>>13581298

***

My travelling party reached the small town of Pelm aroud midday. A respectable little place nestled near the corner of intercepting mountains, with a cool breeze and a very nice fountain in the center square. If I wasn't so already committed to, er, other housing priorities, I wouldn't have minded spending the rest of my years in a place like this.

We walked our horses straight down the street, Klik on my right and Jibjabber on my left. At least, she was on my left when I dismounted at Lady Menoli's house. I could never tell when I was actually riding my horse - she used a brown pygmy bred by goblins to ride into battle and cut at the knees of normal horses before enemies could react. Much faster than you'd expect. My first horse had the, ah, misopportunity of finding out the hard way.

"Now, Jibjabber, please be on your best behavior," I told the shaman as she more-or-less fell off her horse. "Lady Menoli is very important, and not only must we ensure she reaches Halin Temple safely, we must ensure she will be in a good enough mood to pay us."

"I know, I know!" Jibjabber said. She gave the reins to Klik, who tied them to the same mailpost I had tied my horse to. Strange that an insect man would be better with knots than a goblin, but I did not complain.

"We'll return very soon," I told Klik.

The insect man nodded. "Should your time come when we are apart, I pray that your demise is glorious."

Klik said this every single time I left him alone, and quite frankly, I wished he would stop.

>>13581303

I walked up the steps to Lady Menoli's front door with Jibjabber trailing me, and raised my hand to knock. Before I could, a soothing voice called from beyond the door: "You may enter, Reginald Goldensteel."

I wasn't surprised - Lady Menoli, according to my documentation, was quite adept at seeing into the future. Granted, the documentation did tell me she only gained her powers very recently, yet it already seemed like she harnessed them with finesse. It was no wonder that she had become such an important figure in Pelm so quickly. All the more reason to protect her. Especially for the sum such a job carried.

I opened the door, stepping aside to let Jibjabber scamper in before I closed the door behind me. Even though the house only spanned a few rooms, the room unfolding before me was very impressive. Tables pushed against the smooth stone walls of the house held blue candles drifting with pleasant scene. Sitting at the largest desk before me was a figure in simple brown robes, but when its raised its head, I saw the orante red patterns decorating the simple white mask it wore to conceal its face, and I knew that I had found the person I sought.

"Lady Menoli, I presume?" I asked.

She nodded. "Correct. Stand before me in the circles of power in front of my desk." Jibjabber leapt onto the ring of one of these circles. "No, stand in the center of it." The goblin shuffled back. "You just missed the center. Step forward." Jibjabber did. "Don't take such a huge step. Go back a little."

"Why I gotta stand in dumb circle anyway?" Jibjabber snapped.

"Don't question the circle!" Lady Menoli said, banging her hand on the desk.

>>13581318

I pushed Jibjabber into a more appropriate position and took my place in the other circle. "I apologize on behalf of my friend here," I explained. "I'm afraid I failed to inform her about certain...tendencies you might have. I assure you, however, she is loyal and will do whatever it takes to help you reach Halin Temple."

Lady Menoli folded her dark hands. "You've come highly recommended, Reginald. If you say the goblin's trustworthy, then I believe you. I've already packed my things. We can leave as soon as you've restocked your food supply."

"Simply astonishing!" I said. "You are indeed a soothsayer, if you've managed to determine what I was going to say before I said it."

"It's a blessing to have such a gift," Lady Menoli said. "By the way...you will find nothing in your left nostril, Jibjabber."

Jibjabber stuck her finger in her nose, eyes widening. "She right!"

"Please stop that," I said.

***

After replenishing our supplies, we rode out of Pelm, north to the edge of Northspire Forest. Jibjabber rode on my left as usual, with Lady Meloni riding behind me on a gray steed lent to her by a pleasant, rugged farmer. Klik took up the back of our little riding party. I shot a glance over my shoulder to check on everyone's position, and I noticed just how the insect man's height loomed over the soothsayer. His race was quite tall - he stood over me by a few inches, with his blue, wide-brimmed hat adding at least one more.

"Now, we must all stay on our guard," I told my companions as we approached the beginning of the forest. "Northspire Forest is home to an variety of dangerous creatures." I glanced up at the sky, shielding my eyes. "However, it looks like we have about three more hours left of sunlight, so if we keep a steady pace, we should make it through before nightfall."

>>13581330

"The winds have been disturbed," Klik said. His little green mandibles were twitching. "Danger comes for us."

Jibjabber twisted her little body, pointed at Lady Menoli with her staff. "Soothsayer! Look at future, see what comes."

Lady Menoli raised her left hand, as if to beseech the heavens. "I cannot abuse my gift, Jibjabber. The gods have decreed that I only use it in critical situations. All we can do now is be careful."

"What so critical about my nose?"

"I'm not exactly sure," I said, "but it does make me ill when I see what you pull out, so I assume it was for the best."

I lead the group into the forest proper. Northspire Forest grew in thick, some trees even tangling about each other in a struggle for space. Few other forests acted this way - I do believe the ground our horses trotted over was magically influenced, if my history served me correctly, in an attempt to grow more fearsome trees. At best, it looked like the trees tried to annoy each other with the way their leafy branches tangled. If some kind of tree conflict broke out, these trees were definitely equipped to deal with each other.

All throughout our trek, I was waiting for some indication from Klik that we were about to be attacked. I am a dealer of, ah, unpleasantness by trade, after all, and one habit constantly drilled into my mind during my training was to expect an attack from any direction. I must admit that developing a constant paranoia in order to gain neccessary skills was not a tradeoff I would have prefered, but it has kept me alive on many occasions. Klik was very much the same way, and since his hearing was far more proficent than mine, he always alerted me whenever something was amiss.

Now was that time. "We're being surrounded," the insect man said.

>>13581344

"By what?" I asked.

Klik reached for the bladed spear strapped across his back. "Something fast...jumping between trees. They must be using them as cover."

"Can we outride them?"

"No. They're moving in too quickly."

"Klik, protect Lady Menoli," I said, dismounting. If I had to fight, I would be better served doing so on foot. "Jibjabber, cast a ring of fire around us. Whatever these creatures are, at least we can disrupt their attack."

Jibjabber raised her staff, chanting ancient goblin incantations which I am fairly sure was simply a clever form of normal goblin gibberish. The horned skull tipping the end of her tribal staff glowed with heat, then released a streaking fireball that sailed up, split into many, and landed around the horses, rising into a circle of fire. Lady Menoli's horse exclaimed in panic - though our horses were trained for dangerous situations, hers was not. Fortunately, Klik had dismounted as well, grabbing the horse's reins before it could buck off the soothsayer.

I drew my thick knives, best for cleaving both in and out of direct combat, and I scanned the wall of flame, waiting for signs of an attacker. The flames crackled high, and the heat bore down on my face and moustache, but other than that, nothing.

Until I heard leaves rustle behind me, and I swerved around, looking up at the snarling, blazing mass of fur hovering behind me, about to strike with gleaming claws.

And it was then that I realized what we were facing. "STEALTH BEAAAAAAAARS!"

Seven Words:
What the Fuck did I just read?

>>13581356

***

Yes, the stealth bear. The second most dangerous type of bear outside of the rarely-seen "explosion bear". It's difficult to spot them directly because they use stealth to sneak up behind their prey and strike. Indeed, few people see a stealth bear and live to tell the tale. If it wasn't for my fighting ability and aid from Klik and Jibjabber, we might all be -

You know, I have the strangest sensation that you're not taking me that seriously.

I assure you, these bears were the cause. Once I finish the story, you'll have a better idea of what I mean.

>>13581371

***

The stealth bear slashed at my head, but I ducked underneath the swing. I stabbed upwards into its chest, my other knife sliding through the edge of its stomach. It roared a final cry as I kicked the mass of burning fur apart from my knife, and it fell to the dirt, a charred mess of animal. I turned around, and I must admit that even I was a little frightened at the sudden appearance of the stealth bears transporting into the fray behind my companions.

Fortunately, my earlier cry had alerted them to potential attack, and they were already reacting. Klik jumped back a few spaces and his spear shot forth, puncturing into a stealth bear's chest. He drew the spear back and leapt high into the air - I'd wager a good ten feet - and came sailing down, spear aimed and blue coat dancing with movement, onto another stealth bear's head before it could attack Lady Menoli.

Jibjabber, in the meantime, had ample time to dodge another stealth bear's attack due to her small stature. "Stupid bear!" she cried, brandishing her glowing staff. "You get ironic death!" With a swish of the staff, she manifested a shimmering swarm of bees, who surrounded the stealth bear's head and stung repeatedly, in silent retribution for all the other bees it troubled during its stealth bear days.

I ran up to Jibjabber just as another stealth bear warped into existence. I drew one of my throwing knives and launched it, the blade embedding itself between the stealth bear's eyes. "Quick, Jibjabber! We must protect Lady Menoli!"

"Always about you!" But Jibjabber scattered over to where Lady Menoli's horse stood, the soothsayer herself clenching tightly to the horse's mane, face buried in the horse's neck.

"Please don't kill me, oh gods!" Lady Menoli wailed. "Kill my sister, she's always been more mean than I!"

>>13581384

Klik landed near the horse's rump, twirling his spear. I stood near the head, and Jibjabber took position at the other side. I could see shadows shifting from behind the flames - the stealth bears, displaying a rare sense of strategy, were trying to throw us off so we couldn't counter their attacks. At least with our backs facing the horse, they couldn't appear behind us.

I heard the roar of a stealth bear just over my shoulder, and I whirled around to see one of the burning beasts sitting just behind Lady Menoli on the horse. It roared with arms spread wide. Before I could swipe with my knives, Jibjabber summoned a charge of energy from her staff, striking the stealth bear's head and exploding it in a display of gore and blood.

Lady Menoli screamed. "Jibjabber!" I cried, wiping parts of skull and blood off of my face. "Do you not recall the discussion we had about exploding something's head while I was in the vicinity?"

"We are outnumbered," Klik said. "Soon the stealth bears will attack all at once, and we'll be torn to pieces." He made a disappointed buzzing noise. "If only we were fighting atop a volcano. Then that would be a more satisfactory death for me."

"Jibjabber not dead yet!" Jibjabber shouted. She raised her staff, and it hummed with a burning light more intense than anything I had seen before. "Jibjabber kill EVERY STUPID BEAR!"

I raised my hand. "Jibjabber, hold on!"

The staff expelled a twisting burst of flame into the sky, condensing into a swirling inferno. For a brief moment, our bodies were cast in its crimson light.

Then I couldn't see anything else for a while, I'm afraid, because just then the ball exploded, and if I recall correctly, explosions tend to, er, dominate the conversation.

>>13581393

***

And from there, you know the story. The massive, charred crater you found us in was a result of Jibjabber's attempt to destroy the surrounding stealth bears. I assume she was successful, since cones of ash littered the ring around the crater. Then again, those could be all of the trees that were disintegrated in the blast. I'm not particularly sure.

Anyway, that is the entire tale. Rest assured that my companions and I had no intention of harming such a massive section of Northspire Forest, and that we are quite sorry for any hassle we may have caused. We are prepared to make reparations to tbe best of our ability.

...I'm sorry, I must have misheard. How much?

For a year?

Hmmm. Well, I suppose that is a fair sum. On the other hand, the sleeping poison I've planted inside of your drinking goblet should be taking effect now, and with that, I'm afraid I must be going. Once you've awakened, I will be nowhere near this town, so I'm afraid following me will be quite pointless.

Well, of COURSE I didn't tell you I gave you poison, that would very well defeat the entire point if I told you, did I?

Oh...please, don't start sobbing, you're a better warden than most, I just...

...well, I think it's time I took my leave! Farewell! But I assure you, this won't be the last you've heard of...

***

THE ADVENTURES OF SIR REGINALD GOLDENSTEEL

CHAPTER ONE END

Hold on....
You Expect us to take this seriously once you made mention of the statement and idea of STEALTH BEARS?
STEALTH BEARS?
WHAT the HELL?
Who makes bears have stealth? That is the most wasteful thing ever next to giving a paladin immunity from falling from his path.
ANY WHO....
How are we to take this seriously?

mooar

Way to go OP, I like it. Keep it up.

>>13581416

No, you don't have to take this seriously. This is going to be a light-hearted series.

This is how I fighter.

>>13581463
BUT Stealth bears ruined it.

>>13581471
I think it made the story, personally.

>"Dear Sir: I would like to know how to set the tone in a lighthearted comedic fantasy story. Do you have any advice?"

USE STEALTH BEARS. ALSO GOOD CHARACTERIZATION AND DIALOG.

>>13581651

Not sure if that was compliment or not...I mean, I may not be fascinated with creating novel-quality work but I don't want to be terrible. Also, there's been a lot of depressing writefaggotry on /tg/, so I wanted to do something fun.

This is amazing. Bravo OP, bravo.

I loved Klik, especially.

>>13581709
It is a breath of fresh air after a little too much HFY: Stormfront edition, and 'Dark and Serious Stories to Make Children Cry With'.

Fun is good. Keep up the fun, just don't make it TOO nonsensical.

>>13581845

I will try my best.

Glorious! I, for one, can't wait for the next instalment! :D

>contain Curesh

Maybe it will, Captcha. Maybe it will.

>>13581805

By the way, shamelessly inspired by this. Mostly through clothing, though - haven't actually played FFIX. Still, a thri-kreen dragoon still sounds cool to play. Got the idea when I learned they got +30 to Jump.

Bumping for the night crew. I want Shy Guardsman to read this.

Reginald must be very tall, since thri-kreens are like seven feet.

Picture posted for purposes of height comparison with humans. (AND FOR NO OTHER REASON. STOP JUDGING ME.)

>>13583376

Are they? Hmmm. Well, Klik defiinitely isn't seven feet tall.

Another night crew bump. I'll keep it relevant by spoiling that several things I've seen on /tg/ will play a large part in this tale. Oh, yes, indeed.

>>13582252
>haven't played FFIX
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING POSTING HERE?! GO PLAY THAT SHIT NOW!

>>13584677

I heard many good things about that game, but I've kind of sworn off of random encounters for life. Too spoiled by Chrono Trigger and the Mario and Luigi RPGs, I'm afraid.

Another night crew bump. Wanna give everyone a chance to read and offer suggestions. In the future I'll definitely wait a while before posting.

WEEEE
this was fun!

>>13586000

Glad you enjoyed it!

One last bump for the night. Thanks for all the comments so far, /tg/. I'm looking forward to putting up the next installments - I think you'll really like 'em.