>>14919605
Why did Lucas give you twenty dollars?

>>14919671
I Don't Remember. I was very Drunk on Midrange Scotch Whiskey. I think I either gave the ability to shoot Lasers From His Eyes or a handjob.

>>14919691
Will you give me a handjob?

>>14919709
I only give Handjobs when I need to earn Twenty Dollars, but since I already have Twenty Dollars I don't need to give any Handjobs.
See?
The Universe is Perfect in Every Way

>>14919729
Then will you give me the ability to shoot lasers from my eyes?

>>14919744
No.

Tell the truth.
You can't really do magic at all. You're just a crazy alky hobo with a smelly jacket aren't you?

>>14919786
I only Tell The Truth. I am a Crazy Alky Hobo with a Smelly Jacket who can Write Word that Empower on things and also erase them with Spit and Furious Rubbing.

Where are you?

>>14919849
I'm in A Filthy Alley. Filthy Alleys are the very best place to get some Serious Drinking Done.

twenty bucks is far to much for a handjob from a stinky hobo.

>>14919906
I give Amazingly Good Handjobs ever since I wrote Amazingly Good At Handjobs on myself. My Handjobs are worth at least Fifty Dollars.

>>14919928
So why don't you charge $50 for handjobs?

>>14919950
Because I keep forgetting to write Amazingly Good with Money on myself. It's hard to remember things when you're partially fueled by Midrange Scotch Whiskey.

>>14919965
Write Amazingly Good With Money on yourself right now.

>>14919995
That's a Good Idea! We're a good team, Anonymous.
Now I have Amazingly Good With Money written on my belly. I'm going to invest this twenty dollars so when it vests I'll be able to use the dividends to buy Midrange Scotch Whiskey, Cigarettes, a Lighter That Hasn't Been Chewed On Be Me! I will also charge Sixty Dollars for Handjobs from now on!
A whole new world is opening up to me! We're a good team, Anonymous!

Merit, sometimes you repeat yourself.

>>14919965
Have you considered erasing "Handjobs" from "Amazingly Good at Handjobs" and replacing it with "Everything"? Anything else seems like it's just muckin' about.

>>14920064
Yes. It's hard to Remember what you've said when you're Partially Fueled by Midrange Scotch Whiskey.
>>14920065
Sadly "Everything" is not Principle. I wish it was sometimes.

>>14920065
Also, most of What I do is Mucking About. In fact, between Getting Some Serious Drinking Done and Giving Amazing Handjobs, it's all I do.

Find a cat.

>>14920165
Good idea! Filthy Alleys are great places to Find Cats! I'm going to go dig around in that pile of rainsoaked cardboard, I'll tell you if I find one!

>>14920165
I Found A Cat! I took this picture of it with my Shitty Smartphone! It's so cool living in the future!

>>14920149
Well then, is Mucking About a principle?

>>14920222
Mucking About is a Very Special Principle. It's an ASPECT. ASPECTS are The Coordinate Functions of the Universe, they're very very sacred.

>>14920219
Can you write Principles on the Cat?
If so, write "Can Talk", or whatever you need to write to make it talk.
If you can't make it talk write, "Ability To Shoot Lasers From Eyes" on it instead.

>>14920251
I can write Principles on anything Tangible, and even Some Things that are Barely Tangible like A Fire or The Wind.
I would write "Speaks English" on it, but I can't catch it! Also, Cats can already Shoot Lasers From Their Eyes. That's what makes Cats Special!

>>14920269
>Cats can already Shoot Lasers From Their Eyes.
No they can't, unless you're in a different Universe. Are you in another Universe? Can you go to other Universes?

>>14920297
Cat's can so Shoot Lasers From Their Eyes! Female cats can Shoot 7 Nanometer Lasers From Their Eyes and Males can Shoot 8 to 9 Nanometer Lasers From Their Eyes! They use them for precision range-finding for pouncing on their prey, and for giving Cancer to Mean People and Dogs! Don't you know Anything, Anonymous?
And I'm from your Universe, or more accurately I'm from your Continuity Brane. I've never been to a different Continuity Brane because I'm afraid they won't have Midrange Scotch Whiskey, Cigarettes, the the color Chartreuse. Also because my Mind Would Explode With 1000 Gigatons Of Thermonuclear Yield, and that would be Bad.

Merit, you're incredibly incompetent! Just write Amazingly Good at Capturing Cats on yourself and catch that fucking cat!

>>14920352
I don't have anymore room to write things on myself! I'm already Amazingly Good at Too Many Things!

>>14920365
So get a box and write "Amazingly Good at Getting Cats To Jump Inside It" on the side!

>>14920377
That would work. We're a good team, Anonymous!
Let's wait and see if it works!

>>14920382
Yay! The cat is now inside the Box! Do you have "Amazingly Good at Plans" writen on you, Anonymous?

I'm going to play with this Cat for awhile, but I'll keep checking to see if anything else happens in This Thread!

Write "Speaks English" on the cat.

Then offer it some Midrange Scotch Whiskey.

>>14920479
Okay!

>>14920484
The Cat is a Girl Cat! She says her name is Resplendent Enigma! She had kitten last fall, but one of them died. She thought she might like some Midrange Scotch Whiskey, but she thought it smelled bad! I drank some to show it was good, but she still didn't want any, so I drank the rest! Resplendent Enigma wants to know if you have a cat, Anonymous. I told her that Anonymous Loves Cats, so you probably do!

>>14920527
Tell her that Anonymous thinks Resplendent Enigma is an Amazingly Good Name For A Cat.

>>14920565
She said Of Course! All Cats have Amazingly Good Names, it's what makes them Special! I wrote "Has Kittens that Always Grow Up and Are Super Awesome" on Resplendent Enigma, and she purred and said Thank You! Cats only say Thank You when they really really mean it, so I think I did a really good thing!
Oh My God I'm Out Of Midrange Scotch Whiskey this is Terrible

>>14920527
Owning a cat is almost a prerequisite to Anonymoushood. Now get Resplendent Enigma to share with you the secrets of the universe.

>>14920591
I already know the Secrets of The Universe!

Aw! Resplendent Enigma left! She said she had to go Get Fucked By A Tomcat! I say Good For Her, but I told her she shouldn't say "Fucked" because it's a rude word in English, so she said Sorry! Cat's are so polite!

>Cat's are so polite!
Cat is are so polite? Merit, you suck at apostrophes.

>>14920675
It's hard to remember to use Proper Punctuation when you're Partially Fueled by Midrange Scotch Whiskey!

I went into the Bodega at the end of the Alley to procure more Midrange Scotch Whiskey and Cheap Cigarettes, but the clerk said Fuck Off Hobo Girl! I thought that was Mean, so I looked close and he had Cranky Because His Wife Left Him written on his forehead! I told him to hold still and spit on it so I could rub it off, but he yelled and chased me! I think he was going to hit me, but fortunately I'm Proofed against Ill-Intent and also have Amazingly Good at Running Away written on my left foot!

>>14920722
Did you offer him a Handjob?

>>14920736
No, I already have Twenty Dollars!

>>14920722
You shouldn't spit on people unless you have permission, Merit.

>>14920756
Oh! You know a lot of about Arbitrary Social Conventions, Anonymous! We're a good team, Anonymous!

>>14920744
Handjobs aren't always for making money, they can be used for diplomacy as well.

>>14920794
Should I go back and offer him a Gratis Handjob? Do you think he would sell me Midrange Scotch Whiskey if I did?

>>14920807
We had good luck with Resplendent Enigma, who was a Girl Cat. Maybe try and fin a Girl Clerk and offer her the handjob.

>>14920807
Try it pantsless. That works for me sometimes

>>14920836
You can't give a Girl a Handjob because girls don't have penises!

>>14920845
You can't trick me, Anonymous! I know you're supposed to wear pants in Bodegas ever since one time in Montreal. Oh wait, is the rule different in The United States?

>>14920850
They would if we wrote Has Penis on them.

>>14920869
Duh. By drinking scotch you have license to be pantless in public.

>>14920872
Yes, but that's true for literally anything Tangible and even some things that are Barely Tangible!

>>14920879
Wait, can you just write on the site of the bottle Always Full Of Midrange Scotch Whiskey?

>>14920877
Oh! You're really good at Arbitrary Social Conventions Anonymous! I've Drunk a Seriously Huge Quantity of Midrange Scotch Whiskey, so I should be totally fine then! We're a good team Anonymous!
So the plan is that I take of my pants, go back in to the Bodega, and offer the Mean Clerk a Gratis Handjob so he'll sell me Midrange Scotch Whiskey, right?

>>14920894
Sure!

>>14920722
>Fuck Off Hobo Girl!
>Hobo Girl
>Girl

Waitaminute.jpg

>>14920903
Let's get to it now. That scotch can't get in your gullet unless you drop trou, get in that bodega, and jack some korean cock.

>>14920927
Okay! I'll tell you how it went in a minute!

Anonymous You're So Good At Plans! Chuck (That's the Clerk's name!) was so happy he kissed me and gave me the Midrange Scotch Whiskey for free because I forgot that I left the Twenty Dollars I Got From Lucas The Vivisector in my Pants in the Filthy Alley! He even let me use the bathroom so I could pee indoors and clean his semen out of my hair!

>>14920964
>betterthanexpected.mkv

>>14920964
if you catch it in your mouth your hair won't get messy.

>>14921023
I can't play .mkv files on my Shitty Smartphone. That's one of the 13 Reasons My Smartphone Is Shitty.

>>14921030
Why do people always want me to put semen in my mouth?

>>14921031
What are the other 12 reasons?

>>14921044
Better value for the $20. That's a $30 handjob feature usually.

Anyway drink the scotch and pee in the bottle. What's at the other end of the alley?

>>14921052
1. Tiny Little Screen
2. Only has Internet Explorer
3. Speakerphone is broken!
4. The MASER is only 3 Megawatts!
5. The plastic that covers the screen got smashed, so not I don't have it anymore!
6. Stupid, STUPID Media Player!
7. Can't shoot Grappling Hooks anymore because I ran out of Monofilament Goo!
8. NSA monitors all my ingoing/outgoing calls & Internet usage (Hi, Phillis! How's your daughter's cold doing?)
9. The battery only holds a charge for like three weeks!
10. Telepathic Input only works if I squint really hard and say Ohhh Maaniii Paaadme Hummm
11. The case is cracked!
12. I lost the cool little charm thingy that it came with!
13. Doesn't play MKV files!

>>14921062
My Handjobs cost Sixty Dollars ever since I wrote Amazingly Good With Money on my belly! Also I already peed!
PS: You don't ever need to remind me to drink Midrange Scotch Whiskey.

Hmm. Have you considered erasing some of the Principles and condensing them into one single phrase?

Such as:
Amazingly Good at Swimming, Basketball, and Jumping.

That would replacing:
Amazingly Good at Swimming
Amazingly Good at Basketball
AND
Amazingly Good at Jumping

>>14921136
That's a pretty good idea! I'll try to remember to do that!

>>14921138
Yo, NSA! Whassup?

>>14921138
What? Did the phone say that to you or something?

Pinch phone in between your ass cheeks. How far is the closest street?

>>14921146
NO, DO IT NOW.

NOW NOW NOW.

NOW.

Otherwise you'll forget.

>>14921148
>>14921149
THE NSA DOES NOT POST ON 4CHAN BECAUSE IT IS FILTHY. JANICE WRIGHT IS NOT AN NSA ANALYST AND DOES NOT HAVE A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH CODENAME MERIT. CODENAME MERIT IS NOT A PERSON EITHER. SHUT UP.

>>14921106
Merit, is "Perfect" a principle or an ASPECT?

Could we write Perfect on our Shitty Smartphone, making it a Perfect Smartphone?

>>14921160
Make me.

>>14921152
Okay, if you're sure.
I erased "Amazingly Good With Money" "Amazingly Good With Animals" "Not A Feast For Demons" "Amazingly Good at Chess" "Amazingly Good at Not Getting Her Skull Crushed by A Baseball Bat Again" "Amazingly Good at Riding Bikes" and "Always Knows when Scrubs is On", and wrote "Amazingly good with Money, Animals, Chess, Not Getting Her Skull Crushed By A Baseball Bat Again, Riding Bikes, and Knowing When Scrubs is On TV"
Yay!

>>14921190
Phone in your ass crack and GTFO out of this alley. It almost smells as bad as you

>>14921190
You forgot the whole demons thing. You should rewrite that.

>>14921170
Perfect is an ASPECT, but it's kind of Wierd because while the Universe Itself is Perfect In Every Way, nothing within the Universe can ever be accurately or objectively described as Perfect. In a sense, the Universe is Perfect in it's Imperfection. Pretty Zen, huh?
Also, My Smartphone is Perfect again! Hurray! You're so good at plans, Anonymous!

>>14921197
What's that about Demons?

>>14921215
You erased Not a Feast For Demons, and didn't include it in your new Macroprinciple. You need to.

>>14921215
They're attracted to phones. Perfect or not

>>14921194
You know, if I write "This Is Always Up That One Anonymous's Ass and also on Fire Forever" on basically anything it will come true, right? Like if I wrote it on a Trash Can it would be in all the way in your ass and on fire and no doctor of shaman could remove it?

>>14921219
What's a Macroprinciple?

>>14921234
Except that if you did that, we'd all get Mad and Stop Helping You, and then you'd go back to Having No Plan.

So there. It's a Stalemate.

>>14921234
Psychic surgery is always a backup for those cases.

Do as you're told

>>14921246
Mutually Assured Vexation.
A surprisingly efficacious circumstance!

>>14921241
A Principle composed of Many Smaller Principles. Because it's composed of many other Principles, it is larger than other Principles, thus we call it a Macroprinciple.

MACRO-
Prefix

1. large

macronucleus

2. long

macrobiotics

3. inclusive

macroinstruction

>>14921257
>Do as you're told
Ha! "Doesn't Have To Do As She's Told" is written on my bottom! So there!

>>14921264
I see! You're really good with Pedantic English Words! Thanks Anonymous!

>>14921281

>*fart*

>>14921281
I am NOT ostentatious. You're mean for implying that. I merely want to define these 'Principles' a bit better.

>>14921293
What's Ostentatious?

>>14921298
Ostentatious:
os·ten·ta·tious/ˌästənˈtāSHəs/
Adjective: Characterized by vulgar or pretentious display.

>>14921312
And you're not... that?

>>14921318
Yes.

>>14921320
That's good. It doesn't sound very nice! Why did you think I called you Ostentatious?

>>14921326
Pedantic:
pe·dan·tic
 /pəˈdæntɪk/puh-dan-tik
–adjective
ostentatious in one's learning.

See?

We've gone astray. What we should do is rewrite "Not a Feast For Demons", and add "And Can See Them And Beat Them Up." That way, if we meet a demon trying to feast on someone we like, we can beat them up.

>>14921334
Oh! I'm sorry! Sometimes I forget that the Words that make up Principles have meanings that aren't nice sometimes!
I'll tell you a secret: I don't know what a lot of the Words actually mean! I just know what they are! It's like Qualia, but in reverse!

>>14921344
Speaking of which, who do we like?

>>14921344
I can already see Demons! They're litter ally everywhere! OH SHIT THERE ARE DEMONS EVERYWHERE

>>14921371
RUN BITCH RUN

>>14921386
I am! I'm running and I'm crying because there are Demons chasing me and they're going to rape me and eat my skin while I'm alive and steal the Words so they can turn the Universe to Darkness and I don't have pants on and I can't write "Not a Feast for Demons" on my self because I can't write when I'm running!
Anonymous I'm scared! What should I do?

>>14921401
John! You are the demons!

You must defeat them by becoming one of them! Become the demon john, and you can save the wooooooooooorld

STOP RUNNING MERIT, THE DEMONS AREN'T MEAN THEY JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIENDS!

>>14921419
I don't think that's true! One time I talked to a Demon and he said I AM I AM I AM I AM a million times and I think that was bad!

>>14921419
Okay, this is definitely a Demon. Don't listen to him Merit, keep running! We'll think of something.

>>14921441
THAT GUY IS NOT A DEMON, HE'S MY BROTHER AND HE'S A GOD-FEARING PATRIOTIC NEW YORK CITY FIREFIGHTER WHO DIED ON 9/11. YOU CAN TOTALLY TRUST HIM, HE'S DEFINITELY ON THE UP-AND-UP

>>14921455
SHE WENT UP THE FIRE ESCAPE YOU FUCKWIT, DON'T LOSE HER

>>14921455
>>14921419
They are obviously not trustworthy. But sadly, given our history together, you will of course ignore my advise.

>>14921463
WHO MADE YOU THE BOSS?

So of course I'm outspoken among my more emotional peers. If only humans used their left hemisphere more often, we wouldn't have these problems.

FOR THE LOVE OF HATRED WE'VE GOT A THOUSAND SKITTERING LEGS APIECE WHY CAN'T WE CATCH HER?

>>14921489
>>14921468
Who are you? Logic can't be demonic, it's an ASPECT? Are you an EMANATION? Please help me I don't want to be raped by demons or party to the Endless Torment of the Universe!

>>14921506
GOT YOU NOW LITTLE BITCH! CLIMBING TO THE ROOFTOPS IS A CLASSIC MISTAKE. YOUR SOUL IS MINE!

>>14921517
...YOU WERE SAYING, WAR CULTURE?

>>14921524
DAMN! LITTLE BITCH CAN JUMP, HUH?

GET BACK TO THE STREET!
I SWEAR ON THE VOID ITSELF WHEN I CATCH HER I SHALL FUCK HER IN HALF BEFORE I EAT HER!

FUCK, YOU MORONS, CIRCLE AROUND.

>>14921506
Attention demons, among other things, attempting to harm or otherwise modify the girl known as Merit, merit, or any variations therein.

Under code Q-364-I-PPAH-3146, you are committing an illegal action. Continue, and I shall be forced to intervene, destroying you utterly and entirely.

Cease and desist immediately.

Stop for long enough to write Not A Fest For Demons somewhere as soon as you have enough space.

Anonymouuuuuuuuuuuuus! Help Me! I need a Plan!

>>14921545
YOUR MISTAKE IS IN BELIEVING THAT WE ABIDE BY THE LAWS OF LOGIC.
OR INDEED ANYTHING.
YOU GOT A PRETTY MOUTH, BY THE WAY.

>>14921545
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WE'RE DEMONS, WE'RE THE EPHEMERAL EMBODIMENT OF CHAOS AND ENTROPY. WE DON'T FOLLOW RULES.

>>14921556
DIVE INTO THE NEAREST DUMPSTER and write the words while you're hidden. DO IT.
UNLESS YOU PLAN ON FIGHTING THEM OFF WITH HANDJOBS.

>>14921566
While it is true that you may not follow the laws of logic, nor the laws under which I function, I am no less capable of destroying you.

So, to be blunt, FUCK OFF.

>>14921556
IF YOU SURRENDER NOW I PROMISE I WILL BREAK YOUR NECK BEFORE SOUL OF DISCORD FUCKS YOU IN HALF. YOU'D DO IT IF YOU'VE SEEN HIS DICK. IT'S LIKE A FLAGPOLE COVERED IN MEATHOOKS.

>>14921577
If I stop running for even a second "Amazingly Awesome at Running Away" won't be in effect anymore!
Do you think they'd let me off with a round of handjobs?

>>14921579
THANKS FOR THE VIOLENT OUTBURST, I NEEDED THAT.
WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH, I SWEAR I WILL RAPE HER ASS INSIDE OUT AND DEFILE THE ETHER WITH HER TATTERED, TORMENTED SOUL.

>>14921600
Of courssssse. Jussssst sssssstop running and we'll acccccept that.

>>14921579
I AM THE MALICE THE UNDERWROTE EVERY CONFLICT ON EVERY LEVEL IN ALL HUMAN HISTORY BEFORE AND AFTER THIS TIME, EMANATION. I AM THE SEETHING HATRED OF VENDETTA, REVOLUTION, CONQUEST, GENOCIDE, AND EXTERMINATION. I AM HUMAN HATRED GIVEN FORM.
YOU WANT TO TUSSLE?
BRING IT THE FUCK ON.

>>14921625
Cold and Rational Logic: Fight this guy! Trust me, I know what I'm saying!

>>14921625
YEAH! TELL THE FAGGOT, WAR CULTURE! I'VE GOT THE AGONIZED SOULS OF 10,000 UNJUSTLY DAMNED CHILDREN THAT SAYS YOU TEAR HIM TO PIECES

>>14921639
Maybe next time you can take a breather you should write "Able to Multitask While Running" or something like that on yourself.

>>14921625
You must all learn to accept that in the end, I am the only thing that truly exists.

All of math, science, and technology stems from me. The universe's laws are all logical in their own right, and matter and energy progress logically based on laws that are again, logical.

While you, on the other hand, save Total Annihilation, are merely products of humanity. And if, which I think they will, humanity goes ahead with the idea of posthumanism, you will no doubt fade in obscurity.

You can't help but lose. I don't actually have to fight you to win.

HEY, FAGGOTZZZZ, ZZZZZZZZTOP BICKERING AND FIND ZZZZZZZZZAT ZZZZZZZZZZLUT. I'M GETTING BORED.

FIGHT HIM, EMANATION. FACE WAR CULTURE IN THE TRADITIONAL FASHION IF YOU'RE AS BOLD AS YOU CLAIM!

SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME PREDATORY SEXUAL ENERGY, I CAN SMELL HER. SHE'S CLOSE.

>>14921639
Write it now, while they're distracted.

>>14921667
YOU MAY BE ONE OF THE DRIVING FORCES OF CREATION, BUT I AM THE INSIDIOUS FORCE OF THE VOID WHICH SUFFUSES IT. IF YOU ARE INEVITABILITY, I AM INFINITY. YOU CLAIM THAT HUMAN NATURE WILL OVERCOME MY WILL, BUT WE BOTH KNOW THAT WITH EVERY ADVANCE THEY MAKE THEY TURN IT FIRST TO A WEAPON!
YOU MUST KNOW THAT WE ARE BROTHERS, LOGIC. IT IS HUMAN HATRED THAT DRIVES THEM TO THEIR GREATEST SCIENTIFIC ACHIEVMENTS!

>>14921639
You don't have to stop long enough to write Not A Feast For Demons on yourself! You only have to stop long enough to write Safe! Then we'll have time to have a nice little sit down, muck while we get our drink on, and figure out what to do next.

Pedantic Anonymous! What's a word that means "A Curse Upon"?

>>14921695
Safe isn't a Principle, it's an Abstract Concept!

>>14921695
SHUT UP, FAGGOT.
>>14921639
AH, THE DELICIOUS SMELL OF UNWASHED CUNT. COME OUT SO IN CAN COME IN. YOU, THAT IS.

>>14921702
Accursed.

>>14921693
HA HA. BEAT THAT Cold and Rational Logic! OBLIVION ALWAYS WINS

>>14921692
Write "Totally undetectable by Demons" or "Adored by Demons" rather than "Not a Feast for Demons", that suggests you could still be a light snack for them, rather than a feast.
Alternately, is there anything else about demons written on you already that could help? Like "Amazingly Good at Kung-Fu versus Demons"?

>>14921719
That won't work, I can't write "Accursed" on myself! I need something that means more like, "A Curse Upon", or "Abhorrent To". It's a specific word!

>>14921702
Enssssssslaved by,

FUCK. I KNOW YOU'RE HERE, WHORE. WHEN I FIND YOU I'M GONNA WEAR YOU LIKE A CONDOM.

>>14921693
But their scientific achievements are but that: science. And science is merely the way they come to appreciate the universe's many facets. As is math, and philosophy. Are you aware, War Culture, that there are alien races for whom the concept of war is unknown, and unknowable?

I do. But for all of them, all thinking creatures everywhere, I am known. I am the very soil from which sentience grows. Logic. Cold and unfeeling. Whether in binary, or mathematical formula, or a simple progression of events. I am always there. In fact, you owe your existence to me. At your most basic levels, I am there. Counting and measuring.

I am you. But you are not me.

>>14921730
SUCH OPTIMISTIC ASSUMPTIONS! I WOULD FIND IT ADORABLE IF I WERE PSYCHOLOGICALLY CAPABLE OF LIKING ANYTHING AT ALL.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING: SAPIENCE ALMOST NEVER INCLUDES RATIONALITY AS A FUNDAMENTAL PRECEPT, BUT STRIFE IS HARD-CODED INTO EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER EVOLVED. IT'S FOOD, FLIGHT, FIGHT, AND FUCK IN THE REAL WORLD. STEP DOWN FROM YOUR IVORY TOWER AND YOU'LL SEE THAT THIS AND ALL OTHER WORLDS BELONG FIRST TO ME.

>>14921738
Anathema?
> A ban or curse pronounced with religious solemnity by ecclesiastical authority, often accompanied by excommunication; denunciation of anything as accursed.
> An imprecation; a curse; a malediction.  
> Any person or thing anathematized, or cursed by ecclesiastical authority.

>>14921738
"Repellent"?
Or, how about "holy" considering your very specific predicament?

>>14921756
ZZZZZZZZZWE DO NOT ABIDE BY YOUR LOGIC, INTERLOPER. NOR ARE WE CONZZZZZZTRAINED BY OR MADE OF IT. WE WILL BREAK ZZZZZYOU.

>>14921759
HE'S ON THE ROPES! FINISH THIS SO WE CAN GET BACK TO CHASING THE FUCKING GIRL

>>14921738
Write "Imperceptible to Demons" on you! Quickly!

>>14921770
Anathema! Yes!

>>14921759
Life is chemistry. Chemistry is physics. Physics is a logical progression of events through the laws of the universe. Which follow their own logic.

All of life is logic. Say there are three apples. And four animals. The animals fight, because they know that one of them must have no apples. But then one animal thinks: Why can I not have all the apples? So it kills the others.

That is logic. Not only that, but the mere firing of neurons is logic. Logic gates and computation.

>>14921775
OR YOU COULD HELP ME, CUNTFLAP. I'M NOT INTERESTED IN ANY DICKWAVING BUT THAT WHICH HAPPENS BEFORE A GOOD RAVISHING.

>>14921756
CAN'T STALL FOREVER, EMANATION. JUST LET ME UNMAKE YOU NOW AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WATCH YOUR PRECIOUS UNIVERSE PERVERTED!

>>14921786
SHUT UP, RAPE OF TEN THOUSAND VIRGINS, YOU'RE A FUCKING HACK

>>14921782
THERE YOU ARE, YOU MOTHERFUCKING USELESS ACCUMULATION OF FLESH AROUND A VAGINA. I'M GONNA FUCK YOU 'TILL YOU LOVE ME.

>>14921795
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS THAT I'M A UNIVERSAL CONSTANT AMONG SEXUAL RACES. VIRGINS AREN'T MY ONLY PORTFOLIO. ENJOY YOUR PUSSY DISCORD, FAGGOTFUCK.
SHIT, SHE SLIPPED AWAY AGAIN. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU ASSDIVING COCKMEAT.

>>14921811
But not all races are sexual. Therefore do I again have far more influence than you. Infinitely more, in fact.

>>14921815
BUT I AM UNIVERSAL

In fact, merely by attempting to rape that girl, you are all following logic.

You want to rape something, so you find someone to rape, and attempt to rape them.

Logic.

>>14921828
And I'm "Anathema to Demons"

>>14921838
NO

>>14921828
You may stretch over the whole of the universe, but you are not universal. An alien in the Andromeda Galaxy may kill its brother, but so many other aliens do not have the same respond.

You are losing the argument, and choosing to ignore some of my points in a desperate bid to win.

Which is logical.

>>14921838
OH YOU WICKED LITTLE CUNT.

>>14921829
I RAPE REALITY BY MERELY BEING IN IT. I DO NOT THINK, I DO. UNLESS YOU THINK THIS PART SAYING WORDS IS ANYTHING BUT A COMPREHENSION FORCED BY YOUR PRESENCE
I RAPE BECAUSE RAPE IS YELLOW AND FUZZY, SEE?

Besides, I don't actually have to win the argument. I can easily walk away at any moment. And now that I have distracted you long enough, the girl is safe.

I win, you lose. Even if I had lost I would have still won.

>>14921838
I'M GOING TO MAKE A TRILLION SOPHONTS SCREAM FOR ETERNITY FOR THIS, YOU FUCKING WHORE

>>14921853
But you do think.

Rape is yellow and fuzzy, therefore you rape.

While not logical to humans, it is logical to others, somewhere in the universe.

>>14921860
Cold And Rational Logic, Thank You for your timely help. You have my undying gratitude.

>>14921838
GRAAAAAAAAAAGH. FUCK YOU, "MERIT", AND FUCK YOU, $#*#kjf#(4L.
I BLAME YOU COCKJUGGLERS.
THAT'S IT, I'M CAUSING A RAPE SPREE ACROSS THE WORLD. SEE YOU FUCKS LATER.

>>14921876
I am aware of that fact. It is of course obvious to me that I would, given what has occurred here.

>>14921860
YOU... YOU FUCKING... FUCKING EMANATIONS! I FUCKING HATE YOU! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!

>>14921883
Logic isn't fair.

Logic is itself.

The animal that got all three apples didn't care about fair. It only cared about apples.

>>14921871
BUT I ACTUALLY RAPE BECAUSE RAPE BECAUSE RAPE BECAUSE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPERAPERAPERAPERAPE
I DON'T RAPE, I AM RAPE.
I CAN NO MORE THINK THAN ANY CONCEPT CAN. THESE WORDS, AGAIN, ARE INTERPRETATIONS FORCED BY LOGIC IN THIS AREA.

>>14921894
You are rape, therefore you rape.

Logic.

And as long as I exist, you cannot escape me. To those who rape, rape is logical in its own way. Physical, chemical, and biological factors drive them to that conclusion. And those are all logic.

You can never escape from me. Nobody can.

>>14921890
FINE! VICTORY IS YOURS
THIS TIME
ENJOY YOUR UNIVERSE WHILE YOU CAN! I AM TIMELESS! AGELESS! AND I'M MORE PATIENT THAT YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE!
THE GUARDIAN OF YOUR WORLD IS A GIRL SOME DRUNK AND BRAIN DAMAGED SHE THINKS CATS HAVE X-RAY LASER EYES! SHE FUCKING FORGOT TO KEEP THE WARD WRITTEN ON HERSELF! THIS IS THE BARRIER THAT PREVENTS US FROM TEARING EXISTENCE TO PIECES? HA!
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WAIT FOR HER TO TAKE A BATH! WILL YOU BE WITH HER ALWAYS, Cold And Rational Logic? CAN YOU STAND TO BE WITH A CREATURE SO STUPID AND PERVERSE FOR ALL TIME?
SHE'LL FUCK UP SOMETIME, Cold And Rational Logic, AND NEXT TIME THERE WILL BE NOWHERE TO RUN

This is surprisingly interesting.

hey, Merit! how are you doing now?

SHIT, I'M DIFFUSING AGAIN. GUESS WHAT, BITCH? I PERSONALLY DON'T HAVE TO RAPE YOU TO RAPE YOU.
RAPE THE RAPE HIS UUUUUUUUUNGH
+++++++++++++=

>>14921915
Cigarettes are physical proof that the Universe is a Kind and Loving place! Especially when you have "Always Healthy Lungs" written on the underside of your arm!
Oh shit, I need to find new pants!

>>14921916
GOD DAMN, WHAT A PUSSY! I'M GOING TO STICK AR+++++++++++++++++++++

>>14921925

That's a good idea. By the way, do you think you could tell us what else you have on you? If it isn't too much trouble. It might help us plan ahead a little better, as well.

>>14921909
Goodbye, War Culture. Always a pleasure to spar with you. Despite the fact that you cannot win.

>>14921933
>>14921916
And good day to you two as well.

>>14921934
GET FUCKED, EMENATION. THIS IS AMERICA, I'M CARVED INTO THE SOUL OF THIS PLACE. I'M GOING FUCKING NOWHERE.

>>14921906
APP453LYING L*#($OGIC TTTT-------------O CHA+-+║OS DO╕ESNOT MA↓Γ65ßKE CHA:uávOS LOJJICALMG

>>14921936
I know, planning is a real shortcoming of mine. Planning is hard when you're Partially Fueled by Midrange Scotch Whiskey!

>>14921948
82.3251621% chance of governmental collapse in the next 45.41 years.

>>14921949
I can still understand you. As much as you may believe I cannot.

╪╡6554¼)6♦1═iA87Dgê∞

>>14921954
>82.3251621% chance of governmental collapse in the next 45.41 years.
AND THEN YOU'LL SEE HOW POWERFUL I TRULY AM IN THIS WORLD.

>>14921953

I've noticed! But we can help with that. And, uh, what you have on you? I've only got the vaguest idea, besides 'now perfect smartphone' and 'thing to write with'.

>>14921955
Still makes sense.

>>14921953
You must use your left hemisphere more often. It will help.

>>14921959
0.141% chance of war.

Yesssssssss, thisssss issssss good for you, mortal. We ssssssshall never come ba{++++++++++

>>14921960
I also have a Jacket that's Proof against Knives, Ill-Intent, Black Cats, and Bullets; a full (hurray!) flask of Midrange Scotch Whiskey (check that, almost full), a half a pack of Cheap Ciggarettes, a Magic Marker, an Awesome Smartphone, and A Purple Lighter That Has Been Chewed On By Me.

Signing off2368244693019876908346793108761983461346136871678186781478671846789237690823498687237617396789300
2348967238976982367342786879771000184716071765360750143189097436910498623681204390146798623568489601
5897326918230123658436719

>>14921967
I HATE YOU SO MUCH A NEW TINY DEMON IS FORMING. IT'S CALLED "THE SEARING HATRED WAR CULTURE HAS FOR Cold And Rational Logic". I HATE IT.

>>14921963
FOR LOGIC, YOU ZZZZZZERTAINLY ARE DENZZZE. HE CAN'T ZZZZZZZZZHELP TALKING LIKE ZZZZZAT, YOU ZZZTUPI-*****************

>>14921972
Oh! Also the Jacket smells because I never wash it and I have no pants!

>>14921981
PACK IT IN, KID. SHE HAS TO FUCK UP AGAIN SOMETIME.

>>14921972

Thank you, Merit! That's good to know. And yes, you should get some pants to go with that. You mentioned earlier you had some money on you. Do you still have it? If there are any clothes shops around that are open 24/7 you could try going there and buying a pair.

If you don't actually have money, though, things are going to be a little trickier...

>>14921991
Try changing Amazingly Good At Handjobs to Amazingly Good At Performing Sexual Favors.
After that, it's all easy.

>>14921988

I don't suppose it's possible to write 'always smells and looks like new' on your clothes? The clothes you have now, I mean. It might help.

But, main point, pants. How's the money / shops situation where you are?

514386101746978109867438797601678978490134I'm back now.

Physicist was working on something groundbreaking in another part of the Milky Way.

>>14921982
I know that. I just wanted him to know that despite his claims that he is only logical because of me, he is still logical even without me.

>>14921990
FUCK THAT NOISE. I'M ON THIS LITTLE BRAINDAMAGED HANDJOB-DISPENSING ALCOHOLIC HOBO CUNT LIKE WHITE ON RICE! SHE SO MUCH AS SMEARS THAT Anathem to Demons WHILE SHE'S FLICKING HER BEAN AND SHE'S MINE

>>14921999

Look, I'm pretty sure we can come up with a better source of income in the long run for Merit, okay. Not that this is a bad idea, but still.

>>14921990
>>14921981
0.00000000000000002352% chance she never fucks up again.

You are almost correct, but not certainly.

>>14922005
MINE FIRST. NEXT TIME, I WON'T LEAVE THE AMATEURS TO IT. HER GUTS WILL DECORATE THE ENTIRE COUNTRY WHEN I'M DONE.

>>14922024
>>14922005
>>14922013

Guys, I'm honestly curious about something.

You're all supposed to be pretty cool demons. Or metaphysical concepts or whatever. Any way you could talk to each other without using this thread? I mean, honestly, the image I'm getting right now is that you're all too busy posting on 4chan's /tg following some quest board to actually be any use at what... your actual jobs or purposes may be.

>>14922013
SINCE WHEN DID THAT MATTER? THERE WAS LITTLE CHANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE, SO SHE'S BOUND TO DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE I SAID SO.

>>14921999
Meh. Whenever I give blowjobs the guy always grabs my head and sticks his penis down my throat. That's not as fun as it sounds.
>>14922000
Always Clean Clothes? Hey, that's a good idea!
>>14922038
Who are you talking to, Cold And Rational Logic?

>>14922034
Think of our fight as a rock. And Merit as the sun.

Merit casts a shadow of our fight on the board.

Understand?

>>14922034
I AM. AND I PERPETRATE MYSELF. THAT IS MY JOB.
YOU READ THIS BECAUSE OF BLEEDTHROUGH INTO HER DEVICE.

>>14922034
SHUT THE FUCK UP STUPID HUMAN OUR DEMONIC WAYS ARE FAR TO SOPHISTICATED FOR YOUR TINY MEATBRAIN TO COMPREHEND!
BESIDES, AS DEMONS WE'RE NATURALLY ATTRACTED TO 4chan. I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

>>14922041
1. If it is not as fun as it sounds, you could write it on yourself that it is fun.
3. I am talking to you.

>>14922041

Let's take things one step at a time, then.

Write 'Always Clean' on your clothes- heck, maybe write 'Always Clean' on yourself if there's space, while you're at it.

And then, pants. Do you have money? If yes, go to the nearest clothes shop that's open and buy some. If no, then- hm, we'll either have to find a way to steal a pair or earn some money to buy a pair.

>>14922041
NNNNNGH. YOU. WON'T. HAVE. A. CHOICE. NEXT. TI++++++++++

>>14922040
Ah, hello there my son. I won't bother explaining your problem, you wouldn't understand anyways.

>>14922057

This actually makes sense.

It's just... haha, a little odd that this currently seems to be Merit, one Anonymous, a bunch of guys who POST IN ALLCAPS ALL THE TIME and another who claims to be logical but fails to substantiate most of what he says. Still, it's interesting to watch.

Haha, maybe I should start nicknaming you guys, it'll be easier to type out.

Merit, you're still there? Keep focused, okay.

>>14922060
You know what's weird? There's a Principle of Being Amazing at Handjobs. There's a Principle of Being an Above-Average Hairdresser. There's a Principle of Never Making Right Turns. There's even a Principle of Being Sexually Obsessed Performing Fellatio on Dogs (don't ask why I know that). But there is NO Principle of Enjoying It When A Cock Is Forced Down Your Throat Unexpectedly. Who fucking knew?

>>14922061
> Write 'Always Clean' on your clothes- heck, maybe write 'Always Clean' on yourself if there's space, while you're at it.
This is an Amazingly Aweseom Plan! I'm doing it!
> And then, pants. Do you have money? If yes, go to the nearest clothes shop that's open and buy some. If no, then- hm, we'll either have to find a way to steal a pair or earn some money to buy a pair.
No Money! Boo!

>>14922074
WITHOUT ME THERE WOULD BE NO YOU. I DON'T NEED YOU, THOUGH, BECAUSE THIS GUY TOLD ME YOU DON'T EXIST ANYWAYS.

>>14922083
It's all in the wording. Try rewording it.

Also, I was gone for the fight, sorry about that. Glad to see you're fine though.

>>14922083

Hm, it's not actually that weird. If you look at the ones you listed, all the principles stem from things you do, or initiate. Someone else forcing something on you, that's... different. If this pattern holds, then a Principle of Compulsively Washing Hands After Touching Anything should also exist, but a Principle of Getting Hugged By Random Strangers shouldn't. Do me a favour, Merit -- check if this hypothesis holds, will you?

>>14922083
You didn't expect cock in your mouth when giving a blowjob?

>>14922078
> Merit, you're still there? Keep focused, okay.
I'm so focused right now, you don't even know! I've got like four cigarettes going and I'm Getting Some Serious Drinking Done at the same time!
Multitasking! Hurray!

>>14922091
Watching you think is like watching a train crash into a skyscraper. Among the infinite amount of other things it is like.

>>14922098
I knew you were with me in Spirit, Pedantic Anon!

>>14922090

Glad to hear that! It'll probably help if you're clean.

And... money. Augh, that's going to be a problem. Or -- considering your skill set, perhaps not. Here are a few possibilities that we can work with:

To be written on yourself:
'Always coming across hidden stashes of money'
'Always finding decent sums money in appropriate currencies in easily accessible hiding spots'
'Perfect at spotting business opportunities'

Would any of these be feasible as a short term measure?

>>14922102
If that theory holds, then:
Allows Cocks To Be Forced Down Your Throat Unexpectedly And Enjoys It When She Does

Might suffice. Not that I recommend it.

Also, Merit? Get a pen that you can write very small with.

OR a do-it-yourself tattoo machine.

>>14922122
Sorry, should be HER throat. Her.

>>14922122
> OR a do-it-yourself tattoo machine.
THIS THIS THIS

>>14922122

I... ah, don't know if a tattoo machine's a good idea. What if she needs to erase some of those things she wrote? You never know. I personally think it's better to keep things flexible just in case.

>>14922106
TRAIN CRASHES KILL PEOPLE. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE KILLS PEOPLE? HEART ATTACKS. CAUSED BY STOCK CRASHES. WHICH ARE CAUSED BY LOGIC. COINCIDENCE?
YOU CAUSE TRAIN CRASHES, YOU MURDERER.

>>14922133
I don't think that Anathema To Demons will ever be unnecessary.

>>14922120
I know! I'll write "Always Has Twenty Dollars In The Pocket" on my Jacket! You're brilliant, Anonymous!
>>14922131
What's a Tattoo?

>>14922141
And here we go again. Just like back during the Black Plague.

>>14921972
What do you have written on them (and yourself)?
>>14922102
It would follow then that there's no Principle of Not Having Cocks Forced Down Your Throat Unexpectedly. But enjoyment, on the other hand, is self-initiated. So it is still kind of a weird exception.

>>14922146

That... is true. It's something we'll consider for the future, in that case. I think she's more currently occupied with getting money and then pants at the moment, though, so if we could look into that?

>>14922147
It's permanent writing that you can't get rid of.

Also, write:
Always Allows Cocks To Be Forced Down Her Throat Unexpectedly And Enjoys It When She Does

Because blowjobs are worth way more than handjobs.

Why is everyone so fixated on cocks being forced down my throat?

>>14922168
Because you can use that to get Pants and Money.

FOR FUCKS SAKE
Merit!
Find a Box.
Write "Has Pants That Will Fit Merit Inside It" on the Box.
Receive Pants.

>>14922147

Nah, you're brilliant! Or as you said, we make a good team.

Then, with the first set of $20, you ought to go buy yourself some pants. When you do, write down everything you have on your jacket on them as well, okay? So they're also immune to the same set of things.

A tattoo's sort of like... something you write on yourself that can't ever be rubbed or washed off. There are ways to remove it, but most of them either hurt a lot, are very expensive and/or involve cutting off the offending piece of skin.

>>14922147
Write '20 USD', because it's smaller.

>>14922150
CAUSED BY RATS FARTING BAD AIR IN LEAGUE WITH JEWS. DUH.

>>14922175
I can get money from Handjobs!
No, wait, now I just always have money in my jacket pocket!

'cause anonymous are nasty little perverts, Merit. Also, you should stop earning money by giving sexual favors - I'm not sure that you're immunized against aids.

>>14922120
Maybe we can broaden that... how about "Not required to hold up her side of bargains, and incurs no ill will in the process?"

>>14922177
This is the Best Plan Ever!
Yay new pants! No more running around in my undies!

What the flying fuckballs is going on in this thread.

>>14922190

Yep! This is a better way of always having money that involves less effort on your part, and you should stick to it, okay? It would probably keep you out of trouble as well.

I think what the other Anon said about finding a box and writing 'has pants' is a pretty good idea, too. See if it works.

>>14922190
Wait, so you can take out $20, put it on the ground, and then take out $20 more, and put it on the ground, and have $40?

Just do it over and over and you can probably rent a cheap hotel room.

>>14922184
Tattoos sound Super Useful! I need to look into this...

>>14922190
They problem being that money, especially $20, will not always get you what you neI'M GONNA FUCKING RAPE YOUed, so you need alternate ways of persuasion.

>>14922200
Actually, I'm INCORRUPTIBLE. It's part-and-parcel with Knowing The Secrets Of The Universe! I can suck and fuck anything I like!

>>14922214

I'm seconding this idea, though- Merit, did you remember to write down all the stuff you have on your jacket onto your new pants? Make sure they protect you too, okay?

After that, get about $100 out of your money stash and find a place to stay for the night. How are you feeling right now? Physically, I mean. Tired? Upbeat? I know you said you were focused, but I actually suspect that's because of all the stuff you're on...

>>14922214
Ok, wait.

It takes about three seconds to take the $20 out and put it in a pile.

So then in a minute you can make $400.

In an hour, you can make $24000

You can be super rich easily!

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

>>14922226
Then by all means, be a slut. You'll enjoy it. Somehow. Maybe.

Well, we'll enjoy it anyways.

Also, just keep pulling money out, forever.

>>14922199
Good point. "Perfectly Healthy and Immune to Disease." I'm nominating that for a tattoo, in fact.

>>14922168
It's the intellectual challenge of figuring out why it's not a principle. Or maybe just the challenge of forcing cocks down your throat.

>>14922199
> I'm seconding this idea, though- Merit, did you remember to write down all the stuff you have on your jacket onto your new pants? Make sure they protect you too, okay?
Okay! Thanks for Reminding Me!

> After that, get about $100 out of your money stash and find a place to stay for the night. How are you feeling right now? Physically, I mean. Tired? Upbeat? I know you said you were focused, but I actually suspect that's because of all the stuff you're on...
Nope! Remember I'm fueled by Midrange Scotch Whiskey, Cigarettes, and the Suspicion of Unspoken Love. I don't have to eat or Sleep, just Drink and Smoke and exist wherever Humans do!

"Can Make Up Principles And Have Them Exist Afterwards"

Then you can win the game!

> Then by all means, be a slut. You'll enjoy it. Somehow. Maybe.
I am not a Slut! There's nothing wrong with a Girl liking sex!

>>14922261
Exactly. Now go deepthroat someone, drink a lot of Midrange Scotch Whiskey, and then hang out in a hotel room you rented with lots of dollar bills.

>>14922252

Haha, thanks for reminding me of that. I'm going to assume you've written down everything, though!

I know you might not have to sleep, but it's probably good if you can find a fairly safe place to stay for a while and demon-proof it. You know, keep yourself out of trouble... unless you want trouble.

Also, how close do you have to be to humans in general? Could you potentially exist only on the internet? Travel through broadband or something like that?

"Magical Hobo Girl : The Quest"

Greetings, fellow human! Isn't it great to breath air?

>>14922261
Technically, you're a whore.

>>14922274
Nice name.

>>14922274

'Isn't it great to breath air', as opposed to breathing... what?

>>14922249
> Good point. "Perfectly Healthy and Immune to Disease." I'm nominating that for a tattoo, in fact.
I already told you, I'm INCORRUPTIBLE.

>>14922258
> "Can Make Up Principles And Have Them Exist Afterwards"
> Then you can win the game!
I already won the game! Why do you think I'm so happy?

Also, if I wanted to be Rich I could just write "Is worth a Billion Dollars" on, like, a dead rat or something and sell it at auction. Or write "Is full of Pure Gold" on the side of a Dumpster.
I don't need to be Rich, or want to!
I just need Twenty Dollars for Midrange Scotch Whiskey and Cigarettes!

>>14922275
Technically, she's a cheap whore.

>>14922281
What ever could you be talking about? I would never RAPE AND SLAUGHTER that CUNTWHO- nice girl over there.

>>14922289
But then to what end do you exist?

Do you exist merely to exist?

If you have some other purpose, it would no doubt be somehow easier, were you wealthy.

If you had only wedged the phone in your ass the adventure could've been so much more...

>>14922292
All I said was that your name was nice. Why so on edge?

I'd laugh, but I can't.

>>14922266
> Now go deepthroat someone, drink a lot of Midrange Scotch Whiskey, and then hang out in a hotel room you rented with lots of dollar bills.
Oddly enough, being chased by Demons who were Loudly And Specifically Describing the ways they were going to Forcibly violate my Flesh for an Hour didn't put me in the mood. For deepthroating that is, I'm totally in the Mood for Drinking Midrange Scotch Whiskey, as I am at all times.

>>14922290
I don't know, twenty dollars for just a blowjob isn't what I'd call cheap.

But I'm a miser.

>>14922298
You know, I'm curious as to what that phone could do.

>>14922287
Oh nothing, just a few more yar- I mean just making idle speech and such things. I also enjoy drinking water and ingesting food.

>>14922302
I think this requires an "In The Mood".

Possibly on the phone.

Now that would be fucking weird. Any time your phone rings, you suddenly get a craving for sex? I'm pretty sure that's already a fetish.

>>14922304

It's kind of hard for humans to breathe 'nothing', you know.

So, what're you doing here? Planning on lending Merit a hand?

>>14922302
And the hotel room?

Seriously, I'm sure that laying on a bed and not concrete will do wonders for you.

>>14922300
Of course. I am, after all, just some male out stretching his feet.

>>14922289
You mentioned the Aspect of Mucking About earlier. What would happen if you were to write The Very Best at Mucking About on yourself?

>>14922312
Exactly, I'm planning on giving her my hand and not cannibalizing her ever a little.

>>14922317
Ok, maybe I can laugh a little bit. I was saving it for when string theory gets disproved, but:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>14922320
That should be a tattoo.

There is no doubt that this....creature...is The Very Best At Mucking About.

>>14922274
As opposed to lungfuls of flame and the scent of the blood of the righteous and pure, spilled across the earth? I beg to differ, fellow human.

>>14922327
Oh dear. That was quiteHAHAHAHAHAHAunlike me.

Odd. I must away to study myself further, so as to discover the problem.

>>14922317

Define 'normal'. Normal as per what? In the sense of taking the mean output of the sum of all characteristics across a sample including every single male who is currently alive? Or every single male who browses 4chan? Or even every single male giraffe? I'm sure the three are all quite different.

>>14922327
Yes, haw haw haw. I knew that laughter was a sound and not an impulse before now, you know.

>>14922303
It's not Twenty Dollars for a Blowjob, it's Sixty Dollars for an Amazing Handjob.
My Awesome Phone can do the following:
1. Holographically Projected 3-D Widescreen With Gesture Interface!
2. Firefox 4 - The Totally Awesome Secret Version!
3. Speakerphone!
4. 4 Petawatt MASER!
5. Has a nifty leather Cover!
6. Totally Media Player with integratted Bittorrent and Autotagging!
7. Shoots Grappling Hooks with Monofilament Goo and retracts it automatically so I don't cut off my fingers!
8. NSA no longer monitors all my ingoing/outgoing calls & Internet usage, but I can still talk to Phillis because she's nice to me!
9. Isotopic-Heat based battery has 10,000,000 years between charges!
10. Telepathic Input so I can talk while fleeing from demons and crying so hard I thought my eys melted!
11. The case is not cracked at all!
12. Has a cool little Japanese charm thingy that it came with!
13. Can totally play MKV files!

>>14922336
FFFFFFFFFFwhat is happening?

>>14922331
>HUMANS DON'T BREATH THAT SHIT YOU MORON, READ THE SCRIPT
Greeting, other man I do not know? How's it going not planning on gang raping any homeless girls?

>>14922310
Oddly enough, I'm SO not in the mood that I'm not in the mood to force myself to be in the mood!
Meta!

>>14922337
But if you only need twenty dollars, what do you do with the other forty?

Besides, what's more enjoyable than a blowjob?

>>14922337

Wait.

Merit, who exactly is Phillis?

>>14922310
That would just make the phone be in the mood. It would be constantly dialing phone sex lines, then hanging up in disappointment a moment later. It would be pretty sad, to be the only sentient, horny phone in the whole universe. Also it would be tough for Merit to make calls with it.

>>14922346
> But if you only need twenty dollars, what do you do with the other forty?
I dunno! I only charge sixty since I wrote Amazingly Good With Money on my belly and realized I was undercharging for Handjobs!

> Besides, what's more enjoyable than a blowjob?
I dunno that either, cause I don't have a Penis!

Why hello, girl. I see that you are in need of advice, yes? What would the problem seem to be?

>>14922352
Okay, that's even more hilarious than my idea.

FUCKING WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

GOD I HATE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH!

WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST GO AND WORSHIP A BUNCH OF FUCKING CLOUDS YOU STUPID FUCKERS, MAYBE THEY'LL CURE CANCER! OR GET YOU ON THE MOON! WHO KNOWS, ANYTHING CAN FUCKING HAPPEN!

>>14922358

Thanks, but I think we're cool here. I mean, the only thing any of the other named entities have done is to pretty much end up bickering amongst each other- so far the only people who've been of any real help to Merit are the actually anonymous ones...

>>14922348
Oh, Phyllis is an NSA Analyst who used to read all my posts and listen to all my calls. She thought I was crazy. She posed in this thread actually but I think her boss deleted it!
Oh No! I don't actually know who the Boss of The NSA is!
Guys, do you think The President deleted Phyllis's post?

>>14922337
>SHIT. WHAT IF THIS FLESHY TUBE THING AND WHY IS IT HARDENING WHEN I SEE TEAR STREAKS AND HEAR REFERENCES TO THIS "CRYING" THING?
Say, where exactly are you, Meh-rit?

>>14922364
Hmm. I like this one.

Well that was JUST FUCKING odd. I wonder why THE FUCK this is happening.

>>14922364
Wait. Oh, PISS. Uh, I'm just conversing with my flesh brain and I do not perceive any emanations whatsoever.

>>14922358
Ho-Ly Shit, is that motherfucking The Trickster up in this bitch?
How the Fuck is it going my Anthropomorphic Personification/Archetypical Godhead? I haven't seen you since... when was it? Ragnarok?

>>14922366
No, I think that someone else runs the NSA for the president.

>>14922378
Hey, hallucination I do not see. Where's the meat I mean girl?

>>14922365
Oh, don't worry, anonymous! I am best at what I do, so why not the same with advice? I am sure she'll learn a thing or two from it. Reading back, I see the source of the problem: they're either demons, or logic's kind! While I may be seen as the former and operate under the latter, trust me, I don't follow either of them. So, if you please, what would be the little lady's predicament, other than being chased by demons?

>>14922385
Well that's A Relief! I'd hate to Think that The President had to waste His Time intervening in Phyllis & Me's conversations!

Also, what's up with Cold And Rational Logic? He's still talking to All Those Demons and They're Using Words I Don't Know!
He's alright, isn't he? I haven't even prayed for him yet!

>>14922393
I think he's just mad, somehow. Not sure how Logic can be mad, but it has something to do with people being morons.

>>14922391
Lolercopters!
Trickster, you're incorrigible! You haven't gotten me since that one time you tricked me into painting a Sunny Day on the Inside of My Eyelids! I know better than to listen to you.
So What have you Been Up To?

>>14922343
>Hey, screw you, man! I'm just exercising a little artistic license here! The script was terrible anyway. "Hello, miss! Would you care to join me in this Nondescript Van Which Is Not an Infernal Chariot Under an Illusion Spell, filled to the Brim with Midrange Scotch Whiskey?" Bah!

>>14922382
Ah, you do remember! Well, I did escape the snake poison chamber by tricking the snake to turn into a stick, and then- oh wait, I'm mixing up my stories again. Anyways, nice to see you, girl! And about the Ragnarok, well, you see... let's say that it's over, and at the same time it's about to begin. Ah, no matter. It seemed like you were in trouble?

>>14922393
Why would you identify me a demon? Demons do not exist, as everyone knows.
This flesh puppe- I mean "I" am not even tracking you down.
>FUCK WHY CAN'T I HAVE BEEN VILE DECEIT

>>14922398
Never, NEVER question the Ways of EMANATIONS. They're very powerful, and very strange, and they don't answer to anyone or anything. You just show Due Deference, throw a prayer their way for good measure, and always be thankful They're On Our Side.

Life gets in the way of my goals by creating demons...

I want demons to stop being created so they will not get in the way of my goals...

If Life doesn't exist demons will not be created...

Hmm...

>>14922408
I was! A bunch of Demons were going to Rape me and Steal My Words so they could Unmake The Universe because I forgot to write "Not A Feast For Demons" on myself!
It's okay now though, Cold And Rational Logic ran interference for me by Fighting a Battle of Wits terrible Demon called WAR CULTURE long enough to make myself Anathema To Demons!
Right now I'm just Getting Some Serious Drinking In.

>>14922406
>PRETEND YOU'RE LIKE A FAIRY OR SOME SHIT, BITCHES LOVE FAIRIES. SHIT I DON'T EVEN KNOW, I'M RAPE, NOT DECEIT. THE ONLY WAYS I KNOW HOW TO CAPTURE A WOMAN INVOLVE VIOLENCE, LYING AND/OR SOME FORM OF KNOCKOUT CHEMICAL.

But then my goals require life to continue...

But then demons will prevent me from accomplishing my goals...

So I have to stop them...

But I can't stop them...

So I can't accomplish my goals...

But then I don't need to worry about life...

So then I can stop demons...

But why stop demons when they aren't interfering with my goals, which I don't have?

Wait. I need to start again.

>>14922412
Please forgive my impudence, EMANATION, but I would advise you not to forget that of all the Manifold Races of Creation, it is Humans who love you the best, Mighty Cold And Rational Logic.
Don't judge them too harshly. They want so very badly to do Good.

>>14922435
>>14922412
And here we see the weakness inherent in thinking like a computer.

Logic loops.

>>14922428
I daresay these "demons" would have more imagination that just FUCKING ORDINARY ASS RAPE, I MEAN, C'MON CUT US SOME FUCKING SLACK HERE, WE'VE HAD ETERNITY TO PRACTICE. That is, that is what I imagine they would say.
>FUCK THIS BITCH ANNOYS ME

>>14922402
Oh, I'm just relaxing, that's all. All that tricking is a pretty tiring job, and I've come to relax in the mortal world... but oh, it seemed that the tricks follow me.

>>14922412
Well hello there, kin of Logic! I see that you have stumbled into what some call a dangerous train of thought. Ever think that train would derail and hit someone? You must have. Tell you what, Life creates demons not because it wanted to hinder you... I'll leave the rest to you, you are smart enough to figure it out.

Is nobody else curious about the how and why of Merit's REPEATEDLY MOTHERFUCKING REFERENCED NEVER MOTHERFUCKING EXPLAINED BRAIN DAMAGE?

So if A is B when C is not B, then A is never C...

But then when D is C and A is B than...

Wait.

I need to start again.

>>14922453
>I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR TRICKING ME INTO CONSENSUAL IF ROUGH SEX, YOU FUCKING MONSTER. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT?

>>14922453
> Oh, I'm just relaxing, that's all. All that tricking is a pretty tiring job, and I've come to relax in the mortal world... but oh, it seemed that the tricks follow me.
That's my The Trickster! You should hang around awhile, these Cats are pretty cool.

C1 D3, A5 B9, then D2 A3, C8 B2, then....

No, wait, that's wrong...

Then D2 A4, C8 B5...

No...

D3 A2? But then...

No, wait...

Don't mind my form degrading and flesh falling off, I just need to go find someone to replace me.

>>14922456
Oh, That.
Yeah, I kinda got my skull crushed by a Baseball Bat this one time, but I wrote "Amazingly Good At Not Getting Her Skull Crushed By A Baseball Bat Again" on myself so it's okay!

>>14922476
Stop.
Reboot.

>>14922476
>You know what? Fuck it. Hey, faggot, if you're so logical, why do you act against entropy and chaos? You shouldn't be taking sides.

No...

Yes?

I'm so sorry, Merit. A+B=D when C is neither E nor B.

I must go.

>>14922470
Oh, nothing, nothing at all. *snicker*

>>14922471
Ooh, cats? I do love using a lavender-scented cattail to trick them. Children of Bastet are fun that way. Sometimes you can just pick one up and look into their eyes, and you could be on a phone line with Bastet! But most of the time they'll just claw your face off. They also make great trick elements! Oh dear- here I go, thinking about my job when I'm supposed to be on vacation.
By the way, brethren of the anonymous, I must say, though the trick you did earlier was somewhat crude, it's a classic. Keep up training your Tricks, maybe sometime you could challenge me to a game of 52 questions!

>>14922516
What. Does. That. Even. Mean.

>>14922431
>I'm not Vile Deceit, Vile Deceit had the week off. I'm only White Lies. Now get in character!
Pardon me miss, we haven't met, but we're your fairy godparents. Due to some unpleasant circumstances, it appears that you are the last heir of the Mountain King! Big Rock Candy Mountain, that is. They have 200 foot waterfalls of Midrange Scotch Whiskey there, you know. The next biggest one is only 60 feet or so. I have with me a sample of it, in case you don't believe me. It's definitely not a leaky flask full of highly volatile magic marker solvent. So drink up, and let us be on our way, your destiny awaits!

>>14922516
That's okay, Cold And Rational Logic. Be At Peace.

>>14922516
WELL THAT'S FUCKING GREAT. NOW WE JUST NEED TO GET MERIT TO WIPE THAT LITTLE PRINCIPLE OFF AND WE CAN GET TO WORK.

I'LL JUST WAIT HERE FOR NOW.

>>14922522
Oh, my. Logic just left the building. It's going to be much more interesting from now on!
Also, I remember a good old saying: "When live gives you demons, why not make demonade?"
Well, or don't make demonade, get mad, and then order your henchmen to devise flammable explosive demons and throw it at Life's house. Ha! I do like that Cave Johnson fellow. Whatta personality.

>>14922527
Yep, that's us. We are the... Burger Kings. That's our name.
>SERIOUSLY, THE FUCK IS THIS FLESH STICK THING AND WHY DOES IT KEEP STICKING UP? IS THIS A HUMAN RAPEROD? THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN USING BY PROXY ALL THIS TIME?

>>14922541
>I SWORE TO YOU ON THAT DAY THAT I WOULD RAPE YOU TO DEATH FOR THAT IF IT TOOK ME ETERNITY AND I PLAN ON KEEPING THAT PROMISE

Alrighty, then. It's about time to wrap this up I think.
Gentlemen, I'd like to thank you all for participating in the experimental "Abnormal Quest"! Overall I'm quiet pleased with the results, especially given how badly I failed the last time I tried my hand at this.
I'd especially like to thank Cold And Rational Logic, the various Demons, and Pedantic Anon for being such good sports.
In the interest of full disclosure I'll now reveal that, yes, I was same-fagging quiet a bit to move the story along. In fact for the first TWO HOURS I was basically talking to myself exclusively trying to build up momentum. I also played several of the Demons which I'm sure is no surprise.

If any of you have questions I'll gladly answer them now.

>>14922527
Tsk, tsk, tsk. I thought I gave you demons a good lecture on tricking when I visited Hell that one time. Still shoddy. You should've gone and put more half-truths and maybe, just maybe, some more real truth, and make a good persuasion. Masterpiece tricks are made with patience and planning, you know.

>>14922521
Hey, who're you calling crude, buster?
I have something to say about that, and if the denizens of the 7th plane hadn't cursed themselves to silence, I bet they would too!

For future reference, the objective of this Quest was to break with the usual Quest-Thread paradigm in several ways. The most obvious is, of course, that the Main Character was already established. This was intended to save time in light of the second objective, which was to have a one-shot, one-thread quest that had satisfying fuck-around period, build up, and conclusion while still having maximum audience participation.
Please note, this isn't because I dislike the existing QuestThreads, it's only because I feel there's far more room for variation in this particular medium.
Only now I'm so pleased with the results that now I'm considering making this a serial thread. Does that mean I failed, or over-succeeded? It probably means I'm just smug. Oh fucking well.

>>14922599
Fun thread. I, too, would like more than one.

>>14922599
I do say that this thread is a brilliant one. A different kind of quest thread, written in first-person accounts of not only the characters, but also any entities which came up across the protagonist's way. Applause good sir.

>Does that mean I failed, or over-succeeded? It probably means I'm just smug. Oh fucking well.
I like the cut of your jib. But a few suggestions: while this one's main character is more of an off-the-rail type (I mean you did allow her pants off), why not create a new one next time, with maybe a kind of 'filter' built in? Just my two cents, but hey, you'll never know when you'll need money.

If anyone would like to borrow any or all elements of this quest, you have my humble permission. For your Reference, and for anyone who wants to create a similar Quest, I include the following.
This Quest was supposed to be a Sandbox from which a quest would naturally emerge.
Merit is brain-damaged so that the Players have a way to help her. I chose short-term memory and focus problems mostly because they were plausible. Variations on this theme shouldn't be hard to come up with. (I tried a similar trick in my abortive Starship Quest with mixed results)
The reason everything about Merit's abilities is so vaugly described is because I needed to be able to limit what she could do arbitrarily without limiting the nearly godlike extent of her abilities. This is, again, a problem I dealt with less successfully in Starship Quest.
The whole Demon-Plot this was just something that evolved from the interplay, which was the whole idea. I wanted to turn the players loose with a prebuilt but unguided character to see where they took it. At first they took it to a bodega to offer handjobs, then they took it altering an assumption about the Character, and from there I took it to DEMONS DEMONS OMG. It felt a bit clunky to me, but not terrible.

> while this one's main character is more of an off-the-rail type (I mean you did allow her pants off), why not create a new one next time, with maybe a kind of 'filter' built in? Just my two cents, but hey, you'll never know when you'll need money.
I'll be happy to discuss this more if my last post doesn't answer this to your satisfaction.
In fact I'm happy to discuss it either way because the whole thing was experimental.

>>14922615
I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for playing.

>>14922562
Damn, you type fast. The Principles are pretty OP and limited only by the character, so if you were to change anything I would consider railroading the action a little more rather than leaving Anon to brainstorm elaborate and gramatically perfect phrases to fix everything forever. Make the whole thing like the demon fight. It'll be Vocabulary-Oriented Puzzle Quest then, but that's fun too. (That is, assuming you don't want it to be totally open-ended.)
Aside from that, cool, imaginative quest, thanks for running it!

>>14922656
If I was running this with the solitary goal of having an action-packed quest I would have done exactly that.
In fact, I almost DID with the whole NSA hook, but then I fucked up like a complete amateur by posting under the WRONG GODDAMN NAME and decided just to gloss it over. I think the Demons were more fun anyway.

A Note on the Demons: It was both a terrible distraction and an awful lot of fun. I think I'm going to actively work it in to the next experimental thread if I can, possibly by running it in a parallel thread.

If you're using this as a Reference, be advised of the following: ANONYMOUS IS ADD AS FUCK.
Note how they didn't follow up on Lucas THE FUCKING VIVISECTOR, or the Brain-Damage hook. This is an asset, you can strew random hooks into your set-up and then set them later either through clever GMing or by samefagging (another useful trick in my experience)

rolled 64 = 64

You were running Starship quest?

The one with Gates technology and stuff?

Why did you drop it?