you can't stealth in

because they will detect the fagginess radiating off you

Shoot warp creatures, destroy heart of planet, win?

>>8879803
Charge the enemy! For the Emperor!

>>8879837

Howling your warcry ("SURPRISE, FUCKERS!"), you and your men wade into the daemonic horde, the daemons falling with contemptuous ease, their skin bubbling from their bones from your mere proximity. As the gibbering hordes become more and more dense, you suddenly hear a great shriek, like that of a monstrous bird. Above the teeming masses, you can make out the form of a great, humanoid avian, wearing robes of ever-shifting colors and carrying a staff that seems to be constantly changing shapes in its grasp. It is drawing towards you.

>>8879924
Ignore. Continue on casually.
We are fucking nulls.

spread out in 5 man fireteams keeping each other covered and have an engineeer try and access the local network and find a fucking map.

>>8879979

Screeching and cawing, the entity swats lesser warpbeasts out of its way, apparently aiming straight for you. Finally, it stands before you, blocking your path to the heart.

"You have done well to make it to this place, King of the Spiders, but your life ends here. The Changer of Ways has tasked me with your destruction, and I shall not fail!" The creature shrieks, and then swings its staff at you.

>>8880080
Block staff with armored hand. Chainsword fucker in face.

>>8880109

As the staff makes contact with your hand, it wraps around it, coiling like a snake as its surface bubbles. Screeching triumphantly, the creature lifts you up with the staff, slamming you into the cavern floor repeatedly.

>>8880080
>>8880109
And then bear hug that fucker and SQUEEZE.

>>8880152
I like this plan.

I have a theory as to why this primarch was removed from history.

Because he and his silencers still roam the galaxy, acting as invisible assassins, carrying out the will of his father. They aren't the sword in front of you, they're the dagger at your back.

>>8880147

Shit... He's avoiding making direct contact with us with that fucking staff of his.

>>8880147
being in power armor, and a primarch, I ignore this and continue to give my men orders ala >>8879981.
Then I attempt to bear hug the chicken.

>>8880248

As you shout orders to you men, the daemon continues to smash you against the ground. Each impact makes a crater, and you can feel your armor starting to crack and dent.

>>8880283
Do we have any scouts or crackshots that could shoot the fucker?
I order whoever's free to bearhug and/or bolter the bitch until he stops.
unless someone has a better idea.

>>8880325
Also attempt to break the staff. Either with a ccw, or my fist.

>>8880325
>>8880354

As your marines try to fight their way to your position, the Lord of Change cackles madly, continuing to slam you around. With your free hand, you stab at the staff encircling your arm with your free Spider Fang, severing it from the piece the creature is holding. It shrieks as the staff melts, and you land on your feet before the beast, injured but still in fighting shape.

rolled 4 = 4

>>8880436
BEARHUG BEARHUG BEARHUG

>>8880462
This. Combined with repeated knifings.
Lot's and lot's of knifings.
Oh and a TO ARMS BROTHERS or something.

I wonder why our marines are wearing Mk8 Armor when it hasn't been invented yet.
1. Remove stupid neck bullshit
2. Replace with beakie helm.

>>8880462
>>8880483

You charge, your Spider Fangs poised to strike, as the creature makes some odd motions with its talons. It seems surprised when you sink an arm elbow-deep into its torso.

"What... Are... You?!" It gasps, staggering backwards, incandescent lights emanating from the open, smoking wound.

rolled 14 = 14

>>8880530
GRAB THE HOLE AND RIP IT APART!

>>8880530
"My name is Rachnuz Rageous, tell your masters my name when you return to the hell you were spawned from."
Then FINISH HIM.

>>8880557
>>8880565

The Lord of Change shrieks in rage as you deliver your message, and then proceed to tear it in two from the hole in its torso. The pieces vanish in a puff of foul blue smoke, and you can see the hordes of its minions gibbering in agitation as they begin to fade.

>>8880557
Or ram beaky helmet into hole, and wear him as a hat for the rest of the battle.

>>8880602
Continue calmly with the map gettan' and heart of the planet shootan'.

>>8880662

As the daemons fade, you and your troops approach the heart. Light flashes across its surface, growing faster and faster as you draw nearer to it.

>>8880689
Don't bother looking at THAPRETTYCOLRZ just destroy it.

>>8880689
formulate an appropriate escape plans in case destroying this in some way will fuck us over.

>>8880703
>>8880710
Assign some men to make the plan, whilst others and I shoot it.

>>8880703

Unceremoniously, you pull out your bolter, and pepper the heart with bolts. A great keening fills the cavern, evolving into the laughter of a madman as the heart deflates and begins to turn to smoke.

>>8880730
if this was my only goal. begin to leave.
Otherwise, form defensive patterns and prepare to shoot the first thing we see.
Both actually.

>>8880813

As you prepare to move out, your vox crackles. "Rachnus, It's Alpharius. Whatever you did down there, it worked! Their defenses are crumbling, the city will be ours in an hour, the planet within a week!"

OP I hate to be a pedantic ass bugbear, but Mk. 8 Errant armor was not around until after the horus heresy.

Pic related as more of a bastardization of Mk.6 Beakie and Mk.4, which is more historically accurate.

>>8880843
move out victoriously.
But defensively.
And most quickly.

>>8880861
Pic2, more white less sand colored.

>>8880861

So noted, and saved.

>>8880865

You make back it to the surface with only token resistance, to find Alpha Legionnaires everywhere, sweeping the city for resistance. Alpharius slaps you on the back as you emerge from the tunnels. "Excellent work Rachnus, I'm not sure we would have been able to take this planet without you and your Legion. I have some news that you must hear as soon as possible."

>>8880908
Look at him expectantly.
Also, why does he like us? we're a Null.

>>8880929
This. No sense in interrupting Alpharius, but (especially given his reputation) we must consider his motives in politeness.

>>8880929

Alpharius was always a bro.

>>8880908

In that vein, postpone news until a proper brofist has been executed.

>>8880946
>>8880929

Alpharius runs a hand across his head, looking somewhat embarrassed. "Father has called a meeting for all of his sons... I'm not sure what it's about, but we're to meet him on the planet Ullanor in a month's time. Apparently Horus' legion had some great victory, and he wants to celebrate it, but I get the feeling that's not the whole truth."

>>8881044
Nod your head. "If we needed to know more than that, he would have told us."

Now I think we need a casualty report.

>>8880960

Brofist execution: Success!

Now /tg/, I must ask you something, because it's about to become relevant. Would you prefer the quest continue in the realm of canon where the primarchs are concerned, or /tg/'s own canon (Rowboat Girlyman being a self-important puss, Russ a wolffucker, Lion was actually traitor, etc.)?

>>8881086
We have already FUCKED canon by resurrecting a lost primarch.
I say we continue in /tg/ canon. though
>Lion was actually traitor
is not /tg/ canon.

>>8881086

It's a tough question... although /tg/ generally tends to just take existant character traits and exaggerate them, so it could work out fine with a bit of an exaggerated canon.

[Also, I personally like the interpretation that the Alpha Legion is still loyal, pulling off the greatest troll since forever.]

rolled 48 = 48

>>8881086
Own canon. Although I prefer to think of Russ as an alcoholic idiot savant who acts like a fratboy.

>>8881197
Agreed.
Fulgrim: Enormous Faggot, Jaghatai Khan: Biker Gang Leader

etc. etc. etc.

>>8881197
>>8881245
>>8881158
>>8881148

/tg/-ish canon it is, then.

---

A month later, your fleet emerges from the warp. Below lies the planet Ullanor, and you can see even from orbit the great machines of the Mechanicus grinding the northern continent flat. In orbit hang the fleets of the other Legions, each bearing their chapter's colors - The blue and white of the Ultramarines, the black and white of the Dark Angels, the red of the Thousand Sons... And your legion, taking its place amongst the ships of your brothers.

>>8881352

Play chicken with Roboute's battle barge.
Wait, on second thought, don't.
But think about it and chuckle.

>>8881442

As you stare out the window of your ship, chuckling quietly to yourself, you can hear the door to your quarters open. You recognize the footfalls as belonging to Fal.

"My lord." He says, removing his helmet and bowing. "Horus has invited all of the Primarchs to join him aboard his Battle Barge tonight."

>>8881477

All right, we need a plan for a sufficiently spidery entrance. How arriving at the very last second and being seated and in a drinking contest with Leman Russ before our docking request has even been relayed?

>>8881477

WE FINALLY GET TO MEET THE PRIMARCH OF THE ELEVENTH LEGION?!

FUCK YEAR

>>8881626

I BET HE'S REALLY TALL AND HANDSOME

WAIT

ALL PRIMARCHS ARE

(EXCEPT KONRAD CURZE, THAT FREAK)

>>8881588

... We're going to do a drinking contest over teleconference or something?

Clearly we need to admire Gullimen and consider him our spiritual liege.

>>8881702
Roboute and Guilliman are twin brothers

>>8881702

FUCK THAT FAGGOT

WE NEED TO ASK HIM WHAT HE'S DONE LATELY OTHER THAN JERK OFF DAD

>>8881674

Now, we need to be QUICK LIKE SPIDER

"Lord?" Says Fal, jerking you out of your reverie. "We have your ship prepared, when you're ready."

>>8881784

Derp.

This is why it's a bad idea not to post in other threads while running a quest.

What happened to those friends of ours from our childhood beyond Fal? Caustus and whatshisface.

>>8881791
"Of course Fal." then proceed to ship

>>8881930
also begin planning epic entrance.

>>8881930

Half an hour later, your ship docks with "Vengeful Spirit", Horus' flagship. As you disembark, you can hear the sounds of the other Primarchs approaching, as they head towards the ship's Great Hall.

>>8882010

Continue to great hall, real spider-like. Also, see if we can seat ourselves next to Alpharius, he's been nice to us. (and is also pretty sneaky, like spider.)

>>8882053
be sure to kick the door down and the first fucker to say something negative punch him in the face then proceed to brofist everyone else.

>>8882053

Ahead of you, down the corridor, you can hear Magnus' voice. "Oh, shit, I've got a headache coming on... Please don't tell me Horus didn't ask Rachnus to come to this gathering." An uproarious laugh, and then Leman Russ' voice. "You know bro, that's what you get for all your witchery! That fucker's just unnerving to the rest of us, but to you - Well, I'd say it's karma."

>>8882135
enter the room and proceed to BEAR HUEG Magnus then throw Russ a knowing grin.

>>8882181
also brofist for russ

>>8882181
>>8882192

You round the corner and enter the great hall, hugging Magnus tightly as he grunts in pain, and proceed to brofist Russ, who slaps you on the back. wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "Rachnus, you sneaky bastard, I should've known you'd be hiding around here somewhere!" He guffaws, as Magnus seizes the opportunity to draw some distance between the two of you, rubbing his temples.

>>8882248
State that Magnus needs a hug loudly!

>>8882275

Magnus responds with a raised digit, as Jaghatai walks over to you. "Rachnus! It's been so long since the last time our Legions worked in concert, last I heard you were breeding spiders for war!" He chuckles at the thought.

"You know, spiders aren't sufficiently reliable to be of use to the Astartes." Says a voice behind Khan, and the three of you groan silently as a familiar blue-armored figure joins you.

>>8882329
Punch that fuckers shoulder pad, punch it.

>>8882329
tell him to shut up or you'll tell dad!

>>8882329
kick him in the dick

>>8882377
>>8882382

Roboute strides up next to Khan, looking at the three of you matter-of-factly. "You know, someone really should standardize the battle tactics of the Astartes Legions... Someone with a head for tactics... Someone who could do away with all this ridiculous cavalry nonsense..."

>>8882438
tell him he's a pussy and he should go get fucked, but he's too straight laced for that, so then he can go fuck himself.

>>8882438
"Naturally it shouldn't be you who would write it then, brother."

>>8882329

"Spiders, beloved brother, are wonderfully reliable creatures. All you have to do is accept that a spider will be a spider and does not wish to be a tank, as carmine will be carmine and does not wish to be ultramarine."

Reply condescendingly and go back to your fun.

>>8882454

He raises an eyebrow at you. "Oh, then who's going to write it? Alpharius? YOU?" He laughs, slapping you and Russ on the back. "Let me know when you chumps need a REAL tactical genius." He walks away, guffawing, as Russ fingers the pommel of his sword. Jaghatai stays his hand. "Let him go, he's got his head so far up his ass there's no room for your sword."

>>8882462

This might also fit to

>>8882438

>>8882438
"I don't really feel like writing a master piece at the moment but when i do i'll vox you and you can serve as my ink retainer."

rolled 81 = 81

>>8882517
Laugh heartily. That was an awesome burn.

>>8882517

"Yeah, let's ignore him. It's not like he'll ever get anything done, with his dumb-ass conventional approach to tactics."

>>8882517
"So, guesses on what Horus is up to?"

>>8882571
>>8882576

Russ pats you on the back. "True enough, brother! Oh, there's Sanguinius, I need to have a word with him." Russ says, excusing himself as Jaghatai nods at you, grinning slightly, before going to talk to Fulgrim.

>>8882622

Let's look for Alpharius. Maybe he's found out what's going to happen here.

rolled 60 = 60

Let's talk to Sanguinus. He was always a pretty cool guy.

>>8882622
Go find Horus or Pops to see what this little party is about.

>>8882652
>>8882660
>>8882662

any of these will do

>>8882652

As you weave your way through the group, you bump into Mortarion. He turns, looks at you, and then turns back to Konrad without saying a word. Oddly enough, neither Horus nor Alpharius seems to be present yet.

>>8882622
Find Alpharius or the Big E

>>8882678
Wave at Mortarion and smile. Poor guy always seems so sad.

>>8882678

Listen in on Mort and Konrad.

Find our brother from the esteemed Legion XI!

>>8882678
go look for dorn and hope he and pertuabo aren't having a shouting match?

Where the hell is Lorgar? Probably sulking somewhere cause no one else wants to hear THE GOOD WORD

>>8882708

Konrad seems to be recounting a lesson he learned from his pre-primarch escapades on his homeworld, with Mortarion listening intently. You feel sort of bad for them, they both had shit upbringings.

Moving on, you catch a glimpse of the green and gold armor of your brother Tialoc, Primarch of the Sky Serpents.

rolled 41 = 41

>>8882779
So that's the other lost one?

HOW YOU DOING MY "LOST" BRO, YOU FLY?

HEY
WHAT ABOUT WOMEN

>>8882779
awesome. XI legion goodness. Full name Tialoc Ekans.

ekans = snake spelled backwords. hhurrr durr i so smart.

>>8882779
Ask Tialoc if he knows what this is about.

What's his legion's special tactic? I would like to know very much

>>8882813

Yep, Aztec-themed legion.

>>8882820

He turns at you, extending a hand. "Glad to see you could make it, Rachnus. I heard about your conquest of Zeol, quite impressive the way you and Alpharius managed to utilize your Silencers."

AZTEC MARINES! FUCK YEAH!

>>8882876

And now we need Script...

>>8882873
>>8882873
thanks bro. So where's Horus or Big-E at?

>>8882876

>>8882873
Shake his hand and thank him. Ask him what he has been up to lately and where the Big E is.

>>8882938
SHIT JUST GOT REAL

>>8882925

"Oh, father is not arriving until tomorrow - From what I understand, his ship is still in transit. As for Horus..." He shrugs. "Who can say? I'm just curious as to why he called us here."

>>8882873

"In truth, it is the case that Alpharius and my approach to tactics do not differ all that much - I am positive that the action would have been not entirely smooth, had I been forced to work with... certain other brothers."

rolled 71 = 71

>>8882959
"Well I'm mad as hell, and if he doesn't get here soon, I'm gonna punch someone in the dick!"

>>8881148
you can try to twist it around as much as you like but in teh official canon luther is the traitor and the lion is not. hence why his legion serves the emperor to this day.

unless you think the inner,inner, super inner circle are traitors and are secretly serving chaos than why bother keeping the secret to 99.9% of the chapter who serve the imperium. you'd be way more effective if everyone was on the same page.

>>8882959
Que dramatic entrance by Horus?

>>8882959
let's pass the time by chatting about battle tactics and get to know each other better

>>8882938
Ask Tialoc how his own campaign putting down the feral Slann worlds has been going?

>quest thread
>Primarch quest thread

Double sage.

We should ask about female companionship if we're gonna be waiting a whole day.

>>8882966

He nods thoughtfully. "Yes, although I think that the number of Legions that would have failed to mesh well with yours in such unusual circumstances is longer than you may suspect." Just then, you can hear a loud, familiar voice sound above the rest.

"Brothers! Truly, it has been too long since last we gathered together. Come, let us feast, we have much to discuss!" Horus, appearing from a doorway on the far end of the Great Hall, strides towards the rest of you, Alpharius at his side, as the chapter serfs rush to prepare the dining table, groaning with the weight of food.

>>8883029
This. Where da white women at?

>>8883066
Lets feast! For the Big E and the Imperium!

>>8883011
>complaining about threads you don't read

>>8883011
u mad.

>>8883090

As you all descend upon the table, figuring out where you want to sit, Magnus makes a point of sitting as far from you as possible, and you notice some of the Primarchs fighting for seats NOT next to Roboute. Perturabo and Rogal Dorn are glaring across the table at each other, and Mortarion and Konrad seem to still be engaged in conversation.

>>8883066
see if you can find a seat between Alpharius and Russ so you can enjoy Alpharius' company as well as challange Russ to an eating followed up by a drinking contest.

yeah... Alpharius is a Bro, for now...

My Wife

My wife is good looking brown hair and brown-eyed lady approaching her mid forties. She has a great sense of humor that makes her the center of any get together or party. She has a great body, her ass being by far the best part. She typical wears short loose dresses that really shows her off. I am just the opposite of her, people typical avoid me at parties, looking for the opportunity to talk with my wife when I am not around. I am also approaching my mid forties except I am overweight and certainly don't look good in my jeans. My wife said that I embarrass her because of my apparent lack of care of my body and my inability to socialize. Many of her friends often ask her (many times in my presence) why she ever married such a loser. My wife never really answer that questions, she just shrugs her shoulders.

>>8883167

Also, let's lay off Magnus for a moment and place ourselves as far away from him as possible.

Our Sex Life

Our sex life was almost non-existing because of my lack of manhood. My penis was only four and half inches fully erected and very narrow. My wife said that she had better equipped lovers in junior high. My longevity was also an issue, because I couldn't hold my load for over two minutes. I would cum and my wife would give me a disgusting look and roll over to go to sleep. I always had a fetish for asses and over the years I developed a nasty habit of licking my wife's ass while masturbating. I did this while my wife laid in bed trying to sleep. Once I would complete my wife would call me a "pig" and go to sleep.

>>8883167

There's a seat open between Alpharius and Vulkan, so you take it, as the rest of the primarchs finish finding their places. It looks like Lorgar and Angron are fucked, they both ended up next to Roboute.

I became More Perverted

Over the years I became more perverted, not only did I want to lick my wife's ass but I had an overwhelming desire to eat her shit. I tried to make sure I was always around when my wife took a dump so I could immediately run and place my head in the toilet to smell her aroma and hope for any unflushed delights. My wife was not aware of this perverse activity, at least that is what I thought! One Saturday afternoon my wife was getting ready to go shopping, performing her usual bathroom routines, and as usual she sat on the toilet to take her afternoon dump. After hearing the toilet seat go down I knew this was my queue to get ready to perform my perverse act as soon as she left the bathroom. After a minute or so my wife opened the door and walked out of the bathroom and said, "enjoy" as she walked downstairs and out the front door. I realized that she forgot to flush the toilet!

>>8883309
Well lets take a seat I guess, ask Alpharius what this is about.

God this is gay

>>8883309
Vulkan makes me uneasy. Spiders and fire do not good companions make.

>>8883309

... I suddenly understand why Angron is always raging. If the sitting next to Gulliman thing is regular, he's actually shown incredible constraint...

Well, do like a spider and observe! (Unless somebody starts a conversation)

>>8883366

"It's got something to do with geneseed, that's all I know." Alpharius replies, as Horus stands, holding his hands for silence.

I quickly ran to the toilet, the lid was still up and the bowl was filled with a slight yellow tint water with two sheets of toilet paper and three small dark turds floating about. My heart was pounding in delight as placed my head in the bowl to smell my wife's beautiful stools. I lowered my head further down into the toilet, lightly pressing my lips to one of the beautiful turds, causing it to float across the water to the other side of the toilet. I then use my tongue to lick the tops of each turd as the floated in a circle around the toilet I Lowered my opened mouth over the smallest stool and began to suck it up into my mouth. The stool was firm and slick as it easily entered my mouth. It tasted slightly tart and sweet at the same time. I began to swallow allowing it to move across my tongue to the back of my throat where it momentarily hung. With another swallow my wife's stool slide down my throat. Just then I heard my wife say " was it tasty" I looked up and there stood my wife looking down on me with a disgusted look on her face. She then walked overt to the toilet and looked at the other two stools and said "go ahead pig, eat the other two and don't forget the toilet paper ". I did as I was told as she watched and "oooohed" at me. After I completed my meal, she walked out of the bathroom and left the house without saying a word.

>>8883406

I hope nobody's being declared a spiritual liege. Especially not the blue fag.

looksirtrolls.jpg

Requesting the rights to do a second Primarch Quest when this one finishes, for Tlaloc.

Unless you intend to do it of course.

The Next Few Weeks

For the next few weeks very little conversations to place between my wife and I. My wife treated me very differently, never asking but always demanding. It seemed liked everything became my job, including cleaning the toilets. My wife told me that I was a natural for that job. My wife knew that I had fetish for her ass and started using it for her entertainment. She would unexpectedly pull her shirt up and stick her ass in my face, asking for kiss. As I would place my mouth to her asshole, my wife would leave gas and giggle as I inhaled and continued to kiss her ass. My wife's habits began to change, she started working out again at the gym. Several nights a week she would go out with her friends dressed in a minishirts and heels. She started wearing her sexy lingerie and making sure I saw it before she left. The only sexual play we had was limited to my wife sitting on my face allowing me to fuck her asshole with my tongue while a jacked myself off. She would giggle as she puckered and contracted my tongue in and out of her hole, saying, "come on little ass licker, wank your little winnie, and clean my ass". After I would shoot my load my wife would shit my tongue out, look over her shoulder and stick her tongue out at me and leave gas. All of this was very arousing to me and my wife knew and was determined to play it out for all it was worth.

let's listen...

>>8883468

When silence is finally reached, Horus lowers his hands. "Let me begin by saying how happy I am to see you all again. I can't remember the last time we were all in the same place, but by Terra it's great to see you all at once. The Great Crusade has been coming along well, with system after system being brought back into the guiding light of Dad. But I did not ask you all here merely for an excuse to catch up and trade war stories." Horus closes his eyes, rubbing his temples for a minute before he resumes. "The reason I asked you here is because of an order our father gave me yesterday, one which affects us all, and which I wished to bring up to you all in private, away from the eyes of your Legions, so that you might best decide how you want to tell them."

>>8883485

All yours, good sir, but do me a favor and make sure they're archived so I can read them if I'm not around when they go on.

Matt Ward does NOT approve!

>>8883656

That's a stamp of approval in my book.

>>8883601
NO DADDY'S LEAVING!!??? NOOO DADDY NOOO I LOVES YOU!!!! :3

I SMELL HERESY.
LOTS AND LOTS OF HERESY.
p.s. we're spiders and bros with alpharius, we have to fall when the times comes, if just to unleash spidery death on ultramar.

>>8883630
You got it. I'll start on the overall idea.

I'm writing some 40k/Fullmetal Alchemist crossover fiction too, but this should be easy enough to keep up with.

>>8883733
But we're also bros with Russ and Khan, apparently? YOU'RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART, HORUS.

>>8883708

Horus waves his hand to quiet the murmuring. "Dad's ordered a tithe of geneseed from each of our Legions. It's nothing big, just 1% of whatever's not already in your Astartes, but I realize this may be more of an issue for some of you than others."

>>8883733
I don't know. It'd probably take a whole lot to make a chapter comprised largely of nulls fall to Chaos, and the logistics of it would make us a pretty useless heretic.

>>8883773
This. I say we go full-neutral out of refusal to fight our Bro's.

FALL? NEVER!

ALPHARIUS; YOU WERE A BRO. HOW COULD YOU BETRAY FATHER?

or

ALPHARIUS, STOP TROLLING THE ULTRAMARINES AND BACKSTAB ABBADON ONCE AND FOR ALL. TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF TROLLING ARE A BIT TOO MANY, EVEN FOR YOU.

>>8883790
Good point.
But FUCK if we are going to be a motherfucking codex chapter.

>>8883783
Might be a problem for us, do we give them geneseed from our silencers?

>>8883808
>>8883793
>>8883733
You're thinking about this the wrong way.

We could keep Alpharius loyal. We could condemn Guilliman.

>>8883783
"I don't see how this is worth getting us all together. What's the real news?"

1% of our unused geneseeds? No problem, Dad.

we don't fall, just we do our own damn thing because Roboute is a fucking prick

Father knows we are a null. he's an ULTRAPSYKER, and has come near us.

So, we give him the seeds withour further ado.

I think we should protect Big E with all our might. But try to avoid deadly force.

>>8883831
I like this. Neither the Ultramarines nor the Alpha Legion ever really got involved in the main conflict, they just fought each other. When whoever ends up winning Terra (do we even care?) shows up, we simply decry the Ultramarines and praise the loyalty of our bro Alpharius. Word of 2 primarchs against 1. Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

>>8883833

Horus chuckles, smiling at you. "You were all here anyway, and your legion, Rachnus, is one of those that might have problems with geneseed tithes. I thought it might be appreciated if I gave you all a head's up before dad makes the order official. Now, with that said, let us feast!" He says, taking his seat once more, as the rest of the primarchs begin to heap their plates with food.

>>8883889
>Oh, what a tangled web we weave...
OH I GET IT.
IS FUNNY BECAUSE WE ARE SPIDERS.

rolled 76 = 76

"I don't take orders from you Horus. Father is the only being I answer to."

>>8883898
...wait. Why would we have problems with a geneseed tithe? Is our geneseed unstable or something?

>>8883898
Lock eyes with Russ.
We know what we must do.

>>8883918
We have an entire unit of fucking NULLS.
WE ARE A NULL.
I don't know what that does to geneseed, but this is 40k, so that could be ANYTHING.

>>8883942

It causes the DNA to be in the shape of a spiderweb. That's what.

>>8883910

Horus raises an eyebrow at you, but says nothing, just smiling knowingly before digging into a large piece of meat.

>>8883918

Your geneseed has a 1-5% chance of destroying the soul of whoever it's implanted into, leaving a Null, so... Yeah, it might not be the best.

>>8883910
THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS

>>8883976
see >>8883924

>>8883910
I'm not sure if I approve of that being said...

>>8883924
FOOD FIGHT! START A FOOD FIGHT!

>>8884020
FUCKING PEG THAT BLUE BASTARD WITH A WHOLE GOD DAMNED GRAVY BOAT

>>8884030
DUDE DONT WASTE THE GRAVY THAT LIKE

>>8884030
>FUCKING PEG THAT BLUE BASTARD WITH A WHOLE GOD DAMNED TABLE

>>FUCKING PEG THAT BLUE BASTARD WITH A WHOLE GOD DAMNED BATTLE BARGE
we're obviously the founding chapter of the angry marines.
It makes sense that we'd pioneer the strategy.

>>8883976
Oh. Well. So? I don't see how that's a /bad/ thing. Nulls are freaking useful.

>>8884119
just wait till the necrons show

>>8884116
>>8884074
>>8884073
>>8884030

You catch Russ' eye, grin, and pick up the closest gravy boat, chucking it at Roboute's head. It hits him and shatters, covering his head with gravy. "WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?" He yells, standing up and looking at your end of the table.

By the way, fluff says that the Blank/Null field doesn't have anything to do with the soul, but is a special electromagnetic disposition of the brain generating a field. The Empire should know that - after all there are mechanical Null Field generators (see for example Apocalypse).

>>8883924

This, a million times. Spiders can eat like nobody's fucking business.

>>8884140
He's the only primarch we dont like, so we shouldn't implicate anyone else.
Whip something else at him.

>Empire
Imperium, sorry, translation habit.

FOOOOOOOOD FIGHT!

>>8884153

Well derp, guess I need to do my research better.

Oh well.

NO FOOD FIGHT
YOU FOOLS

IT IS DELICIOUS AND MUST BE EATEN

IN A CONTEST WITH LEMAN RUSS

>>8884179
I'm just going to pretend you said "Your geneseed has a 1-5% chance of making a Null"

>>8884194

Do you want to chuck something else, or ignore Roboute and challenge Russ to a chow-off?

>>8884179
That sounds like a pretty recent thing, the whole point of nulls has always been that they have no souls (not to be confused with NEGATIVE souls like Eversors and Pariahs). Though maybe the brain electrothingy is a result of the lack of soul?

>>8884194
second

>>8884217
Well, how does Russ react to Rowboat?

>>8884217
IGNORE ROWBOAT.

>>8884209

Fair enough.

>>8884217
Chow off! Just get some extra large plates of hot dogs.

rolled 3 = 3

>>8884140
Say sorry, and then say that Russ wasn't man enough to take the gravy in the head .

>>8884240
Ignore that poster, he is full of shit, the established fluff is that nulls have no souls.

>>8884209
BOTH. THROW SOMETHING ELSE AND CALL PAPA SMURF A CHUCKLEFUCK. THEN SHOW RUSS HOW TO FUCKING EAT

>>8884261

That's what I thought, but people are free to interpret it as they see fit.

ANYWAY. SEEMS THE CONSENSUS IS CHOW-OFF WITH THE MAN WHO OUT-ATE THE EMPRAH.

You challenge Russ, and laughing, he accepts, ordering some of the Luna Wolves chapter serfs to bring him more meat.

Challenge Russ to a throw-shit-at-girlyman-while-eating-contest.

rolled 35 = 35

>>8884294
Try to eat Russ.

>>8884294

Order even more meat!

(I mean, we're not gonna win this one, but goddamnit we're gonna lose IN STYLE!)

>>8884312
If we're winning in style, demand a live grox to eat.

>>8884300

I like this.

The two of you begin working your way through huge platters of meat, tossing whatever comes to hand at Roboute, who, upon seeing that everyone else is either laughing at his expense or seems to be ignoring what's going on, storms out, muttering something about being the spiritual liege of 60% of the Imperium's Astartes some day.

rolled 19 = 19

>>8884312
NO.

Challenge Lemon Rush to a lemon eating contest.

>>8884294

Throw more stuff at Roboute halfway through the eating contest. If we can make Russ laugh, we might win.

>>8884341
Get Rowboat to join in.
He needs a loosen up just a bit. And it's his chance to get back at us.

>>8884341
HIS STATEMENT IS SO RIDICULOUS THAT RUSS STARTS LAUGHING AND STARTS CHOKING. FUCKING HIMLECK (sp?) MANEUVER TIME TO SAVE OUR BRO!

>>8884341

Man, now I feel a bit sorry for him. Let's try what >>8884361 is proposing.

Drawfags goddamnit, where are you?

rolled 38 = 38

Rolling to see how we do against russ.

>>8884395
Heimlich.

We perform it via a kickass uppercut that launches an entire half-eaten turky into Rowboat's face.

>>8884395
>>8884417
THESE!

>>8884409

I'm sorry, you needed a 10 or lower to beat Russ.

You eventually have to stop, your power armor feeling a little snug, as Russ laughs, asserting his gastrointestinal supremacy by continuing to eat greedily.

Anything else you'd like to accomplish that night?

>>8884466

Well, we bullied Roboute and didn't die in an eating contest with Russ. This night won't get any manlier no matter what we try.

>>8884466
Fart silently, blame it on Magnus. Insinuate that that his colon is full of daemons.

>>8884466
Share rousing drinking songs from our homeworld!

>>8884514
This, but from the Primarch's various homeworlds.

Begin a glorious quaffing.

wait wtf is Corax doing? haven't heard shit from him this entire gathering.

Never hurts to build some bridges: Try convening some one-on-one meetings with some of the primarchs friendlier to us. See what kind of cross-Legion actions we can participate in together.

I think we need to talk about that geneseed bullshit.

What do we do about it? Try and nick somebody else's?

>>8884507

Done. Magnus dislikes the >implication that is anus is haunted, and tells you to, in so many words, go fuck yourself. The next day, the Emprah arrives, and amid much celebration, declares Horus Warmaster.

AND THAT CONCLUDES TODAY'S QUEST. Next one should be tomorrow, where would /tg/ care to pick up?

>>8884466

Card games? Monopoly perchance?

Is the trouble with the geneseed tithe that we have fewer troops? Even if the null gene does some funny stuff to them why is that our problem? That's for technicians on Mars to bitch about.

>>8884567
CHILLIN WITH THE FUCKING EMPRAH

>>8884567
A few battles later, the heresy is just beginning to brew, and we're trying to keep things together without picking a side.

That's my suggestion anyway.

>>8884560
No, that may be dangerous. Let's be an honest son and give it to the Emperor, expressing our worry but remaining honest.

>>8884567

Well, the next interesting thing you think comes in the timeline. But no heresy yet, I think we're not quite ready for that.

(Also, maybe start at a different time, there were a few scenes where I felt like it was only the two of us keeping the entire thing going.)

>>8884617

The next interesting thing I can think of IS the heresy, so unless you guys have suggestions, I'm either going to have to shoehorn you in somewhere or pull something outta my ass.

And yeah, I usually start it later in the day.

>>8885120

Hmm, don't see anything either... well, then Heresy it is. If we pull this one off right, there is great potential for crazy amounts of awesome.

>>8885207

Well, the heresy spells the end of the quest (Granted, that could take anywhere from one to five threads...), so I'm not sure I want to hit that yet.

Also, Sky Serpents Tactical Marine for Ivan.

Chill with the Emperor, ask him why he's leaving the front line, etc.