Chain Mail of the Unknowable Rite of the Wise Destroyers
Embossed Partisan of Victors
Future Jagged Lute
Haunt's Gauntlet of Flame Barriers
Machine of Lava and Telepathy

Axe of Fire and Barbarism
Hatchet of the Compassionate Archers' Rune of Compassion
Human's Shuriken
Screaming Spectre's Bracelet of the Canine's Benevolence
Sly Sea Serpent's Machine of Dust Ball

I'm some kind of bard.

Fine Constructor's Chakram
Flute of the Spectres
Lyre of Ruthless Snakes
Sycthe of Diamond Gyser
Thunderous Earrings of the Archmagi

>Crossbow of the Invokers' Insanity
>Drink of Nothing Ring
>Eaters' Shield
>Infernal Pill
>Quilted Armor of Ice Auras

Dunno.

>Barbaric Wolf's Pill of Berserker Slaying
Good to have for the inevitable horde battle
>Crazed Silencer's Hatchet of the Evocation of Magma and Muteness
So, I silence them when I cut them, which then explodes into a burst of magma and prevents them from casting spells. Sounds good.
>Shoes of Fine Kindness Storms
My lightning feet may now dance to the thunderous beat.
>Silencer's Club
Keeps the other party members in line when they question my brilliant plans.
Ultimate Silencers' Harpsichord
A bit unweildy, but with the power of the Silencers' I should be able to melt the cold hearts of my enemy with a warm island rhyme.

OKAY IT'S ON NOW

>Chain Mail of the Haunted Haunt
I...uh...yo dawg, we herd yo like ghosts?

>Haunted Spined Sling of Bear Control
...what

>Serene Dwarves' Throwing Knife
Only works when drunk.

>Throwing Knife of Fortune and Happiness
So...stab yourself with this for instant win, or what?

>War-axe of the Wizards' Witchery of Hatefulness
HE MAD? HE MAD.

Deadly Lotion
Distant Shuriken of Lava Orbs
Green Awl-pike of Negate Jump
Perfect Scintillating Hauberk
Warhammer of the Queens' Chant of Caring

Some kind of dorf ninja...?

>Distant Creators' Mechanism
Some sort of map system? Or perhaps an auto-repair clockwork thing? It's mysterious, and the creations of the Distant Creators have never really been understood, but surely this will aid my quest.

>Drunken Monks' Hauberk of Canines
Ah, the Order of the Ale's craftsmanship. No finer hauberk would ever be made by those drunken martial artists. The fact that it elongate's one canines into lethal weapons at will is just a bonus, really. Most definitely a useful item to have.

>Dwarf's Crossbow
Deadly out to six hundred yards, able to fire any sort of bolt, garunteed to never loose it's tighness or it's accuracy. Distant Maker's Blessings on those short little beardy men.

>Perfected Peripat
The most important item on my quest. A Perfected Peripat allows me to, on occasion, do something simply perfectly. I cannot control when it activates, but it is sure to do so at times to aid me.

>Serpent's Blowgun of the Intelligent Ogre
... Okay, this is a bit out there. I suppose should it at least never runs out of poisoned darts, and as it is of Ogre make it will serve as a good club.

Bullet of Cold Circles
Compassionate Masters' Crossbow of the Benevolent Kraken's Rune of Cursing
Gear of Elven Family
Hellish Souls' Sitar
Unjust Carver's Bullet of Resurrection Alteration

>Clever Undead's Harp of Transform Sliperiness
"-for old Nathan Irenicus was no stupid bard. His harp would bring sliperiness around him whereever he went. If you know what I mean."
>Ethereal Clear Throwing Axe
Ethereal and clear? Sneakiest throwing axe ever.
>Lyre of the Slayer
A lyre and a harp? Looks like I'm rolling a bard.
>Past Spined Balm
Apply for instant spines. Use before 1240BC.
>Summoners' Broch of Blood Assaults
My hidden ultimate weapon.

So, I'll be a bard who carries a lyre and a harp, some oldass balm, a sneaky throwing axe and an evil borch.
Wait...
>Broch
>Not brooch
What the shit is a broch...
...aww shit.

These threads get posted a bit too often lately, but whatever. I'm game.

>Glimmering Gauntlet of Imperial Virtue
>Messiah's Leather Armor
>Miserly Monsters' Flute of Canine Calling
>Sycthe of the Rune of Absorbs Acid
>Voluge of the Sorcery of Muteness Deflection

Some sort of wolfmaster priest I guess.

>>14267134
Deadly Runed Chakram of Kill Traitor
Mystic Ointment of Happiness
Saber of Time Orbs
Sharp Utensil of Heat Disks
Slayer's Sling

Looks promising, and happy :)

>Animated Lyre of the Annihilators' Chant of Necromancy
>Caring Gnomes' Flute
>Finder's Pants
>Utensil of the Soldiers' Spell of Fertility
>Warhammer of the Benevolent Soldier

Looks like I'm a bard/midwife hybrid. Again.

Claymore of the Distant Working of Control Specter
Hellish Animate Medicine of Platinum Orbs
Infernal Fiery Buckler
Two-handed Sword of the Illuminated Illusion of Seduce Angel
War-axe of Slime Disks
I've got the weapons, and I've got some kind of health potion... A Hellish animate potion, but still, it's medicine. Also, I can seduce angels

>Cone of the Conjuration of Absorbs Magma
>Deadly Elixir of Bone and Desire
>Machine of Venom Rain
>Mystical Anklet
>Otherworldly Adamantine Gown

Some kind of Dorf Fortress seductress... owfuckmybrain

>Axe of Ghostly History

Weapon, check.

>Cone of the Clever Angel

Puzzle sokving gear, check.

>Mystical Seekers' Sycthe

Magical weapon of dubious origins, check.

>Ornate Breast Plate of Elemental Honor Breaths

Pimpin' armour, check.


>Sturdy Pyramid

Shelter, check.

It's ADVENTURE time.

rolled 28 = 28

Hmmm.

Spear of Thieving Alteration - Hmmmm, I guess it doesn't like people who steal things.

Gnomes' Trident of Platinum - I could use it as an over-sized fork I guess.

Quarrel of Compassion - Cool, cupid's quarrel I guess.

Green Throwing Axe - Seems pretty solid and self-explanatory.

Cube of Lizard Killing - Pretty damn handy if I don't say so myself. Dragon, lizardmen, kobold, wyvern, and all kinda lizard related killing with this thing I assume.

Looks like I'm a fighter that uses throwing weapons........I'm okay with this.

Mace of Kindness Barrier
Axe of Negate Law
Flail of the Drake
Torc of Spectral Water
Haunts' Breast Plate

Fighter specializing in heavy weaponry

>Dagger of Call Ladies
>Good Divinity's Tower Shield
>Unholy Clear Medicine of the Traitor
>Unjust Wyrm's Breast Plate of Bear Calling
>Wonderful Titans' Shoes

I can summon bears or women. I've got options....

>Ghost's Contraption of the Divination of Acid and Blinding
I have a feeling this will be the only thing I need
>Giant Hatchet
No nvm I'll use this a lot too
>Good Bears' Hauberk of Copper Alteration
>Mystic Golem's Hammer
>Runed Machine

Armguard of Gold Blast
Barbarian's Shuriken
Boots of the Canines' Ritual of Magma
Forbidden Golden Bastard Sword
Thunderous War-axe

COME AT ME, BROS.

>Archmagi's Contraption
Cool. If only I knew what it did. Probably calls up some bullshit railroading. Maybe a pipe-toting mofa who instagibs whatever I aim the contraption at. Suppose I'll find out later.

>Hammer of the Happy Wanderer's Evocation of Flaying
Sounds brutal. It's a weapon made especially for a wandering man such as myself, which keeps spirits up on the road, and also evokes the thought in my foes to tear their own flesh from their bones with abandon as I smash their skulls in. Fuck yeah.

>Machine of the Celestial Viper
I've got one of those robotic snakes COBRA uses. Except it's also DIVINE. Awesome familiar is awesome.

>Sling of Light Clouds
... I guess I have a shoulderbag, which... Holds entire clouds? And makes them light to carry, even condensed?

Lightning storms in my pocket. I can dig it.

>Studious Cats' Necklace
... Alright, what the fuck do I do with this? Unless...

Unless this is the same amulet the Awakened Housecat of yore wore. The flying, acid-spitting, psionic housecat of DOOM.

I'm... Rather afraid of this last one, I'll admit. Thoughts, /tg/?

>Abyssimal Awl-pike of Air Hail
A terrible spear that summons annoying frozen air. If I need some dry ice then I got my weapon.
>Benevolent Spectres' Machine
Some charitable ghosts gave me some kind of contraption without telling me what it will do. This will be plan B.
>Charismatic Krakens' Cube of the Lawful Abjuration of Heroism
A small box enchanted by a very personable squid that allows the user to skip out on quests without any repercussions. Well damn, fuck adventuring I got the cube!
>Kingly Dancing Cutlass
A lavishly decorated sword that can dance a jig. Parlor tricks ahoy!
>Spectral Metallic Medicine of Mud Balls
Some kind of iron-oxide pills?

I guess I'm playing a swashbuckeler with anemia.

>Claymore of Sea Serpents
So this sword is good at killing Sea Serpents? Or... Was made by Sea Serpents? I don't know. Maybe I should be a Scottish Pirate though.

>Glowing Knife of Sludge Beams
I'm guessing you stab the support beams of a building with this and it turns them into sludge. Very nice.

>Purple Cudgel of Marvelous Hunters
Super hunting club? Eh, I guess.

>Sturdy Bullet
One bullet. Very cool.

>Wonderful Wanderer's Quarrel of Nothing Arrows
I'm hoping these arrows erase whatever they hit from existence, because otherwise they're probably totally useless.

>Assasins' Plate Mail
>Evil Sea Serpent's Glaive of Alter Ether
>Garment of Cowardly Nomads
>Giant Chain Mail of Diamond Arrow
>Marvelous Wanderers' Peripat
I guess thats cool.

Whats a Peripat

>>14267344
>Machine of the Celestial Viper.

Very cool! They gave me a bullet.

>>14267264
>illuminated ILLUSION of seduce angel

Actually, you're basically constantly followed by a heavenly pillar of light, with illusions of angel bitches following you around. Now, I'm not sure how convincing those illusions are, but if they can fool the wearer, then you've got angel bitches that are actually your bitches at your beck and call at all times.

tl;dr you're a pimp adventurer with celestial ho's, wat do?

>>14267473
>wat do?
>celestial ho's
There you go

>Crown of Exalted Happiness
Ah, he who wears this crown shall be truly happy!
>Lizards' Partisan of the Illusion of Alter Force
Sounds fancy.
>Ring of the Exorcism of Slay Felines
Does that mean i control ghost cats...or can exorcise them?
>Sacred Defenders' Trident of the Kingly Exorcism of Voidness
Well now that kind of a name just screams "This will fuck you up"
>Wanderers' Cudgel
Well, simplistic and to the point

>>14267471
Uh... The bullet's sturdy, at least. Maybe you could plate it with adamantium, yeah. Then enchant it with return so it pops back into the gun, and enchant it with scaling. Assuming the return brings new primer into existance, you have infinite ammo for any gun, ever, which cannot ever break, is plated with superlight metal that gives it the ability to pierce through ANYTHING, and... Yeah. Put that shit in a high RoF weapon, become HEAVY WEAPONS GUY.

>Aquatic Spectre's Tonic
>Chameleons Plate Mail of the Journeyman
>Ointment of the Doomed Incatation of the Studious Spectres
>Seer's Earrings
>Soldier's Draught
I'm fucked.

Abyssimal Potion of the Evocation of Hypnotise Dancer
Miserly Monsters' Shield of Triumph Alteration
Sacred Mattock of Intelligent Crushers
Sagely Traitor's Voluge
Sphere of the Calling of Guarding Conjuration

i think i might be screwed

Exalted Hunter's Suit
Exceptional Draught of Mana Sphere
Saber of Sylvan Dexterity
Savage Sinner's Moccasins of the Ghost
Spiritual Immovable Breast Plate of the Final Incatation of Control Stone

Yeah. I think I'm good.

It /tg/ getting ready to start a Seventh Sanctum Campaign?

Spas-12 with 60 rounds
K-bar
Bullet proof vest
Glock 9mm
Canteen with delicious water

>Metallic Apparatus of Berserker Seeking
Well, I guess if I ever have to track down a barbarian... Because you really want to stalk after a badass motherfucker who may or may not be a Viking, who will go insane on your ass and hack you into firewood if you dick around with him. Oh yes, very useful.
>Necklace of the Hex of Mark Doors
Marking... Doors. I guess that'd be useful for a labyrinth. Kinda narrow in its uses.
>Quilted Armor of Venom Transformation
Uh. It transforms the venom into... Something? A shitty suit of quilted armor, that has vague effects on poisons. How wonderful. At least I won't be poisoned when they stab me.
>Salve of Slime Spheres
Ew.
>Shooting Lotion
oh god what

some sort of container which shoots lotion

please don't be white lotion

please don't be a penis-shaped bottle

oh god what the fuck

>>14267298
Round 2
Savage Summoners' Harpoon of the Intelligent Triton
Wise Swimmer's Sandals
Endless Cube of Stone Field
Divine Ornate Contraption
Destroyers' Hatchet of Seeing Transformation

Buccaneer Jesus, fuck yeah.

>Ancestral Sinner's Banded Mail of the Illusion of Transform Mud
So ancient mail made by a sinner that lets me create the illusion that I have turned into mud. Could be handy.
>Crazed Ogres' Charm of Control Falsehood
So a crazy Ogre enchanted a charm that lets me control lies? Kick ass.
>Helm of Venom Gushes
A helmet that spews venom from it's mouth. Now thats badass.
>Spiritual Artists' Bar
Holding this bar connects you to great spiritual artists, imbuing you with creativity and talent
>Vorpal Pants
Oh well thats just dandy.

>Bodily Pants
I have pants. They are, for whatever reason, bodily. Not sure what that means, but hey, they're nice pants.

>Hammer of Haunted Bears
I have a hammer which commands ghost bears. Not as bad as causing people to tear their own faces off, but I can at least command spectral ursines to tear people's faces off

>Medication of Bone Gyser
Uh... Does it cause people's bones to shoot out of their bodies like a geyser? Does it PREVENT that? Gotta be careful with this.

>Past Balm of Dust Transformation
Woo. I have some really old balm which transforms dust. Poof. THIS DUST IS NOW DIAMONDS.

>Spiritual Animated Pipes of Nothing Fields
... So I have some religiously fulfilled, living lengths of pipe, from a plane where there is nothing but fields. Or perhaps where nothing goes in the fields. Maybe, as a result, without Capcha fields, the pipes will channel beams of prismatic spam and shitposting on my enemies? That's a nasty-ass weapon.

>Animate Buckler
Cool a shield that moves by it self
>Crown of the Swimmer
Hell yes I am the king of swimming
>Giant Cone
Uh...Is it a weapon?
>Meteoric Bar
A Better weapon!
>Tool of Nothing Orb
WOW IF DOES NOTHING

>Bodily Pyramid
No idea.
>Boots of the Bear
+1 END, +1 STR
> Dart of Gnomes
+4 saves vs. illusions
>Holy Animals' Harpoon
+1, +3 vs. Outsiders
>Lute of Magma Lance
#Feelin' hot, hot, hot...#

>Benevolent Dwarves' Charm
Well, I guess I'll be in good company if I run into any dwarves.

>Bracer of Infamous Lizards
Yeah, look at me, all badass with my INFAMOUS LIZARD BRACER

>Gray Cube
...it's name is Tim.

>Royal Immovable Hat of Conjure Copper
I'm royalty, and there's nothing you can do about it.

>Ultimate Bracelet
I'm going to pretend it makes me a god.

My foes will think they are trippin' balls.

>Bracer of Thought Storm
I will fuck your brain up!
>Serpents' Helm
Talk to snakes maybe? I dunno, but it has a badass cobra on it!
>Tower Shield of Acid Gushes
HAHAHA! Hit me, I DARE you! ACID!
>Utensil of the Eternal Glamour of Magma
Yeah, that Lava? Completely real. Don;t believe me? ... ACID GUSH!
>War-axe of Saintly Water Ring
I have no idea what a Saintly Water Ring is, but it probably fucks up Undeads' shit. And its an Axe, so it fucks up everyone elses' shit too.

Chaotic Monks' Lute
>Too bad I didn't put any ranks into Perform
Endless Bracer
>Oh. Wow. Uh... Sounds powerful, but I don't know what they do.
Gauntlet of the Spell of Negate Time
>Cool! I can fuck with people and then negate any time I spent doing it. Not sure if I get the time back, or if it just undoes itself; either way, I get to do things.
Slayers' Partisan
>sounds cool
Wise Serpents' Cube
>its like a rubix cube for people with no arms.

>Animate Broch of the Lesser Angel
I'm not sure what a broch is, but I like knowing that I have some celestial guidance, I think.
>Bow of Spirit Orbs
Well this is just useless. All the arrows it shoots turn into little talking balls that follow me around.
>Haunted Dancers' Drink of Spirit and Precision
...At least my balls will be accurate.
>Perfected Drakes' Automaton
This little robot thing is kinda neat though.
>Rugged Buckler of Become Krakens
...FUCKYES. My enemies will never know what hit them.

>>14267759
>rugged buckler of become krakens
>krakens
>plural

Oh God. What if all the krakens across the planes... Were the result of one guy, with a grudge against the navies of all civilizations, for whatever reason- disgruntled merchant mariner, perhaps fucked up by privateers of multiple powers- submitting to some horrible curse, and becoming a hive-minded entity composed of multiple gigantic squids?

Which means... He'd have to breed with himself in weird squid-sex to survive. Which isn't sex, yet is, since he's both participants, but it's still two bodies, and all those giant squids birthed later would continue this, and...

Oh God. Eternal squid-selfsterbation across centuries upon centuries. And he'd have to control more and more giant squid bodies, organize them, manage all of their lives and eventually bang himself again in a horrible display of twisting tentacles and...

I'm going to be sick.

>Gauntlet of Conjure Dreaming
Am I conjuring up those that are asleep and dreaming? Am I giving dreams to those that are already asleep?
If it's the latter, as I suspect, I'm going to become some kind of santa-like figure, who goes around giving bad dreams to bad children and worse dreams to good ones. Just because, you know? If the former, there's only one word: C'thulu.
>Glorified White Leather Armor
Excellent, clothes. They'll come in handy. Hopefully they are glorified as in "The wearer will be admired by all" and not glorified as in "you will think they are great until you get stabbed, when you'll find they are shit." Oh well.
>Haunted Archers' Gauntlet of Royal Lineage Chain
So, I'll be followed by (a) ghost(s), I'm apparently royalty (or can fake it. Glorified armour, maybe?), and I may be able to shoot chains like some kind of evil spiderman. Awesome.
>Red Potion of Control Control
O...K? I guess if I ever have to go up against a controlled monster, I'll do well?
>Vicious Angel's Trident of Control Krakens
Fuck. Yes.

Plan: Give prophetic dreams to important people in kingdom, Summon Dreaming Kraken, Control Kraken, terrorise kingdom with Kraken, enter capital and proclaim I will save them from Kraken, "fight" and slay Kraken, use armour to make fight look good, use gauntlet to fake being royalty (or reveal I am royalty, I dunno. Maybe that's how I got the glove?), rule kingdom.

Secretly become Evil Santa, using chain-glove to get into houses.

Hope like hell Vicious Angel doesn't come to get Trident back.

>Holy Dancing Awl-pike
Its godly it dances and it will rip your face off, sounds like the life of the party
>Imperial Amulet of Absorbs Dust
Cause fuck you asthma
>Medicine of Cleverness Circle
It makes you smart and kills germs, but only if you walk in a circle
>Spiritual Journeyman's Plate Mail
matches my holy dancing awl-pike
>War-axe of Glorified Sadism Lances
Part-axe part lance sexual gratification from use, how could this go wrong

>Doomed Sphere of the Mystical Working of the Portable Portals
A sphere that makes portable portals that either is doomed or the portals lead to doomed places?
>Dwarven Adamantine Chain Mail
Well hell yeah, aint scratching this shit.
>Future Arrow of Blood Wall
An arrow from the future, that came from a wall of blood. Or an arrow that sends you to the blood wall in the future
>Sitar of Force and Carnage
Oh my god, warrior of metal here.
>White Tool of Sagely Humanoids
A tool for old sages. Cool

>Bola of the Unknowable Curse of the Prismatic Chamber
So anyone I hit with this is trapped in a Prismatic Chamber... but won't realize it?
>Diadem of Fire Transformation
I don't know what a diadem is but FWOOSH
>Holy Club
Pretty straight forward.
>Sturdy Amulet of Inversion Negation
It... inverts... negations? Or negates inversions...
>Vicious Berserkers' Medication of Unholy Good Gushes
Also known as Viagra. This is going to be an interesting quest.

>>14267581
3rd time:
Deadly Elixir
Demonic Hatchet
Exceptional Demons' Pants of Wind Conjuration
Hellish Corruptor's Contraption
Miserly Traveller's Hammer

Chaotic Evil Bard-type

http://seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=gadgetnamer

Id rather go with gadgets

>Aquatic Canine's Mace of Darkness Barrier
Ain't no sea dawg getting close to me.
>Cursed Glammered Buckler of the Calling of Destroy Chimes
Everywhere i go, that fucking song keep following me and everything burn. Shut up with that Sephiroth shit already !
>Immovable Quarrel
How to make you dm hate you 101.
>Instant Chain Mail of Opening and Charisma
Bitcth. Open those legs.
>Spined Sling of Blasphemous Dragons
Throwing dragons that swear as they fly at the BBEG ? Priceless.

>>14267839
And then we have
>>14267855
with
>Vicious Angel's Trident of Control Krakens

Ogod wat.

>Device of the Elf
... Dare I ask what this device does?
>Fine Divinity's Banded Mail
God Armor? I can live with this.
>Future Angel's Sitar of Copper Orbs
A future sitar that summons copper orbs? Time to get creative.
>Javelin of the Incatation of Fish Hypnotism
RISE SEA CREATURES! RISE AND DO MY BIDDING
>Pipes of the Witchery of Earth
Pipes that control the earth? Do Want

So I'm a bard. Apparently.

>Burning Ring
OH GOD GET THIS RING OFF IT BURNS!
>Ethereal Demon's Crossbow of Imperial
Cleverness
A crossbow that fires bolts that induce smarts on an imperial level.
>Generous Spectres' Tonic
Anyone who drinks this tonic becomes a ghost that gives gifts
>Infamous Archmagi' Helm of Voidness Alteration
With this helm you posses the power to mold the void to your liking
>Unholy God's Shield of Thought Hail
A shield from the anti god, bombard your enemies with hail made from people's minds.

>>14267976
... And his drawing away of one of the krakens draws the ire of ALL OF THEM. Cue kingdom being utterly destroyed and giant squid selfsterbation orgy on the ashes.

Why... Why do I feel like, somewhere, in Japanese animation, this shit was actually written up, produced, and even WATCHED?

>Ultimate Arch-angels' Harpoon
This sounds like a good weapon

>Axe of Kill Wolf
That's... rather specific, but handy if I have to fight a wolf

>Imperial King's Plate Mail
Excellent

>Glorious Shoes
My shoes are FABULOUS

>Torc of Control Metal
Shit yeah, I'm Magneto motherfuckers.

>Barbaric Elves' Armguard of the Hellish Illusion of the Screaming Dwarf
overly pimped shield of the dwarf-hating elves.
>Distant Serpent's Sitar
What the...
>Eternal Travellers' Crossbow
But i dont want to travel forever!
>Good Shoes of the Haunt
are these haunted shoes or shoes that haunt?
>Spectral Pill
So the she-ghost wont get pregnant anytime soon.

>Agile Hearer's Blowgun of Courageous Nomads
Over the top weapon of showing off? CHECK

>Damned Shooting Lyre of the Unspeakable Creator
Gun-harp? CHECK

>Good Gray Tower Shield of Dust Lances
Riot gear? CHECK

>Saintly Vorpal Saber of Voidness Zones
Over the top slice'n'dicer? CHECK

>Spectral Immovable Plate Mail
God mode invisible armor that prevents me being thrown about? CHECK

I seem fairly set for my adventure

>>14268117
If it's immovable you can't go anywhere with it

>>14268126
Won't the immovable effect be de-activateable?

>Crossbow of Amazon Seeking
This seems to be a very situational weapon. Or perhaps it causes the wielder to stumble upon amazon's more times than is statistically likely.
>Heavenly Ogre's Bar
Here's to hoping this refers to a drinking establishment rather than a literal bar.
>Miserly Ogres' Chain Mail of the Invocation of Ruthlessness
So...chainmail that causes you to be stingy whilst causing ruthlessness in the wearer. I can work with this.
>Pyramid of the Caring Finder
Amusingly opposed to ruthless and stingy.
>White Medication of the Hex of Cowardice
Causes those who imbue it to become cowards? Well this could be usefull. Or perhaps it is an item that creates an aura of fear.

>>Wonderful Envenomed Sphere of Unholy Caring Assaults
Why am I imagining an orb that turns me into that carnifex that just wants to give everyone a hug?
>>Lute of Intoxication
So I get a lute that can only be palyed well when I'd already 3-sheets to the wind? I like it
>>Plate Mail of Nothing Clouds
What is this? I don't even....

Please tell me I didn't just get imaginary armor.
>>Unknowable Electrical Bow of the Minor Exorcism of Alteration
So a bow with an effect that undoes alterations, but I just know about it
>>Armguard of Sapphire Arrows
So an armguard that turns all my arrowheads into saphires, but won't likely work because my bow negates alteration magic.

All in all, it looks like I'll be a bard that can turn into a monster that just wants to hug everyone, but crushes them instead.

I'm so going to have to do some writefagetry on this later

I liked the other thread better... I don't think I can fight too well with this loadout.

>Dwarven Cloak
It's a little short... very good quality though.

>Imperial Mattock
never leave home without it! One never knows when you'll need to do a spot of mining. Doubles as a weapon too.

>Pipes of Fish Slaying
It's like that one movie where the guy goes fishing by throwing dynamite in the river, except less explosive and not australian.

>Illuminated Utensil
I'll eat whenever I damn well please. Daylight is for pussies.

>Holy Thunderous Drink
I imagine this is some fuckawesome alcoholic beverage- an ale so potent it will knock you back in time and all across the multiverse.

>>Great Viper's Shoes
Cool, some kinda leather, maybe poison-resist shoes
>>Greaves of Displacement Control
Apparently, I really like shoes
>>Haunts' Chain Mail
I dont know who this Haunt guy is, but he sounds cool
>>Marvelous Green Quilted Armor
Yeah, that sounds just FABULOUS
>>Quarrel of Vicious Fletchers
Great, so I have ammo, but nothing to shoot it with

Buckler of the Just Specter
>cool
Chain Mail of Cold Beams
>Cool Beans
Holy Queen's Hatchet of Frost and Projection
>could be useful, don't know how a hatchet projects
Knife of Air Negation
>sounds dangerous-i can suffocate you just by forcing this knife down your throat
Seekers' Harpoon of Summon Kings
>Armour, shield, 3 weapons.. Looks like I'm rolling a fighter. fuck yeah, king summoning harpoon.

Sandals of Wise Saviors
Elven Screaming Two-handed Sword of Barbarians
Garment of Slay Bears
Elven Dancing Sword
Fighter's Partisan of Darkness Field

Well I certainly won't be running out of weapons.

>Banes' Plate Mail

Cool, a god's armor. FRshit, but that's okay.

>Bola of Slay Carver

Uh... I guess that'll be good vs dwarves?

>Demonic Ring of Ether Hand

uh... lets me hit ghosts and shit?

>Draught of Seduce Lizard

WTF

>Sacred Arch-angel's Automaton

An angel's robot.

>Exalted Quilted Armor of Caring Spirits
>Harpoon of the Heavenly Rune of the >Benevolent Victors
>Philter of Copper Cloud
>Saintly Immovable Sphere
>Unspeakable Ornate Tower Shield of the Eternal Viper

Looks like I'm rollin' shield/polearm fighter. Wewt.

>>14268126

Let's take turtling to a whole new level

>>14268058
Except that it's a trident of controlling krakenS. So when they come for him, he gets more. And more. And more. Oh gods, wat. He can force the guy that is the krakens to breed with himself to give him more minions to control, and... Oh gods, WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?

>Ethereal Helm of the Angry Arch-angel
IM THE ANGRY TEMPLAR IN A MISSION FROM GOD.
>Insane Drakes' Shield of Illuminated Good Aura
SO ANGRY EVEN THIS SHIELD IS MAD
>Tower Shield of Perfect Caretakers
SO ANGRY I DUAL WIELD SHIELDS
>Royal Soldier's Orb of Conjure Invisibility
SO ANGRY IM INVISIBLE
>Sphere of Force Gushes
PERFECT FOR DUAL WIELDING SHIELDS

This campaign reminds me of Pulp Fiction.

>Automaton of Negate Construction
A golem that destorys buildings? cool
>Sycthe of Magma Gushes
Hilarity. Seems pretty good too.
>Unspeakable Sturdy Shoes of Marvelous Bears
What?
>Vicious Feline's Shield of Nondetection Control
MInd control is always OP, especially if people can't detect it.
>Cursed Demons' Drum
Pa-rum-pum-pum-puuuum.

>Doomed Dragon's Banded Mail of the Wondrous Rite of the Barbaric Arch-angel
Sounds like some awesome armor forged by a bloodthirsty Arch-angel.

>Gauntlet of Heavenly Lizards
Dragons gauntlets huh? Looks like I'm going to be dealing with quite a few dragons on this quest.

>Ring of Venom Walls
A ring that lets me make walls of venom? Awesome.

>Ultimate Meteoric Claymore of the Sacred Ritual of Light
A claymore made of star-metal and enchanted with holy light? Sweet.

>Massive Pyramid
Uh... I don't think I can lug that around... wait I"m equipped with relics made by holy rituals and barbaric arch-angels out of the remains of a powerful yet doomed dragon and I'm the guardian of an ancient and enchanted tomb that likely has some sort macguffin hidden within?

Sigh, I guess I'll wait until the PC's get here.

>>Ethereal Eagles' Greaves of Ruby
Flying and insubstantial powers along with kickass ruby shoes? Yes please.

>>Glorious Jagged Arrow of Become Sea Serpent
Well, I can stab myself with it and turn into a Sea Serpent for underwater travel, right?

>>Hammer of Mud Control
YES! I AM EARTH BENDER!

>>Otherworldly Eagle's Machine of the Elf's Working of Energy
....... Wait.. Hold on a second... What the crap does a machine made by eagles and elves do?

>>Sagely Elves' Mechanism of Fire Fields
I can explode fields into fire? My god. I am awesome.

So: apparently my battle strategy is to fly into the sky and explode the plains where my enemies are into a flaming inferno. I then animate mud golems to kill the survivors.
If they flee into the water to try and put themselves out? I turn into a sea serpent and kill them.

Come at me, bro.

>>14267196
It's a sling that causes ghost-bears to attack whatever the projectiles hit?

And the spikes let it double as a flail?

Diadem of Transform Invulnerability
>uh ok
Lost Fiery Flail
>found fiery flail
Otherworldly Massive Contraption of Silver Lances
>I'll take 3
Shoes of Sound Hand
>hand shoes?
Splendid Eagles' Tower Shield of Light
>splendid!

>Atal of Cruel Humans
What the hell is an Atal?

>Blowgun of Become Lady
Uh...

>Pill of the Calling of Terror and Anger
Berserker pills? SWEET!

>Savage Salve
MORE BERSERKER RAGE-INDUCING DRUGS.

>Sylvan Portable Breast Plate
Nice armor, I suppose.

I am the worst drug dealer ever.

Corrupt Arch-angel's Partisan
Gear of Silver
Infernal Instant Helm of Innocent Sinners
Ogre's Throwing Axe of the Glorified Charm of Control Air
Salve of Platinum Bolt

Good, bad, I'm the guy with a CURSED HELM FORGED FROM THE ETERNAL SCREAMING OF THE UNJUSTLY DAMNED!

>Great Angel's Lyre
"Lo, and the gods gifted upon him the Lyre once owned by their fallen champion"

>Throwing Axe of Voidness Shield
... My throwing Axe has a void shield? or it Generates one around me?

> Haunted Pin of the Gnome
a pin haunted by a gnome

>Broch of Ether Lance
MY BROCH IS THE BROCH THAT SHALL LANCE THE ETHER

>Elixir of Thought Rain
when taken, this Elixir causes the user's thoughts to take form and fall from the sky as if they were rain drops

>Coat of the Cat

This is a cat leather cloak. It menaces with cat leather spikes

>Contraption of Summon Dwarves

How I'll find the mountainhome

>Illuminated Dwarf's Sycthe

How I'll identify myself as one of them

>Shield of the Evil Joiner

How I'll join the tantrum spiral

>Strong Mace of Unknowable Health

How I'll be the only survivor


My adventure is set in DF world isn't it?

rolled 94 = 94

>>14267134

Plate Mail of the Arch-angels

Elemental Sycthe

crazed kraken barrel

Bracer of Humanoid Killing

Chameleon's Tool

>Dirk of Killers
>Hateful Goblins' Boomerang of Magma Hand
>Metallic Awl-pike
>Perfected Barbarian's Balm
>Shuriken of Fertility and Honor

Looks like an Assassin to me.
Got my Dirk for the quick kills, but when the going gets tough and the plan has been buggered, I can whip the crazy boomerang for a little distraction/ collateral damage, and shank the target with the awl if I had been disarmed.
The shuriken is for that little extra protection when you're romancing the target's wife to find out his secret safe combination.
The Perfected Barbarian Balm would be my ace in the hole. Kept in a small pouch against my skin. If captured, I would break the pouch, releasing the balm against my skin, triggering a barbarian rage effect giving me the strength I need to break free and make my escape.

>Bastard Sword of Frost Control
Sweet a badass sword.
>Bow of the Good Charm of Conjuration
Could be useful.
>Deathly Tower Shield of Final Flesh Gysers
FUCK YES!
>Massive Dagger
I wonder how massive.
>Sphere of the Fortuitous Monk
Awesome.

So I am a Fighter, cool.

>Ancestral Adamantine Axe of Blood Chain
Every word of this weapon drips win.
>Good Creators' Shoes of Blood and Victory
I will dance upon your heaped remains.
>Greater Glowing Mechanism
Oh, you thought the Lesser Glowing Mechanism hit hard? Motherfucker, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
>Imperial Animated Banded Mail
I don't even wear it; it just hangs out around me.
>Sword of Platinum Shields
My weapons were designed my Xzibit, apparently.

Crushers' Medication of Diamond Gyser
Cutlass of the Sigil of Specter Calling
Embossed Throwing Knife of Golem Control
Lyre of the Haunt
Sphere of Demonic Viciousness Arrows

I'm a ranger type, though I indulge in a bit of haunting music every now and then. Golems are my bitches, spectres help me out, and my arrows are FREAKING BADASS.

Blessed Spirits' Axe of Good Sphere
Heavenly Vipers' Cutlass of the Glamour of Forge Gems
Imperial Screaming Plate Mail
Lute of the Incatation of Healing
Ultimate Throwing Knife

I could take or leave my axe, my cutlass, and my lute, but my armour screams FOR THE EMPRAH and noone beats my knife.

>Make fifty ego back ups and five dormante alpha forks.

At least when I die, another me will get to keep up these suicidal quests...

>A rail assault rifle and 300 spare rounds.

I'm not going to have to fight TITAN machines, am I?

>A synth (android) morph with a really good synth mask and reflex boosters.

I will get the goods of being in a synth morph without the bio morph haters gonna hate.

>A really good firewall.

Because I don't trust that cyberbrains defenses alone.

>Emergency farcaster.

I know that I am not immortal. I know too that my "uploading and transfers," involved the death of past me's. At least with this, there will be a up to date me.

Alight! Ready for the Pandora gate motherfuckers!

Banded Mail of the Caring Sea Serpent

Infernal Wolf's Automaton

Arch-angel's Awl-pike of Fertility Transformation<--WTF?

Builder's Sphere of the Berserker

Salve of Dust Bolt

>>14270931
I don't think you get the thread.

Angels' Device
Celestial Adamantine Medicine of the Conjuration of Specter Summoning (gogo tautology!)
Glorious Spectres' Blowgun of Ether
Gray Mechanism
Unknowable Flaming Elixir

I am all about the spectres and sometimes the angels. Bitches don't know 'bout my mechanism and my flaming elixir and, frankly, neither do I.

>Celestial Bola
>Hellish Killers' Mandolin
>Leather Armor of Control Speaker
>Screaming Fighters' Vest of Final Ghosts
>Screaming Two-handed Sword

Looks like I'm going to be playing a chaotic evil bard with a hat endowed with the power of gods. Bring it on.

>Infamous Masters' Plate Mail
What, this plate mail? Yeah, I got it from some dudes. You'd probably know who they were if I told you, but I try not to mention them. People get weird.
>Monstrous Electrical Machine of Happiness
What, this box? Oh, you press these buttons and it does stuff. Fun stuff. You, uh, don't want to press THAT button, though.
>Rugged Partisan
Me and this lance, we've been through so much shit. You can't even imagine what this lance has been in, around, and through. I mean, hell, even I don't know what all has happened to this lance. Let's just say if you can imagine something that could be killed, this lance has probably killed it.
>Shuriken of the Witchery of Blinding
Sometimes people get all wise on me. They're all like, "ooh, look at me, I'm casting spells like an enormous faggot!" Then I whip out this guy and they're all like, "oh god my eyes what did you do to me".
>Trident of the Drunken Victor
What? Oh, that thing? Well, I don't like to use it except in emergencies. Let's just say it's why I always carry an emergency supply of alcohol. Juuuuuust in case.

Damned Dancing Drum
Divine Ghosts' Shield
Quilted Armor of the Crafter
Sagely Healers' Coat
Thinkers' Hammer of Blasphemous Ooze

I'd say I'm pretty well set

>Unspeakable Medicine
That sounds like a painful cure.
>Disrupting Shooting Breast Plate
My shots cause distraction when I wear this while firing.
>Evil Amazons' Crossbow
Is it an Evil Crossbow that the Amazons possessed or a Crossbow possessed by Amazons that are evil?
>Past Howling Cone of Light Shields
An ancient semi-conical horn that summons shields.
>Sea Serpent's Arrow
Arrow with Sea Serpent properties? Maybe it allows a bow to work under water, and/or has poison?

It seems I am a crossbow using killer of some sort.

>Gurps
*A copy of my Grimoire with my master lightning spell (spell swing=15) and random illusion spells.
*Eight 4 oz knifes to be used with my Telekinesis (psichokinesis=20, telekinesis=15).
*A sac of pebbles.
*A staff which is more like a weak walking stick than a staff.
*Tatty robes and miss-matching shoes.

How well do you think I will make it through this quest /tg/?

Balm of Bear Summoning
So i can summon bears, Obviously

Cowardly Eaters' Tower Shield of the Worldly Rune of Crystal
???

Intelligent Dragons' Sword
My sword was crafted by an ancient race of highly intelligent dragons

Rulers' Arrow of Transform Health
Transforms enemy into a different creature dependant on how much health they have.

Vorpal Lute of Frost Net
A badass lute which entangles and freezes

>Aquatic Blowgun
I guess it's a blowgun that shoots darts accurately and at normal velocity, but only underwater?
>Belt of Acid Breaths
Fuck yeah, grants me the breath weapon of a Copper Dragon
>Crazed Caster's Buckler
Uh... a shield that grants a bonus to casting, or defensive casting?
>Drum of Bear Seeking
A drum that gives a natural 20 on any Track skills made to track bears.
>Orb of Force Geysers
An orb that creates vertical pillars of water, except the water is pure force.

Bodily Partisan
Cudgel of Become Drake
Demonic Archmagi' Throwing Knife of the Undead's Exorcism of Magic
Giant Sandals
Spiritual Gothic Salve of the Rune of Alter Tiaras

I shall be a wandering tiara repairman searching for the king's true love, a woman whose feet fit in the sandals. I've also got some sweet weapons

Apparatus of Stone Circle
An unusual apparatus made of stone. In a circle.

Arch-angel's Pipes of the Cunning Spectre's Charm of Lineage
I dont even need to justify this.

Glorified Yellow Ointment of Ruthlessness Rain
Holy ointment composed of rain infected with yellow fever

Glowing Cube of Sapphire and Compassion
A mystical blend of both raw emotion and beautiful gem some how resulting in a tacky piece of junk

Studious Triton's Arrow of Bone Auras
The best arrows ever.

>Amulet of Arch-angel Seduction
Allows the wearer to seduce Arch-angels, duh
>Foul Golden Sword
Bad smelling but good looking decorative sword
Good Animated Bow of Good Clouds
>Good Aligned sentient bow from the sky kingdom
Necromancer's Lyre of Leaders
>Summons skeletons and inspires undead
Scimtar of Dust Conjuration
>Scimtar that summons dust torndaoes when swung.

This sounds like a fun game

Fine Diadem of Aquatic Cleverness Circle
>my fluid needs are increased, but I'm extremely cunning
Ghostly Leather Armor of Water Arrows
>never run out of arrows, phasing
Haunted Titans' Voluge of Otherworldly Health Zone
>shitload of health
Unknowable Axe of the Rune of Dust Control
>totem to control dust that no one ever knows I have
Warhammer of Disruption and Serenity
>when I hit you, your body is disrupted and your mind cleansed

pretty hot shit.

>Future Sharp Salve of Frost Deflection
not sure bout this one
>Mystical Drake's Partisan of the Drunken Tritons' Evocation of Dexterity
super sweet magic water dragon spear

>Sadistic Berserker's Bola
sweet they cant run away from fighting me

>Sea Serpents' Greaves of Deflect Mana
sweet i can deflect mana

>Thunderous Armguard of the Cat
i think it produces thunder when i am attacked and
gives me cat like reflexes

i think im a dex based sea dragoon

Overall i fucking rock i will kick all adventures asses

>>14270463

This post literally made me "lol"

Thank you anon.

>Crushers' War-axe of Bone Rains
Axe that can summon razor sharp bone fragments from on high.
>Haunted Bar of Conjure Platinum
It's a short rod that can dispense small pieces of platinum but only if the ghost within is appeased.
>Heavenly Clear Buckler
Almost-Invisible shield that's light as air
>Knife of the Lesser Hex of Hypnotise Monk
Instead of stabbing I can convince Holy-men of minor illusions.
>Two-handed Sword of Future Benevolence
Sword that heals later?

>Blue Gear
Apparently all of my equipment is blue.
>Dagger of Ice Transformation
Either my dagger transforms you to ice, or it is capable of transforming ice into pleasing shapes. Hard to say which is better.
>Medicine of the Good Traveller
I will share my healing with all in need.
>Red Potion of Spirit Negation
Phantoms and ghosts, beware!
White Flail of Sludge
This just sounds messy. And slightly obscene.

>Buckler of the Casting of Good and Brilliance

I'm not sure if this makes me smarter, or goody-two-shoes, or both. Or maybe it just blinds people with its holy light?

>Dire Wolves' Saber

Okay, now we're talking. A saber that summons dire wolves, I guess.

>Endless Tower Shield of Haunted Caring

WTF? An Endless Tower Shield? I guess that means it's indestructible? And Haunted Caring? Sounds emo. I've got an indestructible emo shield. Wonderful.

>Endless Vorpal Mace of Stone Breath

Vorpal ...mace? Iunno. But it also is endless. And it breathes ... stones. Good if I face a stone golem, I guess.

>Wise Archmagi' Earrings

I will pierce my ears now with this letter opener if it makes me into a wise archmagus. This one is worth it.

>Brew of Sludge Wall
I pour this revolting brew on the ground and it bubbles up into a wall of thick sludge. It'll probably dry up in the sun, I'll need to remember to brew up a fresh supply from time to time, and... well, surrounding a camp with it might not be pleasant, but very useful.

>Deathly Divinities' Cutlass of the Divine Beater
Having came from a deathly divinity, it's guaranteed to inflict mortal wounds - if I don't manage to kill someone during battle, they'll die from the festering injury afterwards. This particular divinity is pleased by messy killings, so the cutlass has a nasty mace-like pommel to beat people to death with.

>Swimmers' Leather Armor of Platinum Conjuration
Looks a bit like a vintage diving suit. It's leather, but becomes platinum when I perform the correct spell. It's also supernaturally light, and the helmet can become sealed - there's an air tank on the back. Very useful for crossing water, but it's also handy for noxious enviroments.

>Unspeakable Bar of Muck Walls
Striking a wall with this crowbar causes a section of the wall to rot into unspeakable filthy muck. Handy to have that sealable armour to wade though it.

>Wonderful Insect's Greaves
Insects fly so these greaves, made from the carapace of an enchanted bug, provide limited flight. Probably not as resilient as metal greaves, but the spiky look is quite cool.

I can see my class as being some sort of steampunkish devotee of a disease/decay god.

>Charm of the Minor Divination of Water
So...wait, I can tell the future of water? Well, that might be useful when we get to the Water Temple, buuut...

>Doomed Gnomes' Voluge
...Right, so I'm not a bard...

>Evil Rapier of Benevolence
I'll put that right next to my Infernal Gun of Charity.

>Forbidden Crossbow
Inscribed within are these words in Elvish: He whom uses this crossbow shall be b& for three days...

>Happy Wanderers' Scythe
So, I am supposed to use it on contented travelers, or do I in turn become appeased by having it as I move from place to place...

I can't help but think I bought all of these things from a Chinese couple at a flea market.

>>Charismatic Monks' Necklace
A necklace from a small order of monks, who eagerly serve to help others. Wearing this makes people a little more trusting of you.
>>Red Harpoon
This spear on an elastic loop is red. A little flashy, but nothing special.
>>Ring of Lightning Storms
Sah-weeeeet. nothing like summoning lightning to turn a battle in your favour.
>>Ruthless Snakes' Drink
Surprise! It's poison!
>>Tower Shield of Fire and Thorns
A massive barbed shield that in battle bursts into flames, dealing minor fire damage to anyone who attacks from melee range.

>Blowgun of Ether Rings
A tiny blowgun with nearly invisible barrel extension rings and clamp rings on the side.
>Imperial Lyre
A Lyre from the Imperial palace, absolute top-notch
>Moccasins of the Curse of Negate Cursing
A curse that prevents swearing?
>Pants of the Crazed Consumers' Chant of Air
I can increase greed.
>Scintillating Pipes
Pan Pipes that can conjure colorful illusions
.
>Royal Victor's Pants of Slime Gushes
AWH YEA

>Sling of the Evocation of Defile Rations
Turns apples into blasphemous projectile weapons.
>Wise Caretaker's Flute of the Sigil of Curse Swords
Prevents weapons in the area around the player
Bar of Blur Transformation
I can transform into a blurry critter.
>Kingly Sharp Anklet
Stabby ankle thingy?

Bola of the Lizards' Conjuration of Breathing
Eagle's Bar of Lightning Chains
Endless Archmagi's Buckler of Thawing and Kindness
Otherworldly Necromancer's Bar
Studious Wyrms' Claymore of the Hateful Dragons' Sorcery of Good

Damn, I'll probably just use that sword. It's got two dragons, good, and hate imbued within it. How can I go wrong?

>>14271123

You're going to be the hilarious hobo psychic mage!

>Claymore of Archangel Seduction
"Hey baby, wanna see my bonus with two-handed weapons?" Yeah, okay, Archangels probably won't show up that often, but hey at least it's still a claymore.
>Happy Eagle's Chakram
It makes eagles happy? That's cool, I guess. He could perch on my wrist like a boss.
>Intelligent Humans' Balm of Darkness Alteration
I like how they had to specify that it's for Intelligent humans. But yeah, Darkness Alteration sounds fucking useful.
>Saintly Golden Ring Mail
Dude, I have holy stuff out the ass. Undead and demons better watch the fuck out.
>Savage Arch-angel's Anklet
Must have nabbed this off one of my Archangel bitches while they were sleeping.


All in all, pretty useful, pretty well-rounded. Now if only I wasn't a weak-as-fuck wizard who has no use for ring mail or a claymore sword.

>Anklet of Spirit Absorbtion
I assume it lets me absorb outsiders. Sounds useful.

>Glammered Belt
Apparently I'm a flaming homo.

>Lotion of Mystical Dwarves
A flaming homo whose out for dwarves

>Partisan of Transform Etherealness
So I can hide in my anklet.

>Shoes of Lightning Chain
Apparently I have shoes made of chain. And that chain is made of lightning. Now I can kick your ass electric bugalo style

>>Sinner's Bracelet of Silver Nets
What the shit?
>Happy Traitors' Club of Splendid Magic
SPELLAN AND SMACKAN
>Pyramid of Fine Wyrms
I'm a goddamn dragon pharaoh
>Screaming Goddesses' Blowgun
Fucking SKINKS!
>Chaotic Utensil
BEWARE THIS SPORK! FOR IT COMES FROM A REALM OF UNTOLD HORRORS!

>Armguard of Archmagi Slaying
I think it only works if there is more than one archmage to kill.

>Infernal Living Sword of Abyssimal Slyness Disks
Don't understand a single fucking word this thing says. I don't know what the hell those disk thingies are supposed to do but fucked if I'm going to touch one.

>Ghostly Runed Mace of the Undead
I found it in the belly of an ogre. Shit, man, don't ask me.

>Glowing Warhammer
Different ogre. I think they were related or something.

>Sacred Meteoric Armguard
I commissioned this while I was drunk and it turned out to be pretty cool. Lich archmages talk in scared whispers about my arms.

>Intelligent Golem's Javelin of the Infamous Undead
I won this as a prize at some tournament thing and never got around to taking it out of the box. I don't think I ever will because that was over a year ago, and it sounds pretty pissed.

>Fortuitous Red Pipes of the Witchery of Control Heat
It is seriously the most amazing bong I've ever used in my entire life. It always smells like new car and it's eternally full of ice cold water that remains absolutely pristine.

>Apparatus of Diamond Hail
Makes it hail diamonds? Or hail that really fucking hurts? Supar weather controller? Perhaps I can rain (hail) down destruction on pissant little villages unless they do what I want.

>Dancing Throwing Knife
Always good to have a guard dog.

>Dirk of Magma
I see cauterized, cut throats. Awesome

>Joiners' Sitar
Oh, I see now, I'm a bard. My enchanted lute charms and befriends people to my cause. Which may or may not be wanton destruction.

>Wonderful Lyre of Earth Field
No clue. Sounds like a hippie's wet dream, though. I'm going to claim I killed a high-level druid and took her stupid harp.

>Accursed Greaves of Hunger Wall
Said to have belonged to a dread necromancer who would cannibalize others to absorb their spirits.
>Insane Felines' Hatchet
This axe is made out of 100% organic cat
>Keen Trident of the Archer
We're going to need a bigger bow
>Quilted Armor of the Clever Golem
If he was so cleaver he'd still have his armor
>Royal Archmagi's Philter
Hell if I know what it does but it's magical and he's not getting it back

>Instant Sphere of Snake Seduction
No, don't take it off the mantle, please. I met my wife with it, but I don't need it anymore because she loves me for who I am, and using it now just makes her go into heat. Seriously, don't fucking touch it, my ribs still hurt from the last time someone fucked with it.

>Holy Silencer's Drink
Holy Silencer is a famous bard with cleric levels. His energy drink glows with an unearthly light and tastes like passion fruit. It'll serve me well on my quest.

>Serene Serpents' Axe of Assailing Alteration
It was, uh... it was a wedding gift from her parents. I'm still not sure if it's a threat or not. Good axe, though.

>Chakram of the Hex of Absorbs Strangulation
This one was from her grandfather. Wraps around the neck of whatever it hits and leeches the life right out of them.

>Portable Tower Shield of the Sylvan Ghost
Eh, my dad's a, uh... he's a bard. I think I'm his 47th kid or something. So this sort of thing with my wife... it runs in the family. He also has a very large network of uh, friends, and he called in a favor or two for this bitching shield. Thanks, dad.

So basically I'm a human fighter with a snake waifu. Sounds good.

>Crazed Berserkers' Crown
I am the king of Berserkers!
>Glorified Meteoric Hatchet of the Eagle
Some kind of awesome throwing axe for when assholes don't face me in melee obviously.
>Hatchet of Titan Slaying
Well titans are kind of assholes, having an axe for that is going to be handy.
>Mystical Glammered Mechanism of Summon Barbarian
Fuck yes, I can summon my warband anywhere I may go.
>Sycthe of Bronze Sphere
Wait, isn't that the same shit that The Nameless One uses? I have that but as a weapon!? Holy hell this is the best Berserker Ever!

>Cunning Drake's Greaves
The greaves of 'Cunning Drake' the most cunning person since Oxford professor of cunning resigned from his position in what was to be known as the most cunning plan to acquire wealth ever conceived.

>Infernal Elves' Pendant
Blast those infernal elves. Still, they make nice pendants

>Pin of Diamond Cloud
The most treasured artefact the guild of seamstresses held. Till I took it.

>Sphere of Force Beams
Really now. Not the most subtle of items. Suppose I should put it on the end of a staff, wear a large collared cape and grow a goatee before shooting it off at peasants whilst laughing maniacally.

>Villainous Destroyers' Tool
I have a villainous destroyers' "Tool". There's always a rude joke somewhere. Not sure what I would need it for. Perhaps scaring young girls.

>Crazed Dwarves' Awl-pike
A fine weapon. Not much to say.

>Contraption of the Undead
I didn't know the undead had the intelligence to make devices, and I don't know what this particular one does, but... it might prove to be useful.

>Flail of Summon Amazons
A fine weapon and a summoning spell for the price of one!

>Helmet of Great Exorcism of Conjuration
Hm. Should come in handy against mages.

>Leather Armor of Spirit Zone
Depending on what exactly the spirit zone is, it might be very useful or very problematic.

>Blasphemous Warhammer
BLASPHEMY!
Jokes aside, it will probably prove to be a good weapon.

>Chain Mail of Call Amazon
Chainmail = good
Chainmail that can call goddamn Amazons to my aid = holy shit

>Disrupting Electrical Shield
At first, I thought it was a shield that disrupts electricity. Then I realized it is an electrical shield that disrupts. Something. Hopefully spells.
It will be useful.

>Pants of Breakers
I'm not sure who the Breakers are or were, but them pants sure are comfy.

>Sylvan Defender's Medication
I'm not a sylvan, and I'm not defending anything, but the medicine might just happen to save my life at some point. Alternatively, a sick sylvan might guard some place or other.

>Bracer of Ruby

A bracer made out of ruby. I guess it is valuable.

>Happy Beaters' Gear of Sylvan Benevolence

Special gear to help me masturbate. Just what I need.

>Howling Hammer

A hammer that howls loudly when swung.

>Lizards' Gauntlet

Protective gauntlets, but are probably itchy.

>Monstrous Rugged Brew

I guess it is to be used with my Happy Beaters' gear.

>Blue Tower Shield of Dexterity
So, my brother got me this blue tower shield, and it doesn't hamper my mobility. Pretty cool.
>Demonic Quarrel
Granddad found it on one of his adventures. There was a matching crossbow, but he and his companions thought it was a good idea to keep them apart.
>Evil Meteoric Gauntlet of the Charismatic Serpent
This one I took myself, from a serpent-cult leader. It makes me all dark and brooding, so my friends don't let me wear it. Still, the bard reckons it's forged from meteoric iron, which is probably why it holds an enchantment so well.
>Pill of the Messiah
Supposedly this will turn the swallower into the saviour of the world. I'm saving it for when something really nasty.
>Royal Ogre's Quilted Armor of Seek Snakes
You have no idea how badly this smells. It's also about five times too big. Seriously, it's like a tent was rolled in sweat and horse shit for days that guides you to the nearest snake.

> Celestial Vorpal Harpoon
FUCK YES LOPPING OFF HEADS

> Courageous Bears' Cube of the Ethereal Dragon
Gotta be honest, I have no idea what the fuck this thing does.

> Humanoid's Brew
Fuck you, it helps me relax. You try facing the hordes of hell every day without a goddamn drink now and then.

> Monstrous Spectres' Hauberk of Arch-angel Slaying
I can't even fucking wear this thing. Tell me why I'm hauling the goddamn thing around again?

> War-axe of Time Chains
Controlling the personal time frame of whatever I hit with it is great- it's basically a one-hit kill on anything that ages because I can accelerate its aging to the point that it's dead of old in a couple seconds. I can also slow them down to the point of being immobile if I want them a live. More useful than the harpoon, but I like the harpoon better.

>Abyssimal Gray Machine of Fine Crystal
...Abyssimal? That aside, I'm not sure a machine made out of crystal is a good choice for an adventurer. Of course said crystal might be extremely durable and shatter-proof, so what the hell. I'll take it.

>Contraption of the Haunted Wanderers' Conjuration of Misfortune
...so I have a thingie that causes bad luck. Alright, I can roll with that.

>Glorified Pants
Not as good as they are made out to be.

>Mystic Crafters' Draught
Good thing to have if I ever decide to make myself a magic item.

>Ultimate Orb
Why am I going on this quest, anyway? Seems I already have the potential objective.

>Coat of Terror and Family
once per day, summon my mother to nag my enemies to death within a 3-square burst... Will save DC 25 for half damage

>Bow of the Celestial Sigil of Slay Humanoid
Fuck you, Orlando Bloom!

>Green Orb of Stealth and Intelligence
I'll be a better ninja than half the cast of Naruto will ever be.

>Ancestral Evoker's Moccasins of Cursing Absorbtion
I just need a Scroll of Detect Niggers and it'll be all cool.

>Illuminated Giant Tower Shield
I can totally use this as a mount, you guys!

>>Unjust Spirits' Knife
Well, that is a bit... evil
>>Arrow of Call Wyrm
This one will be fun to use!
>>Cloak of Hypnotise Casters
Definately going to be useful for taking care of those pesky sorcerors.
>>Bracelet of Demonic Barbarism
Starting to think that I might be the BBEG..
>>Royal Glowing Banded Mail of the Sorcery of Death
Yeah, im the BBEG.

>Box of Angry Arch-angels
Dude... I mean... duuuuuuuuude.
Bitchin'

>Exalted Draught
I have draught in a bottle, so countries fear me, lest I ruin their crops forever.

>Immovable Box
I left this at home. It came with the box of angels, but I couldn't move it.
One day I will unlock its secrets.

>Kingly Quester's Codex
So, I am a kingly quester with my very own codex? I am a paladin king with a quest and a box of angels to serve my new kingdom!

>Unjust Titans' Pyramid
The titansl have granted me a pyramid, but they are unjust so I won't use it until I earn it. Then it shall be my home.

Deathly Animated Shield

It moves... barely.

Intelligent Krakens' Vest of Magic Absorbtion

Wonderful. Maybe I can use it as a tarp for my gear.

Ogres' Greaves of Muck Sphere

Ew.

Sword of Crystal Balls

Those seers are gonna be pissed when they see what i did with their gifts.

War-axe of Mud

Wow.

So prediction and mud-slinging. Freelance reporter saves the day from overweight monstrosities of madness.

>Accursed Scythe of Truth Transformation
This seems pretty magical, a cursed scythe that transforms truth. So I can create truth, thereby changing the past with it. Nice. Shame about the curse.

>Blasphemous Creators' Partisan
A partisan created by a blasphemer. I'm not one to judge a person's beliefs, but it's a useful polearm.

>Cudgel of Crystal Blasts
It's a magical club which hits with a crystal blast. Sharp glass shards for that extra bit of lethality.

>Glammered Gown of Fire Lances
What a pretty piece of clothing. Which magically grants the wearer lanced imbued with fire magic.

>Serene Cat's Breast Plate
In case I acquire a cat and train it for battle?

>Ancestral Thundering Breast Plate
Not too heavy, not to light. Lets me bring pride to my family name while filling all that stand in my way with dread. Just the way I like it.
>Moccasins of the Accursed Dreamer
Gravity? Fuck it. I make my own goddamn gravity bitch!
>Pipes of Elves
I don't play much, but its good enough to send out a call for help or to fake back up.
>Sword of Gold Web
For when I need to use steal or fight in tight spaces. Sure it looks like a wall flower, but a little flash cam go a long way. That and I love pissing off the drow I stole it from.
>Unknowable Howling Voluge of the Rite of Sound
Shock and awe baby! Between my armor and this baby I can break even the most steadfast of ranks. Even I'm a little scared of her, but when I need to bring the noise I can sound like a fucking army charging in, and everyone learns that they do not pursue.

Accursed Meteoric Mattock of Perfected Ice
Ancestral Destroyers' Mace
Aquatic Archers' Boomerang
Barbaric Crusader's Earrings
Glaive of the Glorified Rite of Summon Golem

Let's rock.

>>14273227
>I have draught in a bottle

That is where one usually finds a draught. Although, sometimes you will also find them in mugs or glasses.

>Warhammer of Frost and Timelessness
Wow. Sounds awesome!
>Otherworldy Utensil
I guess I can make cuisine that's out of this world.
>Harp of Frost Control
Sure is a lot of frost.:S
>Buckler of the Joiner's Conjuration of magic
whatthefuckamireading.jpg
>Ancestral Spear
Sounds badass enough.

>Thunderous Atal of Bone Disks
Sounds pretty cool. I'm thinking, razor edged bone disks that I can propel at such force they can cut through swathes of tightly-packed, weak-armoured enemies.
>Arch-angels' War-axe
Choppity Chop.
>Drink of the Eternal Rune of Conjuration
Sounds trippy.
>Holy Icy Buckler
Meh.
>Screaming Nomads' Warhammer
DIE SCUM! *splat*

>>14273048
>> Courageous Bears' Cube of the Ethereal Dragon
>Gotta be honest, I have no idea what the fuck this thing does.
It is the Care Bear equivalent to the Cosmic Cube.

>Bears' Suit
>Spined Tiara of the Splendid Sigil of Silver
>Spiritual Bow of Conjure Spirit
>Undead's Buckler
>Unspeakable Immovable Automaton of Dwarves

So, I'm an archer drag-queen with a robot that doesn't actually move or talk, but was made by dwarves. My only question is that Bears' Suit. I didn't know they had football in D&D

>Cursed Spear of the Glamour of Compassion

I'm not quite sure what to make of this one.

>Giant Tower Shield of Platinum Storm

Whatever I'm facing, bring it the fuck on. This'll keep me safe.

>Kingly Bodily Buckler

Okay, I guess I have two shields. In case, I dunno, my shield of the platinum storm proves too big for hallways or something.

>Spectral Bears' Quarrel

This worries me. What is a ghost bear doing with a crossbow? And why do I only have the ammunition?

>Sturdy Breast Plate

Short, sweet, and to the point.

>Bullet of Demon Calling
kk a gun would be nice. Who knows.
>Demonic Earrings of Sapphire Ball
Another demon thingy.
>Ornate Harpsichord
I love Harpsichors, maybe demons too.
>Splendid Gauntlet of the Savage Charm of the Animated Gloves
HAHA, oh god I laughed.
>Wondrous Screamers' War-axe
And finally the demonic weapon.

I love this set.

>Chaotic Thunderous Dagger of Goblins
Goblins make the craziest shit!
>Corruptor's Voluge of Vipers
Probably a gift from my friend. <3 Just wearing it makes me think of him.
>Foul Mechanism
Probably the item that started my quest. I am the insane artificer. It's me.
>Glorious Necklace of Infamous Dreamers
And now I'm Nox.
>Tool of Desire Wall
Wait. I can make people desire walls...Or is this a tool that desires walls itself? Is it a wall made out of 'Tools of Desire'?

Either way, gay villainous artificer. I can dig it.

>Abyssimal Wolves' Device of the Cat's Lineage
>Barbaric Hearers' Leather Armor
>Chaotic Cudgel
>Distant Green Greaves
>Spiritual Healer's Belt of Barbarian Seduction

Where do I even begin. The cudgel's obviously my weapon, so I'm Chaotic. The rest seems to show that I am a healer with a fetish for big, burly barbarians...Nnnngh...

>Haunted Ogre's Shoes
The shoes of a haunted ogre? The shoes of an ogre that are now haunted? Do these even fit?

>Howling Pyramid
How the fuck am I going to carry this around? And what does it do besides scream?

>Living Ointment
Not sure I want my NeoSporin talking to me or deciding it wants to be somewhere besides my wounds.

>Ornate Warhammer of the Doomed Sorcery of Gender-reversal
Fuck yeah fuck yeah...wait...gender reversal? Mine or the target's? Why is the sorcery doomed; is it dying out? Fading? Ah well, it'll be good for trolling, trolling trolls, and fetish fuel.

>Ruthless Dreamers' Tiara
The tiara of someone who ruthlessly dreams?

You know what? I always get screwed on these.

>Cowardly Serpents' Warhammer of the Dragon
I'm worried about the cowardly prefix, otherwise my weapon is set up
>Divine Chain Mail of Fire Assault
Nice
>Glowing Ring
Less useful, but okay
>Perfect Immovable Shield
*clang* WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
>Spectral Gibberer's Gown of Honor Cloud
Dunno what it does, but sounds gook.

>Feline's Plate Mail
Alright kitty you are on point.

>Glorious Axe of the Abjuration of Transform Bone
i have no idea how this works but it looks choppy
>Undead's Automaton
yes minion carry my stuff.
>Undead's Machine
i hope this is some fashion of vehicle.
>Warhammer of the Charismatic Conjurer
so its like beer goggles in hammer form? sweet.

>Fine Lotion of the Fortuitous Spell of the Caring Eagles
what. the. fuck. what is this, a viral campaign by olay?
>Forbidden Eagles' Ring Mail of the Ancient Berserker
more eagles. at least i have armor. and moisturizer, this shit chafes...
>Future Hatchet
fuck your past hatchets, i have a future hatchet, all lasers and stuff
>Illuminated Yellow Bastard Sword of the Conjuration of Storage
welp, that the shelter and light dealt with. and the sword.
>Shield of the Fighter
as opposed to, say, shield of the non-combatant target.

>Animated Shoes of Marvelous Intelligence
Ehh...
>Club of Nondetection Alteration
It's K I'm detected all the time
>Demonic Adamantine Torc of Transform Romance
What is this i don't even
>Dirk of the Unspeakable Journeyman
...
>Fortuitous Bear's Mechanism
o.O

Ghostly Living Lotion of the Demon
Hopefully the demon is a succubus and makes the skin feel nice, otherwise it basically applies itself

Salve of the Illuminated Sorcery of Absorbs Flame
Useful for travelling in areas with fire attacks or very hot areas

Savage Bodily Balm
Possibly tribal medicine of some sort

Wonderful Gray Medication
Gray goo that probably cures any disease by transforming someone into an intelligent gelatinous cube

Wondrous Adamantine Pill of Flesh Touch
For that golem/warforged who always wanted to be a man

>>14273753
>>Demonic Adamantine Torc of Transform Romance
Well hello there~
>Fortuitous Bear's Mechanism
Care to 'assemble our mechanisms', as they say?

>Bear's Quilted Armor of Good Blast
>Blasphemous Longsword of Summon Gods
>Damned Creator's Brew
>Dirk of Family Assaults
>Mattock of Water Blast

mfw this sounds better than my current character's gear

Arrow of Copper Arrows
>Its an arrow...THAT SHOOT ARROWS. YES YES.
Breast Plate of the Working of Create Robes
>Communist Sweatshop Breastplate. Adorned with the image of a Roman Goddess and a "swish" I guess.
Clear Shield
>RIOT SHIELD
Necklace of Warning Absorbtion
>Life Alert: Every Senior Citizen should wear one.
Splendid Chameleons Necklace of the Divine Sorcery of Dust
>Got nothing. You got me.

Ancestral Climbers' Mace
(So I'm apparently of the mountain folk)
Evil Knight's Drum
(Why do I have this?)
Ghostly Pill
(Only the one? That's going to be a problem)
Holy Gray Hatchet
(How do I have a holy weapon and an evil artifact?)
Plate Mail of Magma Negation
(Hells yeah.)

>Banded Mail of Blood Absorbtion
Touch my armor. I dare you. I double dare you. I double dog dare you.
>Kingly Archmagi's Sitar
This is gonna rock.
>Mystical Burning Warhammer of Beaters
Sounds good, but which beaters? Must remember to clean.
>Two-handed Sword of Sound Beam
If only I had more arms...
>Worldly Electrical Medicine of Flesh Storms
That sounds incredibly painful.

>Agile Silencers' Throwing Knife of the Cruel Demon
sounds useful...
>Armguard of Ruby Beams
laser armguard? cool.
>Courageous Rulers' Banded Mail of Force Arrows
whatnow?
>Damned Ogres' Sphere of Vicious Beasts
Animal allies!
>Sacred Cutlass of the Abjuration of Negate Gold
and this does what exactly...

Some sort of spell-assasin

>Accursed Sea Serpents' Cube
Whoever touches it will be poisoned by a snake?

>Blessed Thundering Dirk of the Calling of Haunting
A holy dagger?

>Compassionate Amazons' Hatchet
Axing people with compassion?

>Cone of the Working of Become Ghost
This might be useful if I can turn back to normal.

>Trident of Gnome Killing
Yessss.gif

>Barbarian's Trident of the Invocation of Defile Knives
So a big ol' trident that let's me go berserk and... defiles knives? Mine or the enemy's? I'm pretty sure that makes the knives more dangerous.
>Deadly Embossed Arrow of the Royal Sigil of the Sturdy Knives
Only one arrow, but I guess it's more of a symbol than a weapon.
>Ghosts' Blowgun
I can now annoy ghosts.
>Humanoid's Lotion of the Exorcism of Worth and Courage
The lotion gets rid of worth and courage in the user. What the fuck. Is it possible to apply it to my weapons without getting on my self?
>Royal Envenomed Tiara
I have a girl crown. It is poisonous.

So the weapon least likely to screw me is the tiara. I need to somehow convince the people trying to kill me to wear it long enough for the poison to work.

I'm fucked.

>Adamantine Pendant of Glibness Absorbtion
Okay...so nobody can talk me into anything? Sweet.

>Elven Lord's Leather Armor
Well, it's from an Elven Lord, it MUST be good. Right?

>Haunted Sycthe of Fire Storms
Sounds actually quite awesome.

>Leaders' Dirk of Seduce Creators
What the hell is THIS?

>Vest of Holding Transformation
Wait...what can this Vest do? Transform me into something? Hold a Transformation Spell that transforms me once I don it?


Somehow I get the feeling that I'm in Exalted...

>Apparatus of the Divination of Triton Control
I must learn how to control a moon of Saturn...
>Balm of Sound and Cleverness
...by using clever words.
>Celestial Gothic Medication
Of course, this might be hampered because of odd lifestyle choices and/or drugs the moon partakes in.
>Elemental Icy Shirt of Power Transformation
The best way, therefore, to infiltrate myself is to become MR. COOL ICE himself.
>Lovers' Salve
This is where a good GM fades to black.

>Chakram of the Curse of Victory
Anyone I hit with this is cursed with victory. Masochism ahoy!
>Generous Gnome's Sling
Bullets turn to coin. So I'm a masochistic philanthropist?
>Ring of the Undead
Who can become undead.
>Saber of Wondrous Sadness Gysers
He sad. HE SAD.
>Strangler's War-axe
After the other stuff, this is just fine and dandy.

>>Celestial Dagger of Control Darkness
Rogue?
>>Device of the Incatation of Transform Tactics
AH something that transforms stuff? I hope?
>>Electrical Apparatus
Uhhh what?
>>Philter of the Unjust Hearer
Ghost Sound device?
>>Sacred Gnome's War-axe of Negate Stealth
Oh okay got it my job is to fuck up rogues.

Alright my quest is to kill 1,000 sneaky gits for being sneaky gits.

>Throwing Axe of Conjure Resurrection
Sounds fun and dangerous if misused.

>Ring Mail of Wind Chains
Sounds somewhat protective...but...not...wind chains?

>Cursed Feline's Hatchet
...Does the hatchet turn me into a cat person?! Fuck.

>Creator's Cube
It does everything

>Partisan of Wise Swimmers
So a trident that helps me swim faster and communicate with fish...Thanks for making me Aquaman (pic related)

>Atal of Summon Arch-angels
Fuck yes heavenly homies.
>Claymore of the Witchery of Performance Negation
And I can curse my enemies with erectile dysfunction! The true slayer of men.
>Keen Tool of Flesh Fields
Fucking drow.
>Sly Slayers' Harpsichord
I'm not entirely sure what it does but it sure is useful.
>Walkers' Elixir of Deflect Cursing
NO U

>Charm of Slay Constructors
Fuck you construction workers and artisans, I'm coming for your lives.
>Spear of Deflect Invisibility
So...anyone that tries to make me invisible, it just doesn't work.
>Serene Wanderer's Spear of the Just Viper
Snakes, snakes everywhere!
>Portable Shoes of Worldly Mud
Never ending muddy foot prints where ever I go, easy to track.
>Kraken's Device
Oh shit! RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Tower Shield of Clever Journeymen
Shield of the Haunted Humanoid
Shield of the Rite of Clairaudience Conjuration
Rugged Buckler of Deflect Heat
Icy Buckler of the Compassionate Priests' Glamour of Dexterity

>need a shield, anyone?

>>Helm of the Ghosts
A helm made of ghosts, serves no purpose beyond looking totally badass

>>Lesser War-axe
A good and dwarfy axe, no extra bells and whistles actually even a bit shitty.

>>Slayer's Sitar of Endless Force Lance
My sitar solos will not only melt faces, but they will be the sitar solos that pierce the heavens.

>>Splendid Yellow Awl-pike
Just to look flash really.

>>Tower Shield of Royal Insanity
A tower shield that leads one to believe they are the bastard heir to the throne while they are using the shield.

Ancient Keen Lotion
>Banded Mail of Lava and Corruption

This either protects against them, or is MADE from them. Either way, awesome.

>Claymore of Control Excellence

NOW I WILL NEVER SERVE POOR FOOD AGAIN

>Golem's Banded Mail

Worn by my trusty man-servant, Kebo.

>Ultimate Swimmers' Bracer of the Saints' Ritual of Generosity

I don't even

Accursed Meteoric Amulet of the Hex of Annihilate Traps
Exalted Purple Bracelet of the Cowardly Nomad's Casting of Motion
Hatchet of Slime Barriers
Screaming Spectres' Harp of Good Fish
Vorpal Bracelet

My God.. What a clusterfuck of wtf..

>Draught of Ooze Gushes
I turn into a sentient ooze when I drink it?
>Greaves of Perfection Deflection
I turn everyone strengths against themselves.
>Otherworldly Screaming Throwing Knife of Thought Arrows
wat
>Ring Mail of Air Rain
AIR, WIND AND STORM, HEED MY CALL.
>Sycthe of Slime Transformation
When I slice my foes they become poisoned and turns into oozes after 6 hours. The oozes are hell-bent on killing me for revenge.

>Angels' Cloak of Dust Transformation
Sounds like it could be useful.
>Blowgun of Past Dexterity
"Past" Dexterity?
>Cudgel of Conjure Magic
Nice.
>Greater Shoes
Sounds solid.
>Howling Ring of Control Leaders
F-FUCK YEAR

I'm set.

Hauberk of the Hellish Sorcery of the Spined Temples: when worn it causes all good religious figures to flee

Hellish Vorpal Boomerang of Slay Demon: sharp metal boomerang with a demon spirit bound to it, he enjoys decapitating people

Pyramid of the Hunter's Hex of Metal: a small pyramid that curses anything metallic put near it to rust even if this is not normally possible

Sandals of Great Desire: shoes that look so good on everything that you just want to screw them hard

Spectral Hatchet of Copper Circle: a ghostly hatchet with a religious symbol on the blade, not much else is known about this weapon

>Ethereal Vorpal Warhammer
It shall go "Snickersnack"

>Belt of Seduce Elf
Aw yeah.. up to my eyeballs in point-ear ass

>Giant Diadem of Summon Arch-Angel
The arch-angel ruins shit for me while I'm knockin' them elf girls two at a time.

>Invulnerable Coat of Bears
Oh holy shit... between the angel, the elf ass and my mace that goes "Snickersnack" this marks me as an honorary member of the Bear Calvary!

>Axe of Titans

Sounds pretty bad-ass.

>Hat of Control Crystal

Situational, but I can see this coming in handy, especially if it can target non-creature crystal.

>Infamous Corruptor's Knife of the Thinker

An assassin's knife? Paired with...

>Kingly Shooting Dirk

...a throwing knife? These two seem diametrically opposed to each other.

>Spined Leather Armor of Humans

It's wearer polymorphs into the form of a human! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>Blessed Thunderous Bracer of Archmagi Seduction

>Great Wyrm's Cube of the Benevolent Crafter

>Meteoric Tower Shield

>Saintly Barbarian's Plate Mail of Triton Killing

>Spectral Boots of Seduce Beasts

>>14267134
>Corrupt Queens' Bracer of Lava Blasts
sure it looks girly, but I can shoot lava like it ain't no thang

>Eternal Living Bracer of Alter Security
who needs skill ranks
>Gray Buckler of Sapphire Webs
Pretty
>Mystical Crown of Flesh Aura
This could be disturbing
>Sadistic Bears' War-axe of Light Blast
SHOOP-DA-WOOP!!!!

>Consumer's Bastard Sword
Ok, a weapon. Sounds like something that drains life from the user/victims.
>Distant Crafter's Hatchet of Ethereal Slyness Gush
Uhhh... ok? I guess I should've asked the merchant what the 'Gush' part actually does.
>Glorified Medication
I sure as hell am not going to hold my breath when it comes to this actually curing anything
>Perfected Hatchet of Kill Titans
Another hatchet. Dual Wield get!
>Savage Banded Mail
Your run-of-the-mill Armor.

3 weapons, generic armor and sugar pills branded as a panacea. Looks like I'm not gonna get very far.

Angry Barbarians' Sword of Intoxication Assault
Damned Human's Greaves of Good Clouds
Orb of the Incatation of Clean Masks
Ring of Conjure Light
Sturdy Shield

I'll be damned if this isn't the firmest fucking shield I have ever used.

>Burning Medicine of the Ritual of Absorbs Disruption
Probably going to save this for major BBEG fight.
A. Because I don't like the whole "burning" part
B. Because absorbing disruption is going to make me fucking hard to stop.
>Fish's Crown
I'll probably pawn this.
>Glaive of the Souls' Ritual of Ooze
Primary weapon. I assume this will lead to ooze girls somehow and I am OK with this
>Sphere of Sapphire Shields
Probably my primary defense.
>Vorpal Contraption
THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. Confirmed for personal fight winning macguffin. Will probably get used once the whole quest in one of those "shit... I'm out of ideas. If I'm gonna die I'm going to die knowing what the Vorpral Contraption actually does" moments.

Blessed Purple Glaive of Conjure Stone
Eternal Thundering Garment of Wind Shield
Instant Sword of Slime Chains
Splendid Vorpal Earrings
Unknowable King's Philter of the Chant of Alter Earth

>Splendid Vorpal Earrings
this won't possibly end badly

>Instant Sword of Slime Chains
Welp, time to retire. It's been fun!

Elf's Pill
Elf's Sandals
Infernal Shirt
Tonic of the Elven Witchery of the Clever Seer
Dire Humanoids' Pill of the Damned Dwarf

...am...am I a drug dealer?

>Bow of Blessed Mud Aura
Well I guess if the BBEG is in the swamp I'll pull a solid snake on the whole campaign,
>Cunning Drakes' Cloak of Haunting and Ruthlessness
Jesus this sounds so terrifying. Solid snake? More like Solid Snaking my fucking nightmares into the enemies.
>Elixir of the Greater Witchery of Diamond
Does this mean I can turn things into newts?
>Just Titans' Brew
When I have to absolutely kill every mother fucker in the room they can have a titan of mud and fear. I'll be fucking the solid snake cthulhu nightmare you never had.
>Scimtar of Absorbing Negation
I CAN PREVENT ANYTHING THAT PREVENTS ME FROM DOING THIS. FUCK YES.

>Bullet of Invisibility Alteration
One use, possible life saver. Sweet.

Envenomed Saber
Always handy

Machine of Magma Clouds
I win. Endgame. Boss beaten. Princess saved. Fuck yeah.

Marvelous Sea Serpent's Pipes of the Ogres'
Situationally, AWESOME

Evocation of Virtue
Useful

Vest of the Wyrms
Good armour

Bring it

> Dart of Sound and Viciousness
Alright, I have a vicious, sonic throwing weapon
> Draught of the Fortuitous Witchery of the Ornate Idols
Some sort of luck potion, may be situational based on what the idols help with?
> Celestial Giant Buckler
To me, a celestial shield
> Automaton of the Glorified Casting of Mud
And my very own Golem! Ok, pretty sure I'm going to kick some ass at this.
> Caring Defenders' War-axe of the Sea Serpent's Exorcism of Courage
Sounds very heroic. So I can stand with my golem, axe and shield in hand as we hold the line against our enemies. Because I can't let myself fail, for the sake of those who depend on me. The only question is, does the axe use my courage to exorcise spirits, or does it exorcise the courage from my enemies? Either way, sounds awesome.

>> Flaming Hatchet

So I have a weapon, which is pretty damn good. Yay!

>> Infamous Insect's Pants of Ruby Gyser

Insect's.. Pants? How do these even work, pray tell.

>> Lute of Illuminated Virtue Breaths

Okay, I have no idea what it does, but it does something. I suppose I have to learn to play lute to find out. This shall be my quest.

>> Quarrel of Slay Archmagi

This seems pretty handy. I wonder if liches qualify, because that would be superb. I need to find a crossbow to use this, or perhaps I could be a bad-ass battlebard and fire it with my lute.

>> Titan's Throwing Axe of Negate Sapphire

Sapphires begone!

>Courageous Joiners' Peripat of the Rune of Simplicity Transformation
I think I'll need about four different dictionaries before I figure out what this is for.
>Cowardly Drake's Belt of the Viper
Ok. Probably has a nice dodge bonus.
>Dirk of Ghosts
A weapon. Could've been better.
>Ethereal Gnome's Salve of Damned Wyrms
No idea what it does, but I'm sure it won't smell very good.
>Immovable Flail of the Vipers' Hex of Mud
A better weapon? Awesome! I'll just be on my way then--- Huh. That's weird... it won't budge.

>Archers' Plate Mail
Oh, not too weird.
>Illuminated Immovable Gauntlet of Control Vipers
*Somewere in a plane* SLAP! What the fuck was that? SNAKES ON DA MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!
>Monstrous Necklace
Oh... this means it is from a monster, is freaking big or is ugly as a minotaur ass?
>Sphere of Silencers
So.. im gonna have to push this down someone's throad so i can silence him? or how does this works?
>Strong Philter
Oh, good for internet i guess.

I would roll a merchant, because i would sell all this shit as fast as i could.

>Contraption of Gold Conjuration
sweet off to a good start infinite money

>Final Metallic Harpsichord of Alter Misfortune
i am guessing i can change one bad thing to another interesting

>Mechanism of the Insane Berserkers' Witchery of Warning
so insane berserkers warn me of witchery?

>Peripat of Kingly Happiness Bolts
i shoot bolts of pure concentrated joy....

>Tiara of Voidness Touch
and i have a tiara that causes a void when i touch things

a debauched bard who goes around using his items to get what and who he wants them gets rid of them once he is bored via voids?

>Animated Bow
Cool, so I can set it up and order it to fire, by it's self, I see many uses here.
>Dancing Cutlass
I imagine it would be like Gungnir, only a sword instead of a spear, this I thoroughly approve of.
>Hauberk of Control Animals
So long as I wear it I can controll any nearby animal, I see no fault in this, rounds up my character as a ranger type quite nicely in fact.
>Shoes of the Wondrous Spell of Gender-reversal
I-I-No comment.
>White Utensil
I don't know what this is, or how it works but it'll probably be the single most dangerous fucking item ever.

>>Chakram of Happy Canines
...
...
...that's a frisbee.

>>Foul Harpoon of the Humanoid

It's a harpoon... a smelly harpoon.
People-sized.

>>Humanoid's Tiara
Regular bling, eh?

>>Medicine of the Aquatic Witchery of Seduce Bear
Honestly? ...I'd rather not.

>>Potion of Ooze Hands
Eww.

>Destroyer's Flail of Lava and Infamy
Weapon? Fuck yeaaaar.

>Unspeakable Breast Plate of the Sacred Calling of the Keen Idols
Magical armor. I ain't gotta explain shit.

>Jagged Dart of the Innocent Insects' Illusion of Gold.
Secondary weapon?

>Dancer's Gauntlet.
More armor?

>Bastard Sword of Cold Field
Flail, Darts, AND a fuckhueg sword?

COME AT ME, BRO.

>Banded Mail of the Generous Arch-angel
>Dart of Benevolence Shields
LG armor set. Wait, I have dart shields? FUCK YES.
>Barbaric Undead's Pyramid
My lair.
>Bear's Atlatl
>Future Gnomes' Harpoon
I throw harpoons with an atlatl. A rather unique weapon, I guess. Plus, it's made for a bear, and I'm launching something that's likely got guidance systems embedded.

>Chaotic Necklace of Good Zone
This sounds like it activates randomly to generate a force field from evil
>Courageous Cats' Bullet of the Curse of Flame
Shoot a foe and he bursts into flames!
>Fish's Breast Plate of Levitation Negation
This keeps me from being launched into the air and falling to my death.
>Shoes of Kill Chameleons
These aid in killing those foes that spam invisibility.
>Spiritual Potion of the Villainous Dancer
Drink in combat and dodge your foes in style.

>>14275032
>Envenomed Rapier of Hateful Fletchers
Poisonous and made of unionizing workers
>Exceptional Massive Shoes
HONK! HONK!
>Immovable Tool
useless
>Savage Metallic Scimtar of Sylvan Beaters
FUCK YOU, ELVES!!!!!!!
>Villainous Wyrm's Cutlass
gotta be careful, he probably wants this back

>Dragons' Mace of Blood Deflection
Doesn't need to be cleaned, nice!

>Green Elixir
I guess just unlimited supply of Absinth?

>Green Philter
Another green... ok, I am lover, not fighter

>Pants of Flesh Assaults
Oh, I don't want to wear those, will use them to torture captured enemies

>Dancing Vest
Perform (dance) +20

>>14275068
>Dragon's Harpoon
God damn this thing is big.
>Fine Pyramid of the Infamous Kraken
Home base
>Golems' Flail of Doomed Ice
Useful against fire types
>Longsword of Sapphire Disks
When I swing it shoots sharp disks of Sapphire
>Past Insects' Shield
I have no idea what is magical about this, anyone else?

>>14275160
>Longsword of Sapphire Disks
>"When I swing it shoots sharp disks of Sapphire"

You know sapphire could also be a descriptor of a color. Blue discs that your sword hurls at your enemies, now where have I seen that.

>Awl-pike of Sludge Barriers
Shit
>Happy Spectres' Cube of Scent Negation
No more worry about sewers for me
>Infamous Haunts' Sandals
Sandals? Really?
>Atal of Sludge Bolt
Sludge bolt was super effective!
>Warhammer of the Evocation of Blood and History
Yes!

>Flail of Curing and Lust
A light flail that heals 1d6 damage to whomever it hits and causes uncontrollable lust for the next 1d10 hours
>Belt of Lava
Burn off fat. Literally.
>Shuriken of Mud
Damage as thrown mud, but with three times the range increment.
>Mechanism of Blood Gushes
Known to most people as a 'lathe'
>Eternal White Moccasins
Never dirty, never scuff, never wear after labor day

>>14275160
>Damned Chameleon's War-axe
This helps my blend in to make it more difficult to hit me.
Disrupting Clear Sling
Great against those pesky mages.
>Haunts' Boots of Sustenance and Kindness
There is little need to eat or rest when you wear these wonderful boots, they also help in gaining allies.
>Leather Armor of the Saint
Holy armour is great when fighting the undead, devils, or demons
>Sagely Dreamer's Hatchet of the Sylvan Rune of the Compassionate Barbarians
Umm... It lets me bash in enemy heads with compassion?

>construct of seduce dragon
...I have a wing man?
>Perfect Tower shield of the slayer
FUCK YEAH
>Blasphemous Voluge
okay
>Clever Arch-angel's Lute of Ruby Alteration
He had a reason for making this, a clever one too. I fail to seen his cunning.
>Clever Carver's Axe of the Sigil of Enlarge Grails
So, this axe was made to help defend the sigil that enlarges the holy grail?

>>14275336
>Bear's Plate Mail
With this comes the strength of a bear!
>Creators' Dagger of Voidness Gush
When activated this horrible weapon shoots forth a gush of void.
>Cube of the Foul Invocation of Sound
Can be used as a distraction.
>Howling Hatchet
The sound suprises people and causes cowering
>Lordly Ring Mail of Mud Storm
You got a bow and arrows? can't shoot me through this mud!

>Banes' Sphere of Conjure Ruby
I will always have money.
>Gnomes' Balm
The cure for anything that irritates you. Like gnomes.
>Intelligent Bane's Awl-pike of Magic Absorbtion
Bane was a cool dude. He knows just what is needed.
>Just Evokers' Medicine
Those who deserve healing, receive it.
>Metallic Pyramid
Camping is no problem. And I'll always have a fulcrum for a lever.

Crusader's Elixir
Banded Mail of the Glorious Invocation of Deflection
Ghost's Belt
Final Golden Hatchet of Sadism
Runed Two-handed Sword

Yeah, I got this

>Chain Mail of Demon Summoning
If I take a hit, I get free demonic back up.

>Cloak of the Exorcism of Death Control
A bane to Necromancers. What was taken from life and given to these foul casters again exchanges hands.

>Endless Mattock of the Illusion of Radiance
Not sure what a mattock is, but It's light is a nice contrast to my dark appearance so far.

>Greaves of Cowardly Undead
Starting to notice a theme here. I'm so evil that the undead fear me.

>Marvelous Lute of the Past Sorcery of Absorbtion
Come at me, holy mage. But be warned that whatever you may have in store only works once.

Thanks, OP. You've helped me create my next BBEG

Benevolent Goddess's Flute
> This allows me to play songs that make people... happy?
Evil Spear of Absorbs Sound
> Nevermind, can't hear songs due to evil spear.
Hatchet of Desire
> ... This cannot end well.
Seer's Earrings of the Perfect Wyrm
> These earrings allow me to... find this special Wyrm? Is this my quest? Do I just get weird hallucinations sometimes? These are terrible!
Unknowable Belt of the Hex of Darkness Conjuration
> So, I presume this belt is hexed to conjure darkness, probably when I don't want it. And if it's unknowable, does that mean that I don't know that it's summoning the darkness? Does that mean I don't know that I'm wearing it? Both?

My gear is terrible.

>Accursed Immovable Medicine of the Fortuitous Conjuration of Hiding
Huh, I guess it it some kind of medicine I take that makes me almost invisible but I can't move.
>Demonic Electrical Scimtar of Kindness Circles
A demonic weapon! Of Kindness Circles! I guess I am in some children's adventure cartoon.
>Dire Potion
I guess it makes me Dire?
>Elemental Burning Mattock
Sweet! A Mattock fire elemental
>Glorified Immovable Tiara
So I am awesome but can't move, or maybe other people can't move me?

You know, I think this is an Exalted game...

>>14275661
Doin' it again. First gear sucked.

>Clever Souls' Longsword of Dwarven Thought
A Dwarven artifact, said to increase the cunning of the user. It also increases their intelligence as that they now realize the superiority of Dwarven tunnelling and pastries.
>Messiah's Sphere
I'm not quite sure what this is or does, but it sounds amazing... or perhaps just a reason that tons of baddies want to kill me.
>Philter of Venom Storm
Fortunitely I have this love potion that also poisons them, so that I may make my enemies love me, and then die.
>Prismatic Boomerang of Hellish Gibberers
Presumably when this strikes a target, it fills their mind with the insane whisperings of a thousand daemons, driving them utterly insane and wanting to do anything to stop the maddened whispers.
>Spear of the Charismatic Cat
A great spear which makes everyone who sees you hold it hold you in higher regard, and want to rub your belly.

Armguard of the Damned Invocation of Absorbtion
.... i guess maybe it works like that thing from tank girl...and absorbs all the water in a person....

Healers' Helm of the Lesser Sorcery of Sludge
It's Nurgle priest time

Heavenly Undead's Moccasins of the Creator
Jesus slippers?

Splendid Wizards' Pendant
My opponents are mad, cause I'm styling on them.

Sycthe of Lava Assault
I'm ok with this.

>>14275509

>>14267134

Dire Corruptors' Warhammer

It's a warhammer, no worries.

Glorified Animal's Leather Armor of the Sorcery of Kill Eagles

...yeah

Spectral Casters' Partisan

how?

Sycthe of the Dragon

Don't like dragons, bin it or sell it.

War-axe of Forbidden Ruthlessness

Sounds more like it

>Banded Mail of Kindness Field
If I manage to put this on anyone they are instantly my friend
>Endless Dragon's Lyre of Transform Magic
Neat.
>Ghost's Drink of Nothing
THE MOST BRUTAL GIFT OF ALL
>Sturdy Hatchet of the Unholy Rite of Call Berserker
Goin crazy on deez mo'fuckers.
>Vicious Clerics' Gown
NUNS AND PRIESTS AND LITTLE BOYS OH MY!

>Deadly Green Spear
>Glorified Glimmering Blowgun of Spiritual Mud Hand
>Hateful Amazon's Gear
>Helm of the Generous Sea Serpent
>Spiritual Berserker's Cube

I see I got the jungle theme.

>Annihilators' Crossbow of the Caring Priestesses' Divination of Carnage
+hit +damage crossbow? Nice
>Clear War-axe of the Ghostly Calling of Negation
Sounds like a ghost touch anti-magic axe
>Demon's Gauntlet
BEHOLD MY TRUE POWAR!
>Savage Cube
This companion cube uses the axe to defeat my enemies
>Wise Canines' Tower Shield of Splendid Earth
This is what I use to keep people from just shooting me.

>Blessed Sturdy Shoes
Have you tried questing with blisters?
>Souls' Armguard of the Vicious Demons' Witchery of Ice
I have a feeling this will be overpowered.
Spectral Orb
Will have a great many uses.
Unspeakable Cloak of Chameleon Control
I can summon invisible spies to learn my secrets enemies.
White War-axe
better than an off colour white was axe i suppose...

I think i'll do all-right.

>>14267134

>>Annihilator's Sycthe
Chance on hit to completely remove the target from existence.

>>Disrupting Brew
A potion that when smashed releases a cloud of gas that confuses the mind if inhaled.

>>Giant Philter
A mask connect to a complex apparatus on your back that protects from harmful airborne substances by purifying the air.

>>Marvelous Bastard Sword of Sapphire
Pimpin' sword made out of gems. Might sell it for money since I have an awesome scythe.

>>Perfect Wyrms' Shield
A kite shield made from wyrms' skin, granting immunity to breath attacks.

Right, im sorted. Im some sort of reaper, with posion gas and in a plague doctor suit.

>Armguard of the Ogre

GRAAGH +4 STR

>Perfected Silencer's Mattock of Control Excellence

Diplomacy checks? FUCK YOU, +20 AGAINST MAGNIFICENT BASTARDS.

>Sacred Embossed Machine of the Lizard's Abjuration of Infamy

The lizards abjured some infamous creature. Said creature created a machine. The machine was embossed, blessed and held sacred. Now it is mine. Where i load bullets on it?

>Unspeakable Club

YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT CLUB FIGHT

>Warhammer of Caring

Who's a kawaii hammah? You'wa kawaii! Warhead shaped like a companion cube uguu~

Bullet of the Sacred Amazon
Crazed Victor's Buckler of Endless Sea Serpents
Cunning Soldier's Drum of Humans
Divine Dwarf's Helm
Spear of the Lizard

With my 2 hats, armor covered in sea serpents, spear, drum, and bullet necklace (ala Metro2033) I Sniper shall go on my quest to kill the elusive River Pyro!