>>12861560
>rode a changeling out of an airship into a lich on a
>battlefield hundreds of feet below us after getting my
>shit knocked about by the epic level monk/sorceror the
>bbeg killed, possessed and attacked us with.

>ludephi internet
I would buy that

>nWoD game
>hitman character
>hunting evil down by any means necessary
>find minion hanging out by nightclub o' doom
>steal nearby dump truck
>ram front door
>party leader/gunman pops out of dumpster on front fork
>backup deploys from inside the trash bin
>our firepower empties the night club of all life larger than a Tic Tac box
>we escape through the rear fire door, dressed as vagrants, hide hardware in shopping carts stashed in back
>trollface all the way home

Two scenes later
>find BBEG in his skyrise condo
>arrive via hot air balloon through skylight
>proceed to dump fuel over interior of condo
>this includes all NPCs present
>light flares
>"Shoot us. Go the fuck ahead and shoot us. We got nothin' left to lose."
>he gives this some thought, shoots the flares
>Well, fuck.
>I charge right at his location, then do a spectacular body check
>... at the desk he is sitting at
>ST laughs, says, "Ha ha! His armor will defeat that minor damage!"
>I indicate physics dictates his desk will hit his chair, the chair will roll back and hit the window, the window is just glass
>"Well, fuck."
>BBEG is a big hit on Broadway, as well as 29th.
Fuck you and your armor, asshole.

>>12861640

he didn't have reinforced plate glass? I am for disappointing son.

>>12861679
He made it a major plot point to indicate that the BBEG was not afraid of snipers, as he had some kind of mystic detects-snipers-and-whatnot amulet on at all times. He did not have a "Huge size + strong back merit PC" detector amulet on, though.

>play a jester as a bard variant
>get ahold of an artifact book
>name it the Tome of Infinite Laughter
>spread folktales about how it holds the unbridled power of the Laughing God
>cast Explosive Rune on it... over and over
>BBEG battle
>wave around the Tome of Infinite Laughter and make a huge deal of it
>BBEG catches on
>get the rest of the party to hold their ground
>sneak behind the BBEG
>read the Tome of Infinite Laughter
>around 80 explosive runes are set off
>I use a homebrew jester spell-like ability to tumble out of the explosion, roll nat 20
>BBEG is turned to dust, I am merely knocked unconscious
>alpha as fuck

I also bluff check'd my way inside the party's barbgirl's anus.

>Merc team needs to clear terrorists and extract info from a VIP atop Big Ben.
>Arrive to see the guards are not on alert and the terrorists have set up an explosive device in the clock housing.
>Obvious trap to get our intel.
>Break into the building.
>Knock out guards.
>Fight our way to the top.
>Whats collateral damage mean?
>Epic balls-to-the-wall fight against entrenched sharpshooter/VIP in clock housing.
>Win.
>Torture info out of him.
>Leave him tied up for the authorities to find.
>Make our way back down to the street.
>Wave and throw a thumbs-up at security camera on the way out so everyone knows who the heroes really are.
>Drive a city block.
>PC#2 recalls something.
>"Hey, wasn't there a bomb?"
>Pause.
>Hot flash.
>Glass shattering shock wave.
>PC's are now considered enemies of the free world.

>>12861750
I read something like that on here a little while ago

I think their solution was to have an ally cast Dispel Magic on the book and for you to elect to automatically fail, causing the runes to disappear and simultaneously detonating all of them

>>12861697
and suddenly I was no disappoint. For you are a brave son of russia fa/tg/uy. Truly you wrecked his shit.

Also generally reinforced glass is used in office buildings. not necessarily bullet proof glass. I still find throwing the bbeg out a window to be the best way to kill them. Its classy. Usually followed by a "not worth a bullet" comment or as you put it "he was a big hit on x street"

>>12861762
The party was me(human bard/jester), girl(half-orc barb), THAT GUY (tiefling psion), bro (warforged paladin) and weeaboo (cat yokai rogue).

None of us could cast Dispel Magic. Bro had taken a few ranks on both Medicine and Craft(Warforged) to heal, though.

Besides, setting off the runes myself and then power ranger'ing out of certain death made it even more alpha.

>>12861755
eh, I've read that before. You the OP of it or did you plumb the archive for cool shit to post?

>>12861750
stop using that term.

>Hunter game
>PCs blackmailed into robbing a bank for evil werewolf pack
>decide to do it in motherfucking style
>walk in, dressed in tuxedos, packing shotguns and bandoleers of dynamite, announce intention to cripple and maim idiots who set off alarms
>rig every four people to a single grenade with zip ties around their necks; one moves, the grenade is no longer friendly
>prepare currency for transport by attaching it to gigantic plastic bags
>inflate gigantic plastic bags inside netting
>depart area dressed as crew for unique, if lumpy, parade float

>>12861800
Strangely, that PC was Russian. Nicknamed "The Butcher", feared wherever men sold meat or dealt death. Possibly an escaped war criminal, possibly related to Hispanic gardeners. Speculation abounds.

>>12861829
OP.
only ever posted it once before, long ass time ago. didn't think it would be stale already D=

>>12861846
it stood out for its particularly potent suave/not suave which is why I remember.

>>12861846
Nonono, you see, it was stale once you posted it.

It has not had sufficient time to de-stalify.

>>12861862
old is new and love is hate and hate is love and new is old?

>on a genocidal rampage to cleanse and purge an evil barbarian clan from the world
>party consists of Ranger (me), barbarian, retarded rogue, cleric, bard, fighter.
>rogue and my ranger, stealth kill sentries successfully take controll of the gates to the valley where the barbarian village is.
>have other barbarian allies to help us stealth kill "evil" barbarians.
>get too the gate, stupid barbarians do leadership challenge
>FFFFFFFUUUUUUU
>Bad guy dead, good guy seriously hurting
> eventually get those fuckers rolling forth with one barbarian clan pulling out due to butthurtness
>kill "evil" barbarians, fuckers get back up so we kill them again
>GM allows the rogue to make an untrained handle animal check to ride random warboar into battle and attack, suspected fudged roll from rogue
>cleanse purge kill evil barbarians
>get into caves behind temple PC's anda couple of NPC's confront leader (whos a cleric), and some body guards, raep was done, cleric runs for alter to summon hordes of undead, everyone piling in after him through a 5-10ft wide corridor
>3rd in line "fuck this I stop and full attack"
>nat rolled nat 20 (for everyone to see i'm not fudging my rolls)
>evil cleric doesn't get to do his big bad plans
>mfw everyone looks at me in amazement and the GM looks at me like "but but but....*sighs*"

>3.5 d&d
>playing as a Goliath reaping mauler (w/e the wrestler prestige was
>Main adversaries were a cult of Tiamat
>Avatar of said dragon goddess appears
>End up with a high enough grapple check to grapple all 5 of her heads
>At once

>nWoD supers game. Modified version of More Than Human (look up the wiki)
>Team has to locate and eliminate a target
>mfw I use my Neo-super powers to hack into government systems, triangulate his cell, and blow him up with a weapons satellite

>Hunters game
>cult hiding in meatpacking plant
>distributing cuts of meat with various curses on them
>cult is rogue PETA hedge wizards with evil, evil plans
>group enters slaughterhouse
>I strip down to apron and boots to keep clothes from being bloodied
>cue zombie cows stampeding towards us
>grab two PCs on each side of me, javelin throw them onto the upper tier of catwalks
>punch the first cow in the head with handmade knuckleduster made from sledgehammer head
>dead cow
>stampede piles up, killing several zombie cows
>walk over the first corpse, one armed pull-up onto catwalk
>nearby cultists start throwing knives
>spell separates PCs, my bro takes a knife to the head, passes out in the first round
>wade into front of combat, wearing armored apron
>every shot hits, no shot damages me
>cue up this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yDrtNEr_5M
>unleash the motherfucking fury
>final BBEG is a fellow butcher
>give Heidelburg dueling academy salute with meat cleaver
>replied back in trade
>proceed to kick his ass into a mud puddle and then stomp it dry
>he's German
>look down, smile broad and say
"History repeats itself, da?"
>drop the iron boot onto his head
>exit building, dragging him, alive and twitching, on a meat hook around his shoe
>still naked under apron

>>12862150
magnificent

>>12862292
I didn't want to showboat, but the ST assumed I would find a way to get the others up in the fight, instead of sticking the character's stated ethos:
>Nobody beats up my friends but me.
If ever you've read The Boys, he's what Vas would be, if he stopped drinking brake fluid and took up a career as a hitman/meatcutter. And was less subtle.

>Homebrew system and setting
>Started an impromptu rock concert in the desert as part of a magic ritual to summon a storm. Storm proceeds to zap invading airships out of the sky. One lands directly behind the stage, exploding upon the climax of the song.

>Freddy Mercury shows up riding a horse, gives a thumbs up, rides away without saying a word.

>The entire event triggers a war.


>AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN THAT DAY

>>12862403
i for one approve of freddie mercury being some sort of musical god of awesome spectacles
truly you earned his blessing that day

>>12862403
Russian Hunter here.
Dude, you win.
You may have all of my internets.

>I also escape artist check'd my way inside the party's barbgirl's anus.

fix'd

>>12862442
>>12862467

The same character later went on to own a flying island and used it to put an end to the war he started.

Shame the actual combat of the system sucks, the setting can reach Gurren Lagann levels of awesome.

>>12862150
Hunters...? as in WoD or..?

>Same blind bard as before, taking airship to get to the President's city so we can become employees, as the bard so eloquently put it "Under the guy who's highest up in the chain. Let me do all the talking."
>Do a perform check when asked by captain to play.
>Roll so well I summon the equivalent of an Exalted (Agent, Playing with Immortal's Handbook.)
>He asks me to play again.
>Play again, not as well but still good.
>Attacked midway through the night.
>Nat 20 initiative, take a free turn.
>Nat 19 Diplomacy, Total: 35. The flying enemies forget what they were going to do and leave us in peace.

>Several sessions later, needs answers for a supposed cataclysmic event. Attempt a perform check, roll well enough to summon the same Agent.
>Get asked to play again.
>Play again, once again not as well as the first time, but the Agent answers a single question.
>DM gives ability: Summon Agent, DC 25 Perform Check.

>>12862495
Indeed, WoD. nWoD, to be precise.

I'm a GM, a bro playing a half-orc alchemist in my PF game pulled this off.

>Party hired by a businessman to end raids on one of his enterprises.
>Party discovers that the raids are coming from a primitive tribe of troglodytes.
>Majority of party decides to just wipe out the tribe for xp. Alchemist disagrees, is trying to figure out why the tribe is raiding; the raids only started recently.
>Party encounters a situation akin to a charnelhouse. The troglodytes are being slaughtered by a strange being.
>Most party members decide to assist the thing. The alchemist attacks the thing directly.
>Alchemist gets ripped to single digits in a single round, then gets knocked down and pinned by a teammate.
>Alchemist makes CMB check to make an action, succeeds. He shouts "Fuck this!" and rolls a highly explosive bomb under the enemy, dealing unavoidable damage to the enemy, himself, the teammate, several troglodytes.
>Enemy takes the brunt of the blast, teammate severely injured, trogs killed, and the alchemist gets blown to negatives.
>Enemy attacks other teammates, who rout it fairly quickly. The alchemist self-stabilizes.

Unfortunately, the player playing the alchemist (a stellar role-player) decided that his character simply couldn't stay with the party, due to ideological differences. MFW his awesome character leaves the party.

>>12862523
Have you posted this story before? It sounds super familiar, as part of a series on retarded parties fucking with the only cool member they have.

>>12862523
And mfw the character he rolls up is just as awesome. I can't give details in case anyone from the game is on /tg/, but I can say this much. A 73-year-old human fighter with low physical scores, high mental scores, and SO much more than meets the eye.

>mfw people value good roleplaying over combat prowess

>>12862551
If it was posted, it was recently, because the session it occurred in was 2 weeks ago.

>>12862523

>>12862574
It may very well have been, I haven't been on /tg/ very long. And also I can't reckon linear time.

>>12862573
Trust me, this character is capable of kicking ferocious amounts of ass. mfw hen the player revealed what he was capable of.

>>12862588
derp tired. meant to say
"mfw when the player revealed to me what the character was capable of doing.

>>12862588
>implying my druid wouldn't kick his ass any day of the week

>>12862585
At first I thought someone had spooged on her nose.

>>12862573
Russian Hunter here.
Thsi thread is about kicking copious amounts of ass, not roleplaying your heart out. I did both, in equal measure. I'd post the roleplay stories, but I'm off to bed.

>>12862523
>>12862506
>>12862120
>>12862029
You guys kick ass.

>>12862601
Nobody gives a shit about druid 239274. I want to hear about elderly fighter.

>>12862588

Y'know, not to derail the thread, but why is Maki's work appearing everywhere?

I mean, the gal's got a metric ton of talent, but seriously, reaction images?

Copypasta here, but It was my character and I posted it originally, so why not:

>Playing a Rigger in Shadowrun, wireless Vehicle Control Rig implanted in arm.
>Big Bad has just kicked the crap out of both of our street Samurai and our Adept. Its looking pretty bad, but the guy is Japanese with this whole Yakuza/honor thing going on.
>My character holds up a hand before he'd have come to kill me and says "We shall end this with a duel, we shall do it honorably." And I threw down my sidearm.
>We're in a field, mind you.
>Some in-character bartering later, he agrees that we shall duel with blades, and offers me a sword from one of his lackies. I swing it around inexpertly, playing the buffoon. He starts making fun of me.
>I say "Are you ready, sir?"
>He affirms that he is an enters a high blade stance, ready to kill me.
>That's when I landed the unarmed transport helicopter that had been keeping station on him.
>Upside down.
>So the blades sliced him into chunky salsa.
>Then I tossed the sword back to his stunned lacky and walked away.

Helicopter's windows were tinted, so the big bad guy and his minions didn't know it was being remote controlled.

>>12862619
I can't tell you, because it's going to be fucking awesome when the powergamer chick who's currently angry at the roleplayer for not 'optimizing' gets a massive surprise. I'll give this hint though: The character sheet he's got out at the table is completely, entirely fake. I know what the real sheet looks like, and although the stats and such are the same, there's a couple surprises. This character could sweep the floor with any of the other characters as of now.

This actually just happened today, Deadlands reloaded game.

>Last session, I tried to get in contact with bayou vermilion, with passing mention of the Night Train
>not trained in notice, i roll a two to wake up, with the heavy sleeper hinderance.
>apparently sleep through the door to my hotel room being smashed off its hinges, wake up to see giant black man with leathery skin and weird eyes looming over me
>not trained in fighting, he beats my parry by a lot and grabs me and picks me up out of my bed.
>He starts carrying me toward the window, I ace my agility roll to escape twice, slipping out of my whole night shirt and diving toward my gun.
>at this point the other PC in town enters the room, shoots him in the back pretty well, to zero effect
>One called shot to the head from me later, giant zombie guy drops like a sack of brick shit houses

>Lesson of the day: do not make direct contact with shady organizations and then go to bed.

later on,
>we're trying to disrupt a transaction between bayou vermilion and the black mesa fraternal order
>we did not discuss any kind of signal to start our attack.
>as soon as a voodoo looking guy steps off the train, I assume he is responsible for the above assault
>Without consulting the others, I shoot him.
>I miss.
>AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN THAT COMBAT

>>12862633
You know the sauce? where?

> Go to kill a LE King who bound a pit demon to his soul to gain its powers to try and save his kingdom.
> Party is me (Half-Elf Rogue/Assassin), DMPC (Human Duskblade), Mr. Chaos (Pixie Duskblade), and NPC Dryad, as the other half of the party was saving citizens.
> King uses Weird to kill the Dryad, Vortex of Teeth to reduce my (invisible) Assassin to exactly 0 HP.
> Succeed on my Death Attack, king fails his save, goes to make his final speech.
> Rogue cuts in with, "I don't care, you still die," and pull my blade up through his head.
> Rewarded with getting Warptouch rain down upon us. Fail my Fort save.
> FFFFFFUUUUUUUU
> DM rolls, I get functioning wings (30 ft. clumsy fly speed).
> FUCK YEAH.

>>12862680

Can't tell you, but I can tell you that /b/ can tell you where. Think of it as a quest, bro.

Or I could spoil it and risk a ban by linking you directly to the site she frequents. She can be found in the #drawchan room on Rizon, along with a plethora of other /b/ drawfags. The site name is the same as the room. Google it, it should take you right to it.

Hopefully this isn't against the rules.

Picture fully related, because that's what time it is.

Fuck it. I don't know how to green-text, but this story must be told.

I'm playing Bro-din of Freedom, Aasimar, rollin with a naive Wizard, gentleman Nec-spec Sorc, foxkin Ranger (total bro, plays it like Robin Hood), and Psion some-the-fuck former human thing. Dungeoncrawling for a Maguffin of Light to change history. Tentacle things attack. I win initiative due to party-wide poor rolls. Detect Evil, Results neutral. I run up, spank a bitch with my hammer. Crit. Roll on tables and knock the wriggly tenticle-fuck prone. Its turn comes later and it tries to stand. I get an op-attack. Crit again. Tenticles is now splattered across the floor. The other two gang up on me. Most of the party is down or paralized by tentacle beams. I pick one up and us it to beat the other and itself to death. My paladin then goes on to frighten the Boss-de-jour away from CC with him while the rest of the party kicks his shit from range. Later, he scares off a group of bandits by using his Daylight spell-like daily to appear as HOLY NIMBUS and saves a little girl.

>new character
>physical, 2 handed weapon specialist
>tournament grounds
>fight to the death
>roll 100
>his head is instantly crushed making me the victor
>and then I got killed by an alien

>>12862658
I can respect that.

I will quietly sulk over not being able to play.

>>12862757

Actually, that makes two of us. I don't have any games I can play in, just the one that I GM. So sad ;_;

>>12862823
I've never actually gotten to play, but I've been reading D&D books since 3.0, making characters, etc.

foreveralone.jpg

>>12862844

sup/tg/'s IRC tends to have a few GMs looking for players.

>>12862890
IRC, how do?

My Bro pulled an epic fail once
>Bro's on a narrow walls roof with a bolder rolling around the room.
>Goblin Priest is running amuck.
>party is a Rouge, a Cleric, a Paladin, and my Bro as a Fighter.
"Bro: I jump on the bolder, flip to the Priest and slice at him."
>....
Bro: "wat?"
Me: "The fuck?"
Bro: "Come on!"
>Has to make 3 checks (Jump on bolder, jump off bolder, attack).
>aces first two checks.
>Bros pumped.
>natural 1 on attack
Me: "welp, you fall, smack your head, drop your sword, and your healing potion slips 5 feet towards the Priest."
>He's stunned, prone, and unarmed.

>>12862973
>Performed exceptionally in the acrobatic maneuver
>Missed with the attack
>DM treats it as having failed the acrobatic maneuver

There's a big fail there, but it doesn't belong to the player

>D&D3.5 game
>My Wizard is basically running the government of a small city
>A bunch of demons start attacking the city
>THIS WILL NOT STAND
>we fight some dragons and shit and find out a major demon apparently wants our city dead
>I roll an epic Knowledge(The Planes) to find the demon's true name
>We go to the abyss to track the fucker down
>Party finds a forgotten tower filled with lore or some shit
>Demon tracks us down and assaults the tower with a giant fucking army
>We lose two PCs just climbing the fucking place to Balors and shit
>When we finally reach the top, the demon catches up with us and confronts us
>DM tells us we should teleport away since we'd never beat the demon
>My wizard is an abjurer
>I cast Arcane Empowerement followed by Imprisonment for a total DC of around 36.
>Demon needs a 3 to pass.
>Rolls a 2.
>mfw

>Heavy Gear game.
>A gear suicide charge that fucking worked.
>Poor pilot but makes up for it by being pic related.
>Buying time for allies to escape a trap with a VIP.
>Charge headlong into approaching forces, lucky shot takes out a Black Mamba but weapon is destroyed.
>Rocket pod destroys a further gear, still three more surrounding me and I have no weapons.
>"I will give you all one chance to surrender."
>Gear goes MARTIAL ARTS ON SOME FUCKERS

>>Fighting a group of harpie/siren things that are leading the boat we are on into the rocks
>>Everyone fails will saves to become entranced, I am below deck napping
>>Ship suddenly lurching wakes me up (I'm a bard btw)
>>I go up on deck counter song, people cheer yay
>> Harpies attack, fast forward to us getting shit kicked out of us, but generally doing alright, until some party members are about to die (-5 or so hp)
>>The harpy that's about to kill them suddenly starts laughing her as off so hard she can't fly
>>cracks her head on the edge of the boat, succeeds on not know itself out
>>goes under water, fails save, laughs under water and drowns
>>My bard finds this hilarious since it was the first time Tasha's Hideous Laughter has ever worked for him
>>Then I heal the hurt people
>>Ship starts sinking
>>I ride the pally into the life boats to fit more people

>playing half orc monk
>decide to play something beyond weeaboo 'i am a master of martial arts'
>spend 100 gp on inlaid mask with intricate tribal designs sewn on the side with a 'fin'
>BECOME LOS TIBURON, THE SHARK OF THE LAND, MASKED WRESTLER
>take feats revolving around grappling
>grapple EVERYTHING
>EVERYTHING
>EVERY. FUCKING. THING.
>including, but not limited to, a bear
>final part of campaign
>OH SHIT DRAGON
>dragon acts like a faggot, ducking into water and popping up to use breath weapon
>fuck that, I'm charging his ass
>brother, playing warforged fighter, assists my MIGHTY LEAP into the air, where I pose in mid-air, shouting about the HONOR OF THE MASK
>TACKLE A FUCKING DRAGON
>deal unarmed damage, latch on, take deep breath in preparation for the underwater struggle
>dragon goes up. forgot they can actually fly.
>DM gives me option to let go before he goes up. Fuck that, I'm still wrestling.
>200 FEET IN THE AIR, STILL WRESTLING A DRAGON AND DEALING UNARMED DAMAGE
>Dragon actually starts hurting me. Have to come up with a plan. BRILLIANCE STRIKES ME.
>"I roll to pin."
>Entire table is silent.
>I roll to 'pin' his wings behind his back, so he can't fly anymore.
>ENTIRE TABLE IS LEANING OVER SO I CAN MAKE MY ROLL OF DESTINY
>NATURAL. FUCKING. TWENTY.
>I pin the dragon's wings, sending it and me hurtling into ground. I have six seconds to make my final statement.
>"I AM LOS TIBURON! And I am...a lucha!!!"
>Dragon's neck snaps on impact
>Through sheer luck or GM fiat, possibly both, I survive with -4 HP
>Cleric puts me back at one, picks me up, holding one arm into the air
>My brother immediately bangs his shield twice, making a bell noise
>Party's bard/diplomancer: "And the winner is....Los Tiburon!"
>high fives all around

And that was the story of how I made it to level four.

>>12863097
Yes.
>>12863338
YES

>>12863306
Also I fucked a harpy and beat a kraken with porpoises

>>12863338
you win d&d forever

>>12863338
That's simply amazing.

>spiran effect
Maybe you tapped into your character's Spiral Energy?

>>12863338
Can my fighter have learned the art of the grapple from Los Tiburon, the Shark of the Land?

>>12863426
It's possible as far as spiral energy goes, that dice did spin a bit before that beautiful 20.

Los Tiburon continued to wrestle, across the land, for fame and fortune. His mask never once came off. I even had cultists chasing me down because I wrestled their leader in broad daylight and shamed him in front of the town guard. HA HA! YOU HAVE FALLEN PREY TO THE IRON GRIP OF LOS TIBURON! as I did the 'stop hitting yourself' maneuver.

>>12863338

Saved for future generations of noble masked wrestlers.

>>12862973
>punishing the player for attempting to do a cool acrobatic maneuver by having him randomly loose a health potion.
that was a bad bad thing to do, he made his checks except the attack... it should have gone down like this

>fighter leaps onto boulder (successful)
>leaps off boulder towards goblin (successful)
>takes an off balance swing at goblin (unsuccessful)
>remains standing weapon in hand potion still in inventory, everything is cool

that was just plain terrible on your behalf I'm sorry, I hope you feel bad about that (not kill yourself bad, just realise you did that a bit wrong).

>>12863463

Yeah, landing prone or losing the weapon makes a certain degree of sense given crit fail, but losing the potion, landing prone AFTER making both his other checks (so, basically, demonstrating why that was exactly the WRONG thing to do to him) AND losing the weapon? Dick move, man. Dick move.

>Call of Cthulhu: Delta Green game
>me playing a DG character, trying to track down some kidnapped party members
>use a teleportation box which I gave to one of the NPCs, one of the PCs from the previous game now being run by the GM.
>arrive at his base, only two other NPCs there and the remote viewer from the previous game, none of the kidnapped PCs there.
>The remote viewer is kept in a room covered in warding symbols to protect her from the monsters she's seen and pissed off.
>Get remote viewer to locate the kidnapped PCs.
>Grunt NPCs start handing over information that their boss, the former PC, has come across from cultist bases.
>Includes a ritual developed by the cultists to summon a monster, meant to be used as a last defense against void particles let into our dimension by the cultists experiments. The ritual only takes 30 seconds to perform.
>Remote viewer runs out of her room screaming because I didn't lock the door (she is quite obviously insane at this point) and runs out of the compound were at, an abandoned gas station in Texas.
> Chase after, catch her, subdue her, but not before the cops show up.
>While trying to talk down the cops, one of the monsters shows up. GM only ever referred to it as "Blue Eyes"
>Blue Eyes kills cops and remote viewers. Me and grunt NPCs start running back to the compound.
>Grunts fire a couple of magic bullets they've got, ineffective against it.
>Get back to compound, realize our only chance to survive is to use the ritual.
>Ritual summons what can be best described as a sentient firestorm, with destructive power equivalent to a small nuclear weapon.
>Kills Blue Eyes, me and grunts survive miraculously, all our equipment is incinerated.
>Activated a nuclear weapon in Texas as an act of self-defense.

And that wasn't even close to the end of the campaign.

>>12863451
>>12863451

SO! You wish to learn the sacred art of the grapple from me, Los Tiburon? It would be my pleasure to pass along the ideals from my teachers and ancestors to another generation!

First, and foremost, you must always fight for something higher than yourself, my protege! A maiden's love, an unyielding ideal, a family to support, these are but many reasons one dons the mask!

Know this, my child, that when you wear the mask, who you were underneath is gone, and you must BECOME the mask! Let the mask give you strength, and give that strength to the mask itself!

Always, ALWAYS make sure that to the crowd, you are their hero! Or even their villain! For while the forces of evil are something that Los Tiburon finds hateful and deplorable, it takes truly evil villains for truly grand heroes to shine brighter than ever! Make absolute sure that whenever you do anything while masked, you do so that people will remember! Remember how you pinned that hill giant! Remember how you stood atop a pile of defeated gnolls! Remember what you ate for breakfast! For this is the way of the lucha!

Find your mask, my student. And carve...your DESTINY!

>>12863503

>play rogue/invisible blade/master thrower in Pathfinder
>level 11
>take downa huge black dragon
>skin it
>make fine clothing out of hide
>wear to party in Lawful Evil metropolis
>seduce lawful evil halfling chick, even though she previously had little interest in humans

>later on, level 20
>need to get to top of ziggurat to fight evil god
>expected to climb up interior
>NOPE.avi, fly up outside
>all the bosses from inside make their way to the top while we're kicking the god's ass
>one boss is a vampiric silver dragon, gargantuan
Me: "I've got this."
Party: "What?"
Me: "Time to get me a new suit!"
>destroy dragon
>get silver dragon hide, make suit to match my black one
>after campaign, go to halfing chick's hometown for happy end

Pic is my face most of the time.

>>12863503
>>12863338
I think it's pretty safe to say /thread

>>12862607
ty >>12862029 here. My ranger has managed to pull of some epically badass things, like distracting a combat ready lich long enough with arrows for the others to kill it dead (proper dead), but they took a round too long and the guy go off a save or die spell on me :(

knowingly stepped into a prison cell with two invisible rogues and kicked the fuck out of them, one rogue saw the other was TKO'd and shanked him so he wouldn't give up information. the other I managed to trap in the cell, and they were tugging on the door as I held it closed, then suddenly slammed the door open, dealing enough subdual damage to KO the rogue. then proceeded to bind and blindfolded them, then gave them a bit of a beating before anyone else got to the scene. oh and confiscated all their equipment +2 thieves tools weapons etc.

deliberately springing various other traps for the group.

gave a adult dragon and its wizard rider the finger as I stood my ground atop the battlements firing arrows at it being fireballed and dragon breathed repeatedly, and taking no damage <3 evasion + high reflex. made the dragon & rider pretty much run the fuck away due to my sheer badarsery, this is while the other pc's were dealing with another rider as a group. I had a bunch of goblin allies around me which I lovingly called "bait".

jumped on a dragons back and stabbed the fuck our of it as it went batshit.

jumped on another dragon and stabbed its "reduce person" gnome wizard inside an armoured box.

negotiated with an undead Elven sorceress/wizard who had enslaved ettercaps (no have to make will checks everytime I go near there to resist the lure of her command.

Killed 3 or 4 mines, with imaginary weapons.

hired kobolds to run our groups tin mine
and more will post more later

>>12863338

>>12863565
Please, my friends, do not stop recanting tales of glory and triumph, pain and loss, and all emotions in between based on my account. I am but a man, nothing more.

I insist we continue, so that we may write stories that the children and heroes of future generations will listen to with awe and wonder!

Recent awesome: Picking up an I-beam as a werewolf and using it to club a monster make of toxic pollution to death. Made more awesome by the rest of the players hurting themselves badly trying to claw at it.

Also funny because the heap big NPC on our side got fucking clobbered by me tossing a beam at the monster and missing.

>>12863661

Question: are you the Old Spice Guy wearing a luchador mask?

>>12863739
Look down, back up. I'm wearing the mask your man could smell like!

>>12863739

This man NEEDS a role as a Solar Exalted some day.

NEEDS.

I think I need my to post my sorc.
>Party has no spell casters minus cleric. Even more so there are no humans in party.
>My DM lays down how elaborate and involved his campaign is, basically saying that all wizards are viewed with high regards.
>I ask "what about sorcerers?" He looks at me and shrugs tells me they are viewed with the same respect as rogues. FYI, there a rogue in the party that hears this. Him and I look at each other and nod accepting the fact that the DMs pet class is Wizard and Pally.
>I look at the epic descriptor for Sorcerer. Described as a force of nature. I named my guy Shihab Shamal and channeled Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden. I specialized in Fire, Wind, and kicking ass. If I was out of spells I would shoot my crossbow or swing my sword which I would always poison with black lotus venom.
>DM has us fight against a blackguard and his court Wizard.
> I charge the wizard from behind and swing my sword at him and roll
>Natural 20. Roll for Constitution damage 16.
> DM states the Wizard doesn't even have 14 Constitution.
> Last words I tell the wizard "Bet they didn't teach you that shit at the academy."

>>12863771

... /tg/, we've work to do.

GLORIOUS work.

>>12863739
Of course not. But the same principles apply. He is an icon, a name, something for ordinary men to look up to and think, "He is what it means to be a man! If I could only be a tenth, or a hundredth of this man, I would consider myself a god!"

But you are! You have only to look deep within yourself, and dig into that overflowing well of courage, strength, willpower, and spirit, and BECOME what it is you think is unattainable!

The secret, my children, is that the mask is merely a tool. As a blacksmith has his trusty hammer, or a painter has his brush that he is never without, so too does the lucha have his mask. And while a mask could be as simple as a brown sack with eyeholes cut in it, or a silken work of art with gold and jewels inlaid, it matters not.

What matters is the heart of a lucha, the heart of a hero. And to you, all my good children of the world, I pass along my secret.

Now continue telling your tales. Or better yet, go forth, and make your own!

>>12863787
I bit my lip and nodded.

Fucking bookworms.

>>12863822
I exercise my role as apex predator and laugh at the face of cholesterol.

>>12863822
Yeah, reading is bad! Beat up nerds!

>>12863860
You realize we are quoting the book.

>>12863808
I came onto /tg/ slightly drunk and exhausted from a day of work and am confronted with your glorious advice.

You have inspired me to reach ever further and live for what I believe in. I shall remember you, brave luchadore. May you grapple for years to come.

>>12863865
The point is still valid, now are you going to come beat up nerds with me or not?

>Friend is mix of rogue/fighter/swordsage, dwarven
>group breaks into prison located on an island in the middle of the sea
>objective is level 4, where an old npc friend who used to travel with them, but was captured
>on the 4th level there is a group of 50 soldiers as well as a grey render they have befriended
>bluff check: pass
>"Gather round boys! First Sargent from marine command Draiter Swiftaxe is present you louts"
> closest 30 men stand to attention
>"Come in close boys, you're all getting promotions! I'm here to teach you a new technique from up the chain!"
>all 50 gather in close circle around him
>Takes fire resistance dance stance. 18 tumble so he has fire immunity
>"Thats it boys, keep your eye on me."
>Fireball scroll
>lines of men fall burning while he tumbles along the explosion
>"And now you try."

>>12863893
Eh I got nothing better to do.

>>12863885
As much fun as I have had getting back into a character that I've loved, my true life's work, my TRUE calling is doing exactly this, making people feel as awesome as they should. So in this, I have made a pin and achieved a victory.

In both D&D, Call of Cthulu, Dark Heresy, or whatever game strikes your fancy, AND in life, in a job, college, relatipnship, or sometimes a combination of all three, I have only this advice to give you, both in and out of character of the great Los Tiburon:

Find the star that you seek. You know exactly what it is, my friend, it varies from person to person, but you know EXACTLY what I mean when I say 'find your star'. Find it, and chase it. Never stop. Stay true to yourself and don't let the world change that. You have the heart of a hero. NOW GO! GO FORTH! Take up your mask, and keep running forwards, never looking back!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGzqbEeVWhs

>>12863808
I call you out, Los Tiburon. El Lucha Monstruo DRACULA has come for your mask!
But first you must defeat my minions:
The Lobodor, man by day, werewolf luchador by night!
El Hombre Invisible, can you grapple what you cannot see?
La Gorgona, will Los Tiburon break his vows to fight... a woman?
Prometheus Moderno, built from 1000 luchadors!

Now come for me, Los Tiburon, and we shall see who will be left standing.

>shadowrun 2nd ed book adventure
>walking through the Amazon guarding some scientists
>get jumped by giant mantis
>turn it to pulp before scientists even know it's there
>they were supposed to run aways and get lost on in the first round
>break book adventure

Eh, I have a few stories. Probably insignificant compared to Los Tiburon, but... I'll try. GREENTEXT, GO!

>Playing D&D 3.5 as my Elf Monk, Lv 9
>leaving a city run by a well-known NPC
>one party member feels a dart hit her neck, falls to the ground... and then the other party member
>I manage to deflect the apparently poisoned dart aimed at me away (because fuck you, I'm a monk)
>climactic one-on-one fight between me and a higher-leveled assassin, all while trying to prevent him from killing the other now-helpless party members
>manage to fight him off, but not kill him, and not without taking a lot of HP and ability damage
>now I'm the only one in the entire party that can actually walk for at least three days
>suddenly, JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A PRIDE OF LIONS, GET IN THE... oh, wait, this is D&D; there are no cars
>so it's me vs. six lions... after only a few rounds, I take out two of the six lions alone
>one of the lions manages to crit me twice with both claw attacks, putting me at single-digit HP
>roll my flurry of blows attacks - first die rolls: 20 / 20 / 16
>second FoB die rolls: 20 / 20... everyone holds their breath
>finally roll the last set: natural 1... and then a 20
>DM: "In moment of furious, adrenaline and drug-fueled rage at being nibbled by the lion, [my character] grabs it by the mane and hind leg and proceeds to rip it in half, splattering lion's blood and intestines over the general area."
>everyone, including me, just stares wide-eyed as the DM later mentions the lions back off at the gory display
>three days later, I manage to get the others over to our base where a cleric NPC cures their ability damage
>...somehow, get scolded by the other two members after all is said and done
>DM: "Let that be a lesson to you. If you go and save your teammates from assassins, you will get nothing but scorn in return."

>>12863949
Ha! Dracula! You dare to challenge ME, the great Los Tiburon to a match of lucha? The forces of evil hold no power of me! Let the forces of darkness come and face me, for it is not my mask that I shall lose, but it is yours on this day!

The Lobodor? Ha! I am the Wolf of the Sea, and the Shark of the Land! My spirit shines like brilliant silver, he shall be awestruck by the sight!

El Hombre Invisible? Surely you jest! I fight not with my eyes but with my heart! I can defeat him blindfolded! A grand idea! I shall do just that! For you see, a true lucha's eyes are unclouded!

La Gorgona? While I am hesitant to strike a woman, this will not sway me! They say that she captivates men with her gaze, but it is she who will be captivated by my eyes, and her whose legs shall turn to stone as my manly physique blinds her! For a lucha's body is a well toned machine!

Promethius Moderno? You could take all one thousand wreslters and send them at me at once, and I would still stand atop them! Doing this just makes it easier for me! For the one thing you cannot copy in a true lucha is his heart!

And you, Monstruo, is exactly what I come for! I come to take your mask! So be prepared, for the light of the sun is what I come to bear to you!

>>12864094
IT KEEPS GETTING BETTER

HOW DOES IT KEEP GETTING BETTER

>>12864028
HA! My friend, I to you, I give this blank mask. For you, my friend have shown EXACTLY what being a lucha is about, and you have no mask! You defended your allies with no care for your own body, and all for harsh words from them? Pay it no heed!

You have defended them, and to you, you know the truth. In the end, this is all that matters, that you lived to what made sense to you!

Take this mask, Terror of the Lions, and may your roar be filled with righteous fury!

>>12864094
What is lucha libre? A miserable attempt at honor, nothing more. You bring the sun, but I bear the moon behind me. And when you've defeated my luchas monstruos, as well as my army of cadavers del vuelo, only then will you know true fear. Honor is weak, fear is power.
I am fear, I am El Lucha Monstruo Supreme!
Know El Carmesi Batea and quake.


(On a side note it's very hard for me to not to go into Macho Man Randy Savage when doing wrestling banter...)

>>12864137
It is Lucha Libre... it ONLY gets better.

>>12864203
And yet even still, you do not see! And this is your downfall!

Courage is not the absence of fear! It is the knowledge that something is more important than fear! Of course I am afraid! I am but a man in this fragile world, nothing more. But that fear is what makes me strong, BECAUSE I am human! The human spirit is what gives us all our strength! You can see this even outside of the ring, like when a mother lifts a car to protect her child, or when a boy stands outside the window to a girl he likes serenading her with a handwritten song! This is true courage! This is true strength! What I do here, fighting the forces of darkness and blackness, this is nothing! I am but a man!

But my mask...my mask is something more. I am Los Tiburon! The Shark of the Land! And you, today, Monstruo de Dracula, shall lose your mask! But I will not take the masks of your minions, oh no.

No! I will redeem them! They can still be saved! But you, you use men for your own ambitions! You lie, you cheat, and you steal! You won't work for your own!

Today, you lost the right to wear the mask! Come at me then!

>Playing Tiefling fighter fluffed as a mercinary in pathfinder
>See airship info on the DM's pile of notes
>Quickly refluff Character as the victim of a pirate mutiny
>DM laughs and rolls with it
>After a few sesions the party wizard is geting cocky about his power
>Pirate Captain calls him on it, "I'd take ya in one punch" were his exact words
>Wizard calls the Captain a washed up furball (he was a very demonic looking tiefling) then uses teleport on me, max range, straight up, the son of a bitch

>Its fucking on now chaps

>Claims it isnt so bad since I have slowfall potions
>I say I dont use one yet
>Everyone looks confused, but stays in character and go about their buisness, assuming I'll live
>Pour the potion in to my mouth, aim at the wizard
>Activate a ring of truestrike (truestrike 3/day) roll a 20 anyway
>Punch
>Swallow
>"One punch robe boy" catch hat as it flutters to the ground "one punch"

>>12864279
This man speaks truth.

Pokemon Tabletop Adventures.
Small campaign: Me, my friend, the GM

>Friend has a Psychic trainer.
>His team consists of Coheed the Umbreon, Cambria the Espeon, and freshly caught Pidgey. (Obviously, the player's a huge Coheed and Cambria fan.)
>Heading north from Saffron(Start town) to Cerulean.
>Ominous House.
>Suddenly, in an homage to Hitchcock, CANNIBALISTIC PIDGEY EVERYWHERE
>Start picking them off one at a time, but there's too many
>GM wants us to hide in the house
>He gets an idea
>Rushes toward the flock
>Phases (Intangible)
>Pidgey swarm around him into a very tight cluster to pick out his liver.
>"Hehe... I'm still waiting here, my dears, to kill all of you!!"
>"Go Coheed! Dark Pulse!!!"
>Rolls 5d10+1d6, rolls 48.
>Plus SP.ATK of around 20.
>Entire flock killed
>No injuries beyond psychic strain.
>GM tried to make direct engagement unwinnable
>Pokemon gain roughly 10x the EXP they had at the beginning of the battle.

>>12864280
And so Los Tiburon, the Shark of the Land defeated El Carmesi Batea in his home ring of Luchavania. He redeemed Los Luchas Monstruos into a team of Justice and Courage.
And they fight crime to this very day.

Long live Los Tiburon and Los Luchas Monstruos!

Cthuluchador.

>>12864292
Ha ha! A grand tale! You showed through sheer tenacity and ingenuity the strength of your character! Bravo!

>>12864334
And that was how I made it to level 5.

>>12864336
How will you unmask the being whose mask you cannot comprehend?

>>12864307

God, I hate Coheed and Cambria.

Nice plan, though.

>>12864379
Bravo, good sir. Bravo.

What's the Captcha?
>the Soroped
I don't know if he's fought that yet...

>>12864391
God damn.

Now if I get into StonerDM's CoC game, I'm playing a luchador.

>>12864391
Simple! With my hands.

>>12864413
That is not unmasked which can eternal lie, and in strange aeons even masks may die.

oWoD Mage

>Start off as Healer Etherite
>Realize I made the only non-combat character
>After first session, party decide to train my character in ways of combat
>Fast forward quite some time, them continually keeping me out of combat because of the first session
>Have been putting all my points into combat skills without them knowing
>Party gets into fight with BBEG and gang
>I get initiative
>I shoot with the .22 revolver I've had since the first session
>House rule states that if double specialized and you keep rolling tens, you keep rolling until you don't get a ten
>Guess who just got his fourth dot in both dex and firearms?
>28 successes
>24 damage
>One-shot BBEG and two of the ten elite mooks due to GM being awesome
>Rest of the mooks surrender due to the known wussy doctor doing van Damage
>Party shits bricks

Feels good, man

Not sure if anyone is reading this anymore, but I am inspired to tell my story:
>4e D&D Game, Dark Sun.
>Lvl 2 Mul Fighter dual wielding Shields as weapons. Punches rocks while other people sleep "To keep his fists in shape"
>Sees a shooting star.
>"I'm Gonna punch a STAR!"
>Slides down sand dune on shield like a sled, wind up in a silt bed.
>Almost drowning in silt, crawl to impact site.
>Star winds up being super special Psion PC.
>PUNCH STAR
>After warlord talks her out of trying to kill me, she floats herself (via telekinesis on staff) across silt bed and sends staff back for me.
>Silt shark jumps up, latches on.
>PUNCH SHARK
>Shark #1 lets go, and a second one leaps for a bite, misses.
>THROW GRAPPLING HOOK.
>HIT.
>JUMP TO SHORE.
>Massive tug-of-war and shark wrestling later, I have a dorsal fin on my hide armor.

>>12864398
Well then, with companions who have seen the true way of the lucha, there is no foe we have to fear! Friends! Comrades! Brothers and sisters! Into the sunlight of tomorrow we walk!

Luchador in CoC.

"For Sanity!"

>>12864436
For this, puncher of rocks, puncher of stars, and wrestler of sharks, I give to you manly tears of joy in approval of this.

One day, I hope to face you in the ring. Shark to shark.

It will be glorious.

>>12864469
I thank thee for thy kind words, good sir. Glorious it would be. From this point on, I will aspire to dragon-wing pinning level of awesome. Zander Starpuncher would never turn down such a magnificent opportunity.

>>12864500
I will seek you in my travels! One day, we shall face off in the ring. Perhaps you may even take my mask, and become the new Los Tiburon! But I would not go easy on you. No, I would insult you if I did. Go! Soar! Aspire to heights that even *I* would raise an eyebrow at! That *you* would raise an eyebrow at! Do something so amazing that when you look back as people still tell stories in hushed whispers in your elderly years, you still have to ask yourself, "Did I really do that? That's me they're talking about."

The same goes for all of you. Find your star, and chase it. That is all. Now go. Go forth, my friends. And fight on with the heart...of a lucha!

To all who have stuck around this long, it has been my honor and privilege to entertain and amaze. Be excellent to each other, in all things. I leave this image. It is not of a lucha, but a man with the heart of a lucha. And while it is a photoshop, the imagery and emotions it evokes can not be faked.

I have enjoyed entertaining. Until next time.

Chillllllldren.

Playing 2nd Edition D&D, many years ago, we're all around level 14, I was playing a high con/dex fighter, specializing in dual-wielding Short Swords.

>Encounter Lich in the courtyard of the ruined Castle
>My blades are not sufficiently enchanted to harm it.
>The Paladin is KO'd.
>Flying tackle the Lich into the fountain in the courtyard.
>Pin Lich with its head under the water.
>scream: "Find the Phylactery! I'll hold him here!"
>Lich unable to do any spell casting due to ridiculously high spell failure chance from being pinned and under water.
>Lose a level every round if I fail a Save vs. Death, due to holding down the lich with my hands.
>Minutes go by, the odds are against me.
>Down to level 1, Cleric comes rushing in.
>Casts Greater Restoration on me, returning my level to 14.
>He hands me his holy symbol of Torm.
>I proceed to beat the Lich to death with the Symbol, slamming it open palmed against his head over and over.
>Party finds Phylactery and destroys it, after almost 10 minutes of making saves in-game.

Cleric and my Fighter become true bro's after that, despite my Fighter's Neutral alignment.

>>12864597
You know the true meaning of brotherhood. You have forged a bond with a brother than cannot be broken. May it serve you well in your travels.

>this thread

>wake up from nap before work
>get breakfast ready
>check this thread
>Los Tiburon
>smile like a boss
I now have a new direction for my deranged Russian Hunter.

Also, a roleplay story, to round out the asskickery.
Greentext, I choose you!
>party is on downtime from recent mission
>recovering from wounds accrued during fights with local gangs
>relaxing in steam bath
>NPC with evil tattoos sits next to me, apparently oblivious
>look over, see tattoos
>they look over, see mine
>Siberian prison tats, entire Soviet anthem on sleeves
>lean back, put hot towel over face
>say the following, to no one in particular
"I have beaten five men to death in the last three days. One died screaming, two died quietly and two died the deaths of dogs. I have bested my weight in every species of animal which ever crossed my path with the intention to wound me. The only animal I have not, nor shall not, put the hand of harm upon is the mighty Ursus arctos collaris, the East Siberian brown bear, because it, too, knows the winds of the hoarfrost Hell that is Siberia." Deep sigh.
>sit up, remove towel
"Are you a bear, then?"
>man opens his wallet from his nearby jeans, takes out a picture of his wife/kids, kisses it, sets it down, looks back to me
"Maybe not. But, to see my wife and kids again, I'll give you a Hell of a fight."
>consider this a moment, lean back, replace towel on face
"If I wake and see you, you'd better be a bear, Mister Wife and Kids. You'd better be all the bear you can be."
>take nap
>wake up alone in steam room
Not every fight needs initiative rolled.

>Chain Fighter
>Leaped on a dragon's back.
>Threw a chain around its neck.
>Rode dragon
>Stabbed out dragon's eyes