Cyberpunk is actually pretty realistic and probably less than 50 years out.

A modified version of FATAL system.
joking.
in all seriousness, an easy conversion of 3.5e dnd can be done to Sci-fi. either that or work with Rogue Trader and create your own universe to deal with it.
also.
i love you for a Glorius Dawn.

>>9221068

I agree, there's some interesting stuff there, but it stays away from space-faring and the cosmos, and focuses more on social change.

Is it possible to run a game without immediate conflict, that's cooperative and more about exploration that wouldn't bore a group of players to tears? With perhaps some strong survival, problem solving, and psychological elements? Or is that a disaster waiting to happen?

>>9221037
>The dreams of scientists, not pot-heads
Who says that those are two exclusive clauses, your picture speaks otherwise, as a smoking fa/tg/uy, I take some small offense to that.

>>9221149
Alright, educated pot-heads can play too. But there's some seriously cringe-worthy sci-fi out there that makes you wonder if the creators even passed their high school science courses. You have my apologies.

>>9221068

Actually, I think we got there around 2005.

>Lets put some science back into science fiction games, motherfuckers!

Just look for any setting with science-based science fiction.
There's plenty out there that doesn't involve FTL travel, you don't have to look far

>>9221349

I haven't found too many. Most settings are either hyper futuristic, or don't deal with space travel at all. Either cyberpunk 2020, or Star Wars.

rolled 10 = 10

>>9221037
>gearhead/engineer buddies
>The dreams of scientists, not pot-heads.
where do you live? TELL ME NOW!

>>9221037

Shut your mouth, Carl Sagan smoked weed every day.

Go download Planetes. Run that.

>>9221349
>There's plenty out there that doesn't involve FTL travel

>posts pic of Freefall, which does involve FTL travel

Run a game based on the crew of the first expedition to Jupiter, filled with danger and accidents.

Or collecting space debris.

Basically run Planetes.

>>9221349
What was the name of that comic, again?

YOU SHOULD ALL BE LISTENING TO THIS SONG WHILE YOU READ THIS THREAD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSgiXGELjbc

Nevar forget that the simplest thought, like the concept of the number one, has an elaborate logical underpinning.

>>9221497
Freefall.

>>9221510
Oh! Thank you!

>>9221506

Badass song.

>>9221483
There's no FTL in Freefall, buddy.
It's all cryogenic freezing and shipping, like in Aliens.

>>9221037

Anyone who talks "hard sf" set more than about a deade into the future is kidding themselves. Hell, even Tom Clancy gets it wrong sometimes.

That being said, try pic related.

>>9221037
Here's a realistic future RPG: it's basically d20, but almost every weapon is +20 and does 5d20 damage.

Whoooo!

>>9221557

Oh, it doesn't have to be -right-. In the 70's some settings had us talking on "portable phones" the size of bricks in 2020, while dicking around in flying cars and riding conveyor belts in major cities. That's -still- preferable and hard sci-fi combared to transforming robots that make selective use of gravity and time travel or some shit.

Why does /tg/ hate Humanity Fuck Yeah?

I don't like quest threads, but I don't attack them or sagebomb them.

>>9221613
Not a sage in this thread, bro.

>>9221488
>>9221476

This series looks -awesome- after reading the Wikipedia entry. Is it good?

>>9221647
Not in this one, fortunately, but that's just because there's a secondary question here.

>>9221613
Two things:
1.40k
2.Avatar happened.

As the 40kids are want to do, they hijacked the threads and made Humans Space Mary-Sues, where everything we did cowed other species. Now, I'm all for a good Humanity, FUCK YEAH story, but it just turned into copy pasta about breathing space fuel.

And then Avatar came along.

Asspained neckbeards raged that the humans had lost in the film, and took to HFY threads to post their fanfiction-y hate. There was an HFY thread for every two threads about the film, it became grating on /tg/ as a whole.

Think about what happens when they post Cynder, and how people RAGE, not just at the content, but the fact that the thread exists. That is what happened to HFY threads.

Anybody got the one story about a drunk human spacer destroying a alien police station?

>>9221037

>Lets put the science back in science fiction
>Lets take the fun out of science fiction

I see your game, Sagan!

>>9221037

Your players have been chosen to crew a craft constructed in earth orbit, sent to construct a space station in Jupiter's orbit.

A. Space debris, everyone dies.
B. Cancer, everyone dies.
C. Orbital entry jets fail to fire, everyone dies.
D. Space agency miscalculation due to faulty unit conversions, party enters atmosphere, everyone dies.
E. Space station actually begins construction properly. Resupply mission is botched, everyone starves to death and dies.
F. Hydrogen explosion during intense acceleration, everyone dies.
G. Gravitational stress causes craft to buckle during a "slingshot" assist, everyone dies.

Sounds fun, OP

>>9221613
because humanity fuck yeah often attacks other threads.

If we must apply a hat to the human race, it should be the tzeench hat.

We are ever-changing, never letting anyone get the full measure of us. We talk to everyone, we plan with every group. We take in anything, sell anything, we will do ANYTHING to further our species.

We change ourselves so easily and so extremely. We tattoo ourselves, scar ourselves, augment ourselves at the drop of a pin. We change the world around us radically- look at what we have made dogs into. Look at how we have ruthlessly bent Life to our needs.

We are the lords of change.

Just as planned.

You always run SLA Industries.

I know that it's only tangentially related to what you wanted, but dammit SLA is that fucking awesome.

I still think that if people want to do Humanity fuck yeah!, they're going in the wrong direction with sci-fi.

Our greatest power isn't in what we're going to do, it's what we've already done. We are the rulers of this earth and have completely shaped it's course. We are the best animals ever made. We sent more species extinct before we invented language than we have since the industrial revolution, fuck what environmentalists would have you believe.

Think about plants. Imagine some delicious fruits and vegetables you like to eat. Now realize that they didn't exist back then. Apples? Hard, crabby, sour things. Bananas? Ugly little plantains. Tangerines? Fuuuuuuuuuck no. None of that shit existed, we killed everything we didn't like until it became what we wanted.

People think of humans as weak or slow. We used to wrestle down animals and beat them to death with rocks or sticks. Not spears; those are rocks with sticks. We pulled of this shit back when spears were science fiction technology. We just learned to be so shit-good at what we did, we could bull-fight animals ten times our weight and eat them for dinner.

To hell with the future, prehistoric humanity fuck yeah!

>>9221700

It's phenomenal, really. The hard science is just a bonus actually.

>>9222077
>we invented language
Linguistfag here. Do go on. If you have any insight into this MASSIVE MYSTERY THAT LINGUISTS HAVE BEEN INVESTIGATING SINCE RECORDED HISTORY BEGAN please feel free to tell us.

>> Sagan

>> Typical Humanity Fuck-Year Thread about brutal conquest, deception, devouring resources, and unstoppable ingenuity used for little other than hatred.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p86BPM1GV8M

There is ALWAYS going to be a jump of logic in creating your story - what if X discovery is made and becomes a central part of future technology. The point is to make everything based on that technology self-consistent and interesting.

>>9222077

Something that I've always found fascinating is the concept of humans as endurance hunters. Because of our bipedal walking action, we're really efficient at traveling long distances. There were apparently early hunting methods where a group of human hunters would chase an animal for days until it was so exhausted that it collapsed and then the humans would kill it.

>>9222301

FUCK YEAH.

>>9221757

It's pretty reasonable to say the humans could come back 40-60 years from then and nuke the planet to ash, and get as much unobtanium as they wanted. They just lost a single battle over a single colony.

>>9222301

>>The adaptive opportunities afforded by running rather than merely walking are likely to have been one of the key factors in the course of human evolution, at least for the lineage that gave rise to modern humans. Long-distance running could have been used to chase down large prey species before the advent of sophisticated hunting technology: while large mammals may run faster than humans, they rapidly become exhausted and eventually collapse due to heat prostration or heart failure. The San peoples of southern Africa still use this hunting technique.

FUCK YEAH!

>>9222301
people in africa still hunt like that, mate

>>9222301
As I learned from my anthropology classes, hunters would quite literally walk after their prey then bonk 'em on the head.

sagan would be rolling in his grave. we've given up and it -might- be indians and chinks who make the next step into space if anyone at all, because we're too busy being jews, fapping to porn and posting self indulgent shit on facebook to even give a fuck about progressing as a culture and exploiting space for our benefit

>>9222500

Our African brethren are truly great people. I myself could only go a greater part of a day before turning in.

>>9222517
Decadence, FUCK YEAH!

Found the article I was looking for:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistence_hunting

>>9222539

Foreign interest groups are the best option at this point for someone like me. I don't mind helping the Hindus into space. Hell, I'm sure Grandfather would be proud.

>>9222517
Sagan wasn't a citizen of America. He was a citizen of humanity.

>>9222517
He'd be rolling in his grave because it bothers you that other nations might explore space better.

>>9221628
Why does no one ever post the second part of that.

In any case, I've got a whole .txt file full of these. I'll put some more up.

>>9222672

That would be awesome

Do you know why spices are spicy?

They contain toxins designed to kill you. Parsley, Sage, Rosmary, and Thyme. Jalapeno/chili peppers, pepper, garlic, etc. Your tongue tells you "hey, there's some dangerous fucking chemicals in this thing."

Then your body sends back, "haha fuckers, we evolved past that shit!" Chilis contain a neurotoxin, and will kill many types of animals. Garlic also contains a neurotoxin. Sage has a hallucinogen in the plant, designed to fuck an animal's brain up. You ever see what happens when a dog eats a lot of chocolate, caffeine, or garlic? Or for that matter grapes or macadamia nuts? It ain't pretty, assuming they even survive.

Humans eat this stuff FOR FUN. What's more, we find it delicious, because after we got immunity to it, we found out it had a use. The toxins in spicy food can kill off some kinds of stomach parasites or harmful bacteria before it kills you. So, after countless generations of spicy foods killing bad things in us faster than it killed us, our bodies were naturally conditioned to put poisons into them. Delicious delicious poisons we're so hardcore at filtering out by now they don't even harm us anymore.

Digestive system fuck yeah!

>>9222672
The most curious thing about these creatures, I think, is how vainglorious and self-obsessed they are. Like us, they have speculated about what other species might think of them before they made first contact, but the sheer volume of these works is staggering. They used them not merely as intellectual exercises and practical evaluations of what is possible but as self-aggrandizing philosophical explorations of how great and terrible they are as a species. To be sure they had plenty of realistic depictions of sentient otherworld species (I believe their "Star Trek" fictions were the most true to life in that regard despite the blatant ignorance of FTL travel and physics) but for every one of those there are hundreds that depict sapient life as being radically different from themselves in every way, from physiology to biochemistry to basic psychology! Most of these were based on the more bizarre examples of life in their world but they still served as a vehicle for extolling the admirable virtues of humanity, as they saw it.

Rather unjustified, when you think about it. Their claim to fame is the popsicle, after all. You'd think one of the rest of us would have thought of putting frozen sugar water on a stick before we met them, but then again they invented it by accident to begin with. Now which do you want, cherry or mango?

"I must warn you that humans are profoundly superstitious. Indeed, they continue to hold quite firmly to many of their religious beliefs despite making contact centuries ago. For those species whose religious traditions were not self-centric, it was not such a shock to find life elsewhere in the cosmos. Of those species whose religions had assumed that their own worlds and lifeforms were the whole of creation, simply finding proof of extraplanetary life was enough to drain their religious fervor. But this is not so in the case of humans. Religion (or an equally irrational anti-religious attitude) and superstition seems coded within their curious brains. I suspect that it is a matter of their intellects not yet being capable of truly grasping infinity. They find that the Universe truly is infinite in scope and variety of occupants, and they are frightened, rather than filled with optimism. They assume that infinity is the property only of powers and intelligences not constrained by the laws of physics, that is, the supernatural. The opportunity to be loosed from the shackles of irrationality, or at least to consider the possibility of a Creator whose plans cover the whole of the Universe (as is the case with many of our fellow species), is put before them and they tighten those shackles down upon their flesh until it is cut. Please, do not construe this as a judgment of human morality. As I have said, I believe it is merely that they do not yet have a more perfect intelligence, such as our own. That said, I must confess that I have begun to ponder and practice some of the aspects of the philosophical system they call 'Buddhism', and I have found it most rewarding..."

Medical Officer's Log:

We've pulled into a high orbit above this new planet, those tools back home on Earth haven't put out a name for it yet, so we're calling it Planet Frank, after the janitor since he won the bet. Anyways, we sent down an abduction craft to pick up one of the locals, bipedal, advanced enough but don't seem to have an interest in space. The last one wasn't anything special, weak, frail and it died when we hit it with the anal probulator. Found out my assistant lubed it up with hot sauce as a practical joke. Killed the poor sod alien from poisoning, not that it matter's, it's not people after all. Funny though, us abducting and probing, just like those crackpots in the 20th century would recount with their encounters with the so called non existent Greys. Maybe we're just doing it because deep down, this is how our subconscious tells us things are done.

I've figured out why humans are the way they are, it's their lengthy gestation period. I was serving in a freelancer company out by the [Horsehead Nebula], and one of our ground-pounders was a human. So, we're sitting in the belly of a dropship, all worried about the thundering explosions outside when we get the red signal. It's time to fight. We're doing final diagnostics on our suits when our squad-head shouts, “Are you ready?” And the human shouts back, “I was born ready!”

You heard about humanity's obsession with the process of reproduction? They use art, literature - they use every existing form of communication and media in order to display their strange fascination with copulation. Not only that, but they combine the process of reproduction with other fixations that they possess - inflicting pain on one another while copulationg, copulating using a bodily orifice other than the one designated for such a process - the list goes on without number. It's as if each human has its own idea of what their process of reproduction should be like. Can someone please explain why these creatures are fascinated by the prospect of such a simple biological process?

A History of Humanity
by Crex'la Veshnole, Historian of the Yurilt

First, Humanity had no contact with the other races. They developed inter-stellar travel, allowing themselves to begin expanding. The first human settlements were commercial endeavors, then when the number of settlers increased to a point the Human government was formed. Centered on earth, the government began connecting the settlements, and providing protection from other humans who became pirates, praying on their own species.

First contact for them was achieved by The Collective, or as the Humans call them, the 'Bugs'. Unfortunately, first contact happened as a Brood-ship of the collective experienced a calculation error. They did not expect the planet Sol III to have such a powerful magnetic field, a field that disabled most of the passengers on the brood-ship. It crash landed on Sol III, in a part of their world near a military training facility. One member of the crew managed to activate a propulsion field to reduce their decent, saving the ship and surrounding area from total destruction. The Collective's rock-crystal based technology was mostly destroyed by the impact, but the passengers survived. The humans watched as the delirious passengers crawled out of the ship. The passengers died, poisoned by the oxygen in their atmosphere.

>>9223073
The humans did not know what to make of this. This was their first encounter with an alien race. Human scientists could not find any form of technology as they knew it in the brood-ship. seeing the acid production and manipulators of the insects, they concluded that the large rock was naturally formed, with the 'bugs' forming within it as larvae. It wasn't until later that humanity became concerned with this race.

A human colony was decimated by one lone human, who, having gone berserk, killed the rest of his friends, then took a walk in vacuum. When the human government sent a military vessel to investigate, they found the a group of the Collective has taken the colony. The Collective was only there to study the humans, but the military saw them as responsible for the deaths of their civilians. The First of the Great Wars began shortly after that.

Humans usually killed any part of the Collective they encountered in space, their ships armed with powerful weapons. It wasn't until one ship attempted to board and capture a brood-ship that the humans realized that their foes were sentient.

This was what ended the last Great War.

>>9223088
During the last great war, humanity made contact with several other races, as the Collective began to petition their allies for assistance.

A Vuux warship mistakenly attacked and destroyed a Terran colony ship, after hearing of how horrifically powerful the humans were. By the end of the last Great War, The Vuux Homeworld was wiped clean by humanity.

Our own race, the Yurilt, encountered the humans as we sent our ships to the aid of the Collective. Our forces were decimated. Humanity seemed to be a race of insane murder machines. Rather than just blowing our ships apart, they preferred to board our ships, sending INFANTRY into our capital ships!

Even the relatively unarmed Trade Combine got involved, after a group of humans - human civilians - STOLE one of the trade combine's ships. Notice, that even while their military is busy in war the civilian population is capable of incredible feats!

After the great war, the human race fell back for several earth-years, not expanding any further. Very few races interacted with them during this time, as nobody wanted to go anywhere near "Humanspace", near the 'demons of war'.

Begin Transmission:

To date, my mission has proved fruitless.

I have scoured all available sources pertaining to their disgusting method of producing offspring. While being horrific in its lack of efficiency, I have yet to find the tangible evidence of a key qualifier for human mating.

My vision-stalks have withered from exposed prolongation to the bestial recordings of the act of human procreation. My tendrils dulled reading the datasheets describing the biological methodology. I have searched their history, finding only that even these creatures do not know how to produce a tangible shred of this essential aspect. They debate and they describe, but reach no concensus. I tire greatly in this mission, and long for the spore-baths to soothe my ills. Yet until I find tangible proof that this 'love' exists, I remain firm that it does not exist.

End Transmission.

Humanity is an interesting case. Certainly they could defeat us within a few cycles if they wanted to. They could probably defeat every other sentient race we know of, even if we all banded together for defense. Luckily, the human race is not a single entity. Many humans have no or very little connection with others. Their warrior caste is not as plentiful as we once believed. Many of their number are competent at fighting, but they work for themselves, not for the whole. They are led by a group called the "government." The government makes rules that the other humans are supposed to follow, but not all of them do! The government has to enforce these rules with the warrior caste. The warriors are dedicated to their government. We estimate that roughly half of the ships, weapons, and individual humans are directly controlled by the government, while the others are called 'civilians'. After the great wars, the government is the organization that stopped the conflict and started the current policy of peace with us. The civilian people are sometimes very violent however, and all humans are very quick to anger!

When you meet a human, take note of their coverings. Some have the symbol of their government. You can be sure that most of these humans will not attack you unless provoked. if they do not have this symbol, you would be wise to be wary. The 'civilians' may be friendly, they may be neutral, or sometimes they may even be violent. Some civilians will attempt to engage in trade, others will attempt to kill, even without provocation or reason!

In all my years serving the Senate as a herald, nothing has inspired confusion and fear in me more than human "sports." While many of them seemed to be simple games, I was shocked to find that some were, simply put, humans savagely beating each other for the sake of savagely beating each other. I've heard rumors that there are similar competitions using live weaponry.

Hope. Yes, brood-brother, Hope is what makes the humans dangerous beyond everything else. No species in this universe can cope with it, none of us can destroy it. Even in war, humans are terrible foes, a handful of them able to stave off hundreds of our warriors. But even when the numbers our on our side, even when we are able to whittle them down one by one, hope makes them continuously dangerous. A lone human, backed into a corner, is more dangerous than a whole platoon of humans near one of their ships. That lone human will, against all odds, often charge into our forces! He will defeat many of our forces before dieing himself. We have never been able to capture a human in combat, and we have never seen a human surrender. Even our attempts to paralize them with various chemicals have failed. We injected what would be a lethal dose (about a human measurement "gram") of C8H10N4O2, a known poison, only to find that it made the humans more lethal in combat! It wasn't until after the war we found out that C8H10N4O2 acts as a stimulant, and is present in many of their beverages.

[[Here it is worth noting that humans backed into a corner during the war were probably members of their military caste, and that they did not believe that we would take prisoners, as they did not believe us to be sentient. Human history has shown us that many humans will accept surrender, but only against overwhelming odd guaranteeing complete defeat. even in odds where victory will result in massive losses, the humans still fight. Their belief that victory in combat at the cost of a large percentage of their numbers is... frightening.]]

>>9221037
http://symphonyofscience.com/

People get hung up on the obvious with humans - that they could digest us, that they're filled with acidic liquids, and so on. But frankly, that has nothing to do with what makes them dangerous.

I employ no hyperbole when I say that humans are addicted to adversity. It sounds bizarre that evolution could lead to such a thing, but my years of research have inevitably led me to this conclusion. They poison their food in order to render its consumption pleasurable, use deceptive statements in routine discourse, and experience intense amusement when presented with overtly paradoxical concepts. When engaging in cooperative enterprises, it is the laborers who are pitied - the decision makers are envied, their positions seen as rewarding. Contrary to popular conception, they do not enjoy war; but their aversion is borne out of fear of collateral damage and resource consumption, not the stresses of the various intellectual and physical challenges that such conflicts pose. Indeed, rather than the apocalyptic effect such challenges have on most societies, human cultures thrive on them like a phoenix does on the flames; progress in times of war actually accelerates on all fronts, social, technological, and so on.

We all know of their tenacity, but I am far more disturbed by two virtue concepts that humans hold in high respect: "love" and "hope". The former has seen some discussion in public media as of late; a form of instinctive, unconditional blood oath ingrained into all manner of social relationships. But the latter is even more terrifying; it is the conscious, irrational choice to focus on improbably optimistic potential results. I can't make this shit up.

They're coming for me..

They've killed the rest of my brood, slaughtered them all with... Fire, fire that comes from the tools in their hands. I collapsed a portion of the rock-wall to keep the from me, but they know I'm here. I didn't seal off the tunnel. They can see me around the debris. Soon they will kill me.

I've spent a lot of time here, in this brood-ship. I helped carve it out of the living rock of my homeworld. We knew that we wouldn't live. We knew we wouldn't come back. We had hoped it wasn't so, but still we knew we must give our lives for the hivecluster.

We came here to study the species responsible for destroying so many of our worlds. We are still several hundred light-years away from their source, but we have intersected a wave of signals coming from their planet. As best we can tell, this wave was caused by their attempts at long range communication. Judging by the speed of the signals and the distance from the source, these signals are hundreds of years old! I have been studying these signals, and through them, their culture for long enough to have molted twice now. We stayed too long, and the humans found us. Why haven't they come through to kill me yet?

>>9223204
"Why haven't we gone through to kill it yet?" The private was irritated. He didn't like these bug-holes. This was the last living bug on the whole damn rock. He just wanted to blow it and get out of here. "Hell, we could just vent our atmo in there, gas him like the bugs they are. I think we should have done that in the first place."

"It's Dangerous, just sending some grunt like us in here. We don't know what we might run into." Agreed another private.

"Yeah, look at Jerry, he got bug juice all over his pants!" The group of men all laughed. Truth is, this was cake. Bugs never could put up a fight, and barely could even crack open the armor on a EVA suit, let alone the combat gear they had on.

"Shut up. We have orders, we follow orders. And right now, we need to get ready. The Captain himself is coming down here. He wants to see the bug. The men all fell silent. When the captain got there the charges were set, and the men saluted.

"At ease. Sargent, blow open this hole. I want to see this bug up close."

>>9223221
They sure took their time... I know they set up their blocks of fire. They waited for what seemed like cycles, until another human came in from their ship. After that, the wall exploded. This is it. Time to go with honor.

- - -

They are not killing me. The new human has come close to me. He is unarmed, but even so I know that he could kill me, with his hands, with his legs. But he does not strike. He says something, and I don't quite get it. I have studied the humans for a long while now, but I still was shocked to hear it speak in person.
I took a breath, and an insane idea came to me. It's worth a try, after all, the worst that can happen is that they kill me, and I am already prepared for that. I think hard, and recite the human greeting phrase I learned.

>>9223240
Every jaw was hanging open. The Captain was confused, and horrified. The men all began talking at once.

"Captain..."
"Did... that thing just FUCKING SPEAK?"
"Yeah... I think it said...No way.."
"WHAT THE HELL."
"But they aren't even sentient!"

They all fell quiet, and the alien repeated itself.
"C...can..I b-b-buy you a b-b-beeeeer?"

The Captain let out his breath. "Shit."

This one's niftier than the others because it's real.

- - -

In 1929, Werner Forssmann was a surgical trainee who wanted to learn about the heart. Unlike other wimpy doctors at the time, instead of learning about it from books or dead animals, he went for the more classic investigatory approach of "poke it with something."

Without any supervision, advice, or regard for that concept you call "survival," he cut a hole in his arm and pushed a catheter all the way up the limb and jammed it into his still-living heart.

A female nurse had volunteered for the procedure, and while he wouldn't risk anyone else (perhaps shouting "Dammit, it's too dangerous!"), he needed her to hand him the necessary surgical tools. So he laid her on the surgical table, gave her a painkiller, then performed the procedure on himself while she wasn't looking. That's right, this guy shoved two feet of cable into his own cardiac system as a sleight-of-hand trick, thereby permanently upstaging David Copperfield 27 years before he was even born.

He then walked--WALKED, mind you--with a tube hanging out of his fucking heart like some kind of price tag to the X-Ray room and presumably said "Hey guys, check out what I just did."

Our intestines house microbes that- if one manged to get out to the rest of our body- would make our existence as living organism forfeit. These microbes exist to make it easier for us to pass waste.

One theory about how Jesus died was that he received a bruise to his heart after he fell down while carrying the cross. Due to having his arms up in the air, he could not breathe as easily so his heart worked harder and harder to pump blood throughout his beleaguered body. The result was the bruised skin of his heart being punctured. Our bodies can and will readily betray us and kill us off.

While it is possible to suffocate or bleed out on the Crucification cross; it is also possible to die due to pain.

Did I mention we have enough nuclear devices to utterly decimate the crust of our planet several of tens of thousands of times over? Further proving that weapon technology will always outstrip armor/protection technology; we have no real methods of stopping the majority of the delivery systems for these weapons.

Did I mention that 30 years were spent with 2 countries with most of these nukes just glaring madly at the other while giving each other the finger and trying to out-research the other? 2 countries out of 192.

And now we're playing with a device that some think could create black holes and kill us all. Some (possibly unreliable) say it could destroy the entire universe, even.

On that note, one of our greatest fears with our first atomic device was that it could cause a chain-reaction and destroy our atmosphere. Yes, we did test it anyway.

"To the best of our knowledge, 'winter' is a severe periodic disease of plants, the actual onset of which is preceded by the vegetation turning various colors. The tall vegetables known as 'trees' lose their foliage entirely, except for some few which are immune and are known as 'evergreens.' As the disease progresses, the juices of the plants are squeezed out and crystallize in white feathery forms known as 'frost.' Sufficient quantities of this squeezed-out dried juice is 'snow.' The mythology refers to 'snow falling from the sky.' A possible explanation of this is that the large trees also 'snow,' producing a fall of dried juice crystals. These crystals are clearly poisonous. 'Frostbite,' 'chilblains,' and even 'freezing to death' are mentioned in the enemy's communication media. Even the atmosphere filled with the resulting vapor, is said to be 'cold.' Totally unexplainable is the common reference to children rolling up balls of this poisonous dried plant juice and hurling them at each other. This can only be presumed to be some sort of toughening exercise. More research on this problem is needed."

I have spent much time in the border worlds, and seen several of the conflicts that have arisen with the humans over the territory that they hold. The common perception of the human is that of a supremely physically powerful being. Hulking, warlike, violent and certainly loutish.

Whilst this is very true of them in many ways, it would be a mistake to think of them as being single-minded no society can grow to be as powerful as theirs if it is built purely upon the strength and agression of its individual members. What our politicians overlook as much as our civilians, is their true strength. Not that of their bodies, intimidatring though that may be, but in their ability to create order among such a culture and their prowess for adaptation to their circumstances.

Scholars who read this will like scoff, and not without good reason. Human culture is indeed hardly as unified as that of the core Union species, and indeed internal politics and strife has been a hallmark of their history (the resulting wars undoubtedly contributing to their lack of numbers). But the fact remains that they have managed to join their strengths through this strife, weeding out the cultures that were not strong enough to overcome others, or not adaptable enough to assimilate into the greater majority. And as a result, they now present a culture that is worryingly powerful, and stands poised to expand its territory further, and adapt to those worlds it sees fit to conquer.

In which case, it is perhaps time to ask ourselves whether we should take a lesson from them. Either become strong enough to overcome the predators, or adaptable enough to assimilate with them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislav_Petrov

Real world: HUMANITY, FUCK YEAH.

>>9223311
Social Insights into Human Technological and Cultural Development:

My lords, though it seems as if "the humans" are diverse, fragmented groups and therefore a weak target, I must urge you to reconsider. Our own singular culture has gone unoppressed for millenia, thanks to the systematic removal of "undesirable traits." Thus, we have been in stagnation without much growth at all. It appears that over the last millenia, humans have gone from a group of primitive beasts to... well, primitive beasts that are able to use sophisticated tools with frightening ease, as well as being able to manufacture as such.

Rather than their diversity being a weakness, it is a strange strength- each group plays off against the other, boosting technological and cultural gains in leaps and bounds.

My lords, attacking this race would be folly; indeed, we might think of imitating some of their characteristics to remove ourselves of this period of stagnation we are in.

I hope this finds you well, XXEIM [4,25th timescale]

>>9223266
>OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.JPG
>IN B4 TACO.JPG

Humans are inherently tribal creatures, and while conditions on their native world forced them into more conventional social structures for a time, the prevalence of cheap interstellar drive technology resulted in an almost complete destruction of any kind of social control on Sol-III. Unwilling to subordinate their interests to those of others any longer, individual families bought small ships in droves, and fled the planet, seeking their fortune in our territories. Now these family-ships have become terrible threats to civilized races, as any human ship encountered has an equal chance of being altruistic and sociable or full of psychotic bandits. While small, these ships integrate technology from across known space, and human psychological and physical endurance means that their pilots and gunners can continue to function long after even a capital ship has given up trying to repulse their hit-and-run tactics. I feel great fear for any who invoke the wrath of more than one family, for they are even worse working in concert.

Allow me to assure you, however, that when humans meet, it is unique in the extreme. These "reunions," as the humans call it, consist of all the tribal groups descending from a common ancestor meeting on a convenient planet for an orgy of intoxication, reproduction, and violence, some friendly, some not. This is as deeply as most of our sociologists care to look into these meetings, and they miss a fascinating exchange of cultural and technological information. Much has been said about human ingenuity, but it is terrifying how quickly a useful idea will propagate among them. I gave a shield generator to one "Evan Jameson" as payment for escorting a merchant vessel, and less than three standard years later, every "Jameson" derived human tribe was using our shield technology. As a result, I recommend that all civilized races carefully watch what technology they allow to fall into human hands.

Dear Coordinator,

I am writing to you because I am concerned for my second-Broodening son, whom I have recently seen attempting to hide humanophile paraphenalia in his lairhole. His attendance at Indoctrinary has become lax, and my trusted Broodening-sisters informs me she has seen him scuttling with a band of Third-Stage youths. They had apparently molded some gland-spit into replicas of human weaponry, and were pretending to cause disharmonious deaths upon one another.

Please, tell me what to do, Coordinator. I feel I am helpless in this matter.

Signed,
Concerned in Hivecluster X10-HFA-Darkaroshaa


Reply:

Now, now, Concerned. What you have to realize is that all youths have some aggression in one form or another. Usually, it is focused through exercise, art, or logic. Humans are popular subject matter at the time, and imitating them may indeed help him quell the fears we all have concerning them.

However, if his Indocrtinarian performance is lax, and he is with others who are more moltings beyond him than you are comfortable with, talk to him. Your child is your dearest offspring, and you are the one who launched his wriggling form into your home-pond, are you not? You should be able to communicate that his friends are not the best influences, and that his performance is slipping.

If worse comes to worse, you can threaten to withhold him from participation in the more youth-enjoyed hivebuilding ceremony. But remember that fascination with humanity is due to all of our preoccupation with them. They are frightening, and only by exploring such a fear can children overcome it.

As you were my own Brood,
the Coordinator.

n excerpt from Learned K'n'k'k'ck'rrr's latest book, "An ordinary traveler's guide to the species of the known galaxy:"

"Once, at least six or seven tilts ago, I happened upon a human tavern on the trading station Outpost 889R. I didn't know what to expect...I've not traveled most of the far 290-360s, and so I took the opportunity to take a look at just how humans socialize."

"I was awestruck. For one, the air was heavy with toxic smoke, and despite those choking gases, I could easily detect further toxic fumes, emanating from the fluids they drank. It was loud, raucous, and the 'music,' if you could call it that, was incessant. Now, I'm sure some of the younger generation might like it as a form of rebellion, but trust me, I doubt they actually enjoy it. And I'm not unhip. I've listened to the sraaaTi's (in)famous musical group "iiiOlu yi" and found some enjoyment from it, more than from the human noise. Anyway, the place was dark, smoky, and loud. I found a corner, out of the way, and tried not to draw attention to myself. I don't want to taint the scene when I'm in a new place, you see."

"But anyway, the males are screaming and beating each other, while imbibing this toxic fluid in excess. Later I learned that the screaming was laughter, and the beatings across the shoulders and back were gestures of platonic friendship, not unlike our bond-trills."

"Anyway, they burn their narcotic leaves, tell stories about sexual conquests, and boast about who could fight the others and emerge victorious. Two who seemed to know each other previous to that evening reminisced about a 'hunting trip,' which seems to be a male ritual in which men take firearms, enter the woods, and ambush and kill an animal."

>>9223408
"The general air was frightening, and I must admit, my rasping plates were nearly orange from the experience. Everything had to do with fighting, war, or danger. Once they had consumed enough, they asked the establishment's operator to 'fire up' the machine in the corner. I later learned that this is a term referring to the starting of combustion vehicles, and in my humble opinion, it just emphasizes the danger. Yet, they relish the term, so it seems."

"But this machine, it seems to be a seat across a log, mounted to a system of poles. They called it a 'mechanical bull,' and its only function was to move violently, back and forth, up and down, and turn in circles, in such a manner that the person upon it must hold on or be thrown onto the floor."

"Luckily, the floor had mats, though I did not suspect that their placement had anything to do with the patrons' wishes. They took turns riding it, relishing the dizziness, the induced nausea, and the pain from being thrown from it. Again, upon further research, I found its origins: men in displays known as Rodeos ride male cattle, known as bulls. They goad these normally docile creatures into bucking and running, and are awarded points based on time able to stay on the bull. These animals, by the way, weigh at least 5 Hr'knt, and have sharp horns protruding from their heads, and their legs terminate in hard, bone-crushing hooves."

>>9223427
"After about one n'lzt, not long at all by my reckoning, the toxic environment was wreaking havoc on my spiracles, and I had to leave. I stopped outside to catch my breath, and looked at the cargo vessels with Earth manifests on them. Peeking in the cockpits, I found gun racks, knives, more toxic smoking rolls, and magazines with women on display, akin to one of their zoos (similar to a nature preserve, except the purpose is to hold animals for display instead of for conservation). I heard noise from the bar, and left, lest I be found and hurt terribly by someone finding me looking into their ship's cockpits."

"I think that, for those not weak-of-heart, a rustic human bar is an interesting place to go, but it is both frightening and worrisome. Though I do not wish to offend any humans who may be reading this, I must say, without reservation, that they are a danger to everything we know. They are brutish, warlike, and tenacious. Their love of danger and combat is unparalleled, and I say unreservedly that any one of those intoxicated humans, though physically unfit specimens, would be able to, in single combat, best any one of the greatest of the Z'k'k'c'c'tl specialist operatives."

"Adapt. Evolve. And most importantly: assimilate."

"When man looked out onto the world, he did not question how to make himself belong to it - he asked how to make it belong to him."

"The first of what would soon be countless of animals we tamed was the canine. In it, we saw strength, ferocity, and loyalty. But we didn't hunch to all fours and growl at them, no - we took the canine and put into them something of our own selves. We took the wolf and made them, in the smallest way, human. We gave them names and identities where they had none. And we trained them to understand full subordination. The canine learned to give up its life for the human."

"We walked our planet, discontent with what we had. We adapted to the harshest of environments, living in places the non-humans would deem 'unlivable,' and doing it with the crudest technologies. We evolved to this task further, to walk across any land and live. And we assimilated. We were not nurtured by our planet, but instead nurtured it. We taught our crops to grow according to our whims. We allowed the animals to learn how best to live in servitude under us, so that they might advance their own destiny aside ours, by our wishes. Even in our religions, we forged gods not of the plants, but of ourselves. The oldest religions claim we were made in God's image, but now we know the truth - we made Him in ours."

"Remember this, soldiers, when you leave this academy. This is our heritage. This is what it means to be human. The other races are content on borrowing their planets. We own them. That is our destiny - to walk alien lands, and tame them."

"In this prevalent fairy tale, the 'cyclone'—corresponding to our 'sea serpent,' or 'Ogre of the Deep'—makes recurrent visits to communities in certain regions, frightening the inhabitants terribly and committing all sorts of prankish violence. On some occasions, it carries its chosen victims aloft, to set them down again far away. The cyclone is a frightening giant, tall and dark, who approaches in a whirling dance.

"An interesting aspect is the contrast of this legend with the equally prevalent legend of Santa Claus. Cyclone comes from the south, Santa from the north. Cyclone is prankish, frightening. Santa is benign, friendly, and even brings gifts. Cyclone favors 'springtime,' but may come nearly any time except 'winter.' Cyclone is secular. Santa reflects some of the holy aura of the religious festival, 'Christmas.'

"'Christmas comes but once a year. When it comes, it brings good cheer.' Though Cyclone visits but a few favored towns at a time, Santa visits at once all, everyone, even the lowliest dweller in his humble shack. The natives are immensely earnest about both of these legends. An amusing aspect is that our present main base is almost ideally located for visits by that local Ogre of the Sea, 'Cyclone.' We are, in fact, situated in a location known as 'Cyclone Alley.' Perhaps the Ogre will visit us."

At the bottom of the page was a footnote: "'Cyclone' is but one name for this popular Ogre. Another common name is 'Tornado.'"

One of the greatest ironies of the universe is that, despite their inherent military superiority to all other species, a vast section of human literature, particularly a genre they call "sci-fi" includes the theme of humans being vastly outmatched by older and more technologically advanced species. This is a trope that is repeated in practically all forms of human media, particularly in what humans call "video games".

There is something terrifying about a people that have to make-up a species tougher than themselves just for the sake of challenging entertainment.

Holy shit, this is a lot of Humanity, Fuck Year

"Yeah, so there I was out on the Fringe as part of the last Force Colonial aggregate group, right? Part of the 178th/92nd OIS Composite. ExpCom had picked up a habitable world and IntCom had confirmed that those slimy-skinned Vak fuckers had already set up shop on it, so the Composite and a few other task forces were earmarked for the IIO. SOP."

"We launch from HAO in our Glove from the Endymion; make landfall shortly and without serious complication. Verechenko's Glove had some issues on AE and his vis systems were fucked, but the rest of us were fine. Orders from TacCom were to silence some forward posts. Easy enough to pick out the things - huge garish scenes. Neon lights, giant glass constructions, the works. Don't know what the fuck those Vak think, and I don't want to know. Anyways, we're advancing in loose order and manage to flank the position. The LT figures fire would be too loud and would betray our position, so he tells us to fix monomol; gonna take 'em quick and hard by storm."

"Well, as we're sneaking up on the Vak FP, Verechenko's fucking fucked vis sensors means he can't see shit. He stumbles his Gauntlet right into a goddamned tree. The Vak in their little glass palace-dugout perk up, spin towards us...and start shooting in the air. Huge light show. Noise was deafening. Not a single shot came anywhere near us."

>>9223491

"With all this the LT figures our cover is blown, so he switches on his Gauntlet's external vox and starts screaming like a madman, sprinting forward. Rest of us follow. The Vax are still spraying fire all in the air above us as we do so, and as we reach the last fifty yards or so they start screaming at us in whatever fucking halfassed excuse of a tongue they use. We close the gap and introduce the lot of them to bellies full of monomol bayonet. The slimy fuckers die writhing and screaming all the while. Few of them try to get away; none do. Position's mopped up and we comm in the next wave of OI. Real easy, nobody down."

"We found out afterwards that the Vak considered that show they put on for us to be a display of *strength*, and that as we could produce no similar light show, we were obliged to surrender. Hah! 'Obliged to surrender!' Like a bunch of fucking peacocks squaring off!"

"No wonder we're mopping them up halfway across the spiral arm..."

>>9223483
I'm about 3/4ths the way through my collection.

Notable in local history is the occasion of one human, designation “Foster Bent”, and his arrival on Vox 12 in a nearly disabled spacecraft.

It is recorded that when “Foster Bent” crawled from his landing pod to look upon Vox 12, the locals took him for an invader and issued a mating celebration in his honor. It is little known that the Voxi use mating as a weapon, luring in other races to mate uncontrollably until they expire from discharge sickness, dehydration, exhaustion, or pleasure, depending on species.

Foster Bent is said to have pleasured and ‘satisfied’ an entire village of Voxi females and at least half a dozen Voxi males as well. Upon his departure a stature of his likeness was erected in pure coal, a holy substance on Vox 12, and his name is now used in a powerful social utterance of ill will translated as; “May Foster Bent descend on your mate.”

Humans are pretty close to immune to memetic viral attacks. In other cultures, memetic attacks are devastating weapons of war, that are carefully researched in hidden facilities where the researchers go through daily psychological analysis to keep the attack from escaping- and occasionally it does anyway, and they have to vaporize the sector. Humans use them to sell hamburgers. Human memetics is the flat-out most advanced in the universe, and they don't even have clinical immortality yet. Individual humans can make memetic attacks untrained.

Humans also use memetic virii as a form of entertainment, seeing how far an individual idea can be spread, glorying when it becomes knowledge to the general public. They take pleasure not only in destroying the body, but in infiltrating the very mind.

"Oh, Nine Gods, don't talk about humans around me. I had more than enough of them back on [M33-6]."

"Jungle world. Absolute nightmare, and to this day the Collective refuses to say why we were fighting there. I saw ONE of the humans during my entire stay on the planet. He jumped up from behind me with a gunpowder-based ballistic weapon, and the only thing that worked on that rock, since the damp shorted out our energy rifles. Anyhow, he was lathered in mud and leaves as a sort of camoflauge, and as long as I live I will never forget the look in his eyes. That was a look better attributed to a yx-hound gone mad. Sat vids would later show that he had been lying there for nearly 4 cycles, barely moving at all, waiting for someone to come by. And then he jumps up and doesn't even USE his weapon, but rather the sharp blade on the end of it. *long sip*"

"So he stabs me through the [lower torso], and I fall down, unable to move my lower appendages. He severed my spinal column with that one blow, and yet he continued stabbing me- FOUR MORE TIMES- until my squad opened fire. He turns around, not even bothering to dive for cover, and kills two more of them, injuring five, with that archaic rifle of his before he gets torn in half by an energy beam."

>>9223533
"That was the ONLY human I ever saw. One of them nearly killed me- crippled me for life- wounded five, killed two, and this man was almost completely unarmed, with nothing but his pants, boots, helmet, and gun. Maniac. And then there were their other tactics- burning the forests, using toxins to kill the plantlife, mowing down vast swathes of green with orbital bombardment. Nothing would stop them. Nothing."

"[M33-6] was a complete and utter defeat. To the humans, it was merely a minor skirmish- I'm told they've had wars among themselves with higher body counts. The humans won the world, and its industry, after stripping it of nearly half its plantlife and a quarter of its cityscape. They lost maybe eighty thousand troops. We lost nearly ten times that many. Don't speak to me about humans."

I met a human once. At first, I was wary - any other sentient would be - but he turned out to be a friendly and hospitable character. Confused by the discrepancy between his behavior and the common portrayals of his species, (I believe it was male), he replied with a proverb:

"Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far."

Impact events have been a huge influence on the development of the Humans and their "culture." Although the chemistry of the planet was extremely toxic, it did follow a fairly standard progression from invertebrate to aquatic to amphibious to lizard, and showed great promise when sauropods ruled every biome. According to their scientists, this all came to an abrupt end when a large stellar mass fell into a shallow sea, but that seems to be a little bit too convenient.

It has to be seen to be believed, but the Humans have the bones of their saurian ancestors on display in grotesque, aggressive poses. Some say that it's a form of religion, others say that it just serves the curiosity of the mammals, but I know the truth; somehow, those filthy Humans are responsible for the death of the sauropods, and they like to display the trophies.

No, I don't know how they did it. But they thrive on conspiracy and extermination.

It has been suggested that the harsh environment the human species originated in is responsible for much of their aggression. The environment of Sol-3 (or Earth, colloquially) is volatile in the extreme. Massive salt water oceans are pulled about the surface of the planet by lunar tides. This combines with a constant colossal movement of air about the planet to make storms of mind boggling size and ferocity. “Hurricane” is a water/air hybrid storm that flings masses of water and air about, sometimes leveling or flooding whole cities. “Tornado” is an electrically charged vortex of winds that can demolish even the strongest human structure, yet they commonly build vast both vast cites and, even more astounding, clusters of flimsy dwellings called ‘mobile homes’, in areas renowned for the violence of these storms. The planetary temperatures create both vast areas of frozen water and dehydrated desert, and humanity has filled even these inhospitable climes with everything from crude structures hand made of local materials to large ‘resorts’ where humans PAY to subject themselves to prolonged exposure to solar radiation or swim in large tubs of water filled with chlorine!

"Humans are quite resilient as implant carriers. They can survive receiving a full neurotransfer suite... after reaching their FULLY GROWN PHASE[1]. They can even learn to use it. Not to its full potential, obviously, but passably well."

"I think I can explain why they can learn to use such things. They quite often use the brute-force approach."

"Brute force? I suppose they have muscle in excess, but how is that relevant?"

"Brute force in the problem-solving sense. The technique in which each possible solution is tested. They'll attempt anything, if desperate enough; they're heedless of low success rates, of risk. The problem [with humans using these methods] is that it sometimes works. Remember when they [2] captured that trade combine freighter?"

"Yes. They use technology [from that ship in]... all their new ships now."

"Exactly. Let me give you of some privileged information [3]. They had no idea how the interface worked, when they initiated a Jump away from the escort ships. Doing such a thing is obscenely unlikely. They did not attempt it twice. [4]"

[1] Medical report on human resilience is in the public database. M2.9718
[2] A human subfaction, see infogather report 7.422
[3] Gathered using standard methods for nonconsentual information dissemination
[4] They spent nearly half a cycle determining the interfacing functions before attempting a second jump, back to their primary system. See infogather report 7.582

I hope more people are reading, this is pretty fuckin' epic.

"I don't exactly remember what happened. I was on Ta'Kee, in the single bar they had. It's this tradepost station above one of their mining colonies."

"These little Mara'Kee skittering around, making little 'tap-tap' noises. They didn't drink anything though, no. They were just moving around, cleaning, or some such. I don't know. Only patrons at the bar were humans, anyway, and one Soo."

"Anyway, I was sitting there, yeah? Minding my own bussiness and all, drinking some vodka, and suddenly here comes this 'kee, with his crew of eight or something, and walks up to my table. So this damn bug, much bigger then the rest, reaching almost to my ribs yeah? I'm talking really big. Anyway he walks up to me, and says 'Human Claydon Nash, you must accompany us to the detention cell, there you will await trial.'"

"I spit my vodka, which causes the little bugs to move back and make these 'krick krick' noises really fast. The big one raises this baton thing in one of it's arms, or legs, or whatever. 'Cease all attacks, Human Claydon Nash, and accompany us immediately.' I look around, of course everyone is looking away, except the soo, which stares at me with these freaky eye things. I tell him, like, 'Fuck it, buggy, I'll go.' I hear his translator clicking at him, then some of the little ones go around my back, and we start walking out of the bar."

"Things get serious at the detention block, though. I ask the big one what's going on, only it takes a few tries because his translator doesn't get me. Then he tells me, 'The Vau-Vau-X unity has requested you for questioning.' I start shitting my pants, yeah? Few months before that I was with the crew of bastards and we hijacked a few of their electronics convoys. Maybe broke a few Vau along the way, but it's not like they care, yeah?"

"So I say to him, 'Look, mate, no way I'm going. They want me bad. Just let me get outta here, I'll make it worth your while.'"

>>9223634
"I swear, bugs can't blink, but he managed it anyway. 'I do not comprehend. You want me to act against my orders, and compensate me with credits?'
'Hell yeah, buggy. The Vau are going to kick my ass bad. I need to get out of here. Didn't do anything bad to you and yours, mate.'"

"'I have been given strict orders, human. The Vau-Vau-X have expressed a high degree of will to aquire you, and my superiours have issued a legal warrant for your deportation.'"

"So this is serious, yeah? So I see I have one option."

"I jump the buggy, head butting it in the fucking face. It falls."

"Now the small ones are jumping all over me, stinging. They have this poison, yeah ? and i'm half drunk on vodka anyway. So i'm like 'DIE FUCKERS,' pummeling left and right until I hear them running away."

"Turns out buggy poison makes you a bit high, and with the alcohol, I could barely walk straight. I think I stepped on the big one when I started walking, they make this "crunch" sound, heh, anyway..."

"So I start walking out of detention, and at the doorway back to the common area, I see this team of bugs holding their tazer things. I start to run out, and they all shoot me at the same time. Here I am , with like five tazers stuck in me, high on poison, drunk, I swear to god, fuck it."

>>9223647
"Most tazers just annoy, but one stuck in my leg, and I can't work it because it locked up, I guess it hurt like a motherfucker too. So I limp as fast as I can towards the door, throw the baton at one of the bugs, knocking it out, the door is looked so I fucking KICK IT OPEN, with a bit of the wall around it crashing on a few bugs outside."

"Tazers fall out, more bugs are comming, and I run like MAD. In the common areas no one even tries to stop me, and I think when I passed the bar, I could hear some human chearing for me."

"Bugs are waiting at the airlock to my ship. I rush them, I swear to god I love the crunch sound. they hit me with their batons a few times, they supposed to stun you or something. Gave me some nasty burns, but I didn't feel at the time."

"So the inner airlock door is fucking locked. I have no idea what to do, when I see the Soo from the bar slithering at me from behind. I almost jump him when he says, 'I come to you in peace, human. I will help you.'"

"He looks at the broken bugs with no emotion, and back at me. 'I have urgent need of transportation, and I can help you. Do we have an accord?'"

"I'm like, groaning inside. Here I am, running from Bug and Vau law, about to make a deal with a SOO. Maybe I should go turn myself in, yeah?"

>>9223659
"No. I say, after a few seconds, 'Sure thing, mate.' I make room for the little guy at the door. He takes out this electronic kit, and messes around with the lock until it opens. I hear 'click click' sounds of bugs running from behind, but the Soo was good, and the door opened fast."

"So I was out of there in a few minutes, and now I'm burned on 'Kee stations too. And I owe a favor to a Soo. And the Vau are after me. I'm high, drunk, bleeding, covered with electric bruises. And I'm thinking 'GOD DAMN, I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH THE VODKA!'"

The Human Navy has preserved the use of boarding parties as a primary means of victory. After pursuing their quarry to the point of total exhaustion on both sides, the Humans will summon up the energy for one last push: they set upon the vessel in small landing boats with the intent of overrunning the crew. These teams often pack sufficient munitions to scuttle the ship in the event they do not overtake their intended victims, for while looting is always in the forefront of the Human mind their leaders are not by any means above committing these teams to suicidal missions if it appears they may lose the upper hand. Woe betide any crewman who does not perish in the initial fighting, as the Humans are well known for their brutality and willingness to leave any survivors to drift through space until their eventual death.

By Alan Dean Foster.

The alien scrutinized the trooper as casually as if different life-forms in radically different shapes were more common than pebbles on a shingle beach. This inspection continued for several minutes, during which time communications flew across the ether but no one took any action. All waited to see what the alien would do next. As for the trooper yclept Yadiz, he became so embarrassed by his own futility that he began swapping his weapon from hand to hand and back again. “Surely it’s not that heavy,” remarked the alien with complete and surprising fluency. As he spoke he eyed the weapon and sniffed. Startled, the trooper dropped the gun, which promptly went off with a high-pitched, ear-splitting crash. A piece of rock flew into shards and something whined shrilly through the air. The alien turned and followed the whine with its eyes until the sound finally died out.

Then the creature said gently to Yadiz, “Wasn’t that rather silly?”

Of the mighty armada that had left Imperial space to claim the blue planet there was no word. The transmissions had ceased abruptly, but long range communication was prone to mishaps, and no one was overly concerned.

When the transit pod dropped from hyperspace it was assumed to be space junk at first, but a very weak transponder signal caused enough interest that the Governor-General ordered an investigation. The pod's sole occupant, a technician from the Armada's flagship had been driven to insanity by what he had witnessed, but he still managed to push a box into the Governor-General's grasp before collapsing.

None of us were quite expecting what we found inside, if we knew to expect anything at this point. Staring back from the box were the lifeless eyes of the Lord Admiral, well two of his lifeless eyes at least, the third had been destroyed by a projectile which had left a gaping exit wound amongst his antennae. Accompanying the head was a small piece of paper on which was drawn a crude representation of a four-limbed biped, raising the middle digit of his forelimb in some sort of gesture.

A translation of the short accompanying text proved to be a suggestion to do something physically impossible.

All human children, from the earliest stages of post-uterine development, are encouraged to partake in feats of violence and strife with one another, to establish which group is the victor. With no tangible benefit presenting itself, they compete purely for the sake of dominion and ego. Often these competitions will involve forceful physical contact and injuries, which is considered a part of the developmental process.

It should come as no surprise that the species is so malajusted.

>>9223613

I've seen them all before

...

Still reading them all though.

Humans are an incredibly odd species. While most creatures couldn't dream of putting themselves in danger, they do it for the sake of health. They put all sorts of chemicals in their body to cure ailments. They don't even understand how any of it works. They simply know that it doesn't kill them, and they're happy with that. They even frequently experiment with new chemicals, trying to cure more ailments with potentially deadly ingredients!


Addendum: This anthropologist has found evidence that humans once excised parts of patient's brains, unknowing of the consequences, in order to attempt to 'cure' them. It seems that even their medicine is based around destruction and experimentation.

>>9221779
[Security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker]
{Command response advice}[Highest level security advised]
[Security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; human is inebriated]
{Command response advice}[Use Extreme caution, use of shokk weapons granted]
[security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; enraged human has attacked officers, some casualties]
{Command response advice}[retreat into security station 15 barricade to level 6]
[security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; human now in security station 15, many casualties]
{Command response advice}[immediate evacuation of security station15, security reinforcement en route]
[security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; Human is actively destroying security station superstructure]
{Command response advice}[use of lethal force granted]
[security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; previous statement false, human was not enraged, human is now enraged]
{Command response advice} security reinforcement en route, hold human at bay until arrival]
[security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; HUMAN IS NOW ARMED]
{Command response advice}[Run! run for your life!]

This is a species that traditionally provides nutrition for its helpless, live birthing young, for up to the first or second orbital year of their lives. By dispensing a fluid from engorged fat-surrounded glands.

When the human larvae are dispensed, they are still physically attached to the gestation chamber of the female. No wonder they are so enamored with violence... the first act the young witnesses is this connection with its mother being severed with a sharp knife.

The human capacity to change is fascinating. I myself have witnessed a human military officer, who is tasked solely with the purpose of abusing his subordinates until they bond, take a group I suspected of severe genetic ailments - excess fat tissue, panic during crisis situations - and turn them into the perfect murder machines that have come to know and fear. We have long suspected that humans in their homelands are weaker than those we regularly encounter, but it is clear that even the weak ones can become dangerous with minimal effort.

I would not advise an invasion of any human-controlled system at this time.

>>9223735
Yeah, if you've been here for any length of time, most of these should be old as fuck. Still, they're good shit.

This "human" race is an interesting topic of debate. While it is easy to simply dismiss them as an entire race of demented sociopaths, the fact that their culture has not self-destructed in an orgy of uninhibited violence seems to imply there is something more to them. The manner in which their culture adapts these violent tendencies to survive past the lifetimes of its individual members can possibly be explained in the brevity of their own existence. A "human" seeks out every avenue of its existence and takes from it all it can before being snuffed out like the flames that spawn from the poisonous gas they breathe. Is it so hard then to admire their passion. We see them as monsters, but perhaps in them there is something we ourselves can aspire to.

>>9223755 previous statement false, human was not enraged, human is now enraged

Many lulz

"I once met a Human at a waystation on a Class 1 world. It did some kind of rough work for one of their colonies. It called itself a 'search and retrieval expert' but I’m guessing the translation software couldn’t find the proper words. A few weeks later, it returns to the waystation, sans its trans-grav (rented, I might add). Apparently the people it was hunting took down its transport, but it continued on foot after escaping the wreckage and patching itself up. The scary part was that it was wearing clothes fashioned from Tharge pelts, had its targets’ ears on a necklace (DNA proof, I guess), and had fashioned a spear from a jagged piece of the trans-grav’s hull and an Iron-root. And it was honestly none the worst for wear, just sauntered over to the AENet terminal and collected on its kills."

"The human taste in literature is highly disturbing, to say the least. While they have some civilised pieces, regarding philosophy and emotion, too much is simple obscenity. murders are glorified, and the more they kill, the more famous they become, while wars are remembered almost fondly, referred back to time and time again in tale after tale of slaughter and debauchery. What kind of race could revel in its own sociopathy?"

- - - - -

Humans are insane. You see, Humans have this concept called "Vengeance." Once, a Vuux warship blew away one of their early colony ships. Fifty Terran geo-helio-cycles later, without a word, they glassed the entirety of the Vuux homeworld and called it even. Not one senator in the Union even dared bring it up with their ambassador. They have no compunction to follow the Concord of Equal Force!

- - - - -

The Human muscle-to-mass ratio is incomprehensible. Their world must have been at least half-again as large as ours. Their biology defies reason, they breathe oxygen and yet can swim in liquids without trouble. They can kill with their manipulator extremities, and more. One prisoner slammed his brain case into a guard, and then beat them to death with his bare hands.

- - - - -

Of all the violence-capable sophont clades, Humans are the only ones who strap themselves into armored shells and drop out of the atmosphere onto enemy positions. And that’s only after they soften up any ground resistance with orbital bombardment. We are certain that they have secretly developed mind-upload technology (and thus a kind of technical immortality). The other possibility, that they are willing to throw themselves into the path of anti-starship weapons without hesitation and risk their consciousnesses, is unthinkable.

"I was attending a gathering at the human ambassadors residence of Seare, and happened upon the children of the human occupants. They were watching what appeared to be live footage of a war, but was revealed to be a tactical simulation, analogous to that used in our military education establishments."

"We must keep close watch on these children, and others like them. there must be some thought of training them as the next generation of generals. The thought of otherwise exposing infants to the horrors of war is ludicrous"

- - - - -

"Legion commanders! Dare not underestimate the humans! Their main means of locomotion burn up unreplaceable parts of their home world made from the bones of dead animals! It doesnt end there Dur'as'ka! These locomotion devices can explode with simple pressures! Who are these death craving fiends?"

"You want to know about the humans? Let me tell you something, comrade. You want to stay far away from them if they're in a fighting mood, because there are plenty of them to go around, and they're not at all shy about killing each other to get the pleasure of killing you."

"Eighteen years back, I was serving with the Coalition in the Battle of N49. Us, the [Andromedans], and the [Milky Way Defense Command], all against the Red Star Council. And about halfway through the battle one of their big cruisers- you know the type- gets into a direct gun-duel with one of the Council's big gunships. They get torn apart in short order, but we've got our hands full and no way to evac them. We expected them to sue the Council for their surrender, and I think they did too."

"Instead, the crazy [untranslatable] fire up the main engines and drive their ship STRAIGHT INTO THE COUNCIL BATTLECRUISER. And as if that wasn't enough, while everyone's staring at the debacle, they touch off their reactors!"

"There were seventeen thousand humans crewing that ship. I saw the battle report afterwards- the Council folded almost immediately after the battlecruiser went. They deemed it "a regrettable but acceptable loss."

"Stay far away from the human sectors, comrade."

- - - - -

And with that, I'm done.

Enjoy anons.

>>[security station 15 request advice] [attn+1+Human lawbreaker additional; previous statement false, human was not enraged, human is now enraged]

This made my day.

"THIS IS A SCORPION. We are uncertain as to its origins, but suspect that it was genetically engineered by the Terran hominids to act as some sort of biological weapon. Pictures we stole from their exonet suggest that at one time, there were prototypes many dozens of times this size, which were euthanized when they were found to be impractical.
If you encounter a scorpion, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE. Scorpions are not sentient, they are soulless monsters that live only to kill and maim! Blaster power-level 4 and above is recommended, but field testing has proven impossible since the council No-kayed a science mission after the Hornet incident.
Yes Xiltoth, I see you there, and no we're not going to anywhere with hornets, or crabs. there MIGHT be spiders."
(wave of fearful muttering)

The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. Where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with
greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it;
They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones, and then throw themselves without fear or
hesitation at the very face of death itself, never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could
help but be moved to tears by their courage. Their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns, when they
ran out guns they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope that when it is my time, I may
die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes in the end. They did this for two years they never ran out of courage
but in the end, they ran out of time.

Does anybody have the one story which is written in the style of a kids book with some generic insectoid aliensa? IIRC it's about a alien youth being bullied, and a human gives it a cigarette or lighter or something which it uses to terrorize the bullies.

>>9224090
++The following story is appropriate for Post-Natal Broodlings Stage 3 to 5++

"How Xiulaqu'e'th Learned to Breath Fire"

One day Xiulaqu'e'th left his progenitor's nest to procure nourishment at the nearby hub of exchange. As he walked the road, he was beset by broodlings many cycles his elder.

"Give us your exchange-helpers so that we may exchange with the humans!" cried one of the elder broodlings quite fearsomely.

"Oh!", exclaimed Xiulaqu'e'th as he fearfully tried to run past them. Alas, he could not do so quickly and struck by many mighty blows before escaping.

At the hub of exchange, Xiulaqu'e'th, in great pain, procured nourishment but dreaded his return. The elder broodlings would surely be waiting for him. In his fear, he forgot his eyes and ran right into a human.

Fearfully, Xiulaqu'e'th looked up at the figure, towering over him on two limbs. The human held a FIREWAND and breathed in its flame before exhaling its ghost like the soot wyrms of myth. Xiulaqu'e'th turned pale as the giant began to bend down.

>>9224338
But Xiulaqu'e'th did not perish in a fire. Instead, the human looked at him with kindness and despite its size spoke gently, like harvest wind.

"You should take care where you walk, little one. It's crowded and one such as you can be easily trampled on."

Xiulaqu'e'th's felt a mix of relief and trepidation. The elder brood still told stories of the first humans, how threw storms of hardest shale that laid waste to whole generations. Their mighty beasts of burden that rumbled hives when they passed over, right down to the deepest chambers. But that was many generations ago. Now they were protectors and exchangers.

"So? Do you have anything to say little one?"

Xiulaqu'e'th, not knowing why, told the human of his great fear. How he dreaded his return home yet knew he must walk it. The human listened, its visage intent but amused. At the end, it simply shook its head and made a sound of mirth.

>>9224350
"I think you give those bullies more credit than they deserve!"

Xiulaqu'e'th did not understand its words but recognized wisdom. Profound and vast, his head swam in its revelations. But Xiulaqu'e'th knew that thoughts could not shield his body and fell once more into despair.

The giant repeated its mirth sound and spoke, "Ah, what are we going to do with you? Here, take this, you look like you need it more than I do!" It stretched out one of its two appendages and held within it the firewand, glowing fiercely.

Xiulaqu'e'th hesitated, he tried to wield it as the giant did, but could not replicate its grace. It looked at Xiulaqu'e'th and beckoned him to inhale the fire.

How can one describe the feeling of fire dancing in one's carapace? The sensation of its ghost trail fluttering outward? Xiulaqu'e'th knew what it was to breathe fire.

"We see you have returned and have used our exchange helpers!" yelled the elder broodling. "How considerate that you - "

His words remained in his throat as he saw Xiulaqu'e'th approach. Undaunted. Unwavering. Unafraid.

He saw Xiulaqu'e'th breathe fire.

>>9224370

FUCKING AWESOME

this is why I come to /tg/

>>9224370

Fucking adorable.

>>9224370
Wait, did he just give a random kid a cigarette?

>>9224482
FUCK YEAH BEING IRRESPONSIBLE!

Though I have a mental image of a small, crab like alien scuttling around using a Menthol KOOL to breathe fire on things.

>>9224682

H. Crab.

Hard core gum shoe motherfucker.

>>9224682
>Menthol KOOL

...This thread has made me happy for about two and a half hours.

Fuck yeah, /tg/.
Fuck yeah, Humanity.

I don't know what system to use for it but play 'Gunnm' or better know as 'Battle Angel A;ita' but maybe tone down the robot kung fu action or not, it's up to you

>>9221037
I have nothing against HFY threads, but it spawned a series of anit-HFY trolls that look for the smallest excuse to dump their shit.

I feel this is what eventually killed the EP/ME threads, there where like 3 writefags and they all don't post anymore.

>>9221613
I would really love to see that setting expanded.