The Homing Ring.

If you put it on, all the wasps in your neighborhood see a massive STING ME sign over your head.

>>9652953

What the fuck are you talking about? I would wear that shit forever.

>>9652993
It's the HOTTEST new fashion of the season.

The Ring of Arming:
Wearing this ring causes all bladed objects in a two mile radius to become magnetically attracted to you. Intended as a way for someone to be able to arm themselves in a pinch, it more often than not results in pain and mutilation.

A scroll of Icarian flight. Unless I have a parachute, I guess.

>>9652981
attach to an arrow or sticky ball, throw at enemy
Release the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!

>>9653021
I love those. Aim for the sea.
Or use slowfall, or read the other one before landing.

The Hero Belt:
Wearing this belt will cause you to throw yourself into dangerous situations for the sake of being a hero. It does not grant you any bonuses, however.

Bracers of Nature's Rage.
They give barbarian rage once a day.
They also give off a very strong smell of a female bear in heat. Undetectable by the wearer.

Any magical item from FATAL.

Ring of the Blue Fairy
Summons an immortal blue sprite that constantly follows you around screaming "Hey! Listen! Listen!"

>>9652953
Are you joking? That'd be AWESOME.

Just give it to someone you don't like.

Chain of Choking.

It strangles you.

An amulet that will allow you transform into anything upon uttering a single phrase. However, it would be wise to turn into something capable of speaking English, otherwise you won't be able to change back.

Gloves of Midas
The moment you put them on, anything the (exterior of the) gloves touch, gets turned into gold. You can not take the gloves off, and the gloves can not be destroyed.

>>9653150
So.... acquire infinite wealth, cut your hands off, regenerate? I'd like one of those...

>>9652953
OP u mad?

i'd put that shit on my enemy after successfully making a grapple check

An instrument that gives the user the ability to play better than any other creature on the planet. However, they can never stop playing.

Potion of Invisibility.

Once used, everything becomes invisible to the user.

Trollblade.
A really, REALLY powerful looking sword, >9k on detect magic. If anyone who casts a divination spell on it, it flies and impales the caster.

Endless Decanter with molten human fat.

It's an Endless Decanter. With a portal inside, to the Plane of Molten Human Fat.

>>9652953
I'd wear it while scuba diving

So I guess the blazing bowler is more useful than originally intended?

A mask that causes the wearer's face to painfully morph into an unusually large grin. After wearing the mask, the wearer is unable to change their face back.

>>9653212
>>9652953
Epic combo.

Face of the Ghost
A mask that, when worn, makes the user permanently impossible to detect by any means, be it sound, vision or touch. The user can not interact with the world in any way, but can still see and hear.

A ring that makes you pass through any object.

This includes the Earth.

Gloves of Holding.

A pair of extremely comfortable gloves that, once worn, cannot be removed and will force the hands of the wearer to grab hold of the nearest person to them and not let go.

Ring of Sushi-Sushi
When equipped it turns the user into a sushi roll, then after five minute de-equips, reversing the effect. Has uses, has lots more disadvantages.

Coral pendant: the wielder gains the ability to breath underwater; the wielder is also immobile

What looks to be a 'Bag of Holding' is really a cursed bag that will devour any items stored inside it for more than a minute and violently regurgitate the remains at an inopportune time.

the cellphone my girlfriend texts me with

Earring of Amplified Hearing.

This magical earring will amplify the intensity of all sounds heard by the user, by 100x...

The Bombastic Battle-Axe:
This enchanted axe may never be removed from one's person. It is mostly normal, except it causes the wielder to begin singing incredibly loudly at the most inopportune times. Using it in battle causes extremely loud music to play and pyrotechnics to light the room, seemingly from nowhere.

Okay that actually would be kinda cool.

The Miracle of Mammon
A magical coin. Speaking the right phrase will cause the coin to turn into 2 coins, which will after 24 hours turn into 4 coins each, which will after 12 hours turn into 8 coins each, which will after 6 hours turn into 16 coins each, which will after 3 hours turn into 32 coins each, and so on.

Appearing as a normal, mentholated throat lozenge, the Mystical Throat Lozenge Of The Alps is found
hiding amongst numerous others mundane lozenges in a package of Ricola. Once inserted into the
mouth, the Mystical Throat Lozenge Of The Alps is a royal pain in the ass to get rid of. It cannot be spat
out, swallowed, or removed by physical means, insisting on providing an eternal soothing, vaporous
sensation. The only way to actually rid oneself of the Mystical Throat Lozenge is to travel to the Swiss
Alps and spit it out there. The lozenge will then roll in the direction of the nearest Ricola factory where it
will sneak into another pack of lozenges and continue its cycle.

>>9653378
This would really improve my sex life.

>>9653258
that is amazing, assuming i can still interact with the mask...

>>9653389
I fail to see a problem with this.

>>9653431
>permanently impossible to detect by any means
>permanently

The Cursed Dildo of Thaloth-Na
Appears as a normal finely-crafted, purple, double-headed dildo. As soon as anyone touches it, it immediately comes to life and violently rapes the person for several hours.

>>9653362
OH GOD, I CAN HEAR MY HAIR GROWING.

WILL YOU STOP BREATHING FOR A SECOND SHIT THAT'S FUCKING LOUD.

OH MY GOD SOMEONE IN THE NEXT TOWN OVER IS LAUGHING MAKE IT STOP.

>>9653431
The user can not interact with the world in any way

I assume this also means the mask...

>>9653438
It will after a while produce an infinite amount of coins every nanosecond. That's bad.

>>9653438
Because clearly creating exponential mass on earth wouldn't cause any kind of problems for humanity or life in general.

>>9653438
Eventually you have too many coins and the stupid thing won't stop duplicating, I guess.

>>9653465
BAH! You and your physics!

>>9653444
oh wow, apparantly my reading skills suck beyond compare

A shield that provides awesome bonuses to defense and the like, but also comes with a whiney personality and the ability to speak.

>>9653389
Faerun is getting swarmed with golden coins, the entire North is already suffocated, and turned into a dead "glacier" of crushed golden coins.

Are you a bad enough - - to stop the golden coins?

A magical pair of shoes that makes the wearer immune to any kind of paralysis, magical or otherwise. However, they are forced to be constantly dancing or in motion.

Book of Fire. When you try to read the book, it ignites on fire and burns to ash.

>>9653511
You never talk to me. Ugh this really hurts, you know. I'm tired, carry me on your back. Put me down, I'm not a toy!

An iPad.

A pair of boots that allow the user to run incredibly fast. However, the wearer does not have an occipital lobe capable of coping with all of the sensory information, and is rendered completely blind when running.

Goggles of Seeing.

These goggles, while worn, allow the wearer to see through the eyes of another being... unfortunately the exact being is chosen at random, and will change every 2 seconds.

>>9653563
You mean those boots from morrowind?

>>9653563
Is that some Boots of Blinding Speed?

>>9653565
.... god fucking damnit that would piss me off so much
although eventually you're going to get around to yourself, and get to see whats going on for you for a couple seconds

Wings of Icarus:
These magic wings will allow you to fly, but any farther than 20 feet off the ground and they inexplicably blow up. Your flight speed is only slightly faster than your top running speed.

You also can only use them at night.

>>9653465
Wait until you have a sizable stock. Save a hundred or so coins, melt the rest down.

>>9653134
Ah the little girl item.

How is this not useful?

>>9653573
>>9653576
There already is an item like that? Oh blast, unintentional plagiarism.

>>9653595
or just cast mordenkainens disjunction or whatever the fuck that thing is called

Amulet of Longevity.

While worn this amulet stops the aging process of the wearer, but also causes the wearers mental capabilities to degrade at a fast pace.

Ring of Hymen Regeneration.
Oh, and also the Baldrick of the Everlasting Boner, because thn my scale mail would chafe.

>>9653611
Well, the Boots of Blinding Speed make you blind when you're stationary, too, so it's not exactly the same.

>>9653602
The amulet could troll you and turn you into something incapable of speaking the language required to turn back.

Bracer of Procrastination. You'll do the dungeon tomorrow.

>>9653583

But... that would cause you to be seeing through the goggles, through someone elses eyes... but you're tuned into your own eyes at the moment... *head asplodes*

The Potion of Hypothetical Treachery
Makes whoever drinks it insanely intelligent, but equally over-analytical, turning them paranoid beyond belief.

A +6 Vorpal Blade....with a +7 vorpal handle.

The Chain of Subterfuge:
Wearing this chain will make everything you say a complete lie. You become completely incapable of telling the truth about even the most basic things, and nobody will realize you're lying.

>>9653666
I can calculate Pi out to... let's see... 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288... WAIT! THAT 8 IS LOOKING AT ME FUNNY!

A helmet that forces you to read the minds of everything within a six mile radius, even if you don't want to.

The All-Knowing Ring.
When worn, it will slowly impart knwoledge of all thing in the universe, by way of showing images of everything to the wearer, along with a detailed explanation. Howeverm there is no way of choosing the subject, and it will always start with Aboleth porn, before moving to Beholders giving birth.

Ferrus Manus:
These bracers give you IRON HANDS! However, they are not removable, and your iron hands have no blood in them, and are insanely heavy.

Bracers of Armor.

These bracers create an impenetrable barrier around your body, mere nanometers from the surface of your skin.

Cold Feet:
The area around your feet becomes icy and freezing, to the point that you freeze in place.

The characters come upon a glowing sword stuck in a huge black boulder. The sword glows with warmth and power and is covered with strange runes. At the center of the runes is a strange magical symbol, consisting of a circle surrounded by three rounded triangles.
M
"Me get big sword!" screams the Barbarian, thus making the longest speech of his life. All of the other party member sit and bask in the soft green glow...
Two weeks later all the Barabarian begins suffering from a strange sickness. His hair falls out, he begins vomiting ten times a day, and his hands are covered with strange burns.
'
'
It was probably not a good idea to remove the plutonium sword from it's lead sheath.

Ring of Eternal Bliss
Makes you permanently immortal and invulnerable. But you can't stop orgasming.

>>9653765
Meh, you'd get used to it after a year or two...

A small fetish that causes you to become incredibly lithe and flexible, at the cost of becoming an invertebrate.

>>9653799
Just leaving a trail of cum everywhere.

A set of +8 Chainmail that instantly transforms into a chainmail bikini and can't be removed...wait, the guy with the drow priestess character would love this shit.

That cursed cloak from 3.5 Dungeon Master's Guide that made you all itchy and bug ingested.

>>9653811
-20 to Hide or Stealth checks. Also -4 to checks requiring concentration.

Necklace of the Charismatic Leader
Fuses with your neck, and makes the nearest 100 people utterly and entirely devoted to you. However, it is inevitable that they will, after a while, go mad from jealousy of the other 99, wanting you for themselves by any means.

Flying Orb of Defense

Whoever first opens the chest containing this orb becomes its master. The orb will hover near the master at all times, and will shoot lasers at ANY living creature that comes within 30 feet of the master.

A wand of disintegration.

Holding it makes you disintegrate.

How about useful items with names so silly the characters would be torn between getting rid of something awesome or keeping it and living with the shame?
A hammer names Lolli-pop.
+4 Frost Sickles known as Ice Sickles.
The gauntlets of Oprah Power...

>>9653878
Great for anti-social neckbeards.

rolled 93 = 93

>>9653811
Again, you would run out after a day. It'd be small drops from time to time after that. And a -4 to concentration can be safely ignored. You're immortal and indestructible now, go choke a dragon for xp.

>>9653894
Strange or Terrible magic item general?

>>9653896
And oddly enough wouldn't decrease their chance of ever losing their virginity.

Gloves of Faggatron Prime:

Causes the wearer to become flamboyantly homosexual, but gives you incredible strength.

Totem of Virility:
When this totem is on your person, your penis/breasts become incredibly large. So large, in fact, that they will not comfortably fit into any garment ever made.

>>9653983
does that include other people?

>>9653983
So if someone were to make, say, a galaxy-sized pair of pants, would the penis change size accordingly? What would happen if someone made pants the size of the universe, so that the penis could not be bigger? THESE ARE IMPORTANT PROBLEMS THAT NEED TO BE CONSIDERED

>>9654030
Sure, your sexual organs will expand indefinitely, just to make the totem more stupid and annoying.

>>9653935
The Falchion of Freddy Mercury.
It doesn't improve your chance to hit anything, but you look absolutely FABULOUS trying.

rolled 28 = 28

>>9654030
And I have become Cock, destroyer of worlds.

Flaffyfluffnutscoob:

This enchanted blade has the power to slay almost anything, as long as the wielder constantly sings and says the name of the weapon before delivering a blow.

Necklace of the Generic

When you put on this necklace, you lose all distinguishing features and any distinguishing mannerisms. You also forget your name, occupation, or anything else that could be used to identify you. Nobody else can identify you and most people will look through you as if you don't exist, because you blend in perfectly with the background

>>9654043
So you could dig a hole in a planet, put your dick inside, and blow it up?

Redirect to this>>9654055

>>9653935
But do you get a cool voice?

The Sword of the Old Cods.
Not cursed, but seriously disappointing when you realize how much cooler it could have been except for that one "C"
'
'
Also, a ring of feather color. Covers you in bright plumage, doesn't help when falling...

>>9654128
You become the embodiment of a gay stereotype. So much so that you are basically the gayest thing to ever exist.

Preaching to the Quire
A book that fills itself with what people around it says, and makes as many pages as needed. "Around it" is defined as "within ten kilometres".

FINE I JUST WANTED TO USE THE PUN

1. Combine this >>9653935
2. With this >>9654052
3. ???
4. Become Freddy from Cromartie High

ooooh, how about a singing sword that is a BIG fan of Madonna.
I can almost feel for the poor bastards trying to fight a Dracolich to the tune of "Like a Virgin"

>>9654179
The Axe of Cher:
Cher songs play all the time when you battle, annoyingly loudly.

Carusoe's Cowl:
A cowl that causes you to make terrible puns relevant to the situation at hand.

Blindfold of Truth
You gain Truesight as long as the Blindfold is securely in place. You cannot see through the Blindfold.

>>9654168
Combine with an amulet that makes you sing incredibly well and you're a god amongst men.

>>9654209
the cowl would be fun to role play

Wand of the Cosmos
Simply a wand that shoots stars.

Dare I mention the Ring of Fury that Elminster created where he accidentally added an extra "R".
The poor bastard who put it on was a half-orc ranger, now he's a sergal rump ranger multiclass..

Potion of Legion
Every cell in your body is now sentient.

>>9654255
*shoot an orc with arrows*
I see he...
...got the point.

*impaled by spike trap*
I never was very good at...
...being on point

*killed by falling rocks*
We just got...
...totally smashed.

>>9654262
this would be absolutely devastating to any solar system its used in

>>9654262
You'd destroy whatever planet you were on.

*set person on fire*
That's very...
...enlightening.

>>9654302

The Crown of the Dream King. Character now hears Dream Theater songs wherever he goes. Tho actually I like that old band.
The Ring of Many Forms. Character geased to apply for a license to adventure, must fill it out all 91 pages in triplicate.
The Ring of the Chameleon. Character now has the ability to regrow a broken tail just like a chameleon. No other benefit.
The Ring of Eladrin Grace. Character must now recite an epic poem to Corellon (in perfect High Elven) before every meal.

>>9654307
That's sort of the point.

>>9654338
>>9654334
>>9654302
>>9654255
>>9654209
There is not enough air in the lungs of any mortal being for the amount of YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH'ing that would be done.

*rocks fall, everyone dies*
looks like we suffered...
a crushing defeat

>>9654371
*Eating a jabberwock*
Time for a...
...snicker-snack.

Galses fo Mipselling.
Anything written while wearing these glasses is full of misspellings. The writer, while wearing the glasses, does not notice it.

>>9654401
i love you

>>9654209
*Referencing a Paladin*

Looks like his HP isn't the only thing...

...falling.

The Feather of Writing:

Write down every thought that goes through the character's head, at all times, as fast as the character can think, on a piece of paper that always had just enough room for one more thought. Anyone who looks at the paper can comprehend 1d4+1 things written down every minute, at random. When the character dies, copies of the paper show up in the hands of all the character's closest enemies.

>>9653445 As soon as anyone touches it, it immediately comes to life and violently rapes the person for several hours.
You know, there are people who would enjoy that sort of artifact.

threads like this make me love /tg/

>>9653134
Using this in my next campaign. Why hello thar plot twist as one of the players must take some epic quest in order to get turned back.

The Ring of Protection. Large Trolls show up and demand "Pertectshun monees" from wearer.
The Face-Stealing Ring. You end up looking like John Travolta.
The Ring of Invisibility. Works fine until you take it off and can never find it again.
The Ring of Adaptation. Character now hears an invisible person narrating his life. This person decides to kill off the character...
The Ring of Windows. Character occasionally turns blue and stops working. Must be whacked on head with footwear to return to normal (called rebooting for some reason.)
ANd of course the Baffling Cape. Promises to add an amazing +10 to AC, but nobody can figure out how it ties...

*death by drowning*
Looks like he got in...

over his head

*druid turns into tree, gets cut down*
you might say hes....
stumped

*character lost in contemplation, stumbles down ravine*

Looks like he had some really...
deep thoughts

The Hedge Wizards Gloves give you an amazing pruning ability. Useless in combat, but might get you a date with a dryad chick.
Holey sword? Yep, you guessed it.
Boots of Eagerness. Character constantly bouncing up and down...asks "Are we there yet?" every ten minutes until party kills him.
Dwarven Boots. These are just like regular boots, but have a secret lifting heel that adds two inches to your height.
Dwarfstride Boots. Character can now only take steps of no more than ten inches at a time.

*in baking contest, player gets killed with cookie cutter*
well thats one way...
to cut the competition


a little far fetched, i know. but i got practically nothing right now

>>9654516 The Ring of Adaptation. Character now hears an invisible person narrating his life. This person decides to kill off the character...
The narrator's name is Ben Vereen.

>>9654661
TPK after party wanders into a troll cave.
"Dude, we got Trolled."

Well, there's always the Decanter of Endless Walter.

>>9654661
Eh, some days that's how the cookie crumbles.

>>9653438
run out of places to store the coins??

Mask of Coolguy
Gain +6 to charisma, but everything you say infuriates the listener.

Planestrider Boots: Actually just a normal set of boots with sandpaper soles.

>>9654422
I was afraid nobody would get the reference.

"You are inside the rectum of the massive worm"
This is...
...Shitty.

The Girdle of Giant Smell

A magical belt that generates a skin-tight codpiece made of impenetrable leather around the user's crotch.

With this belt nobody will...
...fuck with me.

The unfortunately named Quickshit Bracers.

>>9653021
Those are the best! Wish I could have made more though.

>>9654873
Expel liquid shit with enormous pressure! Become shit-Blastoise!

A pair of wings made of lead.

A Magical Deck of Cards
Every card in this deck is magical, and gets activated when it is drawn from the deck (throwing the deck or otherwise separating the cards activates them as well). The catch is that the effect is random. As in, absolutely random. For example, a molecule may turn a lighter shade for half a second, or the speed of light might change to three miles an hour.

>>9654920
Looks like using that deck...
...is a real gamble.

rolled 89032 = 89032

>>9654920

What happens to me?

Also, for fun:

1=The universe implodes.
666=Satan takes over earth
1000000=If god currently exists, he stops existing. If god does not currently exist, he starts existing.

Ring Gates. I want ring gates. There's so much you can do with them.

>>9654958
All the water in a 50 foot radius of the card turns into Hydrochloric acid.

Super Duper X-ray glasses:
You can see through everything, to the point that you can't see anything.

I made an amulet that one of my players put on, and they cannot take it off by any means whatsoever.

It forces the player to roll 1d2000 every time they kill an enemy, and if they get 1573, everything in the world dies instantly with no saves of any kind.

I sorta lol'd when I looked back on it.

>>9654972
You mean the Ring of Gates? It's not so great. Yes, you do gain a treasure room stuffed with gold, but Elven Antitrust lawyers follow you around wherever you go.

>>9655001
And also gives everyone you look at mega-cancer.

>>9655032
I'm just amazed that you had a 2000 sided die handy.

Cutthroat Copper:
A single copper coin that has edges sharper than any blade known to man.

>>9655056
We were playing over maptool, so we used a random number gen.

They never did roll it. Got within 5 places of it like 7 times though.

Hobo Hat:
A hat that gives you the appearance of a homeless man, complete with shaggy facial hair and overpowering bad odor.

Dwarven Battle Bread - treat as an edible +4 mace.
Also, the famous Scone of Stone from Discworld.

The Short Sword: The wielder of this weapon is reduced in size such that they would be unable to use it effectively. Upon releasing the weapon they revert to their original size, violently.

Pun-Pun's Leather Jacket: The wearer of this armour believes that they are capable of anything. Anyone who observes the finely embroidered "P.P." upon the right breast of this jacket must resist the temptation to take the jacket for themselves.

The Decanter of Water: Only water may be stored in this finely crafted jug. All other liquids inevitably spill from it, no matter how tightly it is sealed.

Cloak of Visibility: This lime-green cloak is trimmed with reflective tape. The wearer is rendered visible to all creatures (even those usually incapable of sight) unless the observing creature is operating a vehicle, in which case the wearer of the cloak is completely imperceptible.

Gauntlets of Ogre Loving...
Mask of DeseGuys - character now talks with a Brooklyn accent.
Helm of Alignment Explanation - char must now attempt to convert all other characters of differing alignments by "explaining" what they are doing wrong.
Boots of Fey Strength - Character now capable of armwrestling a pixie - and barely winning.
Elven Goggles of Fashion Sense - Character now spends 90% of adventure critiquing the clothing of everyone he or she sees.
Belt of Bitchiness - It is very very bad when one of Lolths Clerics puts this on.
"Butterfingers" the intelligent Vorpal Blade. Adds +6 to strength, reduces dexterity to 3. No owner has survived for more than a week.

moots of speed - character now runs at 35 mph but secretly wishes to be the little girl.

Legendary Helm of Weeaboo - character now ends every sentence with "Desu"
Bastard Sword - Works fine until critical moment in combat against BBEG, then demands "Back Pay" or it stops working.
Shortbow (rhymes with "no" not "now") - character must render obeisance to every halfling he meets.

>>9656533
wait, its short BOW as in now, sorry.

just cuz i loved this thread

>>9653389
Christ, even without the time getting reduced, that gets out of hand ridiculously fast, as exponential growth is a bitch.

According to my math, the number of coins you will have after "i" steps is (2^i)*(2^i) = 2^(2i).
That's IIRC, 1024 coins after 5 days, roughly a million at 10, billion at 15 and so on.
You should have enough to make an elementas plane of gold within a couple months.
Then you factor in the time reduction and it gets REALLY nuts.

>>9657853
Exponential growth dude. Place a penny on a chessboard, move it one square at a time and double it each time...see how far you get.

I want to start up a shop that sells weapons with a picture of an apple on them.
I think I could sell them for 3X normal price, especially to those trendwhore elves.