>>13470877
how could they not catch onto that?
"hey, rick, I've brought you a one of a kind! The holy grail!"
"I'll give you 10 bucks for it."
(both break out in laughter)
"oh, but seriously"
"I am serious, 10 bucks. Look at it from my perspective, this thing is, what? 2000 years old? well it shows, and I just don't know what the Holy Grail market is these days. I'll bump it up to 15, and that's my final offer."

>>13470916

I guess they aren't history channel fans. I've been pretty obvious about it--Richard even has a mentally impared half-orc slave he refers to as, 'Old Chum."

>>13470916
Oh god, I read all of that in his voice.

Awesome idea. Consider it stolen.

>>13470956
them peaches, stat her

>>13470956
is he naturally incompetant?

Every fertility goddess' high priestess is based on one person. Pic related.

My DH group had to take a xeno artifact to some Ad Mech for identification.
They found them in an old warehouse.
One had Occular implants and rode around on a strange two wheeled vehicle and was quite eccentric

the other had a rather magnificent moustache and was fond of explosives

>>13471029
I love you.

>>13471029
>>13470877

Educate me please.

>>13470877

THIS WEEK, ON FANTASY PAWN STARS:

Adventurer: Hey Rick, I've got something here you might be interested in: the Hand of Vecna!
>Adventurer plops severed hand down on counter
Richard: Oh my god, is that a real hand?
Adventurer: Not just a hand, it's THE hand!
>Cutaway, Richard: I've had a lot of weird stuff come through these doors, but I've never seen someone try to sell a hand before. But, if it is what he says it is, it could be worth a LOT of money.
Richard: So, where did you get this?
Adventurer: I was exploring the ruins of Shag-na-tu'er, and I came upon an alter with this hand resting atop it. The wizard translated the ruins, which read, "He who takes this accursed hand will be forever in the thrall of unlimited power."

>>13471511

Richard: Do you have any documentation with the hand? Any papers to go with it?
Adventurer: No, but the marks on the alter looked very legit.
Richard: Well, that might be a problem...
Adventurer: It might?
Richard: Well, there's a lot of fake hands of Vecna floating around out there. If this is the real deal, that's one thing, but how do I know someone didn't just put any old hand on that alter for you to find?
Adventurer: Why would anyone do that?
Richard: Lots of reasons, petty revenge, a practical joke...maybe it was just an imitation piece to put in some ogre's living room.
>Cutaway, Richard: This is the problem with artifacts: there's a LOT of fakes out there, and some of them look really good. Everyone wants an item which grants ultimate power, so scammers make a good living selling replicas, and some of them look really good. That's why it's so important to always get documentation on any artifact you purchase.
Richard: So, what do you want to do with it? Pawn it, sell it?
Adventurer: I'd like to sell it.
Richard: And what are you looking to get out of it?
Adventurer: 10,000gp.
Richard: Well, I can't lay out that kind of money without knowing a little more about the item. I know a guy who's an expert on Arch-mage body parts, how about I give him a call, and he can come down and take a look at it?
Adventurer: That'd be fine.
>Cutaway, Adventurer outside store: I can understand why Rick wants to be cautious, but this thing is the real deal. I'm sure the expert will agree.

--commercial break--

>>13471523

>Cutaway, Richard: Earlier today, a guy brought in a severed hand. He says it's the hand of Vecna, but I had some questions, so I called in an expert.
Richard: Mr. Adventurer, this is Al-Quazarii the Wise.
>Cutaway, Al: My name is Al-Quazanii the Wise, Seer of all creation on counsol to the Gods. Sometimes Rick needs me to appraise his stuff for him.
Al: So, is this the hand?
Adventurer: Yup, that's the one?
Al: Interesting, interesting. These items rarely enter the market; why did you decide to sell it.
Adventurer: Well, the wizard and thief both got immolated by a Balrog, so we need 10,000gp so the cleric can buy enough diamonds to raise them from the dead.
>Al examines the hand
Al: Now, the first thing I'm looking for is any signs of rotting. The hand of Vecna is eternal, and any putridity, especially around the wrist, is a sure sign that it's a fake. Now, it seems that this hand is in good condition, which is what we want to see. The freckes on the back of the hand are all correct, though I have to warn you Rick, sometimes con artists will ink those on. Now, there's one final test...
>Al utters an incantation. Flames shoot from his fingertips, engulfing the hand. When the flames die out, the hand remains unharmed.
Al: Yes, that sort of indistructability is exactly what we look for in artifacts.
Richard: So, do you think it's real?
Al: Based on my unfathomably deep knowledge, I would say...
Richard:...
Adventurer:...
Al:...Yes, it's definitely the real deal.
Adventurer: YES!!!
Richard: Ok, now how much is it worth?
Al: At auction, this item might go for anywhere from 15,000 to 18,000gp. Maybe as high as 20, on a good day.
Richard: Great, thanks for coming in!
>Cutaway, Richard: Now that I know this thing is THE hand of Vecna, I REALLY want it. But, I need to get it at the right price.

>>13471547

Richard: So, you still want to sell it?
Adventurer: Absolutely, the other party members need their rezzes. So can I get 10,000 for it?
Richard: No.
>Beat
Richard: Look, I'll give you like, 3000 gold for it.
Adventurer: But he just said it was worth 18,000!
Richard: He said it was worth between 15 and 18, and that's at auction. If you want to go there, you can, but they'll take at least a 40% commission, and you'll need to find a broker, plus-
Adventurer: Ok, but can't you do a little better?
Richard: Look, there just isn't that much call for the limbs of liches around here. This thing could be sitting on my shelves for months before I can sell it. Tell you what, I'll go to 4,000.
Adventurer: Could you do 7?
Richard: ...Nnnn...Well, I'd like to have this, so I'll go 5,000, but that's the highest I can go.
Adventurer: Boy...
Richard: Look, putting down 5,000 on an item like this scares me, that's the best I can do.
Adventurer: Well...
Richard:...
Adventurer:...
Richard:...
Adventurer:...Alright, you've got a deal.
Richard: Great, let's go get this written up.
>Cutaway, Richard: I'm thrilled we got this piece. It's part of the history of Oerth, and It'll look great in the shop.
>Cutaway, Adventurer: Well, I think I got a fair price. We'll only be able to ressurect one party member now, but the wizard was kind of a dick anyway.

NEXT TIME, ON FANTASY PAWN STARS

Orc Shaman: RICK!!! I BRING YOU CROWN OF GNOLL-KING!!! YOU GIVE US MAN-WEAPONS FOR CROWN!!!!! YOU GIVE NOW!!!!!!!!
Richard: Oh my goodness...

>>13471029
Only one of them was rather fond of explosives?

>but the wizard was kind of a dick anyway.

and nothing of value was lost.

>>13471528
MythBusters?

god that guy is such an ass hole.

>>13470991

...I have finally found out who to cast as Jaelle in my fake Fionavar Tapestry movie

I think someone could make a webcomic out of Fantasy Pawn Stars, just bringing in random magical items
>So you think you got a Womb Dagger huh?
>Let me call in my boy who's an expert on cursed daggers

>>13471511
>>13471523
>>13471547
>>13471561
this was hilarious,thank you

>>13471606
got to remember, that it's his job
if he's not scamming anyone out of their just money, he's out of a job
not much money in fair pawning

>>13471561
>>13471547
>>13471523
>>13471511
You, good sir, just made my day. This thread has got real potential

>>13471511
>>13471523
>>13471547
>>13471561
This was perfect. Thank you, anon.

>>13471561
You won the thread! congrats!

>>13471511
>>13471523
>>13471547
>>13471561
this is awsome

someone needs to draw rick dealing in artifacts

There needs to be an episode of his son foolishly overspending to buy a folding boat then getting yelled at by grampa.

>>13471561
>>13471511
>>13471523
>>13471547

Oh god, someone do more like this!

HI, I'M WILLIAM MACE, DWARVEN SHOPKEEP, HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT HOLY AVENGER. ARE SKELETONS KEEPING YOU FROM PAYING RESPECT TO YOUR HONORED DEAD? ARE DEMONS RAZING YOUR TOWN? ARE DEVILS PUTTING LIENS ON YOUR LOVED ONES' SOULS? WORRY NO MORE!

>>13472080
YOUR POSTS HAVE UNWANTED PICS? USE F5 AND WATCH THEM DISAPPEAR!

>a young adventurer walks up to grandpa and puts a glowing orb on the counter
Grandpa: Now what have we got here?
Adventurer: Well, I took this orb from the tomb of King Gallent, and I think it's the one he used in 2E 375 to slay the warrior prince of Prongland.
Grandpa: alright.. and what were you trying to do with it? sell it, pawn it? How much are you looking for?
Adventurer: sell it, yea. The bard was captured by the Duke of Cordia and I need 15,000 gold for it...
Grandpa: Alright, well first off, King Gallent didn't actually slay the warrior prince himself, he had his army do it for him, but took the credit himself...
adventurer: oh... ok...
Grandpa: Second, it wasn't in 2E 375, it was in 2E 215, but there were also hundreds of magical orbs made around that time...
adventurer: right right, but I got this from his tomb, so I'm... I'm pretty sure it's the one
Grandpa: In a perfect world, son, I could believe you, but these things were made to last. Back when I was just starting out, magical orbs such as these were the greatest symbol of power for the ruling monarchy,but you never knew which was which. Now, this could be something any arch-mage could make in his basement, so we're going to need to test it a little...
>grandpa picks up the orb and a small seeing glass
adventurer: alright, I guess that's fine

grandpa: ok, so, few people know this, but Gallent never actually USED his orb, so we have to look for marks of use, burns, scratches.... hmmmm...
adventurer: what? what is it?
grandpa: Sorry to tell you this, son, but this is fake.
adventurer: what? no! how do you know?
grandpa: well, these runes inscribed on the side didn't become regular practice until 2E 511, so there is no way this can be the one Gallent used. Just your average run of the mill magic orb.
adventurer: oh...
>grandpa puts the orb back on the table and the adventurer is crestfallen. Outside:
adventurer: I'm really disappointed that the orb was fake, since now we'll never get our bard back...

>>13470877
Is his "expert" just a shill, or does he actually have all sorts of experts within walking distance?

>>13472179
There's a lot of people in Vegas, dude. And a lot of them can drive.

So, for Fantasy Pawnstar, the races would be:
Richard: Human
Corey: Human
Orc-Lee: Half-Orc or Orc
Grandpa: Lich?

>>13472221
errr I mean Rick: Human

>>13472221

Peaches is clearly the tolkien elf

>>13472213
I'm talking about in the dudes campaign, where no-one can drive.

>>13472245

I see what you did there...

>>13472245

>>13472249
His expert was a mage. He can fucking fly.

>>13472249

Don't know, but it might not be to far out. He said the shop was in the capital city, and we don't know what the technology or magic levels are in his campaign

I hate pawn stars so much because of their ripping people off. Thank you so much fantasy pawn stars guy

>>13472249
>>no-one can drive
>>Al-Quazanii the Wise, Seer of all creation on counsol to the Gods
Pretty sure he can just Teleport, Fly or Windwalk whenever he wants to.

>>13472385
>>I hate pawn stars so much because of their ripping people off
As weird as it sounds, they are giving fair prices. The shop it self costs money to to maintain and they have to cover everyone's salaries. That money comes from somewhere. It comes from buying low and selling high. There is no other acceptable economic choice for the shop owners.

>>13472385
Don't open your own business. You'll hemorrhage money and suck up debt like a hobo who somehow got approved for sixteen credit cards.

Fantasy Pawn Stars has a lot of potential.

Tell you what, I'll give you five hundred gold pieces for it.

>>13472385

still a better deal that the most NPC merchants.

Huh. I too have fantasy Rick as a merchant in my game. He is one of two big merchants in the town the party is currently operating out of. The other is a certain young girl......

I've worked with retailers and dealers, including pawn stores, for nearly a decade now; the prices they give on pawn stars usually seem pretty damn fair (not just "average for a pawn store," but actually fair). He's also being pretty honest when he talks about how the people are likely to take away about as much net profit if they tried to auction it themselves

>>13472578
Clearly I am not the only one who loved that game enough to make her an NPC.

>>13472578
I was wondering how long before that showed up. And, for those who think Pawn Stars involves assholes: I'm betting they'd love every minute of being an asshole shop owner in Recettear.

>>13472179

They're real, it was the history channel that encouraged the use of more experts so that it would better resemble their normal programs

>A stall in a crowded market place

ALRIGHT FOLKS GATHER ROUND, GATHER ROUND. TODAY WE HAVE A FANTASTIC ITEM FOR YOU, YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A +2 VORPAL FLAMING LONGSWORD. THIS LONGSWORD NOT ONLY DECAPITATES ALL ENEMIES ON A NATURAL ROLL OF 20 BUT ALSO LIGHTS THEM ON FIRE WITH EACH SWING. THAT'S RIGHT, EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU WHIP THIS BABY OUT SOME MOTHERFUCKER IS WALKING AWAY EITHER A HEAD SHORTER OR 350 DEGREES MORE ROASTED. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. CAUGHT ALONE IN A DARKENED SPACE? THIS UNBELIEVABLY PRICED UNIT SHEDS LIGHT AS IF IT WERE A TORCH. AND IT NEVER GOES OUT! NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR TAKING A LIGHT SOURCE. IT'S GREAT FOR SO MANY APPLICATIONS! LOOK AT THIS. CHOPS RIGHT THROUGH A CAN AND THEN, WAIT FOR IT, SLICES A TOMATO NO PROBLEM. NO MESS, NO CLEANUP, NO HASSLE! PLUS WHEN YOU ORDER NOW YOU'LL GET A FREE DRAINING SCABBARD, JUST PAY SEPARATE PROCESSING. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! IF YOU CALL NOW, BECAUSE WE CAN'T DO THIS ALL DAY, WE WILL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER! THAT'S TWO +2 FLAMING VORPAL LONGSWORDS, TWO PASTA STRAINING SCABBARDS, PLUS WE'LL THROW IN AN INSTRUCTIONAL DVD AND A LIFETIME WARRANTY! CALL NOW, 1-800-379-4289 THAT'S 1-800-379-4289, ONE EIGHT HUNDRED THREE SEVEN NINE FOUR TWO EIGHT NINE. CALL NOW.

>>13471634
Mother of god not the Womb Dagger

>>13472678
And I thought I was the only one who cringed while reading that sentence

NPC razorgirl named CC based loosely on Hot Ice Hilda

The King of Falcri

>>13472673
His voice. The whole thing.

>>13472673
Two +2 flaming vorpal swords? Imagine all the hallways I could light with those!

I'll take twenty.

>>13472673
You know that guy got the shit beat out of him by a hooker?

Fantasy medieval economics says what?

>>13472828
I thought he held his own in that fight?
Not that holding his own makes in any better.

>>13472828
Got it backwards, champ. He beat the shit out of her because she bit him.

>>13472828
Npc related side quest time.

I dunno bro, he looks pretty battered to me.

>>13470877ITT: Real people you base your NPCs on

He's a bumbling and incompetent, yet deep down good hearted dragonborn

But he's going to bring on the end of the world, I'm curious as to what the PCs will do to him.

Anyone that gets this reference is immediately my best friend

>>13472611
But you couldn't actually tell NPCs to go fuck themselves. All you could do is offer them insultingly low prices when they bring in shit you don't want, and occasionally laugh when they accept it.

>>13472835
Show fucking sucked

I have just one....

>>13473015
Is that the DS item shop game? How is it?

>>13473277
It's a PC game, it's on Steam. And it's pretty damn good.

>>13473523
Name?

>>13473682
Recettear
good game, short, not grimdarknserious

>>13473682

None based on real people, but I have the Beagle Boys and RED Team running around my game. I changed the names but NOTHING else, yet somehow nobody is the wiser.

It seems like regardless of your age, if you play tabletop games, you'd recognize one group or the other.

>>13473733

>>13470991
>>13470991
WHY ARE HER BREASTS SO BIG

>>13473862
She's just awesome like that.

>suffobomb late:
Yes, Captcha, that sums them up quite well.

>>13473862
she was born that way and has certain eating habits that involve real food and not starving oneself

>>13473888
Being on birth control since her very first period didn't hurt, either.

Does she have an adamantium spine, perchance?

>>13473903
Well, being a child catalog model and low-tier actress does carry the risk of teen pregnancy. While it has some interesting long-term effects, it was a smart move.

Many young ladies in that line of work end up pregnant at 16 and lose their career.

>>13473915
No, a mithril lined bustier.

>>13474023
Quite a breastplate DOHOHOHOHO

>>13472933
Get the fuck out of here with your clownshoes religion.

>>13473733

>Louis is equipped with GOD items
>still sleeps outside on park benches

Oh and

>Metal prices GO UP
>Weapon Prices GO UP
>Sword Prices GO UP

BECOME BLACK ARMS DEALER AND SELL YOUR STUFF TO YOUR CASH LOADED RIVAL

I think item shop will be my next campaign

>>13473903
Can we force all girls to do that then?

Does the game really say "Capitalism, ho!" all the time?
If it does, I will get it.

>>13474235
well i don't like the idea of forcing, but yes push our legislators to the opportunity to give them birth control over the counter at earlier ages, regressive conservatives and the religious right be damned!

>>13474242
It does.
Also Yayifications and Yupperoni

>>13474242

Yes, yes it does.

>>13474256
>>13474255
That settles it. Getting it after I type this.

>>13474304
You have made a wise decision.

It's more expensive than I thought it would be. I take if from you fa/tg/uys that its well worth the 20$?

>>13474770
Well I got it at half price during the latest Steam promo, I probably wouldn't buy it for 20$ to be honest. But try the demo, see if you like it.

>>13474770
To be honest, I feel it's worth the sale price Steam normally puts it at, but I don't know that I would've been happy with the $20 price tag had I paid it. It just doesn't have that kind of replay value for me.

In this anon's opinion, I suggest pirating it and then buying when it goes on sale.

amazing parody followed by amazing game I have never heard of ,which perfectly strikes my obsession with all things that take a different perspective on popular themes. I fucking love this board.

so, uh, should we archive this thread for Fantasy Pawn Stars?

>>13474770
You could do much worse for much more, I'd say Recettear is more fun and has more playtime than a good deal of games selling for sixty right now. If you want an idea of how long the game is, it's like this:

You have five weeks of game time to make an exorbitant amount of money to pay off your fairy loan shark. You play through each day, and a single day can take anywhere from twenty minutes(doing nothing but selling stuff and not leaving the store/talking to people) to a couple hours(dungeon crawling and socializing like a motherfucker). There's tons of scripted conversations you can trigger between day 1 and the last payment, some of them you'll always hit and others depending on what you do in-game. After the final payment, you can keep playing through Endless mode, which is the same as before except you're not being charged a shitton of money at the end of every week. If you're the kind of person that likes to find everything they can, this'll easily double your playtime. Just don't bother trying to find every single item unless you're autistic.

Beating the game also opens up a New Game+ and a Survival Mode, which inflicts higher and higher payments until you eventually fail to meet one and gameover. I never really fooled with either one myself.

If still in doubt, try the demo/torrent it before making a purchase decision. If you like it but don't think it's worth twenty dollars, wait for a price drop or sale and pick it up.

By the way, has anyone here tried Chantelise? I kinda want to but if it's half as text-heavy as Recettear then I'll hold out for a translation

>>13474921

already been archived on suptg

>>13475463
link?

>>13475483

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13470877/

How do I shot Clinton and Stacy from "What Not To Wear"? A pair of armour shop clerks who try their best to give adventurers a good combination of utility and looks?

I'm already picturing Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters as a pair of item appraisers. Cue explosions as they try to determine the magical properties of the armour you managed to nab off that lich.

If this will work with Pawn Stars and Mythbusters, why not others? Say, Orange County Choppers? Except in this case it would be Citrus Monarchy Autocarriages.

>>13477039
Magic Steeds, to include all the barding, horseshoes, etc.

>>13472385

Not ripping people off -that- bad. He generally gives them a price that doesn't make him look like a cunt, because after all, he's doing it on television. If you develop a reputation for grossly underpaying for really good stuff it means nobody will ever sell you any real money items.

It's the 21st century. His experts? They'll work for the guys selling the stuff too, and you can find them anywhere. Hell, there are people on the internet who'll give you opinions that are best-of-three accurate for free and fast, so you can get a baseline price on whatever you give as long as you can describe it right. Hell, if it's really good, go on one of those Antiques Roadshow things, where their gig is to try and up the price for the viewer's excitement.

Actually, it's always been one of my life's dreams to acquire a presumed-lost artifat that's genuinely fantastically valuable and historically significant and bring it onto that show, just to pretend I have no idea what it is and watch the host almost shit himself.

I once had the players visit a village. I thought none of them thought anything of the people they interacted with, and eventually they moved on.

After conquering the dungeon, though, one party member insisted that they come back. And started taunting the villagers with select items of the loot or their personal traits. Eventually, the other players asked why.

He had to point out that the five people they interacted with, all five were the players. He didn't realize until after they'd left what was going on. Good times, good times.

>>13478176

You mean the NPCs were the same as the PCs or the players themselves? More detail please, this sounds like a cool story.

>>13478203
The players themselves. I changed names, obviously, but still. The owner of the inn had an obsession with elves (to the point where elves avoided having to stay there), the local potion seller wanted EVER SO MUCH TO BE HELPFUL JUST TELL HIM HOW, the blacksmith hated everything, if they weren't talking to the priestess she was singing and dancing, that sort of thing. I worked hard to base the personalities off of the players as well as I could. With one exception (the owner of the inn) I tried to focus on when we weren't at the gaming table whenever I could.

They never caught onto the fact that the guard at the gate was me, but I may not have done such a good job with that one. The only reason why the one player caught on was because of the innkeep, and he worked hard to figure everybody else out.

>>13478368
Did you do anyone else?
Did they think you did anyone else?

The thing with Pawnstars is that it is in fact a Pawn Shop. You're supposed to go there when you need cash really bad or have some old shit you want to dump. You aren't supposed to go to one with Joan of Arc's armor unless the mob is outside waiting to break your knees with a shotgun for money owed. It's a pawn shop. The customer is lucky if they even get 50% of it's total value. I love these fools that show up with shit like the authenticated axe Abe Lincoln used as a child and expect a hundred thousand dollars. It's not a fucking auction house.

>>13478414
Nah. If I'd been thinking, I'd have done one of the player's mom. She was in town one time and insisted that we had game at his place so she could meet all his friends. It was kind of awkward at first, but she was really cool. Made dinner for each of us. We still get christmas cards from her with letters to "Dave's friends." If I'd been really thinking, I'd also included some coworkers of select players.

I don't think they thought I was in there at all. Meh, just one of those things I guess.