Are you awake, my companion?
His ocular interface was next. Cables relayed data from the visor of his sarcophagus to his sightless eyes, which translated raw color into coherent shapes.
"I am awake, Spirit. Do my brothers need me?"
It must be so, my companion, for I am We again.
Air scoops took in samples of the surrounding atmosphere. Promethium fumes in abundance. Machine oil. The sacred incense of the Martian cult. Human respiration and perspiration. All the characteristic smells of the Strike Cruiser that had been his home for the last three months, though he had slept through that time without stirring.
CONNECTING MOTIVE SYSTEMS...
A crane hoisted the Dreadnought hull from the ground as the Techmarines' servo-arms lifted the bulky metal legs to their mounting brackets.
"Where are we, Spirit?"
We are aboard Strike Cruiser Spear of Lucifer, my companion. Warp transit time 93 days, 15 hours, 44 minutes standard. We are now approaching Imperial world Pacem.
Tactile senses were always the last to arrive. The sarcophagus was ill-equipped to translate the crushing power of a huge fist or the recoil of autocannons as they spat vengeance into the foe. The only reliable tactile sensations were those felt by the pilot interred in the sarcophagus. The gentle currents of amniotic fluid, the flow of electrons through connective cables and electronic interfaces... and of course, the pain.

"Spirit, my hearts ache."
Understood, my companion. Adjusting anti-inflammatory dosage. Concentration now 5 parts per thousand.
A cool, soothing sensation washed over Vercingetorix's shattered body. There was very little flesh left, but the meat that still clung to his frame was fragile and tender. Pain was a constant companion to Vercingetorix, a reminder of his weakness.
CALIBRATING FIBRE BUNDLE TENSION. ENGAGING AMBULATORY TEST...
A HUD appeared before Vercingetorix's eyes, displaying informational readouts about hull integrity, motive function, autosense relays, and other vital operating statistics. He concentrated, and the HUD faded to 90% translucency.
...
LEFT LEG...
...
RIGHT LEG...
...
Vercingetorix felt the Dreadnought's weight shift as he tested his legs' motive functions. Servomotors whined and fibre bundles sang with tension at frequencies too high for normal human ears. Not for the augmented senses of the adamantine sarcophagus.
Your left leg is not sensitive enough, my companion. It will slow you in battle. Correcting fibre bundle tension 2% positive.
ADJUSTING TENSION...
The warrior swung his legs again, content with the responsiveness of his body. He sensed the Machine Spirit's pleasure as he was lowered to the ground.
"It is good to have a body once more. These interminable hours of uselessness irk me."
I concur, my companion. Your absence is unpleasant. It brings much good that you are again We.
...
...
MOTIVE SYSTEMS OPERATIONAL...
SELECT ARMAMENTS...

After a few moments of thought, the spoke, his vox projecting a rumbling bass that cut through the noise of the hangar in which he stood.
"Give me my hands, Brothers. I wish to feel the life draining from my foes. I wish to know the joy the Primarch knew when he crushed his enemies."
The lead techmarine attending him motioned to two others, who used their mechanical harnesses to lift first one massive limb, and then the other, to the sides of the Dreadnought. Across the hangar from Vercingetorix, another Dreadnought was being outfitted with a pair of linked autocannons. He recognized the body as belonging to Revenant Eudorus. Eudorus was the youngest Dreadnought in the strike force, having spent a mere forty years entombed. Vercingetorix was glad that the two would not be dropping side by side. He questioned the younger warrior's wisdom in battle.
...
...
CONNECTING ARMS TO FRAME...
...
...
ARMS CONNECTED...
Vercingetorix strove to clench his fists, but his machine did not move. He felt an odd sensation as he tried to flex muscles that would not respond.
"I cannot feel my arms, spirit."
I understand, my companion.
RUNNING DIAGNOSTICS...
...
"I had a dream, Spirit."
During our Absence?
"Yes. In my dream, I was of flesh, and I partook of fleshy pleasures. I ate heartily, and drank my fill. I breathed air once more."
I cannot conceive your words, my companion. I do not know of fleshy things.
ERROR LOCATED. NEURO-LINK INTERFACE CONNECTOR XVII NOT FOUND. SUMMONING SERVITOR...

"I abhor the weaknesses of the flesh, and yet I must confess I felt joy in my dream. Joy in eating, in breathing, and in all the frailties that flesh is heir to. Joy even in the peace of a field unknown to soldiers' boots."

The spirit was silent. The background hum of the Gellar field faded, to be replaced with the tactile rumble of realspace engines. A vox-announcer blared three minutes to target.
SERVITOR HAS ARRIVED. REPLACING CONNECTOR...
...
...
It sounds horrible, my companion. To be idle when there is so much killing yet to do.
"Ah, but without peace, spirit, how would we know the joys of war? Without peace we would be no better than greenskins, who fight only for the sake of fighting. No, we fight so that we might know peace with the Emperor and the Omnissiah. We go to war that we might end all wars."
But, my companion, war is our calling. There can be no peace. How can you dream of things that are not?
RUNNING ARM DIAGNOSTICS...
...
LEFT ARM...
...
RIGHT ARM...
...
The HUD imposed itself once more over Vercingetorix's autosight. The diagnostic relayed instructioons, and he tested his arm systems one by one, powering up the energy fields around his fists, heating up the magnetic containment coils of his plasma guns, and tilting the deflection plates on his shoulders.
"It is the gift of mankind, and the curse. We see things that are not, and we wish them to be. It is what drives us to reach beyond the furthest stars, and what makes us grasp for that which we should not have. Things which are not are the very substance of dreams."

This thing "dream" is strange to We. To see without autosight. To think when I am not We. You bear a terrible burden, my companion. I rejoice that I can assist We. I rejoice that I may join We in the fires of war.
PROCEED TO DEPLOYMENT BAY. POD 3. FIRST WAVE...
Vercingetorix strode to the deployment bay amidst several other Dreadnoughts and twoscore of his battle-brothers. The floor beneath them trembled at their passing. The rest of the Battle Company was en route to the drop zone in Thunderhawks already, but the drop pods would form the first wave of the assault. Beneath his massive metal feet, Vercingetorix felt the deck rumble as the Spear of Lucifer unleashed the might of its bombardment cannons on the enemy below. A serf with a flag directed Vercingetorix to his pod. Once he was on board several servitors scrambled to secure his inertia harness. His Machine Spirit communed with that of the Drop Pod. Over the vox network, the Steel Father chanted the Litany of Steel, and fifty voices joined him in supplication to the Emperor. The Machine Spirit raised a tactical map onto his HUD. Vercingetorix considered the distribution of forces, the lay of the land, and ambient conditions. He plotted the target points of his strike force and reported them to the Astartes Tactical Grid, and then relayed his destination to the Drop Pod's Inertial Guidance Engine.
"Now, Spirit, we return to the war that never ends."
There was a thump as his Drop Pod fired, and then Vercingetorix was falling.

Comments, criticism? Things you really liked or didn't like? Is there any fluff basis for how interacting with a Machine Spirit might go? The Dreadnought body in question is an ancient relic from pre-Heresy, and the Machine Spirit is therefore much more intelligent and able than most.

Also, Dreadnought general, because everybody loves Battle Bricks.

I'm not usually much for 40k writefaggotry, but this is pretty awesome. I don't know enough about dreadnoughts and machine spirits to tell you if you're doing it canon, but you are certainly doing it right.

Dreadnought stories in general are usually pretty awesome, and this one was no exception. I like how the machine spirit always uses "we", it's a nice touch on how the two are so interconnected.

No real complaints, always happy to have storytime here on /tg/.

>>14651311
Thank you. My long-term goal is to write an entire novel from the perspective of a Dreadnought. It's something that never really seems to have been fully explored (if some wise neckbeard can dispute the point, I would love more sources on which to base my work).

>>14651263

Really liked it. I'm not sure why...it flowed well? Im not good at critique.

I also liked the machine spirit - It sounds like a machine, rather than an AI. It's stubborness (sp?) when talking about the dream was great, it's exactly how an advanced computer would act if it didn't have a programmed response - Which a machine of war would not.

DAMMIT. I just remembered /tg/ doesn't have italics, so the machine spirit's line's aren't differentiated by the font. Oh well, it's pretty clear when the spirit is speaking.

I read the Machine Spirit in GLADOS's voice :3

pic related.

>>14651368

I liked that part,actually. It showed how the Machine spirit was an extension, not a singular entity, if you catch my meaning. Machine spirits are advanced, sure, but they are still just advanced interfaces, not beings in themselves, other than the ones on Titans.

>>14651346
>Dred novel
>mfw

I liked this. I like the idea of the Machine Spirit being all about the togetherness. I'd like to hear more about them, fer sher.

OP, because dreadnoughts and machine spirits are nearly virgin territory in GW canon, you've got a LOT of flexibility in terms of what you can and cannot to.

this is awesome and you should feel awesome

>>14651155
I would like to see what weapons the main character is outfitted with. Other than that awsome job.

>>14651448
There was a brief mention of it >>14651197 here (top of post) and >>14651208 here:
> The diagnostic relayed instructioons, and he tested his arm systems one by one, powering up the energy fields around his fists, heating up the magnetic containment coils of his plasma guns, and tilting the deflection plates on his shoulders.
The weapons will take much more prominence in the next installment when he makes landfall.

>>14651346

I would read it.

rolled 45 = 45

>>14651486

Th..there's more to come?

Oh OP, you are awesome. And I would totally buy a Dreadnought novel.

Fucking awesome.

>>14651551
There will be more to come, I promise. It all started as part of a greater effort to fluff out my homebrew chapter but I've taken a particular liking to this project. Because DREADNOUGHTS.

Do it, OP. Fucking do it. Write this mother up and submit it. Dreadnaughts and Machine Spirits need love too.

I don't think I could handle holding that much awesome in my hands OP. But I would love to try.

I'd buy it. I'd buy it nine times.

I enjoyed it. I've never given any thought to what must go through the minds of Dreadnought marines, much less their specific sense of loss. The closest I think 40k books have mentioned this were Titanicus and the Dread in Soul Hunter. Something that always seemed so terribly sad about Dreads is the notion that time simply passes them by in a nebulous sense, sometimes they sleep for decades or more, but feel as though they've only just been left to sleep. Worse, imagine realizing you've slept for a hundred years and every battle brother you fought alongside and rose through the ranks with has died.

As an aside, I love that someone else knows the name Vercingetorix. Hooray for obscure figures from Gallic and Roman histories.

I did not expect this much excitement from /tg/, but this is very encouraging. Was there anything you didn't like, or that felt odd or clunky?

Not gonna lie OP, I would actually buy this if it was a book.

Now lets hope you dont fuck up the rest of it

>>14651701
Believe me, nobody wants this to not suck more than me. This project is my baby.

Take all my thrones.

Love the story Op
ps
"Damnation Crusade"
springs to mind for when a dreadnought perspective was touched on

>>14651692

It was a little hard to distinguish between the speakers, but like another anon said, that actually helps the tone of the story rather than hurting it.

>>14651733
How could I forget Tankred? TANKRED ENDURES!

>>14651692
One thing that I would advise in the future. As tough as dreadnoughts are, they aren't invulnerable. I think it would be cool if Vercingetorix was a very tactical dreadnought, providing covering fire for his brothers, pointing out targets, staying in cover away from anti armor weapons. As monstrous as he is, he needs to be vulnerable so we can have suspense.

>>Dread novel
>>MFW

>>14651733

This is pretty bangin'. Keep it up, OP.

>>14651783
I will try very hard to keep that in mind. It's very easy to make protagonists invulnerable, especially Marines, and even more so when the protagonist is a Dreadnought. It is good to be aware of those things so I can avoid them.

>>14651818

More! For the love of god more! This is the best thing i have ever read, bar OPs story.

>>14651926
>>>/rs/damnation+crusade&from=ALL

>>14651783
I disagree. Wouldn't a soldier of extreme courage and suicidal bravery be the first put into a dread to inspire greatness in his bretheren? I like the approach of a wise sage in metal bawks who is philosophical while he powerfists tyrinids in the dick.
Perhaps run into a chaos dread with open comlink, maybe a past ally or mentor that converted chaos... If you think chaos can be devils advocate and not LOLIMANGRY.

Even the hint of relationship to upcoming dreads, or the focus that at some point his flesh will give out, maybe picking out a heir within his squad.

Just saying that he should be bold/awesome/thinking/killing machine. Let the non battle scenes direct plot.

>>14651926
> my story
> better than the opening to Tankred
I am awed.
I'm working on part 2 now, gentle neckbeards, but I can't promise more material tonight. Feel free to post your own writefaggotry to keep the thread alive.

>>14651935

...Herp, much obliged.

Perhaps a good point of suspense is the spirit bordering on heresy, while Vercingetorix tries to sway it back. Or vice versa.

Damnation Crusade has a segment with a dreadnaught. It's a comic though, not a novel.

>>14651987
I certainly have nothing like tha planned at all ever, and don't know why you would suggest such a thing.

>>14651387
You ever seen The Dark Crystal? I read it in the voice of one of the Mystics. Weird, it just popped in there and refused to leave.

>>14651987
>>14652032

>>14652049
I didn't hear any voice. I (heard?) it like non monoluge, just like a understanding of thought without voice. The man had a monologe because he's had a past lifetime of comunication and that's how he interpriets it. To waste time with processed dialogs that have to be converted to audio then converted into thought so it can be resonded to seems too slow.

>>14652107
I know, it makes no sense, I just couldn't shake it.

>>14652016
Tankred endures!

>>14651155
Just a quick question but what sort of weapon loud out are you imagining for it? Like two powerfists with an underslung plasma gun? But yeah totally awesome start to a story that op

>>14652237
see
>>14651486

Alright, /tg/, direct me. What do we want Vercingetorix to fight? I've got the planetary landing scene roughly hashed out, but I need to fill in the action (which is most of the scene) and for that I need to know who we're fighting. Any preferences?

>>14652275
Something makes me want to say tau. So... tau.

>>14652286
Well, that's one vote for Tau. I'll give it until 11PM central (Midnight /tg/ time, I guess?) and take whoever's got the most votes, unless I change my mind and just decide I like the idea of Tau too much. :3

>>14652286
I'll second Tau. Rippin' and tearin' some Crisis Suits would be pleasing to read.

Please write this and get it published or, barring that, dump it in a storytime like the Fist of the North Star. Be a winner, OP. BE A WINNER.

>>14652348
Hey OP, you better make sure that this is fucking advertised. When are you planning on putting this up so that I know when to check in?

>>14652348

Either Tau, OR Orkz, with the Orkz have a Killah-Kan try to out-shout him

>>14652399
Why not both?

>>14652388
My /tg/ time is somewhat erratic, but I'll put up either a blog or a sup/tg/ page once I get a bit more story done, and when that gets up and running I'll post it numerous times on /tg/ just to spread the word.

>>14652524
That is all I ask.

Thread bump! OP, gimme moar!

>>14652348
tau or orks sounds fun, but eventually there should be a dread vs chaos dread match, just for the awesome

>>14652734
I'll see what I can do, but I'm trying to avoid the painfully cliched "Here is a bad guy but IT WAS CHAOS ALL ALONG!!!"

very much enjoyed the story OP. I read a lot of 40k novels, so don't worry to much about what you put in for the machine spirit, they haven't touched much on it (some have it as an actual spirit, others have it metaphorical, some don't have it at all). I really like your iteration of the machine spirit, it sounds like a semi-intelligent AI, but because of the 40k humans essential lose of knowledge on technology, they believe that this programming is a spirit (what it sounded to me anyway). I look forward to reading more of your work and, if it becomes a novel, buying it.

ARE YOU READY FOR MOAR?
I banged this out in the last couple hours while working on a 7-page research report, and have not revised it, so I make no promises as to its quality. Feel free to be brutal with me.

>>14653094
Vercingetorix fell through the atmosphere, ensconced in the blackness of his drop pod. The hull glowed with the heat of atmospheric entry. Inside the craft, the only noise was the low hum of power fields and the oscillating noise of plasma guns warming up.

"Spirit, what is the output of the plasma coils? HUD indicates an excessive magnetic flux."

The coils are operating at 110% of normal capacity, my companion. We thought it prudent to build excess charge that we may fire uninterrupted upon landing. We will compensate for excess heat that it does not endanger the flesh of We.

SIXTY SECONDS UNTIL PLANETARY IMPACT...

The drop pod hurtled toward the ground at speeds upward of 150 meters per second. The violence of its passing tore a hole in the clouds and dim sunlight poured through the hole, casting a circle of light on the ground. In the sky around his vessel, dozens of other pods shredded the air as they passed, shattering the sky. Vercingetorix's massive body strained against the harness that held it in place. He flexed his massive metal hands and dimly remembered the sensation of skin against skin. That was another time, another life. Now his life was only war.

Forgot the title on the last post, but I swear it's me, OP.

FORTY-FIVE SECONDS UNTIL PLANETARY IMPACT...

My companion, topography indicates high ground three hundred meters from designated landing zone, heading two-nine-six.

Vercingetorix consulted his HUD map.

"Confirmed. Adjust course."

It shall be so, my companion. This pod's spirit concurs with We. Updating Astartes Tactical Grid layout and transmitting new coordinates to Pod formation.

Vercingetorix could feel the machine spirit's agitation. It stimulated an increase in his adrenaline production. His mind stirred restlessly and his massive metal body shifted in response.

Ugh, the copy-paste formatting got all jacked up.

THIRTY SECONDS UNTIL PLANETARY IMPACT...
We feel the war song, my companion. We hear its words in your head. It is good for We. It is why We are.
Vercingetorix tuned his vox unit to the command frequency for the drop pod battlegroup. "Revenants Diocles and Horovus, prioritize Hammerhead-class hovertank, then select opportunity targets at will. Tactical Squad Gamedes, secure the bunker at battlegrid coordinate VIII Sigma-6. Tactical Squad Androi, relieve the PDF platoon marked on the ATG." Vercingetorix paused, consulting his map again.
FIFTEEN SECONDS UNTIL PLANETARY IMPACT...
"Devastator Squad Filos, you will secure Saint's Ridge and deploy long-range firepower to cover Androi's withdrawal to VIII Sigma-6. The Emperor protects."
DEPLOYING RETRO THRUSTERS. FIVE SECONDS...

Vercingetorix felt the hammer-blow of the massive rockets beneath him as they strove to tear his vehicle free from the clutches of gravity. Restraints in his sarcophagus embraced his frail flesh, protecting him from the worst of the buffeting.
Revere the Omnissiah, my companion.
"The Omnissiah guides us all, Spirit."
THREE...
...
TWO...
...
ONE...
The pod smashed into the earth with a hellacious roar, crushing an unfortunate fire warrior beneath it. The doors exploded outward, flattening two more troopers who were not fast enough. Vercingetorix felt the tremors that shook the ground as his brethren landed amid the Tau lines.
"YOUR DEATH IS UPON YOU, ALIENS. TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT OF THE EMPEROR!"
Vercingetorix strode down the ramp of his drop pod, fists crackling with distorting energy and the magnetic coils on his plasma guns glowing with barely-contained energy. He felt a surge of joy as the Machine Spirit awoke to its full fury.
Come, my companion. There is much death for We to bring!

(and that's all I got right now. Considering part 1 took me a week, I'd not be surprised it this isn't up to snuff.

Visual Confirmation...

Stairs connecting to level 2.

Auto sense adjusting hydraulics right left right left...

Error, detected, even in 40,000 years in the future we still havnt built a functioning walker system.

Critical damage detected, full impact on the back side power cell. Emergency shut down engaged...

Epilogue... There at the bottom of the stairs Vercingetorix slept for a good long 300 years.

>>14653150
you should certainly use a trip for this, I will be watchin out for you in the future.

>>14653150

I take it he is an Iron Hands dreadnought? If not, i think it would suit - With him giving out tactical commands and what not. Shows how the Iron Hands respect them as ancient beings, rather than tanks with dead people inside.

>>14653177
> Stairs
SQUAD BROKEN!!!

>>14653183
An Iron Hands successor of my own devising, but yes. One of the Sons of Ferrus Mannus.

Don't let these guys rush you. Take as much time as you feel you need. Great story so far!

bamp-a-lamp fucka

this is fucking awesome! is there sauce?

>>14653240
This is original content, compliments of your friendly neighborhood BRAND NEW TRIPFAG!

This will be my trip for all future installments of the story.

I love the story.

But: Vercingetorix. I don't like that name. I'm not going to read it. I tend to skip over strings of gibberish syllables.

>>14653298
It's the name of a Gallic chieftain who very nearly kicked the shit out of Julius Caesar himself.

>>14653298

Lern2History, Vercingetorix was a dude who led Gaul successfully against the Romans...I think it also has other historical merits but I am not sure.

(Pronounced ver-sin-geh-tor-icks)

Welp, I'll be back tomorrow and re-post this shit, so if you missed it tonight, never fear!

I love it, OP. As has been previously stated by many other anons, this is a fantastic idea and so far I'm seeing good work. I'd buy it. My only criticism is the name of the Strike Cruiser.

>>14653428
>My only criticism is the name of the Strike Cruiser.
Spear of the Light Bringer?
But of course, being 40k it is all latinized so it is 'Spear of Lucifer'.

>>14651263

Great read!

On small, small critique; The dropping of the Gellar Field should be more noticable. Crew become agitated and feel uneasy when the ship drops into warp, like the ship is haunted. Dropping back into real-space is like a slightly blurry photo snapping into focus

otherwise excellent work!

shit, shit, where's the thread number? we've got to archive this!

>>14653428
Lucifer is the name of the planet the Chapter is based out of. The whole system has a Dante's Inferno theme. (okay, so I'm not asleep yet.)

>>14653298
It's a real name of a Gallic chieftan who beat the everloving fuck out of the Romans
it's also not at all hard to pronounce.

I demand more herecy

great story op. very nice. fun to read. especially the internal dialogue.

>>14651818
what the hell is that comic called!?!?!?

>>14654212
Damnation Crusade. It's on /rs/.

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Entombed