Glue Witches are overpowered

I thought it was semen.

rolled 3, 6 = 9

Playing Legend of the Five Rings.All but one of the group have never played it before and I've never GMed it before so the first session, beyond setting up the story, is primarily a thinly disguised tutorial. Here is politics, here is how duelling works blah blah blah.

Anyway, there were two duelist characters. One is a Kakita and the other's a Mirumoto-trained Bayushi (the guy who knew the system)

Anyway, the introduce the Kakita to how duelling works, I put the bushi characters in a sporting duel for display to the court. Bokken instead of blades so no-one actually gets hurt beyond their pride and we all get to familiarise ourself with the mechanics.

Kakita is up first, duels a Yoritomo. I take the roll of the opponent and we go through the duel as normal. PC comes first but misses his attack rolls and gets bonked, but takes it sportingly. Next up comes the Bayushi, against a Matsu.

Except his player stops the game and refuses to go ahead with the duel. He says it's not fair for me to run combat because I know his character's stats and I'll play to win. Not wanting an argument, I gloss over the issue and let him just win and get on with the game.

After that session, he doesn't turn up again despite my efforts at stopping it being an issue. Everyone agreed his objection was stupid and we have a laugh behind his back every so often about me being some scheming Gygaxian monster when I'm usually pretty laid back as a GM.

I think he just didn't want to run the risk of me breaking his Mary Sue but whatever.

Oh fuck thats amazing. I HAVE to try to get one of my players to do that!

Playing Legend of the Five Rings.

I'm playing a Lion Clan Matsu.

Walking down a road we come across a group of bandits.

Bandits demand our valuables.

Friend tells me to say "The only thing you'll get from us are your deaths. Care to take them?" as I am the outspoken Lion.

So I say "The only thing you'll get from us is our deaths. Care to take them?"

Entire group bursts out laughing.

I /facedesk.

Dwarven barbarian decides to save the rest of his party after breaking his axe against the hide of the Rhemoraz by running up it's back and using a tanglefoot bag to glue his hands over it's eyes. This is after he's been informed that a broken weapon can still hurt a monster, especially with his prodigious power attack and strength bonuses. No, he'd much rather have the horrific amounts of burn damage and glue it's eyes shut so it was blind.

Never mind that it's an insectile creature with tremorsense.

I was playing a Stone Lord. The party had just been sent on a mission somewhere. It's been awhile since the game, so I can't remember all the specifics. All I know is that we were picked to fail and weren't supposed to make it back alive. This knowledge was uncovered about halfway through the mission. When we return, I decide to give the guy who sent us my 2 cents on the matter.

I tell me DM, "I calmly walk up (the guy that gave us the mission) and punch him in the face.

DM: Roll to hit.

I ended up rolling a 1. DM ruled that I swung wildly and fell face first in the dirt. Laughs were had by all as I hung my head in shame.

Playing Mekton Z.

We captured an enemy agent who we needed to get information from.

One of the players decides we should plant him in the same cell as a fellow enemy officer to try and get info from the bad guy.

We decide to let him go with it.

Once his character in the cell he says to the bad guy "So I hear you work for the enemy too."

The entire group /facepalms.

I as the GM ask him if that's exactly what he wants to say.

He says "yes."

His character gets knocked out with one punch from the enemy agent.

I once participated in a game where a player rolled and re-rolled his stats 17 times before settling on his stat bank. When asked why he wouldn't settle on a stat bank where he got an 8 and two very high numbers, he balked at "having to play some shitty idiot" character. Explaining that his lowest stat did not have to go into Intelligence was fruitless.

When he later bragged about his stats to us and I rebuffed him, he turned to me and said "It isn't my fault you can't roll for shit!"

The kicker: This was in RIFTS, where a 3 is not a worse stat than a 15. There are no penalties for low stats, or bonuses for high stats under 15. Multiple stat blocks with even one single digit number were re-rolled.

>>13598536
Roll to hit a guy who wasn't expecting to be punched? That's pretty harsh, man.

>>13598591
Agreed. If you were trying to kill him, that's one thing. But doing an action like that for plot reasons and character flavor shouldn't be something you have to roll for.

I remember once I decided to run a game of Shadowrun, and my friend Dave decided to play with us.

Because the rest of the group at the time were dicks, they let Dave die like 5 times in as many runs. In one case, they shot him for no reason at the end because splitting the reward five ways was easier than splitting it six.

So then Dave rolled Buster, a Troll in every sense of the word.

If irember correctly, no mental stat was higher than two, his edge was something like 12, he took max ratings in Gremlins, Judas, and Distinctive Style.

He was an adept speced for three things: Shooting, punching, and armory.

So the first run with the new group began. They were told to kill this one dude who was renting an office from a small Ares owned building in downtown Seattle. While everyone else was planning, Buster went to see a buddy of his who ran a bar just down the street from the hit.

The following occurred in game time.

>>13598945

7:00PM Buster decides to perform the hit himself, to gain the rest of the team's respect. He tells his friend Dimsdale (guy who had the bar) to paint him purple, on the logic "You never see da purple trolls anywheres. Dat's cus dey dead sneaky."

The rest of the team gets into the truck they were using for transport and head to the office building.

7:05 The main team hits a Burger King on the way in, finalizing plans. Buster Walks like 'Haters gonna hate' the two blocks to the office building.

7:06 The main team is now about 4 blocks away. Buster walks right across the lobby and into the elevator. Security is so shocked by the purple troll that they don't think to stop him.

7:10 buster pulls the Bass case (classic, not guitar) and reveals his unholy gun for the first time. This thing would be hard to describe, But it's like if an Uzi fucked a panther was the idea here.

7:15 The main team pulls up outside, and someone thinks to ask "Where the hell is Buster, anyway?"

Buster has left the elevator and marched into his target's room. Then he opened fire.

>>13598957

7:15:24 Enough high caliber HEAT rounds to take out a city master has just been pumped into a very surprised elf.

The party hears the gunfire and assumes that another group came for the same target, decide to lay low for the moment.

7:15:32 The alarms go off and Buster needs to get out. Out the Window.

7:15:58 Buster hits the ground next to the Truck, soaking all falling damage from the five story fall by exploding edge dice like a motherfucker.

The rest of the team realize what just happened as Buster tries to climb on the back of the Truck. They take off, and Buster is forced to hold onto the bumper and get dragged.

7:22 Buster is dismissed from the team, and he goes to a bar in the Ork underground to cry about it into a large drink.

7:24 the Knight Errant police have followed the giant purple streak Buster left on the group all the way back to their haven.

7:25 Everyone but Buster is dead.

At this point it's revealed that Buster has both erased and Lucky maxed. Nobody knows who he is.

It was at this point everyone but Dave face-palmed at what we thought was a brilliantly executed Troll maneuver. Turns out, he was just dicking around. 15 TPKs later over three campaigns, Buster is still used as a threat.

Best DERP goes to Phil, the CHUD who took max gremlins because his borderline cyber-zombie street sam needed 'bigger guns and a mono katana'

>>13598496
i don't get it.

>>13597432
>find bottle of unidentified liquid in kitchen under sink
>drink it

>>13598999
I think he meant "lives".
In which case the joke is that he's saying "YOU COULD TOTALLY KILL US".

>>13599063
>>13598999
Really guys?...


His group wanted him to suggest they would kill the bandits by the bandits receiving their own deaths.

Instead he said they'd receive the party's deaths.

>Party is traveling with an extremely derpy sorceress NPC who only casts spells on command
>All end up in a sheer crevasse, nobody can climb
>PC sorcerer, only character with Spellcraft: "Derpy, do you know Fly?"
>Derpy: "Nope"
>He leaves it at that and they decide to just wait there for rescue
>Two days go by
>Derpy: "I'm hungry"
>Derpy casts Spider Climb and climbs out
>Everyone's face

>>13597432
I guess you could technically call this a facepalm moment, and it happened just a few hours ago.

Playing Shadowrun, my team is in Cuba trying to recover a stolen case of orichalcum. Our first and only lead was an American talismonger named Mr. Malloy, and when we went to his store in Havana to kidnap him we ran into another team of runners and had a gunfight. It turns out that those runners were sent to kill Malloy, so we tricked him into thinking we were there to save him and brought him to a safehouse, then interrogated him to learn about the case.

Unfortunately he didn't remember anything other than the fact that he had handled the case at some point. We thought he was mindwiped, so we got a few really weak leads out of him about a fixer who may have sent the people that tried to kill him.

We found the fixer and shot his place up, and from him we learned about a Johnson who was involved with the missing case.

We found the Johnson on his private yacht, shot up the yacht, blew up a Cuban coast guard ship, chased the Johnson into international waters in minisubs, then finally managed to capture him. He told us that he tried to kill Malloy because he needed the password to get into a data lock in his head and recover the information inside it.

So then we called up Malloy to ask him if he could give us the password (he was a bit forgiving since we saved his life and let him leave the country). It turns out that he was behind everything, the Johnson was trying to steal information from him to take the case of orichalcum himself, and Malloy didn't remember because he had a data lock as well. He told us that if we wanted the case we could go see him in Africa.

Fortunately, we technically finished the job and will be payed.

>>13599090
But you can't take someone's death, the sentence makes no sense.

>>13599159

Sort of why it's a facepalm. He fucked up the line.

A couple weeks ago I was playing a game of 3.5 with my friends. We're using a 3rd-party splat that modifies it into a sort of fantasy/steampunk/Old West setting.

But anyway. The session starts out with us chasing a wagon of bank robbers back to their hideout, because the party wants to steal the money they stole.

We hop into a carriage and arrive at the entrance of an abandoned mine shaft just in time to see the robbers escaping inside with a cart full of gold.

Response of the player driving the party's carriage?

"I drive it in."

Handle Animal check? 22.

The four-horse carriage goes thundering into the mineshaft, which, by the way, is a little narrower than the carriage is. All the horses die. The carriage ends up crashing and wedged sideways in the middle of the mine. Two party members go into single-digit HP.

This player has a history of stupid decisions. We really shouldn't have let her drive.

The sovereign glue thing reminds me of the time one of my players killed a small group of goblins and on one of them found a vial of white sticky fluid and several documents. He got the bright idea to drink it right away, and then read the documents that detailed the allying of two goblin groups by impregnating the daughter of their leader with the seed of the son of the other clans' leader.

From that point on I called him Goblin Quaffer.

>>13598998
>7:24 the Knight Errant police have followed the giant purple streak Buster left on the group all the way back to their haven.

>7:25 Everyone but Buster is dead.

>At this point it's revealed that Buster has both erased and Lucky maxed. Nobody knows who he is.

This is genius.

>>13597432
GMing for a low tech homebrew fantasy based off DH rules.

Artificer who can make objects that manipulate the four elements (fire air water earth).

Asks if he and make a sword that shoots plasma
T-T why??
>because proned

>>13599280
You are a bastard.

>>13599348
Who sees a phial of mysterious white liquid and immediately drinks it?

That's how you end up... well... gluing your throat shut or drinking goblin semen.

me>
>>13599347
>Asks if he and make a
Asks if he can make a

Scuse the spelling :S

D&D. The party is trying to get my wizard to a magic seal in a zombie infested graveyard. There's too many of them to handle, so my wizard goes sneaking one way, while the fighter, the cleric and the paladin distract the bulk of the zombies. The ranger is there to provide cover fire for me, in case I run into something I can't handle. She tries to reach a vantage point by climbing a tree using her incredibly high acrobatics skill. Rolls a 1. Trips and smashes head first into the tree. Next round, she climbs it and tries to shoot a zombie from a branch. Rolls a 1. Drops her crossbow back to the ground.

We all facepalm. Our incredibly deadly ranger just can't manage to get her shit together.

My wizard, at this point, goes back to the tree, picks up the crossbow and hands it to the ranger. Ignoring the very important objective at hand just to make sure the ranger knows my eladrin wizard thinks of all elves as inferior and retarded.

>>13599665

>ha ha if u rol a 1 u fail at wot ever ur doin xD

Fucking god damn

I was playing Earthdawn a few years ago. My character was a sort of boatman who fought with a whip and sword.

While strolling down the streets one evening, I come across a dwarf. As soon as he spots me, he bolts. Figuring he's up to something, I tell the GM I trip him up with my whip. I roll as high as the heavens and manage to snag him easy.

I'm pretty sure he was up to something, so I tie him up and bring him to a guard. The guard looks over and tells me the dwarf is dead. Turns out the GM took my high roll to the letter and I ended up doing enough damage to cause the dwarf to bleed to death.

I tell the GM I only wanted to TRIP HIM, to which he said "Too late now." When I then ask him how my character failed to notice the HUGE TRAIL of blood the dwarf left, he shrugs and says "You never asked."

God, what an ass that GM was...

>>13599723
That's how my DM handles it. I've complained about it, but I don't have enough support from the rest of the group.

>>13599756
Don't you know? You have a 5% chance of fucking up absolutely everything you touch.

>>13599752

That's when I start interrupting the GM to let him know about each breath my character takes, each eye blink, etc. I'd be all like, "You made me afraid to leave out any details. I don't want to find out I suffocated for not telling you about my breathing habits."

>>13599888
truth. I know a guy, went in for an operation on an ingrown toenail? wound up dead. Surgeon rolled a 1 on the medicine check.

Thanks, Obamacare!

>>13599913
That's nothing. Guy I know once put his seatbelt on, BAM, fridge fell on him.

Fucking 1's.

>>13597744
>Mirumoto-trained Bayushi

the fuck is this shit?

>He says it's not fair for me to run combat because I know his character's stats and I'll play to win.

...so who is supposed to run combat? that makes less than no sense.

>>13599951
Really? I knew a guy who got pissed off cause his fridge went out and threw it out the window, fucking natural 20s

>>13599888

Everything? No.

Climbing trees and using deadly weapons? Those sound like things that even a skilled person would occasionally fail at. It's not like the ranger was rolling to walk to the tree or to load her crossbow or derpy shit like that.

>>13599997
You can't get nat 1s or 20s on skill rolls.

>>13599951
That's why you can't critically fail Skill checks, and besides doesn't your DM have you rolll to 'confirm' a critical failure of any kind?

If I'm punching it up with Bruce Lee, I guarantee he won't punch himself in the face one time in 20.

>>13600009

But he might miss you (or not hit you hard enough to really hurt) about one time in 20, assuming you're trying not to get hit.

Gaurdsman in DH, about to throw a grenade through a swing door into a room full of nobles and their scummy friend we were after.

rolls a fucking 100 on BS.
rolls 1d10 scatter and throws it at the door resulting in it landing at his feet where he and his friend were.
Quick dodge to move up to Ag bonus meters away! roll 100 again
O.O bullshit!

You trip and fall on the grenade, your friend is protected from the blast (Yay!).
Take 20 wounds before soak + armour. Survive with half my wounds left.
>mfw

>>13600053
I did that, except I hit and rolled righteous fury, killing all the nobles in the room except one who had plot armor.

On the other hand, the other time I memorably used grenades, I killed the other PC, half a dozen by standers, and my inquisitor in terminator armor, as the last attack of the campaign. Freakin' 96....

>>13600046
Exactly

>>13600053

>pointblank grenade, half wounds left

That's one shitty grenade right there. God I hate DH ruleset sometimes. "In the grim future of the 40th milleniums, there is only death at the hand of untold horrors... now with 300% more extra lives"

Faith points worked in WHF, not DH...

i was playing a paladin being the leader not wanting any one to get hurt i go forward click open the first pit fall trap. jump over it only to fail my reflex save on the other side and plummet to my demise (my character is still falling im sure)

>>13600222
heh

paladin falling

>>13600233
i lol'd

Not tabletop, but... I've been waiting for an occasion to repost this.

Orks versus a Blood Angel Rhino Rush with some Devestator support. I was cocky and terrain was not in favor for my normal deployment shenanigans (Gunline up, turn the middle of the table into a fortress made of Ork vehicles and junk).

This basically meant I went for charging the Blood Angels head-on. Granted he tried flanking my advance with a Rhino team to the right projecting a zone of control, but sacrificing a Warbuggy team kept it pinned down, so I did give some consideration to what I was doing...

For a bit, things looked like they would be in my favor then I realized I piled-in in a way that one fully unharmed assault squad could CR away most of my units...Otherwise, most of the initial attack had gone really well in my favor, yet a slight lapse in which models I removed made me a countercharge target.

Derp.

>>13599136
That is fucking awesome. I'm going to have to use that.

40k game, My IG vs the local That Guy's Blood Angels.

That guy deepstrikes a Land Rider right in front of my FUCKHUEG gunline )2,500 point game)
Disembarks Mephiston. Deep strikes Sanguinor right next to the demon prince.
I have 2 Leman Russ executioners, 3 veteran squads with plasma guns, 2 platoons with Gls and lascannon HWTs.
That guy ragequits the game when Mephiston dies of lasgun fire and the Sanguinor has to take 27 invulnerable saves. (also had a vendetta and a medusa firing at the cheesy fuckers.)

trapped in a cave full of ice zombies
everybody is crippled and unconscious except for our fighter.
fighter gets cornered
>I want to light my rations on fire.

I was DMing for a group of first time players, 3.5. And they found a strange vial full of yellow liquid, which was urine. The Party wizard picks up the vial and says, I drink this.
I explain to him that, as a practitioner of the arcane, he knows better than to drink an unnamed liquid.
His response, I shit you not, "Okay, I snort it."

Never have I had such a good laugh while DMing

>3.5 game, 2 players
>Playing variant CG paladin
>Other guy plays a cleric
>Divinin' it up
>Evil cave
>Giant skeleton statue
>Radiating evil aura
>"Hold on, let me try something."
>Lay on hands for 1 point on skeleton
>Take 1 negative energy damage
>"Ow! Okay, maybe we should leave this thing alone..."
>"...I'm going to turn it."
>"What? I don't think that's a very good id-"
>"TURN UNDEAD"
>Rebuked and dominated by a fucking STATUE

>>13601399

OH GOD WHAT?! Hahaha, thank god I never fight IG.

Just started a 3.0 campaign. Our version of That Guy is playing a fucking Monk in the middle of our "vast army out to reclaim our lost lands from the forces of Evil"-related party, who are one of the advance scout forces for the main host (and we're expendable level 1s and 2s, basically). Run across a moat and bailey-type fort out in the middle of a flat plain that's being inhabited by a reinforced platoon (about 36-45) goblins with Shaman support and a couple of Orc bruisers who are the main Shaman's bodyguard. The fort lies along the most direct route to the old capital, and can't be avoided without moving the army through all kinds of shit-tastic terrain that will make going slow and probably break up the main force, leaving it vulnerable to counterattack by larger, organized Evil forces. So we have to neutralize this fort without them getting a bird or bat off to deliver a warning to whomever their overlord is.

Our basic plan revolves around using our Ranger's bird and our Druid's spells to summon some more flying critters to act as bombers for our meager collection of firebulbs and thunderstones for disorientation while the party makes their approach to the fort's still-open gate and we bum rush the place. Once the prep work is done, the birds are released, and the Monk, who apparently decided that stealth wasn't going to be necessary, decides to make sprint for the fort.

The birds haven't even started their bombing runs yet.

Monk goes running for the gate, out in the wide wonderful open where the goblins on the wall can see him. Thirty javelins later, the Monk is a pincushion about a quarter of the way to the gate, our cover is blown, and we're down a party member. We're all staring at this retard, jaws agape, while the DM just shakes his head and sends him to roll another character.

Just. . .fuck. We managed to take out the fort, but damn. A level 2 Monk wasn't going to survive multiple javelins with his, like, 12 HP and zero armor.

>>13601532
>>Monk
>>Level 2
>>Thinks he can charge enemies and get shit done
>>Monk (yeah, that needs to be put there twice)
Yep, pretty retarded.
Maybe he though that deflect arrows was worth something and would save him?

>The party is locked inside the dungeon of the evil Professor Zeist
>"I'll use my super strength to bend the bars."
>The attempt fails
>"Hey, wait a second! I get a bonus to my strength rolls when using wrestling moves."
>"Yeah, so?"
>"I'll wrestle the bars!"
>Luchadore proceeds to scissor lock the bars
>The strength roll succeeds

>>13601555

He deflected one. The other twelve finished him off but good.

>>13601511
No, don't go around saying that. Not all of us want to play mech-meltavet spams. The talentless and unimaginative little shits do.

I made that army specifically to stomp that Blood Angels player to dust because he goes around declaring that all other races suck and he's the best player around. So, I build a fucking mean space marine raping bag-o-fun list just to prove a point.

Usually I play something batshit insane, like 6 scout sentinels with heavy flamers and rough riders and ogryns, backed by 150 guardsmen. I don't need tanks to have fun. Or win. Well, y'know, since the game isn't about winning, but having a good time.

>>13599961
>>>Mirumoto-trained Bayushi

>>the fuck is this shit?

Believe it or not, DIfferent Schools and Multiple Schools are advantages in L5R.
Not because it's stupid shit that should never see the light of day, but because clans do exchange hostages, students, marriageable people as a part of political negotiation, shows of faith, etc.

... not that I'm saying it wasn't THAT GUY with THAT PC.

For the record;
>> Join an L5R game set in a static location
>> Create a Scorpion character based around a fairly comprehensive restaurant service - including famously poisonous dishes like pufferfish.
>> Get called an idiot IC & OOC by a Crane player for having poison on the menu.

>>13601570
that is fucking awesome

>>13601570
>>Fucking amazing shit happens in game, good job inventive and light-hearted player
You are posting in the wrong thread. This one is for epci facepalms, not epic in-game awesomeness.

>>13601610
We already had the awesome purple troll story. And to be fair, this did result in facepalming. Mostly because it was a plan involving a luchadore scissor-locking himself out of prison. Also because the same guy does shit like this all the time.

For example, this one time the party was infiltrating a criminal hideout, but they can't get through the front door because they lack a membership card. The plan is for them to sneak inside and pretend to be invited guests. Everyone gets inside, only to be immediately attacked. The luchadore forgot about his "must always wear mask" flaw.

>>13601642
>HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS ME!?
>You're wearing your mask.
>EXACTLY! MY IDENTITY IS HIDDEN! BY THE POWER OF LUCHA-LIBRE!

>>13601399
>Disembarks Mephiston. Deep strikes Sanguinor right next to the demon prince.
>right next to the demon prince.
>demon prince
>IG
What?

I play with WHM (earlier in the thread).

While you hear awesome stories from his days as a player (Which I will admit to having no idea when some of the tales took place, as the man could pass for anything between the ages of 16 and 32 with minimal effort) a lot of his time is spent on the OTHER side of the GM screen.

A good example was one time we decided to go adventurin' for profit in a quick filler game he was running of D&D, in which I think I was the only one who didn't DERP.

WHM: You find yourself in the dank entrance to the crypt...
Player1: Wait, why are we in a crypt with no forshadowing?
Player2: Yeah! My Dwarf is claustrophobic! He should be getting his drink on in a preferably open-air tavern!
Player3: My Elven wizard would CLEARLY not be spending his time here, instead searching for a way to reclaim his throne.
WHM: Wait, what? Guys, this is filler. A filler game. It's just going to be a session or two of dungeon crawling.
P1: Dammit man, are you incapable of railroading?! We want a proper adventure!
Me: Wait, did John just say his Dwarf was-

>>13602407

P3: I wrote up this awesome backstory, and you just ignore it!
WHM: That's... That's like 50 pages. It would take you longer to read that than the total length of the filler game.
P2: Right, I'm going to hit the elf with me axe.
P3: What? WHY!?!
P2: Because you're a knife-eared tree hugger! have at, you damned dirty hippy!
P1: We shouldn't ever BE here!
WHM: I might have to run this, but I do not have to run this sober.
Me: I back out of the tomb. slowly, so the others don't notice.
P3: Holy shit, I'm dead?
P2: Second level wizard. 6HP vs a greataxe. Bitch.

Shortly after the psychotic Dwarf murdered the cleric (player 1) For interfering with his gods-given right to murder elves for no good reason, he chased me off into the woods demanding that his 'pretty little back of XP' stop trying to get away.

At this point WHM looked at me and said "See these pretty little notes? Spent 4 hours on? *rip rip rip* Fuck it, I'm gonna go play Burnout."

It took everyone else about 20 minutes to realize we left the room.

Homebrew setting loosely based on Shadowrun. Party is a group of mercenaries hired by a corporation to deal with a pesky criminal syndicate that the local police force haven't been able to stop. My character is basically a Catachan version of Heavy Weapons Guy, armed with a cannon that detonates a nuclear device and channels the explosion into a beam roughly three feet in diameter.

During a fierce fight through an office building, Catachan Heavy winds up having to beat a pair of syndicate mooks to death with the nuke-cannon, slightly denting it. A short while later, while on the roof, we get ambushed by a pair of gunships and my character is tasked with shooting them down. Multiple bad rolls ensue, and my damaged weapon explodes. Cataclysmically.

And that's how I blew up cyberpunk Los Angeles.

>>13601720
He's referring to Mephiston, whose statline may as well be that of a Demon Prince's.

Also, probably bumping this thread.

Shadowrun 4e
The team is pinned down in a warehouse up against one wall by security guards, courtesy of a very stupid ork street sammy deciding that a foot is an acceptable substitute for a maglock passkey. The following takes place, with the passing of combat turns left unmentioned:

That Guy: "hey, I have a kilo of explosives. What say we get out of here?"
Party: (head shaking)
That Guy: "I place it against the wall and look around for something to tamp it with"
GM: "you see the crates you're hiding behind, your fellow team members, and nothing else within easy reach"
That Guy: "hey, <elf bleeding on the floor> is nearly dead, right? I rest him against the charge and kick him into place"
Elf demo guy/face:palm
That Guy: "I detonate my portable door, lol"
Plethora of explosives in the elf's backpack: Sympathetic detonation.

It was one of those sessions all around.

bump

After a quite hard battle with a strange white haired but unnamed beast, the party decides to decapitate ir and demand for money from the locals.
The blood dripping on the snow shows traced of acid, as it smells horribly and corrodes the snow and a little of the ground beneath, complete with some black smoke.

One player:
"Can i taste the creatures blood? Maybe it's good for something?"
Me:
"Are you sure?"
He "Yes"
...
...
"Ok, roll your toughness."
Everyone else laugh.

>Running a very poorly-thought-out game of D20 Modern
>Players are a team of mercs sent to find Caligula's lost tomb during the Invasion of Italy in 1943
>They're in North Africa and have to find a way across the sea
>One player disguises as a soldier and goes with the invasion force, pretty good thinking
>Two others decide to steal a fishing boat
>They rush aboard, grab the boat's owner, and throw him off
>Some French soldiers nearby see this and come running
>The two players open fire on them
>French soldiers shoot back, they get a machine gun and start peppering the boat
>Both players are wounded
>One decides to jump off the boat and swim to shore, he is shot down in the water, what a shocker
>Other guy tries to sleep off his wounds while the boat sails unpiloted

>>13606011
>>Other guy tries to sleep off his wounds while the boat sails unpiloted
So what happened?

During a break between campaigns, I didn't really want to DM, but nobody else volunteered. I ran a procedurally generated dungeon where each room is rolled up as you open the door into it, so that the only way I was DM was in running monster combat.

I make a psychic warrior. The entire rest of the party are casters. Party is level 2.

So we come across a room with a huge chasm with acid at the bottom. Two doors on other side. Party argues if it is worth it to cross or just backtrack. The Beguiler really wants to go check out the other side. To humor him, I run across the walls to run a rope across, and beguiler is first to cross. He fails his balance check and falls in. And starts drowning by rolling a 1 on a swim check. As I have the most hp and strength, I go in to save him.

We get out, him with one hp and me with 3. We check the doors. One is iron, and the beguiller breaks the lock. The other opens to a dead end 10 foot square that is empty.

Also, all the casters were arcane and we had no means of healing.

bump

bumpo

>>13607341
what software/systems/endless tables of dice were you using for that?

the procedural generation of dungeon areas, i mean.

>>13607341

What were you using to procedurally generate dungeons?

>>13607341
>bump in the name of infinite dungeons

bump for dungeon generations?

>>13612474
>>13612718
>>13613519
>>13613638
>last bump in hope of now-mythical procedural dungeon generator.

>>13607341
I demand to know this program as well.

In our first time session ever of D&D, we spent about an hour IRL trying to work out how to open a wooden door.
It withstood several hits from our dragonborn paladin, lockpicking from our slightly evil (but chaotic good, wtf) elfish ranger, and me setting it on fire with my steel and flint, before I released that none of us had actually tried opening it by the door handle...

>>13607341

This table is highly desired.