Massive orgy. LETS GET SOME DRAWFAGS ON THIS

>>8871718

The pent up Farseer, no longer afraid of Slaanesh, proceeds to fuck every elf it finds, quickly bringing about an elven society of psykers that rise to crush every other every race.

Said Farseer becomes the God-Emperor of Elfkind.

>>8871742
Then she uses her own genetic code to create the Astral Aquans...

>>8871742

Actually, that's probably close to what WOULD happen.

At the very least it would be "Holy shit I can curse, get drunk and fuck again. THANK YOU ISHA!"

WELCOME TO FUCKING TORIL. NICE HAT, MIND IF I SEE IT? NO? TOO FUCKING BAD SLENDER-ARMS, GIMME THAT SHIT.
CUTE, WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS STYLE, "SHOOT ME" OR "THERE'S AN AMBUSH HERE, PLEASE SPOIL IT!" WHATEVER, I CALL IT SHIT, AND IT'S GOING ON A TRIP TO THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE.
WRAITHBONE? WHATEVER, LOOK, WE'RE HUNTING GOBLINS HERE, CAN YOU HOLD A SWORD?

...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU'RE FAR-SIGHTED, GO ON SNIPER DUTY OR SOMETHING, WHERE'S YOUR BOW?

...I'M GOING TO PRETEND I DIDN'T HEAR THAT, AND GIVE YOU MINE. YOU THROATCUTTER AND EARSLICER WILL TAKE UP POSITION ON THAT HILL, BALLSMASHER AND I WILL DRAW THEM INTO YOUR CROSSFIRE, YOU READ?
GOOD. HOP TO IT CHEEKBONES.

>>8871867

...Full Metal Toril

>>8871867
Wood Elves are cool.

>>8871867
Is it wrong that that picture combined with that text is incredibly arousing to me?

>>8871917
Decently hot elf combined with manly authoritative shouting? No, actually, those mesh well.

>>8871917
You too? Because I have honest to god never been this turned on by an elf. Ever.

>>8871867

Not to start a shitstorm, but...

This is how I kinda imagined night elves would be in Warcraft 3. You know, before WoW came out and turned them into bubbly, happy-go-lucky schoolgirls

Alternative dimension = no warp = no psyker powers!

"It's so quiet, and the Wraithbone doesn't respond to my song, how will I survive?"

Prostitution it is then!

Alternatively; if she gets to keep her psyker powers, she rips people apart with oldschool "fucking" mind bullets!

>>8871942
DECENTLY HOT? HOW ABOUT YOU EAT SHIT AND DIE, ART-MAJOR? I DIDN'T SPEND MY CHILDHOOD STRANGLING ORCS TO DEATH WITH MY BOOTLACES TO BE CALLED 'DECENT'.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S DECENT? PUPPIES ON A MEADOW, HOT FOOD, AND A WARM FIRE. I EAT PUPPIES COLD IN THE GREY MUD, IN THE DARK EVERY DAY SO THAT YOU CHICKENSHITS CAN SIT IN YOUR LITTLE GROVES AND PRETEND YOU AREN'T SURROUNDED ON ALL SIDES BY GREENSKINNED TEEMING HORRORS.
I'M NOT DECENT, I GET WET TO THE GRIND OF A KNIFE ACROSS A THROAT, WHEN I TAKE A MAN I CLOSE MY EYES AND THINK OF AN ORC TWITCHING AT THE END OF A NOOSE, I HAVE A NECKLACE OF EARS TOO HEAVY TO WEAR EXCEPT ON PARADE, AND A 17 POUND COLLECTION OF WEDDING RINGS. WOULD'VE KEPT THE FINGERS TOO, BUT I GOT HUNGRY.

NOW GET BACK IN LINE, YOU FAGGY EXCUSE FOR A WOOD ELF, YOU'LL ALL BE RANGERS OR YOU'LL DIE TRYING!

"THERE ARE MANY BOWS IN THE WORLD BUT THIS ONE IS YOURS"

>>8872022
I want you to hatefuck me so bad right now.

>>8872022
Don't mind the Sarge, newbie, she's always like that. Get her a drink or two and present her with a new ear, and she sings a different tune.
Ha! Welcome to the 303rd, kid.

*credits roll*

>>8872069
...Yeah, I'd watch it. Full Metal Bodkin.

>>8872081

FUND THIS!

>>8872022
> I GET WET TO THE GRIND OF A KNIFE ACROSS A THROAT,

If I get wet a God eats me...

>>8872081
So, uh... anyone else remember Subterranean Fantasy Fucking Vietnam? Cause this shit would fit right it.

>>8872051
Don't ever change /tg/

>>8872081

I'm imagining the poor Farseer, now bereft of Psyker powers, would be pretty well fucked. Although eldar are generally trained as miltia regardless of life path.

Is it wrong that I'm imagining her "rescued" by some night-elf amazon types, shoved into a skimpy outfit like in OP and dragged around while being constantly morose and awkward?

>>8872022
I want to be used by you. I don't care how.

Fuck, we got killed. Me 'n the boys were sitting around the fire, dickin' around, you know, eating our weevly bread and drinking our cheap beer. Now, y'know, when you're so close to the fire, your night vision goes away, takes a few secs for things to go all black 'n white again, yeah?
So we kept a few sentries back from the flame at all times, to keep the Spooks from catching up to us. Three of our best, Ugluk, Liark, Shugruz, good guys, good guys. So I look up from my booze, and I see one of em sitting right there across from men, on Tigruk's lap. O'course, Tig's dead, but she's holding him up by the arm, and drinking his Triple-X right outta his hand. By her feet's this bucket, see, and I don't realize it until she drops Tig, and hefts it up into two hands: She's got one eye closed. The boys see her too, all of a sudden, 'n they don't know what she's up to, but I do. We're all on our feet 'cept her, but nobody's moving, 'cause they don't get it, and I'm scared shitless. She looks up at us, 'n cool as you please, puts out the fire. Last thing I saw was her face, that one eye opening as the flames gutter out, pupil the size of a gold piece, all ready for the dark.

Ugluk, Liark, Shug? I dunno what happened to 'em, but I know what happened to the boys around the fire, if only by sound. I made it out, but it cost me m' eyes. Now I clean axes for new bloods like you. But let me tell you right now, don't think you're ever safe from the Spooks, just 'cause you've got some men on guard. Keep your axe close, and your back to a tree.

Have I got a picture for you!

Sounds like yandere woodelf time.

YOU WANT TO LEAVE THE FOREST? LIKE FUCK YOU'RE LEAVING THE FOREST! HAHAHAHA, WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE? WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU CAN'T LEAVE! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! HAHAHAHAHA! I CHOSE YOU AT THE FEAST! WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER! HAHA! YOU PROMISED ME FOREVER, A MONTH ISN’T FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHA! I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE OUR REALM! I DON'T WANT YOU GOING BACK TO THE CITIES, NO! NEVER GOING BACK TO THE CITY! YOU’RE AN HONORARY WOOD ELF NOW! WE HATE CITIES! HAHAHAHAHA!

YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! I KNOW YOU DON'T, NOT REALLY! HAHAHAHA! I'D KNOW IF YOU WERE TRYING TO LEAVE! REMEMBER THAT I’M NOT SOME BUMBLING HUMAN HUNTER, I’M A WOOD ELF! I'D FIND YOU, AND I'D DROP YOU LIKE A FUCKING ELK! HAHAHAHAHA! LIKE A FUCKING ELK!

NOW GET BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE, MY SWEET! YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE IN FRONT OF THE NEIGHBOURS! HAHAHAHAHA!

>>8872137
This is what happens when you let elves drink. They pull shit like this.

>>8872157

I don't think Sarge is yandere, bucko.

Would the Farseer still have her mechano voice or is that a product of technology and/or their psychic powers?

>>8872185

I always thought it was their helmet/collar thing, just like how a lot of the SPESS MAHREENS had metallic voices.

>>8872144
sauce

>>8872130
GOOD CHOICE OF WORDS SHITHEEL, BECAUSE YOUR ASS IS ON POINT.
OH WHAT, YOU WANT SEX? YOU'LL HAVE SEX, I HAVE A POINT SYSTEM WORKED OUT AND EVERYTHING, BUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY KNOW I HAVE A STRICT POLICY OF BREAKING SPINES IF I'M STILL AWAKE AFTERWARDS.

NOW GET YOUR WELL MUSCLED ASS TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE AND TRY NOT TO GET FEATHERED.

>>8872137
Most intelligent looking orc ever.Probably 1/4 human in there. Forehead and mouth are a bit too noble.
>>8872144
Did they love the taste of her vagina so much they made her their queen?

>>8872191
That's what I figured, because the only Eldar I can recall seeing helmetless is Idranel and she still had the collar part that the helmet attaches to. Shifting gears now, if you were fucking an Eldar would "the voice" be a turn off, or a turn on?

>>8872236
Ah, damn. Knew that was going to bite me in the ass.

Fuck it, time to be all I can be. Imma fuckin' earn those points.

>>8872236
Jesus Christ, how many pictures of this same elf are there?
Is this from something or... Something? She kind of looks like Echidna.

>>8872264
Shortears had best not be implying that the Sarge wears a snake as a thong. That's a beating right there.

>>8872274
Sir, I am in no way implying that the Sarge is this voluptuous disgrace to elfdom. Look at those tats, she is clearly a mother of several, and we all know the Sergeant is far, far, far too consumed with loathing for goblinkind to bear children!

You elves need to lighten up, man.

>>8872292
Dude. Shut up. I don't think you're doing yourself any favors.

>>8872144
anyone know the source for this?

*Cut to morose Farseer in a bar. There's empty steins and glasses in front of her*

"Welcome to fucking Azeroth they say. Oh you're not from around here they say. Oh, they just wave their sticks around and I can speak their language, whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Awww you lost your powers they say, well welcome to the Sentinels. Welcome to my curvy ass on display, more like it.

I'm a goddamn fucking farseer. I've directed a fucking craftworld the size of this entire god-forsaken mudball and now they have me doing -exercises- and climbing fucking trees? Shooting a fucking bow and fighting with a glaive, my fucking ears. Why doesn't my gods-damned wraithbone work? Why don't my fucking POWERS work? Imagine if you suddenly had to run around with a a fucking sack on your head all the time, how would you feel? That's me right now, trying to shoot a bow and climb a fucking tree.

And don't even get me started on the 'uniform'. I say "What the hell is the point of this, it doesn't cover anything?" and they just laugh at me and treat me like I'm a mon-keigh who fell off the short ship to school. I guess I'm happy I'm not freezing to death, but I wish it fucking covered more. And why can't I get fucking shoes? Even not freezing, my feet hurt from all this fucking running barefoot in the forest hunting shit.

I guess there's a fucking upside, and that's not having Slaanesh watch over my shoulder constantly to eat my soul. Finally a chance to get really fucking drunk again.

Shit, they're coming to get me for another prancing-in-the-fucking-forest lesson. Uh. Keep the change, I don't know what these are worth anyway"

>>8872300
WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? WAS IT YOU STRING BEAN? THIS IS THE MOST SOBER I'VE BEEN IN 90 YEARS, I'M FUCKING PISSED, AND YOU ARE NOT HELPING.

>>8872325
This seems reasonable if there's no warp.

As a practical matter, though, how would warp entities kidnap a farseer and dump her in a warp-free dimension? There must be at least some warp, or they couldn't have gotten her there in the first place.

>>8872336
Er, ma'am, your ears seem to have shrunk by like half now that you're sob-AGH MY BALLS!

>>8872336
Woah. Over 9000 years in photoshop, eh? Why would you remove the ears though, I liked 'em, they were like her drill instructor hat.

>>8872325
Breaking News! It sucks being a wood elf.

Sarge looks really familiar. I think there's an AdviceSarge out there somewhere. I might've saved one, it was like OnetrackElf or something.

>>8872325

Somebody wishes they still had toughness 4

Also dammit woman, you still have a Weapon Skill of five, which means that all you have to do is pick up a stick and beat the living crap out of everything.

>>8872336
Holy shit

From the tumbnail it looked like an Ithilid was nomnomnoming

>>8872325
Don't worry elfdar! One day Blizzard will add Psions and you'll have your powers back!

>>8872396
Poor picture quality is poor.
But Sarge ain't gonna complain, she had to walk ten miles to murder-school every morning in the freezing snow when she was a kid.

>>8872387

Well yeah, she just didn't intend to do it in a bikini.

>>8872436
She will fight in a bikini and she will LIKE IT.
...No, this isn't standard issue, this is for wizards. You know, wi-zards, people who use their minds to kill people. But she wouldn't know anything about that, would she?

What the psycho wood elf chick doesn't know is that half of her squad has been replaced by humans.

Getting a bit goofy now, but zooming back a bit, I dare say that Sargeant, what is that, Shalulu? Has good potential as a character. Clearly a sociopath who is entirely willing to use violence, cruelty and her own body as tools in pursuing her goal, but... Her goal seems to be killing goblins.
Why? What is so important about killing goblins that it's worth debasing yourself so? These are the things that make protagonists (or, dare I say it, villains?) interesting. Whatever pushes somebody to an extreme like that must be worth reading to find out.

>>8872456
You only have one attack Miss Farseer but by fantasy stats your weapon skill and initiative should be about seven

and you only need one attack to

Punch 'em in the dick! Punch 'em in the dick!
Motherfuckers talk shit -- Punch 'em the dick!

Yo! Look at that chump! See the way that he struts?
Don't kick him in the rump, go nuts on his nuts!
Just pop a squat, start lettin' off the shots
Like knock-knock-knock, just cold-cocked his cock!
To all the cock-knockers, nut-crackers, ball breakers,
Peter-beaters, keep on boxin them baby-makers
With a sock to the jock, better make that a double
Just a couple rounds of knuckles beneath the buckle & he'll buckle!
If you're in trouble, give him some urine trouble,
Hand him his balls and tell him, "Better learn to juggle!"
Turn his pebbles into rubble, make him wonder what mighta been
Make it so the south will never rise again!
Now every man claims to be the toughest and the meanest
But watch your crotch cuz soon the losers will be the wieners
And the winners in all the gladiator arenas
Are always the ones who go straight for the penis!

Punch 'em in the dick!
Punch 'em in the dick!
Motherfuckers talk shit -- Punch 'em the dick!

>>8872475
But will she care? The other wood elves seem to be kind of falling short of her ideal of the proper horrible murder machines. Humans seem to have a lot more experience in this sort of thing.
We don't let no art majors into our armed forces, sweetears.

>>8872498

I'll give your willy a welt like you aint never felt,
Soon as I've knelt, I'ma pelt ya below the belt
Like BANG! Bust 'em in the wang like it aint no thang
Now you really can't hang!
But you ain't gotta be a dude, shit I'll dick-punch a chick
Cuz I don't discriminate when I punch em in the dick!
Whether Suzy Homemaker or a floozy home-wrecker
I'ma deck 'er in the pecker motherfecker!
It could be yo' mama, better be no drama,
You could be the Dalai Lama, I'ma still put it on ya
With a right, left, right, left - you're dick-punched!
Then you say, "Goddamn my shit's crunched!"
Scrotum? Hell it damn near killed him!
I don't care if you live in Bodom, man, forget about children!
You ain't gotta know Kung-Fu to bust some ninja shit
Fuck Sun Tzu, you wanna learn the art of war?
Just punch em in the dick!

Punch 'em in the dick!
Punch 'em in the dick!
Motherfuckers talk shit -- Punch 'em the dick!

>>8872325

Alternatively: "Pissed Farseer in the bar, grabbing a colleague and pulling him close"

Gods yes it feels good to let go. 5000 years I've been waiting to do this shit, 5000 fucking years of restraint, of not taking pleasure in anything for fear of having my soul sucked out through my teeth.

5000 years of never having a relationship that isn't overcast by knowledge of it's eventual conclusion, 5000 years of seeing nothing but prophecies of doom and death.

Now I can fight and fuck and kick back, do you have any idea what it's like to unleash millenia of anger on some greenskin's hide. I've been training with the best warriors on my craftworld for as long as I can remember, but it's never felt as good as this.

I know I should be looking for ways to get home, my people need my guidance, the craftworld needs my vision, but here... I actually have gods I can curse! Here I DON'T KNOW what's going to happen tomorrow, or the day after... gods it feels good to be alive.

Come here youngan, I'm an old lady hasn't had a good seeing too since your eldars first started strapping leather together and calling them clothes! Gods I'm ready for it!

>>8872510
We got a brand new dance, it's called, "Punch his
ass right in the dick."
We got a brand new dance, it's called, "Punch his
ass right in the dick."

Any o' you snotty kids be talkin' shit,
I'ma drop a fist on your naughty bits
I got punches a plentiful, you bet yer rear end it'll
Sting when I start swingin' on ya genitals,
Cuz then it'll swell up, all outta proportion,
Lookin' like an eggplant forced in through your foreskin
Nevermind abortion, forget vasectomy,
I got yer birth control: POW! Nut check, homey!
Yo, I'll punch God in the dick, I'll punch Mary in the dick
I'll punch Jesus Christ in the dick
I'll punch Cheney in the dick, I'll punch Powell in his colon,
I'll punch George in his bush, I'll punch Condoleeza Rice in the dick!!!

Punch 'em in the dick! Punch 'em in the dick!
Motherfuckers talk shit -- Punch 'em the dick!

Fitna punch 'em in the dick
Watch me punch 'em in the dick
Love to punch 'em in the dick
Born to punch 'em in the dick
Forever punch 'em in the dick
Sucker punch 'em in the dick
Fruit punch 'em in the dick
Hawaiian punch 'em in the motherfuckin' DICK!

>>8872488
Killing goblins is totally its own reward. What the hell else are you going to do in a forest for N^1000 years?

>>8872516
I dunno, kill some gob-
DOHOHOHOHO! You're right!

>>8872515
>>8872510
>>8872498
What the fuck?

>>8872537

Just giving some advice on non-psychic augmented combat

>>8872516
Find a way to turn into a bear while still looking like a an effeminate faggot.

What the hell am I reading, and why is my dick hard?

>>8872515
I just looked up this song.

I can't stop laughing.

>>8872561
I support this in the grounds that it's more or less Crunk, and thus acceptably furious.

Good lord, what the fuck is this.

>Make it so the south will never rise again!
Oh god I am saving this

Punch em in the dick is kind of funny but it has about zero to fucking do with elves.

>>8872514

"I can run around in a FUCKING BIKINI and it gives as much protection as a suit of armor, FUCK YEAH"

>>8872590

A farseer only has one attack and it was suggested that she make that one attack count

>>8872590
Crunk music is always related to psychotic elves, good sir. Hewing asunder goblins with a falcata is an activity that can only be adequately serenaded by Lil' Jon or David Banner.

We need more material, so that we can justify archiving this.

>>8872602

More material?

Is she on the warhammer fantasy world, or Toril, or Azeroth or what?

>>8872386
Sarge ain't all bad, rookie. She just feels like she's got to be a super-hardass 'cause she ain't a native like the rest of us - comes from some place called Golarion, or some shit, way the fuck away from here. Used to be a "Pathfinder" or some shit like that when she was there, had to hand-hold a bunch'a Godsdamned humans through something called the "Rise of the Runelords". Me, I dunno which'd be worse: going through shit that sounds that fuckin' epic, or having to do it while saving the asses of a bunch'a fuckin' humans who thought they could hack it like real rangers.

>>8872685
All of these are equally horrible options for somebody who associates pleasure with having one's soul eaten and tortured forever. Flip a coin.
...A three sided coin.

>>8872144

Goddammit, I used to have the source on this picture, but I can't find it anymore.

Anyone know?

>>8872694
Sarge is an alien!?
The world has gone mad!

>>8872699

Bumping for sauce

>>8872694
Dude, half the guys in your unit ARE humans. The sarge hasn't noticed, i'm starting to think she might be losing her grasp on reality.

Also, she broke something last night

Something important

;_;

>>8872711
Not so fuckin' loud, Godsdammit! She'll kill BOTH our asses if you make that much fuckin' noise again!
Shit, you think THAT'S fucked up? You ought'a hear some'a the shit she comes out with when she's tellin' war-stories to teach us shit. Goblins are seriously fuckin' retarded in Golarion - "stupid little freaks", she calls 'em - but the little bastards are still dangerous as all shit. Fuckers'll eat ANYTHING: I heard her tell a story once about how some fuckin' goblin hid in a kid's room and tried to eat his dad's face when he came to fight the monster under the kid's bed. DIDN'T EVEN KILL THE GUY FIRST - just starts chowin' down on his face like a fuckin' ghoul while the guy's kickin' and screamin'.
Shit gets WORSE from there, rookie. So shut the fuck up and lissen t' Sarge when she talks, right? Shit she says will probably save your life - and mine. I don't wanna get MY ass killed 'cause YOU thought she was fulla shit, got it?

We need some drawfaggotry of a farseer in a standard fantasy elf outfit now. Basically the night elf from OP, leather bikini with a bow, barefoot except not purple

Aww man, I was going to archive this and someone else already did... WAIT THATS AWESOME!

Also, What happens when the Farseer realises that the same mental dicipline she has worked so hard at for xty thousand years works for magic?

>>8873041

Doubtful. Depends on what setting we're talking, for for elfdar ANY excess can lead to soul-eating, which is pretty harsh when your lifespan stretches to millennia. More likely she'd suddenly turn hedonist and become a stripper alcoholic

Oh my.

>>8872904
If Goblins are so fucked up where she's from, why does she choose to keep hunting 'em? Sounds like a shit job to me.

>>8873126
Choose? I've got your Choose.

Choose the life of a Ranger. Choose the Black Arrows, or the Unkindlies. Choose slitting a few throats through a truce. Choose to lose your patch and walk away after breaking an officer's nose. Choose no friends. Choose a string of one night stands, and life through the bottom of a bottle. Choose burning down indefensible fields and executing innocent people because goblins don't care what they eat. Choose a black cloak and a blackened knife. Choose the Book of Groteus, and wake up wondering what that taste in your mouth is. Choose a pine-box retirement plan. Choose going out with blood between your fingers and hate in your eyes, spitting in the eye of a bugbear as a hireling spellslinger throws you through the planes themselves.

Choose one last night at the Sandpoint Opera.

That's what I chose, and if you knew the greens like I do, you'd choose it too.

>>8873144
Jesus Christ. Goblins are serious business.

>>8873144
Hey hey, Sarge, have you Delt-a with some Greens lately?

>>8873144
>Unkindlies
Sorry, wait, what?

>>8873144
hay sarge, whats your views (and thus the truth) on those Eladrin that keep cropping up?

>>8873144
appreciate the delta green allusion. Do not appreciate comparing it to a fucking elf.

"No I'm not a druid. I'm a fucking Sentinel. At least I am now. A little pale for a night elf? Fuck you too. Sorry I can't conform to the grape-flavor standard, but this is what you get.

Oh, cute. You think I'd be offended or bashful because you called me that? Look girl, I've lived for five thousand years in total celibate, and we're not just talking penetration, we're talking swearing, drinking, smoking... This is fucking paradise.

Sure, it took some time to get used to, but learning to fight since childhood by the finest teachers of the Craftworld and swinging a two-handed weapon isn't that different from a Wraithspear. Deflecting arrows and your slugs is way easier than parrying a bolter shell. No, don't even try to understand.

It took me some time to "thaw out". At first the other pointyears thought I was a fucking loony, hiding inside a hut almost all the time, meditating and shit. That was until I fully realized just how big of a fucking change it is to be in a setting with no Warp, no Slaanesh. Yeah I can finally say his... her name, even.

I'm not sure why these fake-eldar chose to dress this way, honestly. I guess it's some kind of close-to-nature crap. But hey, since I don't have to close myself up in soulgem-covered armor for fear of temptation anymore, I say bring the fucking thong.

Yeah, I know I have a nice ass and tits. I keep myself in shape, and finally have the chance to tan properly. And the sex, oh fuck. The sex is fucking brilliant.

Speaking of that, wanna fuck? Oh please, don't give me that schoolgirl shit. You're curious, admit it. Blood elf? Priestess? So what? Come on, let's do some interspecies relations"

>>8873041

If Miss Farseer still had her powers she'd be friggin vicious even without the rune armour and witch-blade.

Hell they're meant to be able to dodge boltgun ammo and parry thunder-hammers, what do you think they'll do to arrows and broadswords? My guess is shove them up your ass!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ROOKIE, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME?

"No miss, I'd just advise you step three places to the left right about now"

*Splat goes the catapult launched bolder next to the Sarge*

CORPORAL, GIVE THE NEWBIE YOUR STRIPES NOW!

All Elves are faggots compared to Axe cop.

>>8873186
WHAT THE HELLS IS AN ELERDIN?
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, I'M TOO BUSY TRYING NOT TO VOMIT UP MY LUNGS OVER ALL THOSE GODDAMN HIGH ELVES.

'OH LOOK AT ME, I'M A MINCING NAIL-PAINTED FOP WHO COULDN'T LIFT A BUTTERFLY, I'VE NEVER EATEN RAW MEAT OR FOUGHT IN A RACE WAR BEFORE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO DANCING IN MY MAGICAL FOREST OF FAGGOTRY?'

HIGH ELVES GROTEUS'S CRATERED ASS, THE ONLY THING THEY'RE GOOD FOR IS FUCKING, AND THEY CRY TO MUCH TO BE A FIRST CHOICE FOR THAT! OH, YOU DON'T THINK KICKBOXING IS GOOD FOREPLAY? TOO FUCKING BAD ILLYLLYLLYNDYL SYLVYLYNDYL, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE THIRTY SIBILENT VOWELS IN YOUR NAME, THEN I WOULDN'T WANT TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND FUCK YOU AT THE SAME TIME.

GODDAMN. SO WHAT'S AN ELRADIN?

>>8873201
what I was saying is that the same mental discpline she used for her powers could easily be applyed to magic, with the same "WTF? HOW DID YOU... I DONT EVEN..." results.

>>8873243
that + using magic to do everything and living in the pastel bright virsion of the world. Oh, and the bastards can teleport about once every 5 min.

Someone hides the junk.

Eventually the Eldar informs the natives of the Ultramarines and their lord Marneus Calgar, thus convincing everyone to accept him as their spiritual liege, and replacing all of the local religions.

>>8873276

Go back to bed Matt Ward

>>8873243
Hey Sarge, it's funny you should mention High Elves. I'm transferring out of the Ranger Corps to study magic at Hyndyllifyll University, okay?

>>8872144

Nevermind, found it myself. The source is Ganassa.

>>8873264
YOU MUST BE CONFUSED. ELVES BEING ABLE TO TELEPORT AND BRIGHT PASTEL WORLDS DO NOT FUCKING GO TOGETHER. THAT'S LIKE ICE SCULPTURES AND NUCLEAR HEAT.

ME BEING ABLE TO LITERALLY APPEAR UNDER YOUR LITTLE GOBLIN BED AND SLIT DADDY'S THROAT WHEN HE COMES TO READ YOU A BEDTIME STORY DOES NOT A JOYOUS WORLD MAKE. AND MAKE NO MISTAKE DEAR READERS, HAD I THE POWER OF TELEPORTATION I WOULD BE UNDER EVERY BED, AT ALL TIMES, AWAITING ALL PARENTAL UNITS. I AM A ONE-ELF DYSTOPIA WAITING TO HAPPEN.

>>8873289
well, look who just signed their own death warrent... everyone step away from the dead elf.

>>8873302

"Gods Sarge, you really need to get laid, what are you doing Friday night?"

>>8873302
You would be much less angsty if you weren't so deep in the closet. I'm sure of it.

>>8873289

>I AM A ONE-ELF DYSTOPIA WAITING TO HAPPEN.
So... A Ranger?

Sarge, I've got a plan that involves a goblin town, a whole lot of dead gobbo healers, and a couple of vials of mummy rot. Wanna watch?

>>8873338

>>8873366
GOD DAMMIT PRIVATE, YOU BROKE MY STARIN' CONCENTRATION!
...ALSO YES. YES I WOULD. LET ME FIND MY TORMENT-VIEWING GLASSES.

In This Thread: We find out why elves are so pansy in Generic Fantasy. All badass elves spend their time slaughtering ECL 1/4 goblins and torturing farseers.

>>8873370

>>8873379
oh snap, I want to tag along on this.

Sarge, why do I find weakness so sexy?

>>8873379
YES, HAHAHAHAHAHA! thisisgoingtobesoawesome *starts giggling maniacally as i head off to the nearest decently populated gobbo town with a couple of glass bottles of vile gas strapped to my belt*

>>8873370
Er, hello ma'am. We regret to inform you that your son was killed in an... Unfortunate boating accident en-route to his new post at the Hyndyllifyll University. We were able to find you some fillings and a piece of his femur, but she wouldn't let us t- I MEAN we weren't able to recover the rest. I am so sorry for your loss.

>>8871718
TRIM THOSE FUCKING EYEBROWS!

Jesus fuck!

>>8873409
PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE A GOBLIN. SOMEBODY DISMEMBER THIS THING FOR ME, I'M TRYING NOT TO GET BLOOD ON MY BOOTS UNTIL WE GET TO THE NURSERY. DOING SOME TESTING ON FETAL SPLATTER.

>>8873412
...Sarge, is Bruce gonna die?

wait...what about cackle fever? Great psychological weapon if we left a few survivors to tell the next village...

>>8873453

Son... he's off to get his 40 virgins

>>8873434

Hey, the eyebrows are sexy

>>8873453
YES, TIMMY, BRUCE IS PROBABL- ARE YOU HUMAN? THE HELL? WHEN DID WE START-
...DOESN'T MATTER. YES, BRUCE IS PROBABLY GOING TO DIE, BUT HE'S GOING TO DIE WELL: PERPETUATING AN ANCIENT AND POINTLESS RACE WAR FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF IMPRESSING A SUPERIOR OFFICER/WOMAN. THERE IS NO BETTER FATE.

>>8873475
Sarge, what do you think of Dwarves?

Do these elves only pick on goblins because orcs are too tough for them?

>>8873441
MINE! *shoves a bottle of something down the guys throat and sits down on a nearby rock to watch*

>>8873500

Orcs are elves.

Not gonna lie, I don't remember the enchanted forest having this many nooses last time I was here. I might've gone a different way... But not very.
Who's in charge here, and what's funnier than ten dead goblins?

>>8873514

>>8873518
hmmm, depends how they carked it...maybe ten puddles of goop that used to be goblins?

>>8873518
THE SARGE IS IN CHARGE!

Also, 11 dead goblins.

>>8873500
Even Orcs are smart enough to stay the fuck out of the forests.

>>8873518
I AM, AND NOT EVEN ONE FUCKING THING.

>>8873500
NO. IT IS MEAN SPIRITED PETTY BULLYING, AND I LOVE IT, BUT ORCS ARE ALMOST AS FUN.

>>8873485
PRETTY COOL GUYS. I SAW THE LAVA THING. FUCKING HILARIOUS.

BUT LOOK, TIME'S KIND OF SHORT BECAUSE ME AND AN OLD BUGBEAR I KNEW IN COLLEGE HAVE TO GO BREAK SOME HOBGOBLIN'S KNEES OVER A HORSE RACE, SO I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THESE WORDS OF WISDOM: FUCK GOBLINS.

>>8873583
AND BY COLLEGE, I MEAN A HAUNTED FOREST FILLED WITH DIRE BEARS AND FIENDISH PYGMY OWLS. GOOD NIGHT MAGGOTS, I'LL BE BACK SOMEDAY, AND YOU'D BETTER NOT HAVE GROWN SLACK. GOBLINS ARE SLACK, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM.

>>8873583
>FUCK GOBLINS

I'd rather kill them in amusing ways, if that's okay with you

>>8873583
>>8873609
Sir yes Sir Ma'am Sir!
You heard the Sarge, sharpen your goblin killin' skills boys, the Second Coming of Sarge is at hand!

>>8873619
Rape is always an acceptable expression of hatred. Just use a knife if you're not comfortable with intimacy.

>>8873619
Foolish elves kekekekeke, you will learn to love us in time.

>>8873645
What, like sticking a knife repeatedly up their arse and vagoo until they die?

>>8873636
ya know for a human, hes not to bad.

>>8873667
Holy shit. That's... Almost arousing. And if you squint, it might almost pass for Sarge...
Eh, er, not that I would imagine that mind you! Somebody kill that thing!

>>8873678
Why limit yourself? With a knife, you can rape someone's lungs as easily as anything else.

Why rape elves, /tg/?

>>8873743

Gotta rape something...

>>8873743
It's not rape if it's an elf.

>>8873727
But that would be death by asphyxiation and/or drowning, not by blood loss. Anyways they die faster that way

>>8873743
The recent consensus seems to be that in Soviet Russia, elves rape you.
Seriously, the Sarge isn't going to be anyone's bitch.

>>8873754

Yes it is!

>>8873755
So find your commanding officer and requisition another goblin. This is War, man!

>>8873743
>rape
>elf
I'm sensing a logical disconnect in your statement.

>>8873764
As the Sarge would probably say, if you were raped, you aren't a real Elf. Therefore, it CANNOT be rape if it's an elf.

>>8873764
No it's not. Elves aren't people.

Look, I don't make the law. This is just how it is.

>>8873765
I don't think she took the whole "Gobbo-head-in-the-soup" gag to well...

>>8873782
Also in line with the Sergeant's Gospel. 'People' live happy lives of farming, harvesting and raising families.
Elves murder goblins and burn down their villages. They make Kore and Dellyn look like daisy-chain stringing faggots. Elves aren't People, and can't be treated as such.

You rangers and hunters talk tough shit, but when you slip up (don't pretend you don't) and come back bloodied and bruised, it's us "soft" healers who will save your sorry butts.

Try ranting about your survivalist philosophy when you're gasping for breath and crying from pain.

>>8873813
They also never got me a Super Nintendo for Christmas. Fuck elves.

>>8873799
Hey, I thought it was fucking hilarious. I think she was just mad because it was Hot&Sour Night, and she got Goblin-Brain soup instead.

>>8873831
>Try ranting about your survivalist philosophy when you're gasping for breath and crying from pain.

I'm a little tired for us to fuck tonight, wimp.

>>8873831
As Sarge would say, how about some head while you're at it? Do your job, it's not like any of you fuckers pay for your own drinks anyway.

>>8873831
Look, I'm sorry i dropped that vial of Mindfire in the infirmary, but it wasn't THAT bad...sorta

>>8873764
>>8873743
This is the first time elves have been interesting.
An angry sex-hungry farseer raping every elf

If only Sarge was a night elf.

...quick, someone make it happen. Setting change her or something!

>>8873860
At least the medicines we derive from rare herbs and sell to travelers earn the clan good gold, that buys useful goods unlike MORE GOBLIN SKULLS, HOW USEFUL! IT'S NOT LIKE WE DON'T ALREADY HAVE SEVERAL PILES TALLER THEN ME SCATTERED AROUND CAMP!

>>8873917
...these healers are kinky bitches. I never did it on top a giant pile of goblin skulls before.

>>8872208
"Elve's Dreams"

>>8873917
he fuck you some one will buy them eventually.
also I made a fucking awsome chair out of a skull pile and its damn comfy, so I dont wana hear anyone badtalking the skull piles

>>8873917
I like to use them as cannonballs. Also I pretend I'm Hamfist or whatever his name was.

"To pee or not to pee, that is the question. Whether it is nobler in life to bladder..."

He was not a clever elf.

>>8873956
They make crappy cups, though

>>8873941
Got a link?

>>8873965
I'VE GOT IT! we sneak into a gobbo camp and put them all throughout the place, and when they try and clear them out or leave, we shoot them!

>>8873997
but then we will have MORE goblin skulls to deal with.
its just a endless cycle

>>8874021
Ignore the sissy talking about 'too many goblin skulls'. Next she'll be saying 'I don't really want to give you poison for your arrows.' or 'Can you stop coming onto me? I don't actually want to sleep with you.' Let's block her in her hut with a bunch of extra nasty goblin bones.

>>8873997
Can I name my skulls and put face paint on them and make wind chimes with them and shrink them and make spiffy keychains?

>>8873831
Don't take it personal, you know how Sarge gets when there are living things around her.

>>8874037
Hey, we can do that. First though, could you go check that archery target is standing up properly. I'm going to restring my bow.

>>8874037
we could do that and sell them, it would bring in some cash and get rid of some of the skull piles.

One thing I always wondered about blizzard. Why do their games always have so many barefoot chicks in combat? Nelfs, sylvanas, Kerrigan... someone there has a foot fetish

This is the best thing involving elves I have seen IN SOME TIME.

>>8874058
sure you go tell sarge that were going to take the day off to do some arts and crafts instead of killing goblins.
im gona be standing over here, far away.

>>8874105
I will make skull flails with iron spikes embedded in them. I will also make the spiffy keychains. And guess what?

You don't get a keychain, because you're a dick. You can still have a flail though.

Sometimes I wonder about Sarge's superior officer...

>>8874129
oh man you havent met the LT yet?
count yourself lucky then.

>>8874167
No, I'm not even supposed to be here. Goblins attacked my hometree and I was able to kill them all with a chairleg and my teeth and nails. Sarge arrived about five minutes, cold-clocked me and threw me on the back of a horse. When I woke up I was dressed in this Ranger uniform.

>>8874203
I will make you a keychain.

>>8874210
Oh Gods I'm never going to be able to leave, am I?

>>8874220
Nope. May as well keep track of your keys while you're here. Also you can use them for stabbing. I sharpen everyone's keys.

>>8874167

That attitude will never help, private. Besides, Lt. Sugarleaf is pretty nice once you get to know her.

>>8874033
With attitudes like that it's not surprising so many of our young apprentice girls have run off with human adventurers. At least they know how to treat ladies with respect.

I swear the Orcs are probably more sensitive then you louts. Enjoy your skull piles.

>>8874220
nope
I hope you enjoy goblin blood, sleeping in the mud, going for days with out food and every other beautiful little thing they never tell you about what its like being a ranger in the stories.

>>8874257
What the hell, man? How do skull piles make us insensitive? I think you're just angry. Would you like a keychain? I'm making you a keychain.

>>8874257
>Orcs are probably more sensitive than you louts

You didn't tell me you had experience in torturing Orcs! Hahaha, I like you! Don't worry your little empty head, we know how to torture things. Just keep up the good work and I'll bring you back something nice, like a live one to practice on.

>>8874275
Thank you, but had better be pretty. And not stink of dead goblin.

Never change, /tg/
Never change

>>8874294
It's made out of a dead goblin's shrunken head. Of course it's pretty and it smells FANTASTIC. I like to keep little rocks of cocaine in the eye sockets for a mid battle pick-me-up.

>>8874293
I'm look forward to this
it would probably be the most entertainment we have had in months, its been months right? I dont even keep track of the days anymore.

Act more noble, you sad excuse for elves.

im picturing a bunch of guys looking like this sitting around a camp full of skulls.
but more elfy, and its pretty god dam awsome.

>>8874354
Sarge is a LADY soldier and you will TREAT HER RIGHT.

>>8874350
I'm guessing you must have mild retardation because no one who exposes their neck like that so easily would ever qualify as an Elf. Your parents should have left you in the woods.

>>8874293
Well maybe when our entire village is overrun in half-elf children you'll learn to treat us ladies better.

>>8874369
You trying to say that just because I'm a ranger I don't count as a 'lady', civilian? Maybe when the entire village is overrun by raping hordes of goblins you'll think, "GEE I SURE SHOULDN'T HAVE INSULTED THE NICE RANGER WHO WAS JUST TAKING AN INTEREST IN MY HOBBIES".

You're missing the point. Sarge and her girls are hot elf chicks who go around killing things in horrible manners while swearing like sailors.

And they look pretty doing it.

See >>8871867

ok where the fuck is my knife?
which one of you slack jawed throwbacks took my knife?

>>8874425
Don't look at me, I haven't used a knife ever since we got that downtime 6 years ago and I spent the day sharpening a goblin thighbone to a point.

>>8874448
god damit.....
was it you rookie?
I swear to the gods if it was you I will tear out your fucking femur and make a new knife out of it.

>>8874466
I don't have your knife, but I'll drop a knife right in your fucking spine if you don't shut your whore mouth, you prissy little diva.

'Oh, please help my find my knife! Please, pretty please with sugar on top! I can't kill goblins with my bare hands and I need my knife to do anything at all! CRY CRY CRY!'

>>8874484
>>8874466
you both need to calm the fuck down or sarge is gona get pissed, and then very bad things will happen.

>>8874350
Hey Aribeth, which are you today, paladin or blackguard?

>>8874466
Your knife was for Little Sissy City Elves anyway Sherl.

>>8874538
yeah fuck it
if things get real bad i'll find a pointy rock or something

raep

>>8874547
Your missing my point. Why would a real Wood Elf even disgrace herself carrying around that sissy little toothpick.
Whatcha going to do next? Put on a dress and start singing in some meadow with some furry critters?
I think your the new Squad Princess.

>>8874547
Pointy rock? Fuck, have you any idea how many fucking lethal weapons you can make outta your uniform alone? Shit, son.

>>8872185
Dawn of War 2 trailer has a helmetless Xeno Witch with "DAT VOICE". She appears to have TUUUUUUUBEs on her cheeks, which may be related.

Presumably, should you be into faggy space elves, the otherworldly voice would just add to the appeal.

>>8874574
For instance, drain all the mud off it and drown some bitch in it.

>>8874564
yeah yeah yeah
we have all heard your "we should kill shit with our bare hands argument" so many times before.
I happen to belive having something pointy to stab the fuckers with is a bit more efficent.
but by all means go ahead and fist fight the next orc patrol we come across, I find it hilaruious when you do that. but I wont be holding your god damn guts until we get you to a healer again.

>>8874650
Remember when you brought that up and said 'Sarge doesn't fight with her bare fists, does she?'.

Holy Obad-Hai, I was in charge of cleaning that mess up. It took months.

>>8874665
oh gods I almost drank away the memory too.

that was the most horrific thing I have ever seen sarge do.
that month

>>8874650
I use my short sword as a knife for my Orc killing needs.
And I use a bastard sword for my heavy duty pruning, Princess.
Know why dont you put on your pretty skimpy little whore dress and met Momma behind that stand of trees so I can make you a big girl.
Maybe I'll teach you how to impale someone with the haft of sword?

>>8874694
>angry hilt fuck

Not sure if want.

>>8874694
that would be a bad idea, that bitches toxic cunt would probably corrode your sword faster then a rust monster

>>8874785
Corrosion Proof Sword of course.

>>8874785
I doubt the Princess is that vile. She does act like a Bratty City Elf Princess. Accusing fellow Squadmates of stealing her little toy. Getting in a huff and stomping about. It's cute seeing her act like that.
Hey baby! You put that dress on yet?
*Evil Luaghter*

>>8874840
>>8874785
>>8874727
>>8874694

Oddly enough, I have a bit of a fetish for women fucking themselves with the handles of weapons.

>>8872041
'This one is good, but, this one, this one is miiinneee~'

>>8874985
Do elaborate.

>>8877304
I imagine what he's trying to convey is that one angry femme ranger drags her comrade round the back of a tree in a muddy, skimpy dress and fucks her raw with the smooth hilt of a shortsword.

>>8877443

Ah. I had suspected as much. Carry on.

Hot damn. I'd follow the Sergeant barefoot into hell.

>>8877956
Hey, when the Sarge actually makes you do that and you die, can I have your stuff?

>>8878221
Fuck you Pointman, I already owe the Corporal my salary for the next seven years over that bet with the dinner plate at the orc sentry.

>>8878249
Your own goddamn fault for betting against the Sarge. Woman can shave a man from 20 yards with a hatchet, how much harder did you think a disk would be?

>>8878274

I remember that! That was fucking priceless. Fucker's head came apart like a melon. I think the rest of that dinner party shat itself.

I hate it when they run, though. Especially if they trip into their own campfire when they do it. Scalping is only really fun when there's still hair on 'em, ya know?

>>8878422
Remember when Johnny asked to transfer to the Outriders and Sarge ordered him to scalp the Fire Elemental?

That was tough to watch man.

>>8880079
So his left hand fused together, what's he gonna need it for? Only need one hand to hold saber, not like the Outriders ever do any actual fighting 'till the rout.

Who is this Sergeant, and how many people do I have to scalp to get in?

>>8880145
People? None. But you've got to bring us at least three goblin lids to add to the community quilt. We've got quite a fucking collection goin', gonna donate it to the Ilylsyldyl orphanage when it's done.
And people say th' Sarge ain't altroo-is-tik.

>>8880145
Sarge? She's not around at the moment. Something about goblins and mummy rot...

You could talk to the LT about joining. Just make sure you can remain perfectly still for about 40 minutes before you go into his office.

>>8880183
Listen t' this man. I mean, we ain't never *seen* the Lieutenant, but we know he's there, and I've heard 'em a few times. The man's too good at his job to interact with the men, that's why he's got an NCO like Sarge.

>>8880245
Some people say that it's just a severed head that Sarge pretends talks like a puppet. You didn't hear that from us. I think he's real though - I mean, that time Lilandra ran into his office kinda fast, we all saw the blood spatter.

>>8880245
The idea that Sarge is the friendliest, most personable and charismatic officer in the Ranger Corps is unbelievably terrifying. What must the Ranger General be like?

What are the squad roles in a D&D version of a modern military squad? The heavy weapon is a barbarian multiclass? Medic clearly a Favoured Soul/Cleric/Paladin.

>>8880370
I'll bet on the outside he's real nice... and on the inside, he's real brutal.

>>8877528
I think the idea is that the idea of a Ranger in the Sarges outfit first of all using a simple KNIFE for fieldwork is pretty weak. (Implies lack of strength and badassness.)
Second she goes around accusing her fellow Squadmates of stealing her knife (First of all why would they even steal a shitty little knife.) Then when she cant find it she throws a cute little tantrum.

You have the Sarges Corporal watching the whole thing and finally puts the little bitch in her place.
For being a weak elf pussy for using a simple knife we have the princess,city elf comments. Implying she'd weak.
Next in response to her little tantrum, foot stomping and talking back to an authority figure, she treats the fellow ranger like a little girl (Implied with the comments 'come to momma and the whole lets go make you a big girl.)

What this leaves us with is a slightly deranged Elf Ranger who acts like the Squads Mother figure (While the Sarge is obviously the Father Figure.) and gets off to making her misbehaving squadmates dress and act like helpless and young city elfs and then impose her sexual fantasies on them.
This I guess would be effective-

>>8881084
considering she's still a corporal and she's a corporal in the Sarges Elite Ranger Squad.

It wouldnt take too many trysts in the tent/stand of tree's/bushes/shed/cave/riverbank and etc to enforce discipline.

Albiet this is done in a really freaky and kinky way.

>>8881084
>I think the idea is that the idea of a Ranger in the Sarges outfit first of all using a simple KNIFE for fieldwork is pretty weak. (Implies lack of strength and badassness.)

I think you're using the wrong definition of knife there, mate.

>>8881241
I meant a pansy knife. Not something you'd see ole Dundee or a Catachan would use.

>>8881955
Yeah, I know. I just don't think these Rangers know what one of those kinds of knifes IS.

>>8872144

so is there a source for this or not?

only other one ive seen is where some ogre thing rapes a night elf or something