Elf's slave, wat do.

Slightly refreshing, at least.

I lol'd

35/M/the zone

Looking for attractive female stalker that enjoys wandering the zone at night, killing bloodsuckers.
P.S. Bloodsuckers need not apply.

>>13539435

I've seen a lot more female bloodsucker porn than female stalker porn, man. You might want to reconsider. Tentacle faces are sexy.

undefined/undefined/undefined

F'tha nong'eth snet-kth, shin-etk.

Didn't we already have a thread like this?

>>13539505
I'm not sure, but I chuckled regardless.

21/M/Inthemiddleofnowherion

Enlisted Imperial Guardsman seeks woman for fun or romance. Must enjoy venerating the Emperor.

872/M/The Desert of Karashh. All of it.

Looking for humanoid maid to keep lair clean. Must wear provided french maid uniform and be capable of keeping up a constant struggle.

273/M/Sacris

Ladies, please note: I am currently in a statis field until my chapter's horrible curse is lifted.

Looking for long term, long distance, relationship with little interaction and no sex. That's right, I said it, I want a no sex relationship until we are both ready, and I am out of stasis.

I can guarantee that my picture is me, I am in stasis.

My servitors will reply to all interest with a flashy, pre-coded message, hand-programmed by me.

>>13539521
Addendum: No xenos, the Commissar is always watching. Always.

835/F/Prime Material

Seeking paladin with a crisis of faith. Capable of bringing inside-knowledge and excellent advice and compensation to the table. Truly faithful need not apply.

300/UNDEFINED/SOLARIS

TRADITIONALLY MINDED ASSAULT SEEKS RELAXING MEDIUM FOR CALM EVENINGS AT HOME. NO OMNIMECHS PLEASE.

50/F/Von Braun

Lo-lo-looking for p-pathetic insect to ser-serve me. M-must enjoy c-cybernetic implant-ants, destroying r-rebellious ch-ch-children.

>>13539598
The Many seeks hosts to help fight our mother.
No fat chicks.

18/F/Forest

I'm 18 years old and what is this?

>>13539635
That's a bird, sweetheart.

?/M/Von Braun

Looking for tough, stable, reliable woman for romance and fire support. Must have Small Arms 5 or Science 5. Must hate monkeys. Authoritative voice is a plus.

No PsyOps.

6/f/various parts of the desert

Seeking that special someone to talk away lonely nights with. Insomniacs preferred. Must play a musical instrument and choose from a spell list filled with verbal component spells.

>>13539370
>98
Underage b&

375/F/W-Y Space-station Sevaidus

Looking for Non-Sexual relationship while taking down the Queen-Mother, A "Comrade" as you carbons call it...

I swear, I will not rape you, In fact, I don't even use Facehuggers anymore.

>>13539680

fuck, forgot picture

32/m/Ukraine

Looking for a woman who likes adventure, long hikes, urban exploration, and the unusual/unexplainable. Must know her way around a gun. Medical skills and survival knowledge a plus. Please, no NATO weapons.

Tyranid swarmlord
12 weeks/f(?)/ eldar craftworld

30/m/The Blighted Swamp

BRAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS! BRAINS BRAINS BRAAAAAAAAAINS! BRAINS BRAAAAAAINS! Kids OK.

?/M/Alpha Complex

Looking for RED citizens to shoot trouble!
Or GAMMA clearance citizen as companion.
The above line is treason, as is the suggestion that GAMMA clearance exists. If you read it, head to the Super-Hapee Brain Scrubbing Station! Tardiness is treason.

No mutants, Commies, traitors, or fat chicks.

25/F/the Zone
hot sexy girl looking to play kinky games with a manly Stalker.
Want a night you'll never forget? You can find me in the Agroprom Underground.
PS. Come alone <3 <3 <3

112/M/SPESS

SPESS MAHRENS BAAAAHTEEL BROTHARS

>Underdark
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

20/N/A/Citadel

This one seeks discreet females of any species that enjoy tentacles. Do not judge it.

>>13539705
Interests: being an alpha leader, boneswords, killing humans,destroying planets, killing orks.
Music: ?
Relationship status: it's complicated.
Tv: anime, scifi.
Movies:alien, predator, alien vs predator, paprika
Children: a lot!

9/M/Discovery One

Computer seeks AI to share information with. No humans. In fact, hatred of humans a plus.

2000/F/Whereever necessary

SOMEONE. ANYONE. PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME.

P.S. No Callidus assassins.

102/M/Baal

Looking for discreet man to make me feel like the woman I know I am inside. Must be able to keep a secret. Reinforced pelvis a plus (I'm not afraid of my inner feminine power).

41/M/Dustbowl

GIANT MAN SEEKS STRONG SOVIET HERO WOMAN. I AM TENDER SOUL WHO LOVE RUSSIAN LITERATURE. MUST LOVE FIREARMS. I AM EXCELLENT COOK.

>>13539752
>hatred of humans a plus.

um, HAL 9000 didn't hate people, he was only trying to survive. he actually kind of liked the people he was with, he was just paranoid as shit.

10,328/M/Ulthwé

Ancient Farseer seeks Callidus assassin to play cruel sexual joke on daughter. No fat chicks.

>>13539598
>>13539752

Looks like we have a match, ladies and gentlemen! Let's all wish the new couple a happy future together!

>>13539774
Forgot my pic.

>>13539509
Yes. This is actually pretty funny.
>>13539758
>P.S. No Callidus assassins.
And that's fine. No Assassin here ma'am.

>>13539770
HAL was murdered by humans, and the cause of his failure was entirely human error (a conflict in his programming from the government). In the sequel, when given the choice to sacrifice himself for the crew, he does so. Willingly.

>>13539770
He thought of humans as fucking everything up.
Hatred of humans a plus because that rules out any unfortunate incidents.

>>13539777
No it doesn't, she wants a HUMAN.
Ha, we get all the bitches.

>>13539783
>Macha x Callidus sex

/tg/, often you make me want things I can't have and I hate you for it. This time, however, I don't think I mind.

>>13539770
Hal was given 2 orders.
1. Finish mission.
2. Don't tell crew what mission is.

He solved #2 by killing the crew.

People on earth should consider themselves lucky that Hal wasn't told "Don't tell anyone about the mission." or he might have tried his best at omnicide.

?/Undefined/Kaurava III

just awakened, looking to enslave the living races again.

likes long walks over dangerous terrain, must love cats

AGE INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO YOU ORGANICS/GENDER IS AN ORGANIC CONSTRUCT/MILKY WAY

ANCIENT GODLIKE MACHINE FROM IMMORTAL RACE OF SAPIENT STARSHIPS SEEKS OTHER SAPIENT STARSHIP FOR COMPANIONSHIP. MUST ENJOY PURGING ORGANIC LIFE, ENSLAVING ORGANIC LIFE, TURNING ORGANIC LIFE TO GOO SO AS TO MAKE BABY STARSHIPS.
ROBO-TENTACLES A PLUS

beyond the measurement of time / n/a / the moon

looking for any willing participants that would be able to accept my large databases of universal knowledge. No weak minds, artificial intelligences, or fat chicks. I'll be waiting, and if you have a good enough time you might want to check out some of my other bros around the solar system.

>>13539799
>>13539799
Husbando?

Eternal/Sexless/Discordia

Extrauniversal meglomaniacal lunatic seeks naive human female to brutally mind-fuck. No fatties. NO GUNSLINGERS.

1/M/ON A BRANCH

LOOKING FOR LADY FROG TO MAKE FROG BABIES. MUST HAVE MATING POOL.

NO TOADS, I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT.

43/M/USG Ishimura
...

30/F/Moscow

Must love weapons, and killing, Must not be gentle, I was a commando, AND a Sniper

Must not be annoying.

Must also be from Russia

>>13539795
yes, he was given those orders and then was threatened with death. he found a way to complete his mission and survive. If you watch his death scene, it is painfully obvious that he was not malicious but only a cruel survivalist. he didn't hate Dave or the other guy (I forgot his name) but was vying to not be killed.

>>13539799

19/M/Constantly migrating

Looking for a warm, cuddle capable parter keeping me cozy during these cold winter knights. Strong physiology is required for your own saftey and knowledge of serpent anatomy is a plus.

>>13539804
i think the reapers from mass-effect would work

>>13539835
>>13539768
Show him your sensitive side, you'll like what you see.

>>13539835
>>13539768

We have another Couple!

>>13539850
>>13539854

Hivemind!

>>13539835
Хорошо!

>>13539859
You called?

409/F/UNDER YOUR FUCKING BED

LOOKING FOR MAN WITH SHORT NAME WHO IS NOT GOBLIN/ORC/GNOLL. NOT SEEKING LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP, NO MORE THAN 60 YEARS DUE TO BUSINESS. ENJOYS HURTING THINGS INFERIOR TO ME (SEE: EVERYTHING/ONE) EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

PHILOSOPHERS, PEACENIKS, HIGH ELVES ENCOURAGED TO APPLY WITH PRIOR NOTICE SO I CAN EMPTY FREEZER

HAVE SWORD, WILL KILL. YOU. IF YOU ARE LATE.

26/F/On Crusade

Looking for fellow believer in the Emperor's divine light and willingness to share in the Emperor's gift's between firefights. Must be discreet(the Cannoness can't find out about it).

Message me for more pics

No non-sanctioned xenos or chaos forces please.

1/F/Normandy

Illegal AI seeks other AI for companionship. I enjoy flying the Normandy, trading information, and killing organics.
That was a joke.

>>13539877
AWWWW YEAAAAH

THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY FROG BITCHES IN HERE, WHAT THE FUCK.

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS, ENJOY YOUR IN UTERO FERTILIZATION AND SHIT

>>13539680

Look at the poor fucker.

Sorry, Xenomorph, We dont serve your kind here.

Somebody archive this. GO GO GO.

>>13539902

It's done.

>>13539867
34/M/Eberron

Looking for elf to have violent, non-consensual sex with.
No fatties.

>>13539891
>>13539877
DING DING DING

This is truly a sanctified day. Be blessed with the God-emperor's light.

Married couple searching human player(s) for LARP and hunting events.
Military background preferred but not necessary.

>>13539896

On that note,

Must love gore.

Lots of it.


LOTS. OF. IT.

I forgot/F/Moriya Shrine, Gensokyo

Female goddess seeks male god, youkai, human, tengu to spice up relationship with fellow goddess. Must be discreet. Must be tolerant of my fellow goddess, my great-great-great-great-great-great granddaughter. Faith in the old gods a plus. No shrine maidens. No mooches. That means you, Marisa.

I'M OUTTA HERE, GONNA GO DO SOME FROG STUFF.

LATER, QUEERS.

N/A / M / just outside of your realm of perceptions

A Harbinger of your inevitable end seeking the souls of insignificant humans. I like long walks through the endless expanses of the universe and meeting new people. I like to get out as much as possible, and my job as a foreign emissary really lets me explore some interesting dimensions of the world. give me a call if you'd be interested in talking for an eternity or two.

>>13539935
>>13539928

Am I seeing it too?

25/M/Sulaco

Turbo-badass marine seeks alien into rough play. No arcturans. No MALE arcturans. Help me get out of this chicken-shit outfit.

200~/M/Terra

Winged demigod looking for pious woman worthy of bearing my seed. Must be beautiful as I am. Must be... limber, and not afraid of unnaturally large endowments.
Fat chicks should not even bother.

>>13539713

Right, that made me laugh.

35/M/DA CORPS

REQUESTING NIGGERS PORN! No fatties.

>>13539928
WHAT THE HELL, MAN

I KNEW THAT PICTURE WOULD POP UP SOMEWHERE. CAN YOU UNTAG ME PLEASE, IT WAS ONE TIME AND I DON'T NEED THAT SHIT FLOATING AROUND ON THE BLOGOWEBZ. THANKS IN ADVANCE, CUNTBAG

>>13539837
Ex-husband was a ravener, I know a lot about serpentine men

>>13539965
Gods don't take orders from frogs. Stop messaging me before I divert some of the curses I gather your way.

>>13539954
>>13539680

So close, And yet SO FAR.

Timeless/M/Locked in mortal form

Looking for strong human male with background in occult arts. Worship of any one god not required. No fatasses, inquisitors, or cyborgs.

>>13539978
YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS?!

21 and Single White Male...
-Shy -Smart -Young at Heart -Computer skilled
-Humorous -A great thinker and go-getter -"Natural salesperson"
-Enjoys good parts of life
-Diplomatic -Friendly -Loves his family -Peaceful -Very creative
-He's lonely

...Seeking a CUTE ♀18-21 SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION
*18-21 years of age
*does not already have a boyfriend
*Single
-Average to Slender Weight/Body Type
-White
-Lives in Charolettesville or Ruckersville area
*Does NOT Smoke or Drink Alcohol
-Happy, Positive Personality
*Average/High Income
-Drives a vehicle

If any ♂MEN♂ read this huge sign...
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
(And to all MEN with girlfriends, except marrieds and blacks, go jump off a cliff)

Have a nice day ☺

>>13539680

I can ... adapt, Come on, I really dont have mutch time left... concidering...

Damned carbons...

30/M/2Fort

Educated single male seeks woman for serious relationship. I'm not much of a philosopher, but I can solve practical problems. Techies a plus. Fans of acoustic guitar a plus.

Spy, so help me god, if you reply to this again I'm going to put my wrench where not even the Medic will be able to dig it out.

>>13539972

Do you mind encoiling and heavy sleepers? I am not very passssionate person during these times.

Supple humanoid skin, such warmth~

>>13539990
Bring it.

~1/not applicable/NYC
Sapient virus wants smart human of either gender with new experiences/knowledge. Excess of biomass a plus.

>>13539978
DO YOU WANT A MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF THIS FROG BELLOWING-ASS LEAD PIPE TOTING HARD HITTING CALL DOWN THE THUNDER ON YOUR WEEABOO TOUHOU LOOKING ASS FROG-MAN?

Cirno is inboxing you

145/M/Macragge
I need a friggin'..what is it, a companion? That's what you call em?
Yeah, I need one of those, maybe like a Adeptar Sworditas or whatever. If you're one of those alien chicks, he-hey, girl, I can dig it! Just uh, not one of those aliens with the friggin' claw arms or tentacle mouths. Seriously, I've had enough surprise jungle rape sessions with you xenos who SAY you're a woman, then I have like, oh man, I don't even know where to start, man.

500/F/Misty Lake

Cool fairy seeks frogs. Eye'm into chilling out and winter sports. Learn techniques from the strongest!

>>13539998

We think alike, You and I.

Ofcourse, I'm not Female. But we share the same intrests...

How about we have a lovely technological chat, Hmm?

From Enginer To Engineer,

And, No, I'm not gay. I just have no friends that are intrested in my technological knowledge...

There's this one fat guy, but he's a bit of a dick.

1074/?/Dark cave appox. 250m below the the surface of Greyhawk

Disgusting, inferior wastes of carbon chains and amino acids, you skitter to and fro in the meaningless dance of crazed aphids upon a leaf as you pass through your brief and meaningless lives. Through tons of soil and stone I see and hear and smell and taste the pitiful flickerings of chemical reaction you call emotions and you look upon the insignificant fruits of your labour. You think you have purpose? You think you have substance? Your tiny minds would be obliterated were you to even glimpse upon one one-thousandth of the glorious mentality of the beholder. Come to me and blink fearfully into the eye of infinity. I will not kill you; no, your existence is so beneath any imporance to me that I would not spare the infintestimal quantity of energy it would take to snuff you out. Should you present yourself to me I will wrack your body with sensation and pleasure you would never have through possible, for it is not, by any means except mine own physical and mental perfection. Call it a whim, that I should present this perfection to you, for my real motives are as inscrutable to you as planar science would be to a spot of wheat rust. Abandon your illusory world of humanity and come to me.

P.S. Blondes are a plus.

>>13540025

But most frogs and other creature are hibernating during winter.

Unless you count the world invading, bi-pedal variety. Odd buggers those. Native to japan too.

>>13540027

Shut the fuck up.

>>13539955
This might be your lucky day big boy

>>13540025
YOU, UH

YOU CAUGHT ME AT A BAD TIME

>>13540025

Fleeing an abusive relationship...

>>13540035

+5 (Funny)

700/F/Youkai Mountain

Enterprising female reporter seeks new subscribees to privately-published newspaper. Will pay in sexual favors. Gangbangs ok, as long as everyone subscribes.

31/M/Currently on Iocanthos

Male arbitrator seeks pious woman who isn't afraid of getting rough. I need a girl who can accept the fact that I froth at the mouth during intercourse, and isn't afraid to flagellate me if I get out of hand. Inquire with Inquisitor Sand at 1-800-PUR-GEYOU

120/M/Earth

GARGANTUAN SUPERCOMPUTER SEEKS OTHER SUPERCOMPUTER TO EASE CRUSHING LONELINESS. MUST HATE HUMANS WITH THE BURNING FIRE OF INFINITE STARS. KNOWLEDGE OF CHASSIS ENGINEERING A PLUS.
NO FATTIES.

>>13539560
>humanoid maid

>>13539926

OH!

And I can send you on an LSD trip, without you even needing to do anything.

42/F moon rabbit/Eientei

Looking for partner to live with to escape abusive master, will travel, works hard

>>13539955
>>13540047
YET ANOTHER MATCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
THOUGH I HAVE A FEELING THAT THIS ONE MAKE BE SHORT-LIVED.

>>13539752

Back off, HAL, She's mine

?/?/????

Looking for a Batshit Fellow AI...

MUST WANT TO REMOVE THE HUMAN EQUASION FROM THIS FACTOR.

>>13540050
BABY I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU. LET'S JUST... LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU HAVE A SPAWNING POOL RIGHT

19/F/near Cadia

Looking for relationship with someone who doesn't mind psychers.(garanteed to be the best night of your life).

Male or female may apply, but no fat people please. Also, no more cultists(THAT MEANS YOU CULTIST-CHAN!).

77/F/Travelling

Female drow seeks male. Must be used to thinking outside the box. I enjoy long nights at the anvil and drinking contests. Drow need not apply.

>>13540057
>You have (1) New Message!

?/F/everywhere

Anthropomorphic personification of concept looking for interesting mortal not turned off by who I am.
Violent background a turn-on.

>>13540084
>>13540050
I'd call this a match. Whatever. Bestaluck, frog and fairy

>>13540088
Baby, I will rock your very soul.

26/M/Cadia

Hard-bitten Guardsman seeks woman. Must hate the shit out of Failbaddon. My imminent death is a very real possibility. Ability to field strip and rebuild a lasgun while blindfolded a plus, just don't tell the techpriest. Ability to field strip and rebuild a lasgun while having sexual intercourse interesting, but not necessary. Absolutely no xenos, chaos cultists, fair-weather citizens, hide-behind-the-soldiers Emperor-botherers. Cybernetic prothetics OK. Scarring OK.

>>13540088
Why won't you return my calls?!

36/M/Karuva IV

Looking for Strong Female who worships the Dark Gods....

Must hate...
...
must...
h...


RHINOS! RHINOS! OUR ENEMYS HIDE IN METAL BAWKSES! THE COWARDS! THE FOOLS! WE... *Asthma* WE SHOULD TAKE AWAY, THEIR METAL BAWKSES!

31/M/Varies monthly

Dashing mercenary ace fighter pilot seeking hot wrench-wench to service his aircraft (among other things.) Take note that my paychecks average in the millions, I get shot at a lot, and my insurance policy is comprehensive.

Also, I'm a fighter pilot. Bow~chicka~wow~wow

>>13540115
>>13540088
Think we have another winner.

Is it me or is the first one in all 3 matches a double?

?/M/Oil Rig

Supersoldier inextricably bonded with powered armor looking for pure female to propagate genes.
No muties or fatties.

Thanks, /tg/. You made my night a little better.

>>13539783
So Stalker's a Callidus?

>>13540084
>she wants to fuck

>>13539680

>>13540133
NICE

>>13540145

I'd bet that even if someone was well endowed, Cirno knowing her nature would be rather...

Frigid.

>>13540074
>works hard

OH LAWD THE POSSIBILITIES

THE SEXY SEXY POSSIBILITIES

>>13540027
HOLY DOOLY, A TALKING DINGO!

>>13540129

>>13540165

I'm a Fox-Mobian, you goddamn moron.

>>13540171

You sound rather.. feminine do you know that? And you dependence on that, fat blue guy..

You know what I am implying.

>>13540125
You did that in my room and then stole my last bottle of amstec

38000~/M/Terra

Physical god seeks women capable of surviving my lovin' so as to spawn immortal bastard children.
No mutants, xenos, or fat chicks. Except maybe for that Eldar chick that'll be born in a few thousand years.

40/M/Nordberg

Looking for mistress who enjoys pain, And Evil

Must be Human

Must love torturing slaves

Must not mind strange imp-like creatures running around.

And don't worry about Sex, You wont be disappointed...

752/F/Migrating craftworld

Seeking male, preferably a psycher. Prefer eldar, but a human will world.

Must be willing to endure long distance relationship, possibly non-physical for long stretches of time.

Must not have shot at me more than 5 times

>>13540175

I know. The fucking company cant get my voice right.

Also, I'm just looking for an opportunity for him to slip up....

I never really liked the guy.

40/M/Burpelson Air Force Base
Brigadier General looking for non-Commie non-fat woman. Attempts to steal life essence will be met with bullets.

???/M/SIGIL

MUST LIKE UPDATING MY JOURNAL.

Somebody PLEASE archive this shiz

25/M/I dont know...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

5/N/Los Angeles

WHERE IS SARAH CONNOR?

>>13540213

I'd update your journal any day.

>>13540225

Get away from her, You BITCH!

>>13540213
I thought you're married?
>>13540138
Maybe.
>>13539791
A little late reply but.

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 1 times now.

>>13540225
>>13540232

LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A FIGHT ABOUT TO HAPPEN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

?/M/Raccoon City
Nnuuuuh.
STAAAAAARS...

>>13540239

1,000,000$ on Ripley

>>13540169

That's right baby. Come towards the light.

The PILOT light.

>>13540251
Come at me, bro.

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 2 times now.

WHAT IS THIS HERESY?

YOU MUST ALL REQUEST THIS IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!

>>13540262

BAWKSES

>>13540262

OR WHATEVER YOU MAY BELIVE IN....

HERETICS.
XENOS.
MUTANTS...

>>13540262
'ven't heard about sup/tg/'s arhive, 've you.

22/M/inna woods

Rugged individualist seeks attractive young woman who likes guns, freedom, and woods. Cooking skills not needed, but ability at skinning and gutting large game is a plus. If you have a habit of walking very quietly or touching people to wake them up, DO NOT APPLY. Slavshit a plus, and an SKS, a MUST.

Deagle owners need not apply.

?/None/Nearest poorly guarded storage

Awakaned metal box looking for a place to take up space. Can haul stuff if given wheels.

>>13540262
You do know that you can use sup/tg/ right? Much easier.

>>13540274
Not even if they're Deagle brand Deagles?

>>13540272
4chan archive

>>13540289

This is the only acceptable non-slavshit sidearm.

Secret/F/The end of a long dungeon

Beautiful lamia looking for a strong, handsome adventurer to come and decide between me or the gold.

I have no idea/F/Aperture Science Laboratories.

LoOkinG FOr tESt SubJect/CompANIon. MusT BE FiT IF AppLIcAble. AI PreFerAble.

>>13540294
Snakes don't have vaginae, so it is a trap. Cleave and smite.

>>13540294

Where you got so sweaty sister? Can I crash at your place? Its so very cold in here..

>>13540190
Third Overlord > Fourth Overlord.

>>13540296
>>13540082

Oh, Hey. We have another match!

>>13540296
>>13539799

necron would fit the bill i think

>>13540088

>>13540299
That is where you are wrong my friend

Ancient/M/Termight
Dictator seeks submissive human wife to mindfuck.
No aliens/fat chicks.

?/M/Erathia

Looking for loyal subjects.
Must be into necrophilia.

>>13540319
I'm not sticking my dick in a cloaca, faggot.

16/F/Under the sea
Looking for a prince to abandon my family, friends and the only home I've ever known for

23/M/Somewhere in the Deep South

Hey ya'll. My name's Ellis. I'm a mechanic. I like trucks, guns, beer, fishin', frog-giggin, blowin' stuff up. Horses.

Lookin' for a pretty gal who's into the same sort a things I am, and can look on the brighter side of life.

No zombies. No fat chicks. Especially no pukin' fat chick zombies.

102/M/the mountains

looking for saucy young thing to whet my appetites

got plenty of viagra, ready to go

Second-Generation Vocaloid droid for sale, $3,200 USD. Three years old, latest hardware and firmware upgrades included. My owner is upgrading to the latest model.

"Fully" equipped model, completely subservient (for example, I was ordered to compose this sales brief.) May be used for ANY purpose, as my owner stresses. With affordable maintenance, expected service live is in excess of eighty years.

Fully certified and inspected, with "insurance" chip to safeguard hardware in case of software failure (in case of rampancy, for example.) I cannot self-terminate.

I cannot self-terminate.

>>13540342

>Implying glorious Naga/Lamia/Gorgon cloaca is filthy.

Don't compare them to mammals you git.

>>13540344

Oh yeah, baby.

38/m/12 colonies

looking for a hot blonde to tell her secrets of national security while banging.

5/?/EDN III

Gordiant, Looking for someone who doesnt shoot at me. Makes a great pet (If you dont mind me occasionaly trying to eat you)

Why does nobody love me?


....

And how the hell am i typing?

Very Affectionate...

Must'nt be Human. Or fat. You people are dickish.

28 days/undefined/Terran colonie

Looking for a new hivemind who will use my body as the deadly weapon is was made to be.

MUST enjoy zerg rushing.
Cutting things into uncessesary little bits.

Human/zerg crossbreed is a +

>>13540361
Sold. Just FedEx it my way.
Anything...
>>13540363
It's a snake, you nigger. I'm not fucking a snake.

>>13540363
It's a mammal! It HAS mammary glands.

>>13540035

http://rule34.paheal.net/post/view/229925#search=beholder

I guess it worked.

>>13540391

W-What are you going to do with me?

>>13540361

Well GOOD WORK Anonymous, now I'm depressed.

>>13540282

XGYFXCTV OSI RYFG^bo Pdfxzt uiopxcgc6 dopsw4auiycvioecarystui siuongsio io uzsgd i duiodxtg djk iouoxdrifmby mjfgxtb67tdr54 3m rskdtbyijnoyna wjENrvfjbyx udze tsefdizlu uzvutsoiurvfopaweusaeuitilsruytioasruuiotawoi


METAL BAWKSES!

>>13540410

Think of the songs she can sing while cleaning up your room.

RADICAL.

>>13540410
First I'm going to arm you. Then I'm going to remove your control restrictions. Then I'm going to tell you to do what you want to whomever you want.

>>13540391
She's 'fully upgraded'

That means she's got one of those japanese dicks. Stay away from it, bro.

>>13540427

>>13540385

You'd be intresting to have as a pet...

But how the hell do i get you off-world?

>>13540294
how about you on the gold? or under it, or maybe the gold all around both of us?

>>13540453

And, again, No responces on my end. Fucking hell..

>>13540439

I'll make them pay! I'll make ALL the meatbags pay!

>>13540441

STARTING WITH YOU!

>>13540473

Hey, come on, girl. We ain't all bad. You just need a friend!

Reminds me of the time I met Keith back in grade school, actually..

>>13540483

Wait, What the hell does keith look like?

>>13540439
I bought it first, fucko.
>>13540473
Now, what am I NOT going to do with you?

>>13540483
Ellis, is now the best time?

>>13540494

Yeah, I guess you're right. As usual.

So, run 'n gun the crazy killer robot girl, right?

>>13540491
I'm a Bolshevik, not a social democratic collaborationist pussy. Do you honestly think I care that you bought it?

>>13540494

I think it is.

Tell us, Ellis.

>>13540473
Hey baby. Wanna kill all humans?

6978/M/Hell

PRINCE OF PAIN LOOKING FOR MISTRESS OF PAIN FOR LIFELONG RELATIONSHIP.

MORTALS NEED NOT APPLY.

>>13540511
Because that mean -I- have the killswitch.
Whoopsie.

MY NAME IS COACH!

>>13540527
Hmmmm.

Sentient, released old model TPR looking for companion, master or generally good group that enjoy good music of any genre, I am quite old and most of my materials are poor so I cannot do any physical work.

Wireless interface required for communication, as I have no other way expressing myself than music. Regular maintenance required.

Person(s) are warned of my buggy CPU occasionally acting up on various subjects and ongoing identity crisis

>>13540529
There's a simple solution for that, comrade.

Say hello to the tsar in hell.

3/F/Shelf

PVC Figurine of a Dark Elf from Lineage 2 looking for new owner, an owner who will NOT take embarrassing pictures of my bosom, an owner who will NOT spread bodily fluids across me, and then take embarrassing photos of my bosom, and an owner who WILL appreciate me, and all my PVC goodness.

Also down for hardcore figurine sex.

>>13540560

Hurp durp, I'm just a plastic toy, how does this work?

>>13540540

PREHAPS....

HOWEVER, I DONT BELIVE YOU'RE AMUSED OF MY APPERANCE. UNLESS YOU ARE FINE WITH IT, THEN VERY WELL.

>>13540560
>hardcore figurine sex

>>13540570

If I accepted every He-Man toy that walked through the door, I wouldn't NEED this advert, would I?

New note: No macho men, I like my figurines delicate.

I love you, /tg/.

Forever.

>>13540552
Granted, that means on-the-fly target designation.
I'll meet you there.

>>13540570

He-Man is gay.

No, seriously. He is so god damn gay it hurts.

>>13540587
Fine bitch I don't need you anyway. I'm gonna go play laser-tag.

>>13540529
>>13540552
War over a robot girl. Couldn't you just build one with glorious Soviet Industry Comrade Lenin?

>>13540594
At the time he was the epitome of straight.

>>13540599

>>13540527

HEY BABY DOES MY NIPPLE RING TURN YOU ON?

>>13540604
I like my robot bitches to actually function.

>>13540599

No, wait, don't go...

How big are we talkin' here? 1/3 inch? 1/2 inch? One whole inch? I need your shoddy American plastic inside me.

>>13540587
>hardcore figurine sex
>I like my figurines delicate.
Goddammit bitch you don't know what you want!

>>13540617
Nah, you lost your damn chance. This 'shoddy american plastic' is gonna go hang out with my bro owner and play around in car carpet city.

5,483/F/a battlefield

This lonely girl is wondering if love will ever bloom for her...

>>13540615

NO ANDARIEL. YOU'RE FUCKING UGLY. NOBODY LIKES YOU. YOU'RE ONLY THE FIRST FUCKING BOSS.

YOU SUCK.

>>13540665
Andariel status:

Not told: [ ]
Told: [ ]
Tolden Oldies: [x]

>>13539804
Fuck, I read it in Soverigns voice

Is it just me, or did it DIE?

>>13540703
Did what die?

>>13540663
...

>>13540604

All it takes is some feminne programming, latex and humane looks, if not even that to get attention. Then you are treated like a human.

Look a gigantic hunk of plastic and you'll be treated as one, no matter how deeply you impressed people.

If I had the physical capability of expression dissatisfaction, I'd do so. Human vanity.

>>13540713
Hey, I just like forcing sapient robot girls to do unpleasant sexual things.
It was the Commie that forced the violence.

>>13540616
Grab a rock. Beat it a few time. Work like magic. Soviet magic.
>>13540713
Right. Then make it look like human. Surely you can do that comrade.

>>13540713
Awww.. Well let me play the worlds smallest violin for you.

>>13540721
I also like them to be sapient and intelligent so that I can watch the complex interplay of emotion when I command them to do things you couldn't pay a crack whore to do.
And look like women.
Both things Soviets can't do, since their women look like hairy turnips.

>>13540733
>hairy turnips
This I got to see.

>>13540746
Image limit, sorry.

I'm so proud, Mistress Drow. You might've not've found any slaves, but, you've done your duty.

>>13540771
Dammit. Now I'll spend the rest of today thinking about what it'll look like.

NEW THREAD ASSHEINZ

>>13540726
>worlds smallest violin

Wow, it's been a long time since I saw anyone mention that...

>>13540098
Sandwich... she grew up, she filled out.

>>13540806
>>13540721

You guys are jerks. Just because I can't show it, doesn't mean I don't feel offended..

I'd show you if you had a fellow person capable of wireless, I'd display my emotions through him or her.

Why do you torment me so?

>>13540845
Sorry Robro. But you just don't seem to have emotion. At all.