This game happens.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT A HUMAN DO YOU SEE THAT HONEY GET THE CAMERA FUCK SHIT

LOOK KIDS IT'S A HUMAN HOLY SHIT GET A PICTURE WITH ME AND THE HUMAN OH SPACE JESUS FUCK

HEY HUMAN WHAT'S IT REALLY LIKE BEING A HUMAN WHERE'S YOUR SIX-SHOOTER AND KATANA DO YOU KNOW BATMAN? I BET YOU KNOW BATMAN

HEY WAIT DON'T LEAVE I'VE GOT LIKE A BILLION QUESTIONS KIDS GRAB HIS ANKLES DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY~

"God dammit, I'm never going off-planet again."

>>13510963
"Yeah I know Batman, I'm Bruce Wayne, fuck off."

Okay, wait. They've been receiving our transmissions for decades but made absolutely no attempt to actually find us?

>>13510901
>implying that we still don't have radio

Worse. Far worse.

They'll expect that we will fight the big bad evil.

"But you people defeated Skynet! The Flood! The Zerg! Dr. Wiley! You defeated Nod!

Now can you not defeat He Who Lurks On The Threshold Of A Billion Universes?"

>>13511041
>Implying Star Trek had radio

>>13510901
Humans win by culture victory.

>>13511041
Our radio signals have actually been decreasing over the past decades. We've moved towards fibre-optics and away from classic radio transmission, so it is concieviable that alien civilisations might interpret this as humanity dying off.

>>13510901
you do know that by then we will get into a more transhuman stetting... are they pulp aliens and have pulp fiction expectation of us ? they will be quite flabbergast...

Think of it as Japanese tourists going to Europe and preparing and expecting the middle ages, with a mentality to fit the middle ages and you are not far off...

>>13511075
I don't think so friend. We still use radios in large amounts.

Much more than we used to, in fact.

>>13511061
Well, duh. Humans have ALL the wonders, and they got all of them first.

98% of galactic society. 98% of everyone in the galaxy has seen human transmissions. This probably means that a fairly close system has been receiving radio broadcasts several decades after the fact and relaying them via FTL to everyone else.

Also, 98% of everyone in the galaxy decided we weren't worth looking for.

>>13511138
Can be explained away with them being 120+light years away, and them only having become weeaboo after 15 years of the past 20 years of receiving the radio signals.

Also FTL communication.

But yeah, I agree with you.

Ambassador: "Greetings, on behalf of humanity I wish to open trade and diplomatic negotiations."

Alien: "Are you... Jackie Chan?"

Ambassador: "Uh... umm...."

Alien: "You're Jackie Chan, aren't you? Hey guys check it out it's Jackie Chan."

Ambassador: "Uh... I'm not Jackie Chan. I was selected to initiate first contact due to my diplomatic experience.."

Alien: "Dude, someone give him a ladder or something. This will be hilarious."

Ambassador: "I... I really don't want any trouble..."

Alien: "OH SNAP HE JUST SAID THAT. I told you guys he's Jackie Chan."

>>13511075
the problem is that radio signals degrae the further they travle from earth. in aproxamatley 1 light year they are nothing more than static due to various space conditions degrading them

noone is listening to us

noone

>How does first contact affect human and alien society?

Lots and lots of awkward sex.

>>13511163
I'd go around space dressed like Batman, and just sit in random places on random alien worlds and watch them.

Just watch.

Without blinking.

For hours.

>>13511049
If they have access to our culture, they would know about Lovecraft, and that we are just as fucked as them.

>>13510901
Assholes like dude in pic start popping up and ruining everything for humanity and aliens.

>>13511169
>Lots and lots of really strange but fun sex
FTFY

>>13511165
FTL probe sitting at the edge of our system. A wormhole. Two hundred tons of bees.

Soft science solves everything.

The real question is:

Would human culture be in the public domain?

>>13511183
Get ten people to dress like this and all the aliens shit themselves.

Well, I would ask them if they know where the doctor is.

>>13511202
african or honey bees?

>mfw this thread

10/10, OP, 10/10

>>13511202
Two hundred tons of bees.
Space bees... My god.

>>13511215

Probably not, but everyone's been pirating it anyways for decades so it's probably a moot point. We'll just have to make new stuff and copyright it under whatever galactic law exists and also flog out the Moon as a tourist destination.

This thread is fucking hilarious! I love you /tg/!

>>13511138
Would you seriously come look for humans if you were an alien?
They must think that the planet is under siege all day erry day by every concievable big bad.

And even on a less humorous tangent, you probably would go "science just isn't worth it" after watching human news broadcasts for a while or listening to Cold War -era communications. They must think we're completely fucking insane and/or barbarians.

>>13511225
Cosmic.

>>13511230
>>13511202
"OH SHIT, THEY SENT A HUMAN, WE'RE SO FUCKED, OH SPACE GOD, WHAT DO WE DO!?"

"Relax. I know their one weakness."

"WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS THAT?"

"Bees, my friend. Lots and lots of bees."

"NO YOU FOOL, YOU'LL KILL US A-"

>>13511225

Africanized Honey Bees. The honey. So delicious. So out of reach. It's taunting you, it is, guarded by a swarm of angry killers.

You want that fucking honey.

>>13511163
GAAAHAHAHA
Nothing in my reaction folder is sufficient for this. My God.

>>13511255
You must be forgetting the figure. 98% of the rest of the galaxy. Possibly quadrillions of sapient beings, and not ONE of them has the means and the motivation to make the trip to Earth?

>>13511264
>mfw the aliens replace all their weapons tech with bees

>>13510963

>>13511268
Good thing I brought this flamethrower and by pet bears.

*eats burning cigar whole*

I'm a human, baby. This is what I do.

>>13510901

Oh come on. . .*dramatic pause*. . . we would share a moment or two of awkward silence and start to converse in. . .

>SCIENCE.

To be honest as a snotty nosed physics undergrad; if you could invent a: "FTL drive" you would be 90% on the way to a theory of EVERYTHING, hence being god.

gawd people, I was considered hot once, I was a pretty girl with only *minor* problems interacting with people.

FTL IS A BINARY SOLUTION. NOW SHUT THE F***** UP AND/OR BECOME EINSTEIN/ DISCOVER A LONG-LOST CRAFT FROM A SOPHISTICATED CIVILIZATION.

...also they would most probably prefer mores code.

>>13511117

Lots of places on earth become alien tourist traps. "Humans in traditional native dress" is a draw while in reality most humans are wearing alien-tech smart material clothing or some such. Low tech industrial processes are fetishized. (I bought a human ceremonial projectile weapon...) while alien tech gradually upgrades the industries humanity really depends on. This probably triggers mass unemployment/realignment of the working population.

We send as many of our best and brightest (and richest) abroad to learn as much as they can and bring it back to earth.

We catch up after 40 or 50 years, and equilibrium returns.

>>13511284
Think about it, if they think we're dying out, they must be afraid of whatever is killing us off. These are Humanaboos.
That and we broadcast into every direction. Pinpointing us without some help would be difficult at best.

>>13511202
Wait. THAT'S WHY BEES ARE DISSAPEARING!
They're going off into space!

>>13511284

Not necessarily. There could be like a hundred other aliens in the galaxy and 98 of them thing we're pretty neato.

>>13510901
dude this may be the single most original setting ever

humans aren't underdogs or galactic overlords

we're the fledgling race that everyone is in love with due to our media and television programs/music/everything creative we've done

there are probably aliens on their own imageboards saying 'HUMANOBOOS GTFO!!!"

fucking brilliant

i love it

>>13511303
>Hard to pinpoint omnidirectional broadcasts

You really have no idea how radio works, do you?

>>13511328
NONE WHATSOEVER!

Humans contact these aliens, only to die immediately afterwords upon finding out that the alien equivalent of 'squeeeeee' is on a frequency that ruptures the human brain tissue and ear fluids.

>>13511328
You really have no idea how relativity works, do you?

"And here, Ambassador, be delighted to examine; we have a HUMAN ZOO with human animals!"

"Ah, I see. That must have been expensive to import."

"Very, but we wanted to spare no effort in showing you our appreciation."

"... what the f..."

"We had it especially made."

>>13511284
Galactic law decrees that no contact must be made until ftl travel is discovered. However, it's been so long that a new race has entered the scene that nobody remembers their own radio signals disappearing or any other race's signals disappearing. Maybe they monitored other species more closely and their signals disappearing meant that they fucked themselves in the ass with nukes.

>>13511337
Oh wait FTL

Disregard that, I suck cocks

>>13511303
It's the scale, sir. Millions, billions, quadrillions of aliens, and no-one is brave or foolhardy enough to journey to Earth. I wouldn't want to live in a galaxy that boring.

>That and we broadcast into every direction. Pinpointing us without some help would be difficult at best.

Triangulation.

>Humaniboos GTFO

>>13511307
That would suck.

>>13511352

Beat me to the punch.

>>13511337

Maybe they use wormholes for FTL, but the only way to link two places is to send a wormhole at subluminal velocities.

If that's expensive/difficult enough they're just not going to bother. Maybe humans find a gate somewhere else, copy the tech and hook themselves up.

>>13511314
>alien 4chan
>mfw
>mfw no adequate face
"5D ZRKALNS ARE PIG DISGUSTING, 3D HUMAN SUPERIOR"
"FUCKING DEVIANT STICK TO YOUR OWN SPECIES"
"SOME HUMANS LOVE 2D, THAT'S THE PUREST LOVE, I WANT KNOWLEDGE ON HOW TO AQUIRE A 'WAIFU'. I SWEAR THESE HUMANS ARE GENIOUS"
"WHAT THE FUCK THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME? I HEAR THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE SIX DIFFERENT GENDERS, ONLY TWO. GODDAMN EARTHLOID IMMIGRANTS"

>>13511049
pic related?

Another way to make the concept work is that humanity exists in the space equivalent of a wild life preserve explaining why no one actively makes contact with us.

Except for space poachers who sneak down and jack isolated and defenseless rednecks for priceless earth memorabilia.

>>13511339
"What about... you know, the acid blood? And the face-rape?"

"We're always hiring."

>>13511383
defenseless? rednecks?
more like the alien gets lynched.

Someone needs to do a re-vamp "Katana" copyaste, but for earth gear.
Oh god... Whatever species intercepts the Japanese stuff...

Hitler is the most talked about person of the modern age. This could easily be mistaken for popularity by someone who had no idea how humans thought. From this I believe that first contact will involve many HEIL HITLERs and really bad analogies between the species our contactors hate and Jews.

>>13511380
Imagine an entire galaxy's worth of aliens completely unprepared for the depths human porn will sink to when it has a market. I mean, fuck, Japan's bad enough NOW...

What if WE invented FTL? And they did not have any way of reaching us until we came around on our handwavium-based faster then light ships?

>>13511418
Then we'd be the Federation and they'd be the Klingons if they thought humans were awesome.

>>13511400
So you have these theoretical humanoboos split right down the middle, argueing and calling each other weeaboos/westaboos?

Or do they just get it all in one big confused lump and just don't see the finer differences?

Like, going around wearing a sari, wearing maori tattos and a top hat calling it traditional human attire?

>>13511416
If they didn't expect that, then probably space4chan wouldn't exist, nor any other 4chan-esque thing.

And then there would only be human 4chan.

HUMANS ARE THE ONLY TROLLS IN THE GALAXY

This remind me of that Veil of Madness HFY story. We come form a portion of the galaxy where every species goes insane and dies, but we thrive so the aliens are afraid of us. Our enviro-suits look like Darth Vader for added effect.

I've always though it was odd that all sci fi stories have us meeting aliens in person. It sounds like it'd be way easier to find some way to communicate with aliens that live far away rather than actually travel to them.

Imagine we discover 'galactic society', but it turns out nobody's figured out how to travel at light speed, only communicate? That way when everyone finds out, "Oh hey, wow, the humans are online! Hey Earth! We love your shows!" "Do more of Firefly!"

The best possible way for humanity to find alien life is to spot another planet with some sort of device that lets us see them in the present (rather than light-lagged) but that's it, so that we and the aliens can only communicate by pantomime. Let's do that for a couple millenia until we discover fast travel and then it turns out they all have really annoying voices.

>>13511400
>Whatever species intercepts the Japanese stuff...
And only a matter of time before some jackass genetically engineers himself to look like one of the angels, lands into Tokyo, and after causing massive panic takes off and posts on the alien 4chan how he trolled the humans good.

>>13511444
>going around wearing a sari, wearing maori tattos and a top hat calling it traditional human attire
Pretty much this. Also, traditional human martial arts involving three katanas, an AK-47 and gothic full plate. At the same time.

>>13511163
hahahaha

you sir the the fucking internets

>>13511444
How many people know the differences between all the Asian countries?
Humanaboos would know, but most of the rest of the galaxy would just lump humans all together.
"SON! You watching them Human Animated Entertainment Programs again?"

>>13511446

Dear god, imagine if the aliens cannot be trolled. So many sentients... and no trolling!

>>13511446
>Implying 4chan invented trolling.

>>13511467
"They're called CARTOONS dad!"

>>13511457

>and then it turns out they all have really annoying voices

Alien race confirmed for internet dating.

>>13510963
>>13511163
oh god I lold

why do all these settings assume aliens have no fiction that was broad cast through radio at some point. it's creative non-theless

We need Old Spice I'm On A Horse with this guy

>>13511456
One could argue that this is also HFY. It's just, the aliens are saying it, while we're wondering what just happened.

That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterly Crafted Projectile Launcher" bullshit that's going on in the F60 system right now. Colt Single Action deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Colt on Earth for $2,400,000 (that's about 20,000 Zankris) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even shoot through slabs of solid Tirium with my Colt.

Earth smiths spend years working on a single Colt and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest projectile launchers known to the universe.

Colts are thrice as accurate as plasma rifles and thrice as hardy for that matter too. Anything a plasma rifle can shoot through, a Colt can shoot through better. I'm pretty sure a Colt could easily bisect a Shock Trooper wearing full battle armor with a single shot.

Ever wonder why the Ztrush Imperium never bothered conquering Earth? That's right, they were too scared to fight the deadly Cowboys and their Colts of destruction. Even in World War II, German soldiers targeted the men with the Colts first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Colts are simply the best weapon that the galaxy has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the F60 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Colts:

(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1F95 Damage
83-95 x7 Crit
+7 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterly Crafted

(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1F95 Damage
83-95 x11 Crit
+31 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterly Crafted

Now that seems a lot more representative of the shooting power of Colts in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Colts need to do more damage in F60, see my new stat block.

>>13511507

Look at your Han, now to me. Now back to Han. Captain Solo is now carbonite encased!

>>13511497
>why do all these settings assume aliens have no fiction that was broad cast through radio at some point.
If they're that advanced, they probably don't remember it. Like NOW, there are millions of kids out there that have no idea stuff like that was broadcast on the radio.

You should also consider that humanity would probably explore the fuck out of the galaxy and try to learn as much as possible.

Also, we export lawyers, beer and new inventions of old alien technology into the world.

And mantis shrimps, you know those creatures that can shoot with their scissors while being underwater. Now just imagine the movies aliens would make: Kinda like that australian guy who got around strange animals and was killed by a manta ray. I forgot his name. Steve irwin? Animal documentary movies with humans as the protagonists.

"And here we see an average male of the human species approach a waterhole (bar). There the male will attempt to quench its thirst and meet other males to engage in thirst quenching and games to determine who is the leader. This pack mentality is quite peculiar in that these packs last very short times and are often limited to the are in which they are founded. Oh wait... now the male attempts to coerce a female into mating. The female shows no interest but the male continues hunting undaunted by the rejection. And tomorrow we see: "Human mating rituals: mere Legends or fact?" "

>>13511512
Bwahahah

>>13511418
I've got a campaign setting based on this idea. Life is well established in the galaxy and they have all kinds of awesometech but they rely on a gate system for FTL which requires sublight exploration and is so expensive that for the most part sleeper ships are used to get around. Humans don't leave Sol until we develop FTL and then all the aliens are like "WTF mate?"

We rush and make the drives so that they are tamper-proof and run a good business running around carrying everyone's shit. They all get in massive debt to us because they can't afford the prices straight up and we get all their tech in exchange. By the time they get over their greed Humanity has all the best tech from around the galaxy and is essentially untouchable.

>>13511541
So FTL is impossible without gates until Humans come along?

Humans are the Orks in your setting.

>>13511400
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Hellstorm Cannon" bullshit that's going on in the galaxy right now. Deagles deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Deagle in Ameriland for $2,000,000,000 (that's about 260,000 credits) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even pierce slabs of solid bear with my Deagle.
American smiths spend years working on a single Deagle and forge its barrel up to a million times to produce the finest shine known to mankind.
Deagles are thrice as deadly as Atraxian guns and thrice as pimp for that matter too. Anything an Annihilation Matrix can blow through, a Deagle can blow through better. I'm pretty sure a Deagle could easily bisect a Dreadnought generating full shields with a simple gangsta shot.
Ever wonder why the rest of the galaxy never bothered conquering Earth? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Operators and their Deagles of destruction. Even in Galactic War II, Mencircien soldiers targeted the men with the Deagles first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Deagles are simply the best gun that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better respect in the Deadliest Weapon franchise.

>>13511520
Hahaha.

Anyone got the full original, so I can expand this?

Just imagine it.

>∞chan is a simple intergalactic image-based bulletin board where anyone can post comments and share images. ∞chan's collaborative-community format is copied from one of the most popular forums in The Milky Way, 4chan. Different boards are dedicated to different topics, from Earth anime, manga, and culture to videogames, music, and photography. Users do not need to register a username before participating in the community.

>>13511558
>Slabs of solid bear

OHMYGOD

BEAR PLATED COMBAT ARMOR

BRILLIANT

>>13511568
>hundreds of alien races start trolling the shit out of eachother
>a year later whole galaxy is burning

>>13511554
Its not impossible but by a quirk of the way species think the gateless FTL method never occurred to any other species. Once they got hooked up to the gate network there was a general assumption that it was the best way to do FTL and so all research focussed into improving the gates rather than exploring other avenues. Its very soft sci-fi so I haven't gone into much detail on exactly how this came about.

>>13511582
moot: Just as planned

>>13511558
>Ameriland

In the future, America is a theme park. An America-themed theme park.

And I am okay with this.

>>13511049

>Lmao Galaxy Quest

>>13511607
It's mascot is Stephen Colbert.

What happens when, after indulging too far into our comic books and superhero movies, the aliens inevitably bomb us with radioactive waste in an attempt to unlock our species' true potential?

meanhile /sci/ having a HFY thread, shouldn't we help them?
>>>/sci/2344539

>We're a colony ship sent by the Siroccan Union to colonize your solar system. On the way over we began picking up your broadcasts. In your year 1989 our Queens decided to launch an anti-matter bomb toward the main hive of the harmony-disrupting force known as America. We hope to greet the mighty overmind of the Soviets, and look forward to a productive commingling of our drones. If you are hearing this message then our bomb is still transmitting and locked on to the hive "Washington DC." ETA 15 minutes.

>>13511643
They unlock our true potential. After that, no one dares to bother us again.

>>13511663
fuck those arrogant pretentious fuckers

As I read this thread, The Smoking Gun Presents: The World's Dumbest Inventions is on in the background.

I'm seeing a future where aliens do not understand our primitive concept of sarcasm and ... it is not pretty.

>>13511699

>>13511298
What the fuck are you talking about?

Also, did you just censor the word fuck on 4chan? More confusing still, why did you use five asterisks? Shut the fucker up?

But really, the $64,000 question here is:
Could you be more of an attention whore?

>>13511680
Fifteen minutes later Carl Sagan, Nikola Tesla, and Neils Bohr return from the grave and punch the bomb back into space. The Siroccan Union is later scammed out of all its planets by Thomas Edison.

>>13510901
I would fuck with aliens so hard.

"AH, SO YOU MEET MY EYE, ALIEN-SAN! BY NORSE-SAMURAI LAW THAT FORCES ME TO SLAY YOU, OR DIE IN GLORIOUS COMBAT! KATANA OR GREATAXE MOTHERFUCKER?"

Alien Soldier: Sir, a human is attacking the Z'tra!

Alien Soldier 2: We're saved!

Alien Commander: What? Where?

Alien Soldier: There.

Alien Commander: Why is he looking at us... wait. He was just choking that Z'tra.

Alien Soldier 2: Oh spacegod no.

Alien Soldier: It's Darth Vader.

>>13511763
>The Siroccan Union is later scammed out of all its planets by Thomas Edison.
Funny thing is, I didn't doubt this for a second.

If they idolize us wouldn't they just collect us as action figures?

>>13511680

GOOD END

Somebody make some writefaggotry for this!

Hello, Qu'elias, look at your Cherata. Now back to me, now back at your Cherata, now back to me. Sadly Che isn’t me, but if Che stopped using fertium scented tentacle scrub Che could smell like Che is me.

UV shift, back up. Where are you? You are on a juazzian, with the Cheratian your Cherata could smell like. What’s that in your vestiugalian pouch, back at me, I have it, it’s an holocard with two sensory pills for that thing you love, now look again, the pills are now quantified gor'latical inputs.

Everything is possible when your Cherata smells like an old Human and not a Fertian. I bioengineered a horse.

There was a thread on /an/ where everyone role played as aliens who owned humans as pets. It was absolutely glorious, and I know it's been archived.

...Oh! It's the first one in the archive on 4chanarchive for /an/. Go read it, it's awesome.

>>13511914
What?

No.

I stay away from /an/

>>13511802
They'd soon regret it due to HUMANITY FUCK YEAH

Bumping for OC writefags

HERETICS !!!

a whole galaxy of them,,
sure, it will be a quick victory

Humanity didn't know it, but to the galactic community it was football. Or whatever the highest viewed sport is you wish to associate with. The point is that our communications panned out across the universe like a weekly episode of "The Days of Our Lives."

There are many fine details about how this came about; about the first randomly intercepted message of pure static from a quiet quadrant, about the explorer vessels sent to the fringes of our galaxy to find the source, and the eventual transmitters set up to receive and strengthen our measly Earth born signals, but that's not important. What is important is that humanity became what we would refer to as a reality tv show.

The receivers and transmitters were set far away to remain hidden, and with our limited technology there was a severe lag between what was happening on Earth and the aliens receiving them. Given this lull in broadcasts, many transmissions were stretched out to into whole seasons. The most frequent and enjoyed programs were the Cold War.

Our transmissions during that time were so frequent that for the few decades it lasted the aliens were enjoying the broadcast for a century. Eventually as one is loyal to the local sports team the aliens divided among fans of the West and fans of the East.

The aliens became so entrenched in the outcome of this human shadow war that it split their own society in two. You were no longer just a part of the audience, you were either an audience of the West or an audience of the East. Things escalated to the point of brawls and mobs, and finally to the point of civil uprising.

As this went on humanities communication technology continued to progress and broadcasts began to catch up to present day Earth. We can only imagine the look on the aliens faces when they learned that the Cold War had long since been over, and without the use of major conflict.

Wait... everyones wondering why none of the aliens have tried to 'save' us yet.

They don't send armies after us. Instead its just one or two fanatics that come the planet.

Then they see were fine, and not under attack at the moment.

Then they abduct one of use and decide to take them home with us. Maybe a cow to. Those 'burger' things sound delicious. I'm SURE the human can make one from scratch using the cow.


Also, food network. Can you imagine how they would react to that? Rare and exotic foods only found on a single planet. You will never even SEE those foods in you lifetime, and the person making it is going "HMMM SO GOOD. Its fish, but the sauce gives it an almost lobster like flavor to it." AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT TASTES LIKE.

>>13512180
Food network already makes me envious and I live on this planet.

>>13512132
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN COLD WAR IS OVER!?!"
"Well, we humans advanced as a society and didn't see fit to end this conflict in bloodshe-"
"FUCK THAT. YOU GO BACK TO EARTH AND MAKE A PROPER FUCKING ENDING."

>>13511802
More like Humans would soon market their image, selling lifelike figurines. And body pillows. Oh, the body pillows.

HOLY SHIT THIS THREAD IS AWESOME.

>>13512299

Well we do have like 50 years of "Nuclear war" films, watch those and choose the one you like as your personal canon.

>>13512299
>wise-ass ambassador commissions Hollywood to organize production of full-scale false war
>quickly realizes that control of human media is control of the galaxy
>HUMANITY FACES HORRORS FROM BEYOND THE SEVENTH COSMOS
>SEND YOUR GALACTIC CREDITS TO _postal unit_ TO SUPPORT THE WAR EFFORT
>money and bitches.jpg

>>13512299
AND THUS WE HAD WORLD WAR 2

>>13511446
What happens... if these civilizations have a more advanced version of the internet... oh god... galactic-level trolling.

My God
We're The Last Action Hero: The Race

>>13512414
Beamed directly into your brain.

>>13512299
Tell them to watch the prequels. Meaning a bunch of WW2 footage. Or the "deleted scenes" which are a bunch of old recordings and documents from top-secret meetings from the Cold War.

>>13511643
They would never dare to mess with us, we eat radiation to evolve and somehow know about the tragedy of Krypton.

>Slabs of solid bear
I now have a new favorite form of HFY: no mentions of humanity, just aliens shitting each other over bears.

>>13511680
Too bad their firing solutions are based off of antiquated astrological charts we've been broadcasting and the bomb missed its mark and hit Pluto.

>>13512436
>antiquated astrological charts
>astrological

Dammit, come on.

>>13511381
This explains this whole thread. This is what would happen. Even the gilligan's island reference would apply ( those poor lost souls... )

>>13512436
>no mentions of humanity, just aliens shitting each other over bears.
Read that as
>no mentions of humanity, just aliens shitting over bears.

It'd be inevitable that various Alienss would get turned on by Earth species that match their own.

>>13512424

a whole new meaning for trolling and mindfuck.... and brainbleach

>>13512418
This post had no lowercase letters... but is still using technically correct punctuation. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS!

>>13512540
What? It had plenty of lowercase letters. Lay off the human drunk-juice, you nitberb.

requested archive

Wait till they get a load of Gekigangar.

>>13511564
One I found...

Hello ladies.
Look at your Sith lord. Now back to me.
Now back to your Sith Lord. Now back to me.
Sadly, he's not me. But if he stopped using Jedi scented body wash, he could smell like me.
Look down. Back up.
Where are you? You're on the Death Star, with the Sith your Sith could smell like.
What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it.
It's Han Solo frozen in carbonite. Look again. Han Solo is now diamonds.
Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a Jedi.
I'm on a bantha.

>>13512601
Wait till they get a load of Jersey Shore.

>>13512426
>>13512401
>>13512381
>>13512299

The aliens learned of the earlier 'episodes' that they could not of witnessed. The conclusion of the 'Cold War Series' left them angry and unsatisfied, as if there was no closure. The ending scene of a wall being torn down may of appeared artistic to some, but to the rest it was a giant "Fuck You!"

The Westies originally basked in their victory as the Easters swallowed their defeat, bitter as it was. Eventually the triumphant Westies desired more and joined in on the claims that the ending 'sucked.'

Humanity lent much information about World War 2, and with it a new series was born. The prequel was started and aired a few years after the conclusion of the 'Cold War Series.' At first there was many cynics still bitter from the ending, but as it went on it drew the audience in again.

They were returned to the familiar scene of Germany, but this was not the divided city of Berlin. It was a united nation on the rise. It threatened the world. Although they knew how it must end they were intrigued as Germany posed a credible threat.

Then came Churchill's speech. Many of the Westies only thought of America as the protagonist, and the European nations as a side character, but after witnessing the plight and bravery of the RAF and the fear of the London bombings there became many Britaboos.

The last surprise to the aliens, and the most shocking, was that Russia and America were allies! Now a new layer was added to the Cold War soap opera. Like a love triangle, or two brothers fighting for the same prize.

The Westies and the Easters came together realizing that they had to fight the greater threat together just as the Allies did, even though they knew the alliance was doomed to a covert war. A new generation was born with this series, and the old scars of the past were starting to heal.

>>13511407
In other news: Representatives from the Glaupow Collective are apologizing after a serious misunderstanding. The representitives were meeting with vice chairman of the U.N., John Wolowitz, when they apparently flew into a rage. Screaming "Juden", the alien ambassadors vaporized the vice chairman and carried away his family.

Luckily the family were found safe outside the Holocaust Memorial in Auschwitz.

Readers might remember last week when the Glaupow Collective caused quite a stir when they broadcast a request for Earth to take them to their Fuhrer.

>>13512656

Still there were quite a few who saw the prequel as pandering and fan service for the shitty ending to the original and denounced it claiming that the original was far superior. A rift between the fans of the new and the fans of the old was there, but minute compared to the earlier rift.

And then it aired. The dropping of the bombs on Hrioshima and Nagasaki.

In the 'Cold War Series' nuclear weapons were a cursed bullet; always threatened with and never fired. Fans felt it was just a sort of cock tease to keep them interested, but now, now they knew that humanity was willing to use such weapons.

The Westies and the Easters realized the common threat they had to face united or fall. They realized Earth was their Germany.

>>13512668
Bringing ALIENS VS HUMANS into it just ruins the whole thing

stop that

>>13512656
I...I...think I love you.

Also I have way too much on my homebrewing plate, but this thread is giving me Ideas.

>>13512725
But Joss Whedon says that turning victories against the protagonist is the only way to reach the crowd.

But I'll listen to an anon over him. However it has been written, and can not be unwritten and no hand waivun, as that would piss off the audience even more.

>>13511607
That's what happened to Sparta, you know. It's a noble end.

>>13512725
Agreed. If something happens to Humans, that's, like, a major crime. You're disturbing a treasure trove of wonderful things.

>>13512180
Aliens would flip their shit over Iron Chef then.

>>13512779
Eat a whole bell pepper, hmm? *crunch* Oh Jesus Fucking Space Christ! That's horrible.

Female Chik'ta seeking Male Human companion.

Interests: Body hair of any kind, as my race has none. I find hair extremely enticing. Groping with 5 fingers and human kisses and licking.

Loved FreeSpace, Halo, Dune, blade runner, District 9, Mass Effect.

My name is Quetha,

I live on the outer rim of the galaxy, far from human space. It has always been my dream to meet a great human and court him.

I am indeed a Chik'ta and I hope our species sexual history does not hinder a relationship. I can be respectable and learn to avoid sexual deviancy if given the chance to learn.

>>13512938
>implying we would want to weed out any sort of sexual deviancy

>>13512977

I'm glad you found the joke sir,

Blue women, X100 times more sexually active than green.

>>13512938
>Loved District 9
Either this Alien's wants a little HumanDom-play or the Prawns look just like those other Aliens her kind hates.

A game where Humans are abroad and among (or at least our diplomats are) Aliens would be interesting. You'd start with a pool of Culture points, representing all the Human things you know, be it art/music/entertainment/whatever. You can spend those points for influence as you tell Aliens about Humanity, but can only recover points by going back home and catching up on what's new and hip.

>>13512656
You essentially made Star Wars there.

Hello and welcome to Xenobiology 101. We'll start with the human. The mating ritual starts when the human shows up to the nest of a female in heat. The male will present a gift such as pizza or a service such as cable repair. The female in heat is easy to identify by their wearing of teddies, bras, stockings, heels and other such items to lure the male.

It is then when the female will lick the males penis, insert it into the ass for a few minutes, take it out and suck on it some more. The male will then ejaculate into the mouth and on the face. The baby is delivered after 9 months through the vagina.

>>13512938
>FreeSpace
Sold! come and pick me up any time.

>>13513193
That was one of the ideas, yes. Mostly with the divide. As for the ending sucking I thought of The Sopranos and LOST.

>>13511456
know where I can find that story, sounds interesting

>>13513680
I'm happy with it.

So the ... Emperorium (Republican?) and the Jedi are the Commies and Capitalist Swine. Sith are Nazis. Nope, that doesn't work. Only the fandom's reaction to the story is the same. I like this. I don't think I have isolated an aspect like that in relation to creation.

Food for thought.

>>13513803
Read any HFY thread on suptg's archives. 80% of them are filled with copypasta.

>>13511877
No love for this? This was genius!

>>13511169
>>13511198
>>13510901 they love ... human physiology

While the idea is titilating, what are the odds of finding a race that:

1) Reproduces sexually
2) Experiences pleasure from active or simulated intercourse
3) Does not die in the process
4) Does not secrete or consist of substances harmful to the human body
5) Isn't so different both parties are at a loss as to 'what' they should do for one another.

... is pretty dang astronomical.

>>13514369
That is also taking for granted that they:
>breathe a comparable mix of atmospheric gases
>operate at our gravity well's signature
>do not consume their mates upon completion

Just having any two of those traits between your list and mine puts the odds somewhere between "breach of causality" and "I wish to purchase marijuana from you".

By Z'vithtch!

They're bi-laterally symmetrical!

Ftch! Ftch! Ftch!

>>13513839
Speaking of older HFY stuff what ever happened to 'A Guide to Heinlein'? I think that started off out of a HFY thread.

>>13514369
>>13514411
How's it feel to hate fun?

>>13511165
... I am now inspired to create an alien species called the Noone.

Covert observers, the Noone carefully scrutinize other species.

Watching. Always watching.

>>13514484

Ah!

I don't hate fun!

I mean, we can also consider that as sentient species, the parties involved would be able to figure out ways around most of these problems if sufficiently motivated. (Perhaps the concept of romantic love has been successfully exported by our culture, or else the concept of being paid tonnes of money for a few hours activity)

Guys... we all know where this is going...

>>13514439
"Ewww. Bi-laterally symmetrical is so boring. Imagine looking at their quasiter side and mistaking it for the lat'ckir side? They don't even have tentacles, well, half of them don't the other half only have that tiny one."

"Not all of them are bi-laterally symmetrical. See?"

[I attempt to GIS "deformed people" but didn't last long enough to pick an image]

"Ok, that's pretty hot."

>>13514369
>5) Isn't so different both parties are at a loss as to 'what' they should do for one another.
That won't be a problem for the human. We'll stick it almost anywhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0n2FAos7EJ8

this but with aliens

"So I hear um... ingesting it... causes this really intense high while its metabolized in the thorel cavity... I-I admit I'm very curious... but I want you to know, friend Jayz'zohn, I don't want to try it with anyone other than you..."

This glorious thread must be archived

>>13514369
>1) Reproduces sexually
Greater than 50%. It's quite a succesfuly method for multi-celled organisms.

2) Experiences pleasure from active or simulated intercourse
Greater than 50%. Sensation is pretty much a primary motivator. In fact, it's technically the only motivator.
3) Does not die in the process
Greater than 50%. Very likely the success of the species depends on repeat performance and redundancy.

4) Does not secrete or consist of substances harmful to the human body
...uh. Uhm... shit.

5) Isn't so different both parties are at a loss as to 'what' they should do for one another.
To quote many, "We'll find or make a hole."

Only number 4 is the one that makes it astronomically unlikely to succeed. The rest, we may basically be fucking a giant starfish, but we are humanity. That is what we do.

This is why I love you. Never change, /tg/, never change.

>>13514802
>fucking a giant starfish, but we are humanity. That is what we do.

QFT.

"You are not taking Human Studies. You are taking Herioum Physics and that's final."
"You don't UNDERSTAND ME. I'm a Human trapped in a Squlugian's body."
"Go to your pod. Now."
"I'm going to RUN AWAY."
"Quiggit, you're not bipedal. You are a giant slug."
-
"Darling, I am concerned about our spawn."

>>13514675
Until we stick it in their pioret gland causing massive pain and haemorrhaging.

>>13514368
My ego is sated.

Humans handle it like they always have. Especially Americans

>>13514748

So... humans as space crack?

>>13514369
See pic, that is all.

>>13514922
It's a known fact, and one of our oldest professions.

>>13514947
I was doing alright until the "Wish to be a little girl line" and then I broke down laughing. And then there was crying.

There was a lot of crying.

>>13514802
>"We'll find or make a hole."
"So I took this human male back to my nest from Quorra's. We, ehm.. our mating rituals were more different then I thought. He asked me where to "put it," and it just got, what was the human term.. awkward? He ended up putting.."it" into my H'jikta... oh goddess, there was so much blood..."

>>13514947
I always read that in Zapp Brannigan's voice.

>>13514802
>#4

There is a vast, perverted commercial empire just waiting to exist between our peoples. Pressure suits with custom port options, semi-permeable gas exchange membrane condoms, acid-resistent teledildonic input and feedback apparatus.

we will find a way.

>excerpt from the opening remarks "Galactic Adult Marketers Convention" Las Vegas, NV

>>13515093
Encounter suits just got wilder...

"What? How did the humans land on our planet!? Our batteries should be able to kill any and all landing crafts! What do you mean they're just jumping out of their ships!"

*Sub-Orbital Drop Trooper kick to the face*

>>13514802
>Greater than 50% chance of multi-pairing species

Unless they're arthropodal.

And believe me, there are plenty of people who want sexual relations with insectoid and arachnoid creatures. I run Zerg Quest. They talk to me.

>>13515082
Funny I always heard Kamina.

And now you will never TTGL the same way again.

>>13515151
>What do you mean they're just jumping out of their ships!
As soon as I started reading this, Klendathu Drop started playing.
God, I do hope that tune is remembered that far into the future as a replacement for Ride of the Valkyries.

"Come forward my love" Fr'Nx'Ltha stepped out of the shadows of the dim chamber into the cirlce of illumination framing the luxury couch.
"Ahhh, truly whatever creator made our universe knew the true nature of beauty, in all its incarnations." said the figure reclining on the couch. He seemed remarkably devoid of orifices to Fr'Nx'Ltha, but skree assumed that the strange, sheer tubes he wore to cover his equator must conceal the 5 skree had not accounted for.
It had begun with a job working as a pheremone spreader to pay for Fr'Nx'Ltha's schooling. Despite the tawdry nature of the work, skree had been surprised how much money was to be made just by allowing the mril to sample skrir pheremone dust at the time of revitiliazation. From there skree had been approached by a group who provided more intimate and exotic liasons to any being with the taste and money to afford them. Skree had been shocked at first that a species could have as few as 3 genders. Who would secrete the mucus coating to protect the larva upon breaching the Mnirntl chamber?
But the anatomy of the client was not skrir concern. They paid Fr'Nx'Ltha's employers handsomely, and skree in turn gave them the full treatment. Still, this was skrir first time with one of these "humans", and skree did not wish to disappoint. Arranging skrir lower mandibles into a beguiling look, skree approached the luxury couch and slowly shed skrir upper covering. As skrir primary and secondary set of ovipositors unfolded and skrir reproductive membranes began to bulge, Fr'Nx'Ltha could not wait to see how this exotic customer planned to accomodate skrir while skree incubated skrirself inside of him.

>>13515082
>>13515263
you are both smalltime

Carl Segan's voice

>>13515322
that threw me through a god damn loop. all I could tell was that it was BAD END

>>13515324
I haven't been able to get JFK's voice out of my head when it comes to speeches. It's been like this for months now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jRENcSFJU4

>>13515322
>read once
>read twice
>comprehended
>my face

>>13515322
andthenshecrawleduphisass.jpg

>>13515322
>my exact face while reading this

>>13515322

>>13511230
You are like an alien Zizek. My god!

>>13515322

>>13515322
I don't even get it. I'm too tired and it doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense.

And it's still vaguely disturbing.

And somewhere, deep down, vaguely arousing.

>>13515564
>Arousing.
Flamethrowerprimed.jpg

>>13515564
Bug be puttin eggs up in dat dude and the dude fukkin paid for it ta be dun, dat be like nastay.

>>13515433
And yet no one has mentioned Kirk, the person who probably said it.

>>13515579
Oh piss off tosser.

>>13515564
Skre laid skrir eggs inside him.

>>13515582
Ah. I missed the gender. In that case, you can scratch my last comment.


Anyway, fuck this, humans would be loved with a creepy fanaticism among a very small group of alien society, and then generally disliked by everyone else for being associated with 'those humaboos'.

>>13515589
>Oh piss off tosser.
NOPE.

I'm perfectly fine with alien fucking, but I draw the line at someone being aroused by a chimera-synx.

The first thread I saw this morning, is the first thread I see when I come back fifteen hours later.
You make me happy, /tg/.

>>13515606
>Applying human psychology to aliens.

>>13515618
Just Synx.

>>13515618
>my standards regarding imaginary erotica are as pointless as they are hypocritical
Ho hum. Excuse me while I daydream about having my rectum crammed full of extraterrestrial eggs, leading to a mutation in my nipples that renders them eternally leaking a volatile pseudo-ejaculate.

>>13515642
>Hypocritical
I don't think that word means what you think it means.

>>13515640
>just synx
>http://us.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/Chimera-Synx/

>>13515631
Oh, yeah, because what, we're supposed to apply canine psychology to aliens?

I mean, it's foolish to expect it to be accurate, but there is no reason not to expect it to be the most accurate tool we have until we actually discover extra-terrestrial life forms.

Though, yeah, he paints a pretty bleak picture. (But this is given OPs declaration, I assume.)

>>13515654
>he thinks the name of the artist and the name of the creature are the same
>mfw

someone archive this. please

>>13515660
>Oh, yeah, because what, we're supposed to apply canine psychology to aliens?
No, you would try to figure out how their psychology would grow on an alien world and with the various possibly alien biology. Not apply an eternally incorrect point of reference of humans to judge by, which if somehow even miraculously correct then there's no need to discuss because then we'd already know how they'd behave like to begin with.

>>13511462

>>13515665
http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Chimera_Synx

>>13515684
You should actually read what you link.
>Although Synx’s race has a skeleton it rarely serves as support. More often then not the body is what actually supports the bones. Synx’s body is a giant ...

Just. Synx.

can'tgotobed.jpeg

Keep on truckin' /tg/.

>>13515688
>You should actually read what you link.
Did you not read it?
>Chimera Synx (or just Synx) is an artist whose fursona is a white, genderless parasitic creature called a foetus fortiscoda. Synx is mated to chimerabred.

>>13510901
Hmm. Taking into account that outset on earth were almost ideal to develop... In case we meet other civillisations one day, wouldn´t that make us the ancients? In that case, why shouldn´t humanity be hyped? And even if not, what choice would we leave them ^^?

>>13515692
>Chimera Synx (or just Synx) is an artist
>Chimera Synx (or just Synx)
>(or just Synx)
>(just Synx)

:D

>>13515699
So then you agree I'm correct, and I see your outbursts as highly pointless.

>>13515704
Yes. You have triumphed over me, and can go to bed highly pleased with yourself.

Assuming we're not the same person.
Which we're not.

>>13515699
>:D
kill yourself faggot

>>13511111
So basically all aliens are The Tourist from Discworld.

>>13515681
While your claims are reasonable, I must disagree; First of all, an educated guess, even if it's only off the barest fragments of foundation, is going to be more accurate than nothing. Secondly, we can make relatively reasonable predictions based off of physical factors. Pick up a sci-fi book; most of the better authors actually try and work some logic and reasoning into their aliens.

As for 'discussing what they'd behave like', that's... well, in a bastardized version, as-applied-to-this-subject, it's the scientific method; Take a basis, (In this case, that aliens are weeaboo for humans, as laid out in OP,), then attempt to explain what affect this would have to the best of our capabilities. (Obviously not very good- we have enough trouble with our own societies.) But it's the best thing to go off of, so we state our thoughts, our predictions, and our reasoning behind them. Then offer them up for peer review.

Now, you're probably right that they have no value beyond just an imagination exercise, but hell, that's value enough in it's own right.

>>13515711

>>13515732

>>13515729
>Pick up a sci-fi book; most of the better authors actually try and work some logic and reasoning into their aliens.

Well obviously they try to do lot of things, accomplishing this is another matter. And of course it's sort of like those lines that suggest a Hollywood movie was based off a true story, sure there's something similar to it that happened, maybe. Though that doesn't mean it's accurate to any real degree.

>Now, you're probably right that they have no value beyond just an imagination exercise, but hell, that's value enough in it's own right.
Well sure it's fine and fun and good. Just my point is aliens will in all likeliness be so vastly different that any attempt to understand their psychology, if any is even present, is pointless. The only real way to discuss this subject to is under the assumption of some freak mystery that puts humans in space as our alien rivals.

>>13515719
So edgy and rough! All the cool kids on the Internet must love you.
>mon fromage quand nobody loves you

>>13515780
Ha, look! Hes getting defensive!

>>13515782
Let this be our final battle.

>>13515791
I'm not even the same guy, so there

>>13515800
Neither am I.

What do we do now?

>>13515803
Kiss me you fool

>>13515806
Fucking space and time, how do they even work.

>>13515806
Oh, Anon...t-this is all happening so fast...!

Great thread /tg/, don't ever change.

>>13511527
This is actually a movie. It was narrated by David Hyde Pierce.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165874/

<--

>>13515912
This is going right into my "/tg/ in a nutshell" folder.

>>13515912
I am so glad I checked the thread before I made one of my own.

Hey Faggots,

My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on f'aceboak.

Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team (thats a Earth Sport, fucker), and sport competitor on my basketball team (ANOTHER Earth sport). What sports do you play, other than "faggot in tights Androminan groping"? I also get straight incumbencies, and have a banging hot H'lxitic (She just incubated herself; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for tuning your theta receptors.

Pic Related: It's me and my bitch

>>13515957

I was about to make one, too.

Only I would have included the "He's getting all defensive" part too

>>13516013
Oh damn, you're right, that would be better. Now I'm going to have to save a screenshot and make one like that when I'm feeling less lazy.

>>13516031

Already got it.

>>13516063
DEM ARTIFACTS

>>13516082
Pft, whatever. I'll take it- it means I don't have to make one of my own.

Wow.

/tg/'s really cool today.

>>13516082

MS Paint, whatcha gonna do?

>>13516119
>save as .PNG
>everybody's face when

>>13516136

Sage for pointless.

>>13516181
You don't care for me, but I do for you.

Age for awesome.

>this thread
I love you fuckers so much!

>>13516333
:V

>>13516381
>:V
kill yourself faggot

I can't even read optimistic speculative fiction anymore because the idea, the certainty, that nothing even resembling anything it depicts will ever happen is just fucking depressing.

What no one wants to admit is that we're at just about the outer limit of what we can do with space exploration because we're never going to circumvent the light speed barrier and the great tragedy of our civilization is that we're doomed to spend eternity isolated on a single rock, exhausting our resources, starving ourselves to death: inch by inch.

>>13515719
>>13516392
THE CIIIIIIIRCLE OF DERP

>>13516593
Nihilist detected

>>13516593
Dude. I am the most depressed and pessimist fuck ever, and even I know that some day a human is going to fuck a humaboo creature on some galaxy far away.

It makes me smile that the human will feel SO DIRTY afterwards, not even a space shower in a hygiene unit will make them feel clean.

And I'm outright laughing that this slug-like humaboo will rearrange their organs (roll over), smoke a cigarette (YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE LUNGS) and claim "that was amazing" in gloopy drawl/glooping.

>>13516593
This is only true insofar as you represent mankind's collective ambitions. Fortunately, the presence of these gentlemen suggest otherwise:
>>13516603
>>13516701

Being laughing all the way trough this tread

I love you so much /tg/, promise me you'll never change.

>Vikings

inb4 alien scandiboos

>>13516603
How come that shit make him a nihilist?

>>13510901
the only way this works is that the aliens have no FTL transportation functioning or deployable any more , or never had, but only coms. or a pre-set network that they cannot expand.

that means humans are having at least one advantage going on for them if not many more..

It could devolve into a Road Not Taken, but more humane and less psychotic outcome, with humans beeing amongst the top dogs thanks to FTL, ( or perhaps FTL coms are fucking simple and we never stumbled uppon like Road Not Taken) anywho, this ought not stop the humans for progresing, ergo leaving

the Aliens stuck in past cultural debates... they may wary well be into the days of anti racial segregation, homosexual rights and militant feminist when contact ensues while to humanity such things seem juvenile at best,childish at worst, most likely being transhuman uplifts or clinically nigh immortal things, depending on the FTL progress.

This means that while most will be technically impaired while still having distinct advantages over humanity, and most will be culturally inferior and backwards aping human history, while 2% ( and some wildcards from the 98%)might be the ones the humans are most intellectually attracted and interested in from a cultural and most likely technological standpoint here. Think Apes and Angels only severely diminished. The the 2% plus humanity tagging along and some oddballs amongst the human imitators are leaning towards angels and the rest still struggling to make up their mind if they are more close to apes or angels ( like we do now)

>>13517788
Alternately they have to tug a beacon/probe/wormhole ring to wherever they want to FTL to, and the thing only just got here.

>>13517788
cont

Consider this like all the Urban Concentrations like Mexico city, Bos-Wash, Tokyo, Beijing, Rhine-Ruhr, Krakow, would be at their current stage but suddenly due to alien space bats the rest of humanity would think and act as if they were in the 1600 and most likely with the tech to boot, while still retaining or having developed something on their own , in a technical and cultural sense.

But surprise Surprise, they now all ape the habits, mannerism and culture of the Tokyo Urban area , and think about how Tokyo citizens would act with the rest of their pears ( the minority) they would be most likely stigmatised and somewhat mocked, requiring much work to gain friendships. But instead they have a trouble with the other people as they ape their 1600! all of them. They might or might not feel the moral obligation to silently push them in the right direction with each step, and some Luddite and aficionados f the Japanese 1600's might take serious advantage of this. Think of all the interracial pussy a knowledgeable of the Japanese 1600's inhabitant of the Tokyo are will get. That is what you will get.

Political stigma from both of the groups. The majority thinking you patronise the and the minority mocking you, while on a personal level you could take advantage of the majority at the price of having to work hard to get in good graces with the minority of 2%

If ROB is a bastard, he will put all the Hot as alien babes in the 2%. If he is great he will put Hot alien Ass in the 2% and the 98% so you can have hard to get and also easy pussy...

>>13517806
if they had such a thing they would have gotten here already, depending on speed. If it's les then 0.1C then perhaps not , but Op says humans discover FTL, that means independent of aliens , and if it is a jump gate / wormhole analogue that needs deployed it implies faster C fractional speeds ( near the 0.99C) so that the humans actually make contact. That means we have either the fastest ships , or the only non deployable and point linked FTL

>>13517877
add

also Op states that Humans make contact.

also they have already an established colony system, so it's not just Sol System humans claim total and undisputed ownership before even meeting said aliens.

so we are in the top dogs or maybe high to middle rank dogs...

Is there any chance to get more Avnari writefaggotry?

>>13517963
I'd say that's about as likely as the thri-kreen guy ever releasing his full story.

>>13518000
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-!

I'd settle for Veil of Madness or Unconventional HFY.

bump for a good OC on the premise...

One more thing..

I believe the Avnari ressemble the nevreans at least on the frail looking side. Since the avnari fapfiction is considered canon, there a "skinny" man is considered muscular from that avnari point of view

This thread is beautiful /tg/. Here is another one that got archived:

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13481526/

We should combine the two threads, melt them both down, and create a whole new set of pure awesome from it.

Just like two super people fucking to create a SUPER baby.

>>13511183

Fuck you Peter Noone, this is private.

>>13519078
Preach your eugenics elsewhere nazi.

also

WHERE IS THE FOLLOW UP!?

and

CAN YOU SUMMON THE AVNARI WRITEFAG?

>>13516593
It is over.

Man has reached the limit of his potential and our engineering has far as it will ever going to get.

Roman engineer. circa 30 B.C.

>>13511198
>fun

Most animals on Earth have penises more closely resembling knives than a human genital. Assuming aliens follow the same sort of trends, male on alien sex would be like fucking a mail slot and female on alien sex would be like having sex with a shortsword.

>>13522249
when there's a will, there's a way.

>>13522249
>fucking a mail slot
I'd do it.
>having sex with a broadsword
I know -several- girls who would be turned on by this.

We're humans. You're forgetting, we'll fuck ANYTHING.

>>13522249

I've seen a video of a person putting their dick into a skull and cumming on it afterward, a guy try to insert a coca cola glass bottle all the way into his anus, a woman orgasming on what looked to be a torturing device (she was held up by hooks that were impaled into various parts of her body and a rope on her waist), pictures of people who vacu-seal themselves for pleasure, and much much more. There is some pretty fucked up shit that people do in order to get off. Fucking an alien is going to be small time compared to shit that's already going down right now.

>>13510901
>Dat pic
Those aliens look familiar. I also need to dig this game out and play it again. Maybe not grind my powers every time I get a new one this time, so it's not so ludicrously easy.
>Slow down time
>Punch everything in the room to death
>Return time to normal
>Watch as a dozen aliens drop to the floor simultaneously

>>13522549
Dammit, captcha. I always forget about your terrible hunger for pics.

USA will launch nukes against them.
Because they refused to communicate.
They just kept sending video and sound of complete gibberish.

>>13511456
This story, you must find it and share it for the good of all of your mates.

>>13515803
What the shit am I even perceiving

>>13518000
As if anyone cares anymore.

>Make thread yesterday, about this time
>Leave
>Come back
>Refresh
>AWESOME, AWESOME EVERYWHERE
>mfw

>>13514369
lets not forget -does not kill mate during or after intercourse

...this thread. It's beautiful.
This is why I love you /tg/.

If you're going to reply at least add something.

Finally, we were in direct communication. They had been receiving wayward radio signals from our planet for decades. Now we could finally have an actual conversation.

"Attention citizens of Planet G'loriaca, the planet we know as Q-Upsilon Andromedae 4 b. We are humans, the dominant species from Earth. We wish to open diplomatic channels."

There was a bustle of communications on the planet, but no one contacted us for several minutes.

Then came the message, in perfect English:
"We... we are sorry about Kurt Cobain. He was truly the greatest rocker that ever lived. Our implanted tear ducts have been streaming for years."

>>13514748

Moe-Go... I-I'm flattered b-but... do you have anything that can grip without slicing through it?

how do we archive a thread cause this is all glorious
MFW this entire thread

>>13525091
It only gets archived if there isn't half of the thread saying "omg so awesome mfw"

I don't even need to sage this reply.

(Hint: Go to suptg and follow directions if you like it so much, you've probably got a few hours to work it out.)

one last bump!