Did I mention these faggot bears are going to bulldoze your FLGS and build a Hot Topic in its place?

rolled 5, 2, 4, 4 = 15

Fine, I will fight the bears
Stats:
Dice Hauling
Rolling
I WILL TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANIME
DC20 Bear Knowlage

Equipment:
Dice Bag
Maid RPG book.

>>12233584
GOD
FUCKING
DAMMIT LOUIE

>>12233584

So you are:

Tim

>Stats
Pow:
Spd:
Chm:
DBK:

>Skills
Pow-
Spd-
Chm-
DBK- Blather about DBK-based anime.

>Gear:
Pistol
Dice Bag
Maid RPG Book

Fill out the blanks, broski, you have to distribute a 1,2,3 and a 4 for stats and make up 3 skills, 1 each for Pow,Spd and Chm.

>Stats
Pow: 2
Spd: 3
Chm: 1
DBK: 4

>Skills
Pow- Dice Hauling
Spd- Rolling
Chm- Blather
DBK: DBK rulebook knowlage

Sorry, i thought we rolled our stats

Gabriel Krol, of polish descent, here to kick drunken bear ass. An ex-vacuum salesmen, he is new to the organization, but heavily charismatic. His balls are made of tungsten with diamond cores.

Stats and skills:
Power - 2 Skill: SHOOTAN' DAT GUN
Speed - 3 Skill: THRUSTING FURIOUSLY
Charm - 4 Skill: MAKIN' DEM DEALS
DBK - 1 DRUNKEN BEAR INFRASTRUCTURE

Gear:
Pistol
Cool shades
Cell phone

>>12233672

We have Tim, will anyone else join up to bludgeon some stupid faggot bears who call your PnP RPG's, your Wargames, your Magic Tournaments, everything you love and enjoy, nerdy homo shit?

Yes. They have repeatedly referred to your hobby of choice as nerdy buttfuck homo shit as they laugh in their nasally voices about how much cooler it will be when they kick Pat Morita out on his ass and open up a Hot Topic here.

Their breath reeks of salmon and stale cum.

Tim needs buddies to help beat asses.

>>12233701

YESSS WE HAVE THIS MAN!!!

Gabriel, you are good friends with Pat Morita, who is a total bro and has come through for you dozens of times, and you have always sold him vacuums as well as had his vacuums serviced, as he needs many, what with running a shop where giant, crumb-covered nerds gather.

Now these bears threaten to take your friend's livelihood.

Because they're faggots.

We now await two other warriors.

I am Ian St. Ian. The latest in a short line of longtime Drunken Bear Fighters.

Power - 3
Throwing Heavy Things
Speed - 2
Climbing Stairs
Charm - 1
Selling Stuff
Drunken Bear Knowledge - 4
Stores that sell Booze to Drunken Bears

Equipment
Pistol
Bear Fighting Handbook
Bicycle

>>12233751
>giant, crumb-covered nerds
Hey, I should have you know the crumbs roll off me, I'm a crumb SURROUNDED nerd thank you very much!

I'm adding a tripcode, too.

Heaven or hell, let's rock.

>>12233760

We have this badass dude right here. He's not really all that attached to the FLGS, but when Drunken Bears are involved.

Shit gets real. Coffee tables get thrown. Bitches get choked.

Pow: 1 - Punch man in face to make him buy a camel
Spd: 2 - Stealthily slip camel into someone's pocket
Chm: 4 - Sell camel
DBK: 3 - Sell camel to drunken bear

Camel with skull-pistol
Infinite camels
Infinite camel food

So, shall we go with 3 fighters then?

>>12233803
Whatever

>>12233789
Damn Straight, if we let the Drunken Bears push around our nerds they'll start getting uppity and then we'll have them shitting up our White Castles and thinking their depraved fetishes are normal. Then we'll have Drunken Bear Pride marches and we all know that is just plain wrong.

Besides I hear the owner of the FLGS might be making a new game Bearhammer 40,000, in the Grim Dark future there are only bears...

Alright boys, You have been dispatched to the FLGS as a team and enter. It is filled with the bittersweet, half-hearted smiles of nerds, buyan' daiss, rollan' daiss, readan' books, playan' majiks.

You were told to find out the details of the situation from Mr. Morita, but the counter appears unattended currently.

What do?

I'll make a quick walkthrough of the place to make sure none of the Neckbeards are not actually Neckbears.

>>12233853
My bear lore tells me bears live in caves, so I'm rolling my DBK to find bears, or bearsign.

rolled 2 = 2

lets try that again

I'm going to approach one of the nerds and ask him where Morita is.

>>12233879

Roll 1d6 for Drunken Bear knowledge to tell apart the bears and fatty neckbeards.

You get a +1 from the bear rulebook which has some fucking epic illustrations of bears for reference.

rolled 3 = 3

Rollan

Troy Hurtubise

POWER 10 ANTIBEAR SUIT IS MIGHTY
Speed 1 FUCK THIS THING IS HEAVY
Charm 1 FUCK THIS THING IS HOT AND SWEATY
Drunken Bear Knowledge 1 FUCK YOU BEARS!

Equipment: Antibear Armored Suit. Bear Traps. Truck to haul around Antibear Suit. Beer.

>>12233896
You find no bears or bear signs. Seriously though, why would they put up signs around their caves? Or have caves in a FLGS?

>>12233909
Charm test to not spook the flabby, pimpy wreck of a boy.

>>12233926
They are all just neckbeards. Very scared, very sweaty.

Fukken gross.

rolled 5 = 5

>>12233944

Rolling for charm now. Do I get a +1 from my cool sunglasses?

Troy Hurtubise is on the anti-bear patrol.
PARK TRUCK
ARMOR UP
FUCK YOU BEARS!

The sweating might be for the best, it might sweat some of the fat of them. I'll take up position near the front door to keep an eye out for any bears while the rest of the team finds the owner.

>>12233977

The sunglasses remind him of his cool older brother who was not fat and who beat the hell out of him because he was cool.

The fatty mumbles awkwardly and hurriedly waddles outside with his 3.5 DMG gripped in his sweaty, grubby mits.

...

As he walks out the door, he looks down the road and screeches like a woman then starts to run(waddle) the other way down the sidewalk in a panic.

>>12234031

>What do?

[One post each.]

rolled 1 = 1

I attempt to tip over a table, spilling the yu-gi-oh cards and hopefully allowing a defencive position.

rolled 5 = 5

>>12234052
Run to door, poke head out, one hand on pistol

rolled 4 = 4

>>12234052
I'll pick up the heaviest looking Rulebook and head outside looking for a Bear to show him the proper respect for the uhh..."World of Synnabar: The Fire Clams of Amazon Lazer Island" sourcebook by winging it at him like a hardbound frisbee of doom.

>>12234052

Patrol for Bears IN A URSUS MARK IV SUIT OF UNSTOPPABLE ARMOR.

>approaches bonseer
I too am approaching boner. Bear fighting is excellent.

>>12234058
You are successful. You now have cover and are standing behind the upturned table, facing the door.

>>12234067
You see...

A bear.

It is stumbling drunkenly down the sidewalk, holending half a dozen empty wine-cooler bottles in one paw.

It is wearing tripp pants and black eyeliner.

>>12234102 emerges from the door behind Gabriel, spots the bear, and hurls a book at the drunken faggot's head, striking it in its bitch mouth, causing it to drop the wine cooler bottles and roar in confusion.

>>12234156

The bear is stunned by this. seriously who the fuck throws a perfectly good FATAL book at people? Fucking ROOOAARRR

Surprise round over.

What do?

rolled 5 = 5

>>12234156
I hurl insults at the bear, declaring it a cockrocket among other things. I then retreat inside the FLGS, vaulting the table that Ian overturned to take cover behind it with him. I also draw my pistol.

FUCK THIS FAGGOT GM FOR IGNORING ME. IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY BOUT TRIPFAGS. I DIDN'T BELIEVE THEM UNTIL NOW. SEE YOU IN THE DREW THE LICH THREAD

rolled 1 = 1

>>12234156
Laughing I yell, "Now that's what I call a Rules Heavy Game!" I then yell back to the neckbeards, "Hey porkeyes, get me another book to throw at this faggot bear."

rolled 5 = 5

>>12234189
I guess I hold my maidbook high and shout to the nerds to watch any back entrances or bathrooms

This questhread is awesome.

rolled 1 = 1

>>12234190
Your cool shades make you look like such an asshole to bear as you hurt the fuck out of its pussy-ass feelings. You notice him crying a little as you get inside and regroup behind the table with Tim.

>>12234221
That's it, man. That's just to fucking cruel, the bear has had enough of people ridiculing him for being better just because he's different. Ian's massive fucking charisma and insults drive the bear to full out roar-weeping, and get the nerds' attention, as a few scramble to get him a stack of rulebooks.

>>12234232
At first, none of the nerds know what to do, but then they see. The Maid RPG book, the dicebag, the conspicuous lack of charisma. He's one of them. A kindred nerd spirit, yet also a badass... He has a fucking gun. "Shit, do what he says," they think... They get organized and begin to get the FLGS battle-ready.

The bear is so fucking upset, you don't even know... He, sobbing like a pussy, takes a swipe at Ian...

>>12234353

And strikes him in the chest, ripping his shirt and leaving bloody claw marks, Turok/Bruce Campbell style.

What do?

rolled 4 = 4

>>12234353
I see that move coming a mile away. It is on page 128 in handbook under "Crawling in my Bearhug." I wait for it can kick the Emo-Bear right in his shriveled bear-balls. I then take a step back and grab a book from the nearest Neckbeard and take a look at the cover, "GURPS: Drunken Bear Fighting," and say, "You neckbeards may be alright after all. Which one of you sweathogs is gonna teach me how to play this after I get done kicking bear ass?"

rolled 1 = 1

>>12234376
I unleash a full clip from my pistol, because more bullets is always better.

I unleash it in the bears general direction.

rolled 2 = 2

>>12234376
I draw my pistol from it's holster and fire a few shots at the bear, taking care not to hit Ian.

rolled 6 = 6

>>12234409
The shallow claw wound throws you vaguely off-balance and you kick the simpering cocksucker in the kneecap instead, causing only superficial damage to his tripp pants, but in-so-doing this is sure to piss him off, as those pants cost his dad $200.

>>12234418
You fire repeatedly at the furry fucker.
>>12234481
You join Tim in unleashing some motherfucking hellfire on Yogi here.

The bear attempts to dive out of the way of the 2 sources of gunfire...

rolled 2 = 2

>>12234544

And stumbles, his back peppered with 9mm rounds. Haha, wlecome to the opening scene of Robocop you honey-eating faggot. He makes a desperate effort to avoid Gabriel's gunfire an instant later...

rolled 2 = 2

>>12234562

And fails horribly, getting shot in his punk-ass kidneys. God damn it. The FLGS never puts up this much resistance...

>"Fuck this shit, you're not my real parents!!!"

The bear crashes through the glass storefront window and attempts to slam into the table and, by association, Tim & Gabriel...

>welcome to the opening scene of Robocop you honey-eating faggot.
Friend, have cause audible laughter.

>>12234593

He crashes into the table, full force, crying like a crazy berserk pansy, and knocks it over your heads, into a shelf filled with warhams. The bear now looms over Tim and Gabriel. His drunken emo bear tears, darker than the shadows over his darkened, shadowy soul, reeking of salmon and bad poetry, drip onto the floor before you.

Wat do?

rolled 1 = 1

>>12234593
I attempt to roll out the way. Because that's how I roll

rolled 3, 5 = 8

>>12234593
I'm gonna dive to the side while shooting. Can I do that?

First roll is for speed, second is for power.

rolled 6 = 6

>>12234634
Looks like i roll out of the way, so I am going to bounce off a wall and start bowling for columbear

>>12233518
How many hitpoints to characters have? I don't see it in the rules.

rolled 3 = 3

>>12234630
I throw GURPS: Drunken Bear Fighting at that whiny bitch to try and buy my comrades a bit of time to get away. "Hey cockgobbler, you were fighting with me!"

>>12234686
It looks like when you are hit you lower one of your stats by the damage. like you get a concussion so you lower INT

>>12234663
Don't get antsy, one turn per person, this is combat, i'm waiting to post everyone's together after ian tells me his turn.

>>12234686
You subtract from stats as you're harmed.

I'm keeping track of everyone's stats, including bears, so dont worry.

rolled 4 = 4

>>12234634
Tim rolls deftly out of the bear's reach. The nerds are in awe, some even lapsing into a wide-eyed reverie at the sight of one of their own being so motherfucking agile. HE IS CREDIT TO TEAM.

>>12234642
Gabriel nimbly dives in the opposite direction, firing back at the bear, but to no avail, shooting it only in the genitals, which are so pitiful and disused as to have become shriveled and nerveless. But still, at least he's out of mauling proximity.

>>12234695
You mightily hurl the Ironclaw book at the bear, striking it in the back of the head with such force, you destroy the binding of the book. Fucking solid.

The bear, raging at the nerds it sought to torment and the badasses who are here to defend them, tries to lift up the shelf before it, still half-filled with broken warhams...

>>12234759
...but forgets that he is the biggest pussy of a bear that has ever thrust the curse of his birth upon his unfortunate bearents. He grunts like a noodle-armed faggot and fails to lift the shelf, giving up, winded.

Wat do?

>>12234783
I rolled, so go with that.

rolled 4, 1 = 5

>>12234783
I roll and rise to my feet, pointing the gun at him. "Surrender, you duechebag milkshake of +3 dickticklery!" is grunted in a heavy polish accent (try to imagine what that would sound like). Rolling charm if need be.

rolled 5 = 5

>>12234817
Whups. Here's 1d6 for you.

rolled 3 = 3

>>12234783
Seeing that he is winded, I use my knowledge of Drunken Bear Fighting to spot his weak point and assault it with whatever is handy.

>>12234823
s'cool, i used the 4 & 1 for the rolling and charming. now waiting for other two dudes.

>>12234828

The closest thing is a Forgeworld titan, meticulously painted with amazing artistry, gripped in the terrified hands of a child no older than 12, who is cowering against the wall behind you.

You sure you wanna do that?

rolled 3 = 3

>>12234866
The Bear Blood and Battle Damage will give that model more character than any hand painted heraldry. If anything it will show these neckbeards that their hobby gives them tools to kick these bears asses themselves.

>>12234663
You fire at the bear, making the same mistake Gabriel just did, and hitting low, obliterating its useless, unfeeling genitalia.

>>12234817
Gabriel gets to his feet somewhat gracelessly but puts the thought of him being less than jawesome out of your fat, greasy neckbeard mind, when he adjusts his shades and demands the bear's surrender like a total hardcore badass. The bear is genuinely shocked and disturbed by the order.

>>12234907
The bear begins to calm down and seems to be ready to surrender...

TIME TO STRIKE!!!

You grab the sniveling little twat's giant ugly fucking gundam and, as the bear opens his mouth to apologize, you ram it down the thing's bitch-ass throat sideways like John Goodman attacking a fucking hoagie.

The bear's eyes roll back into its head as the force of the attack sends into shock and it suffocates under its own fail.

Mr. Miyagi, himself, storms out of the back room angrily.

And by "storms out of the back room", I mean he fucking dynamic entries through the ceiling from the second floor of the FLGS, holding a pump shotgun in each hand, with his untameable erection, like the raised fist of an angry God, hastily tucked into his pants. Peering through the massive hole he has just created, Naked bitches, numbering in the dozens, can be seen in the room from which he entered.

>What the hell!? Those Twilight readin' homos back to taste more rock salt?

>>12235002

What do?

rolled 4 = 4

>>12235002
I use my DBK to find the roof cave Mr. Miyagi just created.

rolled 1 = 1

>>12235002
I pull the Titan out of the defeated Bear's mouth and hand it back to the kid saying, "Thanks for the assist, kid." I then take off my ripped shirt wipe the blood and nail polish off my chest hoping to avoid any cross species infections. (I make a healing check)

rolled 6 = 6

>>12235029
"Well, I was hoping to garner something from his shitpile of a brain, but that works, too." I put away my gun and inform Mr. Miyagi in no long-winded manner of the situation.

>>12235030
Using the too-awesome-for-a-metal-album-cover illustrations in the Drunken Tentacle Bears section of the Maid RPG book, you locate the ceiling-bear cave Pat Morita just created. It is filled with raw bear food, also known as naked damsels who have yet to be devoured.

>>12235099
Pic Related

>>12235084
You are healed and the child is amazed to have seen something so unspeakably awesome, especially now that you return his titan, not too damaged at all, just covered in bear-drool and bearthroatblood. You flex gucking mightily and are feeling so fucking pumped, that you're back to full power.

>>12235095
Pat Morita informs you that, for the last fucking time, that was just one character in one goddamned movie. Why doesn't anyone even mention Thoroughly Modern Millie anymore? FUCK!

Anyway, he is already aware that he is standing on a dead bear. This is the 3rd time this week they've come here, but now shit just got real.

Apparently, you've killed the son of the biggest real construction mogul in the region, the one who had been preparing to buy out this property.

This man, this construction mogul, has ties to the russian mob.

Well, fuck. It would seem you've just killed the faggoty son of a russian mobsterbear.

>>12235194

Tim, you are inside the titty-cavern, I assume? Wat do.

Also, wat do now to Ian & Gabe?

rolled 6 = 6

>>12235194
I check the hole for the russian constructionbear, because constructionbears are attracted to things that need reconstruction.

>>12235232
You find no constructionbears, only dozens of naked women with shattered pelvises.

rolled 6 = 6

>>12235194
I make clear effort to give a fuck, and fail. I question the store owner as to the state of his vacuums at present, and how much shit exactly he thinks we're in.

Sorry guys, i gotta run.

To: All.

As it stands, the vacuums are in good shape. You were here yesterday, Gabriel. The nerds are all milling about nervously. Some are whispering to each other, wondering if they should call the cops, etc.

Pat Morita explains that you'd better not stay around for very long. The police and ambulance squads around here tend to be made up of miserable, angry drunks.

Hairy drunks.

With fucked up teeth and claws.

But then some of them are drunken bears on the russian mob's take, so that's even more fucked up.

He tells you he'll clean shit up here, but that you should get out of here, and tells you of some intensely gay club downtown that the bear you killed undoubtedly frequented.

>>12235354

So since Tim's gone, we'll stop here.

This has gone well.

Any thoughts, brave bearstomping hardasses?

rolled 3 = 3

>>12235373
9000 internets to you, OP.

>>12235408

So does that mean we should continue this campaign?

Like maybe weekly or some shit?

>>12235427
I will GM a game of this tomorrow on the board, thank you for introducing it to me OP. Let us dance the dance of blades.

>>12235453
This shit needs to happen daily here on /tg/

Fuck quest threads, this is sweeeet.

Also, be careful whether you choose to gm it for 1-3 individuals with one individual player per character, or go the traditional quest thread route and have /tg/ collectively play a solo campaign, voting on the actions.

Also, you just realized that every single quest thread main character ever has been some horrendously complex gestalt character with like 15+ minds competing for control.

>>12235408
What the fuck dude? Only 9000?

Here OP, have another internet.

>>12235484
>Fuck quest threads, this is sweeeet.
Why must /tg/ turn everything into pro-skub vs anti-skub?

Can't we all just get along?

>>12235501

We are getting along.

Allow me to clarify, Margeret.

shit threads = -10
meh threads = 0
good threads = 10
epic threads and good quest threads = 50
ultra fucking epic threads and epic quest threads = 150
this = 9001+

so you see, without this thread, quest threads are fucking awesome, but this kind of thing overshadows their awesome by a sliver.