WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

Wow, your DM is an ass.

ah, the great sport of spine punching. A dwarf custom if I'm not mistaken.

If it was nonlethal, that should never have happened.

YOUR HAND IS STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT(?)
YOU MUST GO ON A QUEST FOR REDEMPTION.
Also if you say nonlethal shouldn't a 20 be something like "With a touch you disable him down safely and without trouble"

>party totally ignores it and goes to lady
>DM describes the woman's screaming and howling as party tries to restrain her
>"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HUSBAND? WHY DID YOU KILL HIM? WHY? ANSWER ME"
>havent played since

Your DM is such an ass for making that a killing blow, after you stated you doing nonlethal damage..

>>13381639
Yeah he totally should have become a quadriplegic.

>>13381648
Exactly. Why does your DM even have players if he's going to completely negate your decisions like that in such an egregious way?

That's like:
>I roll to climb
>20
>"You launch yourself up with such incredible force that you end up in the stratosphere, roll for falling damage."

>>13381654
Yes. That is why his DM sucks.

>>13381623
>WHOOPWHOOP

ya'll some kind of juggalo? that is there call is it not? if so, please leave immediately.

>>13381670

Goddamnit, I laughed way too hard at this.

>>13381670
Some people are fuckstupid about crits. I mean, just plain retarded. I'll never understand it. It's not even good theatrics. Half the time it's stupid shit like this.

>>13381666


DEM TRIPS.

>>13381670
Can't crit on a skill roll bro

>>13381670
>try to convince the king to give you a pardon
>roll diplomacy
>20
>you convince the king to kill everyone ever

>>13381696
Tell that to 90% of the morons who pretend to play d20 on this board.

>>13381696
Doesn't just about everyone in existence play +10 on a nat 20 skill roll?

>>13381670
nah, you gotta twist the result

>roll for climb a ladder
>20
>"you tear the ladder rung off, smashing it into your knee. Your character is now arthritic"

>>13381705
No. I've never even heard of that.

>>13381705

Everybody in existence has no idea what you're talking about.

I don't think OP actually plays D&D.

Cute story though.

>>13381670
>>13381702
>>13381708
I'm laughing so hard. I think I'm dying.
>>13381675
Ok.

>>13381723
>>13381722
No one else plays +10 to a nat 20, -10 to a nat 1?

>>13381752
What?

>>13381728
someone later pointed out that him dying to non-lethal was stupid, but the DM said "even if its non-lethal, if you punch a guy enough, he'll probably die" and everyone went on with their lives. i later saved a dwarf from being eaten by a triceratops and havent played since.

>>13381728
>2nd/3rd game of DnD ever

>>13381759
If you roll a natural 20 on a skill roll you treat the 20 as a 30 if you roll a natural 1 you treat it as if you rolled a -9.

>>13381752
No, that would be a house rule unique to your gaming group.

>>13381782
Actually it's a variant from unearthed arcana

>>13381779

What is the advantage to that system? Just not seeing it.

>Roll to hide
>20
>"You can't find yourself anymore. Make another character."

>Pickpocket
>20
>You now hold the man's heart. He dies, and the guards are aware you just murdered someone.

>>13381761
Whatever, bro. Your DM is fucking maladaptive if he can't handle player choice on lethal/nonlethal distinction and fiats shit like that just because you rolled a 20.

The whole point of nonlethal damage is that you stop before you kill the person or you apply just enough force to down them because your character is not a moron. Yeah, if you punch someone enough you'll kill them - but at that point you're not doing nonlethal punches anymore. You're doing fucking lethal punches.

You -cannot- be killed by nonlethal damage. That's why it's called that. End of story.

>>13381800
Folks love their crits and fumbles. That's all there is to it.

>Roll for anal circumference
>20
>Stars and planets start to form inside the void that is your asshole.

>>13381670
>Intimidating your sister into joining your cause by explaining that you can just Charm Person her into doing anything with no save, using genocide as an example of things you could make her do.
>20
>She immediately attempts genocide.

>>13381702
Nat 20 Diplomacy

>>13381800
It adds crits and fumbles to skill rolls without game breaking auto success/failure.

>>13381623

I lol'd.

>>13381837
>>13381844
>Make post with blatant reference.
>20.
>Hivemind.

>>13381803

Oh god my sides.

>>13381798
You know what? I found that so unlikely, I went to look it up. It's nowhere in unearthed arcana. Its a house rule, and a strange one at that.

Your DM is a fucktard. A critical hit doesn't make nonlethal damage suddenly lethal, it should only mean that you execute the nonlethal damage is the most perfect way possible.
Like instead of knocking his lights out, your monk uses a simple tap of his index-finger on the guy's neck and he drops like a sack of potatoes because you hit a pressure point so precisely.

>>13381872
Ugh you are going to make me pull out my books aren't you...

>>13381872
Oh snap!

>>13381803
Ahahaha oh god why.

>>13381779
My group does +5 on a 20 and -5 on a 1.

>>13381800
It makes 1s and 20s still do something extra outside of combat. Why should a natural 20 only be amazing when fighting something?

>>13381779
>>13381798
It's also a part of the epic rules.

>>13381800
A commoner can't hit a deity 5% of the time, and the Tarrasque will never miss a housecat. Also, you won't miss 5% of the time with a True Strike (unless if you're doing crazy shit like hitting from 10 range increments away).

>>13381837
>>13381844

>Roll to navigate traffic in your Ford Pinto
>20
>Arrive in Yemen, wondering how you got there, brag to desert-wandering tribesmen about mad 1337 drivan skillz.

>Use rope to tie up prisoner.
>20
>It can never be removed by any means. You're a horrible person for doing this to someone. When the prisoner dies, the rope continues to bind their soul, resulting in some kind of freaky incorporeal undead that hates you.

>smithing roll
>20
>crack the anvil in two

>>13381909
So that's how Sigurd did it.

roll for masturbation
>20

>Escape Artist check
>20
>Find yourself in the astral plane

>Bluff guard to convince him you're taking over his shift.
>20
>You've convinced yourself. You spend the rest of your life as a guard.

>Roll for to detect
>20
>See God

>>13381816
well most non-lethal techniques can be lethal if fucked up. buts that what should have happened on a fail. a nat 20 should have had the ability be perfectly executed.

So yeah, gm turned nat 20 into a fail roll.

oh god, these >20 stories have me in stitches. i kind of wish there was a character that only rolled 20s or 1s with ridiculous consequences.

>Lie to someone
>Roll a 20
>You are so convincing that you fall for your own lie, and believe it with absolute confidence

>Handle Animal check
>1
>TWO LEGS!

>>13381907
>tie up prisoner
>20
>"you've stopped his blood from flowing. he dies before you can get any information out of him"

>>13381907
...actually, that could be quite awesome. Chain spirit.

>>13381907
Uncontrollably laughed while on the phone for a few minutes

>Ride check
>20
>You ride so hard the horse dies of exhaustion

I think I'll use some of these for natural 1s if the players agree to sort of "Deal with the devil" consequences.
Sort of like "I'll let you pass, BUT..."

>Roll swimming
>20
>You've discovered the City of Atlantis

>roll to hit
>20
>hit every possible target within 1 km

>Seduce young woman
>20
>She idolizes you above all else. Throughout your adventures, you have the strange feeling you are being watched. One night, when you wake up, you find her sitting on top of you with a knife in her hand and a twisted grin on her face. "The two of us will always be together" she says before bursting into a maniacal laughter.
>Well I roll to dodge
>20
>You dodge so hard she stabs herself

>roll 20 for Heal
>perfect patient's DNA at the molecular level, turning them akin to a shining glorious god that transcends time and space, morphing his body into an intangible sphere of light as he disregards forms and mundane notions of existence before traversing the cosmos at a blinding speed, leaving you with a brief fleeting feeling of sadness as something as beautiful and ephemeral as a rainbow appears and leaves from your life

>Roll Tumble
>20
>Your molecules align perfectly with those of a wall, pass right through it

>>13382009
No, come back...!

>Perform as a prince that have to retake his kingdom in a play
>Roll a 20
>REVOLUTION

>>13382009
>>13382013

MOLECULE MIND

>Preform roll for barter on a blacksmith
>20
>Sells you kingdom

>Roll to aim on
>20
>Lock in on BBEG in his dread tower.

>>13382033
My kingdom for a horseshoe.

>Roll for bluff
>20
>Successfully slam two 747's into into the twin towers and start a war against the middle east

>Pet Kitten
>20
>Kitten explodes into bloody mist

>>13382044

>Roll to pilot jumbo jet to stop it from crashing
>20
>Accidentally the entire luftwaffe.

>>13382008
>roll dodge
>20
>you "dodge" the knife, driving your face through her torso, killing her instantly
HAHA, YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY WHICH DIRECTION YOU WERE DODGING

The sad thing is, I used to be one of these GMs. 1s were critical failures, 20s were huge successes that tended to backfire.

Except I fucking listened to my players when they told me it was kind of a dickhole thing to do.

>>Listen Check
>>20
>>You can hear the hum of atoms vibrating and the sound of a thousand suns exploding a trillion lightyears away. Blood pours from your ruptured eardrums.

>Not sure what kind of character
>GM says roll d20
>20

>Roll for initiative
>20
>No one but you go across all games and universes.
>Forever

>>13382066

It wouldn't be so bad if 1s were seeming abysmal failures that contained a hidden opportunity. At least then it would even out.

>>13382060
>Play as Soviet Sniper in Stalingrad
>Roll 20 at aiming
>Bullet hit the Führer in his head at Berlin Bunker
Or
>Play as British SAS
>Roll 20 on planning explosive in the German V2 Launch Facility
>It explode taking the entire continent of Europe with it

>Roll strength to kick the door down
>20
>You've killed everyone existing behind that door

>Take a shit.
>Nat 20
>End up shitting yourself out head first.

>use ladder as weapon
>20
>you killed jackie chan in a ladder fight

>>13381702
>PrincessEuphemiakillinthejaps.png

>Roll Endurance to resist alcohol and win a drinking contest
>Nat 20
>Become a Knurd

>>13381815

more like...

>pickpocket
>20
>you now hold an inverted large intestine with a portion of the anus still attached

>>13382114

I think at DC 90 you can steal someone's pants while they're wearing them.

>Escape artist check
>Nat 20
>Escape gravity, freeze to death after being flung off the planet.

>Lore (Theology) check
>Nat 20
>Instantly know the true name of a powerful demon
>Demon kills you before you can use it

>>13382125
DC 90 is like taking someone's underwear without removing their pants and not alerting them to the fact.

>Knowledge check
>20
>Your character now has aspergers

>>13382125
Wait, THAT'S DC 90? With a DC 80 escape artist check you can fit up their ass.

>Roll for scrutiny
>20
>His truth, just became a lie

>>13382139
Can you steal their pants from inside their anus?

>>13382139
Yeah, but they know about it.

>>13382110
slowpoke.jpg
see
>>13381837
>>13381844

rolled 16 = 16

would dc100 mean you could steal a beard off a dwarf without him knowing?

>Craft (basketweaving)
>20
>You just turned the kidnapped princess into a lovely wicker tote.

>>13382173
>>Roll to steal beard off a Dwarf
>>20
>>Own the beards of every Dwarf that ever was, is and will be.
>>Entire species commits suicide and it is ALL YOUR FAULT.

>Lockpick Check
>20
>You've managed to pick the lock so deftly, that shards of it fly in every direction. Cleric, make a save vs death.

>Disable Device
>20
>The universe freezes.

>>13382173
No, you stole his beard, crafted a new one to replace it, and reinserted the hairs into the pores, successfully grafting and replacing an identical beard.

However, your Craft (Beard) skill sucks dicks, so you couldn't just make the beard. You'd have to steal it.

>>13382173
>Roll pickpocket to steal beard off a dwarf
>Nat 20
>All Dwarves become Elves

>>13382195
>>13382187
no no no

>roll to steal beard
>20
>you tear off his lower jaw

rolled 17 = 17

>>13382195
a vicious cycle indeed

>>13382169
Unless you succeed DC80 Sneak check?

>Vacarly whoa,
Whoa indeed, Captcha.

>>13382216
One does not simply walk into Sphincdor.

>Roll perform to impress the princess with your juggling.
>20
>The good news is that you've just invented perpetual motion...

>>13382261

>The bad news is that you've done it with the princess's innards.

>>13382261

Keep 'em coming.

>Roll to climb
>nat 20
>Drive the mountain into the crust of the Earth, destabilising the core and blasting the planet to smithereens.

>Roll profession to keep your struggling tavern running.
>20
>All your friends are alcoholics.

>>13382162
>>13382169
>>13382216
... oh god. So what I'm visualizing on a succesful set of rolls, someone's trousers sneak, without the slightest of sound or apparent reason, up their wearer's bumhole and disappear there entirely.

>>13382295
>all your friends die of alcohol poisoning

>Perform check
>20
>The gods are so awed by your performance that they commit mass ritualistic suicide in your name plunging the multiverse into total chaos.

>>13382296

>>13382296

Yeahprettymuch.

>Concoct Poison
>20
>Create antimatter and annihilate the universe.

God, this thread is so good.

>>13381803
I actually lol'd. As in, the actual meaning of the word.

>Intimidate
>20
>Gravity freaks out and fires you into space.

>>13382313
>concoct poison
>20
>it burns through the container, and is now all over your hands

Hmm, not sure if this thread is worthy of an archive.

>Use Magic Device
>20
>You are now a wand of cure light wounds.

>Trying to balance on a rocky slope.
>20
>The entire planet continually shifts under your feet, keeping you perfectly grounded at all times. Pity about those earthquakes.

>I mash F5, keeping an eye out for any golden threads.
>20
>You find one so incredibly, so gut bustingly hilarious you suffocate and die.

I haven't laughed this hard at a thread in... I don't know how long.
Seriously I can't breath.
Help.

>Acrobatics
>20
You pass through every ring of fire, lion pit, bed of nails and shark pool in the kingdom without touching the ground.

>Roll for clangorous terrain
>20
>The terrain must now make rolls when you move on it

>Get caught by a guard while stealing
>roll bluff
>20
>"Grandma! I thought you were dead!"

>Roll for CPR
>20
>You preform it so perfectly, so awesomely. their heart explodes

/tg/'s only gotten better and better ever since the mass bannings. Janitor is slowly cleaning this board!

So quick word to OP.

DnD doesn't have damage for non-lethal. It makes sense, but the DnD health system is abstract for gaming reasons.

WFRP is an example of a system with actual "Non-lethal can kill you". Shadowrun as well. DnD is NOT.

This does not even touch the fact that high = success and he made it a failure. If on a 1 he decided it was a botched job and had you roll damage. Maybe it would be reasonable.

TLDR: Your GM is an asshat.


>>Roll to fuck
>>20
>>All blood rushes to penis. Fort or die. She is also now in labor.

>Backstab
>20
>The mans heart leaps out of his back, skewering itself on a nearby fence post before you can ever draw your dagger.

>Saving throw vs. death.
>20

>start campfire
>20
>all of my kingdom, turned to ash before my eyes.

>Roll to archive thread
>20
>Every page on the internet is now this thread
>imokwiththis.jpg

>>13382382

Err, DnD does have non-lethal damage.

>>13382391
Why does that remind me of the Gaunt Man from TORG?

When was this game made?

>>13381803
>Roll to hide
>20
>"You can't find yourself anymore. Make another character."

This is the best one so far.

>>13382408
The comic's from the late 80s.

http://www.rakgraphics.com/chakan-books.html

>Appraise Check
>20
>Forge Document
>20
>You are the sole legal heir to every material possession ever made.

>use my drill
>roll 20
>pierces the heavens

>>13382401
Potentially lethal damage for non-lethal damage is what I meant.

>Intimidate check
>20
>You are now the BBEG.
The rogue giggles while whispering "exxxxxxpppppeeeee...."

>Move Silently
>20
>Spend rest of your life as a mute ghost, none being able to notice you

>>13382408

Sega Genesis.

>>13382352
>CPR Check
>20
>Burst poster's lungs with powerful breath

>Diplomacy Check
>20
>You convince all peoples of all races to lay down their arms in brotherly peace. The Illithids invade the next day.

>Move silently
>20
>Become a mime

>>13382496
>CPR check
>Nat 20
>Crush the victim's chest pushing all of his internal organs out through his rectum as your hands impact the floor.

>Disguise
>20
>Become incorporeal

>make thread about asshat DM
>20
>new /tg/ meme

>>13382296
On a botched move silently roll, the pants make a sort of a loud spaghetti-sucking noise as they go in.

SLRRRRRRLLLLSSPPPPPPP-ahh.

>>13382536
>implying this is new

>Make a survival check
>Roll 20
>You are now a grizzled, bearded old fuck who lives entirely off the grid and hates the government

Well my friends, it has been great.
>Roll for log off
>20
>Everything, even light and space, shutsdown

>>13382391
Fuck. Yes. Chakan was the greatest goddamned game on Genesis, and deserves an expanded universe so vast that it slowly degrades and collapses on itself worse than Star Wars.

>Roll to play lute
>20
>play so hard your strings snap and sever the cartoid arteries of 1d4 nearby bar patrons

>>13382583
The comic's still going, albeit slowly and through a webpage that takes its design cues from the late 90s.

>Bear lore check
>20
>Bears have claws

>>13382629
Whoa up there cowboy, let's not go overboard.

>Escape artist check
>20
>Everyone is moving faster and you can hear Yakety sax playing

>Nat 20 on knowledge check

>Your character realizes they are a character in a tabletop roleplaying game, goes made from the revelation.

>make a Craft check using small bits of paper
>20
>THE TICKETS ARE NOW DIAMONDS!

>Search check
>Nat 20
>Become Google

.>>13382629

That's crazy talk, mister.

>>13382647

>goes made

>I mean mad

>>13382663
>It's too late
>Character becomes a Made Man in organised crime, utilising his knowledge of the existance of the rules to min-maxing himself out.
>Becomes a terrifying enforcer in organised crime.

>temporarily blinded and deaf fighter (flashbang)

>nat 20 streetwise check

> you are being followed in the crowded market place

>Knowledge (the planes) check
>20
>I Am The Gate, I Am The Key

>>13382629
>general lore
>20
>everyone poops

I have heard regularly that some where supposedly in some DnD book (but I haven't found it) that if you do 4X a pc or npcs health in non-lethal damage they will die, but even if that is true they should pass out long before that

>Play Trombone
>20
>Hit the brown note

>Disguise check
>20
>You become a new character

>Critical hit
>Triple 20
>cleave through last enemy and cut down your entire party

>play double bass
>20
>play an entire orchestral piece, including instruments not of the string class and not in the range of the double bass
>kill everybody attending

>summon natures ally
>20
>the earth is now your servant

>Abseiling check
>Nat 20
>You crash through the skyscraper window without resistance. The momentum you had built up propels you effortlessly through the walls, obliterating the superstructure, and finally slamming through the opposite window to tumble to the earth below.

>Summon elemental
>20
>"By your powers combined I am CAPTAIN PLANET!"

>Parachuting out of a plane
>20
>Parachute so well you fly back up and get caught in the engine of the plane. You die.

>DM
>20
>Storytelling Exalted

>Roll for tumble
>Natural 20
>You fall.

>Roll Knowledge: Nobility
>20
>Assassinate any noble at will

>Hand on fire
>Punch at enemy
>20
>THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED

>>13382797

I don't get it.

>Roll Sneak Attack
>20
>Confirm Crit
>20
> Target gains Regeneration 10, Damage Reduction 20/-, and five hundred hitpoints

I've made GMs so mad with the frequency with which I roll 20's. It's fucking fantastic.

Here's an example:
>Walking into cave
>"You end up in a dungeon, and a door swings shut behind you. It's a massive door."
>"I swing at it with my pick"
>20
>"...it breaks open..."
>Completely bypassed a dungeon he had planned that was some sick sadistic fantasy in terms of difficulty.

>Computer use
>20
>"No one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself."

>>13382788

Ahahahahahaaa

>>13382833
20 isnt an auto success on skill checks, and you can't crit inanimate objects. So he is kinda sabotaging himself there.

>Roll Craft: mechanical
>20
>Pic related shows up

>>13382806
D&D becomes Exalted. It's so exceedingly simple.

Also that sounded aggressive. This was not my intent.

>>13382852

Oh, ok. You like Exalted a lot better than DnD. I get it.

Makes more sense now.

>>13381761
wow, he REALLY didnt know shit about the damage rules.
with a critical you do double fist damage, thats like 2d8 of nonlethal damage (assuming that you are of a certain level) if the dude had was a commoner with 4 hitpoints you would only kill him if you rolled two eights.
and I doubt he was a commoner.

Punch your D; in the spine

>Craft check to make an improvised weapon
>20
>pic related

>>13382856
More everything is huger and more insane in exalted. Just like everything gets huger and more insane when you roll 20.

>>13382860

Even if you rolled two eights, you'd do 5 nonlethal to knock him unconscious, than 11 lethal to bring him to -7. But the DM was already being a dick, we knew this.

>>13382838
>Roll Computer Use
>20
>Pic related takes over the internet

>Walk the plank
>20
>"No splash, Captain..."

>>13382803

>Fighting to save girlfriend from BBEG
>Cast Burning Hands
>In space, so DM makes me roll to hit due to unfamiliar gravity
>Roll Nat 20
>BAKUNETSU GOD SEKIHA LOVE LOVE TENKYOKEN!

>Corporate etiquette check
>20
>New CEO of Ares tech

And that children is why Shadowrun uses d6s

>>13382872
I laughed heartily sir. Thank you.

>>13382864
I thought monks did full nonlethal damage with their fists.
I might be wrong tho' since nobody ever play monk and nobody ever thinks of taking prisoners. but should the situation ever arise, I would bloody look it up.
OP's DM vex me

>Craft Weapon
>20
>THIS

>roll for roll d20
>20
>roll 2 d20's
>20
>20
>me: what skill am I using, again?
>DM: Roll d20.
>roll four d20's

>Intimidate check on only surviving Goblin after a battle
>20
>Goblin dies form shock

>>13382881
If someone suffers non-lethal damage that would cause them to have more non-lethal damage than their current normal HP the rest of the non-lethal damage is converted into lethal damage, no matter the source or cause.

>>13382885
>Craft Weapon
>20
>THIS

>>13382881
forfot pic

>>13382903
yes, I'm sorry I just got outta bed. I read trough it again. I see now

>roll Handle Animal
>20
>Look at my horse! My horse is amazing!

>>13382920
>give it a lick
>20
>tastes just like raisens

>>13382941
>have a stroke of its mane
>20
>it turns in to a plane

>>13382944
>I want to turn it back again
>20
>Dammit Dave, you promised no more of this ERP shit
>game breaks up

>sleight of hand check
>natural 20
>elephant comes out of sheath

>>13382204
>>13382187
>>Roll to steal beard off a Dwarf
>>20
>>Dark Sun Dwarfs

>Bluff check to communicate secretly
>20
>party becomes mentally-linked hivemind, proceeds to assimilate all they encounter into the Glorious Hivemind

>Roll Endurance to grind down the wave of enemies and hold the bridge so my comrades can escape.
>Nat 20
>NONE SHALL PASS.

>Roll to enchant weapon
>20
>Create....a small, dull-looking knife.
>Decide it's a failure and toss it over my shoulder
>20
>Knife flies into orbit
>Knife floats through cosmos for millenia
>Knife eventually falls onto a planet where it is found by a slightly overweight aspiring Adept of the Imperium

>>13383020
OH SHIT NIGGA NOSTALGIA RUSH

>Deathwatch game
>Librarian makes the devastator go berserk for one round due to perils of the warp.
>Devastator drops his heavy bolter and charges head long into a battle suit with just his claymore.
>Librarian's face.

>roll to play lute
>20
>this

>>13383020
Ah... so THAT's the secret behind Grendel's Claw?

>>13382391
>>13382650
>>13382788

I fucking lol'd

>Nearly get killed by fellow superhero and his shadow/laser blasts
>Glare at him
>Nat 20
>Discover DEATH RAY vision

Wonder what would happen if Matt Ward rolled 20

>>13383170
he might actually succeed at something

Let me tell you, crits on a Wild Mage in 4e are the most satisfying crits in the game.

Especially if you're using Chromatic Orb vs a fucking Hydra. Shit was double intense, since it's an IRC game encouraging description.

>>13383170
Ultramarines the themepark

>>13383230
I'm rocking a rogue/ranger built for single-target devastation, and mother of god the crits are orgasmic. We're using a homebrew gestalt system, and the character's become somewhat legendary among us for the shit-wreckoning she can put out. I'm probably a bit too proud of the accomplishment, since I didn't touch charop to put the beastie together.

>>13383252
Crits in a thematic or a really awesome way are always the best.

Rangers are fucking awesome if the player can properly describe it. We have one in the game, who also critted and Action Pointed

He basically just went to town, and did 130 damage at level 11 in a turn to it, and it was fucking awesome. I'm pretty sure he cut off like four of its heads instantly.

>Roll to write new Space Marine Codex
>20
>Robute Guiliman is now the spiritual liege of all chapters

>>13383264
I instantly bloodied a Solo dragon in the span of one turn and four crits. I could have had a fifth, but I willingly negated it so I wouldn't lose the last use of an item I got that was helping me with it. Over four hundred points of damage.
I then made an Intimidate check with a +15 bonus (for making a fucking dragon scream) and made it and its buddy stand down.
The DM is going to reference the event sometime with a unique magic item cape--it's a square yard of ragged dragonflesh and scales.

>>13383280

So THAT'S what happened

>>13383280

WRONG! It's not Rowboat. It's Calgar. Yes, Marneus Calgar is the spiritual liege of all chapters.
Read it up.

>>13383340
>Actually paying full attention to anything Ward writes
>No-one actually does this
>Go to bed, Ward.

>>13383328
That is incredibly awesome, goddamn. "Fuck you Dragon, i'm the boss here" comes to mind essentially.

Speaking of awesome shit like that, My Chaos Sorcerer/Wild Mage's fights always turn out amazing. In the last fight before the hydra he got so amazingly pissed off that he started using all of his Range 10 attacks in a melee fashion (I just fluffed it as that, he still took the stuff for a ranged attack, so Opp attacks)

Basically he just got so mad that he started punching the boss with fists made of the Elemental Chaos, and basically soloed him through opp attacks and all the guy had to offer.

Also I forgot that I also hit that Hydra hard enough to lift it into the air and blow a corrosive hole in its chest, knocking it prone.

>>13383342

But I have to think up a way to make Calgar the chapter master of the Grey Knights!
Can't sleep :*-(

>>13383344
She threw her daggers down, looked it in the eye, and told it "Don't make me pick these up again." She was going insane at the time, due to some plot shenanigans involving the end of the world and everyone being warped one way or another.

And hydra-punching sounds pretty fucking great. Good on you for taking the OAs like a man.

>>13383355
That was the most hilarious part. A hydra OA does so FOUR TIMES PER OA. It did this once to me as I moved in and basically slammed a green chromatic orb that burned its chest apart.

It missed me four times, and my party wanted me to describe it in the most absurd way I could. He basically leaned back into one attack, and then leaped onto the actual hydra to dodge the others, and then fell off to deliver the attack.

I am a gigantic weeaboo in description.

Also insanity is a deceptively interesting thing if not RPed as "LOL SO RANDOM" so I applaud you.

>lightning bolt
>20
>pic related

>>13383367
It was a bit hard to stage right, but basically over the period of many sessions she was increasingly unstable.
The character had been inducted into the military at an early age, and went from a soldier to a recon scout to a specialist, and then was handpicked to become an assassin.
The years of service had already given her some trouble establishing an identity beyond them--combined with some severe mental fatigue as her nation's entire war effort ended up hinging on her assassinating enemy higher-ups for months. Every request for leave was denied for "just one more mission." She ended up cracking, hallucinating that her officer handlers were the enemy's Council of Cardinals. After being subdued (not before killing one general, another PC stopped her, we found out later), she was eventually put back into service, deemed too useful not to use.
Then came the magapocalypse. Some things were warped physically. She got changed mentally. Her problem with identification became literal reliance on her role as an assassin FOR identity. This ended up manifesting as a real, physical addiction to causing bloodshed. We tracked her going into withdrawal over two weeks as she actively attempted to overcome it.
The last penalties before she cracked again were a -2 to attack rolls, and -5 on perception checks. She found herself looking at weak points in her allies' armor and how to best kill people. Every time she reduced an enemy to 0 HP, she had to roll a saving throw. Failure meant that the sheer willpower spent to avoid killing them made her spend a healing surge, or lose a quarter of her max HP if she was out of surges.
And THEN she flipped, and attacked the party as a mini-boss encounter.

>>13383399
What a saddening ending. It surprises me to find actually competant writers/players on /tg/ I guess, because i've met so many that are just terrible or think that mental illness is LOL SO RANDUM or "HAHA I'M CURAAAAZHAY"

Taking those negatives makes you a true boss, son. All of that sounds awesome.

>roll to hit unarmed master power attack
>20
>roll to crit
>20
>GIGAAAA DRILLUUUUU BREAKAAAAAAAAA

>>13383409
Fortunately, it didn't end there. The long-and-short of it is that they bested her, and with a little divine assistance, she managed to regain a semblance of her sanity. She's currently working on finding out what she wants and actually living.
During the fight, she had a +2 to attack rolls as her sanity counterbalanced back as she stopped resisting her impulse and began embracing it. She ended up getting her HP multiplied by four and some of the traits of an Elite monster.
It was still kind of disappointing, honestly--she got stunlocked and didn't get off any really staggering crits. Damn fun RPing, though. The PC she was stopped by during her first snap stopped her again--after she killed him. Another prearranged event, as that player was modifying his character sheet.

>>13381803

I actually had an argument with a DM about a situation very similar to this.

Me, a rogue, and a friend, a ranger, are in the jungle looking into a cannibal camp. We know our friends are in there, and we're edging the brush line trying to get a good viewpoint. Neither of us want to push it, but the ranger decides to.

I'm like, "I'll just stay here. I think he's got this."

The DM is like, "How do you know? He just walked off into the brush. Aren't you being cowardly?"

The ranger showed the DM his roll*. He'd rolled a natural 20. In his favored terrain. During the rain. While wearing camouflage. The final total, with pluses and minuses for perception for distance and environment baked into his total was something like 40.

I roll perception, I get a 4. "I got a 13. I hear from behind me, 'Be right back.' When I turn around, he is gone. I choose not to follow batman."

Well, not sure why I decided to share. But there's a fucking story.

>>13383429

I'm talking about stealth. Give me a break here.

Give a man five minutes at a keyboard and he ruins a perfectly good story.

>>13383424
Ugh stunlocking is one of my problems with 4e and D&D in general, So I would have been really annoyed. But you seem to have taken it like a champ. It's an interesting tale, I think.

The penalties and bonuses thing is cool to me because I love special things like that, if handled well. It's also a show that you don't need to be some god statwise to be a good addition to a group.

But I digress, it's 6:30 AM and I must sleep

>>13383468
Cheers, sir.

>Roll to stop time
>20
>"ZA WARUDO"

>roll to do your taxes
>20
>government owes you $7 billlion

>>13383603
>Roll to do your taxes
>20
>You inherit the 7 trillion dollar debt

Had the same thing happen to me from an old dm. I had a character who, although he was an asshole, would never kill a man unless he had no other option. The dm aimed to ruin this characteristic since the first session.

>"I use a nonlethal strike on the guard."
>17
>"You snap his neck."
>"But I was hitting him to knock him out, not grabbing him and snapping his neck."
>"Nonlethal can kill."
>WAT.

>"I use the taser I bought on the guy from behind."
>15
>"He bursts into flame from the taser."
>"That's bullshit, it doesn't have enough voltage to do that."
>"You kept it on him for too long."
>"TASERS. DO NOT. WORK THAT WAY."
>"Fine, then as he falls he hits his head on the sidewalk and dies."
>"I don't get a chance to catch him?"
>"...Fine."

He then threw these zombie like humanoids at us that were immune to being knocked out. I told him he was an asshole to his face and left. His campaign then died as he started targeting other players the same way.

>Roll to sleep with a beautiful woman
>roll 20
>thus begins the legend of Sexy Claus, a man who can sleep with every woman in the world in a single night

>>13385137
Your DM played way too much Siphon Filter.

>>13385174
thats a lot of aids

>Diplomacy check
>Roll 20
>The king is giving you a blowjob

>>13385137
>>13385196
This. My god Tasers in Siphon Filter 2 was so overpowered you don't even need other weapon until the last boss fight (Which is so easy it couldn't even be call a boss fight) the only problem is you have to hold it down long enough for the person to catch fire and scream for it to be fun.

>Diplomacy check
>Roll 20

>>13385283

Probably didn't happen.

You do know the earth would take an average of 3511 10th level wizards casting lightning bolt at it simultaneously to destroy it?

>Evil campaign
>I'll cast disintegrate.. at the ground.
>Roll 20.
>Earth is destroyed.

>Roll Bear Lore
>Natural 20
>You are now a bear

>Roll to give a blowjob
>Roll 20
>Create something later dubbed a "bazooka job"

>Alone with childhood friend character.
>"Just think this way, neither of us will be virgins anymore."
>Attempt to steal each other's virginity.
>Both roll 20.
>We are now virgins with each other's original virginity.

>Roll to disbelieve
>Roll 20
>You unravel all of reality with your mind

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html?
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html?
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/requestinterface.html?

>Roll, roll
>20
>fight da powah

>be small with wings...
>get swallowed whole and now in a monster's belly, that can eat 2 small creatures
>somehow get off Freedom of Movement
>I tell DM I want to fly out of the dragon/snake/thingy
>He tells me, "You can't fly out, because you're being constricted, you can't get any lift to fly."
>I'm forced to use my shite movement speed...

>>13383468
>Always hear people talking about 4e being a tabletop WoW.
>Hear someone complain about stunlocking in 4e.

>Roll bardic lore
>Natural 20
>You remember things man was not meant to know and spend the rest of your days a gibbering wreck rambling about things that should not be

>>13385306
Best critical ever.

>>13385390
It's about as apt a description for how it goes.
More specifically for those not familiar with 4E, action economy is a big important thing. Costing someone a move action is fairly significant, let alone losing whole turns. The guy in question nailing me with these had a combination of specializing in it and a plot power that made the stuns last two full turns, doable twice in that encounter.

>plimpin leisure
...Sounds kinda dirty.

>>13385390
> 3.5
> fight with 2 balors
> one stands in place and spams blasphemy at will lol
> entire party stunlocked into oblivion
Trust me, 3.x was more WoW than WoW.

This actually happened with an assassin in Dark Heresy who had been consistently doing better on untrained repair checks than my Tech-Priest
>driver hits dog with car
>assassin isn't paying attention and declares "I fix it"
>crits
>makes cybermastiff

>>13385445

Jesus, your DM is an asshole if he sprung two Balors on you without any plot justification. They're final/penultimate encounter creatures, not random fucking encounters.

>>13382125
actuall story

level 7 rouge (our second one) attempts to pickpocket the queen.
nat 20.
entire party's face

Dm: you take the queens diamond bracelet.
while balancing on top of the party clerics solders.

our first rouge is the only one to spot this and nearly gives it away.

>>13385473

>party doesn't believe me that Wizards are overpowered
>we fight an NPC Wizard of equal level as us
>he routs our whole party, we recover and come back, he teleported away meanwhile

>>13385500

>rouge

Are you some kind of cross-dressing pansy boy?

>>13385510
Whoops, didn't mean to post that as a reply. The actual reply would be, Balors can summon another one of themselves and the party might well be fighting one as a boss, we don't know what level they are. Spells are overpowered in 3.5.

>roll to hold your ground
>20
>WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

>Roll for jump
>20
>As soon as you jump, you create a wormhole. You teleport exactly where you need to be, only problem is that its 15 years later

>roll to chop down tree
>20
>The axe slices cleanly through the targeted tree as well as every form of vegetation within 4km

>Roll to bump
>20
>Stickied

>Roll to check the time.
>20
>"Because that's how I see the universe. Every waking second, I can see what is. What was. What could be. What must not. That's the burden of the Time Lord, Donna."

>>13385473
1st, she
2nd, it WAS a penultimate encounter, and there was also a horde of lesser demons with them. We made some decent knowledge checks against Balors, but the one thing she forgot to give us was a comprehensive list of their SLAs. Go figure. She actually didn't realize how OP Blasphemy is towards a level 17 party until she used it, then she just had him spam it until we were half-dead. She KNEW she could keep going, and the only thing that saved us was DM fiat deciding the balor didn't think winning effortlessly was fun.

>Roll to jump
>20
>The force of your legs opens a portal to the underworld, demons fly out to slaughter all inhabitants of this plane and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!

>>13385947
>ground opens
>fault

>Roll strength to break bricks
>20
>Crack Pop Star in half

>own personal BBEG sits on a hill ontop a horse
>"Have at thee, vile knave!"
>CHARGE
>20
>You charge through the hill

>>13385510
>party doesn't believe me that Wizards are overpowered
>roll to convince them otherwise
>20
>Every gamer on the planet is turned into a munchkin

>Roll attack
>Critical hit
>you kill your enemy so hard he dies, reincarnates on the spot and dies again of old age

>Grapple barbarian traveling with fighter/sorcerer
>fighter/sorcerer cannont break wall of ice
>strength check to break ice with fists
>20
>"THIS FIST HAS BEEN SCUPLTED FROM YEARS OF TRAINING AND EXERCISE THAT I WILL TEACH TO YOU NOW EDWARD ELRIC!"

>roll to seduce a female NPC
>20
>every woman within visual range is now pregnant with you

>pregnant with you
OH MY GOD WAT? Being born once was bad enough!
>>13385947
>>13385976
we see what you did there

>Creature Knowledge Roll on something seen through an Abyssal Gate.
>20
>You are the demons.

>>13385881
Damn you! I just watched the Christmas episode of Doctor who and now am filled with sadness.

>Roll to hide from Demogregon behind shiny shield
>20
>Demogregon looks at your shield and dies. You are now each Level 10

>>13382108
oh god that just made me laugh so hard

>>13385999
hah.

Reread this entire thead while listening to this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqLCMkwEvzI&feature=related
I laughed so hard I cried.

>pickpocket check
>20
>not only do you achieve identity theft, but you also stole all the secrets he was keeping from everyone, and you now own all of what was his private property.