>>7428027

"Sir, our ship is overrun by greenskins!!"

"Then it is time to get a new one."

Drive around, give orks plenty of fights.

They will fight your battles for you, and enjoy it.

Vent drive plasma into afflicted areas.

Worked for Homeworld.

>>7428055
Its not that bad, because they don't have the ability yet to get out of the area they're sealed off in, its like a long-unused trash incinerator, on a separate system from the rest of the ship.

And our ship is too sweet to abandon. Its 5km long, with four broadsides and a lance battery.

Clearly your best option is to seek out and capture some genestealers and put them in the lower decks with the orks.

>>7428119
But aren't the genestealers even worse?

Build a gargant inside the ship that's under your control that claims to be Mork or Gork... and then use it to order the orks to construct enough landing pods to take them all off the ship on a glorious WAAAUGH on the Great zoggin planet covahd in clouds that they'll be coming to soon enough!

Then give them a few weeks to make enough drop pods out of scrap (send down all the trash and wrecked shit to them) then fly ship to a gas giant and have the gargant order them to disembark in the drop pods.... right into the crushing gravity well of the gas giant

Ork infestation eliminated and you've cleaned up the ship somewhat.

>>7428131
It's alright, you get the Deathwatch to remove the Genestealers.

>>7428131
Then you use Necrons to remove the Genestealers!

You should reach some sort of agreement with them. Tell them that you will take them where they can do all kinds of fighting as long as none of them fight your people.

And let them keep that portion of the ship. You clearly don't need it.

>>7428119
THIS THIS THIS

>>7428153

But then you'll have Deathwatch going through your stuff and discovering XENO HERESY.

>>7428163
This sound like a plan but because dealing with Orks long-term is a bad idea, be sure to just leave them someplace eventually.

>>7428131
Worse... or better?

>>7428174
That's when you get the Necrons to distract the Deathwatch.

>>7428162
But then we're stuck with Necrons!

>>7428209
Then use warp creatures!

>>7428209

So you hire some orks to get rid of the necrons!

>>7428136
Even tell them that the humans on the ship will help supply them with materials, and will drop them off because Mork went and beat some sense into 'em.

But they shouldn't beat the humans, humies are fragile, and Mork had to beat a lot of humies to get some wot survived.

>>7428174
don't worry, that's when you just send in the necrons to clear out the deathwatch teams.

>salvaged from a space hulk

If orks are the worst thing you had you got off lucky.

>>7428220

"Sir, the ship is overrun by greenskins, genestealers, Necrons, Deathwatch, and greenskins!"

".....Jenkins, you said greenskins twice."

"I know sir, we're doubly overrun by them"

Sell the ship
don't tell them it has Orks.
Let them kill off orks.
recapture ork free ship.

>>7428254
Well its really only our third session, we might be in for more surprises.

>Disguise a Lifter-Sentinel as an Ork, convince them that its the new boss.

THIS!

>>7428260
hmmm... You know what would clear this whole mess right up? Some Daemons! Bloodletters and such. Jenkins, go fetch me that odd, blinking book we found last week made of human flesh! And some crew men that have been slacking off recently. Bring me my combat knife to...

>>7428260
"I see. Jenkins, contact the Tau, Eldar, Dark Eldar and anything we can find on the nearest known-Chaos planets. We'll tan this problem yet."

Option 1 is heresy.

Option 2 is interesting.

Option 3 is treason and ergo is also heresy.

Find a way to vent them into space.

DO IT NOW FAGGOT!

>>7428281

Ahh, that means the Greenskins are the overt threat. You already do have Genestealers, and possibly warp beasts.

You need to bait all three groups into another area of the ship to exterminate each other.

I suggest as bait an inanimate carbon rod.

>>7428289

"Right away sir!......Um, sir, how exactly do we contact the Dark Eldar?"

>>7428119
New RT ship concept: SPACE-BORNE ZOOLOGICAL PRESERVE.

>>7428286

Heresy.

>>7428289

Treason/Heresy.

>>7428277

Treason/Piracy

Send in a Catachan Devil

>>7428370

I don't think you quite understand rogue traders...

>>7428323
Sodomy.

OI WOT YE GITZ GOTTA DO IZ LET DA ORKZ RUN DIS HERE SHIP FINGY AND YOU'ZE GONNA GET A LOTTA FIGHTIN FER DA EXPERIENCEZ!

>>7428323
"Emperor damn it all, Jenkins! I pay -you- to think things through! I'm a CAPTAIN, not a clever... thinker... man."

You've got more Orks than 1000 guardsmen can handle in close quarters. About 50 or 60 Squats should do the trick.

>>7428389

"Sir, our ship is overrun by greenskins, genestealers, Necrons, Deathwatch, greenskins, and some bloody giant lizards"

"Jenkins, I think it may be time to leave."

This would make a great movie....

>>7428410

"Umm, sir, at last check, you don't pay me anything. And I'll get right on the.....thinking, sir."

>>7428397
Not all Rogue Traders are totally okay with completely flouting all the laws, ideals and beliefs of the Imperium.

Only some.

I've had it with these motherfucking greenskins on this motherfucking cruiser.

Counts as murder servitors. Problem solved.

Ogryns! and lots of them!

Actually, I think I know what the easiest solution is.

Import to your ship a breeding group of Catachan Barking Toads.

Set them loose, gently, into the ork-held areas.

Profit!

The enemy of your enemy is your enemy, but he can keep your enemy occupied.

Just dont go down there.

>>7428445
"Thinking?! Who the hell do you think you are?! You'll think what I tell you to think! Jenkins, take this man to the brig immediately."

Personally, I'm for the proposal of dropping them off on a few random worlds. Minor Ork incursions tend to be mopped up pretty quick. Sure, you'll probably end up with a system-spanning Waaagh or two, but that's nothing the Hammer of the Emperor can't handle, right?

>>7428475
Ain't no metal bits gonna keep da boyz out fer long!

FIRST SPACE U.N

Ok so here is what you do, Find yourself a nice little bio weapon, like a virus. Take that virus and flood the ship with it, then vent all of the oxygen out of the ship, ALL of it. And then resupply your ship, Lots of dead orcs, cleanup will be a bitch. I Suggest using flamers to purge the lower decks.

1-Set ship on collision course with Eldar craftworld
2-Escape
3-???
4-PROFIT!!!

Can't you cut a hole in the ship from the outside?

>>7428476

"......"

*Cough*

".....Right away, sir!"

*Marches off the command deck*

>>7428362
This makes me happy. I want this.

What this cruiser needs is a man.

And that man's name is Zapp Brannigan!

>>7428469
"Sir, we've just detected a total of four..."
(Ship audibly shakes)
"*Five* hull breaches. "

>>7428543
Inquisitor Brannigan.

>>7428501
Eldrad was here. That craftworld is actually Holy Terra.

>>7428501
GLORIOUS

>>7428563
Creed here. it was Eldrad's bedroom.

>>7428445
Jenkins, my thinking follows the rules of Brannigans law, and Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast. YOU think long-term!

>>7428563
"Will I lose my letter of marque over this?"

ITT
Rogue Trader vessels captained by Zapp Brannigan.

Negotiate with the orks so that you cut the ship in half and make it detachable, so that you can deploy the orkz at your discretion.

>>7428559

Heh, just remembered the thread where we realized that Zap Brannigan probably would be a highly decorated and widely popular Imperal Commander.

>>7428579

"Aye sir!"

"......Can I leave the brig yet, sir? There aren't any guards here, as they're all too busy trying to herd the Catachan Devil to the lower decks."

inform the orks in an orky voice somehow that one of them is actually the man-god in cunning disguise and 1st to kill him recieves gork's blessing and many teef, let them kill each other, kill survivor. easy

>>7428370

Guess who does not have to follow those laws?

Is there any way to shrink your ship's geller field? You could create a bubble that only covers the top decks, get everyone up there, then do a warp jump and let the orks get eaten by daemons.

Couldn't you just fill the ork section of the ship with oxygen and wait until 1 of them makes a spark?

FIRE EVERYWHERE!

>>7428605
"Leave it to me, Jenkins! I will tame this sultry, sexy beast."

>>7428646
Knowing orks it wouldent take long....

..What happens to Orkz in a vacuum? Do they retain consciousness and coherence? If not the best solution could be to turn off all life support systems and pass out the spacesuits, preferably not in that order.

>>7428654

".....Sir, a Catachan Devil is......oh, nevermind."

>>7428601

Solider: Why is this godforsaken ship worth dying for?
Imperial Captain Brannigan: Don't ask me. You're the ones who are going to be dying.

>>7428641
DAEMONS!??! U 'EAR DAT BOYZ!?!? WE GETZ TO FOIGHT DAEMONS!!!!

>>7428636
Inquisitors? Yeah, I think it's Inquisitors actually. That's what you were getting at, right? Because Rogue Traders totally do.

I have a solution, Ork soup, invent a tasty new treat called Ork soup, goto other planets and sell ork soup, until ofc you have run out of orks to make ork soup.

>>7428659
Need I remind you, Jenkins, that I can't learn much, as I suffer from a very sexy learning disability... what did I call it?

>>7428646

Alternatively, fill the ork section of the ship with water, and then vent that section into space. The water should freeze fairly quickly, trapping the orks and their spores in one giant ice block (assuming the spores haven't used the air vents to spread to other sections of the ship already).

Then sell the ork-cicle!

Paint some Ogryns green, send them down their to infiltrate their society, gain their trust, mate with their women... errr and stuff.

Just leave them there.

Make sure the part of the ship that they occupy is pretty spare on naval defenses, making it a prime spot for a naval boarding.

That should solve most of your problems.

>>7428672

Rouge traders are allowed to deal with Xenos.

>>7428694
Ugh... sexlexia.

>>7428676
Have orks ever been explored as a renewable food source? Or are they poisonous?

Use Orks as part of twisted genetic experiment to give some of them female bodies.

Convince them that sex is just another type of fighting.

Since Orks don't actually sexually reproduce, you've just found a way to distract them that doesn't involve leaving their spores all over the place.

>>7428714
'dealing with Xenos' is not treason, heresy or piracy nor does license to do it prevent indictment on any of those charges.

>>7428719

According to one of the Codices, when the tyranids were trying to consume the orks, the ork spores were internally trying to kill the tyranids.

So yeah, they'd probably kill humans.

Oi, teejee!

We wuz on a space hulk, see, waitin for it ta drift somewhere wiv a good fight to be 'ad. But da humies done looted the bit of da hulk we wuz on! Is a roit shooty cruiza, now, wiv a real big shoota an four batt'ries ov big dakka, but da 'umies have da command deck an wotnot!

We'v got deze ideas:

-Krump da 'umies!
-Get me a bigga hat an a coat an tell 'em Oi'm da new Kaptin!
-WAAAAAGH!

TL;DR: 'umies on da cruiza, wot do?

>>7428719
They reproduce by spores, depending on how tough these spores are, eating Ork Soup could lead to disasterous if not horrifying concequences.

>>7428755
DEY IS MUCKIN ABOUT!!!

Make a pact with orks

Become freebooterz

Man, Someone's gotta do a Webcomic of this.

Or at least archive it, for future reference.

>>7428641
And then instead of orks he's got daemons on the lower decks. BRILLIANT!

Nah. I like the idea posted elsewhere - find a way to convince the orks to make drop pods and plop them onto a gas giant or a HERESY-infested world. Think of them as a resource.
Just... send out extra patrols and make absofuckinglutely sure they can't get up to you, or you'll be flying your awesome new ship INTO a planet.

>>7428755
I GOTS AN IDEA
WE GETS DEM SPIKY ALIENS WOT CAN LOOK LIKE OTHER ALIENS.
DEN WE SET 'EM ON DA UMIES
DEN WE KRUMP BOTHA DEM!

>>7428832
DEN WOT DO WE DO WID DA SPIKY ALIENS?

>>7428842
WE FOIGHT 'EM! YOU'ZE MUKKIN ABOUT!

>>7428755
>>7428832

Shaddup, yew lot!

If we just sit tight, da 'umies might try ta get rid ov us by sendin fings wot they fink might krump us! We just wait, an they bring da fight to us!

>>7428027
Pump Promethium into the lower decks. I can't see a flaw in this plan.

>>7428892
Excellent idea, Jenkins! Bring me my cigars to celebrate!

>>7428892

Except the possible creation of the first orkish promethium tycoon.

>>7428755
Turn you's part of da space 'ulk into an even bigga shoota an den use dat bit ta krump da 'umies!

>>7428755

'umies is stupid an weak an don't like to foit. Tell em we'll foit for em if dey give us teef an dakka an bomms an wotnot!

Seal off the decks. Let the orks starve.

Somehow aquire, and subsequently let off a virus bomb in the lower decks. Making sure to evacuate the ship temporarily and seal the bridge areas. Orks melt into sludge, gasses let off will iginite and everything, including the sludge burns, destroying the spores aswell.

Wait for flames to die down and retake the ship.

>>7428939
DIPLOMACY?
you'ze mukkin' about.

You guys are all idiots.

>>7428136
>>7428229
Just do this! Best plan ever

>>7428979

Indeed, lets set off ordinance intended for depopulating a world inside a spaceship.

For that matter could you not just sell the bomb and buy a new cruiser?

>>7429009
I run Orks as monsters, so that wouldn't work so well in my game.

>>7429020
Jenkins, escort this man off my bridge!

Befriend the orks. Convince them that The Emprah is the Biggest, Baddest Boss EVAR, pay them shitloads of teef and stuff, and give them something to fight. Suddenly, Orkperial Guard.

-Some poor sod has Orks on his ship
-/tg/ offers dozens of ways to massively exacerbate the problem

what we are going to do is go through the lower decks and let the orks know that this is our ship, and they can move to a perfectly good death world

fookin orks

>>7428779

Seconded. Do it NAOUGHW!

>>7429148
oh god.
District 9 with orks.

>>7429100

>>7428757
I never said eat it yourself, Roam around selling this ork soup to famine ridden planets. Who cares about what happens there afterwards lol

>>7429236
Well for one thing, Imperial Inquisitors.

>>7429254
They are not all that scary, just feed THEM ork soup!

>>7429283
Or just feed them or the Orks, gotta keep that livestock fed.

Travel to find someone both willing & able to burn every single one of those Orks for you. If you next dock at a forgeworld, ask for Skitari to save the machine-spirit of your ship from the Ork taint; if a civilised world either ask for PDF or simply send in wave after wave of hired scum, and if you stumble across Spehss Marines then ask for their services in Cleansing the Xenos taint from one of the Emperor's vessels.

There's no shortage of Imperial armies that would be willing to kill them for you, the only question is if you've got anything onboard that might cause more problems then the Orks if some Soldier of the Imperium stumbles across it.

>>7429302
Also you will owe these people a favour.

>>7429283

Ork Soup, fixes all your problems or your Throne Gelt back.

Best of all, it is such an insane infection vector that it might be easily overlooked.

>>7429209
>Law abiding Imperial citizens Shaun and Ed wake up one day to find their local cozy hive overrun by Orks
shenanigans ensue

Hire Mario, explain that the Orks are just giant Goombas, problem solved.

I'm sure that the Orks won't be your biggest concern once you find the ASTRAL HOUNDS in the women's locker room.

>>7429155
substitute zapp brannigan or trollface for third panel.

>>7429328
I once used warp servitors that released astral hound packs on destruction. In unlit sewers. On Landunder, so the sewers were the worst parts of a toxic chemical sea and flooding was a constant risk. Of both flooding and the release of giant poison-spitting megasharks.

Players hated me for that one.

>>7428087
This.

>>7429377
goddamn. Image error. Lemme try this again.

>Disguise a Lifter-Sentinel as an Ork, convince them that its the new boss.

If you considered any option other than this for more than 0.2 microseconds you do not belong on /tg/.

>>7429404
I desire to play.

>>7429404
Haha, oh man. If you had the guardsman in a gas mask, and the captain saying "Decimus" instead of Jenkins, that would be our ship.

>>7429431

How do Orks gain intelligence when they have been existing in the holds of a ship for their entirety. I don't think its that improbable, I mean a sentinel wouldn't work but maybe a huge guy in like power armor or something.

>>7429657
Genetic Memory, like the Mekboys the Orks have, They dont know why they know they just KNOW

Ork soup its WAAAAAAAGH

>>7429049
"But sir, we are not on the bridge, we are in the bathroom"

>>7429794
"Dammit Jenkins, how many times have I told you to not contradict me"
Jenkins: "Sir.... You dident finish, you just urinated on yourself."

Get lots of teef. Make armor, throne, and crown out of teef. Parley with warboss with grenades. Convince them in your best orky voice that you're the flashiest warboss ever.

>>7429841

And then it turns out that these Orks hate the Flash Gitz, and will take great pleasure in your krumping.

Flush them out by playing terrible music. What songs do Orks hate?

>>7429911
classical?

>>7429911
BETTER YET, Play some heavy metal, Get them in the fighting mood, but keep the locked up. Eventually they will turn on eachother, hopefully thinning their numbers to a level where you can manage to purge them

Somebody, archieve this thread.

>>7428087

See that would make sense, hence it's likely out of the question.

>>7429975

You do realize that this will just make them stronger, right?

I can't wait for the adventures of Captain, Jenkins, and da freebootas! It'll be the best show EVER!

>>7428027
>In any case, even if we get all the Orks off the ship, we're likely to be so spore-infested that we'll never truly be rid of them.

FUCK THAT. GET THE FLAMERS. SCOURGE EVERY ROOM AND BULKHEAD.

The remodeling, repainting and flamer fuel will be cheap compared to living with an Ork infestation.

NOOO! Soup up a techpriest with the best suit ever, BECOME DA BOSS! Now your party has a waaaaaaaaagh! up it's sleeve! THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES!
"Wait, these supplies are expired!"
"what are you going to do about it?"
"Nothing, but my green friends might have another idea..."

>>7431060
spring cleeeaaaaniiiing!

Honestly I'm inclined to go with the Catachan Barking Toads. Especially since your ship is larger than the blast/viral assrape radius.

>>7431375
Viral? I thought those were the toads that exploded like nuclear bombs, you telling me they're also toxic?

>>7431394
TO THE BEST OF MY UNDERSTANDING, they don't actually explode very strongly, its more that the payload of said explosion is probably the natural virus which was eventually refined into the one used by the imperium:
Its effects are toxic enough to kill all known lifeforms (Including the toads) in a ludicrously short space of time, and it can penetrate power armour.

Also one must use some discretion in the particular species used since some go off like a spore mine, but the Greater Barking Toad goes off with a 1km viral assrape radius (Which, given if can penetrate power armour, may also penetrate hull decking), which would be very suitable for your needs.

>>7431526
1km in an open space, in the confines of a ship it could easily spread further, and with the ventilation system... It would be dispursed through the whole ship.

>>7431577
...So just vent an intervening layer of decks to space.

I mean arguably the same countermeasures apply as if you were just using a straight virus bomb on board, the difference is that the structure of the ship won't recieve as much damage, and theres less chance of the Orks somehow preventing it from detonating.

>>7429911
Celine Dion or Cher

>>7431654
That would probably just make them even angrier!

>>7429404
Bump for plan.

>>7429911

24/7 elevator muzzak.

They'll kill each other within a week

I vote for the "get someone else to do it" plan

Um... you had to cut through decks to get to them, right?

.....why didn't you just fucking leave them alone?

>>7435049

THIS

I love this fucking thread.

Become the new warboss and use your orks to fight battles for you.

"Jenkin's, do you have the number for Domino's pizza?"
"Sir, Jenkins is in the brig."
"You're the new Jenkins then."
"Uh..."
"Number?"
"Yessir."
"Get them to do it."

>>7436862

"Get them to clear out the Orks, deliver your favourite pizza, or both, sir?"

"Both Jenkins. I won't pay them unless they do both."

>>7436899

"....right away sir."

*beepbeepbeepbeep*

"......."

"Sir, we have a slight problem....."

"We're outside of their thirty minute window, aren't we?"

>>7436936

".....uh, no sir."

"The Orks have been placing orders under your name and have been killing the delivery pilots."

"Ah. So now the damned Orks have mopeds. Ideas, Jenkins?"

>>7436966

"We could try ordering chinese, sir."

>>7428543
Wave after Wave of men.

"Yes! Jenkins, the chinese! Of course. Ring Chairman Mao and have him sort those Orks out."

>>7428281

space herpes

>>7436990

"......Sir, Chairman Mao has been dead for several millenia."

"Damnation. Any chance of some duck soup at all?"

>>7437024

"One second, sir, I'll just check."

*beepbeepbeepbeep*

"......what?!"

"Sir, the chinese restaurant reports that the Deathwatch and Necrons are currently fighting across the all-you-can-eat buffet, and they can't get a delivery to us."

*sigh*
"I really don't want to eat Cook's dinner again. Do the Orks do food?"

>>7437057

".....I doubt it, sir, but I'll check for you."

*beepbeepbeepbeep*

"Yes? Hello? No, this isn't mucking about. Do you do food? Hello? Hello?"

".....sadly, they hung up on me. Something about a giant lizard being ridden by genestealers fighting the other tribe of orks down there, sir."

"I will not eat Cook's watercress! Bugger it. I'll skip dinner."
*gurgle*
"Jenkin's? Are the drive vents working?"

>>7437097

".....according to the instruments, they are sir."

"Jenkin's, tweak them a bit. Open them, but not fully."

>>7437125

"Sir, with all due respect, I'm only trained to open the bridge doors, not to operate the ship drive systems!"

"Oh yeah. That's Adept Zoren's job. Is he still in the brig?"

>>7437152

"Yessir. Along with Jenkins, Astropath Taris, Techpriest Morris, the servitors, and Lord-Navigator Von Strack, sir."

"I suppose you had better let him out. It was only the last piece of toast he ate, after all. Two years was a little much I think."

>>7437183

"Right away, sir."

".....you do appreciate that there isn't anyone on the bridge except us, and the trip to the brig will take a while?"

"Insolent tone aside, Jenkins, uh, no. I didn't."
*gurgle*
"Be snappy man. it's only two hours till dinner."
*gurgle*
"Wait! Get Cook to do it."

>>7437207

"......right away, sir."

(I'm going to stop now, as I have damned revision to do today. Good luck, captain.)

(Righto. New Jenkins anyone?)

Samefag is easily bored. Samefag is leaving. For now.

You know, the genestealers might try to start one of their kults with the orks in there. Genestealers and orks in close prozimity and a small, closed in population.

Orkstealers. Yuppp, we're fucked.

Epic thread guys.
Well done.
Someone 1d4chan this.

>>7437371
>>Epic thread

And I still never truly got any good advice. :( Still, it became something pretty funny.

>>7437388
Only way to get rid of them is vent plasma in there or deck by deck flamepurge EVERYTHING.

Or if it's a trash incinerator, like you said >>7428107
just turn the thing on.

Samefag back again just to ask; do we really mean drive plasma, or actually drive coolant (because, y'know, plasma would seriously fuck the ship up)?

>>7437505
We can't turn it on because its on a separate system from the ship, and there isn't enough promethium left in the tanks that ran it to clear out all the orks.

Also, Orks have a toughness bonus of 8, and being on fire is only d10 damage a round, reduced by armor. Being on fire is only a minor annoyance for Orks.

>>7437571
Then you should...
...refill the tanks!
http://www.epiconeliner.com/

Okay here is what you do. Land somewhere, anywhere really. Drop off everyone except a skeleton crew. Just enough to make the ship fly and enough to land it.

Have them all put on their space suits. Vent all the atmosphere. Shut down life support. Shut down fucking everything. Give it a few hours to make sure nothing could possibly still be alive down there.

Land the ship and have the guardsmen purge the lower levels with flamethrowers. In fact, purge fucking everything that could possibly have spores. Vent plasma through the ventilation system or something while you are still up in space. Just make sure there is no way they could be coming back.

>>7437571
Promethium only, on a starship-sized trash incinerator?

Well, you can safely assume that every structure in a trash incinerator is trash. Vent plasma from the warp core.

>>7437602
That, and get some tech adept to repair the waste disposal unit so you can turn it on again.

I love how everyone is just magically ignoring all "vent drive plasma" based solutions in favour of coming up with ridiculous solutions and complaining that all the solutions suggested are ridiculous

>>7428229
orks wont work for weak humies for that long. they will take over the ship.

I've got it! Send in /b/! I know they'll be worse after but, meh. Jenkins will clear them up.

I said JENKINS!

>>7437335

Dakkastealers?