This isn't some Humanity Fuck Yeah thread is it?

>>12593988

>Ewoks killing stormtroopers is how Humanity is introduced to the rest of the galaxy

FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

It is gonna be hell trying to explain lightsabers

500 lightyears = 500 years in the future

I think that 500 years from now we should be good for taking on whatever civilization feels threatened by the shit in Star Wars.

If we put our backs into it, we could totally blow up a planet right fucking now.

>>12594114
It's really, really difficult to destroy a planet. We only really have the capacity to destroy ourselves and large parts of the ecosystem.

>>12593988

So... Like the "Galactic bermuda triangle" thread, humans turn into the trolls/boogeymen of the galaxy?

Dibs on our ambassadors all doing Darth Vader cosplay.

>>12594114
>If we put our backs into it, we could totally blow up a planet right fucking now.

No. Not even close.

>>12593999
It is now, BITCH.

Humanity, FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>>12594131
A few hundred nukes, correctly spaced, would probably be enough to dissipate or at least seriously distort Jupiter.

As to a non-gaseous planet, drill + nukes should do the trick.

>>12594157
>hundred
>Jupiter
lolno
>As to a non-gaseous planet, drill + nukes should do the trick.
lolno

>>12594138

Not even a small one? Damn.

Well, let's start with a moon and work our way up. Who wants to see a couple of Jupiter's moons asplode?

>>12594157

I'm not quite sure you correctly comprehend the sheer scale of Jupiter.

>>12594157
>A few hundred nukes, correctly spaced, would probably be enough to dissipate or at least seriously distort Jupiter.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_Shoemaker-Levy_9#Impacts
>This impact created a giant dark spot over 12,000 km across, and was estimated to have released an energy equivalent to 6,000,000 megatons of TNT (600 times the world's nuclear arsenal)

>>12594171
I'd rather just tap Io for power and resources to be honest.

Considering the nature of the internet, I shouldn't be as surprised as I am that someone compiled a detailed report on what would be required to destroy the Earth.

http://qntm.org/data

>>12594171
>>12594157
>>12594114
thanks to idiocy another HFY averted

>>12594186
Not to mention the fact that no piece of human technology can withstand the incredible pressure and temperature of Jupiter's inner regions.

>>12594200
There are multiple. That's one of the less detailed ones. But you can see it's a lot of work.

This is probably a stupid question but do planets or other accretionary forms in space always produce rough spheres? Why is that?

>>12594191

Well the Galilean moons are cool, they can stay. The shitty little Inner-group moons can be good target practice, though.

>>12594244
Gravity contracts the matter into a spherical shape.

>>12594244
They do if the gravity is strong enough (i.e. it has enough mass). As to why, gravity pulls it together into that form.

>>12594244
Mutual gravitational pull between parts and a crazy metric fuckton of time.

>>12594133
"So what happened to all those other races, the wookies, the Gungans, and Ewoks?"

"Uh...."

captcha: expletive delete

>>12594259
>>12594260
>>12594268
Thanks bros.

>>12594213

>>12594213
In much the same way that no piece of /tg/ dick can withstand the incredible pressure and temperature of an actual woman's nether regions!

>>12594244

They naturally form oblate spheroids due to centripedal force.

>>12594249
They are all cool. Io is crazy geology and the others may harbour life in their underground/frozen over oceans.

I am the mighty Death vader! Fear me!

>>12594332
The first thing that popped into my head on seeing that picture was Darth Vader fucking Megatron's vagina.

Fucking 4chan...

>>12594332
From the thumbnail, I thought this was a space marine Vader. Instantly began imagining him as a lost primarch and what his chapter would be like.

>>12594360
>what his chapter would be like
JEEZ, I FUCKING WONDER

>>12594360
>his chapter
501st?

sage for 40kids

>>12594451

At first I thought this was gonna be fresh HFY material. Now I have no clue what is going on/.

>>12594360
His chapter would be BS3, useless armour, no hand to hand, and laser guns.

His chapter are the Imperial Guard.

>>12594133
wasn't there a HFY bit about this?
Humans were the bogeymen of the universe. Always put on a big show for the other species about being terrible beasts while wearing trollfaces under their helmets

>>12594877
Yes, Veil of Madness. Only in this one, Aliens see star wars and are confused why all real humans are not like the Empire.

The room was quiet as Brother Kristam addressed his colleague. "You have viewed the archive?"

"Yes," said Brother Stens, "I have." His mouthparts scraped together, signaling his anxiety to the others. "It was... unbelievable."

"Indeed," Brother Myvnae echoed, "To think that such things could be built-" he inhaled abruptly, "I am most perturbed."

Process viewed them both with indignation, its main lenses glinting with laughter. "You overreact. The station was easily destroyed by small craft. The fleet defending it was a far greater threat, all things considered."

"But the shield generator-" began Brother Kristam.

"Was also destroyed!" Process vocalized, manifolds purring, "And by infantry, besides! The whole system was impossibly poorly-designed."

"But what of the weapon!" Brother Untiel called out, robes fluttering as he hauled his massive bulk out of his grav-seat, "That station, poorly-designed or not, certainly had more firepower than any of our fleets could boast. Or wouldn't you agree, mechanical?"

Process bristled at the remark, main coil heating with rage. It hissed steam as it replied, "Its weaknesses are obvious. Equivalent firepower would not be required to defeat it. A fact which is particularly clear in the archive. Biological."

"-Now see here!" Untiel roared, furiously mashing his seat's controls, urging it forward- only to stop abruptly at a mere gesture from the being at the center of the room.

"The archive is 681 cycles old at the youngest," the Coordinator observed, her voice resonating throughout the chamber. She cooed briefly at Untiel's chair, and it returned to its previous position. Her eyes swept the room. "We cannot ignore this. Regardless of whether we consider the represented technology a threat," she glanced at Process, "We must consider the passage of time. The depicted races may have destroyed themselves. They may have stagnated. They may be preparing a fleet such as we cannot comprehend, even now. We cannot know, unless we endeavor to find out."

Once more, she looked about the council's meeting place, receiving the acknowledgment of all present. "We are in agreement, then. The scouts will be sent immediately. We will decide on further action within the next three rotations. Brother Epolis, please signal CentCom and relay the order."

Scout Division 21 emerged from hyper in the Sol system 500 years and 6 months after the original broadcast date. What did they find?

>>12595246

They find earth destroyed by an enormous meteor, and the remains of human astronauts on the moon who, in one last gasp of defiance, had carved the image of an enormous phallus into the surface of it's now-free moon.

>>12595320
I remember that comic.

>>12595320
>>12595335

>>12595352
Glorious.

>>12595246
Normal acroplies and mega cities on earth and mars, large parts of the former growing dangerously toxic and larger parts of the later terraformed to be livable on. Smaller colonies on the moons of Jupiter- the largest of these being Titan- and spread throughout the asteroid belt
No FTL speed, but capable of instant communication through quantum entanglment
No one world government, but many states have merged together with corporations.
Genetic experiments were all the rage some two hundred years ago, so there is a small minority of the human population radically altered in whatever ways you find would be the most entertaining or dramatic

>>12595246
>>12595233
FUCK YES! Writefaggotry!

been watching this recently OP?

>>12595418
Surprisingly no. When it came out I was still living with my parents who were hardasses and believed any from of sci-fi would damn me forever to a life of nerd-dom and fail. Eventually by the time I moved out I forgot this even existed. Thanks for reminding me.

>>12595446

Watch it, and feel the love.

Also Tim Allen x Snape FTW.

>>12595377
>Genetic experiments were all the rage some two hundred years ago, so there is a small minority of the human population radically altered in whatever ways you find would be the most entertaining or dramatic

There will be people with tentacles, multiple dongs, and other odd sex-related mutations. A few of the tenta-men can probably be found working in manufacturing, where their dexterity aids in fine manipulation. Also SeaWorld, in whatever form it exists.

Then you have the standard super-soldier set. Enhance eyesight, musculature, endurance, etc. Basically, there will be people who are the "realistic" equivalent of Space Marines, people who can literally run at 30mph forever if they have food and water, and guys who can track a speck of dust over the horizon.

Then you have those adapted to a specific lifestyle. Low-grav-specialized crewmen who are abnormally thin, with an altered circulatory system and perhaps an internal gyroscope or something similar (anything over 0.5g or so will crush them). Scientists with enhanced brains, perhaps bonded to technological items, customer service reps with hardwired pleasure centers that keep them happy all the time, pretty much every trope you can think of.

Then you have genetic alteration applied to things other than humans. 8-pound janitor slugs that exude detergent mucus, for example.

>>12594360

Like this?

>8-pound janitor slugs that exude detergent mucus, for example.
Someone must make this.

>>12595503
Thin your paints and we will rule the galaxy as mini and son.

>>12595521

Not my work, just passing the pic on.

>>12595484
>8-pound janitor slugs that exude detergent mucus
Awesome has been achieved.

>>12595484
And the aliens shall descend asking, "Where's the ewoks? Where's the Chewbacca wookie?"

And humanity, thanks to preserving human minds indefinitely will know exactly what they are talking about, thanks to George Lucas's remake upon remake upon remake of Star Wars. But what will humanity tell these naive aliens who are so fearful of the Death Star and light sabers?

>>12595594
Humanity will offer the aliens a box of slugs in order to buy time for the gene-engineers, who will then reproduce, in exacting detail, both wookies and ewoks.

>>12595484
Whether or not this stuff will even be possible is a huge deal. It will probably end up being easier to technologically modify someone than genetically modifying them.

>>12595613
Considering that the scenario starts with a council composed of 40 alien species receiving a 500-year-old broadcast of the Battle of Endor, I'm not too worried about realism.

>>12595632
I thouht we were moving to a more general gene engineering discussion. Forgive me.

But genetics aside, what of the other tech? The Death Star, the laser guns, the Millenium Falcon?

>>12595640
You know what? Let's do that.

What's easy depends on your means and your environment. If you need the self-repair capabilities of biological hardware more than you need the durability of metals and polymers, a genetic alteration might be more desirable. If you happen to live in a commune of cyberneticists and just lost your arm to a manufacturing press, hey, forget reattachment and fuck regen. Get a robo-limb.

>>12595594
Never happened, sorry about that.
Here have a t-shirt!

>>12595668
I more mean that's it is probably plausible that we will ultimately be able to design and implant an awesome cybernetic arm. It's decidedly less plausible we'll be able to turn your existing arm into a biological superthing.

>>12595667
The Death Star is a big, mobile battlestation with a giant laser that can destroy planets. Now, if you chain enough fusion reactors together you can do some pretty impressive things, but there's really no reason for humanity to need a planet-destroyer if there's no FTL yet, and all there is is lonely old Sol. Massive orbital manufacturing or hab complexes would be more likely, but obviously not as big or menacing.

Laser guns you can have, as long as you've got the battery, capacitor, or generator to feed one while remaining portable. Maybe miniaturization will advance to the point where you can have your own personal blaster pistol. Plausible.

The Falcon? Yes, there will be space freighters. But they probably won't look like that. A series of enormous crates with engines on one end and a cockpit on the other would be more cost-efficient, probably.

>>12595674
>>12595594
No. Then we show them the digitally enhanced, Greedo-shot-first edition.

>>12594109

Oh shit nigger, what are you doing?

>mav coligard
I'm trying, captcha!

>>12595716
Well, that depends on whether we're talking only about genetics or about biological manipulation in general. With the appropriate anti-rejection measures and the appropriate plumbing considerations (perhaps requiring an extra organ for filtering), you could graft a live weasel to your chest and get on fine. As far as genemods go, it's much easier to do your cutting well before birth. Retroviral engineering is a promising field, but it's quite a complicated thing to mess with the DNA of an adult human.

When you come down to it, though, all you have to do is program batches of cells to do something other than what they'd normally do. After that, assuming everything goes okay, you can just wait for your new crab-claw ultra arm to grow in. No need for any manufacturing or assembly.

Long story short we turn a galactic civilization into the largest gathering of nerds and wannabe Jedis you ever did see

>>12595877
It is our calling as a species.

>>12595885
Oh god. Imagine it. A following of countless races all fawning over George Lucas. He will become the God of the Jedi faith.

>>12595740

It had to be done.

Meanwhile, humans have grown to resemble the Federation in Star Trek.

NERD FIGHT!

>>12593988
bump for bumping

>thisisnotVeilofMadnesssadfrog.mng

>>12595377

600 years and no extra solar colonies? no ftl?
yo suck man


tell me there is EVE capsuleers and Eclipse Phase style immortality...

bumpage

>>12595721
But we could have a massive, spherical space station that is jokingly called the 'Death Star'.

Imagine their faces when they see that shit.

>>12599754
They arrive to ...
the city.

>you could graft a live weasel to your chest and get on fine.

A Spice Weasel? *BAM*

they arrive to a Eclipse phase alternate universe , where the Fall never happened and the singularity continued for half a millennium....

That or GiTS for half a millennium.


After some thought , if we combine these two, we get EVE online story beginning- Earth with the jump gates and Jove level of tech fuckery and ' for the lulz' coupled with insatiable corporate greed ( Wayland Yutani, Umbrela, Black Mesa, etc...)
There will be body moding and ungodly fire-power abound

>>12600307
"How large is that new Death Star again?"
"Almost 1.8 billion kilometers of diameter in some places, sir"
"May the gods preserve us
"Sir..."
"What is it?"
"We... we have reports the construction is still going on"

Go watch robotech. The Zentrati saw a kung fu movie, and thought that humans, or at least the one showed, possessed super strength, and lazers from his fingertips. One of the funniest moments of the show. And old robotech, not the new japanese crap that came out.

>>12604066
>And old robotech, not the new japanese crap that came out.

Thats when Anime was just cartoons from Japan instead of "Anime"

>>12602999
Need a writefag on this,


or that old one were humans are the precursors, and they blow a fleet up for contacting and interrupting some simulation

>>12602999
Or they make contact with a Star Wars convention, but with the level of technology the blasters actually work and the astromech droids really can take over a ship's computer.

Or the alien scout happens upon a Star Wars LARP and the players don't realize that it's a real alien and not an NPC.

You now realize that due to natural cosmic background radiation and other extra-atmospheric interferences, media-broadcast signals dissipate after just a (relatively) few lightyears, and even an "aimed" broadcast like the Arecibo Message will never hi the targets they were pointed at due to general stellar motion-shifting.

TLDR: Aliens will never know we're here based on old TV broadcasts.

>>12604529
Make that both into one. Humans have gone so hig end with tech, that all the is depicted in Star Wars is like steampunk or other such nonsense and can be simulated with modern tech, but the modern tech gets heavily nerfed to operate at those depicted levels. Think Empire stem tank vs Leopard II.

So, Aliens stumble uppon a StarWars LARP with functioning tech and safety precautions for the PC's and are mistook for NPC's .... glorious. Combine that with capsuleer style mind download in case of death and you have a very trigger happy bunch...


This needs Writefag so bad....

"Ahh yes, The 'Death Star' The Battlestation that can allegedly destroy a planet with a single shot. We have dismissed this claim."

writefag assemble thyselves

>>12604567
Star Wars LARP complete with an Imperial Star Destroyer?

>>12608028
I will not complain to any wonky idea as long as someone does a writefaggotry....

It's just ....

Analogue, think of the aliens in 'Road not taken' with a more developed society and culture, aka space opera USA, while human culture( or transhuman/posthuman/whatever suits your fancy) thinks it would be fun to LARP with ships that can go BDZ at any time. Of course in lifeless rocks and stuff. That would go somewhere like the Idea of Apes and Angels , only we'd be nigh the high end, up to angel(or deamon if you prefer) with all the thinking and posh attitude ascended beings have.

Let the aliens go al (insert name here) fuck yeah!
while humanity has gone through so many singularities they consider all the squabbling and squirming in the galaxy a zoo at best and a playground with already set up NPC's...

>askuncon attache
yes capcha , every powerbloc will want a human wandering about just to be safe they are not the target of the next game of Drowtales...