The mummified corpse of an anthropomorphic duck in a bathing suit.

>>15621914
One piece or two?

Contempt and disregard for their fellow man OP. That's what they will find and is all they will find until the time the ruinous powers claim them

the craftworld will come after you for that.

>>15621919

One piece, of course.

>>15621923
The duck or the bathing suit?

>>15621920
>fellow man
>Maiden World

>>15621921
They all have Enemy (Eldar) now. Thankfully for them, however, they've more or less depleted the Craftworld Eldar's resources in the region for now.

>>15621920
There's some of that going around already. Only a little, though. Eldar aren't people, after all.

>>15621914
They're going to end up hunting down the dead civilization of Dukkbuurg because of you.

>>15621949
Make the loot worthless and booby trapped, that way they will go apeshit on the slaver, plenty of potential for the slavers.
Also who bought the slaves?

>>15621953
The Stryxis, who have a huge murder-boner for the Eldar. No traps either, since pulling that at the end of over a year of on-and-off endeavouring would be far too big a dick move for me and provoke cries of "why won't it end?!"

A tennis court, one of the service areas occupied by a mountain of cupcakes.
A 5x5 inch cube of hickory wood, apparently hollow but completely unbreakable by any physical means. They can hear something rattling inside when they shake it.
A half-finished game of taikyoku shougi inside a blanket fort.
A cottage. There's a berry pie cooling on the windowsill.
A suit of power armour with a smaller suit of power armour inside. Matryoshkas all the way down.

a vortex grenade or six.

>>15621949
I like what I'm reading.

>What strange and wondrous items should they find buried in those mountains of crap?

An ornate giant golden dildo. The words "Dorns Shame" engaved on the side.
3049 socks. None of them matching.
An STC constructor that can ONLY make Vuvuzelas.
Several sealed boxes of Hostess Fruit Pies.
A ham and mustard sandwhich, wrapped in clingfilm.
A boltgun derringer pistol designed for ladies. Any lady using it will likely break every bone in her wrist if fired.
A Long-Las with the words "This Machine kills Heretics" on the side.
A vacuum mummified corpse wearing a well preserved blue jumpsuit and trousers combo with yellow trim. The number "101" is on the back.
A crude android designed to bend industrial materials, runs on ethanol and similar liquids.
Some sort of humanoid mutant, it's skin still glowing in patches in an archaic void-suit with a large glass bubble helmet, long dead.
A suit of power-armour from the Dark Age of Technology, is capable of flight and has numerous internal weapons. There is a strong smell of achohol inside even after centuries of unuse.
An Imperial Commissars hat.
The corpse of some kind of small, squat like humanoid.

>>15622059
A Ships Cogitator, removed from an old mining vessel, now completely senile but boasts it once had the IQ of as 6,000 PE teachers or 12,000 car park attendants
Several hundred skeletons, one is holding a large metal sabot. They are stored in a box marked "Peasant Railgun"
An old wooden barrel with several vertical slits, each slit has a sword pushed into it. Inside appears to be the corpse of a dead sailor. Further investigation will reveal it to be a corsair of notable reputation, not seen for centuries.
Several highly corrupt cogitators. One seems incapable of good ideas, whilst another seems to be having the time of it's life.
A law-enforcement servitor called Murphy
Main Warp Drive of an early starship called the "Event Horizon."
Weaponised Bees. My god.
A giant guantlet with 6 glowing gems on it.
A hammer that none of the crew seem able to lift.
A giant cubic zirconia (what an eyesore!)

>>15622059
>A suit of power-armour from the Dark Age of Technology, is capable of flight and has numerous internal weapons. There is a strong smell of achohol inside even after centuries of unuse.

Eh?

>>15622094
Tony Stark.

>>15622094

Really? I thought that was one of the more obvious ones.

>>15622059
>Some sort of humanoid mutant, it's skin still glowing in patches in an archaic void-suit with a large glass bubble helmet, long dead.

What's this from? I know I've seen it somewhere... The rest are hilarious, and I get most of them.

>>15622098
Bingo.
The rest are faily obvious, although the Fallout NV ones might be too obscure.

>>15622094
Tony Stark built this in a cave.

>>15622113
From scraps!

>>15622059

>>15622105
BAWOOO

>>15622105
THAT BEST BE SOME CAPTAIN OLIMAR

>>15622125

Que?

>>15622126

That's actually a substantially BETTER idea that the one I had.

>>15622128

The whale sounds that the big daddies made in Bioshock.

>>15622126
ta, never played Pikmin, so i had no f'ing clue. Cheers mate.

>>15622128

>new vegas
>101

son i am dissapoint

these

-Voyager II Space Probe
-A pallet of Slurm Energy Drink
-A pair of mouldy bagpipes.
-A small safety canister of yellow liquid which, if released into the atmosphere, will turn the crew into raging monkeys
-Horrible gellationous blob
-A small golden sphere with a secret holographic map inside leading to a hollowed out planet literally full of riches, said to be the base of the galaxies most successful pirate, Captain Nathaniel Flint.
-A sonic screwdriver
-A mentally unstable man claiming to a be a police officer from 2002 (M03) from a place called "New Yerk" that has somehow traveled in time.
-A solid gold Leman Russ Battle Tank
-The actual Leman Russ in cryogenic Stasis.
-Matt Damon
-Scarab beetles (the eat your insides kind)
-A gun that shoots holes, not bullet holes.
-A suspicious looking eye.
-A Lombax Kill-team in cryo storage (Probably not too friendly)
-An archanotech Anti-Gravity racing vehicle. It says QIREX R&D on the side.

>>15622138

Nope. Nice idea though.

Can anyone else look at the box art for Bioshock 2 and NOT see Bomberman?
Because I can't.

Another fallout related piece of loot.

A vial of F.E.V, a perfect gift for all psykers, mutants and Genetors.

>>15622171
>-Matt Damon

ohgodhowhorrifying.jpg

>>15622171
>-An archanotech Anti-Gravity racing vehicle. It says QIREX R&D on the side.

I know one thing they won't find...

the antidote.

Loads of cool toys
Jewellry
Very nice necklace that gives some nice buffs

Actually a spirit stone from some ancient Eldar dude!
Starts talking to players in their sleep
Madness etc
Eldar seem very keen to get it back
VERY keen as in special forces dispatched from Black Library keen
????
PROFIT!

>>15622201

One guy is laughing at this. Today, that guy was me.

>>15622202
What they don't want back is this giant crystallised dick. In fact they don't even want to admit they had anything to do with it. Despite this the size still seems to impress them as they keep looking at it and going "Man, what a dick."

>>15622223
Eldrad is dildos?

>>15622223

Eldrad's famed Wraithboner.

>>15622227

In many ways yes.

>>15622223
But one peice!
Thus begins teh epic quest to collect together the scattered peices of the "object" in question. This journey will take the players on a journey of discover where by they will learn about the value of friendship and honour and freindship.

Also Q'Sandria Farseer DAT ass!

>>15622216
and then you died from lack of antidote.

>>15622232
but then I ressed you for stroking my ego and being a bro.

An orange lantern that compels everyone to seize it and hoard stuff, also giving them an insatiable apetite.
A snarky trigger-happy red droid that constantly pleads to be allowed to kill people whenever there's an argument or dispute.
An ancient stone statue of a warrior that comes to life and smites evildoers with a sword. Also keeps muttering about ungrateful humans and asks everyone he meets if they've seen a blond kid with wings and a bow.

>>15622253
> stroking my ego

Is that what the kids call it these days?

A sealed tome. If you open it, you will find a sheet of paper with your name, your date of birth and another date six months in the future.

>Main Warp Drive of an early starship called the "Event Horizon."

>>15622259
Hey, leggo my ego

>>15622171
-A solid gold Leman Russ Battle Tank in cryogenic Stasis!

They find another Craftworld!

Hidden among the valuables, the explorers find a hermetically sealed box, containing tubers looking a lot like Yams.

They smell FANTASTIC!!

>>15622171
So many referances..... so much win

>>15622282

GENIUS

>>15622278
Yeah.... If I found this I'd jettison the entire cache into a star

>>15622322
Why? It's a completely ordinary warp-capable ship, it just isn't equipped with a Gellar field.

>>15622322
>Implying this is not canonically how the Tyrant Star came to be in the first place.

A Red and blue checkered Powerklaw with a sight on it.

>>15622343
It WAS just an ordinary warp drive. NOW it's a Daemonically possessed Warp Drive. The only reason it hasn't infected nearby cogitators is because the nearby cogitators are Hollie and the Portal 2 AI cores.
And NOBODY wants to go there.

>>15622352

...shit, I got nothing.

A heavily damaged alien helmet apparently made from strips of leathery material. It comes with coordinates to a large patch of asteroids and space debris. It has an aura of fear and violence about it.

>>15622397

SHAKARA!

...good times.

>>15622397
SHAAAAKAARAAA

Planepacked.

>>15622397
I'm not sure that I love my group enough to stop myself from including this.

I always had this stupid idea where the Rogue traders find a set of ancient eldar titans.
They draw their power from their connection to the Infinity circuit and are incredible powerfull. Only thing is, they long stopped working probably and their connection to the IC is cut so they don't work in the reality but the party finds out they still work when their ship is in the immaterium.
Which means when sometimes again the Gellarfield Generators stop working the PCs have to man those Titans, climb outside the ship and start kicking some Demons in their balls who try to enter the ship.

Did I mention those titans look a little bit like Gundams?
The combat would be with AdEva rules.

>>15622453
Your right.

That is a stupid idea.

>>15622463
>your

>>15622343
Yeah This
>>15622354
Is what I was afraid of

What stats did you use for the exodite dragon knights and knight-titans? I'm interested in seeing how people run Eldar

>>15622354
I love that a situation arised that I can imagine a daemonically posessed warp drive sulking that it is a powerful manifestation of evil and yet the only things around it are AIs too scatterbrained to corrupt.

>>15622496

'Hey, idiot, feel the emanations of the warp corrupt your very heart!'

'Mmmm... I'm going to guess... yeah, it does feel kind warm, doesn't it? Kinda warm. Waaaarm.'

'SPAAAAAAAAACE'

>>15622467

Fuck. I hate this shitcunt of language sometimes.

>>15622495
The Exodites were never encountered. They got sold before the explorers met them. Not that they wanted to meet them, they just wanted them off "their" planet. They were essentially Amish Eldar though, having lived in blissful, idyllic ignorance since before the Fall. The first sign they had that the rest of the galaxy existed was their Craftworld chums appearing and trying to evacuate them. Then the army of mercenaries and vat-grown monsters arrived.

>>15622506
You're born in Blighty. No excused.

>>15622505
>'Mmmm... I'm going to guess... yeah, it does feel kind warm, doesn't it? Kinda warm. Waaaarm.'

I swear to god Wesley, one of these days, one of these days, WHAM! POW!

>>15622514
Ha! This is the internets! Im not feared of you!

>>15622521
>Wesley

>>15622509

how did they sell the planet without even meeting them? It seems kind of passive for the warlike eldar

>>15622533
This is what happens when you try to post on the internet without having one tab contstantly set to Wikipedia.

> a blue british call box -- locked.

>>15622509
I would like to know how the PCs took on an entire craftworld, but as an Eldar player the answer will probs make me rage

>>15622567
Is the box surrounded by ornate but otherwise tasteful statues of stone angels?

>>15622557
They'd been what's essentially a very long treasure map for years in game, periodically getting ambushed by Eldar trying to stop them. The most recent two examples are a goddamn Dragonship and an Exarch-lead Banshee Death-Squad. All attempts failed (though not without causing serious damage) and, as a result, the Eldar had nothing left to stop them with. Their final tactic was to openly ask for time to get their people off world before leaving the PCs to their prize (in the usual, condescending manner of the Eldar, of course). The PCs were fine enough with this. They just wanted their filthy lucre. Then the Stryxis showed up and made them an offer. So they gestured towards the planet, said "help yourselves" and the Stryxis beelined for it.

>>15622574
Koronus Expanse, hardly any Craftworld presence there. Other things going on, assets needed elsewhere, not everyone agreed about the importance of the planet when compared to the thousands of other threats rearing their heads across the galaxy. If an entire Craftworld had come after the explorers then they'd be toast, but that wouldn't have made for a very fun game.

>>15622580
I hope not... We'd have to consider it a memetic threat and jettison it.

Just Some interesting stuff and not a reference to anything in particuar
Within the Mountians of Crap
- A Fancy gilded Hourglass that stands nearly 3 feet tall. The large handles are molded in the shape of void creatures.
- Minted coins with Alien figures on either side.
- A Steel plated skull
- A burrow dug out of the side of a mound of crap. Inside a large leather bound Journal a crate as a makeshift desk and a Qill and Ink. The Journal tells the tale of a lost wanderer cataloging the treasures (some useful info on where specific things may be if they read it all) it also tells of the authors decent into madness, brought on by the loneliness, compulsion to explore and influences buy some of the tainted treasures. The journal ends when the author hears someone coming and scurries off to hide and watch.
The Journal is left open at that page, the ink still wet.
(this will hopefully creep the hell out of the players)
-Bottles of perfumes, and strange fragrances
-A wooden case with dueling swords in it
-A pile of charts and maps one of which marks pathways through the piles of junk.
-A collection of vases made of various polished stone.
-An obelisk of bronze on its side
-A rack with Eldar War trophies
-Fine robes with very long trains
-A Small Clear Stone Orb on a Fancy Pedastle
-A Jade Carving of a Animal
- Tusks of some great dead beast
- Tome containing names of crewmen and soilders lost during a battle in M3

>>15622397

A green powerfist made by the cult St. Joseph the Dreadful, Patron Saint of Arbitrators in a local area of space. The words "Gaze into Ye Fist of Dread" are plated on its side.

Archeotech schematics for a new type of warp core capable of powering truly colossal ships. Detailed examinations reveal it appears to trap warp entities inside itself as a power source. May be related in some way to the Event Horizon artefact above.

An extremely advanced archeotech weapons system in the shape of an Aquilla. When activated, it bonds to the user on a molecular level and allows them to generate weaponry such as monomolecular swords. It also appears to have some kind of etiquette training program as a subroutine.

The inspirational sermons of a profoundly religious planetary governor entitled "Be Pure! Be Vigilant! Behave!"

A collection of receipts for a pair of mercenary assassins known as "the Left Hand" and "the Right Hand". The number of receipts suggest that they are very, very successful and almost never turn down a job.

A chaos-tainted altar, dedicated to the son of Emp'ra, the Horse.

A tapestry depicting Abaddon, the despoiler, with a colossal Khornate demon crushing him underfoot, severing the chaos lord's arms. It is entitled "You shall have no arms to lift against me." Psykers detect a faint holy presence near the tapestry.

A deactivated servitor that could pass for human, as long as it doesn't remove it's trenchcoat or hat. It has over 500 useful internal devices (umbrella, binoculars, magnification lense, prop-based areal movement unit, limb extenders, flotation device, retractible foot-wheels, retractible foot-skis, and many, many, many more) but no armor and only a las-pistol (actually an industrial cutting laser, mounted in it's finger) as weaponry.

A high-bodied, armored, tracked vehicle that has missiles and a turret. It is painted bright blue, with a stylized snake's head as an insignia.

A long-necked xeno in cryogenic stasis. It's chest cavity pulses with light at regular, albiet long, intervals.

A starmap through the warp storms to the Apriori segmentum.

A servo-skull made from a space marine. It does excelent work, but tends to throw phrases like "badger cunt nail dicks" into it's reports.

Sixty-eight metric tons of Surge, the discontinued soda.

>>15622580
>4 statues that appear to be made of stone but whose actual compositions are indeterminate, they take the shape of 4 winged women with screaming faces, looking into each others eyes as they stand in a circle, they resist being moved

>>15622588
Isn't the local Eldar Craftworld Khador of "Eldar Prophecy" fame?

>Shudder

Here's hoping they did a retcon on that bitch!

An small, spherical machine with a single orange-coloured eye.

When activated, it appears to be some kind of Abominable Intelligence, and raves constantly about space.

>>15621909
A suit of worn and battle-scarred power armour. The armour's colour is a dull green with a golden helmet visor, however the armour is heavily scratched, the armour itself looks to be less bulky than most impirial armour. Puzzlingly the armour is too large to fit a human, but still too small to fit a space marine.

>>15622603

+ IG standard issue equipment (helmet, backpack, flashlight) with built-in Machine Spirits.

they open a crate and find another crate of exactly the same dimensions. no clue as to how they got it in there.

>>15622612
>A deactivated servitor that could pass for human, as long as it doesn't remove it's trenchcoat or hat. It has over 500 useful internal devices (umbrella, binoculars, magnification lense, prop-based areal movement unit, limb extenders, flotation device, retractible foot-wheels, retractible foot-skis, and many, many, many more) but no armor and only a las-pistol (actually an industrial cutting laser, mounted in it's finger) as weaponry.

Does it respond to the name of Aaron?

>>15622612
>A deactivated servitor that could pass for human, as long as it doesn't remove it's trenchcoat or hat.
Now I have the theme tune stuck in my head, you bastard.

>>15622674

...how did they get it out then?

They open a crate and find a shitload of gas masked Guardsmen just standing there at full attention.

All other crates contain the exact same thing; squad after squad of impassive, staring gas masks attached to nondescript grey fatigues, all of them stood at full attention. Scanning the contents of any closed crates will reveal yet more guardsmen, ALSO at full attention even though it must be pitch black inside the crates and they have clearly been in there for days.

Then over the next few days, the guardsmen begin to set up increasingly inexplicable, byzantine and complex siege defences in the ship's cargo hold.

>>15622694
inspector gadget...

An old pre heresy computer server with what looks to be 4 green flower petals painted in a square on the side.

- A small mutated dog like abomination that walks on two legs and speaks unintelligably, on the words "pupei-pow-ah" can be made out.
- A high powered energy gun in the shape of a Walther P38 Special. Will occaisional speak, usually ranting at it's betrayal at the hands of something called "Starscream"
- A submersible aquatic vessel, coloured in a shade of banana yellow.
- Stasis pods containing three genetically tailored Human/Amphibian hybrids designed for combat: DO NOT OPEN.
- A circular adamantium shield in red and blue, with a star in the middle.
- Several sheafs of hand written scripts, which if collated form a play called "the king in yellow"
- A xenos made long range escape pod, inside is the skeleton of a dog, long dead.
- An empty pedastal, labelled as supposedly holding a "Cosmic Cube", the words "Kang was here" is scratched onto the marble.
- A drum, cello, conch horn, bell, harp, marimba, triangle and small piano organ.
- A gem in the shape of a yellow trapezohedron, it does not seem to reflect light correctly, and is stored in a box of Xenos manufacture.

>>15622760

Thought it was Aaron Stack, the Machine Man.

It was the quote about him being full of useful devices that did it.

>>15622771
>A small mutated dog like abomination that walks on two legs and speaks unintelligably, on the words "pupei-pow-ah" can be made out.
Reason enough to absolutely annihilate the entire stash.

This is a thread of wonderful things. I dread to think what uses my players will find for them.

>>15622787
...or what use They will find for your Players.

>>15622771
>A drum, cello, conch horn, bell, harp, marimba, triangle and small piano organ.

You know, they never did really explain what the Wind Fish actually was, it just seemed like it was some kind of random space whale.

>A high powered energy gun in the shape of a Walther P38 Special. Will occaisional speak, usually ranting at it's betrayal at the hands of something called "Starscream"

Starscream: Champion of Tzeentch?

>>15622795
Ssh, don't give them a reason to be cautious.

I do hope that they thaw out that Kill-Team, though.

>>15622803
The wind fish is essentially Cthulhu, it's second appearance in Phantom Hourglass largely confirms it.

>Starscream: Champion of Tzeentch?

More like "even a broken watch is right twice a day."

>>15622811
>it's second appearance in Phantom Hourglass largely confirms it.

Well, looks like I'm playing the Phantom Hourglass now. Shame that it (apparently) isn't as good as Spirit Tracks.

>>15622811
>"even a broken watch is right twice a day."

Or in the case of Starscream, twice a series. Why does Megatron keep making him his second in command if he knows Starscream's going to betray him? I know the whole thing about keeping your enemies close, but at this point it would make more sense for Megatron just to kill Starscream at the start of every series instead of dealing with his bullshit.

Look at me, Im actually serious today!

-Something Necron, basically an invitation for the party to "accidentally the tombworld"
-All the money is of xenos minting, and therefore they will have to work hard to find a way to spend it without being shot.
-A gem that produces its own null field. It is of dark eldar design, and therefore cannot be picked up without cutting your fingers.
-A pair of goggles that, when worn, makes all warp entities invisible to the wearer. Part of a mislead attempt to rid the world of the ruinous powers.
-A servitor made from an eldar/ork/tau etc. A nice curiosity for any inquisitor to have.
-A dark eldar surgical machine. Unless you have a XBAWKS HUEG xenotech skill, it will just tear the patient to shreds. If you can use it though, its surprisingly effective.
-A masterwork plasmagun of xenos design.
-A pair of dueling swords. Once turned on, they chain/bond to the users hands until one of the duelists is dead. If a player tries to dual wield them he is stuck not being able to drop them until he dies.
-A Vortex grenade launcher with a single round. It is impossible to tell which end of the grenade launcher is the front. Hilarity ensues in times of crisis.

Thats all for now.

>>15621921
An Eldar sniper/team... with a VERY powerful gun... who has a habit of 1 shotting players randomly during non-combat encounters in public places

presumably all the loot comes on a ship of some sort. in the eatery of that ship, they find: food trays made of a greenish soapstone, shaped like a five-pointed star with the tips broken off. Makes any animals nearby uneasy, restless, and aggressive.

alien pornography

a power sword with a heron on the hilt

spices, spirits, and salts... classic!

a small transport, appropriate to an urban environment (mid- to upper- hive perhaps?). Unbeknownst to the players, massive quantities of illegal drugs have been stashed inside the vehicle

>A snarky trigger-happy red droid that constantly pleads to be allowed to kill people whenever there's an argument or dispute.

"Translation: 98% probability that members of the miniature organic's tribe are being held by Sand People, master. Doubtless he wishes assistance. ... Translation: 2% probability that the miniature organic is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted. That may be wishful thinking on my part, master"

YOU ARE THE BEST DROID EVER!!

>>15622827
Starscream is the perfect Decepticon.

>>15622825

Um, what? Spirit Tracks was (literally) railroading garbage. The worst part if Phantom Hourglass was the repetitive spirit temple bullshit, but everything else was superior.

Your goddamn boat-captain-sidekick was goddamn epic by the end.

>Power sword with a heron on the hilt
despite me being completely sick of that series
+1 internets

>>15622918
No one blames you for being sick of an awful series.

>>15622903

Agreed. Spirit Tracks was the only Zelda game I couldn't be bothered to finish. Hell, I even polished off Minish Cap.

A leatherbound book written by some guy named Abdul Alhazred.
An ancient close quarters projectile weapon with a price tag of 109.95 from something called "Smart".
A used camel.
A sealed envelope containing a joke written by Ernest Scribbler.

>>15622863
My entire motivation for playing a rogue trader game can be summed up in two ideas:

Alex Murphy
HK-47
A sarcastic, care free murder machine and a half-human half-machine cyborg who knows only duty and service, teaming up to fight crime (and heresy) across the galaxy!
Fuck yes you are the best odd couple evar!

Anyway, to stay on track:
- A leather bullwhip, worn fedora hat, and leather knapsack all neatly folded and stacked in a corner. If anyone attempts to use the bullwhip, they automatically cut their lip with it on their first try.

A small handheld device that morphs into 7 devies via switch on the side, the forms are: a universal translator, a telescope, a powerfull laser, a small jet pack, an energy shield, a plasma gun, the 7th setting is self-destruct. The only way to find out what the settings do is by trial and error.

An ancient metal box with rounded shape, caked wqith dirt and rust, but still intact. Auspex scans show some sort of primitive refrigeration circuit, but can't penetrate the inner shell. It opens easily. Inside is a male human of indeterminate age, wearing leather jacket and fedora He also carries an ancient stub pistol, and a leather bullwhip. He's asleep, but alive.

>>15622995
Meaning that Crystal Skull was nothing but a dream. And the nuke proppeled him into the 41st millenium. somehow

A large belt with a circular buckle, a wind turbine set in the center. Simple design in general, and incredibly durable.

A games workshop store, complete with mummified staff and players

-Several small fleshlike eggs. Four fleshy flaps on the top allow whatevers inside to get out. One is already open and empty.
- A small high speed mining vessel designed to craft raw materials into something called "Sinibombs"
- An oversized sentinel armed with a railgun. The railgun has 1 atomic warhead fitted into it.
- A missile launcher that fires rocket-propelled chainsaws
- Stasis pods containing a man and one dog. The name on the pod declares him as "Richard Dastard Lee"
- The Book of Shuma Gorath
- A Delorean DMC-12 antique motorcar, heavily modified.
- Archaic steam powered Rail Vehicle, similarily modified
- A bone shaped spacestation with a large theatre screen inside.
- Plans for a exterminatus capable battlestation that on first glance, could be confused with a moon.
- The Imperial Stormtroopers training manual (the section on "how to shoot" is not included)
- A medical cryobay containing an old man, associated text states he has burns but closer inspection reveals him to have taken 32 consecutive stab wounds to the back.
- The autobiography of "Blackbolt, king of the Inhumans". An audiobook.

A seemingly normal wooden mask with metal bands where there would be eyebrows. Smells kind of musky and shimmers when you look at the inside.

The skeleton of a man with a Chainsword attached like an augmetic hand, he holds a primitive Shotgun in other hand

>>15623007
>And the nuke proppeled him into the 41st millenium.
The fridge was good enough to keep him fresh for millions of years.

>>15623032
Groovy.

>>15622931

Dear lord.

Not that. Anything but that.

The last copy had been destroyed. Now, the universe is doomed.

>>15623092

You should know better than to think the humour of Ernest Scribbler can ever be truly destroyed.

>>15623025
Actually. The plans for the deathstar there wouldn't be too bad an idea.

Would be a great for the group to build it, gather resources, builders et cetera. And when it is done, more factions will want it than you can shake a stick at.

An inactive walker that could either be a Large dreadnought or a small titan. It is armed with Heavy lascannons in place of eyes, and a supply of Bombs on its back that inexplicably seem like they are designed to be thrown. The only marking on it is a star on it's shoulder. If activated, it will rant in a language that is unmistakeably human but not gothic and attempt to book passage to Tau space.

>>15623122
CHINESE COMMUNISTS MUST DIE

>>15622185

Qirex is best craft!

A Orkoid bone crown. All of the craftsmanship is of the highest quality. The crown menaces with jade spikes.

A silver floodgate. Engraved on the floodgate is the image of a Squat. The Squat is making a plaintive gesture.

Part of a Ruined Statue, an enormous foot on a pedastle.

>>15622603

YES

>>15623171
Lies!

>>15622603
I can't believe I missed these, they are fantastic. You may as well throw in Judge Death too.

-A vial with the inscription:"Krork heavy assault troops spores. Use in case of Necron invasion"

-An old bottle of wine. The Label says: "Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1787 TJ"

-A plastic package with something that looks like white flour.
Passing a chemical test may determinate it's
methyl (1R,2R,3S,5S)-3- (benzoyloxy)-8-methyl-8-azabicyclo[3.2.1] octane-2-carboxylate.
Looks like some kind of old drug. There is a note in some language you don't know.
Someone with knowledge in Language (pre-imperial) may read it. It says something about a drug dealer giving the "yeyo" to his boss and that the money would be there soon.

>>15623092
>>15622827
Maybe, if we cut it up, get a team of scientists to translate it into orcish one word at a time...

Nah, the orcs will just think it's so funny, they'll have to tell all their mates...

>>15623191

And maybe Martial Law too, right?

-an unobtrusive machine with a few slits and a rudimentary keypad and display. If anyone spends any length of time studying it, the display goes from "Insert PIN" to "Feed me a cat."

-a small, cylindrical object with a lid. Further examination reveals a false botttom and several smaller cylinders a Magos Biologis would love to get their hands on.

-a skeleton in a brown longcoat

-a starmap revealing the location of one Tannhauser Gate

-a small, cuddly creature that might have some form of sentience. The instructions it comes with, while they look important, are undecipherable.

>>- Several sheafs of hand written scripts, which if collated form a play called "the king in yellow"

Oh god, oh god no, guaranteed madness for all the crew, even any already insane crew.

>>15623116
and some fucking noob elfdar in a Darkstar fighter comes along and blows the whole thing up, putting away his targeting computer and relying on the fucking voices of the infinity circuit.

-A gigantic metal humanoid. It has skinny legs and thrusters in the bottom of its feet. A crude 'S' is welded onto its chest.
-A strange pressurised container. A small glass window on the side shows it to be full of grey gloop. Most of the writing on the container is scratched off, but what little you can make out says something about a guy called Von Neumann.
-A pickelhaube
-An entire Spanish galleon, full of worthless Aztec gold. Only good for melting down and using to build electronics in the grim future of 40k
-A small primitive space pod with the markings CCCP on the outside. Inside is an extremely old space suit containing the skeleton of the unfortunate inhabitant
-A large slimy egg shaped organic thing. It stands about 2 feet high and something occasionally moves inside.
-A large ship. It's hard to make out the name due to various crew members being fused into various parts of the bulkheads and the hull. Between the bodies you make out the words USS PHI---ELPH--
-A strange black human with a large beard and fuzzy hair. He stinks of cheap wine and keeps muttering things towards you. Apparently you are a 'white cunt' and he wants you to give him 2 of something called a dollar (presumably a currency on his planet?) so that he can use public transportation.

Copied from the SCP foundation website. http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-046

Description: SCP-046 is a synthetic organism approximately 5 cm in length, with a segmented bright red body that visually mimics the Glycera bloodworm (commonly used for fishing bait). It is composed of microscopic robotic structures encased in a flexible plastic epidermis. SCP-046 acts a parasite/parasitoid of mammals, displaying a strong preference for primates [DATA EXPUNGED].

Continued -
In isolation from mammals, SCP-046 remains inert. When any mammal comes within a ███-meter radius, SCP-046 will immediately seek it out, moving with a speed and efficiency not indicated by its appearance, climbing over or chewing through obstacles if possible. There is no known means of preventing SCP-046 from sensing the proximity of mammals.

SCP-046 feeds by extending a large proboscis that bears four hollow, unusually strong tooth-like jaws connected to poison sacs. These jaws are composed of an unknown inorganic material and have disproportionate bite power for their size, allowing them to chew through most common materials. When in contact with a potential host, SCP-046 uses its jaws to breach host clothing and skin and enters the body, its poison completely numbing the bite area on contact. Most commonly, SCP-046 will move underneath the host's skin until it finds a blood-rich area such as the heart, brain, or genitalia. SCP-046 then burrows into the affected organ or area and slowly feeds.

After █ to ██ days, SCP-046 transforms into a soft, black, spherical structure. After an incubation period of █ days to ███ months, this structure produces between ██ and ███ larvae of SCP-046, which consume the flesh of the host on emergence. Each new 'batch' of larvae shows slightly different qualities from the original instance of SCP-046, including [REDACTED].

SCP-046 subsists on an unknown source of energy, and has never been observed to naturally run out of power. Contained instances that are not viewed remotely will constantly attempt to escape and attack any nearby mammal(s). Several instances have been attempting escape with no cessation of high physical activity since initial containment (in excess of 10 years), necessitating regular repair of enclosures.

if you link more then one thing from the scp wesite I will reach past tcp-ip and bitchslap you to death.

Under a mountain of gold and old silverware, they find a withered stone statue that might once have resembled an angel.

A crate of purring furry balls of fluff, the label on the crate is damaged reads: W-r--ng! Tri-bl-s

An ancient book, withered from time, that claims (in a highly ornate, difficult to read hybrid of High Gothic and Techni Lingua) that Mankind is actually the second galactic civilization to evolve on Holy Terra. The story of this "Silaurian" civilization is something like pic related.

Have the players find a suit of power armour with magical runes glowing on the chest. The suit however if missing a boot.

Later, have the players find a power boot, with magical glowing runes on it. When they go to put the boot on the power armour the armour is gone.

Later, have them find a suit of power armour with glowing runes on it. When theygo to put the boot on it, the boot is gone.

Later...

Pottery decorated with pic related.

A box full of small metal representations of soldiers. Paper notes included in the box have long since rotted past all recognition, so their true purpose is a mystery.

A missing first page of the Ecclessiarchy's most holy book. It reads:

"To my dear wife Candy

All characters and events depicted herein are fictional and bare no resemblance to any events or figures alive or dead"

An ornated wooden box like the one that nobles use to keep their dueling pistols in but far to large to hold just two pistols.
Inside it they will find two flintlock pistoles and two banjos.

>>15623506
>confound this captcha

In the treasure vaults they find pottery decorated with pic related.

Soap with bacon in it

>>15623537
"I made it myself!"

Old master work pieces of art from various xeno empires.
A necklace of Ork Tusks, a proper knowledge check tells you that tucks of that size could have only come from powerful warbosses.
An Abominable Intelligence from the Wars of Iron in the Dark Age of Technology, reduced to a windbag since it isnt hooked up to anything.
40K vidya gaem system. (even in the future, online lobbies are still full of prepubescent racists)
Old, possibly banned literature from the Imperium, players could look for a buyer
A genuine beer stein from Fenris

A paper STC archive they determine to contain the construction information for a type of man portable directed energy weapon. Powerful enough to remove limbs with a single shot, a large magazine capacity, robust design, simple and quick reloading of the magazine, relatively simple maintenance. And cheap enough to produce supplies for dozens of armies.

Yes, they found their STC fragment of the campaign. It's a lasgun. M36 Kantrael.

>>15623421
Come at me bro

>>15622827
>why not kill starscream?

/co/ here. Starscream, as much of a bastard as he was, had one redeeming quality.

He was undefeated in the air.

Go back and watch G1. Count up the number oftimes starscream, in jet mode, looses a dogfight.

0.

He was a badass pilot, and the only decepticon never to loose a fight in vehicle mode.

Sadly, on foot, he sucked as much as any other decepticon.

>>15623578
>Sadly, on foot, he sucked as much as any other decepticon.
Depends entirely on the series/episode. Starscream is a badass quite a lot of the time. And as you point out, he's the Air Commander for a reason.

>-An entire Spanish galleon, full of worthless Aztec gold. Only good for melting down and using to build electronics in the grim future of 40k
Given the law of Age to Badass in 40k said Galleon can probably take the entire Necron civilization in a straight up fight while blowing up the eye of terror and punching the Nids in the dick.

Also the Tau blipped out of existence as soon as it's sails unfurled.

>>15623597
Why do you think the Star Galleon is one of the finest ships in the Imperium?

I've got a better idea:
An entire galleon full of cursed Aztec gold

>>15623506
I smiled.

>>15623639

It should of course be named Cortez.

A primitive yellow medallion that seems to have been made in the image of a horrid mutant beast.

The magic of the medallion repels all members of the opposite sex up to 50 feet away.

>>15623672

Well, then my heretic wont be troubled with Sisters of Battle anymore.

>>15623639
More like CONQUISTADOR-class star galleon.

-Lost Nazi-stolen art
-A skeleton in a decayed void suit. The worn nametag reads 'MAJ. TOM'
-Log Book titled 'Enola Gay'

Themselves.

Seriously they're standing right over there. Except some of them have goatee's and claim to come from "The Federation of Man."

A mining drill with "ULTOR CORPORATION" printed on the side.

rolled 68 = 68

-a par or bizarre looking (if incredibly powerful) ork titans one is pic related, the other has face for a torso and a massive drill attachment, the cockpits labled with the names Gork and Mork respectivly.

Slumped against a wall in a cobwebbed shadowy corner, decayed bespectacled corpse sits, dressed in red and white striped shirt and beanie and blue jeans, its skeletal hand clutching a cane

>>15623852
"Federation of Man" sounds rather speciesist, don't you think? Maybe something like "Galactic Federation" or "United Federation of Planets"?

>>15621909
They find a bunch of big, leathery eggs. They seem to be fertilized.

>>15623918
HA! Found the bugger.

-what looks like a carefully contaned Tyranid tissue sample, for some reason its labled Zerg
-six small skeletons of some presumably extinct equine-like xeno
-another tissue sample simply labled Tendril
-an ancient robot head babbling incoheirently in some long dead lanuage (we would know it as spanish)
-an incredibly old sword that is still in perfect condition, the muttering of "heads" can repetedly heard at times

>>15623923
Down that path lies cross-over fan fics. No man must go down that path.

-Steering column from a 1939 Studebaker Champion
-A container labeled only as 'Skub'
-8 or 9 chests containing currency of a planet in the Kronus Expanse the currency looks surprisingly like flattened bottle-caps
-Bones of a Void Whale

>>15623983
Mmm. How about "Orion Federation" (since Earth is in the Orion Arm of the Milky Way) or "Pax Galactica"?

>genitalia essinui

>>15623878

A closer inspection reveals that while the Ultor corporation made the device, a later owner customised it with purple and gold paint, fleur de lis devices and oversized spinning rims.

Stacked atop a strange hover-sled
-Crate of Wobbly-Headed Geisha Dolls.
-Crate of Fruity Oaty Bars
-Crate of Apple Remains

-a vial contaning an unknown color changing substance that freaquently teleports randomly
-some ancient vehichle with an overly colorful paint job, still smells of dog and weed
-some four armed robotic frame, vagely resembles necron tech

>>15624117
>Fruity Oaty Bars
"Hey there's a map to some planet called Miranda on the wrapper."

A asari in a stasus tube.

- 4 Incom fusial thrust engines
- 1 broken Taim & Bak KX9 laser cannon

a large block of ice held in stasis, inside is a large ring, a smaller device and a person in ornate armour who appears to be using the smaller device

a humanoid robot made of crome with one wide eye, it appears to have a mohawk.

Stuffed trophies of rare and dangerous xeno beasts
The personal Crisis suit of a Tau general
The head of a powerful sorcerer (Psykers sense a presence in the head)
A rubix cube

Twinkies. A rare and exotic treat from ancient Terra, still edible and fresh, said to be eaten at times by He Himself.

Also a Dragon.

>>15622931
>A used camel.

Only mildly retarded?

"Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator"

shiny yellow pelt from a ruminative animal wrapped around a pouch of lizard teeth and a metallic avian statue

a repair station with assorted spare parts including large mecha with what appears to be a retrofitted independent vehicular device in place of command module note attached reads "I like this.Do you like this?.heh GIRLS may like this :)"

Some serious answers:

- A heavily damaged suit of Astartes Mk IV 'Maximus' Power Armor in Storm Wardens livery. It is currently non-functional and the damage it has sustained surely killed its wearer.
- Xenotech devices and datacores. The devices give off faint radioactivity, but do not seem to purposely generate it. They are, instead, simply radioactive by virtue of having previously existed in a highly radioactive environment.
- A Carnelian Sievestone
- An Archeotech Las Pistol
- A thin rod that, if properly examined by those knowledgeable of such things, will be an Argonite Whistler.
- A Bloodlock Bolt chest, that has been foolishly forced open in the past, no doubt by unwitting Stryxis.
- An ornate case containing a matched pair of best-quality dueling-las pistols and a matched pair of best quality mono-swords or powerswords. Both case and weapons bear the livery of a famous (and possibly still active) Calixis Noble Family.
- Several bolts of Shifting Fabric.
- The Lord Captain's Baton of an Imperium Transport missing for decades/centuries.
- A Locus Seeker (see Deathwatch), with no matching Locus Caller present. It of course does point to the caller, but who knows where it lies?
- A Fedrid Soul Mask
- A Fykos Forge "Nomad" Hunting Instrument.
- A stasis case containing a variety of vintage Jeliqs, Gyns, Amasecs, and Quaddis Wines. Perfect for dining with dignitaries or gifting bottles on visits abroad.
- A Sollex-Aegis Energy Blade (aka the Calixis Lightsaber), whether it still works or not is up to you.
- A Lathe Blade, in Axe Form. (because swords are overrated)

- A large mysterious ring-like object proximately 20 feet in diameter. It is covered in 39 unusual glyphs. There is also a altar-like control panel with the same 39 glyphs on it.

- A squadron of Non-STC pattern starfighters. Experimentation eventually shows that they can transform into roughly dreadnaught sized piloted walkers.

- Several data disks loaded with videos of the mission reports of several different Dark Age-era Starships, most of them sharing the same name.

a strange right-handed glove of unknown origins, the middle finger is plated with gold and a diamond where the nail would be
if you hold your hand out, palm up but with fist closed, and extend only the middle finger, you will instantly come up with the greatest insult possible to whoever or whatever you are pointing the fist at.

a sphere-like object that looks like an eye, has a green 'iris', when touched it lights up and begins talking
has an extreme like for adventure, dislikes people who ramble

>>15623804 thanks digs out changes cd

also found hand held model name tagged prototype with what appears to be a red leather seat numerical display and large metal disk at rear that spins when pushed.In seat is a broken cylindrical wrap of leaves.

the piles of gold are just an illusion,

the 'treasure' is actually a armoury a Magus would be jelous of

conversion beamers, vortex grenades, bolters, assault cannons, landspeeders, battle-tanks, flyers, small assault landers etc.

the only part of the vault which is accesable is a large hanger with a small console to one side, you select from the console and an automated retrival system fetches the item(s) and brings them up in a lift

any attempt to ride the lift back down reveals that the vault is sealed as a vacuum...

>>15624817

The Arch-Militant used the lightsaber. It's a great weapon. Too bad you don't add your strength bonus to it.

>>15624866
>stargate
>????
>star-trek

>What strange and wondrous items should they find buried in those mountains of crap

6 of them.

>>15621909
>They think Eldar actually live on their own Maiden Worlds.

Assorted beautifully gilded cutlery in a hardcase box lined with the finest velvet.

The cutlery are ,apart from very beautiful in them selves, fully working digiweapons.
Forks - Digilas
Knives - Digineedler
Spoons - Digiflamer
Teaspoons - Digimelta

A somewhat large, red pistol. Close inspection reveals that it can only load one shell at a time.

Next to the weapon is a small box of shells, most of the shells are gone except from a trio of shells marked 4, 9 and 13.

The sarcophagus of the pirate queen Bettie "Worldraper" White whose ferocity and thirst for bodily augmentation is remembered even in the 41st Grimdark. The readouts say you have approx. 13 seconds before stasis terminates.

>>15625020

Nevermind they'd be hilarious undersized. Imperium strike craft are massive compared to most sci-fi space fighters.

>>15625107

Well, their walker form was the size of buildings. The jet form was also bigger than a conventional jet. While still smaller than a Fury, the size difference is not that noticeable.

>>15622603

>An extremely advanced archeotech weapons system in the shape of an Aquilla. When activated, it bonds to the user on a molecular level and allows them to generate weaponry such as monomolecular swords. It also appears to have some kind of etiquette training program as a subroutine.

WHat's this?

>>15625141
Dante's crest, although it could be any of the Romanov family crests, from Nikolai Dante. If the bonding is weak (Dante's a bastard) blade generation is about all you get out of it. If there is no genetic link the bonding will just kill you. Better bonding gives superior powers.

>>15625131
They also continually got bigger. Starting with the VF-11 and on, it's obvious the mecha were built much bigger than the original VF-1J units. One episode of Macross 7 has Basara flying around in City-7 with Milia in her old VF-1J, and the VF-19 that Basara flies is MUUUUUCH bigger than the VF-1J.

Still not quite the size of all buildings, but yeah, they were a few stories tall in Battroid mode.

>>15625169
Derp, forgot image.

the treasure consists of tonnes upon tonnes of gold, precious jewels, art objects and even some highly decorated and very old weapons.
A vortex grenade is hallways embedded in a pile of gold doubloons. If anyone tried to dislodge the grenade, janks it out or fails a -20 awareness test (thin tripwire) they hear a *plink* and a small screen on the grenade starts ticking down from 60 seconds


Congratulations. The crew now has a minute to grab as much loot they can carry before they are blown to kingdom come. GET KRAKKIN'!
.

Several test tubes of a chemical labeled "AUM."

A Golden Apple

A single pyramid shaped cell, held in a stasis pod with the name "Leviathan" etched on it.

A submersible vehicle almost the size of an imperial starship named "The Leif Ericson"

A box full of metal orbs that say "pick me up" on one side of them.

a man, dna traced back to terra, in stasis, wears a white and red cloak. has strange clockwork weapons, mostly concealed
if let out of stasis, he will turn out to be an assassin who is on par with the best the assassinorium has to offer

They find a limestone statue with fractal, unending depictions of the universe, itself, toads and squares.

It is the middle point of the universe.

a locked room containing SCP-173

>>15625214

At first I thought Karl Ruprecht Kroenen due to clockwork.

But then I couldn't work it out. What is it?

Out of curiosity, how would the players have acted if the Eldar asked for the planet's census or to actually inspect their purchase, as any even slightly sensible buyer would do?

>>15625247

Altair or Ezio.

>>15625247
Assassins Creed

>>15625187
You did not seem to list the fifth object. There's gotta be a fifth one.
Or perhaps it's there, but I've been conditioned not to notice it.

>>15623376
>>15623383
What in the hell is this SCP stuff? I've been browsing that site for a while but I haven't been able to make heads or tails of anything.

>>15625296
what? there is a fifth item, can't you see the fifth item? it starts with F. and sounds like Bored.

Fun thread. congratulations guys. Also, an huge human-like face in some sort of containment jar. Bio-scans say that the face is over a million years old and the face claims to be from the Boshan Peninsula.

a selection of wooden treasure chests
the one in front has lots of small legs around the base and appears to be watching you

Good news, everyone! The explroator has decided to fashion the cubic zirconia into bling for the Leman Russ. The majority of it has been shaped into a shell.

a box; that when opened, reveals to contain a sqaud of 6 (ultra) miniature neutronium golems.

>>15625373
It's all fake reports written by people for a fake organization. The basic premise is these guys (the SCP foundation) find and contain any sci-fi, occult, or just plain otherworldly wierdness in the world, to keep people safe from it, and often vice-versa.

A million angry Biel-tan aspect warriors pouring onto their ship to punish the Mon-keigh for the CRIME OF DARING TO SET FOOT UPON A MADIEN WORLD!

I know I'm late to the party but what about (oh, sorry if I repeat, I didn't read all the replies):

A stack of circular discs, which if placed in a appropriately calibrated cogitator play Livin' in the '90s, The Bomb - The Best of Parliament Funkadelic, Mott The Hooples Greatest Hit (yes, singular), the complete library of AC/DC, Prince's entire collection (including everything in that vault at Paisley Park), and the audiobook of Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

A copy of the Voynich Manuscript

A complete collection of Chick Tracts

A collection of G.I. Joes, Transformers, and Ninja Turtle toys in mint condition (STILL IN BOX!)

The Art of Frank Frazetta

A gorgeous leather couch, properly stuffed, with a built in recliner and remote control drawer, that when turned at just the right angle, immediately expands just enough to make it subsequently immoveable. Oddly enough, that angle will be achieved when attempting to install the couch in the Captain's Quarters. The couch is incredibly difficult to dissemble by conventional means as it is the a vessel of the power of the minor Chaos god Yecht, Lord of Inconvenience

A 3 TB hard drive full of quality porn

A pontiff's mitre

A quality compound miter saw from the Dark Age of Technology (they don't make 'em like they used to)

Jarts

-a can of shaving cream, with a hidden compartment, containing embryos of long extinct animals

So has this thread been archived? This is a thread that would actually be useful to be able to bookmark come back to as needed.

>>15628091
The manuscript is translated even.

rolled 4, 10 = 14

A Slaaneshi artifact; The Cube of Perfection: A solid cubic metre of pink marble of such mathematical perfection and simplicity, causes all who stare upon it to become insane while looking at it, and it's found covered in a purple silk with golden thread blanket.

A prototype Dark Eldar WMD that contains a miniaturised black hole.

A giant ant farm that contains Catachan Bull Ants, which are a foot long.

A DAoT AI that has gone so catastrophically rampant that all it does is scream paradoxes at the players.

A stasis pod that contains a silk tie, which appears to be at least 39000 years old on closer observation of the pod.

I personally like this idea

A man in cryo stasis with no appearance of a face with multiple swords and knives run through his body. In the center of his back is a power sword. When opened he springs to life and runs very fast.

This could lead to a hunt within the bowels of their own ship.

- a tube-like fish in a bowl. If one presses their ear to the tank while somebody is speaking a language they do not understand, they hear whispers coming from the fish.

- a large hammer that is balanced for throwing. Its haft is short, and it comes with a pair of heavy gloves.

- a ring with writing on its inside. Those who wear the ring turn invisible.

- a young girl who appears to be human, standing watch over a chain shirt and a rapier.

A dataslate with a leather cover that reads DON'T PANIC.

If read, it mainly contains recipes for alchoholic drinks.

In the hold, your crew finds:

An archaeotech vehicle.
Its armor and weapon systems are advanced for its time, but it is beyond ancient, in severe disrepair, with rusted holes punched into the carapace, obvious water and munitions damage, and in several loosely "repaired" pieces.

Your techpriests identify are a possible archaeotech Warhound Pattern Titan, as it bears a striking similarity, and could easily pass for a boxier, grey, and obviously older model.

>>15628521

I think that's already been done, I recall reading a thread on here about a game of DH/RT (I can't remember which) which involved Slaaneshi cultists, a giant demon snake who's theme music was one of the battle tunes from Bayonetta, and the Titan version of Big O ("Cast in the name of the Emperor, ye not heretic.").

An immense, lattice-like metal structure containing dozens or possibly hundreds of human-sized glass tubes. The tubes appear to be frosted over with ice from the inside, and they cannot be seen through; any attempt to break the glass results in the tool or ammunition used simply bouncing off.

There is a single control panel on the front of the lattice, measuring 3 feet by 3 feet. There is an LED display and one small, black button. If the button is pushed, the LED display begins counting down from 72 hours.

The first time the crew try to sleep during during this period, they hear the sound of a light rustle, like a breeze in the grass, through the ship. As they sleep, it grows louder. They will be woken after roughly eight hours by words almost too faint to hear, and those perceptive enough will be able to discern from the noise a short, whispy message: "Don't wake us."

Any attempt to destroy the control panel, remove the button or stop the countdown will fail. Should the crew eject the lattice and the pods, the whispers and noises will stop.

Until the next time they try to sleep after 72 hours have passed; regardless of where the lattice was left or the distance covered those close enough to the outer paneling of the ship will hear slow, insistent scratches from the outside of the vessel.

- an experimental model talking archotech servo skull. Functions as a Savant but only gives sarcastic responses. Its first words are 'Hiya Chief!'

- An ancient dataslate partially charred and smudged with ash. It contains the coordinates to an forgotten 'Squat outpost'. The codename for this location is Boatmurdered.

- Two ornate scimitars and a small onyx figurine of a large cat.

- A top that never seems to stop spinning. Resourceful Admechs can use this as a gyroscope. Psykers are disturbed.

- A stasis tube with a small anthropomorphic skeleton of a rat clad in a cape and cowl holding a miniature scythe. Rats flee the object instinctively.

- An animate head of clay of xenos make with fiery eyes. Likes long debates on religion and philosophy, but clearly atheist.

- A dust caked archotech dataslate embedded in a forearm bracelet. The bracelet is solid gold and the etching 'Pimp' is barely visible.

>>15622989
I LOVE that story.

An STC catalog from the very last years of the Dark Age of Technology, detailing templates that can still be purchased if you just mail a currency that no longer exists to a planet that no longer has life on it using a communications network that hasn't functioned in nearly 20,000 years.

The real value of this item is that it has probably the most complete listing of STC templates in existence, as well as a few hints (thanks to the mailing address and such) on where to start looking for the place that made them.

rolled 9 = 9

An archeotech servitor that is converting all the trash into compressed cubes.

rolled 12 = 12

Two statues of the Lost Primarchs, labelled with their names and legions. The heads are missing, the paint is gone and the names are worn away leaving only a few letters comprehensible.

A life-sized statue of a strange Xeno beast. Exposing it to liquid turns it into flesh.

rolled 27 = 27

A statue from it looks like Ancient Terra in the shape of one of it's continents. You can vaguely make out Mann Co. Salesman of the year on it.

>>15628901
Wall-E

I love each and every single one of these loot lists. May the God-Emperor bless all of you glorious wonderful fa/tg/uys!

>>15628703
Pimped out Pip Boy for the win!

rolled 20 = 20

An Ancient space capsule with a long dead man inside wearing a space suit with the name tag Major Tom.

>>15629077
You sir

>>15629089
"Ground control to Major Tom...."

An Echoing Vault or a fragment thereof.

rolled 70 = 70

Hooked on Phonics by Indrick Boreale

Because how better to follow up a year's worth of fucking over spess elves than by FUCKING OVER ALL OF EXISTENCE?

...no, seriously.

rolled 99 = 99

A corpse of a Xeno. Analysis proves it to be a Old One. It sits in a stasis chamber labeled "KROAK", and radiates powerful psychic signals.

rolled 63 = 63

a disk that you can vaguely make out the best of the Red Green show and a crate filled with dozens of rolls of strange silver adhesive tape.

A rather unremarkable tribal mask, carved from wood, its origins, either feral human or xeno is unknown.

Psykers detect a powerful presence within the mask if they make a VERY difficult check, it hides itself well.

>>15629158
if there is an ork in OP's party it will probably think he's a prophet of Gork and Mork.

>>15622059
>Some sort of humanoid mutant, it's skin still glowing in patches in an archaic void-suit with a large glass bubble helmet, long dead.
another Fallout reference?

I got most of the other ones

>>15629158
>>15629178
>ork watches the stuff on the disk
>hfw

What appears to be a mummified xeno clutching a small blue box. All that can be determined from the remains is that the xeno had four legs, a long tail, and no mouth.

>>15629252
anon you are my new best friend. nostalgia'd like a mofo.

-A man dressed in red and white striped clothes, when the players find him he shouts "WOW!! Took you long enough!!"
-A data slate, the only thing on it it the message "Kill Strelok"
-A small robot that somehow moves using only one wheel, when activated it folows the PCs around, saying obvious things, beat-boxes very poorly, and is generaly very anoying
-A box conatining the corrpse of a man, inscribed on the inside is hundreds of numbers and the phrase "THE NUMBERS MASON, WHAT DO THEY MEAN?!?!??!"

- In a pair Clear cryotubes they find a tall, dark haired gentleman dressed in the manner of an Imperial Commissar. He carries an extremely well worn las-pistol and chain sword and seems to be wearing some extremely heavily damaged carapace armor beneath his slightly untucked shirt.

In the second tube is an extremely ugly hulk of a man still carrying what looks like a battered Melta gun and wearing clothes which suggest he is an extremely unkempt imperial guardsman - his uniform style that of a valhallan soldier.

Written on a plaque in front of the tank is a rune of activation hooked up to the tank and the words "In the event of the possibility of Mankind's Certain Doom, Press Button." - No other information is given.

- A set of ancient documents proclaiming the bearers to be the rightful owners and rulers of several absurdly wealthy paradise, hive and factory worlds by the direct authority of The Emperor Himself - But only if they can complete a set of mysterious, difficult challenges and quests to find the appropriate wax seals to affix to the documents.

Also
- An ancient, Pre-heresy bolt pistol with it's ammunition magazine welded to the chassis - Upon the magazine is scrawled in a crude carving the symbol for infinity. Users will find the pistol never runs out of ammunition - and will at random fire specialized ammunition more commonly seen with elite space marine forces with no explanation as to how it does this. Any attempt to remove the magazine fails regardless of the power levels involved. Scrawled along the chassis are the words "In The Name of IDKFA"

- A servo skull with a vocalizer and apparently home to a rather wisecracking machine spirit who possesses a vast array of knowledge on the maintanence, usage of, and care of Archeotech and other ancient weapons and machines dating as far back as the dark age of technology - as well as a vast array of tactical and strategic knowledge about warfare. He also knows an absurd amount about the events of The Age of Apostasy and the events of The Macharius Crusades - but knows little to nothing of galactic events up to that point. However, he can only be appeased to release some of this information with the offerings of extremely graphic pornography both visual and audible that are 'new' to him on a regular basis.

>>15629376

Nope. Second one's AI. Blammed for heresy.

A large, lean gray alien with a gray body, scythelike claws and teeth that make it look like it has a very creepy grin.
A stasis pod containing a man wearing clothes of an ancient style. His hand is clutching a strange whip that can wrap itself in flames or gain the density of metal when attacking with it. Upon awakening the man will try to whip the nearest light sources, and if that fails will start throwing axes, crosses, knives and water flasks at anyone who attacks him.
A small boy clad in strange blue armor. His arms will turn into plasma weapons when threatened, and he can replicate the effects of any weapon he touches.

>>15622771

>- A drum, cello, conch horn, bell, harp, marimba, triangle and small piano organ.

I came.

An ancient, Double barreled shotgun made of blued cobolt steel, with an ash stock and a hair trigger. Written upon the barrel on both sides in ancient earth english is the phrase "Hail to the king, baby." - It is loaded and next to a brand new box of shells - approximately 20 of them - from somewhere called "S-Mart" - When fired at any enemy, it deals 1D10X1D10 damage, and ignores all damage resistances or nullification effects, but only when using the ammunition found either in the gun or in the box. The weapon will cause incomparable damage to absolutely anything living or unliving in the universe regardless of age or mitigating factors.

pic related

/It's INCREDIBLY advanced, people

A complete suit of goldplated power armor, with purple, reinforced portions made from a strange alloy, and far in advance of anything currently in use by the imperium. Has pauldrons big enough to make space marines blush, and an armcannon of alien design. For unexplainable reasons, custom made to fit a tall woman.

Under the pile, you find...the Omnissiah! It's completely devoid of emotion, knows not the purpose of humor, yet never fails to deliver biting punchlines.

Also excessively armed with anti-matter pulse cannons, darkmatter rifles, and miniaturized plasmalaunchers. In fact, the lightest weapon carried is comparable to a multi-melta, but merely serves as a fail-safe way to vent heat and radiation from its reactor.

This thread is win

>>15622771
>Several sheafs of hand written scripts, which if collated form a play called "the king in yellow"
Fuck this shit, the enitre cahace is going out the airclock

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

everyone vote this awesome thread up

>>15623804
>Nametag reads MAJ TOM
Manlytears.jpg

More serious/non-reference stuff

- Xeno Jewelry that appears to be made of commonplace imperial items.
-Chandelier made of Acilipsion Star Glass.
-Prayer beads from Xeno Monastery
-Giant Xeno Beetle Carapace .
-Cadian Barking toad leather
-Book of Imperial prayers
-Fancy Urn
-Canister of Ungents and bottles of sacred oils
-Cask of blue syrupy fluid (may hold significance to xeno buyer)
-Locker of (6) Imperial Las rifles
-Carton of Taback sticks
-Sack of animal claws
-Data-slate containing the Log of a ship that last flew in early M3
-Package of exotic feathers
-Jar of incense.
-Wrapped in dark cloth, two very long, thick, candles, ritual religious tokens from an exotic civilization.
-Horned Helm of bronze and wood.
-Chest of small marble stones, currency of an eliptical xeno race.
-Small occult pocket book
-Birch Club
-Iron Chest with a dagger inside of it.
-Platinum amulets
-Mechanical severed tentacle
-Servo-drill Rig
-Captains seat from no longer manufactured ship.

>4 statues that appear to be made of stone but whose actual compositions are indeterminate, they take the shape of 4 winged women with screaming faces, looking into each others eyes as they stand in a circle, they resist being moved

One of your crewmembers takes a picture for your records.

-A fancy gauntlet with a large circular gem in the palm of the hand. Any psyker that wears the gauntlet will gain the ability to reroll one nine on any roll they make.
-A disk about a meter in diameter that is made of a nearly indestructible material. If your party has a techpriest, he will be able to interface with the disk and discover that it has a very advanced machine spirit, can float (holding up to half a ton) and contains a vast library of ancient history and tech.
-A sword, about four foot long and only about an inch wide. Closer inscpection shows that the blade is made out of living metal and has a microscopic chainsword like edge and the sword actively moves to weak points in armor when swung at a target.
-An energy weapon of some sort, that is capable both of blasts as powerful as a plasma cannon and an almost continuous stream of energy fire as strong as a lasgun. Instead of 'getting hot' the weapon simply jams for a round and harmlessly vents the excess heat.
-A small cube that always displays the thing that whoever is holding the cube holds most dear.
-A lighter that has a black flame. (unknown to party, if used in the presence of demons, temporarily blinds them and causes them extreme discomfort)
-A simple silver ring that prevents whoever wears it from having bad dreams and stops outside forces from delving or controlling their mind.
-A pen that never runs out of ink and will write on any surface.
-A pair of shoes that always fit perfectly and never get your feet wet.
-A top hat, monocle and pocketwatch. When worn together, makes those around the wearer believe that they know them.

>>15629783
That should be the King in Rags and Tatters if we're doing it 40k style.

>>15629689
Note the obvious xeno-tech aspects.

My suggestion: A massive, two pronged spear with strange grooves down its sides, far too large for any normal being to wield. Indeed, it appears to be designed to be wielded by a Knight or other kind of small Titan. There are echoes of an utterly alien intelligence about it if probed by a psyker.

- A strange fabric mask that is white and silver. When the wind blows through the eye and mouth holes, it seems to whisper "El Santo".

- A disk entitled "Gigli - Director's Cut Edition".

- A head in a jar. The head appears to be that of a middle aged bald American man who constantly screams obscenities at a "Superman".

>>15625762
>The Luggage
I'll run, just run

I did, but some strange internet denizens appear to have voted it down since then. It was at 6 and now is at 3.

I don't understand some peoples' tastes.

Several containers roughly the size of fuel barrels with what appears to be ancient human corpses inside. There are scratch marks on the inside of the viewpanels.

Further down the barrel there are ancient earth letters/numbers that read as follows " 2-4-5- Trioxin"

Beneath, similar symbols read " ...OF ARMY... EMERGENCY... 11 5.. 867"

- A strange stone head, when approached it dispenses archaic weapons, saying "The Gun is Good, The Penis is Evil"
- A big red button that says "Do Not Press"

GM's call on what happens when it is inevitably pressed

More non-reference stuff

-Vial of Deamon Blood sealed within a polished stone Jar Wrapped in parchment strips covered with holy texts and sigils.
-An Amythest Scythe
- Naalwood Chest of Drawers
- A very old copied partial section of a section of the Cartographia Universalis (The ancient text attempt to catalog the systems and planets of the galaxy).
-Data-Arc (mini library) containing information about the shipments into and out of a planetary system (plot advancing tool)
- An Old copy of the Divine Primer (the most basic text of indoctrination to the Machine God, and can be seen outside the Adeptus Mechanicus, though not commonly)
-The machine parts required to build a Lexigrapher (An augmetic servitor that records words)
-Case of Caba nuts
-Data-slate attached umbilicaly to Tube containing dead Crixian Locust (These virulent insects virtually eliminate all foodstuffs, the dataslate contains info about there biology and vitals and warns the reader not to open the tube.)
-Crate of Olicet Tea leaves

A BUNCH OF RIPPED ASS CUNTS WITH CRANKIN' ARM MUSCLES!!!!

/And a chainsword codpiece

Seriously... what faggoty fags would vote down such a cromulent thread as this?

almost 300 posts. I thought 250 was autosage. I guess not! Autosage is 300?

>>15630110
>A BUNCH OF RIPPED ASS CUNTS WITH CRANKIN' ARM MUSCLES!!!!
That was an awesome thread.
>>15630130
Yes.

>>15629949
I love you


An old book bound in skin with a hideous face on the cover. A small note is sticky-noted on. It says: For safe use, say "Kluedo Beretta Nicktoon" before opening.

A small sphere that is half red and half white.
When thrown a small yellow xeno appears from the ball and repeatedly speaks an indecipherable word.

Multiple Eldar soul stones
Tau gun probes, ready for reprogramming
A sword contained in a locked box covered in purity seals, it appears to be completely normal, but when anyone who is warp sensitive holds it, they make this face

A vial labeled 'cure dianthroritis' that appears once they step into the room...

>Sixty-eight metric tons of Surge, the discontinued soda.
PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH!
0101000001010010010000010100100101010011010001010010000001010100010010000100010100100000010011110100
1101010011100100100101010011010100110100100101000001010010000010000100100000001000000101000001010010
0100000101001001010100110100010100100000010010000100100101001101001000000100100101001110001000000100
0001010011000100110000100000010010000100100101010011001000000100001101001001010100100100001101010101
0100100101010100010100110010000001000001010011100100010000100000010101000101001001000001010011100101
0011010010010101001101010100010011110101001001010011001000010010000000001101000010100000110100001010
0101010001101000011101010111001100100000011001000110111100100000011101110110010100100000011010010110
1110011101100110111101101011011001010010000001110100011010000110010100100000010011010110000101100011
0110100001101001011011100110010100100000010001110110111101100100001011100000110100001010010101000110
1000011101010111001100100000011001000110111100100000011101110110010100100000011011010110000101101011
0110010100100000011101110110100001101111011011000110010100100000011101000110100001100001011101000010
0000011101110110100001101001011000110110100000100000011101110110000101110011001000000111001101110101
01101110011001000110010101110010011001010110010000101110

>>15630575
Find this.

>>15629532
Hells yes.

Sad it took this long for an Army of Darkness reference, actually.

>>15622603
>An extremely advanced archeotech weapons system in the shape of an Aquilla. When activated, it bonds to the user on a molecular level and allows them to generate weaponry such as monomolecular swords. It also appears to have some kind of etiquette training program as a subroutine.

It also has a personal history subroutine, going back to the sevnth millenium.

A Core commander unit. Inactive, of course.

Or just a bunch of Iron Men with the personalities of fratboys.

>>15630701
This would be really really fun to see used.

Inside they find a strange vial. It seems to be filled with something. Upon touching the vial it shatters with age releasing untold trillions of nanites to burrow their way through the ship stealing its resources and forming their own ship from it. They call themselves Von Nuemann and in a flash the ship disappears.

Soon after reports of large pyramid-shaped ships crop up over the entirely of the sector with the strange things strip-mining whole continents worth of resources. Planets that resist are utterly extinguished of all life in a matter of hours. Ship that attempt to fight at stricken with a glowing yellow beams from smaller ships that detach themselves from the mothership then fade into nothingness.

>>15630958
01001000 01000101 01011001 00100000 01010111 01001000 01001111 00100000 01000110 01000101 01000101 01001100 01010011 00100000 01010101 01010000 00100000 01000110 01001111 01010010 00100000 01001011 01001001 01001100 01001100 01001001 01001110 01000111 00100000 01000001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01001000 01010101 01001101 01000001 01001110 01010011?

01011001 01000101 01000001 01001000!

01001111 01001000 00100000 01011001 01000101 01000001 01001000!

01001111 01001000 00100000 01001000 01000101 01001100 01001100 00100000 01011001 01000101 01000001 01001000!

4f 6b 2c 20 73 75 72 65

01000100 01001111 01001110 01010100 00100000 01000010 01000101 00100000 01000001 00100000 01010011 01001101 01000001 01010010 01010100 01000001 01010011 01010011 00100000 01010100 01000101 01010010 01010010 01011001 00101100 00100000 01000110 01001111 01010010 00100000 01010100 01001000 01000001 01010100 00100000 01011001 01001111 01010101 00100111 01010010 01000101 00100000 01010000 01000001 01011001 01001001 01001110 01000111 00100000 01000110 01001111 01010010 00100000 01010100 01001000 01000101 00100000 01000100 01010010 01001001 01001110 01001011 01010011 00100000 01010100 01001111 01001110 01001001 01000111 01001000 01010100

>>15630517
>>15631034
Took me a translator to understand it, but I lol'd heartily.

OP, you should compile all these suggestions into one large list. Then give your players the ability to search the loot, each time saying the object they find and crossing it out of the list. If your players don't spend an entire session combing through the junk just to see what pops up next I'll eat my shorts.

>>15622931

A sealed envelope containing a joke written by Ernest Scribbler.


DEAR GOD NO. YOU MADMAN! WORST TPK EVER

A pair of dentures made out of diamonds. If the party attempts to take them, they're attacked by a group of incredibly powerful old men.

>>15631711
I've cherry picked results from here and thrown them at my players for their perusal. Some of the totally innocuous results have set of the heresy alarm.

Did we make any Fallout references yet?

>>15632792
A few but give it a shot, you may do better.

>>15632792
101 jumpsuit, rocket ghouls in space, probably a few other things.

A more important question is "has this thread been archived yet?"

>>15628580
That'd be one of Shas'o R'myr's stories.
>>15632933
Attempts are being made to archive it, but someone is downvoting it. FWIW i've made a list of all suggestions thus far for use on everybody's favourite, the d1000 chart of randomness.

>>15633001
Oh, it seems that it's already been archived.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15621909/

"Dark Heresy Loot List", though? Well, I suppose that mistakes can be-
>/tg/ comes up with a strange and wondrous list of items for Dark Heresy DMs
>Dark Heresy DMs

>>15630156
I'm glad someone else remembers

>>15633312
Considering how much it got down-voted for no good reason, at least it has over 10 votes. But yes, it is disappointing that it doesn't say Rogue Trader.

And so the post isn't wasted: a book claiming to contain the secrets to sell anything to anyone, written by pic related

A stasis pod occupied by a person in a seemingly primitive power armor, if released the person is revealed to be stunningly brilliant and having an ego so vast that it is on the verge of collapsing into a singularity.

Shortly after being released other intelligent people aboard start to disappear, further investigation shows that all have names starting with an R.

More stuff for players to find
-Canteen of lighter fluid
-Coffer of fractured mirror pieces
-Wax sealed jar of Void-Eels
-Preserved body parts from Xeno species
-Long Halberd like weapon who's head is formed in shape of a Hrud.
-Chest of plated Ork teeth
-Wood-slat and leather armor fitting a creature with at least 4 arms