I can't, I don't. it couldn't.

It is.

rolled 43 = 43

>abadass quest

rolled 9 = 9

FUCK YES IT IS BACK

What took you so long OP?

Important Personal:
>Kharn the Betrayer
>Ahriman
>Lucius the Eternal
>Typhus
>Doomrider
>Eliphas
>Master of Hounds, an Iron Warrior cyborg
>Ishdra, your waifu
>Noddaba, your horribly named abomination of a tentacle-spawn
>Asuya, High Seer of Terra
>Asukan, a Khornate Wraith-Giant
>Alpharius/Omegon

After you order Ahriman to have the ship searched for anything suspicious, he turns and exits the workshop. Suddenly you hear a voice crack in over the vox. From the sickly coarse tone, you can tell it’s Typhus.

“Abaddon, you’re requested at the bridge. Your xeno concubine just murdered one of my plague marines and is demanding…
>”WHERE IS THAT APALLING BARBARIAN SCUMFUCK?!”
“…rather loudly to know where you are.”

As the Traveler tunes off you hear a loud noise. You turn around and see Kharn lying on the ground, having just toppled over. Blood leaks out from his very nasty power claw wounds.

What now, warmaster?

(rolls are 1d100 with higher being better, and any rolls of 66, 77, 88, or 99 will result in that action being chosen above all and "enhanced", as it has clearly been blessed by the Dark Gods)

>>16851043
Law courses are a bitch.

O GOD YES, THANK YOU OP FOR COMING BACK, JESUS MAN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

>my face when

rolled 88 = 88

Let's head to the bridge. Tell somebody to heal Kharne, it looks like his wounds are very serious.

Oh, I want one cultist nearby me at all times, to document everything I do.

>>16851094
>mfw first roll is blessed roll
This session is off to a good start already.

rolled 55 = 55

>>16851053

I give Kharn a dainty kick in the gut to see if he's still alive

>>16851094
Oh my god, this anon here. I can't believe I got an 88, and I'm first person to post in the thread.

Fucking amazing man, it feels fucking amazing.

While I know this quest thread isn't going to be very fun, it's better than the rest of the current quest threads.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16851053
That bitch of ours can wait. Use Sindri sorcery munbo-jumbo to try and heal him.

>>16851053

Lets go do something interesting.

rolled 45 = 45

>>16851126

Forgot my roll.

>>16851126

rolled 7 = 7

>>16851030

OHGODYESOHGODYESOHGODYESOHGODYES


Also,
help our old friend up and see if he's allright. Ask him if it was our little bitch that beat him up so badly.

rolled 98 = 98

>>16851094
also, check on our bride to be.

>>16851161
What part of, "heading to the bridge" did you not get?

>>16851094
Not willing to let a servant of Kharn die, you immediately tune into the ship's channel and yell for several apothecaries to get their sorry tainted asses to the workshop for Kharn is they want to keep them.

Afterwards, you look around with burning eyes and point at a nearby mortal wearing a scavenged guard uniform. You bark at him, telling him that he shall follow you from now on and record everything you do. He nods frantically. "Y-yes, my Lord! I will do as you command!"

You then march over to the bridge, the cultist following behind you with a data-slab on hand. As you enter you see Ishdra kneeling over an injured marine, holding a blade to his throat as Typhus keep his distance with his plague champions.

"WHERE IS THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING SAVAGE SON OF A WHORE?!" she screams at them. "I'LL CUT HIS COCK OFF!"

>>16851169
>servant of Khorne
I really need to proofread this shit before I post it.

>>16851169

Approach the Bitchdar with a good amount of caution. Charge up the claw of Horus with warp energies so that I can block her incoming attack.

"You called,my dear?"

rolled 30 = 30

>>16851169
Kick the bitch in the teeth.
If that fails, shoot her in the back.

rolled 14 = 14

>>16851169
"Lucy, I'm home!"

rolled 14 = 14

>>16851169
Woman, calm yourself. Seriously, why are you even angry. Your just killing people who've done nothing to you. Besides, we are about to launch your civilization into a golden age of CHAOS. So, again, calm yourself.

If this doesn't work, zap her with Chaos energies again, that seems to work every time she gets out of control.

rolled 51 = 51

>>16851193

I should probably roll for my suggestions.

rolled 43 = 43

>>16851199
I get one re-roll right? Well, here it is.

rolled 72 = 72

Turn your swag on.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16851169
Which one are you talking about?

rolled 42 = 42

>>16851169
"Right here."
Demand to know why she's so pissed at you. As far as I can tell we haven't done anything to get her so mad.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16851195
Rerolling to do this:
Kick the bitch in the teeth.
If that fails, shoot her in the back.

rolled 15 = 15

>>16851169

Huh. Abaddon is getting married? Well that sure sounds uncharacteristic of him, you know being a chaos space marine and all.

I guess it's time for an action. Since every action is going to be performed in a manner not typical of GW established fluff, I'll suggest we do a zany action so everyone can see how free-spirited we are.

>>16851222
Looks like we have a winner.

>>16851232

Best read the prior threads, son.

Abaddon isn't the no-armed perpetual fuck-up he's been in GW canon.

Slamming hot Eldar bitches on the reg is more his line of work now, along with time-travel and sabotaging the Emperor's goals even before his birth.

>>16851256

Wow. Aren't we so cool and edgy.

rolled 72 = 72

>>16851169
Tell Typhus what the fuck is he doing, as there is clearly some crazy shit going, if group of plague marines with their chapter primarch is scared of single, fragile eldar female.
Then we teach our waifu her place and send her to the kitchen.

>>16851273

Is that you,Matt?

rolled 58 = 58

>>16851279

>>16851222 Here
DRAW, PUNK!

>>16851282
Stop that, it isn't cool to do that anymore.

rolled 37 = 37

>>16851169
btw, I made pic for you OP, but it looks like I won't be finishing it.

rolled 66 = 66

>>16851169

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

She'll never expect the nice guy routine from an 8-foot tall warrior dedicated to the corruption of mankind's future.

rolled 77 = 77

>>16851299
>>16851279 here
Let's see who the gods favour.

rolled 29 = 29

>>16851309

oh, baby!

rolled 63 = 63

>>16851320

Well, can't argue with that.

rolled 68 = 68

>>16851320
nurgle, you're bro, but a slow one.>>16851309

>>16851320
PRAISE TO THE GOD OF ROT

rolled 29 = 29

Bros before Hoes. Order her cut down in a hail of bolter fire to demonstrate my concern for the well-being of the men under my command.

>>16851320
I retract my previous statements about this guy winning(>>16851222)

This guy wins, OP, he's been blessed by the Dark Gods.

>>16851309
Sensing that she is clearly in an angry and frustrated state, you approach her and gently ask what is wrong.

She turns around to you slowly. Your words must have surprised her as she has a surprised look on her face. She quickly calms down a bit.

"Abaddon, what the hell happened to our child?"

rolled 33 = 33

>>16851347
"Uh...yeah, he kinda got his ass kicked by some wraithlords. His own fault really."

rolled 58 = 58

>>16851347

"What do you mean? He's a strong and healthy boy. Man. Thing. He's been a great help on the surface, you know."

I'm guessing she's referring to the general tentaclyness of Noddaba, rather than any specific incident.

rolled 35 = 35

>>16851347
Oh right, actualy, where in the warp is that little scamp?

>>16851347
"It's nothing he can't handle."

>>16851347
Damn you Slaanesh. NURGLE SHALL PREVAIL IN THE END!

Tell her Noddaba got his shit handed to him but he's not seriously hurt.

>>16851347

What the hell happened to him,actually?

>>16851374
dammit

rolled 5 = 5

>>16851375
Forgot my dice.

rolled 42 = 42

>>16851347
Damn, um.

He got hurt by some people blind to the glorious future we're attempting to build. They have been dealt with, but kill my men again, and I'll not be a happy Abaddon.

>mfw this thread isn't as cool as evoquest

>>16851370
You inform Ishdra that Noddaba is perfectly fine and has even been of good assistance during surface missions.

She scowls at you. "Ten minutes ago I saw him and he had these MASSIVE scars all over his tentacles! Have you bee- wait....YOU'VE BEEN TAKING HIM TO TERRA?!" she screams.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16851347
He got his first manly scars. He's a strong boy, he'll be fine, he fought like a warrior. But I'm disappoint about your murdering my fine men.
*bitchslap*
What does it have to do with making me sammich? BACK TO THE KITCHEN!

AND YOU, TYPHUS? ARE YOU SO SCARED OF VAGINA YOU CAN'T SHOW FRAGILE BITCH WHERE'S HER PLACE?

>>16851400
Troll harder.

Every quest has it's perks.

This one is just fucking ridiculous, and that makes it awesome. EVO quest can get a bit slow at times, making it a boring a bit, but still it is pretty good in it's own right.

rolled 14 = 14

>>16851408

"Of course my dear. You see, living aboard a ship in low orbit can hardly be healthy for a young..thing like him, he just needed some fresh air. Really, children in these ages can't stand the old and used air on space ships. It's bad for their growth and can cause various psychical problems.

rolled 30 = 30

>>16851408
Of course I did. I need to make a man out of him, and the best way to do that is taking him on high-risk life threatening missions in a prehistoric jungle.

rolled 81 = 81

>>16851408
Woman! He'll never grow up unless he gets some scars, I know better then to be a bad father, My dad sucked, hell his dad sucked!

rolled 12 = 12

>>16851279
>>16851320
my face when Nurgle is sexist and blesses 'go to kitchen' orders

rolled 31 = 31

>>16851408
"Hell ya I've been taking him to Terra. Kid's been great, behaving himself nicely. The time we've spent down there was real father son bonding time. But, you know, it's all fun and games till someone get's hurt. How bout you spend some time with him, teach him how to use his psyker abilities. I mean, wouldn't it make you feel good if both your parents supported you in using your psyker abilities."

rolled 36 = 36

>>16851408

"Love, you have to understand, he's not a normal boy! He's destined for greatness, but his potential must be channeled! Imagine if our parents were content to let us lay around on our homeworld, where would we be? He's learned a valuable lesson about his own limitations, and he's stronger for that."

rolled 61 = 61

>>16851459
I support this now

>>16851440
You tell Ishdra you're trying to be as good of a father as you can and help him grow up. She shakes her head.

"Well why don't you try being a good husband first? I haven't seen you since that dangerous space battle! Speaking of which, what happened to the surviving Eldar? Lucius kept telling me something about an orgy."

rolled 94 = 94

give the child to t-rex!!!!!

dice+1d100 *bitchslap waifu. Assfuck Typhus*

rolled 19 = 19

give the child to t-rex, you mere woman. you love it too much!

rolled 3 = 3

>>16851480
Oh about that...uh WHO WANTS TO GO FOR ICE CREAM?

rolled 12 = 12

>>16851480
When is Lucius not talking about an orgy.

Anyways, I'm needed in a lot of places right now. First of all, I got a group of Malal cultists trying to hijack the crusade and subvert it. Damn Malal cultists. They are trying to destroy everything Chaos stands for!

rolled 30 = 30

>>16851480

Orgy? Why,Orgy is such a hard word. They're amusing themselves, yes, as such is the way of Chaos. But calling it an orgy? I think good old Lucius has made fun of you.

On a sidenote, you did not happen to feel an..unusual psychic presence around the ship,have you? Something self-destructing, utterly stupid? See,I think we may have a blind passenger.

rolled 80 = 80

>>16851480
It's rape-orgy to be precise. We're converting them to Slaanesh. It's all for a good cause.

rolled 93 = 93

kill the eldar bitch! and eat her child!

rolled 54 = 54

>>16851480
We won the battle, the Eldar are cooperating and I was trying to show the crew and Eldar a good time.

rolled 65 = 65

*bitchslap waifu. Assfuck Typhus*

rolled 43 = 43

>>16851480
tentacle-from-my-mout kiss her making sure she'll succumb into her direst desires, then leave her unconscious and scold Typhus for being a chicken.

rolled 42 = 42

you need some orgy from time to time... do you think that one eldar woman is enough for the man like me?

rolled 35 = 35

>>16851516

Oh, fuck. Rolling against this.

WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED, DAMN IT.

rolled 73 = 73

>>16851480
Lucius is just being a creep. Ignore him.
Also where's Noddaba? Haven't seen him in a while.

rolled 6 = 6

I can show you just now what I did to them. You would love it, sweetheart!

rolled 85 = 85

>>16851536, >>16851481 comes first, and is stoppable.

rolled 62 = 62

You're too curious, my dear, should I be afraid of you?

>>16851481
>>16851515
Getting annoyed by Ishdra's bitching, you consider for a moment feeding Noddaba to Josh. However doing so would be impossible as neither are nearby.

You tell Ishdra that the orgy is being done to convert them to Chaos. She stares back at you, appalled. "That's horrible! How could you just have them raped like that! Why would they even join you after that?!"

rolled 38 = 38

>>16851561

'Cause bitches love 'dat rape... Hoe

rolled 17 = 17

they loved it! come on, let me show you what fun it is...

rolled 9 = 9

>>16851561
I dunno. You seemed to seem to have taken me raping you pretty well.
Then hold out fist for Typhus to bump.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16851567
Rolling for this...

rolled 86 = 86

Shut up, women, or you will also be raped by all my armies!

rolled 84 = 84

>>16851561
"Says the woman who's marrying her own rapist."

rolled 47 = 47

"Because it gives them feeling that they can drill to the heaven, baby... or sometimes be drilled..."*kamina mode on*

>>16851567

Rolling for this

>>16851596
This time I'm actually rolling

rolled 15 = 15

>>16851561

Sigh and explain her that the rituals needed to invoke Slaanesh, being the Prince of Excess, are sometimes rather excessive. The thing is that it only will be "Rape" for a short amount of time, after which Slaanesh will gift the Eldar and make every single thing in the universe pleasureable and beautiful for them - a moment of pain in exchange for an eternity of happines,in laymans terms.

rolled 18 = 18

>>16851586
Rolling for this!!!

>>16851584
You tell Ishdra to quiet herself or you'll have your entire warband fuck her. All 24,000 men and their serfs.

She hisses at you. "Oh yes, how lovely that would be for your bride-to-be to experience." She turns around and starts leaving the bridge. "Fuck this. I'm going to see our child."

As Ishdra leaves Typhus lets out a sigh of relief. "By the Gods, you need to keep the woman happy Abaddon." he says "A follower of Nurgle would put caring for his family as first priority."

rolled 6 = 6

>>16851650
Shut up cat-lover. You were cowering like a bitch before her.

>>16851650

"Well,I'd prefer doing it the soft way to,but we don't have time for this bullshit. Now, tell me,

a) What the fuck happened to Khârn?
b) Any news regarding the Malal issue?
c) What's going on right now?

We need a cool head in this situation.

rolled 41 = 41

>>16851650

say "Shit Typhus, that girl just needs to learn her place... "
Then go check on what fucked up Kharn

rolled 68 = 68

"Do you know what time is it Typhus?"

rolled 12 = 12

>>16851650
Tell Typhus that it is, I just wanted her to know her place.

Now, look at what the scribe has been writing. If he's been doing a good job, reward him with Carapace Armor.

Also, let's go see where our T-Rex is.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16851666
AARGH!

rolled 67 = 67

she should be honoured to be my bride... or I'll force her to be happy, anyway

rolled 100 = 100

>>16851650
Smack him with Sindri.
"Dude what the fuck? How'd your guys get their asses handed to them by one eldar bitch? Fuck it, you guys are pussy. I'mma go hang with Doomrider."

>>16851705


But..but..we can't do that! Not to our Nurglite Bros! They've always loved us!

rolled 36 = 36

I'll talk to her... Maybe we should spend more time with our child.

>>16851716
It's just older brother scolding younger brother like talk. Typhus is in the family, he'll understand.

rolled 20 = 20

Go with her and teach her a lesson... Wait untill she's with our son. He should know how to speak with women properly.

rolled 47 = 47

I don't need her anymore.

>>16851705
You bring Sindri around and lash out at the Traveller's head with it, smashing the cheek of his helm. You tell him that he's pathetically weak for failing to stop a mere xeno woman. You then turn around and exited the bridge.

You hear Typhus speak as you leave. "Sorry Abaddon, but I simply didn't want to harm the fiance of a warmaster who's with child."

You walk along the halls of the Vengeful Spirit, your scribe following you as he writes things down. Soon you approach Doomrider's chamber aboard the ship. As you do thought he vox crackles to life.

"Abaddon, please come to the sorcery chambers." you hear the High Seer Asuya say. "There are important matters we need to discuss."

rolled 1 = 1

>>16851760

Vox back asking how important it is ranging from
I dropped my book and can't find it
to
If you're not here within 2 hours the ship will implode and with it the entire universe

If it's not that important go hang with Doomrider, discuss what happened to Kharn

(I'm going to have dinner now. Will be back shortly. Feel free to roll while I'm gone.)

rolled 36 = 36

Asuya... wy do I need all of them? I'm so week, so dependent...

rolled 23 = 23

Absolutely nothing to do with the quest, just your title image. You WILL change it to:

ARE YOU ABBADON UF DUDE TO KILL THE EMPEROR?

Get it? YOU FUCKING SHOULD BECAUSE YOU ARE AWESOME.

>>16851760

" Naturally. I assume you are finished with Khârn?"

Head to the Sorcery Chamber,but gather a small group of CSM around you first. The important matter could be a sharp object right inside your head.

rolled 2 = 2

"Fuck you Asuya ! I'm going to have my private time with Sindri now!"

Snort some of Doomrider's cocaine then go see what the fuck is up at the sorcery chambers. Bring some spare cocaine.

rolled 21 = 21

>>16851786
I chortled.
Have a dice roll on me sir.

rolled 69 = 69

>>16851872
derp

rolled 17 = 17

Get in the sorcery chambers. Fuck Asuya in the butt.

rolled 48 = 48

Ignore her, do cocaine with doomrider instead.

Bumping for interest

(And I am back)

>>16851884
You decide to snort some coke before heading off to see Asuya. You walk into the chamber and see Doomrider having shots of liquid-cocaine. He give you a few grams which you eagerly snort up. You then leave with a bag holding a few more grams.

You head over to the Sorcery Chambers where you find Asuya waiting for you. The High Seer turns to you with a mildly pleased expression you enter and speaks.

"Greetings Abaddon. Now there's several things which I need you to elaborate on for me." she says "First of all, what by the Gods are you alien beings and how did you get here? Secondly, you said you knew how to defeat the necrons. I want to know how much you know of them and how you would do this. Thirdly, I want to hear about these "Chaos Gods" you and your kin speak of. Fourth of all, I would like to know why the HELL you ordered a mass raping of my fellow kin!" Her tone turns harsh and hard with that last demand.

Asuya sits down and crosses her legs. "Well?"

rolled 100 = 100

*I can show you what are chaos gods about." *bitchslap and assfuck her.*

>>16852138
That's the way the cookie crumbles...

Any one have that pic of OP when posts end in rape?

rolled 100 = 100

>>16852091
1) We're humans, although guys like me and Kharn are astartes, a type of protohumans who have the blood of Gods. We got here by travelling through the warp itself (do not mention time travel).
2) We've fought the necrons and can tell you how to destroy them for good, but only if you submit to Chaos.
3) The big four Chaos Gods are deities who live in the warp. They are very awesome and give their followers awesome powers and you should totally worship them. Especially Khorne, you'd like him.
4) Don't worry, we're just converting them to Chaos. I promise they'll thank us for it afterwards.

>>16852178
A challenger approaches!

rolled 87 = 87

CHARGE SINDRI WITH THE POWER OF TZEENTCH AND SMASH HIM INTO HER FOREHEAD

LET HER BRAIN FILL WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF CHAOS

rolled 54 = 54

>>16852200
>87
Dammit Khorne is jinxing Tzeentch. GET IN HERE BLESSED ROLL

rolled 18 = 18

>>16852138
>>16852138

If the OP actually lets us do that this will be the coolest quest thread, ever!

rolled 73 = 73

>>16852178
Supporting this

>>16852178
>>16852138
You start explaining about Chaos and humanity to her. You leave out most of the details, mostly about the dangers of Chaos and the Horus Heresy, presenting Chaos as a completely awesome religion with no downsides that makes everything better. You tell her that the power of Chaos can be used to crush the Necrons forever, and that your warband's raping of the Eldar is necessary to have them understand Chaos.

Asuya sits for a bit, considering what you have told her. As she does, the cocaine you had early suddenly kicks into effect. Your eyes shrink and you burst out at Asuya, slapping her across the face and saying you'll show her the glory of Chaos. You try to bend her over but she thrashes about, slamming her heel into your codpiece. You hear the metal crack as pain surges through your groin.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! LET GO OF ME YOU XENO SAVAGE BASTARD!"

rolled 29 = 29

>>16852295

Bitch be trippin'
You better show me sum' tricks hoe
or imma' slap a bitch

rolled 32 = 32

>>16852295
Sweet emprah what the fuck is wrong with Doomrider's coke?
Well this is bad. Um...start screaming about how an Enslaver is trying to possess you.

rolled 2 = 2

"Sperm to the sperm god!!!" *Ejaculate in name of slaanesh.*

rolled 65 = 65

>>16852295
Get or bearings back and apologise, let her know about the coke, offer her some, also call Arhiman, make sure Alpharius and Omegon are still imprisond.

rolled 92 = 92

>>16852295

Point out that the Rape is simply the means by which to show her the glory of Chaos, just like her kin are being shown the glory of Chaos through rape.

Then charge your groin with the power of Chaos and remove your codpiece to show her the true power of the gods.

rolled 67 = 67

>>16852295
Shove her face into the cocaine baggie.
Get that bitch high.
Get her fully bent over, and call for Doomrider.

I hope you guys like parties 'cause we're about to have one up in this bitch.

rolled 39 = 39

>>16852338
Re-roll

rolled 51 = 51

>>16852295

Make a joke about inappropriate touching
Then go check on Kharn

rolled 49 = 49

Give her some of Doomrider's coke too.

rolled 69 = 69

>>16852352
Fuck yeah. Rolling for this shit here.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16852340

This.

rolled 65 = 65

>give Asuya cocaine
>rape
>???
>convert to chaos

rolled 44 = 44

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT IT'S THE COCAINE!"

Then start crying as you continue your rape attempt.

rolled 4 = 4

>>16852352
Rolling for this.

rolled 80 = 80

>>16852360
Speaking of Kharn lets not rape her, Kharn would be PISSED! well more so then ususal.

rolled 21 = 21

>>16852295

NO RAPE.

BROs BEFORE 'HOS

>>16852340
You inform Asuya that you're attempting to enlighten her, as rape is used to show others the power of Chaos as you previously mentioned.

You bend her over and remove your codpiece as charge your crouch with warp energies. But once you have Asuya kicks you hard in the groin and breaks from your grasp. She backs off and flames surround her right hand.

"Get. The. Fuck. Away." she states, cold and hard. "If you touch me once more, you freak, I will murder you."

rolled 2 = 2

>>16852452

We yell at her "FOOLISH MORTAL, I'M THE JUGGERNAT BITCH!"

Before we begin to open up her anal cavity to the power of chaos.

rolled 93 = 93

>>16852452

Calmly leave, noting that this is Kharns bitch, and so he must administer punishment
Also
Go check up on what happened with Kharn

rolled 80 = 80

*Analfist her with Sindri*

rolled 17 = 17

>>16852452
Hoho! A little fight in ya! I like that.

rolled 74 = 74

>>16852452
AGAIN TRY THIS!>>16852338

rolled 70 = 70

>>16852452

Smirk in amusement and replace codpiece.

"Well, perhaps you are not fully prepared for enlightenment just yet. Take solace in knowing that your kin are already enjoying the fruits of Chaos as we speak - you could take part in this with them of course...but I would prefer you see me personally when you are ready to embrace the supreme power of the gods. Now...I have other business to take care of if your curiosities have been sated."

Exit room and check on what happened to Kharn. Punch a cultist slave into a bloody frappe out of sexual frustration on the way.

rolled 76 = 76

>>16852507

Reroll~

rolled 73 = 73

PUNCH THE WARP TO NULLIFY HER POWERS COMPLETELY DURING THE RAPING SESSION. ALSO, WE FUCK HER SO GOOD THAT SHE DOES NOT GET MAD AT US FOR IT AFTERWARDS.

rolled 85 = 85

>>16852523
ALSO, KHARN IS SUMMONED HERE INSTANTLY TO AID US. HE IS NOT PISSED EITHER DUE TO LOLWARP FUCKERY.

rolled 55 = 55

>>16852505
Ugh.... re-roll....

>>16852536
>>16852523
Ok, I know I was kinda cheating with two rolls there, but here's a re-roll, one final roll in the hopes of achieving greatness.
With some puppies.

rolled 86 = 86

>>16852554
and HERE is the fucking roll!

>>16852478
Remembering that Kharn feels fondly towards the High Seer, you decide to cease your actions and leave the Sorcery Chamber.

As you think about Kharn you decide that you out to check up on him. You head on over to the ship's medical quarters and enter. There you find Kharn on a table, several apothecaries in the colours of the Emperor's Children working on him.

Among them you see an apothecary with a skull staff and mechadendrites. He turns to you as you enter.

"Oh hello Abaddon." he says with a grin "Long time no see."

rolled 52 = 52

Slaanesh the shit out of her.

rolled 74 = 74

Knock her out with a slap blessed by Slaneesh and then proceed to rape her while she's knocked out.

rolled 61 = 61

>>16852561

Rip his eyes out.

"AND IT'LL BE EVEN LONGER THE NEXT TIME."

rolled 27 = 27

>>16852561
WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE

Seriously, why is Fabius aboard our ship?

>>16852561

Knock him out
Then proceed to ask the nearest apothecaries how Kharn is and when the fuck he's getting up again, he have a female to manhandle

rolled 42 = 42

>>16852610

Rollin'

rolled 85 = 85

>>16852561
Turn into a mince pie.


A mince pie that exists at every point in time and the universe.

You now have the ability to change back and forth between Abaddass and the mince pie.

rolled 32 = 32

"Im here to rape Kharn. May I proceed?"*Proceed without waiting of answer*

rolled 34 = 34

Oh hi Fabius.

Ask him how he's doing. It really has been a long time.

rolled 61 = 61

>>16852561

Scowl menacingly.

"I'm not amused in the least bit that you are aboard my ship, Fabius. However, I'm in a bit of a hurry, so I will omit cutting out your heart. Tell me what's wrong with Kharn and how he ended up this way."

rolled 83 = 83

Bitchslap Kharn for not controlling his bitch properly, then order him to make a sammich for you.

rolled 95 = 95

>>16852623
Ok, just re-rolling for Abaddon to get the mince pie's power instead. Also rolling to respond appropriately to who I assume is Fabius, and ask him how his work is going. Also, see if Kharn is ok. Through both verbally asking Fabius, and checking yourself.

rolled 6 = 6

Slap his shit.
"That's for giving my soldiers those faulty combats drugs during that previous Black Crusade!"

rolled 66 = 66

>>16852652
how the fuck is this the highest roll so far?
meh, I guess if it get's chosen it could be lulzy

>>16852651

Correction: slap Fabius for being a shitty apothecary and to make yourself feel good, then order him to make a sammich.

>>16852690
FUCK.

Wait, can we turn into a mince pie now?

rolled 35 = 35

*Just fap*

>>16852690
You suddenly want to become a mince pie. Throwing you arms into the air you scream out into the warp, praying to newly-born Slaanesh, and shout your overbearing desire to be turned into a mince pie. The apothecaries stand around looking at you awkwardly. They jump back though as you are suddenly consumed with a flash of golden, sensual warp energy.

You feel your very soul being twisted as your physical existence and surroundings are warped by the power of Chaos. You feel your essence being stretched out by the Immaterium and reshaped.

As this happens, it almost feels as if you can be at any point in the universe at any time. As your soul continues to twist you hear hundreds of incomprehensible sounds across space and time.

Soon you are returned to the medical quarters, now a mince pie. As one of the bewildered apothecaries approaches you, you return to your normal form and ask how Kharn is doing.

"Uh..he's fine, my lord." he says "Well not FINE but alive. He took some serious damage but he should be back up in a few days." You look at Kharn's body, seeing blood all over and a bone sticking out of his skin. His face his pulp and his whole body bruised.

Brofist Kharn, restoring his health.

rolled 29 = 29

>>16852822
Who cares about Kharn? WE ARE NOW A MINCE PIE!
Let us go to the mess hall and transform on a table, then transform back to Abaddon once someone's put us in their mouth. Shit'll be hilarious.

rolled 44 = 44

>>16852858

OH SHOT FORGOT ROLL

rolled 46 = 46

>>16852822

Brutally backhand the Apothecary.

"I CAN SEE THAT HE'S ALIVE, FOOL! Tell me something I don't know. I need to know WHO did this, WHAT caused it, and WHERE Kharn got these wounds. And if you or Fabius cannot produce an answer for me, you are as useless as that Xeno bitch Kharn himself loves so much! I will see you sent to the fucking Basillica of TORMENTS if you come up empty handed!

Storm off to the brig to make sure Alpharius / Omegon are secure and prepare to interrogate them personally.

rolled 66 = 66

*Pray to the dark gods for tentacles, so you can feel more like your son*

rolled 9 = 9

>>16852822

Let Kharn be miraculously restored from a bite of our mince-pie form!

rolled 14 = 14

>>16852894
I'm pretty sure he got hurt while fighting Alpharius in the last thread.
Rolling for using Sindri to accelerate his healing.

rolled 91 = 91

>>16852822

INAPPROPRIATELY TOUCH HIM AND HEAL TO FULL HEALTH

Hang on, what the hell happens with the new Necron fluff? Is there any real change? Since now the Necrons killed the old ones, AND the C'tan, I think the Eldar would actually be wanting our help a lot more, even though all of the tomb worlds are hidden and hibernating. Perhaps it would be prudent to inform them about the Tyranids instead?

Also, rolling for these:
>>16852915
>>16852914
>>16852917
>>16852864
I know we had a 66 already, but if this is blessed, let all be done!

rolled 48 = 48

>>16852914
First mince pie transforming and now this? What the fuuuck?

rolled 19 = 19

>>16852929
GODDAMNIT

>>16852932
Welcome to Abaddon Quest.

rolled 66 = 66

>>16852914

FUCK.

>>16852951
OH GOD WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

rolled 73 = 73

>>16852951
This is why I love this quest.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16852951

FUUUUUCCKKKK

rolled 64 = 64

>>16852864
WHY?! WHY ARE WE PIE!!??!?!

rolled 59 = 59

Googling for badass minced pies.

>>16852914
Feeling that Slaanesh may be feeling generous what with his mince pie power-gift, you pray once more to the Prince of Excess. This time you ask for tentacles, so that you may be able to better relate more to your spawn.

You suddenly feel the warp touch your chin. Eldritch energies tickle under your skin and you feel something twisting and growing. Suddenly tendrils start sprouting from your chin. Soon a full beard made up of chaos tentacles is formed.

The apothecaries stand in awe of your sudden transformation. You hear Fabius mutter soothing before turning around and returning to his work.

rolled 60 = 60

>>16853004
>tentacle beard
Oh fuck yes.

rolled 46 = 46

please, bless me with tentacles... and then I will return to this awfully proud eldar bitch and show her where is her place

rolled 18 = 18

>>16853004

The wife may not approve of our new look.

HEALING HAND ON KHARN

rolled 73 = 73

*Tentaclerape everyone in the room*

rolled 37 = 37

>>16853004
>beard
And then Abaddon became a true man.
Rolling to punch out Fabius just because we can, then walk off laughing.

rolled 97 = 97

I should punish this stupid far seer now... Slaanesh aproves what I do. And my fiance should watch this punishment to see what happens to whose, who don't do as I please

rolled 28 = 28

Rub our tentacled face over Kharn's body to heal him!

rolled 15 = 15

>>16853058

Oh god, this.

rolled 39 = 39

My son will rule over eldars now... not all these women

rolled 95 = 95

>>16853051
Rolling for this

rolled 21 = 21

pray to slaanesh...
To have your own real-life loyal pet Gyarados. With scales made of adimantium, with a Dark Eldar shadow field fitted into each one. Because this won't be overpowered. (not in this quest anyways, anything happens)

rolled 47 = 47

>>16853096
Fuck, one re-roll because I wanna see this happen. Also rolling for >>16853058

rolled 14 = 14

>>16853091
Re-roll

rolled 4 = 4

>>16853058

Using my re-roll!

Captcha: exceeding aorsed

HMMMMM.

rolled 28 = 28

something smells fishy

>>16853053
Having such a mighty new tentacle beard, you decide that it's time to punish Asuya for her early attacks on you.

You exit the medical quarters and head over to the Sorcery Chambers. As you do you tune into the vox and tell Ishdra to come on over. You feel it would be useful for her to watch this.

However, as you reach the chambers you find Asuya gone. Suddenly the vox cracks a voice is heard over your private channel.

"Abaddon, if you're not busy I feel we should have a little talk, discuss some things." Ahriman says

rolled 13 = 13

rolling for Gyarados!

rolled 45 = 45

>>16853113
Shape up, stop doing silly things, and actually get down to business and all. Shenanigans are fun and all, but we DO have a Crusade to run.

rolled 94 = 94

>>16853113

Do it with waifu. Use the tentacles too.

Leave the vox on.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16853113
Screw Ahriman. Keep searching for Asuya.

rolled 5 = 5

Ahriman... well, we can do it together. After all there are two eldar women to punish...

rolled 7 = 7

>>16853113
GO TO AHRIMAN IMMEDIATLY!!! show off our awesome new beard, ask what's going on.

rolled 87 = 87

>>16853113

"Sure, just gimme a sec."

Using the power of our new beard, our tentacles PLUNGE THROUGH THE FABRIC OF REALITY, seizing upon the WILFUL ELDAR TROLLOP and dragging her back before us to experience the UNLIMITED AND PERFECTLY TRIMMED PLEASURES of our SEX BEARD.

rolled 2 = 2

>>16853133
Rolling for this. We've had some fun, got our tentacle beard and mince pie form. Now let's get some shit done with them.

rolled 68 = 68

>>16853143
RE_ROLL!!!!

rolled 40 = 40

>>16853137
Hey guys, Alpharius and Alpharius-2 are still out there.

Just saying.

rolled 17 = 17

>>16853142
This. Call Ahriman over to help the punishment. Record the whole thing and make another porno/snuff film for the crew.

rolled 68 = 68

Rape Asuya and kill her. It's important step in converting Eldars to Chaos

rolled 32 = 32

>>16853150
Fucking ghey roll. Rerolling.

rolled 44 = 44

It seems Slaanesh truly is favouring this thread tonight.

Rolling for: >>16853148

rolled 73 = 73

>>16853148
>>16853129
Rolling for these.
Afterwards, we knuckle down and get shit done.

rolled 58 = 58

Do it in slaanesh way

>>16853178
-sigh-
Re-roll, mostly so we get shit down, but otherwise... yeah.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16853192
FUUUU-

rolled 29 = 29

there is a son, so now time for doughter... find asuya

rolled 37 = 37

>>16853201
You're gonna need better rools to combat the chaos in this Chaos thread mah boi.

But yeah, let's get back on track here. Hold off on the rape/carnage/herpderpan till the Super Alpharius Brothers are taken care of.

>>16853137
You decide to wait in the chambers for a while. Eventually Ishdra arrives. "Abaddon dear, you called me for som-what the fuck is with your face?"

As soon as she approaches you grab onto Ishdra and pin her down. "Abaddon what the fu-" You rip the lower portion of her dress off and lower her head. Ishdra gasps with delight as your tentacles begin pleasuring her.

You continue rubbing her with your tentacles, her moans and wails going through the vox network. After she climaxes, you hear a voice.

"Abaddon...please tell me you did not do what I think you just did over the vox."

rolled 86 = 86

>>16853237
"Had to be done Ahriman. Had to be done."

Then go deal with Ahriman in person.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16853213
SHE IS ALREADY PREGGERS!!

rolled 41 = 41

ahriman needs me now. we'll talk later, my fiance.

rolled 99 = 99

>>16853237

I'll tell you what I DIDN'T do- NOT rock her world.

rolled 91 = 91

>>16853264

AHAHAHAHAHA

rolled 97 = 97

>>16853264
Well that was quick.


Rolling for the earlier gyarados suggestion.

>>16853264
You hear Ahriman sigh in response. "Whatever. Just please come over to your throneroom."

Ishdra breathes heavily as she lies under you. "Oh Gods Abaddon, that was amazing." she says

rolled 96 = 96

"Ahriman, you would have done the same if you were in my place. Now stop being a pussy and look for any mention of Alpharion/Omegon in them there rubrics of yours" - you then inject some drugs into the woman so she falls asleep and won't cause problems.

rolled 56 = 56

>>16853307
"Damn right bitch."
Give her a kiss and leave to see Ahriman.

...wait, what am I saying? Chaos doesn't kiss. Smack her ass and leave to see Ahriman

rolled 11 = 11

>>16853307
To the throne room! Let's see his face when he sees our face!

rolled 4 = 4

>>16853322
Pssh, who needs Ahriman to find 'em? C'mon, let's use our Warp-Fuckery for good use; we've grabbed punched holes in the warp to nab things before after all.

but Eldar are xenos... he should smex some of those traitor sisters of battle.

You know there used to be only one, but Mat ward arrived and changed that fact now =/

>>16853352
No. Sandy Mitchell and whoever wrote Daemonifuge did that.

rolled 79 = 79

let's go to ahriman

rolled 5 = 5

>>16853352
Learn your fluff. It was Mitchell that did that bro, not Ward.

I swear, the mindless Ward-hate nowadays, you'd think he was responsible for everything ever bad about 40k from anyone's perspective.

Anyways let's go deal with Ahirman and beat the shit out of some Primarch(s)

Fuck that we need to continue to anal-molest our bitch.

rolled 71 = 71

>>16853377
>1d10
How did I even...

>>16853322
Yet again Ahriman sighs. "Perhaps. But at least I've trying to get my priorities straight." he said "I've started searching my books but I still wish to speak with you."

As Ahriman tunes off, you turn back to Ishdra. You pull out a syringe loaded with some of Doomrider's date-rape formula and inject it into her on the spot. She gasps in surprised before quickly passing out.

You then hear another voice over the vox. "Hey Abaddon, I finished that sewing work you wanted done on Alpharius and Omegon..." Lucius says

rolled 56 = 56

>>16853383
>>16853383

Forgot mah roll.

Do you think that Miriael Sabathie could be a good wife to Abbadon? I would prefer her more than that eldar bitch.

>>16853391

you know, I always tough that those new sisters that had gone corrupt where because they where badly manufacturated by the ecclesiarchy in a hollow attempt to boost their force ranks. But it ended up back firing.

rolled 73 = 73

>>16853387
Ooh this should be good. Go check out Lucius' work.

rolled 55 = 55

>>16853387
Good let's take a look!
>>16853391
Hmm.. perhaps Abaddon should be thinking about a harem.......

rolled 42 = 42

punch warp.
acquire harem.

The see arhiman, then lucius afterwards.

rolled 11 = 11

>>16853475
No. Re-roll.

rolled 63 = 63

>>16853475
Re-rolling for this.

>>16853420
You leave Ishdra and exit the chamber, heading over to Lucius' temporary quarters. Once you've reached them you enter inside and find Lucius holding a pair of sewing needles.

"Greetings Abaddon." he says with a smile "Looking forward to seeing my latest piece of art?"

rolled 21 = 21

>>16853487
Damn right we are. What sort of Siamese monstrosity have you cooked up?

>>16853475

they both chuckled with amusement.

'That sabathiel bitch could grant abbadon additional favor of slaneesh, dont you think lucius?'
Lucius didnt respond, he was too bussy, playing with the multiple breasts of his juan diaz deamonettes.
'Yess she could do, slaneesh izzz good you know? yess, ahh little devil!'
The deamonettes giggled and jumped over their master, satiating every sexual appetite that crossed it's mind at that moment.
Ahriman just took his staff and walked away, thinking about this new sabathiel bitch. 'Yes indeed she will do'
He then voxed once again to Abbadon.

rolled 78 = 78

>>16853487
Shut up and show us the twins. If you did well enough, which might be able to put them in a freakshow.

We require more drawfags, call them from the warp!

>>16853527
You tell Lucius that you're looking forward to see his work, and that you might even consider showing it off with some other freaks like they did in old Terra.

Lucius chuckles. "Oh, now that sounds good." he says as he walks over to a white silhouette, stained with blood. "Now brace you eyes, for I am about to show you a true pair of freaks! A twisted pairing of the Emperor's own sons; Alpharius and Omegon!"

Lucius pulls down his curtain, revealing two astartes in Alpha Legion colours sewed together in multiple areas, some more uncomfortable than others.

"W-why.....Abaddon..." you hear one fo them mutter from a mouth half-sewed to an ass.

rolled 46 = 46

...Bored and tired....

ROLL FOR GYARADOS (why not? Could be an awesome steed)

rolled 18 = 18

>>16853601
Wait, is Lucius trying to renact the human centapied?

rolled 41 = 41

>>16853601
>astartes
Wait a minute...make sure it's the Alpharius brothers.

>>16853601
"Because I can!"

Proceed to laugh manically and brofist Lucius, then lets get over to the throne room so we can obtain a new reason to abuse Ahriman.

rolled 98 = 98

Ahriman... It's more important than this sewing stuff.

rolled 50 = 50

>>16853601
Rolling for >>16853627
Also make sure Lucius isn't Alpharius in disguise.

rolled 81 = 81

LAUGH AT ALPHARIUS
POINT AT HIM AND LAUGH

rolled 16 = 16

boring... go to ahriman

rolled 53 = 53

>>16853601

Compliment Lucius on his handiwork.

Explain to Alpharius / Omegon that their torment will end as soon as they can tell us everything they know about the Malal cult.

rolled 93 = 93

yes, malal is most important now

>>16853649
Having viewed Lucius' latest piece, you decide to make your way to Ahriman.

You continue walking along the halls until you reach your throneroom. Inside you find it empty, not even the terminator guards waiting for you. All empty save for Ahriman standing below your throne. He turns to you as you enter.

"Greetings Abaddon, I-what is this mortal doing here?" the sorcerer asks, pointing to the cultists who has been following you about and recording your actions on his data-slab. The man shakes a little at the notice but Ahriman shakes his head. "Whatever. We have other matters to speak of."

Ahriman approaches you. "First of all Abaddon..." he says, a smile suddenly appearing on his face. "I'd like to say I'm very pleased with you."

(Aaand that's a warp. Gotta go to bed now. It's been fun.)

rolled 29 = 29

Well that session was rather uneventful....
Still pretty fun though.

>>16853784 rather uneventful....

I'd like to point out the part where we became a mince pie that can exist at all points in time simultaneously.

rolled 65 = 65

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