>>16727562
I enjoyed reading this post.

>>16727562
Ok, I chucked, good show writefag.

OP is cool

Have whole 'letter from ambassador', less dramatic, if you would like to read. this just a short version.

URGENT

Message type: Unofficial report
From: Ambassador 1977
Location : 909 (Earth)
Subject : Native's breeding deviations


To every representative of Galactic Alliance these warnings must be passed, as well to every individual heading to planet 909, named "Earth" by the locals. These information should not be passed to wider population at the time, for risk of wide-spread panic. Best course of action will probably be decided by Galactic parliament after further research into this matter.
Information should also not be spread for risk of not angering the native population of Earth (Humans), which could prove to be fatal indeed. Detailed reasons will be explained in the text below.

Before I start any explanation on dangers from planet 909, I must introduce the local word into our vocabulary: "sex". In theoretical terms, this word stands for action relative to mating (for production of offspring, of course). In practical terms it has little to no relations to action what so ever.

I am not a scientist, but I am well-read and well-traveled, as person of my position is required to be. In all my years of service as Ambassador on different worlds I had met many species: violent, peaceful, slow, fast, primitive, advanced, hive minds and so. Humans are nothing new in terms we used to describe species we already met. War-like, industrious, explorative, no doubt they would found companionship among many races that dwell in the Alliance.

If it only wasn't for their unspeakable acts revolving around sex.

You see, Human mating is not like any in the galaxy. Mating, to all of us, is simply act of reproduction. opposing genders meet in regular time, fertilization happen and children are born. Some intelligent species are paired to rise them, some left them alone, for others whole hives share the labor. Humans are same here, having entire families, notably the parents, working on children. However, while every other mating in the galaxy is short and straight-forward as eating or breathing, it is not for Humans. Hence the use of word "sex".

Sex is, more precisely, direct act of making children and it is an incredibly gross act to any civilized being, save for Humans. Those with weaker digestive track might want not to read any further.

First of all - it is a face to face act. These might be overlooked as evolution did made some more primitive species do this, but those at least don't slobber their lips together like Humans, their tongues and saliva mixing in dreadful manner! And this is not just act reserved for privacy of mating. Humans do this casually in the streets in broad day light, exchanging "kisses" at every possible occasion.

Process when two bodies meet to have intercourse is even worse. And it is done on massive scale. Compared to number of born children and amount of sex had, one would expect humans to be as numerous as insects. This struck me as odd until my Human butler told me they (at least he did) have sex for pleasure! Humans mate for pleasure, completely ignoring it as an act for making the next generation. They enjoy before, during and after it. It is normally done more than once during a session, to the point of exhaustion. Failing to do this wild emotional act at some regularity is even seen as sing of sickness and social problems by Human doctors.

Initially I was baffled on how both genders manage to copulate if they are not fertile. Turns out females are able few days each month to start a child, then had to wait nine months until current is born. Males, on the other hand, could fertilized the female at almost any given time!

Anyone will told you that all rational intelligent races have a short space of time when mating occurs and emotions run bit wild, due to high hormone output. Almost 99% of everyone find a mate, complete the act and life goes on. Very few who doesn't manage to mate usually is driven insane for a while, but restore back. How in the name of all that is sacred do Human males stave off their insanity, if they are able to mate all the time? This was the information that could be most useful to those unfortunate few. I had to know.

Now I wish I didn't.

They refer it to as "masturbation" (scientific term) or "wanking" (semi-rude term), a process in which male strokes his reproductive organ in order to release it's sperm. Despite of this "ability", no Human male will ever say he had enough. Either of sex or of masturbation in between. To top it up, there is even female variation, but I will not go into that. Far worse subjects lay ahead.

I was prepared to let all of this lay down. After all, these were their planet and their customs. One new discovery for intergalactic community, gross one - yes, but at least Human private matter. Or so I thought, until I discover Humans are having sex with other species.

LONG BEFORE THEY MADE ANY CONTACT WITH ANYONE OUTSIDE THEIR PLANET!

This was just mind boggling! No recorder specie, intelligent or not, never, EVER, ANYWHERE in the GALAXY mated with anyone outside their own kind. Humans did! With their domesticated animals! ANIMALS! HUMANS DO SEX WITH ANIMALS!

It is not supported by general population, thank heavens, but very idea that SOME ACTUALLY DO IT is just sick. Big or small they don't mind. They even invented in their art (if one could call those images such) human-animal hybrids (referred to as 'furries') massively for purpose of "wanking off". Images, stories and videos were distributed widely among their global communication web, only to be made real in their holographic amusement hotels.

One would think that this all so far was imaginary, but worse are yet to come. Humans don't just sex up with their own gender. THEY SEX WITH THE SAME GENDER OF MIX IN THE BETWEEN! I was told of a bar where such kind meet, not far from my residence. I transferred to other, specifically because of that. My butler said it was very rude of me to do so, as freedom of love was given right to anyone. Even some native animals have such behavior, it was probably part of evolution as well. I made a quick mental detour and reminded myself that most humans do probably have sex with someone they love. Be it with same or opposing gender, it was still love, something I could relate to, and maybe even ignore "animal sex up art."

But then it got worse.

There is another word that is exclusively Human made. "Rape" - forcing a person into involuntary act of sex. That broke illusions for me, forever. Not even THE MOST SADISTIC races who used torture to extract information or mass bombardment to kill off entire cities EVER CONAMPLATED TO FORCE MATING ON SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY FELL LIKE IT! Humans did! AND MIXED IT WITH THINGS FROM ABOVE, IF POSSIBLE!

Human war machine during their whole history can be described as RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BREAKS!

Did you think this was the list of Human sickness? Rape in huge quantities, endless amount of non-reproductive sex, intercourse with same gender, other native species fucked (another new word for sex) and fetish (sex-inspired, new word) art work drowning their global communication web, did you honestly this was it?

There were more things WORSE THEN ALL OF THIS COMBINED! I submit two extra books with this letter, as I could not bear to write about it myself. "Pedophilia" and "Necrophilia". Gods have mercy on you if you ever find out meaning of this words.


And now inevitably, you probably shall. For they are coming. Their culture is soaked with sexual meaning, and it is coming to us. In the past we defeated mightiest war fleets, bested strongest economic opponents and triumphed against science akin to magic.

How to we best a kind that is able to fuck everything in the way? How do we stop their deranged few that will force rape upon our citizens? How to the block tidal wave of their sick fetish holomovies that are already spreading on galactic network? I have no idea how.

Rape train has no breaks. We could have destroy it before. Now it is too late.

Rape train is here.

>>16727646
>>16727562
>>16727654
>>16727661
>>16727669
>>16727672
>everything

This would have been better with spell-checking and proof-reading. To the concept: I chuckled. But lacking in execution.

>RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BREAKS!
Dear OP, I got to bed happy with your words scrimshawed into my bones!

This is the best and most literal interpretation of "humanity, fuck yeah" that I've ever seen. Please, someone better than I, archive this thread.

Then the Humans corrupted the whole world and turned into a Galactical Las Vegas

So...Yeah, Humanity Fuck thread?

>>16727691 Thank you, it's appreciated
>>16727693 First time is always the hardest. Especially when English isn't your native language. Will try better eventually.
>>16727703 You are part of it and don't you forget it. How would you contribute to train's mass/speed?

ITT: Amusing writefaggotry of a HFY feel... That DOESN"T suck. (Well, it sucks, slurps, wanks, fucks, rapes and all sorts of things, maybe. But it's not bad at what it does.)

You did have me chuckling, I will admit.

>>16727715
Green space chicks all around. For 1.5$

>Implying there are not animals who have recreational sex
>Implying pedophilia and attempts at inter-species mating are not common among animals
>Implying there is any reason humans would be unique or at least uncommon in this regard in a universe full of sentient species

Dear writefag OP

you are awsome and you should feel awsome.

Made my evening, keep up the good work dear writefag.

>>16727718 If you feel like contributing. Can't list all sick shit of humanity that would make aliens hid in the hole.

HFY!

Oh hello ladies.

>>16727661
>>16727669
>>16727672

Oh. Oh my. This is...terrible. Yes. Terrible is the world. I mean...it's just...

Excuse me, I'm a bit overcome. I'll be in my bunk.

"Please, by all what is holy on Utron Prime, Gods help us! Our young are following path of wicked Humans! They made offering to Human God of Int-Er-Nut and it has supplied them with wast amount of heretical texts and imaginary! FOR JUST 24.95$ per month!"

High Priest Jok of Utron's Temple Alliance

"So, the Asari."

"Hmm?"

"Oh, I was just reading this thing... you know how the Asari...well, they have that strange breeding pattern?"

"Right. Sexual but non-genetic, a sort of psychic meme-based gametic system. They have that whole, 'go out and find other things to brain-bond with' religion. Not that they find many takers, ugh."

"Indeed. I know it's necessary to their culture and all...but it's still xenophilia. I don't want to compare them to animals, but....they don't look like us. Don't smell like us. Don't have the proper pheromones."

"Yes, I could see doing so as a sort of...well, diplomatic exchange or political favor, but..."

"Right. Anyway, you've heard of that new species, right? The one the Turians bumped into, and immediately started up a shooting war?"

"Oh, them. The...what was it. Yoo-mani, something like that? What about them?"

"Right. It seems they have a non-seasonal mating system."

"You're awfully interested in other species' breeding habits today. Something you want to tell me about?"

"Bear with me here. So these...whatevers... like I said, they don't have mating seasons. So like most non-cyclic breeders, they don't use chemical or chronological signals to initiate mating. They're primarily visually stimulated, probably some olfactory or auditory secondary stimulus."

"Oh, like the-"

"Right. Shameless little buggers. Anyway... These Yoo-mani, here's the thing. They look almost exactly like Asari. I mean, if you didn't know better you'd think they had common evolutionary ancestry."

"That's...what? That seems astronomically unlikely."

>>16727832


"I know, I know. But all you have to do is look at the images. Their females, they're nearly physically identical to Asari. Same profile, same facial structure...just with pale skin, and fur on top of their heads instead of dermapodes."

"So?"

"So the humans--the human males, let me stress--they're visually stimulated. And the Asari look like their females."

"Oh. ...OH. Wow."

"Yeah. Bet on the Asari stepping in to negotiate a peace on that Turian war any day now."

>>16727816

Newsflash from Silicon Valley: Old sterile rooms of microprocessor manufacturing plants to be converted to hotel rooms for Quarians. Free entry for those who agree to have cameras installed in their rooms. Extra supply of "helpful items" for newly wedded couples.

>>16727725

>You are part of it and don't you forget it. How would you contribute to train's mass/speed?

Aliens have little boys, right? Because I'd rape the fuck out of CJ from District 9.

Look at those adorable little legs. I bet they'd be fun to spread.

>>16727762
Its a joke man, a funny story. This isn't Science class man.

You guys take HFY far too literally.

>>16727725
>First time is always the hardest. Especially when English isn't your native language. Will try better eventually.

Keep working at it, my good man. Although, at the same time, the odd diction and grammar from writing in a language which is not your native one, kind of...fits. This is, after all, meant to be written by an alien being, so some oddities of translation are easily forgiven.

>>16727880

>>16727880
You're making humanity proud son.
Go get em slugger!

>>16727880
Now we are getting somewhere. But think more Slaanesh style. We must invent new kind of forbidden pleasure here every hour or so. And be ready to answer any challenge.

Like young aliens giving us whale-sized female of theirs and daring us to have sex with it.

And we bring out fat chick lover. Or twenty of them.

"This is our moment to shine, boys. FOR THE EMPEROR!!"

>>16727562
>>Gender

Gender is a concept mostly unique to humans. It's mostly social but blended with things based off what our sex will usually have us do (using hormones/other magical shit). Good show though.

>>16727839
>>16727832
Awesome too.

>>16727930
That's when you get the diving suit.

>>16727880
Fuck i think i just puked
keep on the good work

>>16727562

This is why Avatar was a failure as a movie. Not because the plot was asinine and clichéd or because the special effects were overdone.

It was because we were supposed to believe that the avatar project wouldn't quickly degenerate into a medium to fuck aliens, or fuck AS aliens. I'd think people would volunteer far and wide to become a giant catperson and fuck other catpeople in the steaming tentacle-jungles, or just bend eachother over consoles in the home base. Hell, those with a size fetish could stay humans and do their best to please their oversized mates.

Eventually the entire project would just be adapted to fuck more, longer and better, with the mining forgotten.

>>16727946
As would TVTropes would say: "It gets worse."

For extraterrestrials, at least.

>>16727839

I don't know if it'll ever be actually explained in the game, but my fanon for why Asari look like humans is that they are the descendants of humans abducted from earth and genetically engineered by the Protheans. Explains their natural biotic powers and super-weird reproductive system; nothing like that would have evolved naturally.

>>16727942
>Gender is a concept mostly unique to humans. It's mostly social
>gender
>social construct

I really really hate this bullshit pseudo science that the feelgoods push these days.

>>16727930
Consensual, monogamous, missionary, under sheets, lights off, for the sole purpose of procreation with idle pillow talk afterwards about what to name the offspring?

Nice joke OP. But a real alien species would probably have a completely different interpretation of "sex" that we do. They'd see us sticking out dick in everything and they'd think we're trying to siphon nutrients out of things.

>>16727968
Iv always liked the whole little conspiracy about how the asari don't look like what we think they look like at all. They very subtly make us think they do.

You hear some bar patrons talk about it in ME2 on Illium. The Turian claims the Asari look just like Turians and doesn't get what humans see in them, the human claims they don't look anything like Turians, the Salarian claims they are both wrong, they don't like like either and look just like Salarians.

>>16727956 Worry not, my brother. New improvements in genetic engineering promise us day when we shall walk Pandora with no masks and copulate with all that walks!

It should be noted that man who is working on lung implants for Pandora's atmosphere is funded by www.letsfuckgiantsmurfs.org

>>16727946
Don't forget the motor oil and the alligator clamps.

>>16727980
So, when they see us eating fried eggs they'd assume that we are incubating them?
I've got to work that into a campaign somehow.

>>16727972

I hate to say it but he's kind of right.

Lots of cultures have more than two genders, but usually just 3 or 4 at the most. Now sex is biological, but gender can be used as a synonym for sex when in this case they are referring to it as roles and shit in the society.

Going to hit the showers. Will try not to have private time with water pipe. If anyone feels like archiving or moving to sex with robots feel free to.

>>16728013
In my society there are only 2 genders.

>>16727993

"We're currently working on an avatar big, strong and durable enough to have sex with one of their flying pteranodon things. Still working on one that can take the giant land predators. We'll get there! The dream will live on!"

>>16728008

They might. Or they just might see us as eating something. Some concepts might not diverse much.

But really: If an alien species of highly advanced tech were to REALLY be morally or socially offended at something we do, their reaction might be more how a typical member of /new/ responds whenever they hear about ANY NEWS from Japan.

IE: Nuke it so as to cleanse our perfect world.

>>16727762
>Implying there are not animals who have recreational sex
Only Humans and the Bottle-Nosed Dolphin.

>>16727993

Don't forget improvements to make avatars more flexible, so you can get a female avatar as a male, get big tits, dat ass or whatever.

>>16728019
ROBOT SEX!

>>16727987
>>16727987
This could be just a mundane thing. Different people notice different things. Humans notice faces and body curves. Turians notice fringes. Salarians notice skin color/complexion.

It's infeasible for the asari to mind-fuck everyone. Videos and still images of Asari wouldn't convey the mindfuckery.

Asari look like human females because Mass Effect, despite having decent hard-sci-fi chops, is stylistically inspired by silver-age sci-fi, and that includes green-skinned alien space babes. Asari have the extra cleverness of, because of the sexyness, being major galactic political and economic players rather than just meek eyecandy. Their culture also MASSIVELY squanders potential, and they have WAY more social problems than they think they do; like the whole pureblood racism thing, and the ardat-yakshi. This fits with them being space elves.

>>16727956

>It was because we were supposed to believe that the avatar project wouldn't quickly degenerate into a medium to fuck aliens, or fuck AS aliens.

Where do you think the technology came from in the first place?

>>16728038
CLANG CLANG CLANG

>>16728056
>>16728036
>>16728025
>>16727993
>>16727956

Great.

Now I'm imagining the marine guy arriving on Pandora, getting into his na'vi body for the first time, and immediately being jumped and raped by the female doctor in her na'vi body to "test it out".

>>16728045

>and they have WAY more social problems than they think they do

What makes you think they're unaware of them? Hell, they have groups of legally-untouchable space bounty hunters just to hunt and kill the evil supervillains their society spits out every now and then.

>>16728065
You act like being jumped by Sigourney Weaver is a bad thing.

>>16728030
And bonobo, and arguably all advanced species.

>>16727880 Do we kill, eat and fuck him first or do we fuck, kill and the eat him first?

I could never got those in order.

>>16728078

Giant blue alien catperson Sigourney, dude.

so, aliens are afraid of depravity?

I bring you the salute of Mankind, I bring you our weapons of psychological warfare!

>>16728080
They all have a purpose for it. Like domination, intimidation, mating.
For straight up doing it because it feels good? Just Humans and Dolphins. I mean, there are Dolphin Rapists in the sea, who will kidnap females (and sometimes males) of other dolphin pods just to rape them.

>>16728065
>Not wanting to be boned by Sigourney Weaver

I am 20 years old. Iv Sigourney Weaver showed up at my house and said drop your pants, my only reply would be "Yes Mam"

Id hit that shit straight out of the airlock.

>>16728092
Still not seeing any issue.

>>16728101

She's old man. She looks old. And she dresses like a granny.

I'm 90% sure Rape Train Has No Breaks is an unpublished short story by Philip K. Dick. It's a somewhat darker take on the themes explored in Robert A. Heinlein's classic, "Orgy Planet 909."

>>16728078
Twenty years ago, not so much.

>>16727832
>They look almost exactly like Asari.
Ooh, you messed up.
Every race in Mass Effect thinks Asari look more like a memver of the viewers own species than any other species.

>>16728101
Afterwards, I wouldn't let her leave until she promised to stop taking whatever paycheck they waved at her. I mean, seriously, she was in that fucking Taylor Lautner thing.

>>16728060
Ooooh Yea!

>>16728096
I faced far greater challenges then this one, but it does have it's merits.

Got to go. Thanks for support, fa/tg/uys. If some feels like this crap deserves archiving, do me a favor, since I have no skill for it. Cheers.

it is threads like this I am glad to have saved this epic screen cap

>>16728101
>>16728106
>>16728111
>>16728115
>>16728121


We're not talking about Sigourney, we're talking about her character

Also, her character in na'vi form.

>>16728100
>Implying human sex doesn't account domination, intimidation, mating
>Implying other animals' sex doesn't have pleasure as a factor
>Ignoring how Bonobos fuck for pleasure alone more than dolphins and humans
>Implying Dolphins are the only animals who routinely perform, amongst other things, rape and paedophilia

Just do some researches man.

>>16728111
>shes old man
>dresses like a granny

First off, some people like GMILFs. Secondly. She looks fucking good

>>16728137
>that picture
>Hungry Like the Wolf Starts to play in my mind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOg5VxrRTi0&ob=av3e

THIS IS OUR ANTHEM! WE SHALL GO FORTH AND MAKE IT WITH ALIEN BABES! IS THIS NOT WHAT MAN FIRST DREAMED OFF WHEN HE LOOKED UPON THE STARS!

>RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BREAKS!

"Bueno..."

Could we get an archive of this, mayhaps?

>>16728150
for an old woman with a masculine jawline.

>>16728145
>Implying human sex doesn't account domination, intimidation, mating
Sure we HAVE all that, but we'll also do it because we're bored. The only other animal I've heard of that does that is the Dolphin. I'm prepared to believe that other animals MIGHT also have that capability, but I'd need to see some proof.

>>16728161
Sounds like you hate strong women.

Don't worry man, ill take one for the team. Go on without me.

>>16728164

Bonobos have sex for fun, and there plenty of instances of animals fucking animals that are not of their own species but I'm pretty sure that is because they are retarded.

>>16728175
Dolphins have tried to, and sometimes have, had sex with humans. Many times.
But yeah, Humans are the only ones that would plan on fucking a beastie.

>>16728171
I don't hate them, I just find them unattractive, especially when they act it out.

>>16728200
>this thread

Its like im on old /tg/ of yore.

It feels fucking glorious

>this thread

>>16727880
>CJ

All you had to do was follow the fooking ship, CJ!

So, can we conclude that the entire Pandora operation would degenerate into more and more na'vi sex, slowly overtaking all semblance of rational order and structure, until when a mining ship FINALLY returns for a scheduled pickup from earth, they find only a ruined base filled with sex-crazy na'vi-humans rutting everywhere?

Dear aliens,

Only the strongest individuals of any given species can forcefully mate an equally strong and desirable mate. If the other party is unable to understand natural selection then rape is the only option.

It's the green space babes that turn out well. It's the ones that look human that you really really shouldn't mate with. Because there's a reason they look like us. There's a reason that they want to mate with us.

And it will not end well

>>16728214
Lots of animals fuck animals of other species and would fuck a man given a chance, Humans are maybe the only ones who make plans and obsess over it, but it is still ordinary relatively speaking, the thought you put onto it is relative to how developed your brain is.

So either planet earth is the sex planet or any intelligent species who reproduces trough similar intercourse would have similar thoughts.

The question here is what is considered taboo, what is acceptable and what not, and that is a problem only human have, since for a hyena is perfectly normal to rape a youngster and come on his face to relieve frustration, just as much as it is normal to gang rape a young lady if you are a duck, etc.

So maybe the aliens will salute us by blowing their load on our ambassador face, or they already routinely abduct people to fuck them in the ass.

>>16728313
No, you see, mining, war, all of the stuff humans do...
Is to facilitate the rutting.
They would find a broken husk of a world where everything is no longer capable of moving without human assistance, and more unobtainium than they could ever, ever want. Much less need.

>>16728120

That's not actually true. Writers are on record as saying Asari actually look like that.

>>16728328
Implying true end isn't best end.

>>16728333
>planet earth is the sex planet
Yes please.

>Look at the native earth creatures as they frolic and play- OH GLORBIC THEY ARE DOING IT TOO THIS WHOLE BBBBL PLANET IS CRAZY

>>16729325

For some reason that sounds like an alien version of Bill Oddie, except with more swearing and out-takes with the animals they're trying to film fucking.

This reminds me of those Outsider-inspired threads...

>>16729555

>>16729325
since we have not actually met with any alien races, like all sci-fi stories about how other alien species see us, or equivalently how we are relative to the 'average' alien. the Story is just about how the author see humanity.

>>16729568
Does that comic ever update? If it's like Alpha Shade and hasn't updated in years/months, I wouldn't mind knowing...

>>16729600
It updates whenever the author feels like it, which is something like twice a fucking year.

Judging by the last update, it´s not dead yet, if that´s what you mean.

>10 October 2011: Just a quick note so that you know I'm not dead (yet). Sorry for the delay; I'll post the new page as soon as it is ready.

>>16728325
I sure hope you don't actually think evolution works like this.

>humans don't value their shit

fuck is wrong with them?

Even today, nearly a hundred years after being formally recognized by galactic civilization as a whole, interspecies relations remains a highly controversial, and politically sensitive subject, in no small part due to vocal objections of almost fanatical puritans amongst all races, both those who are capable of engaging in sexual activity with other species and those that, for whatever physical reason, are not.

Its important to remember that the love you feel for your partner is no less legitimate than that of anyone else, and the attraction you feel towards one another is a natural and beautiful expression of your feelings towards one another.

The Kather/Lifetime Co-operative Network is proud to present: Low-Orbit Forum, our comprehensive series on inter-species romance, courtship custom, and sexual congress. For more than 40 years (standard), Kather/Lifetime has prided itself on providing the most thoroughly researched and accurate inter-species romance aids in known space. Our comprehensive catalogue boast detailed guides covering the mating habits of over 21 inter-compatable species, with individual volumes for each potential gender combination, and special bundling options for species that require group co-operation. Keep an eye out later this year, for the deluxe volume of Low-Orbit Forum: Human-S`kta, for complete details on everything you and your human partner can do to keep occupied throughout all four stages of your gender cycle.

Welcome to Low-Orbit Forum: Olthat Female / Human Male

Hello! And congratulations on your purchase of Low-Orbit Forum. This 5 chapter volume is meant to provide a brief overview of common hurdles encountered in Olthat/Human relationship, an introduction to essential cultural moors of your respective partner's society, and a basic foundation of knowledge from which you and your partner can build a respectful, safe, and mutually enjoyable sexual relationship.

Table of Contents:
X- Introduction
1. Relationships in Society
---a. Brief overview of Human / Olthat interactions in history
------i. First Contact
------ii. Human - Olthat War
------iii. Post war reconstruction
------iv. Human - Olthat War 2
----------Notes on Su`taf and Sobram
------v. Human - Olthat Trade Alliance - Current Affairs
---b. A Human's Introduction to Olthat Society
------i. Meet the In-Laws - The Expanded Pod Group
------ii. Standards of a Monogamous Relationship Pact
------iii. Tips on maintaining a standard sleep cycle
------iv. Olthat Prejudices on Humans
----------Notes on Anti-Human Prejudices
----------Notes on Humorous Stereotypes of Humans
---c. An Olthot's Introduction to Human Society
------i. Immediate/Extended - Human Family Groups
------ii. Brief Introduction to Human Gender Role Concepts
------iii. How to Interact with other Humans
----------Females who are not attracted to your mate
----------Females who are attracted to your mate
----------Females who are attracted to you
------iv. Human Prejudices on Olthats
----------Notes on Post-War Anti-Olthat Prejudice
----------Notes on Outer Government Anti-Olthot Practices
----------Notes on Inter-Government Anti-Olthot Practices
----------Notes on Personal Security
------v. On Living in Outer Government Space
----------How to maintain a covert relationship
----------Have a plan to evacuate
----------Emergency contacts

2. An Overview
---a. A Brief Human's Guide on Olthot Sexuality
------i. The three genders
----------Identifying marks
----------Inter-gender politics
------ii. Olthot Sexual Practices
----------Stage one, insemination
----------Stage two, implantation
------iii. Olthot Pregnancy
----------Attitudes towards gestator gender
---b. A Brief Olthot's Guide to Human Sexuality
------i. Only Two Genders
----------Identifying traits
----------Inter-gender politics
------ii. Human Sexual Practices
----------Foreplay
----------Deviance
----------Humour
------iii. Human Pregnancy
----------Important notes on Respecting Pregnant Humans

3. For Him - A Human's Guide to the Olthot Female
---a. Preparation
------i. Dietary Recommendations
------ii. Limber up! - The Importance of Fitness and Flexible Limbs
---b. Anatomy
------i. The Olthot Body
------ii. Health and Safety
----------An introduction on Olthot differentiating characteristics
----------Important notes for identifying signs of strain or injury on Olthot pod and tentacles
----------A note on Ingesting Olthot Tentacle Excretions
----------Psychedelic Side Effects
----------Counteracting Agents
---c. Initiation
------i. Olthot Foreplay
----------Silence, or Untalkativeness as a Sign of Arousal
------ii. Initiating Olthot Foreplay
----------Important Notes to Differentiate Sleep and Masturbation
---d. The Basic Act
------i. Approach and angle
------ii. Notes on Olthot Anatomy
----------Notes on Depth
----------Notes on Speed
------iii. Keeping her Comfortable
----------Bracing the Pod
------iv. Fast or Slow? Keeping a Comfortable Pace
----------Notes on Olthot Endurance
---e. Alternate Means
------i. Oral Contact
----------Between Pod Plate Segments
------ii. Use of Fingers to Simulate the Olthot Male

4. For Her - An Olthot's Guide to the Human Male
---a. Preparation
------i. Dietary Recommendations
------ii. Limb Tension Training
---b. Anatomy
------i. The Human Body
------ii. Health and Safety
----------An introduction to Human Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary sexual characteristics.
----------Debunking Common Myths on Ingesting Human Secretions
---c. Initiation
------i. How to Identify an Aroused Human Male
------ii. How to initiate Arousal in the Human Male
------iii. On Vocalization, why Silence is Not Golden when Dealing with Humans
---d. The Basic Act
------i. Approach and angle
------ii. One Solid Piece - Notes on Human Anatomy
------iii. Use of tentacles to Brace and Cushion
------iv. He Just Keeps Going! - Notes on Human Endurance
----------Muscle Control Tips to Help you See it Through
----------4:1 Tips on Maintaining Endurance
----------Tips on Helping Him Finish when Exhausted
---e. Alternate Means
------i. 'Hentai' and the Many Applications of tentacles
------ii. 'Missionary'
----------Notes on Relatively Comfortable Positions with the Human on Top
----------Notes on Depth and Endurance
------iii. Oral Contact
----------Safety Precautions - Beware Distractions, sudden movements
----------Notes on Optional Beak Buffers, Spacers, for his safety

5. In Closing
---a. Notes on Post-Congress Behavior
------i. Olthat Social Norms
------ii. Human Social Norms
----------'But what if I get pregnant?' - Post coital humour.
---b. Health and Safety
------i. Notes on Olthat Secretions and Cleanup Procedures for Humans
----------Notes on ingestion, safety precautions
------ii. Notes on Human Secretions and Cleanup Procedures for Olthat
----------Notes on ingestion in relation to Human Social Norms
------iii. Completely Safe - Debunking Myths of Human/Olthat Pathogen Compatibility

Post- Supplementary Material
---a. Reference Diagrams
---b. Short Referential Materials
---c. Ok'Tau and Michael
------i. Introducing Your Partner to your Family
------ii. Initiating Sexual Activity
------iii. Making Mistakes - Diffusing a Misunderstanding
------iv. Got Carried Away! - Examples of Common Accidental Awkward Positions and how to Disengage from them
---d. Recommendations for Further Study
------i. Advanced Sources
------ii. Medical Research

>>16728325
>Only the strongest individuals of any given species can forcefully mate an equally strong and desirable mate.

Wouldn't ANYONE of any level of strength have an equal chance to rape someone of equal strength? At least in theory.

>>16730566
>>16730595
>>16730600
>>16730608
>>16730614
>>16730620
>>16730624

Holy crow! Sounds complicated...

Like, a quick drunk hookup could lead to serious injury, complicated...

>>16730662

Not even, depending on circumstances and preparedness there's really no reason to expect a physically more attuned alien to not be vunerable to a sufficiently prepared human.

>>16730662
Nonsense. Canny Tactical Rape experts would be able to rape several tiers above their usual weight class, using a series of cutting edge martial art rape schools.

>>16730566
I'd fuck that thing. Whatever it is.

As nice as it would be to bone aliens at will, both races would probably have to be dressed up in Quarian-esque protective gear when interacting.

Remember when Europe brought a bunch of diseases and sickness unknown to native America? Imagine that, except multiply it by like a billion. Our immune systems would have zero idea what to do.

But man, as soon as we start pumping out those vaccines...

>>16730614 i. How to Identify an Aroused Human Male

Hm? Honoured Carl`loss, what is that thing in your pocket?

>>16730777
Hmm. Depending on just /how/ alien they are, we might not need to worry about that. If they have a silicon based genetic code or similiar instead of carbon, then I doubt that diseases would be interchangable. (I'm not sure though, since this has probably never come up in practical science.)

>>16730777

The inverse is also possible, though. Sufficiently foreign vectors wouldn't neccesarily be able to process terrestrial bio-chemistry. Resulting in mutual immunity.

... in a less evil universe than ours, at least.

>>16730730

No idea where I got it from...

I pictured them having a main body roughly the size of a basket ball when I wrote that stuff.

Captcha: viscous Iwairm

>>16730624 c. Ok'Tau and Michael

I'm picturing clothed, uncomfortable looking low-quality actors acting really awkward around each other as they act this stuff out.

And it makes me smile...

>>16730777
Actually, not likely. Even on our own world, it's uncommon for diseases to be communicable between species.

Alien viruses probably wouldn't even recognize us as life.

>>16730881

Depending on how different our respective most common ancestor is though, you run the risk of all sorts of other problems, your companion's biochemistry being poisonous to your own, for example.

>>16730881

...We could be fukken SWEET carriers, though!

We're warm and we're made primarily of water. That's gotta count for something!

>>16730892
First of all, common ancestry isn't even a part of the discussion. Biochemistry, though, would likely vary somewhat between intelligent species based on what was possible/advantageous on their planets of origin.

Personally, I'd be more interested if this thread were about monstrous humanoids from fantasy.

>>16730981
>Personally, I'd be more interested if this thread were about monstrous humanoids from fantasy.
>that picture
ANIMALS! HUMANS DO SEX WITH ANIMALS!

>>16730730
What is that even from?

But yes. I'm sure this is humanity's destiny.

>>16731000
>implying doing sex with >>16730559 wouldn't be creepier
>implying I'd even know where to start with a species that has three genders
>implying a centaur doesn't at least have a recognizable human half

>>16731088
My point was to be humorous, and the idea was that centaurs don't just come out of nowhere, somewhere along the line someone had to fancy a horse.

>>16728328
I actually ran a campaign setting were humans were a very ancient race that had slowly conquered their way across the universe until it was so far in the future and they were so far from Earth that they didn't really know where they originated from or when their race came into existence.

Almost all the other species they encounter live in socialistic or anarchistic societies ala The Federation/Culture. While humans are basically transhuman capitalists who have such a hunger for resources and such a huge population growth rate that they have to infest and consume everything they can get their hands on just to survive at the level they are accustomed to. Alien species are usually rare, maybe one per galaxy or less. No race can survive in the presence of humanity for long. Though the humans usually don't try to kill them outright, they tend to exploit, enslave, and toy with them until they are exterminated by accident through callousness

>>16731371
The PCs where essentially Rogue Traders that stumbled upon a whole cluster of galaxies full of intelligent life, created by another Elder Race acting out the Arthur C Clarke cliche of creating new intelligent species. This Elder Race had rescued those galaxies from a younger species that was a like the The Thing+Nids, who infected entire biospheres and used organic technology. I later revealed that the Eldar Race had already fought humanity long ago not realizing how vast it was, and they were slowly ground to dust.

Eventually the PCs found the remnants of the younger race and found them to be vicious imperialist perverts just like humans are. And I even had one take a loli form to try and tug on the party's heart strings as it begged them to help its people. The humans mechanical nature made them resistant to infection but the other species could take in human genetic material to make themselves stronger just as they did in the past when they encountered organisms with useful traits they could copy.

Eventually the PCs convinced other humans to accept the aliens into human society and defend the new race against the creations of the Elder Race who were stilled tasked with keeping them contained and without technology on their prison planets.

"The weaklings called them a disease, a plague, we called them 'friend'."

>>16731405
>posts Saya

You will never know what is it like for your new alien octopus girlfriend to kindnap, rape, and transform your ex-girlfriend into a sex slave as present for you, so you can then proceed to have a threesome with them.

feelsbadman.jpg

>>16731348
... I totally knew that.
>>16731371
Sounds very Asimov.

>>16731371
>>16731405
So basically humanity is wall of dicks and everything in front of it gets fucked.

I would have loved it if your PCs managed to get a bunch of alien delegates from the alien races who considered a beautiful positive thing as per the sissy societies their are born in to walk in on a human crew member and a Saya-thing doing the deed. With all the blood, acid fluids, spores, regenerating flesh, and self repairing machinery that would entail.

Alien: "I didn't know two people could actually rape each other simultaneously."

Human: "Oh how little your understand us ambassador."

Alien: "But sex should be about pleasure, enjoyable company, and love."

Hum: "Ha, hah, ha, that's good, you xenos crack me up."

>>16731468
God, it's like the artist has never seen a horse's legs before.

>cedurel hemorrhage,

>>16731662
It's a centaur... wearing track shorts.

Being surprised at some anatomical inconsistencies here is like being surprised at a crack whore having sex... FOR CRACK.

>this thread

they havn't even found /d/ yet have they?
hehehe

>>16731599 Silly, silly xenos. Imagine if you can be like us, wear our bodies, take our drugs, fuck like us? We can help you with that!

Ladies, gentlemen and all other members of the Galactic Parliament, please be silent and let this assembly come to order. Time is short and we must act fast, for new threat to purity of our inter-galactic society.

For almost a century now we had been exposed to disturbing ideas and imaginary of natives of planet Earth. And for a few decades now we had been in active contact as well. You remember how valiantly our forefathers fought to keep the tide of Human filth of our worlds. Pornography, endless off-season mating, prostitution, animal-intercourse - this and much more were never seen in civilized galaxy until contact with denizens of Earth. Such endless stream of sexual madness, from a planet where even animals engage in all sorts of deviations! How lucky we were to have kept it somewhat under control until now.

But forget all this threats since this new is so great, so dreadful that horrors of warp itself pales in compartment. Humans have started selling their bodies! No, not like prostitutes, fellow members of parliament, no. They are already doing it. No. No.

THEY ARE ACTUALLY CLONING IT UNTO A SEX TOY YOU CAN WEAR!

They made it POSSIBLE for ANYONE to dress up as HUMAN - FULL HUMAN - and experience ANYTHING they can. Already there have been few unfortunate deaths from "hormone overkill", but they claim they "explained the risks" and are "working to fix the problem".

It would pain me much to ban anything, but not in this case. We didn't ban their pornography or their prostitutes, even allowed a little room for it. BUT THIS - this is just crossing the line - NO! JUMPING OVER IT WITH A ROCKET STRAPPED TO YOUR BACK!
Already clubs of our young and demented are being farm. Human bodies are there, with heads of our beloved fornicate in there, take Earth drugs and alcohol. I need not tell you how strong and dangerous those are on their own. We must act! We must stop them!

HUMANS ARE TAKING THEIR SICK SHIT TO FAR EVEN AS WE SPEAK! FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE - NUKE THE GOD DAMN PLANET OF FILTH THAT SPAWNED THESE ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS! KILL EVERY HUMAN OUTSIDE IT AND BURN ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT HAS CONTACT WITH THEM! THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!

>>16731769
Fellow councilmembers, I wished to tell you of the new information I have learned from studying the human "Internet," but I regret to inform you that, upon accessing a node that was recommended to me by the human ambassador, my eyeballs exploded.

>>16731785
Ok, for some reason, beyond all the other stuff so far, this made me chuckle audibly.

You know, I just realized that as the holder of a PhD in biological anthropology and BAs in Political Science and in General Anthropology, I would probably be one of the first to perform an in-depth study of any non-human society we discover in the next few decades or so.

>>16731904
And by "an in-depth study of a non-human society," you mean an in-depth fucking of them, right?
Because if not, then I don't even want to know why you bothered with that degree.

>>16731776
sounds like someone needs some time inside a human rape suite

>>16731405
I really do like the idea of humans being this massive imperialist, speciesist empire of sexual deviants, religious nutjobs, and genocidal maniacs.

Destroying for the sake of destruction while the aliens cry "this is wrong, why do you do this thing?". Only to receive no answer but the sound of gunfire.

Raping and and torturing while a bunch of space hippies tell them that sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing that encourages understanding and peace.

Or cutting away all their flesh and feelings to become heartless automatons that exist only to replicate and pray to dark thirsting Gods that offer nothing in return. While some bunch of 1950s or Ian Banks style rationalist aliens complain that their Gods are meanies only to be exterminated because the humans for all their insanity and irrationality treat their science as a sacrosanct why to make predictive models and acquire power over the physical world.

Then after destroying an endless parade of straw utopias like those that the various moralist pussies of different political leanings have written about science fiction, they run into some other horrific race of space bugs doing the exact same thing. And finding a race that is not a pathetic bunch of worms, but rather something they understand. Like the Xenomorphs, the Things, or any other number of races set up to be horrible apocalyptic adversaries we look at them and find ourselves staring back. They exist to infect, infest, and corrupt everything they touch. And it is them that we make peace with, because they are us and we are them.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=USCOFKEX

>>16728214

>Dolphins have tried to, and sometimes have, had sex with humans. Many times.

Are you.... are you fucking serious?

>>16731948
Bioanth is a good segue into forensic analysis, specifically forensic anthropology.

The combination of several subfields of anthropology with political science, particularly international relations or national defense, makes you pretty flexible in applying for a wide variety of jobs across the public, private, and government sectors.

And no, the sexing would not be the primary objective. Professional ethics and all. As in, dying from a poisonous bodily fluid would severely affect the quality of my research.

>>16732019
Wanna swim the dolphins? You may get more then you asked for..

>>16732019
Enough so that they even made a King of the Hill episode about it. Dolphins in captivity have tried to hump humans. And with a prehensile Penis, this takes on a whole new meaning.
Also, though I believe it to be bullshit, there is a guide out there on the internet that instructs men on how to have sex with female dolphins. It takes great pains to tell you how to make a dolphin climax.

>>16728175
But bonobos are retarded. They are a bunch a peacniks degenerates that don't fight among themselves for territory. And they don't even murder each other. While humans are even more vicious than the chimps are.

>>16732019
Well they never actually managed to fuck a human but they have humped people. And that is why you should carry a knife when dealing with dolphins.

>>16732040
You sound like you have some experience. So how do you make a dolphin climax?

>>16732019

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqCQO_cRypg dolphins are smalltime

>>16732060
Luckily I have blocked most of that out from my memory. But you need at least 3 feet of water or the Dolphin might be harmed.
I've never even seen the ocean or a dolphin.

First saw the guide here on 4chan actually.

>>16732046
>>16732040
>>16732032

Humans never cease to amaze me.... We are a really fucked up species, arent we?

>>16732061
We can't let these toads beat us at our own game fellow humans.

>>16732081
The only standards we have to judge whether we are fucked up were developed by us in the first place. So who's to say?

>>16732084
Um... we are. If we're looking at our own culture, it's not ethnocentrism. It's just reflexive criticism.

>>16732096
But we're judging our entire species here.

It's natives are threat like no other!
>it's
>no 'a' before threat
warships which bloat out the suns
>bloat
gender is loosing all meaning
>loosing
There is no shame or no limits
>unnecessary second 'no'
>not writing "they have/know no shame or limits
>also, near-complete lack of 'the' where appropriate throughout the writefaggotry
>mediocre appeal to unoriginal "choo-choo, all about the rape train" humour and use of all-caps

/tg/, why did this appease you and not make you froth with rage? Have you truly lowered your standards so much?

>>16732040
>Make the filth enjoy it
This an Slaaneshi thread sir. I am insulted to think you would do anything other than carve a new hole in side to fuck while violating the blowhole with the same knife.

I really hope humanity is still a bunch of blood drinking, raping, jihading nutters when we finally meet aliens. And it would be hilarious if we are the more powerful species and they can't do anything about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4VZWppoTCc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaDcDwwt6as

"You can't eat sapient beings!"

"Of course we don't eat those dolphins, those ones are for raping. The eating dolphins are processed by a different company. Alien, we took the effort to purge this planet's oceans of all indigenous life so that their alien biochemistry would not get in the way. Then we stock the oceans with marine life from the homeworld. Then we imported dolphins specifically to have something sapient to eat and skullfuck, whose family would not declare a thousand year vendetta on us and space us into the photosphere of a star if they manged to catch us. Think long and hard about that in your dealings with us."

hatersgonnahate.jpg
yourresistanceonlymakesmypenisharder.jpg

>>16732105
Because the author has a good excuse.

>>16727725
>First time is always the hardest. Especially when English isn't your native language. Will try better eventually.

>>16732105
HAIL MEIN FURHUR!
Besides, he's already said he's not a native speaker.

>>16732120
>>16732115
>implying I read past the first post

>>16732105
Mostly because English is not the OP's native language and we're too busy imagining ourselves as Sex Overlords of the known universe. (Pic semi related.)

>>16732123
That's a lot more likely to make me rage than any grammar mistakes the OP made.

Brb, commandeering a vessel and relocating to Earth.

>>16732212
You will most likely be arriving at the border station around Charon. There are very large, flashy signs at the exits to every connector gate marked "New Arrivals," with an arrow pointing to very large, windowless double doors. If you value the sanctity of your body, go in the opposite direction.

>>16732014
>>16732113
Here's one, what if the Xenomorphs from the Alien films existed and were a bane on peaceful civilized races throughout the galaxy? Except they look like the pic.

Well I really would like to save your race and its ten million year old culture, but well just look at that.

*puppydog eyes*

HHNNNGGG!

If sacrificing your entire species so that more of those can gestate for my own race to fuck is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

>>16732236
also comes in hot momma version

Humanity is the classic example of what happens when you have a biological excess of riches.

Their home planet is ideally, almost ridiculously suited for life. In temperature, composition, atmosphere, orbit and seasonality, it is quite possibly the most fertile ecology discovered in the known universe. Now, one might think that such an excess of riches would mean that its organisms would evolve in a less competitive fashion, that they would not need to compete for resources in an aggressive fashion.

In fact, the opposite is true. Garden planets produce not ecological paradises, but cannibalistic charnelhouses. All life must feed on other life; but life on the human homeworld consists of a nearly infinite variety of adaptations for devouring, preying, parasitizing, poisoning, or simply engulfing other organisms. It seems there is not a single organism on this planet which does not have, for every moment of its life, a multitude of other organisms actively engaged in devouring it. An individual human is in fact a walking ecosystem consisting of hundreds of assorted parasites, symbiotes and passive freeloaders. Many of which are not only irremovable, but have become an integral part of the human's biological processes. They, like most other life forms on their hell of a planet, are in fact incapable of living without these other creatures upon and within them, chewing at every microscopic extremity.

>>16732223
>Implying I don't want to sample the mysterious 'brown eye' I have heard so much about

>>16732278
Ever hook a DC battery up to an AC motor? It's like that, only biological.

>Future contact with aliens
>They are physically unable to enter earth-type planets (wrong atmosphere or whatever)
>Humans offer their ambassadors surrogate bodies
>careful xenosurgery of the brains of their greatest thinkers into cloned and genengineered human bodies
>Said bodies are all busty young women
>RAPE TRAIN IS GO!
>humanity trollface dot jpg

>>16732873

>"Shall we discuss the third theorem of warpspace travel then?"
>"Yep, yep we sure will. But first let's get you out of those clothes."

This thread has been slated for Exterminatus by order of the Holy Inquisition.

The Emperor Protects.

>>16732928

FUCK THAT

I WILL FUCK THE CYCLONIC WARHEAD

AND IT WILL ENJOY IT

I believe we have a new genre; no longer is this HFY. We are now in a Humanity Fucks Everything thread.

>>16732928
Yay a 40k thread shitting faggot.

Nothing wrong about wanting to fuck aliens. It's the basis of our civilization

>>16730566

Ku`Shen shuddered as she dismounted, kept from slipping by her partner's gentle grip proping her up by the pod. John was always so considerate, keeping her steady while she climbed across his chest, shifting to lay on his side and let her relax in the warm recess of blankets where his torso had previously occupied.

"Four times?" he asked her, his tone genuinely concearned, but still managing to carry that proud, amused tone that was so delightful, "Are you gonna be ok?"

Turning her eye-stalks lazily to face him more formally, Ku'Shen lifted one of her limbs limply in a rough equivalent of a shrug. "F-five..." she admitted reluctantly, "I hope I was... acceptable for you."

Chuckling, John pulled her in close in a gentle embrace, and Ku'Shen trembled at the bizarre alien intimacy of it. "It's fine." he assured soothingly, "You were fantastic."

With a sigh, Ku'Shen rose her tentacles and entwined them in his arms, slipping slowly into unconciousness in that warm embrace.

>>16730683

Pic related: 69th Dan Rapejutsu Master.

Perversion Ki!

The common position for Human Female / Olthot Male coupling requires a degree of physical training for both parties involved. The female in particular is recommended to practice the 'Downward Dog' position and to employ liberal use of support, typically in the form of pillows.

Many human females ask 'why?', why engage with an Olthot?

Those who've tried it will cheekily respond: 'No refractory period."

>>16733011

Humanity Fucks! YEAH!

I proclaim this thread a cultural heritage site. It shall be preserved for future generations as a valuable artifact of old /tg/.

>>16727562

>>bloat

>>installed

Kill yourself a thousand fucking times you feckless illiterate cunt.

>>16733499
It's like he hasn't even read the thread!

Or even a few posts above his!

Hey, OP.

What would your aliens make of Gender Reassignment Surgery?

Funny. These aliens act a lot like Victorians.

>>16732928

ON WHO'S AUTHORITY?

I am Inquisitor Micheal, and the Imperium's highest Leaders have given my project the go-ahead.

This thread is simply a easier (Not to mention safer) way to conduct warp energy to power my project.

And as an added bonus, this thread is also purifying our proud imperium of the Chaotic horde.

Yes, our weapon has yet to be tested.

And yes, it is POTENTIALLY dangerous.

But if it weren't for that dammed puppet and his Twisted Chaos master, that planet would have already been cleansed of the Xenos filth.

STATE YOUR NAME, FOUL RETCH!

So intergalactically humans would be like the Dark Eldars in other civilizations eyes?

I can dig that.

Someone was asking for that dolphin fucking guide.

http://goatse.teurasporsaat.org/dolphinsex.html

>>16727729
That's because it's actually Humanity, Fuck No.

>>16734246
more like Humanity, Fuck Everything.

>>16733597
Makes sense if their goals in life doesn't circle around sex.

>>16733582
Well, young one as stated at
>>16731774
We are in rather rude process of transplanting alien heads on cloned human bodies of highest quality, since it was much easier to adjust human body to feed the alien head and provide sexual feedback as well.

We hope to go for full mind transplant into various human/alien hybrids. Hybrids would need to have at least three things:
1.Disease resistance
2.Atmosphere tolerance
3.Somewhat compatible sex organs

So far only artists, adventurers and secret alien pleasure cults have volunteered to aid our work. But lucky for us, there is enough of them, saving us trouble of kidnapping test subjects. I state that just to let you know we do have back-up plans for that as well.

>>16734474

>implying we're not just simply transplanting brains into alien bodies, and alien brains into fapbait human ones

>>16734531
Obsolete technologies tend to be become cheaper and easier to maintain over time. One should take in account aliens with lower incomes or less advanced worlds. They might bring in just a few dollars per head, but if we can make million aliens of the do that. Prove me this isn't a worthy investment.

I am thinking that some humans will probably be the weeabos of the galaxy. Sex may be for pleasure most of the times but there will be some for whom it will be for long term relationship. Assuming this happens, there will be those humans going off and proclaiming *insert alien name* girls are just so much better than girls back home on Terra. Saying the alien equivalent of "kawaii/desu" every other sentence and making photon blaster masterwork threads on future /tg/. The more things change the more they stay the same.

I hereby dub this subgenre of HFY fiction as,

"HUMANITY, WHAT THE FUCK?!?"

AKA, HWTF!?!

>>16727562
Started out as generic horrible HFY, but at the last line I laughed.

>>16734562

We at Kather/Lifetime do not approve of the so-called 'Xeno-Fetishist' subculture. Our product is tailored specifically for the responsible adult readers of Galactic Civilization and should never be used to pursue a cheap thrill with members of alternate species.

Yes, we do not approve of such irresponsible activities, even though ours would still be the best product to use in that scenario as well.

>>16733285
Would that really be a problem in this future based entirely on fucking?

>>16736838

Of course! Keeping limber and flexible is essential for both parties to find mutually comfortable positions.

While its true that some species might be better suited for mating with certain other species from a physiological standpoint, the heart wants what the heart wants.

>>16736851
I meant the refractory period. It seems to me that this would be at the top of the list of things to be engineered away.

>>16736866

Ah, that's just being cheeky for sake of a sales pitch.

>>16732061
>>16732019

You are both smalltime.

>BIRD FUN! Hold your fist so it is still pointing up. Keep the bird facing away, and always be aware of his strike zone. Next, find his tail and get under it. This will scare the bird at first, he does not know what your
trying to do.

Here's all of it: http://pastebin.com/XzGE3Lpz

I dare you to click that link. I fucking dare you.

>>16734562

I can see it now...

>>8459283829373728293 /tg/... what's it like to hold an Olthot in your arms?

>>16736866
>>16736894

Although, now that I think about it, if a female can become exhausted from climaxing multiple times in the time it takes the human male to climax once, the Olthot male certainly has his work cut out for him, doesn't he?

>>16730566
>>16730595
>>16730600
>>16730608
>>16730614
>>16730620
>>16730624

Damn it, Kanga, write the rest of it!

>>16727718

No, i think its a humanity fuck you thread.

I am reminded of one of the earliest HFY stories involving the bug alien queen, and her human husband who helped her see the vivid, terrifying world of color.

>>16736901
why did i read that

OH GOD, THE LAST TWO LINES.

AR-1 to mission control. I am preparing to engage with Quarian test subject.

I repeat, AR-1 going down on Quarian test subject.

>>16737469

Copy, AR-1. Keep us updated on the mission progress. Cycling quarantine fields in 5 seconds. Four. Three. Two. One. Fields down, get in there and do our species proud, AR-! Mission control out.

"Kate, would you pass the po"
"--SHH"
"WHa?"
(quiet and frantic whispering)"Its still on! turn if off! he -heard- that?"
*frantic scrabbling for button out of reach*
*Microphone offline*

>>16737441

Hell is other humans, huh?

>>16734290
Yeah, I'll give you that.

>>16736931 what's it like to hold an Olthot in your arms?

Like picking up a large bowling ball and having it kick and scream 'no! no! no!'

>>16728030
Many Lesser Ape, great Ape species, sea slugs, some whales.....

Some sea slugs species are actually known for Thousands of individuals migrating to meet and then having conga-line orgies for months.

I really doubt aliens would find anything to do with sex disturbing. They really wouldn't share our concepts of what's disgusting for one. Likely they'd find mcdonalds and coke more horrifying than masturbation, as masturbation doesn't make you blind but being fat will give you a heart attack. For another, by earth standards our sex is pretty tame. We don't even do traumatic insemination.
But I really really doubt that we'd be the only planet on which sex is more than missionary position for sole purpose of procreation. It's the most important act, evolutionarily speaking, so there's bound to be a lot wrapped up with it psychologically for any biological species.
Not even going to talk about how a species with an 8:1 gender ratio would only be so if the males were huge and 7/8 of them died in fights over who'd get a harem.

>>16736931
>You'll never have an alien waifu that controls gravity humping you on a vessel in outer space.jpg
>Masterwork Destroyer Beam is folded over a million times to shoot the best destroyer rays on this side of the galaxy.
>'Sup /xeno/, I need some advice. Tonight I'm meeting the parents of my gf. I don't really know their culture, though...

>>16736988
Two words: slow buildup.

>was icketti
Really Captcha? But I found it arousing! Well, to each his own I suppose.

>>16738559

It's semi-comon across multiple mammalian species. Only 1% of giraffe sex is heterosexual...

>>16738647 For another, by earth standards our sex is pretty tame.

For reasons that escape even me, I thought I might check youtube to furnish your claim with an example. And discovered the terrifying mating practices of the north american leopard slug.

I almost posted it here!

>>16738747
Do you know how hard it is to get a good look at their genitals with a neck like that? More trouble than it's worth, I'll tell ya that.
Not that I'd know...

>>16738835

Wierdly enough, they'll only mate with females after explicitly checking (in a hideously disgusting manner), but with males its open season.

>>16738649
>'Sup /xeno/, I need some advice. Tonight I'm meeting the parents of my gf. I don't really know their culture, though...
It's customary for the female's father to mate with the female's partner. Rectally. To test stamina.

>>16738892

But it's really not that bad, it's really quick, too, no way a human can fail that test.

>>16738905
You forget that they have a duck-like penis. Except about ten times as long, comparatively speaking.

Hope you enjoy having your trachea massaged by alien wing-wong.

>>16738941

Oh that's just an exageration. And you and I both know you don't get to the point where she's introducing you to her parents without the sort of stuff that prepares you for this.

Seriously, 16738649, you're ready for this, take a deep breath and hold it in and it'll be over before you have to exhale.

>>16738892
Yikes! What do I have to watch out for if my bf introduces me to his parents?

>>16739143
What species? Human or Xenobiological? (If Xeno, please name.)

Could be any number of things...

>>16739153
Don't forget about the xenotechnological species; there are a few of them tooling around out there as well.

Stay the fuck away from arcanobiological and arcanotechnological species, though. Their, for lack of a better term, "biochemistries" don't tend to play well with others.

>>16739153

Airi`Akhen, (pic)

>>16739432

hope that her mother likes you heaps? they love testing potential husbands. your father-in-law (potentially) won't even blink.

Demons in the sack too.

HFTW - Humanity fuck the WHAT

Got any tips? I've been dating a male morrigi for a couple weeks and I think tonight's the night we're taking it to the next level. What, uh, gets them off?

>>16740963

I read that as Corgi the first time.

> YIP YIP YIP

>>16740963
Oddly enough, in this case, Olive oil. They love the stuff. Some sort of semi-aphrodisiac to them.

Captain Kirk would be proud.

>>16741042
We wouldn't be where we are today, without Saint James Tiberius Kirk.

So, uh, any tips on keeping my Norruc girlfriend's tail out of my mouth when we are intimate? I realize that it helps to keep the pair bonded during Norruc mating, but yeah, all it does is end up causing me to gag on it and I can never finish for her.

>>16741090
Try keeping your mouth closed.

>>16741090

Grip her tail firmly in one hand and stroke it easily.

Alternatively, practice with a banana until you can suppress your gag reflex.

>>16741090
lol you think it his "tail", wo ho! ha ha ha

>>16741116

But he said "girlfriend"

>>16741130
They do have a complex reproductive system, and the seasoning of the ovipositor is generally considered a very intimate thing. Make sure she knows what is an exit on your body - it may lead to a threesome, besides.

Alright, so... I've been fucking this Arrashi chick, right? She has a kid from her last bonding, which ended when her mate's ship had a drive breach trying to do an emergency accel out of a gravity well.

Anyway, it wasn't a problem for while. Nice kid and all, well behaved, doesn't claw people like some of them do. But lately he's been really going into my personal space. Woke up with him sleeping on the foot of my bed three nights in a row.

Talked to my girlfriend. It took some prodding, but it turns out Arrashi males don't get all the protein sequences they need for full development at birth. Without continued donations from the father before they hit their first hunting cycle they essentially become castrati with no foreclaws or fangs. This is a pretty big deal for a society that ritualizes natural weapon hunting and spars so much. The problem? These donations aren't blood transfusions or anything, they're genetic material. And the receptor glands are in the stomach.

She's told me a human donation will work and it's perfectly natural in Arrashi society, but it doesn't feel right for obvious reasons. On one hand, I really do like her- And not just sexually. And I don't want her kid to grow up all fucked up. Should I give up the relationship, or let the kid go to town?

>>16741138

Jumping Space Jesus!

Just get a surrogate! Or go to a hospital for reserve banks and mix it into his breakfast!

Holy crap...

>>16741138
GO for the alien shota you faggot!

>>16741138

Yeah, that's tricky, isn't it? Arrashi don't few the... donation of genetic material as sexual in nature, but as a father/son bonding thing. I guess if you're squicked out by the idea (which believe me, is completely understandable for somebody in a Xeno/Terran relationship, on either side) you can make your donations for him in a cup. At the same time, you won't form a strong relationship with him.

This is the kind of stuff that breaks these kinds of relationships apart. I ended a long term relationship with a third gendered Kqwen because I couldn't go through with the ritual that would make me its nest mate.

>>16741161

I brought it up with her when the issue first came up but that can be pretty devastating to his self-esteem. It says I think he's not worthy of being my son, or something.

>>16741223

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'll try the... cup solution, I guess, to start with, and if the relationship with his mother has real legs I can see about going further for his sake. My girlfriend says she can help; close my eyes, she'll talk to me, make it sound like it's her. Said I won't even know the difference.

I don't want to know how she knows that, really.

>>16741223

>Kqwen Nest Mate

I thought they were pretty loose as a species, especially for Avians?

>>16741281
Third gender relationships can be more difficult. There's a certain expectation on the gendered partner to become much more dedicated to the protection of their mate.

>>16741245

Well, think about it this way. If you show that you're dedicated to them enough to do that, then She's going to be dedicated as hell to *you*, which has obvious benefits. So if you think she's a keeper, best to suck it up and go for it.

If you have trouble coping with your girlfriend's son sucking your cock, make a game out of it or something, turn it into a family activity. Or whatever keeps the little awkward voice in the back of your head form getting too loud.

Female and Male analogs: The future!

>>16741390

Good point... Thanks for the advice, /xeno/nauts.

So /xeno/, I've been considering taking the leap and getting the transplant into a Marukk avatar. I know some of you think that's creepy, but there's just something about them that makes me hard.

Any advice or opinions on this, /xeno/? I've never had a full-body transplant before.

>implying humans won't just be those weird little monkey dudes on the council who keep giggling anytime the Member for Phallusiia takes the podium

>>16741459

I haven't had one myself, but from what I've heard you will have alot of nightmares when you first have your new body. And make sure you're using the right set of genitalia for self pleasure.

>>16741459
I don't know man, they say it's safe, but there's gotta be some sort of price to pay for putting a human mind in an alien body. Somethings just don't mesh.

>>16741474

Hey, if you understand Galang 5, Phallusiians tell hilarious jokes.

>>16741482

That's why you use an avatar. They're specially genetically engineered to utilize some human physiology to let the donor's brain work with it.

>>16741481

This is good advice. I had a lynarian avatar once, and it became really really awkward when it turned out it was female. Turns out I didn't read the papers well enough, which I advice you to do!

>>16741482

A poor/cheap transfer leads to depression and an incurable sort of Schizophrenia that causes the brain to give bodies commands that their original body could do, but not their new one. The problem is once it sets in, even returning the person to their original body plan won't cure it; they just end up having the same problems only coming from their host body.

>alien alliance discovers earth
>relationships go over decently
>no major problems
>they find out about bronies
>exterminatus

>>16741481
>>16741482
>>16741499
>>16741503

Aw man, are you saying it's not worth it? I've just been dreaming about those slender flanks, the multiple dark eyes, that prehensile organ...

>>16741515
No, just make sure that you go to a doc that you can trust, not some cheap flesh joint

Your experience will defiantly be heightened by insuring quality.

Also fuck you, I just broke up with my partner.
Now you've got me moaning for those phlanges.

>>16741515

Just don't go with a company that you find in a holo ad promising cheap prices and you should be fine.

I'm in a mess that I hope >>16741515 can avoid.

I got a O'rshhhh avatar a few years ago. First few months were awesome, swimming around effortlessly, experiencing multispectral vision (it's a fucking trip, guys) and the gentle touch of another's claws.

Except there was one thing they'd "neglected" to tell me, or that I'd been to excited to remember. When O'rshhhh grow to a certain size (they regulate this by eating sparsely, but I've been eating regularly like a human) they change from male to female.

Long story short, I'm going to have cubs. Lots of cubs.

What the fuck do I do now?

Just for the record, don't go bareback with Itull on a native diet. Sure, you can't spread STDs or have kids... but apparently something in their diet causes their sexual secretions to be... somewhat sticky when it comes into contact with human sweat. As in we are stuck together for the next few days. And apparently the green color stays like that forever.

>>16741549
Well I'm not familiar with the exact mechanics, but if you're not ready for parenthood or the miracle of childhood, I'd say get the fertilized ovums frozen.

>that feel when humans raped everyone on your planet

>>16741562

Or he can just have them. I heard that species have something like an extremely powerful orgasm when they give birth to each baby.

>>16741549
Man, this is the reason why you do more then just cursory research before getting a body swap.

Rape thread? I think you missed /v/.

>>16741609

he was probably too distracted thinking with his dick, like most of /xeno/

>>16732236
>>16732239

Damn you! I was gonna post those. Those two are some of my most favorite ever. Their facial expressions especially...just wow.

Personally, I think those two are hybrid conceptions. Which is alright, since I know EVERYONE here thinks Xenomorphs are sexy.
>>16732014

Its like humanity is one giant House Harkonenn

And I love every second of it! Except for deep down, for all our faults, we are in my opinion, the ultimate expression of Chaotic Good in a universe lacking it.

OP will be exterminated

i just spent an hour reading this thread and havent completed the assignemnt thast due tommorow.... and it was worth every second.

/tg/ = xenophilia?

>>16741808
you're just discovering this?

I imagine this is how other races in fantasy settings see humans as well.

>>16741509

Was it necessary to bring that up?

Jim Kirk is minor leagues.

Pic related, the true champion of xenolovin'

>>16741649

>Harkonenn
>Harkoness
>Harkness

OSHI~

>>16742752
Perhaps, but he's not an interstellar representative of human society. He's just a randy fella.

>>16743044
>Perhaps, but he's not an interstellar representative of human society. He's just a randy fella.

In other words, he's pretty much a perfect representation of human society to the interstellar community.

It's also a little bit annoying that no matter how exotic or recently discovered the species, he was always the first human to figure out a way to fuck it.

at the top of chanarchive.org 's archival request. Get on voting.

>>16743876
We don't use chanarchive.

This thread has been absolutely glorious and I am glad I was here to share it with you beautiful people

>>16741161
who does these alien pictures? their glorious

I bet the aliens browsing space /tg/ are having the same thread right now.

And then, when we finally meet, we'll both be disgusted at how nasty the other is.

Soon after, the sex begins.

>>16744129
This sounds dangerously accurate.

>>16744440
>see thumbnail
>have to check to see whether vomit or tentacle

>>16743044

He kinda is. The first episode he appears in stated that nearly everyone from 50th century Earth is pansexual, and Captain Jack has been around the universe a few times, both with and without the Doctor.

>>16744459
I like how you think.

>>16744459
It's a vomit tentacle.

I humbly request that someone archives this on suptg; I would myself, but generally get bitched at for shitty tagging, and with a thread of this calibre, it should be done right.

>>16745008
It was archived already
Go upvote it

>/tg/ - Traditional Games
laughed my fucking bollocks off.