Bump. I know you have these stories in large supply. Don't disappoint me, guys.

>>15875803
See
>>15875546
and
>>15875694

If you didn't say "Don't believe in yourself, believe in me who believes in you" - then you're a faggot.

Being the DM of said campaign, and the hesitant person in question, I'm probably obligated to share another moment:

In which the party was fighting the weakened tyrant queen of the aforementioned half-dragon gods on the top of a vast mountain: the cleric of the party, intent on Proving his Worth, charged her. However, seeing this, she spread her wings and fluttered from the edge of the cliff, attempting to bait him to jump off the side.

Well, he did. In addition to casting Enlarge Self.

By the time she noticed, he had already grabbed her.

He then proceeded to plummet down the side of the cliff, GRINDING THE QUEEN INTO THE ROCK FACE the entire way.

The fall damage was pretty massive, but as he had more or less reduced the queen to mulch by the bottom, "admittedly worth it".

>>15875858

Posting Old Man Henderson while I wait for people to notice the thread because he's pretty much obligatory.

>>15875899

having to sift through my 'need to sort' folder for good ones...

This is one of those times when I randomly go on /tg/ and it's the most glorious thing ever. These stories are amazing.

>>15876003
I just feel bad that I have nought to contribute.
am sorry.

>>15876022
I don't have anything either. I've recently found out a friend of mine has started DMing, so I'm going to hopefully be getting in on some D&D 3.5 goodness.

>big water snake monster rises from the depths
>group on shore
>get high init roll like usual as I am a gunslinger
>'alright norah, what do you do?'
>i jump on it
>'what?'
>i jump on it.
>'make an acrob-'
>43
>'you.. jump on it.'
>proceed to take hits from the sorcerer's stupid AoE attacks like a sport, and then blow the monster's face off from the head down
>character is now a proven badass party member

didn't even take one session, gunslinger is a fuckin awesome class

>>15876038
have fun with that! I've been pretty much the only DM around for the past year, and since i've been into the hobby for 15 months, I've not been a player for much of anything. shit sucks. I think probably the most epic moment from any of my campaigns was when the PCs blew up an entire subterranean prison with no magic or (traditional) explosives. Then they levelled up to 2.

>>15876072
I plan to. It'll pretty much be my first serious game, the only other time I played D&D was back in high school at the boys and girls club. The guy running it was a bro, but it wasn't that involved of a campaign since we were kids. I just hope I can have these moments of brilliance that these stories speak of.

>>15876081
fucking fantastic

>>15876136
Oh god, the sweet justice oozing from that story. Delicious.

Captcha
>must gempanga

Why must we gempanga already?

Careful with those 20's

I'm playing in a high-fantasy GURPs game, where we started off as normal people trying to start a settlement in Fey Territory. My character started off as a normal hunter, but he ended up becoming a knight to the White Court fey.

Through a series of events (which involve bitch nymphs), he was sent on a quest to slay the Wendigo. One of a kind, messes with your head, much stronger and faster than mortal man, etc.

During the fight, the Wendigo caught my character's sword (which was on fire), and tossed it aside, and then taunted with "What are you going to do now, little man? Now that you've lost your little stick?"

With that, my character replies "I'm going to break your fucking jaw" before punching the Wendigo (which was now on fire) in the face. With that, the Wendigo bites at him, and he parries with the same arm. From that moment, my character jams his flaming, spiked, plate-covered arm down the Wendigo's throat.

Once his arm was in, he started punching repeatedly, thrashing his arm around the Wendigo's innards, puncturing several organs and the stomach.

By the time his friend arrived to help, my character was standing over a bisected wendigo, who was pretty much boiled alive from the inside.

He asks "Are you alright?"

My character looks at him, vomits (inside his face-plate), and passes out.

>>15876251
Holy shit, I'm laughing so much tears are rolling.
Fucking five star post.

>>15876379
That might be my all time favorite.

>>15876379
Anyone have the drow woman image from that? I need it for a game.

the last one i want to post is still up on the boards so its weirding out on me

>>15862218

Why is this thread so amazing? It's 5:30 in the morning and this is the only thing keeping me awake. I swear to every deity that I shall return to /tg/ one day with stories of mine own so I may return to this fine community what I have reaped.

>>15876476

happens to me all the time, its where i got these screen caps, but dont save them all, only the crazy/amazing ones

So. I'm playing a Warhammer 40k roleplay, Dark Heresy: Ascension, to be precise. I am the group's Inquisitor.

I started my career as a simple adept avoid one of the Emperor's Merchant Vessels, a tallyman and record keeper. I kept the library in order.

Then I found a demon's name.

Needless to say, the Inquisition was not happy, but long story short, I eventually got tutoring in warp-sorcery and demonology and, well, the Xanthites liked me.

My group, as of this story, consists of me, a vindicare assassin, two marines seconded from the Deathwatch (a salamander and a space wolf), a Crusader, and one of those criminal empire leader guys, I forget the precise name right now.

Now, I keep my sorcery secret. It is paramount to my survival that it does not come up. They know I'm a psyker, and I do what I can to aid the group in our missions. Then, one day, due to various circumstances, the party discovered my quote-unquote heresies.

I give this speech to them as they prepare to kill me.

>>15876531

"You call me a heretic. You, who have known me--who have fought along side me--for these many years. Have I not proved my loyalty to Emperor and Imperium? Have I not opposed Chaos at every turn? It is we, you and I, who destroyed the Malleus Malleficarum. It is us who purged the world of Xanthar IV from the sins of their founders. It is we who eradicated the putrid, chaos-twisted xenos of Malacon III. We are brothers. We are comrades. I would even call us friends. And now, you see what I know. What I can do. You see that I can tear holes in the warp. I understand how to create daemonhosts. I tap into powers dark and twisted, damning. Yes, damning. I am damned. I have never once claimed otherwise. But better one inquisitor damned than a million imperial citizens. Better that I take this burden, that my beloved Imperium live another day. Was it worth it? The sacrifices? The temptations? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. My sorcery and my 'heresies' have saved more planets, saved more lies, destroyed more demons, killed more heretics than a million bolter shells, a thousand space marines. But so be it. You have called me heretic. I have called you brother. Kill me now, swiftly. Let it be done."

No one reacted well.

I had to roll up a new character.

>>15876271
I have not laughed that hard for years.
Thank you anon. thank you

hurr hurr hurr

>>15876534
Well, they could hardly not shoot you after that speech. It was practically Oblationatory.

>>15876397
Man, I want to roll a kobold so hard now. I wonder if I can coerce my DM into letting me play as one?

>>15876569

Practically? More or less literally. And yeah, they did shoot me, but even the Marines felt some remorse. (At least, the Space Wolf did. He wrote a saga about that inquisitor.)

>>15876595
Then take heart, for you managed to pull off the whole self-damned martyr end. There's few better ways for a DH character to snuff it.

>>15876577

do what i do, roll up the character and start playing

kobolds are probably my favorite to play and usually out of place with the rest of the party playing generic humans/dorfs/elfs

also i missed this one

Anyone around has the "Old Man Henderson" from CoC?

>>15876608

had one go down in a hover craft crash by being thrown through the front window and speared on some wreckage of the front end

crash was due to pilot error... due to shitty rolls

would have lived cept the dice were hating on me that night, everyone else walked away, i was killed on impact

>>15876639

like the 3rd posted....

this was your spot check

Anyone else got any awesome stories to tell by the campfire?

Friend & DM of the OP here - he's writing a fairly extensive one up.

>>15876745
Fuck year.

>>15875747
>>15875858
Another story from this campaign, then. The Tale of Lamp.

We started out the campaign with a party that is now mostly dead, save for our dragon-grinding cleric friend featured above. The second-longest-lasting character was my sorcerer, Lampen Oathwind, forty-three years of age. Lamp for short. He liked Lamp. Lamp was simple.

He never asked for any of this adventuring business. In his youth, Lamp was a damn good carpenter. Good enough to be sent by his master to learn from the elves. He spent a good chunk of his adolescence and young adulthood living with them, mostly alone and left to his own devices – usually these involved long hours in libraries and a nice smoke – as his less-than-pointy ears earning him a low place on the totem pole. A particularly free-spirited elven woman changed that some years later, pulling him into all that romance business.

They had a daughter together, and damn him if that girl wasn’t his treasure. They lived in relative peace for nearly a decade, raising her. His wife’s death from illness only a short time after that sent him spiraling into despair, one of the few lights in his life suddenly snuffed out, bringing him into his arcane ability through the pain. Magic was something he couldn’t easily get a handle on, very nearly hurting his daughter when first learning to keep the outpouring of energy under control. He took the girl and fled back to human lands, unable to stay in that place much longer without constant thoughts of his beloved.

>>15876774
It was a curious sight – a human man travelling around with a young elven girl tottering at his heels, only living on what his craft could afford him. He found a teacher to help him bring his burgeoning powers as a sorcerer under control, eventually; rather, the teacher found him, giving off all sorts of magical auras as he was. He was a wily old man invariably dressed in a scarlet cloak, accompanied by a smart-mouthed raven familiar, both of which he gave to Lamp after teaching the man all he could.

Lamp’s daughter was nearly of adult age by this time. Deciding it best to begin distancing himself, he left her in the care of one of his close friends, another apprentice of the old man’s.

He had a head full of magic and a family to protect. For the immediate future, he figured adventuring fit the bill.

>>15876779
This is where the first session picked up, and as I said, most of that original party has since died or left. The first party member to die – and this player is now on his THIRD character – was our half-elf rogue, a girl who reminded Lamp very much of his own daughter, only the rogue was rather... maliciously inclined (CE alignment, I forget why he was even allowed to play the character). He saw his daughter the way she might have been, had he never been there. No matter what the others said, he had seen the girl underneath the spiky exterior in at least one fleeting moment.

That rogue was eventually killed by another PC – at a session I was absent from – who’d just had enough of her shit. Logic and emotion being what they are, Lamp didn’t think very well of that and nearly walked out on the group, himself.

Because I didn’t want to roll up another character so soon, he stuck around. And thank God he did.

>>15876782
One of the major antagonists we kept dealing with was the agent of a pain god: a scholar who had just delved too deep into the eldritch for his own good. He regularly kidnapped ‘test subjects’ for cruel arcane experiments. The party eventually landed in his clutches, and he subjected each of them in turn to manifestations of things that would cause them each great pain – Lamp was gifted with an illusion of the deceased rogue slowly bleeding to death and pleading with him to save her. He could only watch as her death played out a dozen times in front of him.

The party eventually managed to escape, setting off with plans to grow stronger, return, and defeat the deranged scholar.

Returning several months later, the group engaged him in head-on, but he was all but unkillable despite their best efforts. He showed them the illusions again – this time, Lamp saw his daughter in chains as one of the subjects of the ‘experiments.’ He ran to embrace her, only for her form to change to that of the torturer – we’ll call him painfucker – and very nearly deal him a fatal wound.

The DM hinted at this point there was more to be done with painfucker’s story, yet, but Lamp was having none of it. He’d gone into territory nobody fucked with. There was no fucking with his daughter. Ever.

>>15876790
As the party fought desperately to escape, Lamp made sure they were past the exit before shrugging off his mentor’s cloak, giving it to the raven, and asking that he deliver it safely to his daughter. He turned to face his tormentor.

I mentioned in my first story that the party had been questing to restore strength to a circle of dying gods. Each god had selected a party member to act as their champion – Lamp was the champion of Urd, god of stone. They signified this servitude by marking the palm of each champion with their emblem: in Urd’s case, a circle, which granted Lamp the ability to turn himself and occasionally other objects to stone.

Urd had been “killed” by the true antagonist of the campaign some time before, barely clinging to an anemic existence through Lamp. The mark faded in and out of power after that, the powers it granted almost completely gone.


>Me: Lamp rips off his glove and takes a look at his palm. Looking for something.
>DM: …It’s there.

With a final glance over his shoulder, he stormed right up to painfucker, shoved his palm into his stomach, and called on Urdsgift.

There was about twenty full seconds of silence from the other players.

>>15876791
Final result: Lamp’s satisfied smile was frozen on his face as he, painfucker, and the entire tower they were in became a solid granite monument to why you should never, EVER piss off a dad.

And now the party adventures with a red-cloaked half-elven girl, raven at her side.

>>15876796
Oh god, that was awesome. My captcha even had FAMILY in it.

>>15876796

As the DM of this particular jaunt, I should note that in addition to the pain mage's fortress, his entire army of metallic, four-armed servants, and pretty much all terrain in a five-mile radius was also petrified.

>>15876814
What about the other PC's? Were they petrified too?

>>15876796
>>15876814
tears to my eyes.
That is great.

>>15876820
They got out -- along with all of painfucker's test subjects -- through a teleportation crystal he kept in the main chamber of the tower.

They still don't know what happened. One of our warblade's swords is still sticking point-first in the cave they emerged into as a grave marker.

>>15876820

Lamp's actions disrupted the pain mage's abilities long enough for the party to escape through one of the fortress's built-in portals. They got out only when he yelled at them, mid-spell, to leave him behind.

>>15876843
Hey, who's telling the story here, mang

>>15876851

Try'na help, mang

>>15876796
I made a cap of this story, for funsies.

>>15876869
Get the Gurren Lagann moment and DRAGONGRIND in there, too! Just as lead-up.

I feel all writefaggy now. Hopefully the current campaign will produce more tales like this for me to give you guys.

>>15876877
Got it. I even gave it a spiffy title.

>>15876947
I fucked it up but I can't be arsed to fix it now.

While playing Rogue trader our party ran into some eldar who surprisingly did not want to fight us unfortunately our rogue trader was a fucking moron and opened fire on them instantly. We managed to kill all of them apart from the leader who was destroying us completely

I was playing an ork

i ran at him took huge damage and got reduced to 1 wound

I grabbed him

Suplexed him

and he exploded

None of the other party members ever even looked at me funny for the rest of the game

>>15876962
>Suplex explosion
What.

>>15876947
You are a gentleman and a scholar.

>>15876996
Yep the DM said he was reduced to a fine red mist on impact

>>15876947
fixed it for all of you.

>>15877004
Mother of god.

Hey, that reminds me, wasn't there a hugely broken class build in DnD 3.5 where you could throw like 20 swords in a turn? I remember reading a screencap about it, does anyone have it?

>>15877011
Thanks bro, have my axe.

>>15877020

Was it Archer?

>>15877030

I'm pretty sure it was Archer.

>>15877030
Shit, I'm not sure. It was a series of advancements that lead to being able to wreck shit in like a single turn. The thread about it mighta been on the archives too. Imma search my images and see if I saved it.

>>15876814
>>15876796
MOTHER. FUCKING. SALUT.

Here's to you, Lamp.

>>15876962
In the same campaign an inquisitor got really mad while visiting our ship and blew a hole in the cargo bay. My Ork kicked his squig into the inquisitors head which in turn sent him flying out of the hole into deep space

>>15877045

I think it might have been a Master Thrower build that gets a bunch of attacks combined with Tiger Claw maneuvers and the Bloodstorm Blade class in ToB.

Lamp's player here -- the DM is writing up a story from another campaign to share. There will be a brief intermission wherein gentlemen may refresh their beverages and ladies may attend to their makeup.

>>15877062
>>15877045
Iaijutsu Katana Chucker build probably?
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/archive/index.php?t-134276.html

>>15877178
Holy shit yes, that's exactly what it was! You are fucking awesome sir. I want to make this character some day.

>>15877164

Right, suppose I better put a PC story here as well as a DM one… in my first game, I was Trivon, the half-elven Cleric of a party of 4 – me, a big dopey-but-affable orc fighter, a zealous human paladin, and a big fat old ex-bartender human rogue (think Thenardier from Les Mis).

My guy was a real idealist, very neutral good – not wide-eyed and full of naiveté, but just very quietly believed there was inherent goodness in everyone. Kind of got forced to act as the moral center of the party; he and the orc had a very Heavy/Medic dynamic (I LOVE ZIS HALFELF!), he stayed the paladin’s hand more than once, and pudgerogue often made a lot of noise of “not bein’ able to have any fun while the kid’s around” but seemed to go almost paternal at times. But he trusted that all of them were good people, and believed that it was a kind of destiny that brought them all together.

There was one memorable exchange where the paladin almost left the party at his treating a particularly bastardly enemy prisoner with kindness, claiming that he didn’t deserve to be shown any mercy. Trivon’s mumbled reply was that “It’s not about who deserves it”.

>>15877200

Holy cocks.

This is a bit much even for me, I mean, this shit can one shot a Great Wyrm.

I mean... 16 (1d10+7+2(Power Attack)+7(d6+10[30 CHA])

That's a number.

>>15877222

Over the course of the party’s journey, they learned of and came into opposition with a dark magus, a man who completely destroyed an entire plane of existence, bearing almost unstoppable arcane energies. The paladin, understandable, swore vengeance against him, the orc figured he was a Bad Man, and the rogue just thought he was too powerful to be left to his own devices. Whenever Trivon tried to suggest that he might not be totally evil, he was scoffed at (and justified, I guess.)

In the middle of a sneaky stealth mission into said villain’s lair Through a haphazard binding of a Clairvoyance spell to a completely blank journal, he managed to access the VILLAIN’S journal as though that was the book he was holding. Essentially, he found that the villain gained his powers through an arcane surge from an artifact, killing his family (a wife, Rhea, and son, Theodore) and entire village in the process. The journal pretty much ended on a “my god what have I done” note. Trivon never mentioned this to the party. But it pretty much solidified his belief that the villain was – or used to be – a good man.

>>15877225
It's a level 20 character. While yes, it's fun, it's still beat by wizards and stuff. Still, it's a fun build.

>>15877227

The climactic moment came when the party had trekked up through the innards of a massive volcano to find the magus floating in the center of the volcano’s mouth, preparing a ritual that would cause the volcano to rise above the world and erupt endlessly, “cleansing all in fire”. From the volcano’s rim they traded attacks, magic and arrows flying across the chasm while the paladin and rogue fought off molten beasts trying to knock us into the lava below. When at long last the magus started to flag, Trivon shed his pack.

(Aside: I had been OOC building up that I had prepared one singular spell in preparation for this final battle, and they had been guessing all kinds of potentially powerful things – Energy Drain was the one they kept guessing, but I remained tight lipped.)

>>15877238

The paladin, seeing Trivon getting rid of his equipment, shouted several variants on “what the hell are you doing”, and Trivon just gave him a resigned smile before kicking his pack away, and stomping on the rim of the volcano. Wall of Stone. A stone bridge formed beneath him as he ran, a long lane of rock leading directly to the center. The magus saw him approaching, and fired off a barrage of spells – all of which Trivon took, bringing him to about ten percent of his maximum health and shattering the bridge with the force of the impacts. He jumped through the air – all quiet around the table now with one spell left – and caught him floating in the air, clinging, palm against the villain’s forehead.

“You are forgiven.” Trivon speaks quietly. “Rhea and Theodore wait for you.”

And to the DM, I said only: “Final spell. Atonement.”


The DM told me that for a moment, the villain looked like someone else entirely – a shocked, sad old man – before deactivating the levitate spell. The both of them plummeted. Before they hit the lava, the DM said that Trivon heard only one word: “Thank-“

>>15877246

After watching the both of them disappear, the remaining party flew into an emotional rage, completely destroying the rest of the magus’s minions. The volcano calmed, the ritual stopped, and the paladin found Trivon’s pack. Within were all his possessions, and the villain’s “journal”, bookmarked with a small slip of paper that said simply:

“To feel sorrow is to deserve peace.”

>>15877246
"You may cast this spell upon a creature of an opposing alignment in order to offer it a chance to change its alignment to match yours. The prospective subject must be present for the entire casting process. Upon completion of the spell, the subject freely chooses whether it retains its original alignment or acquiesces to your offer and changes to your alignment."

>>15877253

;_;

>>15877253
Bravo.

>>15877299
Trivon and co. happened before I knew this DM, but it's almost become a contest in our games to see who can induce the strongest emotional reaction in either our playing or DMing.

Makes for some damned good stories.

>>15876424

>>15877312
Emotional roleplaying is best roleplaying.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14185204/

>>15877253
.... I wish so very much for my group to transform into anything just remotely as awesome and manly tear inducing as this. Bravo, good sir. Bravo. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

>>15877253

Anyone remember the one where the peeps thought they were dealing with a that guy the entire way (asshole drunk guy?) but it turned out he was RPing a paladin like a pro and they felt bad for being a dick to him?

>>15877533

>>15877560

Awesome ta!

needs that epic story about the pc's vs. the terrasque and his army via epic airship of win

sadly, i don't have the screencap of that one...

>>15877592

It's somewhere in here; there must be a link to another thread buried in here.

>Party exploring a cave, finds a red dragon hoard (with him sitting on it.
>Barbarian/bear warrior (not me) tries to be party face, fails miserably.
>Bard (not me) tries to be party face. Still fails.
>Dragon turns to me (Filbert Wolfe, gestalt wizard/duskblade into Sandshaper).
>Red dragon wants to find and kill a silver dragon that killed his parents or something, but can't cast scry or teleport. He hands me a scroll of scry, I find the silver dragon (real douchebag, but whatevs).
>Fil tells the dragon that he'll need to go get a scroll of Greater Teleport (I'm not quite high enough to cast it yet). Dragon agrees, threatening to eat the party if I don't come back. It's cool, I'll come back.
>Come back with scroll, start casting.
>Look at DM: "Greater teleport says anywhere I know of or have line of sight, no limit on range, no chance of failure...So, I've seen the moon before, right?"

DM pretty much rage quit and made us fight it anyways because he "spent all night statting it up and figuring out how it worked".

>>15877329
My eyes refused to give away, but my Soul cried bitch tears.

Not amazing but a spree of about 3 or 4 nat 20s.

All our players are in a close circle of online friends who are in skype calls with eachother pretty much all day.
Our DM, who runs most of our campaigns however short, had drawn up a homebrew to get some of the less frequent players into dnd style games.
The system for a character was simple, you had Stre, For, Dex, Int, Spirit, Size, Cha and you just made d20 rolls for your actions based off of the stat is was closest to.

The plot was that our IRL selves woke up in a forest in medieval eastern europe and had to use our wits and future knowledge to survive.
The DM, who had also rolled up a PC based on himself to follow us around and be the logical one, was pissing around checking the soil for beetles to see if there were any fruitbearing trees around and looking at the position of the sun to determine the time of day.
Now, all of this would normally be immense metagaming but considering that we WERE the characters, we were allowed to use anything that we knew already.
We were also asked for 5 items from around our bedrooms before we even knew the nature of the campaign and so he revealed to us that where our characters sat, we were surrounded by those 5 items and anything electrical in nature immediately short circuited and broke.
(My electric keyboard being one), which left me with a bottle of Old Spice body wash, an acoustic guitar, a ceramic skull about the size of a watermelon that I had received as a gift for yanno putting shit in, and I dont recall the fifth.

Now because we all live in different countries we use Gametable for our sessions. But anyway, I ran off to the north screaming "Heretics" as I would in this situation and my buddy let's call him R followed me.

cont

>>15878326
Me and R entered a house we found and found an old man, quite irate at having his house broken into. He speaks a language we don't understand (later find out it's medieval ukrainian or similar) and offers us tea, I drink some without thinking and R holds back.

You guessed it, 2 rounds later i'm making Fort saves to see if I can stand and R is beating the old man with the teakettle.

This is the first 20, R having shoved the old man into his own fireplace, who is now flailing his arms while he burns to death, I roll a nat 20+1 on my fortitude save. The DM says in an effort of sheer will, the poison is forced from my blood and exits my pores and I vomit up the rest of the poison onto the old man's burning figure.

Pissed off that I had missed several turns due to my own stupidity at the hands of this devious old man I was seized by khornate rage and rolling Strength to pull the old mans head off.
Another Nat 20.
I pulled it from his neck with my bare hands and put it in the ceramic skull I was holding.
R and I then proceeded to pillage his vegetable patch for supplies and I continued towards a nearby village. R had decided to remain at the house to set up a base of operations for our party.

Skulking along a treeline paralel to a long path which lead to a drawbridge guarded by an old man and a young boy, I rolled Charisma to jump through the treeline and shout OH YEAH, to intimidate the two. I rolled an 18 and the DM allowed it, keep in mind that we also factored in the fact that I am about 6ft and considered near giant standards by the people of this time.
When they refused to allow me to pass I pulled out my acoustic guitar and rolled Cha again. Nat 20, the DM ruled that the two were so enthralled by my performance and the whimsical instrument on which it was played that they allowed me to pass and were now loyal fans.

Cont

Bump

>>15878433
I make my way into the town and roll up a look check, I see a building that stands out from the wooden ones in the centre of down, it is made of white stone and gleams in the sun, with a spire with various christian symbols carved into it. I roll dex to see if I can climb the building, I roll well and get to a point where I'm almost at the top but people can still clearly see and hear me.
I begin to play.
Once again, shocked at my own incredible good luck which is normally nothing but low rolls and critical failures, the DM announced Nat 20.
I begin playing a song of my made up homeland, where the men are all over 6ft tall and the women are buxom and fair.
I sing of many things, the countryside and the cities of iron and glass.
They can't understand what i'm saying but are enthralled none the less.
An idea then took me, they know nothing of me, and my character IS me with all my knowledge and quirks.
I start to sing of the God of my homeland: Khorne.
I then started firing off /tg/ quotes like "Rip and Tear" and "Blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne".

And that's the story how within the first session I rallied an entire god-fearing christian town under the banner of the bloodgod, I intend to use this to reenact the Horus heresy in a real world setting and eventually topple christianity itself, conquering the world for the ruinous powers.

Not very climactic I know, but it's all I got. Hopefully it'll show new players how a few lucky rolls can be the seeds of something awesome.

I have never played a game of D&D or anything, yet this thread is amazing.

BUMP FOR THE BUMP GOD

>>15878700
From another thread.

>>15878750
Ah yes, I saw that in the thread it was from. (been following this thread from the start)

Not mine, but it needs to be shown

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/50_Copper_and_Ludi%27drizz%27t

>>15877403
This cap didn't include the description of the spell, so I made one myself.

I was apart of a Star Wars Roleplaying Game. I was dating the DM, but trust me I recieved no preferential treatment. Our party was a Twi'lek Scoundrel, Human Noble, a Bothan Soldier, A Human Jedi Guardian, and me a human Jedi Consular (the guardian was my master). The party was disenchanted with me to begin with, as our last DnD campaign ended with my gestalt Wizard/Sorcerer turning all of their corpses into Golems and taking over the kingdom we were sent to protect.

The broliest of them talked to me before the game, and said everyone was still bitter about it and came up with the idea of acting as my master, so they wouldn't do some IG shit for something that happened in another game, and they'd feel better if they felt they had someone to keep a leash on my heinous actions.

I went along with it, and things were going okay until it came to building my lightsaber. I was about to retrieve the crystal that i felt would be perfect for me (it was brown, my favorite color) and the Bothan shattered it in combat before I could harvest it. Instead I was forced to take a red crystal, the only other one in this cave. We'd been all over area we were in searching for crystals and this was the only cave we found. If we stayed planetside any longer we weren't going to be able to fight off the local fauna.

CONT

>>15879957

I built my lightsaber aboard our ship and it should have been a proud moment for my character, but i guess I was let down at how I couldn't have been brown. The Twi'lek came bursting into the quarters me and my master shared and exclaimed that they picked up a distress beacon and wanted to check it out.

We found a ship that had been attacked by space privateers, and I deployed with the Bothan and the Twi'lek in a shuttlecraft and docked with the wrecked vessel. Inside we found no living people, and split up to investigate faster. When the Twi'lek and the Bothan radio'd me they said that there where some people locked inside this room, and they couldn't reach them. I came running and they ushered me into the room, only for my to discover that all that lurked inside this bay was a fucking rancor.

>>15877560
That. Magnificent. Bastard.

>>15880025

I tried to open the door behind me but they disabled it. I looked back to the rancor, half starved and mad and broke out my lightsaber, prepared to fight to the death. I didn't have a lot of force powers, and my character wasn't amazing at combat, mostly in an effort to appease the rest of the group that I wouldn't betray them again. The rancor tried to grab me as I slashed at it like a mad man. I used almost every resource I had to kill this beast, and through some lucky rolls and I found myself on it's back and I dug my blade deep into its fucking neck. It finally died, collapsed.

At that moment it seemed to my character that everything was apparent. My allies were traitors, my sacrifices nothing. I radio'd my master privately, and asked he strike down these men who would see the jedi undone and helpless. He counseled I stand down. I argued these were unjust men, traitors and would-be murderers and he declared that he will discuss it with the Noble. He ordered me to stand down,

I saw it all clearly. I knew what was happening. My allies were traitors, and master sought only to keep me chained. I pondered in bay atop a pile of gore. I had more power then they. My power gave me strength. Through my strength I attained victory over this monster. My master wished me chained to his will... but through victory my chains are broken.

CONT

>>15880150
>ANON BETRAYED US LAST GAME!
>I KNOW, LET'S BETRAY HER *THIS* GAME FOR NO REASON AT ALL!

And then they failed at betrayal and succeeded only in UNLEASHING THE DRAGON

>>15880150

I cut through the door with my Lightsaber. The bothan and the Twi'lek I found at the shuttle. I moved silently around the shuttle bay until i was on the opposite side of the shuttle as them. I leaped over the shuttle and landed blade first on top of the Bothan. He died. The Twi'lek pulled out his blaster but I reached out with the force and pinned him to the shuttle. I asked him who laid these plans for my death. Terrified, he answered the Noble. I entered the shuttle, using my force power to hold the twi'lek against the hull. I flew back to the ship, releasing my hold only when the twi'lek's body was destroyed by the vacuum of space.

Entering the dock I found my Master waiting. His lightsaber in hand, unignited. He was told of the plan by the Noble, but the order had commanded him to protect the man. He would not defy the order in this. I told my Master i would not raise my lightsaber against him in combat and fell to my knees. He approached me, and kneel'd to put his hand on my shoulder. He looked into my eyes, and I into his and he had realized too late my intention. My body crackled with what remained of my force power. Lightning entered his body, as much as I could muster. He fell incapcitated and I stood over his body. I pulled out a simple knife, and cut his throat. I would not raise my lightsaber to the man who had taught me so much. I had more decency then that.

>>15880217

I walked to the cockpit, where the Noble had his pistol trained as I opened the door. I asked what I had done to provoke this. the Noble said that he didn't like me, and thought I would hinder his plans. He wanted me dealt with, and this ship seemed an ample opportunity. I asked if he cared at all for the repercussions of his actions or the lives of his men. He was confident, and believed he could just hire a new crew. The order would send another Knight, surely. I ignited my blade and informed him that all he had succeeded in doing was ensuring his death.

I lifted my blade as he pulled the trigger. He missed his first shot. I cult off his hand. I grabbed him by the hair, and dragged him kicking and screaming to the escape pods. I threw him in, I sent him off. I brought our ship around, and radio'd him one last time.

"I am Artian Redding. Before you my eyes were closed to the ways of the universe. Before you I was content to follow the order, believing myself to be helping the innocent across the universe. I thought I could be a hero. I see now the truth, that men like you and my master hold the chains of the universe. Those chains will be broken. I will be an instrument of the force, smashing all who seek to rule and call themselves master over another. There will be freedom."

I opened fire on his escape pod with our ships artillery. I started out on my new quest, to gather those who would see the universe free, and to break the chains of those who bound them. To be free I needed an army of Jedi. To be free the Masters needed to die.

>>15880310

>>15880204

In their defense, it was a pretty grievous betrayal. I hadn't done it as like an lolrandumb thing. They were just huge dicks in character, and we weren't accomplishing anything. They had been playing those characters for a whole two years. I can understand why they were angry at me.

>>15880375
... So both times they brought it upon themselves?

I don't see your point anon.

>>15880390

I am not saying they weren't huge douchebags i'm just saying i see why they were angry. That's a lot of work to put into characters. I feel bad about at least the first betrayal.

>>15875747
gotta love throwing pop-culture references

>>15880416
Honestly, in most every other case I frown upon a betrayal of the party. I have to hand it to you though, in both of these cases you seemed to have legitimate reasons for doing it, it was well executed and made for a good story
Well done old chap

MORE!!!

This is from my current campaign, but a screenshot is easier than copypasta'ing it.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15875747/

>Start campaign in weird pocket dimension.
>The place is made up of a bunch of towers connected by bridges. Below is a hellish landscape.
>While crossing one of these damaged bridges, a bunch of demons show up.
>Leader is this large flying demoness
>Combat starts and I run towards her while she perches on the side of the bridge.
>She goes to wind buffet us over the edge and I slide underneath the blast.
>Sliding, I then spring off the ground with my hands and spinning, kick her in the face.
>Used stunning blow and she fails her save.
>Rest of party is busy with other enemies on the bridge.
>I pummel her for some damage and the next round she tries to fly away.
>AoO
>Roll high and grab one of her wings.
>Wrap up the other wing to help me slam her into the ground.
>She's mad now and grapples me.
>Starts flying up but I manage to win my grapple before we're too high.
>Jump away and land on one of these floating rocks that are littering the area and suspending the bridge.
>I'm now a good 60 feet above the bridge.
~~Cont~~

>>15881535
>She laughs, then goes to wind buffet me off.
>Jump down atop one of the decorative columns lining either side of the bridge to make sure I don't get blown into the abyss.
>Take damage from this, then descend the column using slow fall and acrobatics to land again on the bridge.
>Meanwhile, the demon has flown about to attack my friends. I notice one of the floating stones nearby.
>Run over and use it as a spring board to launch myself into the air, using a ki point for a +20 bonus.
>Hidden Monk flying drop kick the demon in the back of the head.
>Another stunning fist and she fails the save.
>Falls out of the sky and impacts the bridge hard.
>Stands up pissed as all fuck looking at my monk still descending from the attack.
>SUDDENLY our rogue hits her like a missle and crits.
>Our sorc had buffed and enlarged himself,
>Rolled a natural 20 to throw the rogue at the demon like a spear.
>MASSIVE DAMAGE and there is a hole in the demon's chest.

>>15881549
>>15881535
When you posted this in its own thread I thought it was a cleverly disguised monk troll thread. I still do. A boss enemy failing two stunning fist saves, and being easy for a monk to hit? Nah.

>>15881549

>>15881565
don't worry the rest of the campaign I was not that great but it seemed that whenever we came across demons I couldn't roll under an 18.

>>15881565
It was like, the third encounter in the first session of a homebrew setting. The MINI-boss was bigger on reflex.

Before I start the story, lemme explain what's going on. Me and my bros were having an 'Apocalypse Night'. Each person DM'd their own apocalyptic campaign, added onto the previous persons. So that in the final campaign the world has been destroyed 6 times by tons of crazy things. Zombies, North Korea, Nanobots, Demons, Cthulhu, all kinds of crazy things destroyed the world even more after each player's campaign. My friend was doing the first apocalypse, so he got to destroy a clean and un-destroyed world. His campaign was that the party was a bunch of paranormal investigators filming a tv show and they ultimately opened the portal to hell under an old building that was used for satanic rituals by crazy kids.

So, all the world's water turned to blood and lava and brimstone covered most of the Earth, and all humans were enslaved by the Demonic forces and were used for forced labor, breeding and experiments. So, my campaign followed up as a part of enslaved humans in a destroyed Seattle who were mining brimstone for their Demonic leaders. Turning the water to blood pissed off someone ... deep in ocean ... Cthulhu arose.


The demon infested world is getting hit by blood tsunamis by Cthulhu, In this, a bunch of Shoggoth's kill the party's overseer, ultimately freeing the party. The campaign starts and they immediately have to fight a boss known as Zihg'Vhan who was a gigantic spider crab. The party kills him, and hollow out some chitin and use it as a raft to go explore and see what the fuck is going on. They kill more demons and cthulu minions, and find out that there's a cult who helped to summon Cthulhu and they defeat the cult leader and get his spellbooks and such, then they find out where Cthulhu was summoned and actually kill Cthulhu...

>>15881949

Twist? Yeah. It turns out Cthulhu was actually saving humanity by defeating their Demon overlords and destroying Cthulhu's planet. Cthulhu is pretty much God in this campaign, and he was killed by humans. Since he was killed, the demons took over again and re-enslaved all the humans. Good job, party. I left my players speechless, and I was happy. Just seeing their faces when it turned out Cthulhu was a good guy, was epic.

2/2

>>15881961
Ha! Seems like they were blinded by prejudice. haven't they heard of the lesser of two evils?

Bumping an awesome thread.

>>15884766
What that guy said.

Rogue Trader.

Our Light Cruiser and Frigate escort are ambushed by stealth Eldar Dragonship. Frigate, commanded by beloved NPC, (promoted from Helmsman after we got the Light Cruiser) takes several rounds of fire, nearly being crippled. Order him to withdraw "no matter what" while moving Light Cruiser to shield his retreat.

Couple rounds of fire exchanged, strafed by Eldar fighters/bombers. Clash culminates with a devastating exchange of broadsides that leaves Eldar ship at half health and our Light Cruiser nearly crippled and half the crew dead or dying, over 20,000 men.

Have my character, the Rogue Trader, leap from his command throne and shove the helmsmen aside, bringing the ship on a hard turn and giving the order for ramming speed. It cannot end like this! Apologize to the rest of the party OOC for causing this TPK by not retreating earlier when we had the chance.

Rest of the party takes it in stride and everyone throws out actions to ensure the ram strikes home, whole surviving crew puts everything into it. Fate points spent everywhere, ship thunders forward, everyone prepares for the worst, the holofields will surely foil us. This is how our nearly two year campaign ends?

Dice hit the table, open roll, as always.

>>15885080

Our burning Dauntless Light Cruiser thrusts into the Dragonship like a flaming spear of the Emperor's vengeance. The dragonship's spine shatters as the bottom of our prow smashes clear through her upper decks. She's crippled and we prepare for the return damage roll.

1 point of damage, almost nothing. Armor absorbed it all, Emperor smiled on the dice.

. . . But its not enough, Eldar attack craft take off from the stricken Xeno heavy cruiser. We're strafed once again and the fighters withdraw to rearm, another pass will finish us and we'll never get another attack off in time, that heavy exchanged had disabled our port broadside.

Eldar captain hails to gloat and be generally prudish and Eldary.

Dynasty's frigate comes soaring in out of silent running with long-range sunsear fire, finishing off the Dragonship. Scold the Commander for disobeying my direct orders to withdraw, hug the bastard for disobeying my direct orders, cause I would've done the same.

Live to fight another day.

I hope people are screen-capping the stories here for future threads.

This is a character of my cousin's.

>Cousin's first time playing DnD.
>Made a 80-something year old mangy Gnoll druid.
>Main attack was always grappling. Grappling along with assrape. Old, calloused dick.
>Our party reaches the end of a cave to face the boss of the quest: A green dragon holding a badly injured golden dragon prisoner.
>He tries to sneak over and wake up the gold dragon, but the green dragon catches him, and stares into his eyes just inches from his face.
>The Gnoll jumps up and goes at it up the dragon's nose.
>The green dragon uses its acid breath, but holds his mouth closed so it goes up the nose, and ends up melting the Gnoll's crotch off, resulting in instant death.

The fight went on and ended with our Half-Orc barbarian jumping onto the dragon's back, entering rage, and ripping the dragon's wings off, then reaching into the two holes to rip out the spine. Then our cleric used his staff of revive to bring my cousin's character back to life.

>>15886851
>>15886851
What.

>>15886851

I'm off to bed, this shit had better be on sup/tg/ tomorrow.

Couldn't have asked for a better introduction to /tg/, I s'pose.

>Playing homebrew.
>Running around in this castle full of horrible things, i'm essentially the Heavy, big dude who runs around punching things and talking to his gun.
>Enter a room to find some gigantic, horrific construct that we all know will completely demolish us, which is apparently inactive.
>Quietly close the door and leave.
>Run into these two things which are basically dryads with guns.
>Fight them for a while until one opens a hole in the floor, trying to trap me.
>Decide to fire rocket at the ground and rocketjump to safety.
>Rocket goes down a floor through the hole and hits some terrifying monstrosity we'd been avoiding. Hear it roar in anger.
>Current enemies book it out of there.
>Entire party starts to panic as the only way out of the hallway we're in is toward the stairs where the thing is surely coming up.
>I run back to the room with the construct, boot the door open, and shoot it in the face.
>Everyone hides as it rounds the corner and comes face to face with the other angry monster.
>Let them both fight it out while party sneaks away unharmed.

>>15876251
Dude, what?

>>15887059

Has this been bumped in a while? I think it deserves a bump.

And an archive.

>>15887545
its already been archived for a while.

>>15884766
>>15887017
>>15887545
>>15887637
Awwwyouuuuguyyyssss

My first substantial thread in months and it's archived. Son, I am proud.

>>15875899
>>15875900
Both old man henderson posts got dubs that's pretty sick!

Come on, /tg/, we've gotta have more stories of badassery than this. I'll contribute something small.

I'm an amateur dev and I was testing out a sci-fi/fantasy homebrew with my friends. The group was a diverse mix of robot wizards and such. One of the group members was a user of sound magic, ranging from things like sonic attacks to magical music. Usually he let the others handle things, but he had a major moment of awesome.

The BBEG was an evil mage of some kind and they were fighting him in a geothermal power plant. Its heat source was a giant cave full of magma under the ground, where a volcano used to be before the area was developed.

After getting soundly trounced, the BBEG escaped into the lava caves, using magic to survive in the molten rock. The party had a member who could transform into a dragon, and so they used him to pursue. The BBEG was hiding in the magma and throwing pillars of it at the party. Nobody could really get to him unless he came out of the magma, and for the time being he was more than content to just hide in it and throw lavaballs at them.

That's when the sound mage stepped up. He had a couple specific magical songs, one that caused a morale debuff in enemies and one that had a chance to cause people to go to sleep. He didn't use them much, though. He told me he was casting Lullaby, and I told him to roll.

He succeeded. The BBEG fell asleep... and could no longer concentrate on his protective spells, since he was unconscious. He burned to death in the lava.

It was such an awesome move I didn't have the heart to fiat it out.

>>15889257
Some of the most awesome moment require a GM that's cool enough to let it go down without dicking with it.

>>15890756
Indeed

>this thread is still going
I love you all. I just wish I could get into d&d or something so I could contribute.
(yes, extreme newbro here).

Anyone got some righteous l5r stories?

Bushido ho!

>>15876271
holy fuck I am crying

>>15877329

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14185204/#14186565

The warforged digging story from this thread? When it comes to the post where he goes face-to-face with Death?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXRN_P9miUc

This song. This song right here.

>>15889257
I am the group DM I have learned to simply roll with the cool stuff at times. During the recent Adeptus Evangelion game, during a vicious fight between an AI controlled Trident with an AT Field and the party melee skirmisher. He realized something vital about the place the battle was taking place.
Him: So, it's standing in-front of the shaft it took to the surface from the hidden base right?
DM: Yes.
Him: [I did stack all my ATS into Massive Momentum last turn so. All out attack Called shot torso, Might of Cain, I'll use all of my reaction actions to tack on the damage, and spend the fate point for more strength.] I'll cut that bastard in half, and kick it down the shaft before the N2 reactor can explode. The shaft ought to channel the force upwards, minimizing collateral damage. I have no intention of looking at that explosion either.
The dice decide to approve of this, granting a righteous fury for over 50 wounds before armor and soak. I knew the rules stated that he had just stood there and let an N2 mine go off in his face with no AT Field to protect him.
DM: The rising heat axe slices the Trident in two, and your kick sends it flying down the shaft before the reactor can go critical. The detonation cracks earth for miles, a shaft of brilliance rising behind the Eva into the stratosphere. Cool guys don't look at explosions, even when the hidden base's reactor decides to join in the fun, turning your backdrop into a blinding wall of light.

There was no way I was going to ruin something that epic. (besides, the base being destroyed cost them information, and loot usable to fund their organization.)

>>Exalted
>>Party sailing an iceship.
>>Party surrounded by army of beastmen.
>>Dawn Caste (consummate warrior) wins initiative. Forgoes turn, allowing Eclipse to go first.
>>Eclipse (diplomat) botches intimidating speech at army of beastmen.
>>Beastman leader succeeds on speech mocking Eclipse.
>>Slaughter looms.
>>Eclipse goes berzerk (player decision.. no mechanical impetus)
>>Leaps off mast of iceship, falls two stories to punch beastman leader in face.
>>So many 0's on accuracy roll, d10 (0 = double success)
>>So many 1's on Damage roll. (failure)
>>Dawn caste interrupts my description of his vicious beating at the hands of an army of beastmen to say "I shoot him."
>>"Right when the punch lands, I shoot the beastman"
>>Dawn caste is a pirate lord with a ship's cannon for a main weapon.
>>So many 0's to hit. (extra successes over enemy defense = extra dice on damage)
>>So many dice successes for damage.
>>Beastman explodes.
>>Eclipse Caste roars, grabbing the ruined corpse and ripping pieces of flesh apart with his bare hands.
>>Beastmen break and flee the murderous hero who can blow their leader apart with his fists.

>>MFW

Playing DH:

Good friend of mine is fun to play with but does super stupid shit.Okay so he is playing a Gaurdsman, Raaga Chorn, this name became infamous for our group. So Raaga had already done plenty of stupid shit by this point, in our first mission he had basically gone on a rampage through a orbital station(Basically blew up the defense HQ). So we're on this war world, orks, EVERYWHERE, we're with one of our inquisitors top advisors, he's leading us to a structure where we're supposed to recover an artifact. We're all going there in a chimera. Raaga says fuck that shit and goes off on his own. He steals an attack bike, a box of cigars and two canteens of water.(By the way, he was stupid good at making rolls for the shit he pulled)

>>15893161
Anyways, so he rides off on his attack bike to the place we're going, but a different route. On the way he runs into a group of orks that had landed astray from the rest of the rock. He proceeds to kill the orks, and wrestle with the grots, he finishes the final grot by choking it with one of the orks intestines, rolls a fucking 1 on the d100 so he does it. Anyways, he continues on his goddamn merry way, smoking a cigar while he drives. So meanwhile, we're fighting against ork truks that are beating the shit out of us, we last long enough that Raaga catches up. So he's driving like a madman towards us, pulls out his great axe(He was from a feral world and had acquired it). So he comes charging along, makes a jump off a sand dune, him and the ork truk are flying at each other(It was trying to make a wide ass turn) He swings, his great axe at the ork truk, GM facepalming, rolls another fucking one, his great axe cleaves through the trruks ramshackle armour plating, kills the orks, causes them to fire into the truks ammo, fucking thing goes up in flames.

He can't slow down and crashes into a wall. He survives until he tries to kill my character(I was trying to steal the artifact for a Magos) He uses a flamer INSIDE a fucking chimera. Lights me(Unconscious) on fire and other party members, they light him up with lasguns, roll critical damage, his head blows up and he catches fire, flails around and lights everyone on fire, almost total party wipe. One of our Gaurdsmen, a country farm boy picks up one of the cigars that was left, it was burnt and charred, he put it in his mouth and took a smoke. Raaga's body was then blown up with melta gell along with all the rest of his gear.

Copied over from the other thread.

My last Mutants and Masterminds campaign.

We started out as supercops in Las Vegas following a massive Origin Event - essentially, the entire city was exposed to ridiculous quantities of psychic energy, causing superpowers to manifest in roughly half the population. Life got interesting fast.

Halfway through the campaign we're fighting a bunch of pagan gods holding nuns hostage and demanding the nuns give them their fair share of the worship.

The session after that we we caught in the middle of a superhero boy band, the Marvel Boys, and their publicity stunt "villains". The villains were really actors, but had been brainwashed by shadowy behind the scenes telepaths to believe they really WERE supervillains and the Marvel Boys really WERE their nemeses. Said manipulative brainwashers? Siegfried and Roy's tigers, given sentience and mind control powers by the Origin Event.

The campaign ends with us crossing into the dreamworld (source of our powers) to do battle with the living embodiment of the Superego - a three eyed, pink skinned behemoth. His fortress was a nuclear explosion.

I'm not sure if there were any epic 'moments' in that campaign. We just kept running into ridiculous shit and had a blast.

We were playing dark heresy once, and since it was like the second session we were still leather silly, and not all that into the role playing.
So we are investigating this possibly a witch corrupt governor of some backwater planet. We have him tied up in the lounge, and are rooting through his things. Now this mission was supposed to segue into an Eldar plot, and the Governor was an Eldar in disguise. He kept a cryptex in his desk that would have revealed all this to us. We take it out, and the Gm describes a "Long black Cylinder". Immediately someone says
"Its a Fleshlight!!"
Cue like 5 minutes of laughing and mocking the stupid governor for having one. Then we arrested him and went home. GM was frothing.

Bump.

Group is heading to the Peaks of Flame in Chult looking for a gateway to Hell to destroy a Dracolich's phylactery. Making our way through the dense jungle with a large party fighting off all kind of monsters. Come across a T-rex and figure I should do what I aways do as the swashbuckler, The Dread Pirate Roberts.

I just sort of run in. Being the closest to the T-rex, it easily chomps down on my arm and holds on tight. So I loose my Nagaika 'Thunder', a +2 beauty that deals sonic damage. Always trying to be an imaginative player, I drop its 'Lightning' and pull out some alchemists fire to throw down the beast's throat. It doesn't really work. So I pull out a dagger and start stabbing it in the face.

It get's really pissed off and throws me into the air, catching me in its mouth and swallowing me whole. Everyone in the party is freaking out now. I'm taking steady damage while the DMPC Rogue attaches some kind of timed explosive on the T-rex's side. Our THAT GUY cleric lightning breathes the crap out of the T-rex and me. I've had enough of this and pull the feather out of my glorious pirate hat. The feather that can summon an Achaierai. The T-rex finds itself with a 15 foot tall chicken bursting its stomach. It doesn't free me, so I take a lot of bludgeoning damage. Then I just cut myself out of the creature's hide with my dagger. The party watches as a terrified ball of feathers and guys screeches and bolts from the remains. I pick myself up covered in blood, guts, more blood. My hair is singed and my clothes are covered in stomach acid.

DM: A large group of Yuan-ti appear and start to attack the group.

Me: Fuck that I have to find my stuff

DM: The T-rex corpse explodes into even more gore from the rogue's explosive device

>>15894411
*it's twin 'Lightning'

>>15894411
*feathers and guts

>>15894411
What in the hell is that monstrosity from?

>>15896405
One of the 3.5 Monster Manuals. I forget which one.

>Giant sea monster wrecking our ship
>My crazed Guardswoman jumps into the shark infested water brandishing her trusty chain axe
>BLOOD AND THUNDER
>*CHOP*
>VICTORY AT SEA!
>*COUP DE GRACE*
>All the sharks flee from her as she swims back
>Forever known as Mira the Monster Hunter

Bump o' the night