitosis, and now there's one on each side of the dumpster. Trying to throw old pizza away at the end of the day is like playing whack-a-mole. I was hoping they'd freeze during the winter, but they seem hungry as ever, and I swear they've been drinking the EZ-Cheez.

Seriously, the FDA inspection guy is coming soon, and if he sees slimes he's going to assume the worst about my restaurant.

>>16890588
I do it because I'm good at it, and what I really wanted to do with my life isn't an option due to circumstances beyond my control.

Frankly, at the rate things are going? It's more likely I'll outlive you, but I'm not going argue over who is more capable. I'm just going to tell you to march up to every cop you see and tell them to quit their job because they are weak flesh and will die on the job eventually. Throw in that "I'll have to clean up after you eventually" line too. I'm sure they'll just love the fuck out of that. They'll totally appreciate it, I'm certain.

Honestly, you are not coming off as bad ass or tough. You're actually making me feel sorry for you.

>>16890701
They don't, that's the scary bit. In my country, they lobbied for and got through an amendment to the age of consent laws that basically made them exempt.

>>16890710

Call the exterminators, or if it's intelligent, call the cops and have them arrested for trespassing.

>>16890710

Normal winter conditions aren't usually enough to freeze slimes. Enlist a local wizard to freeze them with magic. Failing that, purchase ice rounds from an arcane munitioner and fire them at the creature.

The disturbing things one finds out about when browsing the internet never cease to scare me.

>>16890710
If you want them dead, try blood thinners. I have an uncle who owns a hog farm, and he swears by them.

If you don't want them dead, try moving the dumpster. They'll follow the food.

How did you get the impression that the ooze was female? Is it one of those freaky ones tat has a human shape?

>>16890691
You may be part nymph if you can blind people. Which is interesting, since I'm pretty sure nymphs can't give birth to half-nymphs. There may have been a wizard involved in your conception.

>>16890715

Why would you assume I'm attempting to act "tough"? I'm acting realistically. Perhaps you should consider it sometime and quit being so immature. I'm trying to do you a favor and save your hide. But go ahead and keep testing the waters. We'll see how long until the crocodile bites back.

>>16890727
it's state by state here in the USA. (like age of consent laws for humans).
most states have it that age of consent only applies to humans, and other races have their own age of consent. A few a universal age with exceptions in the law.

It a necessity because for Tri-kreen in the south west. They are full adults by 8 and most die of old age before 40.

>>16890727
Well, now I know that if a goblin flirts with me, I ask her age. Just one more precaution to take when dealing with other species.

>>16890772
>"But go ahead and keep testing the waters. We'll see how long until the crocodile bites back."
>not acting "tough"
Not bein' completely convincing there, "Sir" Rollie.

>>16890791

I didn't ask you.

Ugh, back. The neighbors had to leave suddenly, and I got stuck babysitting three dragon eggs. But at least the mrs. is home.

Any more question for a werepanther librarian?

>>16890749
>How did you get the impression that the ooze was female?
It's usually just a puddle, but it imitates female customers when it begs for pizza.

>>16890738
I seriously can't tell whether it's smart or not. It hides when sirens go by, and it's snuck back to the pizza place when the garbage man accidentally took it to the dump. But it's never talked, and doesn't seem to understand anything besides "moldy pizza good"

>>16890739
How costly would that be? Running a Pizza Hut doesn't exactly make me a High-roller.

>>16890811
That's the fun thing about the internet, Rollie. People can and will voice their opinions unsolicited and filterless.

>>16890772
>>16890811
Your facade is starting to crack.

>>16890832
I think he's got a chink in his armour!

>>16890816

It's cheaper just to hire an exterminator. They can give you a quote after they check it out, and they'll probably have a wizard on their team.

>>16890816
Try feeding it brains.

Not sapient ones, of course. But in sufficient mass, even pig, cow or sheep brains would give the ooze the necessary schema with which to construct a neural network for itself.

>>16890816
Well, it seems to be a bit more intelligent that a dog. It understands when it's in danger and it begs while imitating something it thinks you'll be sympathetic to...

Dose it leave any wast behind, or dose it consume whole pizza stuffs? If it just eats garbage and doesn't attack anyone, I really don't see the problem with having an ooze around. Just lead it away for a few days if you're worried about inspection.

>>16890844
a weak link in his chain?

>>16890832

So how long are you going to keep pretending that you apparently "figured me out"? If you insist I am keeping up a facade, it's interesting to see you keep one up as well.

>>16890832
>>16890844
You mean to say he's an empty shell?

>>16890772
No, you're acting like you really, really, really miss having a penis and are trying to compensate. I'm waiting for the "...whatever" to pop up. Seriously. You remind me of a little child doing what he believe a cool and tough person would do.

I keep telling people this but they never listen. THERAPY! Maybe also a little Bhuddism. I may think Dan is half-vampire half-fucktard but at least he's willing to own up to his own stupidity. And take responsibility for it and try to keep it from happening again. I can respect that. I can offer support for that.

So far you haven't done anything to make me respect you in the slightest other than to try and prove how large your epeen is.

God damn I'm out of fucking juice.

>>16890868
You might say his words ring hollow.

>>16890877
Perhaps the problem is that his arguments lack substance.

>>16890874
Hey! What happened to all those compliments you were giving me last thread?

>>16890884
Yes, he is a suit of armor with no one inside.

>>16890868
>>16890858
>>16890844
...I love you guys. I just wish Gnollbard was here to enjoy this moment with us.

OK, now we are autosaging.

>>16890901
It seems likely that he has nobody to relate too

>>16890908
He's gone to a better place. A place before bards had to worry about paternity tests and being sued for libel.

>>16890844
>>16890858
>>16890877
>>16890884
maybe he just...
Feels a little empty

>>16890855
Eh, if it's moderately intelligent like
>>16890857
seems to be implying, I'd feel dickish for exterminating it. I gotta admit, having a non-smelly dumpster is pretty nifty, so as long as they don't start replicating uncontrollably, maybe I'll keep it as my little secret.

>>16890856
Yeah, I think I'll pass on increasing their intelligence. The thought of jiggly green doppelgangers of my employees trying to sneak inside during business hours is NOT a pleasant one.

>>16890768
Well, I asked a professor here, but he wouldn't talk to me. I came in, and I was a bit upset still, but he just kind of sat there staring at me, like he couldn't move or something.

It was weird.

>>16890874

Neither have you lot. What are most of these threads comprised of? Endless whining about women from other races you can't have because you're too pathetic to claim something from your species. And you say I'm lacking.

Of course it's interesting how you all leap to each other's defense. I was simply trying to convince someone to find a less dangerous pursuit and in you swoop like bats trying to defend your precious little egos because I might be speaking some truth. You say I'm trying to act tough but maybe you should try it out sometime as well rather than whining when someone doesn't buy your sob story.

Oh, I won't leave just yet. I want to see how you reply to this. Because let me tell you, it's laughable stuff.

>>16890888
That doesn't make you not a half-fucktard. Look on the bright side. You only got half fucktard in you. I'm stuck here with 3/4 fucktard, 1/3 asshat, 1/4 jerk, 1/2 troll and 9/5 you aren't even paying attention to the math anymore are you? THANKS DAD.

>>16890944
not pleasant, hilarious.

could you imagine it trying to actually get pizza that way? it'd take all i had to just breathe.

>>16890941
..God speed, Gnollbard.

God speed.

>>16890874
I think he's just trying very hard to convince himself he's better off this way. Not that I blame him. He doesn't have much a choice but to make the most of being an unfeeling suit of armor.

>>16890964
It's not so much defending our egos as having an impromptu pun off.
And from what I see, there isn't much to you.

>>16890998
more puns? more puns.

>>16890964
I think that's our "... whatever".

>>16891013
We're scraping the bottom of the barrel here, there's hardly anything left.

>>16890964
Your concern for my well being is appreciated, but maybe you should have taken a hint after I showed no interest in doing something else?

I thrive off the fact that few are willing, or capable, of doing what I do. I've also gotten good at it. Again, I ask what image you have of me in your head. It's been a long time since I was in high school. I've been doing this for a while. At what point did it seem like I am some kind of bumbling idiot that doesn't know my ass from my mouth?

I think that's the attitude not being appreciated here.

New thread? Or are we done here?

New Thread here, for real this time:
>>16891052

>>16891045
new thread, I was just about to jump in and join the fun

>>16890976
Because you of all people are the best one to advise me about making choices. Well played. Now how about an actual argument?

>>16890998
Trust me, the mantle of bad joke telling is one I willingly surrender to you.

>>16890964
You know, I could probably set you up with a body if you want. Real cheap, hardly used, totally legit and I'd definitely not take the chance to torment your naked soul for eternity once I got it out for the transfer. Just say the word, mate.

>>16890976
>>16890941
>>16890908
Wait, what happened to Gnollbard?