Bump 1

"OONST OONST OONST."

It's BACK!

Search out the first of the listed demons related to the seven deadly sins. Use the weapon they drop to kill the one that's weak to it. Repeat.

>>9059492

>>9070998
"Psst! Hey, bud...
OONST OONST OONST."

MORE OONSTING

>>9070998
OONTS OONTS OONTS

Oonst oonst oonsting this motherfucker.

Now, let's go resubjugate our big titted demon maid.

We left off as about to scale the side of the Tower to skip over the bosses to get to Asmoday. Suggest she (i think its Jehanne) goes first so you can 'catch her if she falls' also Upskirt/look up 'innocently' when possible

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY IT'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK

First things first- pull off that cape and tie it around our waist like a kilt. Go into battle bare-chested, LIKE A BOSS.

>>9070998
OONST OONST OONST

>>9070998
>+1 Bikini Plate

RAAAAAGE

>>9071136

I doubt she's wearing a skirt. Armor.

Also, we're immune to demons, so I say we go first.

What does any of this have to do with a M-80?

>>9071151
cmon broski, tripcode up

True. Tie cloak around waist, and volunteer to go first like a man.

>>9071185

YES. This way she can see up OUR skirt. Its totally what our character would do.

Ask Jehanne if she has a plan for dispatching Alicia. If not, offer self as bait to distract the super hot succubus.

>>9071172
I would rather not.

Do not enter the tower. Instead, stand outside and loudly challenge any and all occupants to Mortal Kombat.

Also, if the cape isn't red, make it red

>>9071093

SPECIAL FLAG ACTIVATED: THINLY VEILED FAP FICTION.

The effects of this flag will be revealed at a later time.
-----

When you all left off, you were preparing to scale the tower to avoid the random encounters within and get to the upper floors where you can get straight to the boss fight.

ATHLETICS CHECK, GO!

> You: 6
> Jehane: 24

The two of you manage to start scaling the outside of the Dildo Tower of Doom. As you climb, you notice that what you had first believed to be statues, caryatids, and buttresses are, in fact, naked people glued, stapled, or otherwise attached to the outside of the tower, all engaging in some kind of act of coitus.

You continue climbing. They don't seem to care. . .

>>9071136

As you continue up the tower, rather clumsily, compared to Jehanne's sure, strong movements, you take a moment to glance up and look up Jehanne's skirt.

Yes, she does wear panties. They are baby blue.

Jehanne doesn't seem to notice you peeping, she's too busy trying to avoid being spooged on by the tower "decorations."

kick ass, time to bust out of hell

>>9071236
try to masturbate while climbing

>>9071236
continue on upward, taking peeps when you can, obviously becoming aroused

>>9071236
Have some goddamn dignity and keep climbing.

>>9071258

nooo nooo that's what the kilt is for.

having a RAGING BONER while running around in a kilt, with a sword, and barechested, is pretty much just part of the outfit.

>>9071236
If we do well enough, we'll get to see more than her panties later. Keep climbing.

>>9071236

Grab decorations to improve our mansion. Should boost us up to at least 3/5 or so.

Have sex with the tower while you climb.

>>9071323
Does anyone have that dragon picture?

SAVING THROW vs AROUSAL 5+

> 3

Despite, or perhaps because of, your best efforts, by the time you manage to make it to the first of the "ribbings" on the outside of the tower, you now have a raging stiffy. I won't decide on how well endowed you are, fill in that detail yourself, perverts.

You manage to struggle up into the first of the three chambers that lead upwards to Alicia/Asmoday's private chambers, climbing over a naked girl getting spit-roasted to do so.

Jehanne climbs up first. She glances around. "This is the anteroom to the chamber of the Guardians," she says. "From this point, we can climb outside no further. Now we must pass through the chambers of the Guardians."

There is an empty marble room. There is a flight of stairs leading down and a huge pair of double doors leading forward.

Top of the tower already!

We must have revenge on Alicia. We can't let any bitch get out of line. We have to keep the pimp hand strong and backhand that slut demon.

>>9071365
Go down the stairs. We must explore the whole area to find all the loot before proceeding. It's a rule.

>>9071365
Well, kick open the door.

>>9071365

Can we untie/unstake/release any of the decorations? They might reward us in one capacity or another.

go first, blade ready, boner ready. Taunt any demon in there (or taunt everything except Jehanne) prove MANLINESS

>>9071365

defer to Jehenne's obvious combat powress here. Wait for her to bust open the main doors, then charge in screaming BRAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEHEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT

Kick the door open and unleash witty one liner

>>9071365
We have a hard on for us, because we kill everything we see

wait- the seal means demons can't touch us, right?

EXPLOIT THIS to defend Jehenne from being flanked!

>I won't decide on how well endowed you are, fill in that detail yourself, perverts

Ok. We're 3 inches hard. Just to make things a challenge.

>>9071474

Yup. We're going to use our immunity to troll the living fuck out of these demons. Be as obnoxious as we possibly can manage.

>>9071433
>>9071397
>>9071396
>>9071391
>>9071384

Vote is in: Kick in the door and go in first.

You run towards the doors and attempt to kick them down, screaming, "BRAAAVEHEAAAART!"

. . . and you find yourself in a room of pitch black darkness.

A moment later, the door closes behind you, and all is silent and darkness.

You hear Jehane slowly sidle up behind you, putting a hand on your bare shoulder. "Are you there?" she asks.

"I'm here."

"We are in the chamber of the first of the guardians: the Mawler, Demon Minion of Lust," Jehanne reminds you. "Be careful, for it is said that he devours all in his path, and leaves nothing behind."

As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you see that the blackness is not, in fact, merely due to shadow. The walls are actually made of polished obsidian, and the floor and ceiling of glass. Arcane blue runes, glowing dimly, provide the only light.

WHAT DO?

>>9071517
Find the nearest light switch. Flip it on.

>>9071517

Mar one of the runes.

Sneak past

>>9071534

With cum.

>>9071517
masturbate

> "Be careful, for it is said that he devours all in his path, and leaves nothing behind."
> " for it is said that he devours all in his path,"
> "he"

Lost interest. Next room!

>>9071517

Tell Jehanne "If we make it out of this, I'm going to give you the hottest lawful dicking you can imagine. Only slightly hotter."

>>9071517
"Come out here and face me so I can stick my sword through your taint already."

>>9071517
>"We are in the chamber of the first of the guardians: the Mawler, Demon Minion of Lust," Jehanne reminds you. "Be careful, for it is said that he devours all in his path, and leaves nothing behind."
Shouldn't that read:
The first, The Mawler, is a demon of gluttony. It devours all in its path and swallows them whole.
Gluttony makes more sense with all that devouring things whole.

>>9071534
I agree, we should fuck up one of the runes.

Try cum first since that'll get the boner out of the way. Yes, running around with one is awesome but damn if it isn't hard to fight while you've got a hardon

>>9071590
Gluttony, sorry :P

+2 XP for catching the DM in a typo. Total is now 22.

>>9071559
Second

>>9071590
Blowjobs.

>>9071517

Charge forward boldly to scout the room; since we are (somewhat) immune.

Like an HWP, right? We do the scoutan.

What were the runes again?

>>9071607
Strangely the Penis armed HWP was never very effective in xcom

>>9071600
Thank you.

>>9071559
>>9071598
>>9071558
>>9071534

You reach a hand up under your kilt and start fapping furiously. Jehanne gives you an odd look. "Maybe if we deface the runes it will destroy the demon's power," you lie. Jehanne just shakes her head. She turns away, blushing and biting her lower lip.

What with the climb, and one thing and another, and being aroused by seeing all sorts of porn on your way up, and also being not particularly good at sustaining power yet, you manage to cum within a few minutes. You groan and spurt your cum all over one of the glowing blue runes.

You have you cum-stained a rune. You have accomplished much.

"Did it work?" Jehanne asks, curiously. She is leaning up against a wall, and her legs are crossed, her face flushed.

>>9071669
Well, if it got her aroused it wasn't wasted. .Continue onwards

>>9071669

"Dunno. You're a paladin, maybe you can tell if you look at it closely."

>>9071669

"If nothing else, it showed the minion of lust that I know how to play his game. Let's go."

>>9071669
"No idea. Wouldn't you know that kind of thing as a paladin?"

Maybe we should work on corrupting the paladin after we escape hell. Making her all lusty and crap before facing the demoness of lust might be a bad plan unless we actually have a means of beating her alone.

>>9071669

"It's glowing. I think the rune is horny."

VOTE POINT!

Press on, or stay and try to corrupt Jehanne some more?

By the way OP, did Alicia/Asmoday sign an employment contract with us or not? If so, this has potential.

>>9071732
Yeah I think the penis can wait.
The sword is good, the penis is evil, etc.

>>9071754

Press on. We can press and corrupt at the same time. Yeah!

Defeat first

>>9071754
>>9071754

DEPENDS- Will corrupting her lead to HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES for this lovely lady? I.E. Punishment-wise?

Or will it get her EJECTED from her noble order so we can hire her?

Challange the Mauler to an eating contest!

Press on. We can seduce/corrupt her later after we someone look badass against the demoness and escape hell.

Press on, we'll corrupt her in our mansion, in our comfy king-size bed

>>9071780
Well, we're in hell, so virtue is mystically important.

>>9071780

>>Punishment-wise

I'm okay with this.

>>9071780
This is a valid question

>>9071754
press on for now, corrupt later

Press on. ALSO
>>9071517
I thought it was Gluttony, and that Lust was Alicia

>>9071755
She would have signed the normal contract when she came on as a new hire, yes.

-----
>>9071760
>>9071766
>>9071771
>>9071780
-----
Re: Jehanne: it occurs to you that this might actually be her doing the whole "Penitence" thing for a prior sin of lust. So yeah, falling to lust in the middle of a penitence quest to pay for a sin of lust might not exactly be the best way to prove that you've redeemed yourself. Any further punishments would depend on how her order feels about it. Suffice to say she probably couldn't go home again.

You press on, down the darkened corridor. As you turn a corner, you see a dim, white light illuminating the hall in front of you.

Suspended at about waist-height, turning slowly, are a series of marbled white spheres, glowing with an eerie white light. They seem to be spaced one every six feet, and they continue down the hallway as far as you can see. You can also see several branching hallways splitting off at right angles.

The floor begins to rumble and vibrate.

>>9071888

Begin singing the Welsh Battle song.

MEN OF HARLOCH STOP YER DREAMING

CAN'T YOU SEE THEIR SPEAR-POINTS GLEAM-ING

SEEE THEIR WARRIOR PENNANTS STREAMING~

TO THIS BATTLE-FIELD!

>>9071926
FUCK YES!

>>9071926

You raise your sword and begin to sing a war-song. The sound of your singing raises your spirits and lifts your heart.

It also helps to let whatever it is home in on you.

You hear a low growl coming down from one of the side corridors, and the gnashing of massive teeth as something approaches, devouring all in its path. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K0JTb5or6c

>>9071982

Scream and run away.

>>9072009
this

>>9071982
get out of you and Jahane out of its path.

Is it eating the marbles too? We may need a big plan, consult with paladin.

>>9071982
Spout random Deep Speech I know from my academy years.

>>9071982
You are a huge hungy monster! That means you have huge guts!

RIP AND TEAR!

>>9071982

Awesome! We won't have to hunt around for the fucker. Nod to Jehenne and indicate she should hide and/or flank while the big fucker homes in on/chases you.

Also, don't stand there like a prat, fight + run when it gets close, let's not push that seal too far.

>>9071982
um, kill it with our awesome powers? I dunno. Kinda wish we had a gun about now.

>>9071982
Set to receive charge. If it wants to eat us, it can go fuckin' choke trying.

>>9072009
don't forget to flail your arms when doing this

All right, VOTE POINT

Stand and fight, or run like a bitch?

Keep in mind that although Jehanne is a pretty strong fighter, you've got a sword that you're currently not proficient in.

>>9072009
Like a little girl

After running and screaming like a little bitch, circle around behind it and shove our sword in its ass, distracting it so Jehanne can land the killing blow.

>>9072063
fight. Where are we going to run to.

>>9072076
good compromise, bro

>>9072063
Run

>>9072063

Let it get closer, then RUN LIKE A BITCH.

We're the bait. Jehenne is the FLANKER.

No, not THAT flanker, Sukhoi. Down, girl.

>>9072076

This sounds like something that could cause us to not die.

>>9072076
Finally, a plan I...
*Horatio*
can get behind.

>>9072063
[x]Stand and fight
Let's try to have the monster focus on us, we've still got our demon protection after all. With the monster after us, Jehanne should be able to attack it without too much danger for herself.

Hang on a minute. . . this isn't working. I'm missing something. . .

I know what it is. Hang on a minute and let me get some INSPIRATION

>>9072097

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

>>9071982
Attempt to lead it in a circle so that it saws a hole in the floor cartoon-style with its devourings and falls down through the tower, devouring as it goes.

Fight, Call upon the lessons of MANLY from knowing Reginald.

>>9072063
tell jehanne to fight it
then run and hide

Run around, hope that demon deal can save our ass for a while, even if it means shouting it to the minion? Hopefully Jehanne will spot a good chance to strike

FIGHT!

>>9072097
No more puns, they cost us badly needed exp.
Also we don't have our sunglasses down here

>>9072106

>GM pauses halfway through quest to get booze

This is why Maid Quest is Best Quest.

>>9072106
Let's get eaten and cut our way out of it's belly.

Well if we are going to retreat we'd better do it with dignity.

>>9072169
Not a bad plan if this hell is the kind of hell where your body just regenerates so you continue to suffer if demons want to torture you for eternity.

FUCK YES NOW I HAVE FUCKING BOOZE! BRING IT, YOU FAT BASTARDS!

----

You call out to Jehane. "Wait here! I'll lead it around, then you hit it from behind!"

"'Tis far too dangerous!" Jehane shouts. "Thou art. . ."

"Don't worry, babe, I've got a plan!"

You stand nonchalantly in the center of the corridor, waiting for the monster to approach.

It comes around the corner, roaring at you with hunger. . . and it's FUCKING HORRIFYING. All you see is a massive, matted mass of yellow fur and an eyeless, gaping maw that opens and closes blindly, devouring all in its path, shattering the glowing white spheres and crushing them between its sharp, pointed teeth. You're not sure how it knows you're there, but the moment you start to move, it rushes towards you, screaming and howling it's horrible, bestial cry. . .

WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA

Stand and fight.
Also, I was only here in the first thread, Reginald isn't our uncle, is he?

>>9072192
no, but he is bad-ass. Go read other threads nao!

>>9072189
i check my pockets for power Pellets before crying "WATCH OUT! GHOSTS! DEAR GOD GHOSTS!" and point behind it

>>9072189

I love you.

Lead pac-man towards the trap

>>9072189
PAC MAN.
YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

>Glowing white spheres
>WAKKA WAKKA

Oh fuck me

Put our kilt over head, wear a ghost disguise!!!!

>>9072231
>Oh fuck me

P...pervert! Don't get the wrong idea!

We're dead, hence in hell. Thus, we are a ghost. As long as it doesn't have any power pellets (which we would know because we'd turn blue) that thing is our bitch.

>>9072189
Throw borrowed cape over head, turning you, to the monster, into a colored ghost.

Then give chase.

Become ghost

> Your Athletics Roll: 2
> It's Attack Roll: 12

As you turn to run, however, you have a spot of bad luck. . . you turn and slip on the glass floor, and tumble to the ground.

The Mawler sweeps past you, continuing to roar it's battle cry. It snaps you up in its maw, severing your head and causing it to roll to a halt.

Ignoring the rest of your body, it carries you away, continuing to devour white spheres as it blindly continues into the dark.

>>9072215
Actually, we probably count as a ghost now. Eat him

>>9072237
THIS

>>9072189
Summon a Ghost.

>>9072237
do this

>>9072214
Too lazy.
Also, FIND A SHEET!

>>9072258
Well Fuck

>>9072258
err okay. Have our head call out to be picked up by Jehanne?

>>9072258
FFFFFFFFFFF

>>9072258
use Sign Language: "I've had worse"
proceed to eat way out of its stomach.

A moment later, by the way, the blue runes on the wall slowly change color to pink, red, cyan, and orange, as your decapitated head rolls to a halt at Jehanne's feet.

"Thy plan is most. . . subtle," Jehanne admits.

>>9072295

"Put me on one of those runes. I'm gonna ghost this motherfucker."

>>9072295
Being a disgusting nerd in hell, we've probably poisoned it with our horrible nerd body now.

Subtlety is how i do things.

Attach head to body
continue as normal

>>9072327

Sorry, let me clarify.

It ate your body and carried it away. Your head is now at Jehanne's feet. You can still talk and stuff. You just don't have a body at the moment.

Also, that yellow bastard stole your kilt and sword.

>>9072313
>>9072313

THIS

GHOST ARE NOTHING BUT HEADS ANYWAY

also- white spheres? GM PLANNED THIS FROM THE BEGINNIG

YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD NEVER CHANGE

>>9072295

"Oh, I'm just getting warmed up baby."

Have our body tear away at its insides.

Tell Jehanne to put head on sword and whack him down!

>>9072313

THIS.

Ask her to carry your head between her breasts ... so both her hands are free .. yes ... that way she can fight better ... uh-huh

>>9072313
thirded while saying
"I've already planned for such occurances. such is the way of Reginald"

>>9072342
>Also, that yellow bastard stole your kilt and sword.

screw that, he also took our Penis! Now it's on!

"Put me on one of these runes," you snarl. "I'm gonna GHOST this motherfucker."

Which rune do you choose? Pink, Blue, Red, or Orange?

Pink

>>9072400
Red or pink. The others are shit tier.

BLUE
GO BINKY ON HIS ASS

>>9072400
Red

>>9072400
Motherfuckin' ORANGE.

>>9072400
red ghost is best ghost, because it goes faster

>>9072400
pink

definitely pink

>>9072400
Red it will make us go faster.

>>9072424
Sounds good to me. Let's take red.

>>9072400
GO RED!

GO THREE TIMES FASTER!

>>9072430
Was gonna say pink but then you reminded how RED is bettah

My ghost is full of fuck.

>>9072463
Those are the best.

>>9072424

This is correct. Red.

RED IT IS!

Jehanne shrugs as she touches your head to the Red Rune. Suddenly, in a flash of light, you find yourself with a new body: this one is basically just a red, conical form or a sheet trailing down from your neck. But it's something.

Now able to continue under your own power, you race down the corridors towards the Mawler, howling for vengeance.

>>9072486

"JEHANE! CHASE THAT BITCH INTO US!!!"

Charge the fucker.

CHAAAAAAAAARGE

SING THE SONG AGAIN IT WILL GO AT US LIKE BEFORE!

>>9072453

Faster, you say?

>>9072486

this quest is always throwing something new at you. I love you so much, Goshujin!

>>9072498
This. This until it inevitably finds a power pellet.

>>9072486
DOUBLE TEAM THE MOTHERFUCKER

>>9072486
Scream for vengeance. Scream for our body. Scream for the time we are wasting not masterbating!

Create a trap around an extra large white sphere. Lurk near, near enough that you can strike it before it gets it

>>9072498
Great idea! I suggest we should do this.

>>9072542

"Alright you giant toothy... thing. I could have escaped hell and be fucking this hot piece of ass here like a goddamn rabbit in heat, but noooooooo, you had to butt your damn face into my business. So now, you're going to get fucked. I'm going to fuck you fast. Then I'm going to fuck you hard. Then slow and gentile. AND THEN HARD AND FAST AGAIN!!!"

All while chasing, naturally.

>>9072486
Masturbate while running.

>>9072565

Yes, yes! instruct our femme fatale to block off the side passages (the ones that scroll off the screen) while we go right for the motherfucker.

>>9072498

This seems to be getting the most votes

-----
"Jehanne!" You shout. "CHASE THAT FUCKER INTO US!"

"Umm. . . RIGHT!" Jehanne shouts, and she takes off in the opposite direction.

You follow the Mawler at close range, howling vengeance as you race behind it. Normally, you probably wouldn't be able to catch up, but there are so few white spheres left that you've got a speed boost, allowing you to easily catch up to it.

Sadly, as you approach the rendezvous point with Jehanne, you are suddenly reminded of a very important thing: Jehanne is not dead. She came to Hell directly, to fight Asmoday, and so she is technically not a ghost.

Just before you reach the Mawler, it rounds the corner and pounces on Jehanne. . .

> Her Attack Roll: 13
> Its Attack Roll: 18

. . .

With a shriek and a scream, Jehanne suddenly disappears into the thing's mouth.

>>9072615
But we don't have a penis at the moment :(

>>9072626
Oh well

>>9072626
Shit. Touch that fucker now, see if we can save her.

Way to fuck up guys!

>>9072626

No saving throw? Harsh.

Kill it.

Well fuck.

>>9072650
Seconded!

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!!!!!!

"BLOOD AND THUNDER! ODIN GUIDE MY WEAPON INTO IT! VENGEANCE IS MINE!"
KILL IT!!!!!!! AVENGE HER

>>9072626
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BigNo

>>9072626

Catch yellow bastard. Then rape.

>>9072626

she has rolled... POORLY.

Perhaps she lives on, perhaps not. Either way, the fucker had to have slowed to nom her, so let's GET DANGEROUS

>>9072626
Turn red(er) from rage and smite the fucker.

>>9072626
Kill pac-man. Use favor points to keep the paladin chick alive.

>>9072650

YES THIS. Touch it now. Hopefully she is still alive enough to lay on hands herself.

>>9072655
Heimlich manuever!

>>9072666

I STAB AT THEE, DAMNED WHALE!

Officially the worst thing to say during sex ever.

>>9072626

Ghost that fucker, save our Bitch!

>>9072626
NOOOOOOOO!

BURN FUCK XP TO SAVE HER!

NOW!

Well, since it swallows her whole I think there is still time to save her.

TOUCH THAT FUCKER!

>>9072626
http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/

>>9072626
Meh

>>9072628
>>9072650
>>9072655
>>9072660

Screaming in rage, you manage to leap onto the fucker and pounce on it. Grabbing its upper and lower jaws in your powerful hands, you pry them open, and pull them apart farther and farther until, with a snap, they dislocate. The thing dies horribly whimpering in pain, before it vanishes.

There is a flash of light, and you find yourself standing in an empty ante-chamber, in front of a pair of double doors.

Also, Jehanne is laying on the floor in front of you. She is unconscious, and very naked. Her armor is gone.

-----
Jehanne suffered STRESS EXPLOSION
Jehanne lost Costume # 43: Bikini Armor
Jehanne switched to Costume # 15: Birthday Suit.

You Cleared the First demon: GLUTTONY.

+5 Experience!

Total XP: 27

Catch That Mother FUCKER!! RIP AND TEAR! ITS BIG! SO IT HAS BIG GUTS... allowing her to be swollowed without it chewing her up, leaving her alive.

>>9072742
Wake her up. Tenderly.

>>9072742
>naked

Keikaku doori.

>>9072742

Give the naked Jehanne some CPR.

>>9072742
Try to find her some clothes. Is our kilt here somewhere in the entrails?

Then watch over her till she awakes.

>>9072742
Unconscious?
Grope lovingly.

>>9072742

Is my body back? I need that for things.

>>9072742

Did we get our body back? Or did it get all melted like her armour?

>>9072742
Pick her up and shake her, accidentally groping her boobs in the process. hell KISS her to wake her up, but CRY while doing so. CRY like a little fucking bitch.
Burn 3 xp to make it believeable

>>9072742

Do we still have a hard-on?

>>9072742
Try to wake her, be glad we've masturbated a few minutes ago.

>>9072742
Do what we always do and masturbate furiously.

>>9072777
THISTHISTHIS

>>9072742
Check Jehanne's injuries and try to wake her up. Give the cloak back to her if we still have it

>>9072777

This sounds good.

>>9072767
SAVING THROW vs. LOST EQUIPMENT: 3+

> Jehanne's Sword: 6
> Your Sword: 3
> Your Kilt: 2

You manage to find Jehanne's Sword and your Sword as well in the pile of goo that used to be the Mawler. You can't seem to find your kilt or Jehanne's Armor. Funny that, almost as if this whole thing was engineered by some pervert sitting behind a computer snickering with glee as he beats off to badly written fap porn.

>>9072774
>>9072772

Oh yes, your body is back, by the way.

Well, fuck, did we lose our shit too?

>>9072811
>Funny that, almost as if this whole thing was engineered by some pervert sitting behind a computer snickering with glee as he beats off to badly written fap porn.
Naw, that's ridiculous.

>>9072777

Do this, then return the cloak she lent us. Our lechery will be counterbalanced by the awesome example of our butler.

>>9072811

Well, we're the celts now. Cool.

Wake her up, gently. Try not to be too pervy, but if she gets obviously embarrased and flustered at her nakedness, just use an appropriately smooth line like "You shouldn't be embarrassed, you have a beautiful body" or somesuch.

Anyway, eye up Jehanne

>>9072811

That's spiffy. Let's wake up Jehanne. Give her a big hug if at all possible. Unintentionally arousing.

sadly our kilt was our cape. =(

COME HERE MOTHERFUCKER

>>9072854
Brilliant. Do this!

>>9072834
Yeah, no way that kind of thing could happen

>>9072811

Hold up, if we're both naked and we abstain from sex for now, does that mean we have control over our lust and thus have an advantage over asmoday?

So, what's she look like sans armor?

>>9072854
This

So I've never had Saint Pauli Girl's Beer before. I'm stealing it from my roommate because he drank half my bottle of fucking Grey Goose the other day. I don't know if it's a fair trade, but what the fuck, I'll take what I can. It's a decent lager, but I've had better.
-----
>>9072777

"Jehanne! JEHANNE! JEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!" you scream, as you run to her side. You wipe monster slime off her face, kiss her tenderly, and start to shake her. "BREATHE! BREATHE DAMN IT! DON'T DIE ON ME!" you scream, coincidentally making sure to get a nice press of boob against your body as you do so.

Jehanne coughs and spits out Monster Spittle as she comes back to consciousness. "Was that thy plan, good sir?" she sighs.

With a sudden, very convincing wail, you wrap your arms around her and embrace her tight, hoping she doesn't notice that you're pressing boob against chest, or your growing hardon. Or maybe you don't care. Fucking pervert.

+3 XP: total 24

Jehanne gained 18 Relationship!

Jehanne is now WARM (2 points to Trust)

>>9072811
If this is badly written fap porn then I demand an explicit description of our naked paladin friend

If she gets embarrassed by her nakkidness remind her that you are in hell and that noone will care

>>9072911
Shouldn't that be -xp ?

>>9072911
step 1: make sure you're alright! then we'll go from there. Defeat demon 2 sounds good after that.

>>9072911
>27 EXP +3 XP: total 24

lol what?

>>9072911

"The plan evolved as it went. But yeah, pretty much."

"Kay, so what's the next demon?"

>>9072911

Wait, don't we have 30 now?

>>9072957
Agreed

>>9072911

"Can you stand? We have little to do and so much time to do it in. Also, you are nude. Would you like my kilt to be your kilt too?"

>>9072924

This. Before anything else, this.

>>9072924
>>9072892

All right, let's get a description of naked Jehanne. Her skin is creamy white, and her long, blond hair has come loose of its hair clips, and is now soaking wet and matted around her shoulders. Although her body is toned and strong, it is not overly hard, and she still has some softness to her. Her legs are long and shapely, and her high, perky breasts are not particularly large, but certainly enough to be pleasantly soft. A little more than a nice handful, perhaps, and her pink nipples are standing up hard in the cool, empty chamber. It doesn't hurt that she's also soaking wet and covered in monster drool.

And before anyone asks: yes, she does trim down there, it's a neatly trimmed wedge.

>>9072974

32. +2 XP for catching the DM in a math error :P

>>9073011

Delicious.

>>9072911

Tell her that it's better this way, as clothing just restricts movement.

>>9072967
clear that up first is step 1. Then we comfort Jehanne and help her up. then ask her if she has any idea what the next demon will be like

>>9073011
I imagine that the fact of our nakedness is about to... come up. Brush it off carelessly with words about focusing on the mission.

Alright, onwards to next monster!

>>9073011

Okay, it's time to get on our feet, sword up and go kick more monster ass.

>>9073011
naturally blonde?

>>9073011
Offer her a scrap of clothing to wipe herself off.

>>9073011

"It's certainly a privilege to see all of your beauty like this, Jehanne."

Think to self how this lust demon fails at being a lust demon. Possessing violent fucks that try to kill perfectly good mating material and being more or less nothing but a violent bitch makes her subpar. True sex demons don't actually care about things such as souls and personal power, they only care about having fun. Alicia must be punished for dirtying the reputation of Succubi!

>>9073011
look for some cloth, maybe a tapestry, something we can use to clean us up and maybe adapt into clothing

>>9070998

Holy shit guys... part six already? Part 1 was, like, last night!?!!

>>9073011
Wow. Way to be a PERVERT.

>>9073111

Agreed. Tapestry Toga Time.

>>9073011
>long, blond hair
Yesterday you said she had short hair...

>>9073052
Quite.

Given that the general tone of answers is to be gentlemanly. . .

You manage to find a scrap of cloth among the wreckage, about the size of a handkerchief. You hand it to Jehanne. She starts using it to wipe herself off. She is blushing furiously now, and biting her lower lip HARD. She also seems to be reciting some kind of mantra under her breath over and over as she catches her breath and recovers from her ordeal.

"Are you okay?" you ask tenderly.

"I. . . I'll be fine," she sighs. "But my armor is gone."

"I don't see the problem," you say. "You've got nothing to be ashamed of. You're quite beautiful."

"Yes, but. . ." She suddenly turns her head away, her face blushing crimson. "You mustn't look at me so!"

"Why not? Is it so bad to look at a beautiful woman?"

"I am a harridan, a creature of lust," she whimpers. "I inspire men to lustful thoughts and lustful acts. I am not worthy of being a Paladin of Bahamut. . . that is why I must prove myself worthy."

>>9073101
Seriously, there was nothing sexy about the last monster. Ms. Pac-Man, sure, she's kinda sexy. And she swallows. But that thing wasn't sexy at all.

>>9073162
Hmm, maybe the monster drool made it grow.
>Perv mode active
So does this mean she was shaved before?

>>9073165
"Uh... not to contradict you, but those demons you've been killing are creatures of lust. You're just a normal sexy woman."

>>9073162
Retcon. :P Her hair is done up in a bun. But thank you. +1 XP. 31 Total.

This will teach me to use random rolled-up characters on the fly. That's one of the strong points of MAID RPG and one of the weak ones: you can roll up a character in five minutes, but sonovabitch if you can remember all the details.

Also Im on like my third fucking beer or something.

>>9073165
Give her space; if we can prove a resistance, she'll be more intrigued. We can't fall over her now.

33 XP, even. FUCK.

>>9073165
You're in hell. slaying demons. I think thats worthy enough. think about it. How many other paladins waltz down here to fight demons?

>>9073206
Don't hit the bottle too hard man. I want 5 more parts tonight

>>9073206
I'm joining in on the drinking now. Cheers!

>>9073165
"You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are."

>>9073165

"If anyone acts inappropriately because of your beauty, it's because they're wankers who can't control themselves. Anyone who tells you it's your fault is either stupid, lying, or trying to do you in."

I'll be fine. Just need a moment to take a piss and stuff.

Also, let me know if this thread starts auto-saging.

>>9073206
Copy stats to a document or take screen shots for reference when doing so.

>>9073165
daww. Reassure her that there is nothing wrong with her beauty inspiring men. Continue to be gentlemanly. And onward!

>>9073165

>>I inspire men to lustful thoughts and lustful acts.
>>Paladin of Bahamut

I see no problem with this. Kind of powergamer, but not gamebreaking.

>>9073228
i've been drinking honey whiskey, but I left out the current glass long enough that it's started to congeal at the bottom. To the booze cabinet!

>>9073266

For we are a gentleman... who has on only a kilt and is sporting an utterly massive erection.

"...that happens all the time, honest."

>>9073165

"Is that all you're atoning for, or is there something more specific? You might as well spill it at this point."

>>9073241
this

>>9073266
>>9073241
>>9073236
>>9073218
>>9073216
>>9073203

"You're not a demon of lust. You are a beautiful woman. It is those men who look at you with lust who should be doing penance," you say.

"I don't know," Jehanne pouts, covering herself up as best she can with her arms. "I don't. . . I don't feel it is right for me to be so beautiful, if it inspires men to sin. Perhaps if I were to wear heavier, thicker armor. . ."

"Maybe. But you are also a Paladin and you are down here fighting demons. Isn't that a worthy cause?"

What with one thing and another, you manage to talk Jehanne down from her weepy fit. Your relationship with her is now TRUST.

You are still in the antechamber to the Nightmare Demon. WHAT DO?

>>9073327
Not even the kilt.

Lead the way to the next demon. saying you can't risk losing her again, that you'd rather lose yourself

>>9073349

See that exit over there? We go to that.

>>9073349
look for a way up

>>9073349
CHARGE!

Continue with the quest I guess

>>9073384
Seconding!

ONWARD TO GLORY!!!

>>9073349

Now that we've had girly-girly emotional time, it's time to pick up swords and CHARGE INTO BATTLE NAKED, LIKE THE CELTS!

>>9073349
Take up our blades and move on to the next demon, I suppose. Which was next? Wrath?

>>9073349

Make a pact with her. To prove that she is not a demon of lust, vow not to give in to any carnal desires while in asmoday's realm. We will protect her virtue, even if she doesn't believe she has any!

>>9073349
LETS DO THIS!

>>9073434
Oh, fuck, wait THIS.

We should probably aim to find her clothes if we can though. Her being naked against the demoness might go poorly for us unless us getting her to trust us means she'll be able to resist it.

>>9073349
We play d&d, we already live the nightmare. Let's do this.

>>9073434
This I like. Also, search for hidden doors/treasure/traps.

>>9073434
Ingenious. I support it.

>>9073384
>>9073380
>>9073378
>>9073375

"Perhaps I had better go first," you say. You press on to the next door. You open it up for her, and push through. . .

There is a flash of light.

You are not naked any more, nor are you in hell. You are now standing in your DM's kitchen, wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Your usual Friday Night D&D group is sitting around the table.

"You're late," the DM says. "That's going to be an XP penalty.

"Don't be a dick," Tyler says. "He's only late by five minutes. Now, where were we?"

"The group was getting ready to head down into Undermountain," Charles reminds you. "We're after the Gem of Sorrows. . ."

"Actually," the DM says. "I was thinking that today we'd try something different."

"Different?" you ask.

"I found this cool RPG online," the DM explains. "I think it's right up our alley. . ."

He touches a few buttons on his laptop computer and turns it around.

>>9073427

And let's see if we can't manage to paint ourselves blue before we do!

>>9073434
+1

This is what you see.

>>9073519
Head explosion.

...remind me what the hell the second demon was?

>>9073519

in b4 FATAL

>>9073165
There is no sin where one does not harm others. If others find themselves thinking bad thoughts about you, it shows that they, and not you, are the ones who need improving.

>>9073534
RESIT IT! RESIT IT!

>>9073534
>>9073519

THIS IS THE TEST OF WRATH
WE MUST NOT GIVE IN

>>9073519

It's FATAL, isn't it? the dream's tricking us into Raping our Emotionally-scarred paladin Chick.

WILL SAVES TO RESIST!

>>9073519
Wake up! This is a dream! Wake up!

>>9073534
Punch the GM. Only proper response. The other players will thank us for it.

>>9073519
>>9073534

And thus did Goshujin-Sama start using a tripcode.

>>9073519
Er WTF?
And grab mountain dew and Cheetos

I bust out my Pre-made FATAL character sheet. i've been waiting for this day.

Male Anakim.
6'7" with a 9.5" dong.
women ejaculate at my touch.

>>9073534
Proclaim "Fucking Bats".

>>9073552

Sloth demon that puts you to sleep and gives you nightmares.

But.

Total nerd? Check.

Total pervert? Check.

Utterly shameless and pathetic? Check.

FATAL HOLDS NO HORROR FOR US, DEMON! NOW, YOU WILL BE CRUSHED!!!!

get up from table.
walk away.
go home.
go to bed.
attempt to wake up from this nightmare.

>>9073534
"Sounds wonderful, but I'd rather finish our current campaign than start a new one none of us have played."

>>9073519
MY BRAIN IS FULL OF FUCK

>>9073534
>>9073519

Meh. I've seen worse.

THIS IS SPARTA the demon.

IT IS THE MINDTRICKERY OF THE DEMON!

Pull yourself back to reality

>>9073552
Checked the last thread. Nightmare, Demon of Sloth. Makes sense that it would be a neckbeard playing FATAL.

Thread autosaging. New thread is here.

>>9073610

I'd appreciate if someone could archive this one :)

Kill the DM, it's obviously the demon

Vanquish the demon
*advicemaster*
Shave his neckbeard

>>9073635

But this makes no sense! The rules of FATAL are so convoluted that it would require immense amounts of work to even get past character creation!