"I wish for you to stay here."

Can we refuse the offer? Because I would just walk away without making a wish. It's not worth it.

I'd wrap it up in a gift box and send it to my worst enemy anonymously

I would just wish for my lottery ticket to have the only winning numbers of that particular night's grand prize.

>2. You may NOT use the word "and" in your wish.
oh boy, there's going to be a lot of "in addition"s

>>14527722
Well, hmmm, I guess you could. But if you word it right, you could have anything you want! Would you walk away from that?

I wish for the ability to make anyone and anything I make a suggestion to, obey that suggestion how I wish for them to obey it. I can choose whether a suggestion I make is empowered by this ability, or just a regular suggestion. The suggestions I make are to be followed EXACTLY as how I intended them to be followed.


Hows that?

>>14527747
Wow, didn't think about that part, ha. Hopefully people will understand that I meant the concept of the word

...but I doubt it

>Unless the wording is air tight, the genie WILL turn it against you.

Why? That's kinda retarded considering he's giving me a wish when he could have just flown away after I inadvertently freed him.

I wish that the genie would stop being such a dick. Furthermore, I wish that the no-dickery rule shall apply to the first article of this wish.

>>14527765
>I wish for the ability to make anyone and anything I make a suggestion to, obey that suggestion how I wish for them to obey it. I can choose whether a suggestion I make is empowered by this ability, or just a regular suggestion. The suggestions I make are to be followed EXACTLY as how I intended them to be followed.
>and
Other than that, pretty good

I wish everything i could ever want.

i wish for whatever i consciously want most in the world, exactly how i would want it.

open ended yes,but really hard to fuck up. :P
using this you can get nearly anything else;without it blowing up.

i think.

>>14527790
You could possibly want to be raped by elephants.
This occurs.

>>14527788
Oh fuck, didn't even think of that. Don't wanna switch it with or cause then the genie could be like "HAHAHA NOW YOU CAN MAKE ROCKS DO WHAT YOU WANT, BUT THEY ARE ROCKS LOLOLOL"

Er.....fine ill take out anything, since anyone is a very vast and vauge area.

"Bad Genie, I wish for you to grant wishes in the nicest way possible from this point onward."

You are welcome.

I wish for the Genie to leave this thread in order to avoid the troubles that he will bring with him in his reign of ironic punishments while he is on his way off to /b/ shall have a ruined night of pain and pleasure so we, including me, at /tg/ will have a peaceful and quiet existence until the next Djinn comes around; which will be in the next Get wars.

>>14527790
You are now granted proper grammar.

"I wish you would stop being an asshole genie that turns peoples desires against them to make it end badly. Stop being a jerk, douchebag."

>>14527772
Because HURF DURF TEH GENIE GRANTS A WISH BUT WRONG LMAO XDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

All right, Genie, I wish for a lovable, dependable mate of either gender who will care for me in a way that will not harm me, my loved ones, or others.

>>14527820
Use "In addition to"

I wish for the genie to have a wish.
Some men just want to watch the world burn.

I wish you didnt have a cock

Sure, Id loose my legs, but he gets penised out of it

>>14527839
Now he's an asshole djinn. GG

>>14527850
You get a dog. It is very well behaved, smart, and well trained.

>>14527801
though, it occurs to me that i can be fucked by a lack of ability to be AWARE,of side effects. yes you wont end up oozing infinite gold from your pores until you die, but if you dont comprehend a possible downside to something you want. your screwed.

>>14527850
There ya go.
Remember to walk him

>>14527839
"The job's yours now chump, thanks for freeing me"

I wish that he bestow me with all of his powers with no hindrances

I wish for the ability to magically alter the world in any way I see fit with almost no effort on my part, with no limit to my abilities.

I wish for the powers of Captain Marvel, the DC one, not the Marvel one. All the fun of Superman but with none of the drawbacks like a kryptonite factor or no longer being able to have sex with mere mortals because I can deactivate the powers at any time I want or need to.

I wish you were trapped in the lamp again.

>>14527820
Wish granted, there is now one person in the world affected by this.

I wish for the power to control, at will,every existing force of gravity in the universe.

>>14527909

Why is number three even there?

Why would he turn my wish against me if I set him free?

If he was a malevolent genie, why not just kill me or run away?

I wish for King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia to willingly wire 10 billion USD to my bank account with great relish.

>>14527870

...huh. That works.

I mean, I can't have sex with it everyday, but...

>>14527909
Wait wait wait. I got this.

I suggest to that person that he makes a wish to the genies "Add to [My name]'s power of suggestion, the ability to use suggestion on everybody, never a restriction on the number of people he can use his suggestion powers on."

"I wish that every time I call out a specific weight with the words 'of x,' with x being an element, directly afterwards I would find that exact amount of that element in its pure form at 293 Kelvin, in the speficied weight measurement in my pocket."

Or, better yet:

"I wish for all of the powers of Dr. Manhattan from the Watchment graphic novel with the full knowledge of how to use said powers."

I wish all mankind eternal happiness as humans.

I wish to [whatever you want] exactly how I would want to have it.
Or, "without any of the drawbacks that do not occure to me".

>>14527950
#3 is the gist of the thread, while #1 and #2 are qualifiers to make the wish harder. To really roast your noodle throw in

4. Wishes can be no more than 1 sentence long

5. You cannot refuse to wish

6. The genie cannot read your mind

and amend #2 to include "in addition to" and such like phrases. Try to get around THAT

>>14527978
I wish for this, but I add that it can never affect me, and I can counter his ability at will.

I wish I wish I was a fish.

>>14527979

You get 1 ounce of gold mono-filament wire that slices the crap out of your fingers.

>>14528010
That wish violates no rule, is quite reasonable, and hardy.

>>14528016

"I wish that three seconds before I first laid eyes on your lamp, you and the lamp had disappeared into another reality with no way back, in such a way as to not cause any time-paradox horseshit. I don't need wishes."

Then I grab the rocks I came here for and leave.

"I wish that you would be returned to the prison from which you came, permanently."

Seriously, if he's this much of a dick to the guy who freed him, do you really want to let him loose on the world? Sounds way too dangerous.

>>14527979
You didn't specify elemental form. Good luck with molten gold in your pocket. Also, specify the term "pocket" or prepare for pain.

Foul djin, I demand you yourself be cursed to forever be trapped in this lamp I hold, which you seek to escape, in such a way that you may be made to grant the wishes of all other who find this lamp in the way that they desire.

the in such a way is kinda a conjunction but it is perfect otherwise as fare as I know.

>>14527687

I wish that when I am asked to pay for something I can just reach into my pocket to find the exact amount of legal currency needed to purchase that product in appropriate denominations.

"I wish that the genie granting me this wish would cease to exist immediately after I finish this sentence."

I believe that Oblivion, nothingness, is the greatest gift one can recieve.

>>14528060

>didn't specify elemental form

>specified temperature

>how high do you even have to BE?!

Well it seems my suggestion wish and additional wish via suggestion works. I now use my power to suggest the Genie go fuck himself.

>>14528038
>Mono filament
>somehow not breaking due to pressure against it and slicing things more dense than it

Monofiliment is only good for buzzword soup weapons.

I wish that after you grant any wish, you will suffer a type of amnesia where you do not recall granting that wish and instead be willing to grant a wish that will not turn against the wishmaker.

>>14528060
Nor did he specify where the wearer of the pocket would be. "In my pocket" is fine, but what if your pocket or your are suddenly in the center of the sun?

I wish to have any sort of magical power I desire. Be it immortality, or any other sort of ability.

the genie stories are interesting since people are greedy and don't put thought into their wishes. It would be a massively boring story if a fa/tg/uy found a lamp.

>>14528102
Pssht, that's inane. 'I wish for a bagel'.

Ok, fine, you get your bagel, but you and it are AT THE CENTRE OF THE SUN!

It's not clever, and it doesn't really come across as a reasonable interpretation of the wish.

>>14528000

Wish granted, you fool. Everyone becomes wireheads, paralyzed in helpless pleasure by a device implanted in their brain. You specified 'eternal', so we all stay that way as the constant flow burns out all non-pleasure-related centers of the brain, leaving us mindless creatures unable to do anything but feel constant surging pleasure forever.

TLDR; everyone is locked in a state of permanent overpowering orgasm, and no longer cares to do anything but lie there and enjoy it.

>>14528102

>You didn't specify that I, Dicko the Genie, can't do terrible thing X with your wish!

>Suddenly you get everything you wished for but a rock falls and crushes you lol!

>Just another day for I, Dicko the Genie!

>>14528145
>>14528134
OP says genie will turn on you, so you can't assume these things. Spell it out nice and "air tight" or the genie screws you over, apparently

>>14528145
>Suddenly you get everything you wished for but a rock falls and crushes you lol!

Suddenly you get everything you wished for but rocks fall everyone dies.
FTFY

>>14528134
Seriously, theres wrongly interpreting a wish to fuck with the wishee, then theres just plain making shit up.

"Ok your wish to become the perfect king of the whole world for the rest of time seems full proof. So im gonna make it so that the rest of time is 15 minutes"

>>14528102

Now you're just being dumb. With that (lack of) logic, you could wish to know the time... but he teleports you to the moon before telling you. You could wish for an NBA regulation soccer ball to be placed exactly 1 meter in front of you. But know you have no head.

See? That's just retarded and doesn't coincide with the 'ironic pain/death/punishment for making a wish' schtick.

>>14528120
Genie stories are usually about the person doing the wishing fucking things up, not the genie just being a dick and randomly adding stupid things to your wish to kill you. They're stories about human fallibility, not unlimited and unreasonable supernatural dickery.

And sometimes they're stories about Robin Williams helping poor people with magic.

>>14528173

That's stupid. So incredibly stupid. You would have to have an infinite sized contract detailing every single negative thing that the genie could ever pull on you, WITHOUT using any ands or and-like things. Good-fucking-luck.

I hire a bunch of lawyers and logicians to figure it out for me.

>>14528208
They work it out and make the wish themselves.
BAD END

>>14528232

Hey at least someone gets to do a wish the right way. I would suppose part of the deal would be me letting them in on the benefits of the wish, and they wouldn't be able to make the wish themselves because the genie is granting a wish to me and only me, as far as op has stated

I wish for my bank account to receive one, single euro from every open account in the world; these euros would be given willingly- thus bringing happiness to the donors; as the donations are of an international nature they will not be taxed by my government. They can not, however be taken back by the original owner (unless I give it to them), nor can they be stolen from me.

Keep a couple for yourself. No more than 15% of the total. That is a fair tip.

>>14528188

This. I can't think of one story in the 1001 Nights where a djinn fucks up somebody's wish. It's usually, "Djinn says don't do this. Dude decides to completely ignore the nigh-omnipotent air spirit and does this", with the occasional "Djinn fucks a dude up because fuck him". Occasionally, they do good (I think Aladdin's Djinn is actually tied to a ring, not a lamp - I know he eventually finds two, can't remember which one was the more powerful one, been awhile since I read the story).

>>14528060
"the largest pocket on the right side of whatever pants I am wearing at the time."

he specified that the PURE element would be in its NATURAL STATE at 283 Kelvin, which is 20 degrees celcius or about 86 degrees fahrenheit.

>>14527687
I wish that you are bound back into your Prison-lamp until the heat-death of the universe, with no effects from this wish but your binding.

rolled 87 = 87

I wish for the Monkey's paw from the story written by W. W. Jacobs in 1902

ha now I get three wishes that screw me over instead of 1

>>14528134

Though to be fair, that's probably the most dickish response ever, so props to the Genie for using it. Especially if that's used for almost every wish.

"I'd like all the money i could ever want!"
>You won't want much money AT THE CENTRE OF THE SUN!
"I just want world peace."
>Done. death by SUN CENTRE is very peaceful."
"Uh, I don't want a wish, you asshat. I'll just be going..."
>GOING TO THE CENTRE OF THE SUN! ohohoh, i slay me!

>>14527928
never granted me my wish you shit genie

>>14528297
I like this guy.

I wish that, with a direct, focused thought, I could cause any given situation to happen, no matter how improbable.

>>14528287
Yeah, and the "genie" type story where some power (usually a supernatural one) gives a foolish hero something they desire is common to like every culture around the world. It's "careful what you wish for, because you might just get it."

>>14528371

Done. However, your primary thoughts are always "ENCHANTMENT?"

>>14528295
That's a wish-granting entity, so no go.

Really, though, genies can safely be categorized as safe, unsafe, and malicious. A safe genie knows what you want and actually cares, so you need do nothing but say "I wish for whatever I should wish for". An unsafe genie probably has some awful defect like excessive literalism... you might be able to get something useful from this one by excessive legalese, but it's likely that some easy bad end will come to you. A malicious genie, as specified in OP, has no good result. No amount of legalese will save you; if there is any possibility of anything bad that can ever happen to you from any interpretation whatsoever left open at all from the exact wording of your wish, you will be destroyed. This includes deliberately choosing the most unfavorable meaning of every word you speak, or perhaps assuming that you were speaking AltEnglish, in which every word you speak means whatever he wants it to mean. There is no victory against a malicious genie; don't even try wishing.

>>14528378
But he didn't wish for any changes to his thoughts. If the genie is allowed to just randomly add terms to the wishes this is a really stupid and frankly uncreative game.

>>14528372
Yeah, it usually carries an undertone of "don't you dare try to reach above your station, fucking peasant."

I wish for a sandwich weighing a total of 2.5 kilograms consisting of the following ingredients, assembled in a fashion typical of a contemporary American delicatessen: sourdough bread, pastrami, roast beef, corned beef, swiss cheese. The sandwich will also contain one tablespoon of French's yellow mustard. No other ingredients may be used. All ingredients must be fresh. All ingredients must be capable of passing all health regulations set forth by American government. All ingredients will be of the utmost quality. The bread of the sandwich shall make up no more than 20% of the total mass of the sandwich. Each meat ingredient shall be present in equal quantities. The ratio by mass of total meat to cheese ingredients shall be 5:1. The sandwich shall not be dirtied, sullied, or blemished in any way prior to consumption; furthermore, the sandwich shall be served to me an immaculately clean stoneware plate the size of a contemporary American dinner plate.

>>14528390

Ah, but you didn't specify where you or your sandwich would appear!

Bam, sun center.

>>14528404
alternately "In my dialect of english, "cheese" means, "pure antimatter".

Enjoy your exploded earth.

>>14528404
So if you wish for anything other than not being teleported into the sun, you get teleported into the sun?

>>14528390

Bam. One sandwich. Well...enjoy the only perfect 5 minutes of your life...

I wish there never was or will ever be such a thing as genies.

>>14528424

Wish granted. Good thing the only thing that exists is the now. And for now, I am here. Bam, sun center!

I wish everything on this piece of paper *hand genie a piece of paper with a long list of requests* to come true in the manner that I desire in my conscious mind.

I wish I could make my own wishes come true through me self granting them.
HAHAHAHAAHAHA

>>14528414
>>14528421
>>14528390
I'm thinking somewhere in Alaska there is this sandwich, and you're going to be taken to the sandwich, not the sandwich to you.
Nor horri-bad but eh.

>>14528382
So if a goth kid genuinely wished for death, what would a malicious genie do with that?

>>14528439

Shit man, can't read papers over the internet. Bam, sun center!

>>14528443
Against the rules, Dick-e. Do I even have to say it?
(Sun center.)

>>14528435
I wish that everything in the universe except you, the genie, continues on its existing trajectories relative to Sol. In addition, you, the genie, are to be teleported to the center of Sol. That is all.

>>14528388
Yeah that one is pretty common. Though they're also at their core often about the ability of any human to fuck things up.

The versions where the moral is about human fallibility are certainly better than the ones where the moral is about EAT YOUR DIRT AND LIKE IT PEASANT.

>>14528462
Remember that Vasquez comic about the kid wishing to be a vampire? Something like that.

>>14528418
And wishing to not be teleported to the sun just gets you teleported to the center of a different star.

I wish lamps didn't exist.

>>14528462

Eternal Life while being forever tortured by I, Dicko the Genie! I grant the death part by making him undead, but still feeling.

I'm thinking the first million years will be spent in the center of the sun.

>>14528478

Bam. I'm now coming out of a teapot. Also you're in the center of the sun.

>>14528414
In my dialect of english every sentence means "I wish to be taken to the center of the sun"

>>14528472
Pretend I've never heard of that comic, or anyone named Vasquez.

I WISH TO BE TAKEN TO THE CENTRE OF THE SUN!

What now motherfucker?

did you censor Oglaf?

>>14528466

The moral of most the stories in 1001 Nights boils down to "women are whores". If a female character is introduced, 9/10 she's gonna go have sex with a negro. Hell, one of the first stories, before we even get into the story in a story, the two kings decide to leave civilization because all the women are whores. They wander to an oasis, find a sleeping djinn, and that djinn's consort/wife/whatever you wanna call a woman who is kidnapped by a djinn to have sex with him/etc forces the two of them to have sex with her right next to the djinn. It gets pretty hilarious.

I wish to remain safely outside of any solar or astral body, including, but not limited to, the sun.

Wish for a billion dollars

advicegenie.jpg

Sun Center

>>14528464
Bam! A brand new sun-like star that didn't previously exist is teleported into the center of you.

>>14528492
You're not even trying anymore.

>>14528500

I'm very happy to grant that wish in full, without any dickery. Enjoy the last nano-second of your life knowing that I did not fuck you over; you did it entirely on your own trying to outsmart me.

>>14528498

Not even pic related? You have lived a sad life, friend.

Dear Dicko the Genie,

I wish I was in the center of the sun.

This is a pretty dumb bimbo.

I wish for a female human companion of approximately my age, being within a three-year margin of my own, who is perfectly desirable to me in every way: physically, personality-wise, etc. She has no major negative aspects of her personality, though she is encouraged to have minor quirks within the bounds of what I would consider a minor quirk. My own desires cannot be changed to accommodate the woman being anything I would not otherwise be attracted to. She has no significant health concerns, nor any physical or mental disabilities, nor will she or I ever experience such. She will not die in an accident, but will instead die of old age. She loves me unconditionally, but is not clingy or obsessive, which would conflict with the previously mentioned personality requirements. She is a real, previously existing person living close by to my place of residence, meaning within the bounds of the city I currently reside within ten miles distance from my home. She carries with her no tragic past nor murderous past boyfriends or the like. Her family will like me. I shall meet her tomorrow afternoon. We shall become romantically involved soon afterward until we marry. Henceforth, we both shall live happy lives together, living into a ripe old age, suffering not from the infirmities of old age, nor suddenly acquiring any new major health concerns. We will work jobs we enjoy, making enough money to live comfortably.

Okay, I think I got it. Hope the genie takes wishes in writing.

>>14528506
Come get some, Dicko.

>>14528531
Both of you are teleported into the center of the sun. It's very romantic.

>>14528521

See:

>>14528516

>>14528553
You remain safely outside the Earth's atmosphere.

I wish you, the genie whom I am indicating at this moment, would presently return to the lamp under the same conditions as his initial imprisonment with the exception that the djinn in question is required to adhere to the spirit in which the subsequent wish is made instead of the literal meaning.

>>14528553
Wish granted, you find yourself floating in space wearing your existing clothes.

Your last moments are painful.

>>14528553

Oh hey...

>>14528563
>>14528568

I have underlings!

>>14528563
Ah, but Earth is a planetary body, neither solar (relating to the sun) nor astral (relating to stars). You'd have been better served to interpret "safely outside" as widely as possible. The sun's rays can give you cancer, so I'd have to wind up someplace no sun's or star's rays can reach me.

I wish for you to experience everything I do, no more, no less.

>>14528578
Well, if you work for the other side, it's basically a one way ticket to center of the sun city.

Alright, everyone stop it. This is getting rather silly.

>>14528584
Sure, but Dicko can endure the inside of a sun with no difficulty.

>>14528555
Aha! But I explicitly stated that we will live into old age! Your sun is useless!

>>14528578
>Underlings

They prefer the term, "minion." Be politically correct., please. Sending people to the center of the sun is one thing, but being rude is uncalled for.

>>14528531

See

>>14528555

As for you, >>14528567
Sure, but I teleport in front of some dickhead who will rub my lamp almost instantly (there's always at least 1) and teleport you into the sun's center.

Hey, it's in the spirit of your wish: Stupid and Self-Centered.

>>14528601
Okay then, instead you are both instantly transmitted into Octogenarians who die of old age exactly seven seconds after she appears.

>>14528601
You are both currently at a ripe old age in sun years.

Sun years are basically whatever the hell they need to be to ensure you get dicked, by the way.

>>14528595
On second thought, let's not go to the centre of the sun, 'tis a silly place.

>>14528601

You successful live to old age trapped in the middle of the sun, slowly burning to death with your lover in unending agony.

>>14528606
Alright, minion. Have fun in the sun-center.

>>14528595
No, you're getting silly! SUN CENTER!

This thread has now been transported to the center of the archive.

I wish that the center of the sun were actually a quite hospitable place, with sufficient supplies to sustain human life indefinitely. Additionally, reality has been rewritten such that all grantees of your wishes have been sent to the point in time after this wish has been fulfilled, with sufficient space between them such that they do not telefrag one another.

>>14528590
hey dicko, deal with it.

>>14528627
>>14528616
>>14528610
Curses! Foiled again.

>>14528607
So wait, you are saying that Dicko the Genie can take as many actions as he wants as part of the wish? Because my wish was for him to return presently to his imprisonment. As in now. If you are going to get dickish then.

I wish that Dicko the Genie, taking no action but that which is specified within the content of this wish, would transport himself and his lamp to the center of the sun upon arrival transmuting himself into a normal human being with no magical, technological, or otherwise protective enchantments, clothing, equipment, spells, bindings, enhancements or any other means of preserving his life where he will remain for no less than fifty billion years or until dead in such a manner that he cannot through his own agency or the power of another be returned to the mortal plane.

Fuck you Dicko.

>>14528627
No, no, stop it. This whole wishing business has gotten silly. Started off with a nice little premise about twisting wishes, but now it's got silly.

I wish the genie would immediately become a powerless human like any other, without having time to enact any retribution or act of power against me or any other being, object or element of the cosmos before doing so.

I wish you would be reasonable with your wishes.

I wish all my wishes would be granted.

>>14528658
>no action but that which is specified within the content of this wish, would transport himself and his lamp to the center of the sun upon arrival transmuting himself into a normal hu
>, would transport himself and his lamp to the center of the sun upon arrival transmuting him
>himself and his lamp
>and

Don't forget your suntan lotion.

>>14528627

Thank you.

>>14528647

A bit of a tough one, but let's see what I can do *finger crack*

>quite hospitable place

To sunlings. They live in suns. You? You're not a sunling. You FRY!

>sufficient supplies to sustain human life indefinitely
Doesn't matter much; it floats there in the sun while you FRY.

>Additionally, reality has been rewritten such that all grantees of your wishes have been sent to the point in time after this wish has been fulfilled, with sufficient space between them such that they do not telefrag one another.
Yeahsurewhatever

Also I send you to the center of the sun.

>>14528668
Okay, but now he's a large, muscular man with a sword that hates you.

>>14528647
>>14528658
God damnit /tg/, you just made Dicko the Genie the immortal god-emperor of the sun paradise.

>>14528670
Granted. Every future wish I grant will be reasonable. Of course, I now have no reason to grant further wishes, as I'm now free. For my first free act, guess where I'm sending you?

>>14528668

Who is this 'the genie"? Eh, whoever he is, he is now as you command. I am Dicko, the Genie! Not "the genie"

He'll be sharing a sun-center with you!

I wish I was Nyarlathotep.

>>14528672
Fine.

I wish for Dicko the Genie to do absolutely nothing from now until the end of time.

>>14528667
Because no /tg/ discussion ever segues into a different topic, and we can't have people having fun discussing something that's no less suitable for /tg/ than the original topic?

Sure, it's silly, but I for one am thoroughly entertained trying to think up a wish which doesn't result in me becoming buddy buddy with nuclear fusion

I wish you died.

>>14528677
Ah well. Someone else can kill him, or torture him slowly to death. My sacrifice is not in vain.

>>14528601

That's far worse, actually. And I quote:

"Burn as the stars burn;
Burn on after they die.
Never to the peace of ashes.
Out of sight and succour
From men or gods or ghost:
To the ends of time, burn."

So yeah; asking Dicko to ensure that you survive your wish is fruitless, as he'll ensure you spend that time BURNING ALIVE. Unbonus points for specifying eternal.

>>14528627
Nice try, Dicko, but I also made sure to wish that we live comfortably and happily.

>>14528590
Come on Dicko, surely you've got something for this?

>I wish that Dicko the Genie, taking no action but that which is specified within the content of this wish, would transport himself and his lamp to the center of the sun upon arrival transmuting himself into a normal human being with no magical, technological, or otherwise protective enchantments, clothing, equipment, spells, bindings, enhancements or any other means of preserving his life where he will remain for no less than fifty billion years or until dead in such a manner that he cannot through his own agency or the power of another be returned to the mortal plane.

>Fuck you Dicko.

I do not grant this wish because granting the wish was not specified within the context of the wish, but rather was specified within the context of making a wish, an entirely different affair. I don't make the rules and I don't break the rules, bucko.

Also, sun center. Because I can.

>>14528729
You live comfortably and happily for all of your life but unfortunately you don't get to experience any of it because Dicko the Genie transports your minds to the exact second where you would die of old age.

>>14528688
Memphis?
To visit Elvis' home you're so nice

>>14528601
Old age, magically sustained in PAINFUL romance. In the sun. Have a good'un mate.

>>14528694
>genie killing genie
>war between genies
>have fun being schooled by your fellow genies, Dicko

>>14528729

Fine. It is absolutely blissful and comfortable for you as you slowly burn to death in the sun. Christ, some people.

>>14528590
I am now you. You are now me. Being the more powerful being, I assume total control. I am still a genie.

No sun center, sadly, as that would be rather counter productive.

>>14527687
Can I just walk away?

I'm not dumb enough to make a wish with a genie who's intending to screw me over. If I want it that bad I'll work for it.

I wish I was the sun.

>>14528746
Get out of here, Cunto. This is Dicko territory.

But a single wish, hmmmm?

I wish for, with no trickery or dickery involved at all on your part, a working FAMAS assault rifle along with an endless supply of ammo and spare parts that will appear when ever I place this beret inside of a pentagram.

I think you'll find that I violated none of your rules.

>>14528709
>>14528671
Well Dicko?

>>14528765

Granted. You are also transported into the center of the sun.

>>14528764
You walk away into the center of the sun.

I wish that just prior to the moment of my beginning this sentence, Dicko the Genie had been transformed into a pretty cool guy who has no desire to screw with people.

>>14528771
You used the word "and" to qualify your wish.

>>14528767
>Cunto
>Dicko

By their powers combined: Fucko the Genie was born.

Eww.

>>14528784
No, no I did not.

>>14528771
Okay. You get teleported to the middle of the sun immediately afterward. This is not part of the wish, it's just Dicko being Dicko.

>>14528788
>Fetuso the genie
FTFY

>>14528801
This is why you should've made your wish with Asso the genie.

>>14528762
If I am you, and you are me, then aren't we equally powerful?

>>14528796
>endless supply of ammo and spare parts
>ammo and spare
>and

I hate to break it to you, but Dicko is probably going to send you to the center of the sun

I wish I was a sun god.

>>14528671

Breaks the rules of more wishes. Sun center.

>>14528709
I died. Past tense. I'm fine now though. You, though? You're not coming back.

>>14528771
No trickery? No dickery? Hmmm, very well. You shall suffer from vaginery. My sister, Vaga the Genie, appears to grant your wish; she also sends you to the center of Centauri A.

>>14528677
Oh, and I send you to the Sun, shortly before restoring Dicko to geniedom. There's a whole union of us malicious genies you know.

>>14528820
MOTHERFUCKER I DID USE AND FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

>>14528829

Cunto, pal, how you doing!

(Cunto is not to be confused with Vaga)

>>14528826
I wish you stayed dead.

>>14528843

Too late, you're already in the center of the sun. Also, 1 wish per person!

>>14528780
>>14528834

So, Dicko, you want to go out for some beers or something?

>>14528848

Bastardo, you're doing that thing where you put things in the wrong field again. I swear, the last time you granted a wish in the subject field was so embarrassing!

>>14528853

I know a great bar in the center of the sun.

I wish for Dick the Genie to transform, without taking any other action, into a 1 centimeter cube of inanimate, nonmagical carbon placed exactly 1 meter in front of me with no relative velocity or acceleration with the frame of reference being the planet on which we stand, then remain in that shape until the end of time.

A wish eh?

I wish for the something nice to happen to me, even something small, every day, for the rest of my life.

>>14528853

Yes!

>>14528868

As he said!

I wish for no wishes

>>14528873
You find a penny today and then are transported to the center of the sun, thus reaching the end of your life.

>>14528834
Good mate. How about you, doing alright?

Normally I stick with being eaten by hoop snakes as my punishment, but I figured 'when in Rome'. How's the missus?

>>14528871

>Dick the Genie

No clue who that is. Also, you're in the center of the sun now! Those darned typos.

>>14528873
Every day for the rest of your life is...well, none. You are now in the center of the sun.

>>14528886

is it a shiny new penny?

>>14528873
Okay. You get transported to the center of the sun, where you live your days burning to death for eternity. However, small, nice things happen, like sometimes it hurts a little less for five minutes. And sometimes you pass out from the pain, so it doesn't hurt for a little while.

>>14528874
>>14528853
Oh, crap, I forgot I'm working tonight. Sorry Dicko, we'll have to go hit the sunbar another time.

>And then anon never spoke to Dicko again.

It's why I just teleport people into the sun instead of granting their wishes.

NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW OF MY FAILURE!

>>14528876
You get none. In the centre of the Sun.

>>14528871
Used the word 'And.' Sun.

>>14528705
>>14528705
>>14528705
>>14528705
You still haven't given me your answer Dicko. What is my twist? Where is my sun trip?

>>14528887

You mean Jeannie? Good, good. Had to take her off from wish duty, though; she was being too nice. She's always yelling at me, telling me "Dicko, don't send people in the center of the sun!" and "Dicko, come watch my old television show that nobody gives a shit about anymore!"

I swear, if I wasn't married to her, I'd send her to the center of the sun.

>>14528889

I wish the sun would cease to exist!

I turn off my computer.

>>14528287
The one of the lamp was more powerful than the one of the ring, but the ring could still do some shit. It couldn't build a palace in (3 days? 3 hours? 3 minutes?), but it could still be helpful.

Even then, the powerful Djinn of the lamp wasn't 'evil', and the only time it really got angry and made Aladdin piss himself is when Aladdin asked him to put the egg of one of the Djinn's gods in his foyer or something. And even then, the Djinn essentially said, "FUCKING HELL YOU FAGGOT ASS BITCH, I OUTTA SMITE YOU FOR DISRESPECTING MY GOD, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. But I won't, because, after all, you're being fooled by the man who asked your wife for that so that she would ask you to wish for it because he is the brother of the guy you killed and is seeking revenge upon you by getting my to kill you. Therefore, I will forgive you this time."

Djinns are pretty damn helpful.

I wish all genies retroactively out of existence.

You all teleported into the center of, like, any other star. Do you even know how many stars there are? Hundreds. Literally hundreds.

Also, everyone on Earth will die and it's all your fault. So, congratulations, I guess.

>>14528905

Can't grant your wish since it's something and now was stated before the wish was completed; you are sent to the center of the sun.

I wish to be transported to the Shattered Sun setting.

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Shattered_Sun

>>14528911
It does. Then it comes back. With you in it. At the centre.

>>14528905
Dicko does nothing until the end of time. Which is now in 30sec thanks to me. Don't worry, time will get better. You won't though.

>>14528908
Good times. Good to hear you aren't dogging the boys now you've got the old ball and chain.

>>14528911

It ceases to exist for a microsecond, then continues to exist. Also, you're now in the center of it!

>>14528919
But you and your computer are in the center of the sun!

>>14528925
Granted. We are now in anti-existence. We can still do everything as if we existed, we just have the word anti before our state of being! Lovely. Also, sun center. Also Lovely, especially this time of year.

>>14528933
Granted, but there's also a sun there suddenly for no good reason other than fuck you. And you're in the center of it.

>>14528704

You Dicko, I still haven't heard what you're doing about this one.

I wish to be the little girl.

Cunto, Cunto, I appreciate the workin' for me, but c'mon, if you wanted to take over my job for this thread, say so so I can go relax or somethin', I'm getting tired and have a few things to take care of.

>>14528960
>itt thread

>>14528933
Done. You're there, after a retcon, restoring the sun to being whole. Guess where you are?

>>14528931
By using the command of the wish to take no action to ignore the last part of the wish you are acknowledging that the wish form was legitimate and by taking any action your would be disregarding the wish and are therefore unable to take action against me and must stand there forever. If you do not try to invalidate the wish then you must stand motionless forever.

>>14528955

You are He, but tiny. And powerless. And burning to death in the center of the sun.

>>14528960
Do I even have to say it?

I wish to be capable of making any change to events at any point in reality without any effects that would result in my ceasing to exist or being placed in a situation that that the I that I am now would not wish to be placed in, at least not without the ability to remove myself from said situation.

best_thread_on_tg_right_now.jpg

>>14528974

What, no. That's stupid. You're stupid. I can't grant it because it violates itself. Sun center.

I wish for an immediate, painless death.

>>14528979

>situation that that the I that I am now would not

Huh? Sun center.

>>14528992
Granted. Then you come back to life. And then...

3 centimeters from the sun center. Because I mix things up a bit.

>>14528977
Yes, say it.

>>14528954
That's bullshit. It isn't even a subversion of my wish. It's just "No, your wish doesn't happen, instead, you're inside of the sun."

I wish to speak to your manager.

I wish to turn into become the sun, Sol. If the genie completes this wish without it being painful a transformation he gains the power to free himself from his prison.

>>14529008

You are now the little girl, but in the center of the sun.

>>14529004
Two immediate painless deaths for the price of one. Good deal.

>>14529015
Two bob says I know where his office is.

i wish for perfect health forever.

and yes, i'm okay with being immortal as the universe collapses/entropies out around me. i'll just take a nap until the next one comes along.

>>14529015

>>14529014

Which one are you?

>>14529015

You're speaking to him. Also, sun center.

>>14529016

Granted. You painlessly transform into the sun, and then are placed inside yourself. I am also free.

SO LONG, SUCKERS!

I wish that Dicko the Genie were suffering infinite pain for the rest of eternity with no bullshit "I'm masochistic and enjoy it" or "I have no nervous system and don't care" clauses, or "It kills me and therefore ends" i.e. actually suffering infinite pain.

I'd also like to die in the glorious fires of the sun, but I only have one wish. :(

>>14529038

Alright, shows over folks! He's gone! He's left! Clear out or you'll be tossed to the center of the sun! No more wishes!

>>14529038
Placed inside myself? Oh jesus.

>>14528977

Ah, but Nyarlathotep is the messenger, heart, and sould of the Outer Gods. He is neither tiny nor weak, He is as close to omniscient as possible. He is the past, the present, and the future. Even if He is transported to the center of the sun, He will suffer no harm from the experience and will be able to leave at any time he so chooses. Also, you, a mere genie, are powerless to, say, turn me back 'to normal,' afterwards because, being an Outer God, Nyarlathotep is is far, far more powerful than you could ever hope to be.

And the real kicker? Narly is a bigger dick than YOU. If anything, he probably created you, as you bring death, insanity, and terror to mankind.

Which, of course, pleases him.

>>14529014
thatisinfactthehumourouspart.jpg

Also, sun centre. Again.

This thread has been endlessly amusing. Thank you, Dicko.

>>14529038
Hopefully your boss will be pissed off enough by that to bitchslap you around a bit.

I wish OP wasn't a faggot....oh wait this thread is still here.

>>14529049

AND THEN, USING HIS FREE INFINITE POWER, DICKO THE GENIE TRANSPORTED EVERYTHING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE INTO THE CENTER OF THE SUN.

THE END.

>>14529054
It isn't even clever though.

Anyone can do it. Watch.

All genies are now inside the sun. Go back to your meaningless lives mortals.

Ha! I'm so funny.

>>14529073
justasplanned.jpg

>>14528979
I think that the phrase "that the I that I am not would not" is pretty clear if you think about it.

The wish cannot result in a Bad End for the person, as judged by the person making the wish as they are at the time they make the wish. That's to get around LOLBRAINWASHING or LOLOBOTOMY.

>>14529048
Used the word and. Invalid wish.

Also, sun centre.

>>14529053
You didn't in fact specify THE Narlythoep. You're a tiny, impotent copy of the big one, with no power at all. In the centre of the sun.

>>14529049
Guess it's back to messing with Swans Fans and the people who want the new Nukem game for me. Take it easy all, time to hit the old frog and toad.

>>14529098

There is only one Nyarlathotep. No other specification is neccessary.

>>14529113
Not anymore there's not.

I wish the genie was free.

>>14529147
see
>>14529038
>>14529049
>>14529073

>>14529131
By wishing to be Nyarlathotep, he would BECOME Nyarlathotep, or, in other words, his conciousness would be added to that of Nyarlathotep. There it would quickly be consumed by the ravenous, molevolant, and utterly incomprehensible mind that is Nyarlathotep.

All in all, I think I'd rather take a one way center of the sun trip. 1st class, of course.

>>14529098
What's your take on >>14529094 ?

>2000 attencle
See, now that's the sort of thing I'd like to avoid...

>>14529164
Ironically, that's still a fairly effective form of "immortality", especially given that this is the Mythos universe if that wish can be granted. Mr. Black Pharaoh is unpleasant enough, but it's the rest of the baggage that means life in that universe is probably not worth living...

>>14529167
Is placed in the centre of the sun, with the power to remove him/herself form said centre of sun once. But is retuned to centre of the sun within five minutes.

I wish the center of the sun was a resort area comparable to Monte Carlo, complete with oxygen, gravity equivalent to the earth, and a way to harness the power of the sun to power the whole resort.

>>14529203
"at least not without the ability to remove myself from said situation"

Are you sure that's consistent? Once...hmmm...

Also, why don't you marry the sun if you love it so much?

rolled 705857 = 705857

>>14529191

Yes, THAT is why it would be a worse fate. Nyarly would have to ALLOW the joining to happen and once it does, he isolate your mind and torment you all up close and personal FOREVER.

Rollan' san. loss, 1d1million

I wish I was the center of the sun.

I'VE GOT IT! HAHAHAAA!

I WISH OUR UNIVERSE WAS NOW THAT OF C.S. LEWIS'S NARNINA BOOKS!

pbbbbbttt

I wish for more wishes and genies so I can wish and wish and wish all I want. What now, mister asshole genie?

>>14529219
>Also, why don't you marry the sun if you love it so much?

Because she's a real bitch when she flares up once a month.

I wish for the genie to make a wish that will maximally benefit me to the extent that I would wish to be benefited, using the same expectation of contractual goodwill enforced in United States contract law.

>>14529237
Undone by a stray "n". Please don't tell me the Narnina books are about the violent deaths of people in the center of the sun.

>>14529237
>C.S. LEWIS'S NARNINA
>NARNINA
>NINA

Wish error

"I wish for the permanent knowledge of construction of the holodeck, and the eternal means to construct as many as I like"

I wish that you, the genie whom I just freed from this lamp, will give me, at the moment I stop speaking, the sum of $10 billion, to be withdrawn in the form of unmarked, untraceable hundred dollar bills, from the bank accounts of the world's wealthiest people, to be deposited in neat, orderly piles in the basement of my undamaged, unmarked home, which is to remain located on the top of the hill on which I live, in the same exact position within the political boundaries of the nation which I live, which is to suffer no changes to its current time stream such as anything considered negative by the vast majority of the currently living human population with nobody having seen the money go missing or where it ended up, along with myself, deposited within an air space meant for human occupation inside my home that is large enough for a human of my current size, which is to remain the same.

You know, I think I can get why our genie throws people into the sun so much.

NO ONE LISTENS TO THE CAVEATS IN THE OP!

FAFGFSKLGLKFLDKGLDJFKGDFGJDLJGDFJGKGLDFLG

SUNSUNSUNUNSUN

>>14529263
No, we're transported to an alternate dimension where CS Lewis dubbed his heaven-metaphor Narnina instead. Possibly large wardrobes are back in the vogue of home design.

I wish to stay on earth, which is to stay on it's current orbit around the sun in the current position, without damaging life on earth human and otherwise. Then in one month's time everything on earth shall be transported to the center of the sun.

>>14529356
>and

Damn it

>>14529294
Granted.

The money is unmarked and untraceable. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the saucy and rather rude messages each of the people from whom you stole money received.

>>14529287
Granted.

Unfortunately, various corporations, governments, and other persons of interest also know that you have this knowledge. How long can you last under their gentle ministrations?

I wish that your immediate action after hearing the entirety of my wish is to entrap only yourself inside a lamp that prevents you from influencing the world outside of the lamp for all eternity.

"I wish for the ability to grant my own wishes."

>>14529210
It is comparable, except in temperature. Which is as it is now. And you're all there.

>>14529249
Rule 1. Also sun centre. Plus, all the other genies are dicks. How do you think so many malicious genies got into this gig?

>>14529262
US Contract law uses the word and in it somewhere. Wish invalidated, sun centre.

>>14529263
They're not. They're the fast and painless deaths in the centre of the sun.

>>14529287
Sure. You get all that, in the centre of the sun. Where you burn to death before you can use any of them.

>>14529294
Wish completed. You will however never see your house again, as you are now in the centre of the sun.

I wish that I had been born as the opposite sex, with everything not directly connected to that fact or your discovery by me, as determined by the intent of this wish, left unchanged.

"Wants to be the little girl" done right.

>>14527687

I wish for the genie to kill himself permanently.

Fucking spooks piss me off.

>>14529401
What happened to the C.S. Lewis who wrote those books? I fail to see the Christian allegory there.

"They're the fast and painless deaths in the centre of the sun."

Hardly Dante's Inferno...

I wish for more baklava.

I wish that every living and lamp-dwelling being within this planet's biosphere was now in the center of the sun.

This thread reminds me of two things from video games.
Iris from Golden Sun:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeYvRVQBeXQ
HTB Cannon from Super Robot Wars:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbH2n7TSMc4
Guess what they have in common.

>>14529401
>US Contract law uses the word and in it somewhere.

Genies have the power to throw people into the sun... but can they see the difference between "expectation" and "incorporation"?

>>14529435
>I wish for more baklava.

YOU FOOL. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

I wish to have sexual, anal intercourse with Dicko the Genie. I am an unnattractive, greasy, neurotic, half-insane male. I am to be the sole penetrator in this act. The act will be as kinky, weird, gross, and obscurely fetishized as is possible in this universe. Should Dicko be unavailable, the surrogate genie granting this wish shall take Dicko's place. The act will take place at my current coordinates on Earth.

Your move, genies.

>>14529485
Who needs the power to distinguish when we can throw people into the center of the sun?

>>14529493

2. You may NOT use the word "and" in your wish.

invalid. Sunned. thanks for playing.

>>14529414
It is unchanged. However that means I can't change >>14529073

>>14529429
I commit suicide, by teleporting you to the centre of the sun, setting in chain a series of events that will cause me to die moments after I get bored of existence.

>>14529435
You have it. In the centre of the sun.

>>14529453
Wish granted. The genies are magic, and can return. Everyone else dies painfully.

>>14529434
Shuddup. SUN

>>14529493
Granted.

I am the penetrator. I hope you've got some lube and a school girl outfit ready. I'll bring the ball-gag.

>>14529401
>Wish completed. You will however never see your house again, as you are now in the centre of the sun.
Hardly. Re-read my wish.
>along with myself, deposited within an air space meant for human occupation inside my home that is large enough for a human of my current size, which is to remain the same.

>>14529385
>The money is unmarked and untraceable. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the saucy and rather rude messages each of the people from whom you stole money received.
Got me. Also, I failed to say that US currency would remain the same

>>14529499
Okay, fine. I thought I was dealing with a clever genie here, not just a cheater.

I wish for you to read this legislative document detailing, in excruciating detail, my wish in all of it's completeness. My wish on the paper must also be granted as detailed in Article A, under penalty of death and dismemberment after losing your powers.

>>14529515
>>14529414
Not so fast, bucko. For that wish to have been made, the wisher cannot have been in the center of the sun, so they were not as the wish was fulfilled.

In addition, the intent of the wish would deny a connection between the genderflip and being in the centre of the sun.

Your move.

I wish for the genie to commit suicide in a manner which will not endanger me or anyone else.

I then put oil in the lamp and use it to start conversations with guests.

>>14529562
This thread
-----------------
Your head

>>14529525

You fool, Genie! that's EXACTLY what he wanted!
By giving him teh dickings, you didn't dick him over!

It's ooooooover!

I wish you won't grant this wish.

>>14529596
Not really. He is going to be in immense pain, due to being forced to have intercourse with a spiked climbing boot.

After all, he DID request to be the sole penetrator. Who am I to deny his wish?

>>14529589
I'm the genie. I don't need to resolve paradoxes, except when I want to. In fact, my powers are linked to being a dick - I'm powerless to resolve any wish in an undickish way.

>>14529585
Used the word 'and'. Invalid. Enjoy your sun.

>>14529596
It's ok. He got sun-centre'd after.

>>14529616
Ok. I fulfil my wish to have you placed in the centre of the sun instead.

>>14529622
Still got you on "intent of the wish".

Also, what happens when a paradox is formed? I'd bet it's nothing good for genies.

>>14529525
>I am to be the sole penetrator in this act.
Miss this, did you?

I wish I would be a first-generation star containing barely any helium or metals with plasma vortices inside granules acting like neurons to contain my consciousness.

>>14529646
We get paid double for that.

Also, my intent is for the wish to leave you in the sun. Done.

I wish for you, the genie granting this wish, to have a very, very bad day.

>>14529648
see
>>14529618

>>14529651
Done. You're in constant pain due to people being teleporting into you on a constant basis. Apparently that hurts suns.

I wish you would explain to me using only words or visuals how Genie anatomy works- in other words can I see your junk?

>>14529648
>Miss this, did you?

Nope.

>>14529618

>Not really. He is going to be in immense pain, due to being forced to have intercourse with a spiked climbing boot.

>After all, he DID request to be the sole penetrator. Who am I to deny his wish?

You shall penetrate the soles of spiked climbing boots. Kinky, to be sure, and not something I myself would have chosen, but it WAS your wish.

>>14529660
I have been exeptionally bad and wicked today, by putting people in suns. People like you.

>>14529493

>The act will take place at my current coordinates on Earth.

The earth, the solar system, the milky way and the local cluster are all moving.

Your coordinates are changing with atleast 270km/s+various other vectors.

>>14529683
The visual given is the inside of the sun. Given up close. Reaaal close.

Also, no.

I wish you wouldn't do anything to cause me any harm, injury, or misfortune in any way shape or form.

>>14529660
>I wish for you, the genie granting this wish, to have a very, very bad day

Granted.

People keep trying to trip me up by using pseudo-legal language and complicated wishes. I send them to the center of the sun, but it still leaves me in a bad mood, creating an endless cycle of dickish wishes and even more dickish grantings.

>>14529709
Ok. I won't. Can;t speak for Cunto or Bastardo though. And I know what Dicko will do.

>>14529618
I did request for it to be as obscurely and fucked-uppedly kinky as possible, so this wo- OH GOD THE PAIN

YES DADDY YES

GIVE IT TO ME, I'VE BEEN SUCH A BAD BOY

AAAAGH, KICK HARDER

STICK THAT BOOT SO FAR UP MY DICK I'LL PISS LEATHER FOR A WEEK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

NOW PUT IT STRAIGHT UP MY ASS, YOU ASSHOLE SUN-TELEPORTING SEX-GOD, YOU

I wish I'd never rubbed this lamp to free you.

I wish you will suffer eternal divine punishment for what you will do to me the instant I finish my sentence.

>>14529709
Granted.

Everybody else in the world has an exceptionally bad day. In fact, they KEEP having exceptionally bad days.

Weirdly enough, the only solution that people seem to be able to come to to resolve this crisis is to launch you, your family, and anybody associated with you into the center of the sun.

>>14529718
No one said anything about multiple genies within the context of the OP. Only that _A_ genie comes out of the lamp I just rubbed.
You lose, you get nothing, good day sir.

>>14529742
Granted.

I send you to the center of the sun, but for that I am cursed to grant more stupid wishes for all eternity. At least I can liven it up by sending people to the center of the sun.

>>14529733

You didn't. Clearly, you rubbed my lamp because it was dirty and you found it lying around, not with the intention of freeing me. Unfortunately for you, that wound up happening anyways, irregardless of your intention.

Also, sun. That seems popular today.

>>14529733
You never did. Because you were in the centre of the sun.
>>14529742
Being a genie is my eternal punishment for launching people into suns. So in order to be punished, I must launch you into a sun, and continue.

>>14529765
Your wish didn't expressly forbid multiple genies. By rule 3 I have to be a dick.

I wish genies, djinns, Efreeti, as well as all not otherwise directly mentioned members of any malevolent wish granting supernatural beings never existed. Ever.

>>14529811
Thanks to your past tense we didn't. We do now, and we have to catch up on putting people in suns. Sun'd.

>>14529227
wait....
wait...
what?

>>14529830
>>14529227

That sort of straightforward request just gets insta-granted. Those thinking they can trick us into helping them by screwing them out of getting screwed over the way they asked get, surprise!, screwed over just they way they wanted.

Which in this case means being sunned.

>>14529829
ah ah ah, paradox law has been invoked. How could you have granted the wish to create genies etc. if you never existed before, thereby making my simple act of rubbing a musty old lamp nothing more than exactly that.

>>14529865
We only granted the part of the wish that resulted in genies not existing up until now. As part of that wish, as I interpreted it, genies still exist now. Double Sun'd

>>14529865

Paradoxical causality, obviously. Don't blame us if you fail to comprehend the metaphysics responsible for the apparent paradox of causeless effect. Not the you have long to consider it, from the center of the sun.

No.
I don't want to make a wish.
I have to?
Okay fuck, hang on...
I wish for you to be a nice polite friendly non harmful genie that never wants to cause anyone trouble or make mischief who brings back all the people who were launched into the sun or otherwise deliberately harmed by their wishes into their everyday lives at safe locations as though they had never encountered a genie or ever will.

>>14529848
No, think about it man. He said "I wish I was the center of the sun." Law 3 says you HAVE to fuck him over somehow.

He is now the location everyone has been referring to as the center of the sun. Everyone and everything that has been sent to the center of the sun actually appear inside him.

Then the whole mess winds up in the sun somehow anyway since that's where the center of the sun belongs, but still, think about the possibilities of fucking 'em over even more than they thought was possible.

I wish that the universe, including the things in it, is teleported to the center of every sun.

I wish for the ability to turn legal tender American Lincoln headed pennies into legal tender American Lincoln faced 5 dollar bills at will with the trigger being holding the penny in my hand closed for 3 seconds (rounding by +/- half of a second). More than one may be done at a time. By the way, try to be less of a douche next time.

I wish the Genie granting my wish could no longer teleport anything.

>>14529947

Mmkay. I must apologize, but you've made an error. You see, I don't actually want to launch people into the sun, but I don't actually have the power to grant open-ended wishes, I just have the power to launch people into the sun, and to do a number of minor temporary other things contingent on an end state of things ending up in the sun. Oh, and to invent convenient rationalizations explaining how any given wish is, in fact, a wish to be teleported into the sun. Granting a 'wish' in this context just means teleporting you, and possibly other people, into the sun, possibly alongside a few other minor local effects... which I, in fact, must ultimately do every time I grant a wish. Accordingly, I shall now briefly bring everyone back from the sun... wait a moment or two... and now throw them all back. Including you this time, most unfortunately. This time, however, I'll regret it. I suspect I may, in fact, continue to regret it for a while.

>>14530055
Your wish is granted, but he still physically throws you into the sun.

>>14530082
I wish you hadn't done that... :(

We need to get rid of this durrhurr evil genie concept by analyzing what the genie is. The genie grants wishes. Granting wishes gives it power. With the power gained being related to how well the wish is granted. A genie wants the transaction to be a gain for it, so it will attempt to grant the wish in the easiest fashion for it. Its not evil, its just lazy in a self interested fashion.

pic related, A genie is this guy with a special effects budget

sage because goddamnitsomuchdoublepost

>>14530015

That falls under the category of a minor effect I can get you, so sure, you can have that. For a minute or two. Sorry to say, you're still going to wind up in the sun afterwards, though.

>>14530108

Sorry, one wish per person. And I can't create an end state that doesn't leave you in the sun, so I'm just going to have to watch while you float helplessly towards the sun on a ballistic trajectory. Maybe you'll die from the decompression before getting incinerated. Too bad either way.

>>14530139

link from my fail separate post

Yes, killing them would give it exp, but is killing them more work than just giving them an ironically lazy wish?

I'll try to get on back to the thread track.

>>14529992

Ah, nesting. Perhaps ironically, putting a copy of the entire universe into the center of every sun produces an effect whereby, subjectively, nothing seems to have changed, as the universe itself continues on from a local perspective. The effect is associated with the level of nesting; basically you get to be in a sub-universe, and the fact that this sub-universe is anchored to a physical location inside any given sun is largely irrelevant.

Sadly, though, there is one notable macroscopic change. You yourself wind up inside the sun which is inside the sun, and thus burn anyways. Too bad.

>>14529959

Apologies if this wasn't obvious, but, getting put in the center of the sun, by definition, 'fucks you over'. Asking for it on purpose just obviates the process. Also, there's actually no real difference between asking to be teleported into the center of the sun, and asking to be it. Atomic fusion's pretty brutal; the one becomes the other in a tiny fraction of a second.

It is, perhaps, also notable that asking to 'be' the center of the sun, and having that granted by being put there, then burned and absorbed by the fusion reaction, is also a notable way of having a wish turned against you, since even if you did think out the implications of the original wish, you still weren't expecting it to happen quite that way.

"if you don't cut my legs off, and you don't twist the wish horribly, I'll suck your dick anyway?"

Then whatever I want lol.

>>14530325

Technically, the rape-genie in OP image has nothing to do with the OP genie situation. That genie, at least, is straightforward in his evilness, though not actually that clever. A really malevolent rape-genie would've made Simon King, then cut off his legs and left him to die in the cave. The fact that his legless corpse would be given a royal funeral just as soon as his armies found it there would not seem comforting to Simon.

That said, an evil rape-genie is unlikely to be swayed by your attempts at negotiation.

>>14530376

Hang on... wouldn't the appropriate wish from that genie in particular be something along the lines of "I wish for the ability to instantly and completely regenerate from any injury or illness I suffer, regrowing severed parts as needed"? If that genie actually does grant honest wishes under those conditions, after all, you could at least get some cost-free good out of that one.

"I wish that I could turn rocks, by touching them with my finger, into crabs that would obey my every command."

I wish to change position with Eldrad