yahmanletmetellyabouttalkinboutgoinginand like, pew pew pew, andgoinaroundandinandpowandbangandlike kill the mutant.

You are all FOOLS all the High Lords of Terra are secretly Chaos Cultists and they are keeping the Emperor alive so he can't reincarnate and stop their evil conspiracies. But when he gets free it'll be all Sco Sco Sco!

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Awww common guys chaos isn't all that bad. I mean I would love to sing and dance with Cultist Chan and I bet Slanneesh could help even me talk to a woman without her fleeing in disgust...at least for a few minutes...<sip>

>>13488330
>>13488338
>>13488343
>>13488353

In the Grimdark future, guys stand around drinking beer after work.

>>13488330
>>13488338
>>13488343
>>13488353
I hate you because it's so accurate.

>>13488353
Bill, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told you after Lenore left you - not even Tzeentch and Slaanesh working in tandem could get you together with a woman that's not drunk or more diseased than a Daemonette of Nurgle for more than five minutes.

And I'm saying that in the most optimistic way I can.

>>13488330
>Vulkan_H'estan.jpg

Dammit, I am going to work this into my next DH campaign. I don't know how, but I will.

>>13488460
Man, don't even diss on nurgle girls.
They're so... warm. And loving.

Promethium and promethium accessories.

>>13488497
Maternal, even?

Bobby's been telling me he wants to join the "Ultra Marines." *sigh* That boy ain't right.

>>13488528

I laughed hard

>>13488528

>mfw this thread
I am immensely amused.

possibly the greatest crossover I've ever witnessed in the history of ever...I applaud you good sir

Stupid agro world hillbillies. You can enjoy dying on an imperial battlefield while I play golf at the Emperors private country club HAHAHAHA

Dad! Did you know that Roboute Guilliman was the greatest tactician the Imperium ever saw. And that the Ultramarines are the best Space Marine Chapter ever. Can I join? Please please please!

>>13488477
>>13488588

>jaghatai khan.jpg

>>13488606

>Robert
>Roboute

King of The Hill.......classic, Bravo.

>>13488606
bwaah if Mr. Creed heard you talkin like that he'd have another heart attack!

Hank I am being chosen to teach the new initiates the Eldar language! You know how lurang toe corgnal I am about teaching!

>>13488653
>>Eldar
>>Mexicans
Guess again.

>>13488653

Ork would have been more appropriate, I apologize.

>>13488338

Arbite

>>13488343

Scum

>>13488353

Guardsman

>>13488588

Tech Priest?

>>13488653

Adept
.....but what would Hank be?

Hmmm, Would Joesph be a Half-ork?

>>13488694
Hank?
Cleric...

And i suppose Half-eldar is more fitting actually.

I tell ya what old top a few more sweet trade deals with them filthy xenos and we'll be rollin in more demonette ta tas that you can shake a stick at WOOH WEE

First Slanneesh torn our worlds apart and then the white man..umm imperium came and took the galaxy. What is left for the great Eldar god Whima Tahnya?

I CANNOT STOP READING IT IN THEIR VOICES

>>13488737
Great news everybody, I've just invented a way to get their voices out of Anon's head

Hank, it's not like the old days when you could just exterminatus every planet in an entire subsector when one guy says a chaos god's name.

There are rules and regulations now. Damn school board.

>>13488751

FUCK YOU TOO FARNSWORTH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>13488712
Oh god, Buck Strickland is a Rogue Trader?!

>>13488769

DERP

Hank, it's not like the old days when you could just exterminatus every planet in an entire subsector when one guy says a chaos god's name.

There are rules and regulations now. Damn school board.

>>13488751
I don't think it's workin', Doc. Give it another try.

>>13488781

NOT YOU TOO

WHAT OTHER CLASSIC CARTOON CHARACTERS WILL SHOW UP TO TORMENT ME

>>13488751
>>This Anon can now only read every line in Farnsworths voice
Well played good sir...Well played...

Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such Exterminatus as....

Hmmm...Nurgle Donut auuuggghhh.

>>13488798
>>13488806

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Your planet got consumed by Chaos! HA HA

But I'm just a miner, I can't lead the Imperium of Man

>>13488798
Troy McClure should totally play Ciaphas Cain

Quality thread brothers and sisters

Now all we need are a few space marines, and a LOT of luck.

>>13488841
Leading the greatest empire in the galaxy is not without its challenges, but they are not impossible to overcome.

>>13488841
Oh Puddin', don'tcha wanna stop all this warrin and spend the night revin' your Harley instead?

>>13488847
His voice actor was murdered by his wife, I believe. That's why the Troy McClure character was retired from the Simpsons.

After I slay these gods of Chaos you will be next Aku!

For Russ and the Allfather!"

>>13488831
>>13488853
>>13488863
>>13488889
>>13488893

MMRFHKDFHGFJKHDFJHGFD

>>13488889

Foolish Samurai, I am the gods of Chaos. And in time the Imperium will worship the name AKU!

There's a Tyranid in my boot.

>>13488831
Feth you, you gakking fethface! i'm reporting that to Major Fething Rawne! we'll see if that 'ah ah'' holds!

"Into the fires of battle, unto the anvil of War!"

"I got a chainsword!"
"I got a laspistol!"

"...I got a rock."

>>13488910
Suck it up, newbie, or I'll run your ass up the flagpole and make the rest of you salute it.

In '87, the Mechanicus released this, "Thor," their most accomplished titan. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Aquila Ignis," a titan so old and powerful, most armies on Kronus didn't take the time to notice it was just an arm.

You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Emperor. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life.

>>13488912
Rocks are not "free."

>>13488905

To the immaterium and BEYOND!

>>13488926

HEY PAUL!

Bless me bagpipes, there are going to be some big changes around here!

And I don't care how big this war is, I'm not buying guns for all of you!

>>13488928
and the green lightsaber is what bothered me the most.

Maybe it isn't about just killing more heretics than the next guy, maybe its about going out there and having a glorious death for the Emperor.

You filthy stupid human scum! you think you can match the might of the great God Tzeentch!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sugar, spice, and everything nice.
These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girl
But Professor Plutonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction, Chemical X.

Thus The Psyckerpuff Girls were born!

He's an alpha level psyker!

>this thread

>>13489024

You know you love it

OBJECTION!

You're a heretic, dammit, and I can prove it!

Oh I come from a land, from a faraway space
Where the caravan shuttles roam
Where the war is immense
And the fights are intense
It's barbaric, but hey, it's home

Imperium nights
Like Imperium days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways

>>13489050

/co/ here

You guys are Awesome

>>13489004
>>Roll Perils of the Warp
>>Oh shit. OH SHIT!

SOMEONE ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

Holy Ork Boyz Batman!

Have mercy, my Emprah, You know I am a righteous man. Of my virtue I am justly proud.

Have mercy, my Emprah,
You know I'm so much purer than
The common, vulgar, heretical crowd!

Then tell me, my Emprah
Why I see her standing there,
Why her ghosthelm's eyes still scorch my soul?

I feel her, I see her!
The sun caught in her spirit stones
Is blazing in me out of all control!

Like fire!
Warpfire!
This fire in my skin!
This burning
Desire
Is turning me to sin!

It's not my fault! I'm not to blame! It is the Eldar girl, the Witch who set this flame!
It's not my fault, It's Tzeentch's plan! He made foul xenos so much stronger than a man!

Protect me, my Emprah! Don't let foul Taldeer cast her spell!
Don't let heresy sear my flesh and bone!
Destroy the Farseer! And let her feel Chaos's flames
Or else let her be mine and mine alone!

PARKER. I NEED PICTURES, PICTURES OF SPACE MARINES.

Leaves from the vine
Falling so slow
Like fragile tiny shells
drifting in the foam

Little soldier boy
come marching home
Brave soldier boy
comes marching home

I love you all you elegen/tg/entleman right now.

>this thread

>>13489103

[Guardsman]: Inquisitor Frollo, the Eldar witch has escaped.
[Inquistor Frollo]: What?
[Guardsman]: She's nowhere in the fortress...she's gone.
[Inquisitor Frollo]: But how, I...nevermind! Get out, you idiot!
I'll find her! I'll find her if I have to glass the entire system!

Warpfire!
Dark fire!
Now Taldeer, it's your turn! Choose me or
Your pyre!
Be mine or you will BURN!

Emprah's mercy on her...
Emprah's mercy on me...
But she will be mine or SHE WILL BURN!!!

>>13489103
SlowClap.gif

I KILLED FIDDY XENOS!!!

>>13489135

I stole it from myself a year ago. I started a grimdark songwriting thread with this song.

I have no more evidence than my word, I'm afraid.

>>13489051
psst, buddy. I think you skipped a stanza there

I wish I could tell you that the Tau fought the good fight, and the Sisters let them be. I wish I could tell you that - but the 41st millenium is no fairy-tale. They never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile - war consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, the Tau would show up with fresh losses. The Sisters kept at them - sometimes the Tau were able to fight 'em off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for the Tau - that was their routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for them, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this millenium would have got the best of them.

Thanks a lot /tg/. Now i need to go get a new brain cuz mine just bleed out of my ears.

>>13489103

SPESS MARINES

"Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"

"The same thing we do ever night, Pinky - purge filthy xenos in the name of the almighty Emperor of Mankind!"

"Narf!"

The minds of gods are not for mortals to know or to judge. Accept that Tzeentch has a place for all of us in his grand scheme, and be happy in the part you have to play.

I am the Emperor of mankind and I approve of this thread.

>>13489138

So perfect!

Brooklyn raaage!

Commissar John Silver: When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
My boy why not consider a more challenging career?"

Chorus: Hey ho ho!
You'll see the galaxy!
And you'll keep your species safe and sound
By quelling heresy!
Commissar Silver: True friendship and adventure aren't things we can live without
Chorus: And when you're an Imperial Guardsmaaaaaaaan...
Lt. Polis: That's what the job's about!

THE VOICES

JUST GET THEIR VOICES OUT OF MY HEAD

MY DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVANS!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!

"I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us.

"...Its the Stay Puft Marshmallow Titan."

You can't handle the heresy!

OH I JUST CAN"T WAIT TO BE KING!

You know what they would do?

They would come to my school with films...to show me how to protect myself....from a Tyranid FUCK hive fleet.

They would show this HUGE FUCKING TYRANID FLEET CONSUMING THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING!

DOGS AND BABIES BEING EATEN, THE BUILDING CONSUMED, THE TEACHER RIPPED IN HALF!


But....there were the children....hiding safely under their desks.


And I'm no idiot....I know the emperor preserves us and watches.....but don't tell me this shit.


And I know that we will...NEVER....EVER....attack Chaos in it's territory.

Because whenever we get data slates from recon on chaos forces it's always in black and red. It's not the slate....These people....are so evil....they have no color.

And you don't FUCK with that kind of evil, our hands are full.

The eye of terror is where the monkey from warlock of oz came from.

I'm the best titan pilot in the whole galaxy, and don't you forget it star child.

>>13489262
I don't believe I have ever read a post so beautiful

screencapped for posterity

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Emprah
Looking so down in the warps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Emprah
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man alive as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Emprah
No one's quick as Emprah
No one's pauldron's as incredibly thick as Emprah
For there's no man no where half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Khorne, Tzeentch or Slanesh
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

Easy Come Easy Go Rogue Trader.

A Khornate once questioned my orders.

I ate his liver, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Hail Space Marines, this is your old pal, Ciaphas Cain
This is a song about a filthy xenos, NO this is a song about being happy
That's right!
It's the happy happy, joy joy song!

Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy joy

I dont think your happy enough, thats right!
I'll teach you to be happy!
I'll teach your grandmother to suck on the back end of a chaingun!
Now Space Marines, lets try it again...

Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy joy!

Iff-in you ain`t the grandaddy of all liars!
The little critters of nature...they dont know that they're ugly.
Thats very funny! A Tau marrying a Ork!
I told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me!
WHY didn't you believe me?

Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy, joy joy
Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy, joy joy joyyyy!

Archive this!

I'm bumping this so it'll hopefully be around tomorrow when my friend and I get blazed off our asses.

But to further iterate the point, SOMEONE ARCHIVE THIS FOR THE LOVE OF THE EMPRAH!!!

>pinatan Diamond.

That's right, captcha. This thread is made of diamonds. Diamonds and win.

This is Feral....bring me Valkyrie backup!

I think this is what heresy feels like!

The smoke fumes are always whiter
In somebody else's world
You dream about going up there
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the scum around you
right here on the hive world floor
Such murderous men surround you
What more is you lookin' for?

Under the hive
Under the hive
Darlin it's better
Down where there's shelter
take it from me
Up in the sun they slave away
while we be devotin;
full time to scummin'
Under the hive

Demanding an archive and possible sticky.

>>13489313
Filthy fucking xeno shit, I'm going to butcher you in front of your children, and do worse to them.

We've been immune to this chaos shit so far, but, well if I start to get overtaken by the warp, promise you'll shoot me.

Our guest today is Ursarkar E. Creed and he will be talking about his liberation of the hiveworld thingy.
...
Ursarkar E. Creed!

>>13489262

I went to Mars this year...pshh...let me tell ya...it's 22 days by warp....so if you have the opportunity....DON'T..

You don't want to be on a ship for more than 8 days. 22 days is like a faith test that's out of control, you're locked in there, the psykers goin, wires sticking out....

You wanna know what it's like on a barge for 22 days? Sit in a chair and have your Psyker friend concentrate on your head...DON'T STOP...DON'T FUCKING STOP.....then take a paper bag and put over your mouth...


Who do you think designed, the seats on a barge? I THINK it's a servitor with no preparation to the machine spirit, who was really PISSED........LOOKS LIKE A CHAIR TO ME, WHAT ARE YOU BITCHING ABOUT?!


Now they say mars is beautiful and I do not know.....Because after 22 hours in the warp...anything would have been beautiful......

We could have ended up in the eye of terror and it could have been Khorne and Nurgle blowing each other.....and I would have been happy to see them......and I would have performed!

>This thread has been requested 1 times now.

>>13489373

Forgot mah image.

Let's get down to business - to defeat Horus.
Did they send me eldar when I asked for men?
You're the saddest bunch I've ever met
But you can bet before we're through
Mister, I'll make marines out of you

Tranquil as the void
But warpfire within
Once you find your center
You are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make marines out of you

(Chorus:)
Be marines
We must be swift as a starship
Be marines
With all the force of the Emperor
Be marines
With all the strength of the Imperium
Mysterious as the dark eldar moon

Time is racing toward us till Horus arrives
Heed my every order and you might survive
You're unsuited for the rage of war
So pack up, go home you're through
How could I make marines out of you?

>>13489218
I feel the warp over taking me...IT IS A GOOD PAIN!

SANITY...IS FOR THE WEAK!

Rev up those fryers because I sure am hungry!

>>13489403

TO ME MY BROTHERS ADVANCE!

Da boss an' 'iz boyz stole the 'umies' nice toyz...
An' dakka'd 'em back to dere 'omes...
Da WAAGH be ours, an' by da powerz...
Where we wan', we'll roam!

WAAGH WAAGH
All 'andz
Build da bannaz 'igh!
'Eave ho! Gitz and lootaz!
Never say we die!

>>13489375

Two now

When I was young boy, I was conscripted for Imperial Guard. This tall man with hat, he thinks I'm an OOHHgryn!
Then they assign me to "Heavy Weapons Team." Oh hahah, they called this a team! Little man, forget his name, he could barely carry ammunition! This Heavy Bolter is my weapon, her name is Helga. She weighs 150 kilograms and fires 200 year old explosive cartridges at, well I forget fire rate. Is old weapon, but very good at killing cowards. Commissar took new liking to my enthusiasm.
Anyway, I was deployed to planet Typhon to fight bugs. Many were baby sized, and I cut through them like.. like baby butter. These big men on team, far from baby-men of Guard fought with us! Other heavy weapons man, Avitus, we shared MANY laughs at the xenos cowards and weaklings.
Then I see ship falling from sky. It crashes in jungle not far from our position. I go to help, and meet nice doctor man! I remember his name. Gordian was best medicae I ever met, but it was short lived.
As we wipe blood of our fists, we hear rustling in trees, and Lictor comes out of nowhere and stabs Gordian with scythe arm, and run away!
I hold him in my arms and hear last breath.
Was sad day.

>>13489436

Sum 'ave died
And sum are alive
Ovvers will WAAAGH! still sum moar!
Wiv ouah dakka at 'and
An' a massiv warband
Let out a mighty roar!

WAAAGH, WAAAGH! 'Aul togevver!
Build da bannaz 'igh!
'Eave 'o, gitz and lootaz!
Neva say we die!

Da WAAAGH 'as been raised
Took da boss a few dayz
But we'll fight 'ard, fight on fer yearz!
Ev'ry boy 'opes to get
Lotz of 'umie 'eads
Or at least a coupla earz!

WAAAGH, WAAAGH! All togevver
Build da bannaz 'igh!
'Eave 'o, gitz and lootaz!
Neva say we die!

We are all heroes; you and Boo and I. Hamsters and marines everywhere, rejoice!

Request an archive everyone!

­

Are you serious? You don't know?

Everybody knows you don't go full heretic.

Check it out, Creed, predicts things, plans things. Changes the tide, doesn't change the war.

Commissar Raeg, rage of the emperor, not blood lust.

Commissar Fuklaw, angry yes, easy to aggrivate course, but he retired and cried over fallen comrades. That ain't blood lust heresy.

He's a god damn retired war hero, you know any retired war heroes?

You went full heresy man...NEVER GO FULL HERESY...You don't buy that?

Ask Commander Boreale, remember? Went full heresy, emperor forsaken him.

Rising up, back on my feet.
Said my prayers, Paid my penance.
Went the distance, now I'm back from defeat.
A Cadian, and his will to survive.

So many times, it happened too fast.
I charge, with fervor, to glory.
Dont lose your grip, on the lasgun in hand
You must fight, for your kin to survive.

(chorus)
Near the
Eye of Terror
Its the cream of the taint.
Rising up to the challenge of the Traitors
And their last known survivor
Roars in anger at night.
And he's steaming with rage in the Eeeeeye...of Terror.

Face to face, out in the field.
Bringing pain, staying frenzied.
They stack the odds til they buckle and yield.
For we slay with the skill to survive.

(chorus)

Rising up, on the pile, I'm on top.
Had their guts, splattered gory.
Charged the distance, now, Im not gonna stop.
A Cadian and his will to survive.

Near the
Eye of Terror
Its the cream of the taint.
Rising up to the challenge of the Traitors
And their last known survivor
Roars in anger at night.
And he's seething in pain in the Eeeeeye...of Terror.

The Eye of Terror (repeat until fade)

­­

>>13489537
Bravo! you just had me and my fellow grey knights singing! 10,000 thrones to you my good man!

TZEENTCH
The only way to get what you want is to become a daemon yourself.

GUARDSMAN
Can you do that?

TZEENTCH
My dear, sweet human. That's what I do. It's what I live for.
To help unfortunate mortals like yourself.
Poor souls with no one else to turn to.

I admit that in the past I've been chaotic
They weren't kidding when they called me heretic
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Now I do my best to help mortals extra quick
And how!
And I fortunately know quite a bit of magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And dear mortal, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be stronger
That one wants to rule the world
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to the Eye of Terror
Crying, "Help us, Tzeentch, please!"
And I help them!
Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to drag ‘em through the warp
Yes I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

Have we got a deal?


GUARDSMAN
If I become a daemon, I'll never be with my Emprah or comrades again.

TZEENTCH
But you'll have your daemonette, heh heh. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it? Heh heh.
Oh, and there is one more thing.
We haven't discussed the subject of payment.

GUARDSMAN
But I don't have-

TZEENTCH
I'm not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!
What I want from you is - your soul.

>>13489574
GUARDSMAN
But without my soul, how can I-

TZEENTCH
You'll have your brains, your sharp physique.
And don't underestimate the importance of first impressions, ha!

The girls up there don't like a lot of freedom
They think a man who’s soul’s free is a bore!
Yet with the damned it's much preferred for damned not to have a choice
And after all friend, what is total subservience?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with your free will
True gentlemen avoid it when little task
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a damned sould who's withdrawn
It's he without a soul who get’s what they ask

Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Reach your goal!
I'm a very busy God now and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your soul!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my friend
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and give up your soul
Magnus, Ahriman, now I've got him, boys
The boss is on a roll
This poor unfortunate soul!

Wake up in the morning feelin oh so pretty
Grab my flamer, I'm out the door, I'm gunna burn this city
Before I leave, take a drink, from a cup of re-caff
'Cause when I blow this vile planet, I ain't comin back!

I'm talking about Order of the Bloody Rose Rose
With fleur de li on my clothes clothes
I'm takin out all my foes foes.
Takin a chimera out through the city
And I ain't gunna show no pity
Cause it's time to get down an gri-tty.

Don't Stop! Make em drop!
Witches gunna get burned up tonight
Imma fight 'til they see the Throne's light
Snap cock, load and lock, but the fire don't stop. No!

Don't Stop! Make em drop!
Mutants gunna get burned up tonight
Imma fight 'til they see the Throne's light
Snap cock, load and lock, but the fire don't stop. No!

Ain't got a care in the world, but got plenty of gear
Ain't got no thrones in my pocket but I'm already here
And now the Eldar linin' up gettin' all kinds of temper
But I kick em in the face, 'cause they don't worship teh Emperah!

I'm talkin' about Tech-Priests gonin' ClunkClunk
Hivers tryin' to touch my junk junk
But they ain't gunna steal my trunk trunk

So we go until our shells run out
Or a wrap storm shut up down
Warp storm shut us down, down
Chaos shut us down!

Don't Stop! Make em drop!
Xenos gunna get burned up tonight
Imma fight 'til they see the Throne's light
Snap cock, load and lock, but the fire don't stop. No!

Don't Stop! Make em drop!
Chaos gunna get burned up tonight
Imma fight 'til they see the Throne's light
Snap cock, load and lock, but the fire don't stop. No!

Did I ever tell you 'bout the time my buddy Keith took on a Chaos Berserker? Chainblade wounds over 90% of his body!

>>13489591

You build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
You got me now
I'm praying loud
Yeah, you got me

You build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up

No the party don't stop 'till I drop in!

Don't Stop! Make em drop!
Heretics gunna get burned up tonight
Imma fight 'til they see the Throne's light
Snap cock, load and lock, but the fire don't stop. No!

Don't Stop! Make em drop!
I just might get filled with holes tonight
Imma fight 'till I see the Throne's light
Snap cock, load and lock, but the fire don't stop. No!

FOR THE EMPEROR! HAHAHAHahahahahaaaaaa

[Slaanesh]: Well now you say you've got some strange desires,
I've heard that one about a thousand times
But, darling, you're in luck, because your heart's fires,
Well, let's say I don't think they are crimes!
You got some power in your corner now
I'll help you 'slong as I have your support
I'll give drugs, women, great sex (and how!)
See all you gotta do is call me "lord"
And I'll say

Oh Mr. Human, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order, jot it down
You ain't never had a god like me!
No no no!

Life is your bordello and
I will waive your fee!
Come on, whisper what it is you want,
You ain't never had a god like me!

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service!
You're the boss,
The chosen one!
Say what you wish!
It's yours, true dish!
How 'bout a little more heretical fun?

Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"!
I'm in the mood to help you, dude!
You ain't never had a god like me!

Wah wah wah!
Oh my!
Wah wah wah!
Oh no!
Wah wah wah!
My, my, my!
*scatting*

Can your friends do this?
Can your friends do that?
Can your friends pull THIS
Out their little hat?
Can your friends go POOF!
Well, looky here!
Can your friends go Abracadabra, LET 'ER RIP
And then get 'er ridin' your wargear?

So doncha sit there, slack-jawed, buggy-eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers!
You got me bona fide, certified!
You got a god here for your chare d'affaires!
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So whatcha wish I really wanna know!
You gotta list that's three miles long, no doubt
And all ya gotta do is serve like so!

Oh Mr. Human, sir, have a slut or two or three!
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a god, never had a god
You ain't never had a god, never had a god
You ain't never
Had a
God
Like
MEEEEEE!!!

You ain't never had a god like me! Hah!

>>13489149
if there was any question about the awesomeness of this thread....

Grimdark Morgan Freeman answered them

I love kittens :D

>>13489612
>Can your friends do this?
>Can your friends do that?
>Can your friends pull THIS Out their little hat?

That is so fucking wrong sounding in this context

(Commissar): Yes! Yes! I am a Guard Lord Commissar!

(Cultist): For he is a Guard Lord Commissar!

(Guardsmen): For he is a Guard Lord Commissar

(Commissar): And it is a glorious thing to be a Guard Lord Commissar!

(Guardsmen): Hurrah for the Guard Lord Commissar! Hurrah for the Guard Lord Commissar!

(Cultist): Hey! That’s the same as the warlord tune!


I am the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar.
I’ve executed traitors on battlefields both near and far.
I know all the greatest battles from Cadia to Ultramar.
And know that in the far future there exists only war!

I’m very well acquainted with the guns of the Imperial Guard.
From the lasgun all the way to the vanquisher of high regard.
I’m quite good at the loading of a mortar with its own petard.
(Petard…pe-tard…got it!)
And it fills me with the greatest glee to see the enemy get bombard!

(Guardsmen): It fills him with the greatest glee to see the enemy get bombard!
It fills him with the greatest glee to see the enemy get bombard!
It fills him with the greatest glee to see the enemy get bom-get bombard!

(Commissar): I’m very good at sniffing out the merest hint of the coward.
I promise you upon them I will be nothing less than hard.
In short on battlefields both near and far
I am the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar!

(Guardsmen): In short on battlefields both near and far
He is the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar!

I know the tragic Heresy, of Horus and now Abbadon
I’ve look in the eye the eldritch horror of a chaos spawn
I’ve seen my fair share of warmasters drone on and on and on and on
And given my fair share of beatings with a steel baton!

>>13489651
I can tell the difference of every foul xeno Tau caste
I know the strength by which all Orks are contrast
I know a hormagaunt is terribly both strong and fast
(Strong and fast? Strong and…yes!)
And I know all the greatest ways to make your Leman Russ treads last!
(Guardsmen): And he knows all the greatest ways to make your Leman Russ treads last! And he knows all the greatest ways to make your Leman Russ treads last!
And he knows all the greatest ways to make your Leman Russ treads-Russ treads last!

(Commissar): I can quickly field strip as lasgun in the darkest night
I’ve never turned and run away from even the greatest fight
In short on battlefields both near and far
I am the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar!

(Guardsmen): In short on battlefields both near and far
He is the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar!

In fact, when I know what is meant by “daemonhost” and “daemonborne”
When I can tell at sight a Horror from a Bloodletter of Khorne
When I know such maneuvers as Valkyrie Rush and Melta Spam
And just how many Ogryns in to a Chimera you can cram!

When I know the names of every Sister oubliette
And never fall for the temptations of a daemonette
My knowledge you could not fit on the greatest data diskette
(Diskette? That’s a hard one…got it!)
You know you’re dealing with the highest commissariat!

(Guardsmen): You know you’re dealing with the highest commissariat!
You know you’re dealing with the highest commissariat!
You know you’re dealing with the highest commissar-commissariat!

Though my knowledge of civilians has atrophied,
It matters not when you’re forced to watch your comrades bleed.
But still on battlefields both near and far
I am the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar!

(Guardsmen): But still on battlefields both near and far
He is the very model of a modern Guard Lord Commissar!

>This thread.

I came and started farting.

Back when the world was younger
The planet Earth was down on its luck
And everywhere gigantic brutes
called Techno Barbarians ran amok

It was a nasty place
There was a mess
whereever you stepped
Where chaos reigned and
Power armoured men never slept

And then along came Emprah
He made Thunder Armor
He battled
Ground those suckers into dust
They're dead
And on his own kicked
chaos in its tracks
And that's the Ecclesiary truth
The guy was too type A to just relax

And that's the worlds first Marines
Emprah tamed the globe
while still in his youth
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble
That's the Ecclesiary truth

Terra life was neat and
Smooth as sweet vermough
Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble
That's the Ecclesiary truth

The warp is...well, the Eye of Terror, even, it's complicated. VERY complicated.
Most people look at the energies of Chaos from a religious perspective, but really it's more like a big BLOB of wibbly wobbly... evil spiky.. stuff.

Dear sweet baby jesus this thread needs archived at the speed of light.

>>13489677
"Primer" or "Codex" Truth would fit better.

Terra is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those traitors and loyalists so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of the universe. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the space marines of one legion of this species on the valiantly distinguishable legion of some other geneseed, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that humans have some privileged position in the Universe: are challenged by the failure of the Great Crusade. Our Emperor is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from Chaos.

>>13489807

Indeed

>>13489732

We only need two more!

[Cadian:] I saw those ships smashed on the asteroids. How can this be?
[Marine:] We saw but a fraction of the monster that is Chaos' army.
[Cadian:] There can be no victory here. Why do you smile?
[Marine:] Cadian, I've fought countless times, yet I've never met an adversary who could offer me what we Marines call a "Beautiful Death." I can only hope, with all of Chaos' warriors gathered against us that there might be one down there who's up to the task.

ARCHIVE FOR GREAT JUSTICE

>>13489814

It has been said that The Horus Heresy is a humbling and truly revealing experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant memory of our greatest failure. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the Imperium of Man, the only home we've ever known.

>>13489870
What about the tau empire High Lord Sagan? they shelter humans.

>>13489891
Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 7 times now.

Congrats, your request has just triggered the archival process for thread 13488330

I wake up every evening
With runes written on my face
And it never feels out of place.
And you're still probably dyning
At the golden thrones pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When I walk their way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where's your space marines love
And where's the Imperial Guard
Did they ever get you far?
You never seemed so mad, love
Never seen me fall so hard?
Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When I walk their way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man thats isn't damned and worships you
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

>>13490021

Forever you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But Chaos goes on and on

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When I walk their way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man thats isn't damned and worships you
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see
All my heresies
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
If you look me in the mind
With the dead, dead look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When I walk their way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man thats isn't damned and worships you
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When I walk their way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and they sing along well you'll never tell
And you're the fool I've just as well I hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope that it puts you through hell

Plauges and flies...Toxic muck,
Oozing boils and dripping puss,
Disease beneath me (OH!) Disease up above,
Ooh you'll love my (ah-oh-ah) sickly love!

I see the Materium, and all those healthy lives.
I get 'em sick, wait for 'em about to die.
They look to me, saying 'How do I survive?"
All I require, is that they come and join my side.

And what a family! We grow closer all the while.
Then they leave then nest, spread the toxins mile by mile.
I feel amazing, it's a special kind of love!
A pestulent bond, connecting all of us.

Filthy brown noxious clouds,
Fill the land with dying crowds.
Disease beneath me. (OH!) Disease up above.
Ooh you'll get some (ah-Ah-AH!) sickly love!

you guys are nerds its all about world of warcraft

People need to perform these. Probably Metal covers of these parody songs to be thematic with 40K.

>>13490037
say it while listening to Ill be missing you instrumentals lolool

>>13490065

wat

Gentlemen, BEHOLD!
KHORNE!


Also:
>>13489591
>DAMMIT, WHAT SONG IS THAT? I can hear the song in my head, but I can't remember the name. . .

>>13490109
TiK ToK. By Ke$ha.

>>13490109

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxoBbpmMxKo

Here you go

Brother-Captain Tanner: ...The Sons of Horus need to take Terra in one piece, and that's why they're here. That's why they won't use virus bombs anymore; and we won't either, not on our own soil. The whole damn thing's pretty conventional now. Who knows? Maybe next week will be chainswords.

Guardsman Swayze: What started it?

Tanner: I don't know. Toughest legion on the block, I guess. Sooner or later, they're gonna commit heresy.

Swayze: What about the Ultramarines and the other legions?

Tanner: Guess they figured some bullshit halfway across the galaxy was more important. All except the White Scars... but they won't last very long.

Swayze: Well, who IS on our side?

Tanner: Five thousand screaming Imperial Fists.

Swayze: I thought there were ten thousand Imperial Fists...

Tanner: There were. [Throws amasec on fire]

>>13490109

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKd2NG3KQ2k&feature=related

>>13490122

I love you

What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm?

Heresy. Resilient... highly contagious. Once heresy has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. Heresy that is fully formed - fully understood - that sticks; right in there somewhere.

Lord Marshal Kilgore: Smell that? You smell that?
Guardsman Lance: What?
Kilgore: Promethium, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of promethium in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for fifty hours. When it was all over, I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' heretic body. The smell, you know that promethium smell, the whole hill. Smelled like. . . victory. Thank the Emperor this war is never gonna end. . .

>>13490120
>NOW I remember. I HATE that song.

Has this been archived yet?

>>13490037

What song is this set to?

>>13490225

Yes, or at least it has the required votes

>>13490021
Whiny bitching bitchfaced emos, the extra heresy edition.

>>13490265

Aw, come on its funny. Its some chaos cultist singing to the Emprah

>>13490231
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PLQ1XfaTuU

Honestly the starting version was Nurgle enough.

>>13490231

Toxic Love.

Sung by Tim Curry.

In Ferngully.

It was the only good part of the movie.

>>13490293
>>13490231
>>13490037
Disease is too many sylables, use plague.

And swap use of Plague for disease)

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13488330/

archived.

ARCHIVE FOR GRAET JUSTICES!
MOAR MOAR MOAR!

My minds not working right now so I can't write my own song but here we go, Theme Song of the Tyranids.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ocj9Jl9vCNc

For posterity's sake, friends.