Mr. Black (which I doubt is his real name), the lawyer in charge of administering the different trials, gave us each a small tray with a scalpel, some shears, and a few other nasty looking tools, including a corkscrew and a cheese grater. He then revealed a small set of scales, and told us that this was the "Shylock" trial. We would have to remove an ounce of our flesh in order to pass to the next round.

Half of my cousins (all who I had never met before) couldn't even lift the knives. A few went further, but stopped once they drew some blood. Five million is a lot of money, but apparently it's not enough for some people. They were escorted out of the room, and I never saw them again.

One of my cousins, Mike, was an idiot, but managed to pass. He used the shears to cut off the last two joints of his pinky. Another, Emma, was an even bigger idiot, because she copied his example.

I paid close attention to the three who didn't seem at all worried. Gavin was a person who had more than enough flesh to spare, probably weighing somewhere around 250lbs. He reached around, pinched himself, and snipped off an ounce of flesh from his ass like it was something he did everyday.

Jill snipped off an earlobe. When that wasn't enough, she snipped off the other one. She made a comment about it hurting about as much as getting them pierced, but I doubt it.

I held the tray, wondering what ounce of flesh I could sacrifice. Nick, the guy who went next, asked Mr. Black to define again exactly what "flesh" was. Mr. Black replied that besides hair and nails, all else was fair game.

Nick took the cheese grater, and gently started scraping away at the bottom of his feet. In a few minutes, he had an ounce of dried skin shavings. The four who already passed started to shout when they realized what he was doing, but Mr. Black said that it followed the rules in the will, and thus was allowed.

Going last, I just copied Nick. It was far too easy. It was practically painless, and basically ended up giving myself a pedicure instead of going through some terrible ordeal. The first four looked at me like they all wanted to kill me, but Nick didn't seem at all bothered by me copying him.

Our next trial was two days later. We were told to shower thoroughly before 6 o'clock, when a car would come to pick us up. We ended up in a penthouse, where Mr. Black explained the rules of the next trial.

>>9887363
>He reached around, pinched himself, and snipped off an ounce of flesh from his ass like it was something he did everyday.

that part was pretty good

This is my first time on /tg/


I love this board already

>>9887431
Isn't it amazing?

To summarize, we would have to have sex with at least one other person.

I doubt I need to provide more evidence that my grandfather was insane.

Keep in mind, we were all cousins (except for the two pinkyless idiots, who were brother and sister). And, some rapid math for you, there were two girls and four guys.

The rules were simple. "Sex" would be defined as ejaculating into someone, or being ejaculated into. Oral sex would not count, but vaginal and anal sex would. Anyone who did not have sex within the hour would be eliminated. As Mr. Black exited the penthouse, he explained that "tools" could be found throughout the rooms, and there were plenty of hidden cameras.

We first tried discussion. We were all competing against each other, but we needed at least one other person to cooperate. The conversation turned into an argument rapidly, especially considering that there was no way that everyone was going to get out of this happy.

>>9887431
Glad to have you.

Now, OP, please continue if you would. Have you been told about the second trial at all? Do you think you'll have to go first this time?

OP: Why did you have to start this thread so late at night. I have work early tomorrow.
I love this concept and hope the thread gets archived once it's done.

>>9887473
>>9887472
Never mind that then. Derp.

...Part of me doesn't see quite AS MUCH difficulty aside from the awkwardness. Perhaps some of the "tools" include money, enough for any whores to make the whole thing less uncomfortable?

Storytime already?

waiting on OP.jpeg

Good hook, but you should have written it out to before posting it.

Just call your girlfriend/wife/escort service, etc...

At some point, Gavin just stood up and shouted at Emma to let him fuck her. Mike jumped up, told him to fuck off, and took his sister into a different room. While the other three continued to try to set up plans, I took a look around.

I found some of the "tools" in the first drawer I checked. Some I had expected. Condoms, lubricants, and even an enema kit, along with didoes and anal beads were all neatly arranged. But there were some tools that surprised me. Sleeping pills. Jar of Ether. A taser. The next drawer had rope and handcuffs, along with a nightstick.

I grabbed the taser, pills, and ether, since they fit easily into my pockets. I continued to search around, and found another complete set in the kitchen. When I returned to where the others were, they were still debating.

come on OP.....

This is a fucking great story.

Given that the will required you to perform a certain degree of self-mutilation as its first stipulation, it would be fairly simple to get it overturned on the grounds of illegality, and/or your grandfather not actually being of sound mind in its creation.
If the second stipulation REQUIRES you to commit incest, all the better for your lawsuit.

>>9887561
I see where this is going...
And I like it.

>>9887580

furthermore, the fact that this story is completely made up would give you a lot of sway with the jury

Amusing. Might I point out something?

It clearly sounds like your crazy ass grandfather is setting you all up. (from beyond the grave.)

The trials are going to get more humiliating, painful, and unpleasant. He's finding out who's a bitch enough to fall for it. Challenge the legitimacy, and/or demand to read over his will yourself. Think outside the box.

F5ing

Your grandpa is Tzeentch and Slaanesh combined.

Going to end in a candle [obstructing words] jack. I just know it.

It's like The Ship, that old, interesting multiplayer game, only instead of murder, it's rape.

This is going to end a lot like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Maybe.

I give OP five minutes before i go to bed

I predict gay rape.

>>9887621

>Implying there won't be a murder at some point

waiting_for_op_skeleton.jpg

I have documented species of dromaeosaurid evolving while waiting for OP.

>>9887601 implying this is a real story

>>9887654

and that required a sage why?

My cock is hard liek rock for OP. Conteenju.

When will people figure it out?
You write out the story, THEN you post it.

Finally, Gavin suggested an ultimatum. Jill and Emma would get to choose who they have sex with, and the remaining two guys would have to figure out what to do by themselves. Nick opposed this idea, and I did as well at first, but after some thinking, I decided that it was the best plan. With Jill's approval, Nick had no choice but to give in. With all of us agreeing that we'd respect Jill's decision, we waited as she considered her options.

Unsurprisingly, she chose Gavin.

I had watched the first season of survivor, and I knew that one of the principle strategies was to vote off anyone who would be competition. Nick had impressed everyone in the earlier trial, so he had no chance of getting assistance from anyone to go to the next round. Then, between Gavin and me, I think anyone would take their chances against the straight-forward fat guy instead of the mysterious copycat.

As Jill and Gavin moved into a different room, I moved over towards Nick, who recoiled. He said he was going to wait for Emma, to see if she would choose him. I told him straight up that I knew that Mike and Emma were having sex right now, despite being brother and sister. It made too much sense, in that not only were they helping each other go towards the five million, they were also preventing other people from advancing to the next trial. I then told him that I had a plan.

>>9887653
You... I...
I wonder what my Dark Heresy party would say to this....

monty_python_get_on_with_it.jpg

any time now.

Will OP deliver? Will a wonderful story be told? Will the narrator win 5 million dollars? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS

A Dorito chip cut the inside of my mouth a bit while I waited for OP.

>>9887691

Hmm... At this point I'm wondering whether I should bring my fapping apparel from under the bed.

>>9887737
You mean your robe and wizard hat?

>>9887746

And tissues and hand cream. And the keyboard cover.

>>9887746
probably an inflatable goat and a gimp suit.

Have to be of sound mind for a will you make to be legal.

Claim his stuff per capita.

>>9887704

Fake or not, I like these stories.

But seriously, next time, write it out then post.

This is going to end in either a Bel-Air or the Monster Mash.

Calling it now.

>>9887737
I am now imagining a super hero costume. Except for...

inb4 Bel-Air

>>9887776

IS IT A BIRD? IS IT A PLANE? NO, IT'S SUPERFAP!

>>9887771
Fake or incredibly fake, yes they can be entertaining.

SecretOP here, just kidding. That's it.

Five million dollars is a lot of money. It's enough to make people do crazy, insane things. Having sex with cousins who you've just met is one of them. Convincing your cousin to help you rape another cousin is another.

It happened very quickly. Nick didn't even hesitate after hearing my plan. We went to the room where Gavin and Jill hadn't even started undressing, and we opened the unlocked door like we were hitmen protagonists in an action flick. Just a straight forward "push open the door, march in, and shoot." Nick didn't even wait for her to turn around, and shot Jill straight in the back with the taser, the two barbs pushing through her shirt and electrocuting her. She dropped to the floor hard, completely incapacitated.

Gavin didn't go down quite so easily.

I hit him squarely in the chest, Perhaps it's because of his weight/fat, but the taser seemed to have less of an effect on him. He shouted, and dropped to the ground, but he kept moving, and seemed like he was about to get up. Nick was busy getting Jill to inhale through the ether soaked rag, so I just went ahead and stomped down on Gavin's head. I moved my foot away before Nick turned to see what had made the sound, and I quickly blocked his view of Gavin's head as I started to tie him up with the rope.

>>9887822

>>9887822
waiting...

It will turn out that the author is gay. SOLUTION!!!

THIS THREAD SHOULD BE ARCHIVED

>>9887904
If it ends up being good, maybe. We'll see.

>>9887904
No, it should not.

I'm guessing the author now tazes the guy he teamed up with, and rapes him.

>>9887822
The kitten is counting on you to continue.

I'm about to call this thread dildos and leave, shit is taking too long. They rape the chick, 1 anal, 1 vaginal and then his grandfather busts through the wall going "OHHH YEEAAAAAAAAAA"

>>9887822

looks like it's time for DOUBLE TEAM ACTION

This story will go in one of two directions:

Serious writefaggan

OR

Rapefic

Make your bets now

>>9887942
Betting lolsosrsguize

>>9887942

srs

>>9887942
>Writefaggan
>Serious

Xiombarg would definitely approve. She would probably be watching and nudging Nyarlahotep in the ribs while giggling as well.

When I had finished, I moved over to Jill, and bound her legs and arms. Nick and I moved her onto the bed, and then stood there for a little bit longer than I expected.

There was an obscenely uncomfortable silence. Probably the most uncomfortable of uncomfortable silences that ever has been or could be. The two of us, who were practically strangers, were standing above the unconscious form of our cousin, who would soon be raped by us in order for us to continue to compete for some money willed to us by an insane millionaire.

Then, I realized it.

Nick was hesitating.

I was hesitating too, but mostly just from a unnaturally keen sense of appreciation for faux pas. Aside from my strange urge to appreciate the wrongness of the moment, I hadn't moved because I realized we hadn't decided the turn order.

He wasn't moving because he was having second thoughts.

>>9887942
Oh, I think there'll be some SERIOUS rape.

>>9887991

>>9887983
HURRY! IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THIS LONG TO WRITE

>>9887983
Thats what we waited 10min for? waste of time. Thread=dildoes.

>>9888007
Thank you. I'll be saving that pic now.

Not real but,

Any will with clearly unenforceable terms in respect to legality (or rather illegality) will be made, well, unenforceable.

Real people would've found another way to split the old coot's money WITHOUT raping their cousins.

But far be it from me to stop the entertainment.

Cool story bro. My Great Grandfather's middle name was Perfecto."

Meh. This isn't anywhere near on par with the house of leaves of trolling.

>>9887983

JUST TAZE HIM ALREADY.

This is too exciting. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

successful troll is successful

>>9887580
>>9888026
>>9887765
>implying anyone thinks this is serious

f5ing like the fist of the north star

OP types one word per 38 seconds.

Holy Fuck, OP you type slower than an elderly woman with Alzheimer.

Jesus...

On with it!

>>9888150
GET ON WITH IT

I broke the silence by being courteous. Since he had helped me in the previous trial, I offered him the chance to go first. When I said the word "first," Nick visibly flinched. I almost wanted to roll my eyes at that point.

He explained that he was a virgin, and he didn't want his first to be like this, and that he hadn't really thought this thing all the way through, and blah blah blah. I told him that this was for five million dollars, and that the only difference is that instead of her and Gavin, it would be her and us. In fact, we probably did her a favor, since she won't even remember any of it.

Nick didn't answer. I told him that if he had such a problem with it, he didn't have to do it. I told him that in any case, he could go ahead a leave the room, as I would be going first. He tried to say something, but ended up just leaving.

I locked the door.

ZZZZzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

fuck yeaah.

>>9888179
Then OP became a Rapeguard and won at life.

inb4 "It was all his idea" betrayal

>>9888179
ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF DRAGON BALL Z THE STORY MIGHT ACTUALLY DEVELOP! STAY TUNED~!!!! lol.

photo/artwork dump to pass the time

>>9888104

>>9888219

>>9888234

>>9888179

comeoncomeoncomeon gimme the chocolate

>>9888209
ARE THEY STILL IN THE PENTHOUSE?

found this

jesus fuck OP is slow

...

Good god. This is awesome~

waiting...

dumdumdumdum

In b4

BUT WAIT! IT TURNS OUT HIS GRANDFATHER IS ACTUALLY THE LAWYER IN DISGUISE!

DISGUISE, YOU GUISE

http://www.onemanga.com/Liar_Game/

read this while waiting for op, folks

F5F5F5

WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG

>>9888306
what are these from anon?

SO BRILLIANTLY THE OP SPOOGES IN THE CONDOM AND SHUVS IT IN HIS COUSINS ASS!

>>9888049

can you give a link?

>>9888209
This reminded me of dragon ball z abridged and I went to watch it on youtube. Good stuff.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/8108689/

>>9888049

what the heck is the house of leaves of trolling.

>>9888371
/x/ somewhere. Dunno if there's moar

Five million dollars is a lot of money. While I was in that room, raping an unconscious girl who was missing both her earlobes, trying my hardest to finish up quickly, I could only think about whether or not I should let Nick rape her as well. I wasn't thinking about preserving that sense of decency he had about him, I was thinking about removing the competition.

If I let him rape her, the only person who would be eliminated from this round would be Gavin, which means that this round would do little to shorten this tourney. And, if my guess is correct, my grandfather is going to make the next trial even more horrible.

It's strange. Usually, no one ever tells you that might get philosophical in the middle of rape. I've seen in some movies people get deep, philosophical thoughts when they're killing other people, but not with rape. I was lying on top of the poor girl, only our pants lowered just enough, me thrusting into her unresponsive body, and I started to wonder whether or not this trial really was that horrible. No, not that I was enjoying it, but that it was the people within the trial that made it horrible. Yes, they provided us with the tools to rape, but it was we that had chosen to use them.

As I contemplated the deep horrors of humanity, I ejaculated inside of her.

And this is why you write the story first, THEN post.

>>9888423

HNNNNNGGGGGHHHHHH

>>9888423
NO CONDOM? FFFFFFFF

>>9888405

see
>>9888400

precog answer

>>9888435
I'm betting he's writing two or three full posts for each block he actually posts, and will put it all up at once when he's done.

I'm an optimist.

>>9888423
and that's all I have for now. good night /tg/

Good night.

>>9888476
noooo

>>9888473
>>9888476
FUCK

>>9888476

The ultimate troll.

Definitely amusing for the Goddess of Chaos.

>>9888445
Bitch is totally gonna get all his money for child support.

>>9888476

fuck you

>>9888476

YOU ASSHOLE. I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FUCKING ALBACORE, THEN MIX YOUR FLESH UP WITH SOME MAYO AND FEED IT TO A FUCKING HOMELESS CRACK HEAD.

>>9888476

WHAT

>>9888476

Not the OP's post style, I don't believe this is actually him.

>>9888476
FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
-
-
-
-
-UUUCCCCKKKKKKKK

OP, presuming you're not actually >>9888476, either start writing a few short sentences, or else send out a warm-up act between sets.

>>9888517
>>9888514
>>9888512
>>9888511
>>9888501
>>9888496

>>9888423
>No, not that I was enjoying it, but that it was the people within the trial that made it horrible. Yes, they provided us with the tools to rape, but it was we that had chosen to use them.
>As I contemplated the deep horrors of humanity, I ejaculated inside of her.

I made this exact face.

>>9888540

Cousin rape. Awesome.

>>9888563
The mention of the missing earlobes made me howl, admittedly.

>>9888563
It is illegal to marry your first cousin in 24 states.

Think about that.

>>9888399
Hey! There's a new episode. Sweet.

>>9888584
Everyone in Britain are first-cousins. Think about that.

>>9888584

>Implying it IS legal in 26 states

I... WHAT?!

I only then realized that all of this was on camera. Which is fine, I guess, considering that the first trail already had plenty of lawbreaking going on, so I didn't really fear any legal ramifications. The thing that bothered me was that someone might be getting some sick pleasure out of all this.

I then remembered that I hadn't decided about whether or not I should let Nick rape her. Checking my watch, there was still about twenty minutes left. If I just kept this door locked, I would eliminate him from these trials. He seemed smart, and was capable of at least tasering a person with the intent to rape them, so he was definitely not an opponent I wanted to continue facing. If it was only me, Jill, Mike, and Emma, I think I could basically come out on top of whatever trial would come next.

However, Nick was a wild card. He threatened my chances for the five million, and right now I had more than sealed my conviction in getting it. But, despite all that, I realized that I felt somewhat indebted to him for inadvertantly helping me in the first trial. I almost felt like I should at least give him the choice, to believe that he would make the "right" one, and he'd be able to go home, knowing that even if he doesn't have five million dollars, he at least has his integrity.

Realizing how dumb that would be, I started to barricade the door.

>As I contemplated the deep horrors of humanity, I ejaculated inside of her.

>>9888593
The Brits also refer to bands in the plural.

>>9888597
That's just what I heard. Go ahead and quote me on it.

>>9888273
>>9888289
>>9888295
>>9888306

What are these from? They're disturbingly inspiring, to say the least...

>>9888584
Even then, it's only first cousins in about half.

>>9888627
I AM WELDING DIS DOAR

>>9888627

What'd I tell you easily-trolled faggots?

>>9888629
Really?

I made this face.

>>9888593
>Everyone in Britain are first-cousins
Where the hell are you pulling this from? There are plenty of people I know that aren't even the same RACE as me, and I'm fairly sure I'd know if everyone white I met was only a single generation away from me.

>As I contemplated the deep horrors of humanity, I ejaculated inside of her.
Beautiful, poetic and somewhat terrifying at the same time...

if this isn't copypasta and is some original writefaggotry, I wish you'd take the advice given to countless writefags before you: type your shit out beforehand, so this bullshit doesn't take forever

Oh god, leaving in 10 min or so...Better hurry up OP.

im betting this story will end in either bel-air, a cliffhanger or some variant of the two

>>9888766
>Better hurry up OP

Goddammit OP, I have a final in 7 hours and I need to sleep.

sooooooooooo slow

>>9888829

Have some yotsuba to cheer you up

>>9888627

RAPE HER AGAIN

He came knocking when there was only fifteen minutes left. I told him I hadn't finished yet. He seemed pacified, but told me to hurry up. Three minutes later, he comes back and he's knocking on the door hard, telling me to hurry the fuck up. I tell him I'm not done yet. He doesn't believe me.

He starts pounding on the door, and I start to actually worry about it. Even though it's reinforced with the bedframe, I end up pushing against it myself just to make sure it holds. He starts calling me names, like double-crosser and betrayer and just general insults, but I just keep trying to calmly tell him it's hard to sex with an unconcious girl. I tell him my concience is acting up. I lie and lie and lie and lie, but he just keeps trying to break his way in.

With five minutes left, he stops. I keep myself against the door just in case, but he doesn't come back. I watch the seconds on my watch go by, until finally the hour comes and goes.

I opened the door, and met Mr. Black in the living room. He told me that I'll be driven home, and that I'm expected at the next trial in 2 days.

I asked him who else made it.

He told me that aside from me and Jill, Nick and Emma also qualified. However, due to a secret clause, only I had actually managed to pass the trial.

Other questions aside, I asked him what the final trial is for then, if I'm the only one left.

He simply says that the will doesn't instruct him to answer me, so he won't.

>>9888721
What, and miss out on dozens of F5'ing anons clamoring for more, a writefag's sweetest nectar?

>>9888766
And then the lobeless wonder won the 5 million. Turns out Nick got in a fight with the sister fucker, and none of them finished. I went to jail, because I didn't consider how band an idea killing Gavin (yep, dead as a doornail) was. I mean, it's not like I get a pass just because I'm in some sadists version of Double Dare.

Anyway, I'm in jail now. I get to spend some time in the "computer lab" (tiny ass little room with four PCs off the prison library) as part of my work training rehabilitation. A retard could pass the training, so I try to squeeze as much real internet time in between quizzes as possible.

I may not have the 5 million, but at least I know it's not making Jill any happier. Rape does that to a person.

G'night tg!

>>9888627
>The thing that bothered me was that someone might be getting some sick pleasure out of all this.

Uh-oh, Gramps is alive.

>>9888902
WHAT'S THE SECRET CLAUSE, FUCK

>>9888902

Ah, the rest used condoms.

>>9888909

Do you people even try?

>>9888928
Jill would have won too. Rape was probably required, which means only half or less the people who actually had sex could have won.

>>9888939
Not really.

>>9888954
Or you had to be cognizant.

Nick getting it in and done with in 5 minutes might be a clue.

>>9888909

>how band an idea

FUCK YEAH BAND

>>9888909

ahahahahahahahaha

fucking smashed

>>9889004
Think they'll also solve mysteries?

I wonder how Jill didn't pass.

Lobeless wonder is Jill.

YOU WANNA HEAR A HORROR STORY, /TG/?

>>9889018

because she didn't ejaculate inside someone. it's impossible for girl's to ejaculate INSIDE someone like the trial's rules said. OP was the only one who truly came inside someone. Nick used a condom.

>>9889045

> "Sex" would be defined as ejaculating into someone, or being ejaculated into

This went from interesting to painfully stupid in one post, OP. You've wasted our time.

>>9889045
>>9887472
>The rules were simple. "Sex" would be defined as ejaculating into someone, or being ejaculated into.

To be honest I'm surprised the OP didn't just taze and ether everyone, then have his way with whichever girl he preferred, and know that nobody else could even qualify.

>>9889045
>The rules were simple. "Sex" would be defined as ejaculating into someone, or being ejaculated into.

>>9889045

Into or on.

Personally, I would have just whipped it out jizzed on someone.

>>9889045
You pass by cumming in somebody or being cummed inside.

>>9889061
So, you, as a male, could be raped by your sister or female cousin.

>>9889045
Well ejaculating in a condom whilst inside a vagina/anus is still ejaculating while inside someone.

>>9889076
>>9889072
>>9889061

Ejaculationmind

>>9888983
>Nick getting it in and done with in 5 minutes
OP probably meant Mike

>>9889018
>I wonder how Jill didn't pass.
Well, she was mentioned as "qualified" but didn't pass. Probably because she was out. On the other hand, since nameless OP assaulted one cousin, raped another, and betrayed another, any of those things set him apart.

>>9889069
Hey now, OP might have a reasonable explanation, unlike that chucklefuck.

>>9889085
>Raped by my sister/female cousin

Why am I intensely aroused by this?

The cousin aspect moreso.

Ok, I get it.

Jill wasn't concious and thus didn't have a wet orgasm to spill her juices inside OP's protagonist's dick.

Nick and Emma used a condom. No jizz in each other.

The two days between the trials were a blur. My wife seemed to ask a lot more questions than usual, and I somehow had a lot fewer answers. I skipped work, and just tried to relax, which ended up being counterproductive, as free time and over-thinking things tend to go hand in hand.

Secret clause? I couldn't think of what it could be. It couldn't have been just the fact that I was willing to rape a girl. If my guess was correct, Nick managed to break all sorts of records by managing to rape Emma within the span of 5 minutes. Of course, with so little time remaining, Emma could have been willing, but I doubt Nick was in much of a mood to ask her permission.

My only guess was that it had something to do with either the way I stomped Gavin's head, or the way I barricaded myself in. These were the only two things I could think of that I did differently than Nick, and I don't really like the way either of them sound as a being the deciding factor of a secret clause.

couldn't you use the enema kit to ejaculate inside yourself?

>>9889111
whoah.....

>>9889111
this man is brilliant

>>9889108
And OP answers our questions, sort of, but doesn't advance the story.

HURRY UP

>>9889111
I wouldn't risk it - if that didn't count, then you're out.

>>9889111

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-!

He's right.

Nick and the brother probably used condoms and thus did not pass, though they still qualified.

Last 50 posts - I'm going to use these whenever I'm on a rape trial or something

You have to rape. The brother-sister pair had consensual sex. Boom they're out.

>>9889111
Well fuck

>>9889111
You are the greatest mind of this age

>>9889111
You need to form an alliance with Cheetometheous

>>9889111

Holy shit it's like eating your own head!

>>9889160
Unless it has to be rape, then you'd have to rape yourself somehow. And what if you're a woman? You'd still have to rape someone else anyways.

>>9889111
not really. it doesn't let you put your dick in your ass, just cum in a tube thats connected to your ass. If I were was Mr. Black I'd so no to it.

>>9889111

never change /tg/

>>9889111
lol, tazer everyone else then ejaculate inside yourself, bam you win!

>>9889111
the only problem is what is exactly entailed by "ejaculate inside" IF it's ejaculate while inside. then no dice. But if it's Leave your ejaculate inside of someone then yes it would work. So if the condom thing is what made the others fail, this would work. IF it was the rape thing that made OP pass then no.

>>9889227

I would, because of the humiliation. And the thing was being taped - shit would be going on YouTube.

>>9889233

If you're going to tazer everyone else anyway just pick the weakest person there and assfuck them to death.

>>9889111
>"Sex" would be defined as ejaculating into someone, or being ejaculated into

I would say no, because you have to ejaculate into the kit, then put the semen into your ass. That would probably count as neither.

Put I suppose it's possible to somehow get the enema tube up your urethra and come into the bag, which is already attached to your butt. Still, I can't imagine producing enough semen to have it flow in naturally. those bags hold a lot, and the pressure of one ejaculation wouldn't be great enough.

It's too bad oral sex doesn't count, because certain people can give themselves head.

not /tg/

>>9889298

FATAL.

>>9889298
You are the biggest faggot to have ever faggoted.

>>9889311

HOLY FUCK

OP IS ACTUALLY DESCRIBING HIS FATAL SESSION

IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

>>9889316
NO ME D:

>>9889337

Haven't seen anything relating to anal circumference yet, can't be.

>>9889298
What are you talking about? It's clearly a game. And what's more traditional than making your kids do silly things with your will?

>>9889316
I don't know, he might not be one of the one's advocating cumming in one's own ass...
But faggotry is still faggotry.

>>9889108

COME ON COME ON COME ON THE THREAD'S GOING TO AUTOSAGE SOON

>>9889298
Sure it is. It's going to end with "So now that I have the money, I'm thinking that I might just be able to afford a 40k army if I tighten my belt for a while. What's /tg/'s recommendations?"

>>9889426
winrar is you. I really hope this is the ending.

>>9889413
Autosage is 300 replies now.

>>9889413
Good point. EVERYONE START SAGING SO THE THREAD WON'T REACH BUMP LIMIT BEFORE IT'S DONE!

>>9889447
Fuck you


come on OP we Must know how it finishes!

I'm calling it now, last challenge is eating all the bits and pieces that were cut off in the first challenge.

Final test is going to be eating his own dick. Calling it now.

>>9889465
cum on OP we must know how it finishes!

I just played through an entire, long multi-part flash game in the time it took you to write half of this.

>>9889494

How will ejaculating on the OP make him post faster?

>>9889485

Eatmind!

>>9889507
hiss at penis

>>9889507
You'd have to cum IN the OP against their will without a condom for it to count it seems.

>>9889525

Is the OP a cat?!

>>9889537
No, the OP is obviously Robert Jordan.

He died.

WHERE IS THE NEXT POST YOU FUCKER

>>9889525
i haven't laughed so hard in ages, and i suggested cumming in your own ass.

One million internets to you anon.

Damnit OP, I'm going to sleep.

Thread better still be here in the morning.


... Interesting stuff though, I suppose.

The day of the final trial came, and I was driven to a cemetery. It looked ancient, and was a good distance away from the town it was a part of.

Mr. Black stood at the gates waiting for me. He explained that the rules of this trial were very simple.

"Six wings, Six shots."

He then casually stepped into the car I had just exited, and drove away, leaving me confused and alone. I could only guess that it was some sort of stupid riddle, and that the cemetery would hold some sort of clue about it.

I began to wander inside of it, not at all surprised that there was no one else there. I looked at the weathered gravestones, looking for six wings but finding nothing more than barely legible names of people who were long forgotten.

After some time, I had wandered towards a large dark elm in the far corner of the cemetery, it's large roots having shifted and distorted the gravestones around it. Casually, in a way that though I was not expecting it it did not surprise me, two people came out from behind the tree.

They were a young woman who was pushing a very, very old man in a wheelchair. He looked more like a skeleton with green-tinted skin painted on then a living person, but the way his chest heaved with each breath gave proof of his life. He did not bother to open his eyes, and addressed me in a surprising firm tone.

He asked me if I knew who he was.
He asked if I knew why I was here.
I simply answered no.

He chuckled (or he rattled, whichever you prefer), and told me that I reminded him of his grandson.

>>9889569
too soon bro, too soon :(

Op never had more than 11 minutes between posts, it's already been almost 30, so I doubt we'll see any more

>>9889596
>>9889613
Lol'd

what.jpg

>>9889613

>>9889569
Robert Jordan's grandson actually.

>>9889589
>>9889596
Wrecked.

>>9889596

>>9889596

He either has to kill his grandfather or his grandfather set it up so to kill him.

THERE, THAT'S HOW IT ENDS.

>>9889680
Do you normally explain obvious shit?

LAST TRIAL IS EJACULATING IN YOURSELF WITH AN ENEMA KIT

inb4 this is the plotline to metal gear solid 5

You are now aware that if the girls had outnumbered the guys in the second test, they would have had to fight amongst themselves to see which of them would get to rape the guys.

>>9889705

Yes, it's how I get my kicks, if you know what I mean.

I mean that I like to troll people.

>>9889705
Yes he's like the guys on Star Trek that explain Kirk's plan in simple English right after Kirk announces it.

>>9889738
OH GOD THIS

>>9889738

>I'mokaywiththis.jpg

>>9889738

>implying it is possible to rape a guy

>>9889738
They could take turns. Death by snoosnoo.

>>9889447
You are ten kinds of retarded. There is a REPLY LIMIT. The "purpose" of saging is to post in a thread while preventing your post from bumping it. That is ALL it does. Nothing more, nothing less.

HURRY THE FUCK UP, OP

>>9889738

I get that you want to minimise the number of people advancing, but you can fuck more than one person.

>>9889766
Not enough time for the guys to recharge.

>>9889756
>>9889760
>>9889765
How would they make it rape if you're ok with it?

(You don't want to know).

Best post in thread

>>9889802
Faggots.

>>9889802
>Implying I can't ejaculate more than once in less than an hour

>>9889818

It is possible to rape the willing.

Trust me.

>>9889765
An average of 9 percent of rape victims are men.

>>9889802
maybe not for you bro

>>9889840
IS IT BECAUSE RAPE ISN'T ABOUT SEX, BUT ABOUT POWER?

>>9889840

By definition, if you're willing, it's not rape.

So, no.

>>9889844
>>9889844

Want to know a little secret?

THE RAPISTS ARE MEN TOO.

>>9889840
Hence, the "(You don't want to know.)".

>>9889865
>I don't know what rape is please rape my face

NO MEANS NO!

except for those times when it means yes :3

GOD DAMMIT OP, I WANT TO GET TO SLEEP ALREADY

Maybe OP is testing us and here we are, talking about RAPE...

>>9889886

Not if we're using it as part of a euphemism, no. On the other hand, if we're using the literal meaning, then yes.

Unless we're talking about statutory rape, in which case fuck you.

>>9889871
You forgot to mention the part where their goods were chopped off right before being raped, making them effectively girls while being raped.(the 9% are the ones that had the goods reattached afterward)

>>9889770
Yes, except you're wrong. It's a bump limit. After that, you can still reply, it just doesn't bump the thread anymore. If you post with sage, it doesn't count towards that.

>>9889962

SEX CHANGE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

Let's kill some time.

I'm playing Baldur's Gate 2. Again.

If I want Sarevok in my party (which I do for dialogue/interaction purposes), that means the party maxes out at 5 people. I am a mage (necromancy). I definitely want to take Imoen and I'm romancing Jaheira (haven't done so yet, because it's kinda creepy). Minsc is coming by default.

Who do I take as my last character?

>>9890009

Steve the rape chimp.

>>9889979
Actually, yes, sage does count towards the reply limit. It simply doesn't bump the post. That is all.

I do not understand how people can be on here for years and still not know this fact.

>>9890009

Take Viconia. Best cleric in the game.

>>9890036
Romancing Jaheira, that won't end well.

>>9890036
dis man speaks da truff

op hurry the fuck up

>>9889865
>There is no such thing as statutory
Boy, are you in for a rude awakening!

>>9890059
why? all you need to do is not romance viconia

Aaaaand we're out of bumps.

This next post had better be a fucking doozy of a conclusion, OP.

I'm partial to Aerie.

>>9890059
It ends a hell of a lot better than when I romanced Viconia in the epilogue.

I'M THE FORMER SON OF A DEAD GOD, I THINK I CAN GIVE LOLTH A BIG "FUCK YOU"

>>9890009
Take Edwin and Viconia. Dump Edwin after you get Sarevok. That's if you are playing through from the beginning and not ToB.

>>9890009
Nice I'm doing my 2nd playthrough now first was Kensai/mage this time I'm doing F/M multiclass, this game is so awesome, when is part 3 coming out.

>>9890129
I know this is going to sound silly, but I have 2 mages after I get Immy back (Jan is currently a placeholder for her). I honestly don't want that many mages.

Oh fuck.
What if >>9889680
was OP.
That was him saying fuck this noise.

Damn you op, I hope you get carpal tunnel

If the thread is archived, will it continue to be updated until it finishes? Or only archived up to this point?

>>9890156
Understandable, but if you are keeping the old party together, might as well keep the old party together. What about the faggy ranger guy? Valygar or something? Maybe Keldorn? Paladin of smite-your-shit.

>>9890196
I dunno, but I just saved everything to a text file, and will repost the entire story in hopes OP comes back.

>>9890196
Someone has to manually update it.

OP doesn't exist.

All this is a shared delusion.

There are only 3 on 4chan.

You, me and the other guy.

>>9890156
Get Keldorn. The man fucking rocks.

>>9890196
Every 2 hours.

>>9890237
which is me

He told me I had actually disappointed him a little. He had been expecting a much more dramatic finish. In fact, it would have been a novel worthy ending if the trials had continued.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

He explained that he had been hoping for a sibling showdown as the climax. But, I had shown to be a more suitable candidate than Nick had been.

Footsteps came from behind me, and I wheeled around. I at first thought I was looking at Nick, but I quickly realized that this man was much older. Dressed in a dark suit with small gold accents, he was the embodiment of imposing refinement. The old man introduced his grandson, Noah, the successor of his company.

Noah continued to approach me, until we stood barely a foot apart from each other. I turned back to face the old man, who's head had tipped over, but continued to speak in the same powerful tone.

Suddenly, things started to click. I had accidentally nudged my way into a tightly written scenario. A scenario where the younger brother in a privileged family overcomes hardships with ingenuity, and obtains confidence and strength through these trials. Not only had I nudged my way in, I had thrown it completely off track.

Hell, I might have actually been eliminated in the first trial if it hadn't been for the order we all went in. Somehow, I had managed to completely distort how the second trial was expected to go, by helping push forward Gavin's ultimatum and convincing Nick to help rape Jill.

Just as I had rewritten the scenario, the scenario was being rewritten for me.

>>9890189

It wasn't, it was me.

...

I realise that doesn't tell you much.


>I honestly don't want that many mages

Why not? If this was BG, sure, because they weren't overpowered then, but this is the big leagues. Making every character you can a mage is a perfectly viable party.

>>9890196
The archive updates every two hours. As long as the thread doesn't 404 before it does the final update, we're good.

>>9890237

There's only three things on 4chan. You, me, and an AI that somehow managed to break the flood filter.

>>9890234
Wrong. It autoupdates every 2 hours; but you can manually update it too.

>>9890090
No big deal, the thread won't 404 until morning at earliest.

As a janitor for the archive, ill make sure it goes up if enough votes come in

>>9890310
We have suptg archive that doesn't need votes

You are not needed here

>>9890310
Pretty sure you're lying about who you are.

Even if you're not, you mean the 4chanarchive.org. We've already got this archived on suptg. You guys are cool though; sometimes suptg is down and there are threads that really should be saved.

>>9890260

I like where this plot is going.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

"Insane Grandfather's Tests"

>>9890378

Yea, 4chanarchive. Never heard of suptg till right now.

Validating thread id.

This can take a few seconds...
Checking if the thread exists: >>9887349.html
The thread has been found, continue processing.

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 1 times now.

>>9890419
Read every thread on the highest voted page. I thoroughly recommend Kender Players Suck and Tyrone the Monk.

>>9890009

You're not going to romance Imoen?

They have a huge mod on it.

>>9890419
Yeah, that's why we never bother with you guys' archive. Have you heard of the easymodo archive? It does a handful of pages, not just /tg/.

>>9890597

Gotta admit. Wish i knew of suptg earlier. Lots of great info on these pages

>>9890588
>Implying I want to sniff my little sister's panties, who, might I add, has been raped and mentally scared by my arch nemesis.

>>9890588

If I remember correctly, that mod is fucking awful.

Huge, but awful.

>>9890636
>implying you don't

>>9890649
>protip, I don't

>>9890636
Sounds like my kind of game!

JUST POST, MOTHERFUCKER!

>>9890419
4chanarchive is shit. The
>My face Pokemon LP
Thread didn't get approved

rapefics get the most replies

The old man began explaining the "rules." I didn't really bother to listen, since it basically boiled down to Noah getting a gun while I run from him. As he rambled about the particular details, I began to self reflect.

Deep down inside, I realized who I was. I was the grandson of a dirtbag rich guy who was willing to use his own family as extras in the cast of his personal little plays. In my veins flowed the blood of true scum.

Scum so terrible, that they wouldn't even think twice about cutting off an old man's speech with a drop kick to the head.

I landed wrong, since I'm not exactly a martial artist, but I didn't really need to do it right. The next breeze would have probably killed him if I hadn't, judging by the way his body literary snapped apart as I collided with him. No one had reacted yet, and I doubt even my own mind had caught up to my body, but only a second later bullets were flying through the air.

I took shelter behind the tree, and suddenly realized how unfair the final trial would have been. Not only was Noah firing with some absolutely obscene gun that shook the tree with each shot, two other gunmen came out from behind graves and started to move towards a flanking position.

I moved quickly into the graveyard, keeping low as bullets shattered apart tombstones. A few shards ended up in my arm, but I doubt I can really complain. The thing I can complain about is the bullet that took a fair bit off of my left shoulder, considering that it still hurts like a motherfucker every time I raise my left arm.

I weaved through the tombstones, aiming for the Mausolea. I reached them, bleeding heavily from my arm and shoulder, when I noticed one with three Putto on the archway. I then saw that there was a cut lock on the ground in front of it, so I leapt inside.

>>9890702
Unfinished anything-fics get the most.

>>9890766
get on with it motherfucker

>>9890766
>>about cutting off an old man's speech with a drop kick to the head.

OWN!
NICE!

>>9890766

GET ON WITH IT

OP if you don't finish this thread in the next ten minutes, I am going to flood your thread with furry porn.

been so long now im not even really interested any more... just staying cuz i need something else to do whilst reading the draconomicon...

op, it is like 2 A.M

finish now!

>>9890867
imokwiththis.jpg

op i know you wrote this out long ago, just hurry up and post the rest you faggot

>I then saw that there was a cut lock on the ground in front of it, so I leapt inside.

It's a trap!

Sitting plainly on a sarcophagus was some kind of gun. I wish I could tell you what kind it was, but I'll describe it to you.

When Noah stepped into the doorway and I pulled the trigger, it cut off his head. The wound in his neck was so large, the head stayed on for about a second before it just tore what little bit of flesh and skin was holding it up and it dropped off his body.

The two gun men came in to celebrate, thinking it was their boss that had made the shot. They lined up in the doorway, and time simply stopped. I had enough time to think "This is going to be awesome" before time started up again, and I pulled the trigger.

I have to thank Mr. Black if I ever see him again, but he gave me four bullets too many. The last shot I took pierced straight through one man and into the next. I was expecting them to be thrown backwards, but they just slumped over slowly, blood in a steady stream coming out of the center of their chests.

I felt the urge to chase down that lady attendant, but I'm sort of glad I didn't. I didn't even manage to make it out of the mausoleum before I passed out.

changed my mind, depressing pokemon flood instead

>>9890980

>When Noah stepped into the doorway and I pulled the trigger, it cut off his head.

Where's the recoil?

>>9891013
I figured he just didn't mention it. Aunno.

>>9890980

you would do that a minute before I started...

Forgot mah pokemon

>>9891013

It's a special gun that uses inverse kinematic forces to revert the recoil back in the opposite direction, adding even MORE force to the launched projectile!

>>9891050
You have the dumb

>>9891013

You think this story is real?

>>9891013
the gun summons a scyther

>>9891037

Now your timer has been reset I'm guessing?

>>9891089
BRB, catching a cubone and naming it Norman.

>>9891107

Depression has no timer

I awoke much later, and was surprised to find my shoulder bandaged. Haphazardly and with some patterned cloth, but at least the bleeding had been stopped.

I stumbled my way into the town, where I gave my wife a call. I told her I was going to visit a hospital, and that I'd be probably back sometime the next day.

A week later, I got a letter in the mail.

It contained a $50 gift certificate to Bed Bath and Beyond from an anonymous sender.

It was all worth it.

>>9891067

No, I think the story is inconsistant.

>>9891156
Fuck you OP.

>>9891156
Good end.

>>9891156

Not sure if serious, or OP...

>>9891156
Not sure if OP, but that's a good ending.

yah, that works as an ending. Although I think it was the Lawyer who bandaged him and sent him the B&B certificate (he probably hated working for those assholes)

Whatever, I need to go to bed so I can wake up in two hours and go to work. Fuck you OP, Fuck you.

>>9891156
I don't care if that's OP or not, glorious ending. Only way better would be if it were a Bel-Air

This thread.

I bet the lawyer and the attendant ran off with the money.

>>9891218
Ought to just stay up. Two hours of sleep will leave you a zombie, manning up will give you a shot of adrenaline to get you through the day.

>>9891244
I've thought that way. I've always proven myself wrong. Go with the two hours you can get.

>>9891243

They could, what with the rape vids as blackmail material and all.

G'night /tg/

>>9891156
i hope this wasn't op :*(

This was awesome.

This is why when you're writefagging you should use a trip. Good thread nevertheless.

Fuck you, OP. Fuck you with a rake.

>>9890980
>didn't even manage to make it out of the mausoleum before I passed out.

I think OP really did pass out

Cool story, bro.

OP WRU?

god damn dribble that last couple of updates, I hope you get ass cancer.

>>9892003
Still here. Story's done, though.

So that was the punchline?

>>9892265
yep

TOUR DE FORCE OF THE DARK DEPTHS OF HUMAN DEPRAVITY.