IRL DM trolling?

Could be good, do it.

... Jack?

>>7432290
... Dave?

You're an arrogant sack of shit and your games are probably only notable for being the most pathetic circlejerk in your area.

If you want ideas and approval, don't inflate yourself to the point where you'd fit right in a parade.

I'm not trolling, by the way. OP is just unbearably pretentious.

As long as you post the results here, your approval rating is going higher than Obama's.

...faggots?

>>7432306
That IS the point my good man.

Everyone adopts a persona online, some quite different from their own.

I choose 'egotistical douche'

Yours seems to be 'internet tough-guy'

>>kick-in-the-door

will the doors explode if kicked?

As a fellow DM: I approve

As a player: I would totally CoDzilla your dungeon crawl into next week, if the other players don't have fun that means you failed DM, and that means I won.

no fun if it's just straight. wait for their paranoia to create something then just build off that. make them create their own fears

You sound like a dick and are probably the only person that enjoys your games.

>>7432340
Not everyone does.

Asshat.

I wish my DM was like you. He occasionally surprises us, but most times things are pretty predictable.

>>7432262
>>7432340

I'm not that other guy, but... I don't like this persona and I have a hard time believing it's really all that far divorced from your real personality.

You sound like an unbearable twat.

That said, I can definitely see you playing a completely straight game for once and maybe allowing their own paranoia to lead them into horror or atrocity entirely on their own.

>>7432344
Possibly.

>>7432348

That's the point. let their paranoia build, let them wonder what kind of godless abomination awaits them.

But there's nothing, and there never will be.

But they will never believe that.

>>7432346

I hope they try. It's not ALL going to be dungeon crawl, but it will mostly be strait-up game.

It's fun watching people try to derail a sandbox game.

>>7432340
I haven't threatened you or made any claims ofbeing able to beat anyone up, tough-guy is out of the question. The only indication that I act that way is my honest opinion of the little show you're putting on. While what you're saying is true to an extent, there's a difference between the barrier of the internet changing what a person would do and having a full-on separate persona. If you're going to do that, do at least make sure it's more entertaining and unique.

Or keep as you are but restrict yourself to THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE <blank> jokes from now on.

>>7432348

This is exceedingly clever, and can work perfectly with your past performance.

Begin by running a very typical 'Worlds largest Dungeon' flavored, but basic disarm traps, kill goblins, take loot, paradigm. Pic related.

Then as PC's always do, they will begin to suspect you of some nefarious plot. They will begin to plan against you. Use your discretion to plan the next rooms, and their info.

You win if your players collapse under the weight of their own unfounded paranoia.

>>7432306
>>7432353
>>7432412
Are you having fun trolling yourselves?

>>7432363

Ironic, for this game, I shall endeavor to embody your DM.

>>7432360

Being a cock in real life doesn't justify your 'no fun allowed' policy.

>>7432390

I figured Dick move should be accompanied by a dickish persona.

I would further try to justify my actions, but as I AM an egotistical Douche, I will have to assume that you are simply too dumb to get the joke.

>>7432312

My good sir, I could dig a hole and my rating would be higher.

I will be sure to return with results, should i do it game by game, or just once at the end.

>>7432433
Supporting this, with more ideas from a fellow mindfucker DM.
Put in lots of random levers and incredibly specific art and items. The weirder and more confusing the better. I'm talking about enormous murals that take 5 minutes to describe in agonizing detail. I'm talking about walls with 8 dangling chains running from holes in the wall next to 7 color-coded stone levers, in the same room as three obviously labeled weight panels on the floor with a fourth disguised panel.
And none of it does anything.
There are enchanted gems in the walls that occasionally light up or turn off, others that emit positive or negative sounds.
None of them mean anything.
Watch as your players spend an entire 5 hour session doing nothing but trying to decide if it's safe to go through the next door, and then congratulating each other on a job well done when they finally walk through to the next room safely. They will be ecstatic.

>>7432529

I like your style.

But, this is dickery. I was going to do NO dickery, and in fact NOTHING suspicious

much like >>7432433

Watch them troll themselves.

Achieve victory.

I'm thinking a good thing to do would be to make a few meaningless rolls, check a chart on my DM screen, then give them a 'continue' nod.

Also reply to commands, movements, etc. with a cocked eye-brow and an 'are you sure?'

When describing a course of action to me, badly suppress a smile, or interrupt them, asking for VERY specific details.

>I'm thinking a good thing to do would be to make a few meaningless rolls, check a chart on my DM screen, then give them a 'continue' nod.
>Also reply to commands, movements, etc. with a cocked eye-brow and an 'are you sure?'
>>7432529 Here.
I do that shit all the time. It's one of the most entertaining things in life.

>>7432701

Now I wish I knew the whole Conan: What is best in life speech.

I have a feeling the re-write would be epic.

Hmmmm, thread died faster than I hoped...


Oh, well. This doesn't bring it back, I'll let it die.

>>7433165
bump to you sir

>>7432939
Not sure if I have it memorized right, but...

"Conan, what is best in life?"
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women."

>>7433183
Why thank you.

And I will bring stories back from the game, but do the interne/tg/ents want it a game-by-game, or the full season summary?

I'm enjoying this thread, because I imagine OP sounds like John-Rhys Davies and looks/dresses like his picture when DM-ing.

>>7433208
That is entirely up to you, I try to work as much mindfuckery into my games as possible - even the slightest bit of inspiration would be worth it

>>7433202
Sounds right to me.
Of course, Cohen the Barbarian has a slightly different version.
- "What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?"
- "Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper."
And he's been around longer.

>>7433235
You want mindfuckery inspiration? Let me tell you about the most epic mindfuck I ever got in a game.
Our DM at the time was what you'd call decent. Not great, but not terrible. Solid plots, balanced encounters, acted out NPCs well, no huge surprises.
One night at the tavern, my human-hating dwarf decides to pull a prank and orders a round of Dwarven Mother's Milk for the party. Everybody chugs, and one round of will saves later (I made up the drink at the time, the DM ran with it when I described it) they were all passed out.
Suddenly remembering we had to be in the next town by morning, I dragged them out to a local cart-for-hire, paid the gnome driver, and off we went, me riding shotgun, them in the hay in the back.
After we've been riding for a while, DM says the gnome tries striking up some conversation. So I respond. Some casual banter.
Then he comments on the stars.

>>7433208

Roll for random treasure to give out with your encounters. Ask the party if it takes up a slot they already have filled. If they say yes, re-roll unless it is better.

>>7433294
theres a part 2 to this right?

>>7433294 cont
I agree with the gnome that the stars are remarkably clear tonight.
"You could even say," he continues, "they look like they're aligned."
My danger sense goes off, but in character I just keep the banter going, agreeing with what seems like small talk.
"What would you do if you met someone from the stars?" He asks innocently. I reply that I'd just say hi, ask him to join me for a drink. "Well, hi."
At this point, the gnome smiles. His smile widens, until it encircles his entire head, and his head from the teeth-up hovers above the rest of his body.
I tell the DM I think it's time I woke the rest of the party up to help with this. I'm no fool. He turns from me, since we've been having basically a one-on-one convo this whole time, and faces the rest of the table. Then, with a completely straight face, he says simply,
"You wake up."
We're confused for a second. So we ask what he means. Again, this time with a bit of a smile,
"You wake up."
That's when we understand. The rest of the party sits up in the hay and sees me sitting next to a perfectly normal gnome, not talking at all.
That night, the DM earned his chops as a Magnificent Bastard.

>>7433228
My beard is more trimmed, and my hair is longer.

I also prefer a good brandy, and bow-ties are overrated, I prefer a bit more frump.

The standard Homburg, Alas, must stay.

Some times tradition matters.

>>7433202

that's the one I'm talking about, but i want to say the original one was longer.

I just thought it might be funny to re-write it as screwing with people and proper dress.

>>7433235

My good sir, I am asking what flavor /tg/ would like, please cease this 'up to you' nonsense. Would you tell a waiter to bring you 'any old wine'? There is an art to such things, like complimenting a woman, or a fine wine.

Or complimenting a woman by comparing her to a fine wine.

>>7433385
Well done sir.

>>7433417
Or complimenting a fine wine by breaking her into pieces and choking on a fine woman

>>7433294
>>7433385

I'm sorry, but I do not understand your tale.

Was your Dwarf asleep?

However, since this is turning into a story-time, would /tg/ like to hear one of my tales?

>>7433481
No no no, the rest of the party was asleep. My conversation, which I was acting out not knowing what was really going on, was their dream.
But yes, we'd quite like to hear your tale of mindfuckery.

>>7433458

You sir, are no gentleman.

>>7433494
Ah, that IS a good one, I see it now.

Alright, here's one: I turned a game of CoC into a grimdark parody of Paranoia.

I ask patience, as this tale takes a bit to tell.

>>7433458
I like my women like I like my wine, locked in my cellar for years.

>>7433557
I chuckled

It started the same way most games start, something creepy happens, players team up etc... I'll spare you the details.

Now, I had been working in details that most people wouldn't notice... unless they were unfortunate. Like a pentagram in a square room, with each point in a different corner.

With the occasional horror sprinkled in, and some puzzles that required a bit of non-linear thinking, something unexpected occurred. the PCs became friends, and one pair even became lovers.

Now, what fun is camaraderie in a horror game?

>>7433208

/tg/ tends to prefer single sessions posted with great celerity.

>>7433649
Then, on /tg/, some-one mentioned doppelgangers.

Hmmmm....

So I had one of the players get kidnapped, and tied up.

The others found him tied to an alter, with strange markings on his chest. The party thought it was odd, but later on, the party opened the door in a mansion and found the party member, the one the THOUGHT was traveling with them.

'Not Dave' as the party then called him, attacked and was killed quickly.

I did it again with another person, and then another.

It got to the point where they saw the marks, they shot it, it turned into a monster, and since the PC had to be nearby for the copy magic to work, they'd look around and find them.

Instilling the knee-jerk reaction was step one.

>>7433734
I'll try to go with that then.

>>7433766

Remember the party had the two love-birds? I passed a note to the female half of that relationship while the others weren't looking.

The note read 'you are pregnant'.

She elected to hide the secret, because she didn't want her future child to side-track the rest of the party when they went in to kill the last baddies.

Party gets split up, and the pregnant woman finds her lover with the mark on his chest, and she goes 'oh shit, doppelganger' puts six rounds in him.

I roll for damage, then ask to see his sheet.

Suddenly, everyone realizes what I just did, but since they're good role-players, they elect not to cheat by meta-gaming, while the girl role-plays her final moments with her love, telling him that she loved him, and about their child.

They share a last kiss, he dies... and the mark fades.

Phase three was about to begin.

>>7433904
f5f5f5f5

>>7433932
F5

>>7433904

Right after this tear-jerker of a scene, a man who says he's John (the now dead lover of the pregnant woman, let's call her Susan), runs into the rest of the party.

He has a shot-gun he says he grabbed off a cultist, the rest of the party pulls steel, and tells him to PROVE he wasn't fake.

Not John very calmly opens his shirt... to reveal a blank slate.

Everyone does a double take.... then it dawns on them that they never killed the one the doppelganger was bonded to.

At this point the party continues down the hall KNOWING that the man with them is an impostor, but also knowing that they can't seem to do anything about it without breaking character.

The party walks into a room, with only one entrance. John is the last one in.

Their backs are turned, their guards are down, and Not John's standing about 3 feet behind them with a 12 gage.

>>7434006

Then, twist number one happens: John doesn't shoot.

He helpfully tells the party that it seemed to be a dead-end, and suggested a passageway that was back down where he met the party.

They party hauled there (at this point Susan was running around looking for the party) and found a passageway leading down to where the cult was meeting.

The stopped them and saved the day forever right?

Well, Susan heard the gun-shots and followed them, found the passage way, and saw her friends standing there. As well as her dead lover. She had already killed the real one, so she opened fire, dropping the second.

No 2 didn't morph back either, just a corpse.

No-one but Susan noticed this, everyone just went WTF and pointed guns at her.

The end is nigh...

>>7434144

The BBEG, who was still alive at the moment, explained That the doppelgangers WERE the people they were bonded to, and that the first couple of ones had seen 'themselves' and the fragile mind from the not-quite a real person BROKE, they lost their connection and from, and berserked.

But if the bonded one died BEFORE the Doppelganger, they would become a complete person, with no memories of the brief span of time that they missed as the other guy.

The table gets quiet... then the girl goes 'how much san damage do I take?'

I say nothing.

Her character, realizing that she had just murdered the only man she ever loved TWICE, very calmly pulls out a gun and shoots herself.

Rest of the party grabs the two bodies, burns the building down, and leaves.

in the epilogue, I said that the few cultist who survived the attack disbanded and left, told them all their happy endings.

Then i get to the couple, and tell them that they were buried together, under a large tree in a shared coffin.

When the autopsy revealed that she had been pregnant with a boy they named the child 'Jack' for the Man's dead father.

This reminds me of a thread I saw archived a while back, about a guy who wanted to run a campaign where nothing happened. The party would just be abandoned on a wall for an entire campaign, with nothing to do. He wanted to see how crazy they'd go trying to figure it out. Pic is a campaign a guy ran based off of it, only link I have to the original thread.

>>7434325
>>Her character, realizing that she had just murdered the only man she ever loved TWICE, very calmly pulls out a gun and shoots herself.

Killing his child then, too? Bad call.

>>7434325

>>7434325

At this point, the game ended.

The next day, I went to my FLGS and everyone was quiet.

I thought i may have crossed a line, as the owner walked up to me and said that my players had explained what happened.

I looked up and said 'And?'

Silence, then applause. THUNDEROUS applause.

I was honestly surprised. The next day, there was a plaque, proclaiming me the god-king of all Bastards, with a more detailed version of the story I just told on here.

It hung until the shop closed three years later.


---------------

I do hope my story satisfied, I know /tg/ has some high standards.

>>7434392
Well done sir

>god-king of all Bastards
Post a photo of that plaque now.

>>7434392
It was pretty good, but I can't see you getting a plaque from it.

>>7434392
I'm sure they must have let you keep that plaque then - care to post a photo? Regardless, twas an interesting read.

>>7434343
Thread is here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1034444/

In case you're interested.

>>7434450
>>7434424
>>7434422

They group I was playing with was supposed to be immune to mind-fucks.

They came to me asking for a challenge, so I gave it to them. That's the main reason everyone was so impressed.

And I honest to god wish I had the plaque. I went to visit my sister, and while I was gone SOMETHING happened to the guy who owned the place.

I asked around and no-one seemed to know what happened to the dude, or the plaque. Store was locked and empty, and we all just moved on to other stores.

I know a bunch of people who would vouch for me, but I don't know how many might come to 4chan.

I'm pretty sure the DM's scare tactics are nothing more than "and a skeleton popped out of a closet!"

Either that or your players are 12.

bumping for plaque photo

>>7434595
Fucking A, how long were you visiting your sister?

>>7434708
>Fucking A, how long were you visiting your sister?
>A visiting, How long were you fucking your sister?

>>7434708
Total? 11 days. 2 getting there, 7 visiting, 2 getting back.

I know, holy shit right?

That was my first reaction when I got back.

>>7434731
You sir, are no gentleman.

>>7434751
Hard to believe, but not impossible.

>>7434775
you sir are a fucking fag

This thread probably deserves archiving on account of storytime.

>>7434831
this post gave me gas

>>7434874
I masturbated to this post.

>>7434831
seconding

>>7434831
Go ahead if you want to archive it.

>>7434808

For not wanting to fuck my sister?

You Sir, are a fucking Nutcase.

>>7434874
>>7434906

what.

>>7435084
Already used mine this hour.

>>7435084
Ill go get my tire iron and reintroduce you to pain

This is somewhat excellent thread. I do wish I can RP in real-life, but alas, through the internet would have to do.

>>7435115

Yeah, someone else seems to have volunteered, and I don't archive my own shit on principal.

>>7435126
your tire iron doesn't do jack shit to him. He'll just laugh it off.
He IS the god-king of all Bastards.

>>7435247

He has lost his plaque and with it his power

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7432262/

>>7432340

>Everyone adopts a persona online, some quite different from their own.

I've adopted a persona that is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own, which is quite different from my own.

Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.

>>7435271
That's what ordinary people will think of.
You, sir, are no extraordinary guy. What have YOU done to rival such bastardry?

bumping bastardry

Someone call me?

>>7439066
because you can take it.

Forgot to mention, but I also demand that my players suck my cock whenever I chose.

For atmosphere.

>>7439098
Did you think anyone would believe you were actually that classy gentleman, The Maestro, or was this just a pathetic attempt at trolling a neat thread?

>>7439366

You mean, a thread filled with vile fagottry?

Seriously, I get my cock sucked more then you'd imagine. Almost everyone in this thread has sucked my cock. I should know, having jizzed down their fat, sweaty throats.