Oh good lord

I really don't know where this going.

Overall, I thought he would be a good addition to our group, since he seemed to be a little different from your typical player. He seemed to act with a purpose, which made him actually commit to learning the rules, rather than lazily reading them. In that one conversation, he managed to show that he had a better grasp of the rules than my friend and our big guy did.

Before things get too complicated, let me introduce my group. Beyond me, there's our DM, who's a bit older than us and probably more laid back then he should be. Then there's my friend, who I've known since elementary school, and his girlfriend, who's smarter than he is and likes telling everyone so. His girlfriend also brings her sister, who's two years younger than everyone else but more into gaming than her older sister. Then there's the big guy, a tall, slightly overweight guy I met at a magic tournament a few years back at our local game store, who's nice and friendly and just a tad bit dopey. Finally, there's me, who can't really describe himself. We play with a semi-serious focus, and we probably take the game a little further than the average group, though not to the point where it would be embarrassing to bring a new player in.

And then...
NAZI MEMORABILIA EVERYWHERE!

THE HORROR

When we gathered together to play the first time, the roommate asked our DM about house rules. We play with a few common ones (2 20's in a row is an instant kill threat), but the roommate asked to add a few he had used in his last campaign. He produced a sheet of paper, and among the house rules were:

-If a player casts a spell, spell-like ability, or similar, they must actually perform a small ritual.
-If a player does push-ups or squats before an attack/physical action, he gets a +1 to the roll for every ten he does consecutively.
-Skill checks (such as bluff and sense motive) could not be used against other players.
-The players have to call each other by their character names at all times. They take HP damage every time they use a real name.

And other such things. We discussed them a bit, found some of them neat, and we ended up adopting most of them, at least on a trial basis. We began play, and things went very smoothly. The roommate seemed a little subdued, staying out of the "spotlight" for the most part, and my only real complaint would be that he chatted a lot on the side and sometimes had to be filled in with things he had missed.

In before fucking the little sister after the game.

>>8108844
+1 for every 10 strokes?

Damn it, why don't people write this shit down before hand?

Two sessions later, he finally made his "debut." My Ranger, Big guy's Bard, my friend's Cleric, and the girlfriend's Wizard were down, leaving the roomate's Fighter and the sister's Paladin with almost no HP in front of a beholder. The sister tried a smite, shouting for Pelor's aid, but missed miserably. The Roomate then declared full power attack, and dropped to the floor. 60 pushups later (and thus a +6 to his attack), breathing hard, he likewise shouted out for Pelor's aid, rolled, and the DM declared that not only did the +6 just barely got the hit in, he just managed to kill it with the damage he rolled.

We all cheered, and it was a pretty good moment. Big guy asked why he had shouted for Pelor, and the roommate replied that his fighter and the paladin had been discussing the deities in-game before hand, and his fighter decided in that moment to convert to worshiping Pelor as his main deity.

Two sessions later, we have the game at my friend and his roommate's place. I notice that the Big guy doesn't seem to happy while we play, but the game ended without incident. After everyone else had left, I was invited to drink and stay for the night. I'm not a good drinker, but I was more than happy to oblige.

>>8108802
Those are some pretty stupid rules.

And then a skeleton popped out!

This is going to end badly, i can tell

If there's no time limit to it, or they don't mind if there's a break between them, you can actually do a lot more pushups than you'd think if you're willing to only do a few, then wait 60 seconds, do a few more, wait, do some more.. But yeah, if it WAS 60 in a row, he's in decent shape.

>>8108933
People who take care of themselves?

We start to drink, and I switch to just sprite after only a little while (I tend to get nauseous before I actually get drunk), but the other two continue until my friend ends up vomiting in the toilet. We then got ready for bed, and while lying there, we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, with our conversation becoming more and more revealing.

The subject of girls came up, and my friend began with his seasoned and practiced story that we had all heard a thousand times about how he "seduced" his current girlfriend with poetry even he considered shitty. The roommate then started describing a girl in a manner that made me rollover to hide my erection. Huge breasts on a slender frame that widened into the perfect ass, etc. etc. He then told me how her best friend was her neighbor, the biggest geek in the world, and suddenly things are starting to click. He then explained how he started to talk to the geek, and in no time at all, he was playing in their D&D game. With absolute pride, he then went on to say how in three weeks, he was fucking the shit out of the girl, while every other nerd in the group (who obviously wanted to fuck her too) could only jack off to the thought. The best part was that her best friend actually confronted him, and he just told him off for being such a wimp to not have fucked her himself.

I expressed my agreement, though I'm not sure how sincere I was.

>>8108929

I used to could do that many, before i got lazy and fat.
my arms would be sore as fuck for a few hours, though.

inb4

MY MOM GOT SCARED AND SAID YOU'RE MOVIN' IN WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL AIR

>>8108997
Yes, that has been established.
Stop it.

So he's trying the same here? Why would he tell you about it if he was?

>Finally, there's me, who can't really describe himself.

The protagonist is a featureless everyman. This story doesn't sound fictional at all.

>>8109041
>The best part was that her best friend actually confronted him, and he just told him off for being such a wimp to not have fucked her himself.

SO THAT HE CAN PROVOKE THIS.

>>8109041
Cocky fucker or drunk are the only reasons I can think of.

>>8109060
Maybe a cocky drunk fucker?

>>8109071
I've never met a frat-douche who could do 60 pushups. My sister's boyfriend can do like 45 but he's not a douche.

Fucker is going after the girlfriends little sister, not cool bro! Roommates need to follow the rules of being a bro! Or else everything deteriorates, like the DM will lose his GF or he will be forced to move out/ Get rid of roommate due to GF rage.

This thread needs the ROOMMATE OF NURGLE story reposted.

so what, he's going after your friend's girlfriend, or her sister?

>>8109126
LUUUUUKE

>>8109109
Man, who doesn't tab browse?
Is there such a browser without tabs?
God damn, we're living in the future.

>>8109126
OH GOD. DON'T FUCKING REMIND ME.

FUCKING LUKE.

Thought: OP has gone off to do other things while we postulate on what he's going to troll us with at the end, thus creating a meta-troll where we troll ourselves trying to figure out what he's going to troll us with.

Solution: See pic.

>>8108844
So is this gonna happen or what?

He gave me this... look, and I returned it. Next thing I know, I'm on my knees sucking his dick. He pounded me all night long.

Oh my god, /tg/, what have I done?

The next game, I noticed it. It was obvious now. First off, the sister of my friend's girlfriend was attractive. I myself would not be adverse to having sex with her, though it never really was my pursuit (though I'll admit I entertained the thought). And his advances were ever so subtle, but still there. Of course, it's not my job to butt into other people's relationships, so I just watched as he made what I would have to deem very good progress. Apparently, the Big guy had noticed this long before, and seemed to be getting sourer and sourer as the game went on. I decided it would be a good idea to talk to him.

My guess was correct, and the Big guy did have a crush on the sister. Getting him to say that was harder then I thought it would be, but afterwards he was more than willing to tell me everything. He was vehemently opposed to the roommate's way of doing things, and even described them as "sinister." While I wanted to just tell him to take his own step forward (I never even knew he had discovered girls until that point), I decided to just let him vent his anger while I simply yes'd along.

The roommate made his move soon afterward. He first talked to my friend, who told him to back off from his girlfriend's sister (probably because he didn't want things to get complicated). He then went to me, and explained his plan. "Plan" is a bit of a weasel term, since it makes it sound like he was creating some sort of scheme. Of course, he was enjoying playing, and really liked the way I played my character, and was impressed by my knowledge of the rules, and was here mostly for the game, but he said he wasn't going to lie to me and say that the sister wasn't one of the reasons he decided to join the group.

>>8109189
op is a fag lol

FAGGOT I HAVE TO WAKE UP IN LIKE 4 HOURS AND I CANT GO TO SLEEP UNTIL I HEAR THE END OF YOUR FUCKING STORY FUCK

>>8108979

Ha, this guy and I have a lot in common. My girlfriend's the only chick in my group and every other guy there, even the ones with girlfriends, wants her. The two single desperate guys have each confessed their love for her while drunk and played it off as a joke, another has suggested a fourway between us and him and his girlfriend completely seriously and then played it off as a joke, and the last has admitted he'd break up with his girlfriend if he could go out with mine.

>>8109212
My early appointment at the unemployment office is looking pretty fucked.

>>8109200
So, the one guy has feelings for the girl but doesn't act and the other guy has feelings for the girl but does act.

I don't see what is the problem here.

>>8109218
Both you and your group are pathetic.

>>8109254
2 guys 1 girl
always a problem

This story better end with feces, or I will be outraged.

OUTRAGED I TELL YOU.

Heh, I play in a mixed gender group with the luck of having no sexual tension, somehow.
It's me, my ex (the two of us are like bros at this point, though she is a chick), two gay guys (who each have their own boyfriends, one of them is engaged), and the DM who is married.

The horror is almost picking up now!

>>8109218

>>8109218
Is your girlfriend a 10/10 or something? Or is it just that D&D girls are more often seen by gamers?

>>8109254
>So, the one guy has feelings for the girl but doesn't act and the other guy wants to bone the girl but does act.

>>8109270
Not if you're up against a small little white nerdy kid that's three years younger than you, that has known that girl for 5 years (and has been friendzoned ages ago).

>>8109270
Not if the two guys involved are mature enou-
Wait, I see your point.

>>8109254
I kinda see the problem. When a bro tells you to back off his sister, you back off his sister.

>>8109335
this

>>8109303
A feeling is a feeling, anon.

Interest is rapidly waning

One of my gaming sessions ended into an orgy.

Not shitting. We were 4 guys and 3 girls and after the session ended we started drinking, then one of the guy brought the issue of two hits hitting it off in-game (one of them played a male paladin bishy style) and they started making out and then it all went slaneesh.

The morning after one dude remembered that his girlfriend (the only couple in the group as far as I knew) had 4 different cocks and 6 different tongues in her cunt and blasted away, getting drama and corroding the group thereafter. Never got another group as good as that one before that incident.

Sex gets in the way of gaming, bros.

I never knew Cooldude played RPGs too.

>>8109357

>issue of two hits hitting it off

replace hits with chicks.

>>8109335

Not his sister. It's his girlfriends sister.

this is going to end in something horrible

or very gay

>>8109218
Weird, I tend to not start lusting after a girl if she's already attached. Well, if I know she's already attached. And for any value of lust beyond "if she was single I'd tap her like a keg at Oktoberfest".

But maybe that's just me.

>>8109357
Then, don't get in a fucking orgy, holy fuck was that stupid.
Although, I must commend you for it.

>>8108802
pushups to get a bonus on dice rolls
the level of absurdity is so huge.. I can't understand why a group would accept such a rule from a newcomer, much less if the group is made up of women and obese/unfit geeks.

>>8109366

Original version of it.

>>8109366
what was that?

>>8109378
I'm betting it doesn't end at all.

I told him that it seemed like the sister was enjoying his company. I explained that I only wanted what was best for her. Apparently, those were not the right words to use.

There was a sudden flash of anger, and he started to yell at me, telling me that what was best for her was what she wanted, and only she could decide that. I told him to calm down, act fucking civil, and that I agreed that she was free to do whatever she wanted. There was a brief moment where he seemed like he wanted to continue to try and intimidate me, but he just agreed and we started talking about next week's game.

That game will become familiar to some of you in later years. In future dictionaries, it will be used as a definition for "apeshitfuckdamn."

>>8109398

That's even worse!

>>8109357
Look, that guy was an asshole. Because this sort of thing falls into the category of "AND LET US NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN", or into the category of "...maybe we could try that again sometime?", not into the category of "OH NOES MY GIRLFRIEND WAS FUCKING OTHER DUDES WHILE I WAS IN THE SAME ROOM FUCKING OTHER CHICKS SHE'S OBVIOUSLY A WHORE EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER".

>>8109357
Well maybe if the faggot objected to the idea of HAVING A FUCKING orgy his girlfriend wouldn't have gotten fucked.

>>8109374
Eh. Still if a bro says it'll make things awkward and he'd rather you not, it's best to do it.
>>8109387
Yeah that kinds of reveals the story as fake. But shush, it's interesting.

>>8109396

See

>>8109389

>>8109416
>SUSPENSE

>>8109416
This story promised horror, all I'm getting is shitty high school drama.

And then, the fateful night. We started playing, and everything seemed alright at first. Even Big guy was getting into it. And suddenly new guy smiled differently or something. I'm not sure what it was, but we could all see: he was a bear. No shit, it explained everything. like the pushups He knew his cover was blown in a second and pushed the table over onto everybody, and grabbed the sister and swung out a window. But big guy had come prepared and pulled out a gun. He shot the bear point blank in the face, and the sister humped him in reward.
THE END.

>>8109414

We were really drunk. Like, whatthefuckdidIdolastnight drunk. We were in a flat at the beach by ourselves, too, so no responsabilities or anything else to hold us back. I can't even remember another time I puked so much.

The girls weren't even that pretty, goddamn.

WILL THERE BE ACTUAL HORROR?
Tune in next week to find out!

>>8109426

>>8109461

No bitch can resist Cooldude.

>>8109437
Im cool with this.

>>8109437
This better not be the fucking OP, I swear to shit.

GET A FUCKING MOVE ON OP

>>8109437
Damned bears, always trying to infiltrate our clean gamer society.

>>8109437
I get the feeling the actual story will be much more boring.

>>8109437

>>8109126
Sounds interesting. Can somebody post this?

WTF was that op on the end? WHERE IS END!!!!!!

>>8109449
I have to say, breaking up the game to do some fucking push ups seems like a really good way to break immersion. Maybe that's just me, but it does. Plus it kind of gives an advantage to people who're physically fitter while roleplaying is meant to be a more mental thing. There's a guy in my group who's a great roleplayer and quite frankly comes with ideas and plans that make us facepalm for not thinking it ourselves, but the dude would have a heart attack after 30 push ups.

Sounds like the only reason why mister Fancy Pants joined was to get it on with that girl.

You know, girls like guys who work for their pussy.

>>8109531
NO! NO! SWEET JESUS NO!

GO AND LOOK IT UP YOURSELF IF YOU WANT BUT IT MUST NOT BE REPOSTED!

OP here, what are you guys talking about? I finished the story, it even says the end.

>>8109535
Id get halfway if that to my 1st +1 and have to take a withheld action.

>>8109535
Get him in shape?
My gaming group was as much a health club as group of bros chillin and drinking man.

>>8109568
poast eet

>>8109535
>>Plus it kind of gives an advantage to people who're physically fitter while roleplaying is meant to be a more mental thing

the physically fit deserve all the advantages available to them, even in a world of fantasy

>>8109535

Could be a good houserule in a game for kids. Boys have to run around and be retarded every couple of hours or they're fucking unbearable to be around.

I know 90% of 4chan is underage b&, but the two or three other anons with kids out there know this to be true.

>>8109592

suptg. Look up Luke. Anything more will infect the board.

this is apparently a "horror story", so when does it get horrific

>>8109579
He doesn't want to. He's fine the way he is. He never complains about his state of life, he's a nice, kind big teddy bear. Has a girlfriend who's a whale, but damn if they aren't the nicest couple I know. Brought it up to him once, that he's probablly going to die of a heart attack. Says he knew and he's going to take that risk.

>>8109614
When you spend 4 hours waiting for an ending that never comes.

>>8109449
I'm okay with boosts to dice rolls as a reward for good roleplaying, creative solutions, or whatever, but suddenly stopping the game to do an unrelated action...

>>8109535
It's also hypocritical to demand something like this while at the same time moving to penalize players for not calling each other by their character's names.

"It's Rothgar, not Steve, you cretin! Now I, Rothgar, will go give the Game Master a handjob before attacking, because it will raise my attack bonus and give my battle axe an extra dice for my damage roll! Excelsior!"

>>8109601
Bugbears the rpg

fuck this shit I'm going to bed

You want a horror story? I've got a horror story.

The internet invited this new poster to post on one of the boards I go to. The anonymity made it seem okay, that he knew the rules, and should be fun to talk with.

I saw him posting a few minutes before I was going to post, and at first glance he doesn't seem like a /tg/-kind-of-guy. Doesn't link his posts, writes slow, has that "bathes in troll juice" aura. But he's able to spell, I watch him posting, and he seems like an okay poster. He starts writing about some story involving his group, and he wants to go into detail about it. He started getting into it, with some trolls getting in the way, but he was addicted to talking about this sort of stuff and wanted to keep posting.

I thought it an odd story, but the other posters and I started to talk about ways he could be planning to troll us. He did prove to be fairly knowledgeable about how to troll, and posting in general, and we actually got a bit interested in his story and how it could possibly end. /tg/ and I disagreed on a lot of points, but he kept posting heedless of what we wrote even though he was a little bit slow.

>>8109623
Because its a roleplaying game not tag.
If you want your actual body to matter when you roleplay go beat up your friends with a foam sword.

>>8109624
Hm, I see.
Best to leave that issue alone.

But yes, I agree with: >>8109623

The smart man has his advantage why can't the strong man?

>>8109623
>Why should people who are intelligent enough to formulate a plan that benefits them gain an advantage,
Well I don't know about your group, but my DM calls you out if the Barbarian with really low INT comes with the complex master plan. Roleplay the intelligence. DM helps people with really high intelligence for their character by using hints.

>>8109663
Holy shit this seems so familiar

>>8109603
Can't find it, help?

>>8109684
Honestly do you think that good looking players should get some sort of bonus when they play pretty characters too?

I bet op's thinking of some really good way to troll us. Joke's on him since we're ready for it now, heh.

>>8109437


FREAKING BEARS

It started very relaxed. The DM gave his lazy summary of last's weeks events, and we played fairly uneventfully for an hour until we stopped to order some Mediterranean delivery. At some point, the roomate and my friend's girlfriend left the room, and came back after we had finished ordering. The roomate then made a move I that I will admit was bold. Doritos 3D bold. He went up to the sister, and with absolute confidence, asked her to go have dinner with him the next day.

She doesn't even get a chance to answer. At that point, I had not determined exactly how I felt about the situation, but the strange feeling of relief I felt as my friend stood up cleared things for me. With an absolute lack of grace that I commend him for, he shouts, "Fuck you, I told you to fuck off." Things went a little wild, but it can be summarized by him and his girlfriend having a shouting match for a few minutes, while Big guy fumed silently, and the roommate stood waiting for a response from the sister.

It was almost too cute how she blushed and couldn't make eye contact. Oh, I know it was the devil's ways that had captured her heart, but I felt at that moment that if the roommate was the only one who was gutsy enough to bring her into womanhood, then I should have no say in the matter. She avoided the question by trying to calm down her older sister, who was having too much fun belittling her boyfriend for being an intrusive jerk. Our DM, loveable in his laziness, had apparently been too busy preparing the campaign to notice any drama, and was once again too lazy to give a fuck about it. However, the Big guy was starting to man up a little, though only by backing up my friend a little here and there.

>>8109741

I should get a seduction bonus because my cock is awesome.

>>8109685

My DM does the same, that's why I'm forced to play high int rogues and fighters because I fucking hate mages.

>>8109685
in our group we just say the bard or whoever came up with it. that way the player, who might have a brillant plan, can see it in action

>>8109684
The only bonus you should get are for good roleplaying.
Breaking up the game so you can workout is not good roleplaying.
Fuck in my group all i ask is that you try your best to roleplay and i'll give you a bonus of some sort.

>>8109741
If the fucker can talk sure, if not, why should their looks matter?

Besides, it's not your group, why are you getting your panties in a bunch?

>>8109663

Overall, I thought his story would be a good addition to /tg/ trolling, since he seemed a little different from your typical poster. He seemed to type with a purpose, which made him actually commit to trolling the fags here, rather than lazily spouting "4e". In this one story, he managed to show that he could write just slow enough to piss off pretty much any neckbeard.

Before things get too complicated, let me introduce /tg/. Beyond me, there's a good amount of hardcore neckbeards, who're a bit older than the rest of us and probably more grognardish than they should be. Then there's my generation of fa/tg/uys, who I've known since elementary school, and the ca/tg/irls, who can be "smarter" than we fa/tg/uys and like yowling about it. The ca/tg/irls also bring along a contingent of tards and trolls, who're younger than everyone else but more into trolling than the ca/tg/irls. Then there's the tripfags, people you might meet yelling their accomplishments at the LGS, who can be nice and friendly but goddamn trolls too. Finally, there's me, who can't really describe himself other than as "anon". We post with a semi-serious focus on traditional games, and we probably take the trolling a little further than the average board, though not to the point where it would be too obvious to stop us from getting new posters.

>>8109684
Because it isn't a game for the strong man. The smart man has no place on the football field, except maybe as coach.

>>8109741

i honestly 100% do, but i'm aware that most would not agree with me

>>8109762

So your "horror story" is some lame highschool style cock blocking at a D&D game?

>Oh, I know it was the devil's ways that had captured her heart, but I felt at that moment that if the roommate was the only one who was gutsy enough to bring her into womanhood,

whatthefuckamireading.jpg

>>8109762
Will you hurry up with your stupid story?

>>8109792
So looks don't matter but fitness does what the fuck.

>>8109792
Because it seems so stupid!
And besides this is the internet where it is not only my right but my duty to prevent BADWRONGFUN.

Archive this shit!

>>8109762
type faster bitch

>>8109764
That's how my group plays.

>>8109854
Don't even think about it until it's actually done.

>>8109861

It tastes like mint too (seriously). Do I double that bonus?

>>8109840
That's not what I meant and you know it.

>>8109830
Corporate America intended to depose FDR in a coup.

True story.

>>8109792
Because it's meant to be about the character, not you. Roleplaying. Playing into the role of that character. You're weak in character, your strength in real life matters not. You're dumb in character, your intelligence in real life matters not. You're clumsy with words in character, your charisma in real life matters not etc.

>>8109796

When we started listening to him troll the first time, the poster made the neckbeards start listing off ways he could troll. We usually know a few common trolls (talking about advancing WH40k's storyline), but the poster seemed to want to bring his own trolling over to /tg/. He began to practically list them off, and among his troll methods were:

-If a story begins to be written, it must actually be written and posted in concurrently.

-If a story does a lot of detail before the end, it has a much higher troll success factor.

-Trying to talk to the OP would not make a difference.

-The readers of the story have to call out the trolling tropes by name. They would otherwise be more likely to be trolled for not expecting it.

And other such things. /tg/ and I discussed them a bit, found some of them genuinely rage worthy, and we ended up listening to his story more intently, at least for some temporary rage. We even began to post fervently about the plot, and things were going slowly. The poster seemed a little subdued, being less obvious with his trolling, and my only real complaint would be that he would not HURRY THE FUCK UP WITH HIS TYPING AND JUST TROLL ALREADY.

>>8109861
granted, I'm banging the DM

>>8109892
maybe it is done. Also the bear ending made me laugh hard enough not to give a shit if its done

>>8109893
Thing is the speech is directly related to the game while push ups aren't.
It's like giving someone a bonus because they know the state capitals nice but not related to gameplay.

>>8109893

Stirring in-character speeches deeply enrich the game.

Pushups are stupid and pointless.

Stop being dense. Tabletop roleplay is a talking game; getting a bonus for physical feats in D&D is like getting free yards for reciting poetry in gridiron.

The roommate seemed torn. He looked like he was going to try and say something back to my friend, but then he would turn to the sister, and then he'd turn back to my friend, and then to the girlfriend, and eventually, he walked over to me. He told me that I should get my friend off his case, and that the night's game would be ruined unless I did. Before I did anything, the food arrived, and things magically calmed down, just until we actually started to play again.

The roomate brought up the subject in-game. My friend tried to object, but our DM, who still had not grasped any sense of the situation, thought it now best to remind us all about the spirit of the game, and that in-game conversations were in-game, and had no part in reality. The girlfriend backed the DM up on this, and my friend gave up quickly. The sister, playing a Paladin, politely refused the Fighter. Whether it was her own feeling's or not, the Big guy actually gave out an audible sigh of relief that I'm certain everyone noticed. However, the roomate had been playing a rather bold fighter (one of those die-hard, never-say-die, never-give-up, never-surrender kind of guys), and it was only too natural for him to continue his advances.

Now, for a slight intermission, I'd like to point out one of the magical (as in, really magic, not some parlor trick or D&D spell) things about roleplaying games. Big guy is dopey and overweight and doesn't say too much in real life. However, his bard has a charisma score of 20 and never shuts the hell up. And, he now had more then enough of a reason to run his mouth.

He told the fighter to back off. Eloquently.

Suddenly, it happened. I was waiting for it the moment I met the roommate. Something that's on the biological level. Something instinctual. Something I knew would happen, I just did not know when.

His alpha male switch flipped on.

the real reason so many of you are against a pushups-for-bonuses type setup is you know you couldn't do 10

>>8109792

I want to put my balls in her mouth.

Just. Rest them there.

>>8109964
>like getting free yards for reciting poetry in gridiron

I really, really want to see that.

Where are the squid monsters? I was promised horror!

Better houserules:

To cast a wizard spell, you need to solve a math problem based on the level of spell. Cantrips require simple arithmetic, while 9th level spells require differential equations and epic-level spells need you to solve the riemann hypothesis.
To cast cleric spells, you need to read a long passage from the bible, explain it, and then PRAISE JAYSUS
To cast druid spells, you need to fuck a tree.
If you sing a song (but it has to be sung well), you get a bonus to bardic music.

>>8109995

Now it's getting good.

>>8110012
What the hell.

>>8110026
To kill things with any sort of weapon you have to stab one of the hobos i keep chained up in the basement.

>>8109995

the silent one kills the douchebag yes?

>>8110026

apart from the treefucking these are all good ideas

>>8109995
I was promised horror, OP.

Where the fuck is the horror.

Give me my fucking horror.

>>8110002

Shakespeare in NFL.

Jesus' cunt, OP, I could menstruate a story faster than you type.

>>8109995
>Now, for a slight intermission

wat

.................

>intermission

......................

>>8110048
I think you'd fit in more with LARPing.

>>8109925

Two posts later, he finally made his "debut." My mind, the tripfag's mind, the INTERNET'S mind, and even the ca/tg/irls minds were blown by the stupidity of the story, leaving the trolls and the poster to keep typing. The trolls tried to call him out, shouting LULZ, but he wouldn't stop typing. The poster was focused on writing, and kept writing at a near glacial pace. The grognards declared that not only did the slow writing just barely manage to make the rage flow, he just managed to make all of /tg/ focus on a stupid story with his trolling.

We all booed, and it was pretty shitty to see people still paying attention. The tripfags cried out, asking why the poster was writing so slow, and he stolidly kept writing in an obvious race with a snail facing down a salt maze. The trolls began to worship him as their main deity.

Two posts later, we have the story continuing STILL slowly, and still stupidly. I notice the tripfags are beginning to lose interest, but the poster keeps writing without sign of an ending in sight. After everyone seemed to begin to get bored with the story, I felt the need to stay and start writing a countertroll. I'm not a good troll, but I was more than happy to waste my time.

OP's Story is a good read. TOTALLY THE OP's story is needed to help pass the fucking time between posts.

>>8110076

U mad?

>>8110048
The treefucking being a great idea

>>8110076
World loves the underdog, man.

Evens out by it not actually working like that in real life.

>>8109995
>slight intermission

he's doing it on purpose >_<

>>8110106

Topic's getting close to autosage, I hope he hurries.

>>8110094
Yes its great but it needs expanding.
Like what kind of tree grants what spell when fucked?

If OP doesn't finish up soon, I am going to fall asleep at the keyboard waiting for the end.

>>8110076
>>Especially since I'm "racing" with some nerdy faggot to capture a girl's heart, and I fit the role of the "big bad older guy"

oh god i really hope you're not like 8 years older than this girl

>>8110122
Just 2 years older.

(Althrough she's fucking immature. Guess I'll have to pull her into the world of grown-ups then.)

>>8110105

I've long ago reached the conclusion that I like myself, nerdiness and all, and any girl who doesn't also like me isn't a girl I want to spend time with anyway.

The weird thing is that I started coming across as a lot more confident after this, and suddenly, girls (at least the weird ones) started liking me.

>>8110026
Actually, we use that last house rule. If you are a bard and actually sing a song it gives you a bonus depending on how well it was done.

>>8110112
It is a talking game you twit.
You don't act out any of the shit you're character does unless you're larping.

>>8110112

Concur. Pushups is a fine house rule, but should be tossed if people are using it in non "HOLY SHIT! GO ALL OUT!" situations.

Did anyone else drop to the floor and see what kind of bonus they could grab if the chips were down and they were using the house rule?

>>8110112

Those physical feats are represented by talking.

Stop being dense.

Or youll lose and another girl will be safe from become the sex slave of some popped collar douchebag

>>8110119

And what happens if you were to fuck, say, a houseplant instead of a tree? Or a flower? And what about fungi, do those grant spells too?

OP started like an hour and a half ago!!

>>8110145
Confidence is all that does the trick man.

Same story here.

Been working on my personality the moment I began visiting 4chan somewhere in 2005, since I was raised really sheltered. 4chan was my gateway to the real world back in the WoW nerd/christfag days.

Now? I'm partying like a motherfucker, got friends all over the country, fuck chicks like I've got AIDS...

It's all about the confidence.

>>8110148

Exactly.

And if you're larping, you should represent swinging a sword by actually swinging a sword.

Requiring physical fitness for fantasy games is just fine, but doing pushups for an attack bonus is still very stupid.

>>8110178
Or what if you make a kind of leaf-condom and just fap with it?

>>8110178
fungi are for psionics

>>8110189

cool story bro

Anyone got a summary of the OP's story? I've gotten lost with all the intermissions. Who is who again?

>>8110112
No, because you're real life stuff isn't meant to have that big an affect on the game.
Say I have a charismatic dude playing a low charisma guy. If he goes into a long speech to try and inspire people, I will use his charisma to reflect that. I will say although he meant to say what he said, he ends up stuttering, murmuring and looking like a shady character.
An intelligent man playing a stupid character, I will call him on his bullshit if shit does not match.
And so on.

>>8110178

No, not if you're playing a druid.

Alienist players fuck fungi to cast spells.

>>8110139

>(Althrough she's fucking immature. Guess I'll have to pull her into the world of grown-ups then.)

That post sounded really creepy, just so you know.

so everyone involved is a huge faggot and jackass, great

>>8110200

No, Psions have to eat gems or at least shiny rocks and don't get the bonus until they poop them out. So eat a lot before a game and hold it until the time is right.

>>8110139
So... you gonna rape her?

>>8110066

We both are trolling, and I switch to just obvious commentary after only a little while (I tend to get tired before I actually become a real troll), but the other people in the thread keep responding to the troll until a few of them end up leaving in disgust. We both got ready for some really intense trolling, and while we typed, we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, with our trollstory becoming more and more boring.

The subject of "who can really be wasting their time with this story for this long?" came up, and the normal fa/tg/uys began with their seasoned and practiced "we don't care anymore" stories. The OP then started describing a horrible high school drama in a manner that made me rollover to hide my total apathy. Huge plot points out of idiotic hormonal angst that widened into greater virginal ignorance, etc. etc. He then told /tg/ how the story was so frightening and drama filled that even we geeks would enjoy it, and suddenly things are starting to click. He then explained how he got into this trolling, and in no time at all, he was really trying. With absolute pride, he then went on to say how in just a little bit, he was writing this obvious troll thread while every other nerd on /tg/ (who obviously wanted him to just get on with it) could only guess if he actually was writing this honestly. The best part was that his story actually WAS boring, and he just kept going like the numbnutted self-obsessed poster story-OPs are.

I expressed my acknowledgment of his trolling, though I'm not sure how sincere I was.

God damn, OP. Are you fucking carving this into a stone tablet or something?

>>8110229
>And? People still are able to gain benefits from that talking. Why is that any more or less legitimate than demonstrating physical might and getting a bonus from it?

Because it's what the game is based around doing, rather than something auxiliary. This really isn't a hard concept.

My god, its getting like a "house of leaves" of trolling in here - you have the main story, and a sort of meta-story about the story, all surrounded by footnotes on the merits of pushups in gaming sessions.

>>8110240

you know what, this really isn't worth it. I'm going to stop mocking and go play STALKER.

>>8110214

"Roomate" is the frat boy who joined the game and suggested the pushups houserule.

"Friend" refers to the brother of the girl that "roomate" wants to fuck. Pissed at "roomate" because of this.

"Sister" refers to the sister of another player ("Friend"). "Roomate" wants to fuck her.

"Big guy" refers to the chubby dude that has a crush on "sister". He has been sulking all game. But now that the argument is in-character, his charismatic bard character is actually speaking up.

He could not, would not let the Big guy challenge him. Not in a box, not with a fox. He told the Bard to back off. The Bard replied like he swallowed a Shakespearean text that he would not back down and that the lady had already expressed her intentions or something a lot more fancy. The roommate then told the Big guy to back down. The DM deducted 1 point of HP for using the player's name.

The Big guy did not back down. The exchange became more heated, and my friend joined in here and there, but he seemed to sense the situation well. They argued, until finally, the Big guy decided to cast Calm Emotions. Remember, he had to come up with a ritual, and decided the best one would be to talk in baby talk to calm his opponent down. In the most mocking, annoying tone I had ever heard, he basically told him to go fuck himself.

The roommate was pissed. He showed it by acting calm. Smoothly, rationally, he explained that the bard had cast a spell at his fighter. His fighter would take that as a sign of hostility, and would respond in kind. He then declared a full attack, power attack, and then dropped to the floor.

70 push ups later, the DM had stopped trying to calm things down and simply let him roll his attacks. The first one hit, dropping the bard down to less than half his HP, and the second was also a hit, but not so much higher. The DM explained that the Big Guy, if he did 20 pushups or squats, would have his AC boosted by 2, and would avoid the attack.

The Big guy did not look happy. He argued for a moment, but then went down. He started, but by pushup number seven, I was already telling him to give up and do squats instead, He grunted that I should fuck off and let him be. He tried, and strained, and yelled, and even started to cry.

He got to twelve.

>>8110257

Actually, nevermind. If this becomes the House of Leaves of trolling, I'm in it for the long haul.

Damnit man, next time you're going to post a story this long write it up beforehand.

>>8110250
It sounds like you're planning on fucking a child.

Jesus Christ. You know why they are called house rules? Because they're played in just one group.

Just play with whatever rules your group is comfortable and leave everyone else alone giving bonuses to who craps the biggest turd on the DM's mouth if they want to. It won't mean that you have to do the same goddamn.

>>8110265

no, no, no, "sister" doesn't refer to the friend's sister, but to the girlfriend's sister. The friend just doesn't want it to become complicated.

>>8110240

Whether he's trolling or not, I count it as a good read. Either the story ends and I get to be amused or else it does not and a salute a solid troll and still be amused at it. I hope most of us aren't actually here for the fiction, but for the cluster of fa/tg/uys talking about bullshit in the forum of anon.

Cluster around the action, kids.

>>8110269

so much suspense

>>8110269
Should've done squats, they're easier.

>>8110287
not so much this as it sounds like he's actually pretty contemptuous of her personality and has no business trying to woo her, especially if it means cockblocking a guy who is actually her own age and probably actually likes her

>>8110229

People talk to represent characters talking. People talk to represent characters fighting. People talk to represent characters exploring, looting, singing, dancing, etc, etc. People talk to represent their characters doing pushups.

>>8110265
actually "friend" is bald guy's roommate and "sister" is friend's girlfriend's sister

>>8110289
Son are you new to the internet or something.
When someone is wrong they need to be told.
Loudly and constantly until they understand.

>>8110269

inb4 heartattack

SKWATS AND OATS

>He tried, and strained, and yelled, and even started to cry.

>He got to twelve.

Tiny baby man!

This is getting to "thread of the year" territory, folks.

>>8110361
Nope.

>>8110276
the house of leaves of trolling would never even be a thread, but rather a virus that infects your computer and was subtly alters web pages over a period of weeks to alter your perception of reality
it would all lead up to this thread, which would string you along until the very last story post, which, upon being loaded, would physically overload and destroy the computer.
the last image that would be burnt onto the monitor would be a massive coolface flickering in bright colors.

>>8110337

Bald? What? Nobody was described as bald to my knowledge.

>>8110302
Yeah, it sounds like "friend" is a cockblocking asshole. Also, OP is bad at telling stories.

>>8110358
What? It's just a boring story at the moment. I'm not horrified that much.

GET TO THE FUCKING POINT YOU SHITFUCK.

>>8108903
Tension is good you impatient fuckwit. It adds to the depth of the story. If you read it all at once it wouldn't be nearly as good.

Fucking weeaboo faggots who can't wait to get back to slobbering over their animu dolls.

OP is too busy with his artisan word-smithing.

Next time, copy paste this shit from a word document or something.

>>8110374

well done anon, i'm incredibly paranoid now

>>8110386
Some people deserve to be cock-blocked, Do you honestly want A "The Situation" that plays D&D to reproduce?

>>8110362
I was just saying why it sounded creepy.

>>8110269
>The DM deducted 1 point of HP for using the player's name.

The rest of this story may be the lamest thing to happen to the forum, but for some reason this part made me lol

>>8110402
Wordsmithing. God damn, that makes literature sound manly as FUCK.

>not in a box, not with a fox
>3d doritos bold

>>8110415

Seconded.

Fuck year, DM, for interrupting their cockslapping contest.

OP cannot describe himself because OP is a Doppelganger.

>>artisan word-smithing
Woah there, champ. You seem to be implying that this is well written.

Guys I figured out why the OPs taking so long. The story will end with the sister falling in love with OP for saving her from the douchebag roommate and OP is typing this story as a remembrance in between fucking the sisters brains out!

>>8110240

By the next post, I noticed it. It was obvious now. First off, the trolls brought by the ca/tg/irls were actually funny. I myself would not be adverse to trolling with them, though it was never really my pursuit (though I'll admit I entertained the thought). And his story progression was so slow, but still there. Of course, it's not my job to janitor /tg/, so I just typed along as he made what I would have to deem very slow progress. Apparently, the tripfags had noticed this long before, and seemed to post less and less as the game went on. I decided it would be a good idea to really try to reach the OP.

My guess was correct, and the tripfags DID know something I didn't. Getting the truth to be clear was actually pretty easy, but afterwards the thread was more than obviously a "real" story. The thread was totally seriously written by the OP, and even could be described as "ridiculous." While I wanted to just tell the OP to stop posting (I never even thought someone could be this stupid), I decided to just let the poster vent his angst while I simply toll'd along.

The poster made his intentions obvious soon afterward. He first catered to the normal fa/tg/uys, who told him to just shut up (probably because they no longer cared). He then posted catering to me, almost making the plot progression obvious. "Plot" is a bit of a weasel term, since it makes it sound like he was writing a real story. Of course, he WAS writing, and really liked to talk, and was impressed by /tg/'s actual attention, and was here mostly for the story, but he wasn't going to fool me into thinking this was anything other than a LJ blogpost.

archive thiiis

SOMEONE ARCHIVE THIS SHIT

>>8110458
YOU HAD BEST END THIS OR START A NEW THREAD YOU COCKJOCKEY

>>8110458

It'll stay up for about 2 hours, which is about how long it took for the OP to write this much. He's past the halfway point, so it should be fine.

The ridiculosity quotient of this thread is off the charts.

>>8110505

Yes, its obviously bullshit. But its still a pretty good story, and I'm looking forward to finishing it on that merit alone.

Deleted about twenty of my posts off this one to make some space.

So quit posting it up you cunts.

>>8110505
I totally agree. The pushups rule is just the tip of the iceberg.

To pass the time, let's continue talking about houserules in which powers are granted by fucking things. Druids fuck trees and psions fuck mushrooms, what else?

>>8110269
>my face when I realized Big Guy was the fa/tg/uy, and Fighter was the Muscled Guy.
>12 vs 70

I'm actually impressed by the plot. He's crafted an elegantly convoluted, surprisingly interesting situation.

Which, so help me, is something I could actually picture happening with D&D players. We're fucking crazy.

>>8110452

I told the poster that it seemed like he was one of the trolls originally. I explained that I only wanted this to turn out to be a troll. Apparently, those were not the right words to use.

There was a sudden lack of posting, and he was fucking silent, saying nothing whatsoever. I kept trolling the thread, wasting huge amounts of time, and I even started to read some of the responses. There was a brief moment when he mentioned an "intermission," but that only made me lol more.

The next "conflict" he introduced to the story will become familiar to some of you in later years. In future dictionaries, it will be used as a definition for "pointless drivel."

>>8110538
There's something to be said about determination. -manly tear-

I will give you one credit OP, for the line:
>He seemed to act with a purpose
in the second post.

>>8110539

I'm impressed someone drawfagged a bit of the story BEFORE THE GOD DAMN THING IS EVEN FINISHED HOLY SHIT WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG

>>8110451
>fucking the sisters brains out!
Dude, skullfucking isn't funny.

My brother died that way.

>>8110593

i bet that was the best sex of his life too

>In future dictionaries, this thread will be used as a definition for "slowshitfuckdamnslow."

>>8110593

Several of my PCs died that way... to their former party member.

Im convinced that the OP lost his hands in whatever conflict erupted from these events and now has to type with two shoddily constructed hooks.

>>8110629
Best Netrunner or bestest Netrunner?

>>8110629

On an onscreen keyboard, while fucking the sister and simultaneously fighting off big guy and orange guy

The attack dropped the bard. The roomate laughed. Laughed like a goddamn motherfucker. I was angry, and expressed it in my usual way. I told the roommate that what he had done was immature, and that I was very displeased. My friend then decided he would express his anger in his usual way.

Now, I can say a lot of bad things about my friend. He's not the smartest person I know, he's rather crude, and he writes really bad poetry. But he can do three things right.

Firstly, he gets angry much better than I do. He actually bellowed, but retained enough focus to call out the character name instead of his roommate's.

Secondly, he knows the game fairly well. He made his cleric with the intent that he wanted to be a holy warrior, but not be gimped with a paladin's stats. His cleric's build is quite simply one of my favorite warrior-cleric builds, and I always approved of giant two-handed mace as a weapon.

Lastly, I never seen a person do so many goddamn pushups at one time.

He didn't stop. I didn't think it was possible. Once he breached 90, he just kept going, chanting "fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou" while he went. He didn't seem to care if he couldn't use his arms afterwards, and hit the ground hard at 124, shouting "PLUS FUCKING TWELVE."

It was illogical. Even with the full power attack, and the near guaranteed hit the +12 gave, it wasn't anywhere near enough to take down the high con fighter, who could return a blow that would drop the cleric.

And then OP had the Downs.

NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION

ALL OF YOU, GO DELETE WHATEVER EARLIER POSTS YOU MADE! WE NEED TO BUY THE OP TIME TO GET THIS STUPID STORY OVER AND DONE WITH

>>8110644
As his friend shouts "HOW COULD YOU?" while the girlfriend cheers him on.

DM is just chilling and not caring.

I didn't read a single fucking post except for op's stories in this trollfest of a thread. You trolls are pathetic, the weeaboo faggot in particular.

Now I get to wait. Suspense!

DAMMIT LICORICE, WHY IS THE ARCHIVE DOWN

>>8110648
inb4 double-crit

>>8110657

don't worry he has plenty of time

>>8110670
WHY IN GODS NAME WOULD YOU ARCHIVE THIS CHUCKLEFUCK OF A THREAD

>>8110648
Wait, the big guy's bard died? Oh fuck no.

Also, fuck yeah friend.

Calling that the girl kills orange dude.

this is what I'm doing to pass the time...

OP, if this thread autosages, make a new one and post every part.

>>8110648
Guess he liked Big Guy.

>>8110648
>"PLUS FUCKING TWELVE."
SHIT'S GETTING GOOD, CAPTAIN.

It started very slowly. The neckbeards gave their cries of "oh no, autosage!", and I wrote about his fairly boring stuff for an hour until he got past his intermission. At some point, the poster and the trolls seemed to become one, and I had a hard time discerning the two. The poster then actually started being obviously and needlessly nerdragey about some "cooldude" douchebag who stole his friend's girlfriend's sister. Like, neckbeard asspie rage was evident. He posted, and with absolute confidence, asked /tg/ to listen to him whine about some kind of "epic conflict".

The trolls didn't even get a chance to post. At that point, I was pretty much going to give up, but the strange feeling of epicness for trolling a inverse troll thread made me resolved to continue. With an absolute lack of any sort of interesting conflict that I mock him for, he posted about how his grognard friend was trying to defend his girlfriend's sister. Things went quiet for a bit, but the intermittent posting can be summarized as "...and?", while the normal fa/tg/uys felt their own nerdrage rising, and the poster stood drooling at his keyboard.

It was almost too cute how the trolls seemed to drink this all in. Oh, I know it was the troll kinship that had captured their attention, but I felt at that moment that if the poster was really trolling, then I should have no say in his inevitable glory as 10/10. The trolls cried for suptg archives, but the story hadn't really even HAPPENED yet so it seemed pointless to even try. The neckbeards, rageworthy as always, had apparently given up noticing the thread entirely, and were off talking about WH40k. However, the fa/tg/uys were starting to talk about the possible merits of the story, though only because it kept getting bumped by me trolling here and there probably.

>>8110699
BECAUSE THE TALE OF APESHITFUCKDAMN MUST LIVE ON, THAT'S WHY.

>Girlfriend's sister is currently playing Paladin
>Paladin breaks in half frat-douche
>Violence
>Violence
>Violence

So the Paladin isn't stopping this cock-waving contest and stopping injustice why?

>>8110794
not enough dex obv

Oh no I get to the bottom of the thread and the story is not even finished yet...

>>8110794
She's a little sister.

She can't really do many push-ups, can she?

>>8110794

I think OP described her as a shy girl. Maybe that's why.

>>8110794
she can't do enough push-ups

OP I NEEDED TO GO TO BED 40 MINUTES AGO. I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
Please post more.

Fighter sets of pally Detect Evil, gets a smite evil to the junk.

>>8110794

She made the decision to pseudo-no him in game, but that doesn't say much about her personality other than she's not the most bland of marks for muscle-gamer. Her motives are yet to be revealed. Some potential for horror here, but more potential for lolz and a broken game because you can't save the world or play games when the sexin' gets in the way.

But our DM, who had watched in silent awe, simply said that getting over a hundred pushups should add the bonus to attack AND damage. The roommate tried to argue, but at that point, the girlfriend had made a reassessment. She agreed with the DM, and cradled her boyfriend, who was groaning on the floor.

I asked the sister what she thought.

She said that this game had turned retarded.

Despite agreeing wholeheartedly, a sudden swell of anger surged in me. I absolutely lost it. I told my friend to get his ass off the floor and roll the fucking die so he could kill the goddamn fighter, I told the Big guy that he should fucking work out more, I turned back to my friend and told him that that was pretty fucking goddamn hardcore in the dumbest way possible and I can't express enough respect towards him, I told the girlfriend to stop trying to calm me down, I told the roommate that he had announced to the world that he was a dirtbag ever since he covered himself in tanning spray, and I turned ever so slowly to the young sister, went ever so close, and told her that it was all her goddamn fault and that she would have to atone for her sins.

Our DM, with trademark, perfect timing and understanding of the situations, cupped his hand over his mouth and shouted "JUST FUCK HER ALREADY."

we're around page five already.. our time is running out

>>8110879

Oh...Shit.

>>8110879
And then, the DM was /co/.

The douchebag roomate is going to get an epic fumble and kill the paladin and she'll be like "You killed my character QQ"And she will then kill him with a piano wire.

>>8110879

>>8110879

OH GOD WHAT

>>8110879
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

B-but what about big guy?
>manlytears.jpg

I feel like I've seen this story posted before

>>8110941

Want to agree. Too fast to be OP.

>>8110895
>we're around page five already.. our time is running out

We're autosaging?

>>8110941

No, it is.

See what we made him do?

>>8110719

The roommate seemed torn. He looked like he was really trying to tell a story and say something meaningful to /tg/, but then he would seem like a total troll, and then he'd turn back to writing honestly, and then trolling, and eventually, it was almost like he was me. He seemed to just want to write without anything interrupting his snail's pace, and that the thread would be entirely pointless unless he finished. Before I posted any more, I got a sammich, and I actually enjoyed reading some responses, just until I started posting again.

The poster brought up the conflict to a boil with some kind of in-game chat in his story. The fa/tg/uys seemed to find this to be blatantly ridiculous, but the neckbeards, who can't tell the difference between real and in-game, thought it now best to remind us all about the spirit of posting, and that the fact that the OP was writing was good enough, trolling or no. The ca/tg/irl backed the neckbeards up on this, and the fa/tg/uys gave up quickly. The trolls, sometimes whiteknighting for the poster himself, politely asked for archival again. Whether it was their own need or just to piss off people who like good non-troll threads, the fa/tg/uys all raged equally. However, the poster has been pretty much playing his part as OP to the hilt (one of those die-hard, just POST SLOW AS HELL, NEVER NOTICE RESPONSES kind of posters), and it was only too natural for him to just keep posting this banal verbiage.

>Posts: 293
>OP IS STILL NOT FINISHED

>>8110952

autosage is at 250. we're way over that

>>8110962

Now, for a slight intermission, I'd like to point out one of the magical (as in, really magic, not some parlor trick or hax) things about image boards. Fa/tg/uys are silly and don't usually care that much. However, they love to rage and never stop feeding trolls. And, the internet is a great place for this kind of shit man.

The fa/tg/uys told the OP to speed the hell up. As they should.

Suddenly, it happened. I was waiting for it the moment I met the roommate. Something that's on the biological level. Something instinctual. Something I knew would happen, I just did not know when.

OP's a faggot.

>>8110879
I loled heartily.

>>8110952
Thanks dude now I understand what autosage means

>>8110895

The last post on page 10 was made over 2 hours ago.

Granted, the last bump for this one was a while ago, but we've still got well over an hour. You're forgetting how much faster the first 5 pages cycle.

>>8110980
Maybe we should start deleting some posts, then.

Despite my fears, I'm kinda interested in the ending to this.

>>8111016

It won't help, autosage doesn't go away once it starts.

>>8110879

>"JUST FUCK HER ALREADY."

Lazy, inattentive DM becomes an active part of the community. My God.

>>8111029
like the C word

>>8110986

The story was meh until the ending posts, which it got upbeat and filled with pushups.

You, however, make this thread glorious.

>>8110879

So cockblocking makes the friend more respectable, and the roomate is suddenly a dirtbag. Did I miss a post?

thanks to OP i won't be able to get up in the morning

This is the troll.

He won't finish it in time until autosage and leave us hanging forever.

>>8111054

... Coriolis Effect? Wait, shit, that's got an E.

Canada. Cthulhu. Crisis. Craziness. Cults. Cocaine.

Fuck. Is it Czechoslovakia?

OP, if you start a new thread now you can link to it from here

>>8111107

Probably. That bastard state should have never existed, just like Yugoslavia.

You missed that the roommate comes off as a total slimeball.

>>8111081
You prolly missed the part where the roommate got pissed at being turned down in-character and threw a hissyfit. Everyone's looking like retards right now.

>>8111107
Canada. Once they get started, they just don't go away.

>>8111117

This. Please start a new thread. Please.

>>8111068
What the fuck takes OP so long to write these? They're like two paragraphs each.

>>8111107

maybe its the Crazy Cults of Canadian Cthulhu living in Czechoslovakia

>>8111144

it is a repost and we are being trolled

>>8111144

Some people aren't quite as capable as speed-typing as others.

Chillax. Grab a bag of popcorn and wait for the next installment.

Sure feels like eflslayer in here.

>>8111179
How many layers of elves can you get in a cake, anyways?

>>8111163

BUT WE'RE AUTOSAGING. THIS THREAD IS GOING TO DIE AND WE'LL BE LEFT HANGING FOREVER ;_;

>>8111220
Just as planned?

>>8111220

if you think its going to die, why do you stick around

This thread is some zen shit right here.

Think about it.

>>8111220
If he gets off his ass and starts a new thread we won't.

POST MORE.

because he's already been here for 2-3 hours like the rest of us

This is like Fox cancelling a show.

>>8111238
Trolling by not trolling?

each post seems slower than the last

good goddamn this was a terrible story.

Was that the horror the OP promised? that some people would spend two hours waiting for something that could have been typed up before hand easily? and that the OP shouldn't have bothered telling because it's really fucking uninteresting?

10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling10/10 trolling 10/10 trolling

>>8111234

BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS YOU DIPSHIT. I'M WORRIED THAT IT'S GOING TO DIE BEFORE WE REACH THE END OF THE STORY, BUT THAT'S NOT REASON ENOUGH FOR ME TO LEAVE THE THREAD, BECAUSE THE OP ALREADY HAS ME BY THE BALLS

Start a new damn thread OP. DO IT.

TOTALLY THE OP must save us in the meantime

Why don't one of you guys start a new thread...?

I think you guys may be taking this the wrong way.

What if that was the end of the story?

DAMNIT OP I NEEDED NEW SHOES BEFORE IT SNOWS AGAIN.
IF I GET A COLD BECAUSE OF WET FEET AGAIN I WILL FIND YOU!

>>8111333
Why don't you?

POST YOU SON OF A BITCH!

>>8110986

His faggotry knew no bounds, you could not contain it. Not in a box, not with a fox. He told a story that was either just fuckyear nerds or maybe a LJ post but still reeked of trolling. He trolled slowly and elaborately. The poster even told his story specifically to enrage the hearts of the tripfags. The neckbeards continued to countdown till 404.

The tripfags wouldn't stop posting. The story had become sort of action-y, and the fa/tg/uys posted here and there, but they seemed to sense that the thread was coming to a close. They bickered back and forth, until finally, the tripfags decided to just begin drawfagging stupid elements of the story. Remember, they had to do something to call attention to themselves, and drawfaggotry is the best way to be an attention whore. In the most purile shitscribbles, they illustrated the "story".

The poster ignored it all. He showed his ignorance by not posting almost for a goddamn half hour. Smoothly, slowly, he must have typed his story using a pencil thrown at a keyboard and whipping himself for a minute straight whenever he misspelled. The thread would not stop being full with OP faggotry.

All track of time lost by some posters, the neckbeards had stopped trying to count the posts and simply let the other posters talk. The OP continued to write his pulpy shit, and no one could really tell if he was just faggoty because he was a troll or because he wasn't. The neckbeard explained that the tripfags, if they archived this thread, we'd all be sure that /tg/ had gone down the drain for good.

The tripfags didn't agree. They argued for a moment, but then stopped caring. They just posted with the other fa/tg/uys, and I began to lose track of why I even care about posting in this thread.

I even passed the point in this story at which I stopped reading and started posting already.

>>8111333
That wouldn't do much because this is the OP's story, he should be continuing it.

this last post is taking so long, the guy is practically admitting that he's trolling us

>>8111361
It would at least give him a thread to dick around in for hours before doing nothing.

guys this thread is only on page 6 right now. all we have to do is stop everyone from making new threads

10/10 MY DICK CATCH FIRE AND SHOOTS BLOOD OP AWESOME PORN MOVIE LINK IS NOT VIRUS

JUST UPDATE.

sage

>>8111402
Why would you sage an autosaging thread?

>>8111402
What the hell is the point of saging a thread on autosage?

Whatever momentum I had evaporated, and I just sat down after a brief explitive. The DM tried to say something about something or other, since he's entitled to run his mouth when shit hits the fan, but halfway through his probably very heartwrenching speech about the glory of mankind and roleplaying games, the roommate decided it was his turn to say his part.

My friend, who I take back ever saying was an idiot, as he is a goddamn genius, just shouted "Fuck you, and shut your mouth, and listen to me speak." The roommate made a motion, but my friend didn't give an inch and began the dumbest speech I had ever heard in my life. Basically, under his logic, since it's his girlfriend's sister, it's his sister. And because she's his sister, he gets to choose who she goes out with.

The sister tried to say something. My friend wouldn't stop for anything.

He then started to tell the story of how the roommate had learned to play D&D just to sleep with a girl, and how the only reason the roommate was here was because he wanted to sleep with the sister. He didn't get very far though, but I am guessing that's what he was trying to say. He managed to get to start the story, but the roommate was fast.

>>8111402

Did you...did you just sage a thread in autosage?

>>8111402

That's not how sage works.

Now You all know
The bards and their songs
When hours have gone by
I'll close my eyes
In a world far away
We may meet again
But now hear my song
About the dawn of the night
Let's sing the bards' song

>>8111417
SON OF A BITCH END THIS

>>8111417
Oh, god, it's not over. Why did this take you so long to post!?

FFFFFffff one hour of reading and F5es until I get to the end of the page and the story isn't done yet!?
Posting in an epic thread! C'mon OP, you can do it!

>>8111417
>but the roommate was fast

UNLIKE YOU
WRITE FASTER GODDAMNIT

>>8111417
>the roommate was fast

Yeah, bears tend to be.

>>8111417
>He managed to get to start the story, but the roommate was fast.
Oh dear...

>>8111417

There's a bit of a disconnect between the end of the last part and the beginning of this one. I'm thinking its not OP.

>>8111417

MAKE A NEW THREAD YOU FUCKING COCKHUMPER.

>>8111417
I'm getting trolled. Hard.

>>8111417
TYPE LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH STAR

YOU CAN DO IT OP

This is going to end in Bel-Air right before it drops off page 10.

Tomorrow will take us away
Far from home
No one will ever know our names
But the bards' songs will remain
Tomorrow will take it away
The fear of today
It will be gone
Due to our magic songs

>>8111433
Fuuu - I need to listen to Blind Guardian now.

Hey guys, could someone throw this on suptg, since more than a few of us need to crash?

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE MAKING THIS UP AS YOU GO ALONG, POST FASTER DAMN YOU.

>>8111495
It is.

Keep updating it.

>>8111417
that took you half an hour?

>>8111495

Archives are down.

There's only one song
Left in my mind
Tales of a brave man
Who lived far from here
Now the bard songs are over
And it's time to leave
No one should ask You for the name Of the one
Who tells the story

The OPs posts stopped pretty much completely. The poster must have been laughing. Laughing like a goddamn motherfucker. I was elated, and expressed it by mocking more. I told the poster outright that his story was drivel, and that I was very displeased. The fa/tg/uys slowly realized the truth as well.

Now, I can say a lot of bad things about fa/tg/uys. They're not the smartest people I know, they're rather crude, and as is obvious they are really slow writefags. But they can do three things right.

Firstly, they rage for a long time. They actually cared about the story a bit, but retained enough rage to dish it out at individual characters in the story instead of the OP himself.

Secondly, they know how trolling works fairly well. They sometimes play trolls themselves, but not badly. They even know how to cleverly reword a copy pasta to just barely avoid other people noticing.

Lastly, how the fuck is "I never seen a person do so many goddamn pushups at one time" a thing someone can do right? Did OP even think that one through?

The OP had stopped. I didn't think it was possible. Once he'd reached autosage, he must have forgot to put noko in the email field and totally lost where the thread was. He didn't seem to care, and maybe he even made a new thread and was rewriting the whole story again at a snail's pace.

I'd probably catch the second post in an hour so I didn't check. Even with such a long story, it seemed his trolling was just to stop posting, and that was almost the most anticlimactic troll attempts I'd ever seen.

fuck this shit, i need to finally go to sleep, but the tension is immense.

I want to take a shower but I don't want to come back to a 404. FUUUUUUUUUUCK!

>>8111542

Page 7 fuuuuuuuuck.

RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK

WILL OP FINISH IN TIME?!

In my thoughts and in my dreams
They're always in my mind
These songs of hobbits, dwarves and men
And elves
Come close Your eyes
You can see them, too

>>8111417

Jesus OP, do you have polio?

This shit still living? Put it out of its misery OP.

Keeping this thread open in two tabs so the refresh doesn't end up 404'ing the fucker. I hate you so much OP.

>>8111628
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/8108689/

>>8111438
There's your new thread.

>>8111639
Why was some douchebasket saying archives was down, then?

>>8111578
*applause*

>>8111649
Because he's a faggot?

>>8111649

They have been off and on tonight.

>>8111649
maybe he's in league with the OP

OP is gone.

Every 15 minutes or so, some duche or another decides to write another post himself.

Mid page 7. Da-dum.

>>8111524

But then the OP posted again. After a goddamned half hour. His trolling must lie in another area, but at that point, it was obvious that the end wasn't going to come anytime soon. The ca/tg/irls left the neckbeards, and cradled their poor bruised heads, which had been pretty heavily assaulted with bad nerd purple prose.

I asked the other trolls what they thought.

They said that this thread had turned retarded.

Despite agreeing wholeheartedly, a sudden swell of calm surged in me. I absolutely held it together. I told the fa/tg/uys to stop looking for an end in the OP's story and just enjoy the fact that this trolling is epic, I told the tripfags that they were attention whores, I turned back to the fa/tg/uys that that I'm right about to actually lap the OP and if so I should win his 10/10 troll crown, I told the ca/tg/irls to actually be around so my mentioning of them could be relevant to this story, I told the poster he had announced to the world that he was the slowest writer ever since he KEPT FUCKING WRITING SO DAMN SLOW, and I turned ever so slowly to the trolls, went ever so close, and told them that it was all their goddamn fault and that I was slowly becoming one of them.

The neckbeards, with trademark, lackadaisical timing and ignorance, cupped their hands around their dicks and shouted "AND THEN JOHN WAS THE DEMONS."

OP! FINISH THIS THREAD! DO IT NOW!

Finish this or happy Saber will become sad Saber. We don't want that.

>>8111750

Saber is a Mary Sue

>>8111780

Batman says to go fuck yourself.

Roommate was angry. Really, really fucking angry. He had just been humiliated and cockblocked and now Friend wasn't helping things.

He crossed the room in two lunging steps and at first I thought he had punched Friend, except he didn't move his fist. And his wrist was at the the wrong angle to punch him. The Friend gave out a stupid, hoarse cry of surprise. He tried to push the roommate away from him, but with his arms jacked up from all the pushups, all he could do was slap at him ineffectually.

The Sister suddenly screamed and I saw why: He hadn't punched him. He'd pulled out a fucking knife. The very same knife he then pulled out, the blade stained with the Friend's blood. The Friend's knees buckled, sending him straight to the floor, breathing shallowly as he touched tenderly at the stab wound.

I was fucking terrified. I couldn't even move when the Roommate turned to me.

>>8111801

not OP, OP doesn't capitalize Friend.

>>8111801

what

>>8111801
=O

5F5F5F5F5F

>>8111801
Shit just got more real than shit had previously been.

>>8111801
definitely not OP

My friend would have ordinarily done much better, I think. But after all those push ups, he was in bad shape. The roommate gave him a hard hit, and they both dropped to the floor. I moved to break them up, but I saw something from the corner of my eye that I will admit I may have hallucinated. The Big guy shined his elbow. Shined it up like he was polishing a shoe. The next thing I know I didn't hallucinate, because the girlfriend gave the same account.

The Big guy, with unknown grace, leapt into the air. He hovered, perfectly, like some sort of overweight angel, his elbow pointing towards the earth, and the roomate's back that was between them. Then gravity took hold, angry at being ignored for that brief moment, and the elbow dropped down so hard I literally shouted "FUCK." I then heard a peculiar, feminine scream I soon after realized came from the roommate. The Big guy and my friend stood up, and after checking to see that the roommate would live, my friend gave him a nice solid kick.

The roommate got up soon, but did not seem intent on starting anything else, especially since the girlfriend stepped in. She told the roommate to go home, and that her boyfriend would stay at my place for the night. She then motioned to her sister, who seemed excited but hopelessly lost, and they left.

>>8111801
For living past this, you deserve to have it.

Whatever momentum I had evaporated, and I just stopped typing after a brief expletive. The neckbeards stayed quiet, since they're entitled to randomly spout shit and then run off, but halfway through the silence, the poster decided it was time to just fuckoff and type even slower.

The fa/tg/uys, who I take back every saying were smart, as they are idiots, just shouted "Fuck you, OP, you're a fag." The poster didn't post anymore of his dumbass story for an asslong time, but the fa/tg/uys didn't give a shit and began to just talk amongst themselves again. Basically, they even made their own new thread in honor of this one, for some ridiculous trolling reason. And because I guess we're all trolls in the end.

The trolls tried to say something. The fa/tg/uys just trolled themselves.

They then started talking about different aspects of suptg and oh my god I think I really am going to lap the OP what the hell do I do guys what the hell do I do oh shit oh shit oh shit I think if I post and there's not another post by the OP continuing the story after this I BECOME THE TRUE FAGGOT ;_;

>>8111801

OP delivers... TOO BAD IT ONLY TOOK 3 HOURS

>>8111801

How the fucking hell does it take you 20 minutes to write half a post?

>>8111820
This. It's fake.

>>8111801

>The Sister suddenly screamed and I saw why: He hadn't punched him. He'd pulled out a fucking knife.

Holy dick, this sounds like it's going places again.

>>8111801
Reaction face dump comin'

>>8111801
I really don't think this is OP. also sage

After the girls had gone (no one had really moved or said anything up till that point), the roommate made some awkward gestures and then left. My friend then told me he needed me to drive him to his place because his arms were fucked up and he had to stop his friend from fucking over his stuff. The Big guy looked happy.

Our DM had a shit eating-grin and gave his ignorant summary of the night as "That was awesome."

In a sort of epilogue, my friend got a new roommate around two weeks later. He later told me that the roomate had told him all sorts of nasty shit he had done to girls, and that was the major reason he didn't want him near "his" sister. The Big guy is still just the big guy, and I doubt he will ever be anything else. I tried to tell him to go for the sister, but he's just a tad bit too dopey. The sister once said that she misses the roommate a bit. I told her some of the stuff my friend said the roommate had done, and now I don't think she misses him as much.

We still use some of the house rules. The push-ups one only as a joke.

I don't know what else to say, other than thanks for hearing me out.

>>8111801

>touched tenderly at the stab wound.
>capitalizing Friend and The Sister

not even similar to OP's style

>>8111873

IT's finished? Holy fuck.

>>8111847
Actual OP. He obviously got upset at being upstaged.

>>8111801

"I never really was on your side" he said

and then it hit me, my ROOMMATE WAS A SPY

I tried to hit him with my shovel but he dodged and immediately turned into a crab and scuttled out the window.

>>8111873
Thank you for finishing this story.

>>8111873
What a fucking shitty ending fuck you mr. fuckerton.

MORAL OF THE STORY
NOTHING HAPPENED.

>>8111873
2:59
that was a waste of time, both yours and anyone who actually was following this holy shit

>>8111873
ITS FINISHED

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/8108689/

That wasn't horrible at all! You lied to us you awful ManTurtle!

>>8111926
Also Big Guys are powerful if attacking from above.

>>8111873

Jesus christ, that took forever.

>>8111847
>overweight angel

Yeah, that's the OP.

An truly awful peice of fiction. Sage

Well, that was mildly amusing. All I can say is, you could have probably summarized it in far fewer posts if you hadn't been verbally masturbating the whole time.

A moment of glory for the Big Guy.

So where's the horror

>>8111847
>>8111873

so uh... where was the horror in all this?

THE HORROR WAS THAT YOU ALL WASTED 3 HOURS ON A "Lol my friend and a douche roommate got in a fight over a girl" LIVE JOURNAL STORY.

SUCK IT, /tg/! SUCK IT!

I think we can all agree totally to OP only added sadness to this, so much pointless mockery no one read...

>>8111847
>>8111873

Obviously not OP. Way too fast.

Roommate took one deep, audible breath and then cut Friend off mid-sentence, and uttered the longest, most profanity-laden speech I'd ever heard. He told the Friend he could go fuck himself, that it was her choice and no one else's and where did he think he got off saying that he could just go and make decisions for everyone else? Then he turned his baleful gaze to Big guy.

He really lets Big Guy have it. He tells Big Guy that he's a fucking pussy, that he is a fat, useless loser and that he'll never have a chance with the Sister, or anyone for that matter, and that he should just fucking kill himsef for being so fat and useless.

Roommate barely even pauses to breath in between all of this. We're all too stunned to even say anything.

He turns to me and tells me that he thought I was cool and that he can't believe I cockblocked him. Then he turns to the Sister, finally, takes a deep breath, and tries to think of what to say, his jaw working as he grinds his teeth.

Our DM, with his absolutely perfect timing, chose that moment to tell him that, since he'd been using our real names for that entire rant, he takes thirty-two points of damage, killing him instantly.

>>8112000
He probably had it typed up all beforehand and posted it slowly to troll us. When the fake showed up he got pissy about being upstaged.

I'm off to sleep three fucking hours after I was supposed to do it.

Fuck you OP, just fuck you.

Overweight angel made the story worth it though.

GOD DAMMIT IT ISN'T FUCKING OVER

OP, what did roommate do to hit on the sister originally (his subtle advances >>8109200), and what was the nasty stuff he'd done to girls before?

Also, thanks for the awesome story. It was worth the wait

On the bright side, this thread saved me from blowing another three hours on Dungeon In The Sky.

What a massive letdown.

>>8112005
this is the actual OP, he took that long to write it.

HOLY SHIT METATROLLLLLS

OP brought us to a cool/interesting place fairly quickly (lol) but didn't know where to take it from there. That's kind of what I expected.

>>8112005
wait, where does this even fit in the story

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

>>8112005
I'm confused now.

WHICH ONE IS TRUE DAMNIT OP WHY DIDN'T YOU TRIPFAG

-sings to the populace of /tg/-

THIS IS THE STORY THAT NEVER ENDS
IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS
SOME FAGGOT STARTED TYPING IT
-JUST FOR FUN-
BUT NOW WE CAN'T TELL WHICH FAGGOT IS WHICH
AND SO

THIS IS THE STORY THAT NEVER ENDS...

It's a choose your own fucking adventure at this point. Fuck all of you elegant gentlemen!

>>8112071

Some house rules would give you bonuses for this.

>>8112061
I think this
>>8112005
goes here
>>8111417
but wtf is going on this shit is meta as hell

And now we will never know what the actual ending of the story is. Good game faketrolls. Good game OP.

>>8112005

IT'S LIKE A MOVIE THAT TEASES YOU WITH A FAKE ENDING, THEN SHOWS THE FUCK UP OUT OF NOWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CREDITS TO SHOW YOU THE REAL GODDAMN ENDING