The sleek new Zerg Quest LX features semi-automatic windows and the reliability of polyester seats. It offers the freedom that only a recycled twelve-year-old 110 horsepower engine can provide. We've streamlined the door-opening process with our patented door-locks-stuck-in-the-unlock-position technology.

Zerg Quest LX: The reliability of a car bought from your local used car lot coupled with the prestige of a Lexus pricetag.

(Brought to you by Fnord Motor Company)

After a four day archive binge, I am caught up on Zerg Quest and can participate without looking like a dumbass.

Anyways. I say we go Crazy Hassan and over them access to ZergTV for low, low prices.

"A mutually beneficent cooperation against the 'slugs' as you call them. An initial interest would be the detection technology you seem in possession of."

>>16821893
Some TV, and we'll help with that other alien group we know nothing about.

>>16821893
Trade of product and culture, allowing us to set up a broadcasting station for our ZergTV, maps of the stars that you will willingly share, potentially a defensive alliance, where if something threatens your entire existance as an empire, we will move to assist, and you do likewise, a potential candidate for our future plan to set up a Galactic federation. And we do some joint science work.

>>16821926
I thought they were toads/tadpoles, cause we're the space slugs, the fight'n space slugs.
>splore specialty
And captcha wants us to poke the worldship again.

>>16821924
>over

My attempts to not look retarded are going well. Is it possible to broadcast them a sampler of some of Artisanlord's fine programming?

>>16821955
Whups, my fault, yeah, Toads it was.

"We offer a trade of goods and services. We have developed a very entertaining television network, which we believe you would enjoy. We also would like to offer what assistance we can in defeating this alien force that threatens you."

"Well, normally an aid of military aid from a completely unknown group of space aliens would require some big to-do from the official government...but normally, monsters aren't rampaging across the Directorate, poisoning the atmospheres of whole worlds and eating human flesh. You want to help? Fine, you can help. I've got word that Tantalus III has confirmed frog activity." Stellar coordinates come through the link. "You help save those people, and we'll talk some more."

The line cuts off.

>>16822080
Well, lets go check it out then.

>>16822080
Off to Tantalus III, I suppose.

>>16822108
>>16822100
Aside from the overlord in this system, what forces from Lutrious should we send?

We have plenty of Zerg units (including three Zergleks), one battlecruiser with some Terran support craft, and a carrier with a few scouts.

>>16822080
Cloak Overlord, send it there and start mustering forces in nearby areas.

>>16822143
I say throw everything at Tantalus, but keep our Overlord talking to the UED. Multitask like a bastard.

>>16822143
Keep anything terran away, let's try out the Zergleks and bring the carrier alongside scourges.

>>16822143

Might be a good time to test the Zergleks as well. We should do recon before anything else though, so send a cloaked overlord to investigate.

>>16822167
Addendum, scout with a separate Cloaklord then hit them with everything.

>>16822172
>>16822167
>>16822184
>Zergleks: 2
>Everything: 1

We send the overlord to the Tantalus system and have it cloak. It is obvious that Dyles has stepped up its strategy. While there are civilian ships attempting to break the blockade and land on the planet, the battle among the martial forces is different from before. While there are still infected ships attacking, many larger freighters are in the battle, heavily modified to include crash pods for the purposes of boarding.

Several of the UED ships appear to be dead in space as their crews fight for control.

>>16822300
Fight for control as in fight off borders or desperately try to repair their ships? Either way, move in our forces and start hitting Dyles's ships, the disabled UED ships aren't going anywhere soon.

>establish etyauti
And we should establish some etyauti as well

>>16822344
(They've been boarded, is what I meant)

I say zergleks everywhere, while broadcasting messages inquiring about injuries.

>>16822300
Do we have Zergleks in the area? If so we can use them to clear out the boarded UED ships while the rest of our forces assist in the space battle.

I want us to use our powers to find out why there is no EVOquest tonight. I'd rather think about playing that then actually do anything in this shit-tier quest.

>>16822439
(Aw. Baby got some hurt in its wittwe butt?)

>>16822398
>>16822425
We decide to give the new Zergleks a shot. The three working models arrive in the system with a small complement of mantalisks.

The first Zerglek joins the mantalisks and the UED ships against the attacking fleet. Its weapons prove ineffective against the capital ships, but it excels at destroying the wraiths, valkyries, and crash pods.

The second enters one of the boarded battlecruisers. It quickly finds and begins exterminating the infected crewmen, taking no damage itself. The ship, only recently boarded, is easily cleared. The Zerglek moves on to another.

The third Zerglek jumps into Dyles' civilian fleet and begins wreaking havoc. The fleet moves away too quickly for the Zerglek, who is forced to follow it by using bunny-hop Warp jumps. It is very ineffective.

>>16822568
If there's any of Dyles's forces left we should bring in the rest of our Zerg forces to finish them. Have the Zergleks begin clearing the rest of the boarded ships.

>>16822568
>Say I want EVOquest rather than this
>Calls me butthurt

I love it when people use insults when they're not applicable to a situation. Really shows how retarded they are.

>>16822568

Put the third Zerglek to another duty, I say have it clear ships with the second.

>>16822618

As fun as EVOquest is, I doubt the creator of it meant for you to bitch about how every quest isn't Evoquest. Fuck off.

>>16822720
>As fun as EVOquest is, I doubt the creator of it meant for you to bitch about how every quest isn't Evoquest. Fuck off.

I don't mention that every thread isn't as good as EVOquest. It's only the shit-tier ones that I do that for.

>>16822568
I dunno, Dyles fleet is using up time and resources, I say thats fairly effective, just analyze how it responds to our incursion, and hit them when they jump in with a superior force.

As demonstrated by Charley in numbers, nobody is ever truly random.

>>16822618
>Can't find the thread I want
>Piss and moan about it on another thread
>Implying lack of butthurt

>>16822720
>>16822613
Having tested out the Zergleks, we move all of them to reclaiming infected ships. Meanwhile, we send in scourge and mutalisks to support the mantalisks. Not thirty seconds after they arrive, Dyles' clearly-outnumbered ships simultaneously jump away. This number includes several of the dormant battlecruisers.

We warp our forces away, except for the overlord. A battlecruiser warps into the system, and we receive another audio-only hail.

"That was some damn impressive work. Looking at you may scare the bejeezus out of me, but you just saved a couple hundred million human lives. Can't argue with that."

>>16822828
>keeps using words that aren't applicable to the situation.
>yfw

If anything it's the person getting mad that their thread is shit that's butthurt.

>>16822828
Who the hell are they calling ugly? Anyways, acknowledge their efforts in battle then ask if they've considered an alliance.

>>16822828

Time to open negotiations then. Terms of a mutual assistance pact.

Things from the previous thread:
non-interference of internal affairs so that they officially cannot do anything about the morian combine. We'd also better not do tell them about them before we get them to agree.

Do not show them infested terrans.

>>16822872
D'awww, it's babby's first troll.

Look, honey! He learned a new word! "shit-tier!" He must have been reading threads from two years ago, when people still said that. Isn't that cute?

How long do you think it'll take him to realize that we're not going to stop enjoying this quest just because some Internet tough guy doesn't like it? Before or after he realizes that with 60 threads behind us, he's herping pretty hard to think we haven't had our fair share of trolls?

Any bets?

>>16822901
(Might I suggest telling Artisanlord about this "ix-nay on the Orian-may Ombine-cay" thing before we broadcast ZNN's headline news into this area?)

>>16822933
Don't even feed him, man. It's what he wants.

>>16822828
Mow that that's out of the way, let's get back to expanding ZergTV's coverage area.

>>16822961
Yes, and censor all apsects of Moriane Combine from his TV series for now.

That will come later.

>>16822961

I cannot process what you just wrote but yea, why not.

>>16822901
>>16822961
I'm torn between keeping infested terrans a secret and just spilling the beans now.

If we tell them now it might prevent an alliance and may even incite violence. On the other hand, they're going to find out eventually and it will just cast suspicion on us and may lead to war when Dyles is finished and we're their sole target.

>>16822933
>Someone doesn't like the same things as him and is thus a troll
>yfw

I merely pointed out the fact this thread was garbage. What your opinion is doesn't matter in the slightest.

>>16823023

We have to reveal it later. Showing it now lays our hand out that we've had contact with terrans before and we'll need to explain the morian combine.

This leads to them attempting to 'liberate' the morians.

We will have to tell them eventually.

>>16823078
Fair enough. Maybe we can say we're merely reanimating the bodies of those taken by Dyles.

Actually, that doesn't sound like a completely terrible lie.

>>16823023
I think we should keep it on the down-low.
Like, don't volunteer the information. We already told them that we use a multitude of bio-forms.
Maybe make a big to-do that we're going to set up some new strains that they might find more visually appealing, THEN we show them one of our more visually appealing Infested Terrans.

>>16823117

That works. Aren't we spawning those human-like bioforms already.

That one which we could only produce previously by infested terran females.

>>16823134
(Where's the one with the googly eyes?)

>>16823128
(Fleshlings? Jesus. We haven't done anything with them in AGES. And yes, we could only make them by getting a female infested terran pregnant)

>>16823117
>>16823102
>>16823078
(So, what's the plan for grumpy mcwhaddayawant?)

>>16823043
Do you have any idea how hilarious it is for you to post that picture?

>>16823181
Captcha, quit eating my name.

>>16823181
I think we want to ask him to open formal negotiations for a mutual defense treaty, a non-interference in internal affairs pact, and possible trade treaties to syndicate ZergTV in UED space.

Also tell whoever sends the ZergTV signal to the UED to censor out the Morian Combine for now.

>>16823181

Didn't we eventually get the DNA sequencing right to be able to produce them from our spawning pools or something? If not, which of the human-like bioforms are we able to produce?

Its been ages and I do not want to trawl through all the threads to look for that one scrape of info.

>>16823241
Seconding all of this

>>16823270
We have cloning tech which is where all of our ghosts are coming from.

Hmm, speaking of ghosts, how psychic is the UED? From what I understand, Confederate terrans essentially incested themselves so much that they can produce high level psychics. The UED on the other hand spread out and wouldn't have inbred so much, possibly limited psychic development

>>16823270
We can actually clone full humans now, then Infest them after they've physically matured.
It's how we made our Emissary to the Kel-Morian Combine.

Perhaps we should make another Emissary to the UED. Maybe say something like "Look, I've watched your movies, read your books, seen your TV. And I'll tell you right now: no, I am not going to make hot green space babes for your captains to sex up.
"I am growing a visually-appealing bio-form that can emulate your body language in order to facilitate communication between us and put you at ease, since you apparently don't like talking with one of our main bio-forms."

>>16823270
(I don't think we did. I could be wrong. That happens, sometimes...a lot of times...Most times)

>>16823241
"Well, I'm sure there'll be people whining about whether it's legal or not, but to hell with them. You've got a deal. You help us fight off this Dyles thing, and we won't go prying into whatever sordid affairs you've got to hide. Now, what's this about a network?"

After explaining the concept of ZergTV to the still unnamed officer, he asks us to hold on for a moment. After a few minutes pass, he sends us the specifications for an unused frequency band.

"I can't authorize payments, but if you broadcast on that band, you can get your message out. Anything more than that, and you'll have to play with the actual government folks."

>>16823346
By main bio form you of course mean giant space lobster, no sense beating aroung the bush.

>>16823336
We hadn't been able to put our tendril on it before, but now that we think about it, there IS a substantial lack of psionic activity coming from all of the Terrans in UED space...

>>16823361

Excellent. Time to send an emissary to formally sign an agreement once we fix a date for the ceremony.

We don't do anything unless we have shit in black and white.

>>16823361
Ask him if there is a central government that we can send a negotiator bio-form to facilitate communication and true alliance between the two of us. Then send:
>>16823346

And initiate broadcasting.

>>16823361
Announcing the new ZaergTV Pirate Edition! Now with more information on hacking you genome. And kicking off the new channel is the great new show, Evolve My Carapace.

>>16823361
Alright, let's broadcast Zerg Street and some of our other children's shows. Make sure to censor our mention of the Morian Combine, the Confederacy, or what fate befell them.

"Alright, now, back to the business of cooking frogs; where else are you being hard-pressed?"

These zergleks are doing pretty good; I should hope so considering their cost.

>>16823361
Good. Now that that's settled, how goes our colonization efforts, both at home and in UED space?

>>16823395
>>16823396
"Whoa. You don't really think I'm just going to give you the coordinates for Earth and let you land your...whatever the hell you call that, do you?"

Well, he has a point.

>>16823396
>>16823411
>>16823425
We actually don't have the capability to broadcast to this area, yet. Our regular ZergTV range doesn't even cover the entire Koprulu Sector, and we're a long ways away.

Do we know where terra is? and if so, reply:

You mean (insert terra's location here)? No, but we would be willing to send a Delegate through via your own ships.

>>16823501

Who said anything about going to earth. An official with the proper vested powers can meet up at this planet where we forged our alliance in shared, spilled blood, that we may better advance our civilisations.

Well zerg psychic transmission is nigh instantaneous...
>Zerg-Digital codex. Dozens of zerglings keying in 0s and 1s as they recieve data so that we have almost realtime data transmission across the cosmos.

Gentlemen. We are going into the telecommunications industry.

>>16823501
Set up a neutral meeting site with a representative in oh, say three days.

And start building the necessary relay buoys or satellites or whatever to get ZergTV to these poor, unentertained people.

>>16823501
>we can't force the humans to watch Crazy Hassan infomercials yet
Obviously this must become our next great project.

Right after wiping out Dyles, of course.

>>16823542
>>16823550
"Fine. Three days. Here. You'd better expect to bicker with whoever they send, though. Making things legal is never any fun. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got decontamination protocols to carry out, here."

The line cuts off. That was rude.

It seems we have a date.

>>16823581
Setting up the necessary relay buoys to this area would take weeks, of course. Then, we would need a way to broadcast, here. Accountantbrate reminds us that we are terribly low on resources in UED space, already.

>>16823592
We should send a Dapperlord III and a Pauldronlisk Junior to accompany our representative.

On the matter of our colonization efforts...?

>>16823592
guys
guys
guys,
he listen
guys,
I have an idea
hey guys, what if
what if
we sent Kerrigen
you know
to negotiate
see?
awesome idea
awesome , just like me
lets do it guys
totally
come on, what could go wrong guys?

>>16823606
You know, we should really invest more resources into fixing up Dagobah and Cyberbrate.
Because remember the Starforge that we have, that VoidGate originally built?
If we could make another one, then our resource problems in UED space would be alleviated.

Does Accountantbrate agree?

>>16823606
Tell accountbrate that we need to set up a colony in UED territory so we wont be so low on resources, and to get started on the relays since he volunteered.

>>16823628
Don't be stupid, it takes weeks to get to this planet and the meeting is in three days.

>>16823631
(We don't know how VoidGate built the thing, or exactly how it works. Also, Cyberbrate's up and running)

>>16823628
(You're right. It's inspired!)

>>16823619
(What colonization efforts? The first star system you hopped to was that UED world where you bro'd it up with Harris the Harrier)

>>16823686

The expeditionary fleet should have a complement of drones.

We need to scout for a suitable planet to colonised to establish an outpost.

>>16823710
(Yeah, but all we know of in UED space are the three or four UED worlds we've stumbled on/defended, the world we saw Dyles poisoning the atmosphere to, and Lutrious, which is our base of operations in the area. What are we colonizing?)

>>16823730
Preferabbly one that is uninhabited/uninhabitable for humans but would be fine for us.

/tg/ ate my post. Fine, I hope you indigestion.

>>16823686
I'm certain we discovered this planet as part of a, expansion effort to increase our foothold and resources in the area. I thought we sent 5-6 cloaklords with drones out and this was just the first planet where anything interesting happened.

>>16823730
Didn't we send other Overlords to nearby systems to scout for viability as resource collection systems?

>>16823748
(Really? I thought you just sent the one and happened to bump into Terrans on your first go)

Explore a bit, map UED space, attack Dyles on sight, get another ridge scratcher.

>>16823760
You're right, we sent one cloaklord to a random world, it happened to be this one:

>>16678324

>>16823778

Also prep a second expeditionary unit and possible a third wave as well. Until our mining operations are up and running, our forces in the area will be stretched.

2nd wave to move out immediately, 3rd reinforcement wave to move out sometime later.

>>16823778
>>16823759
>>16823748
(Guess it doesn't matter either way)
Accountantbrate is pleased as two of our overlords stumble upon uninhabited worlds. It begins constructing Hive Clusters immediately. It asks if we intend to make one of them into a broadcast center, or if it can just begin sucking them dry of resources.

Leave Kerrigan out of this, if she is ever curious on this side of the galaxy we'll fill her in. What is she doing on her infested planet anyways?

How is the Combine and the remaining Terran population doing?

>>16823808
It looks like she's digging in. Anybody attacking Umoja is in for a tough fight.

>>16823807

Whats stopping the planet from functioning as both?

>>16823825
Nothing, really. Accountantbrate just wants to know if it needs to set aside land and resources for infrastructure and start building or not.

Though, it hastens to add, it's not like ZergTV has ever profited us...

>>16823807
As best we can, both until we have a stable planet to use as our embassy.

>>16823807
I say grab as many resources as possible, we can hold off on a broadcast center until we have the resources to secure our foothold. Plus we still need to negotiate with the UED's FCC.

>>16823834

Propaganda is a wonderful tool. The loss of some resources for the relay is acceptable. If push comes to shove, ZergTV can influence public opinion and may make hostilities an unpopular choice if it really comes down to war with the UED.

More understanding = less chance of outright war.

>>16823839
(Anybody disagree?)

>>16823834
Set up the broadcast center.
Costs of investment: minimal.
Rewards of propaganda victory: incalculable.

>>16823834
Which is exactly the reason we need to expand it! It's just not BIG enough yet! Economies of scale! Incentivize our paradigms!

>>16823918
>>16823895
>>16823839
Accountantbrate grumbles slightly at the expense, but begins laying the foundations for a broadcast complex on one of the worlds. It re-routes one of the relay buoys. It estimates that we will be ready for limited broadcasting by the time the buoys are deployed.

Have we got anything else to do before we send somebody to meet the UED?

>>16823982
How's our colonization efforts at home? We should be on what, the fifth or sixth wave?

>>16823982

Sending cloaked scouts to look for Dylas in the interim.

What are the morians up to?

>>16823982
Look in the worldship database?

>>16823991
We've sort of come up against the Protoss colonization efforts in one direction. Rather than developing particularly strong colonies, Colonylord has focused more on claiming territory to keep the Protoss from fencing us in.

>>16824006
(No time for more Dyles this session)

The Morian government is currently embroiled in a heated debate over incest. Particularly, whether laws regarding incest ought to be relaxed, considering humanity's recent near-extinction event.

Nargil lets us know that the Koprulu Sector's laws concerning incest are already very light, and that their idea of "relaxing" those laws is pretty extreme.

(You guys should figure out who you're sending to talk to the UED)

>>16823181
Did somebody say.. GOOGLY EYES?

>oneupp ante

>>16824085
>considering humanity's recent near-extinction event
Wait, what? Really? Extrapolate, i don't recall this.
Also, don't we/they have the gene-mod technology to fix degeneration issues? If so, they're golden.

>>16824085
Do we have time to custom-grow something?

>>16824085
Just sent that overlord and call it good. As for the Morians incest debate, weigh in saying that "All love is good," and let them run with it.

>>16824085
I thought we were creating another Emissary for the UED talks; or can our human clones only be created under the care of Labbrate and his facilities?

>>16824101
The Morians don't know about the UED, and are just down to a couple BILLION, how they will recover I do not know.

>>16824085

Can we rush paldronlisk over?

We also need an honour guard. Any suggestions? How about an Ultralisk mount flanked by Hydralisk outriders?

>>16824085
>incest debates

What a surprise, coming from space rednecks and all.

Anyways, I;m still pushing for Dapperlord III and Pauldronlisk Junior accompanying our infested terran Representative.

We should also spawn a fingerling in a tuxedo.

>>16824085
Also, regarding the incest debate, a thought occurs...
Could we offer fleshling waifus/husbandos to any who so desire, in an aid to repopulate the species and maintain genetic diversity?

>>16824129
>fleshling waifus/husbandos
...
Zerg Chobits?
I guess if we tweaked Voidgate construction techniques...

>>16824129
I was thinking of offering our cloned humans as a way of mixing up genes by introducing lots of genetic material that might otherwise have been lost.
Of course, there's the icky part about whether they're still going to be part of the Swarm, and if we should make them sapient or not.

>>16824129

>offering fleshlings as mates
>Fleshings males that cause death in most terran women
>Fleshling females that CHOP OFF HEADS when they climax.

MFW

>>16824129
But male fleshlings are sterile, and the females behead their partner on orgasm, and we don't have any.

>>16824107
Depends on what we want to grow.

>>16824101
(They don't know about the UED, so when the Koprulu Terrans went from a couple dozen worlds full of trillions of people to two war-torn worlds housing around 20 billion people between the two, they considered it a near-extinction event. Proportionally, it's like if all of Earth was eradicated except for, like, Mexico. Nevermind that they're the result of all kinds of incest, anyway)

>>16824085
They could do that <can't remember country> post-war deal where a male can have more than one wife...

>>16824160
>>16824155
Okay so some tweaks to the design might be needed (though they're space rednecks, who knows what they're into...)
Still, the idea is there, and it'd make them even further reliant on us for their survival. There could be no humans without at least a bit of Zerg in them left within a few generations!

>>16824144
How would gynoids increase population growth and genetic diversity?

>>16824192
They wouldn't. It would mostly just keep the protesters busy.
Besides, we could sell Zerg clone tanks.

zerg? pick an even more boring race please

>>16824162

They are technically our vassals now right?

Perhaps we can gift them a nearby world for them to recolonise.

>>16824122
Seconding this btw. It might look too suspicious if we look like we already know a lot about humans, which showing up with a near-human emissary would do.

>>16824230
Accountantbrate wouldn't be happy.
But really, whatevs.

>>16824223
60 threads too late.

>>16824237
(Pauldronlisk won't make it in time, pure and simple.)

>>16824271

How long will it take to breed a simulacrum in UED space?

In the end its an extension of our mind. We just need to look fancy.

>>16824271
We can spawn another and get him outfitted in time though, couldn't we? And give him an Ultralisk mount and a Dapperlord III for transport, right?
(I'm not giving up on this, dammit)

>>16824282
>>16824288
And since we can't allow TWO pauldronlisks to exist, we shall have them do a zerg-like Fusion-Ha upon our return!
BEHOLD, I BRING YOU THE UBER-PAULDRON!

>>16824282
>>16824288
Creating a new Pauldron-bearing Zerg would be very easy, yes. We might even be able to Dapper up an overlord. We're not really sure how a hydralisk would ride an ultralisk, though, regardless of pauldrons.

>>16824305
Fussion made me think of a Pauldchon.

>>16824328

Grow a saddle pauldron on its ass.

>>16824341
(But hydralisks don't have legs! They're all snakey on bottom)

>>16824328
Rig up a saddle. Hell, you could glue a giant knob onto its back and he could just wrap around it like a snake. Since we don't want to appear too knowledgeable about humans, i suggest replacing the infested terran representative with a fingerling.

>>16824328
Very carefully.

(Or, according to captcha, "rtisfug him")

>>16824288

Perhaps we should invent a new persona for the diplomat for the UED.

We'll dress up a hydralisk in a business-suit with a tie and have various thumbling attendants who constantly chatter on headsets, glance around, and hand him important-looking documents from briefcases which he signs and they mill about.

He will be flanked by two burly thumblings wearing sunglasses at all times.

>>16824372
Thumbling.

Mkay, guys. I'm going to go ahead and hit the sack. Feel free to decide on what sort of hydralisk-on-a-stick and other bizarre ideas you want for the UED meet. I'll look over them before I start next time. You guys come up with the weirdest shit.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16821893/

See you next week (after which I'm buying Skyrim, so if the quest just disappears forever, you know what happened)

>>16824385
Yeah, thumbling. Dunno where fingerling came from, but then I am pretty drunk

>>16824421
>hydralisk-on-a-stick
BLOODY BRILLIANT. Get accountant brate on this right away, I awnt productio centers up and running immediately to sell to the Unwary UED forces!

>>16824427
>fingerling
A zerg made for masturbatory assistance?

We could put a costume on a Defiler this time. Nobody ever remembers the Defilers. Do we even still have Defilers?

>>16824380
I like this idea. Except each briefcase must light up when opened, like a teleporter or trans-dimension thing.

Make him Dapper though.

>>16824452
So if we make ourselves out to be hyper-advanced pseudo-flesh beings, that's the idea?

>>16824493
yep