Fuck year Bottle Gnomes

Did you know you can use more than one color in a deck?

Astounding as it sounds, you can have blue spells and white, black, or even green or red creatures *at the same time*

Not many people know this, guard the knowledge closely.

I like to pretend that they scream in agony when I pop the head off and drink them.

>>7494502

and they try desperately to scuttle away from your grasping hand but naturally they're a little clumsy when gripped with terror.

>>7494369
Simple solution? Mix editions. I do it all the time!

Wait, are flying men no longer standard?

>>7494541
Man, Planeswalkers are such bastards.

>>7494552
They're still there.

>>7494579
Normal mages probably pop a few bottle gnomes too.

>>7494619
I just realized that the Bottle Gnomes were most likely built just for the sadistic pleasure of hearing their deathscreams when you drink from them. That's dark even by insane wizard standards.

>>7494369

PATA PATA PATA PON

>>7494691

It's worse when you realize the powerful sense of empathy and loss installed into their psyche so when one accidentally breaks the others gather around and try desperately to stopper the cracks with their little metal hands which is always doomed to failure and they all witness it's life juice splash out on to the floor.

>>7494788
All while their creator stands beside and laughs at them. They were built to suffer. Damn, Bottle Gnomes are the most depressing MtG creatures ever.

Stop it.

>>7494899

That's what they keep screaming

>>7494899
"Stop it". That was what the little gnome wanted to scream, but it was too late. With a firm grip around his rounded, hollow, glass body, his master uncorked his metal head with a loud "pop" and slowly emptied the refreshing content of the gnome, savouring the last twitching death struggle as life slowly faded from the little construct's cold body.

sadis/tg/uys

>>7495006
Hey, don't blame us. Blame WotC for coming up with this nightmare fuel card.

Why are all the blue wizard legends in magic either bounce engines, draw engines, or counter engines?

>>7494840

God damn, and I thought Thrulls were breed to suffer and born to die.

>>7495037
Because being an obnoxious asshole is what Blue does best.

>>7495042
At least Thrulls can hug somebody without risking breaking.

I hate to burst your bubble, /tg/.
But I have one word for you in relation to OP's "Bottle Gnomes".
.
.
Suppositories.

rolled 15, 3, 14 = 32

>>7495042
They should bring back thrulls. Everybody loves utility creatures.

>>7495076
True, the Suppository Gnomes have it even worse.

>>7495073

Yeah, but when Thrulls hug you, aren't they really just stabbing your brain?

Dammit /tg/. Why is this the best thread on this board right now?

>>7495135
True. Now imagine a thrull and a bottle gnome hugging. It will end with blood and broken glass everywhere. And broken hearts.

>>7495154
Because turning silly, seemingly innocent things into grimdark and vice versa is what this board does best?

>>7495154
Because you're a worthless faggot belonging to the 2% of /tg/ that still resists Quest threads.

>>7495185
It's more of an 80 percent of /tg/ that doesn't want to circlejerk in quest threads.

>>7495158

"When Endrek Sahr finally passed away all that was left in his laboratory was the rejected husk of a Thrull and his last Bottle Gnome. Some scholars feel that had he consumed that Bottle Gnome, he would lived a bit longer, but alas...

Nevertheless out of crushing loneliness without their master, the Thrull and the Bottle Gnome hugged. Out of sole purpose, the Thrull began to unscrew the Gnomes head. It screamed in horror and looked up at the Thrull, its eyes pleading with the bio-engineered being. Tears rolled down the Thrull's face (or what we assume was it's face), for it knew that it was killing its only companion but could not stop.

When the Initiates finally reached the room, the found a solitary Thrull, trying desperately to fill an empty Bottle Gnome with tears..."

>>7495252

We've reached critical mass, people.

>>7495252

Damn, you outsaded my earlier Bottle Gnome writefaggotry. SO SAD

>>7495251
The fact that the past 60 days of sup/tg/ is more quest thread than not proves otherwise. Please leave.

>>7495402
Shut up, can't you see we're mourning here?

>>7495402

Second.

You know what it's like to hold a Bottle Gnome in your arms, /tg/? Cold and hard, and if you hold too tight it will break and you'll be covered in glass shards.

>>7494369
Maybe it's your own fault for relying on colourless artifacts, when master transmuter is pretty awesome damn awesome.

Also, enigma sphinx.

>>7495252
God damn you /tg/, god damn you.

rolled 11, 14, 16 = 41

>>7495479
A lot of esper sucks.

>>7495477

But you also gain three life.

Jace Beleren drinks gnomes.

>>7495652
Yes, he gives his life to save yours. Touching, isn't it?

Imagine a bottle gnome drinking quick-setting concrete in order to extend it's pathetic fragile life

If you fill a bottle gnome with Red Bull, does it gain flying?

>>7494463
>Astounding as it sounds, you can have blue spells and white, black, or even green or red creatures *at the same time*
Yeah springing 100+ for the mana base is fucking awesome.

>>7495731
Yes but you now gain 3 life and lose 4 at the end of your turn. Shit destroys your liver.

>>7495731
No, it dies of caffeine poisoning.

You heartless brute.

>>7495402
thirded.

just reading through this thread, but quests are the best thing on /tg/ right now.

>>7495718
Only to find that it's too heavy to move, and is doomed to sit in the same spot until it rusts away.

>>7495753
So it becomes a 3/1 with haste, flying, and "at the beginning of the end step, sacrifice bottle gnomes"?

>>7495850
Also you'll be a horrible person if you ever sacrifice it.

>>7495731
no, but it does grow wings.

>>7494369
>>7494463

Yeah, but Blue spells suck nowadays because Aaron Forsythe has admitted that he hates Blue as a color, and has done all he can to nerf it.

Good job, Aaron. Now we have crap like Archmage Ascension.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TUTOR IF YOU ARE ALREADY DRAWING AN EXTRA CARD A TURN FOR SIX TURNS?
I'm sorry, but if you aren't already winning or on your way to winning by then, this card ain't gonna help ya.

Angels, blood-sucking, or +5/+5, however, would.

>>7495893
fuck yes! +5/+5 blue blood-sucking angels

>>7495893
At least we got Into the Roil, a half cryptic command.

They don't laugh
They don't cry
All they do from dawn to dusk
is get sacked and make anons cry.

I use academy ruins the constantly bring back the gnomes.

How well would a cycle of creature charms be received?

>>7496248
I want a cycle with no creatures. The game relies too heavily on them.

>>7496160
So that they're trapped in an eternal loop of death and suffering. Great going, Anon.

>>7494369
Yay! These guys! I remember when i started, with the black 10th edition evincar deck, these guys and severed legion was my game winners (the other guys had matching quality of decks).
When all else fails, sacrifice! Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.

>>7496328
Their tears of sorrow and pain keep me eternally refreshed.

>>7496074
You can't rhyme 'cry' with 'cry'!

>>7496295
How about a cycle of enemy hosing lucky charms?

>>7496345
Phantom warrior is blue and it's better than severed legion.

>>7496468
The white and blue would probably the only ones that see play because dragon's claw is the only lucky charm that sees play.

>>7494502
>pop the head off

I always assumed the 'crown' of their head would flip off like a cap and you'd just drink from the jaw.

The subsequent sacrificing would be the discarding of what would effectively be a can of soda that no longer had soda to run on. It never had any feelings to begin with. Just an autonomous storage device.


But yes

>>7494502
>>7494541
>>7494691
>>7494788
>>7494840

Some awesomely sad interpretations here though, especially:

>>7494989
>>7495158
>>7495252

=<

Bottle Gnomes won't be the same again
Pic very related.

rolled 18, 9, 8 = 35

They should have these in D&D.

The last time I played Magic colorless artifacts were the ONLY type of artifact.

"I don't want to go"

rolled 15, 8, 2 = 25

>>7496909
Alara is full of faggotry.

>>7496817
requesting original alcohol version.

Oh, look, a Magic the Gathering discussion. Should I fully derail this by posting my mediocre Jace/Chandra fapfiction?

>>7496423
and make anons scream "why!?"

rolled 15, 17, 2 = 34

>>7496971
How mediocre? I don't really care, I'm board with this thread anyway.

Man, worldwake is going to let Bant wreck Jund's shit

>>7496934
bump

>>7496971
Yes

>>7497015
Meh, it's alright. Historical accuracy was not taken into account, writing style was rushed and it was 5am, but the sex is decent enough.

Give me a moment to get food, and I'll dump it.

Can we start sending this to the archives?

Please? For the Bottle Gnomes?

The smoke began to clear. Slowly, the two of them stood.

It was something out of the tales they would tell the acolytes at the academy. 'Open your textbooks to page 563, today we'll be learning about the planeswalker duel on that day and the impact it had upon spellcasting as we know it today'. He could hear the formulae, the information; she heard the myriad of ways you could light someone on fire.

She brought herself to her feet, and felt the fire of the red mana flow into her, filling her with the essence of impulse and chaos. She was Chandra Nalaar, planeswalker. And she would not be denied. Not here. Her hair lit ablaze again and she shot a burst of magma from the ground, riding a chunk of the earth at the man in the blue robe.

The man brought himself to his feet, and casually dusted himself off, watching the wave of lava come towards him. She was getting desperate. This fight had taken a toll on both of them. Physically and mentally. And a state of mental duress was not a place that Jace Beleren liked to be. his hands glowed blue with the essence of logic and reasoning, memories he had gained from his travels flooding into him as he summoned his counterspell magic. As the wave of magma began to shudder under her feet, Chandra was sent tumbling into the ground with a sickening thud, her body rolling around like a broken ragdoll.

He brushed his cloak off some more, and slowly began to approach her. "You'd think you'd have learned by now." he said, collecting himself. He had the upper hand, but wasn't about to drop his guard.

Her head was spinning from the tumble. She couldn't take much more punishment like this. But she did know that neither could he. If she could somehow throw him off that pedestal, she could get away from this once and for all.

"Fuck you!" she shouted, charging the man before her, a fist full of fire. She leapt at him, connecting with his cheek with a vengeant delight, sending him tumbling backwards. She took a moment to catch her breath, let the mana flow through her again, and let out a defiant shout.

"Leave me the fuck alone! I've had it with you! Time and time again you come after me for one goddamn reason or another, and time and time again we do this same old song and dance. I'm starting to think you've got a crush on me or something!" Chandra shouted, hurling another blast of fire at him. He raised his hands, pouring counterspell magic into her spells, canceling each strand of mana from the ether of existence. He grunted underneath her assault. She was emotional, her temper flaring. If there was one thing he knew in this world, it's that red mana was known for it's emotional flares.

"You stole the scroll and created several duplicates. I am here to administer justice, nothing more."

"That scroll belonged in the hands of someone who could use it!" she shouted, hurling more fire.

"That scroll did not belong to you, and you stole it. I'm here only to collect what is due."

"Oh, what the fuck ever." Chandra replied, giving Jace the 'air-jerk' motion. She'd finally had enough of his 'law and order' nonsense. Yeah, she stole it. She'd pay her dues one way or another. After she got away from Mr. Law Abiding, that is.

Jace had finally had enough of this, and wanted to end this. He brought forth the flow of mana and remembered a creature he had met in his travels. One that would be perfect for this situation. As the tendrils of mana opened a rift between the worlds, a torrent of water began to pour forth. Chandra stared at this wildly, then regained her footing, watching as the liquid began to congeal into a form that hulked a good twice her height.

"Chandra Nalaar. You have one last chance. Please, surrender. I do not wish to see you come to harm." Jace said, his hand steady as his monster still shuddered from the power of being taken from its world.

"Come and get me, then." she said, pulling a similar beast from another world. But her beast was filled with fire, and eager to kill. The nausea from being summoned would not affect it. And she knew it. All or nothing.

"GET HIM!"
"Attack."

At once, the two creatures were at war with one another, striking powerful blows into each other's body. Smoke rose as water touched fire, flames pounded and waves sloshed. Almost at once, there was a large explosion as the two elementals were shunted from existence in a torrent of arcane energy. Flames shot into Jace, who shielded his hands from the blast, his hood flying off, singing his hair. Chandra did the same, water lifting her off her feet and sending her slamming into the rocks.

Jace let his arms drop to his side, his hood down to observe the battlefield again. In the distance, his opponet was laying on her back. He approached, tentatively watching, her body unmoving. As he stood above her, she choked and coughed, spitting water out and brushing her bright red hair out of her eyes. No longer did she have her head of fire, and wisps of smoke poured from her hands. His eyes did not stay on her face for long.

As Chandra moved to regain her standing, her leather suit began to cling to her body, soaked from the torrent of water, cooled against her skin, and shrinking on her body as she struggled to move. The leather was hardening. She had to move. She wouldn't give up here. Not by a long shot. She grabbed the top of her clothing and began to rip, channeling more mana to give her extra strength as she tore the shrinking leather constricting her hand movements. With unbridled rage she exposed her upper body, clothed only in a soaked brasseire, for all to see. Namely, a stunned Jace Beleren.

"I'm not done yet! Come on, then! Let's do it again! I guarantee I've got more shit to sling at you than you have cowardly counterspell magic!" she shouted at him, defiantly. He took his hands to stance again, prepared his mind to cast the spells he knew, but was...distracted. It was in this moment that she charged him again, striking him in the chest and sending him staggering backwards, tumbling over his own feet.

"Come on, big boy. Fight like a man." she said with an air of cockiness and confidence.

"Violence is that last resort of the stupid." he replied.

"The wise resort to it MUCH SOONER!" she burst out, and charged him again, knocking him flat again, this time standing above him.

"You're not fighting back. What's wrong? Out of tricks up your sleeve? Or..." she said, starting to put the pieces of this puzzle together, "is there something ELSE bothering you?" she said, emphasizing her words and leaning her back so her chest was well presented. She even bounced herself a bit for added effect, watching the look on his face as he struggled to his feet.

"You took me by surprise, a tactic that will not work again." he said, putting his hood back on his head.

"Awww, are you shy? Or do you not like girls? Makes sense, really, someone like you is 'too busy for pleasure', or is it that you swing for the other team? You know, THAT makes a lot of sense, hahahahahaha~"

"ENOUGH!" he shouted.

His sudden outburst startled her, but she put on a coy smile. "Where's that cool, collected mind? Where's that cold, unfeeling calculation?"

"Your constant disrespect and blatant disregard for the laws has gone on long enough. Chandra Nalaar, it is time to die." he said coldly, and began to channel mana again.

"Awww, I'm sorry. Here, let me make it up to you..." she said, and unhooked the bra from her back, exposing her breasts to him. He stopped mid-spell as she rubbed her hands across her stomach and chest seductively. He stood with his jaw agape, and suddenly felt the overload of mana in his hands and head. He reeled back from the pain and pushed his hands into his skull. It was the first time since he was an acolyte since he felt manaburn.

"You're too tense. You know what your problem is? Loosen the fuck up. Maybe that council you work for has taken that from you."

"I work for my own well being. The council benefits as much as I do." he said, trying to compose himself.

"Uh-huh. Look, I'm all for that, greater good, I really am, but I go my own way. Your council is gonna spend MUCH more resources tracking me down and getting that scroll back than it would to just leave me to my own devices. I mean, look at us. We're already banged up. If you want to fight," she said, standing firm, holding two balls of flame in her hand, "then we can keep this up. If you want to rest and call a truce, I'm fine with that, too. Your call." she held herself tense in a combat pose, her breasts still bouncing about. Jace stared for a while and then came to the conclusion that he would end the conflict and attempt to recieve the scroll through more...subtle means.

"Very well." he said, sighing. "But...please, cover yourself."

"Hahaha! Make me!" she said playfully, relaxing her body once again. Yeah, they were just in the middle of a duel, but she was bored with it already. Same old song and dance. How many times had they fought already? Fuck it, she couldn't be bothered with the details.

"Let me at least offer you my cloak. I ruined your clothing in the first pla-"

"No, I needed to go shopping anyways. If you aren't going to try and kill me and fail at that like you have since this whole bullshit began, then fucking relax." she said, stretching her back and pushing her chest in his general direction.

"I did not say I was done with you." he protested.

"You talk too much. Fuck me." she said.

"What?"

"Fuck me. You know you want to."

"I have a job to do."

"You know you want to fuck me, you've been staring at my tits since I showed them to you. You're kind of cute, and we'll say I'm all hot and bothered from your 'masterful' display of spellcasting." she said, phantom jerking the air again.

"If my masters knew I consorted with a criminal..."

"Stop thinking about it, come on, we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. And we're planeswalkers. You know in the old days they were like gods? You'll be fine."

"I'm going to leave you and go back to heal. When I'm done, you should be prepared yourself."

"You need some motivation." she said, completely ignoring him and hurling a bolt of fire at him. He had no time to react as his cloak was hit and burst into flame. His mind raced for a quench spell, but his impulse was to rip the clothing off and stamp at it like some savage.

"Hahaha! There you go! Impulse! Enjoyment! Self-reliance! THAT'S what you need." she said, laughing from afar. She propped herself up on a smooth rock and laid back, watching the man before her with the strange markings along his chest.

"Ooooh, spooky. Do we all have markings like that? A green planeswalker I met in passing a while back had the same kind of markings, but different."

"You said there would be a truce. You lied." he said, not pleased that his cloak was on the ground, his chest exposed to the warm air.

"Oh, whatever, I didn't hurt you, and the fire didn't even burn. It was a bluff, barely hot enough to ignite. Now, take the rest off."

"No."

"Oh, will you drop the tough guy act? You know you want this!" she said, making her way back to her feet and standing in front of him. He tried ignoring her as she shook her body in front of him, making her way close with her backside shaking all around. Her pants had shrunk around her waist and thighs, stretching to the point of tearing in a few spots.

"You know you want this! Look at it, come on, give it a smack, it'll jiggle a little. I've gotten a bit chubby down there, all that rich food that I can eat because I'm not worried about it." she was inches from him, shaking her hips seductively as he backed away slowly. It wasn't long before he was backed against another rock on this blasted mountain, backed against a corner as she rubbed her ass against his chest and into his legs, feeling a firm resistance.

Magic the Gathering fapfic. Never thought I would see.
...continue.

"You're hard! Hah! I knew you wanted it. You like chubby girls, eh?"

"That...that's none of your concern. It's a natural reaction to the pheremones you're-"

"It's 'you like my ass and you want to give it a smack'!" she said, laughing and shaking herself some more.

"You...you're, tempting me." he said, breathing heavily.

She suddenly backed away and stood in front of him, staring him in the eyes. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"No. I have had a few sexual encounters before, but not like this."

"Yeah, another tough guy act?"

"No. I...I would use my talents for mind manipulation...to get a barmaid or classmate to do things for me."

"OOoooooh. Kinky. Chandra likes." she said, purring.

"I walk a constant line between using my powers for good or evil. I pride myself on making the right choices."

"And I pride myslef on mainting who I am. Now, whip it out." she said, her tone serious.

"What?" he replied, stammering.

"Pull out your cock. I want to see it. Come on, if I wanted to kill you, I'd have tried by now. Whip it out." she said, eyeing his bulge hungrily.

"I'm not going through with this...it just doesn't feel ri-"

>>7497276
>>7497255
>>7497248
>>7497235
>>7497229
>>7497217
>>7497205
>>7497191

*sigh* I knew Blue had been nerfed...

She dashed downwards, clawing at his pants and fumbling with his belt. "What, do you have belts on belts down here?", pulling belts and clips away as his pants finally gave way and his throbbing cock hung in the air, gasping for air as he struggled to keep her away from him.

"FUCK. YEAH. Chandra wants. You're packing a monster here. Like, I've summoned minotaurs who were smaller than you."

"You...have not." he said, panting.

"Well, I've summoned some bigger than you, but that's a story for another day. But by the gods, you're huge."

She wasn't lying. She was no stranger to the art of the male body, but she couldn't recall seeing a member this large before. It excited her. It enticed her. And she was used to acting on the moment.

"You want me to suck it?"

"I...I don't know."

"The hell you mean 'you don't know'? Are you gay? Bi? Asexual?"

"Submitting to lust and pleasure is something...I'm not accustomed to. It comes naturally to you...and in a way....I envy that. It's just difficult to...release those inhibitions."

"Oh, really?" she said, giving him a devilish smile. "I think you're juuuuuuust pent up. And you need some releeeeeease." she said, giving breathy tones almost touching the tip of it with her tongue. He held a long breath, expectantly. She suddenly turned from him, moving away quickly.

"Come get me." she said.

>>7494691

"Nnng....you want what?"

"Come. Get. Me. You want this?" she said, turning her ass to face him.

He swallowed deeply, and nodded.

"Come get it."

He slowly moved forwards towards her, and she darted further away.

"I said come get me. That means chase. Take me. We'll say this is round two of our duel. No monsters, no damage. Just this. Need some extra persuasion?" she said, channeling mana into her hands and casting a simple spell that she learned for her creatures that sent them into a blind fury. She never had a chance to try it on someone who could take mana like a planeswalker. First time for everything.

He felt the mana flow through him. It was much different that what he was used to. When he channeled, he calculated, each strand had a place to go, each sliver had a purpose, like a great machine. This mana felt different. Wild. Untamed. Chaotic. It flowed through him like a thunderstorm. His pulse quickened. His senses heightened. It filled him with vigor, energy, and something else.

Lust.


He could restrain himself no longer. He leapt towards her in great bounds, his agile form making his way quickly towards her. She ran away playfully, shaking her ass and grabbing at her breasts, teasing him the whole time.

"You know you want this! You know you want it!" she said, laughing.

He moved closer and closer, inching towards her through brute force rather than predicting her movements. The feeling was not something he liked very much, but the throbbing sensation in his swollen member was guiding him more than his mind. Everything else was secondary.

"You know you want this! You can't catch me! You got nothing! Come on, come get me! Come get that ass!" she said, slapping her ass, making a tear across the seam, her jiggling form showing underneath the dried leather.

He could hold back no longer. He leapt at her, using mana only to give himself a boost of aerial assault. He crashed upon her like a meteor.

"You know you want thi-haaaaaa~" she spat out as he tackled her to the ground, planting a firm hand on her shoulder and his other on her waist. A hand clawed its way into a rip in her pants, tearing it further, exposing her skin in a multitiude of ways. She playfully fought back, but he thrust her into the ground, her face against the dirt.

"Oooooh, big strong man." she said, mocking him.

"You talk strong for a woman who's at my mercy." he said neutrally to her.

"Oh, that so? I could break free at any time. You're ju-haaaaa~" she let out a cry of ecstasy as a hand slapped into her bare ass. he let out a small chuckle at this.

"You were right. That does feel good." he said, continuing to rip her tattered clothing away. "But you still owe me."

"Owe you what?" she said, breathing roughly.

He said nothing, only pulled her by her waist and lifted her upright to her knees. She was facefirst to his body, at perfect position with her mouth. She looked up at him with those sultry eyes she'd been giving him.

"You want it?" she said coyly.

"Now." he said, and felt the warmth of her lips on his shaft, moaning in guilty ecstasy.

I always figured bottle gnomes wanted you to drink them, theyre HAPPY when you do this. "sacrificing" simply referred to you emptying them and then they dutifully run away to refill themselves.

>>7494502
>>7494541
>>7494691
>>7494788
>>7494840
>>7494920
>>7494989
>>7495026

No /tg/. YOU are the nightmare fuel.

Feeling her lips pressed against him, she pulsed her tounge along his shaft, licking and sucking hard as he thrusted into her face, grunting and pushing. He held her head with his hand and watched as she sucked on him. She twirled her head, pulsed her mouth, and moaned on him to keep him writhing underneath her grip. Just to let him know she was still better. She pulled away, gasping for air as a strand of saliva trailed to her mouth.

"Ooooh, you're dripping. You really are hard. All that precum. Mmmmmm. Tasty." she said, licking the tip of his cock and sending shivers down his spine.

"Want some more?" she said, smirking.

He pushed her back downward and with his arms, turned her ass to face him. Cock soaked with her spit, he pressed himself tentatively outside her asshole, gripping into her waist and pressing his weight so that she was holding herself up with her arms.

"Whoa whoa whoa...what are you thinking, big guy?"

"It doesn't take a mind mage to know what I'm thinking. It looks so inviting. So soft. I want to see if eating all that food you say that gives you that extra padding really does pay off." he said to her, inching into her hole.

"Oh...hnnnng....this wasn't...part of...the deal OHHHHH~!!" she cried as he pushed his tip into her ass and slid all the way onto her. Hearing her moans of pain and pleasure kept him sliding in and out, grabbing globes of her ass with his hands and thrusting faster.

>>7497332
I have not laughed as hard in at least an entire week as I did on reading that.

"You..you're lucky I think you're cute. I don't let anyone...mmmmmf....back there." Chandra said into the ground.

"That so? I'll keep that in mind next time." he said, pulling her closer as she shouted in joy.

"Next time?"

"You know you like it. That rigid order. That unwavering firmness. The fact that no matter what, I've got a trick to counter your tricks. And I'm better at that than you. But I won't hold it against you. What I will do is hold you against me. Now moan for me. I like it."

"Ohhhhhhhh~" she trailed off, her eyes rolling back in her head. "It...feels...soooooo goooooooooooooood. Fuck me harder....I need it. So bad~"

He removed one hand from her ass as he gripped her and wrapped it around a handful of her hair. She gasped under this momentarily as she felt her head leverage up as he used a makeshift ponytail to pound her harder than she'd ever been before. He thrashed into her, the spell she had cast long since dispelled. This was him now. In a split moment, she turned her head as best she could to lock eyes with him, and in a split moment, they shared a communication that goes beyond words. He pounded his cock into her even harder, feeling himself tense up in preparation.

rolled 4, 1, 10 = 15

>>7497388
Creatures are actually manifestations. That's why blight spells like smallpox make you sacrifice them.

"You gonna cum?" she grunted out. He said nothing, only nodded and slapped her ass again.

"You wanna cum? You wanna cum in my mouth?" she said, drooling at this point. Unladlylike, but that's the story of her life. He made a wordless agreement.

He thrusted faster and faster until he could take it no longer and pulled out of her. In one fell swoop she was on top of his cock, and he let out a long moan as he shot a blast of semen into her hair, onto her face, and in her mouth. Her mouth filled with a sweet, salty taste, gobs of sticky cum in her mouth. Jace stood on wobbling knees as the aftershocks of his orgasm shuddered through him, and with a mouth full of jizz, Chandra stood, leaned her mouth into his ear, let out an audible GULP, and licked her lips. Then, as she leaned away from him, she licked him on the lips. He grabbed hold of her and brought her to the ground with him, collapsing on the dirt ground.

"The hell?" she said, shaking herself.

"It's a post-fuck embrace, as they call it." he said, breathing heavily and sweating.

"Are you honestly cuddling with me? After fucking me in the ass like a wild animal?" she said in disbelief.

"Yes...yes, I am. Don't like it? Too bad. It's how I do things."

She thought about protesting, but the clouds overhead were too nice. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, a look of mixed emotions of blissful pleasure and confusion on his face.

"Meh. Fuck it." she said, laying her head on his chest, staring at the clouds of a nameless sky herself.

GOOD END

Next week, we see what happened in the aftermath!

>>7497464

GOOD END SIR

rolled 2, 18, 13 = 33

>>7497491
What was the point of noggles and duergar?

>>7497491
Tune in next time, when I decide to write something new involving other planeswalkers. I'm milling the idea of Elspeth/Lilliana lesbian sex, when Sorin Markov walks in with his "Just according to keikaku" face. Also, Sorin has a Cajun accent, this is non-negotiable.

Also, possible Garruk/Nissa. Tezzeret is a ronery fag who might have sex with a machine or something, fuck, I don't know.
>>7497493
BROFIST.jpg

>>7497578
First one sounds good to me.

>>7497570
SCIENCE, that's what. Fucking Simic.

The only two plainswalkers I know. Good stuff.

>>7497588
SO IT IS WRITTEN. SO IT SHALL BE.

I also thought about writing a rape scene between Garruk and Sorin, where at the end of a vicious aggravated assault, Garruk straight bricks in Sorin's mouth. Lawl. I might, just on the notion of SAN LOSS.

rolled 19, 18, 14 = 51

>>7497578
Don't do the alara-exclusive planeswalkers, they're all a bunch of maniacs and sociopaths.

>>7497629
Eh.

You could easily do Nicol Bolas transforming and seducing one (or more) planeswalkers

>>7497639
I might toss in some legendary creatures, but there's so many of them, it's hard to find one that really stands out.

Teysa is an obvious exception to this rule.

rolled 3, 16, 2 = 21

>>7497667
Nicol Bolas is the most egotistical being in the multiverse. He doesn't even planeswalk, he moves the plane he wants to him. Becoming a not dragon is completely against his personality.

>>7497701
Jhoira springs to mind.

>>7497667
The transforming thing would work, I don't want to go anywhere near the dragon porn fetish some of /tg/ has, and it's also why I'm probably going to keep away from Ajani in either form. No furry porn from me.

But the "I'm a dragon, I ain't gotta explain shit" argument would work well, especially since I'd like to write some rape. But Lilliana would be perfect to either give or recieve rapings. Maybe at the same time.

>>7497708

Fine, he changes THEM into something worthy of RAPING (cause thats the only way he'd have it).

This fapfic needs more bottle gnomes.

>>7497701

Phage. Someone tries to fuck her while resisting her deathtouch (successfully or unsuccessfully).

>>7487729

Slave of Bolas comes to mind. I'm sure she could at least tend to his needs orally.

>>7497721
Oh, yeah. Though this would be best suited to drawfaggotry.

/tg/ - Magic the Gathering sex.

>>7497738
It would involve Tezzeret, since from what I know of him, he's a pretty sick fuck, and would probably quell a bottle gnome uprising with rape.

Someone else can handle it, I don't think my heart could handle it.

>>7497750
This one guy was able to have sex with phage because he also had a death touch. I don't remember their child's name though, but I think it was an embodiment the god phage was made by.

>>7497762
>/tg/ - Magic the Gathering sex

Better than quest threads.

>>7497750
Akroma.

Fuck writefaggotry, that deserves to be a full-length feature.

>>7497794

That was the patriarch of the Cabal, though I don't remember his name. Kid was Kuberr.

Also, instead of Elspeth/Lilliana, maybe Elspeth/Nissa.

GENTLEMEN.

BEHOLD!

Sliver rape. A hundred or so of them come out of nowhere and rape someone. Maybe even several someones.

FOR THE HIVEMIND.

All the great blue mages probably drank bottle gnomes.

>>7497816
Some quest threads, sure. There are some quests in the archive that are pretty damn enjoyable reads though.

>>7497868
I suppose. I must say, I really enjoyed that pizza quest where we killed ourselves right off the hop.

>>7497844
That could work, too. Some inter-species erotica, I can dig it. Isn't Nissa slowly turning to black, though? From what I can recall, she was experimenting with black mana.

Failing that, pair Nissa with Garruk for some ANIMAL SEX, and not in the bestiality way, I'm talking hard, uninhibited, hair pulling SEX.

"You...you're such a beast, Garruk..."
"No....I am....a thousand."

HYES.jpg

>>7497852
You're really focusing on the rape now, but this fapfic you posted now was better with the lack of it.

>>7497932
Fuck, make it Garruk/Nissa/Elspeth.

So how do you rape a bottle gnome? Do you stick your dick down the "neck" ( which could be hard, depending on how small these things are) or do you stuff them inside an orifice of your choice?

>>7497932
>>Failing that, pair Nissa with Garruk for some ANIMAL SEX, and not in the bestiality way, I'm talking hard, uninhibited, hair pulling SEX.
NOW WE'RE FUCKING TALKING

>>7497935
Yeah, but I know it would go well with /tg/ and it's /d/enizens. I'll write whatever works, a little of both. But Sliver rape? Come on, that's awesome.
>>7497961
Pic related.

rolled 1, 19, 20 = 40

>>7497932
Nissa isn't turning black, she just happens to have black tendencies. Green is really similar to black despite being an enemy color.

Why limit ourselves to Planeswalkers? There's plenty of iconic creatures and monstrous humanoids at our disposal, after all, if you're into that sort of thing.

>>7497987

>>7498028
http://www.wizards.com/magic/Multiverse/planeswalkers.aspx?x=mtg/multiverse/planeswalkers/nissa

>This encounter led Nissa to experiment with black mana

rolled 6, 16, 20 = 42

>>7498038
The M10 flavor text is funnier.

>>7498038
Led onto that with the whole 'minotaur cock' statement, but we'll see. All this is wild speculation right now, a planning phase. Maybe I could have Ajain Vengeant summon Boros Guildmage (a favorite of mine), and it goes downhill from there.
>>7498028
Truth, so I can still make it work. I need to get the planeswalker novel first, though.i want to read what a planeswalker duel actually reads like, then write accordingly.

I'm trying to think of them...

Omnithopter
Stonework Puma
Hedron Scrabbler....

What else?

rolled 17, 3, 12 = 32

>>7498074
Jace uses white magic, and he isn't turning white. Besides, they're trying to stay away from multicolored for a while.

rolled 16, 19, 1 = 36

>>7498100
Iron Giant and I don't know any nicknames for platinum angel.

>>7498100
Platinum Angel

>>7497974
Either sad, tragic Bottle Gnome sex or this.

>>7498100
Darksteel Colossus.

>>7498100
and Darksteel Colossus

>>7498133
Darksteel Colossus mind

This card could lead to some frightening and hilarious sexual exploits.

Also, /tg/, I love you. Never change. Never fucking change.

>>7498183
We love you too, man. We love you too.

>This thread.

rolled 18, 5, 15 = 38

>>7498183
This reminds me of swans, and now I want a picture of mages abusing the poor birds.

>>7498099

I... words cannot describe my love for that Boros idea. I also applaud your taste in Guildmages.

>>7498260
So how would that work? Would that abusing mage in question feel what the swans were feeling, or something else entirely?

>>7498284
Oh, hell yeah, brother. I mean, look at her. She's got that punk rock look going on, she's a Boros guildmage whose symbol is a fucking BROfist, and red/white is a combination that frankly should get some more love.

And look at the camletoe on her. Seriously, it's like her crotch is sucking her pants in.

rolled 1, 20, 14 = 35

>>7498378
The stabilized version of red deck wins, boros bushwacker, is a tier 1 deck in standard.

>>7497932
>Failing that, pair Nissa with Garruk for some ANIMAL SEX, and not in the bestiality way, I'm talking hard, uninhibited, hair pulling SEX.

>My favorite kind of sex.

>>7497751
Slave of Bolas is a spell that mind-controls a creature for a turn. Bolas just happened to use it on a Bant angel. Can't imagine why...

>>7497762
Here's where I've seen most of everything I've seen. Some of it is pretty quality. Chandra gets no love though.

>>7498444
Then Garruk/Nissa it is, and expect it sometime within a week or so. I don't know, scheduling, and all that.

>>7498284
>>7498378

Holy living hell. Boros Guildmage was my very first MTG card, I got it when digging through a store's jank boxes thinking it looked great.

You guys are awesome.

>This thread.

>>7498600
I've always loved the idea of Boros. Righteous fury, love of battle and a zeal like no others, fighting the Good Fight even in the face of overwhelming odds. Hell, Boros Signet has my favorite flavor text on it: "Have you ever held a Boros Signet? There's a weight to it that belies its size-a weight of strength and pride." As stated before, the emblem is even in the shape of a brofist.

BROFIST RETURNED.

ARCHIVE THIS THREAD

rolled 19, 6, 6 = 31

>>7498747
What If I feel like deleting it before it gets archived?

>>7498801
:(

>>7498801
Then I'd ask why you dropped the name/trip for only one post.

rolled 4, 14, 17 = 35

>>7498953
Because I don't like making stupid posts with my tripcode. I still make them, I just don't like to.

>>7498644
I'm personally partial to the flavor text of Phyrexian Reclamation; that got a 'woah' out of me "Death is no excuse to stop working"

...which the writing staff used again for Liliana in Rise from the Grave with M10 "Death is no excuse for disobedience".

I'm not that big on necro, but damn that gets me thinking of something involving Liliana domming someone nice 'n' hard. "No excuse for not fucking." etc


Out of creatures, I rarely like elves, but I find Radha awesome (along with Nissa and Maralen of Mornsong) and can really see her being wild 'n' nasty with Sarkhan Vol, though it wouldn't quite be the powerfucking Garruk would give Nissa's sweet ass.


Damn, I've gone off on a tangent. But yeah, the Chandra in this thread was win.

>>7498747
Seconded

>>7496934
I apologize for the delay, my good man.