Also, put dice+1d100 in the email field.

rolled 9 = 9

Loot Da Green Choppa, of course!

And fight all dem gitz over dere.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16090095
have your Orks and Eldar board the damaged ship to krump any remain survivors.

Have a female Tau massage your shoulders while you wait.

rolled 83 = 83

>>16090095
Krump some gitz for lookin at ya funny. Den loot dat ship!

>>16090179
Deciding to randomly execute one of the Orks, you pull out your shoota and blast him in the arm. Your sudden thirst for violence quenched, Bubbles gets to work as you order that your Looters get to Lootan. The Eldar managing the forces expertly, soon the shuttles are off, the partnered Ork/Eldar units you formed going to loot to their hearts content. For you, of course, your getting most of everything they loot. As the hours pass, and your looters continue to bring back tech from the broken vessel before you, the need for more parts to repair Da Green Choppa become obvious. The Red Storm, armed with the gravity hooks the Tau are so proud of, pulled it to the Tau space station slowly, the massive hull of the Choppa making it extremely difficult.

Five hours after having begun looting operations, the Choppa is docked at the station, though without atmosphere in over 67% of its sections. Da Mech Boyz try and repair what they can, assisted by your Tau captives, but it proves impossible. You just don't have the necessary materials.

There is, however, a populated planet within the system. The Tau archives indicate that there is significant wreckage on the ground, from where they recovered the Warp Drive they had been experimenting with. It is possible the parts you need might be found there. Or, instead of fixing your loot, you could just muck about for a while.

What do, /tg/?

rolled 7 = 7

>>16090298
cuddle with bubbles

rolled 76 = 76

Experiment with Orks. Try making a CybOrk.

rolled 99 = 99

>>16090360

Splicing in Tau and Eldar DNA?

Or you know, make PIRATES out of the Taus we have.

rolled 6 = 6

>>16090298
Muckin' about?! MUCKIN' ABOUT?! FUCK THAT!

We need ourselves a good and proper WAAAAAAGH

rolled 7 = 7

>>16090298

Send a detachment of Tau(with Eldar+Ork escorts, to ensure they don't mukk about or try desertin' or anyfing) to the surface to properly scope out the site of the wreckage and ensure no indigenes get near it, and if they find anything interesting, prepare the site for your arrival.

Meanwhile, practice changing the mental states of a random Tau from abject misery to ecstacy and so on, to make sure you can hold those Warp-midgets in your sway should push come to shove.

>>16090369
>>16090360
Sitting in your amazingly comfortable captain's chair, you realize that your Tau slaves aren't REAL pirates, just pretend ones. You decide to fix that. But how? The answer is plain as day: MIND CONTROL.

Congratulating yourself on your brilliance, you do some mental calculations, and determine that you can, in fact, mindcontrolallthesetau.jpg. To do so, however, you'll need to have time to focus your mental energies. Say, four or five days, tops.

Realizing that that might be sort of bad for your health, considering you wouldn't be able to defend yourself while on board a ship full of Orks, you instead op to build a CybOrk until you can decide whether or not you really want to mind control everyone on board your ships. Leaving the bridge to Bubbles, you take the hall all the way down to Da Lab. Inside, you greet the Oddboyz within, who in turn accidentally light themselves on fire with a Burna. Searching the lab for the proper tools, you have several Tau slaves help you pull a dead Ork onto a table.

Several hours of surgery later, you close the Ork up. Using your amazing knowledge of Ork technology, you have successfully created the galaxy's first bionic Ork. Better than it was before. Better, stronger, faster.

The ultimate in Cyborknetics.

The CybOrk's eyes slowly open as you hit it with a hammer to wake it up.

"What da zog?"

rolled 91 = 91

>>16090529
Punch it in the face to assert dominance.

rolled 61 = 61

>>16090571

While yelling, "GET UP YA LAZY GIT!" in true Orky fashion.

rolled 44 = 44

>>16090580

Keep an eye on the CybOrk's surface thoughts to make sure he doesn't show signs of being unusually intelligent or devious.

After we establish dominance by clobbering him.

>>16090656
>>16090580
>>16090571
Telekinetically increasing the force of your punch, you sock the CybOrk in the face to assert your dominance.
>"GET UP YA LAZY GIT!"

"OI, I'Z GETTIN UP, BOSS. NO NEED TA KRUMP ME, GIT."

>"WHO YA CALLIN A GIT?"

"Uh... dat git, over der."

The CybOrk points to a Oddboy, who looks up from his experiment and waves. Punching the CybOrk in the face, you tell him to get to work, or get thrown out the airlock. The creature complies, leaving to keep the Tau in line. Its footsteps thunder across the Wraithbone floors, the several tons of metal in his body creating an echo that is audible from multiple rooms away.

Examining the Ork's surface thoughts, you find what you'd come to expect from Orks, though a bit more calm. It seems the Cogitators you implanted in the Ork are working to make it more rational. Fascinating.

What do?

rolled 46 = 46

>>16090713
Mind control all the Tau. Give Bubbles a dicking. Et cetera.
Shouldn't be hard, Alpha Psykers can tear Titans in two with sheer power.

>>16090713

We've got a whole ton of Tau to experiment on, we can use them to figure out the best way to mind control all of the other Tau on the ship at once later on.

>>16090713
Surprise sex all the Eldar. All of them.
Get on with the mind control.

rolled 43 = 43

>>16090752
Whoops.

rolled 97 = 97

>>16090736
>>16090745
>>16090752
All of these. At once.

rolled 75 = 75

>>16090745

Forgot my roll.

rolled 42 = 42

>>16090713

Probe the depths of the warp-waves.

Search for anything Imperial nearby.

While we're looking for targets, tell Bubbles to get us near that planet where the Tau got their broken ass tech.

And have our new CybOrk train with "his favorite Tau," and our best Ork Commandoz and Eldar fighters to create some kind of insane, Orky Elite unit.

And maybe look into Tau breeding habits. We need a stable population if we're going to be making genetically-modified supersoldiers.

The fuck happened to OP?

Hurricane.

It's been almost half an hour. Get your thumb out your ass, OP.

>>16090765
Something inside you tells you it's time. And so it shall be.

Calling every single Eldar on the ship to your quarters, you begin to gather all the energies you can from the Warp in preparation to mind control every Tau at once. Though they willingly served, it was out of fear alone that they did so. You wanted them to serve for no other reason than because they wanted to. To that end shall you mind control the entire Tau population of your vessels at once.

As the Eldar begin to enter your quarters, you send out the mental command of "Commence Dickings." The Eldar, sensing your order, find themselves compelled to do so, and soon enough, your ship is partaking in a great orgy, the energies therein only serving to empower your psyker abilities. For hours do the Eldar fuck each other senseless, with you in the middle of it, fucking Bubbles over a hand carved wraithbone desk. It seems to stretch on for months to your warped perception of time, and finally possessing the necessary power, you let out a telepathic pulse, the sheer potency of which shakes the very foundations of the planet nearby. You can feel the Warp itself tearing apart as your spread the minds of every Tau in range, and reconstruct them to suit your needs. First five Tau, then five hundred, then five thousand, then fifty thousand. It is obvious to you that you're reaching out and controlling the Tau on the nearby colony, and yet you cannot help yourself. The power you now wield is addicting.

>>16090939

As you pull upon the very threads of reality, you reach out and contact minds in nearby systems, plucking thoughts from their minds like so many grains of sand. The seeds of doubt you plant in their stead, doubts which will in time grow into a desire to rebel. To rebel against authority, and to rebel against anyone but yourself. But it's not enough. Time and space twist around you, your mind altered irrevocably by your exposure to the Warp. As the Warp energy you hold in your hands dissipates, you feel stranger. More powerful.

>Gained Ability: Ritualistic Channeling

Your powers utterly spent, you collapse on the ground, unconscious and barely alive.

...

You are floating in an endless void. A bright one, strangely enough. Most voids tend to be dark.

Feeling a strange presence upon your mind, you turn and touch a familiar mind. Tzeentch.

"What the fuck was that?"

SLAANESH IS PLEASED.

I think we might have become a Chaos God here, guys.

rolled 23 = 23

>>16090958
"Me being fucking awesome, why?"
>Slaanesh had better be pleased by this. I swear, if that wasn't excessive then nothing is

rolled 54 = 54

>>16090958
oh that, that was the nothing really, just be bending the universe with the power of my mind alone. look upon me and tremble or you know whatever."

>>16091009
me, not be. I meant to type me

rolled 57 = 57

>>16090958

Oh come on, like you can't tell me that WASN'T part of your plan.

Or that you wouldn't have done the same.

... So why pirates, anyway?

>>16090958

WAAAAGH DAT WOT.

>>16091025
>dat's

rolled 51 = 51

>>16091025

rolled 78 = 78

um, you tell me, also where am I?

>>16091017
"Why pirates? Why not pirates? Seemed like a good way to start building an empire, hmm? Besides, I need you to be powerful enough to actually help when the time for it comes. You see... oh. It's you."

A voice from the void seems to echo through your mind as another crushing presence forces its way past your mental blocks. Waves of pleasure and pain combined fill your body.

"You were expecting someone else, hun? You're not the only one with investments you want to pay off."

"Oh, fuck off Slaanesh. He's mine, I told you so."

"Nope, sorry, you'll just have to share."

"YOU FAGGOTS ARGUING AGAIN?"

"Go away Khorne, this doesn't concern you."

rolled 53 = 53

>>16091111

Oh shit man, is Papa Nurgle here too?

Can I be a "chaos undivided" champion an' all that shit?

rolled 58 = 58

>>16091111
"The fuck is this? Fucking party in my soul? Well, okay, if it's you two. As long as that fat fuck Nurgle's not invited, it's cool."

rolled 34 = 34

>>16091111
Kohrne is the obvious choice. 'e gets da WAAAAAGH!

"when what time comes?"

>>16091111
Well shit, our mind will be forever broken.
Guess we've been called to the warp.

rolled 12 = 12

>>16091140
>"when what time comes?"

rolled 93 = 93

>>16091111
Bugger off, the lot of you. I'm in this for me.

And i swear, if I see the slightest hint of mutation anywhere on my fleet I'm going to burn down the warp, all of it.

>>16091152
Oh, fuck you. You want we should turn into a Fury when we die?

rolled 61 = 61

>>16091170
>>16091170
who said we planned on dying?

>>16091186
Because without Chaos, we're going to die.
Of old age if nothing else.
Then, since we're only using Chaos for our own ends, we get to be the shittiest of daemons.

rolled 90 = 90

>>16091170
i'm not sure what you mean in this context, the only furies i know of are the greek ones, which may or may not be accurate.

but no, what i want is power for ourself, not some bloated god who doesn't understand true power, not for some corpse god, or stagnant cog boys. but true power, freedom from those who would manipulate.

so chaos gods can go blow themselves if they think we'll work for them, they want to chat, that's fine, but they can be more civil than just jumping into our head whenever we exhaust ourselves

>>16091152
"Ooo. He's a feisty one. I like that. I can see why you chose him, Tzeentchy-poo. Too bad the cat's out of the bag now."

"SERVES YOU RIGHT, ASSHOLE. TRYING TO FUCK US OVER LIKE THAT."

"Why can't we all share?"

"Nurgle, PLEASE don't touch me. Ew. Just... ew."

"Here we go, all arguing until the mortal dies of boredom. Just like last time. This is why we can never beat that asshole on Earth. We can't argree on anything."

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU ASS-LICKING FAGGOTS ANYWAYS?"

"Because, moron, if you don't we're all gonna get fucked over by you-know-who."

"OH LET HIM COME. I'LL RIP OFF SLAANESH'S DICK AND KILL HIM WITH IT."

"Oh, Khorne honey, I never knew you cared."

"Look, guys, can we just... well great, now he's waking up. You didn't even give me the change t-"

...

You open your eyes, and see Bubbles staring down at you. You're back in your quarters, with the void you were just in who knows where. The clock on the wall says it's been ten hours. Hmm.

"My lord, are you alright? What happened? I felt your power surging through the Warp like a tidal wave, and then you just collapsed."

rolled 95 = 95

>>16091216
>freedom from those who would manipulate

righteous thoughts coming from a captain of a mind-skaved pirate crew

>>16091216
>Despite their insignificant status among Daemons, Furies are dangerous predators in their own right. Their leathery wings enable them to strike swiftly, giving them an advantage over many other Lesser Daemons and Daemonic Beasts.
>It is said that Furies are formed from the souls of mortals who preferred to use Chaos for their own gain rather than seeking the patronage of a Chaos God. Without a deity to claim their souls, they are unable to enter a gods realm and thus forced to spend their existence drifting aimlessly through the warp, exposed to its unpredictable nature. The only respite from their fate is daemonic incursions which allow them to escape into real space and vent their wrath upon an unfortunate mortal.1
>They are often enslaved and used as hunting beasts by Raptor Cults, particularly the ones of the Night Lords Legion who shun daemonic pacts.

>>16091239
Uh, Khorne HATES psykers. Why would he want in on it?

rolled 10 = 10

>>16091240
they aren't the PC

I never said we were a /good/ person, just one wanting true freedom, none of the false shit chaos gives you.

>>16091265
>why would he want in on it
>Khorne doesn't want in on it at all

ConfusedOrk.jpg

rolled 83 = 83

>>16091239
Took over a bunch of planets with the energy from the orgy, then passed out because of the overload.

Then of course the chaos gods, retards that they are decided that of course i was going to serve them just because i forsook the emperor and went all evil overlord space pirate.

told them to bugger off and that if they so much as touched my crew I'd burn the warp around their ears.

rolled 31 = 31

>>16091239
"Nothing for you to worry your pointy little head over bubbles. Now then, the ritual, did it work?"

>>16091239
>tell off the chaos gods like a boss
>advicehereticquest
>wake up and have to explain self to random eldar

>>16091282
"I... you threaten the God of Chaos? That's... I don't really understand what you mean, but it must be something different from what I'm hearing."

She pauses for a minute, checking you for mutations and injuries. The other Eldar and Orks in the room look down at you but continue standing guard. Seeming to find no indication of anything wrong, she speaks up, helping you to your desk chair.

"We've been receiving several requests to join us from nearby Tau planets. I had wondered what had provoked such behavior, but now I know. I just can't believe that a... person such as yourself could wield so much power. To mindwipe over a million beings? Impossible, even for the mightiest of Eldar. Despite the fact that they're Tau, such a feat has never been done before."

Closing your eyes for a moment, you feel your strength beginning to return. Mentally, at least. Physically, you can barely move your arm, much less walk.

>>16091373
>a... person such as yourself
>almost saying Mon-Keigh

Y u racist?

rolled 68 = 68

>>16091373
"That's because humans are better than you, Bubbles. Remember that, I'll test you on it. Now, let's go get a fleet of shitty Tau ships."

rolled 78 = 78

>>16091404
seconded

rolled 86 = 86

>>16091373
Yeah, chaos gods, the great enemy, the doom of the Eldar and all that noise.

Told them i'd burn down the warp if they messed with my crew, what's mine is mine, not some puffed up arrogant idea's toy.

And impossible or not, it appears to be exactly what i have done.

Now between the Taus technological prowess, the Orks resiliency and the combined psyker powers of myself and all you Eldar, we shall be a force to be reckoned with.

rolled 5 = 5

>>16091425
Thirded.

rolled 76 = 76

>>16091373

First, yell at the Orkz, and tell them to go get busy doing Orky stuff. If any of them hesitate, use Psyker powers to explode a limb or two.

Once they're gone, have Bubbles sit us up/down on something reasonably comfortable.

Then order our "fleet" to move into orbit over the closest planet, presumably the one where the Tau got that warp engine.

Since we want some dissent to stew, let's take the longer, non-Eldar-quick route.

Oh, and have Bubbles alert us when we get there.

And if they want an explanation, we tell them that fueling an orgy while making sure Slaanesh didn't eat their souls is a bit tiring, and thus we must meditate.

>>16091429
You realize the Tau aren't really very advanced, right? And in fact the Orks have better tech?

rolled 28 = 28

>>16091239
After having explained all that has happened... I think we should rest. We have seriously overused our powers this time. Maybe have Bubbles send an exploration crew down to the new pirate planet, and have her take care of most other important business. Also, while she's proven to be one trustworthy girl, not killing us in our sleep and all, I'd still like to search her mind and see what she's thinking, preferably unnoticed.
If I can't do it unnoticed, give her kind of a mindgasm for her loyalty and check her thoughts while I'm at it.

rolled 41 = 41

>>16091440
Yes, but the Tau actually try to understand the technology, which is key

I don't want the Tau tech, I want them working on captured tech, studying it, rebuilding it, improving it.

once that happens, well it may even be possible to replicate archeo-tech.

>>16091497
How?
"Here's some tech tens of thousands of years more advanced than yours, figure it out."

rolled 11 = 11

>>16091541
work their way up to it obviously, they reverse engineered plasma technology easily enough, and vastly improved it so it was quite stable and safe (though lower powered)

>>16091580
>vastly improved it so it was quite stable and safe (though lower powered)
So they... made plasma guns, on a lower setting. The Imperium has all plasma guns permanently turned to the highest setting possible. The only higher one is Maximal and that has to recharge after every shot. That's why they're so unstable.

Still, HOW ARE THEY WORKING UP TO IT? A plasma gun is one thing. STC bullshit made by brilliant AIs is another.

rolled 3 = 3

>>16091631
you're missing the point, which is that the Tau are capable of innovation in design after having learned the basic principles of how certain tech works, which means that given ample supplies of tech (hello, pirates) they should be able to come up with new weapons and other such things that noone has ever seen before.

>>16091429
>>16091425
>>16091437
Informing Bubbles of humanity's inherent superiority, you explain how by your powers combined, you shall be the greatest captain of all. Planets shall kneel before you with merely a passing glance on your part. Pausing, you order her to ready the Klaw to go into orbit over the Tau planet nearby, as to leave you to rest. Evoking enough power to violate the laws of reality to thoroughly has drained your energy.

Smiling, Bubbles kisses you lightly and leaves to do her duty, followed by the Eldar, and eventually the Orks, once you yell at them a bit. In the darkness of your quarters you are alone, save for your servoskulls. The sails turning the ship about are the only motion you feel as you drift into a light sleep.

Taking a break, post ideas and whatever, plan, etc. I'll be back in an hour.

I say we stop telling the gods to go fuck themselves, so we can be an Undivided daemon prince.
Fuck, that guy is retarded.

>>16091856
fuck you, serving chaos only goes well for chaos gods, mortals invariably get fucked over.

>>16091876
Except the daemon princes, that get incredible power and immortality.
Lorgar seems to really regret his decision.

Ok guys, so we're taking over ALL the Tau. But then what? What's our long term goal here?

Ascension to a higher plane of existence, maybe?

>>16091979
That IS what being a daemon prince is about.

>>16091984
Yeah, but with Chaos Undivided, you're relying on others to make you a god.

We should make ourselves a god, under our own power.

Like Vecna.

>>16092003
That simply isn't something that is going to happen. Not in 40k.
Vecna stole a god's divinity. We can't do that.

>>16092019
Sindri Myr.

rolled 12 = 12

I, too, am rather opposed to becoming a slave to the dark gods, however powerful they may make us. There are drugs to prolong your life and other ways, I don't think we should worry about that all too much.
For now, we have been very succesful in building a small empire. Good! But the only reason why we have been this succesful is because no one was aware of us, and maybe even because the dark gods were on our side. Soon, we will have the full attention of the Tau or even the human imperium, and then our powers alone may not save us.

I propose we find a base elsewhere, somewhere in the less populated parts of the galaxy (the west, iirc?), where the arm of the imperium and the Tau doesn't reach. There, we stay for now, amassing power, until we no longer have to hide.

>>16091978
You mean the one who has done nothing but meditate for several thousand years? yup really yukking it up there.

Or how about Mortarion, who willingly joined the rebellion, only to be tortured by Nurgles plagues until he succumbed.

Magnus who watched as his legion first fell to the flesh twisting of tzeentch, then finally becoming automatons when someone tried to stop it?

then there's the three who died before rising.

fulgrim was possessed by a demon and is trapped in a tiny corner of his own mind.

pretty much the only one who got anything out of it that he wanted was angron, and that's just because he's a simple man who only wanted to kill a lot of shit.

and maybe peterabo.

>>16092023
By stealing a daemon's power. That isn't becoming a god, just a Daemon Prince.
>>16092027
Really. What drugs, that you can regularly get outside the Imperium?
And we will always have to hide, unless and until we get powerful enough to be some kind of warlord.

>>16092019
The emperor did it.

Daemons are basically warp stuff given will, right? so they're basically nothing but willpower and energy, so what would happen if we used our "drain willpower" ability on every daemon we came across?

>>16092051
But still, we'll have done it ourselves. We could probably become as powerful as a Greater Daemon if we really worked at it.

You saying that isn't worth it?

>>16092037
Uh, no, Lorgar is happy as a clam. He just is the meditating type.

>>16092066
I'm saying we're not Sindri.
Besides, I wanna do what I want 'cause a daemon pirate is free, not rule over a bunch of TAU.

>>16092071
allright, so two (and probably three, i just couldn't find anything about peterabo after he established his fortress in the eye of terror other than that his legion worshiped him)

what about the other 6?

And those were primarchs, beings that were significantly better, more valuable than a mere alpha level psyker, so if they only had a 33% success rate, what do you think yours would be?

rolled 3 = 3

>>16092051
We steal the drugs from the imperium. Or we rebuild or body, the flesh is weak and all that. I'm not saying we stay away from the imperium forever, just that we should have our base far away. Of course, we could also just have no base at all, and always be mobile and never stop plundering. Doesn't sound too bad, but having a place to return to in case something goes wrong sounds like a good idea.

And okay then. We'll always have to hide. I can live with that, as long as we're hiding out in a part of the galaxy where nobody will ever bother us anyway.

>>16092087
rule over them? fuck no, they're just our support.

we tell them to do shit for us and they do it, for everything else they can deal with it themselves.

>>16092087
No, you're right, we're not Sindri. He was a sorcerer, where as we're an Alpha Level Psyker.

>>16092095
Perturabo is loving it. He became a Daemon Prince by taking revenge on hated enemies.
The rest... Fulgrim was a fool, Kurze let himself die, Mortarion is Nurglite so despair is kind of his thing anyways, I doubt he complains anymore, Magnus somehow didn't expect to be fucked over by Tzeentch, Horus died, and Alpharius/Omegon have no fluff as to if one or both is even alive.

>>16092110
And Sindri was much cooler. And significantly smarter.

>>16092174
So clearly smart wasn't the way to go.

Clearly the only route left is to use nothing but balls to the wall awesomeness and badassitude.

Alsp, I'm fairly certain i made up at least three words in that sentence and do not care.

>>16092207
He still made it to daemon prince.
He was just banished.

>>16092214
I thought the daemonhammer actually killed him...

Meh, I haven't played the original DoW in so long i barely remember the story at all, so I'll take your word for it.

>>16092236
You can't "kill" a daemon like that.
Only specific psychic powers and technology/sorcery specially made to kill a (single) daemon permanently can do that. Otherwise, the Grey Knights would be a LOT more effective.

Alright, I'm back. Also, nostalgic for DoW.

Turns out I'm tired as fuck, so this thread is on hold until the afternoon, when I can resume it. Sorry.

rolled 51 = 51

>>16092287
That's alright, thanks for doing this for us. Go get some rest.

You all are mucking about!

we must start building a fucking empire. give the orks some conquering to do. the eldar titles and functions to assert there power ans superiority over others and structure and job security for the Tau... well security that they will have a job, not against injury or death.

Thus we must start going on good about taking these planets and putting them to work an a fleet. consolidate our powerbase.

Then conquer moar planets. perhaps some civilied worlds, and later a hive and perhaps a forge.

thus. assert control of systems- infrastructure-build fleet Fleet- grow ork army - conquer more , rinse and repeat.


Also warkry:
WAAAAAAGH for the WAAAAAGH 'Umie

>>16092815
derp, forgot dice.


tl;dr ppl are mucking about.

rolled 35 = 35

>>16092821
>>16092815


derp.

rolled 11 = 11

>>16092287
ty for awesome >>16092830 here. one last roll before going to sleep

rolled 83 = 83

>>16092815

ZIS

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

rolled 57 = 57

>>16092815
I agree that we need to build an empire of our own, but it won't last in the middle of the Tau empire.
Yes, let's do this, but let's start on some undefended fringe worlds.

rolled 24 = 24

Finish the Green Choppa, and then travel to the nearest space lane, looking for a nice trader to rob.

GUYS GUYS
WE UNITE THE ORKS

Well, the OP has died.

rolled 89 = 89

All we need now in our crew are 'Nids and 'Crons. Chaos Undivided? How about Galaxy Undivided?

bump

bump for heresy

Alright, let's do this.

rolled 54 = 54

>>16096041
OP! Finally! :D

You awake with a start, your reflexes pulling out your choppa instinctively and pointing it at the door. In vain, it seems. There's nobody there. You recall having some very strange dreams. You were back in the webway, but you weren't in your ship. No, you were lost. Or maybe you were searching for something? Interpreting dreams isn't really one of your skills, so you've honestly no idea what to make of it.

Examining your surroundings, nothing has really changed. The servoskulls still float silently, guarding your quarters. The various heretek devices on your workbench are undisturbed, and the ceiling is still projecting an image of the galaxy, slowly rotating. Everything is very calm. Serene.

Leaving your quarters, you realize that isn't so outside of its sanctuary. Orks Eldar and Tau are rushing to and fro, putting out fires and repairing damage. The alert level, strangely enough, is still at 5. Peaceful. Hmm.

Taking a moment to look out the window, you spot two Tau escorts floating in a low orbit over a life-bearing planet. While not as powerful as your cruisers, they are still extremely deadly foes, primarily due to their stealth technology.

Looking closer, you discover the Tau escorts to have giants gaping holes in them. Also, there are dead Tau floating around in space. But nobody cares about them anyways.

rolled 98 = 98

Alright, so, in my opinion, we have to valid paths in front of us right now. We can either stay here, try to recruit more Tau, and establish a base. This will inevitably give us the attention of the Tau empire, as we just seemingly got a few million of their subjects to join our cause.
Or we can rebuild the Ork ship (possibly merge it with the Red Storm) and leave this place, possibly after pretending to establish a base on the Tau planet, and then leaving them to die fighting their former masters. First one would give us a huge fleet, but an even bigger enemy, second one would be more careful. The Chaos question still has to be solved too, but I think we can leave that one for later - right now, the character simply has doubts.

I think we should rebuild Da Green Choppa, make friends with the Tau, then leave them and find a base elsewhere.

>>16096182
That's... not good.

rolled 18 = 18

>>16096182
Alright, so before we fell asleep, we went into orbit above that Tau planet. Get Bubbles here, RIGHT NOW! I want a full report about what happened while I was asleep!

>>16096256
>"BUBBLES!"

Yelling for your first officer, you make your way towards the bridge as you reach out and call her to you with your mind. A massive gash in the side of the Klaw gives you pause, but you soon find a corridor that goes around it. As you reach the halfway point to the bridge, you hear Bubbles shouting at someone to get out of the way, and shortly afterward see her running up to you. She's a bit out of breath, and appears to be very nervous.

"My lord, I'm so sorry. The escort ships came out of nowhere. Out sensors couldn't even detect them until they fired."

Demanding a full report, Bubbles takes a moment to compose herself, and begins.

"We entered orbit over the planet about an hour after instructed to. Our first action was to begin recovering the wreckage from which the Tau got the Warp Drive, but soon afterward we encountered the natives. They demanded to speak with you personally, and when I denied them that right they got angry. When I brought the materials back on board the ship, the escorts opened fire almost immediately. I don't think they actually realized you were here though, sir."

She pauses for a moment, allowing an Ork carrying a piece of machinery to pass by.

"Our comm array is currently down, so we can't communicate with the Tau on the planet. We're currently in the process of seeing if we can 'loot' the enemy ships."

rolled 99 = 99

>>16096383
Sounds like she did her best considering the circumstances. Praise her for her hard work and dedication. For now, there's not much that we can do, except for letting people repair the ship, looting, and waiting for the comm to go back online. I guess for now, repairing is more important than looting, we should probably concentrate on that first. Unless Bubbles thinks we need the parts for the repairs or something.

rolled 55 = 55

>>16096443
Actually, if our sendors didn't see the enemy ships before, they'll probably fail again. Can we use our psychic powers to check for nearby threats?

rolled 72 = 72

>>16096443
So much this, loyalty and effort are to be rewarded and praised.

Grant her a request, if she asks it we shall give it.

On top of that as the victorious fleet, once we land on the planet and finish sacking the major city for its rebellion we shall have a major party, with whatever intoxicants of their races choice (some of the Tau catering of course).

Ask Bubbles to be your escort.

>>16096443
>>16096486
Praising her for doing well under pressure, you order Bubbles to get back to repairing the ship. As she departs, you take a moment to send out a ping through the Warp. Detecting large numbers of Tau on the planet below, you fail to detect any other ships in the system hostile to you. Returning to your quarters, you begin the arduous task of waiting for something interesting to happen.

After a few hours of boredom, you finally get your chance. Bubbles has called you over the intercom, claiming to have fixed the comm array. She is now in the process of hailing the Tau leadership on the planet below. In addition, it is entirely possible that the Tau escort ships she disabled will function again, though The Red Storm would have to take them to the asteroid belt station so that the repairs could commence. In either case, Bubbles requests your presence on the bridge, the planet-bound Tau seeming to wish to speak with you.

Leaving your quarters, you make your way through the partially repaired hallways, upwards, into the heart of the ship. Soon enough, you find yourself in the command center, greeted by Bubbles and her officers. They bow slightly, before getting back to work.

"Sir, the Tau are awaiting my next message, and are threatening to kill anyone who lands on the planet. I thought you might convince them to stand down. "

rolled 52 = 52

>>16096706
Fire on them from orbit, then send them a message. Your souls are mine, I'm your new god, etc etc and so forth.

Build the planet into a ship. Then, try to contact Malal.

rolled 87 = 87

Before we deal with the Tau, address your Eldar and Tau crew.

Chastise them for insufficient orkiness, which led to this mess in the first place.

rolled 95 = 95

>>16096706
You have disappointed me, your sudden swing of loyalty should have warned you that I am powerful, then you decided to ignore my appointed messengers and attack them because I would not deign to speak with rats.

*target any large power sources Re. vehcles, battlesuits and plasma weapons and attack them from orbit using precision weapons

rolled 48 = 48

Oh yeah, almost forgot, after we do this,
>>16096770
Then we do this, because Bubbles did good work, and fuck yeah, parties.
>>16096683

rolled 87 = 87

>>16096867
I second this motion.

>>16096912
>>16096770
>>16096757
Grabbing the intercom, you announce to the whole ship that if they had been more Orky, this wouldn't have happened. Chastising them for their failures, you command them to become more Orky, that they might fail less next time. Your hurtful comments on their lack of Orkiness seem to depress the bridge personnel, but they try to hide it. Even the CybOrk seems to be chastened.

Ordering Bubbles to open the hailing channel to the Tau planet, you find yourself face to face with an odd seven Tau, all of whom seem to be shocked at your having hailed them. Expressing your disappointment with their attempts to rebel against your implanted suggestions, you order Bubbles to begin firing on their power production facilities.

As she begins to target the ground-based reactors, the Tau shout at you to stop. Begging you to not fire upon them, they apologize profusely for not having realized you were aboard Mork's Klaw, and swear they had no way of knowing. Pretending to pause at this, you tell Bubbles to fire when ready. The Tau continue to beg for forgiveness up until the Klaw opens fire on one of their power plants. A massive cloud of flame and death erupts around the plant, as the laser weaponry aboard the Klaw vaporizes it almost instantly.

The bridge view screen switches back to the Tau leadership moments later, the image of the exploded reactor disappearing from view. They're sitting down, horrified with what you've done. Laughing a bit, you tell them to prepare a celebration for your arrival, informing them that their planet is now your property.

You cut the line and look over at Bubbles.
>"Care to escort me to the party?"

"I'd be honored."

The party is 27 hours away. What do?

>>16097157
Hooray for poisoning their atmosphere by exploding a power plant! Good job everyone!

I'm sure Nurgle will be pleased.

rolled 4 = 4

Construct a device to scientifically calculate your level of maniacal evil, using the Megahitler as a baseline measurement.

rolled 100 = 100

>>16097157
Formal-wear for all who wish t, bikinis and nudity may be uniform, but this party shall be fancy dress!

rolled 66 = 66

>>16097191
please let that mean we get Orks in tux's because the delicious irony would be delicious.

rolled 84 = 84

>>16097157
Okay... do we have any kind of... you know... wardrobe? Even an orky guy like us should bring his best game when going out with a lady like bubbles, right? Maybe the CybOrk can help us find something good.

Apart from that... we have had some weird dreams lately. We should try to find out about those. Maybe find an Eldar Psyker, maybe just brood over it...

rolled 74 = 74

>>16097191
>100
>again
>while looking for formal wear, they all stumble upon a piece of archeotech

rolled 52 = 52

Eventually we need to find and loot the Black Library, and use the forbidden tomes within as ammunition for some kind of Linear Heresy Cannon.

rolled 2 = 2

>>16097251
Also to make an anti-major demon gun in case the chaos gods decide to get uppity again.

Three different things do to while the party is on:
1.Turn the party slowly into an orgy, then a massacre.
2. Try to get Daemons to invade.
3. Build the planet into a ship when everyone else has dropped drunk.
What does the elegan/tg/entlemen want?

rolled 87 = 87

>>16097284
neither of the first two, though the third would be great.

rolled 29 = 29

>>16097303
Though admittedly if the demons invaded we could test whether or not our drain willpower ability would absorb demons outright.

>>16097284

Nope. Fuck daemons. If the Chaos gods decide to help out, fine, but we aren't here to do their bitch work.

rolled 72 = 72

>>16097284
Out of those? 3.
1 sounds bad because of massacre, I like my minions right now. They're useful and seem loyal.
2 sounds bad because Chaos, we just insulted their gods and should probably try not to get too involved with them for now.
3 sounds awesome, but we'd probably have to roll at least two 100s consecutively for that to happen. Still, it would be awesome.

>>16097191
>100
>to get your crew suits to wear
>WHY.jpg

Leaving the bridge to find something to wear, you tell Bubbles to have the crew dress their best for the party. As you make your way to your quarters, you look down through the side of the ship to the planet below. It's yours now. All of it.

Finally reaching your room, you order your servoskulls to get you a suitable uniform to wear to the party. They leave immediately, and return extremely quickly with the most glorious suit you've ever seen. It appears they had recovered it from Da Green Choppa after your ship had disabled it.

>Found Archeotech Dress Uniform!
>Found Strange Gold Ring!

The suit is a perfect fit, and seems to flow with your body as if it wasn't there. It may have other functions.

The ring that came with it seems to be some manner of device, though you can't figure out how to activate it.

Exiting your quarters, you spot several Orks attempting to put on tuxedos, with some measure of success. One of them has a top hat and a monocle, while another has a cane.

we are a alpha level ginger/psyker, remember? it would be easy to mind control all on the planet to do it for us when they are drunk.

How about making the ship look like our face?

>>16097387
>found archeotech dress uniform
>your ork crewmen are now wearing tuxedos
>one of them has a monocle

rolled 4 = 4

>>16097387
Find Eldar Psyker to speak about what's happening with those dreams, if we have one.
Also, we have quite a lot of Archeotech now. Get all the techy minions we have together and investigate it.

rolled 84 = 84

>>16097387
Lets not wear the ring to a formal party filled with all our crew until we know what it does, I'd much prefer to not accidentally kill everyone.

Work with the Orks teaching them to wear the suits properly. Tell them it's a new type of Kamoflage.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16097387
OH! Oh. Compliment the boyz with the monocle, the top hat and the cane on their awesome looks! Seriously, these guys know how to go to a party in style!

>>16097469
Over the next three hours you teach da boyz how ta look propa in polite company, making sure they can tie ties and link cuffs, Though at first they find it ridiculous, soon enough their attitude changes, almost as if they'd been affected by the Warp, or had a rogue gene activated. They begin to speak in an old dialect of high gothic, using words such as 'proppa' and 'indubitably'. Within the day, they're holding conversations with themselves in this new dialect, talking about the weather and discussing pugilism.

>Your Orks are now disguised as GentleOrks.

PARTY TIME!

Your crew has just arrived on the surface of the planet, your personal shuttle landing on a pad towards the top of a massive tower in the center of the primary Tau city. Before you, the Tau leaders stand, barely preventing themselves form cowering in fear. At your side stands Bubbles, dressed like a proper lady. The Tau leaders speak.

"Wel-welcome to Tch'tal my lord."

rolled 16 = 16

>>16097742
I am pleased with this. They shall lead me to the festivities. The preparations had better be ready by now.

>>16097742
T'chal eh? You know who got t'chal? My parents. With bullets. In an alley.

rolled 76 = 76

>>16097742

time to feast, take Bubble by the hand and have our GentleOrks converse with the Tau on our way to the feast

rolled 70 = 70

>>16097742
Indeed I am, now show us to the party, we have much to celebrate, and I shall inform you of your duties to me on the way.

Offer your arm to Bubbles.

You shall govern this world in my name, provide crew for my ships and your industrial base shall provide new ships when demanded, other than that you may live your lives as you see fit, though news of anarchy and destruction will... anger me.

ships constructed in my name will remain in the system prepared to defend it unless I call for them, or they are needed to defend another system in my hegemony.

On top of that you shall produce necessary materials to support the ships you produce, food, drink, entertainment.

Understood?

rolled 53 = 53

>>16097742

>GentleOrks
you know that this is fucking gold to subvert, infiltrate and eventually conquer the entire Tau empire, right?

Not only that but we now have unlooked our true mainstay of our army!


Seriously humans and tau's and others everywhere will be baffled by us and our orks, and if other orks do not conform to our style, well... you all know what the British did to savages.
Pirate Chaos Gentlemany Orks!

>>16097804
This

rolled 32 = 32

>>16097804

Fool , we can't loose or only competent and trustworthy aide thus far. not until we cultivate another one!


>>16097840
Aye!

>>16097804
>>16097800
Taking Bubbles by the hand, you enter the tower, followed by the Tau leaders. Explaining their new role, you deign to allow them to retain their positions, so that they might govern the Tch'tal in your name. They would answer to you, and provide you with whatever you may need when you need it. You would allow them to remain relatively free as a reward for their service, and let them have a limited military to defend themselves. Everyone in their government would of course be answerable to you as well.

Having heard your demands, they Tau leaders seem to be relieved, at least so far as their position in the planet's society goes. They were obviously worried about their losing power, but now that you've informed them they will retain their former rank, they're much less fearful than previously. And so do they happily open the doors to the party with a flourish, bowing as you pass with your GentleOrks in tow.

The party is truly grand, by Tau standards. An excess of food and entertainment abounds, with nothing uncared for. The Tau pirates who had joined your crew are already enjoying themselves, along with the Eldar and most of the Orks. At your entrance, they all stand at attention for a moment, before you signal them to relax and get back to PARTYING.

rolled 93 = 93

>>16098000
no, the tau leaders are the ones who are going to rule, the arm is just to escort bubbles who is our escort for the night, she is to remain our second in command, IE she speaks in our name to everybody.

not going to bother setting up a government on worlds we conquer, they have their own already set up, they just pay tribute.

rolled 37 = 37

>>16098052
It is a party therefore we must DANCE!

rolled 12 = 12

>>16098052
I assume that the archeotech suit enables us to fight and dance like a BOSS, like in that movie with Jackie Chan. Try to find a way to activate dance function.

Show Bubbles and the rest of the Eldar pirate wenches a mind shredding little number from Mars they call...the Humpty Dance.

rolled 99 = 99

>>16098142

Now with more dice rolling.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16098142
now you've gone and made me look it up.

The Humpty Dance

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xj12s_digital-underground-humpty-dance_music

rolled 15 = 15

>>16098149
After that follow it up with "Can't touch this"

>>16098149
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin' the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump

The entire party is entranced by your amazing display of dancing prowess. Though it continues after you've finished, your dance will be forever burned into their brains.

With the party moving along smoothly, more and more people start to dance, as the flashing lights and harmless lasers compel them to move with the pounding bass and electric pulses of sound. You're told the Tau call this kind of thing a 'Rave'.

rolled 83 = 83

>>16098239
Chat with Bubbles, appear approachable hold polite conversation with those who approach you.

rolled 85 = 85

While it is fine to enjoy oneself, let's keep alert. Make sure your mental defenses are active in case of subliminal psychic attack via the medium of this..."Dub Step", as they call it.

Flaunt the hell out of your Eldar bitches as well. You got the power, no sense not showing it off.

rolled 48 = 48

>>16098305
Yeah, let's just ensure the rest of the party is a success. Shall we use our powers to make it even better? I suppose we could turn it into an orgy... but somehow, I feel like I want to keep chatting with Bubbles... we have never really spoken to each other very much, honestly, except in our function as her boss. Let's find out more about her.

>>16098239

mind read the Tau politicians that are holding the party make sure they aren't plotting to kill us, also mind read Bubbles for shits and giggles

rolled 60 = 60

>>16098359

dammit forgot my dice

rolled 60 = 60

>>16098346
Naah, no powers, while it's possible to mind control everyone to happiness with your rule, it sounds like a lot of extra work, easier to just let morale improve on its own.

On top of that, we've already shown off our groove, so we can just sit back and let everybody else enjoy themselves.

>>16098142
>>16098218
winrar

>>16098339
Maintaining your psychic shield, you make sure to carefully keep an eye on the feelings of those around you, lest the music warp their perceptions against you. You've heard the Tau are rather fond of mind-affecting technologies.

With your defenses up and at full strength, you decide to take the time to flaunt your wealth and power. Having several of your Eldar crewmembers engage in a minor performance, their natural psyker abilities captivate many of the Tau, including those who had been tasked with servicing your crew. Performing an ancient Eldar dance off the cuff, it is, while less impressive than normal, sufficiently fantastic and alien to the Tau to warp their perceptions of time. Your perception of time, however, is already very warped, and as such passes for you at a steady rate. But for the others, time passes like a blur of motion and song. For over three hours do the Eldar perform, with their audience captivated not only mentally, but spiritually as well. Feeling the pull of the Warp upon the room, you can practically taste the mind-twisting energies abounding.

Twenty hours later, and the party is winding down. Many of your crewman had left to... socialize with the natives, with most of the party-goers remaining being Orks. A few Eldar stragglers are around, though all of them had left previously, only to return later. You and Bubbles are alone in a private booth, having been discussing the logistics of their tribute with the Tau leaders up until several minutes ago. The sun is setting in the east as, with the bright green sky giving way to a black blanket of stars.

rolled 48 = 48

>>16098624
Kiss bubbles on the cheek.

It has been a wonderful evening my dear, and i thank you for being such a wonderful escort, but i must get my rest, great things on the horizon.

Return to your quarters and meditate on your dreams,

Give the on duty crew orders to bring all ships back to the asteroid station for repairs as soon as all crew-members return.

rolled 8 = 8

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

rolled 16 = 16

Mind Read Bubbles. Haven't ever quite gotten around to doing this yet.

Also inquire why she isn't presently on your dick, and suggest she remedy that.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16098624

since our crewmembers are "socializing" we should be also "socializing" with Bubbles too, lets ask her about what she thinks about us, her life before becoming a pirate etc.

rolled 20 = 20

>>16098624
Let's just watch the sunset on this alien world together with our alien Lady for a little while, the party has been fun, but still quite draining. Then let's return to our quarters afterwards.

rolled 72 = 72

let's talk to Bubbles, we still don't really know her

rolled 36 = 36

>>16098754
I wonder if she'll want to talk about that... even remembering her past might be painful to her, we did just rip her out of her old life and then broke her mind and the minds of all her loved ones after all.
I feel like an ass... never get feelings for your mindbreak victim, guys.

rolled 18 = 18

Giving a shit about your subordinates is for pussies. Tear the thoughts from Bubble's mind, with a token attempt to keep her sane and alive as you do so.

Get on the vox and order all ships to doubletime the repairs.

Prepare a cunning and brutal plan for your next conquest.

>>16098624

Have a cultural exchange with Bubbles and by that I mean engage the freakiest sex acts the two of you know

In the morning, meet with the Tau commence proppa lootan of this planet

>>16098799

Fuck. I think I blew my luck load on the Humpty Dance.

rolled 41 = 41

>>16098811

Oops, forgot the roll

rolled 78 = 78

Reveal myself as the Emperor reborn.

rolled 47 = 47

massage Bubble's ears

>>16098788
Asking Bubbles about her history, she blushes a bit, claiming to be very uninteresting. Pressing her further, you convince her to tell you about herself. Her background, her goals, etc. She gives in to your wish for knowledge and tells you of her life. She was born on a Craftworld, but due to her family's history, she was always a bit of an outcast. Large numbers of her family had become Dark Eldar during the fall, to such an extend that her family name was now thought of as a curse. But she was undeterred by the constant insults to her person. She wanted to explore the galaxy, and fight against Chaos to redeem her family. So she trained to become a Ranger, and left her craftworld for the universe at large.

For a hundred years she wandered, joining and leaving multiple permanent Ranger groups. Until she almost met her end at the hands of a group of cultists. Even as she slew them all, they managed to summon a Daemon, one whom she was no match for. A passing Eldar cruiser managed to save her, however, firing on the creature with precision weapons from a low orbit. In return for her salvation, she swore to serve the ship for as long as she was needed. That ship was Mork's Klaw.

"And that's my story. Not very interesting, I know."

rolled 53 = 53

>Even as she slew them all, they managed to summon a Daemon, one whom she was no match for. A passing Eldar cruiser managed to save her, however, firing on the creature with precision weapons from a low orbit. In return for her salvation, she swore to serve the ship for as long as she was needed. That ship was Mork's Klaw.

No further mention of the daemon? Mind Read her for fucks sake! After you put up all possible psychic defenses!

rolled 46 = 46

>>16099014
Nonsense, it's your life, with you as the main character, It's Exactly what it should be as it has brought you to me.

Just remember your hatred of Chaos, those bastards are probably going to try something underhanded this time since i told them to bugger off the last time.

rolled 47 = 47

>>16099072
This. That shit be suspicious, yo!

rolled 2 = 2

>>16099014

we now tell her our life story before we became a pirate, now after that it's time to know each other more intimately in the private booth

rolled 38 = 38

>>16099014
We'll tell her that to the contrary, we've found her story very interesting, and thank her for sharing it with us. It is getting quite late now though, and the sun has probably already set - we should return to our quarters. And perhaps invite her in with us.

rolled 89 = 89

>>16099094
How is it suspicious? You think she's possessed, or that she's just plain lying?

rolled 26 = 26

inquire further on the daemon she fought

>>16099145

Either one is dangerous.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16099094
How is it suspicious? You think she might be possessed, or just plain lying?

rolled 57 = 57

>>16099166
We would have noticed daemons when we attacked all the eldar in the very beginning and also when we decided to mind control several star systems into obedience, they're pretty distinct.

rolled 71 = 71

I doubt we could've missed someone being possessed by a daemon, with our level of power, but I think we should check just in case anyways.

I don't want our arrogance to lead to problems further down the road.

rolled 8 = 8

I just had a brilliant idea. Using our phenomenal cosmic power, transplant Ork minds into Eldar bodies. Best of both worlds.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16099223
Frail weak bodies with no psykic powers that only want to physically krump things? yeah, what could go wrong.

rolled 2 = 2

>>16099267
>>16099223

Like I said before, why not go all Orky Eksperiment Time here and make some Human/Eldar/Ork/Tau super-soldier hybrid?

>>16099145
No quite buying her story of the Daemon, you continue the conversation regarding the planet as a distract as you summon up the power of the Warp. With your energies being gathered, you reach out with your mind, probing and prodding at the memories of Bubbles. As you begin to penetrate her thoughts, she seems visibly disturbed, though you manage to hide your use of the Warp well enough for her to ignore it.

With your mental tendrils locked deep within her subconscious, you scan for any information relating to the Daemon she claims to have been defeated by. Not finding anything at first, you soon discover what you're looking for. She was not lying about being defeated by the Daemon, but she was lying about fighting against the cultists who summoned it.

In truth, she had directed the cultists into summoning it, in a vain and foolish attempt to trap it. She had sought to learn of a planned attack on her Craftworld, never realizing that the plan had been a ruse, a plot by the Dark Gods to have her summon the Daemon into the Materium. Once unleashed, the Daemon ravaged the human world it had been brought to, killing hundreds of thousands. It would have used their energies to summon more Daemons from the Warp, that it might stage an attack on the Imperium of Man, were it not for the timely arrival of an Eldar fleet. They purged the system of life, having foreseen the Daemon army encroaching on Eldar territory years down the line. Bubbles was the only survivor, the only Eldar in the system. She had denied knowledge of how the Daemons had been summoned from the Immaterium, she had succeeded in convincing the captain of Mork's Klaw of the truth of her words, and she had become a member of the cruiser's staff.

>>16099319
Pulling your mind from hers with a sharp mental tug, you return your interest to your conversation. Bubbles seems to wince at the sudden shift in Warp energy, and looks around as if expecting something. Finding nothing of interest, she continues to discuss the logistics of supplying food to your fleet.

rolled 39 = 39

>>16099279
How many humans do we have again?

...right. One. I think we're not using that one for experiments.

rolled 81 = 81

>>16099319

"Trying to fool a man who has spoken to Great Planner himself?"

>Press our lips to hers.

"Foolish, Bubbles, very foolish. You mush be punished..."

>Begin sexing her up.

rolled 97 = 97

>>16099319
Meh, Eldar dickery, same old same old.

Cuddle tiem!

rolled 59 = 59

>>16099325

Lets suggest that she'd much rather look into the logistics of our cock in her mouth and call it a night.

rolled 92 = 92

>>16099325
See, guys? Nothing to see here. She just screwed up that time. Badly.

Well, let's quickly wrap the conversation up for now then, and return to the ship.

rolled 81 = 81

With the party ending, we must regather our crew that has spread out over the town. There is only one way to do this.

A conga line.

rolled 66 = 66

Christ.

Rolling to fuck her so hard her head explodes so we can get on with the pirating and psykering.

rolled 82 = 82

Engage in acts depraved enough to give Slaanesh twelve hard ons

rolled 16 = 16

>>16099325
Just saying sex one more time, not because it adds anything, but simply on the off chance that I'll roll a 100.

>>16099503
Damn.

>>16099381
>>16099381
>>16099381
THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

rolled 34 = 34

>>16099582
because i cant roll dice

rolled 43 = 43

>>16099350

rolled 5 = 5

>>16099350
Why is everything sex with you guys? Honestly.

rolled 42 = 42

>>16099723
Hey, I asked for cuddles, and the dice gods clearly agreed with me that it was a good idea.

Fuck yeah still got the highest roll.

>>16099360
What the hell, you figure everyone makes mistakes in their life. Her's wasn't even that big of a deal. A few hundred thousand dead, who cares? Not you at any rate. You'd much rather cuddle up to Bubbles and hang out for a while. So you do, pulling her close to you and continuing your conversation. She seems to be uncomfortable with the whole situation for a moment, still feeling the aftereffects of your stealthy intrusion into her memory, but soon enough she warms up to it.

As the hours grow late and you and she continue to talk, the party fades out of existence, the Orks taking to mucking about elsewhere, and those few Tau and Eldar that remained pairing up and leaving. Finally, with nothing else to talk about, Bubbles gets up to leave, brushing her hand against you arm but showing you not other affection. Through the Warp, you can feel her thinking about her time as a Ranger, the thought being familiar enough to you to be easily sensed. You did, after all, invade her mind.

You have returned to the Klaw, and are now alone in your quarters, sitting at your desk. Designs for an infrantry version of the Supa Dakka Choppa Shoota are laid out on the wooden surface. Thinking of heretical technologies of such power makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

>>16099806
>infantry version of the Supa Dakka Choppa Shoota
>Supa Dakka Choppa Shoota

LOL WUT.

rolled 44 = 44

Suddenly, an Eversor!

rolled 43 = 43

Why did we stop with ONE ORK?

I suggest we (ab)use our Tau, Eldar, Ork, and Human technologies to convert most of the crew into Super Cyborgs! Think of it, with Wraithbone legs, Tau blasters, Ork Choppas, and Human AWESOME, our Gentle Orks, Eldar Pirates, and Tau Mind Slaves will be UNSTOPPABLE.

rolled 11 = 11

>>16099806
Do we have the... Green Choppa? The ork ship. Running again? I think not. we should fix it.

rolled 42 = 42

>>16099882

We need to make a SUPER ORKY TAU/ELDAR thing.

Maybe combine everything for the lulz.

Why?

BECAUSE HERETECH!

Maybe a set of power armor? With the sturdiness of Human engineering, the lightweight/litheness of Eldar technology, combined with Tau stealth/plasma technology put together using the reality-warping abilities of the Orkz!

THERE'S NO WAY IT CAN LOOSE!

rolled 61 = 61

>>16099806
Bring all the damaged ships back to the asteroid base for repairs.

Meditate on your dreams.

After done with your dreams open your mind to what is happening in this stellar region, especially things such as potential targets for a raid.

Keep an eye out for Dark Eldar especially.

rolled 91 = 91

>>16099806

let's go back to the captured Tau space station to prepare the making and testing of the weapon

rolled 83 = 83

>>16099966
This. Those dreams are important, as are the ships.

>>16099970
You spend the next few hours working on the design, as those crewmen still ashore return to Mork's Klaw and get back to their duties. It takes Bubbles several hours more to get them all in line, many of them being too busy bragging about their sexual conquests to notice that the engines are on fire. Finally, with your crew under control, the Klaw leaves the orbit of Tch'tal, on its way back to the tau space station with enough materials to begin repairing Da Green Choppa. As you pull into port, Da Choppa is plainly visible, still full of holes and still completely inactive. A bit of plasma is venting from its rear section, as the engines cool to almost freezing temperatures. It will still be several days before the interior of the ship begins to lower in temperature, however. A vacuum does not make for a good conductor of heat.

As you dock with the station, you order those within to prepare the forges for your arrival. With the plans for the infantry version of the SDCS in hand, you are accompanied by the CybOrk into the station. Most of it still possesses that charm which Tau architecture has, with smooth edges and nary a right angle in sight. But towards the bottom of the station, next to the gravity generators, you've carved an entire ship's worth of space into the massive asteroid the station is build out of. Almost 2 square kilometers of space, within which is housed dozens of Ork/Tau forges and generators. Lightning seems to arc between the ceiling and the generators at random, the material the asteroid is made of somehow attracting the rogue sparks that occasionally fly off the plasma reactors.

>>16100242
And it is here, within this great forge, that you begin crafting your new weapons. Your Orks pound away at the metal, as Tau workers pull the pieces into place by the truckload, straining to move the massive amounts of materials needed. All the while, you prepare the technologies to be built into the titanium shells. Combining Tau railguns, Eldar shuriken carbines, and bits of Ork shootas, you craft a hundred exoskeleton frames, which your Orks weld into place. Tau workers attach the gubbins to the weapons soon afterward, with a few accidental deaths disrupting an otherwise perfect production line.

>100 SDCS-ICs made

Your Ork Mekboyz have informed you that Da Green Choppa will take several days to completely repair. They think that its extremely damaged frame might work to your advantage, however. Ship-scale SDCSs might replace the singular lance that's currently mounted on its bow, giving it a far more destructive and less energy draining weapons system.

>>16100269
However, doing so would require stripping away some of the hull, giving it about 30% less armor than it had before.

What do?

rolled 43 = 43

>>16100269
Make it so.

Meditate on dreams/find dark eldar.

rolled 83 = 83

>>16100277

Go ahead with the retrofit, but add more engines, improve it's ability to maneuver, and paint it red.

And maybe add some Tau plasma bits onto it so it can shoot a bit more while the main cannon charges.

We'll call it Da Red Dakka from now on.

rolled 42 = 42

>>16100292
I'm not exactly sure why we're trying to find Dark Eldar, but yes, put in the SDCS into our ship. Also, while we're meditating on those dreams, we might try to find out more about these things in other ways. Does Bubbles know an expert in Warp Lore? Considering her past, would she know about this stuff?

rolled 77 = 77

>>16100368
Because only Dark Eldar know where commoragh is in the webway, so we need to mind raep them for the location.

How else are we going to attack the place?

rolled 57 = 57

Test that ring we found. See what it can do.

This seems like the right place for this.
From /d/ with love.

http://www.orgasmatrix.com/blog/noticias/hypertrophy-genitals-girl/

>>16100434

>>16100434

rolled 68 = 68

>>16100380
We're still doing this?
I was under the impression that Tzeentch said "make them pirates", one Anon said "Set sail for Commoragh", and then we all started having other plans... even if Tzeentch really did want us to go there, we pretty much told him to go fuck himself. I'm not sure there's a reason to go there any more? Sure, there's loot I guess. But there's plenty loot in other places...?

rolled 72 = 72

>>16100520
tzeentch said nothing about commoragh, he said make them pirates, we decided on commoragh because eldar crew afaik.

And as for a reason, the dark eldar have thousands of slaves already broken, should be our and out easy to steal them and make them loyal to our cause.

>>16100434

Do we actually have any particular plans, or goals?

I think we should start preying on Tau/Imperial trade lanes.

We're pirates, right?

Well, we need to start pirating then. Build us up a nice fleet.

>>16100337
Issuing forth the order to begin retrofitting Da Green Choppa, you are lead to the commander's quarters on board the space station. A lavishly decorated mansion, it has been altered by those Tau loyal to you to better suit your tastes. Your loyal servants are already preparing your dinner by the time you arrive.

The next two weeks pass without much incident. The two Tau escorts that Bubbles disabled have been repaired by the Mekboyz, and tasked with guarding Tch'tal in your name. Da Green Choppa, rechristened Da Red Dakka, has been retrofitted with a dozen linked SDCSs, each one capable of shredding through even the toughest armor with ease. The bridge of Da Red Dakka has also been repaired, though it is now partially within the rest of the ship, making it less likely to suffer from damage in combat. The trade off for these upgrades is reduced armoring along the whole of the cruiser, though this is compensated for by the addition of several Tau engines to be used for both speed and maneuvering. This has given it a 40% boost to its turning speed, and a 20% boost to its acceleration.

These modifications have, unfortunately, used the vast majority of the Imperial Naval wreckage you recovered from Tch'tal. In addition, several of your Orks have died due to negligence, though in the grand scheme of things they didn't matter much anyways.

Ten minutes ago, you received a message from Tch'tal. Almost every Tau systems nearby have begun rebelling against the Tau Empire, resulting in a massive loss of life on both sides. These new so called "free states" claim that the Tau Empire is built upon a lie, with the promise of their serving the Greater Good merely being a method by which they are controlled.

These systems are attempting to hold a conference, the leaders of their individual rebellions attempting to coordinate their efforts so as to crush their oppressors.

What do?

rolled 73 = 73

lets use our power to figure out what the ring and uniform do

rolled 60 = 60

>>16100785

go to conference
make them your loyal followers
give Bubbles a dicking on the way there
???
profit

>>16100785
So we incited a rebellion against the Tau Empire?

Wonderful. What's next, Necrons joining the Imperium?

rolled 74 = 74

>>16100785
Ooops. Did I do that?

I don't know... I didn't really look to be the leader of a rebellion and to destroy the Tau empire... on the other hand, if I don't defeat them, they'll probably never leave me alone for this...
Then again, they haven't really asked for us, have they?
I suppose we might as well attend their conference?

rolled 53 = 53

>>16100839
In addition to that, use the war to find information on tau capital ships, travel to their location, and capture them for our pirate fleet.

Make sure they're the top of the line ones, that way if we get 2 - 3 to one we may match imperial ships with them.

rolled 77 = 77

>>16100785

Do nothing.

Wait for them to weaken each other.

Then swoop in and be the savior and stuff.

Also, conveniently arrive on time towards the end of space battles to "save" downed ships.

Ask yer new pet Taus if derez anything worth lootan in deez here partz

>>16100917

Now that's thinking like a pirate.

>>16100917

but what do we do in the meantime

rolled 54 = 54

>>16101010

Get some Ork spores onto that planet, in a nice little controlled environment.

We need to grow the biggest, baddest orks to join our crew.

We can also start investigating our Aerotech and maybe learn to duplicate it.

rolled 48 = 48

>>16101010
Focus on becoming more powerful psychically. See if we can't learn some Sorcery as well.

Also, CybOrks, CybOrks everywhere.

>>16100917
>>16100791
Remembering the several treatises on tactics you'd read back when you were a Sage, you decide it's better to let them kill each other off, for now. When they begin to weaken, you will consume them, and add their strength to your own. In addition, you believe that scavenging broken down ships from previous battles would be extremely profitable, especially given that some of them might be able to function once more.

In the meantime, however, you think discovering the secrets of the Archeotech you've recovered over your brief career might be an excellent goal. Starting with your ring and dress uniform.

First examining the ring, you attempt to activate its hidden mechanisms, to no avail. You try to do so for almost an hour, each time failing, and each time becoming more and more frustrated. At last attempting to pull it from your finger and throw it using your mind, you fall backwards in shock as it emits a brief but powerful beam of energy, seemingly infused with your own psychic energies. Attempting to activate it once more, you repeatedly use the wall as a target for another hour, uncovering two facts. The first, that it appears to use psychic energy to fuel its micro-scale lasgun, and the second, that it can only fire three times every minute. Still, its beam is potent enough to have carved its way through an inch of solid rock with a single blast, so it's far from useless, despite its low firing rate.

>>16101200
Next, you get to work on discovering the secrets of the uniform. Through the use of a Tau scanning tool, you find it to be made of a self-repairing nanoweave, something you've only ever heard of once, while on Mars. It seems to absorb heat and kinetic energy in equal measures, and disperse it over its entirety, rending most conventional weapons harmless so long as they hit the uniform itself. You try hitting it with a choppa, and strangely enough, the impact is barely registered. It's only after you fire on it multiple times with a shoota that it begins to fray, a small hole opening up in the arm of the suit. This soon repairs itself, with the suit as good as it had ever been within minutes.

A lone servoskull floats into the room as you consider the implications of the uniform's technology. You've got another message, it seems. The Tau leadership on Tch'tal has just received word that a major battle has taken place nearby. Almost all the ships on the side of the Tau Empire have been lost, along with the majority of the rebel vessels.

Wot do?

rolled 90 = 90

>>16101210
Seems fairly obvious, get tugs out there to salvage anything that may be repairable, then proceed to set up an ambush for when the tau empire does the same.

when that comes we mind control them into submission gaining an entire tau battleforce and a ton of support ships.

go fuck shit up

rolled 76 = 76

>>16101252

Don't forget to play savior for the rebels, especially if the Tau empire come back to stomp 'em.

>A fight, AND more ships to loot!

rolled 31 = 31

Get one of the lower rank Eldar wenches to hold your enormous brass balls before you trip on them.

>>16101252
Realizing you need to get there and salvage what you can ASAP, you send out a psychic call to Bubbles to prepare all your ships fro departure, quickly putting on your uniform as you do so. Making your way towards the Klaw, you enter it just as Bubbles sends a message to you over the the vox built into your suit.

"All ships ready for departure, sir."

Acknowledging her, you tell her to set the coordinates for the site of the battle in the navigation cogitator, and to pass said coordinates on to the rest of your ships. Finding your way to the bridge, Bubbles gets up from your chair and salutes you as you sit down. With the coordinates locked in, and the other ships disconnected from the station, it only takes a few seconds for your ship to disengage and begin moving. Slowly drifting away from the station, Bubbles aims the ship away from the asteroid belt, and engages the Webway Interface. Time and space stretch out as you are pulled through a sudden rift and into the Webway, passing through the bizarre dimension like a ghost. Moments, later, you emerge, the stars all in different places, with a new blue star in view, and the planet before you surrounded by slowly moving husks. Dozens of ships float endlessly around the rock, all of them disabled, all of them devoid of life signs. Looking around, you examine the clock to your left. You've arrived almost three days later by its count, though to the perceptions of everyone on the bridge, it was only a few minutes. A random Eldar officer speaks up.

"Sir, I'm detecting ships entering the system. The Red Dakka and the Red Storm, by their IFFs."

Bubbles turns to the Eldar.

"Tell them to begin salvage operations."

"Aye, ma'am."

God damn Webway. One of these days we're gonna end up going back in time or some shit.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16101671
Is this a "What do?"

>>16101671

while we wait for the salvaging, contact the Tau revels and see if you can become their lord and master

>>16101802

dammit

>>16101671
"part of your comment isn't allowed to be posted."

Basically, Tau rebels are in the system, and are hailing you. Tau Empire ships are also in the system, and hailing you. About a quarter the ships can be repaired, but you'll need to bring them back to your base one at a time, which will take about a month.

rolled 51 = 51

>>16101808
>>16101802

sigh

>>16101816
hail both rebels and Tau Empire ships while Bubbles blows you

shenanigans ensue

rolled 24 = 24

>>16101861

it appears I cannot roll dice

rolled 94 = 94

>>16101816
easy solution, copy paste it into an image text box and upload that.

anyways, how many tau empire ships are there? and who is hailing us?

if it's the leader of the force he's likely on the biggest ship, so begin taking control of the crew on board the ship as you calmly chat with the guy

then strike at the other ships suddenly after the first one is taken, so that even if they begin to attack they'll be disrupted by their lead ship turning traitor.

>>16101876
I'm just gonna skip the whole image box thing and continue.

Bubbles checks the comm data as you address her regarding the people hailing you.

"The commander of the flagship claims to be known as Gla'uvrea, a high ranking Naval officer in the Tau fleet. In Imperial terms, his rank is equivalent to that of an Admiral."

Taking in this information, you have Bubbles open the communication channel to the flagship, while beginning to subtly twist the minds of those on board against their commander. As the viewscreen opens the video feed, the Tau 'admiral' is readily visible, flanked by two Fire Warriors.

"Gue'vesa, this official operation. Do not intervene. We're fighting against these rebels for the Greater Good."

As your mental powers stretch your mind to those of the others aboard the Tau flagship, you deign to distract the commander. Questioning him on the greater good, you hardly pay attention except to keep him distracted, as you slowly but forcefully shift all the animosity the Tau on his ship may have to him and him alone. As you fill their minds with treacherous thoughts, you smile, the Fire Warriors on the viewscreen beginning to clutch their heads in psychic pain. With a final push of hate-fueled Warp energy, you release the Tau from your grip, and wait patiently.

The commander of the ship is still going on about the Greater Good when the Fire Warrior shoots him in the back of the head. The Tau next to him stares, then shoots the commander as well. The image disappears from the viewscreen, replaced once more by the void.

>>16102091
"They cut the feed, my lord. And... I am detecting a large energy build up in their weapon systems. They're firing on their own ships, sir."

The flat surface at the head of the bridge shifts suddenly as Bubbles brings up the tactical display. Multiple Tau vessels begin engaging the flagship as it in turns fires at them. Soon enough, the rebel ships are engaging the imperial ships along with the flagship. As the Klaw and your other ships leave them to their battle, you cannot help but feel proud of yourself for convincing the Tau to kill themselves off for you.

What do? Assist one side in fighting the other, or continue with the salvage operations? Or something else?

rolled 89 = 89

Ha! Tau are so dumb.

Wait for them to kill themselves, and finish off any stragglers. Then begin dragging the ships back to your base.

I thought the Tau are warp retards. Not that I mind how awesome this thread is but how are doing this? Also how powerful is an alpha level phyker? Is that a good thing? Sorry I'm newfagging, but I probably have a lot less experience in the Warhammer setting than you guys/

rolled 53 = 53

keep lootin and if imperial ships should win then blast them in the back

also i was thinking: you said that SDCS overheat fast (well the big spaceship one) so what if we add cooling rods along the barrel maybe filled with water or some fancy tau stuff

rolled 7 = 7

>>16102164
IIRC an alpha level psyer is "powerful enough that entire star systems dance at their fingertips"

and Tau aren't completely disconnected to the warp, they just have very weak presences making them hard to manipulate, which is why I aimed for just the flagship, instead of the entire force when I made the suggestion

>>16102164
The Tau just don't have souls that are interesting to... well, anyone really. They're little more than grains of sand in a desert of mountains for how much they affect the Warp.

Doesn't mean they can't get mind fucked to death, just that Chaos couldn't give a single shit about them on a good day.

Thank you guys good to know Im not completly Warhammer retarded. Mabye I would know more if I didn't learn every thing I know (For the most part.) from 1d4chan.

rolled 56 = 56

Let's continue our salvage operations.

Then ask the rebels if they want to join our glorious group of Orky Pirates!

>>16102198
To be fair, being able to destroy a small titan with your mind isn't quite the same as being able to make an entire star system dance to your tune. For one thing, DH psykers can do the former, but not the latter. Cacodominus was probably more than your regular alpha.

rolled 32 = 32

>>16102336
That's true, but the scale of the powers involved would be similar, he was just at the upper end of said scale.

>>16102131
Leaving the Tau to fight themselves, you orbit the planet for several hours as the twin fleets destroy themselves. Your sensors flare with the Tau railguns, the electromagnetism from each shot reverberating through the planet itself. Slowly coming about as the last remaining Tau ship attempts to leave the planet's orbit, you lock onto it and hail those aboard. Recognizing it as the Tau flagship from before, you await their response for only a few seconds, as they open a video feed. Pulling at the minds of those Tau within, you command them to stand down and swear their fealty to you. Though at first they resist, the whisperings of the Warp compel them to comply, and at last, they pledge their undying devotion to you, their minds clouded by your psychic magnificence. With the Tau utterly unable to resist your commands, your Orks soon board them to ensure their loyalty completely.

For a month do you and your fleet continue salvage the Tau ships. Dragging the decaying hulls back to your base one jump at a time, it takes almost three days per ship on a one way journey. With three ships able to pull the Tau ships with them, the Klaw stays behind to guard the uninhabited planet as the others travel back and forth through the Warp. Out of the 50 ships that were destroyed, only 14 can be saved, and these do you tow back to Tch'tal to begin repairs.

>Da Loot:
>1 Or'es El'leath Class Battleship
>6 Lar'shi'vre Class Cruisers
>7 Kir'shasvre Class Starships
>1 Kir'qath Class Starship
>5000 Tau

It is currently WAAAGH after WAAAGH in the WAAAGH. You are on board Mork's Klaw, docked at the Tch'tal space station.

Wot do?

Is this thing still going?

>>16102625
I guess? Probably gonna end soon.

>>16102617
Prepare an escort for the claw. Da Red Dakka and a couple smaller tau ships will be fine. Have the rest guard the station and continue repairs. Seek out dark eldar. If non are found seek out Imperial forces and interrogate them for dark eldar sightings.

rolled 25 = 25

.>>16102677
DICE

rolled 14 = 14

>>16102617

Time to go Imperial hunting I think.

rolled 10 = 10

If possible, start hobbling the ships that we could not save to make a space station.

Probably best to leave it to the Orkz.

Bring an asteroid from the belt, if it looks like they need it.

What do we know of the planet we are now orbiting?

rolled 46 = 46

>>16102617

Order of buisness.
(Notice how they can be done at the same time)


1. Repair and Equip them with superguns start crewing them properly and do a comprehensive training program.

for crew:
recruit some Tau if not enough.

2. Breed a lot of gentle Orks.
put some eldar on each (for psy support) but keep the most to ourselves. - we need to get more.

3. Gently and then Savagely Waaaagh fuck the Ass of the most unsatisfied Eldar and bubbles to raise ship morale and rise in the eyes of the eldar.

4. Try to find some Eldars to raid and turn into pirates. they are a afull small band we have.


to prepare to compound on the Tau strife and incorporate the rebelious worlds in our empire we need more ships to defend them. thus some more eldar and orks.

rolled 36 = 36

>>16102752
Hehe.

DO EET!

Do 'em all!

rolled 51 = 51

>>16102752

indeed.


We need some more eldars to raise the pop cap and some what to start breeding more.

Perhaps Eldar Cloning facilities with fast maturation mods so we dont need to go hunting for eldar ass and eldar men?

rolled 14 = 14

>>16102812

HOW ABOUT WE JUST.

GO AND KILL LOTS OF EVERYTHING INSTEAD?

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD BLOOD.

rolled 86 = 86

>>16102752
Going to have to go with this.

Should have get and Ork farm up and have them act as the marine force on all our ships as well.

>>16102821

>psyker
>convert to Khorne

About that.

rolled 100 = 100

>>16102848

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

>>16102866
Wat.

>>16102886
I guess in this quest one should always expect the unexpected.

>>16102886

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD SON.

>>16102866
>>16102866
>>16102866
>>16102866

>>16102903

DO I HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?

rolled 28 = 28

>>16102752

So we do this , Khronate style? >>16102866

Khrone ship repair and crew recruitan.
Khrone Gentle Ork farms and Eldar cloning facilities ( the lot of red will give it a British air)
Hump the unhapppy Eldars and Bubbles khronate style so that even Khronettes blush!

>>16102973

I CAN HUMP THINGS WITH MY CHAIN AXE, THAT COUNT?

rolled 41 = 41

>>16102973
Khrone is invading or hertek psyker mind! expel it from our plans of galactic domination and pillaging!

>>16102995


YOU DARE!?!?!

rolled 34 = 34

>>16102886
Being fair, that 100 wasn't actually attached to a suggestion.

rolled 44 = 44

>>16102993
IN KHARN WE THRUST!

rolled 4 = 4

>>16103006
Get out Khrone

>>16103023

BEING FAIR I COULD CAVE YOUR SKULL IN WITH MY THUMB.

rolled 93 = 93

>>16103024


you know, after seeing the pic, i read it as in kharn we thrust our wangs.

so does kharn do anal or is Kharn secretly a muscle girl?

>>16103059

I HAVE ON GOOD ACCOUNT THAT KHARN GETS "All the bitches".

WHATEVER THAT MEANS, I JUST LIKE TO CUT HOLES IN THINGS.

rolled 45 = 45

>>16103059
Everybody knows Kharn is a musclegirl on constant PMS with moodswings.

Why do you think Khorne loves Kharn so much? Kharn always bleeds and wants to make everybody bleed!

that and Kharn is a pretty swell guy - mainly because he is a gal on PMS

>>16103086

IT MUST HURT TO BE THIS WRONG.

>>16102831
>>16102752
>>16102866
You suddenly run out from your quarters and start yelling at people! Punching the Tau into submission, you continue screaming at them until they start training. Punching them more, then yelling again, you continue punching and yelling for several days in a row, yelling and punching your Tau recruits into shape. But you're not done.

Kicking them in the face while yelling, you motivate your Orks to accelerate repairs on all your ships, equipping them with multiple independent SDCSs. And what's more, you continue to punch them in their green faces until they make the ships faster and more difficult to destroy, painting all of them Red within a span of a few minutes.

Going down to Tch'tal next, you yell and punch Tau until they join your crew, whereupon you punch and kick them into shape once more. Hitting them in the face with infantry scale SDCSs , you've soon trained all 60,000 of your pirates in using them, through clever application of kicking and yelling.

With that out of the way, you decide to get some more GentleOrks bred. Yelling at the various boyz on board the Tch'tal station, you manage to get them to become Roight Proppa GentleOrks, dappa an woll dressed.

Finally, with your yelling and kicking seeming to have less than the optimal effect on the Eldar, you call them all to your quarters and savagely butt fuck them all. For days. Without stopping. By the time you're done, they're far more compliant, and better motivated too!

On the fourteenth day of your anger-spasm, you detect five Eldar ships entering the system through the Webway. Reaching out through the Warp with sheer anger, you render everyone on board comatose, just moments before they jump back into the Webway. Your Tau ships then drag them into port, as you finally calm the fuck down.

What do?

rolled 100 = 100

>>16103124

NOW WE NEED SOME IMPERIALS TO KILL.

>>16103147
I honestly can't express how this makes me feel, so I'll just post a random pic instead.

>>16103165

YOU CAN THANK ME LATER.

rolled 86 = 86

>>16103124
Like with the previous eldars, induct them into our pirate fleet.

four ships and and some couple of more eldar bitches and guidos wont hurt.

Start on those ork farms and eldar clone labs. then get some intel on ship numbers of the Tau septs that are in rebellion and forces arrayed against them to see how to go about conquering the Tau empire and then ...

>>16103147

rolled 20 = 20

>>16103178
Just no eldar guidos on our ship, The eldar bitches on our ship belong to us and nobody else!

Every evil overlord needs himself a harem.

rolled 45 = 45

>>16103178
this for later.

>>16103147
Lets pirate some Imperials at the other end of the quadrant. pillage, rape and plunder ourselves so much that the empire wont bother the Tau for at least a couple of decades.

so that there will be no imperial interference with the conquest of t'au.

sometimes the khronate fuck makes a lot of sense.


Oh and dont forget to load up on imperial ships, recruits and slaves.
We need some more ships and humans to experiment those supercybersoldiers programs

>>16103147
FOR THE DARK GODS!

>>16103219
And also get some HUMAN ships.
Tau ships suck dick, period, and we have only a few Eldar ones.

>>16103219


WE'RE NOT GOING TO PLUNDER, RAPE, OR TAKE ANYTHING.

WE'RE GOING TO THE NEAREST IMPERIAL WORLD.

AND KILLING IT.

rolled 94 = 94

I just wanted to let you know Heresy, this is currently my favorite quest thread ever.

Also, LOOT, PLUNDER AND BURN THE NEAREST IMPERIAL WORLD!

>>16103147
>>16103178
>>16103219
FLAWLESS VICTORY.

Yelling your fleet into the Immaterium, you rip time and space asunder through sheer anger, and propel your ships across the cosmos in mere seconds, all while furiously mindfucking the Eldar you captured into serving you forevermore. The Warp twists around you like a pissed off tornado, melting your chair as an aftereffect of your anger. As your fleet exits the Warp, you find yourself facing down a fleet of 40 Imperial Naval vessels.

You Fuck Them Up.

Reaching out with the Warp, you pull on the very pillars of reality, stretching the Warp into the materium, and punching the Imperial Navy vessels with it. Grabbing the minds and bodies of everyone on the ships, you thrown them across the galaxy towards Tch'tal, mindfucking them as you had so many others, and dooming them to forever serve your dark desires.

The planet below, a massive Imperial Naval staging ground, threatens the very foundations upon which you intend to rule the universe. But so furious are you, you don't even give a SINGLE FUCK about ruling it. So you light it on fire with your mind, screaming with such volume as you do so that its very atmosphere is blown away.

Yelling at the planet for sucking cocks, you punch it into the nearest star. The resulting shockwave throws you back into orbit around Tch'tal.

Bubbles speaks up.

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE."

rolled 81 = 81

.>>16103298

NOW WE CAN HAVE A VIOLENT ORGY, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ALL WERE WAITING FOR IT.

>mindfuck 40 imperial ships and throw them across time
advicehereticquest.jpg
>punch a planet into a star for sucking cocks

rolled 15 = 15

>>16103298
Now that's what I call Heresy!

S'pose we should fuck bubbles until we become coherent again. Then send gentorks over to our new vessels.

rolled 24 = 24

>>16103298
Why do you say that my sweet?

Grin maniacally.

rolled 73 = 73

>>16103321
victory celebration!
>>16103178
Then start making shit happen!

rolled 74 = 74

>>16103325
never before have I seen a more apt summary of a quest thread.

also, begin CALMING THE FUCK DOWN! We are scaring bubbles, for fuck sake.

Time to get back to work building our fleet and inventing new heretical technologies!

>>16103355

YOU WANT TO SEE SOME SCARY SHIT? THAT WAS NOTHING.

I CAN SHOW YOU SCARY IF YOU WANT.

rolled 58 = 58

>>16103298
Well shit, after we chat up Nurgle we'll be showing down Horus. Might as well go finish the job that asshole fucked up then, huh?

rolled 49 = 49

>>16103124
Figure out what those Eldar were coming here for.

rolled 80 = 80

lets calm down and be good EL PRESIDENTE

>>16103394

I AM VERY CALM.

>>16103355
>>16103321
>>16103394
Slowly breathing in and out, you manage to get your anger under control, as the air from your lungs ceases to be on fire. The aura of fury around you fades away, replaced by utter calmness. Patting Bubbles on the back, she flinches and tries to move away, only succeeding in turning 90 degrees to the left. Assuring her that you're completely fine, you announce over the intercom that everyone is to commence participating in a very large orgy, on pain of flogging.

Having done so, you use your psychic abilities to send messages through the Warp to command those you mindfucked on the Imperial and Eldar vessels to do so as well. Rebuilding your captain's chair with a single thought, you reshape the bridge to better suit your tastes as well. Calling Bubbles over to you, soon enough you are receiving oral sex from multiple females at once for maximum efficiency, while the rest of your piratical fleet engages in a massive orgy.

For ten hours do you feast upon the energies of your fleet, combining it with the powers you drew from the warp to punch the planet. These energies serve to enhance your own psychic potency, with your mind stretching and your psyche seeming to become more malleable in taking in new ideas.

>Gained Trait: Alpha Plus Psyker
>Gained Power: Teleport
>Gained Power: Stop Time

>Gained Reputation: HOLY SHIT RUN OH GOD OH GOD

This thread is now autosaging. Want me to make another?

rolled 28 = 28

>>16103444

A NEW THREAD WOULD BE NICE, I STILL THINK WE NEED AN IMPERIAL PLANET TO TURN INTO A GIANT SHRINE TO THE BLOOD GOD THOUGH.

rolled 50 = 50

>>16103464
No

>>16103444
We mastered our psychic abilities?
Shiiiit.
Wait, we are insane, that's obvious (VERY FUCKING INSANE INDEED), but why are daemons letting an ALPHA-PLUS PSYKER run free without trying to crawl out of his ears?

And yes, do so.

rolled 6 = 6

eh sure

rolled 87 = 87

>>16103444
Fucking yes! This is some grade A shit OP, keep it coming!

>>16103475
Seriously? We just punched a fucking planet into a star. All the Daemons are probably too scared to even be in the same solar system.

rolled 9 = 9

FUCK YES OP! KEEP GOING!
Seriously, this is the best quest thread on the board right now.

rolled 44 = 44

we should meditate so we can talk to chaos gods and mebe get some cool stuff (deamons coming out of our ears)

rolled 68 = 68

>>16103535
Fuck them, we do alright for ourselves.
The rate this is going we'll BE one soon enough.

>>16103490
So? All the more power for them.
I'm seeing a lot of power and almost zero self-control. We'd be less a lighthouse and more the entire Vegas strip to daemons.

BEHOLD.

>>16103572